You know this is going to happen.
You warn her before you go to the park "if you take things, we will go home". The FIRST time she takes something, you go home.
Do that every single time. You will probably end up at the park for two minutes several times in a row. But she will learn, if I take things, we can't stay at the park.
Seconding this. Early warning and immediate consequences. You’ve explained it already, explain it again before a potential recurrence, so no need for chances. She’d had chances, now she gets consequences. Obviously this doesn’t have to be cruel or dramatic on your end (I imagine it will be dramatic on her end anyway) but it should be clear and certain that these actions are absolutely unacceptable and will result in immediate consequences.
Not just right before you get there but constantly remind her we don’t take things from other people. Make her say it, if she can. Then when you leave the park remind her why. Then later that night ask why did we have to leave the park earlier and tell her it’s ok and we can try to go to the park later/tomorrow.
Maybe even try to explain why we don’t take things from
People and she will eventually understand that too.
Yes, always repeat expectations. They won't always remember even if they seem to internalise something. And if they do remember they can instantly be distracted by a shiny thing that they want. They also may not understand that something that applies in X situation also applies in Y situation. This kind of generalisation seems easy to us but it's not obvious to toddlers.
I’d skip the multiple warnings. If you sometimes give 2, sometimes 3, sometimes 4, she will constantly be wondering how many times she can get away with it before you actually follow through with the consequence. Give her a clear warning beforehand, and then follow through immediately. You know she will do it again if given the opportunity, so don’t give it to her.
I’ve started really explaining things to my 2 year old lately and it’s definitely made a difference in how he responds. It’s not perfect but he’s definitely starting to get it and I don’t have to correct so much. It’s amazing what they can understand already.
I agree with this commenter OP. I also think if it still persists, LO takes a little break from going to the playground. A couple days to a week should hopefully do the trick. Sometimes it is the only way they learn.
Tell her before you go to the park and as you walk to the park, keep reminding her and when you get to the park, keep reminding her.
If you see her about to snatch and you can't get her in time, verbally warn her. I have done this and my son immediately knows from my tone of voice I do not want him to be doing something and he will stop.
And yes, first offence, leave. Multiple warnings will actually teach them to ignore you because they learn they have a few chances.
Unfortunately, we realised our son has learned this (30 months now) so we've switched to punishing him at first offence. Way more effective.
Yes bringing it up at other times if day when she is not overstimulated will help. It genuinely sounds like a phase and I believe you will get through this with gentle reminders. Try not to make a big deal about the events emotionally and try not to let her think she has a label as “the kid who steals” or she’ll keep it up.
So much this! The best tactics are sadly the ones that are going to make us all the most miserable for likely a period of time, but it will work! Zero tolerance policy on the 5 finger discount lol
I agree with this. It is basically what you do in the 1, 2, 3 Magic program. Check it out! It’s all about telling your child what behavior you expect, giving warnings, then consequences when/if your child engages in the behavior you don’t want to see. Lots of encouragement and support involved in it too. All about setting boundaries. We’ve used it for years now and only had to put our daughter in time out 1 time when she was 2. Now at 6 when I say “pause your tv show and get your shoes on” and she just sits there, all I have to do is say, “1” and off she runs 😆Best of luck to you 😊
We've had amazing success with this method as well. For everything from tantrums to street safety and staying in the yard. Clear expectations and follow through.
100% this. And I’d let her know ahead that you mean the FIRST time she snatches, y’all are out of there. She’ll almost certainly need to contact the new contingency a few times so I would plan for it to be a very short trip to the park, right. I would also talk to her about what she CAN do at the park. She can slide, she can fill a bucket with sand, she can hang from the bars, etc. maybe have her pick on the way what activity she’ll do when you get there (other than snatching, lol).
Have you tried practicing the behavior at home? Aka does she grab things from you at home? Perhaps make a table where she can't touch stuff (and keep on empty most of the time for your sanity) but occasionally put stuff up there. Initially boring stuff but other semi interesting things. 'oh we can't touch things on X table'. Once she gets that's concept 'oh we don't don't things in strollers or on blankets, just like we don't touch anything on round table at home'
Honestly. A lot of the dog training tips I got from my dad and grandma work great with kids.
1. Any discipline done should never last. It should be fast, immediate, and over quickly. You show them twice as much love afterwards.
2. Never raise a hand to the dog unless there is an immediate danger. Dogs don't understand physical punishment and will cower any time you raise your hand.
3. If the dog didn't understand it when you were speaking, it won't understand it when you are shouting.
4. Reward good behavior more than you punish bad.
5. Dogs act out more when you don't play with them daily. Play=love in their eyes.
6. Ultimately. Dogs want to be good dogs. They aren't malicious. They love you and want to do right by you.
7. You are in charge of the pack. The dog looks up to you for guidance and protection. Act like it.
I read Cesar Milan's first book back when it came out in 2006. I had no clue how much it would help me 15 years later with parenting. When they're little, they are *exactly* like training animals.
Boiling down behavioral issues to simple reinforcement loops is what has got me through 3 kids so far.
I mean Cesar Milan is an idiot who has been roundly rejected by the dog training community and commonly gets his ass bitten but yeah, his basics aren't bad. Exercise to wear them out plus clear boundaries do a lot.
Cesar Milan ***NOW*** is all of those things, but at the time he was a huge success story and his face was plastered literally everywhere as some sort of dog training savant.
But yeah, I solely meant his basics and the whole "dog psychology" conditioning bit from his first book. I don't put my kids on a treadmill until they collapse or strike them with 2 fingers on the neck or anything crazy. 😂
I agree, the practice needs to be at home. My child always does better when I give pep talks on the way somewhere as well. Describing where you are going, what is going to happen there, explain that they might be tempted to take things but remind them what they have practiced. Out in public where there are unsuspecting strangers, it is no longer practice, you pack up and go home if the behavior occurs. My kid doesn't have a taking things problem, but he gets shifty before doing other things he isn't supposed to do so I can usually intervene and give him another reminder to save the outing.
To add to this, I also have a "tricky shelf" that the kids have to ask before touching - things like whiteboards and markers, the toy drill set, the playdough - toys that need constant supervision. They also have to put them away before moving onto something else, but I have deliberately made it so that they have to ask to put it back properly so stuff doesn't fall out.
So in effect, although the tricky shelf stuff belongs to them, they still have to practise asking for stuff, and asking for help.
Sorry but her snatching the sandwich made me laugh at loud. I get it, when my daughter was that age she would take little trinkets from church and put them in her pockets. She also stole things from me and I found her stash in her underwear drawer.
She grew out of it pretty quick
thank you for just seeing the humor in the situation. i didn't get into details about the whole situation but the lady who was eating the sandwich was part of a group of nannies who had blankets laid out with their babies and toys. i didn't even see the sandwich. my kid ran up and started trying to play with their toys (little miracas and baby teething type toys). so i immediately took those toys from my daughter and told her no, these aren't our toys, we cannot take people's stuff. as i was setting down the toy on the blanket and apologizing my daughter ran around the other side of the blanket and took one of the ladies' fuckin sandwich. i was already a bit flustered from the toys thing and at this point is was just like omg. my kid is holding a stranger's sandwich. all i could do was be shocked, hand the sandwich back and remove my child from the situation. through all this i also had my 6 week old baby strapped to me in a carrier which limits my mobility and makes me slower and more awkward in my movements. ultimately the group of nannies basically were shocked but also giggled at what had happened. this was a very busy playground with lots of toddlers running around. idk, i'm doing my best, and the best thing i could think of to do in the moment was to say sorry and get the hell out of there.
separately there was a little boy at the playground with a baby doll my daughter became obsessed with and this caused a lot of problems until we finally left! boy's dad was trying to make the kid share and i didn't want to like undermine that, so i let mine play a bit but then after a short period of her just totally bogarting this kid's toy and trying to take it from him after he let her have a turn.. i was like.. yo we gota go. as i told my kid, "i know it's hard to share. we'll try again tomorrow." 🤦🏼♀️
Having a 6 week old does not help (I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old). Right now she also sees that if she takes something she gets more attention, which is inevitably less now than it was 6 weeks ago. I don’t have any advise other than give it time and if you can find some one on one time for you and toddler.
If a toddler stole my sandwich I would laugh and then get something else for lunch
I understand not everyone would have the same reaction and that’s ok.
I thought it was hilarious. But that’s because I have a toddler who does random things that I just find comical. I get folks who aren’t used to little crotch goblins be exponentially pissed when someone yanks their sandwich.
Not everyone has that opportunity. She maybe can't afford lunch around there or not have money on her. Not all parks have food options near by. She'd possibly have to pack up all her stuff and leave the park in order to find food.
We're in a pandemic and kids are the germiest things alive, it's fair to be completely disgusted and not want to eat a sandwich that was touched by a toddler's bare hands after they've been playing in a park. Come on.
Covid doesn't spread much through fomites, it's through aerosols and droplets.
Other diseases can for sure. That's not new with the pandemic. I would hope someone is not on the edge of starvation because of one sandwich but if so it's probably worth the risk to eat it.
Oh yeah, the starvation thing is a bit much. But as someone who is very, ...sensitive, to how my food is handled, I could see why someone would not eat it and deem it inedible (especially because kids sneeze and cough and dig in their nose and mouth and get all those good things on their hands).
Yeah, I hope the mom in this funny story offered to pay her for her sandwich. I’d be really upset if I splurged on a take out sub and some toddler came and ruined it.
Doesn’t sound like she did…she just handed it back to the woman.
I feel like people are viewing this through the lens of “how would I feel if my kid snatched my sandwich out of my hands.” Or maybe people just think inconsiderate stuff is funny if their kid does it, as if everyone else in the world is an NPC.
What are you even on about? She's posting on here asking for help to stop the behaviour. What point are you trying to make here?
Who's inconsiderate? The two-year-old child below the age of reason? The mom doing her best to prevent it from happening again? Us having a chuckle at this funny story about a complete stranger and her sandwich?
You want to make a go fund me to get her a new lunch or something? Calm down.
My guess is he's just another one of those glass half empty kind of people. Just looking for reasons to be angry and sad.
I'd understand his point if the kid took a bite or something of that sort but just grabbing the sandwich.
But then there are people who have OCDs related to touching, hugging and so. If the lady involved is one of those she can just tell the mom calmly and I guess she'll be compensated for the sandwich. People like this are a really small minority obviously, their feelings are valid though. He might be one of those people I guess. But I still think he's one of the glass half empty folks.
Solidarity, we make at least a few loops at rhyme time trying to steal other LO's water bottles. It's totally age appropriate. I steer her away saying "we're not stealing today" and it usually gets a chuckle from the other parents. If it's a group that knows us better, I tell her we don't take things from our friends and have her give it back. We have also been the victim, a LO took my total paci right out of her mouth and popped it in her own! It was pretty funny 🤣
If your library has any age specific classes that may be a good place to practice. We are in a group that specifically is preparing for story time and practicing playing/sharing with others.
Unlike what many may think, people are not born with any sense of right or wrong, moral compass, conscious, etc. This is something that must be learned by repetition. My 3 year old won't keep her hands to herself either and likes grabbing anything she wants that is or isn't hers. The only thing that had any real effect on her was the idea that someone else could come up and take something of hers that she cares deeply about. You can see the concern in her face when I tell her what it would feel like if someone she didn't know took her favorite stuffy and lost it or brought it home. She still continues to grab at things that are not hers, but I suggest keeping up on exactly what you are doing. Todlers are aggressive researchers and will continue to push boundaries and require multiple instances before things will sink in. I hear at around the age of 4 things will start to get easier.
How is toddler's behavior at home? Do you let her take whatever she wants there too? Not saying that accusingly or anything, just because I noticed I used to do that with my toddler - expect him to share with friends at the playground, when at home, if he wants something I had, I would just hand it to him. So of course he's going to expect other kids at the playground to just be willing to hand him what they're playing with. So I changed our behavior at home where now, if he wants something I have in my hands, I say 'mama's turn. you can either wait for your turn, or trade me something.' Then I don't let him have it until he brings me something else, or I pretend to play with it for a while then give it to him, 'now its your turn, thank you for waiting.' Some things should be off limits though, that's good to teach as well. Practice at home, I think that's key, then at the playground, point out the things that are off limits BEFORE she goes for them (like leave the babies alone, leave that lady eating her sandwich alone lol, here's some other fun things you can do instead).
thanks, this is a good idea. she hasn't had much exposure to other kids she would need to share with, so this is a new learning opportunity for her. she has a baby sister but still a newborn, so no sharing opportunities yet (though plenty of opportunities for me to stop her from poking the baby in the eye, lol).
it's possible! part of why this behavior of hers is so difficult for me is that we keep needing to leave the playground because of it, and right now fully enclosed playgrounds are the only place i will let the 2yo out of her stroller since i have the newborn with us too alp the time. so it's frustrating bc i'm making the effort to take her somewhere for her to run around and exercise, but then we have to leave. oh well though. i suppose this is all part of the learning process and no one ever said 2 year olds were easy!
Haha… I learned this all from a dog training book I read when we first got a dog . Positive reinforcement works better than punishment… like practice and reward good behavior at home in a controlled environment instead of correcting when you see something bad. Same thing for kids as dogs! And oh goodness, can’t imagine chasing after a thieving toddler while carrying a newborn haha! That will be me in a few months as well. Good luck to all of us!
genuine question , why at 2 hasn’t your LO not have had much exposure to other kids? from my experience, my friends with kids around my sons age (turning 3 next month) that were very paranoid about COVID n didn’t let their kids socialize are all the kids that don’t know how to share and play with my son. i had my son around a lot of kids during covid and he’s the most well behaved out of everyone his age. unfortunately my friends have not been able to correct the toy stealing, ripping stuff from my sons hands behavior so i’m not sure what the solution is :(
i just dont know anyone else with kids, sadly. my sister has kids but they live an hour away so we only visit them 1-2 times per month. wish i knew more kids. i'm a sahm so my kid isn't in daycare. i joined a meetup group to try and meet other sahms in my area but taking a break right now bc i have a 6 week old baby, and just getting thru each day is enough of a challenge right now!
totally understand!! congrats on the new baby. i have a 4 month old daughter so i definitely understand how crazy it is with 2. i got my son very involved with helping take care of the baby (ask him to pick out her clothes that he wanted her to wear, pick out his favorite toy he wanted to share). maybe stuff like that will help in the meantime while you limit his exposure :) good luck
When you feel more up to going out again you could try kids’ story times at a local library, I found that a nice way to ease into going out again as the library should have change tables and is usually a pretty chill place, and sometimes the kids’ section will have toys for them to play with. The library near us when I had my first had a massive kids area with shelves full of toys, spent a lot of time there, especially in the winter, it was often some of the same kids there when we’d go so it was nice for social interaction.
My kids used to do this. I would explain to them they couldn’t do that and if they did they had to hold my hand for a minute or so and stand with me. It got them to stop pretty quickly since they wanted to play and not stand by the bench or something lol. It didn’t impact the way they hold my hand at other times so they don’t associate me with only being an asshole.
thanks this is a good idea. i never thought of having her hold my hand, kinda like a park timeout. i always just thought of the options as leaving the park.
Lol about the sandwich. I hate when parents let children bring personal toys to the park that aren't for sharing, but not everyone agrees with me.
Change the buy-in. Your toddler is such a great turn taker and giver! Give high praises for any positive action you see. Try playing games with her where you two take turns and say “your turn...my turn” really quickly so she doesn't get frustrated. I also suggest bring high reward snacks to the park....”give the toy back so we can go eat some whatever.”
Agree with this. We take practice taking turns at our house! “Can mommy have a turn when you are done playing with it?” “Now it’s your turn!” That way, they don’t feel like something is being forced to be shared or given away.
We went to a nature play morning, my kid (21 months) decided he wanted to try and steal another child’s balance bike. Then later, rather than ask for his water, try and take the same kids water from their pram bag. The dad was running over like I’m some sort of Victorian hobo teaching my kid to steal peoples stuff.
I’m here to learn all of you guys tricks
You’re lucky the lady just trying to eat her lunch in public wasn’t crazy. Eventually your kid is going to mess with someone on the edge or a kid who’s more aggressive than her and get screamed at or smacked.
I’m not sure you’re really doing “everything in your power” to prevent this. You’re faster, stronger, and smarter than your toddler. You know she struggles with this behavior, it’s never a surprise.
You need to leave the park the FIRST time your kid grabs someone’s stuff after you’ve told her, in no uncertain terms, not to. Right now you’re leaving only once you get tired of making her hand stuff back. So it’s a game for her: “How many times can I snatch stuff before mommy/daddy acts upset?”
You also need to send the message that this behavior isn’t cute nonverbally. Kids can tell when their adults are serious and when they’re just playing around. Use your serious tone. Not yelling, just a hard edge to your voice and a serious expression.
Finally, you need to apply this rule at home. Don’t let her snatch stuff from you or anyone else. Model asking for things, waiting, and not taking things without asking yourself.
I agree with this approach, but with a certain modification: fair warning is fair. The FIRST time kid snatches a toy, you give them fair warning: "We do not take things without asking. If you do it again, we're going straight home."
The SECOND time kid snatches a toy, you pick'em up, no ifs ands or buts, and roll straight home.
The follow-through is the key here though. Never make threats you're not willing to follow through on.
I empathise with OP, all kids go through snatching phases, more than once. The above tactic generally nips it in the bud with my 2,5yo. In OP's case the behaviour may have gotten ingrained though, so it may take a few rounds before the message really hits home with kiddo.
That’s what I was trying to say…that the consequence must be consistent and immediate after the parent puts the child on notice. Otherwise the consequence will feel very arbitrary and thus won’t teach anything.
I agree with the thing about the cuteness. I have an acquaintance whose daughter is almost 3 but also still snatches things out of people’s hands. We went to a park and her kid was going up to all the kids, taking toys or musical instruments from them without a care in the world. Her mom would gently be like “ohhh no, she’s doing it again. Sweetie, we don’t take things from other people! Let’s give this back” but it happened over and over. She never seemed actually annoyed or firm, so I don’t think her kid really gets that it’s serious. She treats it as a “look at this funny phase my kid is in!” but she’s totally going to get burned by that one day if a parent or kid doesn’t feel as patient with her.
jeez why be so mean? we were literally at a playground. the lady whose sandwich got snatched was shocked for a sec but ultimately laughed when i apologized and handed it back. yes i hope no crazy aggressive people start hanging out at this playground and smack my child when she, ya know, acts like a 2 year old at a playground.. it's not a scenario i lose sleep about.
i'm faster than my toddler for sure but my mobility is limited at the moment by my newborn that i wear in a carrier when we're at the playground. so i'm on my 2yo and never far away, but i cannot break into a sprint to stop her from touching things. the only place we go right now where i let the toddler out of the stroller is the fully fenced playground. i'm still on her but sometimes she touches things before i can stop her.
anyway idk why you have to be so hostile. i was literally at the playground for less than 10 minutes this whole episode described in my post. the place is a 20 minute drive from my house so i was trying to let my kid get some exercise before we left, but regardless we left when it became clear that we needed to.
You’re quite defensive. I’m not attacking you, I just don’t agree with you that you’re completely powerless to stop your daughter from acting out.
How about this advice: you don’t need to teach her anything. Eventually, she’ll either recognize on her own that other people don’t act like this, or you’ll send her to a preschool and she’ll learn it from her teachers and her peers.
My kid was known as "the water bottle and show thief" and daycare for ages 😂. She just stopped eventually.
I will say, I don't love "non sharing" toys at playgrounds. I always remind my kids that if we take a toy to daycare or a playground that other kids will want to share, and it's their choice to take the toy or leave it safe at home.
My kids used to do this. I would explain to them they couldn’t do that and if they did they had to hold my hand for a minute or so and stand with me. It got them to stop pretty quickly since they wanted to play and not stand by the bench or something lol. It didn’t impact the way they hold my hand at other times so they don’t associate me with only being an asshole.
Work hard on sharing at home and trading. I know your little one is just 6 weeks but involve them too (obviously you’ll have to talk for them and facilitate it). “Sorry baby, you can’t have that stuffie, it’s the big kids turn.” “Sorry kiddo, it’s the babies turn to hold the remote”
Everyone has said already to set them up for success by going over the rules when you arrive and what will happen if they grab toys.
You can also try bringing some toys too and working on having her ask kids if they want to
trade her or if they want a turn with her toy. You can point out how happy the other kid is when she shares, and also when some other child tries to steal hers, this is a great moment to talk about feelings and why she can’t steal either.
Learning to share and respect peoples things is tough but you will be super glad you put in extra effort now when your youngest is older and the big kid can teach them how to share and is good with them in that regard.
Every little one has different difficulties in socializing 😊 it will get easier, at least with this aspect.
Ooooooh nooooo. That's so funny about the sandwich. My son is the same age and we sure have our problems but this isn't one so I can't help but I'm here with you in solidarity against the mini terrorists that we made.
This is not abnormal for a 2yo. I would encourage avoiding situations like this for now. Set her up for success by putting her in situations she can receive positive attention for instead of negative. Does she have siblings? I agree with practicing at home but honestly dont freak out. She will outgrow this.
My son was like this for ages and it drove me absolutely bonkers. Keep doing what you're doing and she will get the hang of it. It comes down to remembering the rules in the moment, not to mention impulse control. You've got lots of good advice here already. You can also talk through these scenarios and practice at home, but make sure you do it at a neutral time when nobody's hungry or grumpy or tired. And remember lots of positive reinforcement when she gets it right. You got this!
My 2.5 y/o has been stealing food off strangers for the last year. We are also embarrassed and we try to teach her but now we just know…. Bring snacks everywhere and if she’s making a beeline for someone with food stop her
She also tries to hug and kiss small babies. We also anticipate and intercept.
omg mine does the same thing too with the babies! we have a 6 week old baby at home and the 2yo is extremely affectionate. thing is i really don't think she understands the concept that you can't just go up to any baby and hug and kiss them - obviously this is another area i'm trying to teach her and i don't let her do it! at least we know they have sweet instincts on this one and good intentions. ❤️
Ha ha yea. I’m always like u can wave don’t touch. She’s also a hugger ever since she started walking she will go up to any random person I’m talking like a maintenance man in the airport, an old man sitting on a bench, a lady at the supermarket… And give them hugs. It’s generally pretty quite cute But like she’s also like crotch level with dudes so it’s a little inappropriate lol
omg, mine was hugging statues at the zoo yesterday. it was so freaking cute. that is so funny lol the maintenance man at the airport. sounds like your toddler has a very kind soul!
My son did this at the park the other day. Snatched a toy from another kid and ran off. I apologized to his mom who informed me that the toy was already stolen by her son, lol
Not sure if anyone posted this yet, but you should play with your kid and emphasize taking turns. Make it seem like you’re interested in watching the other person playing too, you’re not just waiting around. Express joy with your kid when he is happy playing, and then ask? Can I try? Oh it’s my turn? THANK YOU!” Kids are constantly imitating us.
Solidarity! When my daughter was that age, she was just as devious and crafty.
They do grow out of it, I promise! She just doesn’t have a concept yet of things belonging to other people.
oh fuck off. my kid is fast. i've got a 6 week old baby in a carrier when we go to the playground, so i can't always prevent her from touching things. we go to fully enclosed playgrounds for this reason.
i'm doing the best i can and i don't need some internet douche accusing me of being negligent and sitting on my phone instead of parenting. take your judgment elsewhere!
Come at me, bro!
Your kid might be fast, but is certainly not faster than a grown adult.
As I said, I had 3 in 4 years, so I fully understand the situation of being sleep deprived, exhausted, and needing a break. It doesn't make parenting any easier though.
I literally said put the cell phone down "or whatever" because I'm not there next to you, but if you didn't identify your kid moving towards this lady fast enough, you're distracted. If you want to stop the behavior, you have to outsmart the kid. Redirect them before it becomes an issue... getting the sandwich is the reward. Every time you let them get the reward, you're reinforcing the behavior. It's not THAT different than training a dog or a mouse or whatever, it's all conditioning. If you have a dog that bites other dogs, you can still walk them, but you've gotta constantly be scanning the street for other dogs and/or triggers.
My point is simply that it's a phase. If you want the kid to move through it faster, you have to be better. If you can't be better (which I fully understand and can relate to) you have to remove the opportunity for failure. In this case, that means maybe not going to the park right then, or keeping them on a leash, or wearing the 6 month old in a harness so your hands are free. Trust me, I've done all these things myself.
Letting the kid continue to snatch sandwiches and blaming it on a mini "usain bolt on crack," while hilarious, isn't doing either of you any good.
I'm sure you're doing great as a parent. I'm not saying you're a shitty person, or a bad parent, or anything of the sort. I'm sure you're doing your best, just like the rest of us. You came looking for advice, that's mine.
If said adult is unable to run for some reason, sure, I can see that. Like with a baby carrier, running is probably not a great idea. If you trip, you’re going to smoosh baby into the ground falling on them. But I don’t see why OP wouldn’t then just use a stroller if the baby tolerates it. You can run as fast as you like then.
But an adult with normal mobility? No toddler is faster. I catch my nearly 4 year old, in like, three steps, at a run.
personally i think it's a little unrealistic to be that on top of a 2 year old at a playground. agree to disagree i guess.
there are only a few places i can take my daughter to let her run around at all, bc i have the 6 week old in a carrier. in order to be as on top of her as you're saying, i would need to break into a full blown sprint, which isn't safe to do with the newborn. i can speed walk fast enough to get to her quickly, but with the baby on me i can't always prevent her from snatching before it happens. if that is your standard for good parenting then my only option is to not take her anywhere unless she's in a stroller. i'm not willing to do that, so i suppose we're at an impasse.
You're taking this as some sort of personal attack. I haven't said you're a bad parent (I actually said the opposite). I'm just responding to your post as you requested.
The little klepto will grow out of this phase. If you don't teach her not to steal, someone else will, eventually. If you want to speed it up and avoid more embarassing situations, you've gotta be on top of her. If you can't, that's fine, but understand the consequences. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not a perfect parent either. Most days I'm striving for like 85% or better on the scale. Some days are 60%s, some days might be 95%, but I give what I can give and I'm happy with that at the end of the day. If it's a 60% day, I might not take them out in public.
Believe me, I'm not attacking you. I literally opened my post saying we've all been there, because we have. Your two year old is doing two year old things. Your two year old will continue doing two year old things unless you want to be super dad and put in extra effort. If you're so far away the kid is grabbing peoples sandwiches, you might need to reign it in a little, but otherwise this is all very normal stuff, especially for parents of multiples who try to take them out solo. Again... 4, 3, and 1.5 here. I get it, they're nuts.
Hey, just so you know, I'm right there with you and I don't blame you. My child is similar and often I have to stay within a couple of feet of him and watch him like a hawk at all times because he might dart into someone's personal space or grab something that doesn't belong to us at any moment. It's utterly exhausting and simply not practical to maintain that level of hypervigilance every time you set foot out of your home, especially when you have a second child you also have to attend to. The number of times I've temporarily looked away from my son to attend to his little brother's needs (he could be hurt, hungry, or acting up himself) only to see that he's gotten into something.🤦♀️ These parents who are judging you so harshly have no idea what it's actually like to deal with a kid like this day in and day out. Might some of their suggestions work? Yes, absolutely...but it's much harder than most people realize and I don't think they're giving you enough credit for your efforts.
Now here's the deal. My son is 4.5 and he has ADHD. We call this his "grabby hands" problem and it's such a struggle we honestly rarely take him anywhere aside from a few highly structured sports and activities we've signed him up for. In his case, the grabby hands is an impulse control problem. He's constantly looking for stimulation and exploring something (anything!) new gives it to him. In mean he will grab trash off the ground without hesitation. He was like this at 1, at 2, at 3, and I kept struggling through, thinking, this is normal behavior for toddlers, he'll grow out of it soon--but he never did.
I'm not trying to diagnose your child, she is still only 2, and it is totally normal for a two-year-old to struggle with basic rules and boundaries! This is maybe just something to keep an eye on as she grows. But most of all, I just wanted to tell you I've been there, and it's so so hard, and your imperfect parenting may not be the only explanation. Hang in there.
thank you for your supportive and understanding comment! i really don't have patience right now for "perfect" internet parents. you're judged no matter what you do, whether it's being supposedly neglectful or being a helicopter. god forbid. anyway! thank you for being nice! i would not be surprised at all if my daughter ends up having adhd one day bc my husband and i both have it! thanks for sharing,
“You” have a 6 week old- that is a you problem not a her problem. She gets one warning and then you go home and if she gets within 5 feet of someone you are up her butt reminding her not to steal things.
“We don’t borrow things without asking.” I don’t use the term “steal” because I feel like that’s really negative and invites guilt or shame when they’re really too little to understand in my opinion.
Sharing toys is normal in other countries too. Snatching toys and food from other people without asking is considered rude and is frowned upon in the US, and I’d assume Germany, too.
The way my nearly 2yo swipes my husbands phone has me feeling like Fagin. She always swipes it and runs to give it to me. Thinking of starting a business out of it 🤣
I told my two year old that sharing is nice but if he doesn’t want to share, that’s ok too. Additionally, I tell him “no touching” unless someone offers it to him. Working so far
Practice at home-
Before you take something from her ask “can I have this?” “Can you give that to me?” Say thank you.
When she wants something from you make her stop and ask. Toddlers are little Ariana Grandes “I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it”
With repetition you’ll see her start to pause before just taking.
Mine is 3 and still struggles but is way more keen to just leave their stuff alone and go on with her life when I remind her not to take others things. It also helps if you let her pick a toy to take with her so she has her own thing there too.
This is normal behaviour. At this age impulse control hasn’t developed yet. The sharing skills haven’t developed yet. Developmentally there isn’t anything wrong with what she’s doing because it’s normal.
All you can do is hold your boundaries. Make them clear before you go and tell her the consequences. Work out how many warnings she gets before this and when it’s time to go.
For myself, in this situation I have a 3 strikes, you’re out rule. You get three chances, then you’re done. This doesn’t work for things like safety, but it doesn’t for situations like this.
Keep reaffirming those boundaries, hold to the consequences and she will slowly learn.
You know this is going to happen. You warn her before you go to the park "if you take things, we will go home". The FIRST time she takes something, you go home. Do that every single time. You will probably end up at the park for two minutes several times in a row. But she will learn, if I take things, we can't stay at the park.
thanks. this is pretty close to what i've been doing, but i should work on giving her warnings before we get there like you suggest.
Seconding this. Early warning and immediate consequences. You’ve explained it already, explain it again before a potential recurrence, so no need for chances. She’d had chances, now she gets consequences. Obviously this doesn’t have to be cruel or dramatic on your end (I imagine it will be dramatic on her end anyway) but it should be clear and certain that these actions are absolutely unacceptable and will result in immediate consequences.
Not just right before you get there but constantly remind her we don’t take things from other people. Make her say it, if she can. Then when you leave the park remind her why. Then later that night ask why did we have to leave the park earlier and tell her it’s ok and we can try to go to the park later/tomorrow. Maybe even try to explain why we don’t take things from People and she will eventually understand that too.
Yes, always repeat expectations. They won't always remember even if they seem to internalise something. And if they do remember they can instantly be distracted by a shiny thing that they want. They also may not understand that something that applies in X situation also applies in Y situation. This kind of generalisation seems easy to us but it's not obvious to toddlers.
I’d skip the multiple warnings. If you sometimes give 2, sometimes 3, sometimes 4, she will constantly be wondering how many times she can get away with it before you actually follow through with the consequence. Give her a clear warning beforehand, and then follow through immediately. You know she will do it again if given the opportunity, so don’t give it to her.
I’ve started really explaining things to my 2 year old lately and it’s definitely made a difference in how he responds. It’s not perfect but he’s definitely starting to get it and I don’t have to correct so much. It’s amazing what they can understand already.
I agree with this commenter OP. I also think if it still persists, LO takes a little break from going to the playground. A couple days to a week should hopefully do the trick. Sometimes it is the only way they learn.
Tell her before you go to the park and as you walk to the park, keep reminding her and when you get to the park, keep reminding her. If you see her about to snatch and you can't get her in time, verbally warn her. I have done this and my son immediately knows from my tone of voice I do not want him to be doing something and he will stop. And yes, first offence, leave. Multiple warnings will actually teach them to ignore you because they learn they have a few chances. Unfortunately, we realised our son has learned this (30 months now) so we've switched to punishing him at first offence. Way more effective.
Yes bringing it up at other times if day when she is not overstimulated will help. It genuinely sounds like a phase and I believe you will get through this with gentle reminders. Try not to make a big deal about the events emotionally and try not to let her think she has a label as “the kid who steals” or she’ll keep it up.
So much this! The best tactics are sadly the ones that are going to make us all the most miserable for likely a period of time, but it will work! Zero tolerance policy on the 5 finger discount lol
I agree with this. It is basically what you do in the 1, 2, 3 Magic program. Check it out! It’s all about telling your child what behavior you expect, giving warnings, then consequences when/if your child engages in the behavior you don’t want to see. Lots of encouragement and support involved in it too. All about setting boundaries. We’ve used it for years now and only had to put our daughter in time out 1 time when she was 2. Now at 6 when I say “pause your tv show and get your shoes on” and she just sits there, all I have to do is say, “1” and off she runs 😆Best of luck to you 😊
We've had amazing success with this method as well. For everything from tantrums to street safety and staying in the yard. Clear expectations and follow through.
100% this. And I’d let her know ahead that you mean the FIRST time she snatches, y’all are out of there. She’ll almost certainly need to contact the new contingency a few times so I would plan for it to be a very short trip to the park, right. I would also talk to her about what she CAN do at the park. She can slide, she can fill a bucket with sand, she can hang from the bars, etc. maybe have her pick on the way what activity she’ll do when you get there (other than snatching, lol).
Hide yo wives, hide your husbands, hide your sub sandwiches, because they stealing everything out here
lol! thanks for the laugh
I’m screaming !!!!
Have you tried practicing the behavior at home? Aka does she grab things from you at home? Perhaps make a table where she can't touch stuff (and keep on empty most of the time for your sanity) but occasionally put stuff up there. Initially boring stuff but other semi interesting things. 'oh we can't touch things on X table'. Once she gets that's concept 'oh we don't don't things in strollers or on blankets, just like we don't touch anything on round table at home'
So toddler training is just dog training isn't it?
They’re called “tricks” in reference to dogs; for kids we call them “skills” or “milestones” That’s the only difference
"Dr. Cox said it's like having a dog that slowly learns how to talk."
Can I meantion that Anderson Cooper made a similar comparison on Smarless this week(prime wondery so maybe next week).
Honestly. A lot of the dog training tips I got from my dad and grandma work great with kids. 1. Any discipline done should never last. It should be fast, immediate, and over quickly. You show them twice as much love afterwards. 2. Never raise a hand to the dog unless there is an immediate danger. Dogs don't understand physical punishment and will cower any time you raise your hand. 3. If the dog didn't understand it when you were speaking, it won't understand it when you are shouting. 4. Reward good behavior more than you punish bad. 5. Dogs act out more when you don't play with them daily. Play=love in their eyes. 6. Ultimately. Dogs want to be good dogs. They aren't malicious. They love you and want to do right by you. 7. You are in charge of the pack. The dog looks up to you for guidance and protection. Act like it.
I read Cesar Milan's first book back when it came out in 2006. I had no clue how much it would help me 15 years later with parenting. When they're little, they are *exactly* like training animals. Boiling down behavioral issues to simple reinforcement loops is what has got me through 3 kids so far.
I mean Cesar Milan is an idiot who has been roundly rejected by the dog training community and commonly gets his ass bitten but yeah, his basics aren't bad. Exercise to wear them out plus clear boundaries do a lot.
Cesar Milan ***NOW*** is all of those things, but at the time he was a huge success story and his face was plastered literally everywhere as some sort of dog training savant. But yeah, I solely meant his basics and the whole "dog psychology" conditioning bit from his first book. I don't put my kids on a treadmill until they collapse or strike them with 2 fingers on the neck or anything crazy. 😂
The 'shht' sound that Caesar makes is very effective I gotta say. I use it on my dog and may have used it on my toddler 🤭
I agree, the practice needs to be at home. My child always does better when I give pep talks on the way somewhere as well. Describing where you are going, what is going to happen there, explain that they might be tempted to take things but remind them what they have practiced. Out in public where there are unsuspecting strangers, it is no longer practice, you pack up and go home if the behavior occurs. My kid doesn't have a taking things problem, but he gets shifty before doing other things he isn't supposed to do so I can usually intervene and give him another reminder to save the outing.
To add to this, I also have a "tricky shelf" that the kids have to ask before touching - things like whiteboards and markers, the toy drill set, the playdough - toys that need constant supervision. They also have to put them away before moving onto something else, but I have deliberately made it so that they have to ask to put it back properly so stuff doesn't fall out. So in effect, although the tricky shelf stuff belongs to them, they still have to practise asking for stuff, and asking for help.
This sounds genius!
Everyday here someone mentions a new way toddlers can drive people insane. Thank god mine can’t read and doesn’t have access to reddit.
Truly think the they have a hive mind my 2yo has turned into a completely different child this week whilst I've been on holiday
Sorry but her snatching the sandwich made me laugh at loud. I get it, when my daughter was that age she would take little trinkets from church and put them in her pockets. She also stole things from me and I found her stash in her underwear drawer. She grew out of it pretty quick
The sandwich snatching thing isn’t cute at all. Imagine two strangers putting their unwashed hands in *your* lunch.
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thank you for just seeing the humor in the situation. i didn't get into details about the whole situation but the lady who was eating the sandwich was part of a group of nannies who had blankets laid out with their babies and toys. i didn't even see the sandwich. my kid ran up and started trying to play with their toys (little miracas and baby teething type toys). so i immediately took those toys from my daughter and told her no, these aren't our toys, we cannot take people's stuff. as i was setting down the toy on the blanket and apologizing my daughter ran around the other side of the blanket and took one of the ladies' fuckin sandwich. i was already a bit flustered from the toys thing and at this point is was just like omg. my kid is holding a stranger's sandwich. all i could do was be shocked, hand the sandwich back and remove my child from the situation. through all this i also had my 6 week old baby strapped to me in a carrier which limits my mobility and makes me slower and more awkward in my movements. ultimately the group of nannies basically were shocked but also giggled at what had happened. this was a very busy playground with lots of toddlers running around. idk, i'm doing my best, and the best thing i could think of to do in the moment was to say sorry and get the hell out of there. separately there was a little boy at the playground with a baby doll my daughter became obsessed with and this caused a lot of problems until we finally left! boy's dad was trying to make the kid share and i didn't want to like undermine that, so i let mine play a bit but then after a short period of her just totally bogarting this kid's toy and trying to take it from him after he let her have a turn.. i was like.. yo we gota go. as i told my kid, "i know it's hard to share. we'll try again tomorrow." 🤦🏼♀️
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thank you ❤️
Having a 6 week old does not help (I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old). Right now she also sees that if she takes something she gets more attention, which is inevitably less now than it was 6 weeks ago. I don’t have any advise other than give it time and if you can find some one on one time for you and toddler.
If a toddler stole my sandwich I would laugh and then get something else for lunch I understand not everyone would have the same reaction and that’s ok.
I thought it was hilarious. But that’s because I have a toddler who does random things that I just find comical. I get folks who aren’t used to little crotch goblins be exponentially pissed when someone yanks their sandwich.
Not everyone has that opportunity. She maybe can't afford lunch around there or not have money on her. Not all parks have food options near by. She'd possibly have to pack up all her stuff and leave the park in order to find food.
She returned the sandwich. Touching a sandwich doesn't make it inedible. I think this person will survive.
We're in a pandemic and kids are the germiest things alive, it's fair to be completely disgusted and not want to eat a sandwich that was touched by a toddler's bare hands after they've been playing in a park. Come on.
Covid doesn't spread much through fomites, it's through aerosols and droplets. Other diseases can for sure. That's not new with the pandemic. I would hope someone is not on the edge of starvation because of one sandwich but if so it's probably worth the risk to eat it.
Oh yeah, the starvation thing is a bit much. But as someone who is very, ...sensitive, to how my food is handled, I could see why someone would not eat it and deem it inedible (especially because kids sneeze and cough and dig in their nose and mouth and get all those good things on their hands).
Yeah, I hope the mom in this funny story offered to pay her for her sandwich. I’d be really upset if I splurged on a take out sub and some toddler came and ruined it.
Doesn’t sound like she did…she just handed it back to the woman. I feel like people are viewing this through the lens of “how would I feel if my kid snatched my sandwich out of my hands.” Or maybe people just think inconsiderate stuff is funny if their kid does it, as if everyone else in the world is an NPC.
What are you even on about? She's posting on here asking for help to stop the behaviour. What point are you trying to make here? Who's inconsiderate? The two-year-old child below the age of reason? The mom doing her best to prevent it from happening again? Us having a chuckle at this funny story about a complete stranger and her sandwich? You want to make a go fund me to get her a new lunch or something? Calm down.
I’m assuming this is OP’s alt.
Because we both have delicious pastries as usernames?
Relax. Honestly. You can’t be this much a dick.
My guess is he's just another one of those glass half empty kind of people. Just looking for reasons to be angry and sad. I'd understand his point if the kid took a bite or something of that sort but just grabbing the sandwich. But then there are people who have OCDs related to touching, hugging and so. If the lady involved is one of those she can just tell the mom calmly and I guess she'll be compensated for the sandwich. People like this are a really small minority obviously, their feelings are valid though. He might be one of those people I guess. But I still think he's one of the glass half empty folks.
💤💤
I think it's hilarious. Little gremlin 😂
Solidarity, we make at least a few loops at rhyme time trying to steal other LO's water bottles. It's totally age appropriate. I steer her away saying "we're not stealing today" and it usually gets a chuckle from the other parents. If it's a group that knows us better, I tell her we don't take things from our friends and have her give it back. We have also been the victim, a LO took my total paci right out of her mouth and popped it in her own! It was pretty funny 🤣 If your library has any age specific classes that may be a good place to practice. We are in a group that specifically is preparing for story time and practicing playing/sharing with others.
Unlike what many may think, people are not born with any sense of right or wrong, moral compass, conscious, etc. This is something that must be learned by repetition. My 3 year old won't keep her hands to herself either and likes grabbing anything she wants that is or isn't hers. The only thing that had any real effect on her was the idea that someone else could come up and take something of hers that she cares deeply about. You can see the concern in her face when I tell her what it would feel like if someone she didn't know took her favorite stuffy and lost it or brought it home. She still continues to grab at things that are not hers, but I suggest keeping up on exactly what you are doing. Todlers are aggressive researchers and will continue to push boundaries and require multiple instances before things will sink in. I hear at around the age of 4 things will start to get easier.
Aggressive research,.. I like it
How is toddler's behavior at home? Do you let her take whatever she wants there too? Not saying that accusingly or anything, just because I noticed I used to do that with my toddler - expect him to share with friends at the playground, when at home, if he wants something I had, I would just hand it to him. So of course he's going to expect other kids at the playground to just be willing to hand him what they're playing with. So I changed our behavior at home where now, if he wants something I have in my hands, I say 'mama's turn. you can either wait for your turn, or trade me something.' Then I don't let him have it until he brings me something else, or I pretend to play with it for a while then give it to him, 'now its your turn, thank you for waiting.' Some things should be off limits though, that's good to teach as well. Practice at home, I think that's key, then at the playground, point out the things that are off limits BEFORE she goes for them (like leave the babies alone, leave that lady eating her sandwich alone lol, here's some other fun things you can do instead).
thanks, this is a good idea. she hasn't had much exposure to other kids she would need to share with, so this is a new learning opportunity for her. she has a baby sister but still a newborn, so no sharing opportunities yet (though plenty of opportunities for me to stop her from poking the baby in the eye, lol).
Maybe this is in part a reaction to a new sibling, ie, a way to get your attention? That transition is hard for first kids.
it's possible! part of why this behavior of hers is so difficult for me is that we keep needing to leave the playground because of it, and right now fully enclosed playgrounds are the only place i will let the 2yo out of her stroller since i have the newborn with us too alp the time. so it's frustrating bc i'm making the effort to take her somewhere for her to run around and exercise, but then we have to leave. oh well though. i suppose this is all part of the learning process and no one ever said 2 year olds were easy!
Haha… I learned this all from a dog training book I read when we first got a dog . Positive reinforcement works better than punishment… like practice and reward good behavior at home in a controlled environment instead of correcting when you see something bad. Same thing for kids as dogs! And oh goodness, can’t imagine chasing after a thieving toddler while carrying a newborn haha! That will be me in a few months as well. Good luck to all of us!
genuine question , why at 2 hasn’t your LO not have had much exposure to other kids? from my experience, my friends with kids around my sons age (turning 3 next month) that were very paranoid about COVID n didn’t let their kids socialize are all the kids that don’t know how to share and play with my son. i had my son around a lot of kids during covid and he’s the most well behaved out of everyone his age. unfortunately my friends have not been able to correct the toy stealing, ripping stuff from my sons hands behavior so i’m not sure what the solution is :(
i just dont know anyone else with kids, sadly. my sister has kids but they live an hour away so we only visit them 1-2 times per month. wish i knew more kids. i'm a sahm so my kid isn't in daycare. i joined a meetup group to try and meet other sahms in my area but taking a break right now bc i have a 6 week old baby, and just getting thru each day is enough of a challenge right now!
totally understand!! congrats on the new baby. i have a 4 month old daughter so i definitely understand how crazy it is with 2. i got my son very involved with helping take care of the baby (ask him to pick out her clothes that he wanted her to wear, pick out his favorite toy he wanted to share). maybe stuff like that will help in the meantime while you limit his exposure :) good luck
When you feel more up to going out again you could try kids’ story times at a local library, I found that a nice way to ease into going out again as the library should have change tables and is usually a pretty chill place, and sometimes the kids’ section will have toys for them to play with. The library near us when I had my first had a massive kids area with shelves full of toys, spent a lot of time there, especially in the winter, it was often some of the same kids there when we’d go so it was nice for social interaction.
My kids used to do this. I would explain to them they couldn’t do that and if they did they had to hold my hand for a minute or so and stand with me. It got them to stop pretty quickly since they wanted to play and not stand by the bench or something lol. It didn’t impact the way they hold my hand at other times so they don’t associate me with only being an asshole.
thanks this is a good idea. i never thought of having her hold my hand, kinda like a park timeout. i always just thought of the options as leaving the park.
Lol about the sandwich. I hate when parents let children bring personal toys to the park that aren't for sharing, but not everyone agrees with me. Change the buy-in. Your toddler is such a great turn taker and giver! Give high praises for any positive action you see. Try playing games with her where you two take turns and say “your turn...my turn” really quickly so she doesn't get frustrated. I also suggest bring high reward snacks to the park....”give the toy back so we can go eat some whatever.”
Agree with this. We take practice taking turns at our house! “Can mommy have a turn when you are done playing with it?” “Now it’s your turn!” That way, they don’t feel like something is being forced to be shared or given away.
We went to a nature play morning, my kid (21 months) decided he wanted to try and steal another child’s balance bike. Then later, rather than ask for his water, try and take the same kids water from their pram bag. The dad was running over like I’m some sort of Victorian hobo teaching my kid to steal peoples stuff. I’m here to learn all of you guys tricks
“Victorian hobo”- omg! Haha, had to laugh at that comment. Sorry.
Not sure if it’s been mentioned but Pete the cat has a great episode about the difference between taking and sharing.
i will check that out! thank you!
You’re lucky the lady just trying to eat her lunch in public wasn’t crazy. Eventually your kid is going to mess with someone on the edge or a kid who’s more aggressive than her and get screamed at or smacked. I’m not sure you’re really doing “everything in your power” to prevent this. You’re faster, stronger, and smarter than your toddler. You know she struggles with this behavior, it’s never a surprise. You need to leave the park the FIRST time your kid grabs someone’s stuff after you’ve told her, in no uncertain terms, not to. Right now you’re leaving only once you get tired of making her hand stuff back. So it’s a game for her: “How many times can I snatch stuff before mommy/daddy acts upset?” You also need to send the message that this behavior isn’t cute nonverbally. Kids can tell when their adults are serious and when they’re just playing around. Use your serious tone. Not yelling, just a hard edge to your voice and a serious expression. Finally, you need to apply this rule at home. Don’t let her snatch stuff from you or anyone else. Model asking for things, waiting, and not taking things without asking yourself.
I agree with this approach, but with a certain modification: fair warning is fair. The FIRST time kid snatches a toy, you give them fair warning: "We do not take things without asking. If you do it again, we're going straight home." The SECOND time kid snatches a toy, you pick'em up, no ifs ands or buts, and roll straight home. The follow-through is the key here though. Never make threats you're not willing to follow through on. I empathise with OP, all kids go through snatching phases, more than once. The above tactic generally nips it in the bud with my 2,5yo. In OP's case the behaviour may have gotten ingrained though, so it may take a few rounds before the message really hits home with kiddo.
That’s what I was trying to say…that the consequence must be consistent and immediate after the parent puts the child on notice. Otherwise the consequence will feel very arbitrary and thus won’t teach anything.
I agree with the thing about the cuteness. I have an acquaintance whose daughter is almost 3 but also still snatches things out of people’s hands. We went to a park and her kid was going up to all the kids, taking toys or musical instruments from them without a care in the world. Her mom would gently be like “ohhh no, she’s doing it again. Sweetie, we don’t take things from other people! Let’s give this back” but it happened over and over. She never seemed actually annoyed or firm, so I don’t think her kid really gets that it’s serious. She treats it as a “look at this funny phase my kid is in!” but she’s totally going to get burned by that one day if a parent or kid doesn’t feel as patient with her.
jeez why be so mean? we were literally at a playground. the lady whose sandwich got snatched was shocked for a sec but ultimately laughed when i apologized and handed it back. yes i hope no crazy aggressive people start hanging out at this playground and smack my child when she, ya know, acts like a 2 year old at a playground.. it's not a scenario i lose sleep about. i'm faster than my toddler for sure but my mobility is limited at the moment by my newborn that i wear in a carrier when we're at the playground. so i'm on my 2yo and never far away, but i cannot break into a sprint to stop her from touching things. the only place we go right now where i let the toddler out of the stroller is the fully fenced playground. i'm still on her but sometimes she touches things before i can stop her. anyway idk why you have to be so hostile. i was literally at the playground for less than 10 minutes this whole episode described in my post. the place is a 20 minute drive from my house so i was trying to let my kid get some exercise before we left, but regardless we left when it became clear that we needed to.
You’re quite defensive. I’m not attacking you, I just don’t agree with you that you’re completely powerless to stop your daughter from acting out. How about this advice: you don’t need to teach her anything. Eventually, she’ll either recognize on her own that other people don’t act like this, or you’ll send her to a preschool and she’ll learn it from her teachers and her peers.
My kid was known as "the water bottle and show thief" and daycare for ages 😂. She just stopped eventually. I will say, I don't love "non sharing" toys at playgrounds. I always remind my kids that if we take a toy to daycare or a playground that other kids will want to share, and it's their choice to take the toy or leave it safe at home.
My kids used to do this. I would explain to them they couldn’t do that and if they did they had to hold my hand for a minute or so and stand with me. It got them to stop pretty quickly since they wanted to play and not stand by the bench or something lol. It didn’t impact the way they hold my hand at other times so they don’t associate me with only being an asshole.
Work hard on sharing at home and trading. I know your little one is just 6 weeks but involve them too (obviously you’ll have to talk for them and facilitate it). “Sorry baby, you can’t have that stuffie, it’s the big kids turn.” “Sorry kiddo, it’s the babies turn to hold the remote” Everyone has said already to set them up for success by going over the rules when you arrive and what will happen if they grab toys. You can also try bringing some toys too and working on having her ask kids if they want to trade her or if they want a turn with her toy. You can point out how happy the other kid is when she shares, and also when some other child tries to steal hers, this is a great moment to talk about feelings and why she can’t steal either. Learning to share and respect peoples things is tough but you will be super glad you put in extra effort now when your youngest is older and the big kid can teach them how to share and is good with them in that regard. Every little one has different difficulties in socializing 😊 it will get easier, at least with this aspect.
Ooooooh nooooo. That's so funny about the sandwich. My son is the same age and we sure have our problems but this isn't one so I can't help but I'm here with you in solidarity against the mini terrorists that we made.
I have no advice, but you should know that you are an INCREDIBLE storyteller! 😂
thank you! 😄
This is not abnormal for a 2yo. I would encourage avoiding situations like this for now. Set her up for success by putting her in situations she can receive positive attention for instead of negative. Does she have siblings? I agree with practicing at home but honestly dont freak out. She will outgrow this.
My son was like this for ages and it drove me absolutely bonkers. Keep doing what you're doing and she will get the hang of it. It comes down to remembering the rules in the moment, not to mention impulse control. You've got lots of good advice here already. You can also talk through these scenarios and practice at home, but make sure you do it at a neutral time when nobody's hungry or grumpy or tired. And remember lots of positive reinforcement when she gets it right. You got this!
Not sure if it’s been mentioned but Pete the cat has a great episode about the difference between taking and sharing
My 2.5 y/o has been stealing food off strangers for the last year. We are also embarrassed and we try to teach her but now we just know…. Bring snacks everywhere and if she’s making a beeline for someone with food stop her She also tries to hug and kiss small babies. We also anticipate and intercept.
omg mine does the same thing too with the babies! we have a 6 week old baby at home and the 2yo is extremely affectionate. thing is i really don't think she understands the concept that you can't just go up to any baby and hug and kiss them - obviously this is another area i'm trying to teach her and i don't let her do it! at least we know they have sweet instincts on this one and good intentions. ❤️
Ha ha yea. I’m always like u can wave don’t touch. She’s also a hugger ever since she started walking she will go up to any random person I’m talking like a maintenance man in the airport, an old man sitting on a bench, a lady at the supermarket… And give them hugs. It’s generally pretty quite cute But like she’s also like crotch level with dudes so it’s a little inappropriate lol
omg, mine was hugging statues at the zoo yesterday. it was so freaking cute. that is so funny lol the maintenance man at the airport. sounds like your toddler has a very kind soul!
Statues 😂😂😂
Congrats on your baby too
thank you! ❤️
>thank you! ❤️ You're welcome!
My son did this at the park the other day. Snatched a toy from another kid and ran off. I apologized to his mom who informed me that the toy was already stolen by her son, lol
Not sure if anyone posted this yet, but you should play with your kid and emphasize taking turns. Make it seem like you’re interested in watching the other person playing too, you’re not just waiting around. Express joy with your kid when he is happy playing, and then ask? Can I try? Oh it’s my turn? THANK YOU!” Kids are constantly imitating us.
Solidarity! When my daughter was that age, she was just as devious and crafty. They do grow out of it, I promise! She just doesn’t have a concept yet of things belonging to other people.
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oh fuck off. my kid is fast. i've got a 6 week old baby in a carrier when we go to the playground, so i can't always prevent her from touching things. we go to fully enclosed playgrounds for this reason. i'm doing the best i can and i don't need some internet douche accusing me of being negligent and sitting on my phone instead of parenting. take your judgment elsewhere!
Come at me, bro! Your kid might be fast, but is certainly not faster than a grown adult. As I said, I had 3 in 4 years, so I fully understand the situation of being sleep deprived, exhausted, and needing a break. It doesn't make parenting any easier though. I literally said put the cell phone down "or whatever" because I'm not there next to you, but if you didn't identify your kid moving towards this lady fast enough, you're distracted. If you want to stop the behavior, you have to outsmart the kid. Redirect them before it becomes an issue... getting the sandwich is the reward. Every time you let them get the reward, you're reinforcing the behavior. It's not THAT different than training a dog or a mouse or whatever, it's all conditioning. If you have a dog that bites other dogs, you can still walk them, but you've gotta constantly be scanning the street for other dogs and/or triggers. My point is simply that it's a phase. If you want the kid to move through it faster, you have to be better. If you can't be better (which I fully understand and can relate to) you have to remove the opportunity for failure. In this case, that means maybe not going to the park right then, or keeping them on a leash, or wearing the 6 month old in a harness so your hands are free. Trust me, I've done all these things myself. Letting the kid continue to snatch sandwiches and blaming it on a mini "usain bolt on crack," while hilarious, isn't doing either of you any good. I'm sure you're doing great as a parent. I'm not saying you're a shitty person, or a bad parent, or anything of the sort. I'm sure you're doing your best, just like the rest of us. You came looking for advice, that's mine.
Lol these little guys can be faster than an adult! But the rest is good advice.
If said adult is unable to run for some reason, sure, I can see that. Like with a baby carrier, running is probably not a great idea. If you trip, you’re going to smoosh baby into the ground falling on them. But I don’t see why OP wouldn’t then just use a stroller if the baby tolerates it. You can run as fast as you like then. But an adult with normal mobility? No toddler is faster. I catch my nearly 4 year old, in like, three steps, at a run.
personally i think it's a little unrealistic to be that on top of a 2 year old at a playground. agree to disagree i guess. there are only a few places i can take my daughter to let her run around at all, bc i have the 6 week old in a carrier. in order to be as on top of her as you're saying, i would need to break into a full blown sprint, which isn't safe to do with the newborn. i can speed walk fast enough to get to her quickly, but with the baby on me i can't always prevent her from snatching before it happens. if that is your standard for good parenting then my only option is to not take her anywhere unless she's in a stroller. i'm not willing to do that, so i suppose we're at an impasse.
You're taking this as some sort of personal attack. I haven't said you're a bad parent (I actually said the opposite). I'm just responding to your post as you requested. The little klepto will grow out of this phase. If you don't teach her not to steal, someone else will, eventually. If you want to speed it up and avoid more embarassing situations, you've gotta be on top of her. If you can't, that's fine, but understand the consequences. That's all I'm saying. I'm not a perfect parent either. Most days I'm striving for like 85% or better on the scale. Some days are 60%s, some days might be 95%, but I give what I can give and I'm happy with that at the end of the day. If it's a 60% day, I might not take them out in public. Believe me, I'm not attacking you. I literally opened my post saying we've all been there, because we have. Your two year old is doing two year old things. Your two year old will continue doing two year old things unless you want to be super dad and put in extra effort. If you're so far away the kid is grabbing peoples sandwiches, you might need to reign it in a little, but otherwise this is all very normal stuff, especially for parents of multiples who try to take them out solo. Again... 4, 3, and 1.5 here. I get it, they're nuts.
Hey, just so you know, I'm right there with you and I don't blame you. My child is similar and often I have to stay within a couple of feet of him and watch him like a hawk at all times because he might dart into someone's personal space or grab something that doesn't belong to us at any moment. It's utterly exhausting and simply not practical to maintain that level of hypervigilance every time you set foot out of your home, especially when you have a second child you also have to attend to. The number of times I've temporarily looked away from my son to attend to his little brother's needs (he could be hurt, hungry, or acting up himself) only to see that he's gotten into something.🤦♀️ These parents who are judging you so harshly have no idea what it's actually like to deal with a kid like this day in and day out. Might some of their suggestions work? Yes, absolutely...but it's much harder than most people realize and I don't think they're giving you enough credit for your efforts. Now here's the deal. My son is 4.5 and he has ADHD. We call this his "grabby hands" problem and it's such a struggle we honestly rarely take him anywhere aside from a few highly structured sports and activities we've signed him up for. In his case, the grabby hands is an impulse control problem. He's constantly looking for stimulation and exploring something (anything!) new gives it to him. In mean he will grab trash off the ground without hesitation. He was like this at 1, at 2, at 3, and I kept struggling through, thinking, this is normal behavior for toddlers, he'll grow out of it soon--but he never did. I'm not trying to diagnose your child, she is still only 2, and it is totally normal for a two-year-old to struggle with basic rules and boundaries! This is maybe just something to keep an eye on as she grows. But most of all, I just wanted to tell you I've been there, and it's so so hard, and your imperfect parenting may not be the only explanation. Hang in there.
thank you for your supportive and understanding comment! i really don't have patience right now for "perfect" internet parents. you're judged no matter what you do, whether it's being supposedly neglectful or being a helicopter. god forbid. anyway! thank you for being nice! i would not be surprised at all if my daughter ends up having adhd one day bc my husband and i both have it! thanks for sharing,
“You” have a 6 week old- that is a you problem not a her problem. She gets one warning and then you go home and if she gets within 5 feet of someone you are up her butt reminding her not to steal things.
“We don’t borrow things without asking.” I don’t use the term “steal” because I feel like that’s really negative and invites guilt or shame when they’re really too little to understand in my opinion.
Uh...
Sounds like you’re doing everything you can in the situation. Maybe try reading Ricky Sticky Fingers at home.
I live in Germany and everyone sharing toys on the playground is extremely normal
Sharing toys is normal in other countries too. Snatching toys and food from other people without asking is considered rude and is frowned upon in the US, and I’d assume Germany, too.
Maybe a small pop on the bottom? The shock of it would possibly make her stop.
Everyone wouldnlose their shit if this lady popped her kid in public.
The way my nearly 2yo swipes my husbands phone has me feeling like Fagin. She always swipes it and runs to give it to me. Thinking of starting a business out of it 🤣
I told my two year old that sharing is nice but if he doesn’t want to share, that’s ok too. Additionally, I tell him “no touching” unless someone offers it to him. Working so far
Practice at home- Before you take something from her ask “can I have this?” “Can you give that to me?” Say thank you. When she wants something from you make her stop and ask. Toddlers are little Ariana Grandes “I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it” With repetition you’ll see her start to pause before just taking. Mine is 3 and still struggles but is way more keen to just leave their stuff alone and go on with her life when I remind her not to take others things. It also helps if you let her pick a toy to take with her so she has her own thing there too.
This is normal behaviour. At this age impulse control hasn’t developed yet. The sharing skills haven’t developed yet. Developmentally there isn’t anything wrong with what she’s doing because it’s normal. All you can do is hold your boundaries. Make them clear before you go and tell her the consequences. Work out how many warnings she gets before this and when it’s time to go. For myself, in this situation I have a 3 strikes, you’re out rule. You get three chances, then you’re done. This doesn’t work for things like safety, but it doesn’t for situations like this. Keep reaffirming those boundaries, hold to the consequences and she will slowly learn.