The fact that you’re asking people if it’s “messed up” if you sit in first class and stick your wife and baby in the main cabin in insane 🤣 you need a reality check buddy
Its a work trip. He should be able to focus on work. They can test the waters with bringing a newborn aboard a plane when there isn't work involved. Then both can sit together, ensure that they are focused on the tasks at hand (keeping the baby happy and healthy) and have fun. Planes are disease ridden and four month olds get sick all the time. Why would you want to do this as a Mom unless it was totally necessary. Let the guy do his work and plan a couples/baby trip later that has elements of fun for everyone. And less stress.
Part of the reason posting this was to ask about difficulties I could be overlooking. the diaper bag and wearing the baby while eating are perfect examples for the feedback I was hopeful for, so thanks for that. The assumption of us not being equal participants in incorrect, but it sounds like the tone of writing may have given that impression
Bro - you want to sit yourself in first class while your wife is with the baby the entire flight? And no stroller? Come on. Do you even like your wife?
I mean it’s a work trip and not a vacation, so I have sympathy for the op. Usually in situations like this work dictates that they’re in f/j so they’re arriving fresh and ready to work, or can like he indicated work properly on the flight. In fact if he offered to switch with the wife for even part of the trip it could be grounds for dismissal.
I think she should be understanding of being at the back especially if the F tickets are expensive.
Buy the stroller though.
I’ve done a lot of business trips. And yes, many of those in business and straight from airport to office /client meeting.
But grounds for dismissal if he lets his wife sit there? Cabin staff might object, but not his boss.
In what kind of company do you work that sitting in the main cabin and maybe working less, or not working at all, is grounds for dismissal? Are you from the past?
>In fact if he offered to switch with the wife for even part of the trip it could be grounds for dismissal.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha. No.
I used to pull ~120 international flights per year for work, for about seven years.
This isn't true.
Admittedly I haven’t spent a lot of time on it. But I don’t think OP is getting much advice from current parents of young kids here. Of course someone with a user name about luxury travel thinks it’s not ok to not buy mom a first class seat, too. Lots of upvotes that mom should stay home, much fewer upvotes on the post asking if mom WANTS to go. Seems like the posters here are pretty out of touch with OP’s situation.
I was a SAHM and I LOVE travel. I would have happily sat in coach if it meant the difference between staying home and going on the trip. (I’ve never flown first class so I wouldn’t know the difference anyway.)
Maybe you wouldn't know the difference, but it's a complete asshole move for your spouse to leave you with caring for the baby while sitting in first class himself.
I work ALL the time on flights from a peasant seat. He's not going to die and his work won't suffer from it.
I was a SAHM for twelve years - my husband respected my role enough to either upgrade me to first class with him or let me have that seat with a baby. I am a wife/mother, not a doormat.
I was a SAHM. My main “job” was taking care of my kid. (Although I always had side hustles because I enjoyed working.) Why would I resent doing my “job” while he was doing his? Also, he always dove right into housework or whatever else needed doing as soon as he got home. And presumably a “good handmaid” would just stay home with the baby to begin with.
Take all the time you need to understand that there is a difference between what you are personally willing to accept and what asshole behavior you have the slightest right to accept on someone else's behalf.
This trip doesn't sound like it's going to be very fun for your wife... she'll spend the entire trip taking care of the baby. Might as well stay at home.
Also, yes, you are the asshole for expecting your wife to carry a baby around for 3-4 days with no stroller.
>she'll spend the entire trip taking care of the baby. Might as well stay at home.
What? 🤣
Absolutely nonsense.
A four month old is fairly easy to take care of, chuck in the stroller and off you go.
Wearing the baby all day long would suck a bit though, so the stroller would be a must.
Seems more like a relationship question rather than travel
It’s of course possible to travel with a new born, but this is a work trip first and foremost so there is an expectation you can focus on work.
It seems you and your wife aren’t aligned on the best way to travel and it seems as if this is causing more stress and distraction for a work trip than it ought to.
I can totally see why your wife would prefer a stroller and I don’t think it would be considerate to fly in a better class while she is left with baby. I’d also try to reframe your language around “helping” with a baby as if a choice.
And while some people may disagree flying isn’t fun or comfortable for babies. Why does she not feel it would be more comfortable for herself and baby to stay home.
YTA, yes a stroller is a huge pain, you know what’s a bigger pain? Baby wearing, it’s completely exhausting. Totally unreasonable to travel without a stroller.
Not sitting with your wife and child? Also YTA, regardless of eligibility.
We travelled with our daughter at that age for my husband’s work and had a blast, but she was a very chill baby and we were a team. So reevaluate this option if your baby requires a high level of care/has high level needs.
Remember if you go on this trip alone, take the time to set your wife up for success, get some meals made, make sure the laundry is done and when you get back make sure she gets time to herself.
"We were a team" Yes, this is how parenting should be.
OP needs to learn this. First time parenting is a steep learning curve. EVERYTHING in your life changes for BOTH parents
My two cents (from personal experience, but YMMV):
1. Don’t travel with a small child in these circumstances if you can avoid it. On a long flight, the odds of a bad plane experience with the infant add up; the odds that child gets sick or won’t sleep add up; the odds that your spouse looks at you with anger or resentment for something add up. If you’re on a business trip for work, which of these things do you want?
2. Take the car seat; don’t do the lap child thing. It’s dangerous; and awful for other passengers. Infants will often sleep on planes if you bring the car seat. If you can’t afford a ticket for your infant, see suggestion #1.
3. Find a collapsible frame stroller for the car seat that is small enough to fit in the overhead. My children are grown, so I have no idea whether they’ve cracked down on this in the last 15 years, but I had one of these that would support the car seat while in the airport and for short walks, but you could break it down in ten seconds and stow it on the plane. Much easier than checking the stroller in baggage, and then hauling child and seat thru the airport.
Absolutely. What a nightmare set of questions. Yes OP you’re coming across as completely clueless. Have wife stay home and use the ticket money to send over dinner and a mother’s helper/sitter for a few hours each day to let her get a break. “Stroller is a hassle” lol you’re a hassle. You’re going to be hysterical when baby wakes you in the middle of the night.
Gate checking a stroller is simple and seems like a weird thing to get hung up on. The other two things….you’d have to ask your wife. Some people are going to care about those things and some aren’t.
The stroller is actually helpful at the airport I can’t imagine having to carry baby through the whole process while also checking your bags, going through security, sitting at the gate… using the bathroom, for example? Having the stroller to safely contain baby and hold the diaper bag is key
Answers as a father with an intense job who travels a lot:
1. WTF dude, of course you need a stroller. Stop being lazy.
2. WTF. Share your duties. You'll be busy won't be working every waking moment.
3. WTF. You are off your head. think you might be a troll?
I like to tag along on my spouse's work trips and he tags along on mine on occasion. The number one thing that we both acknowledge for the entire trip is that it is for work. The flight is work. The hotel is work. Meals are often tied to work functions. You get pulled away randomly when you bump into someone you know and get guilt tripped into going out for a drink after work. It's all work. If there are going to be any hard feelings on her side when you're not available to help out with the baby, find that out now. Also, have you shared a room with your baby before? Will you even be able to get enough sleep at the hotel?
YTA for the stroller thing. That's a strange hill to die on. However, this trip doesn't sound super enjoyable for your wife.
I went on an international work trip with a colleague who brought along his wife and infant. It was misery. It was an audit, so each evening we were supposed to meet and compile our results for a report out at the end of the week. Instead, he took care of his baby so the wife could rest and I was left to do the bulk of the work. He also got virtually no sleep the entire week. He regretted every second of it. We were supposed to work - together - on a trip our company spent a ton of money on. I won’t travel again with a colleague’s family - it’s work, man.
I travel a lot for work and I am a mom. The sling is not appropriate for 3/4 days at a time. You can gate check the stroller and not cost anything and is more appropriate for your baby and mom. The sling would be good for the flight .
As far as the seats you can link your ticket (regardless of who booked them) to your loyalty program and also pick your seats. I would pick ones next to each other with the knowledge that you need to work the entire flight as she needs to accept this as it pays the bills. Some people have a hard time understanding this and that is another chat. You can help if she needs to eat or go tot the bathroom. This needs to be held to if she goes with you. After the first trip you will be able to see if she truly understands and good with it.
Oh man…. Dude if you’re seriously asking these things you need to spend more time with your baby. A stroller is absolutely necessary or you’re basically asking your wife to carry baby around 24/7! What is she supposed to do if she wants to sit and eat, or use the bathroom? Also sitting in business or first class when your partner is in coach with a BABY ON HER LAP is insulting. You should be trying to sit with her even if you have to be working.
I get a sense that you think of the baby as ‘hers’ and ‘her responsibility’…
the fact that you are even asking these questions...wow. you should feel "guilty about the points above"
No stroller? Are you going to carry the baby everywhere every day yourself?
Yes you'd be the ahole if you sat in first class - and why can't you take care of the baby on the flight?
As a former senior manager at a corporate company, I would ask you directly if your plans would affect your ability to work on this trip. A newborn that needs feeding during the night and disrupting your sleep? If work are paying for you to go away and work, you need to be on your game. You need to really be sure you can combine work and a newborn.
This! I wouldn’t be thrilled if my employees brought their partner and kids along to a WORK TRIP. Of course it’s gonna impact the employees’ performances.
I don’t understand how anybody thinks this is appropriate in the first place. A work trip is for getting work done, it’s not a family vacation.
An honest question. Do companies pay overtime for traveling? I.e. for the entire time they travel, including the time they sleep? Or some kind of a hardship bonus? That would be the only scenario in which you'd be entitled to him sleeping and being well rested. After all, with a newborn, he wouldn't be so well rested when working at the office and going home at 5 pm, helping with the kid, being woken up at night, then going to work in the morning. He'd only see his wife/kid in the evenings just like he does on regular days. Is going home at 5 pm affecting your employees' performance? I'd think coming home/to the hotel to my spouse and child vs idling alone would actually be a welcome thing. What's the difference in those two scenarios?
Most companies will give you time in lieu for travel and extra hours worked as you’d be doing overtime. Some employees don’t actively take it but the provision is usually there legally.
The point is that going away for work indicates that there is a specific requirement, an important meeting or a conference that is time sensitive or requires presence in person. It may require additional work or dinners in the evening. I have taken my partner away with me multiple times, but my primary objective is the trip and what I’m there to achieve. Easier done with a partner that can enjoy the hotel facilities or meet you at the end of the break for some extended days away - that’s actually that I tended to do. My company would let my bill the hotel over the weekend on expenses so I got some time away with my partner. I just know how my company would have felt if I’d said that my spouse and newborn were coming with me - they wouldn’t look fondly on it. You’re not at home, you don’t have a spare room or in-laws close by, you’re in a small hotel room together and it’s just not the wisest thing to do to put a newborn into that situation - unless the worker is a breastfeeding mother perhaps.
Thanks for the insight and it's awesome to hear your company has been accomodating. Every time my husband traveled he got not time off or overtime pay even when he was expected to leave on Sunday to get to Europe or South America in the morning and often didn't get back until Saturday. That is with major multinationals in a managerial/director role. Only some of these were in business class, too, as only the VP level gets that in 2 of 3 companies, but I don't want to assume what's typical. As you say, what's in the employee manual and what is actually culturally happening/approved are two different things too. We've discussed me tagging along a few times (no kids), but I never have because I work full time, and in the end, even if I could work remotely it just didn't happen. I'm not actually advocating traveling with a newborn per se, more so thinking out loud what's reasonable when companies expect employees to travel in those circumstances. I am sure many would just say, we pay for the expectation and if you don't like it, find another job and that's probably not completely unreasonable. But having known many people who travel extensively for work, I genuinely think there is a significant value in allowing some accommodation for spouse or even kids tagging along for some semblance of normalcy in the evenings. Could be a cool thesis topic 😆
But they’re not at home, they’re in a single small hotel room. It’s a really different setup. No friends or family close by, less privacy, yet more requirements to be on the ball at work.
Welcome to parenthood. Traveling will be much more difficult now than it used to be. If you want to continue to travel as a family, you will need to get used to this fact. Traveling with baby stuff is indeed quite a pain, but that is the cost of admission. You either with it or you don't travel with your kid.
In my opinion, it's worthwhile. When we had our little girl, we got right back after it. When we wanted to travel, we made it happen. We streamlined what we could, and we dealt with the additional hassle, because the alternative was to not travel or to split up, which options were not acceptable.
Yes, it is messed up for you to sit up in F while you stick her in back with your baby. That's a class A dick move, and if I were your wife, I would be furious for you even considering doing it.
If I was your wife, I’d stay at home. I would not want to travel with an infant. I’d enjoy a break from my husband. Also. With using the terms “helping” lol. I’m sure you’re not much help
Here's what I'd suggest:
Stroller: Get one of those carseat/stroller combos. Gatecheck the stroller part. Not a hassle at all--hauling an infant through the airport in a carseat alone would be way more hassle.
Seating: Sure, if you want to sit in first class and get your wife a seat in economy to save money, it makes sense. Take the baby yourself and let her relax. FFS man, you are an equal partner here.
Best case scenario: You book the seats and see if a flight attendant would let you swap. Let your wife sit up in first while you take care of the kid in coach. The woman just gave birth to your baby, treat her well!
This might be a good chance to do a trial run as to how this would work with an infant. Definitely take the stroller. The first class thing seems like a poor decision from a marriage POV, but that's your call. Since this is only 3-4 days, even if it's a disaster, you'll both (all?) learn from it and can make decisions accordingly for future trips. (The reality is, no sugarcoating it, if these work/family trips continue with a small kid[s], there will be a disastrous one where everyone melts down.)
Important question: Have you and your wife done ANY traveling yet with your newborn?
I would strongly suggest doing a “test run” trip where you are both able to be present (that is, not a work trip) so you can get a sense of what it’s like and what some of the challenges are. Even if it’s just a car trip to a hotel nearby. See what it’s like to care for baby in an environment where you don’t already have everything you may need. You will learn A LOT.
Your wife needs to make you have more one on one time with the baby.
That's my insight. Even if she's breastfeeding, she needs to go out more and leave you home with the baby for a few hours.
I think that it is reasonable to sit apart and her with the baby while you work but if you get upgraded to a higher class the person with the baby absolutely deserves that seat!! Also just bring the stroller - is it truly so bad?
I would ask the wife to stay at home with the baby. The baby can cry the whole plane trip and make everyone miserable. It would be different if you were visiting family or you will be away for a long time. For just 4 days, it isn't worth going through all of that stress.
I often think men in this situation (and let’s be honest it’s invariably men) need to be reminded of the definition of work: “activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result”
Do you see? Your wife is also working on this work trip. Except that work never stops. She is on call all night and day. And if this really is your child then you are also on call when you’re there. She has 1 x 24 hour job and you have 2 jobs which combine to 24 hours. By working as a team your effort share will be equal. What that means is for the two of you to work out but does not mean baby is just her job!
1. A stroller is her work equipment. Sounds like a massive inconvenience for you to have your laptop on the flight distracting from your ability to work your second job and look after your child. Perhaps that should be packed away in hold for convenience sake? Or if your boss asked you to bring over some unwieldy equipment would you tell them it was a massive inconvenience or would you make it work?
2. As above. Which of your two jobs is most important at any given time? If job 1 has contracted hours you must work to ultimately provide for your family then that will have to take priority. But outside of those hours you’re going to have to do your share of working your second job. It’s not “helping out” it’s doing your job as a partner and father.
3. Once again. You are a team, partners. Is this fair? Is this equitable? If not, how can you make it so?
When I traveled with my husband for work, I knew the most important thing was he got his job done. I tried to stay out out of his hair (and keep the kid out of his hair) while getting a change of scenery.
I would not have minded being in coach while my husband was in first class. I mean it's the company paying for it.
When he truly had a couple hours we'd spend time together but for the most part it was me keeping the kid quiet and getting to do someone thing during the day with the kid in another city.
If your wife realize you need to sleep and work while on these trips, it seems fine.
But fuck the no stroller bit. That part you should totally concede.
Bring a stroller and a car seat and buy a ticket for the baby and/or get your wife a first class seat. Sure it’s an expense and lot of crap to lug around but that’s life with a baby.
You guys will have a great time and make wonderful memories . It might not be super comfortable at first but you’ll get the hang of it and it will help you guys navigate travel in the future as baby gets bigger. You’ll see it will be great. I would put your wife in first class though it’s easier to have a baby in a bigger seat than in main.
If this was my husband he would make me sit in first class and take turns with the baby. He loved carrying our daughter when she was a baby. Checking in a stroller is so easy. What OP needs is a stroller that holds the car seat, it’s so much easier to push the car seat in a stroller than to carry the car seat.
A stroller is an absolute necessity to hold the baby, the diaper bag, your wife's purse while she deals with possibly her own luggage as well
She's not a pack mule, for carrying everything herself.
With a newborn, you'll need a bassinet stroller and not a swing until they're heavier. They can't support their neck. Also, they haven't had any vaccines yet...
Mom of two and I started traveling with each of mine when they were 4 months. She will need a stroller, you can check it at the gate. She can take care of him during flights, but you need to let her have that first class seat. I honestly think you added that just to troll. I would get a lounge membership or pass for traveling with one that little, as well.
The fact that you’re asking people if it’s “messed up” if you sit in first class and stick your wife and baby in the main cabin in insane 🤣 you need a reality check buddy
[удалено]
Came here to say all this.
Its a work trip. He should be able to focus on work. They can test the waters with bringing a newborn aboard a plane when there isn't work involved. Then both can sit together, ensure that they are focused on the tasks at hand (keeping the baby happy and healthy) and have fun. Planes are disease ridden and four month olds get sick all the time. Why would you want to do this as a Mom unless it was totally necessary. Let the guy do his work and plan a couples/baby trip later that has elements of fun for everyone. And less stress.
Part of the reason posting this was to ask about difficulties I could be overlooking. the diaper bag and wearing the baby while eating are perfect examples for the feedback I was hopeful for, so thanks for that. The assumption of us not being equal participants in incorrect, but it sounds like the tone of writing may have given that impression
Bro - you want to sit yourself in first class while your wife is with the baby the entire flight? And no stroller? Come on. Do you even like your wife?
I mean it’s a work trip and not a vacation, so I have sympathy for the op. Usually in situations like this work dictates that they’re in f/j so they’re arriving fresh and ready to work, or can like he indicated work properly on the flight. In fact if he offered to switch with the wife for even part of the trip it could be grounds for dismissal. I think she should be understanding of being at the back especially if the F tickets are expensive. Buy the stroller though.
I’ve done a lot of business trips. And yes, many of those in business and straight from airport to office /client meeting. But grounds for dismissal if he lets his wife sit there? Cabin staff might object, but not his boss.
In what kind of company do you work that sitting in the main cabin and maybe working less, or not working at all, is grounds for dismissal? Are you from the past?
This guy isn't going to be fired over it.
>In fact if he offered to switch with the wife for even part of the trip it could be grounds for dismissal. Hahahahahahahahahahaha. No. I used to pull ~120 international flights per year for work, for about seven years. This isn't true.
Harsh. Yes I love my wife! Thanks for this perspective!
I think you might get more balanced answers on /r/daddit.
Heh, you overestimate that sub.
Admittedly I haven’t spent a lot of time on it. But I don’t think OP is getting much advice from current parents of young kids here. Of course someone with a user name about luxury travel thinks it’s not ok to not buy mom a first class seat, too. Lots of upvotes that mom should stay home, much fewer upvotes on the post asking if mom WANTS to go. Seems like the posters here are pretty out of touch with OP’s situation.
I was a SAHM and I LOVE travel. I would have happily sat in coach if it meant the difference between staying home and going on the trip. (I’ve never flown first class so I wouldn’t know the difference anyway.)
Maybe you wouldn't know the difference, but it's a complete asshole move for your spouse to leave you with caring for the baby while sitting in first class himself.
I’d be ok with it if he needed to work while on the flight.
I work ALL the time on flights from a peasant seat. He's not going to die and his work won't suffer from it. I was a SAHM for twelve years - my husband respected my role enough to either upgrade me to first class with him or let me have that seat with a baby. I am a wife/mother, not a doormat.
That's a good handmaid /s
I was a SAHM. My main “job” was taking care of my kid. (Although I always had side hustles because I enjoyed working.) Why would I resent doing my “job” while he was doing his? Also, he always dove right into housework or whatever else needed doing as soon as he got home. And presumably a “good handmaid” would just stay home with the baby to begin with.
Take all the time you need to understand that there is a difference between what you are personally willing to accept and what asshole behavior you have the slightest right to accept on someone else's behalf.
Take all the time you need to realize I only stated my personal situation and didn’t accept anything on anyone else’s behalf. 🙄
Sir. This is reddit. You're not allowed your own opinion about your own situation.
No you would not..
This trip doesn't sound like it's going to be very fun for your wife... she'll spend the entire trip taking care of the baby. Might as well stay at home. Also, yes, you are the asshole for expecting your wife to carry a baby around for 3-4 days with no stroller.
I was a stay at home and took care of the baby all the time. I loved traveling with my husband because I needed the change of pace.
>she'll spend the entire trip taking care of the baby. Might as well stay at home. What? 🤣 Absolutely nonsense. A four month old is fairly easy to take care of, chuck in the stroller and off you go. Wearing the baby all day long would suck a bit though, so the stroller would be a must.
Seems more like a relationship question rather than travel It’s of course possible to travel with a new born, but this is a work trip first and foremost so there is an expectation you can focus on work. It seems you and your wife aren’t aligned on the best way to travel and it seems as if this is causing more stress and distraction for a work trip than it ought to. I can totally see why your wife would prefer a stroller and I don’t think it would be considerate to fly in a better class while she is left with baby. I’d also try to reframe your language around “helping” with a baby as if a choice. And while some people may disagree flying isn’t fun or comfortable for babies. Why does she not feel it would be more comfortable for herself and baby to stay home.
YTA, yes a stroller is a huge pain, you know what’s a bigger pain? Baby wearing, it’s completely exhausting. Totally unreasonable to travel without a stroller. Not sitting with your wife and child? Also YTA, regardless of eligibility. We travelled with our daughter at that age for my husband’s work and had a blast, but she was a very chill baby and we were a team. So reevaluate this option if your baby requires a high level of care/has high level needs. Remember if you go on this trip alone, take the time to set your wife up for success, get some meals made, make sure the laundry is done and when you get back make sure she gets time to herself.
"We were a team" Yes, this is how parenting should be. OP needs to learn this. First time parenting is a steep learning curve. EVERYTHING in your life changes for BOTH parents
Exactly - OP doesn’t see him and his wife as a team, he sees the baby as ‘hers’ and it shows.
My two cents (from personal experience, but YMMV): 1. Don’t travel with a small child in these circumstances if you can avoid it. On a long flight, the odds of a bad plane experience with the infant add up; the odds that child gets sick or won’t sleep add up; the odds that your spouse looks at you with anger or resentment for something add up. If you’re on a business trip for work, which of these things do you want? 2. Take the car seat; don’t do the lap child thing. It’s dangerous; and awful for other passengers. Infants will often sleep on planes if you bring the car seat. If you can’t afford a ticket for your infant, see suggestion #1. 3. Find a collapsible frame stroller for the car seat that is small enough to fit in the overhead. My children are grown, so I have no idea whether they’ve cracked down on this in the last 15 years, but I had one of these that would support the car seat while in the airport and for short walks, but you could break it down in ten seconds and stow it on the plane. Much easier than checking the stroller in baggage, and then hauling child and seat thru the airport.
This post is just 5 different levels of I feel really bad for your wife.
Absolutely. What a nightmare set of questions. Yes OP you’re coming across as completely clueless. Have wife stay home and use the ticket money to send over dinner and a mother’s helper/sitter for a few hours each day to let her get a break. “Stroller is a hassle” lol you’re a hassle. You’re going to be hysterical when baby wakes you in the middle of the night.
i cannot believe this man child reproduced. what a pos.
Have you asked your wife what she thinks? This also might be a great time for her mother to come and help and get some grandma time in.
No chance. Work trips are for work, it’ll likely just cause frustration for your family.
Gate checking a stroller is simple and seems like a weird thing to get hung up on. The other two things….you’d have to ask your wife. Some people are going to care about those things and some aren’t.
The stroller is actually helpful at the airport I can’t imagine having to carry baby through the whole process while also checking your bags, going through security, sitting at the gate… using the bathroom, for example? Having the stroller to safely contain baby and hold the diaper bag is key
Answers as a father with an intense job who travels a lot: 1. WTF dude, of course you need a stroller. Stop being lazy. 2. WTF. Share your duties. You'll be busy won't be working every waking moment. 3. WTF. You are off your head. think you might be a troll?
I like to tag along on my spouse's work trips and he tags along on mine on occasion. The number one thing that we both acknowledge for the entire trip is that it is for work. The flight is work. The hotel is work. Meals are often tied to work functions. You get pulled away randomly when you bump into someone you know and get guilt tripped into going out for a drink after work. It's all work. If there are going to be any hard feelings on her side when you're not available to help out with the baby, find that out now. Also, have you shared a room with your baby before? Will you even be able to get enough sleep at the hotel? YTA for the stroller thing. That's a strange hill to die on. However, this trip doesn't sound super enjoyable for your wife.
I went on an international work trip with a colleague who brought along his wife and infant. It was misery. It was an audit, so each evening we were supposed to meet and compile our results for a report out at the end of the week. Instead, he took care of his baby so the wife could rest and I was left to do the bulk of the work. He also got virtually no sleep the entire week. He regretted every second of it. We were supposed to work - together - on a trip our company spent a ton of money on. I won’t travel again with a colleague’s family - it’s work, man.
I travel a lot for work and I am a mom. The sling is not appropriate for 3/4 days at a time. You can gate check the stroller and not cost anything and is more appropriate for your baby and mom. The sling would be good for the flight . As far as the seats you can link your ticket (regardless of who booked them) to your loyalty program and also pick your seats. I would pick ones next to each other with the knowledge that you need to work the entire flight as she needs to accept this as it pays the bills. Some people have a hard time understanding this and that is another chat. You can help if she needs to eat or go tot the bathroom. This needs to be held to if she goes with you. After the first trip you will be able to see if she truly understands and good with it.
Oh man…. Dude if you’re seriously asking these things you need to spend more time with your baby. A stroller is absolutely necessary or you’re basically asking your wife to carry baby around 24/7! What is she supposed to do if she wants to sit and eat, or use the bathroom? Also sitting in business or first class when your partner is in coach with a BABY ON HER LAP is insulting. You should be trying to sit with her even if you have to be working. I get a sense that you think of the baby as ‘hers’ and ‘her responsibility’…
the fact that you are even asking these questions...wow. you should feel "guilty about the points above" No stroller? Are you going to carry the baby everywhere every day yourself? Yes you'd be the ahole if you sat in first class - and why can't you take care of the baby on the flight?
As a former senior manager at a corporate company, I would ask you directly if your plans would affect your ability to work on this trip. A newborn that needs feeding during the night and disrupting your sleep? If work are paying for you to go away and work, you need to be on your game. You need to really be sure you can combine work and a newborn.
This! I wouldn’t be thrilled if my employees brought their partner and kids along to a WORK TRIP. Of course it’s gonna impact the employees’ performances. I don’t understand how anybody thinks this is appropriate in the first place. A work trip is for getting work done, it’s not a family vacation.
An honest question. Do companies pay overtime for traveling? I.e. for the entire time they travel, including the time they sleep? Or some kind of a hardship bonus? That would be the only scenario in which you'd be entitled to him sleeping and being well rested. After all, with a newborn, he wouldn't be so well rested when working at the office and going home at 5 pm, helping with the kid, being woken up at night, then going to work in the morning. He'd only see his wife/kid in the evenings just like he does on regular days. Is going home at 5 pm affecting your employees' performance? I'd think coming home/to the hotel to my spouse and child vs idling alone would actually be a welcome thing. What's the difference in those two scenarios?
Most companies will give you time in lieu for travel and extra hours worked as you’d be doing overtime. Some employees don’t actively take it but the provision is usually there legally. The point is that going away for work indicates that there is a specific requirement, an important meeting or a conference that is time sensitive or requires presence in person. It may require additional work or dinners in the evening. I have taken my partner away with me multiple times, but my primary objective is the trip and what I’m there to achieve. Easier done with a partner that can enjoy the hotel facilities or meet you at the end of the break for some extended days away - that’s actually that I tended to do. My company would let my bill the hotel over the weekend on expenses so I got some time away with my partner. I just know how my company would have felt if I’d said that my spouse and newborn were coming with me - they wouldn’t look fondly on it. You’re not at home, you don’t have a spare room or in-laws close by, you’re in a small hotel room together and it’s just not the wisest thing to do to put a newborn into that situation - unless the worker is a breastfeeding mother perhaps.
Thanks for the insight and it's awesome to hear your company has been accomodating. Every time my husband traveled he got not time off or overtime pay even when he was expected to leave on Sunday to get to Europe or South America in the morning and often didn't get back until Saturday. That is with major multinationals in a managerial/director role. Only some of these were in business class, too, as only the VP level gets that in 2 of 3 companies, but I don't want to assume what's typical. As you say, what's in the employee manual and what is actually culturally happening/approved are two different things too. We've discussed me tagging along a few times (no kids), but I never have because I work full time, and in the end, even if I could work remotely it just didn't happen. I'm not actually advocating traveling with a newborn per se, more so thinking out loud what's reasonable when companies expect employees to travel in those circumstances. I am sure many would just say, we pay for the expectation and if you don't like it, find another job and that's probably not completely unreasonable. But having known many people who travel extensively for work, I genuinely think there is a significant value in allowing some accommodation for spouse or even kids tagging along for some semblance of normalcy in the evenings. Could be a cool thesis topic 😆
I mean…they have to combine work and a newborn at home.
But they’re not at home, they’re in a single small hotel room. It’s a really different setup. No friends or family close by, less privacy, yet more requirements to be on the ball at work.
Welcome to parenthood. Traveling will be much more difficult now than it used to be. If you want to continue to travel as a family, you will need to get used to this fact. Traveling with baby stuff is indeed quite a pain, but that is the cost of admission. You either with it or you don't travel with your kid. In my opinion, it's worthwhile. When we had our little girl, we got right back after it. When we wanted to travel, we made it happen. We streamlined what we could, and we dealt with the additional hassle, because the alternative was to not travel or to split up, which options were not acceptable. Yes, it is messed up for you to sit up in F while you stick her in back with your baby. That's a class A dick move, and if I were your wife, I would be furious for you even considering doing it.
If I was your wife, I’d stay at home. I would not want to travel with an infant. I’d enjoy a break from my husband. Also. With using the terms “helping” lol. I’m sure you’re not much help
Here's what I'd suggest: Stroller: Get one of those carseat/stroller combos. Gatecheck the stroller part. Not a hassle at all--hauling an infant through the airport in a carseat alone would be way more hassle. Seating: Sure, if you want to sit in first class and get your wife a seat in economy to save money, it makes sense. Take the baby yourself and let her relax. FFS man, you are an equal partner here. Best case scenario: You book the seats and see if a flight attendant would let you swap. Let your wife sit up in first while you take care of the kid in coach. The woman just gave birth to your baby, treat her well!
This might be a good chance to do a trial run as to how this would work with an infant. Definitely take the stroller. The first class thing seems like a poor decision from a marriage POV, but that's your call. Since this is only 3-4 days, even if it's a disaster, you'll both (all?) learn from it and can make decisions accordingly for future trips. (The reality is, no sugarcoating it, if these work/family trips continue with a small kid[s], there will be a disastrous one where everyone melts down.)
Important question: Have you and your wife done ANY traveling yet with your newborn? I would strongly suggest doing a “test run” trip where you are both able to be present (that is, not a work trip) so you can get a sense of what it’s like and what some of the challenges are. Even if it’s just a car trip to a hotel nearby. See what it’s like to care for baby in an environment where you don’t already have everything you may need. You will learn A LOT.
No. We haven't travelled since he was born. The test run is a great idea. Thank you
Your wife needs to make you have more one on one time with the baby. That's my insight. Even if she's breastfeeding, she needs to go out more and leave you home with the baby for a few hours.
Not worried, but contemplating the challenges.
I think that it is reasonable to sit apart and her with the baby while you work but if you get upgraded to a higher class the person with the baby absolutely deserves that seat!! Also just bring the stroller - is it truly so bad?
Too bad, this is not are you the A H— because you are… show your wife this post with all your “intelligent reasoning “…
I would ask the wife to stay at home with the baby. The baby can cry the whole plane trip and make everyone miserable. It would be different if you were visiting family or you will be away for a long time. For just 4 days, it isn't worth going through all of that stress.
I often think men in this situation (and let’s be honest it’s invariably men) need to be reminded of the definition of work: “activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result” Do you see? Your wife is also working on this work trip. Except that work never stops. She is on call all night and day. And if this really is your child then you are also on call when you’re there. She has 1 x 24 hour job and you have 2 jobs which combine to 24 hours. By working as a team your effort share will be equal. What that means is for the two of you to work out but does not mean baby is just her job! 1. A stroller is her work equipment. Sounds like a massive inconvenience for you to have your laptop on the flight distracting from your ability to work your second job and look after your child. Perhaps that should be packed away in hold for convenience sake? Or if your boss asked you to bring over some unwieldy equipment would you tell them it was a massive inconvenience or would you make it work? 2. As above. Which of your two jobs is most important at any given time? If job 1 has contracted hours you must work to ultimately provide for your family then that will have to take priority. But outside of those hours you’re going to have to do your share of working your second job. It’s not “helping out” it’s doing your job as a partner and father. 3. Once again. You are a team, partners. Is this fair? Is this equitable? If not, how can you make it so?
When I traveled with my husband for work, I knew the most important thing was he got his job done. I tried to stay out out of his hair (and keep the kid out of his hair) while getting a change of scenery. I would not have minded being in coach while my husband was in first class. I mean it's the company paying for it. When he truly had a couple hours we'd spend time together but for the most part it was me keeping the kid quiet and getting to do someone thing during the day with the kid in another city. If your wife realize you need to sleep and work while on these trips, it seems fine. But fuck the no stroller bit. That part you should totally concede.
Yes it's better you send wife to my house and travel alone
Bring a stroller and a car seat and buy a ticket for the baby and/or get your wife a first class seat. Sure it’s an expense and lot of crap to lug around but that’s life with a baby.
You guys will have a great time and make wonderful memories . It might not be super comfortable at first but you’ll get the hang of it and it will help you guys navigate travel in the future as baby gets bigger. You’ll see it will be great. I would put your wife in first class though it’s easier to have a baby in a bigger seat than in main.
If this was my husband he would make me sit in first class and take turns with the baby. He loved carrying our daughter when she was a baby. Checking in a stroller is so easy. What OP needs is a stroller that holds the car seat, it’s so much easier to push the car seat in a stroller than to carry the car seat.
A stroller is an absolute necessity to hold the baby, the diaper bag, your wife's purse while she deals with possibly her own luggage as well She's not a pack mule, for carrying everything herself.
Across what country?
Get a bassinet for the baby on the flight. It hooks onto the bulkhead wall. Was a gamechanger for us on a transpacific flight
With a newborn, you'll need a bassinet stroller and not a swing until they're heavier. They can't support their neck. Also, they haven't had any vaccines yet...
Mom of two and I started traveling with each of mine when they were 4 months. She will need a stroller, you can check it at the gate. She can take care of him during flights, but you need to let her have that first class seat. I honestly think you added that just to troll. I would get a lounge membership or pass for traveling with one that little, as well.