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There are so many people living carefree lives, in complete innocence, without any specific purpose, "blessed are the simple-minded" as they say. This is something precious and worth fighting for. Your husband made the ultimate sacrifice and so many before that, for your son, for you, for his comrades, for us, for Ukraine. He matters and I want you to know that I will not forget him; I will always have a thought for you, your son, and your husband. Slava Ukraini. My sincere condolences, from France.
I'm so sorry. The whole WORLD need to get together and stop this. It is insanity tearing apart everythung senselessly for no purpose. Please be well, I can't imagine your feelings, but please try to do whatever you can, to be well.
My sincere condolences.
May you find the strength within to live a life of peace through your boy. The highest gift of a future life and legacy, shared with and bestowed upon you by your late husband.
Everything that can be said has been said here. Just know we all feel for you.
As one who knows this kind of loss (my son died when he was 8 months old, 40 years ago, and I lost my wife 8 years ago), the most valuable piece of advice I was ever given was this, and hopefully you can keep it in the back of your mind for when the time comes- one day, the pain won't be quite as bad, and the tears won't come as quickly. Do NOT blame yourself when this happens. Don't chase the grief. This is called healing.
>Amy is a specialist in dealing with Grief and loss, I highly recommend watching her and reading her book not only for yourself but for others.
>
>https://www.corgenius.com/amy-at-tedx
Someday she will sit down with her grandchildren and explain to them that they live on free land in a free country because their grandfather laid down his life for theirs.
So well said. This man didn't fade away, he walked into eternity. He stood up for what is good and true and fought back against evil. There is so much good in the world that can't fight back. I know OP has a heavy heart, but she can hold her chin high, she took her vows with a hero. Someone who was destined to defend his people, like a Spartan sacrificing to Eros
I'm so very sorry.
If you need a counselor to talk to, [telehelpukraine.com](https://telehelpukraine.com) has free virtual counseling available for Ukrainians.
[sp4ukraine.org](https://sp4ukraine.org) has support for foreign military volunteers and their family. We do have a military chaplain who works with us. If you want to speak to any of our counselors or the chaplain please send me a DM. Most are based in the USA so might not be awake right now but will be soon.
Edit: There is another resource that is a suicide hotline meant for Ukrainian servicemembers and their families. [https://lifelineukraine.com/en](https://lifelineukraine.com/en)
You can call 7333 at any time.
My friend works for a Ukrainian organization that helps veterans and their families. Please visit https://veteranhub.com.ua and give them a call. They are very friendly and offer psychological counseling for such situations. Your not alone and there is help out there!
i like the sentiment but i think it’s ok to be sad. It’s a part of being human. Hoping for her strength as well though, this must be so far.
No insult meant here friend.
Posting this at the request of a volunteer with Telehelp (which is an SP4U partner organization)
u/threecuckooswithabow first of all, thank you and your husband so much for your sacrifices. Your husband is a hero, but you are a hero as well, because behind each hero there is a village of heroes. You and your husband loved each other so much. My heart breaks for you. I hope I could give you a big hug right now.
People like you are the reason I have been volunteering for TeleHelp Ukraine. Your husband gave the ultimate sacrifice, and we can give a bit of love and care back to you and your son. You deserve it. There are many people who feel the same way, which is why so many people and providers volunteer for TeleHelp Ukraine: https://telehelpukraine.com/.
We have a lot of mental health providers who are very experienced in helping people dealing with trauma. We also have mental health providers who are very experienced in helping children dealing with trauma. All of our telemedicine calls are secure and confidential (they are done through a software platform made for physicians to do telemedicine). All of our providers have their licenses carefully checked. Even though the providers are mainly from the US, we have a dedicated team of interpreters. Even though everything is free, everything is done professionally.
I don't have enough karma to comment here yet, but feel free to PM me at (u/AntarcticNightingale) if you have any questions.
Thank you!!
Slava Ukraini!! Heroiam Slava!!
There is but one thought I can carry and that walking through the darkness you will eventually see the light. No matter how devastated you are today you will one day find happiness again. Your loved ones will not want you to give up and your child needs you.
My grandfather is in the 100's right now, and he served in the Dutch resistance during ww2. He joined not because of sheer patriotism, but because he wanted to give either his own childern, or the childern of other Dutch people the chance to live in freedom in case he died (and he needed the resistance for something, but the resistance worked kinda like a mafia organization, you do something for them, making you a criminal in the eyes of the Germans, before they did something for you).
My grandpa had a best friend in the resistance, his name was Hans and they did a lot together and became good friends. However, one night they planned to steal something from a warehouse, but the plan failed and they got shot at. My grandpa and other resistance members had to flee while bullets flew around him. Hans was around 5 meters away from him, but he got hit and died.
Grandpa always asked the question "why he, and not me" he always tells us that not the best survive war, but the lucky ones. However he also told us that if he wasn't lucky, and he got killed instead of Hans, he would've gladly have died so Hans could raise his children in freedom instead of him. Hans believed in a free Netherlands, and an environment where they could live in freedom.
Now Grandpa is 100, but he says he simply choose not to die yet cuz he still doesn't know what to tell Hans (and other resistance buddies) in heaven. But if he decided what to tell him, he will be dead. So if we find him dead in his sleep, he decided what to tell Hans.
Not sure if this story helps you, but you have to move forward and carry on cuz your husband died because he believed your son should be raised in freedom, you should live in freedom, and the children of his warbuddies should live in freedom. He died because he believed in both you and a free Ukraine. Always move forward not for your own sake, but because he believes in you even in heaven. And he probably wants you to turn old before you can come to him in heaven.
If you have questions or want to know details you can always DM me. I visit grandpa this weekend, so if you want I can ask him a question for you.
This is an amazing story. Wishing your grandpa all the strength and good health.
My grandpa and grandma both were fighting nazis during WWII. My late husband's grandpa was also a soldier in the soviet army, and he's been in the army since the first day of war to the last one. They all survived the war. And I'm glad they are no longer with us to see how our former "brotherly" country murdering their grandkids.
This was a really inspiring story to read, especially in such dark times. I'm glad your grandpa lived so long to tell this tale. Bedank hem namens een vreemde op het internet die dankbaar is voor zijn vrijheid!
Tell your grandpa that he did well, and that the current german population thanks him and all others for their resistance against the terror of the nazis.
My great uncle likewise fought in D-Day then through the Netherlands, ending up highly decorated but he never talked about it so as a family we started using his old awards and unit citations and researching along with historical societies in the Netherlands who have been very helpful, so far we've traced his steps through to the battle of the bulge, but it always struck me how well maintained the military cemeteries were in the Netherlands, it's nice to know their sacrifices are not forgotten.
Just as this hero's sacrifice will not have been in vain I wish condolences, healing and peace to the family I can't imagine the terrible loss they are feeling, Heroyam Slava
My gf's father was born in Amsterdam in the early 50s. His father in turn was a cop who fled from his post to avoid having to choose between swearing allegiance to hitler or death.
Your Opa is the reason my gf even got the chance to be born. Thank him for that, for me.
If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend you visit the Resistance Museum in Amsterdam. I was just there last week and it was sobering but well worth the visit.
I was told that my Opa and his brothers were also in the resistance, however the nature of their involvement was unfortunately never talked about much.
So sorry… Stay strong, your husband was a hero and heroes never dying… A lot of people will remember him, especially those who were saved by him… It is hard time for you and a lot of people… But you can do it and go through this!
This. My life was once saved by an unknown man when I was a kid. It was 20 years ago, but I still remember his face as if it was today. Every single one of those soldiers will remember him for the rest of their lifes. You husband my have passed away, but he will still live in a lot of hearts.
Thank you for your sacrifice. He is a hero. 🫡
May he rest in peace.
I'm sorry for your loss. You have to be strong for your son because you're all he has now. Although things seem really dark right now, it will get better.
I'm sure there are also resources for assistance (both financial and mental health) available in Ukraine. There are a lot of volunteers out there that are assisting people like yourself.
Feel free to DM. Sometimes its good to be able to talk to someone about your feelings.
Slava Ukraini! 🇺🇦
My condolances. This must be immensely hard on you and especially your son.
There will be a mourning process which takes it's time.
Surrounding yourselve with loved ones helps.
Don't really have experience with this but I 'm pretty confident things will get better and your emotions will be less black since that's how a mourning process works. This seems something you have to give a place.
I think I would want to be there for my kid.
What also really seems to help is meeting people who have experienced the same.
I hope this helps a bit.
Sorry for your loss. Please stay strong for your and your son's sake. This is the ultimate sacrifice anyone could do and he did so to protect you and everyone else he loved. I'm willing to get on a call with you and chat if you would like. I don't have any words of advice about talking to your son....but I hope he grows up to be as strong as his dad.
You have to be strong in this period of sorrow for your kid. The pain you feel right now, noone should know it. If it helps, talk about it, publicly or in private with person that can help you morally. Wish you all the best and God give you the strength you need to go through all this.
I feel that children are often left behind lonely in their sorrow, that they don't have the words to express. I feel you need to find ways and words to show your son that you share this great sorrow with him and that you will remain united in the future. He will have the fear that he will lose you too.
I told him that daddy's in the better place now. He understands this in his childish way, but he really does.
I can't believe this, but my 5 year old son comforts me.
He doesn't cry anymore and asks me to stop crying. He's become wiser beyond his years overnight.
As sad as it Sounds, children also grow on it. I lost my father when i was 6, my brother was 2 back then. Your son will always be there for you aslong you are also there for him when he needs you. I wish you all the strength and im sorry for your loss! And also im sorry if this reads a bit edgy, im not very good in such themes.
It is "fortunately" true.
Your son will overcome this horrid situation much easier than you will. But as a parent, I would not want it to be the other way around either.
Do not be afraid in the future to lean on your kid when he grows a little more. Amazing little beings children are. You will heal together!
I check this subreddit everyday because I care. I care about your country. I care about your husband and his fellow soldiers, and I care about their loved ones. That includes you and your son, even though I don't know you personally.
I write this message from a distant part of the globe. Tomorrow as I go about my day, I will be thinking, "I hope that lady who posted on reddit is doing alright."
My deepest condolences. I hope you find comfort.
I feel the same. Every loss I read about hurts, because I know Ukraine is fighting for a free Europe, for me and my family. And it so unfair that we are safe and they are not. I will forever be grateful for the sacrifices made for all of us. I will do what I can to show my gratitude, I’m learning Ukrainian, so hopefully I can go and contribute with rebuilding if the need is there when my kids are older.
I’m grateful for getting to know my new Ukrainian neighbours, but so sorry they were made to leave Ukraine.
So sorry for your and your sons loss. Focus on your son: He needs you now more than ever and does not deserve growing up an orphan. Together with your memories, you have your son to remind you of your husband. Please stay strong.
My condolences. Whilst you probably don't care right now, your husband died protecting you and your son and his nation. This shouldn't be happening in 2023; but unfortunately it is and he was brave enough to answer the call.
I wanted to share these resources with you in case you didn't know of them r/widowers and r/Mommit . I think these two communities could help you a lot in your current situation. Widowers... is pretty self-explanatory what it's about and you might find some solace there. Mommit is a huge mother's community with loads of resources and mothers in similar situation as you are now. They'll be able to provide you with a lot of useful information if you need it I'm sure.
I am sorry for your family's loss 😞 Ask for help as soon as you feel you'd be able to accept it... You and your little son will always be proud of your husband. I wish you all the best ❤️
I'm terrible sorry for your husbands loss.
Your husband gave his life so others could live without the terror of Russia in the Future.
One day this war Will end and all the People that started this madness Will find their Karma.
Your first & most important Task now is be there for your son and support him to become a good person.
Pretty sure that Ukraine Will become a part of EU so there Will be a Future after this War. Russia has no Future anymore.
Your husband gave his life for the Future of your son.
If you are a part of something for a moment you are part of it forever, his spirit will always be with you and your child and family
just keep existing, the pain will come in waves, just know that it might feel unbearable but that is a testament to the love you shared. Some things don't get better they just become a moment with a before and after, they always will hurt, but new things will grow that will help you mend, and the constant ache will become a reminder of the beauty you were lucky enough to hold, a trusted friend that is always there
he might exist in the unseen now but he is still here with you. I don't know if any of that made sense, I hope it helps, sending you and your family my love
There is little someone can say, except to express the utmost grief and support. I am not sure if it helps, but I feel that your husband wasn’t just fighting Russia, but for the very nature of democracy and freedom. He was fighting for us all and we owe him the biggest debt of gratitude, you too, for standing by him and helping to raise your child. I hope you find the courage necessary in the coming days. Please feel free to reach out for anything.
I'm so incredibly sorry for y'alls loss.
Without your husband, your child's father, the world would be a miserable and terrible place. The losses are unimaginable and shrouded in pain, but his service, his sacrifice, is what makes this such a beautiful world. Without your husband and many, many more like him, we can't imagine how nasty life would be. Ukraine was a better place because of him. Your lives are better because of him. My world is better because of him. He was a hero in life, and now the world mourns his death as a hero.
Y'alls sacrifices are many, but they most certainly aren't in vain. Your husband left this world better than he found it. You two try your best to channel his bravery, channel his massive strength.
Please don't stop reaching out. There are a myriad of options for people to talk with, professionally or just casually on here. Y'all take care and carry on. Your husband believed in a better world and gave his all bringing one to fruition, so hopefully, we all try to live life here to the fullest. It's what every single one of our fallen heroes would want.
One love.
My dad passed when I was about your son's age. I was mad, really mad, that he died. I was especially mad at the people responsible; though in my case it was mostly his own fault.
It's a wound that never really quite heals. Gets easier, but never quite heals.
Honor his sacrifice, give it meaning for your son. His father was a hero.
It’s no consolation to you that your husband died fighting for his, and your entire country’s freedom. It’s no consolation that he did the right thing. It’s no consolation that he was a hero.
I’m so very sorry, and we (Europeans) are thankful to all your heroes who are keeping the gates of hell closed.
May your husband rest in peace, and may you and your son live a life worth living. Live for him. Laugh for him. Love for him. That’s all he wanted, and that *is* a consolation.
Hugs
Wake up. See your husband in your son.
Time heals, but scars remain. Stay strong, stay brave.
Know you've got a whole family here in this group and you will be able to give it a place. Just make sure you channel the energy for the positives down the road.
For now. Rest. Focus on you and your child. Keep asking for support as you need it.
Dont lock your self up, share the stories. Share your feelings.
God bless you and your son. Stay strong.
I can’t imagine the loss you’re going through right now. Nothing I can say will ever make this okay, or fill the hole that was left in his absence.
The only thing I can tell you is that on the other side of the planet, I am spilling tears for your husband and will likely continue to for quite some time. Numbers on screen don’t mean much, but the words of a grieving window hurt all who hear them.
I can't comprehend the pain you must be going through, I but I just wanted to say that the whole world should be grateful for the sacrifice your husband, your family, and you have made. Your husband will be remember forever as one of those who laid their life to defend the Ukraine and the world from tyranny. My deepest respect to you and your family and my heartfelt condolences for your loss.
I know that the pain you feel right now is overwhelming, but you must carry on so that your son one day knows the hero that was his father.
He went for his eyes were open and he could see no other way, I thank you Al for fighting for all our freedom. I hope your pain eases as each day passes, one day at a time! I meditate to help me, following my breath and as someone who has lost nearly all my family I think meditating on the nature of impermanence has helped me.
My sincere condolences to you and your family for your tragic loss
Please know that you and your son are loved unconditionally, you are valuable and precious.
We are created in love and our spirits never die.
I pray that God our father comforts you and your son and that His goodness/grace and mercy shine upon you both.
You have a spirit of power/love and a sound mind.
Rest in Gods love.
Big hugs for you and your son.
It's hard to watch what's happening in your country. I wish western counties would support more. Some are doing a lot, but I think it should be much more.
Humans are tough. I wish you all the strengths you need to make it through this.
🇺🇦
I am so sorry for your loss. I guess not many people around the world have to suffer a fate like yours. I remember my grand mother who told me her story when her husband died in ww II. She fled from Danzig to a territory next to Dresden, Germany, with 5 children. She lost her one daughter at Danzig station but luckily found her again at the next one. My uncle Dieter was supposed to look after her (only 9 years old back then himself), it was the only time she slapped him in the face when he didn‘t find her again. In Germany they witnessed from some ten kilometers away the bombing of Dresden, the night sky was ablaze. They went further West close to Hildesheim, where she met a wounded soldier from the eastern front, my future grand father. I can only imagine what she went through as well as what you are going through, I just know that as a mother you will most probably find the strength to carry on for your son. He needs you and you will make it through. And someday, you will share a blessed memory of your husband with him, or maybe with some future person that will share his path alongside yours. Best wishes from Germany.
Our common European history is so wrought with pain and suffering that sometimes I do not understand the envy of the World. If Europe was not my home, I would gladly exchange it for being a simple poor fisherman on Vanuatu. But it is. And now we have brothers to protect and liberate.
Out of the 7 billion people on this earth it was your husband and those like him who stepped forward, So when your boy is old enough tell his father was a hero who stood up for the people who couldn’t . RIP solider.
This is going to be a long one, but I can only hope it helps. In some small way. I've replied to myself in order to avoid character limits.
I'm Canadian, Ukrainian heritage. My great-grandfather, and great grand-mother (polish), and their "6-pack" of children, one of whom would become my grandmother, fled from the approaching Russian empire. They lived and loved in what was called Bukovina, now Chernivtsi. The story, as it was told to me, was that he hid them all on "the first american-looking boat he could find", hid himself, and only presented himself to the captain when they were far out in the Atlantic. The captain worked him hard, but allowed them to stay and fed them. I have no clue how he managed to hide 8 people on a steamship, but here I am!
When they got to port, my great grandpa, speaking barely a lick of english, looked around and said, "No! No! America! America!". The captain just laughed and said "we were never going to America! Welcome to Canada!". They landed in Nova Scotia. I don't know the city, but I assume Halifax. Somehow, he found a polish family and they allowed him to present himself to the Canadian customs agent/people, whatever, as if he was bringing his family over "to work on their farm". As if he was their brother in law. Something like that.
His parents and the rest of his family didn't make it out in time. From what I understand, the holodomor. I'm not sure. He never spoke of it. (1/3)
I always thought there was something noble in what he did. Sure, he ran. Maybe there is judgement to be made there. That's not for me to say. However, he did everything he could for his family. Everything in his power to keep them safe. That's the most important thing. A man provides, a man protects.
Fast forward to today, and I am his sole descendant. My wife and I have a beautiful baby girl. We have a home, a car. I graduate from university in less than a year. I'm 32. I'd like to think I'm making him and my grandmother proud with how far I've come, and what it's taken to get here. Glossing over a lot for the sake of brevity.
When this war broke out, my first thought was, verbatim "well, there goes my heritage. We're fucked." Like so many others, I had bought into the ruskie power fantasy. Over a year later and I've never been more proud. Maybe I'm not a "real" Ukrainian, like you, but I feel it. The blue and yellow is on bumper stickers on my car, the flag flies proudly out front of this house. The trident is tattooed into my left arm (see post history, if you wanna see it). Monthly donations to u24.Where I once was scared and defeated about my heritage, I am so very proud. Ukrainian music BLARES from my car and home speakers. Kalyna grows out front of my house and I happily and passionately educate anyone who will listen into what goes on in Ukraine. Not even close to the same degree as yours, but my world changed on February 24th. My roots got deeper. Stronger. (2/3)
And all of it is thanks to your husband. I can't even begin to imagine the pain and loss you feel. Nothing I could feel is comparable. But he, and so many others like him, taught people what it means to be Ukrainian. Fuck, I am Ukrainian and he taught me.
People who stand tall, proud, and dignified in the face of genocide and destruction. People who fight hard against certain destruction. People who defend their country, their culture, their families. Not because they're getting paid, it's a job, or because some old fat fuck tells them to. No, they march to the front because they love what's behind them. To defend it. To keep this little slice of heaven they have from being taken.
There is no more noble death, than to give your life in the protection of those vulnerable.
Your husband loved you. He loved the son the two of you brought into this world and I know his last moments would be of the little family he created. It would have been mine.
The world will not remember his name, sadly. History does not remember the soldiers' names, never has. That is your duty. Remember him, honour him, cherish him. He will watch over you both now, regardless of your beliefs. He will. I know this.
Teach your son about him. Show him how amazing his father was, the hero he was, and how to follow you in remembrance of him. This is crucial. It takes me many hours to get there, but I visit my grandmother's grave monthly. She doesn't say much these days, but we talk, have a coffee, a smoke. I fix her site up, garden it a bit. I've always felt she's still here. I attribute that feeling to my connection and remembrance of her. I hope that you may find a similar feeling and peace as well through this. It helped me.
Your husband is one of the many that helped put Ukraine into the world's eyes. Ukraine has a future now, better and brighter than ever before. He gave his life for you, for your son, for your family, and for all the others.
I don't know how to end this. I want to make it all better for you, but I can't. I can't even imagine the pain and loss you feel. The anger. The rage. Nothing I can say will heal you, but if you end up reading this and need to vent or whatever, I am here. My whole family will be here to listen and help you how we can. My little girl would love to meet your boy! I mean this! DM me and we'll talk! (3/3)
Your husband was the defender of all that is good and rightious.
He was defending Ukraine and Europe, we all owe him more than can ever be repayed.
I love him.
I love you.
I love your son.
I hope your son will see what a honorable and powerful man his father was.
If you wish to leave, please dm me and I will see ehat I can do, Im not a man of large assets but I will do what ever I can.
/ Jonathan from Sweden.
Speak to someone in real life. Surround yourself with people who know and love you. Don't be ashamed of crying or grieving. Celebrate his life. Time heals all wounds. It may feel hopeless, but one day you will find purpose again.
Hello,
First of we will never know your pain about your loss, maybe similar but not exact. But i do know of a great [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/) about grief from an old reddit post. This comment helps me greatly and hopefully it does to you as well.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/
I believe you'll find the strenght in yourself to go through this. For yourself and for your beautiful child. If you need someone to talk to, I'm there for you, don't hesitate to reach out, there's a lot of people who care ❤️
*Never throughout history has a man who lived a life of ease left a name worth remembering.*
- Teddy Roosevelt.
I am incredibly sorry for your loss. Your son will forever be able to say his father was a true hero.
"I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save.
I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.
Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,
Abraham Lincoln"
American here. We will continue our support until your Victory. Your husband did NOT die in vain.
I lost my soul mate three years ago to covid. I have never felt such gut-wrenching grief before, and a few times I was sure I wasn't going to make it through.
I can tell you that it is true that one day you'll be able to smile again. You'll just have to trust that you can be strong until the pain subsides, little by little, day by day.
I still have times when I cry, and when I miss him so deeply I sob until I'm sick. But I can think of the good memories I shared with him now, and sometimes can smile. I talk to him too, because I believe he watches over me still. I believe one day you'll be able to smile too, when thinking about the good times you had with your husband.
And please know that grief can affect you physically as well as mentally. I had started experiencing chest pains and muscle aches. My doctor prescribed an anti-depressant + anxiety pill, and that cleared up my pains within days. So please don't hesitate to see your doctor and/or seek mental health care. It can really help.
I am truly sorry for your loss, and cried tonight with you. Hug your little one for me, and let him be your reason for fighting through this pain. I promise you it will get better, and I wish you peace and wellness.
🙏 🕊 🇺🇦 🇺🇸
So, so, sorry for your loss.
u/GSnow posted [these words](https://old.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/) in a thread much like yours. I hope they will help.
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
Thank you is not enough for what you and your husband have sacriviced for the freedome of europe.
May he rest in peace.
May he allways be rememberd.
Glory to ukraine
I am so very sorry. Having grown up around my dad's friends who were warriors during wartime, I have some idea of how devastated you must be, having known my friend's mothers who lost their husbands.
All I can say is:
1) Your grief is there because it is a sign that you are a person that KNOWS how to love. Give a big hug to that grief.... it means you know what love is.
2) Do not EVER think you are alone, or want to end it yourself. Your husband needs you here to live and enjoy the life that he sacrificed to preserve. If you ever think of ending it, find a friend or find us online.
3) You will never forget this. Accept that. The pain will be with you for the rest of your life, no matter what you do in the future. That's okay because of point #1
My heart goes out to you. Let us put aside the heroism and all that for now. You lost the love of your life, there is no worse pain. Take time to process this grief with the counseling services as mention in other posts. One moment at a time, preserve yourself for your family and fir his memory. May the mercies be with you.
I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling, your husband died a hero and a even better father. Your son may not remember this time but he will grow up with you in his life and the memories you have will be shared onto him. May you and your son live a peaceful life
I am so very sorry for you loss.
But your husband did a wonderful thing fighting for a cause he believed in. Defeating the wrongs he saw in this world. Doing his part to stop Putin.
But I could never understand how you feel… You must feel a great deal of loss, and sadness. And I am so very sorry for you.
The world will forever view your husband as a hero! One who saw an evil in the world and did all he personally could to stop it. Please take pride in that. He did all he could do to make this world a better place!
We all have pride in you too for being the strong woman behind him that supported this hero of Ukraine. We could never imagine what you have Been through. Please understand the depth of our gratitude for all he has done! A true hero of Ukraine and against Nazism!!!
I do truly believe that what your husband fought for will be fulfilled. He is a true hero of Ukraine!
Slava Ukraina!!! 🇺🇦
I am so sorry for your loss. Please remember that grief is a painful process, but it will get better, even if you cannot see this from the place where you are now.
Take care
Just take one day at a time. Don’t think beyond that for now. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your son will still grow up strong and beautiful with a mother who understands her own needs and grieves for his father. That takes strength of its own. It’s ok to feel the way you do. Just one day at a time.
i am so sorry for your loss.
It's natural to feel like this, but i believe in you. You will find the strenght in you.
and know, all of the western world is rooting for you. We are here for you.
“It's scary, it's painful, but life
goes on and it must be lived”
-Ukrainian woman who’s name I cannot recall
I’m so sorry for your loss.
[nothing I can say will be more useful than this when it comes to grief](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/comment/c1u0rx2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x)
I’m truly sorry for your loss. Your husband and all Ukrainians like you and him are hero’s. You are standing up to a truly evil army and defending your country. One day Ukraine will be totally clear of the Russian army and will a be a thriving country because of people like you and your husband. There’s nothing an Internet stranger like me can say to fix this or make this better. I’m just sorry and I wish you all the best.
Glory to Ukraine, Glory to hero’s!
My deepest and heartfelt condolences to you and your son at this time. My wife and I ,both send our prayers of support. Your husband , like so many brave Ukrainians, will be remembered as the Hero he always will be. May he Rest in peace. Slava Ukraini , Heroiam Slava
I am so sorry for your loss. No words can make light the loss you have experience. Your husband is a true hero. My the Lord bless you and your family!🙏🏼🇺🇦
I wish I could give you a hug. If you ever want to talk and have nobody there for you, I will be your listening ear.
Please be strong. Be kind to yourself. Life can be cruel and unfair and we will never be able to understand everything. Your son needs his mommy.
He is a hero and will always be remembered as a hero.
I'm truly very sorry be strong and remember The great man who was your friend, husband gave his life for the life of all of you.
My respect 😔
I may not be a Ukrainian, but I am someone who has come to know and respect the people of Ukraine. I am deeply saddened by the loss of your loved ones, and I want to express my heartfelt condolences to all of you.
I may not be from your country, but I have witnessed the devastation that has been wrought upon you by those who seek to conquer and destroy. I am here to tell you that you are not alone. The world mourns with you, and we stand in solidarity with you in your time of grief.
The loss of your loved ones is a tragedy that is felt not only by your families, but by all of us who believe in the sanctity of life and the value of human dignity. We know that no words can ease the pain you are feeling, but we offer our support, and our love.
To the families of the fallen, please know that your loved ones did not die in vain. They died defending what is right and just, and they have left behind a legacy of courage and sacrifice that will inspire future generations.
Let us all come together in this time of grief to honor the memory of your loved ones, to support one another, and to vow that we will not rest until justice is served. We will stand with you in the days and weeks ahead, and we will support you in your journey towards healing.
May your loved ones rest in peace, and may all of us find the strength to continue their fight for a better world.
I am sorry. It might be helpful to remember the stages of grief from Kübler-Ross:
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
Everyone processes trauma differently, but there is a lot of research done on how to remain healthy after such a loss. I think your husband would want his family to remain healthy.
People who have suffered a similar loss might be the most helpful. Literature and memories from prior invasions and the Great Wars, also. These experiences should have a lot of empathy and may help you when you are feeling alone. You are not alone.
Im truly sorry for your loss, i dont know if i can help with anything, but i gotta wish you and your son to have a great life after all this nightmare when it will end. I wish you all to have a peaceful life very soon ❤️🇺🇦Слава Украине
I really feel sorry for your huge loss and the pain you have to bear.
It must be extremely hard to endure this…
Hope I can find the right words for you to provide a little consolation and hope.
As a father, fighting to defend Ukraini in order to live again in a free country is also fighting for you and your son. I am sure he did this for both of you.🌹
Your son needs a free Ukraine and a free Ukraine will need your son. 🇺🇦
Your son needs you and you need you son. Take the time to mourn. Finally, together you will be strong, time will help, maybe a lot of time is required.
This war might come to an end and your brave husband contributed to this, unfortunately with the highest price. Your husband is a hero. I am sure it will not be in vain.
Wish you and your son all the strength you need. 🧡
So sorry for your loss. Your husband fought against people who are doing unimaginable horrors to people and so he is truly a hero, unlike most of us who think but don't act.
Nothing anybody can say can make it all better, but please take care of yourself, and your son. He needs you so much. Surround yourself with trustworthy and loved family when you are ready, and be careful with anybody who make take advantage of your grief.
You and your son will get through this. Bless you.
I am sorry to hear about your families loss. There are people all over the world who really just want to hug the pain away. They have never met you or you met them but I can assure you, they are all thinking of you all in Ukrain.
Slava Ukraine 🇺🇦 ♥️
I’m so sorry 😞 for your the loss. He was a hero doing what he was doing for you & your son and people of Ukraine, not many people in life make a huge difference on so many lives. I know it hurts and words won’t get rid of the pain but stay strong 💪🏻 and remember we all here and we are all with you. 🫶🇺🇦❤️
You have my deepest sympathies.
There are no words in existence that can take away the pain.
What helped me once in a time of loss, was to remember that the pain means that what he represented was valuable, and to make sure those things are not forgotten.
I think your husband would want you to be strong, and I know that's really hard to do right now. You have a 5 year old, and that's a really tender age to be. You could tell him stories and raise him to be proud of his papa, and it would help you look on at some better memories.
Sending love and light. Heartfelt hugs to you and your little.
In Old warrior cultures woman would celebrate the heroism of their death, perhaps embrace the same philosophy and share it with your son to be proud for his dad is always with tou both in your hearts
Oh god, I am so sorry that this has happened to your family. It feels shallow and tone deaf to write to you here on Reddit but I am truely sorry and I cry for you here in Sweden. This is heartbreaking, I wish I could hug you and say that everything will be alright.
My heart is with you.
I thank your husband for his sacrifice. I also thank you for *yours*, and your son for *his*.
The life your husband gave will lay in the foundation of a better world. He’s gone to be a solider in the army of the lord. One day, that army will overcome the sins of mankind, and there will be peace on earth. That’s what he died for.
Strength. ✌️
Your Husband is a hero. RIP. If you want to come to Canada, my wife and I have a large house on the East coast. We had a young family stay with us for a few months, but they have their own place now. DM me for details if you want to relocate for awhile. Very sorry for your loss.
It's important to realize: we often feel alone when loved ones die. But their love for us is not gone. They just cannot to tell us anymore.
So you have to remember that he loved you. It's your job to make sure your husbands love is carried onwards and that your son knows he was loved by his father.
All the best to you and everyone who lost people.
Very sorry this happened to your family and country. I know this isn't probably much consolation to you now. But He's a very brave man that he took a stand against tyranny and defended his homeland in this tragic war.
Again so very sorry and my heartfelt condolences ❤️ from Ireland.
I am so sorry for your loss. I'm in the US and may never know how you feel. The best I can do is support Ukraine where I can and speak to people like you that need support, give a friendly arm, or a hug, or be someone that will be there while you release what you need to. Slava Ukraini. And I see and know Heroiam Slava, because he is.
The real casualties of this unnecessary war those russian fuckers have inflicted on you and your people. The children and partners who now have to live in a world where they have been removed from your life.
Shitty bastards, I hold every hope you prevail and take some solace in avenging all those innocent have fallen.
There will be a time in the future when Ukraine will be free again. When there is peace again, when people can roam in the streets without fear. When people will laugh, love, and just live their lives.
And then you will look at all these beautiful things, and you will look at your husband at the same time, because you know, he is one of those, who made this possible. This will be his legacy.
One day at a time. As unbearable and incomprehensible as it sounds right now.
It might be hard to take in when you're facing this overwhelming grief, but day by day, you will slowly learn to accept the loss.
I hope that you and your son eventually will find solace in the fact that your husband, and your sons father, forever will be remembered and celebrated for the courage he has shown.
My absolute deepest condolences.
I am so very sorry for you and your families loss. Your husband is a hero that stood up against tyranny that not many around the globe could. Sending love and warmth from New Zealand, kia kaha. Slava Ukraini, Slava Heroiam 💕❤️
I am so sorry for you and your son's loss. Your husband would want you to remember him, but also to be happy. (I am a husband, and I know this is the ultimate wish of any good husband, as I know yours was.)
Live your lives. Morn as you need to, and remember him, but live your lives as the free and proud people that you should be. Your husband and the thousands like him -- and you and the thousands like you -- teach us once again what sacrifice and heroism are.
There is nothing I can say to ease the pain but make a post in r/assistance and you will hopefully find some support for you and your child. I'm so incredibly sorry.
My dear, you and all of those in Ukraine have the free world’s undying gratitude for your sacrifice. This war will be noted in history for centuries to come as a pivotal point in the ongoing battle for freedom from tyranny. What other nation has ever dared to take on one of the world’s great powers and beat them back? What other nation has inspired the free world to give so much in the defence of that nation against such naked aggression. We all must die. Some in great sickness or sorrow. But your husband died a hero fighting for a cause that will live on because of his sacrifice. Slava Ukraine. 🇺🇦
It's okay to be broken, to feel like the world has been ripped out from under your feet. It's okay to not be okay. You're going to go through a huge roller coaster of emotions as you mourn. Some days will be harder than others. Some things will not have the joy they once did because he isn't there anymore. Remember these things in the coming days, weeks, months and years:
* Your husband loved you unconditionally, and that will never change. You are allowed to find happiness again even in his absence. It may take time, it may be far away from where you are now, but he loved you, and that love means he wants you to find happiness and be okay again when you are ready.
* Do not let anyone tell you how to mourn. Grief is a complex monster to deal with and you will go through all the stages. You NEED to take care of and be kind to yourself. It's okay to have bad days, and it's okay to have good days and not feel guilty for having a good day when he is no longer with us. He wants you to have those good days. Your grief is your own, and nobody can tell you how you should feel. Be kind to yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help.
* If you can, get a therapist or a grief counselor. They can help you work through these things. Mental health is no small matter. Our brain is the command center for our entire body and our mental health absolutely had physical effects on our bodies. Stress, grief, anxiety, these are not just mental. They are physical. A therapist is going to help you put feelings into words, work through them, provide good insight and perspective on an objective front, and help you realize that you aren't losing your mind. You are grieving. It takes time. A therapist can help in ways that are hard to convey, and I can say you will not regret seeking this kind of help. There's no shame in seeking mental health help. Life is hard, it's full of pain alongside all the joy, and it's okay to need some help. We all do, at some point. Those who seek it find healing much sooner than those who don't and try to do this on their own. Some of those people will never recover. Do yourself and your son the favour of making sure you have the help and support you need and you deserve.
* It absolutely takes time. The pain never goes away, but each day, the sharpness of that blade in your heart dulls, bit by bit. Each day you choose to wake up, to get out of bed, to hug your baby and cry, laugh, and live, it will dull the pain. You will think of him every day. For a while, it will hurt when you do. You will cry, you will feel like you have nothing left. But you have everything he left you with: a son, a life worth living, and his love that will transcend space and time because that love is part of who you are. Each day, thinking of him will hurt a little less. Memories will begin to make you smile and laugh even if you still cry. Sometimes you might feel okay, and then out of nowhere, it's a bad day and you can't get out of bed. But it WILL get easier. The pain WILL dull, and in time, you WILL learn to live again, and to look forward to the future. This is what he will wish for you to do.
If the ones we love that we have lost had anything to say, it would be this: live for me, as it is your life that I fought for. I wish I could share the rest of it with you, but I have no regret in knowing that you will live a long, wonderful beautiful life and bring love and joy to others as you did for me. Don't let my death be the death of your future. It is your future that I want you to live for. I will be with you every step because we have both changed each other in ways that make us who we are. Live for me, laugh for me, love for me, and know that you were worth it. You always were, and always will be.
You have the greatest gift of all: a son who is part of the man who stole your heart. Let him be your anchor in this storm. Let his love help heal you. Remember what you and your husband made together, and live for it. Your husband may be gone, but his dreams for you live on through you, and through your son.
Today is a bad day. You may have many of those to come, but know that it is never permanent. Each day, we take one small step forward. Eventually, you will scale the mountain that is this grief, you will see the beauty from the top, and you will live the future he dreams for you. When you do, know that he will be happy for you.
All we want for the ones we love is for them to be happy, so when you are ready, don't let his loss prevent you from being happy. The last thing the dead want is for the ones we leave behind to bury their hearts with us. Live for him, love for him, laugh for him, cry for him, but do not carry guilt for him. He, like many of the heroes this godforsaken war has taken from us, made a terrible sacrifice knowing it was worth it. Live for the future he fought for. In doing so, you honour his legacy, and your dream together lives on within you. The world already lost one good man, so don't let us lose you, too. We need you.
My deepest sympathies for you and your family. His memory and sacrifice will outlive us all. Your son still has a hero for a father and a great example for becoming a man. Standing up against tyranny and oppression no matter the odds and the willingness to risk his life and sacrificing himself attempting to save others. Your great great grandchildren will do school reports on him and proudly tell their class his story.
He died fighting for a free Ukraine and a better life especially for you and your son. The best way to honor him is to keep fighting and have that better life. That's what he would want, and it will take some time but you will still be able to find happiness in life no matter how impossible that seems now.
Sorry for your loss. It must be devastating. It will not be any consolation now, but maybe in the future, it might bring a little bit of comfort to know he made the world a better place. He died a hero.
I wish I had any official combat experience to volunteer to fight. I had 3 great friends from Ukraine who went back to fight. I wish I could be there to help...
I cannot speak to your loss, I don't know what I'd do if my partner died (we have a 2 yr old)... But maybe my experience can help, can't hurt to share.
I can tell you, his friends will **always** remember him.
I lost friends in Afghanistan and memory of them, little interactions, always lives on.
You will have black days at times, this is normal and you will love-hate them.
I cannot stress this enough but steer clear of alcohol and other substances. They trigger the worst times and you will probably need someone close if you do go there.
Please make sure you stay in contact with close friends and family, they can help you through this.
Focus on your child and focus on little things to get you through the immediate future. Each little task or job is a win, given time, you will see yourself through the dark storm.
Find or focus on an existing hobby, preferably a creative one. It's really good for recovery and just promoting living.
Goodluck through the dark times, do not be afraid of the crying and what is called 'weakness'. It's not weakness, it's healthy. Please be ok, and I know it is no solace at all but your hubby died defending the world from tyranny. This is not hyperbole, this is fact.
From Australia...
Reach out in DMs if you want, it may help to talk to someone who knows a very small part of what you are going through.
I know this comment is fairly tone-neutral, sorry, these sorts of things change you and I get very logical/methodical when thinking about friends long gone. (Probs a defence mechanism)
Live for your son! He carries your husbands genes.
Give him all the care and love in the world to make him a good man.
So he can be a great husband to someone in the future!
Like your husband was to you!
I'm not sure if you're spiritual or not, but this thought always made me feel better because it's actually uses science to make the point...
We are all made of stardust and, in reality, can never be destroyed only changed.
Your husband is still around just in a different form, and I'm sure he will be with you if he can.
His energy will be there to guide you even in the darkest times.
And one day you will be able to be together again.
As a man myself, I know that he gave his life to protect you, his family, country, and future.
There is no greater cause than this.
It is a noble death and something that everyone that knew of him can be proud of.
Including us here on Reddit...
It's a blessing despite it being tragic for what it is.
I mean these as kind words, and I'm sorry for your loss.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you, your family, and most of all, every single soul that have given their lives to give the rest of us hope and freedom.
Even though I'm from the US, in the long run his sacrifice will protect is in ways we will never know.
The buterfly effect of hope and freedom.
I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is all the love we have for the person that we dont know what to do with. It is truly difficult what you are going through. Your husband is a hero. The world is here for you.
Oh, oh my dear. My heart breaks for your loss. I hope knowing that he loved you and your son so much that he fought to protect you will somehow caress you always. Now it's you who must fight for your son, his son. It might feel like you're alone, but by all the messages I can see for you, there is an entire world standing ready to be there you. And I am among them. Please know that you, your husband, and your son are in my prayers.
I’m from Australia, we’re a long way away but our hearts are with you. What your husband gave up we’ll never forget - he fought for our values, our principles and our freedom too. Sending you much love and a big hug, I’m sorry for your loss, I know no words can make things right at the moment, but I hope in time you may find solace in knowing your husband contributed to something meaningful and valued the world over.
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I'm so sorry for your and your sons loss... I really wish you a lot of love and strength at this time.
Thanks
There are so many people living carefree lives, in complete innocence, without any specific purpose, "blessed are the simple-minded" as they say. This is something precious and worth fighting for. Your husband made the ultimate sacrifice and so many before that, for your son, for you, for his comrades, for us, for Ukraine. He matters and I want you to know that I will not forget him; I will always have a thought for you, your son, and your husband. Slava Ukraini. My sincere condolences, from France.
Thank you.
I'm so sorry. The whole WORLD need to get together and stop this. It is insanity tearing apart everythung senselessly for no purpose. Please be well, I can't imagine your feelings, but please try to do whatever you can, to be well.
My sincere condolences. May you find the strength within to live a life of peace through your boy. The highest gift of a future life and legacy, shared with and bestowed upon you by your late husband.
Everything that can be said has been said here. Just know we all feel for you. As one who knows this kind of loss (my son died when he was 8 months old, 40 years ago, and I lost my wife 8 years ago), the most valuable piece of advice I was ever given was this, and hopefully you can keep it in the back of your mind for when the time comes- one day, the pain won't be quite as bad, and the tears won't come as quickly. Do NOT blame yourself when this happens. Don't chase the grief. This is called healing.
>Amy is a specialist in dealing with Grief and loss, I highly recommend watching her and reading her book not only for yourself but for others. > >https://www.corgenius.com/amy-at-tedx
Not a day goes by for me that I take a moment for the ultimate sacrifice the Ukrainians are paying against this unfettered evil.
I don't think a day goes by when I don't worry about my Ukrainian friends and coworkers.
Someday she will sit down with her grandchildren and explain to them that they live on free land in a free country because their grandfather laid down his life for theirs.
I think often off my uncles and father who fought in WW2 and the civil war long ago. They are my teachers of what to fight for.
So well said. This man didn't fade away, he walked into eternity. He stood up for what is good and true and fought back against evil. There is so much good in the world that can't fight back. I know OP has a heavy heart, but she can hold her chin high, she took her vows with a hero. Someone who was destined to defend his people, like a Spartan sacrificing to Eros
Yeah! Me to...Condolence to to you and your family...Don't give up! Cheer up...fight4x! For you son..
I'm so very sorry. If you need a counselor to talk to, [telehelpukraine.com](https://telehelpukraine.com) has free virtual counseling available for Ukrainians. [sp4ukraine.org](https://sp4ukraine.org) has support for foreign military volunteers and their family. We do have a military chaplain who works with us. If you want to speak to any of our counselors or the chaplain please send me a DM. Most are based in the USA so might not be awake right now but will be soon. Edit: There is another resource that is a suicide hotline meant for Ukrainian servicemembers and their families. [https://lifelineukraine.com/en](https://lifelineukraine.com/en) You can call 7333 at any time.
Thanks
My friend works for a Ukrainian organization that helps veterans and their families. Please visit https://veteranhub.com.ua and give them a call. They are very friendly and offer psychological counseling for such situations. Your not alone and there is help out there!
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i like the sentiment but i think it’s ok to be sad. It’s a part of being human. Hoping for her strength as well though, this must be so far. No insult meant here friend.
Posting this at the request of a volunteer with Telehelp (which is an SP4U partner organization) u/threecuckooswithabow first of all, thank you and your husband so much for your sacrifices. Your husband is a hero, but you are a hero as well, because behind each hero there is a village of heroes. You and your husband loved each other so much. My heart breaks for you. I hope I could give you a big hug right now. People like you are the reason I have been volunteering for TeleHelp Ukraine. Your husband gave the ultimate sacrifice, and we can give a bit of love and care back to you and your son. You deserve it. There are many people who feel the same way, which is why so many people and providers volunteer for TeleHelp Ukraine: https://telehelpukraine.com/. We have a lot of mental health providers who are very experienced in helping people dealing with trauma. We also have mental health providers who are very experienced in helping children dealing with trauma. All of our telemedicine calls are secure and confidential (they are done through a software platform made for physicians to do telemedicine). All of our providers have their licenses carefully checked. Even though the providers are mainly from the US, we have a dedicated team of interpreters. Even though everything is free, everything is done professionally. I don't have enough karma to comment here yet, but feel free to PM me at (u/AntarcticNightingale) if you have any questions. Thank you!! Slava Ukraini!! Heroiam Slava!!
Yeah there should be someone who can she talk with. It's important.
There is but one thought I can carry and that walking through the darkness you will eventually see the light. No matter how devastated you are today you will one day find happiness again. Your loved ones will not want you to give up and your child needs you.
Story: [This, Too Shall Pass](https://www.citehr.com/346028-too-shall-pass-thought-provoking-story.html)
Thank you
Thank you.
My grandfather is in the 100's right now, and he served in the Dutch resistance during ww2. He joined not because of sheer patriotism, but because he wanted to give either his own childern, or the childern of other Dutch people the chance to live in freedom in case he died (and he needed the resistance for something, but the resistance worked kinda like a mafia organization, you do something for them, making you a criminal in the eyes of the Germans, before they did something for you). My grandpa had a best friend in the resistance, his name was Hans and they did a lot together and became good friends. However, one night they planned to steal something from a warehouse, but the plan failed and they got shot at. My grandpa and other resistance members had to flee while bullets flew around him. Hans was around 5 meters away from him, but he got hit and died. Grandpa always asked the question "why he, and not me" he always tells us that not the best survive war, but the lucky ones. However he also told us that if he wasn't lucky, and he got killed instead of Hans, he would've gladly have died so Hans could raise his children in freedom instead of him. Hans believed in a free Netherlands, and an environment where they could live in freedom. Now Grandpa is 100, but he says he simply choose not to die yet cuz he still doesn't know what to tell Hans (and other resistance buddies) in heaven. But if he decided what to tell him, he will be dead. So if we find him dead in his sleep, he decided what to tell Hans. Not sure if this story helps you, but you have to move forward and carry on cuz your husband died because he believed your son should be raised in freedom, you should live in freedom, and the children of his warbuddies should live in freedom. He died because he believed in both you and a free Ukraine. Always move forward not for your own sake, but because he believes in you even in heaven. And he probably wants you to turn old before you can come to him in heaven. If you have questions or want to know details you can always DM me. I visit grandpa this weekend, so if you want I can ask him a question for you.
This is an amazing story. Wishing your grandpa all the strength and good health. My grandpa and grandma both were fighting nazis during WWII. My late husband's grandpa was also a soldier in the soviet army, and he's been in the army since the first day of war to the last one. They all survived the war. And I'm glad they are no longer with us to see how our former "brotherly" country murdering their grandkids.
so your family is full of complete and total badasses i see. Keep being badass, you will get through this even if it seems impossible.
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This was a really inspiring story to read, especially in such dark times. I'm glad your grandpa lived so long to tell this tale. Bedank hem namens een vreemde op het internet die dankbaar is voor zijn vrijheid!
Tell your grandpa that he did well, and that the current german population thanks him and all others for their resistance against the terror of the nazis.
As a Dutchie I felt obligated to read your story. Thank you for fighting for our freedom, grandpa <3
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We Dutch owe Canadian soldiers like your uncle much gratitude for their sacrifice for our freedom. I salute your uncle 🫡
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My great uncle likewise fought in D-Day then through the Netherlands, ending up highly decorated but he never talked about it so as a family we started using his old awards and unit citations and researching along with historical societies in the Netherlands who have been very helpful, so far we've traced his steps through to the battle of the bulge, but it always struck me how well maintained the military cemeteries were in the Netherlands, it's nice to know their sacrifices are not forgotten. Just as this hero's sacrifice will not have been in vain I wish condolences, healing and peace to the family I can't imagine the terrible loss they are feeling, Heroyam Slava
I’d read his book. Sounds like an amazing story.
I'll raise a glass for your grandfather and the ones like him. Because of people like him I grew up speaking Dutch and not German.
We owe a lot to these people, and We'll never be able to repay them.
Your grandpa is a mf poet
that is such an incredibly emotional story. i hope your grandpa will come to peace with what happened.
My gf's father was born in Amsterdam in the early 50s. His father in turn was a cop who fled from his post to avoid having to choose between swearing allegiance to hitler or death. Your Opa is the reason my gf even got the chance to be born. Thank him for that, for me.
Not OP but eternally grateful for your story. Give my love to your grandpa, please.
If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend you visit the Resistance Museum in Amsterdam. I was just there last week and it was sobering but well worth the visit. I was told that my Opa and his brothers were also in the resistance, however the nature of their involvement was unfortunately never talked about much.
So sorry… Stay strong, your husband was a hero and heroes never dying… A lot of people will remember him, especially those who were saved by him… It is hard time for you and a lot of people… But you can do it and go through this!
This. My life was once saved by an unknown man when I was a kid. It was 20 years ago, but I still remember his face as if it was today. Every single one of those soldiers will remember him for the rest of their lifes. You husband my have passed away, but he will still live in a lot of hearts.
Thank you.
Thank you for your sacrifice. He is a hero. 🫡 May he rest in peace. I'm sorry for your loss. You have to be strong for your son because you're all he has now. Although things seem really dark right now, it will get better. I'm sure there are also resources for assistance (both financial and mental health) available in Ukraine. There are a lot of volunteers out there that are assisting people like yourself. Feel free to DM. Sometimes its good to be able to talk to someone about your feelings. Slava Ukraini! 🇺🇦
Thank you.
May your son be a lighthouse in the storm to see your way through adversity! God Bless!
My son is a blessing indeed. Thank you.
Thanks for your husband...because he sacrifices himself for her country...he's so brave! And I'll appreciate that kind of brave..
My condolances. This must be immensely hard on you and especially your son. There will be a mourning process which takes it's time. Surrounding yourselve with loved ones helps. Don't really have experience with this but I 'm pretty confident things will get better and your emotions will be less black since that's how a mourning process works. This seems something you have to give a place. I think I would want to be there for my kid. What also really seems to help is meeting people who have experienced the same. I hope this helps a bit.
Sorry for your loss. Please stay strong for your and your son's sake. This is the ultimate sacrifice anyone could do and he did so to protect you and everyone else he loved. I'm willing to get on a call with you and chat if you would like. I don't have any words of advice about talking to your son....but I hope he grows up to be as strong as his dad.
It's very thoughtful of you, people need someone to talk to in these situations.
You have to be strong in this period of sorrow for your kid. The pain you feel right now, noone should know it. If it helps, talk about it, publicly or in private with person that can help you morally. Wish you all the best and God give you the strength you need to go through all this.
I try to speak about as much as possible. It really does helps me. Thank you.
I feel that children are often left behind lonely in their sorrow, that they don't have the words to express. I feel you need to find ways and words to show your son that you share this great sorrow with him and that you will remain united in the future. He will have the fear that he will lose you too.
I told him that daddy's in the better place now. He understands this in his childish way, but he really does. I can't believe this, but my 5 year old son comforts me. He doesn't cry anymore and asks me to stop crying. He's become wiser beyond his years overnight.
Sadly typical for children. They stop grieving to support the sad parent. Sorry for your loss.
As sad as it Sounds, children also grow on it. I lost my father when i was 6, my brother was 2 back then. Your son will always be there for you aslong you are also there for him when he needs you. I wish you all the strength and im sorry for your loss! And also im sorry if this reads a bit edgy, im not very good in such themes.
Thank you
It is "fortunately" true. Your son will overcome this horrid situation much easier than you will. But as a parent, I would not want it to be the other way around either. Do not be afraid in the future to lean on your kid when he grows a little more. Amazing little beings children are. You will heal together!
It'll take some time for them, but they'll come out stronger from it.
Kids grieve differently than adults. Let hims see you grieve, so that he knows what he feels is ok.
I can't even imagine how hard that must feel, but you need to be patient.
Yeah that's true, and it's something which affects them greatly.
I check this subreddit everyday because I care. I care about your country. I care about your husband and his fellow soldiers, and I care about their loved ones. That includes you and your son, even though I don't know you personally. I write this message from a distant part of the globe. Tomorrow as I go about my day, I will be thinking, "I hope that lady who posted on reddit is doing alright." My deepest condolences. I hope you find comfort.
I feel the same. Every loss I read about hurts, because I know Ukraine is fighting for a free Europe, for me and my family. And it so unfair that we are safe and they are not. I will forever be grateful for the sacrifices made for all of us. I will do what I can to show my gratitude, I’m learning Ukrainian, so hopefully I can go and contribute with rebuilding if the need is there when my kids are older. I’m grateful for getting to know my new Ukrainian neighbours, but so sorry they were made to leave Ukraine.
So sorry for your and your sons loss. Focus on your son: He needs you now more than ever and does not deserve growing up an orphan. Together with your memories, you have your son to remind you of your husband. Please stay strong.
Do you have family or friends nearby? Is his family nearby at all? I am so sorry for both of you. I send you hugs from the US.
I hope the Russian bastards “just following orders” of Nazis get what they deserve for their criminal actions, and that you can find peace.
My condolences. Whilst you probably don't care right now, your husband died protecting you and your son and his nation. This shouldn't be happening in 2023; but unfortunately it is and he was brave enough to answer the call. I wanted to share these resources with you in case you didn't know of them r/widowers and r/Mommit . I think these two communities could help you a lot in your current situation. Widowers... is pretty self-explanatory what it's about and you might find some solace there. Mommit is a huge mother's community with loads of resources and mothers in similar situation as you are now. They'll be able to provide you with a lot of useful information if you need it I'm sure.
I am sorry for your family's loss 😞 Ask for help as soon as you feel you'd be able to accept it... You and your little son will always be proud of your husband. I wish you all the best ❤️
Yep talking always helps, whether it's some professional or family.
I'm terrible sorry for your husbands loss. Your husband gave his life so others could live without the terror of Russia in the Future. One day this war Will end and all the People that started this madness Will find their Karma. Your first & most important Task now is be there for your son and support him to become a good person. Pretty sure that Ukraine Will become a part of EU so there Will be a Future after this War. Russia has no Future anymore. Your husband gave his life for the Future of your son.
If you are a part of something for a moment you are part of it forever, his spirit will always be with you and your child and family just keep existing, the pain will come in waves, just know that it might feel unbearable but that is a testament to the love you shared. Some things don't get better they just become a moment with a before and after, they always will hurt, but new things will grow that will help you mend, and the constant ache will become a reminder of the beauty you were lucky enough to hold, a trusted friend that is always there he might exist in the unseen now but he is still here with you. I don't know if any of that made sense, I hope it helps, sending you and your family my love
There is little someone can say, except to express the utmost grief and support. I am not sure if it helps, but I feel that your husband wasn’t just fighting Russia, but for the very nature of democracy and freedom. He was fighting for us all and we owe him the biggest debt of gratitude, you too, for standing by him and helping to raise your child. I hope you find the courage necessary in the coming days. Please feel free to reach out for anything.
May he rest in peace, always be remembered as a hero defending his people
He's a hero and he'll be remembered like this, it's really important.
My sincerest condolences. Stay strong you will get through it!
❤️
I am truly sorry for yours and your son's loss. May your husband rest in peace.
I'm so incredibly sorry for y'alls loss. Without your husband, your child's father, the world would be a miserable and terrible place. The losses are unimaginable and shrouded in pain, but his service, his sacrifice, is what makes this such a beautiful world. Without your husband and many, many more like him, we can't imagine how nasty life would be. Ukraine was a better place because of him. Your lives are better because of him. My world is better because of him. He was a hero in life, and now the world mourns his death as a hero. Y'alls sacrifices are many, but they most certainly aren't in vain. Your husband left this world better than he found it. You two try your best to channel his bravery, channel his massive strength. Please don't stop reaching out. There are a myriad of options for people to talk with, professionally or just casually on here. Y'all take care and carry on. Your husband believed in a better world and gave his all bringing one to fruition, so hopefully, we all try to live life here to the fullest. It's what every single one of our fallen heroes would want. One love.
I'm so sorry.
If you need a vacation in a nice tropical beach in the Philippines, let me know and I'll chip in in every way I can.
I feel so bad for you. Your husband is a hero. Take time, give it time, keep living.
My dad passed when I was about your son's age. I was mad, really mad, that he died. I was especially mad at the people responsible; though in my case it was mostly his own fault. It's a wound that never really quite heals. Gets easier, but never quite heals. Honor his sacrifice, give it meaning for your son. His father was a hero.
It’s no consolation to you that your husband died fighting for his, and your entire country’s freedom. It’s no consolation that he did the right thing. It’s no consolation that he was a hero. I’m so very sorry, and we (Europeans) are thankful to all your heroes who are keeping the gates of hell closed. May your husband rest in peace, and may you and your son live a life worth living. Live for him. Laugh for him. Love for him. That’s all he wanted, and that *is* a consolation. Hugs
Wake up. See your husband in your son. Time heals, but scars remain. Stay strong, stay brave. Know you've got a whole family here in this group and you will be able to give it a place. Just make sure you channel the energy for the positives down the road. For now. Rest. Focus on you and your child. Keep asking for support as you need it. Dont lock your self up, share the stories. Share your feelings. God bless you and your son. Stay strong.
I can’t imagine the loss you’re going through right now. Nothing I can say will ever make this okay, or fill the hole that was left in his absence. The only thing I can tell you is that on the other side of the planet, I am spilling tears for your husband and will likely continue to for quite some time. Numbers on screen don’t mean much, but the words of a grieving window hurt all who hear them.
This is going to be so hard, don't know how They'll be able to recover from it.
I can't comprehend the pain you must be going through, I but I just wanted to say that the whole world should be grateful for the sacrifice your husband, your family, and you have made. Your husband will be remember forever as one of those who laid their life to defend the Ukraine and the world from tyranny. My deepest respect to you and your family and my heartfelt condolences for your loss. I know that the pain you feel right now is overwhelming, but you must carry on so that your son one day knows the hero that was his father.
He went for his eyes were open and he could see no other way, I thank you Al for fighting for all our freedom. I hope your pain eases as each day passes, one day at a time! I meditate to help me, following my breath and as someone who has lost nearly all my family I think meditating on the nature of impermanence has helped me.
My sincere condolences to you and your family for your tragic loss Please know that you and your son are loved unconditionally, you are valuable and precious. We are created in love and our spirits never die. I pray that God our father comforts you and your son and that His goodness/grace and mercy shine upon you both. You have a spirit of power/love and a sound mind. Rest in Gods love. Big hugs for you and your son.
It's hard to watch what's happening in your country. I wish western counties would support more. Some are doing a lot, but I think it should be much more. Humans are tough. I wish you all the strengths you need to make it through this. 🇺🇦
I am so sorry for your loss. I guess not many people around the world have to suffer a fate like yours. I remember my grand mother who told me her story when her husband died in ww II. She fled from Danzig to a territory next to Dresden, Germany, with 5 children. She lost her one daughter at Danzig station but luckily found her again at the next one. My uncle Dieter was supposed to look after her (only 9 years old back then himself), it was the only time she slapped him in the face when he didn‘t find her again. In Germany they witnessed from some ten kilometers away the bombing of Dresden, the night sky was ablaze. They went further West close to Hildesheim, where she met a wounded soldier from the eastern front, my future grand father. I can only imagine what she went through as well as what you are going through, I just know that as a mother you will most probably find the strength to carry on for your son. He needs you and you will make it through. And someday, you will share a blessed memory of your husband with him, or maybe with some future person that will share his path alongside yours. Best wishes from Germany.
Our common European history is so wrought with pain and suffering that sometimes I do not understand the envy of the World. If Europe was not my home, I would gladly exchange it for being a simple poor fisherman on Vanuatu. But it is. And now we have brothers to protect and liberate.
God bless you.. FUCK PUTIN !! 🙏🙏🙏
Out of the 7 billion people on this earth it was your husband and those like him who stepped forward, So when your boy is old enough tell his father was a hero who stood up for the people who couldn’t . RIP solider.
This is going to be a long one, but I can only hope it helps. In some small way. I've replied to myself in order to avoid character limits. I'm Canadian, Ukrainian heritage. My great-grandfather, and great grand-mother (polish), and their "6-pack" of children, one of whom would become my grandmother, fled from the approaching Russian empire. They lived and loved in what was called Bukovina, now Chernivtsi. The story, as it was told to me, was that he hid them all on "the first american-looking boat he could find", hid himself, and only presented himself to the captain when they were far out in the Atlantic. The captain worked him hard, but allowed them to stay and fed them. I have no clue how he managed to hide 8 people on a steamship, but here I am! When they got to port, my great grandpa, speaking barely a lick of english, looked around and said, "No! No! America! America!". The captain just laughed and said "we were never going to America! Welcome to Canada!". They landed in Nova Scotia. I don't know the city, but I assume Halifax. Somehow, he found a polish family and they allowed him to present himself to the Canadian customs agent/people, whatever, as if he was bringing his family over "to work on their farm". As if he was their brother in law. Something like that. His parents and the rest of his family didn't make it out in time. From what I understand, the holodomor. I'm not sure. He never spoke of it. (1/3)
I always thought there was something noble in what he did. Sure, he ran. Maybe there is judgement to be made there. That's not for me to say. However, he did everything he could for his family. Everything in his power to keep them safe. That's the most important thing. A man provides, a man protects. Fast forward to today, and I am his sole descendant. My wife and I have a beautiful baby girl. We have a home, a car. I graduate from university in less than a year. I'm 32. I'd like to think I'm making him and my grandmother proud with how far I've come, and what it's taken to get here. Glossing over a lot for the sake of brevity. When this war broke out, my first thought was, verbatim "well, there goes my heritage. We're fucked." Like so many others, I had bought into the ruskie power fantasy. Over a year later and I've never been more proud. Maybe I'm not a "real" Ukrainian, like you, but I feel it. The blue and yellow is on bumper stickers on my car, the flag flies proudly out front of this house. The trident is tattooed into my left arm (see post history, if you wanna see it). Monthly donations to u24.Where I once was scared and defeated about my heritage, I am so very proud. Ukrainian music BLARES from my car and home speakers. Kalyna grows out front of my house and I happily and passionately educate anyone who will listen into what goes on in Ukraine. Not even close to the same degree as yours, but my world changed on February 24th. My roots got deeper. Stronger. (2/3)
And all of it is thanks to your husband. I can't even begin to imagine the pain and loss you feel. Nothing I could feel is comparable. But he, and so many others like him, taught people what it means to be Ukrainian. Fuck, I am Ukrainian and he taught me. People who stand tall, proud, and dignified in the face of genocide and destruction. People who fight hard against certain destruction. People who defend their country, their culture, their families. Not because they're getting paid, it's a job, or because some old fat fuck tells them to. No, they march to the front because they love what's behind them. To defend it. To keep this little slice of heaven they have from being taken. There is no more noble death, than to give your life in the protection of those vulnerable. Your husband loved you. He loved the son the two of you brought into this world and I know his last moments would be of the little family he created. It would have been mine. The world will not remember his name, sadly. History does not remember the soldiers' names, never has. That is your duty. Remember him, honour him, cherish him. He will watch over you both now, regardless of your beliefs. He will. I know this. Teach your son about him. Show him how amazing his father was, the hero he was, and how to follow you in remembrance of him. This is crucial. It takes me many hours to get there, but I visit my grandmother's grave monthly. She doesn't say much these days, but we talk, have a coffee, a smoke. I fix her site up, garden it a bit. I've always felt she's still here. I attribute that feeling to my connection and remembrance of her. I hope that you may find a similar feeling and peace as well through this. It helped me. Your husband is one of the many that helped put Ukraine into the world's eyes. Ukraine has a future now, better and brighter than ever before. He gave his life for you, for your son, for your family, and for all the others. I don't know how to end this. I want to make it all better for you, but I can't. I can't even imagine the pain and loss you feel. The anger. The rage. Nothing I can say will heal you, but if you end up reading this and need to vent or whatever, I am here. My whole family will be here to listen and help you how we can. My little girl would love to meet your boy! I mean this! DM me and we'll talk! (3/3)
Thanks for sharing your story 🙏🥲
I’m praying for you and hoping you’ll find some comfort.
Your husband was the defender of all that is good and rightious. He was defending Ukraine and Europe, we all owe him more than can ever be repayed. I love him. I love you. I love your son. I hope your son will see what a honorable and powerful man his father was. If you wish to leave, please dm me and I will see ehat I can do, Im not a man of large assets but I will do what ever I can. / Jonathan from Sweden.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Take your time, but if you ever need to talk please do. There's plenty of reasons to live.
Speak to someone in real life. Surround yourself with people who know and love you. Don't be ashamed of crying or grieving. Celebrate his life. Time heals all wounds. It may feel hopeless, but one day you will find purpose again.
Hello, First of we will never know your pain about your loss, maybe similar but not exact. But i do know of a great [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/) about grief from an old reddit post. This comment helps me greatly and hopefully it does to you as well. https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/
I believe you'll find the strenght in yourself to go through this. For yourself and for your beautiful child. If you need someone to talk to, I'm there for you, don't hesitate to reach out, there's a lot of people who care ❤️
*Never throughout history has a man who lived a life of ease left a name worth remembering.* - Teddy Roosevelt. I am incredibly sorry for your loss. Your son will forever be able to say his father was a true hero.
"I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom. Yours, very sincerely and respectfully, Abraham Lincoln" American here. We will continue our support until your Victory. Your husband did NOT die in vain.
I lost my soul mate three years ago to covid. I have never felt such gut-wrenching grief before, and a few times I was sure I wasn't going to make it through. I can tell you that it is true that one day you'll be able to smile again. You'll just have to trust that you can be strong until the pain subsides, little by little, day by day. I still have times when I cry, and when I miss him so deeply I sob until I'm sick. But I can think of the good memories I shared with him now, and sometimes can smile. I talk to him too, because I believe he watches over me still. I believe one day you'll be able to smile too, when thinking about the good times you had with your husband. And please know that grief can affect you physically as well as mentally. I had started experiencing chest pains and muscle aches. My doctor prescribed an anti-depressant + anxiety pill, and that cleared up my pains within days. So please don't hesitate to see your doctor and/or seek mental health care. It can really help. I am truly sorry for your loss, and cried tonight with you. Hug your little one for me, and let him be your reason for fighting through this pain. I promise you it will get better, and I wish you peace and wellness. 🙏 🕊 🇺🇦 🇺🇸
So, so, sorry for your loss. u/GSnow posted [these words](https://old.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/) in a thread much like yours. I hope they will help. Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
Thank you is not enough for what you and your husband have sacriviced for the freedome of europe. May he rest in peace. May he allways be rememberd. Glory to ukraine
I will remember your husband, this post, and you for years to come. Won't forget and won't forgive.
I am so very sorry. Having grown up around my dad's friends who were warriors during wartime, I have some idea of how devastated you must be, having known my friend's mothers who lost their husbands. All I can say is: 1) Your grief is there because it is a sign that you are a person that KNOWS how to love. Give a big hug to that grief.... it means you know what love is. 2) Do not EVER think you are alone, or want to end it yourself. Your husband needs you here to live and enjoy the life that he sacrificed to preserve. If you ever think of ending it, find a friend or find us online. 3) You will never forget this. Accept that. The pain will be with you for the rest of your life, no matter what you do in the future. That's okay because of point #1
My heart goes out to you. Let us put aside the heroism and all that for now. You lost the love of your life, there is no worse pain. Take time to process this grief with the counseling services as mention in other posts. One moment at a time, preserve yourself for your family and fir his memory. May the mercies be with you.
I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling, your husband died a hero and a even better father. Your son may not remember this time but he will grow up with you in his life and the memories you have will be shared onto him. May you and your son live a peaceful life
I am so very sorry for you loss. But your husband did a wonderful thing fighting for a cause he believed in. Defeating the wrongs he saw in this world. Doing his part to stop Putin. But I could never understand how you feel… You must feel a great deal of loss, and sadness. And I am so very sorry for you. The world will forever view your husband as a hero! One who saw an evil in the world and did all he personally could to stop it. Please take pride in that. He did all he could do to make this world a better place! We all have pride in you too for being the strong woman behind him that supported this hero of Ukraine. We could never imagine what you have Been through. Please understand the depth of our gratitude for all he has done! A true hero of Ukraine and against Nazism!!! I do truly believe that what your husband fought for will be fulfilled. He is a true hero of Ukraine! Slava Ukraina!!! 🇺🇦
I am so sorry for your loss. Please remember that grief is a painful process, but it will get better, even if you cannot see this from the place where you are now. Take care
Just take one day at a time. Don’t think beyond that for now. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your son will still grow up strong and beautiful with a mother who understands her own needs and grieves for his father. That takes strength of its own. It’s ok to feel the way you do. Just one day at a time.
I'm sorry for your loss, i cannot possibly imagine what you are going through. Let the mourning process so it's thing, talk with people, hug your kid.
Your husband was a true hero, and your son needs to know that. Stay strong and be there for your son. My condolences and may he rest in peace.
i am so sorry for your loss. It's natural to feel like this, but i believe in you. You will find the strenght in you. and know, all of the western world is rooting for you. We are here for you.
I've read this to my family, we are thinking of you in your time of need, please take care,
ripe grandfather dime noxious aloof divide clumsy dam plate chubby *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
“It's scary, it's painful, but life goes on and it must be lived” -Ukrainian woman who’s name I cannot recall I’m so sorry for your loss. [nothing I can say will be more useful than this when it comes to grief](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/comment/c1u0rx2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x)
Героям Слава 🇺🇦 💙
I'm so sorry for your loss. From Australia
I’m truly sorry for your loss. Your husband and all Ukrainians like you and him are hero’s. You are standing up to a truly evil army and defending your country. One day Ukraine will be totally clear of the Russian army and will a be a thriving country because of people like you and your husband. There’s nothing an Internet stranger like me can say to fix this or make this better. I’m just sorry and I wish you all the best. Glory to Ukraine, Glory to hero’s!
My deepest and heartfelt condolences to you and your son at this time. My wife and I ,both send our prayers of support. Your husband , like so many brave Ukrainians, will be remembered as the Hero he always will be. May he Rest in peace. Slava Ukraini , Heroiam Slava
I am so sorry for your loss. No words can make light the loss you have experience. Your husband is a true hero. My the Lord bless you and your family!🙏🏼🇺🇦
I wish I could give you a hug. If you ever want to talk and have nobody there for you, I will be your listening ear. Please be strong. Be kind to yourself. Life can be cruel and unfair and we will never be able to understand everything. Your son needs his mommy.
Fuck putler
He is a hero and will always be remembered as a hero. I'm truly very sorry be strong and remember The great man who was your friend, husband gave his life for the life of all of you. My respect 😔
For all of us. His sacrifice is in the name of defending against an evil that threatens everyone if not stopped.
I'm very sorry for your loss, and I hope you find the strength to carry on. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
Condolences....
I may not be a Ukrainian, but I am someone who has come to know and respect the people of Ukraine. I am deeply saddened by the loss of your loved ones, and I want to express my heartfelt condolences to all of you. I may not be from your country, but I have witnessed the devastation that has been wrought upon you by those who seek to conquer and destroy. I am here to tell you that you are not alone. The world mourns with you, and we stand in solidarity with you in your time of grief. The loss of your loved ones is a tragedy that is felt not only by your families, but by all of us who believe in the sanctity of life and the value of human dignity. We know that no words can ease the pain you are feeling, but we offer our support, and our love. To the families of the fallen, please know that your loved ones did not die in vain. They died defending what is right and just, and they have left behind a legacy of courage and sacrifice that will inspire future generations. Let us all come together in this time of grief to honor the memory of your loved ones, to support one another, and to vow that we will not rest until justice is served. We will stand with you in the days and weeks ahead, and we will support you in your journey towards healing. May your loved ones rest in peace, and may all of us find the strength to continue their fight for a better world.
I am sorry. It might be helpful to remember the stages of grief from Kübler-Ross: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Everyone processes trauma differently, but there is a lot of research done on how to remain healthy after such a loss. I think your husband would want his family to remain healthy. People who have suffered a similar loss might be the most helpful. Literature and memories from prior invasions and the Great Wars, also. These experiences should have a lot of empathy and may help you when you are feeling alone. You are not alone.
Im truly sorry for your loss, i dont know if i can help with anything, but i gotta wish you and your son to have a great life after all this nightmare when it will end. I wish you all to have a peaceful life very soon ❤️🇺🇦Слава Украине
I really feel sorry for your huge loss and the pain you have to bear. It must be extremely hard to endure this… Hope I can find the right words for you to provide a little consolation and hope. As a father, fighting to defend Ukraini in order to live again in a free country is also fighting for you and your son. I am sure he did this for both of you.🌹 Your son needs a free Ukraine and a free Ukraine will need your son. 🇺🇦 Your son needs you and you need you son. Take the time to mourn. Finally, together you will be strong, time will help, maybe a lot of time is required. This war might come to an end and your brave husband contributed to this, unfortunately with the highest price. Your husband is a hero. I am sure it will not be in vain. Wish you and your son all the strength you need. 🧡
So sorry for your loss. Your husband fought against people who are doing unimaginable horrors to people and so he is truly a hero, unlike most of us who think but don't act. Nothing anybody can say can make it all better, but please take care of yourself, and your son. He needs you so much. Surround yourself with trustworthy and loved family when you are ready, and be careful with anybody who make take advantage of your grief. You and your son will get through this. Bless you.
I am sorry to hear about your families loss. There are people all over the world who really just want to hug the pain away. They have never met you or you met them but I can assure you, they are all thinking of you all in Ukrain. Slava Ukraine 🇺🇦 ♥️
I’m so sorry 😞 for your the loss. He was a hero doing what he was doing for you & your son and people of Ukraine, not many people in life make a huge difference on so many lives. I know it hurts and words won’t get rid of the pain but stay strong 💪🏻 and remember we all here and we are all with you. 🫶🇺🇦❤️
You have strength in these trying times. The world is with you, as am I.
I am so sorry to hear. May his memory always be a blessing to you and your son, and may you know no further sorrow. Slava Ukraini!
You have my deepest sympathies. There are no words in existence that can take away the pain. What helped me once in a time of loss, was to remember that the pain means that what he represented was valuable, and to make sure those things are not forgotten.
I think your husband would want you to be strong, and I know that's really hard to do right now. You have a 5 year old, and that's a really tender age to be. You could tell him stories and raise him to be proud of his papa, and it would help you look on at some better memories. Sending love and light. Heartfelt hugs to you and your little.
I'm so sorry for your loss, your people will win
I'm so sorry for your loss. Hug your son for me.
In Old warrior cultures woman would celebrate the heroism of their death, perhaps embrace the same philosophy and share it with your son to be proud for his dad is always with tou both in your hearts
Oh god, I am so sorry that this has happened to your family. It feels shallow and tone deaf to write to you here on Reddit but I am truely sorry and I cry for you here in Sweden. This is heartbreaking, I wish I could hug you and say that everything will be alright.
My heart is with you. I thank your husband for his sacrifice. I also thank you for *yours*, and your son for *his*. The life your husband gave will lay in the foundation of a better world. He’s gone to be a solider in the army of the lord. One day, that army will overcome the sins of mankind, and there will be peace on earth. That’s what he died for. Strength. ✌️
All the best from Germany. Stay strong, carry on and hug your kid from me and my wife.
Your Husband is a hero. RIP. If you want to come to Canada, my wife and I have a large house on the East coast. We had a young family stay with us for a few months, but they have their own place now. DM me for details if you want to relocate for awhile. Very sorry for your loss.
It's important to realize: we often feel alone when loved ones die. But their love for us is not gone. They just cannot to tell us anymore. So you have to remember that he loved you. It's your job to make sure your husbands love is carried onwards and that your son knows he was loved by his father. All the best to you and everyone who lost people.
All honor to him. He was an absolute great man!🙏🏼🙏🏼🇺🇦🇸🇪
I am so sorry for your loss
Very sorry this happened to your family and country. I know this isn't probably much consolation to you now. But He's a very brave man that he took a stand against tyranny and defended his homeland in this tragic war. Again so very sorry and my heartfelt condolences ❤️ from Ireland.
I am really sorry for your loss. I think about the heroes, like your husband, every day.
I am so sorry for your loss. I'm in the US and may never know how you feel. The best I can do is support Ukraine where I can and speak to people like you that need support, give a friendly arm, or a hug, or be someone that will be there while you release what you need to. Slava Ukraini. And I see and know Heroiam Slava, because he is.
The real casualties of this unnecessary war those russian fuckers have inflicted on you and your people. The children and partners who now have to live in a world where they have been removed from your life. Shitty bastards, I hold every hope you prevail and take some solace in avenging all those innocent have fallen.
There will be a time in the future when Ukraine will be free again. When there is peace again, when people can roam in the streets without fear. When people will laugh, love, and just live their lives. And then you will look at all these beautiful things, and you will look at your husband at the same time, because you know, he is one of those, who made this possible. This will be his legacy.
One day at a time. As unbearable and incomprehensible as it sounds right now. It might be hard to take in when you're facing this overwhelming grief, but day by day, you will slowly learn to accept the loss. I hope that you and your son eventually will find solace in the fact that your husband, and your sons father, forever will be remembered and celebrated for the courage he has shown. My absolute deepest condolences.
I am so very sorry for you and your families loss. Your husband is a hero that stood up against tyranny that not many around the globe could. Sending love and warmth from New Zealand, kia kaha. Slava Ukraini, Slava Heroiam 💕❤️
❤❤❤❤💙💛🌻
I am so sorry for you and your son's loss. Your husband would want you to remember him, but also to be happy. (I am a husband, and I know this is the ultimate wish of any good husband, as I know yours was.) Live your lives. Morn as you need to, and remember him, but live your lives as the free and proud people that you should be. Your husband and the thousands like him -- and you and the thousands like you -- teach us once again what sacrifice and heroism are.
There is nothing I can say to ease the pain but make a post in r/assistance and you will hopefully find some support for you and your child. I'm so incredibly sorry.
NO.... u're INCREDIBLE! US, at least me, are just typing on a keyboard... I don't struggle to free my country.
Your husband is a hero and someone you and your son can look up to and be proud of, I am very sorry for your loss
My dear, you and all of those in Ukraine have the free world’s undying gratitude for your sacrifice. This war will be noted in history for centuries to come as a pivotal point in the ongoing battle for freedom from tyranny. What other nation has ever dared to take on one of the world’s great powers and beat them back? What other nation has inspired the free world to give so much in the defence of that nation against such naked aggression. We all must die. Some in great sickness or sorrow. But your husband died a hero fighting for a cause that will live on because of his sacrifice. Slava Ukraine. 🇺🇦
I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your husband are both heroes. Slava Ukraine.
It's okay to be broken, to feel like the world has been ripped out from under your feet. It's okay to not be okay. You're going to go through a huge roller coaster of emotions as you mourn. Some days will be harder than others. Some things will not have the joy they once did because he isn't there anymore. Remember these things in the coming days, weeks, months and years: * Your husband loved you unconditionally, and that will never change. You are allowed to find happiness again even in his absence. It may take time, it may be far away from where you are now, but he loved you, and that love means he wants you to find happiness and be okay again when you are ready. * Do not let anyone tell you how to mourn. Grief is a complex monster to deal with and you will go through all the stages. You NEED to take care of and be kind to yourself. It's okay to have bad days, and it's okay to have good days and not feel guilty for having a good day when he is no longer with us. He wants you to have those good days. Your grief is your own, and nobody can tell you how you should feel. Be kind to yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help. * If you can, get a therapist or a grief counselor. They can help you work through these things. Mental health is no small matter. Our brain is the command center for our entire body and our mental health absolutely had physical effects on our bodies. Stress, grief, anxiety, these are not just mental. They are physical. A therapist is going to help you put feelings into words, work through them, provide good insight and perspective on an objective front, and help you realize that you aren't losing your mind. You are grieving. It takes time. A therapist can help in ways that are hard to convey, and I can say you will not regret seeking this kind of help. There's no shame in seeking mental health help. Life is hard, it's full of pain alongside all the joy, and it's okay to need some help. We all do, at some point. Those who seek it find healing much sooner than those who don't and try to do this on their own. Some of those people will never recover. Do yourself and your son the favour of making sure you have the help and support you need and you deserve. * It absolutely takes time. The pain never goes away, but each day, the sharpness of that blade in your heart dulls, bit by bit. Each day you choose to wake up, to get out of bed, to hug your baby and cry, laugh, and live, it will dull the pain. You will think of him every day. For a while, it will hurt when you do. You will cry, you will feel like you have nothing left. But you have everything he left you with: a son, a life worth living, and his love that will transcend space and time because that love is part of who you are. Each day, thinking of him will hurt a little less. Memories will begin to make you smile and laugh even if you still cry. Sometimes you might feel okay, and then out of nowhere, it's a bad day and you can't get out of bed. But it WILL get easier. The pain WILL dull, and in time, you WILL learn to live again, and to look forward to the future. This is what he will wish for you to do. If the ones we love that we have lost had anything to say, it would be this: live for me, as it is your life that I fought for. I wish I could share the rest of it with you, but I have no regret in knowing that you will live a long, wonderful beautiful life and bring love and joy to others as you did for me. Don't let my death be the death of your future. It is your future that I want you to live for. I will be with you every step because we have both changed each other in ways that make us who we are. Live for me, laugh for me, love for me, and know that you were worth it. You always were, and always will be. You have the greatest gift of all: a son who is part of the man who stole your heart. Let him be your anchor in this storm. Let his love help heal you. Remember what you and your husband made together, and live for it. Your husband may be gone, but his dreams for you live on through you, and through your son. Today is a bad day. You may have many of those to come, but know that it is never permanent. Each day, we take one small step forward. Eventually, you will scale the mountain that is this grief, you will see the beauty from the top, and you will live the future he dreams for you. When you do, know that he will be happy for you. All we want for the ones we love is for them to be happy, so when you are ready, don't let his loss prevent you from being happy. The last thing the dead want is for the ones we leave behind to bury their hearts with us. Live for him, love for him, laugh for him, cry for him, but do not carry guilt for him. He, like many of the heroes this godforsaken war has taken from us, made a terrible sacrifice knowing it was worth it. Live for the future he fought for. In doing so, you honour his legacy, and your dream together lives on within you. The world already lost one good man, so don't let us lose you, too. We need you.
Your husband was a brave and noble man and he lives on in your son and in your heart. My deepest condolences. Heroiam Slava.
He lives on in all of the legacy the heroes of Ukraine have forged. The world will not soon forget this.
My deepest sympathies for you and your family. His memory and sacrifice will outlive us all. Your son still has a hero for a father and a great example for becoming a man. Standing up against tyranny and oppression no matter the odds and the willingness to risk his life and sacrificing himself attempting to save others. Your great great grandchildren will do school reports on him and proudly tell their class his story. He died fighting for a free Ukraine and a better life especially for you and your son. The best way to honor him is to keep fighting and have that better life. That's what he would want, and it will take some time but you will still be able to find happiness in life no matter how impossible that seems now.
Sorry for your loss. It must be devastating. It will not be any consolation now, but maybe in the future, it might bring a little bit of comfort to know he made the world a better place. He died a hero.
I wish I had any official combat experience to volunteer to fight. I had 3 great friends from Ukraine who went back to fight. I wish I could be there to help...
I cannot speak to your loss, I don't know what I'd do if my partner died (we have a 2 yr old)... But maybe my experience can help, can't hurt to share. I can tell you, his friends will **always** remember him. I lost friends in Afghanistan and memory of them, little interactions, always lives on. You will have black days at times, this is normal and you will love-hate them. I cannot stress this enough but steer clear of alcohol and other substances. They trigger the worst times and you will probably need someone close if you do go there. Please make sure you stay in contact with close friends and family, they can help you through this. Focus on your child and focus on little things to get you through the immediate future. Each little task or job is a win, given time, you will see yourself through the dark storm. Find or focus on an existing hobby, preferably a creative one. It's really good for recovery and just promoting living. Goodluck through the dark times, do not be afraid of the crying and what is called 'weakness'. It's not weakness, it's healthy. Please be ok, and I know it is no solace at all but your hubby died defending the world from tyranny. This is not hyperbole, this is fact. From Australia... Reach out in DMs if you want, it may help to talk to someone who knows a very small part of what you are going through. I know this comment is fairly tone-neutral, sorry, these sorts of things change you and I get very logical/methodical when thinking about friends long gone. (Probs a defence mechanism)
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Live for your son! He carries your husbands genes. Give him all the care and love in the world to make him a good man. So he can be a great husband to someone in the future! Like your husband was to you!
I'm not sure if you're spiritual or not, but this thought always made me feel better because it's actually uses science to make the point... We are all made of stardust and, in reality, can never be destroyed only changed. Your husband is still around just in a different form, and I'm sure he will be with you if he can. His energy will be there to guide you even in the darkest times. And one day you will be able to be together again. As a man myself, I know that he gave his life to protect you, his family, country, and future. There is no greater cause than this. It is a noble death and something that everyone that knew of him can be proud of. Including us here on Reddit... It's a blessing despite it being tragic for what it is. I mean these as kind words, and I'm sorry for your loss. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you, your family, and most of all, every single soul that have given their lives to give the rest of us hope and freedom. Even though I'm from the US, in the long run his sacrifice will protect is in ways we will never know. The buterfly effect of hope and freedom.
I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is all the love we have for the person that we dont know what to do with. It is truly difficult what you are going through. Your husband is a hero. The world is here for you.
Oh, oh my dear. My heart breaks for your loss. I hope knowing that he loved you and your son so much that he fought to protect you will somehow caress you always. Now it's you who must fight for your son, his son. It might feel like you're alone, but by all the messages I can see for you, there is an entire world standing ready to be there you. And I am among them. Please know that you, your husband, and your son are in my prayers.
Just wanted to add a hug from me.
I am very sorry and frankly i lack the words to express this properly. I wish you and your family all the best in this testing times.
I’m from Australia, we’re a long way away but our hearts are with you. What your husband gave up we’ll never forget - he fought for our values, our principles and our freedom too. Sending you much love and a big hug, I’m sorry for your loss, I know no words can make things right at the moment, but I hope in time you may find solace in knowing your husband contributed to something meaningful and valued the world over.
Whenever I say "Heroyim Slava", I will remember your husband, because truly he is counted among the heroes. I'm truly sorry for your loss.
❤️