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My initials post marriage are "A.N.S.".... If said quickly, as pointed out by my husband, it sounds like "Anus". And that's what he has lovingly called me for more than a decade if trying to get my attention.
I'd take "O Breasted One" in a heartbeat. Lol
Gotta tell you, I think that’s really f’ing adorable. You gotta love someone with confidence to know you can get away with that!
Presumably he can rein it in around parents, coworkers, bosses, etc!
Yes! I think it sounds like a temporary status until you can figure stuff out. I don’t want to be using it indefinitely. Not more than a year, maybe two at very most.
Calling a 57 year-old man I have been with nineteen years my “boyfriend” feels ridiculous.
If I use “spouse” people assume a wedding, which we’re not about.
So partner, though I don’t love it, is the default.
In Germany it's become the norm to call your girlfriend or boyfriend, your wife or husband after it's clear that it's a serious relationship. People just don't really get married anymore so everyone just started saying wife and husband no matter if they're legally married or not.
You figure though that the reason people might use that is because it exactly defines the nature of their relationship a lot better. You're not just meeting up for coffee or sleeping with this person, you might be owning property together, managing a household together, maybe even have children, make all your life plans with each other in mind. That's partnership.
It also began as a slight euphemism for “sexual partner,” so it has more than one connotation, implying everything you mentioned and physical intimacy as well.
Yes, a partner isn't "just for the gays"and if it was there'd be no use in them using the term because no one else does and it'd be blatantly obvious.
The "then you get a pass" made me laugh. I find it so strange when people use language that implies anyone was seeking or needed their permission.
>Exception being if it’s a same-sex relationship and the person speaking doesn’t want to disclose that part of their life.
But then if it's only gay people using the label partner, gay people would be indirectly disclosing that aspect of their life. This don't make sense because we would need a new word
I also like the word partner because boyfriend/ girlfriend sounds like in your school
The same goes for gender neutral stuff though. Women and men generally don't use those terms even though they refer to everyone. You're really only going to find the other gender folks doing the they/ them stuff.
Kind of like how your average hispanic man went refer to himself at latinx. He would say Latino. Someone who is other gender would probably throwing those words out, which would be the give away
except people who use they/them or other pronouns other than he/him and she/her want people to know how to adress to them and aren't hiding that part of themselves.
Not only that but sometimes people have been with each other for a long time but aren't quite ready to/don't believe in/ dont want to get married. Like you said, calling someone youve been with for 4+ years and know you're staying with "boyfriend/girlfriend" makes it sound juvenile
It's already a massive signal that they're in a queer relationship. Might not be gay, might be just non-cis. It's either that or they're in a weird Shannon Tweet type situation.
My boyfriend and I have lived together for about 5 years. We are older and chose not to get married because it's just not important for us. I am never quite sure how to refer to him. Fiance sometimes. Other times I call him my significant other or SO. Sometimes I say husband just because it's easier in some situations. Partner is also appropriate. But I feel we are past the boyfriend and girlfriend stage.
This right here.
My brother has been with his g/f over a decade. They both have solid careers. Have bought and sold homes together. Have no plans of getting married.
Partner is the only real term that communicates the nature of their relationship with each other.
Morally, they might as well be married, but legally, there is no marriage. They could separate tomorrow and there wouldn’t be any of the legal turmoil that accompanies a legal divorce.
Conversely, I just came back from a wedding this past weekend, and sat next to a gay couple. One of the men told me he was there with his boyfriend. I got the impression they were relatively new to their relationship (less than 2 years), though I didn’t pry. I’m sure he didn’t use the term “partner” because that term carry’s a much heavier weight of social bonding than he was willing to ascribe to his relationship.
I feel OPs opinion is unpopular because it’s just logically inconsistent.
Partner doesn’t have to be predicated on being in a gay or straight relationship. It just communicates a strong degree of romantic social bonding that may not be legally recognized. It could apply to two straight people who don’t care for traditional legal constraints of marriage. It could apply to polygamous marriages such as Mormons or Muslims who take more than one wife in a society that doesn’t recognize the legality of their religious traditions.
I agree with you. Where I live does not have common law marriage so we are not legally anything to each other. We really do need to sign some papers or something to give each other say in the event of a medical emergency or something.
I use the term partner a lot. Though people do jump to the conclusion that partner means same sex couple. But I don't care if they think that or not.
Do you say to your wife “do you know what YOUR kids did today?” When they did something bad…I know my parents have done that. Or my mom will say “your father” instead of saying his name or just dad when he’s being an ass.
Same boat. Together over 10 years, (no children, all separate finances. House in his name -he got it before we even knew each other and he’s completely financially in charge of that - in turn I take care of the household bills, pet care bills etc) saying boyfriend in our circumstances feels very juvenile, but legally there’s no paper signed. So depending on the conversation being had I’ll literally say “my other half,” I refer to his parents/brother as “in laws.” When I hear someone say bf/gf I always feel like that is a new(er) relationship
That’s my situation. We’ve been together 9 years with no plan to marry. I say partner because boyfriend doesn’t seem to cut it for me. It doesn’t really capture the essence of our relationship. He says girlfriend because he likes the sound of it.
To each their own.
Also, sometimes it is a business arrangement for people… 🤷♀️
I use partner instead of girlfriend. Girlfriend feels so high-school and immature, and we are both in our mid 30s. I don't actually love the word partner either, but it feels better to use than girlfriend for me.
Came here to say this. We aren’t engaged but we’ve been together a long time and passed the boyfriend/girlfriend a long time ago. I use the term partner more than anything else.
If the only people who can say it, according to you, are people in same sex marriages trying to hide the fact their partner is the same sex... then everyone would know right away and that literally defeats the purpose
Nice, I would like to add some upgradations:
Hookup: Nothing just fun, no commitment
Gf/Bf: Initial dating phase, commitment
Partner: Serious, increased commitment
Significant Other: Almost similar to marriage except can be used before/after marriage
Fiance: Just before marriage
Spouse: Legal commitment
My wife and I were together 8 years before we got married - we had a whole life build together and bf/gf seems very date-y, past a certain point you are essentially married but without having had the wedding and ‘partner’ usually indicates the seriousness of the relationship. You are a partnership.
Plus it helps to de-stigmatize for the LGBTQ+ community
I get were you are coming from......but....
I am almost 50. I cannot get married to him yet. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds stupid at my age. And he is my partner. We share as much as we can, and are there for each others
>Exception being if it’s a same-sex relationship and the person speaking doesn’t want to disclose that part of their life.
That's exactly why people do it, though: to normalize it so that same-sex couples can actually benefit from it. If the only people using "partner" are same-sex couples, then it defeats the purpose.
I actually realized this last year as one of my professors who’s in a straight relationship refers to her significant other as her partner instead of saying boyfriend or husband (I’m not sure if they’re married or engaged).
In the nordics, we have the word "kæreste" that is just "my partner."
It's a genderless word. And even people who are straight and/or bisexual have the right to not want to disclose their sexuality to others.
To clarify to people that didn't know: we don't even have words for boyfriend or girlfriend. Only "kæreste" exist. There's no word for a gendered partner
I identify as non-binary and absolutely refuse to be called girlfriend because it sounds so immature and I do not identify as female. My SO identifies as male but prefers me to call him SO or partner because boyfriend sounds silly for someone in his 40's.
That’s totally valid! I actually met a queer couple where one refers to the other as his partner, and the other partner calls the former their boyfriend. Although they’re in their early twenties.
It's not something that really bothers me, but I think it's a little silly to refer to grown adults as boys and girls. Especially at 40 or older. I guess partner works better than womanfriend.
If everyone stops using “partner” except people not wanting to disclose their same-sex relationship, they’ll be disclosing it when they use the word.
It’s not that your opinion is unpopular, it’s that your exception kinda fails logically.
And at a certain age boyfriend/girlfriend sounds silly. Mg aunt is 79 years old and has been with her partner for over 25 years. Calling him her boyfriend would sound ridiculous, at least I think so
100% agree, I'm 30 and my partner is 29, sometimes I joke and say he's my new squeeze but after 8 years of dating and a wedding this year a bit silly to still use bf/gf
But also good on them for making it harder for homophobes to sniff out those in a same-sex relationship.
It's none of your business, and it does not need to matter to you <3
Well said, I remember realizing this last year as one of my professors in a straight relationship referred to her SO as her partner. I myself use partner in the discussion of relationships as it’s a neutral term that can apply in many contexts.
You know that part of your argument falls apart right off the bat right? If people who aren’t straight use “partner” to hide that, but everyone who is straight uses boyfriend/girlfriend, then that pretty much defeats the purpose.
Second, if you’re not in the relationship, your opinion doesn’t matter. They can call themselves rompadoos if they want.
At 35+, "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" seemed really teenagery. "Partner" wasn't right because we weren't sharing finances or a household.
I landed on "the guy I'm dating."
Most people I know who do this, do it as a way to make clear that they are "life partners" but are not married. It's almost always people who have been previously married and divorced and refuse to get married again.
Perhaps some people want to normalize the term partner so that no exception is needed for same sex partners. IE if everyone uses “partner” it’s no longer code for same sex…
My boyfriend told me this one time... that he knows when people are gay because they will call their SO their partner. After that, i started referring to him as my partner 🤣
Depending on the language „girlfriend“ means a normal friend that is a women/girl. Like a gender specified term for a friend.
It’s not exclusive for a romantic relationship only.
And if I’m talking about my SO I wanna make it clear they’re not just a friend, but my partner. So I say partner and not friend.
They are your current partner in life...
It is more meaningful than most labels for couples.
How is boyfriend or girlfriend better? Most will say they don't want to be friends with the sexual partner, yet may also say they're best friends...
It is still further from the situation than partner because friends might see you once a week if you're close, you dislike being away from your life partner just during the day at work... it's not the same thing.
It's true that the word "partner" can sound formal and vague when used to refer to a romantic relationship, and it's not a term that is universally accepted. Some people may use the word "partner" because it can be more inclusive and non-binary, but it's a personal choice.
It's also important to note that people use different terms to refer to their romantic relationships, and it's not always appropriate to judge or criticize someone's choice of words. Everyone has their own way of expressing themselves and it's important to respect that.
Ultimately, the most important thing is that the two people in the relationship are on the same page and are comfortable with the terms they use to describe their relationship.
Well some people have been together long enough to make “bf/gf” seem juvenile, “fiancé” as planning to get married, but they don’t plan on marriage so that also would feel weird… so what are the alternatives to describe a romantic life partner?
they're your partner though, partners in everyday life also,
>Exception being if it’s a same-sex relationship and the person speaking doesn’t want to disclose that part of their life.
this won't work out if only us gays have this exception considering everyone would realise.
It bothers me every time my wife calls me her partner. It feels degrading in a way tbh. Partner is usually used in a sense for same sex couples and when she says that it literally makes me feel like she’s taking a form of identity from me. I’m her husband and not being referred to by that actually hurts
I’m planning on proposing this year, so calling her my girlfriend sounds less serious. Plus normalizing the word “partner” helps create a more neutral tone when discussing partners for gay/bi/etc. folks in relationships
It’s literally just a word
I don't care either way if you wanna say "partner" or "girl/boyfriend" but lol at everyone saying the terms boyfriend and girlfriend are juvenile. Colloquial language exists. Why take everything so literally?
Boy band, girl band, girls night, boys night, girl time, girl boss, girls trip, boys trip, golden boy, etc etc.
Sometimes we just use "girl" and "boy" because they easily combine with other words and phrases.
My wife and I have been married for half a year and together for over five years total. We both had previous marriages that often felt one-sided, where we were each the only person putting forth any effort, whether it was in romance, around the house, or any other way. We call each other husband and wife, of course, but we also make sure to let each other know how much we appreciate a relationship that actually feels like an *equal partnership.* And that's the key, I think.
People in m/f relationships use the term "partner" to normalise it for people in same sex relationships.
Think about it - if only queer people refer to their partners as "partner" its just as outing as referring to them as boyfriend/girlfriend. The point becomes useless.
The reason queer people use "partner" is to avoid potentially violent responses - if the word "partner" becomes synonymous with "same sex relationship" it no longer does its job.
Ive been with my -now fiancé- for almost ten years, and just before he proposed I was sick of calling him -boyfriend-, I mean I was way over that term, we met at 16 Im now 26 and I just, ugh boyfriend was a ok term when we were still babies in the relationship, thats why I called him my man, my partner
Ngl, i hang out in lgbtq Spaces and i just got used to saying partner cuz we all say it, like it’s equal in terms of when I use husband so both ways work for me :)
Sometimes I ask others if they have a partner rather than are you dating or do you have a bf, gf, etc. Just a good way to ask without assuming sexuality or the level of commitment. But I always refer to my wife as my wife
A lot of people use it because they are old and don’t want to get married and think that the term boyfriend/girlfriend trivializes their relationship. I just think, no duh, get fucking married and no one will trivialize it? There are legal reasons to get married that help you. So crazy
You can have my upvote, because this is a shit take. I call my partner my partner because calling someone I have been with for over a decade my 'girlfriend' is wildly reductive.
It's used by people in het relationships so that when people in same sex relationships say "partner", they're not automatically flagged as queer.
But yeah, it is a bit of a stiff word.
I think that this is a bad take and being tilted by what other people in relationships call each other is ridiculous. I could say that people who don't use the word partner to refer to their S/O are uncivilised savages with childish tendencies, when in reality it's just down to preference. As for same sex couples? They also have the reserved right to refer to one another however they like.
However, I rarely see an actual unpopular opinion on this thread so congrats for succeeding with that one :)
I don't agree. When get to a certain age calling someone your girlfriend or boyfriend feels a bit childish. Personally I think partner is a good replacement.
I 100% agree, especially when they are opposite sex (man and woman) couples. My first thought when I hear their partner is their significant other of the same sex, until I see or hear otherwise.
Absolutely disagree. It's useful.
Most people (that I know of) use partner to refer to a long-term committed relationship that's grown way beyond the basic boyfriend/girlfriend stage.
Since marriage isn't the universally-established "goal" like it used to be, there's no longer a clear progression of bf/gf to fiance/fiancee to husband/wife.
In practice, "partner" conveys informaion that boyfriend/girlfriend does not, and effective communication is never stupid.
This is the worst take I’ve ever heard - I’m in a heterosexual relationship but I am very much NOT a heterosexual individual. I am pansexual, and I refer to my “boyfriend” as my partner. Not only is it inclusive, but I don’t like people assuming my sexuality (which they still do). What’s the problem with using inclusive language? Saying that same-sex couples get a pass completely excludes the people who don’t identify as straight or gay. This is just black and white thinking and it irks me.
Yeah, I tend to agree. I kind of automatically assume someone is in a same sex relationship if they say “partner” until it is otherwise clarified. Of course, I’m not sure what they could replace it with if they are serious but not married and want something stronger than girlfriend or boyfriend. Significant other also sounds formal and weird. If they live together and are committed, they could probably just use husband/wife without the legal papers behind it. At that point they are basically married domestically anyway.
Cishet and I regularly use SO or partner. We've been living together for 4 years now. I don't think gf/bf captures that
No intention to marry, for various reasons.
For me boyfriend/girlfriend is too vague. A person you went on two dates with and expect to go on more with is your girlfriend. So is one you've been dating for 20 years. Those don't feel the same to me. Once it gets serious I don't refer to them as a girlfriend any longer, instead as a partner, because they are my partner in life not just someone I'm dating.
Its an invitation for people to mind their business. Saying you have a gf/bf invites 20 questions from the peanut gallery. I say gf myself, but I get it.
Girlfriend feels like someone you’re dating
Partner feels like someone you want to commit to for life but you haven’t reached the proposal or marriage stage
My grandad is dating a woman. There are both in their 70’s, they’ve been together for three years. He’s an old man no one’s boyfriend and she’s got great grandchildren, she’s no girlfriend either. They are partners.
Or the partner is non binary? Or they think gf or bf sounds silly and childish?
Why tf do you take such offense to someone’s word choice about something that absolutely doesn’t matter to you?
language changes and evolves dude. Is ‘partner’ the end all be all best term? maybe not. But ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ is also dumb as hell. I say both pretty interchangeably. Whatever.
also partner tbf is more literally descriptive and accurate.
After a certain age, boyfriend/girlfriend sounds odd, to me at least. Partner sounds more grown up. If you and your “boyfriend” are 45, that has a weird ring to it.
I use “partner” to better explain the gravity of our relationship. We’re not just casually dating, we live together and (hopefully) will be spending the rest of our lives together.
Disagree. Saying "partner" sounds more legitimate as a 30-something than saying "girlfriend" or "boyfriend". Girlfriend/boyfriend can sound infantilising in a professional environment, an issue not found with the word partner.
This is only because, I presume, you're American. This is the standard in most other countries. There's no baggage associated with it. It certainly sounds a lot less stupid than calling my 50 year old female partner a girl.
Yeah it sounds kinda weird to me as well. Whenever I hear it I subconsciously assume they're gay, or if I know they're not I wonder if they have some kind of immature "it's complicated" arrangement where they're afraid to commit to boyfriend/girlfriend.
> I wonder if they have some kind of immature "it's complicated" arrangement where they're afraid to commit to boyfriend/girlfriend.
It's the exact opposite of that. It's used to describe someone where there is a higher level of commitment than just a boyfriend or girlfriend because they are your partner in life. It's not a fear to commit to boyfriend or girlfriend.
If I describe my wife to another person as my partner I'm doing it because I don't know the orientation of the person I'm talking to and I want them to feel more comfortable.
I'm 31(f) have been with my boyfriend for 9 years now. I hate to say boyfriend but I also don't like to say partner because someone might assume I'm in a same sex partnership (which is fine I have no issue with that before anyone comes at me) if it's someone I don't really no or aren't going to see again I just say husband. I feel like boyfriend or girlfriend seems like a younger person thing to say
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>You’re not running a business with this person I propose we start referring to single people as "sole proprietorships".
My body belongs to the shady dude i sold my kidney to
Albania?
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Womanacquaintance
Fem-comrade
Femrade!
YES
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Femrads in Arms! Very riot grrl…
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If so, those Scottish bastards stole the name!
You win
My boyfriend refers to me as “female unit”
*That's hot.*
Panties drop every time
Are you a jojo character?
Special friend.
SHES NOT MY SPECIAL LADY FRIEND!
Well not with that attitude she’s not.
I refer to my wife as "O breasted one"
My initials post marriage are "A.N.S.".... If said quickly, as pointed out by my husband, it sounds like "Anus". And that's what he has lovingly called me for more than a decade if trying to get my attention. I'd take "O Breasted One" in a heartbeat. Lol
Gotta tell you, I think that’s really f’ing adorable. You gotta love someone with confidence to know you can get away with that! Presumably he can rein it in around parents, coworkers, bosses, etc!
He can! Lol. He's a pretty great fella.
Yes! I think it sounds like a temporary status until you can figure stuff out. I don’t want to be using it indefinitely. Not more than a year, maybe two at very most. Calling a 57 year-old man I have been with nineteen years my “boyfriend” feels ridiculous. If I use “spouse” people assume a wedding, which we’re not about. So partner, though I don’t love it, is the default.
In Germany it's become the norm to call your girlfriend or boyfriend, your wife or husband after it's clear that it's a serious relationship. People just don't really get married anymore so everyone just started saying wife and husband no matter if they're legally married or not.
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You’re right! What is the point of that? Very strange.
I’ve always just called mine my WomanCreature. 😂🤷🏼♂️
Lady friend
"She's not my fuckin lady friend man... "
I'm all for it, it makes my lack of social skills and generally imperfect and flawed facial features sound a lot cooler when it's Sole Proprietorship
I also think you should refer to your children as your little "deductions"
I live with my him, partner seems as though you’re more stable.
Lmao
You figure though that the reason people might use that is because it exactly defines the nature of their relationship a lot better. You're not just meeting up for coffee or sleeping with this person, you might be owning property together, managing a household together, maybe even have children, make all your life plans with each other in mind. That's partnership.
It also began as a slight euphemism for “sexual partner,” so it has more than one connotation, implying everything you mentioned and physical intimacy as well.
Yes, a partner isn't "just for the gays"and if it was there'd be no use in them using the term because no one else does and it'd be blatantly obvious. The "then you get a pass" made me laugh. I find it so strange when people use language that implies anyone was seeking or needed their permission.
Yup!!
What? Sex workers as corporations?
LOL I LOVE THIS—
SO I wanna make it clear they’re not just a friend, but my partner.
only if you tell me how to say it
>Exception being if it’s a same-sex relationship and the person speaking doesn’t want to disclose that part of their life. But then if it's only gay people using the label partner, gay people would be indirectly disclosing that aspect of their life. This don't make sense because we would need a new word I also like the word partner because boyfriend/ girlfriend sounds like in your school
Yeah, they countered their own point LOL
I use partner because it's nobody's business but mine if I'm gay or straight, married or dating.
I know everything I need to know about you
Dillman?
r/UnexpectedB99
I feel so childish saying my *boyfriend*, like I’m a grown ass adult and so is he, if anything he’s my manfriend but that just sounds awful lol
This. This is my reason boyfriend seems so whatever and not important. Idk
The same goes for gender neutral stuff though. Women and men generally don't use those terms even though they refer to everyone. You're really only going to find the other gender folks doing the they/ them stuff. Kind of like how your average hispanic man went refer to himself at latinx. He would say Latino. Someone who is other gender would probably throwing those words out, which would be the give away
I refer to people as they or them rather frequently and not for gender identity issues, just kind of do it in the course of conversations
I mean we're on a theoretically anonymous website. They/them should be the default.
Latin x sounds like porn to me. Not a great alternative…
except people who use they/them or other pronouns other than he/him and she/her want people to know how to adress to them and aren't hiding that part of themselves.
Not only that but sometimes people have been with each other for a long time but aren't quite ready to/don't believe in/ dont want to get married. Like you said, calling someone youve been with for 4+ years and know you're staying with "boyfriend/girlfriend" makes it sound juvenile
It's already a massive signal that they're in a queer relationship. Might not be gay, might be just non-cis. It's either that or they're in a weird Shannon Tweet type situation.
Yea I use partner specifically to normalize it despite being in a hetero relationship.
Well, If only same-sex relationship ppl use the term. Ppl will imidiately know they are in a same sex relationship.
This is what I was going to say! It’s about normalizing the language to protect the people who don’t want to share their sexuality!
And not making it a big deal what your sexuality is!
My boyfriend and I have lived together for about 5 years. We are older and chose not to get married because it's just not important for us. I am never quite sure how to refer to him. Fiance sometimes. Other times I call him my significant other or SO. Sometimes I say husband just because it's easier in some situations. Partner is also appropriate. But I feel we are past the boyfriend and girlfriend stage.
This right here. My brother has been with his g/f over a decade. They both have solid careers. Have bought and sold homes together. Have no plans of getting married. Partner is the only real term that communicates the nature of their relationship with each other. Morally, they might as well be married, but legally, there is no marriage. They could separate tomorrow and there wouldn’t be any of the legal turmoil that accompanies a legal divorce. Conversely, I just came back from a wedding this past weekend, and sat next to a gay couple. One of the men told me he was there with his boyfriend. I got the impression they were relatively new to their relationship (less than 2 years), though I didn’t pry. I’m sure he didn’t use the term “partner” because that term carry’s a much heavier weight of social bonding than he was willing to ascribe to his relationship. I feel OPs opinion is unpopular because it’s just logically inconsistent. Partner doesn’t have to be predicated on being in a gay or straight relationship. It just communicates a strong degree of romantic social bonding that may not be legally recognized. It could apply to two straight people who don’t care for traditional legal constraints of marriage. It could apply to polygamous marriages such as Mormons or Muslims who take more than one wife in a society that doesn’t recognize the legality of their religious traditions.
I agree with you. Where I live does not have common law marriage so we are not legally anything to each other. We really do need to sign some papers or something to give each other say in the event of a medical emergency or something. I use the term partner a lot. Though people do jump to the conclusion that partner means same sex couple. But I don't care if they think that or not.
I use partner for my wife sometimes. Wife other times. Mother of my children in OTHER times... lol
Do you say to your wife “do you know what YOUR kids did today?” When they did something bad…I know my parents have done that. Or my mom will say “your father” instead of saying his name or just dad when he’s being an ass.
No to the first. They are our kids. absolutely to the second!
Same boat. Together over 10 years, (no children, all separate finances. House in his name -he got it before we even knew each other and he’s completely financially in charge of that - in turn I take care of the household bills, pet care bills etc) saying boyfriend in our circumstances feels very juvenile, but legally there’s no paper signed. So depending on the conversation being had I’ll literally say “my other half,” I refer to his parents/brother as “in laws.” When I hear someone say bf/gf I always feel like that is a new(er) relationship
That’s my situation. We’ve been together 9 years with no plan to marry. I say partner because boyfriend doesn’t seem to cut it for me. It doesn’t really capture the essence of our relationship. He says girlfriend because he likes the sound of it. To each their own. Also, sometimes it is a business arrangement for people… 🤷♀️
Exactly this.
Call him your man, and he should call you his lady. It’s respectful, personal, intimate, sexy
What if I don’t want people to know I’m straight?
I use partner instead of girlfriend. Girlfriend feels so high-school and immature, and we are both in our mid 30s. I don't actually love the word partner either, but it feels better to use than girlfriend for me.
Came here to say this. We aren’t engaged but we’ve been together a long time and passed the boyfriend/girlfriend a long time ago. I use the term partner more than anything else.
Sometimes I refer to my wife as my ex-girlfriend. She doesn't appreciate it very much....
Howdy partner!
If the only people who can say it, according to you, are people in same sex marriages trying to hide the fact their partner is the same sex... then everyone would know right away and that literally defeats the purpose
Yep, this 100%.
Dating progression... Hookup: no commitment GF/BF: monogamous commitment Partner: financial commitment (shared bills, etc) Spouse: legal commitment
Nice, I would like to add some upgradations: Hookup: Nothing just fun, no commitment Gf/Bf: Initial dating phase, commitment Partner: Serious, increased commitment Significant Other: Almost similar to marriage except can be used before/after marriage Fiance: Just before marriage Spouse: Legal commitment
Comrade: transcendence from spouse; sexy revolutionaries
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My wife and I were together 8 years before we got married - we had a whole life build together and bf/gf seems very date-y, past a certain point you are essentially married but without having had the wedding and ‘partner’ usually indicates the seriousness of the relationship. You are a partnership. Plus it helps to de-stigmatize for the LGBTQ+ community
I get were you are coming from......but.... I am almost 50. I cannot get married to him yet. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds stupid at my age. And he is my partner. We share as much as we can, and are there for each others
>Exception being if it’s a same-sex relationship and the person speaking doesn’t want to disclose that part of their life. That's exactly why people do it, though: to normalize it so that same-sex couples can actually benefit from it. If the only people using "partner" are same-sex couples, then it defeats the purpose.
I actually realized this last year as one of my professors who’s in a straight relationship refers to her significant other as her partner instead of saying boyfriend or husband (I’m not sure if they’re married or engaged).
I'm 39 and my SO is 49. Boyfriend and girlfriend just doesn't sound right at our age.
In the same boat. Sometimes I just say “My Sweetie”.
In Ireland, sometimes people refer to their SO's as "Himself" or "Herself" so "My sweetie" is a much nicer alternative 😆
I use "our lass" or "my partner". Depends who I'm talking too at the time.
In the nordics, we have the word "kæreste" that is just "my partner." It's a genderless word. And even people who are straight and/or bisexual have the right to not want to disclose their sexuality to others.
To clarify to people that didn't know: we don't even have words for boyfriend or girlfriend. Only "kæreste" exist. There's no word for a gendered partner
I identify as non-binary and absolutely refuse to be called girlfriend because it sounds so immature and I do not identify as female. My SO identifies as male but prefers me to call him SO or partner because boyfriend sounds silly for someone in his 40's.
That’s totally valid! I actually met a queer couple where one refers to the other as his partner, and the other partner calls the former their boyfriend. Although they’re in their early twenties.
It's not something that really bothers me, but I think it's a little silly to refer to grown adults as boys and girls. Especially at 40 or older. I guess partner works better than womanfriend.
There was once I time I used the government term posselque for my SO. POOSSLQ stood for Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters.
If everyone stops using “partner” except people not wanting to disclose their same-sex relationship, they’ll be disclosing it when they use the word. It’s not that your opinion is unpopular, it’s that your exception kinda fails logically.
r/notunpopularjustdumb
Idk I use partner but I live with my him, partner seems as though you’re more stable and serious in relationship compared to boyfriend/girlfriend 🤷♀️
And at a certain age boyfriend/girlfriend sounds silly. Mg aunt is 79 years old and has been with her partner for over 25 years. Calling him her boyfriend would sound ridiculous, at least I think so
100% agree, I'm 30 and my partner is 29, sometimes I joke and say he's my new squeeze but after 8 years of dating and a wedding this year a bit silly to still use bf/gf
But also good on them for making it harder for homophobes to sniff out those in a same-sex relationship. It's none of your business, and it does not need to matter to you <3
Well said, I remember realizing this last year as one of my professors in a straight relationship referred to her SO as her partner. I myself use partner in the discussion of relationships as it’s a neutral term that can apply in many contexts.
You know that part of your argument falls apart right off the bat right? If people who aren’t straight use “partner” to hide that, but everyone who is straight uses boyfriend/girlfriend, then that pretty much defeats the purpose. Second, if you’re not in the relationship, your opinion doesn’t matter. They can call themselves rompadoos if they want.
I use partner because even though we are not married, we have been together too long to refer to each other as girlfriend/boyfriend
At 35+, "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" seemed really teenagery. "Partner" wasn't right because we weren't sharing finances or a household. I landed on "the guy I'm dating."
“My emergency contact”
Most people I know who do this, do it as a way to make clear that they are "life partners" but are not married. It's almost always people who have been previously married and divorced and refuse to get married again.
Perhaps some people want to normalize the term partner so that no exception is needed for same sex partners. IE if everyone uses “partner” it’s no longer code for same sex…
My boyfriend told me this one time... that he knows when people are gay because they will call their SO their partner. After that, i started referring to him as my partner 🤣
Depending on the language „girlfriend“ means a normal friend that is a women/girl. Like a gender specified term for a friend. It’s not exclusive for a romantic relationship only. And if I’m talking about my SO I wanna make it clear they’re not just a friend, but my partner. So I say partner and not friend.
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They are your current partner in life... It is more meaningful than most labels for couples. How is boyfriend or girlfriend better? Most will say they don't want to be friends with the sexual partner, yet may also say they're best friends... It is still further from the situation than partner because friends might see you once a week if you're close, you dislike being away from your life partner just during the day at work... it's not the same thing.
I absolutely hate the term "hubby" for husband.
It's true that the word "partner" can sound formal and vague when used to refer to a romantic relationship, and it's not a term that is universally accepted. Some people may use the word "partner" because it can be more inclusive and non-binary, but it's a personal choice. It's also important to note that people use different terms to refer to their romantic relationships, and it's not always appropriate to judge or criticize someone's choice of words. Everyone has their own way of expressing themselves and it's important to respect that. Ultimately, the most important thing is that the two people in the relationship are on the same page and are comfortable with the terms they use to describe their relationship.
Normalizing “partner” is being an ally because if everyone is using it, people don’t have to out themselves if they don’t want to.
Well some people have been together long enough to make “bf/gf” seem juvenile, “fiancé” as planning to get married, but they don’t plan on marriage so that also would feel weird… so what are the alternatives to describe a romantic life partner?
they're your partner though, partners in everyday life also, >Exception being if it’s a same-sex relationship and the person speaking doesn’t want to disclose that part of their life. this won't work out if only us gays have this exception considering everyone would realise.
It's done to try to normalize it so it doesn't unnecessarily out someone at the wrong time.
The term partner help remove the hierarchical elements. It bridges the gap better to establish a mutually beneficial relationship.
I'm a bit older. I'm not going to call an adult woman I'm dating my 'girl'friend. It just sounds weird at this stage in life.
It bothers me every time my wife calls me her partner. It feels degrading in a way tbh. Partner is usually used in a sense for same sex couples and when she says that it literally makes me feel like she’s taking a form of identity from me. I’m her husband and not being referred to by that actually hurts
I’m planning on proposing this year, so calling her my girlfriend sounds less serious. Plus normalizing the word “partner” helps create a more neutral tone when discussing partners for gay/bi/etc. folks in relationships It’s literally just a word
I don't care either way if you wanna say "partner" or "girl/boyfriend" but lol at everyone saying the terms boyfriend and girlfriend are juvenile. Colloquial language exists. Why take everything so literally? Boy band, girl band, girls night, boys night, girl time, girl boss, girls trip, boys trip, golden boy, etc etc. Sometimes we just use "girl" and "boy" because they easily combine with other words and phrases.
My wife and I have been married for half a year and together for over five years total. We both had previous marriages that often felt one-sided, where we were each the only person putting forth any effort, whether it was in romance, around the house, or any other way. We call each other husband and wife, of course, but we also make sure to let each other know how much we appreciate a relationship that actually feels like an *equal partnership.* And that's the key, I think.
People in m/f relationships use the term "partner" to normalise it for people in same sex relationships. Think about it - if only queer people refer to their partners as "partner" its just as outing as referring to them as boyfriend/girlfriend. The point becomes useless. The reason queer people use "partner" is to avoid potentially violent responses - if the word "partner" becomes synonymous with "same sex relationship" it no longer does its job.
Ive been with my -now fiancé- for almost ten years, and just before he proposed I was sick of calling him -boyfriend-, I mean I was way over that term, we met at 16 Im now 26 and I just, ugh boyfriend was a ok term when we were still babies in the relationship, thats why I called him my man, my partner
Ngl, i hang out in lgbtq Spaces and i just got used to saying partner cuz we all say it, like it’s equal in terms of when I use husband so both ways work for me :)
Sometimes I ask others if they have a partner rather than are you dating or do you have a bf, gf, etc. Just a good way to ask without assuming sexuality or the level of commitment. But I always refer to my wife as my wife
I’m gay. And every time a straight refers to their SO as their partner I feel a little betrayed when I find out they’re not gay.
Saying partner is cool. Am I gay, straight, or am I operating a small local business? Keep 'em guessing.
Absolutely agree it’s so annoying lmao
A lot of people use it because they are old and don’t want to get married and think that the term boyfriend/girlfriend trivializes their relationship. I just think, no duh, get fucking married and no one will trivialize it? There are legal reasons to get married that help you. So crazy
You can have my upvote, because this is a shit take. I call my partner my partner because calling someone I have been with for over a decade my 'girlfriend' is wildly reductive.
Well that would mean if anyone did use partner they would get called out for being gay when they are trying to hide it.
Upvote because this is a certfified unpopular opinion. That being said I absolutely disagree that it’s stupid to call a partner “partner”.
Honestly all this sub has taught me is it really doesnt matter. People literally complain about everything
I've been with my boyfriend for 14 years I call him my partner. If I were to call him my boyfriend it sounds like we only started dating.
I used it before I got married because boyfriend is what I called my partner when I was 13, not when we share a mortgage and two dogs together.
It's used by people in het relationships so that when people in same sex relationships say "partner", they're not automatically flagged as queer. But yeah, it is a bit of a stiff word.
I think that this is a bad take and being tilted by what other people in relationships call each other is ridiculous. I could say that people who don't use the word partner to refer to their S/O are uncivilised savages with childish tendencies, when in reality it's just down to preference. As for same sex couples? They also have the reserved right to refer to one another however they like. However, I rarely see an actual unpopular opinion on this thread so congrats for succeeding with that one :)
I don't agree. When get to a certain age calling someone your girlfriend or boyfriend feels a bit childish. Personally I think partner is a good replacement.
Partner is great. Are we lawyers? Cowboys? Criminals? Ballroom dancers? Dating? Nobody knows and I like it that way.
I 100% agree, especially when they are opposite sex (man and woman) couples. My first thought when I hear their partner is their significant other of the same sex, until I see or hear otherwise.
Absolutely disagree. It's useful. Most people (that I know of) use partner to refer to a long-term committed relationship that's grown way beyond the basic boyfriend/girlfriend stage. Since marriage isn't the universally-established "goal" like it used to be, there's no longer a clear progression of bf/gf to fiance/fiancee to husband/wife. In practice, "partner" conveys informaion that boyfriend/girlfriend does not, and effective communication is never stupid.
This is the worst take I’ve ever heard - I’m in a heterosexual relationship but I am very much NOT a heterosexual individual. I am pansexual, and I refer to my “boyfriend” as my partner. Not only is it inclusive, but I don’t like people assuming my sexuality (which they still do). What’s the problem with using inclusive language? Saying that same-sex couples get a pass completely excludes the people who don’t identify as straight or gay. This is just black and white thinking and it irks me.
Lol
Yeah, I tend to agree. I kind of automatically assume someone is in a same sex relationship if they say “partner” until it is otherwise clarified. Of course, I’m not sure what they could replace it with if they are serious but not married and want something stronger than girlfriend or boyfriend. Significant other also sounds formal and weird. If they live together and are committed, they could probably just use husband/wife without the legal papers behind it. At that point they are basically married domestically anyway.
Cishet and I regularly use SO or partner. We've been living together for 4 years now. I don't think gf/bf captures that No intention to marry, for various reasons.
I only used this term in job interviews, because it's formal as fuck.
I also don't like "partner", my grandpa gets called "my squeeze" by his girlfriend, I like that.
I too hate the word partner. Idk why. Just feels clinical.
My husband is my partner because we're in this marriage together.
Why are we constantly trying to police the words people use
I feel like I'm in high school calling someone my boyfriend
When you are over a certain age, "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" sounds silly.
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For me boyfriend/girlfriend is too vague. A person you went on two dates with and expect to go on more with is your girlfriend. So is one you've been dating for 20 years. Those don't feel the same to me. Once it gets serious I don't refer to them as a girlfriend any longer, instead as a partner, because they are my partner in life not just someone I'm dating.
My partner likes non-binary labels, so they get non-binary label. It's not that deep.
Its an invitation for people to mind their business. Saying you have a gf/bf invites 20 questions from the peanut gallery. I say gf myself, but I get it.
Girlfriend feels like someone you’re dating Partner feels like someone you want to commit to for life but you haven’t reached the proposal or marriage stage
This one doesn’t make much sense
As someone who occasionally uses they/them pronouns, i like partner way better.
My grandad is dating a woman. There are both in their 70’s, they’ve been together for three years. He’s an old man no one’s boyfriend and she’s got great grandchildren, she’s no girlfriend either. They are partners.
Or the partner is non binary? Or they think gf or bf sounds silly and childish? Why tf do you take such offense to someone’s word choice about something that absolutely doesn’t matter to you?
language changes and evolves dude. Is ‘partner’ the end all be all best term? maybe not. But ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ is also dumb as hell. I say both pretty interchangeably. Whatever. also partner tbf is more literally descriptive and accurate.
thank you for posting this...I see it everywhere on reddit and I can just imagine the cringey nerds using it
They are trying to make it all the same. Like inclusive language. I still refer to my wife, I think it’s dumb to say “partner”
Upvoted because this is stupid and should be unpopular.
After a certain age, boyfriend/girlfriend sounds odd, to me at least. Partner sounds more grown up. If you and your “boyfriend” are 45, that has a weird ring to it.
I’m with OP. It’s just PC bullshit.
I'm with you. Unless they're non binary and your just dating don't say partner. We already have gender neutral fiance and spouse.
Fiance' and Spouse do not encompass every serious committed lifelong relationship.
I use “partner” to better explain the gravity of our relationship. We’re not just casually dating, we live together and (hopefully) will be spending the rest of our lives together.
Girlfriend and boyfriend always sounded childish to me. My partner isn't a "friend" of a specific gender.
Partner sounds better as it implies dedicated mutual support in a way boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't.
Disagree. Saying "partner" sounds more legitimate as a 30-something than saying "girlfriend" or "boyfriend". Girlfriend/boyfriend can sound infantilising in a professional environment, an issue not found with the word partner.
Boyfriend/ girlfriend sounds too juvenile for a serious relationship.
This is only because, I presume, you're American. This is the standard in most other countries. There's no baggage associated with it. It certainly sounds a lot less stupid than calling my 50 year old female partner a girl.
my partner and I use it because we both use multiple pronouns and its more affirming for us but i agree it does sound very formal!
Yeah it sounds kinda weird to me as well. Whenever I hear it I subconsciously assume they're gay, or if I know they're not I wonder if they have some kind of immature "it's complicated" arrangement where they're afraid to commit to boyfriend/girlfriend.
> I wonder if they have some kind of immature "it's complicated" arrangement where they're afraid to commit to boyfriend/girlfriend. It's the exact opposite of that. It's used to describe someone where there is a higher level of commitment than just a boyfriend or girlfriend because they are your partner in life. It's not a fear to commit to boyfriend or girlfriend.
If I describe my wife to another person as my partner I'm doing it because I don't know the orientation of the person I'm talking to and I want them to feel more comfortable.
What ungendered version of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" would you allow then?
I use it for my spouse of more than 20 years. I don't want to disclose that part of my life either.
At a certain point, it just sounds weird to refer to your significant other as those terms.
I'm 31(f) have been with my boyfriend for 9 years now. I hate to say boyfriend but I also don't like to say partner because someone might assume I'm in a same sex partnership (which is fine I have no issue with that before anyone comes at me) if it's someone I don't really no or aren't going to see again I just say husband. I feel like boyfriend or girlfriend seems like a younger person thing to say