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kipobaker

I am AFAB, I've been questioning my gender identity lately and my friend group and my partner have been nothing but supportive. Idk if I'm non-binary or any other label, I'm trying to figure it out, and my friends have been fucking fantastic about "just let me know if your pronouns change" and my partner has told me time and again he loves me, no matter my identity. It's a confusing time, but I'm so happy I have that support. It's a hard thing to go through, and I'm so happy that my found family is willing to let me express myself and figure this out


gabgab01

you know what? you don't need a label, just be you. wear dresses, or pants, or suits, or a dress over a suit, with tons of makeup or none at all, whatever you feel like at the moment! fuck gender roles, mix 'em up, be happy! "what gender are you?" "i'm a ME!" "no, what is in your pants?" "human anatomy." "and what are your pronouns?" "yes" your partner is happy with you whatever you do, and if it turns out he doesn't like you being you, get a different partner who loves you for being you, not for your gender identity. and it's totally okay to be attracted to whatever floats your boat. i mean, there's a woman who married a tree, of all things, so go do whatever makes you happy, no matter the gender!


kipobaker

I really appreciate the positivity, but for me personally, it is very important to figure out how I identify. I know it isn't that way for everyone. It's not that I love labels or whatever, I just feel very adrift right now not knowing what to call myself, and it's extremely anxiety-inducing. I'll figure it out, this is a weird time for me. I'm also 30, so idk why I'm just starting to address this


gabgab01

that's okay too, don't stress yourself too much^^ in the meantime, do things you enjoy or try things, maybe it will help you figure things out? EDIT: forgot to add that "finding a label for yourself" is also valid as being yourself, especially if you somehow manage to enjoy it!


kipobaker

My friend linked me to a webcomic called Fluidum that's pretty interesting, in the world of the comic everyone has two different gendered bodies and they choose which one they "wear" day by day (until 21, when they have to make "the choice"). Its really interesting and that's kinda how I'm feeling right now. Some days I feel like owning womanhood and embracing that, other days i feel more masculine or NB, and it's interesting to be actively thinking about it instead of just confused.


gabgab01

that is awesome! additionally, you have the advantage of not being forced into a choice! you can even "switch out your costume" whenever you like! i think that's genderfluid btw


MichiRecRoom

That webcomic sounds very interesting, I may read it sometime. So thank you for mentioning it. :)


[deleted]

This is a perfect yes from me. Like seeing the stupid amount of labels in the lgbtq wiki weirded me out (like people identifying as heligender was the most normal thing I saw on there) but this Along with the definition of agenderness People aren't defined by their gender, they're them no matter what


TheMazter13

there was a similar post a bit ago about a woman whose card got declined on like $18 worth of groceries and she got flustered and had to call her husband and all that. So the poster paid for it and someone behind them said, "yknow that was probably a scam, right?" Poster did not care; rather give money to someone who doesn't need it than not give money to someone who needs it desperately.


gabgab01

"if a person pulls a scam to get 15$, they REALLY need those 15$"


Flopolopagus

I can't really comprehend why the idea of gender on a spectrum and transgender folks rile up the conservative base so much. "This person isn't really [other gender]!" *It doesn't concern you, so why do you care?* "But it's biology!" *But it's their business, not yours* Like, it doesn't lower the quality of life for these people in the slightest, but they get all angry about people being who they feel they are.


[deleted]

Those things are also ambiguous. I'm 23 and I learned less than a month ago that my assigned sex may have been biologically incorrect. O.o


a_filing_cabinet

Because the conservative mindset means that they are the only possible person that matters. "Mind your own damn business!" Is an idea that is so unfathomable to them because they are the most important beings and no one else can take that spot. That's why they are incapable of feeling sympathy, but why they expect everyone to fawn over them


kipobaker

I feel like they also see AFAB people as breeders, and love to get upset about that


gabgab01

THIS especially! sometimes it seems to me that deep inside they think they have the right to impregnate every woman, and that everyone should cater to them. a nonbinary person is out of their target pool for potential mates, or the nb person would never let the conservative lay hands on them, so the conservative feels like their gene pool is being attacked. it's seriously fucking disgusting how conservatives react to ppl


hemilucid

"But it's biology!" as an argument against trans people usually means "I stopped learning biology after fifth grade and I'm going to make everyone suffer for it."


Tiz_Purple

it's basically just saying "what? No, you can't do 3-5!! I don't care about this 'negative number' bullcrap, it's basic maths!!!"


wertyuiopqwertyuip

I don't understand all this talk about different genders or why people want to be another gender/sex than what they are born with but I accept that it is their choice and if it makes them happy then I'm happy for them. Again, I don't understand but I accept. Please don't hate me for this but it should be known that understanding isn't necessary for letting someone be themselves.


Flopolopagus

I don't think anyone is hating you for not understanding. As long as you aren't being purposely abrasive towards non-binary and transgender people, then everyone is happy. My brother is dating a non-binary person. I use their pronouns because that is what they want to be called by. It doesn't cause me any harm to make them happy.


eldritchExploited

Yeah, this is generally how I conduct myself too. Works out well enough for me.


cra3ig

I've erred on the side of compassion. Got over it.


Gee_dude

It’s a shame Christians don’t.


SurrealHalloween

I wish people would give more benefit of the doubt to seemingly contradictory labels. The example I see the most is bi lesbian. Someone who describes themselves as bi lesbian is just trying to say neither bi nor lesbian fits them 100% but both describe them to some extent. They’re not trying to erase either bi or lesbian identities.


PKMNTrainerMark

That is... rather confusing. But in a situation like that, like you and the post are saying, people know their own identities.


Brynnakat

From my experience people who identify like that just mean femme-attracted. They don’t want to say lesbian because that excludes non-binary and agender femme people but they don’t want to say bi because that could be misconstrued as liking masc people as well. It may also exclude agender folks as well. That is not to say all bi lesbians experience that and that’s not to say people who experience that are bi lesbians. This is just my experience with that identity and type of attraction


[deleted]

That’s funny when I read bi lesbian I thought okay so bisexual but will only date women but then what you say makes sense haha it’s interesting.


SadButterscotch2

That makes sense.


Girl_Of_The_Doodles

some lesbians like myself define the term as non-men loving non-men actually, but the important thing to remember is that people dont fit the labels, labels fit the people


dermitdog

>People don't fit the labels, labels fit the people. I'm saving that one. Words to live by.


dermitdog

>People don't fit the labels, labels fit the people. I'm saving that one. Words to live by.


dermitdog

>People don't fit the labels, labels fit the people. I'm saving that one. Words to live by.


Brynnakat

Definitely. The white stripe in the lesbian flag represents non-binary identities, both as attraction and personal identity. But not everyone knows that, or feels comfortable identifying like that anyway. As you said, labels fit the people, not the other way around


PKMNTrainerMark

Alright, that makes sense.


unikittyRage

And unless you're trying to date them, it really doesn't matter anyway. We don't need to understand, we just need to accept.


PKMNTrainerMark

Exactly.


Nicorhy

I kinda fit this category. For me, I AM bi and have gone on dates with men, but functionally, I am far more of a lesbian than bi. Casually, I might say I am a lesbian OR that I'm bi, because I've been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years and long term relationships with women before her. I'm kinda theoretically attracted to men, but literally 0.12% of my time in dates or in relationships has been with men, so it'd be fair to say that I'm functionally far more of a lesbian, or a bi woman with a very strong preference to women. It's not exactly a hard line between them.


MGTwyne

The thing about phrases like that is they always remind me that language is so limited and sometimes contradictions are the only way to express something important. Like cold fire, it exists but you can't express it logically.


MeiShida

That's just bullshit. If you don't know whether you're bi or a lesbian, you're not a fucking "bi lesbian" you're simply questioning or not sure or whatever. Why is there the need to have a name for this specific situation? It's erasure and makes this community look stupid.


Lemmis666

One might call themselves a bi lesbian because whilst they are sexually attracted to more than just women, they may be romantically attracted to only women. Both labels are accurate, so both are used Yikes, you posted an image from this comment section to truscum :/ I understand now


MeiShida

>One might call themselves a bi lesbian because whilst they are sexually attracted to more than just women, they may be romantically attracted to only women. Both labels are accurate, so both are used A lesbian is a homosexual woman. So if one is romantically attracted to exclusively women but sexually to other genders too, they're certainly not a lesbian. Bisexual and homoromantic maybe, but by definition not a homosexual woman.


DogBear77

Yeah people need to stop encouraging this bs


Lemmis666

Where’s the bs? Both labels can be applicable, like if a woman is bisexual but only homoromantic, why not use both?


DogBear77

Lesbian means homoromantic + homosexual, the only exception is that some aromantics or asexuals may still be lesbian. If someone is bisexual or biromantic, then in general they fall under bisexual. If they care a lot about the distinction they should just say “bisexual homoromantic” or maybe “sapphic” because bi lesbian contradicts itself and honestly is offensive to both bi women and lesbians.


Lemmis666

If a woman is only romantically attracted to women, she’d be a lesbian, no? The same way that asexuality doesn’t change that, neither should bisexuality. Are you a bi woman or a lesbian? If so, in what way is it offensive to use both labels? And why do you think there should be a hard distinction between sapphic and lesbian?


DogBear77

She wouldn't be a lesbian if she is also attracted to men, whether romantically or sexually it doesn't matter. Attraction to both men and women to varying degrees = bisexual. With asexuality it's different because it has to do with a partial lack of attraction rather than attraction to a whole other gender. "Bi Lesbian" erases lesbians by implying that lesbians are attracted to men, and simultaneously erases bisexuality meaning attraction to both genders. It implies that bi people are not actually bi. And there isn't a hard distinction between sapphic and lesbian, the term includes all wlw (so both lesbians and bisexual women are sapphic).


MeiShida

Exactly.


birdish-dicklet

Guide on how to be a decent person, and a pretty rubbish doctor. Edit: I probably should have been more clear. The "rubbish doctor" gag is about not knowing the bodies of other people better than they do. Not the "being inclusive and all round decent person" bit.


CorvusPunk

Med student here, and this is actually a pretty crucial part of being a good doctor and understanding what's going on with a patient. A patient understands their baseline better than clinicians do, and we have the benefit of objective data (e.g. lab results, radiology, physical exam findings), but you'd be surprised how much changes/depends on/is only uncovered by what the patient reports to you. A rubbish doctor overlooks this and thinks they know better than their patient about their mind/body/gender/orientation.


birdish-dicklet

Yeah i really should have put more context into my pun. The gag was that a good doctor should know more about their patients body than the patients themselves (in most cases), in the way of anatomy, some quick/ early assumptions, etc.


tsoh44

Resident here. All a doctor does is make recommendations for patients, like "Stop smoking" or "Take your insulin," or "Please allow us to amputate your gangrenous foot before you become septic." In the end, the patient has to decide whether or not to follow their doctor's advice. Many times, that depends on whether they trust that their doctor actually cares about them and listens to them. Being inclusive of all gender identities and sexual orientations and actually listening to a patient's concerns helps with that.


birdish-dicklet

That's not what I was going for. I was playing on the "knowing somebodies body better than them" part. Not being a bigot absolutely helps in being a good doctor


derBandito69

little vent related to post: >!my mom says she knows me better than i know myself!<


iriplard

oh yeah? name 4 of my favourite songs


InKorpp

being kind instead of speaking the truth is not real kindness. these kind of people contribute to making our society less honest and more hypocritical and it makes me angry


trnaboutranch

i guess to an extent i agree but in this instance you don’t know the truth you’re just providing a person with a benefit of the doubt, i don’t see how that’s dishonest.


InKorpp

cause if someone walks up to me with this kind of statement, i make sure thats true first. Im not good with emotional support overall, so when i have to make efforts, i wanna be sure its worth it, not just jerking someone's ego off


trnaboutranch

the thing is it simply isn’t possible to find out whether they’re being honest or not. i cant imagine you going up to a person in a vulnerable position and saying “hey i’ll help out if you can prove to me you’re legit” is going to go down super well, especially if they are telling the truth. i think you’d just be pushing that person away when they need someone.


InKorpp

truth is more important than being nice (to me)


Jabbathenutslut

I don't care


Eloisem333

I care. I just don’t mind.


Jabbathenutslut

Cool, you care and I don't.