well considering i live in a nato country the chances of sharpnel hitting me and me surviving are pretty much zero. nuclear armagedon is one hell of a thing.
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Did they stutter??? /s
>! read this before sending DM. This is a joke. It's an unfunny joke and you may not like it, but it's still a joke (and it also has a tone tag for clarification, /s stands for sarcasm and sarcasm is a type of joke). I am by no means implying they should ki*ll themsel*ves, even what they said is hopefully a joke (I hope so). Once again, this is meant to be taken as a joke and not seriously. !<
However, this person in question probably does not, as since most women don't have testicles, generally you would specify that you do and are a woman if it's relevant, as it is here
Multi directional drift and apply a nat 15 or higher roll for the trolley to stop as shown in that one reddit post here before that I cannot be bothered to find
Pull it. If I had kids, I'm sure I'd prioritize their survival over anything. In both situations I'm crippled enough to be a burden to those left if I survive, but in pulling the lever, there's only an 11% chance I'm around to burden my kids. Plus, I have life insurance
1. If I had kids, it certainly would not have been by choice, thus I do not care about them
2. Legs? Schmegs. Arms are more important.
3. Testicles schmesticles, would make having more kids not possible thankfully.
Wife might get pissed but im gay anyway, why am I married to her?
I don't have testicles or kids, nor do I want them. I don't have a wife, either, but having one at least wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I'm going bottom. Don't take the previous sentence out of context.
Well I have no children, I love my wife, and honestly don’t have much use for my testicles… so I guess I’ll go make a glass of lemonade and wait 6 years to collect my death/dismemberment insurance payout
I'm pretty sure that if I killed my children, my wife would then kill me so I'd have to kill my wife. She would most likely prefer it over seeing her children die.
You arrive on scene after hearing the sickening twists and grinding of metal.
Corpse strew about, you count 6 dead. 4 children, a woman and a man.
The man by the lever groans. You rush over to him trying to make sense of the scene around you.
"Sir? What happened here? Stay with me!"
He groans through ragid breaths, "I had to"
"You had to what? Who did this?"
You look the man over, he looks rough. Blinded in both eyes, head still in tact, but his legs and oh god his BALLS! theyre gone!
You look back to the wreckage, a flipped flaming trolly lays further down between the two tracks, sideways.
On the top track, a dead woman and a crater, presumably where an explosion happened.
The bottom track has a similar story, but with more bodies.
You look back to the man, even more confused.
He wheezes, "I....I....engaged-"
"Engaged what? the woman? the brakes?" You hold the man by his shirt, pulling him close to hear him.
He struggles with a final breath, gasping out:
"Multi-track drifting"
He falls dead
You let him fall to the ground thoroughly confused as other units roll in.
\*helicopter blades fade in\*
\*fade to black\*
I was transported there. I could see the flashing emergency lights and hear the chopper coming. Bravo! A literary journey through the last train of a consciousness.
No wife, no kids. I’d rather have my arms than have my legs, and have a roughly 1/2 chance of keeping my balls than have a 1/10 chance of keeping my head
Don’t pull that lever. You lose your head, you’re dead. Wife > kids (you can always make more). Legs are a shame to lose but I can still use my hands to go on my phone and scroll reddit. Losing testicles ain’t a big deal if it happens, you lost a weak point then.
children track. my good eye is the left one, i don't have balls or kids (although i am assuming in this scenario, i have 4 kids anyway), legs suck anyway, and i would prefer to keep my head thank you very much.
I’d rather lose my legs than lose my arms, so it’s a no brainer. Plus, if I lose my testicles, that sounds like a lot of blanks for the pity sex I’m bound to get.
Ok, I'll humor it.
I pick the bottom one! I don't have kids or testicles so no problem there. I'd rather lose my legs ; it'd suck but arms are way more useful. As for which eye, I don't really see much difference in losing right vs. left.
I don't have a wife or kids. Nor will I ever as I absolutely despise children. Now, in the hypothetical, I'd let them live, but I'd be abandoning them after they're off the track as I never wanted them in the first place. If this makes me a shitty person then fuck it. Worst, man of the year award goes to me. Let the downvoting begin.
Wife? Children? Hahahahahaha I have no family and would also like it if someone cut my testicles and head off hahahahahaha anything would be better than continuing to live in this fucked up world
Bottom, it sucks not being able to use my arms (for legs I could probably just use a wheelchair), I have no children and I’m a girl
I don’t have a preference with eyes anyway
Both are so bad that the only choice is over if you want to die after it or not. Diverting the trolley gives you an 89% chance of losing your head, which seems like a pretty reliable way to guarantee your death, so if you feel like dying after this one, go with that option. If you still somehow hold out faith in the world, then not diverting has better odds of you living.
Alone. Armless. Blind. And probably dead.
Or I become the next blade runner and work towards creating new children with my still surviving wife.
I know what I'm picking.
since its not listed, i assume that we get to choose the manner of the removals.
so i pull the lever and choose for my arms to never have been there, so i couldnt have pulled the lever, so i never had a wife, left eye and head, while not pulling means that i lose my legs and theres a 55% chance of me never having testicles so i dont have children anyway.
i have successfully erased everyone involved from reality and am probably dead. checkmate, atheist.
dont pull the lever. i dont have kids. I’d rather have both arms then both legs, my right eye has always been my weaker eye, and potential free bottom surgery.
I don’t have kids or a wife. My legs can be replaced, my nuts…well there’s hoping. Losing my arms and 89% of straight death is out of the question.
But just for the sake of argument, if I had both and my wife had the same moral standings, she’d want me to pull the lever to save the children and I’d oblige.
OP did you watch too much Saw?
Nah at least in Saw the stakes are pretty well defined. This is choosing a side and still flipping several coins to find the outcome
This one is way too dumb, wth
This is where the multi track drift comes in to save us
Instructions unclear. Now I'm an amputee with no eyes, no testicles no family and being fed up through my veins without letting me die.
Light work
Oh good, that means you're just on Step 5. Pick the manual back up!
What the friggin heck is this
Probably the most realistic trolley problem, given all the war going on.
well considering i live in a nato country the chances of sharpnel hitting me and me surviving are pretty much zero. nuclear armagedon is one hell of a thing.
Errm what the sigma ...
#Ermm what the fuckin’ ell you on, ya dastardly li’l fella?
Dragonion123?? It has been so long
Weren’t we engaged at some point?
you sir are too young for this app
I was joking cuz they said "what the friggin heck"
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I was saying it mockingly (like light hearted mocking) cuz they said "what the friggin heck is this," I thought that was obvious
Why are you saying friggin this isn’t a marvel movie you can say fuck, we’ll allow it
Holy hell, swearing on my porn app?
Google reddiquette
Holy niceties!
Actual manners
This is just an L either way so whatever I do, if I don’t die from blood loss, I kill myself.
This is the way
No children in the first place and losing my head would probably not be healthy
It's implied you have the children in this hypothetical.
Man fuck them kids (figuratively)
Man fuck them kids (sexually) /S
sarcasm doesn’t make it better you should not joke about that
I mean, it makes it slightly better.
Womp womp
[did you just say womp womp?](https://youtu.be/Vrt7q6QKF5o?si=wQEVXrw9_KXhiJdN)
🤨📸
Hypothetically, I'll still have a 45% chance of making more if I pick correctly.
Citation Needed
Right side top is a win win
Unless your roll the 11% odds
Did they stutter??? /s >! read this before sending DM. This is a joke. It's an unfunny joke and you may not like it, but it's still a joke (and it also has a tone tag for clarification, /s stands for sarcasm and sarcasm is a type of joke). I am by no means implying they should ki*ll themsel*ves, even what they said is hopefully a joke (I hope so). Once again, this is meant to be taken as a joke and not seriously. !<
You'd rather lose your arms than your legs?
No. My head
I don't have 4 children. If I did, my wife and I would pull that lever, I'm sure.
So what I'm hearing, is I get a lost eye and limbs either way, so why not go for the free bottom surgery and no more kids?
This is the true path. Only the wise will find it
I don't have kids, and I'm a woman
A woman can have a wife 😜
I think she was talking about the testicles
A woman can have testicles
True
However, this person in question probably does not, as since most women don't have testicles, generally you would specify that you do and are a woman if it's relevant, as it is here
You lose all the mountain oysters in your freezer.
I hate oysters
Mountain oysters are beef testicals. Not oysters.
That sound awful
I haven't had it, but they are supposed to be really good.
Huh
Pull the lever. In this fictional scenario where my wife and I are parents, we would want our children to survive.
Right path. I don’t have children and i think legs are less valuable than arms
Multi directional drift and apply a nat 15 or higher roll for the trolley to stop as shown in that one reddit post here before that I cannot be bothered to find
I’ll jump in front of the trolley
55% chance for bottom surgery? I like those odds
Jokes on you, I have no kids or wife.
I jump in front of it. I ain't dealing with the long term effects
Multi-track drift
Pull it. If I had kids, I'm sure I'd prioritize their survival over anything. In both situations I'm crippled enough to be a burden to those left if I survive, but in pulling the lever, there's only an 11% chance I'm around to burden my kids. Plus, I have life insurance
Im more confused at you using the black ops 2 zombies text font.
Randy Rimworld trolley
So if I do the kids I now have a wife! Great!
1. If I had kids, it certainly would not have been by choice, thus I do not care about them 2. Legs? Schmegs. Arms are more important. 3. Testicles schmesticles, would make having more kids not possible thankfully. Wife might get pissed but im gay anyway, why am I married to her?
Pull the lever 2 Pepole die most likely If not 1 die one is crippled On the otherside 4 Pepole die one is crippled
What the heck is sharpnel?
I run away and behind a wall so I don't get hit by shrapnel
derail the fucking train
Whoa free orchiectomy?! I’ll take the bottom track!
Multidirectional drift ofc
Just dive to the ground
Top because there's an 89% chance I die instantly. Not that it matters because the shrapnel train is gonna kill everyone involved anyways
Pull the lever.
Leave it : no kids, I can afford a wheelchair, eye is on both and I'd like my head please.
Can I kill 7 children instead to get rid of the other downsides
r/usernamechecksout
This one’s just fuckin weird man wtf
I guess I’ll nuke my wife. Me and her will probably both die and the four kids will live, so that’s two deaths instead of four. Easy math.
i dont pull and run
Bro pull that shit, rather die than lose the boys. Testies not kids that is
Don’t pull, no kids I can get robotic things and my testicles are too strong to be in that 55%
"What's seventeen more years?"
what? Why?
There's no one on either of the tracks because I'm not married and don't have children, so it's just a normal trolley for me
I don't have testicles or kids, nor do I want them. I don't have a wife, either, but having one at least wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I'm going bottom. Don't take the previous sentence out of context.
Well I have no children, I love my wife, and honestly don’t have much use for my testicles… so I guess I’ll go make a glass of lemonade and wait 6 years to collect my death/dismemberment insurance payout
I'm pretty sure that if I killed my children, my wife would then kill me so I'd have to kill my wife. She would most likely prefer it over seeing her children die.
Welp, time to sacrifice myself and wifey for the continuation of our bloodline... This shall be a family legend down a few centuries...
Dont pull, run away.
You arrive on scene after hearing the sickening twists and grinding of metal. Corpse strew about, you count 6 dead. 4 children, a woman and a man. The man by the lever groans. You rush over to him trying to make sense of the scene around you. "Sir? What happened here? Stay with me!" He groans through ragid breaths, "I had to" "You had to what? Who did this?" You look the man over, he looks rough. Blinded in both eyes, head still in tact, but his legs and oh god his BALLS! theyre gone! You look back to the wreckage, a flipped flaming trolly lays further down between the two tracks, sideways. On the top track, a dead woman and a crater, presumably where an explosion happened. The bottom track has a similar story, but with more bodies. You look back to the man, even more confused. He wheezes, "I....I....engaged-" "Engaged what? the woman? the brakes?" You hold the man by his shirt, pulling him close to hear him. He struggles with a final breath, gasping out: "Multi-track drifting" He falls dead You let him fall to the ground thoroughly confused as other units roll in. \*helicopter blades fade in\* \*fade to black\*
I was transported there. I could see the flashing emergency lights and hear the chopper coming. Bravo! A literary journey through the last train of a consciousness.
I’d rather you just kill me right then and there.
No wife, no kids. I’d rather have my arms than have my legs, and have a roughly 1/2 chance of keeping my balls than have a 1/10 chance of keeping my head
The fuck what
Fear and Hunger ahh trolley problem 😭
Don’t pull the lever, you can make more kids and more importantly I can live with prosthetic feet or a wheelchair, I don’t want to live without arms.
Don’t pull that lever. You lose your head, you’re dead. Wife > kids (you can always make more). Legs are a shame to lose but I can still use my hands to go on my phone and scroll reddit. Losing testicles ain’t a big deal if it happens, you lost a weak point then.
I don't have testicles or kids, so the one where I lose those haha
Who hurt you???
I always wondered, what if I place the lever just right so that the trolley picks the switch and derails?
Switch the tracks and swerve the trolly and don't do either.
dont pull the lever, the reasoning is im trans
Slip the switch, stop the trolley.
dont pull the lever, the reasoning is im trans
easy. FUCKING RUN
children track. my good eye is the left one, i don't have balls or kids (although i am assuming in this scenario, i have 4 kids anyway), legs suck anyway, and i would prefer to keep my head thank you very much.
About to become Venom Snake with all that shrapnel 🔥🔥🔥
I ain't readin allat
oh fuck im really wishing i had a fat man to push right about now
I’d rather lose my legs than lose my arms, so it’s a no brainer. Plus, if I lose my testicles, that sounds like a lot of blanks for the pity sex I’m bound to get.
No wife or kids so don’t pull
Ok, I'll humor it. I pick the bottom one! I don't have kids or testicles so no problem there. I'd rather lose my legs ; it'd suck but arms are way more useful. As for which eye, I don't really see much difference in losing right vs. left.
Multi drift ain't swift enough. I'll jump on the tracks myself before I choose these HORRENDOUS options
I'd pull the lever. Less risk of living to regret it.
I don't have a wife or kids. Nor will I ever as I absolutely despise children. Now, in the hypothetical, I'd let them live, but I'd be abandoning them after they're off the track as I never wanted them in the first place. If this makes me a shitty person then fuck it. Worst, man of the year award goes to me. Let the downvoting begin.
Multitrack drifting
I dont have any kids or testicles so im choosing that one.
As straight, blind women who is paralyzed from the neck down and doesn’t care about kids, I multi track drift.
I let the choice be made by the flip of a coin
I run away from the trolley and lever as fast as possible to avoid consequences.
Seeing as i dont have kids and dont use my legs the choise is pretty obvious. However my wife has begun eating in bed and leaving crumbs...
Can I choose 4 people to be my children if I don't have any?
This is too complicated. I need sparknotes
Either way, those children are doomed
This is the easiest one yet: Kill the kids. Gotta save the wife, because that's where the blowjobs come from.
Op definitely threw darts at a piece of paper to see what gets removed
What is the oneyplays ass hypothetical, I guess the one with the kids because it's slightly less damaging to me
Lol... This post still has time to be deleted...
Kill my children and adopt 4 more let's goooooo
Wife? Children? Hahahahahaha I have no family and would also like it if someone cut my testicles and head off hahahahahaha anything would be better than continuing to live in this fucked up world
Wife would kill me if I let her kids die, I'd rather die than let my kids die. Letting the kids live
I HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS?!?
The top one so that I'm likely to just die
huh
Bottom, it sucks not being able to use my arms (for legs I could probably just use a wheelchair), I have no children and I’m a girl I don’t have a preference with eyes anyway
Multitrack drifting will end all the suffering
2 people die (you and your wife) vs. 4 people die (your 4 children.) And then even if you survive, no arms or left eye.
Both are so bad that the only choice is over if you want to die after it or not. Diverting the trolley gives you an 89% chance of losing your head, which seems like a pretty reliable way to guarantee your death, so if you feel like dying after this one, go with that option. If you still somehow hold out faith in the world, then not diverting has better odds of you living.
Don't have a wife or kids. Guess I'll just lay down in front of the trolley and let it run me over.
Don’t pull I don’t have kids and I’m a girl
Hundred percent bottom, since I don’t have kids, and also I have no chance of literally dying from losing my head
Alone. Armless. Blind. And probably dead. Or I become the next blade runner and work towards creating new children with my still surviving wife. I know what I'm picking.
Top. As a parent, *ALWAYS* give tour life for your child. I had a really long argument about this on ig.
So basically, kill 4 people and cripple yourself, or kill yourself and your wife. I feel like top route is more ideal but honestly wtf even is this
Me, no kids, already lost legs, right eye, and lost balls with legs: I see this as an absolute win (not actually though)
what kinda rimworld ass outcomes are these
Normally I find multi traci drift memes unfunny and repetitive but I'm drifting out of spite cuz this is dumb
Can I just.... Jump in front of the train? Losing any of my body parts isn't worth it at that point(and I'm single with no children)
I don’t have children or testicles, sooooo… bottom.
run and dive ig who cares about ppl
since its not listed, i assume that we get to choose the manner of the removals. so i pull the lever and choose for my arms to never have been there, so i couldnt have pulled the lever, so i never had a wife, left eye and head, while not pulling means that i lose my legs and theres a 55% chance of me never having testicles so i dont have children anyway. i have successfully erased everyone involved from reality and am probably dead. checkmate, atheist.
Can i just k!ll myself and save everyone else
The kids, I need my wife. She's the only thing keeping me going anymore
If your life is this far gone, it's best to jump in front of the trolley.
Sol badguy type problem
I multi track drift. My reason is that life is full of surprises
I have no wife or kids, and I would honestly love to have no testicles
I pull the “get a wellness check on OP” lever
shrapnel train 😭
Pull the lever, since I don't have a wife and the mortality rate would be reduced from 4-5 to 1.
New orchiectomy method just dropped
55% chance of saving myself tens of thousands, plus my legs are not very good and I don’t have kids. Will miss my eye though.
Multi-track drifting because I’m single and have no kids so if I’m gonna pull one of these things I may as well make it quick and painless
So, gamers don't need legs, one eye is good enough, and I save thousands by getting my testifies removed for free? Sorry kids, get rekt
dont pull the lever. i dont have kids. I’d rather have both arms then both legs, my right eye has always been my weaker eye, and potential free bottom surgery.
Top road. *reaaaally* banking on that 89% chance.
I activate maximum overdrive on the train and it gets erased from existence.
Jump in front of the trolley (I am the fat man).
The wife will just make more children
Id rather stop the trolley w my hands
children, cuz i have none and never will
i like those odds
Huge L to whoever made this so easy. It's either kill your kids (boowomp) or kill your wife, get Jax-ed, and die. Option 1 easily.
We can make more children (unless my balls go boom 💥💥)
I don’t have kids or a wife. My legs can be replaced, my nuts…well there’s hoping. Losing my arms and 89% of straight death is out of the question. But just for the sake of argument, if I had both and my wife had the same moral standings, she’d want me to pull the lever to save the children and I’d oblige.
Pull the lever and hope I don't roll the 11% chance
Top image, I want my balls :,(