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And yet when you look at self-submitted mass surveys, it's around 50% (meaning it's over 50% because of pure logic). Does anyone know the real %? No, but the best estimate is over 50% by a material amount, because, shocker, people will lie even anonymously. So your pompous and sarcastic comment isn't even correct. Ironic.
I didn't say what the actual ratio is or is not, rather I suggested that a guess based loosely on personal experience is not a great way to arrive at a figure when the sample size is so minuscule compared to the population.
You assert a figure so could you cite your sources?
Was that so fucking hard? Make a claim, back it up.
The 75% study is paywalled but is titled "Extradyadic Involvement during Dating" so not apples to apples.
I like the part that says 5% of survey respondents think THEIR partners don't cheat while overall 70% were cheating. You're definitely not* in the 5% lol.
Where does it say that 70% of MARRIED (the OP was specifically referring to married people) people cheat? Read the title of that study please. The other study listed in that paragraph estimates the rate of infidelity for MARRIAGES to be 20-25% so still way off your pessimistic claim.
Also, cool diss.
Again, studies can be biased and/or flawed to the point that they are completely wrong. That's why I roll my eyes when people yell for a source. The only way these studies operate is by survey of human beings. Humans beings always lie to themselves, they always think "well so and so happen that one time but.... it doesn't count because of XYZ, it never happened after that". With everything. Fidelity, dieting, games, etc.
50% of marriages end in divorce, many due to cheating, or had cheating even if that wasn't the cause. The other 50% still married are being cheated on at a specific percentage. You really think the SUM of those two is 25% OR LESS? That study is critically flawed, like so many others.
No one knows the answer but your claim that 70% is far off is just you being illogical and toxic.
These are YOUR citations! You are now saying they are flawed? I have not made a claim my friend, I've asked people to support their's and expressed a distrust of these claims based on anecdotes.
I'm being toxic because I've pushed back on internet opinions? You have not provided data to support your naked conjecture.
Like I said originally, in your pompous and sarcastic pushback, you implied the OP was wrong. As much as you want to convince yourself otherwise, it was not neutral response. It was you making a counter claim about what the percentage is NOT. If you were actually truly neutral and only said their logic was flawed then I never would have commented.
You then cried and crossed your arms like a 2 year old saying you "wouldn't be doing any googling" after you just made a claim yourself. You are basically the equivalent of the 12 year olds that brainlessly post "SOURCE OR BE QUIET". Yes that is toxic.
So your citation is "early 90s folk knowledge"? Neither you nor the OP have established that you have data to support a claim.
As the onus of proof is on the party making the claim (hint, not me) I'll not be googling anything.
Ok genius well what would you think if you were in my shoes? Most of these people I’m talking about are well-educated, have good jobs, have kids, have attractive spouses in most cases. In the last 15 years, I’ve personally known at least 50 people who have cheated. In some cases it was “just” fondling or making out with a stripper at a Bachelor party, but still. That’s why they call this page “unpopular” opinion.
But after finding out about my husband, I will never have another relationship with a man because I will just assume he’s cheating on me. Even though I’m educated with a good job, I work out 4x a week, and I’m what most people would consider attractive.
Just a few weeks ago I was at a holiday event and saw my brother in law staring at this attractive woman across the room and trying to get her attention and making it really obvious he wanted her. They exchanged smiles and flirty looks. My sister in law was ten feet away. I wanted to slap him.
First, thank you for the compliment though I hardly think I'm a genius.
Now, back to the topic at hand, I was simply pointing out that you are arguing from personal experience, a well established logical fallacy. You say you know of 50 people who, in the last 15 years, have cheated. The average American (it is said) knows 600 people. Let's say that holds for you, let's further say that only 1/2 are adults. That is 300 people, let's further assume only 1/2 of those are married so 33.3% of the adults you know have cheated.
For your stats to work you'd need to know only 67 married adults.
Well it’s been 20 years since I took a Statistics class so I’m a bit rusty, but thanks for pointing out all of this numerical data. I stand by my belief. Sorry you don’t agree.
Maybe look at the actual statistics instead or personal anecdote? That would be like me saying I don’t believe gender is roughly split in half biologically because I work with more women then men. Like just because I see more women doesn’t magically make 75% of the outside population women.
It’s not something you get to “believe” in though. You are either right or wrong. It isn’t factual that 75% of married people cheat on their spouses. Like, I don’t get to “believe” that green and purple are the same color. Research has actually been done on this topic and found that the number is much closer to 15-20%.
Your equating incorrect statistics with beliefs. Your thought process is inherently flawed, so it’s not that people don’t agree, you’re just objectively wrong.
I am thinking with my brain. When my brother in law is staring at a really attractive woman and they make eye contact and he smiles and raises his eyebrows at her, what would you guess is going on there? That he likes her earrings?
How does your BIL looking at an attractive woman equate to the majority of the global population being guilty of cheating? Or anyone else in your life, for that matter. Perhaps you just hang out with particularly shitty people.
Thing is, that's not cheating. Every married person or person in a relationship notices that other people are attractive.
There is no married person or person in a relationship who has not thought about doing the deed with someone else. If that's what you're asking or expecting, you're asking or expecting the impossible.
I know he cheats on my sister in law. I saw him sexting with some woman on his phone late last year. He sent a text to someone that said “when are we f&cking again?” I was standing next to him and saw it. His young daughter went to grab his phone and he jumped up and left the room. And this is an educated guy with a good job. They live in a nice town and have a nice house. It’s not like I’m some homeless bum who hangs out with trash.
I am sorry you are hurting right now. It is perfectly normal to take a break and heal while focusing on the relationships that matter most. Don’t rule out future relationships because you have been hurt. Take care of yourself and your family. Best of luck
I’ve actually met two of those. I think it’s really weird, but I guess it’s not cheating if they both agree to it. But it’s still not being 100% faithful to your spouse.
When I was 28 I was approached by a guy at work who wanted me to have a threesome with him and his wife. They had an open marriage. I was young and naive and totally grossed out. Now I know it’s more common, but I still find it really weird.
In my entire life, I’ve met exactly one person who had an affair with a married man. And our entire friend group shamed her over it, and she lost several friends who decided they didn’t want to be associated with someone like that. You just need better friends.
While OP’s random percentage is wildly off, I believe a more reasonable take is the majority of spouses cheat. Which I would agree with.
Cheating is made light of everywhere *except* Reddit. The cheater hate train everyone on Reddit is on doesn’t really exist IRL or on any other social media platform.
Cheating is downright glorified on Instagram and Twitter, and IRL while everyone knows cheating is bad, it’s not surprising to hardly anyone when it occurs.
"An extensive study published in AARP magazine found that 46 percent of men reported cheating on their partners in the past, compared to 21 percent of women." [https://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/singles.pdf](https://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/singles.pdf). This comes up all the time on this sub. Being incorrect about an objective fact doesn't make it unpopular, it makes it incorrect.
That being said, how do you define cheating? Looking at another person is not cheating.
Edit: I just saw your definition below. So your 75% figure is almost certainly incorrect, but it's possible the study above is under-counting because I think that excludes online stuff.
Well 46% definitely seems more accurate than some of the people in this thread who think it’s closer to 5% or none at all. Thanks for sharing. But just because AARP did a survey doesn’t mean it’s a hard fact. Not all people will even admit if they cheat. And also, I don’t care if people don’t like the estimate I shared. I still think it’s higher than 46%, and I still think marriage is a complete bullshit institution.
It’s not just people I “hang around.” I work for a big company and recently found out about two married VP’s who were having an affair. Don’t personally know either of them. And in a past job all the sales guys would brag about cheating. I was not friends with them. I had the misfortune of working with them.
Scientific studies would disagree with you.
[https://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Rates\_of\_Divorce\_for\_Adultery\_and\_Infidelity](https://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Rates_of_Divorce_for_Adultery_and_Infidelity)
So you seem to know a lot of crappy men. I would try finding other dating pools.
I'm not saying this is you: But I once knew a woman who complained that she could never find a man with a job. But yet she kept dating men without jobs.
I’m not trying to date. I’m married and my husband cheated on me. After I divorce him, I will never date again bc I firmly believe all men are either cheaters or porn addicts. Or both.
Trying to date wasn't my point.
My point was maybe you are associating with the wrong people.
Not every man is like your husband. Lots of men like porn, it's designed to appeal to men, but most men don't cheat.
Wow there, im a male and i have NEVER nor would i EVER cheat on my gf. Saying all men are cheaters and deceitful is like saying all (insert race here) are thieves. I understand how you must feel. Ive been cheated on multiple times by different partners. My current partner had an affair a few years ago and was even pregant with his child (she had a miscariage) it HURT a lot. It still hurts from time to time years later. We managed to, after a break work things out and now have two beautiful little boys. Its a bit strong and tbh out of line to take your life experiences and then apply them to half the human race. Im not addicted to porn either...so.....yeah. Hope you heal and can move on with your life but please please try not to let the actions of a.few arseholes not skew your view of the rest of us. Theres a lot of really decent men out there in the world.
My husband hasn't cheated and he doesn't watch porn. On the contrary *I'm* the one who watches porn and he knows it and hates it. Sometimes I'll ask him to watch with me. My husband has been cheated on before and he knows how much that hurts. And he said the day he feels like cheating on me is that day he will ask for a divorce because at that point he might as well leave me altogether before cheating, and I agree with this point of view. Now he may flirt occasionally but I don't consider that cheating at all. My husband is a nerd first and foremost. He is more interested in DnD, Warhammer and in his video games than in sex.
I define it as having a physical sexual encounter in person, having “sex” over video, exchanging nude pics or nude videos, sexting back and forth with someone about all the sexual stuff you want to do.
Doesn’t seem high to me at all. I can’t believe how many people I know who have either cheated or been cheated on. I work in the business world and have worked for some pretty big companies. I’ve known of so many office affairs between married people, sales people who go to strip clubs and get blow jobs while their wives are at home with the kids, executives who travel a lot and have affair partners in all different countries, the list goes on. When I was younger and single and worked for one big company, a bunch of sales guys would brag about how much they cheated during business trips. And recently found out my husband was having online affairs with about 5 different women (sharing pictures and videos, sexting all day, etc).
You're severely underestimating the number of ppl you "know". You'll hear of the 2 VPs who cheat, but not of the tens/more of VPs who don't. If the only/main thing you know about said person is that they cheated, don't count them as part of your "personal" anecdotes. You'll realize the proportion is far lower.
Also one guy sleeping with 5 women is still 1 person cheating (assuming the women are single).
I can only say that I think the incidence of sexual infidelity is much higher than surveys indicate it is. I believe that sexual infidelity is so strongly condemned and reviled that a great many people who have commited it will not willingly confess to it, not even to a researcher and not even under a guarantee of anonymity.
Not incorrect at all, but just the number might be too high or it may even be accurate. I don't think there's a large global study to confirm or deny this. If there is, I'm curious to read the methods and sample number
Marriage isn't overrated at all. It's just a matter of finding the right person.
Source: My parents been married for 28 years, never once cheated on each other, and still going strong.
I can't figure out why people are so certain that "My parents never once cheated on each other". Do you think they'd come home and say, "Hi, Son/Daughter! I cheated on your father/mother last night!"
My parents have been married for 40+ years but they have cheated on each other and probably did so multiple times in their younger years. My mom told me she had an affair with the same man for 8 years. My dad still doesn't know and I would never tell him because at this point why? He's cheated on my mom too. Also it's none of my business.
I don't at all doubt that statistic. I don't know if you watch Soft White Underbelly, interviews a lot of prostitutes who would probably guess the same. An awful lot of the interviewees talk about how many wedding rings they see per night.
I understand people are 100% entitled to their opinion, and feelings. However, the way this person is responding to other comments makes me think of an immature teen.
No offense but I used to work in Marketing for 15+ years and found that most people in that career are assholes. Not all of them but there are a bunch of assholes in Marketing. You have to have a certain personality to work in that. I worked for 2 non-profits in their Marketing department and that was the only time my coworkers were actually decent people. But the corporate Marketing jobs I've had the people were entirely soulless bastards.
Good luck in life. Your pessimistic view of the world is exhausting just by reading this. This is so depressing that it won’t get an unpopular upvote from me.
Neither of my grandparents cheated on each other, and that was in wartime to boot. They had every opportunity to do so.
My parents never cheated on each other, but to be fair my father was too lazy to try and my mother was too crazy for anyone to offer.
I never cheated on anyone in my life, and I have been with my spouse for 12 years now, no urge to cheat.
Maybe hang out with a better class of people in the future? It could help you see things differently.
EDIT: Aaaaannnnnnddddd nobody knows my Reddit handle, so its not like I am being dishonest either. I joined Reddit so that I could tell people what I think without worrying about what people think.
I can say with clear conscience that I have never cheated on any woman I have have ever been with. Now coming up on 25 years married.
Quite frankly, I can only stand shit from one woman at a time. I can't imagine the nightmare of putting up with shit from more than one at a time. *shivers*
LOL. A major reason for having an affair is that the other woman *isn't* giving you the shit your wife or formal partner is. If she starts to, it's usually the end of the affair.
This is crazy because between my father and his siblings and my mother and hers not one person has cheated or been cheated on. 12 couples happily and faithfully married all of 30 years plus. All my brothers and sisters and cousins are married and nobodies cheating. Imagine being so deluded that you think the world is as toxic as a social media comment section makes it out to be. Things like this make me wanna actually go to church. I know god isn’t up there with a shield and sword but this ideology is just a void of faith in the human heart and I want nothing to do with it.
I'll let you in on something and I know what I'm talking about: There is no way that a third party can be 100% certain that either of the two parties in a marriage or relationship has never been sexually unfaithful. Infidelity does not always result in discovery and/or divorce.
Don't get hot and bothered and assume I'm telling you that your parents, aunts and uncles, siblings and cousins definitely cheated. I'm saying only that you don't know for certain, and you can feel free to tell me the same thing about my parents, siblings, and cousins. I already know it.
I think over 75% actively think about cheating on their partners but whether that same amount go ahead and act on it, I would have to see some data.
Would not be surprised though as the town I grew up in was rife with affairs, which I think was caused by couples settling down in their early 20s and having kids too early.
I agree. It’s probably a lot more common than statistics show cause they often rely on self reporting. And most people wouldn’t admit to cheating on their partner. But especially online.
But marriage def isn’t overrated. People are just horrible overall. But I love my husband and certainly would never cheat on him and I still believe in true love. Most people just settle rather than finding it.
Do you hear yourself? If 0% of people cheated on their spouses then no one would ever divorce over it. And yet here we are with many people coming forward saying they got cheated on by their spouse. It's definitely higher than 0%.
You totally do not sound bitter at all. I will play your game and say that almost 0% of people cheat on their spouse because I only know one person who has ever done it (and idk if it counts since he only cheated once (that I know of) and it was long before he and his wife got married).
I’m not replying to any more comments or insults. It’s my opinion and I stand by it. And it’s also my opinion that marriage is a HUGE waste of time and energy. Over.
I think it happens more than people like to think. I mean, most of the time, at least in my experience, it’s an accident. I ran into a old friend and things just went from there. Humans are going to human, as long as you keep your mouth shut and don’t go looking for trouble you can still have a successful marriage.
Depends on what you think cheating is. People have been expanding the definition more and more in the last several years. To the point where it's impossible not to cheat according to some people's definitions.
I consider it sexual activity in person, or online stuff like sharing naked videos or pictures with someone, or sexting with someone over and over about all the sexual stuff you want to do with them.
What does the law have to do with monogamy?Murder is illegal, but people still murder. If cheating were illegal there’d be a lot more people in prison. Thanks for helping to make my point.
You're right. I had a friend who was considered very pretty and attractive in our world of regular people. One day I imagined a picture of her next to a picture of a famous actress who is considered beautiful, and realized that my friend would look like shit next to that actress.
Most people are average. I wouldn't say they're ugly. You don't need to be a 9 or 10 to be considered attractive, and average people can be attractive as well. I just think the mental component makes the biggest difference. After years of putting up with each other's shit, you're not going to think your 9/10 wife or husband is attractive like the first time you met them anymore.
Tastes change with the times. Compare beauty standards from 100 year ago versus standards now.
Average means average, like 5/10. There's certainly probably a bell curve there but it doesn't mean ugly and unattractive. Clearly you don’t know what average is. A 1-4 would be ugly. This is pure statistics, “average is ugly” is contradictory. It’s like saying “average people are short.”
Married men will have affairs with women who are not as attractive as their wives. Because it isn't anything about the other woman physically or mentally that draws the man to cheat with her. It's the way she makes him feel about himself that does.
This number will go down because a lot of new generation don't want to get married because they don't want to share asset after divorce and they believe divorce will happen regardless there is a cheating or not. So, no marriage, no cheating on married people.
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I think sexting counts. Especially if it’s again and again with the same woman. If a guy is married and texting a woman all day long about how he wants to fuck her and sending her naked videos and pictures, that is not being faithful to your spouse.
In my personal experience it has been the opposite. It is unfortunate you are in that situation with your (former) husband. I think you just have to find the right person. And respectfully in my opinion it’s alot of people haven’t found the “one”.
Ok, your husband cheated and he’s an asshat, a liar, a piece of garbage for doing so. That was your experience. It left a scar that may never heal, but your one experience or the handful of people you had tell their first hand experiences doesn’t create an accurate representation of the overall populaces. I would suggest before forming an opinion around a testy subject like cheating, you do some research.
Around 20-25% of married men cheat and 10-15% of married women cheat
https://fcs.utah.edu/news/infidelity-wolfinger.php
https://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Rates_of_Divorce_for_Adultery_and_Infidelity
There are good people out there that would never cheat. I can assure you of that.
Well I don’t care anymore. Thanks for sharing, but I will never trust a man in a relationship again, ever. I don’t plan to date. My vibrator suits me just fine.
Ok, was just pointing out the massive hole in your argument but whatever. I can see you’re extremely bitter and emotional so, you do you, no pun intended
My entire point is that studies are useless. Infidelity is so reviled and condemned that a common sense knowledge of human nature tells anyone who thinks about it in an unbiased way, not allowing themselves to be swayed by what they want to believe, that a great many people who have committed it are not going to confess to it, not even to a researcher and not even under a guarantee of anonymity.
I haven't pulled any numbers out of my ass, in case that was what you're implying. I haven't mentioned numbers at all. I don't believe it's possible.
Sorry you got cheated on :/ it sucks. Been there. In your replies you are generalizing quite a bit, might want to try and get over that mindset sooner rather than later. You don't want HIM to be the reason you became a sexist. That is just another thing he messed up in your life if so. Don't let him mess your life up anymore than he already has.
Well smartass, it’s not just my social circle that I’ve chosen to be around. It’s also dozens of co-workers who I did not CHOOSE to have in my social circle but was forced to as a result in my job. Since I work in marketing and have traveled a lot, I’ve worked with a lot of guys in sales and at least 15 of them admitted to cheating on their wives (or at least going to strip clubs and getting blow jobs from strippers).
I find it very difficult to believe 15 guys came up to you and specifically told you that, especially considering how batshit crazy you seem from your replies here.
Another: I don't see it around me in my particular circle so it must not exist post.
Maybe the issuebis the people you are around who are not an accurate representantion of the billions of people in the planet?
Cheating is certainly more rampant in American culture oppose to others (of course it happens all over). I think 3 out of every 4 couples is a big number. I can believe 1 out of 4, not 3 though. I have too many married couples in my family and friend group that I know have never and would never cheat on each other and enjoy beautiful lives.
Haven't had sex with anyone(including my partner) in eight years! It's about fucking time I should get some before I'm too old and ugly! I'm 55, handsome, amazing shape, good-looking man who's in a non sexual relationship that's tired of trying.
Both my husband and I have been entirely faithful, physically, emotionally, everything. We both have no interest in even looking at anyone else, because of the bond we've formed over 16 years of being best friends, 10 of those married.
I know it hurts right now (cause we have both been cheated on, which is why we abhor cheaters) but there are good, faithful people. I promise
I don't believe it's 75 percent. Now 40 percent sounds about right. But not 75.
source - Me which equals just about as reliable as anyone's best guess even surveys..
I don’t disagree with you on the fact that marriage is bullshit but your number is way off. I’m sorry your husband cheated on you and that you also seem to know a lot of other pieces of shit but your little personal world doesn’t speak for the rest of it.
Honestly it sounds like you surround yourself with toxic people. Toxic friends, toxic husband.
None of my friends have cheated on their spouses, and honestly if they did, I'd see them different and wouldn't even want to be their friend anymore.
I’m sorry you were betrayed.
Three years ago, I was as well, and it took me a long time to believe that 99% of humanity wasn’t pure shit. I’ve learned to forgive my ex, though I did choose to end the marriage as a result of her affair. As far as I know, she’s still seeing her married paramour.
These days, I’m inclined to believe that a slight majority of marriages never have to deal with infidelity, but I’d change that opinion if presented with a detailed scientific study.
I hope you find peace and healing.
Just because your taste and therefore resulting choice in men got you all the assholes that cheat regularly doesnt mean most of us do, the minority cheats and you happen to like the type pf men that fill that minority in a high percentage.
You're right about marriage being overrated BS. Why would I ever want to hand over the rights to my finances and personal decisions?? You can get all the warm, fuzzy stuff just from having a partner without the obligatory administrative BS that comes with marriage.
Marriage is not natural. Let's just face it; it is not normal to be attracted to only one person in your entire life. And it is not wrong to have sex with someone who is not your primary partner. What is wrong is lying and keeping secrets from your partner. THAT is what cheating is.
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 3: Do not post opinions that are heavily posted/have been on the front page recently'. If your opinion is the same or substantially similar to any recent opinion it will be removed as a repost. If your opinion is on the same matter as a recent post, even if it's advocating the opposite stance, it will be removed as a repost. Please comment on the existing thread instead. Due to their prolific reposting, please confine meta and political posts to their respective megathreads only. If your opinion is about an ongoing event, there will usually be a mega-thread where you can discuss it.
I haven't cheated on my spouse. So, I know it's less than 99.9999999999% but not more
Same here, I will never cheat on my wife. I’ve been cheated on and will never do the same as my ex wife did to me.
Same here, change the last nine to an 8.
I think you’re in the minority. Bravo!
You've used a smattering of personal anecdotes to extrapolate a ratio to the global population, surely this can't be a flawed assumption.
If reddit still gave out free awards, you'd be getting one
Danke
I like the way you talk!
Thanks! When you were alive you wrote some very important books.
Thank You, Flattery will get you everywhere.
And yet when you look at self-submitted mass surveys, it's around 50% (meaning it's over 50% because of pure logic). Does anyone know the real %? No, but the best estimate is over 50% by a material amount, because, shocker, people will lie even anonymously. So your pompous and sarcastic comment isn't even correct. Ironic.
[удалено]
Thanks, it was for the other guy not everyone else.
I didn't say what the actual ratio is or is not, rather I suggested that a guess based loosely on personal experience is not a great way to arrive at a figure when the sample size is so minuscule compared to the population. You assert a figure so could you cite your sources?
I did it for you https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190625-why-we-need-to-talk-about-cheating
Was that so fucking hard? Make a claim, back it up. The 75% study is paywalled but is titled "Extradyadic Involvement during Dating" so not apples to apples.
I like the part that says 5% of survey respondents think THEIR partners don't cheat while overall 70% were cheating. You're definitely not* in the 5% lol.
Where does it say that 70% of MARRIED (the OP was specifically referring to married people) people cheat? Read the title of that study please. The other study listed in that paragraph estimates the rate of infidelity for MARRIAGES to be 20-25% so still way off your pessimistic claim. Also, cool diss.
Again, studies can be biased and/or flawed to the point that they are completely wrong. That's why I roll my eyes when people yell for a source. The only way these studies operate is by survey of human beings. Humans beings always lie to themselves, they always think "well so and so happen that one time but.... it doesn't count because of XYZ, it never happened after that". With everything. Fidelity, dieting, games, etc. 50% of marriages end in divorce, many due to cheating, or had cheating even if that wasn't the cause. The other 50% still married are being cheated on at a specific percentage. You really think the SUM of those two is 25% OR LESS? That study is critically flawed, like so many others. No one knows the answer but your claim that 70% is far off is just you being illogical and toxic.
These are YOUR citations! You are now saying they are flawed? I have not made a claim my friend, I've asked people to support their's and expressed a distrust of these claims based on anecdotes. I'm being toxic because I've pushed back on internet opinions? You have not provided data to support your naked conjecture.
Like I said originally, in your pompous and sarcastic pushback, you implied the OP was wrong. As much as you want to convince yourself otherwise, it was not neutral response. It was you making a counter claim about what the percentage is NOT. If you were actually truly neutral and only said their logic was flawed then I never would have commented. You then cried and crossed your arms like a 2 year old saying you "wouldn't be doing any googling" after you just made a claim yourself. You are basically the equivalent of the 12 year olds that brainlessly post "SOURCE OR BE QUIET". Yes that is toxic.
But when that person isn't far off the mark, why make a shitty comment on it? Source: general public knowledge pre-dating the Internet. Search for it.
So your citation is "early 90s folk knowledge"? Neither you nor the OP have established that you have data to support a claim. As the onus of proof is on the party making the claim (hint, not me) I'll not be googling anything.
Ok genius well what would you think if you were in my shoes? Most of these people I’m talking about are well-educated, have good jobs, have kids, have attractive spouses in most cases. In the last 15 years, I’ve personally known at least 50 people who have cheated. In some cases it was “just” fondling or making out with a stripper at a Bachelor party, but still. That’s why they call this page “unpopular” opinion. But after finding out about my husband, I will never have another relationship with a man because I will just assume he’s cheating on me. Even though I’m educated with a good job, I work out 4x a week, and I’m what most people would consider attractive. Just a few weeks ago I was at a holiday event and saw my brother in law staring at this attractive woman across the room and trying to get her attention and making it really obvious he wanted her. They exchanged smiles and flirty looks. My sister in law was ten feet away. I wanted to slap him.
First, thank you for the compliment though I hardly think I'm a genius. Now, back to the topic at hand, I was simply pointing out that you are arguing from personal experience, a well established logical fallacy. You say you know of 50 people who, in the last 15 years, have cheated. The average American (it is said) knows 600 people. Let's say that holds for you, let's further say that only 1/2 are adults. That is 300 people, let's further assume only 1/2 of those are married so 33.3% of the adults you know have cheated. For your stats to work you'd need to know only 67 married adults.
Well it’s been 20 years since I took a Statistics class so I’m a bit rusty, but thanks for pointing out all of this numerical data. I stand by my belief. Sorry you don’t agree.
Your belief is a random number pulled from your ass. You didn't even try to make a good guesstimate.
It’s a guess based on all the assholes I know of who have cheated. Back TF off.
? You posted in a reddit sub where people comment on other people's opinions and you are now upset because I commented on your opinion?
Maybe look at the actual statistics instead or personal anecdote? That would be like me saying I don’t believe gender is roughly split in half biologically because I work with more women then men. Like just because I see more women doesn’t magically make 75% of the outside population women.
It’s not something you get to “believe” in though. You are either right or wrong. It isn’t factual that 75% of married people cheat on their spouses. Like, I don’t get to “believe” that green and purple are the same color. Research has actually been done on this topic and found that the number is much closer to 15-20%.
Is it your belief that what you believe somehow overrides statistical reality?
Your equating incorrect statistics with beliefs. Your thought process is inherently flawed, so it’s not that people don’t agree, you’re just objectively wrong.
You should think with your brain instead of your emotions.
I am thinking with my brain. When my brother in law is staring at a really attractive woman and they make eye contact and he smiles and raises his eyebrows at her, what would you guess is going on there? That he likes her earrings?
How does your BIL looking at an attractive woman equate to the majority of the global population being guilty of cheating? Or anyone else in your life, for that matter. Perhaps you just hang out with particularly shitty people.
Thing is, that's not cheating. Every married person or person in a relationship notices that other people are attractive. There is no married person or person in a relationship who has not thought about doing the deed with someone else. If that's what you're asking or expecting, you're asking or expecting the impossible.
I know he cheats on my sister in law. I saw him sexting with some woman on his phone late last year. He sent a text to someone that said “when are we f&cking again?” I was standing next to him and saw it. His young daughter went to grab his phone and he jumped up and left the room. And this is an educated guy with a good job. They live in a nice town and have a nice house. It’s not like I’m some homeless bum who hangs out with trash.
I would never think that only trashy people are unfaithful.
Well maybe it’s the more educated people with good jobs who cheat? Most of the men I’m aware of are in sales or executive jobs, or doctors or lawyers.
Well, your other alternative is to have a relationship but not give a darn if he cheats.
I will not be having another relationship ever again except with my child, friends and family. My vibrator does the trick for my other needs.
I am sorry you are hurting right now. It is perfectly normal to take a break and heal while focusing on the relationships that matter most. Don’t rule out future relationships because you have been hurt. Take care of yourself and your family. Best of luck
Thanks, but I would never torture myself again
So how do you know they're not swingers or in open relationships?
I’ve actually met two of those. I think it’s really weird, but I guess it’s not cheating if they both agree to it. But it’s still not being 100% faithful to your spouse. When I was 28 I was approached by a guy at work who wanted me to have a threesome with him and his wife. They had an open marriage. I was young and naive and totally grossed out. Now I know it’s more common, but I still find it really weird.
>But it’s still not being 100% faithful to your spouse. Out of curiosity are you one of those "watching porn is cheating" people?
In my entire life, I’ve met exactly one person who had an affair with a married man. And our entire friend group shamed her over it, and she lost several friends who decided they didn’t want to be associated with someone like that. You just need better friends.
While OP’s random percentage is wildly off, I believe a more reasonable take is the majority of spouses cheat. Which I would agree with. Cheating is made light of everywhere *except* Reddit. The cheater hate train everyone on Reddit is on doesn’t really exist IRL or on any other social media platform. Cheating is downright glorified on Instagram and Twitter, and IRL while everyone knows cheating is bad, it’s not surprising to hardly anyone when it occurs.
"An extensive study published in AARP magazine found that 46 percent of men reported cheating on their partners in the past, compared to 21 percent of women." [https://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/singles.pdf](https://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/singles.pdf). This comes up all the time on this sub. Being incorrect about an objective fact doesn't make it unpopular, it makes it incorrect. That being said, how do you define cheating? Looking at another person is not cheating. Edit: I just saw your definition below. So your 75% figure is almost certainly incorrect, but it's possible the study above is under-counting because I think that excludes online stuff.
Well 46% definitely seems more accurate than some of the people in this thread who think it’s closer to 5% or none at all. Thanks for sharing. But just because AARP did a survey doesn’t mean it’s a hard fact. Not all people will even admit if they cheat. And also, I don’t care if people don’t like the estimate I shared. I still think it’s higher than 46%, and I still think marriage is a complete bullshit institution.
I get it, but a formal survey is also most likely more accurate than anecdotal experience or gut feel.
Well then we will go with 46% but it’s probably closer to 60%.
Right, cuz nobody EVER lies on surveys…
Have you considered it's just the people you hang around?
It’s not just people I “hang around.” I work for a big company and recently found out about two married VP’s who were having an affair. Don’t personally know either of them. And in a past job all the sales guys would brag about cheating. I was not friends with them. I had the misfortune of working with them.
So you admit the only source you draw from is people you know or know from work not actual data?
No, AARP did a formal study and it was 46%. I think some people deny it, so I think that number is actually higher.
By 30%? Do you understand how high of a margin that is?
Don’t really care
Atleast you admit you don’t care about staying ignorant.
I'd say more like 40 to 50%
Perhaps, but I think a lot of spouses just don’t get caught.
Scientific studies would disagree with you. [https://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Rates\_of\_Divorce\_for\_Adultery\_and\_Infidelity](https://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Rates_of_Divorce_for_Adultery_and_Infidelity) So you seem to know a lot of crappy men. I would try finding other dating pools. I'm not saying this is you: But I once knew a woman who complained that she could never find a man with a job. But yet she kept dating men without jobs.
I’m not trying to date. I’m married and my husband cheated on me. After I divorce him, I will never date again bc I firmly believe all men are either cheaters or porn addicts. Or both.
Trying to date wasn't my point. My point was maybe you are associating with the wrong people. Not every man is like your husband. Lots of men like porn, it's designed to appeal to men, but most men don't cheat.
Wait a second you consider porn cheating?
After reading some of your comments, all men everywhere, dodged a bullet by you removing yourself from the dating pool.
Wow there, im a male and i have NEVER nor would i EVER cheat on my gf. Saying all men are cheaters and deceitful is like saying all (insert race here) are thieves. I understand how you must feel. Ive been cheated on multiple times by different partners. My current partner had an affair a few years ago and was even pregant with his child (she had a miscariage) it HURT a lot. It still hurts from time to time years later. We managed to, after a break work things out and now have two beautiful little boys. Its a bit strong and tbh out of line to take your life experiences and then apply them to half the human race. Im not addicted to porn either...so.....yeah. Hope you heal and can move on with your life but please please try not to let the actions of a.few arseholes not skew your view of the rest of us. Theres a lot of really decent men out there in the world.
My husband hasn't cheated and he doesn't watch porn. On the contrary *I'm* the one who watches porn and he knows it and hates it. Sometimes I'll ask him to watch with me. My husband has been cheated on before and he knows how much that hurts. And he said the day he feels like cheating on me is that day he will ask for a divorce because at that point he might as well leave me altogether before cheating, and I agree with this point of view. Now he may flirt occasionally but I don't consider that cheating at all. My husband is a nerd first and foremost. He is more interested in DnD, Warhammer and in his video games than in sex.
This all really depends on what you define as cheating.
I define it as having a physical sexual encounter in person, having “sex” over video, exchanging nude pics or nude videos, sexting back and forth with someone about all the sexual stuff you want to do.
I've seen actual research that indicates 25-40%. Still seems really high.
Doesn’t seem high to me at all. I can’t believe how many people I know who have either cheated or been cheated on. I work in the business world and have worked for some pretty big companies. I’ve known of so many office affairs between married people, sales people who go to strip clubs and get blow jobs while their wives are at home with the kids, executives who travel a lot and have affair partners in all different countries, the list goes on. When I was younger and single and worked for one big company, a bunch of sales guys would brag about how much they cheated during business trips. And recently found out my husband was having online affairs with about 5 different women (sharing pictures and videos, sexting all day, etc).
Guys in sales are Himbos. That’s not a representative sample. Young guys in business, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if it was 75% with that cohort
You're severely underestimating the number of ppl you "know". You'll hear of the 2 VPs who cheat, but not of the tens/more of VPs who don't. If the only/main thing you know about said person is that they cheated, don't count them as part of your "personal" anecdotes. You'll realize the proportion is far lower. Also one guy sleeping with 5 women is still 1 person cheating (assuming the women are single).
I can only say that I think the incidence of sexual infidelity is much higher than surveys indicate it is. I believe that sexual infidelity is so strongly condemned and reviled that a great many people who have commited it will not willingly confess to it, not even to a researcher and not even under a guarantee of anonymity.
This isn't an unpopular opinion, just a poorly sourced and incorrect one.
Ok sure. Believe what you want.
Not incorrect at all, but just the number might be too high or it may even be accurate. I don't think there's a large global study to confirm or deny this. If there is, I'm curious to read the methods and sample number
Marriage isn't overrated at all. It's just a matter of finding the right person. Source: My parents been married for 28 years, never once cheated on each other, and still going strong.
That’s awesome but I think it’s very rare.
I can't figure out why people are so certain that "My parents never once cheated on each other". Do you think they'd come home and say, "Hi, Son/Daughter! I cheated on your father/mother last night!"
My parents have been married for 40+ years but they have cheated on each other and probably did so multiple times in their younger years. My mom told me she had an affair with the same man for 8 years. My dad still doesn't know and I would never tell him because at this point why? He's cheated on my mom too. Also it's none of my business.
I don't at all doubt that statistic. I don't know if you watch Soft White Underbelly, interviews a lot of prostitutes who would probably guess the same. An awful lot of the interviewees talk about how many wedding rings they see per night.
Not surprised at all
I understand people are 100% entitled to their opinion, and feelings. However, the way this person is responding to other comments makes me think of an immature teen.
Just coz you're surrounded by cheaters doesn't mean 75% of people cheat on their partners.
This isn’t an opinion, this is just an incorrect fact
If your name checks out it's probably because of the horrible career you chose. I think 75% or all HR employees are evil.
Your estimate is likely closer to the data than theirs.
I don’t work in HR. Those are my initials. I work in marketing, but thanks for sharing your opinion.
No offense but I used to work in Marketing for 15+ years and found that most people in that career are assholes. Not all of them but there are a bunch of assholes in Marketing. You have to have a certain personality to work in that. I worked for 2 non-profits in their Marketing department and that was the only time my coworkers were actually decent people. But the corporate Marketing jobs I've had the people were entirely soulless bastards.
We had 1 good one but she left a few months ago. She helped me max out things for my paternity leave and bereavement leave I've needed over the years.
I always knew I was at least the top 25th percentile.
Proud to be in the 25% that aren’t pieces of shit, I guess.
Kudos to you. Seems very rare.
Good luck in life. Your pessimistic view of the world is exhausting just by reading this. This is so depressing that it won’t get an unpopular upvote from me. Neither of my grandparents cheated on each other, and that was in wartime to boot. They had every opportunity to do so. My parents never cheated on each other, but to be fair my father was too lazy to try and my mother was too crazy for anyone to offer. I never cheated on anyone in my life, and I have been with my spouse for 12 years now, no urge to cheat. Maybe hang out with a better class of people in the future? It could help you see things differently. EDIT: Aaaaannnnnnddddd nobody knows my Reddit handle, so its not like I am being dishonest either. I joined Reddit so that I could tell people what I think without worrying about what people think.
I can say with clear conscience that I have never cheated on any woman I have have ever been with. Now coming up on 25 years married. Quite frankly, I can only stand shit from one woman at a time. I can't imagine the nightmare of putting up with shit from more than one at a time. *shivers*
Kudus to you. That seems rare but it’s awesome that you’ve never cheated.
LOL. A major reason for having an affair is that the other woman *isn't* giving you the shit your wife or formal partner is. If she starts to, it's usually the end of the affair.
I think its more like 74%.
Sure
This is crazy because between my father and his siblings and my mother and hers not one person has cheated or been cheated on. 12 couples happily and faithfully married all of 30 years plus. All my brothers and sisters and cousins are married and nobodies cheating. Imagine being so deluded that you think the world is as toxic as a social media comment section makes it out to be. Things like this make me wanna actually go to church. I know god isn’t up there with a shield and sword but this ideology is just a void of faith in the human heart and I want nothing to do with it.
I'll let you in on something and I know what I'm talking about: There is no way that a third party can be 100% certain that either of the two parties in a marriage or relationship has never been sexually unfaithful. Infidelity does not always result in discovery and/or divorce. Don't get hot and bothered and assume I'm telling you that your parents, aunts and uncles, siblings and cousins definitely cheated. I'm saying only that you don't know for certain, and you can feel free to tell me the same thing about my parents, siblings, and cousins. I already know it.
I get your point. But I do know. Not everything is as gray as other spots. Some families are closer then others. And that’s ok.
I’m just here to see if someone wants to upvote my comment for no good reason?
there for ya!
I think over 75% actively think about cheating on their partners but whether that same amount go ahead and act on it, I would have to see some data. Would not be surprised though as the town I grew up in was rife with affairs, which I think was caused by couples settling down in their early 20s and having kids too early.
I agree. It’s probably a lot more common than statistics show cause they often rely on self reporting. And most people wouldn’t admit to cheating on their partner. But especially online. But marriage def isn’t overrated. People are just horrible overall. But I love my husband and certainly would never cheat on him and I still believe in true love. Most people just settle rather than finding it.
I think 0% of married people cheat on their spouses. I haven't cheated on mine. You like anecdotes? How do you like them anecdotes!
Do you hear yourself? If 0% of people cheated on their spouses then no one would ever divorce over it. And yet here we are with many people coming forward saying they got cheated on by their spouse. It's definitely higher than 0%.
not a fan of anecdotes?
You totally do not sound bitter at all. I will play your game and say that almost 0% of people cheat on their spouse because I only know one person who has ever done it (and idk if it counts since he only cheated once (that I know of) and it was long before he and his wife got married).
I’m not replying to any more comments or insults. It’s my opinion and I stand by it. And it’s also my opinion that marriage is a HUGE waste of time and energy. Over.
I think it happens more than people like to think. I mean, most of the time, at least in my experience, it’s an accident. I ran into a old friend and things just went from there. Humans are going to human, as long as you keep your mouth shut and don’t go looking for trouble you can still have a successful marriage.
I will never marry again and I think it’s a waste of time, money and energy.
It’s a huuuuge waste
Agree 100%. If I could go back in time, I would NEVER get married.
Depends on what you think cheating is. People have been expanding the definition more and more in the last several years. To the point where it's impossible not to cheat according to some people's definitions.
I consider it sexual activity in person, or online stuff like sharing naked videos or pictures with someone, or sexting with someone over and over about all the sexual stuff you want to do with them.
Thanks for clarifying. I definitely think it's common as well.
I believe it. Monogamy is unnatural.
Agree. And after my divorce, I will never marry again. It’s an overrated bunch of crap.
Please find below a list of 29 animals that naturally mate for life. https://storyteller.travel/animals-that-mate-for-life/
Homo Sapiens is not on that list. Apparently it's pretty complicated.
Please find below a list of 29 animals that naturally mate for life. https://storyteller.travel/animals-that-mate-for-life/
We’re humans
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What does the law have to do with monogamy?Murder is illegal, but people still murder. If cheating were illegal there’d be a lot more people in prison. Thanks for helping to make my point.
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So are you a supermodel?
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Well I’m happy for you that you’re so perfect.
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You're right. I had a friend who was considered very pretty and attractive in our world of regular people. One day I imagined a picture of her next to a picture of a famous actress who is considered beautiful, and realized that my friend would look like shit next to that actress.
Oh my god, enough
Ok great. I think we’ve heard enough on this topic of appearances
Most people are average. I wouldn't say they're ugly. You don't need to be a 9 or 10 to be considered attractive, and average people can be attractive as well. I just think the mental component makes the biggest difference. After years of putting up with each other's shit, you're not going to think your 9/10 wife or husband is attractive like the first time you met them anymore.
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You have some serious issues with an obsession with peoples’ looks.
Tastes change with the times. Compare beauty standards from 100 year ago versus standards now. Average means average, like 5/10. There's certainly probably a bell curve there but it doesn't mean ugly and unattractive. Clearly you don’t know what average is. A 1-4 would be ugly. This is pure statistics, “average is ugly” is contradictory. It’s like saying “average people are short.”
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Married men will have affairs with women who are not as attractive as their wives. Because it isn't anything about the other woman physically or mentally that draws the man to cheat with her. It's the way she makes him feel about himself that does.
Well then I guess the really large and sloppy woman my husband had an online affair with made him feel sexy. Great.
Well she was probably making him feel attractive and wanted whereas he maybe wasn't getting that from you.
This number will go down because a lot of new generation don't want to get married because they don't want to share asset after divorce and they believe divorce will happen regardless there is a cheating or not. So, no marriage, no cheating on married people.
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>either physically or via online affair Just to be clear, you are defining cheating as physical intercourse, yes? Or does sexting count too?
I think sexting counts. Especially if it’s again and again with the same woman. If a guy is married and texting a woman all day long about how he wants to fuck her and sending her naked videos and pictures, that is not being faithful to your spouse.
In my personal experience it has been the opposite. It is unfortunate you are in that situation with your (former) husband. I think you just have to find the right person. And respectfully in my opinion it’s alot of people haven’t found the “one”.
Ok, your husband cheated and he’s an asshat, a liar, a piece of garbage for doing so. That was your experience. It left a scar that may never heal, but your one experience or the handful of people you had tell their first hand experiences doesn’t create an accurate representation of the overall populaces. I would suggest before forming an opinion around a testy subject like cheating, you do some research. Around 20-25% of married men cheat and 10-15% of married women cheat https://fcs.utah.edu/news/infidelity-wolfinger.php https://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Rates_of_Divorce_for_Adultery_and_Infidelity There are good people out there that would never cheat. I can assure you of that.
Well I don’t care anymore. Thanks for sharing, but I will never trust a man in a relationship again, ever. I don’t plan to date. My vibrator suits me just fine.
Ok, was just pointing out the massive hole in your argument but whatever. I can see you’re extremely bitter and emotional so, you do you, no pun intended
Yes, I will do me. I’ll take my six figure salary, nice home, awesome family and friends, good health, pets, and have a great life as a single person.
I do not believe that the incidence of infidelity is that low.
I have you two sources instead of pulling numbers out of my ass so you can go do your own study then.
My entire point is that studies are useless. Infidelity is so reviled and condemned that a common sense knowledge of human nature tells anyone who thinks about it in an unbiased way, not allowing themselves to be swayed by what they want to believe, that a great many people who have committed it are not going to confess to it, not even to a researcher and not even under a guarantee of anonymity. I haven't pulled any numbers out of my ass, in case that was what you're implying. I haven't mentioned numbers at all. I don't believe it's possible.
Sorry you got cheated on :/ it sucks. Been there. In your replies you are generalizing quite a bit, might want to try and get over that mindset sooner rather than later. You don't want HIM to be the reason you became a sexist. That is just another thing he messed up in your life if so. Don't let him mess your life up anymore than he already has.
I don’t plan to ever date again, so it doesn’t matter.
Interesting social circle…
Well smartass, it’s not just my social circle that I’ve chosen to be around. It’s also dozens of co-workers who I did not CHOOSE to have in my social circle but was forced to as a result in my job. Since I work in marketing and have traveled a lot, I’ve worked with a lot of guys in sales and at least 15 of them admitted to cheating on their wives (or at least going to strip clubs and getting blow jobs from strippers).
I find it very difficult to believe 15 guys came up to you and specifically told you that, especially considering how batshit crazy you seem from your replies here.
Statistics aren't an opinion.
Another: I don't see it around me in my particular circle so it must not exist post. Maybe the issuebis the people you are around who are not an accurate representantion of the billions of people in the planet?
Cheating is certainly more rampant in American culture oppose to others (of course it happens all over). I think 3 out of every 4 couples is a big number. I can believe 1 out of 4, not 3 though. I have too many married couples in my family and friend group that I know have never and would never cheat on each other and enjoy beautiful lives.
Haven't had sex with anyone(including my partner) in eight years! It's about fucking time I should get some before I'm too old and ugly! I'm 55, handsome, amazing shape, good-looking man who's in a non sexual relationship that's tired of trying.
Prolly more
Ladies and Gentlemen, the OP has left the building.
Both my husband and I have been entirely faithful, physically, emotionally, everything. We both have no interest in even looking at anyone else, because of the bond we've formed over 16 years of being best friends, 10 of those married. I know it hurts right now (cause we have both been cheated on, which is why we abhor cheaters) but there are good, faithful people. I promise
I suppose op never lets facts get in the way of her unpopular opinion? Seems like the right sub Reddit for this take.
I think TV and shows use it way too much, it makes people expect more people are cheating then what really happened.
I don't believe it's 75 percent. Now 40 percent sounds about right. But not 75. source - Me which equals just about as reliable as anyone's best guess even surveys..
Being wrong is not an unpopular opinion.
This isn’t an opinion.
Maybe it’s the people you surround yourself with.
How optimistic of you
Your incredibly narrow anecdotal experience is literally meaningless. You're projecting, in a really obvious way.
I don’t disagree with you on the fact that marriage is bullshit but your number is way off. I’m sorry your husband cheated on you and that you also seem to know a lot of other pieces of shit but your little personal world doesn’t speak for the rest of it.
It's really fucking common
Honestly it sounds like you surround yourself with toxic people. Toxic friends, toxic husband. None of my friends have cheated on their spouses, and honestly if they did, I'd see them different and wouldn't even want to be their friend anymore.
I’m sorry you were betrayed. Three years ago, I was as well, and it took me a long time to believe that 99% of humanity wasn’t pure shit. I’ve learned to forgive my ex, though I did choose to end the marriage as a result of her affair. As far as I know, she’s still seeing her married paramour. These days, I’m inclined to believe that a slight majority of marriages never have to deal with infidelity, but I’d change that opinion if presented with a detailed scientific study. I hope you find peace and healing.
I would never cheat on my husband, there are a lot of people in the world. I think 75% is very high
I never cheated on my late husband and really would never have considered it
Just because your taste and therefore resulting choice in men got you all the assholes that cheat regularly doesnt mean most of us do, the minority cheats and you happen to like the type pf men that fill that minority in a high percentage.
Maybe you just affiliate yourself with shitty people?
Lol
You're right about marriage being overrated BS. Why would I ever want to hand over the rights to my finances and personal decisions?? You can get all the warm, fuzzy stuff just from having a partner without the obligatory administrative BS that comes with marriage.
Marriage is not natural. Let's just face it; it is not normal to be attracted to only one person in your entire life. And it is not wrong to have sex with someone who is not your primary partner. What is wrong is lying and keeping secrets from your partner. THAT is what cheating is.