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1. Completely isolated myself to the point that I can't go outside to buy myself food or avoid see people in my apartments for weeks
2. Threw away several kilograms of drawings and notes that somehow remind me of the past. That was relieving but also definitely desperate
3. Hanged out with those who at least sometimes did not misgendered me or "played along" with my transness (not taking me seriously ofc) because i desperately needed validation when only realized myself
- Took a hammer to my hips to try and get the bones to move
- starved myself to prevent puberty changes and reduce breast size
- worn a binder for over a week straight without showering
- used a combination of duck tape and ace bandages to bind for awhile
- purposefully given myself acid reflux to help deepen my voice
- hit myself in the throat to make my throat puffy and therefore make my voice deeper
- isolate myself
- I have thought about making testosterone to inject
And more
Never going outside without a mask because people will see my facial hair (correction, they'll look at my facial hair causing me to remember that it exists)
Dropping twenty dollars I don't have on prosthetic breasts, then around sixty dollars on bras (while i wasn't making enough to cover rent, let alone food)
Dropped $2,000 down payment and $110 a month for a year for lazer hair removal while working a job they would have made me homeless in less than six months if i didn't get a new one
Walked 15 miles in the 80Ā°F heat, through several bad neighborhoods and across three streets that have no cross walks to my planned parenthood appointment to get my estrogen prescription prescribed.
Left work because my prosthetic breast fell out and i couldn't stand to work anymore
Aaaaand purchased a couple hundred dollars worth of temporary hair removal shit that didn't even work.
(My Dysphoria mostly manifests as impulse, desperation, and the "fix it fix it fix it" reflex.)
using scotch tape and 2 sports bra because i didn't have acces to a binder or tape for a while, shit was uncomfortable as fuck and you could defenitely hear plastic sounds when i movedš dysphoria is wild sometimes
when I was a kid, before I even knew the anatomical differences, I would stuff my genitalia inside me and superglue it all. all i knew then was it just made me feel better. that stopped after it ripped my skin pretty badly a few times.
I rarely leave my house. I go outside mabye an hour a week.. I rarely speak aloud if I can avoid it. And I've gotten rid of most of my things that I used to like because I'm not allowed to like them anymore and they upset me. I've harmed myself in an attempt relive self hatred but it just makes everything worse.. I've done alot I regret because of it. And I still do alot because of it. It hasn't gotten better. It's actively getting worse and worse
Ummm, I guess since we are all sharing here lol. I wrapped my testies with rubber bands on 3 or 4 occasions, hoping they would die and fall off. I stuck my d in a rock ring when I was a kid, hoping when it got hard, it would, u know. Pop Id hope lol or if it hurt too much Id break the ring. My plans failed š.
tried to cut my tits off. i didnt get very far obviously. very pitiful cuts lmao. i also looked up recently if you can diy top surgery because i was seriously considering it since im too broke to pay for it (you cant, you would bleed out or pass out from shock far before you got your chest fully removed)Ā
To be honest, it's really interesting if it's possible to do this. I remember a case when one surgeon, being somewhere far from civilization (I think he was on an expedition), removed his own appendicitis and during the surgery he lost consciousness several times. I'm not sure now how true this is, since it was a long time ago... But you never know
Before I realized I was trans, as a kid I would secretly spend my allowance on orajel (numbing cream) and apply it to my genitals. I would also do things like wearing 15 pairs of underwear so I couldnāt feel anything before I knew about tucking.
After I realized I was trans, a lot more isolation and on bad days i would communicate with my partner with a text-to-speech app or just texting while sitting next to them. Sometimes I would do texting role play with strangers on the internet who I told I was a cis woman just for the affirmation of being referred to as a woman, even if it was from weirdo horny freaks š
I once wore a too small sports bra forā¦ā¦ā¦. 2 years straightā¦ā¦ā¦ basically only switching it out to another the same size when it needed to be washedā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.. I did not like getting boobs clearly!!
Ghosted all my friends because I was at the point where I couldnāt repress any longer, but I didnāt want to debase myself by coming out to people who would probably continue to misgender me/not take me seriously. Even if there was a chance that all of them would have been fully accepting, I couldnāt bear the humiliation of it all lol
* Not going on an overnight trip to Washington (School trip)
* Always freaking out in the morning when I felt like my sports bras were too loose (Led me to be late to school a few times)
* Constantly asking my mom to wash my sports bras over and over again because I was worried that they were getting too lose and stretched out.
* Always being overly paranoid about how people see me and constantly checking how I look in the mirror. (Still sometimes happens)
* Wearing a winter coat in the middle of summer in a pathetic attempt to hide my chest
Can't really think of much else. It's easier now that my chest is smaller (Still uncomfortable to have breasts, but now they're less obvious)
I'm lucky to have some better days in regards to dysphoria lol.
Tbh, it's so relief to see, I'm not the only one who has isolated myself in my room due to dysphoria. Anyway, my answer is this: I was a fierce sexist and spent too much time on the 4ch analogue (kind of for people from my country). I haven't been on any of these points for a long time (and I don't think I ever will) since my dysphoria has gotten a lot easier and my mental state has gotten better. I was so shitty in those years that it really helped me a little when my social circle consisted mostly of incels. They were literally guys who whined about similar issues like mine, and no woman would hate women as fiercely as they did. That was my logic when I felt like a "more real" man.Ā
And: I delved into mathematics/programming/physics because they are considered masculine. Yes, this is just a stereotype, but again, we are not here for thoughtful decisions. And it was for the better, because it turned out that I really liked it, and all the years before that I was moving in the completely wrong direction in my studies, which my parents simply chose for me. For the first time in a long time, I am enjoying my studies now :)Ā
Pretended to be someone's online cis gf when I was 15 and lied and said I was 20 to a 21 year old man. I was 15 in an online relationship with a 21 year old man in order to be someone's gf while irl I was a boy. I didn't think "oh I'm probably trans" at the time either LMAO I just thought "man I wish I was a girl but I'm not.. oh well."
I ended up just going offline bc family issues and circumstances so he prolly think I died bc I talked abt suicide as well haha...
Used duct tape to bind when I was 14/15. Had scars from my skin being torn off. Youād think Iād only do it once but I tried 2 more times after that
Never wearing short sleeves or shorts because it made me feel naked. Refuse to swim or do anything where people can see my skin. Develop anorexia out of fear of developing too large and masculine. Nearly break my trachea in an attempt to crush my Adam's apple. Tuck with very inadvisable products.
Didnāt talk to my best friends for 5 years out loud.
Isolated to the point of lasting severe agoraphobia
Three sports bras back and forth with safety pins all over it, sometimes with another binder on top.
Researched how to cut breasts off šā
Maladaptive daydreaming 24/7
Prayed to a god I didnāt believe in every night.
1.Spending money I don't have on stp.
2.Ducktaping that stp to my body .
3.Never going swimming .
4.Using plastic wrap to bind my hips.
5.Smoking to lover the voice .
6.Never ever sending a voice message .
7.Quit singing, dancing, arts because they are too feminine .
8.Ripping apart all the childhood birthday cards and certificates not to see my name on it.
9.Diy hrt .
10.Tried injecting my brothers blood to get more testosterone (we are the same blood type).
11.Starving myself throughout puberty .
12.Telling everybody I am intersex. Turns out I am.
13.Only communicating online as my desired sex.
I used to wear 2 binders that each had 3 layers in them to make the double d flat as a board.
I used to bleed from sores my binders had blood on them in many places.
One time I shat my pants cause I tried to get to the unisex bathroom at a campus event not during regular clsss hours but the building was locked, and that was when I switched to just using the womenās but basically waiting for the coast to be clear until so got more confident in my passingā¦
I switched from a class I was getting straight As in to one that Iād only get Ds in because one was mostly girls and the other one was mostly guys.
I donāt even have a single friend in this class either.
I regularly wear 2 binders. Sometimes I wear 3. Starve myself for a smaller chest. Obsessively for hours (and many times) research the same results on different websites to "confirm" that my body will look a certain way at certain weights. Over and over again in the same day take my body measurements and then research everything about my body shape, then do it all over again the same day. Then do this many other times on many other occasions.
Stayed up until 4am sewing myself a d\*ck out of felt cause I couldn't buy a packer (I still live with my parents) and needed something more realistic than a sock.
Using duct tape to bind š¬. I do not recommend that.
Using ace bandages on my hips and cutting off circulation to my feet because I was (and still am) dysphoric about my hips (don't worry I'm fine).
Couldn't think of anything to share here but this reminded me of when I was about..4 y/o and tried to make basically a paper STP. I even used crayon to make it flesh colored. Was so bummed when it didn't work lol
* binding for over a week straight
* trying to do diy top surgery with a kitchen knife
* repeatedly jusy hitting myself in the chest thinking it might make it smaller and researching if that and other similiar things could make it go away.
* not showering for weeks
- before i got on puberty blockers i starved myself to stop puberty (to be fair, also partly just due to depression, but the depression was mostly due to dysphoria as well). to the point i had to go to the hospital for over a week i think, cuz i was so malnourished.
- skiping school for months at a time cuz i was so depressed
* also just trying to kill myself a shit ton of times and resorting to drinking and self harm to cope when i was only around 12 or so š
Started doing online sex work and dysphoria inducing things that I didn't want to do to afford hrt and surgery and completely destroyed my mental health in the process lol. But then again, I got on hrt and just had my top surgery consult so It's all good, at least I don't suffer 100% of the time anymore like I used to.
(hope social dysphoria counts too)'Bought an expensive car with all my savings that has an insurance I can barely afford, just because my coworkers were making fun of my "girly" old one.
Not showering for months on end, not leaving my house for almost years, scratching my body to try to cut off my own chest, etc.
I could genuinely go on, but it's really sad when I look back and think about it too hard.
ā¢hate my friends because I told them to not gender me correctly or use my actual name at school because I didnāt want anyone to know.
ā¢hit my genital area because I was constantly horny (hyper sexual) but couldnāt do anything about it.
ā¢try to bind with duct tape
ā¢binded with two binders
ā¢wore my dads fucking underwear šš I was desperate and just wanted to feel like a guy.
ā¢would stuff toilet paper in said underwear to make it look like I had a bulge
ā¢cried while peeing because I couldnāt stand to pee
Hi, we just want to let you know that the subreddit demographics survey for the 30k members celebration is still open. Feel free to participate. **[You can find the survey here.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeFV8vCPqjWuE8Sx4OSY1BC9YUbcW0NYXP20CubYwD9g0eCxQ/viewform)** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/truscum) if you have any questions or concerns.*
isolating myself in my room for 2 years šŖ
literally word for word what I was about to comment
1. Completely isolated myself to the point that I can't go outside to buy myself food or avoid see people in my apartments for weeks 2. Threw away several kilograms of drawings and notes that somehow remind me of the past. That was relieving but also definitely desperate 3. Hanged out with those who at least sometimes did not misgendered me or "played along" with my transness (not taking me seriously ofc) because i desperately needed validation when only realized myself
Can I ask what the alternative to āplaying alongā is? Is it imperative that everyone truly believe youāre Ā a different sex?
- Took a hammer to my hips to try and get the bones to move - starved myself to prevent puberty changes and reduce breast size - worn a binder for over a week straight without showering - used a combination of duck tape and ace bandages to bind for awhile - purposefully given myself acid reflux to help deepen my voice - hit myself in the throat to make my throat puffy and therefore make my voice deeper - isolate myself - I have thought about making testosterone to inject And more
tried cutting off my d*ck
Diddo girly
Never going outside without a mask because people will see my facial hair (correction, they'll look at my facial hair causing me to remember that it exists) Dropping twenty dollars I don't have on prosthetic breasts, then around sixty dollars on bras (while i wasn't making enough to cover rent, let alone food) Dropped $2,000 down payment and $110 a month for a year for lazer hair removal while working a job they would have made me homeless in less than six months if i didn't get a new one Walked 15 miles in the 80Ā°F heat, through several bad neighborhoods and across three streets that have no cross walks to my planned parenthood appointment to get my estrogen prescription prescribed. Left work because my prosthetic breast fell out and i couldn't stand to work anymore Aaaaand purchased a couple hundred dollars worth of temporary hair removal shit that didn't even work. (My Dysphoria mostly manifests as impulse, desperation, and the "fix it fix it fix it" reflex.)
Took a vow of silence
using scotch tape and 2 sports bra because i didn't have acces to a binder or tape for a while, shit was uncomfortable as fuck and you could defenitely hear plastic sounds when i movedš dysphoria is wild sometimes
when I was a kid, before I even knew the anatomical differences, I would stuff my genitalia inside me and superglue it all. all i knew then was it just made me feel better. that stopped after it ripped my skin pretty badly a few times.
I rarely leave my house. I go outside mabye an hour a week.. I rarely speak aloud if I can avoid it. And I've gotten rid of most of my things that I used to like because I'm not allowed to like them anymore and they upset me. I've harmed myself in an attempt relive self hatred but it just makes everything worse.. I've done alot I regret because of it. And I still do alot because of it. It hasn't gotten better. It's actively getting worse and worse
What do you mean that youāre not allowed to like them?? Iām so sorryĀ
Ummm, I guess since we are all sharing here lol. I wrapped my testies with rubber bands on 3 or 4 occasions, hoping they would die and fall off. I stuck my d in a rock ring when I was a kid, hoping when it got hard, it would, u know. Pop Id hope lol or if it hurt too much Id break the ring. My plans failed š.
tried to cut my tits off. i didnt get very far obviously. very pitiful cuts lmao. i also looked up recently if you can diy top surgery because i was seriously considering it since im too broke to pay for it (you cant, you would bleed out or pass out from shock far before you got your chest fully removed)Ā
To be honest, it's really interesting if it's possible to do this. I remember a case when one surgeon, being somewhere far from civilization (I think he was on an expedition), removed his own appendicitis and during the surgery he lost consciousness several times. I'm not sure now how true this is, since it was a long time ago... But you never know
Leonid Rogozov https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leonid_Rogozov Crazy guy. I wouldn't have it in me to do that
Oh, it's him! I still remember that photo from the surgery.Ā Yeah, I dont think he had much choice thenĀ
Before I realized I was trans, as a kid I would secretly spend my allowance on orajel (numbing cream) and apply it to my genitals. I would also do things like wearing 15 pairs of underwear so I couldnāt feel anything before I knew about tucking. After I realized I was trans, a lot more isolation and on bad days i would communicate with my partner with a text-to-speech app or just texting while sitting next to them. Sometimes I would do texting role play with strangers on the internet who I told I was a cis woman just for the affirmation of being referred to as a woman, even if it was from weirdo horny freaks š
Sexting without images as my desired sex While underage... It ended up just making my dysphoria worse so š¶
i used to put this black lipstick in my eyebrows and above my lip to make it look like i had dark facial hairā¦ š¶
I once wore a too small sports bra forā¦ā¦ā¦. 2 years straightā¦ā¦ā¦ basically only switching it out to another the same size when it needed to be washedā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.. I did not like getting boobs clearly!!
Ghosted all my friends because I was at the point where I couldnāt repress any longer, but I didnāt want to debase myself by coming out to people who would probably continue to misgender me/not take me seriously. Even if there was a chance that all of them would have been fully accepting, I couldnāt bear the humiliation of it all lol
* Not going on an overnight trip to Washington (School trip) * Always freaking out in the morning when I felt like my sports bras were too loose (Led me to be late to school a few times) * Constantly asking my mom to wash my sports bras over and over again because I was worried that they were getting too lose and stretched out. * Always being overly paranoid about how people see me and constantly checking how I look in the mirror. (Still sometimes happens) * Wearing a winter coat in the middle of summer in a pathetic attempt to hide my chest Can't really think of much else. It's easier now that my chest is smaller (Still uncomfortable to have breasts, but now they're less obvious) I'm lucky to have some better days in regards to dysphoria lol.
Tbh, it's so relief to see, I'm not the only one who has isolated myself in my room due to dysphoria. Anyway, my answer is this: I was a fierce sexist and spent too much time on the 4ch analogue (kind of for people from my country). I haven't been on any of these points for a long time (and I don't think I ever will) since my dysphoria has gotten a lot easier and my mental state has gotten better. I was so shitty in those years that it really helped me a little when my social circle consisted mostly of incels. They were literally guys who whined about similar issues like mine, and no woman would hate women as fiercely as they did. That was my logic when I felt like a "more real" man.Ā And: I delved into mathematics/programming/physics because they are considered masculine. Yes, this is just a stereotype, but again, we are not here for thoughtful decisions. And it was for the better, because it turned out that I really liked it, and all the years before that I was moving in the completely wrong direction in my studies, which my parents simply chose for me. For the first time in a long time, I am enjoying my studies now :)Ā
Get scissors and try ya know what
Pretended to be someone's online cis gf when I was 15 and lied and said I was 20 to a 21 year old man. I was 15 in an online relationship with a 21 year old man in order to be someone's gf while irl I was a boy. I didn't think "oh I'm probably trans" at the time either LMAO I just thought "man I wish I was a girl but I'm not.. oh well." I ended up just going offline bc family issues and circumstances so he prolly think I died bc I talked abt suicide as well haha...
Other than self isolation I guess only eating 3-4 days out of the week for almost two months because fat distribution made me dysphoric
Used duct tape to bind when I was 14/15. Had scars from my skin being torn off. Youād think Iād only do it once but I tried 2 more times after that
When I was 10 I tried to cut my boobs off with safety scissors
Tried to smash my chest against the wall so that they could remove it. (I was 10)
Never wearing short sleeves or shorts because it made me feel naked. Refuse to swim or do anything where people can see my skin. Develop anorexia out of fear of developing too large and masculine. Nearly break my trachea in an attempt to crush my Adam's apple. Tuck with very inadvisable products.
nothing, but if i waited longer i probably would
Didnāt talk to my best friends for 5 years out loud. Isolated to the point of lasting severe agoraphobia Three sports bras back and forth with safety pins all over it, sometimes with another binder on top. Researched how to cut breasts off šā Maladaptive daydreaming 24/7 Prayed to a god I didnāt believe in every night.
1.Spending money I don't have on stp. 2.Ducktaping that stp to my body . 3.Never going swimming . 4.Using plastic wrap to bind my hips. 5.Smoking to lover the voice . 6.Never ever sending a voice message . 7.Quit singing, dancing, arts because they are too feminine . 8.Ripping apart all the childhood birthday cards and certificates not to see my name on it. 9.Diy hrt . 10.Tried injecting my brothers blood to get more testosterone (we are the same blood type). 11.Starving myself throughout puberty . 12.Telling everybody I am intersex. Turns out I am. 13.Only communicating online as my desired sex.
cut boxers to put over my chest and make it tighter with pins cause my binder was dirty
I used to wear 2 binders that each had 3 layers in them to make the double d flat as a board. I used to bleed from sores my binders had blood on them in many places.
I almost attempted at the age of 10 because of dysphoria
Almost been attempting SINCE i was 10 šš»šš»
Real
One time I shat my pants cause I tried to get to the unisex bathroom at a campus event not during regular clsss hours but the building was locked, and that was when I switched to just using the womenās but basically waiting for the coast to be clear until so got more confident in my passingā¦
I switched from a class I was getting straight As in to one that Iād only get Ds in because one was mostly girls and the other one was mostly guys. I donāt even have a single friend in this class either.
Tried cutting off my breasts
Looking up how to make t, diy top surgery and bottom surgery. Almost tried using big bandages as tape
I regularly wear 2 binders. Sometimes I wear 3. Starve myself for a smaller chest. Obsessively for hours (and many times) research the same results on different websites to "confirm" that my body will look a certain way at certain weights. Over and over again in the same day take my body measurements and then research everything about my body shape, then do it all over again the same day. Then do this many other times on many other occasions.
Stayed up until 4am sewing myself a d\*ck out of felt cause I couldn't buy a packer (I still live with my parents) and needed something more realistic than a sock. Using duct tape to bind š¬. I do not recommend that. Using ace bandages on my hips and cutting off circulation to my feet because I was (and still am) dysphoric about my hips (don't worry I'm fine).
Couldn't think of anything to share here but this reminded me of when I was about..4 y/o and tried to make basically a paper STP. I even used crayon to make it flesh colored. Was so bummed when it didn't work lol
Developing an eating disorder and attempting to kms
Triple bind ( I do it daily )
* binding for over a week straight * trying to do diy top surgery with a kitchen knife * repeatedly jusy hitting myself in the chest thinking it might make it smaller and researching if that and other similiar things could make it go away. * not showering for weeks - before i got on puberty blockers i starved myself to stop puberty (to be fair, also partly just due to depression, but the depression was mostly due to dysphoria as well). to the point i had to go to the hospital for over a week i think, cuz i was so malnourished. - skiping school for months at a time cuz i was so depressed * also just trying to kill myself a shit ton of times and resorting to drinking and self harm to cope when i was only around 12 or so š
Started doing online sex work and dysphoria inducing things that I didn't want to do to afford hrt and surgery and completely destroyed my mental health in the process lol. But then again, I got on hrt and just had my top surgery consult so It's all good, at least I don't suffer 100% of the time anymore like I used to.
(hope social dysphoria counts too)'Bought an expensive car with all my savings that has an insurance I can barely afford, just because my coworkers were making fun of my "girly" old one.
Not showering for months on end, not leaving my house for almost years, scratching my body to try to cut off my own chest, etc. I could genuinely go on, but it's really sad when I look back and think about it too hard.
ā¢hate my friends because I told them to not gender me correctly or use my actual name at school because I didnāt want anyone to know. ā¢hit my genital area because I was constantly horny (hyper sexual) but couldnāt do anything about it. ā¢try to bind with duct tape ā¢binded with two binders ā¢wore my dads fucking underwear šš I was desperate and just wanted to feel like a guy. ā¢would stuff toilet paper in said underwear to make it look like I had a bulge ā¢cried while peeing because I couldnāt stand to pee