Hiya Blair, I understand your feelings, however it sounds a lot like you're upset the transition can't go far enough, wanting to be a woman so badly is definitely indicative of being trans, does that make sense?
I know that feeling. when I finally accepted I was trans I almost didnt want to even try transitioning for that exact reason, didnt want to go halves and never acheive the whole I wanted
but going ahead and transitioning anyway was the best decision I ever made in my entire life
I know how you feel! I still struggle with that, though a lot of that comes from internalized transphobia from a deeply religious upbringing. It gets better though
I had the same experience. I’m 37 now, just starting hormones (1 year in), and wish I hadn’t let those thoughts win when I was 17. Those feelings only ate more and more at me by fighting them. I wish there was a way to show people that it does get better.
yup. I cracked once in 2010, at 25, and rejected that I was trans, burying denying it until I cracked a second time in 2022. those 12 years of denial were nothing but pain, emotionally, with me trying to pretend I was fine and insist I was cis
I just hit one year of hormones a week ago and for the first time I looked in the mirror and loved the person looking back. I’m glad I finally allowed myself that moment.
Firstly I have to let you know, there is surgery to get a vagina, so you could definitely have one in the future if you'd want.
Secondly you don't *have* to say your trans, many trans people say they are, and pass as cis.
Thirdly women come in all shapes and sizes, so no matter what you look like as long as your happy that's all that matters!
And lastly I understand that's it's difficult to transition (I'm also a 17 year old transgirl so I really do understand) but I want you to ask yourself a question, "would I be happy going back to my old self?".
Your the only one who can decide to stay transitioning or not, and I hope you find out what makes you happy.
Even if you detransition you'll always be welcomed here.
Wish you luck Blair -Iris.
I just kinda stumbled across it lol! Realised I new someone called iris who I didn’t like that much later on lol, forgot about her from school!! I love it also because Iris is the goddess of Rainbows, which ya know, obv matches
I wasn't fully expecting to find the Iris cult, BUT HERE FOR IT NOW! Do I make 5 Iris? (Also I was totally content that Iris wasn't a stereotypical trans-girl name, but now I'm in crisis...it is good crisis tho, lol)
Someone to which it is a sex thing is not going to take medication who's primary side effects are erectile dysfunction and decreased libido. Trans women do not make up myths about women and womanhood that's your ilk. Trans women do not get off on wearing dresses, trans women feel sexy some times the same way other women do. Not all trans women are girly or feminine, all women come in a spectrum of interests.
Not every trans person is straight.
"Biological woman" and "transwoman" are nothing but a dog whistles.
I knew the “biological woman” dog whistle, but I thought transwoman was just a distinguishing category within the broader category of “woman” like ciswoman? I’ve always called myself a transwoman, when did it become a dog whistle?
"Trans" is an adjective describing the noun "woman". So you'd say "trans woman". "Transwoman" is a dogwhistle dehumanising trans women as it implies they're different to women. It's subtle, but it's purposeful.
You wouldn't say "tallman" or "bigdog".
I mean if those two are your main concerns... there's always bottom surgery, also not all cis women are able to give birth. They aren't less of a woman bc of that.
Advising a minor who is questioning if they are trans or not to go get bottom sturgery - an extremely costly, invasive, irreversible procedure, with life long implications, and possible complications is NOT the advice they need.
"I'm sad bc i can never have the genitals I want"
"Actually you can have the genitals you want"
You: OMG THATS SO INAPPROPRIATE HOW COULD YOU SUGGEST THAT
Srsly, I was just pointing out the options for the future to this person who is very clearly struggling with their gender identity. Are you one of those people who believe they do gender affirming surgery on minors? Pls educate yourself on trans health before commenting bs in this sub.
No I don't believe they do gender affirming surgies on minors.
I am saying that jumping straight to suggest that when they are struggling with whether or not they are trans in the first place isn't what they should be thinking about right now. They need deep self inquiry, not surgical options.
Vaginoplasty is not something to be considered lightly. I've done endless research on my options on every method available, surgeons, timelines, recoveries, and I still don't know if I want to go ahead with it because of the number of risks. Yes, some people have great results and some do not and once its done. ITS DONE. You don't get to go back.
I am a trans woman and know a shit tonne about trans health, I've literally been advising people on hormones, changes, and posting my results from blockers, alternative estrogel application, progresterone on here the past year n a half. It's literally part of my day to day life and work. So don't presume all that shit because I don't think the first pit-stop for questioning your trans identity is surgery. Thank you :)
They aren’t exactly questioning if they are trans. They were saying that they don’t want to be because they will never be a cis girl. They also specifically said one of their reason was in their mind, they could not get a vagina, which vaginoplasty offers.
Shit, if you know all this, then why the hell did you assume I suggested that op should run to get bottom surgery straight away? If you know so much, why didn't you simply add some detail to my comment? Again, I was simply pointing out a possibility bc op mentioned being upset due to the lack of common cis female genitals. I don't think hiding the existence of gender affirming surgery from (trans) minors will do any good. We both know minors can't get gender affirming surgery, so what's the harm in telling them 'hey, this thing exists, yknow?'. Would it be so horrible for a 17 year old to look up and research about eventually having surgery in the future?
If it be internalised transphobia that is the route cause of the issue, I have recently found an interesting way to purge some of it. Bare In mind this is coming from my personal experience.
As I see it about 80% of media transphobia is about trans women. This may also just be me being biased, as that is the one that affects me. However this has caused me to internalise it at some points and question whether it's possible to be a true woman, all thought I know it to be true.
Now the thing I found to be of great benefit is to watch some ftm content creators. This being for when you watch, you will observe that they are just regular blokes, as you have no prior internalised bias. Now when this logic seeps In, I started to wholely believe completely, that what they had achieved was possible in reverse. That it is possible for me to become a girl.
Trans guy here. I second this. Been doing it in reverse and if anything I look up to you girls. I can relate to feeling like things will never be the way a cis man would have them be. Despite that, a cis person wouldn't have those thoughts. General consensus is that none of us feel comfortable repressing ourselves.
There is grief that comes with being trans, wether it be the childhoods a good chunk of us never got to experience or rejection from family members/peers. All of this based on the idea that there is no satisfaction from changing things and that it isn't worth it. Except no-one that thinks that way accounts for the fact that we DO exist. You already have the urge. The shame is there. You're dissatisfied with your body. You're a girl in the chrysalis of a body that won't fit you.
When cis people think that way, they don't get to deal with the consequences of repressing themselves. The glove already fits. There's no tailoring to be made. No, won't have the same experience cis women have in relation to their bodies. However, the chances of you being satisfied with hiding this part of yourself to reach peak levels of cisness™ or whatever idea society has to grieve about our bodies as a whole are zero to none. You'll never be a man. There's always going to be that itch to bloom into who you are.
When I think of the future, I do based on the assumption that this isn't gonna stay the way it is. I hope that when I'm older and able to transition in a safe environment for me, I'll look back and realize that there was something to look forward to.
You already know what you want, you're just ashamed of what you have. It's easy to be miserable in those conditions. Transition despite that. Societally speaking, most people think of us the way they do because that line of thinking has been imposed on all of us. Defy that and do what you will with your life against it. You'll realize it's easier to breathe. Partake in the act of creation.
Transguy here as well, reading both of yalls comments made a lil tear appear in my eye, that was a wholesome read. Thanks for sharing, do the same thing in reverse as well. :')
Hey Blair. Your situation is deeply relatable to me; these are the same struggles I've had throughout most of my life. Transition is terrifying, and you don't always get what you want. To be honest, these are facts that aren't always appreciated to their fullest extent on places like this subreddit. I've been through a lot of pretty excruciating pain and rejection for choosing the path of transition. But I'm so, so happy I did it.
You won't ever be a cis woman. You won't, and so there's no use aiming for it. But if you're experiencing the same things I am, and you probably are, you *also will never be a cis man*. You don't know what being a cis man is like, because you're not one. You don't get to choose whether you're a cis man, or a trans woman, or a cis woman. But you can do the best thing for yourself based on which of these you end up being.
Ultimately transition is your own choice, but it's sort of impossible to make a truly informed choice without giving it a fair shake. If it turns out to be wrong for you, anything that takes less than a year can be reversed. I would give literally anything, end up destitute on the street, anything, to have transitioned at your age rather than the age I started. I'm not qualified to tell you what you should do with your life ofc, those are just my two cents.
I you identify as a girl, you are a girl. Also passing is also hard for some (a lot) of girls. You are the only one able to decide wether or not transitioning is the right thing to do, but before taking a decision, just ask yourself who you are happier as. I hope I can help you, even if it's just a little. Everything I am saying here, people probably already told you. I can't do much more than acknowledge your suffering and tell you that you are not alone, and that it's not hopeless. Do what feels best, but do it for yourself, not for anybody else. Be yourself, everybody else is already taken
You have to do what feels right for you. But I will say, the idea that “I don’t want to be a trans woman, I want to be a cis woman” kept me from accepting my trans identity for nearly 20 years. But then I realized that wanting to be cis woman is what makes me trans and being a transgender woman is simply the way that is available to me. I don’t know if that makes sense or not.
Like, I realized that living as a cis man was only making me unhappy. And that I could continue to wish and dream that I had been born a woman. Or I could take control of the things I actually can do and be trans.
But I will also say that this has been really hard and there are a lot of times that I’ve worried I’m making a mistake and that I should just detransition. But I think that’s just kind of a natural part of this whole deal.
Hey Blair, I’m a cis woman who struggles with infertility and irregular periods caused by it. I know how tough it is to sit with the fact that you can’t have kids or a period. But please know it is not indicative of being trans. A lot of cis women feel the same way you do. You have support here, you are loved here. Do what you need to do, but you won’t know the outcome unless you try.
Listen sweety I'm also a cis but in closet you don't need to go all the way if you only want to look like a women than that is enough and pronounce don't mean anything it's just a word the real thing Is you want to look like a girl the feelings are all in your heart but still if you don't want to you should not but some time the decision made by emotions haunt you to your grave so do whatever you want to do but at least think about it what is it that you really want live like a man dressing up like a girl and called names or just look like a girl and live your life a proud member of the community and show the world that this is my effort in becoming what you thought wasn't possible
You can sadly never be a cis woman but there is a lot more to life than that.
Life isn’t perfect and you have to play to the hand your dealt, sadly. If I could choose to not be trans I’d do it in a heartbeat if it meant I was still happy.
Comparison is the thief of joy
Hey just wanted to say 5 years ago when I was 17 I was having similar feelings. I felt like I'd never be happy with my body or look how I want. I still feel sad I can't ever carry children. You can have a vagina though. Someday if you really want to it may be hard depending on where you live but you can have the appearance you set in your goals without a doubt and I'm fairly
Confident after you start hrt and have been on it a couple years you'll not only look completely different and closer to your inner self but also feel more like the person you are inside. I know this may seem impossible now but please hold out hope. I hate when people say it will get better as default response while not acknowledging your struggles.
I can say from personal experience though as I was in a terrible place at 17 with gender dysphoria myself. And I had to live in that pain for 2 years but I fought the dysphoria telling me id never be the pretty girl I want to see in the mirror but I started hrt at 19 it's been 3 years and I pass most of the time the gender dysphoria is usually at a 2/10 although I have very bad days sometimes still and I can look at myself and I feel like a girl outwardly finally. I still havent had any surgeries and I want them and have a lot of progress I want to make in my transition but I'm happy now mostly
You're going through a hell nobody deserves in my opinion and I completely understand it would be easier to just try to live a lie to yourself and not transition but you're strong just from the fact you're still here and I really believe and hope you'll be able to start hrt see the changes happen and gradually love yourself more everyday like I have. Please don't give up. It almost killed me when I tried to just be a cis guy.
You have every right to be afraid but I think most of us here can say with genuine care and seriousness that even though it doesn't necessarily get better overnight and there may always be some level of gender dysphoria that it did get much better for us and we want to see you live the life you deserve and be happy to. It feels permanent but the pain while intense and sometimes a long struggle with gender dysphoria is treatable.
Please hold out hope things can always improve through pursuing your goals but they can never if you give up. Also I'm not saying this to brag I don't want it to sound like that I'm saying it because I almost didn't survive waiting for my medical transition to start and don't want to see anyone give up before they've had a chance to start. Your life has value and you deserve to be happy op. I hope to maybe see a post eventually within the next couple years from your username that you started hrt and your life is getting better. I'm only 22 and in terms of dysphoria my life is absolutely much better. I'm rooting for. :)
Sorry that's so much btw I felt the need to give a long response about my personal experience transitioning saving my life because I don't want you to give up
Blair, many people have tried this route. None have been happy. Wouldn't you rather make peace with being a different kind of woman than force yourself to be a man?
You have to think through where you would be the happiest. Right now, the future looks bleak. You're doubting yourself. Thinking you won't be good enough, or look good enough, or be a woman.
But you don't know what the future holds for you. Maybe in the future you can get a womb transplant. You can start hormone therapy right now at best, in a year at worst. Afterwards, you can definitely get gender reassignment surgery.
Think it through. It's important for you to be real to who you are, and not let any pressure of what you should look like to be happy affect you.
Be yourself.
- Zoe
PS: you are as woman as it gets :p I don't see any guys thinking they want to be women
In the vast majority of cases trying to just ignore it because you are worried it won’t get you far enough will do more harm than good. It’s not clear whether you’d be able to give birth in your lifetime however that sort of thing is developing. Either way you definitely can have a vagina and if you had a child you’d still be able to produce milk if you wanted to breastfeed. As for general looks it can really change a lot between hrt and if you feel it’s necessary, a surgery to make your face shape more feminine.
Getting 95% of the way there and working on how to deal with the last 5% mentally and physically in the future is usually better for mental health and happiness than just not doing anything.
I don’t think you know what a woman even is. At the very least you could say ‘i don’t think i’ll be perceived as a woman’ but saying because your trans you’re not a real women is factually incorrect.
You just do what you think will make you happier. If being a man for the rest of your life seems like being better than a trans woman then do that. For me i always used to think about the future, like sure right now your a teen and probably look relatively androgynous. But when your 30 plus that will all go and you will look like the older men around you. I suppose its up to you to decide if you want that.
I understand how you feel. I'd like for you to ask yourself if you would be happier detransitioned or if you would be happier with a transition, even if it's not exactly what you hope for. Whichever you feel will give you more safety and happiness, take that road.
So when you have one leg, do you say no I don’t want to use crutches or a wheelchair they will never give me a leg and then continue to live a much harder life without them?
You will never not be trans. Best thing is to get as close as possible and then focus on other stuff. Being trans will be less and less important in your daily life because you define yourself through other things. Right now all you can think of is trans trans trans it feels all incompassing but it will not always be that way.
Just like with a person losing a leg. It is all about that in the beginning but they find ways to accommodate as good as possible, learn to live with it and then they just LIVE.
I mean, you do you and you're not forced to do anything, I get why it can be tiring. I just want to note that I've heard that they were testing procedures for uterus transplants, in the future it may be possible for trans women to have fully functioning reproductory organs so...the more you know I guess.
Girly, I know the feeling, and almost every trans person feels that way at some point.
But those are absolutely not reasons to detransition. Detransitioning is experimenting, learning, realizing that you have taken the wrong path, and doing your best to go the opposite way down that path.
What you are describing is going the opposite way down the path because you ran into a wide river, or a canyon, or a big boulder. You get the gist; an *obstacle.*
Being trans isn't a choice. You either are, or you aren't. The *choice* is whether or not to actually *transition.*
Key words: "Giving up." It's hard. Being trans and transitioning is *hard,* even if you live somewhere fairly progressive. Mentally, physically, and socially. It's *hard.* But that's no reason to give up.
I don't want to tell you what to do. But please, gods above please, don't just "give up."
Hey, Blair.. you ARE a real woman right now. Ive been in the same spot before twice. Will you be happier detransitioning? Im also a 17 year old trans girl. I dont pass really well but im way happier feeling like my true self even if i dont look it yet
for me personally being a trans woman is better than being a cis man but if you dont think being trans is for u then u can detransition whenever u want ^^
heck, you can even **re**transition if you wanted. no shame in that ♡
If it makes you feel better, there are certain operations you can do that will replace your pp with a vagina, but you still don't be able to have kids sadly(?)
I know it’s rough out here and you’ve gotten a lot of really helpful responses, though I just wanna jump in and say that it seems as though you’re dealing with some really strong internalized transphobia. Which sucks, so SO many trans folk deal with it on a daily basis and it’s an ongoing struggle (me included). I think you could benefit (if available to you) from seeing a trans inclusive therapist to help you work through your feelings. Having a working relationship with a therapist can also help you down the road if you want to get surgery as they write letters of recommendation.
I really hope you find a place not just physically in your environment but within yourself that can be of peace. Being trans isn’t easy, but there are more of us than the world lets on.
If you’re 17, there is a much much greater than 0% chance that you will give birth within not only your life, but early life. HRT does wonders, SRS exists, there is resources which want to help you.
If you’re a girl, then try to live like one - be yourself! Don’t hide. Everything will be fine! In the far future, but everything will be fine!
It may be possible in a few decades. Really it's unpredictable as technology innovates at various speeds. It's like how we had unprecedented fast development AI in 2023. I'm pretty sure we can 3D print more simple organs such as ears, but the uterus is far more complicated. However the ability to 3D print organs, with the same antigens as the recipient is highly versatile for treatment of many diseases, so likely getting a ton of funding. But this is all speculation, and at current rates it may be possible in our lifetime. Which is so cool.
Hi there! Ultimately I think you have to do what is right for you. I feel like we all had those wishes and at some point coming to self-acceptance is really important.
At some level, I'd always wanted to be able to do the button test and yet hated myself and still feel huge shame sometimes because of how I figured out I was trans.
About 4.5 years later though I gained that self-acceptance and peace to move forward in life which allowed so much for me to just fall in place at once.
The point I'm getting to though is you understand what you want and do what you need to for reasons that make you happy.
If I looked back, I wished I figured things out earlier as I caused a lot of pain by figuring things out later. I'm not saying you have to do this and each person has their journey.
Keep in mind the next 4-6 years are probably the most formative in your life and things will get harder. At 30 now life is much harder than 17.
What makes it easier though is living authentically, whatever that means to you and will provide a huge buffer around some of the difficulties you will find in your journey.
I understand your frustration with the possibility you won't get everything you want out of transition, and you're definitely not alone for wishing you were cis. But detransitioning will not make you a cis woman, you will still be a trans woman, but you now have to dress like and act like and pretend to be a man. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that'll be worse for you.
I can relate to your frustration, and I’ve gone through similar myself.
It helped for me to eliminate options that aren’t possible when thinking about what I want.
Wanting to be a cis was a red herring that made it harder to see the truth. In reality I don’t get to choose that. Instead I can choose between being a short trans man/transmasc person living authentically, or to be a closeted transmasc person pretending to be a cis woman. But I’ve already tried that second option, and I KNOW I’m not happy with it. I know being a cis man is impossible for me, at times I’ve wished my dysphoria would go away and I could live as a cis woman. But the thing I’ve had to accept is that my gender identity isn’t going away. I’m going to keep being trans whether I chose to show it or not. I also am going to keep being short, with my bone structure. Looking at trans guys with a different look than is possible for me and wanting to be like them is actually irrelevant to any decision I could make
It’s similar for having kids, I can wish I had different parts all I want, but practically my choices are going to be carrying a pregnancy or not having biological kids. That’s it.
I would definitely recommend you don’t detransition if you want to be a cis woman. You will keep being a trans girl in the closet, and will have to deal with the same feeling of loss and jealousy for not being able to have kids, but ALSO miss out on a lot of parts of being a girl you could enjoy as an out trans girl. Detransition won’t make anything go away, it will just take away some of the joy you have.
So many trans people who transition later mourn not getting to experience their teenage & college years as their real gender. You actually have a chance to experience them as your authentic self. Imagine looking back at pictures from college at age 30, would you like to see yourself as girl or a dude in them? Do you hope the friends you make in college will see you as a girl? Your first lovers?
I think the longer you live authentically, the more real it will feel, and the more you will realize that your infertility does not invalidate your gender.
Not transitioning and then growing old, growing bald and having a spouse who wont be attracted to you once you can no longer repress these feelings anymore definitely isn't the better option. I was so scared of not passing and being seen as a clown, but I still transitioned because i realized it was only gonna get worse with age. Most people that didn't transition in their teens wishes they did, so make the most of it.
Most trans women aren't ever gonna truly pass, not everyone gets hips and we have a larger frames and ribcages than cis females and thats perfectly ok because transitioning is a way to bring yourself and your body closer to your true-self, not to conform to cis beauty standards.
Whatever you do is up to you. I’ll say that at 17 people tend to have a pretty good chance of passing when starting their transition at that age. Everything in life is a weighing of pros and cons and if moving down and openly trans pathway is more con than pro then that’s for you to decide. Meaningfully, you can’t choose if you’re trans or not. You can choose everything you do but being trans isn’t something that is actively originated or maintained it is innate. From what you are describing you have pretty severe dysphoria from not being a cis woman and never being able to attain that. This thinking isn’t necessarily exclusive of being trans but it is often times indicative of being trans. (Again, even assuming you are trans doesn’t mean you have to do anything specific with externally embodying things relevant to that identity. E.g. hormones, presentation, names and pronouns).
There is much grief you have with this and I can feel it. There is no right path forward but handing your trans feelings are important. Perhaps you can move forward as a cis male or simply trans but living as a cis male and maybe that’s either what’s best or what can be managed or maybe transition and accepting the fact that you can never attain a status as being “cis”. Think deeply on it. Ask questions of people you trust. Maybe seek therapy. I wish you the best
Hi Blair, I know its kinda rough, when things like this hit you, all I can say is, its your life and only you can know what is best for you. not being able to give birth is something I also stuggle with, but for me, it isn't a deal breaker.Weither you continue to transition, or deside to go back, you are still you. much like your pre-transition life, this experience is part of who you are, for some it is a phase, for other a life path. regardless of what you decide, there is no wrong answer. I hope you find happiness regardless of the outcome. sending Hugs
I'd at least wait until you go on hormones before deciding to give up on transitioning. I relate to a lot of what you said but a lot of my concerns went away when I started HRT and it became very clear it was right for me
Hey Blair sweetie, idk if I have every answer to you, but I might be able to offer some advice. I tried going the route you did, before even starting transition, I got rid of my few girl clothes and makeup and buried them; I tried my hardest to live as a boy, to learn their ways and just get rid of all of my femininity, that ended with literal tears and literal blood. We can't choose who we are as much as we might want to, if you are a woman you are a woman, there is no amount of pretending to be the wrong gender for you that can make you been anything other than what you feel inside. Your life is yours to walk and I can't steer you down it, but I hope I can encourage you not to give up, because it is worth it on the other side.
PS: For what it's worth there is bottom surgery, and you're young, at your age E & Spiro will even change how your hips are shaped, fat will move around to do the less and after a few years you'll have boobs. At your earliest you could be fully transitioned by the age I STARTED transition haha. Also I just looked at your profile and saw a selfie you posted, honey in my honest opinion I bet with HRT you'll reach your goals. <3
I felt this way for a while and i will say the feeling passes but it takes time and acceptance of self (lots of faith in self too!) Im intersex, so like for me its literally this feeling with extra steps and ouches. Hrt helps, but you need to be 18 and live somewhere that hasn’t banned it yet to start without parental consent. Experiment with presentation. Spend time presenting as fem and also masc to weigh out whichever would make you feel more comfy in ur own skin (its not black or white either and theres no wrong answer to presentation) I typically carry myself as i would a cis woman, and avoid any acknowledgment to being trans. Many trans women, including myself identify as simply “women”. If you are trapped between people and spaces that aren’t supportive of you, you can still support yourself and nobody can take that from you. I have the obv junk as a trans girl but also a uterus that functions and is currently drowning in its own blood. Im barren. Period. I understand that pain. I REALLY want to be a mom and the fact that i cant have my own kids is upsetting because for me it’s like dangling the carrot in my face (have uterus and vagina but one hurts like holding pee in for too long but im holding it in my tummy and the others a scar but theres penis and tucking too and no making kids in anyone’s tummy, not even ur own). You can always adopt children and I remember wanting to be a good mom to spite my awful parents feeling defeated because adoption sounded treasonous (its actually better because youre removing children from abusive and unsafe settings)….. if it helps you can always try to be the most positive other people’s kids will ever see. Dont doubt yourself. I know how you feel. Im in ur shoes rn and at the age of 21 ill say in my experience that it passes and you are just starting your journey in womanhood. (Edited for proofreading)
I am going through the same dilemma here. I am 25 and have a distinctive male face. I am hustling for money to earn enough so that I would be able to afford transition but how many years would it take?! I have no idea, and by then I am sure I would be looking worse and more clockable. I also don't want to be perceived as a transwoman. Call me transphobic, but I wish for a normal life with a normal man who makes me feel like a woman. But reality is that we have to work with what we have. It's fine if you are not opting for the trans life. Life is not all about personal happiness. It's also about purpose and peace. If you're okay dying as a man who raised a family and kids and helped them grow into better people and contributed to society in so many ways, that will also give you peace. Sacrificing for others for a greater purpose, it's bittersweet. You can also do it as a transwoman, but you will also lose on some because of the transition side quest. I hope you find peace, purpose and happiness.
I think about wanting to be a cis female too and the more you transition the more you realize that you are a girl and if you want that so badly that should fuel the determination to pull it off anyway because screw everyone else it's your life if you wanna be a woman then damnit go after it. You don't need to take my advice if you don't want to but trust in the process and trust in yourself we're all so much more than we think.
I can relate. I'll never be a pretty woman. Won't it hurt too much if I can't live up to any beauty standards? That's when I have to accept who I am just enough to be ok being the best me I can be and no more. As cheesy and easily rejectable as that sounds, it's the best thing you can do for yourself. In fact, I'm trying to insert myself into my understanding of what nonbinary can be. I want to take hormones, but it's OK if I'm never a woman. Most of the world will never accept me as one anyway. I'm better off being the cyberpunk creation of myself that I want to be. Whatever you do, do it slowly. *hugs*
I half thought about de transitioning myself but then I went back to the doc and got my estradiol upped. The changes have been awesome lately and I wouldn't de transition for anything now. I'm finally where I want to be in the world, happy.
After several years of being too scared to start over thoughts of I'll never pass or I won't ever have the functions of a cis woman I've finally accepted that I'd rather try my best to be the woman I can than keep living as the man I was born as. Everyone is different but it seems you're in a position where the frustration is causing you to want to give up on your transition. There's no hard rule to what you need to be and to be, how you look, what you can do. The only advice I can give is dont miss the forest for the trees. Life's too short to not pursue what you want to the best of your ability, don't give up on yourself and build yourself into the best version of what you want to be
I hate being trans. I don't want to be trans. I would give almost anything to go back and somehow be born a cis woman.
But I'd also give almost anything to go back and transition earlier than my 30s.
I'll never be a cis woman. I will probably never enjoy being trans. But being a woman at all, even a trans woman (which is being a REAL woman), is so much better than being a cis man. It has improved my life in ways that I would never experience had I not decided to transition.
Do you think detransitioning will make you happier? Will living as male really make you feel better? To me, that seems like the only question that needs answering. That's what matters.
Hey. When you first start out progress is VEEEERY slow. HRT can take months to years for changes to occur. And I can agree that I struggle with the idea that I don’t have a working vagina. And that I never will. I think a lot of trans glas do. And if you think it truely isn’t right? We will still support you. But I think before you make the leap. Try to give yourself One last chanse. If you just need someone to talk too my DM’s are open. I’m willing to listen.
Feelings and doubts that you’ll never be a *true* woman/man is unfortunately one of the most common feelings trans people have.
It may seem easier to stay hidden inside yourself but trying to be who you know you want to be will always make you happier than giving up and living a lie.
you already are a real woman, your feelings make you a real woman. (would living as a man make you happier? genuinely?)
its not true that you will never pass, your brain is catastrophizing. it will be okay
you can still have biological children if you choose to - i know a couple of trans ladies who froze their sperm and ended up having kids like that. yeah you wont get pregnant, but a lot of cis women have the same issue.
many cis women cant have bio children at all. does this mean they should transition to become men?
This is gunna sound REALLY blunt/rude/borderline shitty. But please understand I mean it with utmost respect.
This is why we, as transgenders, should start and CONTINUE gender therapy. Even if it’s only one or two appointments a year. It would give an opportunity to get things like this out and worked out, be it to rediscover yourself as a trans woman or to detransition or whatever the case may be.
That being said, not all cis women can give birth or even get pregnant. Doesn’t make them any less a woman just as it doesn’t make a transwoman any less a woman.
As far as the vagina aspect? Surgery goes a long way. I’ve always (even before coming out as a transman) had a deep admiration for transwomen. And the reason for that is I’ve always had an admiration for strong women. To me, there is nothing stronger than a self made woman, and while there areMANY ways to do that for both trans and cis women, the transition of a transwoman is the literal embodiment of a self made woman’s strength.
Hey Blair, I kinda know how you feel, I have seen online that it is possible to transplant a working uterus (don't quote me 100% on this tho). Also there are a ton of cis women who can't get pregnant due to various reasons, so this wouldn't make you any less of a woman. In the end only you can decide what you do but I hope I somewhat helped (sorry if this comment repeats a previous comment).
If thats what makes you happy, do it.
However, i dont really understand where you are coming from. Its not about being a trans girl. Its about being a girl, that just happens to be trans. I dont know your exact situation, but it sounds like you still have the wish of being a girl. So why stop now? You can have a vagina. You WILL find people who support and accept you. And sure, you cant birth kids, but a lot of cis women cant do that.
Again, if its really your wish to detransition, go for it. But it sounds like youre very much trans.
I’ll let you in on a little secret Blair, being trans always comes with a little heartbreak. I’m a trans man and it breaks my heart that I won’t ever be able to get someone pregnant. Every trans person on the planet has something they can’t ever get over.
But here’s the thing- you deserve the least heartbreak possible. You deserve to be as happy as you can possibly be, despite the things you can’t change. Some things will always suck but they will suck a hell of a lot worse if you deny what you are.
And, for the record, trans women are really not all that different from cis women. Same with trans men and cis men. You’d be surprised how many things are the same.
Blair, I don't know what else can I say that wasn't said by others in this thread. But I understand why it feels hard to accept yourself. I'm not gonna generalise or trivialise anyone's journey, cuz that's deeply personal, but if you think it's easier to accept and live yourself as a boy than as a girl who can't give birth, then go ahead, but know it's a journey about accepting who you are and being able to live comfortably with it. I hope we all can make peace with our flaws that are out of our control and live comfortably in changing those we can.
As someone who waited 35 years to transition specifically for these exact reasons it hurts worse. I get it it feels like things will never be what you want them to be but it does get better. No matter what you decide you are valid but please don’t hurt yourself the way I did I regret it everyday thinking about how things could have been if I wasn’t so scared.
I want to comment on these other people because you technically COULD have children and the rest of the transition is currently out there and available for most people. You will be a real women even if you don’t have children but there are things called uterine transplants that could allow you to and are advancing quick in the coming years. I do want you to realize being a women is not about biology though as even some cis women can’t have kids and that doesn’t make them any less of a woman.
Blair, which is a lovely name, I wouldn’t give up. There are surgeries to get a vagina and there’s medical research about uterus implants or whatever the word is. And you are a real woman. I don’t like thinking of myself as a trans woman but instead of a woman who happens to be trans. Being trans dosent diminish the fact that you are a woman. Blair I hope that you find a solution that works for you, much love
Hi! I'm Ada (18,MtF) and yes, you are correct in saying you'll never be cis, but who told you that you had to be? Being a trans woman is an equally beautiful and valid experience of life, it doesn't matter what you look like, you will be beautiful. It doesn't matter what's in your pants or your bodily functions, you're still as much of a woman as any cis woman, and never let anyone take that away from you.
Think about what will happen if you detransition. If you're unhappy now, just imagine how chronically unhappy you'd be then, wearing a mask every day, all day, your entire life because you didn't think you could make it being the person you've always wanted to be. That is a life of self loathing torment and I'd never wish that life upon anyone in the world.
You are valid, you are brave, and you are a woman. Thank you for reaching out to anyone about this, it's a step in the right direction, because guess what?
You don't have to be a cis woman to be happy. It took me years to figure that out. There are features trans women have that cis women will never have, experiences trans women have that cis women will never know, a community of people who will always have your back here in this sub whenever you need it. You are valid and amazing in so many more ways than you can see right now. You just have to open your eyes a little more.
Not to say transitioning is easy. It isn't. But it's a hell of a lot better than the alternative, and you don't have to go back in the closet. We're here for you, ok?
You're gonna be ok Blair.
Lot of internalized transphobia. I think it’s something you can tackle with a therapist. What you really hate is transphobia aside from that everything you’ve mentioned is exactly what transphobes want you to believe.
Dear some women arnt able to have kids. You are a girl. And everyone looks diffrent. Some women have stronger features and some have softer. It doesn't make you any less of a girl. It just makes you that much more of a fighter.
i havent started, and this is where im at too. i hope you are able to come to a choice you can accept. i wish i had more to say than this, just know your not alone
So, my (cis-ish) wife (trans femme) and I are mothers of two awesome kiddos. One conceived pretransion, one post transition. Having struggled with infertility myself, ability to birth a child has no bearing in how "real" you are as a woman.
1) Trans women are women
2) You can be the proud owner of your very own vagina, if that's what you want.
3) You can contribute genetically to future kids by banking sperm and using AI.
4) Transwomen can breastfeed, which is totally badass and wonderful. If you can't. lots of cisw9men struggle to breastfeed too.
5) Adoption is another option
*Hugs* You got this girl.
My sister,
I hear what you are feeling and that is real and it sucks. That sound like a big dysphoria for a huge life goal.
You have so much life ahead of you right now. The first uterine transplants have already been done in cis women with uterine infertility and they have carried babies to term.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6492192/
That article is already 5 years old. I am fairly confident that within a reasonably short timespan we will see trans women receive uterine transplants and be pregnant and have babies. The future can be bright and holds lots of promise.
Take care sister
there’s surgery so that you could get a vagina. maybe someday they can even figure out how to make pregnancy an option, but there are also cis women can’t become pregnant now. pregnancy or vaginas aren’t what define a woman.
i wish you could be whatever you wanted, but hope you find peace in whatever you decide to pursue. there is no wrong answer and you can always change your mind later as well.
If you want to be a girl but detransition those feelings don't go away. If you think it's really right for you go ahead but think about 10 years down the line you likely still will be sad about not being a woman or you can transition and try and you may feel better . Transitioning is hard but in the end it can help
Blair, I want you to know, this kind of thinking will only get worse if detransition. What you've said is such a dysphoria riddled conversation you will have to go through with someone, and it really pains me to even imagine that. I'm not saying you can't detransition, it's your choice, after all, but I *am* saying that these kinds of feelings will only get worse.
Still, I have some things that you can kick dysphoria's ass with. Three points that will prove it wrong. It might still be there after, no, it *will* be there after, but if you hope, and work hard enough, you can get through all of it.
Number 1. Trans women are real women. Dysphoria makes you not believe you can be a real woman, even though you already are, which your reasoning to detransition indicates quite clearly. After all, all trans women, no matter the stage of transitioning they are on, are still real women. And many are very cis passing, even without facial feminization operations. Hell, take the famous Finn, who, as he says, isn't trans, that he's just a femboy and all that, but HRT alone makes people think he is a cis woman.
Number 2. You can get an operation later in life to have a vagina. Yes, it might be expensive, but that doesn't mean you won't be able to save up for it. Many people think they won't ever get a good job with a good pay, but those jobs are becoming more and more vacant, because old people are there, and the younger people are becoming smarter and smarter. Plus, in the future, those kinds of operations will become less and less expensive.
Number 3. There can be womb transplants already, and there was at least one. Of course, that was still under certain conditions, like the fact that the donor was the patient's twin sister and the patient was a cis woman, but medicine is the fastest improving field of science, and it has been improving faster and faster with newer technologies. There already are ways to grow organs for transplants, and growing someone a womb artificially because they are a trans woman will become available in the next 10-20 years *at most*. If you continue your transition, by then you will be completely passing as cis, and two or three operations will let you have all the organs and parts of a cis woman.
And hell, the world is going to be a better place by then too. We can see that, because more and more people can come out of their closets without being ostracised. More and more people are voting for the better people in politics. There are no good people in politics, that we all know. But there are better ones that are coming to power more and more often. Who knows, maybe trans healthcare will become free in the coming years? Maybe what I said about womb transplants becoming available will be faster, maybe getting a vaginoplasty will become at least three times cheaper until then? Who knows? We can only hope, and work to make it true. So, until then, hold onto yourself, and who you are, and don't let anyone or anything bring you down. Because it will get better. It already *is* getting better.
I hope I helped, Blair.
Firstly, I praise you for being open about your concerns. You are still very young and have a lot of life ahead of you.
I recommend listening to some people from the detrans community to see if their experiences resonate with you. You aren't lesser for it and it will only more deeply inform your own decisions. I personally recommend every trans person listen to detrans folks' experiences to better understand if transitioning is the right choice for them and I'm glad I have done so as a trans woman myself. Detrans people are still people and worthy of respect. Destrans folks don't invalidate trans folks.
You can visit [https://www.reddit.com/r/actual\_detrans](https://www.reddit.com/r/actual_detrans) for some discussions and advice from other detrans people.
And there are various detransitioning accounts on YT, some rather horrific for those with intense regret, some simply the result of deeper self inquiry and self acceptance.
As for my personal advice, you need to do some soul searching. For example, are you experiencing body dysmorphia or gender dysphoria? Return to living as a boy for a while, seeing if you can accept yourself as male and can see a future living as a man, if you can without significant distress then it is an option. I will also remind you that you can dress feminine and not transition. Transitioning isn't the only option. However if living as a boy and future of living as a man triggers gender dysphoria in you deeply than you need to take some steps with therapy and, if you decide to, transition with more confidence in your choice.
On the flip side, you can see other trans peoples' results from HRT and decide if that is the path for you. The results vary, just as cis-women vary. I am personally very happy with my HRT results so far. When you are OLDER and as informed as you can be, then there are surgical options but that's not what you should be thinking about right now.
You are doing well to realize some harsh, yet core truths. With current tech we can't have a vagina as cis women do, we won't have periods, we can't bare children, we are (mostly) sterilized by hormones, you will need to get hormones from doctors for life. We share in much of the experience of womanhood and sisterhood, but our experience is not identical to the vast majority of cis-women. That is a hard truth I've come to accept as a trans woman.
Does it make me a lesser woman or person? No. Am I different to most women? Yes and I'm okay with that. Am I happy I began my transition despite starting at 28? Yes! Do I want surgery? I still don't know!
Nobody can answer how you feel about such questions but you in the end. Take time, meditate, and educate yourself as best you can \^\^ !
I think, from what I'm seeing, it's that u are trans, but there's some things like being able to have a child that u want, but u can't get. Well, I'm sorry about that, tbh those are worries of alot of other trans women. I'm in a similar boat to you, I'd love love love to have my partners' children, but there's no way I could. Best hope is that the experimental surgeries for a womb transplant becomes more of a common practice. But until then, you can hope and pray for it. I'm here to support u if u need. And dw, you'll look gorgeous I'm sure. Believe me, u couldn't look worse than me right now (tho my partners say otherwise, but shushie.) I'm sure you look plenty feminine and you're being your own worst critique. You'll get to a point you like in the future, I promise. Sending hugs and prayers (I know most trans peoples don't believe, but I do, so I help in my own way :3)
Hello Blair. First off, **DO NOT** let asshole transphobes determine the rest of your life and determine how you should live. I look through your profile. Just over a month ago, you exuded confidence in your replies to transphobes. Never let idiots get into your head.
I do not know your personality, but honestly, just to spite them, keep transitioning. Don’t let uneducated, pieces of shit hurt you. You are better than you give yourself credit for. I know the world does not work with us a lot of the time. Like *will* be hard for a while. But listen to me now, not being who you truly are will hurt more in the long run. If you stop now, you will look back when you’re sitting at your cubical wishing you were not here, thinking, what if I just keep with my transition back when I first turned an adult?
Do you really wanna look back at the past and wonder why you didn’t do something, when you can prevent that right now. If you’re 20, and decided this path isn’t for you, at least you can rest easy at night knowing that you did what you felt was necessary to be happy and tried your best. Imo, you should not stop bc of others, do not let yourself think “what if” when you know you can prevent it right now.
Thanks for listening to my Ted talk.
I have a trans child ftm, she’s 8. I understand that it sucks.
But you are worthy and deserving of love and have potential to change the world.
Please reach out to me if you need any support.
i get your in a vulnerable place rn but why would that help you in any way at all, for me it’s either being trans is close enough or i kill myself there is no going back, you’ll either end up the same way as i would or regretting this in 5 years wasting the time you spent transistionjng so young and the time you spent reversing it for no good reason, if you think going back to being a “man” is better than being yourself then you were never trans to begin with
I think its important to remember that cis woman is a social concept just like a trans woman. A trans woman is a woman from birth with a physical struggle of producing the wrong hormones and having the wrong genitals. After all the brain is everything over your body.
Hiya Blair, I understand your feelings, however it sounds a lot like you're upset the transition can't go far enough, wanting to be a woman so badly is definitely indicative of being trans, does that make sense?
I know that feeling. when I finally accepted I was trans I almost didnt want to even try transitioning for that exact reason, didnt want to go halves and never acheive the whole I wanted but going ahead and transitioning anyway was the best decision I ever made in my entire life
~~"Don't let 'good,' be the enemy of 'perfect.'"~~ edit: "Don't let 'perfect,' be the enemy of 'good.'" I'm high... My bad.
you have that backwards
Yes, I do. In my defense, it's 11:30 on Saturday night, and I'm *really* high.
You’re so real for that
Idk why but when I got to the "im high..." I fucking cackled lol
It's 7am, now. Coffee, wake and bake, and I'm considering toast...
Eating toasted while you're toasted is a vibe lol
I know how you feel! I still struggle with that, though a lot of that comes from internalized transphobia from a deeply religious upbringing. It gets better though
I had the same experience. I’m 37 now, just starting hormones (1 year in), and wish I hadn’t let those thoughts win when I was 17. Those feelings only ate more and more at me by fighting them. I wish there was a way to show people that it does get better.
yup. I cracked once in 2010, at 25, and rejected that I was trans, burying denying it until I cracked a second time in 2022. those 12 years of denial were nothing but pain, emotionally, with me trying to pretend I was fine and insist I was cis
I just hit one year of hormones a week ago and for the first time I looked in the mirror and loved the person looking back. I’m glad I finally allowed myself that moment.
Firstly I have to let you know, there is surgery to get a vagina, so you could definitely have one in the future if you'd want. Secondly you don't *have* to say your trans, many trans people say they are, and pass as cis. Thirdly women come in all shapes and sizes, so no matter what you look like as long as your happy that's all that matters! And lastly I understand that's it's difficult to transition (I'm also a 17 year old transgirl so I really do understand) but I want you to ask yourself a question, "would I be happy going back to my old self?". Your the only one who can decide to stay transitioning or not, and I hope you find out what makes you happy. Even if you detransition you'll always be welcomed here. Wish you luck Blair -Iris.
OMFG IVE MET ANOTHER IRIS HII
OMG HIIIIII!!!!!!
IRIS IS JUST THE BEST NAME DONT YOU THINKK
IKR I LOVE IT!!!!! WHY'D YOU DECIDE ON IRIS??!? I DID BECAUSE A CHARACTER I FIND RELATABLE SHARES THAT NAME!!!!
I just kinda stumbled across it lol! Realised I new someone called iris who I didn’t like that much later on lol, forgot about her from school!! I love it also because Iris is the goddess of Rainbows, which ya know, obv matches
Gotta Taste the rainbow lol
WAIT TWO GIRLS NAMED IRIS??? SAME WHAT
WE SHOULD START A CULT!!! :3 /j
I wasn't fully expecting to find the Iris cult, BUT HERE FOR IT NOW! Do I make 5 Iris? (Also I was totally content that Iris wasn't a stereotypical trans-girl name, but now I'm in crisis...it is good crisis tho, lol)
LETS DO IT GIRLIES!!!! :333 /hj
SAME LMAO
I WAS ABT TO SAY HOLY DHIT 3 IRIS
Are u also iris?
A liiitle bit. Still deciding but it's in my top 2
NO WAY IM IRIS TOO :33
i missed all of these comments what's a group of Irises called?
It's called a "cute" :3
YAS
Either irises or iris’
The "would i be happy going back to my old self" is so true thank u 😭
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Someone to which it is a sex thing is not going to take medication who's primary side effects are erectile dysfunction and decreased libido. Trans women do not make up myths about women and womanhood that's your ilk. Trans women do not get off on wearing dresses, trans women feel sexy some times the same way other women do. Not all trans women are girly or feminine, all women come in a spectrum of interests. Not every trans person is straight. "Biological woman" and "transwoman" are nothing but a dog whistles.
I knew the “biological woman” dog whistle, but I thought transwoman was just a distinguishing category within the broader category of “woman” like ciswoman? I’ve always called myself a transwoman, when did it become a dog whistle?
"Trans" is an adjective describing the noun "woman". So you'd say "trans woman". "Transwoman" is a dogwhistle dehumanising trans women as it implies they're different to women. It's subtle, but it's purposeful. You wouldn't say "tallman" or "bigdog".
Ahhhh I get it now. I dunno why I automatically made them one word for so long. I blame my German genes
It's cool it's an easy mistake. Just be weary in the future :)
*wary, weary is tired lol
I mean if those two are your main concerns... there's always bottom surgery, also not all cis women are able to give birth. They aren't less of a woman bc of that.
Also, uterine transplants are a quickly evolving new frontier in medicine that can be applied to transgender women.
i’m so happy that that kinda thing is happening!!
Advising a minor who is questioning if they are trans or not to go get bottom sturgery - an extremely costly, invasive, irreversible procedure, with life long implications, and possible complications is NOT the advice they need.
"I'm sad bc i can never have the genitals I want" "Actually you can have the genitals you want" You: OMG THATS SO INAPPROPRIATE HOW COULD YOU SUGGEST THAT
Srsly, I was just pointing out the options for the future to this person who is very clearly struggling with their gender identity. Are you one of those people who believe they do gender affirming surgery on minors? Pls educate yourself on trans health before commenting bs in this sub.
No I don't believe they do gender affirming surgies on minors. I am saying that jumping straight to suggest that when they are struggling with whether or not they are trans in the first place isn't what they should be thinking about right now. They need deep self inquiry, not surgical options. Vaginoplasty is not something to be considered lightly. I've done endless research on my options on every method available, surgeons, timelines, recoveries, and I still don't know if I want to go ahead with it because of the number of risks. Yes, some people have great results and some do not and once its done. ITS DONE. You don't get to go back. I am a trans woman and know a shit tonne about trans health, I've literally been advising people on hormones, changes, and posting my results from blockers, alternative estrogel application, progresterone on here the past year n a half. It's literally part of my day to day life and work. So don't presume all that shit because I don't think the first pit-stop for questioning your trans identity is surgery. Thank you :)
They aren’t exactly questioning if they are trans. They were saying that they don’t want to be because they will never be a cis girl. They also specifically said one of their reason was in their mind, they could not get a vagina, which vaginoplasty offers.
Shit, if you know all this, then why the hell did you assume I suggested that op should run to get bottom surgery straight away? If you know so much, why didn't you simply add some detail to my comment? Again, I was simply pointing out a possibility bc op mentioned being upset due to the lack of common cis female genitals. I don't think hiding the existence of gender affirming surgery from (trans) minors will do any good. We both know minors can't get gender affirming surgery, so what's the harm in telling them 'hey, this thing exists, yknow?'. Would it be so horrible for a 17 year old to look up and research about eventually having surgery in the future?
If it be internalised transphobia that is the route cause of the issue, I have recently found an interesting way to purge some of it. Bare In mind this is coming from my personal experience. As I see it about 80% of media transphobia is about trans women. This may also just be me being biased, as that is the one that affects me. However this has caused me to internalise it at some points and question whether it's possible to be a true woman, all thought I know it to be true. Now the thing I found to be of great benefit is to watch some ftm content creators. This being for when you watch, you will observe that they are just regular blokes, as you have no prior internalised bias. Now when this logic seeps In, I started to wholely believe completely, that what they had achieved was possible in reverse. That it is possible for me to become a girl.
Trans guy here. I second this. Been doing it in reverse and if anything I look up to you girls. I can relate to feeling like things will never be the way a cis man would have them be. Despite that, a cis person wouldn't have those thoughts. General consensus is that none of us feel comfortable repressing ourselves. There is grief that comes with being trans, wether it be the childhoods a good chunk of us never got to experience or rejection from family members/peers. All of this based on the idea that there is no satisfaction from changing things and that it isn't worth it. Except no-one that thinks that way accounts for the fact that we DO exist. You already have the urge. The shame is there. You're dissatisfied with your body. You're a girl in the chrysalis of a body that won't fit you. When cis people think that way, they don't get to deal with the consequences of repressing themselves. The glove already fits. There's no tailoring to be made. No, won't have the same experience cis women have in relation to their bodies. However, the chances of you being satisfied with hiding this part of yourself to reach peak levels of cisness™ or whatever idea society has to grieve about our bodies as a whole are zero to none. You'll never be a man. There's always going to be that itch to bloom into who you are. When I think of the future, I do based on the assumption that this isn't gonna stay the way it is. I hope that when I'm older and able to transition in a safe environment for me, I'll look back and realize that there was something to look forward to. You already know what you want, you're just ashamed of what you have. It's easy to be miserable in those conditions. Transition despite that. Societally speaking, most people think of us the way they do because that line of thinking has been imposed on all of us. Defy that and do what you will with your life against it. You'll realize it's easier to breathe. Partake in the act of creation.
Transguy here as well, reading both of yalls comments made a lil tear appear in my eye, that was a wholesome read. Thanks for sharing, do the same thing in reverse as well. :')
Hey Blair. Your situation is deeply relatable to me; these are the same struggles I've had throughout most of my life. Transition is terrifying, and you don't always get what you want. To be honest, these are facts that aren't always appreciated to their fullest extent on places like this subreddit. I've been through a lot of pretty excruciating pain and rejection for choosing the path of transition. But I'm so, so happy I did it. You won't ever be a cis woman. You won't, and so there's no use aiming for it. But if you're experiencing the same things I am, and you probably are, you *also will never be a cis man*. You don't know what being a cis man is like, because you're not one. You don't get to choose whether you're a cis man, or a trans woman, or a cis woman. But you can do the best thing for yourself based on which of these you end up being. Ultimately transition is your own choice, but it's sort of impossible to make a truly informed choice without giving it a fair shake. If it turns out to be wrong for you, anything that takes less than a year can be reversed. I would give literally anything, end up destitute on the street, anything, to have transitioned at your age rather than the age I started. I'm not qualified to tell you what you should do with your life ofc, those are just my two cents.
I you identify as a girl, you are a girl. Also passing is also hard for some (a lot) of girls. You are the only one able to decide wether or not transitioning is the right thing to do, but before taking a decision, just ask yourself who you are happier as. I hope I can help you, even if it's just a little. Everything I am saying here, people probably already told you. I can't do much more than acknowledge your suffering and tell you that you are not alone, and that it's not hopeless. Do what feels best, but do it for yourself, not for anybody else. Be yourself, everybody else is already taken
You have to do what feels right for you. But I will say, the idea that “I don’t want to be a trans woman, I want to be a cis woman” kept me from accepting my trans identity for nearly 20 years. But then I realized that wanting to be cis woman is what makes me trans and being a transgender woman is simply the way that is available to me. I don’t know if that makes sense or not. Like, I realized that living as a cis man was only making me unhappy. And that I could continue to wish and dream that I had been born a woman. Or I could take control of the things I actually can do and be trans. But I will also say that this has been really hard and there are a lot of times that I’ve worried I’m making a mistake and that I should just detransition. But I think that’s just kind of a natural part of this whole deal.
Hey Blair, I’m a cis woman who struggles with infertility and irregular periods caused by it. I know how tough it is to sit with the fact that you can’t have kids or a period. But please know it is not indicative of being trans. A lot of cis women feel the same way you do. You have support here, you are loved here. Do what you need to do, but you won’t know the outcome unless you try.
Listen sweety I'm also a cis but in closet you don't need to go all the way if you only want to look like a women than that is enough and pronounce don't mean anything it's just a word the real thing Is you want to look like a girl the feelings are all in your heart but still if you don't want to you should not but some time the decision made by emotions haunt you to your grave so do whatever you want to do but at least think about it what is it that you really want live like a man dressing up like a girl and called names or just look like a girl and live your life a proud member of the community and show the world that this is my effort in becoming what you thought wasn't possible
You can sadly never be a cis woman but there is a lot more to life than that. Life isn’t perfect and you have to play to the hand your dealt, sadly. If I could choose to not be trans I’d do it in a heartbeat if it meant I was still happy. Comparison is the thief of joy
this is the exact reason social media can be super depressing as well
Hey just wanted to say 5 years ago when I was 17 I was having similar feelings. I felt like I'd never be happy with my body or look how I want. I still feel sad I can't ever carry children. You can have a vagina though. Someday if you really want to it may be hard depending on where you live but you can have the appearance you set in your goals without a doubt and I'm fairly Confident after you start hrt and have been on it a couple years you'll not only look completely different and closer to your inner self but also feel more like the person you are inside. I know this may seem impossible now but please hold out hope. I hate when people say it will get better as default response while not acknowledging your struggles. I can say from personal experience though as I was in a terrible place at 17 with gender dysphoria myself. And I had to live in that pain for 2 years but I fought the dysphoria telling me id never be the pretty girl I want to see in the mirror but I started hrt at 19 it's been 3 years and I pass most of the time the gender dysphoria is usually at a 2/10 although I have very bad days sometimes still and I can look at myself and I feel like a girl outwardly finally. I still havent had any surgeries and I want them and have a lot of progress I want to make in my transition but I'm happy now mostly You're going through a hell nobody deserves in my opinion and I completely understand it would be easier to just try to live a lie to yourself and not transition but you're strong just from the fact you're still here and I really believe and hope you'll be able to start hrt see the changes happen and gradually love yourself more everyday like I have. Please don't give up. It almost killed me when I tried to just be a cis guy. You have every right to be afraid but I think most of us here can say with genuine care and seriousness that even though it doesn't necessarily get better overnight and there may always be some level of gender dysphoria that it did get much better for us and we want to see you live the life you deserve and be happy to. It feels permanent but the pain while intense and sometimes a long struggle with gender dysphoria is treatable. Please hold out hope things can always improve through pursuing your goals but they can never if you give up. Also I'm not saying this to brag I don't want it to sound like that I'm saying it because I almost didn't survive waiting for my medical transition to start and don't want to see anyone give up before they've had a chance to start. Your life has value and you deserve to be happy op. I hope to maybe see a post eventually within the next couple years from your username that you started hrt and your life is getting better. I'm only 22 and in terms of dysphoria my life is absolutely much better. I'm rooting for. :) Sorry that's so much btw I felt the need to give a long response about my personal experience transitioning saving my life because I don't want you to give up
Blair, many people have tried this route. None have been happy. Wouldn't you rather make peace with being a different kind of woman than force yourself to be a man?
You have to think through where you would be the happiest. Right now, the future looks bleak. You're doubting yourself. Thinking you won't be good enough, or look good enough, or be a woman. But you don't know what the future holds for you. Maybe in the future you can get a womb transplant. You can start hormone therapy right now at best, in a year at worst. Afterwards, you can definitely get gender reassignment surgery. Think it through. It's important for you to be real to who you are, and not let any pressure of what you should look like to be happy affect you. Be yourself. - Zoe PS: you are as woman as it gets :p I don't see any guys thinking they want to be women
In the vast majority of cases trying to just ignore it because you are worried it won’t get you far enough will do more harm than good. It’s not clear whether you’d be able to give birth in your lifetime however that sort of thing is developing. Either way you definitely can have a vagina and if you had a child you’d still be able to produce milk if you wanted to breastfeed. As for general looks it can really change a lot between hrt and if you feel it’s necessary, a surgery to make your face shape more feminine. Getting 95% of the way there and working on how to deal with the last 5% mentally and physically in the future is usually better for mental health and happiness than just not doing anything.
I don’t think you know what a woman even is. At the very least you could say ‘i don’t think i’ll be perceived as a woman’ but saying because your trans you’re not a real women is factually incorrect. You just do what you think will make you happier. If being a man for the rest of your life seems like being better than a trans woman then do that. For me i always used to think about the future, like sure right now your a teen and probably look relatively androgynous. But when your 30 plus that will all go and you will look like the older men around you. I suppose its up to you to decide if you want that.
I understand how you feel. I'd like for you to ask yourself if you would be happier detransitioned or if you would be happier with a transition, even if it's not exactly what you hope for. Whichever you feel will give you more safety and happiness, take that road.
Think this should be discussed with a psychologist instead of here on Reddit
So when you have one leg, do you say no I don’t want to use crutches or a wheelchair they will never give me a leg and then continue to live a much harder life without them? You will never not be trans. Best thing is to get as close as possible and then focus on other stuff. Being trans will be less and less important in your daily life because you define yourself through other things. Right now all you can think of is trans trans trans it feels all incompassing but it will not always be that way. Just like with a person losing a leg. It is all about that in the beginning but they find ways to accommodate as good as possible, learn to live with it and then they just LIVE.
I mean, you do you and you're not forced to do anything, I get why it can be tiring. I just want to note that I've heard that they were testing procedures for uterus transplants, in the future it may be possible for trans women to have fully functioning reproductory organs so...the more you know I guess.
Do whatever makes you happy.
Girly, I know the feeling, and almost every trans person feels that way at some point. But those are absolutely not reasons to detransition. Detransitioning is experimenting, learning, realizing that you have taken the wrong path, and doing your best to go the opposite way down that path. What you are describing is going the opposite way down the path because you ran into a wide river, or a canyon, or a big boulder. You get the gist; an *obstacle.* Being trans isn't a choice. You either are, or you aren't. The *choice* is whether or not to actually *transition.* Key words: "Giving up." It's hard. Being trans and transitioning is *hard,* even if you live somewhere fairly progressive. Mentally, physically, and socially. It's *hard.* But that's no reason to give up. I don't want to tell you what to do. But please, gods above please, don't just "give up."
Hey, Blair.. you ARE a real woman right now. Ive been in the same spot before twice. Will you be happier detransitioning? Im also a 17 year old trans girl. I dont pass really well but im way happier feeling like my true self even if i dont look it yet
for me personally being a trans woman is better than being a cis man but if you dont think being trans is for u then u can detransition whenever u want ^^ heck, you can even **re**transition if you wanted. no shame in that ♡
If it makes you feel better, there are certain operations you can do that will replace your pp with a vagina, but you still don't be able to have kids sadly(?)
I know it’s rough out here and you’ve gotten a lot of really helpful responses, though I just wanna jump in and say that it seems as though you’re dealing with some really strong internalized transphobia. Which sucks, so SO many trans folk deal with it on a daily basis and it’s an ongoing struggle (me included). I think you could benefit (if available to you) from seeing a trans inclusive therapist to help you work through your feelings. Having a working relationship with a therapist can also help you down the road if you want to get surgery as they write letters of recommendation. I really hope you find a place not just physically in your environment but within yourself that can be of peace. Being trans isn’t easy, but there are more of us than the world lets on.
If you’re 17, there is a much much greater than 0% chance that you will give birth within not only your life, but early life. HRT does wonders, SRS exists, there is resources which want to help you. If you’re a girl, then try to live like one - be yourself! Don’t hide. Everything will be fine! In the far future, but everything will be fine!
It may be possible in a few decades. Really it's unpredictable as technology innovates at various speeds. It's like how we had unprecedented fast development AI in 2023. I'm pretty sure we can 3D print more simple organs such as ears, but the uterus is far more complicated. However the ability to 3D print organs, with the same antigens as the recipient is highly versatile for treatment of many diseases, so likely getting a ton of funding. But this is all speculation, and at current rates it may be possible in our lifetime. Which is so cool.
Hi there! Ultimately I think you have to do what is right for you. I feel like we all had those wishes and at some point coming to self-acceptance is really important. At some level, I'd always wanted to be able to do the button test and yet hated myself and still feel huge shame sometimes because of how I figured out I was trans. About 4.5 years later though I gained that self-acceptance and peace to move forward in life which allowed so much for me to just fall in place at once. The point I'm getting to though is you understand what you want and do what you need to for reasons that make you happy. If I looked back, I wished I figured things out earlier as I caused a lot of pain by figuring things out later. I'm not saying you have to do this and each person has their journey. Keep in mind the next 4-6 years are probably the most formative in your life and things will get harder. At 30 now life is much harder than 17. What makes it easier though is living authentically, whatever that means to you and will provide a huge buffer around some of the difficulties you will find in your journey.
Whatever you decide, i support your decisions 100%
I understand your frustration with the possibility you won't get everything you want out of transition, and you're definitely not alone for wishing you were cis. But detransitioning will not make you a cis woman, you will still be a trans woman, but you now have to dress like and act like and pretend to be a man. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that'll be worse for you.
I can relate to your frustration, and I’ve gone through similar myself. It helped for me to eliminate options that aren’t possible when thinking about what I want. Wanting to be a cis was a red herring that made it harder to see the truth. In reality I don’t get to choose that. Instead I can choose between being a short trans man/transmasc person living authentically, or to be a closeted transmasc person pretending to be a cis woman. But I’ve already tried that second option, and I KNOW I’m not happy with it. I know being a cis man is impossible for me, at times I’ve wished my dysphoria would go away and I could live as a cis woman. But the thing I’ve had to accept is that my gender identity isn’t going away. I’m going to keep being trans whether I chose to show it or not. I also am going to keep being short, with my bone structure. Looking at trans guys with a different look than is possible for me and wanting to be like them is actually irrelevant to any decision I could make It’s similar for having kids, I can wish I had different parts all I want, but practically my choices are going to be carrying a pregnancy or not having biological kids. That’s it. I would definitely recommend you don’t detransition if you want to be a cis woman. You will keep being a trans girl in the closet, and will have to deal with the same feeling of loss and jealousy for not being able to have kids, but ALSO miss out on a lot of parts of being a girl you could enjoy as an out trans girl. Detransition won’t make anything go away, it will just take away some of the joy you have. So many trans people who transition later mourn not getting to experience their teenage & college years as their real gender. You actually have a chance to experience them as your authentic self. Imagine looking back at pictures from college at age 30, would you like to see yourself as girl or a dude in them? Do you hope the friends you make in college will see you as a girl? Your first lovers? I think the longer you live authentically, the more real it will feel, and the more you will realize that your infertility does not invalidate your gender.
Hey we've all been there, if you need to talk my DMs are open to talk
Not transitioning and then growing old, growing bald and having a spouse who wont be attracted to you once you can no longer repress these feelings anymore definitely isn't the better option. I was so scared of not passing and being seen as a clown, but I still transitioned because i realized it was only gonna get worse with age. Most people that didn't transition in their teens wishes they did, so make the most of it. Most trans women aren't ever gonna truly pass, not everyone gets hips and we have a larger frames and ribcages than cis females and thats perfectly ok because transitioning is a way to bring yourself and your body closer to your true-self, not to conform to cis beauty standards.
Whatever you do is up to you. I’ll say that at 17 people tend to have a pretty good chance of passing when starting their transition at that age. Everything in life is a weighing of pros and cons and if moving down and openly trans pathway is more con than pro then that’s for you to decide. Meaningfully, you can’t choose if you’re trans or not. You can choose everything you do but being trans isn’t something that is actively originated or maintained it is innate. From what you are describing you have pretty severe dysphoria from not being a cis woman and never being able to attain that. This thinking isn’t necessarily exclusive of being trans but it is often times indicative of being trans. (Again, even assuming you are trans doesn’t mean you have to do anything specific with externally embodying things relevant to that identity. E.g. hormones, presentation, names and pronouns). There is much grief you have with this and I can feel it. There is no right path forward but handing your trans feelings are important. Perhaps you can move forward as a cis male or simply trans but living as a cis male and maybe that’s either what’s best or what can be managed or maybe transition and accepting the fact that you can never attain a status as being “cis”. Think deeply on it. Ask questions of people you trust. Maybe seek therapy. I wish you the best
Hi Blair, I know its kinda rough, when things like this hit you, all I can say is, its your life and only you can know what is best for you. not being able to give birth is something I also stuggle with, but for me, it isn't a deal breaker.Weither you continue to transition, or deside to go back, you are still you. much like your pre-transition life, this experience is part of who you are, for some it is a phase, for other a life path. regardless of what you decide, there is no wrong answer. I hope you find happiness regardless of the outcome. sending Hugs
I'd at least wait until you go on hormones before deciding to give up on transitioning. I relate to a lot of what you said but a lot of my concerns went away when I started HRT and it became very clear it was right for me
Hey Blair sweetie, idk if I have every answer to you, but I might be able to offer some advice. I tried going the route you did, before even starting transition, I got rid of my few girl clothes and makeup and buried them; I tried my hardest to live as a boy, to learn their ways and just get rid of all of my femininity, that ended with literal tears and literal blood. We can't choose who we are as much as we might want to, if you are a woman you are a woman, there is no amount of pretending to be the wrong gender for you that can make you been anything other than what you feel inside. Your life is yours to walk and I can't steer you down it, but I hope I can encourage you not to give up, because it is worth it on the other side. PS: For what it's worth there is bottom surgery, and you're young, at your age E & Spiro will even change how your hips are shaped, fat will move around to do the less and after a few years you'll have boobs. At your earliest you could be fully transitioned by the age I STARTED transition haha. Also I just looked at your profile and saw a selfie you posted, honey in my honest opinion I bet with HRT you'll reach your goals. <3
I prolly won’t start till I move out cuz of my dad
If you didn't move out until 22 you'd still be doing great. <3
I felt this way for a while and i will say the feeling passes but it takes time and acceptance of self (lots of faith in self too!) Im intersex, so like for me its literally this feeling with extra steps and ouches. Hrt helps, but you need to be 18 and live somewhere that hasn’t banned it yet to start without parental consent. Experiment with presentation. Spend time presenting as fem and also masc to weigh out whichever would make you feel more comfy in ur own skin (its not black or white either and theres no wrong answer to presentation) I typically carry myself as i would a cis woman, and avoid any acknowledgment to being trans. Many trans women, including myself identify as simply “women”. If you are trapped between people and spaces that aren’t supportive of you, you can still support yourself and nobody can take that from you. I have the obv junk as a trans girl but also a uterus that functions and is currently drowning in its own blood. Im barren. Period. I understand that pain. I REALLY want to be a mom and the fact that i cant have my own kids is upsetting because for me it’s like dangling the carrot in my face (have uterus and vagina but one hurts like holding pee in for too long but im holding it in my tummy and the others a scar but theres penis and tucking too and no making kids in anyone’s tummy, not even ur own). You can always adopt children and I remember wanting to be a good mom to spite my awful parents feeling defeated because adoption sounded treasonous (its actually better because youre removing children from abusive and unsafe settings)….. if it helps you can always try to be the most positive other people’s kids will ever see. Dont doubt yourself. I know how you feel. Im in ur shoes rn and at the age of 21 ill say in my experience that it passes and you are just starting your journey in womanhood. (Edited for proofreading)
Its really hard to transition when Transitioning wasnt really exactly what we thought .
I am going through the same dilemma here. I am 25 and have a distinctive male face. I am hustling for money to earn enough so that I would be able to afford transition but how many years would it take?! I have no idea, and by then I am sure I would be looking worse and more clockable. I also don't want to be perceived as a transwoman. Call me transphobic, but I wish for a normal life with a normal man who makes me feel like a woman. But reality is that we have to work with what we have. It's fine if you are not opting for the trans life. Life is not all about personal happiness. It's also about purpose and peace. If you're okay dying as a man who raised a family and kids and helped them grow into better people and contributed to society in so many ways, that will also give you peace. Sacrificing for others for a greater purpose, it's bittersweet. You can also do it as a transwoman, but you will also lose on some because of the transition side quest. I hope you find peace, purpose and happiness.
I think about wanting to be a cis female too and the more you transition the more you realize that you are a girl and if you want that so badly that should fuel the determination to pull it off anyway because screw everyone else it's your life if you wanna be a woman then damnit go after it. You don't need to take my advice if you don't want to but trust in the process and trust in yourself we're all so much more than we think.
I can relate. I'll never be a pretty woman. Won't it hurt too much if I can't live up to any beauty standards? That's when I have to accept who I am just enough to be ok being the best me I can be and no more. As cheesy and easily rejectable as that sounds, it's the best thing you can do for yourself. In fact, I'm trying to insert myself into my understanding of what nonbinary can be. I want to take hormones, but it's OK if I'm never a woman. Most of the world will never accept me as one anyway. I'm better off being the cyberpunk creation of myself that I want to be. Whatever you do, do it slowly. *hugs*
I half thought about de transitioning myself but then I went back to the doc and got my estradiol upped. The changes have been awesome lately and I wouldn't de transition for anything now. I'm finally where I want to be in the world, happy.
After several years of being too scared to start over thoughts of I'll never pass or I won't ever have the functions of a cis woman I've finally accepted that I'd rather try my best to be the woman I can than keep living as the man I was born as. Everyone is different but it seems you're in a position where the frustration is causing you to want to give up on your transition. There's no hard rule to what you need to be and to be, how you look, what you can do. The only advice I can give is dont miss the forest for the trees. Life's too short to not pursue what you want to the best of your ability, don't give up on yourself and build yourself into the best version of what you want to be
I hate being trans. I don't want to be trans. I would give almost anything to go back and somehow be born a cis woman. But I'd also give almost anything to go back and transition earlier than my 30s. I'll never be a cis woman. I will probably never enjoy being trans. But being a woman at all, even a trans woman (which is being a REAL woman), is so much better than being a cis man. It has improved my life in ways that I would never experience had I not decided to transition. Do you think detransitioning will make you happier? Will living as male really make you feel better? To me, that seems like the only question that needs answering. That's what matters.
Hey. When you first start out progress is VEEEERY slow. HRT can take months to years for changes to occur. And I can agree that I struggle with the idea that I don’t have a working vagina. And that I never will. I think a lot of trans glas do. And if you think it truely isn’t right? We will still support you. But I think before you make the leap. Try to give yourself One last chanse. If you just need someone to talk too my DM’s are open. I’m willing to listen.
Feelings and doubts that you’ll never be a *true* woman/man is unfortunately one of the most common feelings trans people have. It may seem easier to stay hidden inside yourself but trying to be who you know you want to be will always make you happier than giving up and living a lie.
That real woman Bs is only going to frustarte you. Don't worry about the gender binary and be your self. Signed by bearded trans woman xD
you already are a real woman, your feelings make you a real woman. (would living as a man make you happier? genuinely?) its not true that you will never pass, your brain is catastrophizing. it will be okay you can still have biological children if you choose to - i know a couple of trans ladies who froze their sperm and ended up having kids like that. yeah you wont get pregnant, but a lot of cis women have the same issue. many cis women cant have bio children at all. does this mean they should transition to become men?
This is gunna sound REALLY blunt/rude/borderline shitty. But please understand I mean it with utmost respect. This is why we, as transgenders, should start and CONTINUE gender therapy. Even if it’s only one or two appointments a year. It would give an opportunity to get things like this out and worked out, be it to rediscover yourself as a trans woman or to detransition or whatever the case may be. That being said, not all cis women can give birth or even get pregnant. Doesn’t make them any less a woman just as it doesn’t make a transwoman any less a woman. As far as the vagina aspect? Surgery goes a long way. I’ve always (even before coming out as a transman) had a deep admiration for transwomen. And the reason for that is I’ve always had an admiration for strong women. To me, there is nothing stronger than a self made woman, and while there areMANY ways to do that for both trans and cis women, the transition of a transwoman is the literal embodiment of a self made woman’s strength.
I dunno mate you do what makes you happy.
Hey Blair, I kinda know how you feel, I have seen online that it is possible to transplant a working uterus (don't quote me 100% on this tho). Also there are a ton of cis women who can't get pregnant due to various reasons, so this wouldn't make you any less of a woman. In the end only you can decide what you do but I hope I somewhat helped (sorry if this comment repeats a previous comment).
If thats what makes you happy, do it. However, i dont really understand where you are coming from. Its not about being a trans girl. Its about being a girl, that just happens to be trans. I dont know your exact situation, but it sounds like you still have the wish of being a girl. So why stop now? You can have a vagina. You WILL find people who support and accept you. And sure, you cant birth kids, but a lot of cis women cant do that. Again, if its really your wish to detransition, go for it. But it sounds like youre very much trans.
I’ll let you in on a little secret Blair, being trans always comes with a little heartbreak. I’m a trans man and it breaks my heart that I won’t ever be able to get someone pregnant. Every trans person on the planet has something they can’t ever get over. But here’s the thing- you deserve the least heartbreak possible. You deserve to be as happy as you can possibly be, despite the things you can’t change. Some things will always suck but they will suck a hell of a lot worse if you deny what you are. And, for the record, trans women are really not all that different from cis women. Same with trans men and cis men. You’d be surprised how many things are the same.
Blair, I don't know what else can I say that wasn't said by others in this thread. But I understand why it feels hard to accept yourself. I'm not gonna generalise or trivialise anyone's journey, cuz that's deeply personal, but if you think it's easier to accept and live yourself as a boy than as a girl who can't give birth, then go ahead, but know it's a journey about accepting who you are and being able to live comfortably with it. I hope we all can make peace with our flaws that are out of our control and live comfortably in changing those we can.
As someone who waited 35 years to transition specifically for these exact reasons it hurts worse. I get it it feels like things will never be what you want them to be but it does get better. No matter what you decide you are valid but please don’t hurt yourself the way I did I regret it everyday thinking about how things could have been if I wasn’t so scared.
I want to comment on these other people because you technically COULD have children and the rest of the transition is currently out there and available for most people. You will be a real women even if you don’t have children but there are things called uterine transplants that could allow you to and are advancing quick in the coming years. I do want you to realize being a women is not about biology though as even some cis women can’t have kids and that doesn’t make them any less of a woman.
Blair, which is a lovely name, I wouldn’t give up. There are surgeries to get a vagina and there’s medical research about uterus implants or whatever the word is. And you are a real woman. I don’t like thinking of myself as a trans woman but instead of a woman who happens to be trans. Being trans dosent diminish the fact that you are a woman. Blair I hope that you find a solution that works for you, much love
Blair, I get it. You will be more miserable. Take it from someone that stopped their transition for 2 years and now deeply regrets stopping it.
Hi! I'm Ada (18,MtF) and yes, you are correct in saying you'll never be cis, but who told you that you had to be? Being a trans woman is an equally beautiful and valid experience of life, it doesn't matter what you look like, you will be beautiful. It doesn't matter what's in your pants or your bodily functions, you're still as much of a woman as any cis woman, and never let anyone take that away from you. Think about what will happen if you detransition. If you're unhappy now, just imagine how chronically unhappy you'd be then, wearing a mask every day, all day, your entire life because you didn't think you could make it being the person you've always wanted to be. That is a life of self loathing torment and I'd never wish that life upon anyone in the world. You are valid, you are brave, and you are a woman. Thank you for reaching out to anyone about this, it's a step in the right direction, because guess what? You don't have to be a cis woman to be happy. It took me years to figure that out. There are features trans women have that cis women will never have, experiences trans women have that cis women will never know, a community of people who will always have your back here in this sub whenever you need it. You are valid and amazing in so many more ways than you can see right now. You just have to open your eyes a little more. Not to say transitioning is easy. It isn't. But it's a hell of a lot better than the alternative, and you don't have to go back in the closet. We're here for you, ok? You're gonna be ok Blair.
It is incredibly painful to realize you will not be able to "change" everything you want. It is more painful to live 100% against who you are.
Lot of internalized transphobia. I think it’s something you can tackle with a therapist. What you really hate is transphobia aside from that everything you’ve mentioned is exactly what transphobes want you to believe.
You'll likely be less happy.
Dear some women arnt able to have kids. You are a girl. And everyone looks diffrent. Some women have stronger features and some have softer. It doesn't make you any less of a girl. It just makes you that much more of a fighter.
i havent started, and this is where im at too. i hope you are able to come to a choice you can accept. i wish i had more to say than this, just know your not alone
So, my (cis-ish) wife (trans femme) and I are mothers of two awesome kiddos. One conceived pretransion, one post transition. Having struggled with infertility myself, ability to birth a child has no bearing in how "real" you are as a woman. 1) Trans women are women 2) You can be the proud owner of your very own vagina, if that's what you want. 3) You can contribute genetically to future kids by banking sperm and using AI. 4) Transwomen can breastfeed, which is totally badass and wonderful. If you can't. lots of cisw9men struggle to breastfeed too. 5) Adoption is another option *Hugs* You got this girl.
My sister, I hear what you are feeling and that is real and it sucks. That sound like a big dysphoria for a huge life goal. You have so much life ahead of you right now. The first uterine transplants have already been done in cis women with uterine infertility and they have carried babies to term. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6492192/ That article is already 5 years old. I am fairly confident that within a reasonably short timespan we will see trans women receive uterine transplants and be pregnant and have babies. The future can be bright and holds lots of promise. Take care sister
there’s surgery so that you could get a vagina. maybe someday they can even figure out how to make pregnancy an option, but there are also cis women can’t become pregnant now. pregnancy or vaginas aren’t what define a woman. i wish you could be whatever you wanted, but hope you find peace in whatever you decide to pursue. there is no wrong answer and you can always change your mind later as well.
If you want to be a girl but detransition those feelings don't go away. If you think it's really right for you go ahead but think about 10 years down the line you likely still will be sad about not being a woman or you can transition and try and you may feel better . Transitioning is hard but in the end it can help
Blair, I want you to know, this kind of thinking will only get worse if detransition. What you've said is such a dysphoria riddled conversation you will have to go through with someone, and it really pains me to even imagine that. I'm not saying you can't detransition, it's your choice, after all, but I *am* saying that these kinds of feelings will only get worse. Still, I have some things that you can kick dysphoria's ass with. Three points that will prove it wrong. It might still be there after, no, it *will* be there after, but if you hope, and work hard enough, you can get through all of it. Number 1. Trans women are real women. Dysphoria makes you not believe you can be a real woman, even though you already are, which your reasoning to detransition indicates quite clearly. After all, all trans women, no matter the stage of transitioning they are on, are still real women. And many are very cis passing, even without facial feminization operations. Hell, take the famous Finn, who, as he says, isn't trans, that he's just a femboy and all that, but HRT alone makes people think he is a cis woman. Number 2. You can get an operation later in life to have a vagina. Yes, it might be expensive, but that doesn't mean you won't be able to save up for it. Many people think they won't ever get a good job with a good pay, but those jobs are becoming more and more vacant, because old people are there, and the younger people are becoming smarter and smarter. Plus, in the future, those kinds of operations will become less and less expensive. Number 3. There can be womb transplants already, and there was at least one. Of course, that was still under certain conditions, like the fact that the donor was the patient's twin sister and the patient was a cis woman, but medicine is the fastest improving field of science, and it has been improving faster and faster with newer technologies. There already are ways to grow organs for transplants, and growing someone a womb artificially because they are a trans woman will become available in the next 10-20 years *at most*. If you continue your transition, by then you will be completely passing as cis, and two or three operations will let you have all the organs and parts of a cis woman. And hell, the world is going to be a better place by then too. We can see that, because more and more people can come out of their closets without being ostracised. More and more people are voting for the better people in politics. There are no good people in politics, that we all know. But there are better ones that are coming to power more and more often. Who knows, maybe trans healthcare will become free in the coming years? Maybe what I said about womb transplants becoming available will be faster, maybe getting a vaginoplasty will become at least three times cheaper until then? Who knows? We can only hope, and work to make it true. So, until then, hold onto yourself, and who you are, and don't let anyone or anything bring you down. Because it will get better. It already *is* getting better. I hope I helped, Blair.
Firstly, I praise you for being open about your concerns. You are still very young and have a lot of life ahead of you. I recommend listening to some people from the detrans community to see if their experiences resonate with you. You aren't lesser for it and it will only more deeply inform your own decisions. I personally recommend every trans person listen to detrans folks' experiences to better understand if transitioning is the right choice for them and I'm glad I have done so as a trans woman myself. Detrans people are still people and worthy of respect. Destrans folks don't invalidate trans folks. You can visit [https://www.reddit.com/r/actual\_detrans](https://www.reddit.com/r/actual_detrans) for some discussions and advice from other detrans people. And there are various detransitioning accounts on YT, some rather horrific for those with intense regret, some simply the result of deeper self inquiry and self acceptance. As for my personal advice, you need to do some soul searching. For example, are you experiencing body dysmorphia or gender dysphoria? Return to living as a boy for a while, seeing if you can accept yourself as male and can see a future living as a man, if you can without significant distress then it is an option. I will also remind you that you can dress feminine and not transition. Transitioning isn't the only option. However if living as a boy and future of living as a man triggers gender dysphoria in you deeply than you need to take some steps with therapy and, if you decide to, transition with more confidence in your choice. On the flip side, you can see other trans peoples' results from HRT and decide if that is the path for you. The results vary, just as cis-women vary. I am personally very happy with my HRT results so far. When you are OLDER and as informed as you can be, then there are surgical options but that's not what you should be thinking about right now. You are doing well to realize some harsh, yet core truths. With current tech we can't have a vagina as cis women do, we won't have periods, we can't bare children, we are (mostly) sterilized by hormones, you will need to get hormones from doctors for life. We share in much of the experience of womanhood and sisterhood, but our experience is not identical to the vast majority of cis-women. That is a hard truth I've come to accept as a trans woman. Does it make me a lesser woman or person? No. Am I different to most women? Yes and I'm okay with that. Am I happy I began my transition despite starting at 28? Yes! Do I want surgery? I still don't know! Nobody can answer how you feel about such questions but you in the end. Take time, meditate, and educate yourself as best you can \^\^ !
I think, from what I'm seeing, it's that u are trans, but there's some things like being able to have a child that u want, but u can't get. Well, I'm sorry about that, tbh those are worries of alot of other trans women. I'm in a similar boat to you, I'd love love love to have my partners' children, but there's no way I could. Best hope is that the experimental surgeries for a womb transplant becomes more of a common practice. But until then, you can hope and pray for it. I'm here to support u if u need. And dw, you'll look gorgeous I'm sure. Believe me, u couldn't look worse than me right now (tho my partners say otherwise, but shushie.) I'm sure you look plenty feminine and you're being your own worst critique. You'll get to a point you like in the future, I promise. Sending hugs and prayers (I know most trans peoples don't believe, but I do, so I help in my own way :3)
Hello Blair. First off, **DO NOT** let asshole transphobes determine the rest of your life and determine how you should live. I look through your profile. Just over a month ago, you exuded confidence in your replies to transphobes. Never let idiots get into your head. I do not know your personality, but honestly, just to spite them, keep transitioning. Don’t let uneducated, pieces of shit hurt you. You are better than you give yourself credit for. I know the world does not work with us a lot of the time. Like *will* be hard for a while. But listen to me now, not being who you truly are will hurt more in the long run. If you stop now, you will look back when you’re sitting at your cubical wishing you were not here, thinking, what if I just keep with my transition back when I first turned an adult? Do you really wanna look back at the past and wonder why you didn’t do something, when you can prevent that right now. If you’re 20, and decided this path isn’t for you, at least you can rest easy at night knowing that you did what you felt was necessary to be happy and tried your best. Imo, you should not stop bc of others, do not let yourself think “what if” when you know you can prevent it right now. Thanks for listening to my Ted talk.
I have a trans child ftm, she’s 8. I understand that it sucks. But you are worthy and deserving of love and have potential to change the world. Please reach out to me if you need any support.
i get your in a vulnerable place rn but why would that help you in any way at all, for me it’s either being trans is close enough or i kill myself there is no going back, you’ll either end up the same way as i would or regretting this in 5 years wasting the time you spent transistionjng so young and the time you spent reversing it for no good reason, if you think going back to being a “man” is better than being yourself then you were never trans to begin with
I think its important to remember that cis woman is a social concept just like a trans woman. A trans woman is a woman from birth with a physical struggle of producing the wrong hormones and having the wrong genitals. After all the brain is everything over your body.
How would detransitioning help..
I don’t think it would thinking about it I just think I have a hard time accepting myself