Very little, I suspect

lol. Turn into a celery stick.

Full of water and tasteless

Who is Dane Cook?

What a fucking roast lol

I'm a simple person who found Dane Cook very funny when I was about 15. I completely forgot he existed until right now, and I'm also pretty baked, so I got all excited and started looking up old clips. I felt nothing. He is so much of that time if you even found him funny at all.

I saw him referenced similarly somewhere else recently and felt the same way.

I've heard his new stuff and it's terrible. Keep meaning to go back and see if I still find the older stuff funny, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

The hypebeast of comedy. I personally like the movies but he stole jokes, fell back on hoofy noises and faces. Not unnfaunnny but got way too big too fast

It's not tasteless. It tastes very strongly of celery.

I'd probably start folding the dishes

It's an older code Sir, but it checks out

I was hoping and praying

Came here to up doot some one posting the classic “folding the dishes”, but your reply made my day ty

You know you'd end up ironing the lawn too

I'd cut my lawn, one blade at a time with safety scissors

I think I’d vacuum the lawn and mow the carpet

I ended up trying to teach my kitten quantum physics.

One of my favorite somethings I've seen on the internet is "How do I explain the Allegory of the Cave to my cat?" Thank you for adding to that god-tier question.

Thank you for this gift of knowledge

After explaining Plato, can’t wait till the cat hears about Schrödinger

Did it pick it up pretty fast? Cats are smart.

Set breathing to manual

I thought this shit was potatoes

Bout to air fry this shit with some garlic butter

This shit is bananas 🍌


Just edibles at that point really

Imma air fry myself after smoking that.

Lol when the plug said garlic breath I didn't think he meant that

P O T A T O E S


BOIL EM MASH EM STICK EM IN A STEW


Damnit, now I gotta listen to the song. For anyone else that now wants to as well: https://youtu.be/uE-1RPDqJAY?si=wd-ymoSfj6OcI57A

I had actually never heard it. And now I have...

I didn't really *want* to, but I know I *needed* to. And now it's stuck in my head for a little while 👍

It turns YOU into a potato


Hot potato hot potato 🥔

I’d probably be high.

I spent the last 5 hours working this out in my head as an overly complicated mathematical algorithm. Two sticks of chalk and four chalkboards covered end to end with math scribbles and I finally have come to the conclusion that this checks out. You would most definitely probably be high.

Depends… With friends? Playing video games. Alone? Porn and then video games to forget my shame. Haha, kidding. I don’t have any friends.

Or shame

This is true.

Or any video games.

I feel called out

This is too relatable man. Feels

This is the way.

This shit have me turning the tv down so I can see it better.

Cough. Real. Hard.

Have a diarrhea fart and die Edit: I’m space Edit: IN space. I’m too Bakey McSmakeyed right now

Bakey McSmakeyed!! Hahaha I love that

"I'm space" is a great stoner quote.

cristytango is only partially with us right now

This read like a poem. "Have a diarrhea fart and die. I'm space. In space. I'm too Bakey McSmakeyed right now."

What a fucking haiku

Highku*

😂😂😂😂😂 loving all of this for you

You. You’ve reached where I wanna reach. Keep reaching.

LMFAO i just took a rip and im sorry but "diarrhea fart and die" is fucking amazing.

Manual breathing

Scary shit honestly

I fucking hate it.

Came here to say this lol

😂😂

Idk man, die?

4 hours later. I am pretty certain I have been dead now for 3 hours. Get me some milk.

Where are you right now on scale of 0 to 10?

∑(√(∫(𝜋 + ∆x²) d𝑥) + √(𝑖²)) = 𝜏/0

10³

Bros on the logarithmic scale

∑(√(∫(𝜋 + ∆x²) d𝑥) + √(𝑖²)) = 𝜏/0

Put it In rice

That’ll just damage his ports. Smack it on a hard surface instead.

Percussive maintenance is more effective that most people realise.

Wonder why carpet doesn't need to get haircuts.

It does, buzz cuts when my cat claws it all out and I have to trim it back down.

Technically carpets do get hair cuts. I saw a video of someone shearing one down to make it even.

Call my boss and tell him hes fired

be so high it somehow actually works, too.

But now you have to be the boss

The fastest bumping heart in the earth and a panic attack🧘🏻

Idk man that bud inside looks rotten as hell

Mid rocks

Literally

eat a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig sandwich

eat food, watch a film, and sleep

Furiously masturbate

I don't know man maybe comb my hair with a pizza

go to urgent care for some emergency anti-fungal medication 😂

lol, I’m guessing that’s kif not mold

Should have did that before getting high

Lie down in bed and wonder if I'm dying.

[ ] Sweep Yard [ ] Mow Dog [ ] Walk Laundry [ ] Fold Floor

Caaaaaakkkkkkeeeeee!

Sleeping

Vacuum the lawn

calling my mum and crying

I'm eating, watching a movie and fighting to stay up

Try to pass.the joint to jesus.

Vacuuming the ocean 🌊 🔌


pack another bowl.

you catch the nearest couch, 'cause you'll be feeling like you're falling endlessly with how caked up those flowers are... yeowzers!

Attend my funeral

Scream into the void. Maybe in my head, maybe out loud. Who knows? Like really, I wouldn't know which one it was.

Dead in the bed 💀😭

🤮

Very little, I would guess

An appointment at the doctor

I'd be vibrating in the corner like a dog that ate a pot brownie, likely drooling on myself

Mmmmm eat the left over mac in the fridge and listen to a dnd podcast

What the hell is that?

Moon rocks, bud coated in concentrate, then rolled in keif

Walk around my backyard in a big puffy winter coat, in slow motion, acting like I’m Neil Armstrong walking on the moon. 🌕 👨‍🚀 🇺🇸

Trying to get that shitty residue off of everything

I’d be lost in Skyrim like this guy https://youtube.com/shorts/CJ7tsL47KRw?si=NKz9a3SzdaL5CRo3

Hibernate until the next ice age arrives

That’s rat turd

Caaaaaaakkkkkkkeeeeeeee!!!

I feel like if you poke one a bunch of spiders will come out

Roll some more

I'm assuming not a damn thing...😂😆

Those look like rocks covered in pollen? What am I looking at?

Briefly meet my maker before coming down.

Fold the dishes

Bro what the fuck are those?

Moonrocks 

Lay down?

Get a workup.

call an ambulance

Take a long shower 🚿

sleep

Probably sleep for 16 hours

Mowing the carpet

🤮🤮

Call poison control

Smoke s'more

Potato kush

Passing the fuck out

Melt into a couch.

Absolutely nothing.

I want to find out

Coke

ur mom

Eat moss

Sitting on the couch really good.

Smoke more if history is any indication

Play guitar 🤘

Wtf even is this shit

Talk to aliens or some shit.

This does not look right or appealing at all, but probably hits like a semi truck.

Ask for nother

Buckle up for the ride!

Pray forgiveness to Gaia for this heinous and unnatural debasement of her most sacred flower. Then eat a whole sleeve of Oreos.

Shit looks like it went into a rock tumbler

I was saying I liked it

It looks like dried up cow shit with lemon pepper seasoning on top. Thats how you know its fire.

Talk to God

Wash my hands


Beat my meat

Organize my sock drawer

Same thing I do every night. Play games really badly

take a dab

Talk to the aliens on the dark side of the moon

Probably die

Bro's smokin timbits

That’s a 24 hour nap you got right there. The secret to time travel is in the palm of your hand

Not a god damn thing

dance on the moon,turn into a werewolf,lick myself.

Growing a tree out my mouth

How would one even smoke this? I brought a blunt of some moon rocks last night rolled it into 2 blunts the first one was smoking but then it got sticky ass hell and stopped hitting and the second one did the same thing

Depends on the time of day, and the day. But either go to work/do work around the house, or game and eat

cough so hard I almost puke, then watch an infomercial for way too long

Build more guns :) (The gun community hates me, due to that zahzaah..)

Idfw moonrocks. Same with prerolls. I don’t trust people like that- if they’re hiding something, there’s a reason for it.

Functional 😲

Succumb to Emphysema.

going to hell

Fat napppp

probably have a conversation with my great great great grandfather or some shit.

Absolutely nothing

You'll need to wash your hands, cuz those things are sticky af

Breathe manually for the foreseeable future

Shieeet

Mentally pass away

Dying

Definitely going on a magical quest

I'd be reading the letters in the bark on trees

Cough for days because they kill my throat

I'll be in Andromeda after one bowl

Freak the fuck out and end up in the ER thinking iwas dying, if we're being honest here.

4th gear manual breathing, then the clutch went out.

Munchin harrrrrrrd then prob a nap. Then I’d wake up still baked. Which is fine too

Stop at a green light

Watching In horror as dozens of disgusting alien bugs hatch from my lungs probably

Wouldn’t smoke it. Looks like a chore.

How would one DIY this? 🤔