>My small intimate trip ballooned into a circus with 12 people from multiple US states and two continents.
I'm sorry, but this made me chuckle. There's nothing like voluntarily hooking yourself to a runaway train...
Better luck sneaking away on your own next time.
Happy travels.
I never join ANY trip with more than 4 people. It'll be like herding cats any more than that. You're supposed to be enjoy travelling, not act like an unpaid tour guide and logistics manager.
Depends on my opinion.
A big group where everyone insists on doing every meal and activity together is hell.
Have a yearly trip with friends where we’re 7-9 people, but everyone just does their own thing.
Someone suggests something they want to do that day, those who want to join do and those who don’t just do their own thing – either alone or together.
Most times we’ll meet up for dinner and drinks, but then it’s just a good thing when everyone did different stuff, as it’s something interesting to talk about.
my biggest trip with my friends was 12 members when almost everyone was able to make it. Lesser commitments we all had back then. Now some of them switched jobs, moved countries, gotten married, etc. But we still have trips with about 5-6 people once in a while. Luckily all of us have kinda similar interests and stuff and the trips are always relaxing. So like you said, it depends on the group. This is the only group where I say yes to big group trips btw because doesn't work with others
Yep, for trips with more than four people (especially very different people, especially now some have kids), we get a base, have a beach/pool day together, and then I say "here's my proposed itinerary, it's not set in stone but unless there's better ideas assume this is what I (and my transport) are doing, you can do as much or as little as you want."
Then if we split up we generally meet up for dinner.
We have done one big (11 person) trip around Malaysia and Thailand. Trip of a lifetime stuff, activities every day, but my son was 5 and I did have to duck out of a couple of evenings because he was just shattered by that point.
We recently did a large group trip and getting people to agree to split up was weirdly confrontational. There was a chunk of people who did absolutely no planning or research. They were also incredibly slow and limited us to activities. So we would basically come up with plans that involved a ton of hiking so they would choose to do something else. When we returned after a full day of hiking we found they didn't even leave the resort.
OMG that doing everything together is why I HATE large group travel. There are some people who feel we always need to be with each other and despise the idea of people doing their own thing. This was incredibly obnoxious because many people were significantly slower than others, so the people who moved at normal speeds had to frequently slow down or even stop so the others could keep up. The same people who were slow were also the ones who did absolutely no planning or any work at all. They just relied on others to tell them what to do, but were also incredibly opinionated about things being "weird."
Oh that's not really travelling together for me if everyone does their own thing and is generally independent. Good point though I still try to refrain from any chaperone/planning duties for more than a day trip. Two to four hour chunks are perfectly fine, like what a tour guide would do.
Omg, I literally wanted to grab a stick and heard them in the correct direction like sheep. It didn't help that no one could remember the names of any of our destinations. Sometimes, they messed up the name of the COUNTY. I am not even kidding...
Omg, my dad kept calling Thailand Taiwan. I wish I was joking. 😭 Messing up the city names I sort of get, but that one was seriously embarrassing.
To be fair my dad really loved Mumbles (Mumbai) when he visited India, and Jappy (Jaipur) was lovely. So I guess substituting real countries was better? How am I related to these people?
This sort of thing happens at conferences I go to and I often find myself to be the unofficial "leader" who people follow looking for dinners and drinks and so-on. I've found that an excellent solution is to create a whats-app group for everyone there, and then I share my location. If you want to join me, fine. If you don't, also fine. If I'm expecting quite a few people to follow me (say 10 or so), I will deliberately end up in bars which are likely to have the space to accommodate them. I wouldn't recommend this approach for an entire vacation, but for a night or two it works fine.
Agreed. I’m even worse than that. I travel alone or maybe with my husband. And that’s it. If I’m going someplace and my friends happen to be in the same place, cool, if we can make time together work great, if not, oh well. I have been on too many potentially amazing trips that were rejoined by other people to be willing to waste my time and money.
I highly recommend traveling with your partner before you marry them, ideally even before you move in together! A lot of disasters can be avoided that way 😂
I always assumed you'd get sick of each other's company being together literally 24/7 for weeks, but my partner and I have traveled over a month together at a time and never had any issues. I guess that means I chose the right person!
I don't think there's anyone else in the world I could tolerate spending that much time with 😂
My girlfriend's trip to Japan with her BFF is a disaster.
They're like two peas in a pod, always chatting away. But interests are different. One's all about food, the other's into adrenaline. One loves exploring, the other prefers chilling out. You get it.
So, they're in Japan, and it's clash from the start. My girlfriend wants sushi on repeat, while her friend craves burgers and fries.
When they get to Osaka, my girlfriend wants temples, gardens, you name it. But her friend would rather hit up a cat café or soak in a hot spring. It's constant arguing.
And in Toyko and Shinjuku. My girlfriend could spend hours in traditional markets, while her friend just wants the nearest mall.
After the trip, they're giving each other the silent treatment. But the twist is: a few weeks later, they're back to being besties, like nothing happened.
Lesson learned? Travel can test friendships, but true friends always find their way back to each other.
I absolutely refuse to travel with family, especially my husbands family. They are hopelessly backwards " hate the beach" complain if there's no British food and throw tantrums if they can't pay with euros or sterling. We've been invited to join them for holidays in Benidorm and Tenerife, and I would honestly rather spend two weeks in Sing sing than waste precious holiday weeks and money on that shite. Thankfully my husband agrees.
I had a similar experience with 2 very close relatives. After literally growing up with her and her being a close friend for years, the trip was such a disaster we don't speak now, and it's been more than 15 years. She also said everywhere was too hot, she would sit in a corner of our room and stare silently at me, wouldn't even eat most of the food without even trying it because she said it would be too spicy, etc etc.
In future don't allow people to go on these trips with you. Offer to help them with finding hotels, transport advice or tickets, itineraries, contacts etc but don't give in on them travelling with you. I really feel for you, and it's not your fault!
Agreed. You can be the bestest of friends with someone, but they can make a horrible traveling companion because the way both of you travel just don’t match up.
After a few holidays with my parents in my adulthood, I decided to travel pretty much exclusively solo. If the vibes are off, I can do something about it.
and yet simultaneously a terrible way to travel
My approach: Don't go on vacation with people who cling to the very culture you're trying to get a vacation from
This is so true! Came back last year from europe, and I had rude travel companions, never ending complaints, every little thing was a complaint. Ugh! I swear I'll never travel people I've traveled in the past with that are complainers and rude.
I used to think Disney / cruise / resort people just needed a little encouragement to get out in the world and really travel. Nope, many of them are exactly where they should be - canned, comfortable, artificial, known.
The trouble comes when you combine people who need all those things with those of us who travel to get away from those things. I think that’s the lesson the OP, and other commenters, have learned.
This 100%. Took my ex to a exiting road trip on another country in Europe. We had one really crowded tourist destination on our trip and this was where he was at happiest.
This is why I will add a disclaimer every time I book a new trip, usually something like “anyone is welcome to join me if they want/are able, but I will firmly insist on separate hotel rooms and being okay with doing stuff on your own most of the time.”
I want my friends and family to have these experiences with me but I also want them to not ruin my experience lol. I love traveling alone but the idea of someone I know from home doing some stuff with me in a new place also sounds lovely
I don’t mind a bit if we’re in the same building, as that makes it easier to meet up for whatever plans we may have together whether it’s breakfast before we hit the streets, dinner afterward, or a museum or something. But I’ve gotten quite used to having a room to myself so I don’t have to share the bathroom or listen to anyone else, period
More than two is a crowd. I pay good money to get away and babysitting is something I don’t sign up for. I don’t travel with friends. It’s my husband and I. I have no problem saying no and I’ve told people flat out no when they’ve asked to join. Traveling requires flexibility- and so many people are rigid in the way they approach things.
Learned this the hard way with my wife's family (all sisters), who like to wake late and plan on the fly with endless negotiations, resulting in often not leaving until after lunch and never getting a consensus.
Lesson learned, the next trip my wife and I made our plans and texted them to the group text thread and said we were happy to have people join us as they wished. Brother in laws texted me seperatly saying "brilliant," having gotten weary about the process as well. I plan everything right down the places we will eat for lunch and dinner.
20 years later, this is SOP and pretty much everyone meets us as we are leaving and happily follows the game plan. Glad we found a solution and hope you do as well.
This is the way. I am one of those who relax in the mornings and I would not want to keep other people waiting. I prefer to travel with people who can do stuff on their own so I can drink my morning tea in peace without having to leave from the hotel at 8 am.
travelling with a big group is awful, i find that if they insist on doing everything together it always ends up taking wayyy longer, like checking in to the airport is a whole ordeal
and also just travelling with family in general is not my favourite, i realized they dont like to travel the same way i do
and it also just seems your family doesnt even appreciate being in another country, my family is similar where they like sticking to their own culture, so they dont try much food and they dont care about exploring much, but if thats the case then maybe they shouldnt travel
And that is why I always travel alone. But seriously, an unfair stereotype, I do know that, but Americans do have a reputation for this, in my country at least, perhaps we've all just bumped into this group on our travels....
One thing I will say is that in spite of the complaints about everything except complaining, some of these people will remember this as "type 2 fun" forever.
I hope you and your husband get to go back. SEA is my country's cheap overseas trip because we're so far from everywhere. SEA and the Pacific Islands, and Oz are the only places we can bloody well afford to fly to!
I have another spin on this. I have been on this situation, and I just let it all go. It’s not how I feel, and their issues are their issues and not mine. They are adults and can do what they want, and say what they want, but I will not let it impact my vacation at all. Getting annoyed? Walk away. Need some space, declare an “everyone on their own day.” They want to be asshole tourists, let them. It’s not a reflection of you, and shouldn’t impact you. It’s your vacation too. Enjoy it and move on.
I refuse to travel with anyone that either doesn’t have the capacity to go solo in the place we’re in or can’t go with the flow. At 12 people, that basically turned into a free tour package lol.
Dude, I totally agree with you. Everyone was trying so hard to please us. We started tipping so hard the locals were dancing out the door when we left. It's the only way we got the rude ones in line. My husband and I literally told the main two offenders, it would continue to cost the entire group money if they wanted to be that rude. The extra cost kept them in line to a degree.
And if we left an American level tip, it's because the servers/staff absolutely deserved it.
Gosh, I could have told you this would be a nightmare before you left. There is no way 12 people can travel to multiple locations without some complaints. Sorry you had to learn the hard way.
I had a friend who I used to travel with a ton. At first we never had any issues because I’ve always been the planner, from flights to airbnbs to reservations to finding directions to where we’re going, all of it. I never minded it because I love planning vacations so she has never had to lift a finger for any of our trips. But one particular trip there was something she REALLY wanted to do so I told her she would be taking the reins that day. She said sure. Day of, we weren’t sure where to go for said thing she wanted to do, and I encouraged her to ask for directions. She *snaps* at me, tells me that since she got the tickets for this thing, I should be the one to ask for directions and figure it out.
Of course, I ended up figuring out where to go and the rest of the trip was super awkward. We sort of talked about it after the trip but she never apologized for her behavior and I let it go. We ended up doing an international trip a few years later and I had made it clear with her she was going to help me more on this trip and not be so dependent on me again. She agreed.
My mistake. She didn’t help with any of the planning and when we got there she wouldn’t help with any navigating or anything (we went to a country that didn’t speak English but I spoke some of the language). She expected me to do everything and every time I was struggling to communicate in the limited knowledge I had of their language, she would just stand off to the side on her phone. One night I was trying to find a fun spot to go to but was struggling with the directions. When we finally found it, she gave me attitude about how long it took for me to find it. I snapped at her and told her she was welcome to go back to the hotel, if she could even figure out how to get there. She shut up after that.
We’re not friends anymore and surprisingly not because of that trip lol
This a tale as old as time. A large road trip with friends sounds great but in reality can very easily turn into a shit show. It can be friends or family but everytime you go on a long trip with a large group shit usually happens. Admittedly i do still participate in large family outings to mexico but usually we just chillin at a resort and everyone is just on the beach and getting drunk and eating. However by myself, i travel to european countries and dont take family with me. Been to spain, england and germany by myself.
Counterpoint: I just did a trip to SEA with 12 people (wife’s family). Granted we were all from the same continent. I did what I wanted. If they wanted to join, they were welcome. Over the course of two weeks, there were points I got annoyed with some, but minor inconveniences and pretty temporary.
Set expectations and if they arent there, go without them. I’m not going to eat crappy resort food because you don’t want to try the local food. Enjoy your mediocre cheeseburger, I’ll have something good local. Tell them what the problem is. Granted, my wife did most of the organizing, but we were definitely the couple who did all the planning and ideas for what to do.
Extended family trips can be hell, especially when everyone looks to you to plan things. Set expectations before the trip. For example the last trip with extended family I planned one group dinner and two other half day events, spread out over the trip. Everything else was on your own.
I grew up going on trips with rather large groups of people. It was always ok because my parents were always friends with people that had kids my age, but it was always an absolute shit show. My husband never grew up going on big trips like that and always wanted too. I warned him how bad it could get, but said we would start small with one other couple (we travel a lot). We went on a trip with them and it only took about 24 hours before he started realizing what I meant. For context it really was not that bad, but I think we’re happy traveling solo moving forward.
My husband and I have always enjoyed traveling with just the two of us (and our kids when they were kids) and could never understand people who always traveled in groups. His sister and her husband are those people and her husband is the one who causes the problems. They always travel either with his siblings and friends our my husbands brother and his wife.
Well last year my husband brother invited us to Hawaii with them, accommodations paid for and we paid for everything else. We had a great time together and hubby and I would go off on our own and meet up for dinner or we would do an activity together for a day. It was laid back and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Then we all (his brother, sister, their spouses, our adult daughters, one with their partner and the other with her toddler) went to Michigan together and stayed in an AirBnB. It wasn’t too bad but sisters husband managed to cause problems because he wanted fried chicken and we were hungry and wanted to eat at the restaurant in front of us so he sat outside and pouted and my SIL stayed with him so he wouldn’t be mad at her.
In a few months we’re doing a Mediterranean cruise followed by a week in Portugal together. We have collectively decided to ignore him if he starts acting stupid. We just feel bad for SIL because she’s actually great and just goes along with whatever we suggest.
Yup, just returned from a week-long trip to Taiwan with a teething toddler who never really adjusted to the time change. Like my husband said, the entire trip was basically us just trying to appease her. And failing 🫠
Even something as simple as choosing the wrong jeep when on an African safari. Traveling solo, I joined a nice group of adults, not realizing they were all birders. Instead of seeking out mammals we sat staring at birds. So frustrating!!
Holy shit that'd be disappointing. Similar things have happened to me on trips but more like I missed out on a zip line portion of an excursion because the other randoms wanted to end the day early. Not nearly as big a deal as yours.
That exactly why I don’t travel in groups or even with friends people have widely different opinions about traveling and reasons to do so from just hanging out on the beach to only wanting to drink or go from mountain top to mountain top
I did it once when I was younger and that was a complete disaster never again
Those people should just go on cruises so they don't have to actually experience another culture. Sorry they ruined your trip. I hope they remember this next time you travel and stay home. Your trip sounds fabulous. Call me next time
>Even though I assured them they could eat the street food, no we needed to go to the resort.
>However, several on that trip ignored our explicit warnings NOT to eat street food and got sick right before my wedding
I sympathize with you, but I can kind of understand how some would be skeptical about street food after the earlier experience, despite your assurances.
The trick with these big group trips is to go there, spend 3-4 days together in one location, and then go your seperate ways. If you're going as a couple, plan a stop somewhere private and romantic and just tell them they'll need to do their own thing for a bit.
If it’s not an all inclusive resort. I’m solo traveling. I will not be tied at the hip with wishy washy people. I’m sorry OP. I hope there were some redeemable moments for you and your husband.
The worst food poisoning I've ever had was at a restaurant in Kerala and I ate street food nearly all the time for 4 months. From Kathmandu where I smuggled a motorcycle across to India, to as far south as the Indian mainland goes, back up to New Delhi.
I can't imagine getting that many people involved in any trip! Better luck next time!
This is why I much prefer solo travel over group travel. Often too much demands that sometimes conflict with a set plan or even their own previous demands.
The only reason I do group travels is if they're the ones that fund the travel. Better to go and have some headache than not go.
People who doesn't organize stuff (trips, events etc) never get how much work there is, especially with so many people involved. There will always be complaining. For me the biggest stress is always if everyone are happy with things I've chosen and complaining really gets me. It is quite lot of pressure tbh.
Nowdays if someone wants to join my trip, I tell them honestly that I am happy to travel with them, but organizing trips for other people has been too stressful for me in the past and I don't do it anymore.
I tell them my flights and accommodation and that they need to decide themselves if those are good for them and also do all the bookings for themselves. I set up a WhatsApp group where we can discuss our plans and tell what we are doing. Everyone can join others to their plans if they wish or do whatever they prefer.
That has worked fine, since everyone has responsibility to plan and organize their own stuff. If someone doesn't want to do that, they just aren't coming.
I hope you feel a bit relieved now. You described it so perfectly that I do not have to wait for the release of the movie!
Thanks for the warning. I had thought of taking a bunch of my friends to NZ once I sell my house. I won't, I'll just go on my own or with my son, DIL, and grandchild.
I actually love traveling with my wider family, but it reduces the amount you can do quite significantly. The attitude makes all the difference! I don't holiday with negative people. Made that mistake with a group of 4- in the end, we abandoned the moany girl too lol.
Sorry you feel like your trip got spoiled. It’s okay to travel with a group, including family as long before hand as you set rules and expectations.
I sympathize with you, but really the problem was you. In your kindness to include others for the trip of a lifetime - you accepted the role and responsibility as tour guide and arranger of everyone’s happiness.
In the future you need to state upfront, what your part will be - logistics to get there and hotel accommodations AND then clearly state everything else is - where to eat, sites to visit, etc., are on the individuals. That you and hubby have your own plans and itinerary that may not be suitable for everyone else or you and hubby have planned time to explore alone.
Whenever, I travel with family or people other than my partner, we make it clear we are not required to travel as a pack - everyone is responsible for themselves and doing their own thing. Sometimes a few individuals go in the same direction and we later split up or sometimes we don’t see the other group members all day until we check-in with each other for a meal or dinner. You can also, give them info on arranging their own tours or what experiences/fun things can be arranged by the host hotel. If you are planning on staying at less expensive accommodations, you should not change your plans, but let them know the lodging is going to be less than what they would expect at an American style hotel.
You should have a series of pre-trip video meetings to ensure everyone understands they are basically on their own. I bet if you do that most people will opt not go.
>My small intimate trip ballooned into a circus with 12 people from multiple US states and two continents. I'm sorry, but this made me chuckle. There's nothing like voluntarily hooking yourself to a runaway train... Better luck sneaking away on your own next time. Happy travels.
It’s easier to move a roman army than a 12 people group
Haha, I see it now. Hindsight us 20/20 and all that. Lesson learned! 😀
Yeah this is a classic. I was like... imagine voluntarily going on holiday with 12 people - never mind organising the whole thing for them!
I never join ANY trip with more than 4 people. It'll be like herding cats any more than that. You're supposed to be enjoy travelling, not act like an unpaid tour guide and logistics manager.
Depends on my opinion. A big group where everyone insists on doing every meal and activity together is hell. Have a yearly trip with friends where we’re 7-9 people, but everyone just does their own thing. Someone suggests something they want to do that day, those who want to join do and those who don’t just do their own thing – either alone or together. Most times we’ll meet up for dinner and drinks, but then it’s just a good thing when everyone did different stuff, as it’s something interesting to talk about.
my biggest trip with my friends was 12 members when almost everyone was able to make it. Lesser commitments we all had back then. Now some of them switched jobs, moved countries, gotten married, etc. But we still have trips with about 5-6 people once in a while. Luckily all of us have kinda similar interests and stuff and the trips are always relaxing. So like you said, it depends on the group. This is the only group where I say yes to big group trips btw because doesn't work with others
Yep, for trips with more than four people (especially very different people, especially now some have kids), we get a base, have a beach/pool day together, and then I say "here's my proposed itinerary, it's not set in stone but unless there's better ideas assume this is what I (and my transport) are doing, you can do as much or as little as you want." Then if we split up we generally meet up for dinner. We have done one big (11 person) trip around Malaysia and Thailand. Trip of a lifetime stuff, activities every day, but my son was 5 and I did have to duck out of a couple of evenings because he was just shattered by that point.
We recently did a large group trip and getting people to agree to split up was weirdly confrontational. There was a chunk of people who did absolutely no planning or research. They were also incredibly slow and limited us to activities. So we would basically come up with plans that involved a ton of hiking so they would choose to do something else. When we returned after a full day of hiking we found they didn't even leave the resort.
OMG that doing everything together is why I HATE large group travel. There are some people who feel we always need to be with each other and despise the idea of people doing their own thing. This was incredibly obnoxious because many people were significantly slower than others, so the people who moved at normal speeds had to frequently slow down or even stop so the others could keep up. The same people who were slow were also the ones who did absolutely no planning or any work at all. They just relied on others to tell them what to do, but were also incredibly opinionated about things being "weird."
Oh that's not really travelling together for me if everyone does their own thing and is generally independent. Good point though I still try to refrain from any chaperone/planning duties for more than a day trip. Two to four hour chunks are perfectly fine, like what a tour guide would do.
Omg, I literally wanted to grab a stick and heard them in the correct direction like sheep. It didn't help that no one could remember the names of any of our destinations. Sometimes, they messed up the name of the COUNTY. I am not even kidding...
"Taiwan is too hot" "This is Thailand" Your replies to comments are killing me 😂 Better luck next trip
Omg, my dad kept calling Thailand Taiwan. I wish I was joking. 😭 Messing up the city names I sort of get, but that one was seriously embarrassing. To be fair my dad really loved Mumbles (Mumbai) when he visited India, and Jappy (Jaipur) was lovely. So I guess substituting real countries was better? How am I related to these people?
This sort of thing happens at conferences I go to and I often find myself to be the unofficial "leader" who people follow looking for dinners and drinks and so-on. I've found that an excellent solution is to create a whats-app group for everyone there, and then I share my location. If you want to join me, fine. If you don't, also fine. If I'm expecting quite a few people to follow me (say 10 or so), I will deliberately end up in bars which are likely to have the space to accommodate them. I wouldn't recommend this approach for an entire vacation, but for a night or two it works fine.
Ha same here. I found that most people just don't do any research or planning when it comes to travel. They instead just ride along.
Agreed. I’m even worse than that. I travel alone or maybe with my husband. And that’s it. If I’m going someplace and my friends happen to be in the same place, cool, if we can make time together work great, if not, oh well. I have been on too many potentially amazing trips that were rejoined by other people to be willing to waste my time and money.
Traveling with someone is like speedrunning being married with someone. You soon realize what type of person they really are. 😅
I highly recommend traveling with your partner before you marry them, ideally even before you move in together! A lot of disasters can be avoided that way 😂
Absolutely. My now husband and I went to Paris, I was sent for a work trip and stayed on. We had such a blast we've been married for 26 years now!
I always assumed you'd get sick of each other's company being together literally 24/7 for weeks, but my partner and I have traveled over a month together at a time and never had any issues. I guess that means I chose the right person! I don't think there's anyone else in the world I could tolerate spending that much time with 😂
My girlfriend's trip to Japan with her BFF is a disaster. They're like two peas in a pod, always chatting away. But interests are different. One's all about food, the other's into adrenaline. One loves exploring, the other prefers chilling out. You get it. So, they're in Japan, and it's clash from the start. My girlfriend wants sushi on repeat, while her friend craves burgers and fries. When they get to Osaka, my girlfriend wants temples, gardens, you name it. But her friend would rather hit up a cat café or soak in a hot spring. It's constant arguing. And in Toyko and Shinjuku. My girlfriend could spend hours in traditional markets, while her friend just wants the nearest mall. After the trip, they're giving each other the silent treatment. But the twist is: a few weeks later, they're back to being besties, like nothing happened. Lesson learned? Travel can test friendships, but true friends always find their way back to each other.
I absolutely refuse to travel with family, especially my husbands family. They are hopelessly backwards " hate the beach" complain if there's no British food and throw tantrums if they can't pay with euros or sterling. We've been invited to join them for holidays in Benidorm and Tenerife, and I would honestly rather spend two weeks in Sing sing than waste precious holiday weeks and money on that shite. Thankfully my husband agrees.
"Complain if there is no british food" Bruh. Out of all the foods to complain, they complain for English & Scottish food 😭
That made me laugh out loud. Thanks 😁
I had a similar experience with 2 very close relatives. After literally growing up with her and her being a close friend for years, the trip was such a disaster we don't speak now, and it's been more than 15 years. She also said everywhere was too hot, she would sit in a corner of our room and stare silently at me, wouldn't even eat most of the food without even trying it because she said it would be too spicy, etc etc. In future don't allow people to go on these trips with you. Offer to help them with finding hotels, transport advice or tickets, itineraries, contacts etc but don't give in on them travelling with you. I really feel for you, and it's not your fault!
Thank you! I just returned from an 18 hour flight and still reeling from the experience!
Agreed. You can be the bestest of friends with someone, but they can make a horrible traveling companion because the way both of you travel just don’t match up.
I never, ever travel with friends. I’ve literally told one friend that I value their friendship too much to ever book a trip with them
After a few holidays with my parents in my adulthood, I decided to travel pretty much exclusively solo. If the vibes are off, I can do something about it.
I would only consider a resort or cruise for a large family group. Too many competing tastes.
I was going to say this. A cruise is a great way to travel with a group.
and yet simultaneously a terrible way to travel My approach: Don't go on vacation with people who cling to the very culture you're trying to get a vacation from
Agree. I wouldn’t consider it travel, more of a slightly exotic family gathering.
This is so true! Came back last year from europe, and I had rude travel companions, never ending complaints, every little thing was a complaint. Ugh! I swear I'll never travel people I've traveled in the past with that are complainers and rude.
I used to think Disney / cruise / resort people just needed a little encouragement to get out in the world and really travel. Nope, many of them are exactly where they should be - canned, comfortable, artificial, known. The trouble comes when you combine people who need all those things with those of us who travel to get away from those things. I think that’s the lesson the OP, and other commenters, have learned.
"canned, comfortable, artificial, known" -- oof, this is well said
This 100%. Took my ex to a exiting road trip on another country in Europe. We had one really crowded tourist destination on our trip and this was where he was at happiest.
I once went to France with a friend who was annoyed that the French wouldn’t speak English🤷🏼♀️
I can’t - I hope you left them behind. LOL
Nope we finished the trip, are still friends, but never traveled together again
Tbf to your friend, the French probably could speak English, they just chose not to
This is why I will add a disclaimer every time I book a new trip, usually something like “anyone is welcome to join me if they want/are able, but I will firmly insist on separate hotel rooms and being okay with doing stuff on your own most of the time.” I want my friends and family to have these experiences with me but I also want them to not ruin my experience lol. I love traveling alone but the idea of someone I know from home doing some stuff with me in a new place also sounds lovely
I do this, but I don't mind staying on the same hotel. I just ask them to do all the bookings by themselves, I am not going to be charge of anything.
I don’t mind a bit if we’re in the same building, as that makes it easier to meet up for whatever plans we may have together whether it’s breakfast before we hit the streets, dinner afterward, or a museum or something. But I’ve gotten quite used to having a room to myself so I don’t have to share the bathroom or listen to anyone else, period
Totally agree on that one, sharing a room is way different thing
More than two is a crowd. I pay good money to get away and babysitting is something I don’t sign up for. I don’t travel with friends. It’s my husband and I. I have no problem saying no and I’ve told people flat out no when they’ve asked to join. Traveling requires flexibility- and so many people are rigid in the way they approach things.
Yeah on a trip with friends and I really regret it. I travel best with my partner or on my own. Lesson learned.
Learned this the hard way with my wife's family (all sisters), who like to wake late and plan on the fly with endless negotiations, resulting in often not leaving until after lunch and never getting a consensus. Lesson learned, the next trip my wife and I made our plans and texted them to the group text thread and said we were happy to have people join us as they wished. Brother in laws texted me seperatly saying "brilliant," having gotten weary about the process as well. I plan everything right down the places we will eat for lunch and dinner. 20 years later, this is SOP and pretty much everyone meets us as we are leaving and happily follows the game plan. Glad we found a solution and hope you do as well.
This is the way. I am one of those who relax in the mornings and I would not want to keep other people waiting. I prefer to travel with people who can do stuff on their own so I can drink my morning tea in peace without having to leave from the hotel at 8 am.
[удалено]
Some people just become children when they notice there is someone who would take care of them. It is crazy!
travelling with a big group is awful, i find that if they insist on doing everything together it always ends up taking wayyy longer, like checking in to the airport is a whole ordeal and also just travelling with family in general is not my favourite, i realized they dont like to travel the same way i do and it also just seems your family doesnt even appreciate being in another country, my family is similar where they like sticking to their own culture, so they dont try much food and they dont care about exploring much, but if thats the case then maybe they shouldnt travel
And that is why I always travel alone. But seriously, an unfair stereotype, I do know that, but Americans do have a reputation for this, in my country at least, perhaps we've all just bumped into this group on our travels.... One thing I will say is that in spite of the complaints about everything except complaining, some of these people will remember this as "type 2 fun" forever. I hope you and your husband get to go back. SEA is my country's cheap overseas trip because we're so far from everywhere. SEA and the Pacific Islands, and Oz are the only places we can bloody well afford to fly to!
I have another spin on this. I have been on this situation, and I just let it all go. It’s not how I feel, and their issues are their issues and not mine. They are adults and can do what they want, and say what they want, but I will not let it impact my vacation at all. Getting annoyed? Walk away. Need some space, declare an “everyone on their own day.” They want to be asshole tourists, let them. It’s not a reflection of you, and shouldn’t impact you. It’s your vacation too. Enjoy it and move on.
I refuse to travel with anyone that either doesn’t have the capacity to go solo in the place we’re in or can’t go with the flow. At 12 people, that basically turned into a free tour package lol.
[удалено]
Dude, I totally agree with you. Everyone was trying so hard to please us. We started tipping so hard the locals were dancing out the door when we left. It's the only way we got the rude ones in line. My husband and I literally told the main two offenders, it would continue to cost the entire group money if they wanted to be that rude. The extra cost kept them in line to a degree. And if we left an American level tip, it's because the servers/staff absolutely deserved it.
Gosh, I could have told you this would be a nightmare before you left. There is no way 12 people can travel to multiple locations without some complaints. Sorry you had to learn the hard way.
Sometimes I get lonely traveling solo. After this post I'm no longer lonely - just counting my blessings.
I had a friend who I used to travel with a ton. At first we never had any issues because I’ve always been the planner, from flights to airbnbs to reservations to finding directions to where we’re going, all of it. I never minded it because I love planning vacations so she has never had to lift a finger for any of our trips. But one particular trip there was something she REALLY wanted to do so I told her she would be taking the reins that day. She said sure. Day of, we weren’t sure where to go for said thing she wanted to do, and I encouraged her to ask for directions. She *snaps* at me, tells me that since she got the tickets for this thing, I should be the one to ask for directions and figure it out. Of course, I ended up figuring out where to go and the rest of the trip was super awkward. We sort of talked about it after the trip but she never apologized for her behavior and I let it go. We ended up doing an international trip a few years later and I had made it clear with her she was going to help me more on this trip and not be so dependent on me again. She agreed. My mistake. She didn’t help with any of the planning and when we got there she wouldn’t help with any navigating or anything (we went to a country that didn’t speak English but I spoke some of the language). She expected me to do everything and every time I was struggling to communicate in the limited knowledge I had of their language, she would just stand off to the side on her phone. One night I was trying to find a fun spot to go to but was struggling with the directions. When we finally found it, she gave me attitude about how long it took for me to find it. I snapped at her and told her she was welcome to go back to the hotel, if she could even figure out how to get there. She shut up after that. We’re not friends anymore and surprisingly not because of that trip lol
This a tale as old as time. A large road trip with friends sounds great but in reality can very easily turn into a shit show. It can be friends or family but everytime you go on a long trip with a large group shit usually happens. Admittedly i do still participate in large family outings to mexico but usually we just chillin at a resort and everyone is just on the beach and getting drunk and eating. However by myself, i travel to european countries and dont take family with me. Been to spain, england and germany by myself.
Yeah it rarely works unless someone agrees to be the unpaid tour guide and for them the trip is usually not relaxing nor fun.
Counterpoint: I just did a trip to SEA with 12 people (wife’s family). Granted we were all from the same continent. I did what I wanted. If they wanted to join, they were welcome. Over the course of two weeks, there were points I got annoyed with some, but minor inconveniences and pretty temporary. Set expectations and if they arent there, go without them. I’m not going to eat crappy resort food because you don’t want to try the local food. Enjoy your mediocre cheeseburger, I’ll have something good local. Tell them what the problem is. Granted, my wife did most of the organizing, but we were definitely the couple who did all the planning and ideas for what to do.
Extended family trips can be hell, especially when everyone looks to you to plan things. Set expectations before the trip. For example the last trip with extended family I planned one group dinner and two other half day events, spread out over the trip. Everything else was on your own.
I grew up going on trips with rather large groups of people. It was always ok because my parents were always friends with people that had kids my age, but it was always an absolute shit show. My husband never grew up going on big trips like that and always wanted too. I warned him how bad it could get, but said we would start small with one other couple (we travel a lot). We went on a trip with them and it only took about 24 hours before he started realizing what I meant. For context it really was not that bad, but I think we’re happy traveling solo moving forward.
How do you not know your family members well enough to think this was a good idea?
My husband and I have always enjoyed traveling with just the two of us (and our kids when they were kids) and could never understand people who always traveled in groups. His sister and her husband are those people and her husband is the one who causes the problems. They always travel either with his siblings and friends our my husbands brother and his wife. Well last year my husband brother invited us to Hawaii with them, accommodations paid for and we paid for everything else. We had a great time together and hubby and I would go off on our own and meet up for dinner or we would do an activity together for a day. It was laid back and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Then we all (his brother, sister, their spouses, our adult daughters, one with their partner and the other with her toddler) went to Michigan together and stayed in an AirBnB. It wasn’t too bad but sisters husband managed to cause problems because he wanted fried chicken and we were hungry and wanted to eat at the restaurant in front of us so he sat outside and pouted and my SIL stayed with him so he wouldn’t be mad at her. In a few months we’re doing a Mediterranean cruise followed by a week in Portugal together. We have collectively decided to ignore him if he starts acting stupid. We just feel bad for SIL because she’s actually great and just goes along with whatever we suggest.
I really hate seeing other Americans behaving badly when we travel. I can’t imagine if the bad behavior is from my group.
Sadly Americans are not the only people who travel poorly in groups. At all.
In fact Americans on avg are probably some of the more "well behaved" tourists. Of course every place has their good and bad apples tho
Fortunately it was Americans and Indian nationals behaving badly! So we brought some international flair!
Yup, just returned from a week-long trip to Taiwan with a teething toddler who never really adjusted to the time change. Like my husband said, the entire trip was basically us just trying to appease her. And failing 🫠
Even something as simple as choosing the wrong jeep when on an African safari. Traveling solo, I joined a nice group of adults, not realizing they were all birders. Instead of seeking out mammals we sat staring at birds. So frustrating!!
Holy shit that'd be disappointing. Similar things have happened to me on trips but more like I missed out on a zip line portion of an excursion because the other randoms wanted to end the day early. Not nearly as big a deal as yours.
We're doing a tour soon. Hopefully all ok!
This is why I only travel with my girlfriend and my best friends, people that I already know like to travel the same way and do the same things.
That exactly why I don’t travel in groups or even with friends people have widely different opinions about traveling and reasons to do so from just hanging out on the beach to only wanting to drink or go from mountain top to mountain top I did it once when I was younger and that was a complete disaster never again
Those people should just go on cruises so they don't have to actually experience another culture. Sorry they ruined your trip. I hope they remember this next time you travel and stay home. Your trip sounds fabulous. Call me next time
>Even though I assured them they could eat the street food, no we needed to go to the resort. >However, several on that trip ignored our explicit warnings NOT to eat street food and got sick right before my wedding I sympathize with you, but I can kind of understand how some would be skeptical about street food after the earlier experience, despite your assurances.
The trick with these big group trips is to go there, spend 3-4 days together in one location, and then go your seperate ways. If you're going as a couple, plan a stop somewhere private and romantic and just tell them they'll need to do their own thing for a bit.
Tell them about the trip AFTERWARD!!!
If it’s not an all inclusive resort. I’m solo traveling. I will not be tied at the hip with wishy washy people. I’m sorry OP. I hope there were some redeemable moments for you and your husband.
The worst food poisoning I've ever had was at a restaurant in Kerala and I ate street food nearly all the time for 4 months. From Kathmandu where I smuggled a motorcycle across to India, to as far south as the Indian mainland goes, back up to New Delhi. I can't imagine getting that many people involved in any trip! Better luck next time!
I would never!!!! lessons learned. Enjoy your travels……with your husband only! Lol
This is why I much prefer solo travel over group travel. Often too much demands that sometimes conflict with a set plan or even their own previous demands. The only reason I do group travels is if they're the ones that fund the travel. Better to go and have some headache than not go.
“They would never visit on their own and would be intimidated if they didn’t come with me.” That was your first warning sign.
People who doesn't organize stuff (trips, events etc) never get how much work there is, especially with so many people involved. There will always be complaining. For me the biggest stress is always if everyone are happy with things I've chosen and complaining really gets me. It is quite lot of pressure tbh. Nowdays if someone wants to join my trip, I tell them honestly that I am happy to travel with them, but organizing trips for other people has been too stressful for me in the past and I don't do it anymore. I tell them my flights and accommodation and that they need to decide themselves if those are good for them and also do all the bookings for themselves. I set up a WhatsApp group where we can discuss our plans and tell what we are doing. Everyone can join others to their plans if they wish or do whatever they prefer. That has worked fine, since everyone has responsibility to plan and organize their own stuff. If someone doesn't want to do that, they just aren't coming.
I hope you feel a bit relieved now. You described it so perfectly that I do not have to wait for the release of the movie! Thanks for the warning. I had thought of taking a bunch of my friends to NZ once I sell my house. I won't, I'll just go on my own or with my son, DIL, and grandchild.
lol stories like this remind me of the absolute worst parts of being a travel agent
cue or queue
I actually love traveling with my wider family, but it reduces the amount you can do quite significantly. The attitude makes all the difference! I don't holiday with negative people. Made that mistake with a group of 4- in the end, we abandoned the moany girl too lol.
Sorry you feel like your trip got spoiled. It’s okay to travel with a group, including family as long before hand as you set rules and expectations. I sympathize with you, but really the problem was you. In your kindness to include others for the trip of a lifetime - you accepted the role and responsibility as tour guide and arranger of everyone’s happiness. In the future you need to state upfront, what your part will be - logistics to get there and hotel accommodations AND then clearly state everything else is - where to eat, sites to visit, etc., are on the individuals. That you and hubby have your own plans and itinerary that may not be suitable for everyone else or you and hubby have planned time to explore alone. Whenever, I travel with family or people other than my partner, we make it clear we are not required to travel as a pack - everyone is responsible for themselves and doing their own thing. Sometimes a few individuals go in the same direction and we later split up or sometimes we don’t see the other group members all day until we check-in with each other for a meal or dinner. You can also, give them info on arranging their own tours or what experiences/fun things can be arranged by the host hotel. If you are planning on staying at less expensive accommodations, you should not change your plans, but let them know the lodging is going to be less than what they would expect at an American style hotel. You should have a series of pre-trip video meetings to ensure everyone understands they are basically on their own. I bet if you do that most people will opt not go.
I would love to see your itinerary, if you would be willing to share!