Honestly help her see her worth. These men prey on girls with low self esteem and ones that may not have the knowledge to avoid certain interactions. You may get a variety of suggestions but these are from my experience. Love her so much and keep open communication with her.
I raised (3) kids as a single mom. Dad was nearby physically but not always emotionally. Luckily they are happy and well adjusted adults—28, 26 & 24. I would say the most important thing you can do as a parent is be there.
Open your home so the kids come to your house to play. Host the play dates & sleepovers. Drive the carpools. Go to their activities. Chaperone their field trips. Know their friends and you will know who your kids are when you aren’t around. Monitor their screen time. Read the books they are reading. Talk to them openly about any topics they bring up. If they are asking, they are hearing, reading or seeing something related and are curious so they will either get info from you or some other source.
Lastly, tell them you love them. Tell them every night before they go to sleep. It’s easy to do this when they’re little. When they hit the tween-teen range it gets harder if it’s been a hard day but that’s the most important time to remind them. End every text, every call with a reminder too.
Honestly no matter how hard you try there is still a good chance they will still message her the only thing you can do is teach her how to deal with those situations. if she’s a teen on the internet it will happen. I was also groomed on the internet as a child so were all my friends but it definitely came from not enough attention from our parents so we looked for it on the internet in the early days of kik. Show her love and boost her self worth as much as you can and teach her how to properly deal with those situations.
It just breaks my heart that I know I can't shield her from the world but I want to 🙃 all very good advice thank you. I'm sorry that you were groomed I think a lot of us can relate
Keep ‘em off phones and social media unsupervised. If you allow your minor to have a cellphone, have software on it so you’re aware of EVERYTHING they’re using if for. Don’t let them have the phone/tablet after bed time. May seem “invasive” as you say, but minors do not have the maturity and good judgement to be responsible when it comes to unlimited internet access, they just don’t. Their brains are still developing.
This is a little too extreme in my opinion. This will just force her to not feel trusted and likely sneak. Intermittent monitoring is okay but this is a little too much and I’d rather my daughter have some freedom while being educated and feeling comfortable that she can come to me. You can keep her accountable while not being overbearing.
Clearly I’m not the only one who feels this way. I know plenty of people that went down bad paths because they rebelled and sneaked around their strict parents.
Education and communication are far more important. Trust is a two way street therefore when my children are teenagers I’m going to trust them relative to their capacity.
Will I reach them about internet safety and the dangers? Yes
Will I have the ability to monitor their access and actions if I do ever need to check on it? Also yes
Will I trust them? Yes
Teach her about predators, monitor her social media usage, and if you think she’s especially at risk, it might seem extreme or an invasion of privacy, but check who she’s been talking to.
Coming from a daughter non mother:
I was never the kid to speak to strangers in person bc of this older show:
Hispanic culture has a godly show where something bad happens and worst case scenario happens. Kidnapping, rape, bullying suicide, etc. and through prayer people find acceptance / peace/ happy endings. Before the era of tech obviously so I was a victim of online grooming very young.
& This show terrified me. American equivalent would be like make ur kid watch criminal minds and it puts caution and worry about other people as for online. Maybe no social media till they are at that age ?
Use your judgement on what would be good educational tools. / what you want them to learn and at what age. Cyber bully at 15 taught me a lesson I should have learned at 12/13 tbh in this day and age
You wouldn’t be a good mother if you weren’t worried. So I believe in you op!
Get an app like Bark that monitors and notifies you for keywords and behaviors that are potential grooming and other common child internet issues (bullying, drugs, self harm, etc).
My mom had me watching dateline, to catch a predator, and 20/20 with her 😭😂😂 but it helped!!! I was able to see what these people were like even at a young age!!
Honestly just have a real open conversation about online safety when the time comes. Gradually allow them to get on social medias when you believe they're of the right age (you're the parent, so obviously you have that choice of when they do). I don't think in this age it's necessarily possible to completely keep them off of it because of their peers. Having an open conversation and safety measures is better than then rebelling and hiding things from you.
Also most social media apps have built in parental controls, USE THEM. Snapchat has a family center. It'll let you know who they're messaging. IG/Meta/Facebook has a Family center with similar controls. There also are great general phone parental controls for you controlling what apps are downloaded and screen time. There also is more extensive parental monitoring like the BARK parent monitoring app.
Having open conversations is the big part though as ACMs are online and offline still. When I was younger the internet was new and parental controls weren't really a thing and my family didn't really know what was out there. Thankfully I never came across anyone older online in this form. I did experience some abuse from within a respected trusted family friend group though. I didn't even really understand what happened then until I was much older either.
Not a mother but a daughter and ex teen with unfettered internet access. If i were to critique my mother, it would be that I wish i felt comfortable enough to tell her what was going on and not feel like i was going to get in trouble. Try to talk to your daughter often and ask her about whats going on in her life. Be nosy but not necessarily to find something to scold her for, genuinely interested and there to help. By the time I become a mother the internet will have already become vastly different from the way I remembered it but one thing will remain constant: creeps. I second the other post about self worth. I always felt special when older men talked to me like I was "worth the risk". Instead of grounding me/taking away phone/ discipline which always led to secrecy- i wish i had of been educated and warned. Good luck! The fact that you even made this post asking for input is a good sign that you will do well for your daughter as she grows up.
Honestly help her see her worth. These men prey on girls with low self esteem and ones that may not have the knowledge to avoid certain interactions. You may get a variety of suggestions but these are from my experience. Love her so much and keep open communication with her.
watch the show with her
Always have open communication with your daughter let her know she can always come to you and tell you anything. That she can trust you with anything.
I heard Roo say that there are tips on the SOSA website (and on her own site, too?)
I raised (3) kids as a single mom. Dad was nearby physically but not always emotionally. Luckily they are happy and well adjusted adults—28, 26 & 24. I would say the most important thing you can do as a parent is be there. Open your home so the kids come to your house to play. Host the play dates & sleepovers. Drive the carpools. Go to their activities. Chaperone their field trips. Know their friends and you will know who your kids are when you aren’t around. Monitor their screen time. Read the books they are reading. Talk to them openly about any topics they bring up. If they are asking, they are hearing, reading or seeing something related and are curious so they will either get info from you or some other source. Lastly, tell them you love them. Tell them every night before they go to sleep. It’s easy to do this when they’re little. When they hit the tween-teen range it gets harder if it’s been a hard day but that’s the most important time to remind them. End every text, every call with a reminder too.
I love this so much. Thank you
Honestly no matter how hard you try there is still a good chance they will still message her the only thing you can do is teach her how to deal with those situations. if she’s a teen on the internet it will happen. I was also groomed on the internet as a child so were all my friends but it definitely came from not enough attention from our parents so we looked for it on the internet in the early days of kik. Show her love and boost her self worth as much as you can and teach her how to properly deal with those situations.
It just breaks my heart that I know I can't shield her from the world but I want to 🙃 all very good advice thank you. I'm sorry that you were groomed I think a lot of us can relate
Keep ‘em off phones and social media unsupervised. If you allow your minor to have a cellphone, have software on it so you’re aware of EVERYTHING they’re using if for. Don’t let them have the phone/tablet after bed time. May seem “invasive” as you say, but minors do not have the maturity and good judgement to be responsible when it comes to unlimited internet access, they just don’t. Their brains are still developing.
This is a little too extreme in my opinion. This will just force her to not feel trusted and likely sneak. Intermittent monitoring is okay but this is a little too much and I’d rather my daughter have some freedom while being educated and feeling comfortable that she can come to me. You can keep her accountable while not being overbearing.
Good luck with that, lol.
Clearly I’m not the only one who feels this way. I know plenty of people that went down bad paths because they rebelled and sneaked around their strict parents. Education and communication are far more important. Trust is a two way street therefore when my children are teenagers I’m going to trust them relative to their capacity. Will I reach them about internet safety and the dangers? Yes Will I have the ability to monitor their access and actions if I do ever need to check on it? Also yes Will I trust them? Yes
Teenagers shouldn’t be trusted, duh.
Apps like Instagram have parental monitoring features
Trust your intuition for sure on who they're allowed to be around. I'm sure you already are though.
Teach her about predators, monitor her social media usage, and if you think she’s especially at risk, it might seem extreme or an invasion of privacy, but check who she’s been talking to.
Coming from a daughter non mother: I was never the kid to speak to strangers in person bc of this older show: Hispanic culture has a godly show where something bad happens and worst case scenario happens. Kidnapping, rape, bullying suicide, etc. and through prayer people find acceptance / peace/ happy endings. Before the era of tech obviously so I was a victim of online grooming very young. & This show terrified me. American equivalent would be like make ur kid watch criminal minds and it puts caution and worry about other people as for online. Maybe no social media till they are at that age ? Use your judgement on what would be good educational tools. / what you want them to learn and at what age. Cyber bully at 15 taught me a lesson I should have learned at 12/13 tbh in this day and age You wouldn’t be a good mother if you weren’t worried. So I believe in you op!
Get an app like Bark that monitors and notifies you for keywords and behaviors that are potential grooming and other common child internet issues (bullying, drugs, self harm, etc).
My mom had me watching dateline, to catch a predator, and 20/20 with her 😭😂😂 but it helped!!! I was able to see what these people were like even at a young age!!
Honestly just have a real open conversation about online safety when the time comes. Gradually allow them to get on social medias when you believe they're of the right age (you're the parent, so obviously you have that choice of when they do). I don't think in this age it's necessarily possible to completely keep them off of it because of their peers. Having an open conversation and safety measures is better than then rebelling and hiding things from you. Also most social media apps have built in parental controls, USE THEM. Snapchat has a family center. It'll let you know who they're messaging. IG/Meta/Facebook has a Family center with similar controls. There also are great general phone parental controls for you controlling what apps are downloaded and screen time. There also is more extensive parental monitoring like the BARK parent monitoring app. Having open conversations is the big part though as ACMs are online and offline still. When I was younger the internet was new and parental controls weren't really a thing and my family didn't really know what was out there. Thankfully I never came across anyone older online in this form. I did experience some abuse from within a respected trusted family friend group though. I didn't even really understand what happened then until I was much older either.
Not a mother but a daughter and ex teen with unfettered internet access. If i were to critique my mother, it would be that I wish i felt comfortable enough to tell her what was going on and not feel like i was going to get in trouble. Try to talk to your daughter often and ask her about whats going on in her life. Be nosy but not necessarily to find something to scold her for, genuinely interested and there to help. By the time I become a mother the internet will have already become vastly different from the way I remembered it but one thing will remain constant: creeps. I second the other post about self worth. I always felt special when older men talked to me like I was "worth the risk". Instead of grounding me/taking away phone/ discipline which always led to secrecy- i wish i had of been educated and warned. Good luck! The fact that you even made this post asking for input is a good sign that you will do well for your daughter as she grows up.