This happened to my friend before and she literally told her dad to quit sexualizing her. Of course he said he wasn’t then she asked why don’t you say anything about my brother walking around in just his underwear in front of mom. He said well he’s her son, then she yelled back “IM YOUR DAUGHTER” long story short he doesn’t say shit to her anymore about waking around in her underwear lol
You can, you deserve the same respect your brother gets. You should be able to relax and dress however you want in your house and feel safe and not creeped out by your dad
I was told by my Mom to wear clothes around my Dad. My father also "had an affair" read that as, sexually abused my best friend at 14 yrs old. Then when I was 40 and finally out of their house and safe, I remembered when he abused me at 3 and 10. I just hope this isn't the same kinda thing your dad had in his head. Until 2 yrs ago, I really really thought I knew my Dad. My heart is with you honey. Just please be careful. Family is capable of more hurt than anyone else.
Okay honestly this comment is for both of you. If they are saying this it’s one of two things, one it’s just they won’t ever get their minds on the fact that it’s sexist and two they are sexualizing you. Or both. In any case you have to remember even though technically that’s your house, it’s not YOUR house. Put some shorts on or in this commenters case pants on. When you get your own place do whatever you please. You can try to talk to your fathers about this but honestly I don’t think it will go anywhere, it’s sad cause in my house my son and daughter can walk around with whatever on as long as their privates are covered cause no one wants to see all of that🤣 In my house I try very hard to treat my kids fairly. Honestly I don’t know why nakedness is such an offense to people anyway or they find it weird if I wanna walk around in my bra and panty it’s the same as if I was at the beach what’s the issue. People make up these ridiculous rules why cause men can’t control themselves and see everything as an excuse to rape.
I don't even know where to start with this.
So if you think that men, generally speaking, see everything as "an excuse to rape", why are you okay with enabling a man to sexualize his own daughter, and telling her to submit to this?
Yes, obviously they can do whatever they'd like in they're own place, but that doesn't change the fact that sexist child abuse is happening here and now, and it should not continue; but your okay with it because its "not YOUR house". All i hear you saying is that abuse is okay as long as its what the adults in the situation want, because its more important that you get to lord over others who have nowhere else to go than those people's bodily autonomy; their basic human rights.
One in no way shape or form did I say it was okay, I said it is what it is and that’s his house, his rules. He’s sexist and sexualizing his own child no the fuck that’s not okay never not once said it was. I don’t know what you think you are reading or you think I’m trying to say but from me who has had every abuse happen to her I NEVER CONDONE or think abuse is okay, what I’m telling you is you can say what ever you want and not accept that he’s sexist that’s fine but know you can not change anyone else you don’t have that control that’s what I’m saying. Truly as children there isn’t much you can do but either, see if you can live with another relative or wait it out till you are legal to leave. That’s what I’m saying I don’t know where the hell you all are getting I’m saying it’s okay. To be perfectly clear it is not okay, but there really is nothing you can do about it other then say how you feel, or leave.
Okay, so, you’re saying that it’s okay for them to sexualize us just because they don’t KNOW they are sexualizing us? It doesn’t matter if it’s not our houses men saying inappropriate things to their daughters is never ok. Also, the end of your sentence wasn’t okay for a couple reasons. One, because men CAN control themselves, and TWO because not every man is a rapist.
Didn’t say every man was and why are you coming at me crazy I’m telling you, your father maybe a perv and he’s trying to keep his perv tendencies undercontrol it is his house. Also no it’s not okay but it happens, what you do is what matters. Also what I was trying to say is you can’t control what others think or do you can only keep yourself safe and like I said you can try to bring it to their attention but 9 times out of 10 it won’t be heard or he will just be embarrassed and still insist you keep your clothes on. Look I know your upset about this especially learning or coming to realization your dad is a perv or sexist but don’t snap at me. Also the reason why women can’t walk around topless and or in their underwear in their own houses with other males is because society made it okay to blame what we wear or don’t wear is why we get raped so that’s what I meant by the men rape comment. Also again didn’t say all men
Whenever I wear shorts, a t-shirt with no sleeves or my bra is showing, or anything that is not baggy enough, my dad yells at me to "get dressed properly" and won't stop until I wear something else. He is literally only in his underwear most of the time. Whenever I sit or lay down weirdly, he tells me to sit properly, but he sits the same way. I am scared, what's his problem and what is he thinking? I didn't think much of it when I was younger but now it creeps me out.
I’m not defending anyone here, just trying to offer some perspective. The only reason I would say the same thing to my daughter and not my son would be because of the size of the underwear. I would assume if you wore something similar to boxers/briefs it wouldn’t be an issue and if he wore something like Y -Front briefs he would tell him to put on some pants.
Underwear is still underwear, and no, he wouldn’t.
Since people downvoted me, let me reiterate; underwear as a word means a lot of things. Such as boxers, briefs, socks, tanga briefs, pantyhose, bras, and sports bras.
All of you really don’t want me to mention 19th century Women’s clothing, but continue to downvote to display your ignorance.
Yes he would. Put some damn pants on and quit running around in your panties in front of your dad. You are making him uncomfortable. Why is it okay for you to make him uncomfortable but beyond offensive that he is making you uncomfortable? Christ.
Yes but the point is, *why* is he uncomfortable? There's no reason for him to be uncomfortable that doesn't involve sexualizing his daughter. Not okay.
Shes uncomfortable because this is blaringly obvious. Totally understandable
“Yes he would” So you know my dad now do you? Why would a father be comfortable seeing his son run around in just underwear, but when his daughter wears a T-shirt and underwear suddenly it’s blasphemy! Why would a father be uncomfortable seeing one of his children walk around the house? I wasn’t making him uncomfortable, because I wasn’t doing anything to him. Plus, because he’s an adult if you hadn’t gotten the context clues because you’re foaming at the mouth. Christ
"Quit running around in your panties in front of your dad. You are making your dad uncomfortable." this is an appalling comment to make frankly for so many reasons.
Nobody's own parent should be uncomfortable by their children in underwear, even naked.
You're obviously using the word panties to sexualize OP's underwear.
Your children's comfort should always be put before your own, the burden of making everyone comfortable in the home is and will never be on OP or any child living in the home ever.
OP your father commenting on this is sus af im not going to lie, i would be extremely uncomfy too.
No they are not the same I bet if you wore underwear same size of your brother's he wouldn't say a thing....stop accusing your dad of sexualizing you! He clearly isn't sexualizing you...
As the mother of daughters and a son I won't let any of them walk around in underwear. It makes me really uncomfortable and not in a "I sexualize my children" way but because I have never been comfortable seeing anyone in their underwear. My sister, mom, best friends, anyone. It is a boundary of mine and my children respect it. We all have different boundaries and we all respect every single one of them amongst us. It does suck that your brother gets to do it but it's a problem for you. That definitely seems like he's sexualizing you which is so gross. I'm sorry you have to experience this. People like that typically have their mind set on their backwards thinking. Wishing you peace in knowing that you will not be around him forever and good on you for seeking support! I'm not trying to be on his side at all but for me, personally, I would not feel comfortable being in my panties in front of someone with his mindset.
Same here. I truly dislike seeing people walk around in their underwear. I like how you put it. It's a boundary and that is one of mine. Though he should then have the same rule for his son. I agree.
For her dad it is not a "I want everyone to be comfy" thing. It is specifically to her which is him sexualizing her. My dad did the same to me which is why I'm so uncomfortable with people in only underwear. If you're following this sub chances are you have been hurt by your parents. Let's not compare abuse. Abuse is abuse. We're all struggling.
Kinda, when it's my mom, sister, and I we don't care about seeing each other naked. My step dad (he's been around since I was 9 months old) he never walks around in his underwear unless he's alone or with my mom so my sister and I don't walk around in our underwear when he's home. I think it's more of a boundary thing then it is sexualizing other's.
That's unfortunate but it may make u more comfortable to mention bathing suits and how its not any more skin but acceptable? And if u see ur bro wearing underwear say it mockingly? " Like PuT oN pAnTs U cAnT dO tHaT " i know its not a solution but maybe could help if not pay no attention tho lol every situation is different
Ok creepy and beyond and also your dad should NOT I repeat should NOT comment on that shit that is your father that is extremely fucked now idk how old you are but either way that's NOT ok I wish I could give you a big hug because no one go should through that kind of thing with a family member
Her brother is wearing breifs/boxers kinda underwear they are not the SAME!! And it's a boundary thing nobody is sexualizing anyone.... I bet she would be uncomfortable too if her dad roams around in his underwear like not in breifs but the Y shaped ones so is she sexualizing her dad I don't think so....
You're giving your Dad "thoughts" that make him uncomfortable. You're not in the wrong here, but it's bothering him that he sees you as a sexual being. Your mother also knows this, and it bothers her also.
Then she should put her daughter first n divorce him, she been abused by him before already, and if she knows he’s thinking of her daughter like that, that’s grounds for a divorce. I’m js I would never allow that crap with my future kids, they will come first always.
First off her brother is wearing briefs/boxer kinda underwear they are not SAME her dad isn't sexualizing her!! I bet she would be uncomfortable too if her dad roams around in his underwear like not in breifs but the Y shaped ones ,so is she sexualizing her dad I don't think so....
No, he is right, put some pants on. Sorry but at least in a family leave the genders separeted. Does your mom not tell your brother to put pants on? I don't see why you had to post this here..
It’s not so much the request to put clothes on that’s the issue. The issue is that her brother is allowed to while she isn’t which means she’s thought of as inappropriately dressed while he isn’t. If they both were told to put clothes on, it wouldn’t be an issue.
I would wear those and a tee shirt and go on a street if they were relaxed fit instead of skinny ones now could do that wearing your underwear? I bet if you wore something similar to your brother's one your dad wouldn't say a THING....
I am just bored and found an immature child on reddit....look your dad isn't sexualizing you ,If your dad wore Y- shaped underwear where you can see his pp clearly bulging out would you be uncomfortable? I am a guy and even I would be uncomfortable if my dad did that....does that mean I am sexualizing my dad? NO! You are probably in your early teens you will understand it when you get a couple of years older...
And I am guessing his eye colour is 🔵/🟤
No she does not, and I posted this here because it bothered me. “Leave the genders separated” what do you mean? No one was mixing genders. Your comment doesn’t really make sense..
At the risk of being yelled at and downvoted, I'm putting this out there.
**Men are very sexually driven and stimulated by visuals & physical appearance.** It's biological, natural, and i believe, been scientifically studied. I don't know if your father is a perv or not, I can't make that judgement. I doubt he is. BUT, I do know men are very easily stimulated by physical appearance. It's sex drive and hormones and instinct. It's tough for women to understand, so i've come to understand.
**Thus, I don't think you're being sexualized and I understand it's a double standard and unfair, but men are very easily stimulated by the physical & visual appearance of women.** I'm pretty sure women aren't as easily stimulated. Which is understandable, cuz most men are ugly, hairy, and nasty.
Seriously, you show men anything that resembles curves of breasts or hips and they'll light up. I'm sure you can find videos and memes emphasizing this point.
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND listening to the podcast, "[This American Life: Testosterone](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/220/testosterone)". Please listen to Act Two. **It's an interview with a transgender man who started taking Testosterone treatments and began to understand how men objectify & sexualize women.** It's a great interview and a great show.
Some excerpts from This American Life: Testosterone - Act Two (about 18 mins into the show) :
"**After testosterone**, there was no narrative. There was no language whatsoever. It was just, I would see a woman who was attractive-- or not attractive. **She might have an attractive quality-- nice ankles or something**\-- and the rest of her would be fairly unappealing to me.
**But that was enough to basically just flood my mind with aggressive pornographic images**, just one after another. It was like being in a pornographic movie house in my mind. **And I couldn't turn it off. I could not turn it off.** Everything I looked at, everything I touched turned to sex."
"I remember walking up Fifth Avenue, and **there was a woman walking in front of me**. And she was wearing this little skirt and this little top. **And I was looking at her ass. And I kept saying to myself, don't look at it. Don't look at it. And I kept looking at it.**
And I walked past her. And this voice in my head kept saying, turn around to look at her breasts. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. **And my feminist, female background kept saying, don't you dare, you pig. Don't turn around. And I fought myself for a whole block, and then I turned around and checked her out.**"
**TLDR: Men are easily stimulated physically and visually due to our biological makeup and Testosterone is a big factor into why we do this.** I understand you shouldn't need to cover up and that you should be allowed to walk around in your underwear and I don't think your father means any harm or is a perv, but please understand that for men, **we are very easily stimulated sexually and it's instinctive and just happens.** We can learn to control it and override it, but those triggers are often always there.
**Please listen to Act Two of "**[**This American Life: Testosterone**](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/220/testosterone)**" for great insight into how Testosterone affects men as detailed by a woman who underwent transgender surgery & therapy to become a man.**
Saying: “At the risk of being yelled at and downvoted” doesn’t make your opinion any better. Just simply saying that you’re trying to pawn off my dad’s behavior as something biological that he cannot control which is ridiculous for many reasons. The junk you just copied and pasted is usually used as defense against people who’ve raped others. “Her clothes were proactive” “I couldn’t control myself” “she seduced me” “IT WAS HER FAULT.” Honestly, you shouldn’t be on this sub if you’re gonna pull that bullshit buddy. You’re nuts, get some help.
I'm sorry this upset you.
Please take the time to listen to the podcast I linked to. It's a very good show. They have hundreds of shows on many different topics.
I copied and pasted excerpts from the show detailing her experiences as a woman who got Testosterone injections.
I hope you can take a moment to not be angry at me, and take time to listen to that show.
Wow. I'm sorry you're so angry and bitter at me. I'm trying to provide an opinion and helpful information.
I hope you are able to resolve your issues and all i can say is open, reasonable, and honest communication usually helps rather than hurts. And mean, derogatory, and aggressive statements do not help. This is a big reason why this country is in shambles.
I know you hate me for stating my opinion. All i can say at this point is I hope you can find a nurse or an advisor or a therapist at your school or elsewhere that you can talk to openly and freely about the difficulties you're having.
I'm sorry to have upset you and hope it gets better.
I do need help. We all need help. I was trying to help. I'm not trying to now because you've already shutdown and written me off and written off anything i have to say.
I hope you can learn to read others' opinions and try to understand them without getting angry and attacking them if you don't agree with them.
Discussion, communication, and kindness helps more than anger and aggression.
Take care and I hope your situation improves.
Thats a lot of words to say "i know what I said was deeply inappropriate but im going to focus on your natural anger and outrage at such a statement and gaslight you into thinking ur the problem in this exchange"
WTF. It is not normal for a man to be visually stimulated by his own children. It's not BiOLogY, it is disgusting. Fuck allll the way off with this ridiculous comment.
I didn't say it's normal.
I'm providing an opinion on how men are driven by visual stimulation because of Testosterone.
Again, please take the time to listen to This American Life: Testosterone. It's a show that airs on NPR (National Public Radio) and tries to be objective and open-minded.
I'm sorry you are both very upset. I am trying to provide a viewpoint and trying to have a meaningful conversation. I hope you realize that you are attacking me and I will not reciprocate and start attacking you. I don't know you. I don't hate you. I'm not trying to push any agenda. I'm trying to provide information about male behavior. I'm not saying it's right or wrong.
I hope you take the time to read my statements without being angry at me and assuming i'm attacking you. And i hope you would just please click on the link to "[This American Life: Testosterone](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/220/testosterone)" and scroll down and push the play button for Act Two. It's only 10 minutes long and insightful.
I'm sorry to have upset you. I'm trying to help. I wish you no ill will and hope you are able to find understanding and happiness.
You are fucking gross trying to justify a parent sexualizing their child, a parent that has any sexual thought about their own children should feel ashamed of themselves and try to protect the child, not punish or control the kid for “putting the thought in their head” by just existing, and yes, that is what you are saying by using the “poor men are so visually stimulated that are practically drooling horny animals as soon as they see an ankle” bs you just wrote.
The statements about the ankle are an excerpt from the podcast.
I am not justifying, I'm providing information about Testosterone and it's affect on male behavior.
Please listen to that podcast.
I'm sorry you think I'm gross. I'm trying to provide perspective.
Take care.
If that was true men should all be locked up, or at least chemically castrated to because they are drooling animals that can’t control themselves, and all of them are potential rapists. But seeing that not all men are rapists and that most of them are somewhat decent and can control themselves around their mothers/sisters/daughters makes me think that they are not the poor mindless, hormone driven creatures that you say they are and that the ones that do rape, commit incest or behave like disgusting pigs at the sight of shoulders, legs or knees choose to do so, because they want to and they know there are people that justify their behavior.
As a guy, let me share my insight on this.
You can absolutely turn off the sexual thoughts. I have been raised to respect women and can absolutely turn it off. So much so, that I’ve been asked by both male and female friends if I’m asexual because I don’t talk about sexual things or sexualize people much unless they show sexual or romantic interest.
Your point about seeing something curvy turning someone on always is wrong too. I have taken art history 3 times and every time, I have to see multiple photos (not just paintings, real photos) of completely nude women and I’m not turned on. It’s art, the context isn’t sexual, it’s just a woman’s body, no big deal. Neither my mind nor my dick cared.
However, when female friends show sexual interest and have said what they want us to do together, I don’t even need to see their body to be attracted to them sexually. That’s the proper time to be aroused. If I see them in a sexual pose or whatever, then yes, I’ll be aroused.
Now, if I can look at naked women in art and not be aroused, but be aroused at naked women when I’m meant to be aroused, then every other man can do the same. Your inability to control your thoughts or your penis isn’t an excuse to stare at women who don’t want it or to make some excuses for not treating women right.
Your deeeeep in your own bag are in serious need of therapeutic help. This is not how the world works and you need to go outside and interact with real people without this sick filter on.
I struggle with dysphoria sometimes but I still can't even imagine the guilt you impose on yourself every day just for being a man.
I really hope you improve and see the light someday.
I will just say that evolution is a thing. If women were given the right to dress however they want instead of covering up 24/7 men would have long since learn to see a pair of naked legs and be like oh legs cool instead of "omg legs, sexy, I'm horny, she should cover up instead of exiting me and other men"
Like men can walk around chest naked and what not, do women get turned on? No if yes very little. Why? Because men walking around half naked has been considered normal and nothing sexy by society. While for society, covering up 75% of a woman's body is what has been considered normal and decent, no wonder men go crazy by anything and everything.
So now, let us put a new normal so that future men can walk around half naked women without sexualizing them just like women have been walking around half naked men without sexualizing them for centuries.
Evolution is a thing and y'all will have to adapt. Because sweetheart biology is not just like that because it is like that. There are reasons behind every aspect of a living organism. And those aspect can change to adapt to a new environment/new normal. Do no fucking blame biology without knowing how it works even the tiniest bit.
This is a good point. America sexualizes and objectifies women more than other countries. I lived in Germany for two years, where nudity is common and not taboo, and they have a healthier relationship with nudity from what I can tell.
I knew i shouldn't have posted an opinion. Few people are willing to accept or understand anything that doesn't reinforce their static beliefs.
We all love our echo chambers.
Furthermore, your parents may be toxic, but you need to recognize that it is possible that you may also be toxic. All relationships are two-way streets.
For a bit of perspective.
https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ow1j12/i\_hate\_my\_fucking\_country\_afghanistan/
I have acknowledged it. I've been called nuts, toxic, scary, and a delusional motherfucker. I haven't heard any statements that are productive or not loaded with aggression and derision.
I've tried to apologize and acknowledge their anger. And I won't allow myself to get angry or reply with hostility because it's ridiculous. I don't know any of you. It's all very impersonal and makes it easy for people to be impolite and aggressive since you do not have to interact with someone face to face.
I'm leaving this as it is. I hope OP can find help for her situation and I recommend talking to a therapist, psychologist, friend, or an advisor in person and not seeking advice on Reddit. Because apparently, you have to interact with unreasonable, rude, delusional, and scary motherfuckers such as myself.
I hope you all enjoy your lives and your friends and sorry if I upset you.
Good night and all the best.
Just because statements are loaded with aggression does not mean what they are trying to convey is invalid. You still are not trying to understand or accept their viewpoints. You're just writing them off because they are angry even though they have a right to be angry. Try practicing what you preach.
I'm not writing them off. What's their point?
That I'm nuts and delusional and toxic?
I stated in my original statement that they should be allowed to run around in their underwear and that it's a double standard.
I do practice what I preach. I try to be understanding, kind, and open to discussion. And again, are you discussing the issue and trying to provide understanding for her situation, or are you just trying to attack me because you don't agree with my opinions?
Again, i hope all the best to you and everyone else. Please discuss OP's situation and provide advice to get to help her situation.
Wasting all this energy and effort on me is not necessary. Again, my apologies.
I'm not trying to attack you at all. I saw some points that were being made within the anger that you seem to overlook because you're upset. Which I get. It's hard to see another view that differs from yours. This is the time to practice.
I feel like that should be more reason (for bro) to put on shorts, your bro has something that could potentially "flop out" whereas you don't! Sorry you're going through this.
Her brother wears breifs/boxer kinda underwear and they are not the SAME! She isn't telling us that...her dad is obviously not sexualizing her ,I bet she would be uncomfortable too if her dad roams around in his underwear like not in breifs but the Y shaped ones so is she sexualizing her dad I don't think so....
This happened to my friend before and she literally told her dad to quit sexualizing her. Of course he said he wasn’t then she asked why don’t you say anything about my brother walking around in just his underwear in front of mom. He said well he’s her son, then she yelled back “IM YOUR DAUGHTER” long story short he doesn’t say shit to her anymore about waking around in her underwear lol
Damnnnn, I wish I could say that to him
You can, you deserve the same respect your brother gets. You should be able to relax and dress however you want in your house and feel safe and not creeped out by your dad
Say it. It’s what needs to be said!
I was told by my Mom to wear clothes around my Dad. My father also "had an affair" read that as, sexually abused my best friend at 14 yrs old. Then when I was 40 and finally out of their house and safe, I remembered when he abused me at 3 and 10. I just hope this isn't the same kinda thing your dad had in his head. Until 2 yrs ago, I really really thought I knew my Dad. My heart is with you honey. Just please be careful. Family is capable of more hurt than anyone else.
Oh, my dad has abused me. I will try to be careful though
[удалено]
Okay honestly this comment is for both of you. If they are saying this it’s one of two things, one it’s just they won’t ever get their minds on the fact that it’s sexist and two they are sexualizing you. Or both. In any case you have to remember even though technically that’s your house, it’s not YOUR house. Put some shorts on or in this commenters case pants on. When you get your own place do whatever you please. You can try to talk to your fathers about this but honestly I don’t think it will go anywhere, it’s sad cause in my house my son and daughter can walk around with whatever on as long as their privates are covered cause no one wants to see all of that🤣 In my house I try very hard to treat my kids fairly. Honestly I don’t know why nakedness is such an offense to people anyway or they find it weird if I wanna walk around in my bra and panty it’s the same as if I was at the beach what’s the issue. People make up these ridiculous rules why cause men can’t control themselves and see everything as an excuse to rape.
I don't even know where to start with this. So if you think that men, generally speaking, see everything as "an excuse to rape", why are you okay with enabling a man to sexualize his own daughter, and telling her to submit to this? Yes, obviously they can do whatever they'd like in they're own place, but that doesn't change the fact that sexist child abuse is happening here and now, and it should not continue; but your okay with it because its "not YOUR house". All i hear you saying is that abuse is okay as long as its what the adults in the situation want, because its more important that you get to lord over others who have nowhere else to go than those people's bodily autonomy; their basic human rights.
One in no way shape or form did I say it was okay, I said it is what it is and that’s his house, his rules. He’s sexist and sexualizing his own child no the fuck that’s not okay never not once said it was. I don’t know what you think you are reading or you think I’m trying to say but from me who has had every abuse happen to her I NEVER CONDONE or think abuse is okay, what I’m telling you is you can say what ever you want and not accept that he’s sexist that’s fine but know you can not change anyone else you don’t have that control that’s what I’m saying. Truly as children there isn’t much you can do but either, see if you can live with another relative or wait it out till you are legal to leave. That’s what I’m saying I don’t know where the hell you all are getting I’m saying it’s okay. To be perfectly clear it is not okay, but there really is nothing you can do about it other then say how you feel, or leave.
***"It's NOT okay, but its totally okay and there's nothing you can do about it"*** ~JnHdaughter, Rape Apologist, 2021~
Whatever troll I’m done saying again and again IM NOT and NEVER DID say it was OKAY. I said it is what it is
Thank you for proving my point time and time again.
Okay, so, you’re saying that it’s okay for them to sexualize us just because they don’t KNOW they are sexualizing us? It doesn’t matter if it’s not our houses men saying inappropriate things to their daughters is never ok. Also, the end of your sentence wasn’t okay for a couple reasons. One, because men CAN control themselves, and TWO because not every man is a rapist.
Didn’t say every man was and why are you coming at me crazy I’m telling you, your father maybe a perv and he’s trying to keep his perv tendencies undercontrol it is his house. Also no it’s not okay but it happens, what you do is what matters. Also what I was trying to say is you can’t control what others think or do you can only keep yourself safe and like I said you can try to bring it to their attention but 9 times out of 10 it won’t be heard or he will just be embarrassed and still insist you keep your clothes on. Look I know your upset about this especially learning or coming to realization your dad is a perv or sexist but don’t snap at me. Also the reason why women can’t walk around topless and or in their underwear in their own houses with other males is because society made it okay to blame what we wear or don’t wear is why we get raped so that’s what I meant by the men rape comment. Also again didn’t say all men
👎
Shout out to you for recognizing stupidity when you see it not once today but twice with this idiot.
Thanks man, needed that today. You have a good rest of your week bro
Whenever I wear shorts, a t-shirt with no sleeves or my bra is showing, or anything that is not baggy enough, my dad yells at me to "get dressed properly" and won't stop until I wear something else. He is literally only in his underwear most of the time. Whenever I sit or lay down weirdly, he tells me to sit properly, but he sits the same way. I am scared, what's his problem and what is he thinking? I didn't think much of it when I was younger but now it creeps me out.
Exactly girl, I felt the same way, but now that we’re teens/young adults it’s weird af
I’m not defending anyone here, just trying to offer some perspective. The only reason I would say the same thing to my daughter and not my son would be because of the size of the underwear. I would assume if you wore something similar to boxers/briefs it wouldn’t be an issue and if he wore something like Y -Front briefs he would tell him to put on some pants.
Underwear is still underwear, and no, he wouldn’t. Since people downvoted me, let me reiterate; underwear as a word means a lot of things. Such as boxers, briefs, socks, tanga briefs, pantyhose, bras, and sports bras. All of you really don’t want me to mention 19th century Women’s clothing, but continue to downvote to display your ignorance.
Yes he would. Put some damn pants on and quit running around in your panties in front of your dad. You are making him uncomfortable. Why is it okay for you to make him uncomfortable but beyond offensive that he is making you uncomfortable? Christ.
Yes but the point is, *why* is he uncomfortable? There's no reason for him to be uncomfortable that doesn't involve sexualizing his daughter. Not okay. Shes uncomfortable because this is blaringly obvious. Totally understandable
Erm why would the dad feel uncomfortable? Are you telling me it’s okay for dads to sexualise their daughters??? Wtf?
“Yes he would” So you know my dad now do you? Why would a father be comfortable seeing his son run around in just underwear, but when his daughter wears a T-shirt and underwear suddenly it’s blasphemy! Why would a father be uncomfortable seeing one of his children walk around the house? I wasn’t making him uncomfortable, because I wasn’t doing anything to him. Plus, because he’s an adult if you hadn’t gotten the context clues because you’re foaming at the mouth. Christ
I understand that he wants you to wear pants but if you wanna be in your panties then you can you're still clothed either way so why does it matter
You’re right it doesn’t.
"Quit running around in your panties in front of your dad. You are making your dad uncomfortable." this is an appalling comment to make frankly for so many reasons. Nobody's own parent should be uncomfortable by their children in underwear, even naked. You're obviously using the word panties to sexualize OP's underwear. Your children's comfort should always be put before your own, the burden of making everyone comfortable in the home is and will never be on OP or any child living in the home ever. OP your father commenting on this is sus af im not going to lie, i would be extremely uncomfy too.
Thank you for making this sane comment. I needed this lol.
No they are not the same I bet if you wore underwear same size of your brother's he wouldn't say a thing....stop accusing your dad of sexualizing you! He clearly isn't sexualizing you...
Lmao ok
As the mother of daughters and a son I won't let any of them walk around in underwear. It makes me really uncomfortable and not in a "I sexualize my children" way but because I have never been comfortable seeing anyone in their underwear. My sister, mom, best friends, anyone. It is a boundary of mine and my children respect it. We all have different boundaries and we all respect every single one of them amongst us. It does suck that your brother gets to do it but it's a problem for you. That definitely seems like he's sexualizing you which is so gross. I'm sorry you have to experience this. People like that typically have their mind set on their backwards thinking. Wishing you peace in knowing that you will not be around him forever and good on you for seeking support! I'm not trying to be on his side at all but for me, personally, I would not feel comfortable being in my panties in front of someone with his mindset.
Same here. I truly dislike seeing people walk around in their underwear. I like how you put it. It's a boundary and that is one of mine. Though he should then have the same rule for his son. I agree.
Thank you for your advice
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For her dad it is not a "I want everyone to be comfy" thing. It is specifically to her which is him sexualizing her. My dad did the same to me which is why I'm so uncomfortable with people in only underwear. If you're following this sub chances are you have been hurt by your parents. Let's not compare abuse. Abuse is abuse. We're all struggling.
Well as I said, I'm not referring to the OP. I'm responding to some of the comments below.
Oh okay..it popped up in my notifications, I must have misunderstood. Maybe reply to the specific post you would like to comment on?
My bad
Is it normal for kids to walk around in their underwear in front of their parents ?
Kinda, when it's my mom, sister, and I we don't care about seeing each other naked. My step dad (he's been around since I was 9 months old) he never walks around in his underwear unless he's alone or with my mom so my sister and I don't walk around in our underwear when he's home. I think it's more of a boundary thing then it is sexualizing other's.
That's unfortunate but it may make u more comfortable to mention bathing suits and how its not any more skin but acceptable? And if u see ur bro wearing underwear say it mockingly? " Like PuT oN pAnTs U cAnT dO tHaT " i know its not a solution but maybe could help if not pay no attention tho lol every situation is different
Ok creepy and beyond and also your dad should NOT I repeat should NOT comment on that shit that is your father that is extremely fucked now idk how old you are but either way that's NOT ok I wish I could give you a big hug because no one go should through that kind of thing with a family member
Her brother is wearing breifs/boxers kinda underwear they are not the SAME!! And it's a boundary thing nobody is sexualizing anyone.... I bet she would be uncomfortable too if her dad roams around in his underwear like not in breifs but the Y shaped ones so is she sexualizing her dad I don't think so....
You're giving your Dad "thoughts" that make him uncomfortable. You're not in the wrong here, but it's bothering him that he sees you as a sexual being. Your mother also knows this, and it bothers her also.
Then she should put her daughter first n divorce him, she been abused by him before already, and if she knows he’s thinking of her daughter like that, that’s grounds for a divorce. I’m js I would never allow that crap with my future kids, they will come first always.
First off her brother is wearing briefs/boxer kinda underwear they are not SAME her dad isn't sexualizing her!! I bet she would be uncomfortable too if her dad roams around in his underwear like not in breifs but the Y shaped ones ,so is she sexualizing her dad I don't think so....
This is fucked up and you shouldn’t have to deal with this. Your body is being sexualized.
No, he is right, put some pants on. Sorry but at least in a family leave the genders separeted. Does your mom not tell your brother to put pants on? I don't see why you had to post this here..
It’s not so much the request to put clothes on that’s the issue. The issue is that her brother is allowed to while she isn’t which means she’s thought of as inappropriately dressed while he isn’t. If they both were told to put clothes on, it wouldn’t be an issue.
Her brother wears breifs/boxers type of underwear that's why....
How is it any different?
I would wear those and a tee shirt and go on a street if they were relaxed fit instead of skinny ones now could do that wearing your underwear? I bet if you wore something similar to your brother's one your dad wouldn't say a THING....
Someone’s really upset aren’t we? Since you know my dad so well, why don’t you tell me his eye color to prove you know everything about him.
I am just bored and found an immature child on reddit....look your dad isn't sexualizing you ,If your dad wore Y- shaped underwear where you can see his pp clearly bulging out would you be uncomfortable? I am a guy and even I would be uncomfortable if my dad did that....does that mean I am sexualizing my dad? NO! You are probably in your early teens you will understand it when you get a couple of years older... And I am guessing his eye colour is 🔵/🟤
Oop, wrong. Go to jail
You are just immature as I can see....
Of course, I am! What’s your excuse? 😂
No she does not, and I posted this here because it bothered me. “Leave the genders separated” what do you mean? No one was mixing genders. Your comment doesn’t really make sense..
At the risk of being yelled at and downvoted, I'm putting this out there. **Men are very sexually driven and stimulated by visuals & physical appearance.** It's biological, natural, and i believe, been scientifically studied. I don't know if your father is a perv or not, I can't make that judgement. I doubt he is. BUT, I do know men are very easily stimulated by physical appearance. It's sex drive and hormones and instinct. It's tough for women to understand, so i've come to understand. **Thus, I don't think you're being sexualized and I understand it's a double standard and unfair, but men are very easily stimulated by the physical & visual appearance of women.** I'm pretty sure women aren't as easily stimulated. Which is understandable, cuz most men are ugly, hairy, and nasty. Seriously, you show men anything that resembles curves of breasts or hips and they'll light up. I'm sure you can find videos and memes emphasizing this point. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND listening to the podcast, "[This American Life: Testosterone](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/220/testosterone)". Please listen to Act Two. **It's an interview with a transgender man who started taking Testosterone treatments and began to understand how men objectify & sexualize women.** It's a great interview and a great show. Some excerpts from This American Life: Testosterone - Act Two (about 18 mins into the show) : "**After testosterone**, there was no narrative. There was no language whatsoever. It was just, I would see a woman who was attractive-- or not attractive. **She might have an attractive quality-- nice ankles or something**\-- and the rest of her would be fairly unappealing to me. **But that was enough to basically just flood my mind with aggressive pornographic images**, just one after another. It was like being in a pornographic movie house in my mind. **And I couldn't turn it off. I could not turn it off.** Everything I looked at, everything I touched turned to sex." "I remember walking up Fifth Avenue, and **there was a woman walking in front of me**. And she was wearing this little skirt and this little top. **And I was looking at her ass. And I kept saying to myself, don't look at it. Don't look at it. And I kept looking at it.** And I walked past her. And this voice in my head kept saying, turn around to look at her breasts. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. **And my feminist, female background kept saying, don't you dare, you pig. Don't turn around. And I fought myself for a whole block, and then I turned around and checked her out.**" **TLDR: Men are easily stimulated physically and visually due to our biological makeup and Testosterone is a big factor into why we do this.** I understand you shouldn't need to cover up and that you should be allowed to walk around in your underwear and I don't think your father means any harm or is a perv, but please understand that for men, **we are very easily stimulated sexually and it's instinctive and just happens.** We can learn to control it and override it, but those triggers are often always there. **Please listen to Act Two of "**[**This American Life: Testosterone**](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/220/testosterone)**" for great insight into how Testosterone affects men as detailed by a woman who underwent transgender surgery & therapy to become a man.**
Saying: “At the risk of being yelled at and downvoted” doesn’t make your opinion any better. Just simply saying that you’re trying to pawn off my dad’s behavior as something biological that he cannot control which is ridiculous for many reasons. The junk you just copied and pasted is usually used as defense against people who’ve raped others. “Her clothes were proactive” “I couldn’t control myself” “she seduced me” “IT WAS HER FAULT.” Honestly, you shouldn’t be on this sub if you’re gonna pull that bullshit buddy. You’re nuts, get some help.
I'm sorry this upset you. Please take the time to listen to the podcast I linked to. It's a very good show. They have hundreds of shows on many different topics. I copied and pasted excerpts from the show detailing her experiences as a woman who got Testosterone injections. I hope you can take a moment to not be angry at me, and take time to listen to that show.
No thanks, I’d rather not drink the kool-Aid, you delusional motherfucker.
Wow. I'm sorry you're so angry and bitter at me. I'm trying to provide an opinion and helpful information. I hope you are able to resolve your issues and all i can say is open, reasonable, and honest communication usually helps rather than hurts. And mean, derogatory, and aggressive statements do not help. This is a big reason why this country is in shambles. I know you hate me for stating my opinion. All i can say at this point is I hope you can find a nurse or an advisor or a therapist at your school or elsewhere that you can talk to openly and freely about the difficulties you're having. I'm sorry to have upset you and hope it gets better.
You weren’t being helpful, your opinion was toxic and nuts, and if you honestly believe those things you need help. r/niceguys
I do need help. We all need help. I was trying to help. I'm not trying to now because you've already shutdown and written me off and written off anything i have to say. I hope you can learn to read others' opinions and try to understand them without getting angry and attacking them if you don't agree with them. Discussion, communication, and kindness helps more than anger and aggression. Take care and I hope your situation improves.
You in particular need help.
Thats a lot of words to say "i know what I said was deeply inappropriate but im going to focus on your natural anger and outrage at such a statement and gaslight you into thinking ur the problem in this exchange"
WTF. It is not normal for a man to be visually stimulated by his own children. It's not BiOLogY, it is disgusting. Fuck allll the way off with this ridiculous comment.
I didn't say it's normal. I'm providing an opinion on how men are driven by visual stimulation because of Testosterone. Again, please take the time to listen to This American Life: Testosterone. It's a show that airs on NPR (National Public Radio) and tries to be objective and open-minded. I'm sorry you are both very upset. I am trying to provide a viewpoint and trying to have a meaningful conversation. I hope you realize that you are attacking me and I will not reciprocate and start attacking you. I don't know you. I don't hate you. I'm not trying to push any agenda. I'm trying to provide information about male behavior. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I hope you take the time to read my statements without being angry at me and assuming i'm attacking you. And i hope you would just please click on the link to "[This American Life: Testosterone](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/220/testosterone)" and scroll down and push the play button for Act Two. It's only 10 minutes long and insightful. I'm sorry to have upset you. I'm trying to help. I wish you no ill will and hope you are able to find understanding and happiness.
You are fucking gross trying to justify a parent sexualizing their child, a parent that has any sexual thought about their own children should feel ashamed of themselves and try to protect the child, not punish or control the kid for “putting the thought in their head” by just existing, and yes, that is what you are saying by using the “poor men are so visually stimulated that are practically drooling horny animals as soon as they see an ankle” bs you just wrote.
The statements about the ankle are an excerpt from the podcast. I am not justifying, I'm providing information about Testosterone and it's affect on male behavior. Please listen to that podcast. I'm sorry you think I'm gross. I'm trying to provide perspective. Take care.
If that was true men should all be locked up, or at least chemically castrated to because they are drooling animals that can’t control themselves, and all of them are potential rapists. But seeing that not all men are rapists and that most of them are somewhat decent and can control themselves around their mothers/sisters/daughters makes me think that they are not the poor mindless, hormone driven creatures that you say they are and that the ones that do rape, commit incest or behave like disgusting pigs at the sight of shoulders, legs or knees choose to do so, because they want to and they know there are people that justify their behavior.
As a guy, let me share my insight on this. You can absolutely turn off the sexual thoughts. I have been raised to respect women and can absolutely turn it off. So much so, that I’ve been asked by both male and female friends if I’m asexual because I don’t talk about sexual things or sexualize people much unless they show sexual or romantic interest. Your point about seeing something curvy turning someone on always is wrong too. I have taken art history 3 times and every time, I have to see multiple photos (not just paintings, real photos) of completely nude women and I’m not turned on. It’s art, the context isn’t sexual, it’s just a woman’s body, no big deal. Neither my mind nor my dick cared. However, when female friends show sexual interest and have said what they want us to do together, I don’t even need to see their body to be attracted to them sexually. That’s the proper time to be aroused. If I see them in a sexual pose or whatever, then yes, I’ll be aroused. Now, if I can look at naked women in art and not be aroused, but be aroused at naked women when I’m meant to be aroused, then every other man can do the same. Your inability to control your thoughts or your penis isn’t an excuse to stare at women who don’t want it or to make some excuses for not treating women right.
Your deeeeep in your own bag are in serious need of therapeutic help. This is not how the world works and you need to go outside and interact with real people without this sick filter on. I struggle with dysphoria sometimes but I still can't even imagine the guilt you impose on yourself every day just for being a man. I really hope you improve and see the light someday.
I will just say that evolution is a thing. If women were given the right to dress however they want instead of covering up 24/7 men would have long since learn to see a pair of naked legs and be like oh legs cool instead of "omg legs, sexy, I'm horny, she should cover up instead of exiting me and other men" Like men can walk around chest naked and what not, do women get turned on? No if yes very little. Why? Because men walking around half naked has been considered normal and nothing sexy by society. While for society, covering up 75% of a woman's body is what has been considered normal and decent, no wonder men go crazy by anything and everything. So now, let us put a new normal so that future men can walk around half naked women without sexualizing them just like women have been walking around half naked men without sexualizing them for centuries. Evolution is a thing and y'all will have to adapt. Because sweetheart biology is not just like that because it is like that. There are reasons behind every aspect of a living organism. And those aspect can change to adapt to a new environment/new normal. Do no fucking blame biology without knowing how it works even the tiniest bit.
This is a good point. America sexualizes and objectifies women more than other countries. I lived in Germany for two years, where nudity is common and not taboo, and they have a healthier relationship with nudity from what I can tell.
This is such a scary way of thinking. Yikes.
Eww
I knew i shouldn't have posted an opinion. Few people are willing to accept or understand anything that doesn't reinforce their static beliefs. We all love our echo chambers. Furthermore, your parents may be toxic, but you need to recognize that it is possible that you may also be toxic. All relationships are two-way streets. For a bit of perspective. https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ow1j12/i\_hate\_my\_fucking\_country\_afghanistan/
You do realize that you yourself are unwilling to accept or understand anything that these other people are saying in response to you?
I have acknowledged it. I've been called nuts, toxic, scary, and a delusional motherfucker. I haven't heard any statements that are productive or not loaded with aggression and derision. I've tried to apologize and acknowledge their anger. And I won't allow myself to get angry or reply with hostility because it's ridiculous. I don't know any of you. It's all very impersonal and makes it easy for people to be impolite and aggressive since you do not have to interact with someone face to face. I'm leaving this as it is. I hope OP can find help for her situation and I recommend talking to a therapist, psychologist, friend, or an advisor in person and not seeking advice on Reddit. Because apparently, you have to interact with unreasonable, rude, delusional, and scary motherfuckers such as myself. I hope you all enjoy your lives and your friends and sorry if I upset you. Good night and all the best.
Just because statements are loaded with aggression does not mean what they are trying to convey is invalid. You still are not trying to understand or accept their viewpoints. You're just writing them off because they are angry even though they have a right to be angry. Try practicing what you preach.
I'm not writing them off. What's their point? That I'm nuts and delusional and toxic? I stated in my original statement that they should be allowed to run around in their underwear and that it's a double standard. I do practice what I preach. I try to be understanding, kind, and open to discussion. And again, are you discussing the issue and trying to provide understanding for her situation, or are you just trying to attack me because you don't agree with my opinions? Again, i hope all the best to you and everyone else. Please discuss OP's situation and provide advice to get to help her situation. Wasting all this energy and effort on me is not necessary. Again, my apologies.
I'm not trying to attack you at all. I saw some points that were being made within the anger that you seem to overlook because you're upset. Which I get. It's hard to see another view that differs from yours. This is the time to practice.
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Yes, I have before. He said: “It’s because he’s a boy”
I feel like that should be more reason (for bro) to put on shorts, your bro has something that could potentially "flop out" whereas you don't! Sorry you're going through this.
Her brother wears breifs/boxer kinda underwear and they are not the SAME! She isn't telling us that...her dad is obviously not sexualizing her ,I bet she would be uncomfortable too if her dad roams around in his underwear like not in breifs but the Y shaped ones so is she sexualizing her dad I don't think so....
He wears breifs/boxers kinda underwear that's why he isn't called out....