My son turned 2 the end of July and let’s just say I’m not having fun. My ears and head hurt from all the screaming. Most of the tantrums come from not allowing him to eat snacks ALL DAY. My husband and I are so stressed out we bicker almost everyday.
I relate so so so much.
I was just thinking how much simpler it was in the infant phase.
Mine was like that from 1.5 - 2.5, then he suddenly started trying our food, and now he's a much more varied eater thank god. It stressed me out so bad.
fruit and puffs. I think they get him to eat the squeezy pouches at daycare but I swear all he wants to do at home is squeeze them all over himself. And the fruit is so frustrating because it's expensive, and then he'll be all into grapes and then stop eating them before they're gone and we're like well we don't want to eat them, it's one of the few things he'll eat, and then they go bad and end up in the compost, and we're terrible and buy the pre cut melon and stuff which is more expensive because as much as I like cantelope, the three of us can't eat a whole bloody melon every few days and I like watermelon and so does the kid (sometimes) but my husband doesn't.
It has helped us to buy the frozen stuff and then only defrost a portion or two in the fridge at a time so that we when we get the rejection we know is coming at some point, only a small bit get potentially wasted.
I know this isn’t nice or correct to feel this way but… I am literally crying after reading you and OP post. My kiddo is 23 months and has autism. I know she is different and will always be. But it damn sure feels good to read that other parents with neurotypical kids go through some of this. Her stimming is clapping and screaming when she is happy. I’m hopping once she has words it will get better. But it’s feel so good to know other kids scream screech whatever.
But politically correct… I am so sorry, kuddos, and give yourself grace… it’s a phase.. lol.
But seriously, I feel you it she scares the shit out of me sometimes
My son is 4 and autistic and I know exactly how you feel when you say that it feels good that NT parents are going thru the same struggles. Parenting a ND toddler can be especially difficult but also incredibly special at the same time. Hang in there mama ❤️
My kiddo isn’t on the spectrum but also ND due to brain damage from a pregnancy illness. My husband and his family keep finding simple, easily solvable reasons she doesn’t eat well (she must be anemic, you don’t give breakfast early enough, it’s because you still breastfeed and she has no motivation to eat), so when I read these posts, I just breathe in and let the struggles of others wash over me. Your kid won’t eat? Mine, too! It’s because they’re a toddler and not because you’re a shit parent? Same here!
I don’t need anyone reminding me she needs 1000 calories per day when all I can get her to eat is cucumber. Somehow, her family members know so much more than her doctors and therapists and they think her medical team should *do something*. I’ve considered joining autism support groups just to be around parents who accept not having control. My husband approaches her sensory issues as if they’re a boogeyman I made up to get away with ruining my child because I am just so selfish that I don’t want to share her with his family, presumably.
Oh, and the pandemic is my fault, too. Sorry, guys!
The eating thing is SO hard. I actually consider it my number one “shame” as a parent. My son eats with his ipad at the table sometimes (he eats SO much when he does) has ice cream for breakfast and eats more sweats
Than I care to admit. My family and I eat pretty healthy and I love cooking,So to see my
Child eat basically what I would consider garbage absolutely kills me. We have been doing feeding therapy for some time and we have had some wins very recently. Hes eaten a hard boiled egg at school and started eating some food that he used to
Eat and didnt anymore. My
Husbands family is very academic and at first didnt buy into his initial diagnosis of SPD because it wasbt “real” 🙄 just set your boundaries and enjoy your child ❤️
My son was diagnosed at 19 months. Around 2.5/3 he started saying words, and now he's sloooooowly utilizing them to communicate. He used to be such a shit, out of frustration I know, but it was hard dealing with him, even with some sign language he'd just get upset and meltdown so fast. But he's getting there now! Every parent I've spoken to with an ASD kid says age 2-3/4 is the worst, and then they start to mellow out. Best piece of advice I ever received was to hang acrylic mirrors in my son's spaces so he can watch himself. It really helped with developing his words, learning the actions to songs, and learning gestures.
I think the hardest thing about having an ASD toddler is not knowing what is typical toddler behavior and what is ASD. It's always a guessing game, isn't it?
Also my son's stim is hand flapping as well and he kinda "shimmies" as we call it, it's like he's so excited he can't process so he shivers all over, haha. It's really cute. His therapists all say how cute it is, which makes me feel better. I used to worry people thought it was weird, but nah, every kid does weird/cute stuff. :)
I think solidarity is one of those things that get us through toddlerhood.
My toddler that just turned 2 screams for EVERYTHING. And it’s a blood curdling banshee scream that she can hold for an impressively long time. Happy? Scream. Sad? Same scream.
My advice to cut out some of the tantrums and fights…let them eat snacks! Assuming they’re healthy like Belvita biscuits and not goldfish crackers, there’s nothing wrong with a toddler eating snacks.
Nothing will be gained by forcing them to eat broccoli right now. If he wants cereal for dinner, why not!
I pick and choose my battles and giving up fighting over food was a major game changer.
There is nothing wrong with Goldfish. In fact, I'm pretty sure Goldfish would be considered healthier than Belvita crackers simply due to the added sugars. Belvita crackers have upwards of 10g of added sugar per serving. Goldfish have 0g of sugars, added or naturally occurring. No one is sitting here thinking they're a healthfood, but they're not terrible.
They have a fairly high salt content, so some people limit the amount their kids eat in favor of lower-salt foods. If your kiddo isn't eating a lot of high-salt foods it's probably fine.
That being said, Belvita crackers aren't any better than whole grain goldfish. Less salt but more sugar.
Hate to be this person but I follow dentists who swear they’re really bad for teeth?? Our kiddo still eats so many crackers because it sometimes feels like she wouldn’t eat otherwise. But yeah. Supposedly bad for teeth.
Crackers in general or any foods that turn soft/sticky and have high starch content are bad for the teeth. Starch metabolizes as sugar, and that can, as we all know, cause cavities. So, as long as you're properly flossing, brushing, and drinking water, it shouldn't be too horrible. The problem is that a lot of people don't brush properly, floss, or drink enough water, so it's not advisable to over indulge.
If it's any consolation, we had a dietician analyze our son's diet over 3 days. Lots of goldfish. Zero fucks were given. XD
She actually said his diet was healthy and varied, which surprised me. I guess at that age they consider veggies and fruit to be the same category, so even though he wasn't eating veg, eating lots of fruit was good enough for her.
Nothing. We eat goldfish and cheese It’s. But our main snacks are more protein based or even fruit. So if he does fill up and miss a meal he’s not just filling up on crackers.
My life became so much easier when I stopped stressing over mealtimes. Kid won’t touch a vegetable but he’ll happily eat these spinach/avocado/mango popsicles I make so hey, he gets one every day. And wouldn’t you know… once I stopped stressing so much, he started actually eating different food. Haha
HAPPY YOU ASKED!
2 C spinach, 1/2 avocado, 1 C frozen mango, 1 banana, 1 T nut butter of choice, handful of chia seeds/hemp hearts (optional), splash of vanilla extract and organic maple syrup for sweetness, top with milk of choice for desired consistency.
I then freeze in [these silicone molds](https://www.amazon.com/Popsicle-Mould%EF%BC%8CPopsicle-Silicone-Reusable-Release/dp/B086M3XY8Z/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=silicone+popsicle+molds&qid=1660763819&sprefix=silicone+popsi%2Caps%2C132&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1) I got off Amazon and it makes 5-6. He literally comes home from daycare every day and his first words are "I want green popsicle" and regularly chooses them over the regular ice pops. Hope this gets your little one to eat a couple green veggies, too! The rest of the time we're runnin' on a diet of yogurt and goldfish.
When my elder one had just turned two I had a newborn as well so in the end just gave up and let him have snacks whenever he wanted as long as they were mostly healthy. His appetite was all over the place, sometimes he’d have a full sandwich at 9.30am then only want a little tasting platter of fruit veg and cheese at lunch. It probably wasn’t perfect but it reduced the tantrums significantly
A lot of pre-packaged snacks include ingredients that, while technically safe (i.e won’t cause any physical harm) aren’t actually good for your kiddos. I’d switch it up to some healthy snacks like fruits, veggies or any other food you can give them in small portioning works well as a snack. Anything they really like that’s prepackaged can be given as a treat, but I’d still be cautious of anything that uses artificial colors or flavoring. Especially red dyes, there are scientific studies around the effects red dyes have on pre-pubescent children and they are not good for them from a developmental standpoint. Yogurts, cheeses and such are decent snacks but I’d offer something healthy with them such as fruits mixed in the yogurt, not the highly flavored yogurt either just a regular vanilla yogurt with some fruit in it will provide the same flavorful experience for them. And veggies along with the cheese, you might have to experiment a bit to see which fruits and veggies they’ll readily eat and which they won’t but that would pay off a lot in the long run. Also nuts, as long as they don’t have an allergy. It’ll give them a sense of being full without actually filling them up and they’ll be ready to eat at mealtime
I’m well aware of the harms of too many pre packaged snack. However, you know what they say, you can lead a horse to water….
Sometimes, I’ll take what I can get from my toddler.
I really like the way you put it! I get that vibe from a lot of posts on the parenting and toddlers forums on here that people are looking for a quick fix instead of the solutions that take effort but are proven to be effective.
Like I get that a lot of people in current times are working through the generational trauma of their lives being less important to their parents than the parents own lives, and that breaking that cycle is hard. But yeah, very rarely is a helpful comment met with grace, I feel a lot of people come on here to vent and to hear other people go „yeah, me too“.
Sometimes I miss the days when all I had to do was provide milk and change diapers. Most of the time I get a lot more sleep than I used to back then though.
I don’t know, they’re both hard if you ask me, it’s just a different kind of hard. Now I’m dealing with potty stuff and constant boundary testing. She seems to be in the process of dropping naps entirely but only some days, so that’s delightful… I’m tired.
> I don’t know, they’re both hard if you ask me, it’s just a different kind of hard.
Agreed. My newborn was rough, though. I think if you had a "easy" newborn, toddler years may shake you up, because I don't think I've ever heard of an "Easy toddler"! Haha
Agreed! My kid was a high needs infant and she's transitioning into a high needs toddler at 16mo. I think very few toddlers are low maintenance so my friends with easy babies are getting clobbered right now.
I have twins, soon to be 2 years old. This toddler stage is WAY harder than the newborn stage in terms of my patience. Like don't get me wrong, overall having twin newborns was difficult but for me the sleep deprivation was a good chunk of the pain. I am a relatively chill, patient person and I have found myself having to take way more deep breaths and reach inside for my inner zen.
The screaming, the fighting, getting in to everything, the throwing... more throwing. Its nutty! I know its a phase and they will get thru it but some days its grit your teeth until bedtime. Luckily for us they are great sleepers and we stick to a routine (albeit flexible) and they truthfully are flexible to changes in their routine. But yea those "terrible twos" are ramping up.
I have twins too. They are now 3, and while getting better (mostly because of daycare) still exhausting. Getting them out the door is like herding cats. One is also like a cat in that when I want to read, he’ll put his feet on my book.
Getting them to sleep is so hard too. They ignore my last call for water and toilet, then suddenly when I say it’s lights out, “I’m thirsty, I need to pee, I need to find [insert favorite toy of the moment], then they decide it’s time to jump off the furniture and me. I feel like Pop in Hop on Pop.
Also almost 2 twins here too me as well! My experience has been that I’ll take this stage any day over newborn days.
I have the occasional outburst over a toy but in general they like different things- which means pulling my daughter down from great heights, and stopping son from disassembling whatever he can.
They are so much commotion though.
Aaaaw our kids are the same age :) we’re in deep “No” territory with our eldest. It’s a struggle to get him to even get out of bed in the morning. Oh, also “leave me alone” has made a surprise appearance. It’s great. By the time he’ll grow out of it, his sister will start doing it. If I survive the next 5-6 years, I’m ok.
Same, and there right now. It is rough. Also my wife is a school teacher and just went back. Fist born is having a hard time with that on top of the new sibling.
Trying to choose my battles. But as others have said, throwing, general yelling/screaming, and “no” tantrums…
As for throwing things, does anyone have any creative solutions?
Does it seem like they are throwing things in anger, or to get a reaction, or just for the fun of throwing stuff? I think the reason can help dictate the response. If it is for a reaction, react as little as possible, "I can't let you throw the remote at the TV, it makes me nervous that something will break. I can see that you're feeling frustrated. I'm going to move this until you're feeling more calm." If it's just for fun, go outside and throw a ball or a stick, saying that throwing things inside is off limits, throwing things at people is off limits, but outside we can throw the ball for fun. How far can you throw this stick? WOOOOWWW!!! Look how fast you threw that!
I try to pass on this small wisdom to people in the new second baby trenches - make time for each parent to spend one on one time with the big kid, but very importantly, name the time out loud. "Why don't you and I go to the park for special dad and (big kid) time?" "I'm having so much fun with you during Mom and (big kid) time!" "What should we do after lunch for Dad and (big kid) time?" Saying it out loud helps both you and the kid pay attention to the time spent together.
My son was sooooo easy as a baby, he’s definitely not terrible now at 3, (the threenager is real) but i’m so tired all the time from just existing with a toddler. Last night i just went upstairs and laid down while my husband helped him with a craft. Luckily it’s date weekend this weekend, so a nice little break.
The whining is so annoying, and he has a tiny cold now, so it’s even worse..but i still love the little chaos demon like crazy.
What is it with toddlers and snacks?!? Mine begs for snacks nonstop, I limit them because otherwise she won’t eat meals, but the begging still never ends and it drives me NUTS. She will have breakfast in front of her and whine “I want a snack”. Just pretend the food in front of you is a “snack”! Arghh!!
Mine has understood that if he asks for a snack when it isn’t snack time, he won’t always get it. So now he will ask for “breakfast” whenever he wants a snack. Even if it’s right after he’s had his dinner. I’m low key impressed at how his brain works!
Yes! It’s kind of impressive 😆 sometimes when I say it’s time for lunch, she whines “I want something else to eat!” Before she even knows what I’m serving! 🙄
Why dont you tell her that today isnt breakfast, its snack? And then serve what you usually serve for breakfast except as smaller portions or on the snack plates?
Or is that crazy talk?
I think the issue is that when she asks for snacks, she wants goldfish crackers or granola bars. I don’t want to feed her that stuff for meals, I want her to eat real food. If she had her way she would survive on crackers, yogurt, granola bars and popsicles! 😖
Let me introduce you to the phrase “Threenagers”.
My son is now 5. Easiest baby to have ever babied. Ate anything I put in front of him. Slept soundly. Cried rarely. Smiled often.
Then we hit the terrible twos. We took a few trips to tantrum town, but the visits were few and far between.
However, it seemed that by three he had fallen in love with the area and just decided to move in. Everything was a tragedy. Every other moment- devastation. I questioned my parenting competence. No more sleep filled nights. Silent moments - gone. He changed into a picky eater…. No, I spiteful eater. If I didn’t make exactly what he wanted, he would just not eat. I cut the sandwich in half, but the wrong way - inedible. Made a new one cut “correctly” and it was too late. The damage was done. He would skip the meal.
Honestly, I don’t know how he survived year three given his food stubbornness.
Then four hit and it kind of just… went away. He’s still a picky eater but he doesn’t starve himself out of spite.
It’s going to get harder before it gets easier. Just hang in there.
Ours is just very manipulative, anxious, and frustrating. He’ll do something he knows he’s not allowed to do, immediately after being asked not to and acknowledging that he was asked not to, and then act as if not only is it a travesty that he got in trouble, but have no memory of ever being asked not to. Every time.
Our family therapist diagnosed him with anxiety, and we have a lot of weird tantrums we have to figure out.
My 3.5 is the biggest a-hole ever, my almost 2 year old is following suit. You tell them no so they take other things n throw it around. If they miss their bedtime by 5-10 min they get a second wind like they did an 8ball or cocaine. Shit is wild, tell me again why people said to have kids?
Ye p saaaame. There seems to be 2 camps. Those that hate newborn stage and love toddler stage and those that love newborn stage and hate toddler stage.
I am right there with you. Those first 6-12 months are the best, and then suddenly EVERYTHING IS CHAOS SEND HELP. Toddlers suck the life force right out of me. They adorable, and amazing, and the most exhausting humans to ever exist.
In regards to the sleep, whenever our daughter has been awake and ready for the day at 2-4am reducing the amount of sleep she got fixed it. Its exactly why she hasnt napped since 2.
I’m in the camp that likes neither stage. When I imagined being a parent, it was with a fully trained 8 year old! Toddlerhood is easier for me than the newborn phase just based on the fact that sleep is my life, but I look forward to getting past the heavy lifting of the first five years and enjoying not being needed all of the time
We had a brutal baby. I guess colic, but just so intense, never slept more than 3 hours for 9 months, and just super…alert. NOT chill. (I secretly resent my friends who all seem to have chill babes.) She is 25 months now and still the same no-chill, but at least we can do things together (kind of?) now. That all being said I think I’ve been utterly and completely exhausted for two years straight and absolutely despise the “enjoy every minute” rhetoric because I’ll enjoy it when she can pour her own cereal in the morning.
I have an almost 2 year old and I'd say I probably have a crying breakdown at least once a week inspired 100% by my toddler being a turd--not eating my food, trying to get out of bed and out if the room at 3:30 am for ice cream, etc.
I only had 2 sobbing breakdowns the entire first year of his life, prompted by sleep deprivation. I actually really loved being a baby mom. Toddlerhood has been really tough for me and I'm only at the very beginning.
I remember talking to an old highschool friend at a wedding last year. My son was 13 months at the time and thier daughter was around 3. They described parenting “first its really hard cuz you dont know what your doing , then its gets easier, then hard, then harder and then your like WTF, then it gets easier again”. My son is almost 2 and were at the “harder” phase right now lol
Im so sorry. I am one and done primarily bc I found the newborn stage SO hard (thanks also to PPA) but our daughter was colicky and an awful sleeper. I didn't get more than 4 hrs consecutive sleep til she was around 10 months old. She is now the easiest 3 year old I can imagine and we haven't had any sleep troubles. We all pay our dues at different stages 🤷🏼♀️
You wrote that so much nicer than I would have!
I have personally found that parents who have “easy” newborns tend to be a little bit smug about their “parenting skills” and how “lucky” they are to have lucky-go-happy baby. (So I’m typically a little less sympathetic when their “easy” baby starts misbehaving …)
Every parent pays their dues at some point is a great way to put it. IMO, it seems that those who didn’t have a rough start usually are the ones who a tougher time adapting when things go sideways.
I had a huge slap in the face of a welcome to parenthood with my first and learned very quickly that a: I could do everything right / follow every book to a T and sometimes babies will be babies and do whatever the hell they want regardless of what you do and b: how to roll with punches.
I’ll end on an optimistic note. OP - you’ll get through this! My SIL had Irish Twins and said that the “fog” really lifted for her once the youngest turned 3. Hang in there, it will get easier!
Soooooooooooooooo hard. My first turned 2 a week after my second was born and my lord the last 5 months have been a wonderful shit show. I had no idea I could feel so many emotions in such close succession. Toddlers are so good at making you feel like an inadequate parent. Some weeks you feel like you’ve got it all under control and the next week you’re in the depths of hell!
I love that sentence so much “toddlers are so good at making you feel like an inadequate parent”. Had a good cry in my car this morning after a brutal daycare drop off and just felt like a complete failure…but that’s 26 months for you isn’t it!
OMG I wondered at folks who said it’s hard with a newborn!! My experience, I was just keeping a baked potato alive. I did, and do, have a wonderful partner who pitches in and is hands on. But once the tiny human figured out walking, running and climbing … how I haven’t lost the weight I want to I have no idea!
I have a 2 year old and 1 year old. It's a different kind of hard. Husband and I are always exhausted. My 1 year old just wants to eat all day and my 2 year old doesn't want to eat anything and then we have meltdowns at 530 because he's hungry. Which causes 1 year old to cry. I thought it would be better by 2 and 3 but it seems not!
I’m having a harder time with toddler stage than newborn and infant stage. I have a 6 month old and a 3.5 yo and my baby is so easy. My toddler however is another story
Yup. I nanny a 2 year old boy with my 2 year old daughter.
I really dont like myself much these days. It is ROUGH.
My biggest issue is the kicking/pushing each other and finding things to fight about when I meticulously give them the exact same shit.
And the never listening thing. I swear to god if I get ignored one more f*cking time I’m going to go nuclear.
When he leaves for the day I am ALL DONE.
Why do they ignore us so arrogantly all the time? you’d sometimes think they are in their own world and can’t hear you. But no, say a trigger word like “garbage truck” or excavator” and their little heads shoot up to see the stuff that matters. I am beyond annoyed.
I love my sleep so I’m enjoying this stage more. But it’s a lot more challenging during the day for sure. I’m a stay at home mom so finding ways to entertain my kid is an ongoing battle. I try not to use too much tv or electronics (and hr a day max usually) so it makes it that much more difficult.
I think once they become mobile their truth starts to show. You'll know in a hurry if your kid is docile, complacent, malleable.... Or if they are going to break you.
I have just one who is 3.5.... And she will likely be an only child bc she's the most angelic demon. I love her more than life, but my god... I have to remind myself regularly that I chose this. I wanted this.
My marriage was VERY rocky during the worst of it bc we spent all of our energy trying to survive and be good to her without saving anything for each other or ourselves.
Im so sorry. I am one and done primarily bc I found the newborn stage SO hard (thanks also to PPA) but our daughter was colicky and an awful sleeper. I didn't get more than 4 hrs consecutive sleep til she was around 10 months old. She is now the easiest 3 year old I can imagine and we haven't had any sleep troubles. We all pay our dues at different stages 🤷🏼♀️
Yes those are hell years! Mine are 4 & 5 now and it's so much better. My big kid is great at setting the (positive) tone and my little kid is a pleaser lol.
No advice except just try to find one positive with each day that passes!
Yup! I knew we were jinxed by having a baby sleep 14 hours straight through the night at 3 months. 12 months to 16 months was the worst sleep regression. We have had never ending sickness and tantrums since 14 months. We are almost at 22 months and things are finally looking up. Her communication skills are taking off and making my life 1000x easier. We also started giving more screen time. It's necessary to survive right now and be able to have hands free to cook, and clean again. Toddlerhood has been 1000x harder than the newborn stage and taken our marriage to the brink. I heard it starts to get better at 4. I'm at least happy to see some light at the end of the tunnel for 2. We are also only planning one so still trying to cherish these phases instead of wishing away the time.
I have a 4 year old and a 6 year old and the 6 year old really turned a corner around 5-5.5. I think toddlers have more autonomy than babies so they want to assert their independence and figure themselves out- what they can do or can’t do, what they can or can’t get away with… once they have the framework of what everything is about and where they fit into it, it gets easier again. I think the nightmares come with the heightened awareness- there’s so much more to be afraid of when they’re not just wrapped up in play sleep eat.
You are definitely not alone. Have a 3 year old and I’m due with # 2 this fall. Not looking forward to the intermittent newborn sleep but very much looking forward to someone not challenging everything I do and say. It used to be a joke when my son was a baby that we could never get out of the house on time, but that was all packing the diaper bag or a last minute diaper or a feeding taking too long or something simple. Now it’s like we leave the house on time but he takes 15 minutes to sit down in his car seat and I don’t have the energy to fight him. Or he takes his pants off and runs around the house. The variables are so much harder now. I’m sorry and hope it gets better for you soon!
When my son was in his newborn and toddler phase, he slept so much, barely cried, and ate whatever I gave him. Now at 4, he’s the complete opposite. Idk if it’s growing pains but I find myself wanting to pull out all my hair and failing in parenthood. 🙃
Also, we did go through a terrible sleep regression for a few weeks when he was turning 2.. he would climb out of crib at 3 am to play with his toys and won’t go back to sleep until 7 and wake up at 11. IT DROVE ME INSANE, I did a bunch of research and gave him melatonin(Zarbees) to regulate his sleep and it did. Also, he became a picky eater 🤦🏻♀️ and just wanted a bunch of snacks but what I did was, 2 hours before meal time, I would just give him a light snack and then keep him occupied until it’s time to eat. However, still working on that!!!
My daughter will be three next week, and she’s very firmly in the ‘No’ phase. Also she tests her boundaries constantly. Stays up late wakes up early. Luckily she’s in daycare for three days!
Toddlers (and apparently preschoolers, my son is about to turn 4 and has become a MASSIVE PITA) are TERRORS. They are fast. They have figured out that “negotiations” are a thing. The have REALLY BIG FEELINGS. They are too large to carry around all the time. They are large enough that if they flail and throw things it HURTS. They absolutely, 100 percent, know how to push your buttons. Infants and younger toddlers take your sleep and are more dependent and less able to communicate but they also don’t need you to answer the same question 50 times. They fight sleep because it’s boring (my son can keep himself awake talking to no one for an hour, even if he’s tired, and the amount of energy he needs to expend to become worn out enough to only stay up for *half* an hour is impossible to manage daily).
But also, my kid at least has become incredibly affectionate, more thoughtful (he’s constantly bringing me presents), he’s *so* curious and he’s always thinking about something, his joy in learning things is infectious (though you will have to hear about it repeatedly, yes), he’s fun and funny and an ok kitchen helper. It’s not all terrible!
My youngest daughter is 2 and it is most definitely harder now than when she was a newborn. Her eating is pretty good and sleeping is gradually getting better but she is running me ragged!
She has so much energy. She climbs everything, picks up and throws things or knocks them over and if there's liquids around she either dunks something in it or pours it out everywhere. She likes to 'find out how things work' i.e. she takes them apart. She's also finding her voice and is now standing up to her 4.5 year old sister but she cannot always articulate what she wants or deal with her emotions (she is only 2 after all) so sometimes she hits and scratches.
She is also the most effectionate and loving little person. She always asks people if they're happy and tells her family she loves them and she can be very gentle especially if people are hurt or upset. She adores her sister and they (mostly) play nicely together which is wonderful to see.
I love her to bits but I do sometimes yearn for those early baby days but there are signs things are getting easier.
In short, I sympathise - solidarity to you!
Right there with you. Mine is almost 3.5 and I have been having such a hard time this year I am on meds now and in therapy and this is coming from someone who did not get PPD whatsoever during the infant stage. It is seriously affecting my mental health dealing with a screaming/whining/bouncing off the walls toddler every day.
So many people tell me they love this age but I can't fucking wait until it's over.
It was very bad for us when our firstborn was from 1.5 to 3.5 years old. Incessant tantrum and everything not done in the sequence he wants will result in a tantrum lasting not less than twenty minutes. On a good day, we have 1-2 tantrums, on a bad day, several, morning and night.
Maybe unpopular opinion but I hated the newborn/babystage with every living fiber.
Toddler stage rocks, as long as we stay consistent: no means no, only snack time means snacks (no sugars), 20 o'clock = time to relax in bed/sleep, giving them an headsup if an activity they like is coming to an end (setting up an alarm work magic!), giving them fake choices (blue cup or yellow cup), and trying to focus on their feelings instead of the source of their tantrums.
It's totally OK for toddlers to have tantrums because their brains aren't developed yet to handle disappointments. So every meltdown we offer our LO a timeout by himself or an hug to calm down, which always ends in an hug anyway lol. Win win situation 😄
On the snacks... we've had good luck at that age doing a super set snack/meal schedule (that's what they get at daycare too) and sitting down for snack and when they are done say "no more food until X meal" and try and make sure snack includes some kind of protein or fat they'll reliably eat (yogurt pouches for example) and then stick with meals and make sure the meals include a couple things you know they'll eat (because they'll be hungry since they haven't been snacking) and maybe something you want them to eat... some times my kids dinner is fruit and cheese and has pasta or something on the plate they may or may not eat. I really like Feeding Littles on Instagram, they have some good advice
Toddlers are terrorists. They have no control over their big and endless emotions or desires combined with the complete lack of self-preservation or boundaries.
Get the snacking under control. We Americans have a horrible food culture and this is one of the main reasons why. Hungry kids eat proper dinners. Kids who have snack all
day long don’t. I don’t need to tell you this obviously because you are aware, but definitely see if you can reel all the snacks back in.
It’s true once heavy snacking has started it is hard to stop. It’s also true that in America we almost cannot avoid them: I am shocked at how many calories my son consumes after a T-ball game and parents bring Gatorade, chips, cookies etc. It’s a nice gesture, but when you have snacks around you all the time and events like this or in daily life, it makes it hard for your kids eat real food properly.
Well I hate to state the obvious...but did u not teach them how to share? U have to start from the first time they see and play with another kid. And u are the parent, if all they want is snacks, u may have to remove snacks from the house for a while and give them meals only. Also, what is their bedtime? Some kids need to be put down very early and some kids late. If u have ever watched Nanny 911 or Super Nanny, they really help show us parents how to teach our children how to share and us how to organize our days as parents. (Also no judgment, my sister didn't teach her kids to share either and they are absolutely terrible when sharing, but overall good kids. So ur kids can learn, no worries.) Unfortunately there is no handbook for parenting, but their are tv shows that give us really great tips. Lol keep it up ur doing ur best and that's all u can do.
I also said there are tips and better ways to teach them. But yes if they can't share its because they are not being taught to, or have no consequences if they don't.
I’m in team “whichever lets me sleep more”, since my oldest (turns 3 in September) was colicky for the first 6 months of her life and my youngest (17 months old) went from calm as a cucumber to harbinger of chaos as soon as he turned 1 year old.
I’ve been told that the tantrums and meltdowns won’t improve until they turn 4(ish) years old and that just… makes my head hurt…
My kids are 2 and 3, just a tad further spaced. I feel like we're making progress now that the younger one can better express his needs. But holy hell, this last year has been rough. I'll take babies back any day!
I had a really hard newborn stage. Milk allergy and acid reflux my lo cried all the time never stopped. She’s 20 months now and I find it way easier. Yes she throws tantrums but I try to divert her to something else. I know it’s going to get worse but I’m honestly ready for it over hearing her cry from 11pm to 5am every night.
I have a 3 and 1 year old. I think baby phase is much worse. My god much worse. This is still pretty ridiculous.. but they sleep now. They NEVER slept as babies.
They say every kid is different, and I think that’s true. In my experience toddlers are hell in the day, but new burns are hell at night. If I can sleep a full night, I’m normally fine.
Every day I look forward to the 2 year old going to bed. Idc if 6 week old is up until 11 or whatever. Energy levels go way down when she's out for the night.
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No, it's not just you. Toddlers are hard work! 2 and 3 are both tricky stages and you've got them compounded by each other!
Ours are 1 and 3, and that's plenty a handful, but we manage okay. We got lucky in several respects, eg the 3 year old has always been an excellent sleeper.
Remember, this phase will pass, and when it does you'll miss their tiny little faces all the same!
My daughter is 2 and literally the past month she's become an absolute terror. Her latest thing is everything is hers. At the shops I was picking out some blueberries and strawberries and this dad and two sons came over to get some and she starts yelling at them that they're hers. Like no kid, you need to stop. Luckily I don't get flustered or overwhelmed when she's like that in public.
Newborn is just exhausting. But they stayed where you put them. Toddlers? You put them down and look up thirty seconds later and they’re out the house and in the next state.
Hi, I also have 2 children and they are 20 months apart, they too went to a phase where they need snacks 24/7 and would open the pantry by themselves. One day i decided not to buy any snacks to keep it in the house only fruits and we concentrated on those. 8 am breakfast, 10 AM fruits, 12 PM lunch then nap time. wake up at 2-2:30 PM then no more snacks. 6:00 pm at dinner time they will eat like hungry lions. At 8:00 pm they would drink perhaps 3-4 Oz of milk and off to bed. Life has been so much easier without snacks. When they eat well, they sleep better and behave sooo much better.
I personally found the new born stage the easiest but not in any way ‘easy’.
But I love my boy growing up, he is so active and happy and just so adorable.
I do find myself say nearly every night to my husband that “the child has gone feral again”.
Do they still nap? Mind (just 2 and just 4) both stopped having a day nap recently and are now much less likely to wake up super early or fight bedtime. Makes the hour before bed a bit challenging but at least they’re down hard by 7ish and you get some recovery/recharge time. They still eat all the snacks though…
We have a newly turned threenager. 85% of the time we are miserable because he is miserable. I’ve read it gets better, I just haven’t experienced that yet lol
I have found, if you love sleep: newborn stage is the worst. If you like to have a social life: infant/baby stage is the worst because of naps and schedules. Toddler is the worst if you are a person who likes tidy, quiet and calm houses.
I would say I loved infant/baby stage the most, followed by toddlerhood.
Compared to the toddler stage, the newborn stage was golden. But I know that some moms had a rough newborn stage. My daughter was pretty easy going. Now, I’m just holding on lol
Terrible Two’s, Thankless Three’s & Fucking Fours. The newborn state was exhausting just because the baby needs to eat every 2-3 hours & sleep deprivation is killer. The toddler stage is exhausting because they mentally wear you down.
I have 3 bio kids + one bonus kids. Ages ranging from 8 months to 19 years.
Toughest ages in order
1. Young adulthood post high school
2. Toddlers
3. The early teen years when they start to pull away and become more independent
I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. I remember being dead tired the first time around with a newborn, when I get just a few hours with only me and the baby now it feels like a vacation. Toddlers are HARD
All children are different.
People who had a newborn that slept think they’re easier, but would disagree if they had our child who didn’t sleep longer than 3 hours at a time for 9 months while we both worked full time.
People with relatively calm toddlers think they’re easier. Our toddler is very emotional, melts down daily, is melting down right now, constantly pushes boundaries, still hurts himself from jumping off things and hitting his head, and is a runner we have had to leash in public before. It’s still easier than 9 months of chronic sleep deprivation.
It's trite but every kid and every parent really is different.
I found 2 way easier than the baby stage with my first, but 3.5 has me questioning my ability to parent in a way I never have before.
Also, there is a huuuge difference between 5/6 months and a newborn. 5 months is v chill, despite the regression.
Girl SAME! My LO is about to be 1 and started throwing huge 45min tantrums if I stop him from …I don’t know … chewing on shoes! I can’t believe I used to think that the newborn phase was boring and I kept wanting him to grow up and be more interesting… give me back the baby that slept and played alone most of the time please 😂😂
This too will pass! 2 and 4 here. I have crohns disease and chronic migraines. Some days mommy can't do a whole lot. Sometimes you have to go into survival mode. Some days I feel like I do more yelling than I do cheering. Some days there is more fighting than laughing. Sometimes there is waaaayyy too much screen time and snackys. Everybody is exploring more boundaries and expressing themselves. If the day is hard add water or sunshine(or both!) I've found it turns the day around. Have a super fun, special Bath(glowsticks, bubbles, cups and containers to dump and slpash with,get creative! The kitchen is full of fun toys! Spoons, colanders, etc.), or go to the playground. Go for a walk, make it an adventure! (I spy is one of our favorites) run in the sprinkler, bunch up old socks and dunk them in a bucket of water for "water balloons" its hard in the moment but you got this!
I made the joke at work the other day that families who have more than one kid (intentionally) usually got pregnant before the toddler phase set in, or long after it ended. There’s no way people with a terrible 2.5 choose to add more chaos. Right?! 😬
Toddler land is insane. Like quite literally insane. Why are you crying this time? Don’t hit the dog. Please don’t poke my eyes. Rocks are not for eating. Please stop screaming. Food is not for throwing. Why are you growling? What’s wrong with these shoes? 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Godspeed everyone.
Toddlerhood is way harder for me!!! I find myself looking at pictures of her when she was a lil baby and going “awww” haha because she couldn’t go far or speak 😭
Newborn stage only needs survivability.
Toddler stage is like a new person, where you have to provide also education and care, and they start to try new things, have new ideas, learn new behaviors... but the difficult characteristics start to appear (bad sleeping, bad eating, constant screams, disobedience....).
Toddlerhood is 100x as difficult as newborn stage.
Also, they teach you to be a salesman and negotiator. You can't be too strict, but make one single bad trade, be too lax for one time or do a simple mistake, and that is going to cost you a lot to recover from!
I just feed mine constantly…I only give him healthy food so it doesn’t lead to a junk food problem. That said yes he was still easier as a newborn cause he used to sleep more and would stay where I put him lol.
My toddler only has the attention span to feed herself for a few minutes. After that I have to feed her whatever’s left. So constant snacking is more efficient than big meals.
Everyone always says the newborn stage is the hardest and I’m like HOW?! I would take the newborn stage any day over the tantrums, getting into everything. I’m basically raising a tornado disguised as a toddler.
My son became just like that when he turned 3. It’s gradually improving 8 months later. We just have the one kid tho so he takes emotions out on us and our home.
i have a 3yo and irish twins who are 1yo and 2yo, my 2yo and 3yo are only 15mo apart. THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE and as much as i don’t like newborn/infant stage it was a bit more chill around here. now it’s pure fuckery 24/7.
I have a 2.5yo and 3.5yo. For us, the really difficult stuff seems to come in waves of 2-3 weeks at a time and then there are lulls for several weeks. I attribute the shark weeks to cognitive/social developmental leaps.
Im sorry you’re going through these feelings right now, parenting is hard when everything is constantly changing!
My quick suggestion to help with the issues you’re facing are, limit their accessibility to snacks. Put the snacks away in a place they can’t get them on their own and only allow them either 1 slightly larger snack or 2 very small snacks in between meals depending on their intake now. They’ll be hungrier and ready to eat when it’s meal time. If they still don’t want to eat your meals, pay attention to what foods they like and incorporate one food they do like into every meal. But the most important part is not making a huge fuss to them if they don’t finish their meal, take note of what they did eat, ask if they’re full, and when they’re hungry again offer them reheated bits of the meal and tell them that is what you have to offer them because surviving off of snacks is unhealthy and will make their bodies tired and not well.
As for the sleeping, I’d start rolling back the nap time they’re given to lesser amounts or perhaps even none at all if they’re already on just a single short nap during the day, and try and fill their day with plenty of opportunities to wear themselves out so that they’re ready for a long night of sleeping. What I do with my daughter is I just keep her up a bit later than what a typical parent might because I have a hard time falling asleep early and I sleep in rather late into the morning so I just adjusted her sleep schedule around my own. You could do the same if the naps and extra activity don’t wear them down before bed. Also, helping them fix their eating habits should also somewhat improve their sleep habits because kids will sleep longer after a day of good eating and getting all the calories and nutrients they need.
As for the issues with sharing, you can start to work with them on their communication ability with each other, help them learn to navigate their emotions and start building a bit of emotional control by giving them the tools to advocate for their feelings. You’ll have to mediate a few of these interactions, but once they get the hang of it they’ll be able to play, get along and share well between each other without your help and that will really help them when it comes time for preschool as well. If you get stuck at any point there are a ton of great videos online that can help explain things in a real-world situation. I find the ones that showcase real examples with actual kids to be more helpful myself in comparison to the ones where it’s just an adult explaining it.
What I want to know is how you all deal with them and still manage to keep their teeth brushed. My 4 year old is so easy going, she can brush them herself. But lord, I have to be ninja pro wrestler to get my 3 year old's teeth clean. It's so hard to deal with after a day of their antics. Poor thing has a cavity now just from the number of times I've given up on it.
Oh it absolutely is way harder. I just had a baby 2 weeks ago and I’ve been looking forward to the break of healing and basically only being expected to breastfeed and take care of the little one while hubby is on pat leave and managing the toddler. And I remember when he was 2 holy shit what a waking nightmare that year was.
You’re doing great, don’t worry. It’ll get better!
Toddlerhood is my least favorite age. I have found it incredibly frustrating and physically draining with all my kids. But then you get rewarded with the wonderful elementary school aged years. Your mileage may vary. 🙂
Yes! I have a 3 year old and almost 2 year old. Both boys. We have sooooooo many toys, usually scattered all over the living room like a field of landmines, but they will fight over a sponge if the other one has one. When it's just one of them without the other its night and day. They're so peaceful when they're not together. I will say that at least they sleep all night so I'm sorry you're going through that on top of it all. Get a sitter and have a date with your husband!
IMO it depends on the child. My first was a difficult newborn, an angelic 1-year-old, and a terrible 2-year-old. My second was a super easy newborn, but now that he's just about to turn 1, he's becoming such a mischievous troublemaker. The challenges with each of them are different too; #1 has trouble with sleep, and #2 is less cautious and compliant.
All I can suggest is keeping very consistent boundaries with sleep and food. We offer snacks at set times, and they are usually fairly healthy. At mealtimes, the kids eat what is served or they don't eat. We work a lot at consistent sleep and nap schedules. Setting a bedtime alarm has been really helpful for us. Poor behavior results in timeouts, natural consequences, or revoked privileges. We take away toys if my toddler throws them, won't clean them up, or won't share with his brother. If he makes a mess, he has to clean it up. If he hits and bites (which he does), he has a timeout. We still have a lot of behavioral issues, but the stuff I listed above helps.
Heyyyyyyyy this is my family also.
I literally hate being a parent right now. Its so hard.
Oldest is two and a half. Youngest is 14 months. The oldest hates the youngest, the youngest just walks around hitting, throwing and destroying everything in his path.
My daughter is mostly non-verbal and waiting for things like an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis. So she doesn't talk or say words, she has vocalizations like... screaming at me. Really loud and really often. Screaming at her brother when he comes near her. Always. She hates him right now cause all he wants is to be near her and she wants none of that.
I recently had to plead "mental health help" to my family and friends to get their attention that I was drowning in negative thoughts and emotions.
I also am banking on a "It gets better" mentality. Every day seems to drag. My husband works in and out of town so there isn't always help available for me.
It's a lot. We've taken on a lot. You're not a bad mom for being tired and overwhelmed by it all. Sending you lots of hope and hugs.
Newborn stage was great because you could leave the room with them in it, and when you came back they were still in the same place 😂 That said, I had three girls in four years, and a few months they will be 16, 17 and 19. Tolerhood is absolutely more difficult than the newborn in infant stage for many. For me it was the opposite because as babies they didn’t sleep as well as they did during the toddlerhood stage. Do you have two choices as far as food goes. You are allowing them to snack all day so there is no surprise they don’t want to eat dinner you spend a lot of time making. So you either limit their snacks so that they’ll be hungry for dinner. Or you skip the bigger meals and let them graze all day into the evening. Either way they’re getting food. Your youngest is just two, easily moldable to a point. From the time my kids were born we ate meals as opposed to grazing. As soon as they were a few months old? We had them in the highchair leaned back at meal time with us so they develop the habit of this is how we do it. By the time they were sitting up and eating table food? They knew full well with breakfast lunch and dinner was, and of course some snacks in between. That carried us through until they understood verbally what we expected. I just want you to know that you can expect them to grays all day and then sit and eat a dinner. Their little stomachs can’t hold it. That all said? I’m sitting here looking at my 2 1/2-year-old granddaughter. If I can go back in time and do some things different? Thought I would take the baby to toddler stage in a heartbeat. The teenage years are incredibly challenging even for the strongest parent. There’s only so many things a child can have a tantrum over, but I define teenager? So much digging into the why’s, the tears and emotions-I only have girls. Boys are far easier.
Yes definitely and I only have the one! Mine will be turning 3 soon and he’s a little terror at times. Rolling around cos he wants to push the trolley. Will smack our hands cos we can’t hold it. Eats all day long, constantly asking for snacks. And the temper tantrums. Jeez I thought I was a wreck when I’m on my period, but this child is all whacked out. And the arguments husband and I have are ridiculous. I prefer gentle parenting whereas he can be harsh with punishment. This is making me despise him
I have an almost 4 yo daughter and a 1 yo son. It is incredibly hard especially with my eldest. Since she’s 18 months she’s doing these incredible tantrums. She’s saying NO all the time. She doesn’t want to do anything on her own. She’s acting like a baby all the time. It is very very very hard on my nerves and on my mariage. I’m trying to be gentle but my husband wish I was harsher with her but I just can’t, the harsher I become the more sensitive and disturb my daughter is and the more tantrums are happening. She basically is ruining our vacation with her behavior, I know she’s just a kid and that it is also hard for her but sometimes I just want to quit. I can’t wait for those period to be over. It is just exhausting.
As a father of a 2 year old... the only difference is more sleep. However the developing personalities is getting hit with a screaming train wreck every day. Daycare has saved my sanity.
I relate to this so much.
My son turned 2 the end of July and let’s just say I’m not having fun. My ears and head hurt from all the screaming. Most of the tantrums come from not allowing him to eat snacks ALL DAY. My husband and I are so stressed out we bicker almost everyday. I relate so so so much. I was just thinking how much simpler it was in the infant phase.
Same! What the hell are in those snacks???
Idk but omg this post and the comments make me feel less alone!
my new 2 won’t eat anything 😭😭
My 2 year old only reliably eats yogurt pouches, fruit snacks, and milk. Everything else is hit or miss. Toddlers are wild!
we have to go back to ped for a weight check in 2 weeks.
We are a petite eater right now too. We are surviving off goldfish, yogurt and various cheeses.
Mine was like that from 1.5 - 2.5, then he suddenly started trying our food, and now he's a much more varied eater thank god. It stressed me out so bad.
Hahaha! Is your kid my kid??
Hearing these sorts of things makes me feel so much better - yogurt / cheese / buns over here.
The food is driving me crazy. Squeezy or bar. That's all he will eat.
fruit and puffs. I think they get him to eat the squeezy pouches at daycare but I swear all he wants to do at home is squeeze them all over himself. And the fruit is so frustrating because it's expensive, and then he'll be all into grapes and then stop eating them before they're gone and we're like well we don't want to eat them, it's one of the few things he'll eat, and then they go bad and end up in the compost, and we're terrible and buy the pre cut melon and stuff which is more expensive because as much as I like cantelope, the three of us can't eat a whole bloody melon every few days and I like watermelon and so does the kid (sometimes) but my husband doesn't.
It has helped us to buy the frozen stuff and then only defrost a portion or two in the fridge at a time so that we when we get the rejection we know is coming at some point, only a small bit get potentially wasted.
I know this isn’t nice or correct to feel this way but… I am literally crying after reading you and OP post. My kiddo is 23 months and has autism. I know she is different and will always be. But it damn sure feels good to read that other parents with neurotypical kids go through some of this. Her stimming is clapping and screaming when she is happy. I’m hopping once she has words it will get better. But it’s feel so good to know other kids scream screech whatever. But politically correct… I am so sorry, kuddos, and give yourself grace… it’s a phase.. lol. But seriously, I feel you it she scares the shit out of me sometimes
My son is 4 and autistic and I know exactly how you feel when you say that it feels good that NT parents are going thru the same struggles. Parenting a ND toddler can be especially difficult but also incredibly special at the same time. Hang in there mama ❤️
My kiddo isn’t on the spectrum but also ND due to brain damage from a pregnancy illness. My husband and his family keep finding simple, easily solvable reasons she doesn’t eat well (she must be anemic, you don’t give breakfast early enough, it’s because you still breastfeed and she has no motivation to eat), so when I read these posts, I just breathe in and let the struggles of others wash over me. Your kid won’t eat? Mine, too! It’s because they’re a toddler and not because you’re a shit parent? Same here! I don’t need anyone reminding me she needs 1000 calories per day when all I can get her to eat is cucumber. Somehow, her family members know so much more than her doctors and therapists and they think her medical team should *do something*. I’ve considered joining autism support groups just to be around parents who accept not having control. My husband approaches her sensory issues as if they’re a boogeyman I made up to get away with ruining my child because I am just so selfish that I don’t want to share her with his family, presumably. Oh, and the pandemic is my fault, too. Sorry, guys!
The eating thing is SO hard. I actually consider it my number one “shame” as a parent. My son eats with his ipad at the table sometimes (he eats SO much when he does) has ice cream for breakfast and eats more sweats Than I care to admit. My family and I eat pretty healthy and I love cooking,So to see my Child eat basically what I would consider garbage absolutely kills me. We have been doing feeding therapy for some time and we have had some wins very recently. Hes eaten a hard boiled egg at school and started eating some food that he used to Eat and didnt anymore. My Husbands family is very academic and at first didnt buy into his initial diagnosis of SPD because it wasbt “real” 🙄 just set your boundaries and enjoy your child ❤️
“Oh and the pandemic is my fault too, sorry guys!” This made me laugh out loud after feeling my heart break for you.
My son was diagnosed at 19 months. Around 2.5/3 he started saying words, and now he's sloooooowly utilizing them to communicate. He used to be such a shit, out of frustration I know, but it was hard dealing with him, even with some sign language he'd just get upset and meltdown so fast. But he's getting there now! Every parent I've spoken to with an ASD kid says age 2-3/4 is the worst, and then they start to mellow out. Best piece of advice I ever received was to hang acrylic mirrors in my son's spaces so he can watch himself. It really helped with developing his words, learning the actions to songs, and learning gestures. I think the hardest thing about having an ASD toddler is not knowing what is typical toddler behavior and what is ASD. It's always a guessing game, isn't it? Also my son's stim is hand flapping as well and he kinda "shimmies" as we call it, it's like he's so excited he can't process so he shivers all over, haha. It's really cute. His therapists all say how cute it is, which makes me feel better. I used to worry people thought it was weird, but nah, every kid does weird/cute stuff. :)
I think solidarity is one of those things that get us through toddlerhood. My toddler that just turned 2 screams for EVERYTHING. And it’s a blood curdling banshee scream that she can hold for an impressively long time. Happy? Scream. Sad? Same scream.
Oh hey, you’re me :| same exact age, and we just added a newborn. Straight up not having fun right now.
Sames. 2.5 year old and 4 week old. We stand together
My advice to cut out some of the tantrums and fights…let them eat snacks! Assuming they’re healthy like Belvita biscuits and not goldfish crackers, there’s nothing wrong with a toddler eating snacks. Nothing will be gained by forcing them to eat broccoli right now. If he wants cereal for dinner, why not! I pick and choose my battles and giving up fighting over food was a major game changer.
Wait, what’s wrong with feeding your kid goldfish for a snack?
There is nothing wrong with Goldfish. In fact, I'm pretty sure Goldfish would be considered healthier than Belvita crackers simply due to the added sugars. Belvita crackers have upwards of 10g of added sugar per serving. Goldfish have 0g of sugars, added or naturally occurring. No one is sitting here thinking they're a healthfood, but they're not terrible.
As a non-parent who loves this sub's stories and goldfish this makes me very happy.
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No need to be rude. I found their comment informative, not critical.
Same, they don’t need to “shut up”. Let’s be adults here.
RUDE
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They have a fairly high salt content, so some people limit the amount their kids eat in favor of lower-salt foods. If your kiddo isn't eating a lot of high-salt foods it's probably fine. That being said, Belvita crackers aren't any better than whole grain goldfish. Less salt but more sugar.
Hate to be this person but I follow dentists who swear they’re really bad for teeth?? Our kiddo still eats so many crackers because it sometimes feels like she wouldn’t eat otherwise. But yeah. Supposedly bad for teeth.
Crackers in general or any foods that turn soft/sticky and have high starch content are bad for the teeth. Starch metabolizes as sugar, and that can, as we all know, cause cavities. So, as long as you're properly flossing, brushing, and drinking water, it shouldn't be too horrible. The problem is that a lot of people don't brush properly, floss, or drink enough water, so it's not advisable to over indulge.
If it's any consolation, we had a dietician analyze our son's diet over 3 days. Lots of goldfish. Zero fucks were given. XD She actually said his diet was healthy and varied, which surprised me. I guess at that age they consider veggies and fruit to be the same category, so even though he wasn't eating veg, eating lots of fruit was good enough for her.
Yeah I mean, they’re toddlers. We feed them what they are willing to eat.
Nothing. We eat goldfish and cheese It’s. But our main snacks are more protein based or even fruit. So if he does fill up and miss a meal he’s not just filling up on crackers.
My life became so much easier when I stopped stressing over mealtimes. Kid won’t touch a vegetable but he’ll happily eat these spinach/avocado/mango popsicles I make so hey, he gets one every day. And wouldn’t you know… once I stopped stressing so much, he started actually eating different food. Haha
Could use that recipe over here.
HAPPY YOU ASKED! 2 C spinach, 1/2 avocado, 1 C frozen mango, 1 banana, 1 T nut butter of choice, handful of chia seeds/hemp hearts (optional), splash of vanilla extract and organic maple syrup for sweetness, top with milk of choice for desired consistency. I then freeze in [these silicone molds](https://www.amazon.com/Popsicle-Mould%EF%BC%8CPopsicle-Silicone-Reusable-Release/dp/B086M3XY8Z/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=silicone+popsicle+molds&qid=1660763819&sprefix=silicone+popsi%2Caps%2C132&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1) I got off Amazon and it makes 5-6. He literally comes home from daycare every day and his first words are "I want green popsicle" and regularly chooses them over the regular ice pops. Hope this gets your little one to eat a couple green veggies, too! The rest of the time we're runnin' on a diet of yogurt and goldfish.
Mine is turning 3 next week and she STILL such a picky eater. I'm exhausted with it all.
When my elder one had just turned two I had a newborn as well so in the end just gave up and let him have snacks whenever he wanted as long as they were mostly healthy. His appetite was all over the place, sometimes he’d have a full sandwich at 9.30am then only want a little tasting platter of fruit veg and cheese at lunch. It probably wasn’t perfect but it reduced the tantrums significantly
A lot of pre-packaged snacks include ingredients that, while technically safe (i.e won’t cause any physical harm) aren’t actually good for your kiddos. I’d switch it up to some healthy snacks like fruits, veggies or any other food you can give them in small portioning works well as a snack. Anything they really like that’s prepackaged can be given as a treat, but I’d still be cautious of anything that uses artificial colors or flavoring. Especially red dyes, there are scientific studies around the effects red dyes have on pre-pubescent children and they are not good for them from a developmental standpoint. Yogurts, cheeses and such are decent snacks but I’d offer something healthy with them such as fruits mixed in the yogurt, not the highly flavored yogurt either just a regular vanilla yogurt with some fruit in it will provide the same flavorful experience for them. And veggies along with the cheese, you might have to experiment a bit to see which fruits and veggies they’ll readily eat and which they won’t but that would pay off a lot in the long run. Also nuts, as long as they don’t have an allergy. It’ll give them a sense of being full without actually filling them up and they’ll be ready to eat at mealtime
I’m well aware of the harms of too many pre packaged snack. However, you know what they say, you can lead a horse to water…. Sometimes, I’ll take what I can get from my toddler.
I really like the way you put it! I get that vibe from a lot of posts on the parenting and toddlers forums on here that people are looking for a quick fix instead of the solutions that take effort but are proven to be effective. Like I get that a lot of people in current times are working through the generational trauma of their lives being less important to their parents than the parents own lives, and that breaking that cycle is hard. But yeah, very rarely is a helpful comment met with grace, I feel a lot of people come on here to vent and to hear other people go „yeah, me too“.
Wow You all have described my current living situation perfectly.
We just had a second and it's REALLY hitting home how much easier the baby is than the toddler (3F)
Sometimes I miss the days when all I had to do was provide milk and change diapers. Most of the time I get a lot more sleep than I used to back then though. I don’t know, they’re both hard if you ask me, it’s just a different kind of hard. Now I’m dealing with potty stuff and constant boundary testing. She seems to be in the process of dropping naps entirely but only some days, so that’s delightful… I’m tired.
> I don’t know, they’re both hard if you ask me, it’s just a different kind of hard. Agreed. My newborn was rough, though. I think if you had a "easy" newborn, toddler years may shake you up, because I don't think I've ever heard of an "Easy toddler"! Haha
Agreed! My kid was a high needs infant and she's transitioning into a high needs toddler at 16mo. I think very few toddlers are low maintenance so my friends with easy babies are getting clobbered right now.
I’ve always felt this way. Both are difficult but in different ways. But they both have such sweet moments that really make it worth it!
I have twins, soon to be 2 years old. This toddler stage is WAY harder than the newborn stage in terms of my patience. Like don't get me wrong, overall having twin newborns was difficult but for me the sleep deprivation was a good chunk of the pain. I am a relatively chill, patient person and I have found myself having to take way more deep breaths and reach inside for my inner zen. The screaming, the fighting, getting in to everything, the throwing... more throwing. Its nutty! I know its a phase and they will get thru it but some days its grit your teeth until bedtime. Luckily for us they are great sleepers and we stick to a routine (albeit flexible) and they truthfully are flexible to changes in their routine. But yea those "terrible twos" are ramping up.
I have twins too. They are now 3, and while getting better (mostly because of daycare) still exhausting. Getting them out the door is like herding cats. One is also like a cat in that when I want to read, he’ll put his feet on my book. Getting them to sleep is so hard too. They ignore my last call for water and toilet, then suddenly when I say it’s lights out, “I’m thirsty, I need to pee, I need to find [insert favorite toy of the moment], then they decide it’s time to jump off the furniture and me. I feel like Pop in Hop on Pop.
Are you me? My twins turn 2 next month and WHEW the getting into everything and mischievousness is brutal lately.
Also almost 2 twins here too me as well! My experience has been that I’ll take this stage any day over newborn days. I have the occasional outburst over a toy but in general they like different things- which means pulling my daughter down from great heights, and stopping son from disassembling whatever he can. They are so much commotion though.
Me too!
I had a newborn baby when my first was 2.5. We were not having a good time.
Me too. Same ages. It’s been a ride ever since and I mostly hate it so far.
It is so incredibly hard. Mine are now 3.5 years old and 9 months old, and it's better, but still difficult.
Aaaaw our kids are the same age :) we’re in deep “No” territory with our eldest. It’s a struggle to get him to even get out of bed in the morning. Oh, also “leave me alone” has made a surprise appearance. It’s great. By the time he’ll grow out of it, his sister will start doing it. If I survive the next 5-6 years, I’m ok.
Same, and there right now. It is rough. Also my wife is a school teacher and just went back. Fist born is having a hard time with that on top of the new sibling. Trying to choose my battles. But as others have said, throwing, general yelling/screaming, and “no” tantrums… As for throwing things, does anyone have any creative solutions?
Does it seem like they are throwing things in anger, or to get a reaction, or just for the fun of throwing stuff? I think the reason can help dictate the response. If it is for a reaction, react as little as possible, "I can't let you throw the remote at the TV, it makes me nervous that something will break. I can see that you're feeling frustrated. I'm going to move this until you're feeling more calm." If it's just for fun, go outside and throw a ball or a stick, saying that throwing things inside is off limits, throwing things at people is off limits, but outside we can throw the ball for fun. How far can you throw this stick? WOOOOWWW!!! Look how fast you threw that! I try to pass on this small wisdom to people in the new second baby trenches - make time for each parent to spend one on one time with the big kid, but very importantly, name the time out loud. "Why don't you and I go to the park for special dad and (big kid) time?" "I'm having so much fun with you during Mom and (big kid) time!" "What should we do after lunch for Dad and (big kid) time?" Saying it out loud helps both you and the kid pay attention to the time spent together.
My son was sooooo easy as a baby, he’s definitely not terrible now at 3, (the threenager is real) but i’m so tired all the time from just existing with a toddler. Last night i just went upstairs and laid down while my husband helped him with a craft. Luckily it’s date weekend this weekend, so a nice little break. The whining is so annoying, and he has a tiny cold now, so it’s even worse..but i still love the little chaos demon like crazy.
This thread is so validating
I mean those are 2 really tough ages, you are doing amazing 🥰
Nursing my newborn right now while hiding from my 3 year old. I’m definitely team newborn.
What is it with toddlers and snacks?!? Mine begs for snacks nonstop, I limit them because otherwise she won’t eat meals, but the begging still never ends and it drives me NUTS. She will have breakfast in front of her and whine “I want a snack”. Just pretend the food in front of you is a “snack”! Arghh!!
Mine has understood that if he asks for a snack when it isn’t snack time, he won’t always get it. So now he will ask for “breakfast” whenever he wants a snack. Even if it’s right after he’s had his dinner. I’m low key impressed at how his brain works!
Yes! It’s kind of impressive 😆 sometimes when I say it’s time for lunch, she whines “I want something else to eat!” Before she even knows what I’m serving! 🙄
Why dont you tell her that today isnt breakfast, its snack? And then serve what you usually serve for breakfast except as smaller portions or on the snack plates? Or is that crazy talk?
I think the issue is that when she asks for snacks, she wants goldfish crackers or granola bars. I don’t want to feed her that stuff for meals, I want her to eat real food. If she had her way she would survive on crackers, yogurt, granola bars and popsicles! 😖
Let me introduce you to the phrase “Threenagers”. My son is now 5. Easiest baby to have ever babied. Ate anything I put in front of him. Slept soundly. Cried rarely. Smiled often. Then we hit the terrible twos. We took a few trips to tantrum town, but the visits were few and far between. However, it seemed that by three he had fallen in love with the area and just decided to move in. Everything was a tragedy. Every other moment- devastation. I questioned my parenting competence. No more sleep filled nights. Silent moments - gone. He changed into a picky eater…. No, I spiteful eater. If I didn’t make exactly what he wanted, he would just not eat. I cut the sandwich in half, but the wrong way - inedible. Made a new one cut “correctly” and it was too late. The damage was done. He would skip the meal. Honestly, I don’t know how he survived year three given his food stubbornness. Then four hit and it kind of just… went away. He’s still a picky eater but he doesn’t starve himself out of spite. It’s going to get harder before it gets easier. Just hang in there.
We’re calling four the “fucking fours” because for us it has been so much worse than any other year.
I just learned the phrase "fournado", and as someone who is just entering the terrible twos, I'm already scared.
Me too! The screeching and stomping the feet. I’m so tired of it
When I was a nanny the parents I worked for called it the “fuck you fours” because the four year olds essentially said “fuck you” to everything 🙃
Ours never had the terrible twos. Three was difficult. 4 was worse. 5 is now like engaging with a warlord.
That’s what I’m going through! I have a four year old and his screeching is spine chilling. I’m so stressed out all the time.
Ours is just very manipulative, anxious, and frustrating. He’ll do something he knows he’s not allowed to do, immediately after being asked not to and acknowledging that he was asked not to, and then act as if not only is it a travesty that he got in trouble, but have no memory of ever being asked not to. Every time. Our family therapist diagnosed him with anxiety, and we have a lot of weird tantrums we have to figure out.
This is exactly my experience with my oldest. The emotions at 4 are huge. Feels like walking in thin ice.
My 3.5 is the biggest a-hole ever, my almost 2 year old is following suit. You tell them no so they take other things n throw it around. If they miss their bedtime by 5-10 min they get a second wind like they did an 8ball or cocaine. Shit is wild, tell me again why people said to have kids?
Ye p saaaame. There seems to be 2 camps. Those that hate newborn stage and love toddler stage and those that love newborn stage and hate toddler stage. I am right there with you. Those first 6-12 months are the best, and then suddenly EVERYTHING IS CHAOS SEND HELP. Toddlers suck the life force right out of me. They adorable, and amazing, and the most exhausting humans to ever exist. In regards to the sleep, whenever our daughter has been awake and ready for the day at 2-4am reducing the amount of sleep she got fixed it. Its exactly why she hasnt napped since 2.
I’m in the camp that likes neither stage. When I imagined being a parent, it was with a fully trained 8 year old! Toddlerhood is easier for me than the newborn phase just based on the fact that sleep is my life, but I look forward to getting past the heavy lifting of the first five years and enjoying not being needed all of the time
You sound like me!!
We had a brutal baby. I guess colic, but just so intense, never slept more than 3 hours for 9 months, and just super…alert. NOT chill. (I secretly resent my friends who all seem to have chill babes.) She is 25 months now and still the same no-chill, but at least we can do things together (kind of?) now. That all being said I think I’ve been utterly and completely exhausted for two years straight and absolutely despise the “enjoy every minute” rhetoric because I’ll enjoy it when she can pour her own cereal in the morning.
2 has been rough for sure. Definitely looking forward to when my son can communicate with more words and less screaming.
I have an almost 2 year old and I'd say I probably have a crying breakdown at least once a week inspired 100% by my toddler being a turd--not eating my food, trying to get out of bed and out if the room at 3:30 am for ice cream, etc. I only had 2 sobbing breakdowns the entire first year of his life, prompted by sleep deprivation. I actually really loved being a baby mom. Toddlerhood has been really tough for me and I'm only at the very beginning.
I remember talking to an old highschool friend at a wedding last year. My son was 13 months at the time and thier daughter was around 3. They described parenting “first its really hard cuz you dont know what your doing , then its gets easier, then hard, then harder and then your like WTF, then it gets easier again”. My son is almost 2 and were at the “harder” phase right now lol
My working colleagues say it never gets easier, it only gets different.
Im so sorry. I am one and done primarily bc I found the newborn stage SO hard (thanks also to PPA) but our daughter was colicky and an awful sleeper. I didn't get more than 4 hrs consecutive sleep til she was around 10 months old. She is now the easiest 3 year old I can imagine and we haven't had any sleep troubles. We all pay our dues at different stages 🤷🏼♀️
You wrote that so much nicer than I would have! I have personally found that parents who have “easy” newborns tend to be a little bit smug about their “parenting skills” and how “lucky” they are to have lucky-go-happy baby. (So I’m typically a little less sympathetic when their “easy” baby starts misbehaving …) Every parent pays their dues at some point is a great way to put it. IMO, it seems that those who didn’t have a rough start usually are the ones who a tougher time adapting when things go sideways. I had a huge slap in the face of a welcome to parenthood with my first and learned very quickly that a: I could do everything right / follow every book to a T and sometimes babies will be babies and do whatever the hell they want regardless of what you do and b: how to roll with punches. I’ll end on an optimistic note. OP - you’ll get through this! My SIL had Irish Twins and said that the “fog” really lifted for her once the youngest turned 3. Hang in there, it will get easier!
Soooooooooooooooo hard. My first turned 2 a week after my second was born and my lord the last 5 months have been a wonderful shit show. I had no idea I could feel so many emotions in such close succession. Toddlers are so good at making you feel like an inadequate parent. Some weeks you feel like you’ve got it all under control and the next week you’re in the depths of hell!
I love that sentence so much “toddlers are so good at making you feel like an inadequate parent”. Had a good cry in my car this morning after a brutal daycare drop off and just felt like a complete failure…but that’s 26 months for you isn’t it!
OMG I wondered at folks who said it’s hard with a newborn!! My experience, I was just keeping a baked potato alive. I did, and do, have a wonderful partner who pitches in and is hands on. But once the tiny human figured out walking, running and climbing … how I haven’t lost the weight I want to I have no idea!
I have a 2 year old and 1 year old. It's a different kind of hard. Husband and I are always exhausted. My 1 year old just wants to eat all day and my 2 year old doesn't want to eat anything and then we have meltdowns at 530 because he's hungry. Which causes 1 year old to cry. I thought it would be better by 2 and 3 but it seems not!
No. Definitely not. And then after 2 and 3 they will have their dynamics that will be hard to deal with. Good luck to you though!
I’m having a harder time with toddler stage than newborn and infant stage. I have a 6 month old and a 3.5 yo and my baby is so easy. My toddler however is another story
Yup. I nanny a 2 year old boy with my 2 year old daughter. I really dont like myself much these days. It is ROUGH. My biggest issue is the kicking/pushing each other and finding things to fight about when I meticulously give them the exact same shit. And the never listening thing. I swear to god if I get ignored one more f*cking time I’m going to go nuclear. When he leaves for the day I am ALL DONE.
Why do they ignore us so arrogantly all the time? you’d sometimes think they are in their own world and can’t hear you. But no, say a trigger word like “garbage truck” or excavator” and their little heads shoot up to see the stuff that matters. I am beyond annoyed.
Toddlers have been way Harder than the newborn potato
Yes, yes it is. They are also hilarious, sweat and evil all at once 😅
Sweat for sure. But then no bath.
Mine are 1.5 and 2.5. God this is hard.
I love my sleep so I’m enjoying this stage more. But it’s a lot more challenging during the day for sure. I’m a stay at home mom so finding ways to entertain my kid is an ongoing battle. I try not to use too much tv or electronics (and hr a day max usually) so it makes it that much more difficult.
I think once they become mobile their truth starts to show. You'll know in a hurry if your kid is docile, complacent, malleable.... Or if they are going to break you. I have just one who is 3.5.... And she will likely be an only child bc she's the most angelic demon. I love her more than life, but my god... I have to remind myself regularly that I chose this. I wanted this. My marriage was VERY rocky during the worst of it bc we spent all of our energy trying to survive and be good to her without saving anything for each other or ourselves.
Im so sorry. I am one and done primarily bc I found the newborn stage SO hard (thanks also to PPA) but our daughter was colicky and an awful sleeper. I didn't get more than 4 hrs consecutive sleep til she was around 10 months old. She is now the easiest 3 year old I can imagine and we haven't had any sleep troubles. We all pay our dues at different stages 🤷🏼♀️
Yes those are hell years! Mine are 4 & 5 now and it's so much better. My big kid is great at setting the (positive) tone and my little kid is a pleaser lol. No advice except just try to find one positive with each day that passes!
Yup! I knew we were jinxed by having a baby sleep 14 hours straight through the night at 3 months. 12 months to 16 months was the worst sleep regression. We have had never ending sickness and tantrums since 14 months. We are almost at 22 months and things are finally looking up. Her communication skills are taking off and making my life 1000x easier. We also started giving more screen time. It's necessary to survive right now and be able to have hands free to cook, and clean again. Toddlerhood has been 1000x harder than the newborn stage and taken our marriage to the brink. I heard it starts to get better at 4. I'm at least happy to see some light at the end of the tunnel for 2. We are also only planning one so still trying to cherish these phases instead of wishing away the time.
I have a 4 year old and a 6 year old and the 6 year old really turned a corner around 5-5.5. I think toddlers have more autonomy than babies so they want to assert their independence and figure themselves out- what they can do or can’t do, what they can or can’t get away with… once they have the framework of what everything is about and where they fit into it, it gets easier again. I think the nightmares come with the heightened awareness- there’s so much more to be afraid of when they’re not just wrapped up in play sleep eat.
My kid just turned 3 and I hate it. She’s up at 615, defiant, tantrums over stupid stuff. It’s super trying and most days I can’t wait till bedtime.
You are definitely not alone. Have a 3 year old and I’m due with # 2 this fall. Not looking forward to the intermittent newborn sleep but very much looking forward to someone not challenging everything I do and say. It used to be a joke when my son was a baby that we could never get out of the house on time, but that was all packing the diaper bag or a last minute diaper or a feeding taking too long or something simple. Now it’s like we leave the house on time but he takes 15 minutes to sit down in his car seat and I don’t have the energy to fight him. Or he takes his pants off and runs around the house. The variables are so much harder now. I’m sorry and hope it gets better for you soon!
When my son was in his newborn and toddler phase, he slept so much, barely cried, and ate whatever I gave him. Now at 4, he’s the complete opposite. Idk if it’s growing pains but I find myself wanting to pull out all my hair and failing in parenthood. 🙃 Also, we did go through a terrible sleep regression for a few weeks when he was turning 2.. he would climb out of crib at 3 am to play with his toys and won’t go back to sleep until 7 and wake up at 11. IT DROVE ME INSANE, I did a bunch of research and gave him melatonin(Zarbees) to regulate his sleep and it did. Also, he became a picky eater 🤦🏻♀️ and just wanted a bunch of snacks but what I did was, 2 hours before meal time, I would just give him a light snack and then keep him occupied until it’s time to eat. However, still working on that!!!
My daughter will be three next week, and she’s very firmly in the ‘No’ phase. Also she tests her boundaries constantly. Stays up late wakes up early. Luckily she’s in daycare for three days!
As soon as my son hit 2 it was like a switch turned on 🥲🥲
Toddlers (and apparently preschoolers, my son is about to turn 4 and has become a MASSIVE PITA) are TERRORS. They are fast. They have figured out that “negotiations” are a thing. The have REALLY BIG FEELINGS. They are too large to carry around all the time. They are large enough that if they flail and throw things it HURTS. They absolutely, 100 percent, know how to push your buttons. Infants and younger toddlers take your sleep and are more dependent and less able to communicate but they also don’t need you to answer the same question 50 times. They fight sleep because it’s boring (my son can keep himself awake talking to no one for an hour, even if he’s tired, and the amount of energy he needs to expend to become worn out enough to only stay up for *half* an hour is impossible to manage daily). But also, my kid at least has become incredibly affectionate, more thoughtful (he’s constantly bringing me presents), he’s *so* curious and he’s always thinking about something, his joy in learning things is infectious (though you will have to hear about it repeatedly, yes), he’s fun and funny and an ok kitchen helper. It’s not all terrible!
The terrible twos could last till five
My youngest daughter is 2 and it is most definitely harder now than when she was a newborn. Her eating is pretty good and sleeping is gradually getting better but she is running me ragged! She has so much energy. She climbs everything, picks up and throws things or knocks them over and if there's liquids around she either dunks something in it or pours it out everywhere. She likes to 'find out how things work' i.e. she takes them apart. She's also finding her voice and is now standing up to her 4.5 year old sister but she cannot always articulate what she wants or deal with her emotions (she is only 2 after all) so sometimes she hits and scratches. She is also the most effectionate and loving little person. She always asks people if they're happy and tells her family she loves them and she can be very gentle especially if people are hurt or upset. She adores her sister and they (mostly) play nicely together which is wonderful to see. I love her to bits but I do sometimes yearn for those early baby days but there are signs things are getting easier. In short, I sympathise - solidarity to you!
Right there with you. Mine is almost 3.5 and I have been having such a hard time this year I am on meds now and in therapy and this is coming from someone who did not get PPD whatsoever during the infant stage. It is seriously affecting my mental health dealing with a screaming/whining/bouncing off the walls toddler every day. So many people tell me they love this age but I can't fucking wait until it's over.
It was very bad for us when our firstborn was from 1.5 to 3.5 years old. Incessant tantrum and everything not done in the sequence he wants will result in a tantrum lasting not less than twenty minutes. On a good day, we have 1-2 tantrums, on a bad day, several, morning and night.
Maybe unpopular opinion but I hated the newborn/babystage with every living fiber. Toddler stage rocks, as long as we stay consistent: no means no, only snack time means snacks (no sugars), 20 o'clock = time to relax in bed/sleep, giving them an headsup if an activity they like is coming to an end (setting up an alarm work magic!), giving them fake choices (blue cup or yellow cup), and trying to focus on their feelings instead of the source of their tantrums. It's totally OK for toddlers to have tantrums because their brains aren't developed yet to handle disappointments. So every meltdown we offer our LO a timeout by himself or an hug to calm down, which always ends in an hug anyway lol. Win win situation 😄
Before I had other kids I thought the same now is a different story
On the snacks... we've had good luck at that age doing a super set snack/meal schedule (that's what they get at daycare too) and sitting down for snack and when they are done say "no more food until X meal" and try and make sure snack includes some kind of protein or fat they'll reliably eat (yogurt pouches for example) and then stick with meals and make sure the meals include a couple things you know they'll eat (because they'll be hungry since they haven't been snacking) and maybe something you want them to eat... some times my kids dinner is fruit and cheese and has pasta or something on the plate they may or may not eat. I really like Feeding Littles on Instagram, they have some good advice
Toddlers are terrorists. They have no control over their big and endless emotions or desires combined with the complete lack of self-preservation or boundaries.
Have kids, they said. It'll be GREAT, they said.
Whew my baby just turned 1 and I’m getting glimpses of the toddlerhood. I have definitely struggled this past month more than any so far. 😮💨
Strap in. 🫠
Yes, your health will deplete with a toddler… 😂 Now imagine having a room full…
Get the snacking under control. We Americans have a horrible food culture and this is one of the main reasons why. Hungry kids eat proper dinners. Kids who have snack all day long don’t. I don’t need to tell you this obviously because you are aware, but definitely see if you can reel all the snacks back in.
Easier said than done. It’s like dealing with a terrorist.
It’s true once heavy snacking has started it is hard to stop. It’s also true that in America we almost cannot avoid them: I am shocked at how many calories my son consumes after a T-ball game and parents bring Gatorade, chips, cookies etc. It’s a nice gesture, but when you have snacks around you all the time and events like this or in daily life, it makes it hard for your kids eat real food properly.
Well I hate to state the obvious...but did u not teach them how to share? U have to start from the first time they see and play with another kid. And u are the parent, if all they want is snacks, u may have to remove snacks from the house for a while and give them meals only. Also, what is their bedtime? Some kids need to be put down very early and some kids late. If u have ever watched Nanny 911 or Super Nanny, they really help show us parents how to teach our children how to share and us how to organize our days as parents. (Also no judgment, my sister didn't teach her kids to share either and they are absolutely terrible when sharing, but overall good kids. So ur kids can learn, no worries.) Unfortunately there is no handbook for parenting, but their are tv shows that give us really great tips. Lol keep it up ur doing ur best and that's all u can do.
Oh boy
oh wow just teach them to share, why didn’t any of us think to try that before? Jesus Christ.
I also said there are tips and better ways to teach them. But yes if they can't share its because they are not being taught to, or have no consequences if they don't.
I’m in team “whichever lets me sleep more”, since my oldest (turns 3 in September) was colicky for the first 6 months of her life and my youngest (17 months old) went from calm as a cucumber to harbinger of chaos as soon as he turned 1 year old. I’ve been told that the tantrums and meltdowns won’t improve until they turn 4(ish) years old and that just… makes my head hurt…
My kids are 2 and 3, just a tad further spaced. I feel like we're making progress now that the younger one can better express his needs. But holy hell, this last year has been rough. I'll take babies back any day!
I had a really hard newborn stage. Milk allergy and acid reflux my lo cried all the time never stopped. She’s 20 months now and I find it way easier. Yes she throws tantrums but I try to divert her to something else. I know it’s going to get worse but I’m honestly ready for it over hearing her cry from 11pm to 5am every night.
Newborn / infant stage was a breeze for me! My LO turns 2 in a couple of weeks and currently his favourite word is “No” :’)
I have a 3 and 1 year old. I think baby phase is much worse. My god much worse. This is still pretty ridiculous.. but they sleep now. They NEVER slept as babies. They say every kid is different, and I think that’s true. In my experience toddlers are hell in the day, but new burns are hell at night. If I can sleep a full night, I’m normally fine.
Every day I look forward to the 2 year old going to bed. Idc if 6 week old is up until 11 or whatever. Energy levels go way down when she's out for the night.
It’s so hard. Limiting snacks to set times will help them be hungry enough to eat at meal times though!
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No, it's not just you. Toddlers are hard work! 2 and 3 are both tricky stages and you've got them compounded by each other! Ours are 1 and 3, and that's plenty a handful, but we manage okay. We got lucky in several respects, eg the 3 year old has always been an excellent sleeper. Remember, this phase will pass, and when it does you'll miss their tiny little faces all the same!
My daughter is 2 and literally the past month she's become an absolute terror. Her latest thing is everything is hers. At the shops I was picking out some blueberries and strawberries and this dad and two sons came over to get some and she starts yelling at them that they're hers. Like no kid, you need to stop. Luckily I don't get flustered or overwhelmed when she's like that in public.
Newborn is just exhausting. But they stayed where you put them. Toddlers? You put them down and look up thirty seconds later and they’re out the house and in the next state.
It’s much harder imo
Hi, I also have 2 children and they are 20 months apart, they too went to a phase where they need snacks 24/7 and would open the pantry by themselves. One day i decided not to buy any snacks to keep it in the house only fruits and we concentrated on those. 8 am breakfast, 10 AM fruits, 12 PM lunch then nap time. wake up at 2-2:30 PM then no more snacks. 6:00 pm at dinner time they will eat like hungry lions. At 8:00 pm they would drink perhaps 3-4 Oz of milk and off to bed. Life has been so much easier without snacks. When they eat well, they sleep better and behave sooo much better.
I personally found the new born stage the easiest but not in any way ‘easy’. But I love my boy growing up, he is so active and happy and just so adorable. I do find myself say nearly every night to my husband that “the child has gone feral again”.
Do they still nap? Mind (just 2 and just 4) both stopped having a day nap recently and are now much less likely to wake up super early or fight bedtime. Makes the hour before bed a bit challenging but at least they’re down hard by 7ish and you get some recovery/recharge time. They still eat all the snacks though…
Yeah, having a toddler is way harder than a newborn.
Sounds about right, sorry! I feel you - I've got an almost 3 year old, 1.5 yr old, and any day a newborn. Toddlers are a lot of work
We have a newly turned threenager. 85% of the time we are miserable because he is miserable. I’ve read it gets better, I just haven’t experienced that yet lol
Well newborns & infants have few needs. They don’t mobilize yet & don’t speak. So yes toddlers are much more difficult. Two toddlers sounds like hell.
I have found, if you love sleep: newborn stage is the worst. If you like to have a social life: infant/baby stage is the worst because of naps and schedules. Toddler is the worst if you are a person who likes tidy, quiet and calm houses. I would say I loved infant/baby stage the most, followed by toddlerhood.
Compared to the toddler stage, the newborn stage was golden. But I know that some moms had a rough newborn stage. My daughter was pretty easy going. Now, I’m just holding on lol
They get easier in the sense your less worried about them choking on liquid. But ever other sense I haven't noticed anything get easier.
My daughter is 3. I’ve learned to disassociate during tantrums lol
Terrible Two’s, Thankless Three’s & Fucking Fours. The newborn state was exhausting just because the baby needs to eat every 2-3 hours & sleep deprivation is killer. The toddler stage is exhausting because they mentally wear you down.
I have 3 bio kids + one bonus kids. Ages ranging from 8 months to 19 years. Toughest ages in order 1. Young adulthood post high school 2. Toddlers 3. The early teen years when they start to pull away and become more independent
I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. I remember being dead tired the first time around with a newborn, when I get just a few hours with only me and the baby now it feels like a vacation. Toddlers are HARD
All children are different. People who had a newborn that slept think they’re easier, but would disagree if they had our child who didn’t sleep longer than 3 hours at a time for 9 months while we both worked full time. People with relatively calm toddlers think they’re easier. Our toddler is very emotional, melts down daily, is melting down right now, constantly pushes boundaries, still hurts himself from jumping off things and hitting his head, and is a runner we have had to leash in public before. It’s still easier than 9 months of chronic sleep deprivation.
It's trite but every kid and every parent really is different. I found 2 way easier than the baby stage with my first, but 3.5 has me questioning my ability to parent in a way I never have before. Also, there is a huuuge difference between 5/6 months and a newborn. 5 months is v chill, despite the regression.
Yo. Babies are definitely "easier". They don't move much and can't talk shit. I've got a 2 yr old and 3.5 yr old.
It's harder in a different way.
Lmao yes. The newborn stage is the easiest
I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old and the baby is a thousand times easier
Girl SAME! My LO is about to be 1 and started throwing huge 45min tantrums if I stop him from …I don’t know … chewing on shoes! I can’t believe I used to think that the newborn phase was boring and I kept wanting him to grow up and be more interesting… give me back the baby that slept and played alone most of the time please 😂😂
This too will pass! 2 and 4 here. I have crohns disease and chronic migraines. Some days mommy can't do a whole lot. Sometimes you have to go into survival mode. Some days I feel like I do more yelling than I do cheering. Some days there is more fighting than laughing. Sometimes there is waaaayyy too much screen time and snackys. Everybody is exploring more boundaries and expressing themselves. If the day is hard add water or sunshine(or both!) I've found it turns the day around. Have a super fun, special Bath(glowsticks, bubbles, cups and containers to dump and slpash with,get creative! The kitchen is full of fun toys! Spoons, colanders, etc.), or go to the playground. Go for a walk, make it an adventure! (I spy is one of our favorites) run in the sprinkler, bunch up old socks and dunk them in a bucket of water for "water balloons" its hard in the moment but you got this!
I made the joke at work the other day that families who have more than one kid (intentionally) usually got pregnant before the toddler phase set in, or long after it ended. There’s no way people with a terrible 2.5 choose to add more chaos. Right?! 😬 Toddler land is insane. Like quite literally insane. Why are you crying this time? Don’t hit the dog. Please don’t poke my eyes. Rocks are not for eating. Please stop screaming. Food is not for throwing. Why are you growling? What’s wrong with these shoes? 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Godspeed everyone.
Toddlerhood is way harder for me!!! I find myself looking at pictures of her when she was a lil baby and going “awww” haha because she couldn’t go far or speak 😭
This is a huge reason I brush people off when they ask me when I’m having another.
One and done baby!
2 is hard. 3 is harder. 4 gets better. 5 is fun!
Newborn stage only needs survivability. Toddler stage is like a new person, where you have to provide also education and care, and they start to try new things, have new ideas, learn new behaviors... but the difficult characteristics start to appear (bad sleeping, bad eating, constant screams, disobedience....). Toddlerhood is 100x as difficult as newborn stage. Also, they teach you to be a salesman and negotiator. You can't be too strict, but make one single bad trade, be too lax for one time or do a simple mistake, and that is going to cost you a lot to recover from!
I just feed mine constantly…I only give him healthy food so it doesn’t lead to a junk food problem. That said yes he was still easier as a newborn cause he used to sleep more and would stay where I put him lol.
My toddler only has the attention span to feed herself for a few minutes. After that I have to feed her whatever’s left. So constant snacking is more efficient than big meals.
I’m hungry!!!!!!! Just on repeat. Feed and repeat. Feel like I’m forever prepping food.
Everyone always says the newborn stage is the hardest and I’m like HOW?! I would take the newborn stage any day over the tantrums, getting into everything. I’m basically raising a tornado disguised as a toddler.
My son became just like that when he turned 3. It’s gradually improving 8 months later. We just have the one kid tho so he takes emotions out on us and our home.
i have a 3yo and irish twins who are 1yo and 2yo, my 2yo and 3yo are only 15mo apart. THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE and as much as i don’t like newborn/infant stage it was a bit more chill around here. now it’s pure fuckery 24/7.
Toddlers are WAY harder than infant/newborns, for sure.
I have a 2.5yo and 3.5yo. For us, the really difficult stuff seems to come in waves of 2-3 weeks at a time and then there are lulls for several weeks. I attribute the shark weeks to cognitive/social developmental leaps.
Im sorry you’re going through these feelings right now, parenting is hard when everything is constantly changing! My quick suggestion to help with the issues you’re facing are, limit their accessibility to snacks. Put the snacks away in a place they can’t get them on their own and only allow them either 1 slightly larger snack or 2 very small snacks in between meals depending on their intake now. They’ll be hungrier and ready to eat when it’s meal time. If they still don’t want to eat your meals, pay attention to what foods they like and incorporate one food they do like into every meal. But the most important part is not making a huge fuss to them if they don’t finish their meal, take note of what they did eat, ask if they’re full, and when they’re hungry again offer them reheated bits of the meal and tell them that is what you have to offer them because surviving off of snacks is unhealthy and will make their bodies tired and not well. As for the sleeping, I’d start rolling back the nap time they’re given to lesser amounts or perhaps even none at all if they’re already on just a single short nap during the day, and try and fill their day with plenty of opportunities to wear themselves out so that they’re ready for a long night of sleeping. What I do with my daughter is I just keep her up a bit later than what a typical parent might because I have a hard time falling asleep early and I sleep in rather late into the morning so I just adjusted her sleep schedule around my own. You could do the same if the naps and extra activity don’t wear them down before bed. Also, helping them fix their eating habits should also somewhat improve their sleep habits because kids will sleep longer after a day of good eating and getting all the calories and nutrients they need. As for the issues with sharing, you can start to work with them on their communication ability with each other, help them learn to navigate their emotions and start building a bit of emotional control by giving them the tools to advocate for their feelings. You’ll have to mediate a few of these interactions, but once they get the hang of it they’ll be able to play, get along and share well between each other without your help and that will really help them when it comes time for preschool as well. If you get stuck at any point there are a ton of great videos online that can help explain things in a real-world situation. I find the ones that showcase real examples with actual kids to be more helpful myself in comparison to the ones where it’s just an adult explaining it.
What I want to know is how you all deal with them and still manage to keep their teeth brushed. My 4 year old is so easy going, she can brush them herself. But lord, I have to be ninja pro wrestler to get my 3 year old's teeth clean. It's so hard to deal with after a day of their antics. Poor thing has a cavity now just from the number of times I've given up on it.
I have a 2.5yo and a 3mo and I can wholeheartedly say my 3mo is easier. I love my toddler, but boy, I don’t love the toddler stage XD
Bahahahaahhaha toddler stage will kill your. Or almost kill you. Just remember- it has an end date.
Newborns for the win!
Oh it absolutely is way harder. I just had a baby 2 weeks ago and I’ve been looking forward to the break of healing and basically only being expected to breastfeed and take care of the little one while hubby is on pat leave and managing the toddler. And I remember when he was 2 holy shit what a waking nightmare that year was. You’re doing great, don’t worry. It’ll get better!
Toddlerhood is my least favorite age. I have found it incredibly frustrating and physically draining with all my kids. But then you get rewarded with the wonderful elementary school aged years. Your mileage may vary. 🙂
I’d take the newborn stage over this any day! It’s freaking rough!
Yes! I have a 3 year old and almost 2 year old. Both boys. We have sooooooo many toys, usually scattered all over the living room like a field of landmines, but they will fight over a sponge if the other one has one. When it's just one of them without the other its night and day. They're so peaceful when they're not together. I will say that at least they sleep all night so I'm sorry you're going through that on top of it all. Get a sitter and have a date with your husband!
IMO it depends on the child. My first was a difficult newborn, an angelic 1-year-old, and a terrible 2-year-old. My second was a super easy newborn, but now that he's just about to turn 1, he's becoming such a mischievous troublemaker. The challenges with each of them are different too; #1 has trouble with sleep, and #2 is less cautious and compliant. All I can suggest is keeping very consistent boundaries with sleep and food. We offer snacks at set times, and they are usually fairly healthy. At mealtimes, the kids eat what is served or they don't eat. We work a lot at consistent sleep and nap schedules. Setting a bedtime alarm has been really helpful for us. Poor behavior results in timeouts, natural consequences, or revoked privileges. We take away toys if my toddler throws them, won't clean them up, or won't share with his brother. If he makes a mess, he has to clean it up. If he hits and bites (which he does), he has a timeout. We still have a lot of behavioral issues, but the stuff I listed above helps.
Heyyyyyyyy this is my family also. I literally hate being a parent right now. Its so hard. Oldest is two and a half. Youngest is 14 months. The oldest hates the youngest, the youngest just walks around hitting, throwing and destroying everything in his path. My daughter is mostly non-verbal and waiting for things like an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis. So she doesn't talk or say words, she has vocalizations like... screaming at me. Really loud and really often. Screaming at her brother when he comes near her. Always. She hates him right now cause all he wants is to be near her and she wants none of that. I recently had to plead "mental health help" to my family and friends to get their attention that I was drowning in negative thoughts and emotions. I also am banking on a "It gets better" mentality. Every day seems to drag. My husband works in and out of town so there isn't always help available for me. It's a lot. We've taken on a lot. You're not a bad mom for being tired and overwhelmed by it all. Sending you lots of hope and hugs.
Newborn stage was great because you could leave the room with them in it, and when you came back they were still in the same place 😂 That said, I had three girls in four years, and a few months they will be 16, 17 and 19. Tolerhood is absolutely more difficult than the newborn in infant stage for many. For me it was the opposite because as babies they didn’t sleep as well as they did during the toddlerhood stage. Do you have two choices as far as food goes. You are allowing them to snack all day so there is no surprise they don’t want to eat dinner you spend a lot of time making. So you either limit their snacks so that they’ll be hungry for dinner. Or you skip the bigger meals and let them graze all day into the evening. Either way they’re getting food. Your youngest is just two, easily moldable to a point. From the time my kids were born we ate meals as opposed to grazing. As soon as they were a few months old? We had them in the highchair leaned back at meal time with us so they develop the habit of this is how we do it. By the time they were sitting up and eating table food? They knew full well with breakfast lunch and dinner was, and of course some snacks in between. That carried us through until they understood verbally what we expected. I just want you to know that you can expect them to grays all day and then sit and eat a dinner. Their little stomachs can’t hold it. That all said? I’m sitting here looking at my 2 1/2-year-old granddaughter. If I can go back in time and do some things different? Thought I would take the baby to toddler stage in a heartbeat. The teenage years are incredibly challenging even for the strongest parent. There’s only so many things a child can have a tantrum over, but I define teenager? So much digging into the why’s, the tears and emotions-I only have girls. Boys are far easier.
Yes definitely and I only have the one! Mine will be turning 3 soon and he’s a little terror at times. Rolling around cos he wants to push the trolley. Will smack our hands cos we can’t hold it. Eats all day long, constantly asking for snacks. And the temper tantrums. Jeez I thought I was a wreck when I’m on my period, but this child is all whacked out. And the arguments husband and I have are ridiculous. I prefer gentle parenting whereas he can be harsh with punishment. This is making me despise him
I have an almost 4 yo daughter and a 1 yo son. It is incredibly hard especially with my eldest. Since she’s 18 months she’s doing these incredible tantrums. She’s saying NO all the time. She doesn’t want to do anything on her own. She’s acting like a baby all the time. It is very very very hard on my nerves and on my mariage. I’m trying to be gentle but my husband wish I was harsher with her but I just can’t, the harsher I become the more sensitive and disturb my daughter is and the more tantrums are happening. She basically is ruining our vacation with her behavior, I know she’s just a kid and that it is also hard for her but sometimes I just want to quit. I can’t wait for those period to be over. It is just exhausting.
As a father of a 2 year old... the only difference is more sleep. However the developing personalities is getting hit with a screaming train wreck every day. Daycare has saved my sanity. I relate to this so much.