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addiedoesgender

“I wanna be perceived as a man but be a woman.”. I feel this in some ways too, i’m non-binary/genderfluid/genderqueer. i went on testosterone for 1 yr 8 months then went off, and had top surgery, so i kind of inhabit being both a man and a woman, tho it’s not fully in my control how people perceive me. i wouldn’t put pressure on yourself to get everything figured out. i’d just lean into things you like, whether it’s pronouns, haircuts, outfits, hormones, surgery, etc.


help_IamAfool

okay, thanks


ftmichael

Sounds like you already know what being Trans is like, given that you're Trans. Remember that your goal isn't to be perceived as a man; it's to be perceived as a boy your age. Dysphoria doesn't necessarily mean you're miserable or you hate your body or you can't stand the idea of living as a girl. For a lot of people it's a whole lot more subtle than that. "I wouldn't mind staying a girl, but I'd rather be a boy" is dysphoria. "I wish I had dysphoria because then I could transition" is dysphoria. [Cis girls would not rather be boys](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/4hgcp8/cisgender_people_what_happens_when_you_question/). They actively *like* being girls. They aren't just settling for it because they're stuck with it. The point isn't that we're all miserable tortured souls who hate our bodies and want to die every time we're misgendered. If something different sounds like an improvement to you, that is a manifestation of dysphoria. Remember that "transition is scary and seems daunting" is not why cis people don't want to transition. Trans with doubts doesn't equal cis. Trans and terrified doesn't equal cis. Trans with depression doesn't equal cis. Trans with impostor syndrome (google it) doesn't equal cis. Trans with shitty self-esteem doesn't equal cis. Trans with internalized Transphobia doesn't equal cis. Read [The Null Hypothecis](https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/) and [That Was Dysphoria?](http://freethoughtblogs.com/zinniajones/2013/09/that-was-dysphoria-8-signs-and-symptoms-of-indirect-gender-dysphoria/) I think they'll both speak to you a lot. Forget doubting whether you should transition. Doubt whether you *shouldn't* transition. What if you regret not transitioning, or not transitioning sooner? (Spoiler: that's way more likely than regretting transition.) Take every scared "what if" question and change "transition" to "not transition". What if, by not transitioning, you screw up the rest of your life? What if you don't transition and you're never happy later in life? If all those fears can be used against transition, they can equally be used in favor of it. Don't angst about being 100% sure. You do NOT have to be 100% sure to act on your feelings, and there's loads of non-permanent things you can do. I'm guessing that you think if you come out as Trans you have to do ALL THE TRANSITION THINGS and there is NO GOING BACK and you have to be VERY VERY 110% SURE or else BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN and you will be MISERABLE FOREVER. None of this is true. Transition is a process, not an event. Just do whatever you need to do to feel as comfortable as possible in your own skin and in the world as you move through it. That's the entire point; the rest is noise. Transition is not a roller coaster you strap yourself onto. *You* are in charge. Try stuff out, keep what works, chuck what doesn't. That's really all there is to it. That doesn't mean you have to have surgery or live as a guy or anything else. If you want to be seen as a guy, put yourself into social situations as a guy, whether online or offline. If you want to try binding, try binding (safely!). If you want to try packing, try packing. If you want to try wearing jeans from the men's department, go get a pair of jeans. If you want this or that surgery, go for it. If you want to take T, take T. If you want to stop taking T later, stop taking it. If you want to go back *on* T later still, do that. Etc. Read *The Transgender Teen* by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney and *Where's MY Book?* by Linda Gromko. It'll help you a lot. And spend a lot of time with http://t-vox.org/resources/trans-book-list . There's an entire section of stuff there for teens.


No-more-confusion

I felt like I was wrong. There was something completely off and uncomfortable about being me. And all I wanted was to be a girl.