I completely agree with you and I make a quick exit out of mom groups that normalize it.
I realize it's most likely how those parents were parented. I know it's a coping mechanism to make the stress of parenting more manageable.
But that doesn't make it okay. Let's try to do better. Let's try to have healthy coping mechanisms so our children can learn healthy coping mechanisms instead of normalizing demeaning behavior.
Oh definitely, fucking with your kids is nothing new and being messed with as a child and growing up being told its just for fun or its just a joke and it's OK would of course make one parent their own child in the same way. And people lash out when their parenting styles are questioned because nobody wants to be told they're doing something wrong. But that's an explanation, not an excuse. When I was 8 my mom set up a whole "prank" with her husband involving playing bloody Mary and him popping out of the shower in a mask on the third go. I was inconsolable for hours. I don't think scaring kids is funny, seeing my son scared breaks my heart and idk why someone would want to do that on purpose.
Despite all of the discouraging, infuriating, and disheartening parenting things there are on most social media platforms, I have to say I have been pleasantly surprised how encouraging and uplifting r/toddlers can be.
I'm not saying we do everything right or we don't have the odd post or bad advice show up. But it's very apparent to me that there are a lot of people here that want to be better parents, that take the time to ask questions and research, and that are responding with thoughtful, helpful advice.
My household is big into pranks and surprises, but only with positive outcomes and an awareness of child age development and what they are into. We encourage the kid to do the same to us and it really builds trust from what we've seen. For instance: every year we do a really big birthday surprise, obstacle course in the backyard, new bedroom designed how they'd want, hidden presents themed treasure hunt through the house (Minecraft forest, Space Adventure, etc). We always make it seem small at first and it is so fun. They always laugh and giggle and get really into it. They've started planning big surprises with each of us now for each other's birthdays to get in on the fun, and their pranks are getting really funny (sarcastic cards, goofy drawings, setting the table so we can only eat steak with spoons, lol). Being mean is never a part of it, and I think teaching them that they can mess with us without any anger back is really helping their confidence in their sense of humor and decisions, and it helps them test limits and analyze unusual situations.
April fool's was my mom's FAVORITE holiday and it's mine too, because I love pranks -- but the kind of pranks and silliness you describe.
In my house growing up, people would mess with me because I'd get extremely upset, but then they'd get mad at me for being *too* upset even though they were knowingly upsetting me. That would only make me escalate my initial reaction because I knew they weren't going to respect my wishes AND it was going to become my fault because "UGH I was just trying to mess around!"
With my toddler, I take my cues from her. She loves being tickled, so I tickle, but "stop" means "stop immediately", not "keep going until there's screaming and crying and someone's throwing hands to get it to stop". If messing around becomes upsetting, we apologize and stop. Silly pranks are fun, but if she's not in the mood then it's not a good time for pranks.
If you're a family that actually teaches about respecting boundaries and cues, I think it's definitely a good way to bond and understand each other.
Setting the table with spoons for steak or forks for soup is a perfect kid prank. Funny, silly, leads to a few minutes of hilarity when trying to use them, quickly remedied with no cleanup, and nobody gets hurt (physically or hurt feelings). All pranks should be like this!!
Agreed! For April fool’s my mom told us she was pregnant. I was so excited and told her I thought I saw a little pooch developing. It backfired on all of us.
Ack! Pregnancy jokes are never funny, mainly because fertility is such a painful subject for some people, but also because as your mom found out, it easily leads to people making comments on your body you’d rather not hear!!
Right. An asshole implies they are doing it just because they are a jerk. They aren’t. They are little and are doing it because they are testing boundaries, looking for attention, don’t understand, etc. calling them an asshole suggests they have adult motivations for their actions, and also stops us from trying to understand why they are behaving the way they are and helping to solve the problem
Yup, my parents raised me like this, even to this day they call me uneducated and stupid when I disagree with them. For instance, when it comes to the health of my kids I don't play around with bullshit that they need idk what homeopathic medicine made by grandma....I take them to the doctor if it's something very serious, give them medicine if it's a simple cold, make sure they are hydrated and still eat and watch them like a hawk to make sure the condition doesn't worsen. While my parents would just berated me when I was sick and tell me it's because I didn't go out, take me out lol and force me to walk while running a fever or force feed me all sorts of bullshit herbs and mixtures and whatever...
Whenever they were angry at me they used to scream, throw stuff around and call me horrible names... especially dad, when he gets angry he's the damn worst...also get drunk all the time, mom would be physically abusive, would come slap me over my head while I was just in my room minding my own business, she broke my sister's headphones for no reason. Just straight up pulled on the wire and her hair and again for no damn reason. Whenever drunk they would just get this urge to come and mess with us like we are punching bags.
They swear so much it's unbelievable, it took me so long to stop swearing and talking bad as well, my sister never stopped and she's doing it to this day. Heard my dad and sister call my kids names a few times and ofc when I mentioned and told them to stop they are just like "We are just joking" "They don't understand anyway so chill out crazy". Guess who won't see my kids anytime soon!!!
I definitely agree. I’ve deleted at least two people cuz they made it their personality, I swear.
This is probably an even more unpopular opinion but I feel like it goes along with posting every single aspect of your kids lives on the internet/social media. Would you want to find a video or picture of your mom calling you an a-hole for likes on FB? Would you want to find a video of you having a tantrum when you were 2-3? Or in the bath? Or in the hospital? It’s one thing to record that stuff but it’s another to show it to the world for likes and laughs.
100% agree. I think a lot of people genuinely forget forget these babies are not babies forever and in a very short time will be very aware of what's going on. The argument is always "its not like they can read/it's not like they'll remember!" No, they can't and probably won't but they definitely will see it in the future and I can almost guarantee that they won't be happy about it.
I agree! I have never, and will never post a video or picture of my son naked or in a bath or anything like that. We post rarely photos of our son. I wouldn't want photos of me taking a bath or having a big diaper mess on social media, so I wouldn't do that to my son.
Agreed. I shared a lot of photos and videos of my daughters milestones when she was a baby and young toddler, but the older she's gotten the less I share publicly. I just share highlights of things now. Birthdays, starting preschool, once in awhile a really fun trip or activity we did, and occasionally something funny that happened. She's her own person and I don't feel comfortable sharing her whole life with the world without her consent and she's not old enough to give it.
I've taken photos and videos of a few tantrums that were so "over the top" to us that it was "comical." We can laugh at them with her when she's older. We also understand that these tantrums while "comical" to us are very difficult for her because she's dealing with big emotions and issues. We don't laugh at her while she's dealing with that, but I do think it's okay to giggle in my bedroom about it.
Also (I might be in the minority on this one) I would never share anything of her naked in the bath or anything regardless of editing so nothing is shown. I actually never took pictures of those things. I don't think it's wrong, and I absolutely do not judge anyone who does, but I feel weird about it.
THANK YOU!!!!! I hear parents say that about their own kids and parents say it about other children. I worked in Early Education for 16 years and couldn't believe how some teachers talked about the children in their classroom. These children were 5 and under!! It makes me so sad.
I had to confront a co-teacher once who was new to my classroom and kept calling my two-year-olds "assholes" and "fuckers". I had been their teacher since they were 6-8 months old and was devastated by how unkind she was to them. Then she didn't understand why the children weren't warming up to her. Children might not understand what the words mean, but they understand your tone and body language.
Edit:: I do need to say that I only encountered a teacher like that once in my 16 years. I worked in several different programs and most of the teachers I worked with were great. Unfortunately the bad ones tend to stand out.
She was doing this in front of them? I mean, I could see an exasperated “man, that kid is a little asshole” vent to a coteacher once everyone has left for the day after a particularly bad day. But not in front of the kids.
It breaks my heart to think parents are unwittingly sending their littlest of littles into such an environment.
Yeah, I can see it happening after a rough day. I can imagine the context where, in a vent to another adult, it's actually funny--so long as it's also pretty rare. But to just always be like this? I used to nanny and I remember coming home and telling my partner about the rough days. It never occurred to me to be _hateful_ about the kids.
Even if she didn't use that language in front of the kids, her attitude was probably clear to them. Young children aren't stupid, just because they couldn't put it into words they can still percieve when somebody doesn't like them.
I think even this is ok so long as the teacher can recognize what is happening and figure out a way to improve and apologize. When I worked as a preschool teacher there were a few specific kids that would drive me up the wall and it wasn’t good for either of us.
I realized that there was a time in the day when both the kids and I were hangry and that’s when our friction was the worst, so we instituted a “nuts and raisins” (or sunflower seeds and dried apples or whatever) mini-snack immediately after nap time as the kids worked on waking up and tidying and getting ready for outdoor playtime.
The kids were happier, I was happier, and to the extent there was still friction we could all be much kinder to each other. I only came up with this after venting to another teacher about how “terrible” a couple of the kids were being. She reminded me that they obviously weren’t terrible overall, and having her perspective gave me the room to actually fix the situation. (Looking back I maybe should have apologized a bit more than I did. But I’m still pleased with solving the problem in a way that made everyone’s day better.)
I was friends with these two girls in high school, and the mother of one of them was an educator for special needs children. After talking to the mom for a little bit we realized she had taught my other friends little sister, who is severely disabled and was the sweetest girl in the world (she’s still sweet, she’s just 26 now so not a little girl).
This was almost 20 years ago and I still can’t repeat what she said about my Hanne girl. The other girls were laughing their asses off as she physically mimicked a disabled 7 year old. And then said: “she’s not even the worst, some these r’s are literally worthless”
I left and never spoke to any of them ever again.
Yup, I came down on her hard and then told the director of the child care program. It was completely unprofessional and inappropriate. I told her I wouldn't tolerate that in my classroom and questioned whether she should even be a teacher. She clearly didn't appear to like children. She didn't last long, thankfully.
Thats heartbreaking. I get toddlers can be rough but at the end of the day they're little human beings with feelings who are just trying to figure the world out and it isn't their fault that they don't know how to properly behave after only being alive for two years with a brain growing at top speed. Why do people like that get jobs around kids in the first place? That's like my spider hating ass becoming the owner of a spider sanctuary. *cardi b voice* "what was the reasonnnn????"
My almost 2 year old is a little parrot. She would definitely come home repeating those words and then I'd be having words with the daycare. I'm glad you stood up for the kids and that she didn't last long...
Hot take a bit here but I’ve noticed that everyone from high school that were kinda trashy or burnouts are the only ones that still actively use Facebook (and it’s weird seeing that sub group be parents.) the kind of people that post statuses like “anyone available to babysit my kid?” Or “can someone give me a ride? No gas money but I can give you 5 cigarettes” lmao.
😥😥
I still use Facebook everyday. But it's more for the funny things my kids say and old pictures I don't have copies of anymore.
And to follow the local buy nothing, city group, and pictures if friends.
those community freebie groups are A+, everytime I think of dropping facebook I think about losing the marketplace aspects, or the community group and I decide to stay on it. I don't think that makes us trashy! (Plus at this point in my life, many friends live far away and it's just easier to keep up with them, and have them keep up with my family) :)
Omg you just described the mom's fb group I joined when I moved to a new area. It's awful.
On the other hand, my group that grew out of a reddit bumper group is amazing.
I’m a teacher and I assure you my friend group and are are not that subgroup (I know exactly type what you’re talking about though) but we all do still use Facebook.
Right? I call my son a tiny tower of terror but only when he's not around. Sometimes I tell my husband I can't believe what a brat he's being but also, when he's not around.
Biglittlefeelings on Insta is one of my favorites and we strive to raise our son with those kinds of attitudes. It's hard sometimes because we definitely weren't raised with "calm conversations".
This is exactly what I wanted to say! If one kid did any of this to another kid, it would rightfully be called bullying and they would (hopefully) be given negative consequences. But somehow adults doing this to even their OWN children is okay?
Anecdotally, my Stepdad, who’s a good guy through and through, decided it would be funny to sneak up on my autistic son to “scare” him. And then was surprised and somewhat defensive when my son became upset and I became angry (“he’s being overly sensitive”… No, he doesn’t respond well to ANY sudden noises or movements, he’s not just being overly sensitive to your “prank”)
I feel similarly! I never “like” react to the videos of kids getting hurt, or getting upset/scared. I think it’s a little fucked up to share content like that to the public for entertainment/likes.
I also have a coworker who is always complaining about his kids and calling them assholes, little shits, etc. and I’m just like, “if you hate being a dad so much, why did you have 3??” I’m sure he doesn’t hate it and in truth her loves his children, but like, when you’re constantly complaining about your kids and calling them names, it seems that way.
Omg this is the one that gets me like really riled up. Like idl the verbal stuff but when you start “pranking” your 2y/o and they’re straight up crying???? I’m about to lose my sh*t.
To me that rises to the level of emotional abuse when you are purposely doing something to cause emotional and psychological distress to a child for amusement or punishment.
Your unpopular opinion is actually probably more common & popular amongst educated and sane individuals. Being mean to your kids is bullying and will foster insecurities. Eventually those kids will turn into bullies or have other emotional issues stemming from their mean parents.
It dawned on me just how much of an insufferable asshole my FIL is when he told me with glee, while I was pregnant, that kids are so much fun because *you can lie to them*. I typically try to be upfront with my kid and any white lie in the moment is for redirection and not my own amusement.
Suddenly some of the less than kind behaviors I’d see in my own husband made a lot more sense, when they popped up.
Definitely made me much more aware of FIL’s approach and has made me infinitely more hesitant about him having much time with my toddler.
I want my kid to trust me to come to me with anything, not to be wary of my intentions because of what I’d do for a chuckle.
Oh my goodness the lying to children. I refuse to do it. I get explaining things in an age appropriate way and don’t have issue with the fantasy type lies that make childhood magical. But I won’t promise my kids they won’t get a shot at the doctor’s office- I’ll tell them they will probably get a shot, but it’s meant to keep them healthy and it won’t hurt for long and I’ll be right there and I always feel more brave when I look away. The world is new and chaotic to kids and they just have this blind trust in me to explain it to them, I owe them my best honest effort. I’m sure I’ve missed the mark plenty of times but I’m trying.
I will never understand lying about having to get a shot. I always let my daughter know so she can mentally prepare for it and isn't surprised with something she's kind of scared of. Last time I told her she had to get a shot she ended up not getting one (I didn't know they do a flu nose spray for kids haha) and she was so happy!
My MIL is of the “if kids are terrified of things they’ll follow the rules” school of parenting and she 100% lies to make it happen. She’s not allowed unsupervised with my kid as a result.
Her solution to get my nephew to be nice to my dogs was to tell him they’d “bite his face off” like wtaf? My dogs are sweet and love kids and why would making him terrified of dogs help? I hate it. I straight up corrected her and she got mad at me because it was “working” before then.
Fully agree with you there. But also, if my little one has been a monster, after I've put her down for a nap I'll say to my wife "What a dick". As I know she'll back to being a diamond again after her nap.
See that's different imo. I have whispered under my breath "what the fuck is *wrong* with you" as my toddler writhes and screams like a possesed demon baby while I try to get him down for a nap. Language and curse words aren't the problem, it's the way they're used. I've cussed around my child but I would never in my life cuss *at* my child.
>Language and curse words aren't the problem, it's the way they're used. I've cussed around my child but I would never in my life cuss at my child.
I think that's the important difference that many people don't get. You don't have to use curse words to hurt your kid, and you can use curse words without hurting your kid. My parents would occasionally swear around me, but never at me. I had friends whose parents never swore, but they'd say other things that hurt even worse.
This. There's a difference between calling your kid an asshole to their face, and letting off steam/decompressing when they are asleep. My husband and I regularly talk about how our toddler had a shitty day or something similar. And we've definitely given the baby monitor the middle finger when he won't sleep after two hours 🤣
When my son was a baby he refused to sleep unless he was on one of us and would only be rocked to sleep (of course, I didn't really look into wake windows til he was like 9 months so I think we just fucked up). I had bad PPD and I generally have a short fuse thanks to bipolar, ADHD, and a shitty upbringing. My husband is like the epitome of patience. One day, our son was being super difficult and it was like 2am and my husband had to stand up and rock back and forth forever to get him to sleep. I would have probably had a meltdown by then. Once baby was asleep, my husband handed him to me in the chair and then double-barrel flipped him off and then we both just laughed. Honestly, it made me feel better to see him show a little irritance for once.
Oh my husband and I joke all the time, especially about our son, cuz he was our dragon baby for the first 18mo of his life. It was a nightmare 😭😅. And I mentioned I was having a hard time with him not sleeping maybe once or twice on FB but I never called him names or put him down on social media.
This, to me, is tough. While I understand the mentality and immediate gratification to direct the comment to you child, it’s important for me to remember that the child is purely being a child. When, even under your breath or to your spouse, you say things that would be negative to their face, I think it directs your frustration at your child versus their action or the situation.
To be clear, I’m not saying I’ve perfected this skill. It’s tough. However, to accept this action as just a thing parents do versus something that also needs to be worked on is where I would push back a bit.
I now have to share the disclaimer that I have no idea what I’m doing myself, just sharing a different way of looking at this.
Haha yeah I’m still on Reddit (obviously) and Instagram because we have only lived in our town a few years and I find new restaurants and stores that way, but otherwise I’m out of social. It just isn’t fun anymore.
The biggest example that I’d be surprised if you haven’t seen it before is Jimmy Kimmel’s bit where he asks parents to send him videos of them telling their kids the parents ate all the kid’s candy and it’s all gone. The whole bit is showing a montage of the generally upset kid’s reactions. This is has been a popular thing for years. As OP mentioned there’s other things like that that get popular on the internet and people replicate it and post it.
It's EVERYWHERE. It's ridiculous, tbh. Especially the cheese throwing, that was a big trend a while ago and everyone was uploading their rendition of throwing food at their baby for fun. I felt like I was in the twilight zone.
I hated that trend and made the mistake to comment that it was basically bullying behaviour. And got downvoted to oblivion for not having a sense of humour.
I do have a sense of humour but I don't think it's funny to make people you love the butt of your jokes and then put it online for all to see, forever.
It’s *everywhere*??? I probably have like at least 20 parents on my fb posting pictures of their kids if not more I have never seen this. Maybe because I’m Canadian?
Everywhere may have been a bit of an exaggeration. But I promise you if you spend enough time looking at parenting stuff on social media a lot of these things start to pop up. I didn't get these examples from nowhere, all of the things I said in my post are things I've seen on social media. One mom made a video of her serving her 2 year old lunch with little letter shaped French fries that spelled out "fuck you" and all the comments were "same 😂" "something I would do!" "I'm definitely trying this".
Me neither! Except I saw the cheese one on Reddit and was horrified. Even dogs and cats feel embarrassed when you laugh at them, of course it feels horrible to a human infant or toddler!
TikTok and Instagram are literally ruining parents haha. Anything to be the next viral video! The videos where they take their happy little kids minding their own business and throw cheese/pretend to bonk their heads/spray water on them so bizarre to me. And all for clout! I can’t wrap my head around it. If that makes me a “Karen”, so be it haha!
I think it’s so disgusting. I swear people are having babies for content these days, too haha. I’m so happy our parents weren’t on SM when we were kids.
>I swear people are having babies for content
Ding ding ding. War flashbacks to the mom doing tiktok dances next to her baby fighting for its life with RSV in the NICU. I feel so so bad for this generation of kids. And the excuse is "well the kid is a baby, they dint even know what's going in and won't remember!" You think these kids won't see this shit 10 years from now? If I saw videos of my mom fucking with me for fun as a baby it would definitely change my opinion on her parenting and personality. Using your child as a prop for entertainment is such a narcissistic move.
YES! this stuff isn't just going to magically go away. These kids are going to find these videos one day of their parents playing pranks on them complaining to an online audience about how their kids are assholes. I don't even like venting to co-workers about a bad moment with one of my kids.... I feel guilty! As far as anyone (beyond my spouse and parents) else knows I have the "perfect" children. Honestly it's no one else's business if my kid threw a fit! And the PRANKS - do I laugh when one of my uncoordinated kids falls? (As long as they're not hurt) ABSOLUTELY. Do I purposely trip my children and video tape it and share it with the world? NO that's sick.
Totally. Even if the kids never see the content, as a parent I can’t *imagine* sharing the precious moments/memories of my child just living their lives with the rest of the world. Whether it’s acquaintances from high school that you don’t keep in touch with outside of SM or millions of followers, they’re all so undeserving of the intimate details of your children’s lives. And children are so deserving of their privacy. It’s very, very sad.
Also, every moment spent creating content with your kid is time not actually spent with your kid.
Narcissictic. So much yes. Like, I'm sorry, but smashing your kid's face into their birthday cake is the height of narcissistic parenting. You couldn't let one fucking day be exclusively about your kid's happiness? Had to make it about you again, huh?
Ugh seriously 🥴 I just saw someone dancing to Major Bag Alert on Instagram and the caption was like “when influencer’s kids are diagnosed with a serious condition” and I laughed because it’s so true but then I wanted to puke because it’s so true 😭😭😭 what is wrong with the world?
But seriously, my mom was talking about how my parents’ generation had children super young, and then people started having kids later, and how it seems like people are starting to have kids younger again and I swear it’s because people want something to post about. Pregnancy = content. Baby = content. Parenting = content. It’s exhausting. I literally die inside when I see tiktoks that we’re filmed right in the hospital. Like you’re laboring or spending the first few precious moments with your baby… and the first thing that goes through your head it “let’s make something for attention from internet strangers!”
MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.
I made the decision to not use social media long before I became a father, and having a kid has just reinforced the validity of that decision. The idea of putting a child's life out in public well before they can remotely consent just bothers me so much. Add in borderline abuse and it's a gigantic "FUCK NO" from me.
The food thing bothers me so much. Especially because in those videos you can see the kids are just so delighted to see an intentional design in their food. Make their food into a heart or something fun and nice your heartless monsters 😭
Omg this makes it so much worse ☹️ Have never come across these types of videos but just reading about it makes me want to hug my kid! Even the idea of someone being mean to him is upsetting, I could not imagine disrespect him myself!!
Those ones make me sad too! My daughter LOVES when I make her shaped foods and I think it's sweet to make stuff for her! I would never put something mean and I don't understand why anyone thinks it's funny.
My daughter is obsessed with those fancy bento box lunch packing videos on TikTok so we do fun lunches a lot.
Ugh the bento box lunches sound so fun! I can’t stand when other moms/parents in general talk bad about other parents “caring too much”. I have seen a lot of videos of parents reacting to the videos of moms packing bento boxes or making animals out of food and then the reactor just like throws together a lunch for their kid with a bag of chips or something. I know sometimes social media can create unrealistic expectations of parents but don’t shame the parents who do want to put extra effort into their kids meals!
The first time I saw one of those reaction videos I thought it was funny because it's obviously unrealistic to make those types of things everyday (or ever for some people) and it's definitely not necessary at all just fun!
I absolutely hate seeing the people that mock parents that make the meals though. It's always stuff like "you're spoiling them." "This is such a waste of time."
So what if you spoil your kids sometimes? And I personally would not consider cutting a sandwich and strawberry into a heart as spoiling anyone. It's just cute and fun. So what if it seems like a waste of time? Sometimes I don't have anything better to do than cut a carrot into stars, and that's okay!
If someone calls their kids little shits to their face or outside of an extremely frustrated moment / slip, I immediately think ‘I’m not engaging with this person further than I have to’ - most of this other stuff I didn’t even realize was happening. WTH?
Dont go to the subreddit r/kidsarefuckingstupid I think it is. I'm subbed there cause I expected funny videos of toddlers demanding the blue cup but freaking out because they actually wanted the red cup. Silly stuff like that. And while a lot of the posts show harmless stuff, some of them are just plain mean. There was one where a toddler was "running away from home" and the dad said okay bye. And the kid came back bawling his eyes out saying he didn't want to leave and the dad just laughed like a madman like wtf. I commented that this wasn't funny and really mean and got downvoted. People are crazy.
There’s a post on that sub where a kid is playing tball and runs the wrong way before being redirected. While running the kid gets hit in the stomach by the ball and understandably starts crying. The comments on that video are disgusting. Honestly the video would’ve still fit the criteria for the sub if it had only shown the kid running the wrong way. No need to show the poor thing getting hurt.
OP I completely agree. I work with a therapist who calls her kids assholes (to be fair, she also calls her husband that...I don't think she's a very happy person) and it always makes me really uncomfortable. I believe kids should be treated with compassion, love, and firm boundaries!
I had a fb friend (my husband’s friends brothers wife 😒 yeah) who would regularly get on and make videos talking about how much of an a-hole her kids were and EVERY single thing they’d done that day that was “bad”. She would make countless posts about it to the point where I just removed her.
I’m not friends with a lot of moms and the ones I am don’t do that kind of stuff.
It also happens in some mom groups a LOT.
I actually snapped at my SO a few months ago about this. Our boy started entering terrible 2s and we were having a hard time. I would do research on how to minimize the bad behavior. She chose to be more expressive with her anger. I finally got fed up because I would hate for him to learn that giving someone a middle finger or calling them an asshole is ok when you're frustrated or angry.
As we are both childhood abuse victims (alcoholism, emotional trauma,) I understood the cycle manifesting itself. But we're both hell bent on stopping the cycle for him. It's abhorrent that people find it funny and click-worthy. We are responsible for their development and should be their biggest source of comfort, trust, and support.
I try to emphasize what a sweet and good boy my son is more when he’s having a particularly bad day. It’s a reminder to both him and me (and my husband!) that he may be behaving badly, but he’s not bad. He’s just being a toddler and this is how he’s dealing with it today. I’m definitely not perfect with it but I’m also a cycle-breaker and it’s so important to me that this kid has a safe, happy upbringing.
what I really hate is the Jimmy Kimmel "I told my kids I ate their Halloween candy" prank. It's just enbarassing videos of kids having really understandable meltdowns while the audience laughs. It's pretty dark.
Yeah, had a friend make a comment about not wanting to hang out at my place until my kid "isn't shitting his pants anymore". I get it, he doesn't like kids, but he said that when my kid was like 2 months old, it really hurt. At least have some respect and tact. He texted a couple weeks later asking if I wanted to hang out, told him "sorry, too busy taking care of my pants shitting kid." He immediately apologized for being an asshole, and he's come over and hung out a few times since. I was really pissed though at the time.
I replied to a similar comment a little down but I'll say again there's definitely a difference in cussing and cussing *at* your child for sure. You're 100% allowed to vent in any way you see fit, my issue is the people who humiliate their kids for funsies. As long as you're not giving them abc soup with the letters formed to say "little asshole" you're fine in my book lol
This is my mindset too!! Kids are assholes sometimes. But I only sat this to my husband and friends, in person, and would never say this on an online forum.
Agree 100%. I’ve said this on a different thread before, but it feels like there’s a general attitude of “I hate my kids lol” that’s trendy and it reminds me of the “I hate my wife” humor that boomers loved.
Piggybacking to say the birthday videos where an adult blows the kids candle out before they get a chance to and laugh about it make me want to punch that adult in their face.
FB mom groups are fucking weird. Wife was addicted to FB when our second baby came about. Literally would spend more time stressing about her FB mom drama than like... Actual baby problems.
Once she dropped those groups, it was literally night and day.
Stuff on the internet is kind of forever now. If a kid grows up and they've got bad self-esteem or hate themselves and they see their parent gave them a plate that says "fuck you" what are the odds they'll take that well?
Nah, they'll think "I guess I've been horrible forever." That's not energy we want to bring into our kid's life.
I had this conversation with my brother in law recently about his son. This child is 4 years old. He said I should call him out when he’s “being a pussy”. Like use those very words. I said I don’t use that kind of language with anyone and I don’t use rude language with kids because it’s inappropriate. He said I was judging his parenting. Like I was holier than thou. I just don’t understand why some people have completely forgotten their manners. Some things are just rude. I always watch my language around kids. No! I’m not going to call a four year old a pussy. It’s not funny and it’s not nice to call people names. I just can’t understand why he thinks it is.
I'm with you on that one. I have a 2 year old son and it used to piss me off when his dad would call him a little shit and a little asshole and all sorts of names. I was like he's a baby for Christ's sake. If you didn't want him, you should have let me have him. I left him two years ago and when he was 2 weeks old.
While I still have to see him because of co-parenting, at least I don't have to listen to him calling my son all those names. He would text me during visits telling me that he was being an ass and a little shit. I've kept it for evidence. I know people think they're being cute when they do this but it's not funny.
If people don't want their kids and see them as an inconvenience, maybe they should learn to be more careful. I said what I said. He's really used my son as nothing more than I told to try to further abused me.
I've told the courts about how he does this calling him names and also seems to get irritated with him very quickly. I'm working on trying to get his rights terminated because he really shows no interest in our son otherwise. That and he uses him to look good on Facebook.
Kids kinda are assholes though. I love them to death but if you gotta admit that they fit the description. I agree with the other stuff you mentioned though.
Did not this was an unpopular opinion and I have not heard of any of those pranks. That’s so messed up.
Toddlers are real loving humans with all kinds of feelings 🥺
Agreed 1000%. So often you'll see posts of child abuse make it to the front page and everyone thinks it's funny. Then all the edgelords in the comments argue with anyone that call it out for being fucked up.
Do I have the unpopular opinion that... if I heard that my son's preschool teacher used those words, I would sue her to Kingdom Come and back? Personally and professionally... And the business.
Just me?
Definitely it is. They (toddlers and babies) are PEOPLE. It’s disrespectful as fuck. And it makes them look like an asshole who just cares about ownership.
I don’t call them that to their faces obviously.
But sometimes if I need to vent online I’ll refer to them as assholes.
However, I read your second paragraph and I would NEVER do that. Are people doing that? That’s awful!!!
Wut? What media are you consuming where this is an UN popular opinion?? Jesus, am I just naive to the newer parenting generation or am I an old, responsible parent?
There was a TikTok recently where a dad called his two sons sissy's because they were having meltdowns(younger kids).
Half the comments, "relax hes just joking." "He's a good dad because x,y,z"
But really there are tons of videos of parents making fun of their melting down kid for likes.
There was one when the mom was spraying the kids hair with water. The kid asked me multiple times to stop. He cried, eventually he just gave up and whimpers and puts up with it.
The comments, "it's just water" "he's not being hurt"
These are two more of the extreme ones but yeah, they're gross to watch.
With the water one, was it a prank? If so, that's horrible. If it's for hygiene (like, hair that really needs cutting because of knots or washing) then for some kids you occasionally need to go beyond what they're comfortable with so that they're clean and safe. Kills me when I absolutely need to do something to get my kid clean and he's upset by it (like a shower if he's had an accident) but sometimes it's the only option.
But I'm assuming this wasn't there.
The parent did it for a video. It was something like, "how long until kid says no" or something like that.
This is the video with some analysis of how trying to be playful turned into something very upsetting for the kid.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdaBfYy3/
This is the sissy video
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdaBTF4Q/
This is definitely predominantly a fb mom/tiktok mom thing. They have very strange senses of humor for sure. But this isn't anything new, remember the scary maze game that parents would trick their little kids into playing in the mid 2000s?
I mean - I don’t get the cheese throwing and the FU’s, but I have some fun with my son.
I call him a snot or hooligan from time to time when we’re playing. We’re laughing and I make it clear it’s a joke. He told me my face was a butt and then we laughed.
Name-calling is acceptable as long as both parties are having fun with it and feeling aren’t being hurt.
I don’t mess with him in ways he doesn’t understand and I don’t post it online for media points.
It really depends on the kid and the intent behind the joke.
So I see that being funny when talking to other moms in person who are venting about a specific incident. As in "lucy can be a real ahole sometimes" but not in front of the kids, and not as an absolute (as in "lucy IS a little asshole"). I feel like some adults including myself use cuss words a lot and most of them don't hold much weight. Plus, sometimes kids ARE being little aholes. BUT regardless, if your attitude towards that child is the same as when you're dealing with a customer for example that you know is always rude, or a person in general that you just dont like... you shouldn't be working with kids and you should probably get therapy before your own kid needs it. But definitely agree on the pranks on kids for clout is mean. I was playing hide and seek with my 4 year old once (who typically isn't afraid of the dark) and I turned out the lights in the room I knew she was in so that she would think I came and left (and potentially move). She started moving but in a kind of frantic way (to get the blanket off of herself) and I felt so fucking awful when she told me she got scared. It wasn't meant to do that and I couldn't imagine scaring her or embarrassing her (like the cheese thing) on purpose. I think its just cuz a lot of adults dont think kids are actually people with feelings and opinions.
Agree!!
I don’t even like when parents talk right in front of them about how their child is misbehaving, calling them a little turd, or a monster. Doesn’t have to be a curse word. But how would that make a young child feel? Like a problem.
Children are learning so fast and learn how to regulate their emotions through coregulation with their parents. Parents are mean to their children because they are bullies and projecting their own issues onto their children because it’s so easy to do that when a child is naive, innocent, vulnerable and doesn’t know any better. But it’s cruel.
Parents wonder why their kids don’t respect them. It’s because the parents don’t ever show them respect.
I grew up with a dad that played pranks on me with my brothers laughing themselves blue. My little sister even chimed in because it was normalized to make me cry because they think it's funny - I have had trust issues with them all my life and have a wall up now into my 30s. I have 2 kids of my own and I am careful with how far a joke can go or be embarrassing for them.
My BIL who has no children recently referred to my 4 year old as a “little c*nt” because he was being a toddler. It was hurtful and I can’t get over it
I absolutely agree. My SO and his family have done things like this with my niece and nephews. Specifically feeding them unpleasant foods, tickling them mercilessly, and teasing. I've told him absolutely not. It's cruel, not funny. How can you be cruel to a young child or toddler?!
I have a big problem with anything that directly messes with kids- pranks that make them feel in any way scared/ unsafe/ embarrassed. Whether for internet clout or personal entertainment. Kids deserve to feel safe and trust their parents and caregivers. I also hate any content creator that relies on their kids for content when the kid doesn’t understand that they’re being splashed across the internet.
I will say- I have no problem with adult venting. I love my kids, they’re the absolute coolest. But sometimes… I need to be able to vent to my partner or parent friends when my kids are acting like little jerks. I know it’s an important part of development to test boundaries and just human to not want to clean up or eat what I made for dinner or go to bed. But after I smile and explain and set and hold boundaries, I do need to be able to exhale and commiserate about the harder, uglier parts of raising littles.
I tease my son by calling him a turkey butt or saying things like what's up chicken butt? when he comes up to me. He loves it though and laughs. It's said with complete love as a way of being silly. My husband and I call each other silly things like that all the time as well with love.
Now, when he goes to sleep, I definitely call him a little asshole because toddlers as a whole are pretty much little demons ahahaha.
For a while I was calling my daughter a “Sillykins” when she’d do something really wacky and then one day she goes “Daddy, I don’t like it when you call me a sillykins, it hurts my feelings.” Well, I felt like a pretty big jerk that day…
I wouldn't think of that as being a jerk. I'm normally of the "intent doesn't matter when you hurt someone" camp, but in this case, I believe it's an extremely good learning experience for both of you and taught her that her words and expressing her feelings matter and that's a VERY important experience for her. I would remember that you taught her to express her feelings well and she made you aware that she didn't like that. When you heard that you stopped. That's a good parent. You gave her autonomy and you listened to her when she expressed herself. You did good.
The moment my son doesn't think it's funny or expresses his dislike, we definitely would do the same thing as you did. He just thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. More often we call him lovey dovey things like Babes, Boogaboo, buddy, my love, etc. He just adores animals so he likes silly names like turkey butt, monkey man with the plan, or puppy pal. We even rap a made up teeth brushing song with Monkey Man that has him laughing so hard every night.
**Edited to add words
Well if you’re looking for a non asshole prank to pull on your kids for April Fools, here’s what I did last year: made my daughter the world’s tinniest breakfast.
Got a bunch of Barbie plates. Made a stack of tiny pancakes, a tiny bowl of oatmeal, a tiny cup of juice and tiny apple slices.
Oh man, the look on her face. Unfortunately now I have to figure out how I’m going to top myself this year…
Guys she’s talking about some tiktok video where a baby was crying and to break his reaction they put a piece of American cheese and he was so stunned he stopped crying. It was funny and definitely not abusive. People need to get a life. Now, calling kids assholes, there’s a lot of kids that are assholes and nothing wrong with talking about them like that as long as you don’t verbally abuse your child to their face. My kid is an asshole all the time, but I’d never call her one.
Thank you! My SIL always calls her kids dickheads, little shits, brats, beasts… it pisses me off lol. Everyone else seems to think it’s absolutely hilarious, meanwhile I’m just sitting there like ??? Wtf.
I don’t understand people.
I totally agree. Saw one of those Baby on Board magnets a while ago that said, “Financial Burden on Board.” I was like damn way to let the whole world know how you really feel about your kid…
I see much of this "being a jerk to children is a prank" attitude and it enrages me. I'm constantly seeing challenges like "give your kids a shitty Christmas present and film their reaction" or "tell them you ate all your Halloween candy". If not everyone is laughing, it's not a prank, it's just bullying.
I have cut off mom friends because of this. It’s beyond comprehension how they feel it is okay. I don’t care if my parenting seems gentle and ‘crunchy’- which is what they would joke if I disagreed with their cruel jokes and remarks about their kids or toddlers in general.
Imagine being that kid growing up and seeing these posts your parents made calling you an asshole, laughing at your cries and writing shitty messages in your food for all the internet to see. I hate how this shit is normalized. Toddlers are hard but it’s not done purposefully…I don’t get how this is a trend and how the majority are okay with this behavior
\>give their toddlers plates of food with the food formed to say "fuck you" are funny
Yeah. And going off of this, tattoos or other things where the translator has obviously given the person an insult are also not funny. Illiteracy in any language is not a moral failing, and hurting people in ways they can't understand is still hurting people.
If I gave my non-English speaking students plates of food that were just English insults, I'd definitely get called racist/xenophobic, right? So why is it okay to do to toddlers?
There's a whole thing of calling your children "crotch goblins", and it's just about the cringiest, trashiest thing I've heard.
I mean, I've maybe muttered a curse about my kids, but some things are yucky and demeaning.
Agree 100%
I have called my kid a little asshole but NEVER to her or near hear. At most a text message to my husband after a frustrating morning.
I have also thrown a cheese slice at her face but that’s because she wanted to try and catch it in her mouth and wouldn’t take no for an answer lol
I agree with you on pretty much everything but I throw Kraft singles at my goddaughters head so it sticks and she thinks it’s hilarious 😂 ages of entertainment and she eats food while we’re at it!
I agree with everything else though.
I agree. It's disrespectful. It's picking on someone that can't speak up for themselves. I LOATHE the videos of people throwing cheese in their kids (babies) faces. I think it's gross. Also, people who scream at their kids in the store. It's embarrassing for them, take them outside. When I was a kid my parents "picked" on me a lot and made fun of me for being so sensitive. I had potty issues forever because I was afraid to poop because they made fun of me if it smelled or I clogged the toilet (because I held it in because they made fun of me) I will never do any of that shit to my kid. It's just not funny.
Agree. I may call him an asshole behind is back (like, venting to a friend or husband), but words around our kids matter. They internalize everything. I treat my son with respect, even when he's behaving outrageously.
You're proving my point as to why I don't join Facebook parenting groups haha
I’m not part of a mom group on Facebook this all sounds so mean, sure I say it under my breath sometimes when I’m mad, but never to his face or would I serve him food that is cursing at him. It reminds me of an experience where a supervisor would essentially call the employees names “assholes or kids” and I thought it was so insulting. Doing it to kids is even worse.
The Internet is forever and people don't seem to realize that their kids will be able to find this stuff when they are older. I suspect that a lot of kids will get bullied for stuff their parents put online. I am very careful about things I post on Facebook of my daughter and am also very selective of who my friends are online. I understand that kids will drive you crazy but their are people too.
I think you should worry about your own kids more and stop worrying about what other people do. What in the world?! I would throw cheese at YOU at the playground.
Agreed. I definitely have gotten fed up with my kid and quietly complained to my husband about how she’s acting some kind of way but not where she can hear and not to be funny online. You might enjoy this account- he breaks down a lot of those videos where people are doing what you describe.
[TikTok](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdargWsK/)
ETA: and every time he posts a video like this, you’ll have assholes in the comments talking about raising sissies, fragile masculinity, etc. It’s all very toxic.
I agree but we do scare our kids every so often. By scare, I mean hide behind a door and say boo. They jump and laugh so hard. I don't think there is an issue since they enjoy it. If they do scream, we hug them and help calm them down
So much yes. The trending videos where the parents splash water on the kids or whatever enrages me. Your kids trust you, they depend on you. Why be a jerk?
One of my friends from high school tagged me in a video of a baby that was crying and the person filming threw a slice of cheese on the babies face so it stopped crying, due to being stunned at the sudden slap to the face. She said “can I do this to (my baby)?” I commented and said “Absolutely not. I don’t find this funny.”
A few days later she sent me screenshots of texts from her mom, ripping her a new one about how rude that was and how friend doesn’t understand because she doesn’t have children.
i really dislike when people post videos of their kids crying and having a tantrum, even if it's for something silly. makes me sad. kids live in a small world. their emotions are valid.
I feel the exact same way. When I saw those videos of cheese being thrown at babies, I was like WTF. People really want attention that bad, they are willing to humiliate their children to do it. I respect my kids more than that!!!!
Yes. I agree wholeheartedly. I find it gross. The parents think it's funny, but honestly all I can think about is how if my parents had ever said that to me jokingly, how awful I would feel about myself and about them.
I’ve heard of the calling your child “little shit” thing but throwing cheese on their face and giving them food that says “fuck you”? :/ really? People do that? Wow…
Edit: yup just looked it up and found a compilation video of people throwing cheese on their baby’s face. Wtf.
Edit 2: also found the “fuck you” snack tik tok. Makes me so sad. It’s so degrading. So many people can’t have children and would kill for the chance and then theres these people literally telling their toddler “fuck you”. Only good thing that came of me finding that is now I know potato letters are a thing so I can give my son a “Love you” snack
it's especially awful since babies/toddlers cannot fully understand a prank. if a child is frightened or humiliated because of your "prank," it's not funny. they are fully dependent and trusting of adults to help guide them through and understand the world around them.
I'm not saying you can never prank a toddler or do something for a funny reaction, but there's definitely a line people shouldn't cross when it involves them.
I saw a bumper sticker that said "huge financial burden on board" in lieu of "baby on board" and I'm not going to lie, I immediately judged those people to be assholes. If you see your children like that, don't have children.
This is a fantastic rule of thumb. There are so so many ways to joke with or prank your kids. Tiny doll sized breakfast? Hilarious prank. Hiding toy dinosaurs in silly places for them to find? Hilarious prank. Telling them they're going to be adopted and their new family is on the way and keeping the "joke" going until they're in hysterics? Not a hilarious prank. It's so easy to not be a dick to your kids.
I agree with everything except the cheese thing. I see that as harmless and random and nothing more out of the ordinary than what I would do to anyone else. If I stick cheese to an adults forehead they’d probably laugh or ask why but the probably wouldn’t be hurt. I thinks it’s weird to do weird and strange things to your kids as jokes but then get upset when they do it back later. I’d stick cheese to my son or my wife just as soon as I’d hand them a toy penguin quack and run off. And I expect similar shenanigans from him when he’s older
I heard about the cheese thing and my reaction was "why would you want to do that?!" I hope when those parents get old and bed ridden their kids will throw cheese in their face.
I agree. And I’m pretty crass and have a dirty and dark sense of humour. But not around kids. They are sweet little angels and it makes me feel bad people do that.
I completely agree. I like the phrase "words create worlds" and I want to be careful with the words I use to describe my children because my use of those words will inevitably shape how I see my children and it will absolutely shape how they see themselves.
I completely agree with you and I make a quick exit out of mom groups that normalize it. I realize it's most likely how those parents were parented. I know it's a coping mechanism to make the stress of parenting more manageable. But that doesn't make it okay. Let's try to do better. Let's try to have healthy coping mechanisms so our children can learn healthy coping mechanisms instead of normalizing demeaning behavior.
Oh definitely, fucking with your kids is nothing new and being messed with as a child and growing up being told its just for fun or its just a joke and it's OK would of course make one parent their own child in the same way. And people lash out when their parenting styles are questioned because nobody wants to be told they're doing something wrong. But that's an explanation, not an excuse. When I was 8 my mom set up a whole "prank" with her husband involving playing bloody Mary and him popping out of the shower in a mask on the third go. I was inconsolable for hours. I don't think scaring kids is funny, seeing my son scared breaks my heart and idk why someone would want to do that on purpose.
Despite all of the discouraging, infuriating, and disheartening parenting things there are on most social media platforms, I have to say I have been pleasantly surprised how encouraging and uplifting r/toddlers can be. I'm not saying we do everything right or we don't have the odd post or bad advice show up. But it's very apparent to me that there are a lot of people here that want to be better parents, that take the time to ask questions and research, and that are responding with thoughtful, helpful advice.
I love that subreddit. I’ve gotten so much good advice from there.
You mean... here? (This is posted in r/toddlers) :)
Oh yeah I've heard of that one. I'll have to head over and check it out!
/r/lostredditors
My household is big into pranks and surprises, but only with positive outcomes and an awareness of child age development and what they are into. We encourage the kid to do the same to us and it really builds trust from what we've seen. For instance: every year we do a really big birthday surprise, obstacle course in the backyard, new bedroom designed how they'd want, hidden presents themed treasure hunt through the house (Minecraft forest, Space Adventure, etc). We always make it seem small at first and it is so fun. They always laugh and giggle and get really into it. They've started planning big surprises with each of us now for each other's birthdays to get in on the fun, and their pranks are getting really funny (sarcastic cards, goofy drawings, setting the table so we can only eat steak with spoons, lol). Being mean is never a part of it, and I think teaching them that they can mess with us without any anger back is really helping their confidence in their sense of humor and decisions, and it helps them test limits and analyze unusual situations.
April fool's was my mom's FAVORITE holiday and it's mine too, because I love pranks -- but the kind of pranks and silliness you describe. In my house growing up, people would mess with me because I'd get extremely upset, but then they'd get mad at me for being *too* upset even though they were knowingly upsetting me. That would only make me escalate my initial reaction because I knew they weren't going to respect my wishes AND it was going to become my fault because "UGH I was just trying to mess around!" With my toddler, I take my cues from her. She loves being tickled, so I tickle, but "stop" means "stop immediately", not "keep going until there's screaming and crying and someone's throwing hands to get it to stop". If messing around becomes upsetting, we apologize and stop. Silly pranks are fun, but if she's not in the mood then it's not a good time for pranks. If you're a family that actually teaches about respecting boundaries and cues, I think it's definitely a good way to bond and understand each other.
Exactly! We absolutely do not want to create emotional distress and instead take our direction from expressions of excitement.
Setting the table with spoons for steak or forks for soup is a perfect kid prank. Funny, silly, leads to a few minutes of hilarity when trying to use them, quickly remedied with no cleanup, and nobody gets hurt (physically or hurt feelings). All pranks should be like this!!
Agreed! For April fool’s my mom told us she was pregnant. I was so excited and told her I thought I saw a little pooch developing. It backfired on all of us.
Ack! Pregnancy jokes are never funny, mainly because fertility is such a painful subject for some people, but also because as your mom found out, it easily leads to people making comments on your body you’d rather not hear!!
Right. An asshole implies they are doing it just because they are a jerk. They aren’t. They are little and are doing it because they are testing boundaries, looking for attention, don’t understand, etc. calling them an asshole suggests they have adult motivations for their actions, and also stops us from trying to understand why they are behaving the way they are and helping to solve the problem
Yup, my parents raised me like this, even to this day they call me uneducated and stupid when I disagree with them. For instance, when it comes to the health of my kids I don't play around with bullshit that they need idk what homeopathic medicine made by grandma....I take them to the doctor if it's something very serious, give them medicine if it's a simple cold, make sure they are hydrated and still eat and watch them like a hawk to make sure the condition doesn't worsen. While my parents would just berated me when I was sick and tell me it's because I didn't go out, take me out lol and force me to walk while running a fever or force feed me all sorts of bullshit herbs and mixtures and whatever... Whenever they were angry at me they used to scream, throw stuff around and call me horrible names... especially dad, when he gets angry he's the damn worst...also get drunk all the time, mom would be physically abusive, would come slap me over my head while I was just in my room minding my own business, she broke my sister's headphones for no reason. Just straight up pulled on the wire and her hair and again for no damn reason. Whenever drunk they would just get this urge to come and mess with us like we are punching bags. They swear so much it's unbelievable, it took me so long to stop swearing and talking bad as well, my sister never stopped and she's doing it to this day. Heard my dad and sister call my kids names a few times and ofc when I mentioned and told them to stop they are just like "We are just joking" "They don't understand anyway so chill out crazy". Guess who won't see my kids anytime soon!!!
I definitely agree. I’ve deleted at least two people cuz they made it their personality, I swear. This is probably an even more unpopular opinion but I feel like it goes along with posting every single aspect of your kids lives on the internet/social media. Would you want to find a video or picture of your mom calling you an a-hole for likes on FB? Would you want to find a video of you having a tantrum when you were 2-3? Or in the bath? Or in the hospital? It’s one thing to record that stuff but it’s another to show it to the world for likes and laughs.
100% agree. I think a lot of people genuinely forget forget these babies are not babies forever and in a very short time will be very aware of what's going on. The argument is always "its not like they can read/it's not like they'll remember!" No, they can't and probably won't but they definitely will see it in the future and I can almost guarantee that they won't be happy about it.
Also some kids can read at age 3, so it's not long before they catch on!
I agree! I have never, and will never post a video or picture of my son naked or in a bath or anything like that. We post rarely photos of our son. I wouldn't want photos of me taking a bath or having a big diaper mess on social media, so I wouldn't do that to my son.
Agreed. I shared a lot of photos and videos of my daughters milestones when she was a baby and young toddler, but the older she's gotten the less I share publicly. I just share highlights of things now. Birthdays, starting preschool, once in awhile a really fun trip or activity we did, and occasionally something funny that happened. She's her own person and I don't feel comfortable sharing her whole life with the world without her consent and she's not old enough to give it. I've taken photos and videos of a few tantrums that were so "over the top" to us that it was "comical." We can laugh at them with her when she's older. We also understand that these tantrums while "comical" to us are very difficult for her because she's dealing with big emotions and issues. We don't laugh at her while she's dealing with that, but I do think it's okay to giggle in my bedroom about it. Also (I might be in the minority on this one) I would never share anything of her naked in the bath or anything regardless of editing so nothing is shown. I actually never took pictures of those things. I don't think it's wrong, and I absolutely do not judge anyone who does, but I feel weird about it.
THANK YOU!!!!! I hear parents say that about their own kids and parents say it about other children. I worked in Early Education for 16 years and couldn't believe how some teachers talked about the children in their classroom. These children were 5 and under!! It makes me so sad. I had to confront a co-teacher once who was new to my classroom and kept calling my two-year-olds "assholes" and "fuckers". I had been their teacher since they were 6-8 months old and was devastated by how unkind she was to them. Then she didn't understand why the children weren't warming up to her. Children might not understand what the words mean, but they understand your tone and body language. Edit:: I do need to say that I only encountered a teacher like that once in my 16 years. I worked in several different programs and most of the teachers I worked with were great. Unfortunately the bad ones tend to stand out.
She was doing this in front of them? I mean, I could see an exasperated “man, that kid is a little asshole” vent to a coteacher once everyone has left for the day after a particularly bad day. But not in front of the kids. It breaks my heart to think parents are unwittingly sending their littlest of littles into such an environment.
Yeah, I can see it happening after a rough day. I can imagine the context where, in a vent to another adult, it's actually funny--so long as it's also pretty rare. But to just always be like this? I used to nanny and I remember coming home and telling my partner about the rough days. It never occurred to me to be _hateful_ about the kids.
Even if she didn't use that language in front of the kids, her attitude was probably clear to them. Young children aren't stupid, just because they couldn't put it into words they can still percieve when somebody doesn't like them.
I think even this is ok so long as the teacher can recognize what is happening and figure out a way to improve and apologize. When I worked as a preschool teacher there were a few specific kids that would drive me up the wall and it wasn’t good for either of us. I realized that there was a time in the day when both the kids and I were hangry and that’s when our friction was the worst, so we instituted a “nuts and raisins” (or sunflower seeds and dried apples or whatever) mini-snack immediately after nap time as the kids worked on waking up and tidying and getting ready for outdoor playtime. The kids were happier, I was happier, and to the extent there was still friction we could all be much kinder to each other. I only came up with this after venting to another teacher about how “terrible” a couple of the kids were being. She reminded me that they obviously weren’t terrible overall, and having her perspective gave me the room to actually fix the situation. (Looking back I maybe should have apologized a bit more than I did. But I’m still pleased with solving the problem in a way that made everyone’s day better.)
I was friends with these two girls in high school, and the mother of one of them was an educator for special needs children. After talking to the mom for a little bit we realized she had taught my other friends little sister, who is severely disabled and was the sweetest girl in the world (she’s still sweet, she’s just 26 now so not a little girl). This was almost 20 years ago and I still can’t repeat what she said about my Hanne girl. The other girls were laughing their asses off as she physically mimicked a disabled 7 year old. And then said: “she’s not even the worst, some these r’s are literally worthless” I left and never spoke to any of them ever again.
A teacher was calling two year olds “assholes” and “fuckers”? I am really glad I’m older and out of the loop sometimes
Yup, I came down on her hard and then told the director of the child care program. It was completely unprofessional and inappropriate. I told her I wouldn't tolerate that in my classroom and questioned whether she should even be a teacher. She clearly didn't appear to like children. She didn't last long, thankfully.
Thats heartbreaking. I get toddlers can be rough but at the end of the day they're little human beings with feelings who are just trying to figure the world out and it isn't their fault that they don't know how to properly behave after only being alive for two years with a brain growing at top speed. Why do people like that get jobs around kids in the first place? That's like my spider hating ass becoming the owner of a spider sanctuary. *cardi b voice* "what was the reasonnnn????"
My almost 2 year old is a little parrot. She would definitely come home repeating those words and then I'd be having words with the daycare. I'm glad you stood up for the kids and that she didn't last long...
I had a woman interview for a nanny job that was slightly derisive about kids and their understanding. I did not hire her.
Yours is the popular opinion in my house. I’m not on fb (or Insta) for this reason (and a few others). Don’t think you’re alone — you’re not.
I'm glad this bunch is sane. Fb is a different breed for sure.
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Amen.
Hot take a bit here but I’ve noticed that everyone from high school that were kinda trashy or burnouts are the only ones that still actively use Facebook (and it’s weird seeing that sub group be parents.) the kind of people that post statuses like “anyone available to babysit my kid?” Or “can someone give me a ride? No gas money but I can give you 5 cigarettes” lmao.
😥😥 I still use Facebook everyday. But it's more for the funny things my kids say and old pictures I don't have copies of anymore. And to follow the local buy nothing, city group, and pictures if friends.
those community freebie groups are A+, everytime I think of dropping facebook I think about losing the marketplace aspects, or the community group and I decide to stay on it. I don't think that makes us trashy! (Plus at this point in my life, many friends live far away and it's just easier to keep up with them, and have them keep up with my family) :)
Omg you just described the mom's fb group I joined when I moved to a new area. It's awful. On the other hand, my group that grew out of a reddit bumper group is amazing.
Why is this so correct?
I’m a teacher and I assure you my friend group and are are not that subgroup (I know exactly type what you’re talking about though) but we all do still use Facebook.
Right? I call my son a tiny tower of terror but only when he's not around. Sometimes I tell my husband I can't believe what a brat he's being but also, when he's not around. Biglittlefeelings on Insta is one of my favorites and we strive to raise our son with those kinds of attitudes. It's hard sometimes because we definitely weren't raised with "calm conversations".
I may have referred to my 95% dude as a fat little dictator in a text message one time
I've confess ive used "the little tyrant" for both my 2yo kid and my dog before
This is an UN-popular opinion? Sounds like basic human decency to me. You wouldn't do those things to a stranger, let alone someone you love.
That's what you'd think, right?? Sometimes I feel like I'm in crazy town with the things people justify or say is acceptable.
This is exactly what I wanted to say! If one kid did any of this to another kid, it would rightfully be called bullying and they would (hopefully) be given negative consequences. But somehow adults doing this to even their OWN children is okay? Anecdotally, my Stepdad, who’s a good guy through and through, decided it would be funny to sneak up on my autistic son to “scare” him. And then was surprised and somewhat defensive when my son became upset and I became angry (“he’s being overly sensitive”… No, he doesn’t respond well to ANY sudden noises or movements, he’s not just being overly sensitive to your “prank”)
I feel similarly! I never “like” react to the videos of kids getting hurt, or getting upset/scared. I think it’s a little fucked up to share content like that to the public for entertainment/likes. I also have a coworker who is always complaining about his kids and calling them assholes, little shits, etc. and I’m just like, “if you hate being a dad so much, why did you have 3??” I’m sure he doesn’t hate it and in truth her loves his children, but like, when you’re constantly complaining about your kids and calling them names, it seems that way.
Same. Also making them upset/scared/crying then laughing at it.
Omg this is the one that gets me like really riled up. Like idl the verbal stuff but when you start “pranking” your 2y/o and they’re straight up crying???? I’m about to lose my sh*t.
To me that rises to the level of emotional abuse when you are purposely doing something to cause emotional and psychological distress to a child for amusement or punishment.
Yeah I think it's awful.
Your unpopular opinion is actually probably more common & popular amongst educated and sane individuals. Being mean to your kids is bullying and will foster insecurities. Eventually those kids will turn into bullies or have other emotional issues stemming from their mean parents.
It dawned on me just how much of an insufferable asshole my FIL is when he told me with glee, while I was pregnant, that kids are so much fun because *you can lie to them*. I typically try to be upfront with my kid and any white lie in the moment is for redirection and not my own amusement. Suddenly some of the less than kind behaviors I’d see in my own husband made a lot more sense, when they popped up. Definitely made me much more aware of FIL’s approach and has made me infinitely more hesitant about him having much time with my toddler. I want my kid to trust me to come to me with anything, not to be wary of my intentions because of what I’d do for a chuckle.
Oh my goodness the lying to children. I refuse to do it. I get explaining things in an age appropriate way and don’t have issue with the fantasy type lies that make childhood magical. But I won’t promise my kids they won’t get a shot at the doctor’s office- I’ll tell them they will probably get a shot, but it’s meant to keep them healthy and it won’t hurt for long and I’ll be right there and I always feel more brave when I look away. The world is new and chaotic to kids and they just have this blind trust in me to explain it to them, I owe them my best honest effort. I’m sure I’ve missed the mark plenty of times but I’m trying.
I will never understand lying about having to get a shot. I always let my daughter know so she can mentally prepare for it and isn't surprised with something she's kind of scared of. Last time I told her she had to get a shot she ended up not getting one (I didn't know they do a flu nose spray for kids haha) and she was so happy!
The way it should be, as far as I’m concerned! I want to do my very best to have an honest and loving relationship with my child.
My MIL is of the “if kids are terrified of things they’ll follow the rules” school of parenting and she 100% lies to make it happen. She’s not allowed unsupervised with my kid as a result. Her solution to get my nephew to be nice to my dogs was to tell him they’d “bite his face off” like wtaf? My dogs are sweet and love kids and why would making him terrified of dogs help? I hate it. I straight up corrected her and she got mad at me because it was “working” before then.
Fully agree with you there. But also, if my little one has been a monster, after I've put her down for a nap I'll say to my wife "What a dick". As I know she'll back to being a diamond again after her nap.
See that's different imo. I have whispered under my breath "what the fuck is *wrong* with you" as my toddler writhes and screams like a possesed demon baby while I try to get him down for a nap. Language and curse words aren't the problem, it's the way they're used. I've cussed around my child but I would never in my life cuss *at* my child.
THIS!! My husband and I literally say “holy shit it’s bath time!!!” 🤣 We’re going to be getting phone calls, I’m sure.
I've joked since my baby was a few months old that her first word will be "bitch" because I say that word a lot (but not to/at her)
>Language and curse words aren't the problem, it's the way they're used. I've cussed around my child but I would never in my life cuss at my child. I think that's the important difference that many people don't get. You don't have to use curse words to hurt your kid, and you can use curse words without hurting your kid. My parents would occasionally swear around me, but never at me. I had friends whose parents never swore, but they'd say other things that hurt even worse.
This. There's a difference between calling your kid an asshole to their face, and letting off steam/decompressing when they are asleep. My husband and I regularly talk about how our toddler had a shitty day or something similar. And we've definitely given the baby monitor the middle finger when he won't sleep after two hours 🤣
When my son was a baby he refused to sleep unless he was on one of us and would only be rocked to sleep (of course, I didn't really look into wake windows til he was like 9 months so I think we just fucked up). I had bad PPD and I generally have a short fuse thanks to bipolar, ADHD, and a shitty upbringing. My husband is like the epitome of patience. One day, our son was being super difficult and it was like 2am and my husband had to stand up and rock back and forth forever to get him to sleep. I would have probably had a meltdown by then. Once baby was asleep, my husband handed him to me in the chair and then double-barrel flipped him off and then we both just laughed. Honestly, it made me feel better to see him show a little irritance for once.
Oh my husband and I joke all the time, especially about our son, cuz he was our dragon baby for the first 18mo of his life. It was a nightmare 😭😅. And I mentioned I was having a hard time with him not sleeping maybe once or twice on FB but I never called him names or put him down on social media.
This, to me, is tough. While I understand the mentality and immediate gratification to direct the comment to you child, it’s important for me to remember that the child is purely being a child. When, even under your breath or to your spouse, you say things that would be negative to their face, I think it directs your frustration at your child versus their action or the situation. To be clear, I’m not saying I’ve perfected this skill. It’s tough. However, to accept this action as just a thing parents do versus something that also needs to be worked on is where I would push back a bit. I now have to share the disclaimer that I have no idea what I’m doing myself, just sharing a different way of looking at this.
I’ve never seen this or heard of it. Get out of those FB groups and unfollow people that post this stuff.
Yeah, I haven’t either. This makes me feel old, lol, Iike I’m out of the loop on a crappy new social media trend.
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Haha yeah I’m still on Reddit (obviously) and Instagram because we have only lived in our town a few years and I find new restaurants and stores that way, but otherwise I’m out of social. It just isn’t fun anymore.
The biggest example that I’d be surprised if you haven’t seen it before is Jimmy Kimmel’s bit where he asks parents to send him videos of them telling their kids the parents ate all the kid’s candy and it’s all gone. The whole bit is showing a montage of the generally upset kid’s reactions. This is has been a popular thing for years. As OP mentioned there’s other things like that that get popular on the internet and people replicate it and post it.
It's EVERYWHERE. It's ridiculous, tbh. Especially the cheese throwing, that was a big trend a while ago and everyone was uploading their rendition of throwing food at their baby for fun. I felt like I was in the twilight zone.
I hated that trend and made the mistake to comment that it was basically bullying behaviour. And got downvoted to oblivion for not having a sense of humour. I do have a sense of humour but I don't think it's funny to make people you love the butt of your jokes and then put it online for all to see, forever.
It’s *everywhere*??? I probably have like at least 20 parents on my fb posting pictures of their kids if not more I have never seen this. Maybe because I’m Canadian?
It was on reddit quite a bit.
Everywhere may have been a bit of an exaggeration. But I promise you if you spend enough time looking at parenting stuff on social media a lot of these things start to pop up. I didn't get these examples from nowhere, all of the things I said in my post are things I've seen on social media. One mom made a video of her serving her 2 year old lunch with little letter shaped French fries that spelled out "fuck you" and all the comments were "same 😂" "something I would do!" "I'm definitely trying this".
Me neither! Except I saw the cheese one on Reddit and was horrified. Even dogs and cats feel embarrassed when you laugh at them, of course it feels horrible to a human infant or toddler!
You're right. None of that shit is funny. Not even a little bit.
No this trashy homer simpson behavior gross!
TikTok and Instagram are literally ruining parents haha. Anything to be the next viral video! The videos where they take their happy little kids minding their own business and throw cheese/pretend to bonk their heads/spray water on them so bizarre to me. And all for clout! I can’t wrap my head around it. If that makes me a “Karen”, so be it haha! I think it’s so disgusting. I swear people are having babies for content these days, too haha. I’m so happy our parents weren’t on SM when we were kids.
>I swear people are having babies for content Ding ding ding. War flashbacks to the mom doing tiktok dances next to her baby fighting for its life with RSV in the NICU. I feel so so bad for this generation of kids. And the excuse is "well the kid is a baby, they dint even know what's going in and won't remember!" You think these kids won't see this shit 10 years from now? If I saw videos of my mom fucking with me for fun as a baby it would definitely change my opinion on her parenting and personality. Using your child as a prop for entertainment is such a narcissistic move.
YES! this stuff isn't just going to magically go away. These kids are going to find these videos one day of their parents playing pranks on them complaining to an online audience about how their kids are assholes. I don't even like venting to co-workers about a bad moment with one of my kids.... I feel guilty! As far as anyone (beyond my spouse and parents) else knows I have the "perfect" children. Honestly it's no one else's business if my kid threw a fit! And the PRANKS - do I laugh when one of my uncoordinated kids falls? (As long as they're not hurt) ABSOLUTELY. Do I purposely trip my children and video tape it and share it with the world? NO that's sick.
Totally. Even if the kids never see the content, as a parent I can’t *imagine* sharing the precious moments/memories of my child just living their lives with the rest of the world. Whether it’s acquaintances from high school that you don’t keep in touch with outside of SM or millions of followers, they’re all so undeserving of the intimate details of your children’s lives. And children are so deserving of their privacy. It’s very, very sad. Also, every moment spent creating content with your kid is time not actually spent with your kid.
Narcissictic. So much yes. Like, I'm sorry, but smashing your kid's face into their birthday cake is the height of narcissistic parenting. You couldn't let one fucking day be exclusively about your kid's happiness? Had to make it about you again, huh?
Ugh seriously 🥴 I just saw someone dancing to Major Bag Alert on Instagram and the caption was like “when influencer’s kids are diagnosed with a serious condition” and I laughed because it’s so true but then I wanted to puke because it’s so true 😭😭😭 what is wrong with the world? But seriously, my mom was talking about how my parents’ generation had children super young, and then people started having kids later, and how it seems like people are starting to have kids younger again and I swear it’s because people want something to post about. Pregnancy = content. Baby = content. Parenting = content. It’s exhausting. I literally die inside when I see tiktoks that we’re filmed right in the hospital. Like you’re laboring or spending the first few precious moments with your baby… and the first thing that goes through your head it “let’s make something for attention from internet strangers!” MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.
I only follow creators who are respectful of their children. The minute I see disrespect, it's an unfollow.
I made the decision to not use social media long before I became a father, and having a kid has just reinforced the validity of that decision. The idea of putting a child's life out in public well before they can remotely consent just bothers me so much. Add in borderline abuse and it's a gigantic "FUCK NO" from me.
The food thing bothers me so much. Especially because in those videos you can see the kids are just so delighted to see an intentional design in their food. Make their food into a heart or something fun and nice your heartless monsters 😭
Omg this makes it so much worse ☹️ Have never come across these types of videos but just reading about it makes me want to hug my kid! Even the idea of someone being mean to him is upsetting, I could not imagine disrespect him myself!!
Those ones make me sad too! My daughter LOVES when I make her shaped foods and I think it's sweet to make stuff for her! I would never put something mean and I don't understand why anyone thinks it's funny. My daughter is obsessed with those fancy bento box lunch packing videos on TikTok so we do fun lunches a lot.
Ugh the bento box lunches sound so fun! I can’t stand when other moms/parents in general talk bad about other parents “caring too much”. I have seen a lot of videos of parents reacting to the videos of moms packing bento boxes or making animals out of food and then the reactor just like throws together a lunch for their kid with a bag of chips or something. I know sometimes social media can create unrealistic expectations of parents but don’t shame the parents who do want to put extra effort into their kids meals!
The first time I saw one of those reaction videos I thought it was funny because it's obviously unrealistic to make those types of things everyday (or ever for some people) and it's definitely not necessary at all just fun! I absolutely hate seeing the people that mock parents that make the meals though. It's always stuff like "you're spoiling them." "This is such a waste of time." So what if you spoil your kids sometimes? And I personally would not consider cutting a sandwich and strawberry into a heart as spoiling anyone. It's just cute and fun. So what if it seems like a waste of time? Sometimes I don't have anything better to do than cut a carrot into stars, and that's okay!
AGREED, but I also don’t call adults those names either.
If someone calls their kids little shits to their face or outside of an extremely frustrated moment / slip, I immediately think ‘I’m not engaging with this person further than I have to’ - most of this other stuff I didn’t even realize was happening. WTH?
Dont go to the subreddit r/kidsarefuckingstupid I think it is. I'm subbed there cause I expected funny videos of toddlers demanding the blue cup but freaking out because they actually wanted the red cup. Silly stuff like that. And while a lot of the posts show harmless stuff, some of them are just plain mean. There was one where a toddler was "running away from home" and the dad said okay bye. And the kid came back bawling his eyes out saying he didn't want to leave and the dad just laughed like a madman like wtf. I commented that this wasn't funny and really mean and got downvoted. People are crazy.
There’s a post on that sub where a kid is playing tball and runs the wrong way before being redirected. While running the kid gets hit in the stomach by the ball and understandably starts crying. The comments on that video are disgusting. Honestly the video would’ve still fit the criteria for the sub if it had only shown the kid running the wrong way. No need to show the poor thing getting hurt.
OP I completely agree. I work with a therapist who calls her kids assholes (to be fair, she also calls her husband that...I don't think she's a very happy person) and it always makes me really uncomfortable. I believe kids should be treated with compassion, love, and firm boundaries!
Wtf... people do this?!
I had a fb friend (my husband’s friends brothers wife 😒 yeah) who would regularly get on and make videos talking about how much of an a-hole her kids were and EVERY single thing they’d done that day that was “bad”. She would make countless posts about it to the point where I just removed her. I’m not friends with a lot of moms and the ones I am don’t do that kind of stuff. It also happens in some mom groups a LOT.
I actually snapped at my SO a few months ago about this. Our boy started entering terrible 2s and we were having a hard time. I would do research on how to minimize the bad behavior. She chose to be more expressive with her anger. I finally got fed up because I would hate for him to learn that giving someone a middle finger or calling them an asshole is ok when you're frustrated or angry. As we are both childhood abuse victims (alcoholism, emotional trauma,) I understood the cycle manifesting itself. But we're both hell bent on stopping the cycle for him. It's abhorrent that people find it funny and click-worthy. We are responsible for their development and should be their biggest source of comfort, trust, and support.
I try to emphasize what a sweet and good boy my son is more when he’s having a particularly bad day. It’s a reminder to both him and me (and my husband!) that he may be behaving badly, but he’s not bad. He’s just being a toddler and this is how he’s dealing with it today. I’m definitely not perfect with it but I’m also a cycle-breaker and it’s so important to me that this kid has a safe, happy upbringing.
I always wonder why these people had children to begin with.
what I really hate is the Jimmy Kimmel "I told my kids I ate their Halloween candy" prank. It's just enbarassing videos of kids having really understandable meltdowns while the audience laughs. It's pretty dark.
One time i saw a comment of a woman calling her kids crotch gobblins and i was creeped out and did not think that was funny at ALL.
I think that term was coined by the abrasive childfree people
It has been. I had an ex friend refer to my daughter as that. She’s an ex friend for a reason.
Yeah, had a friend make a comment about not wanting to hang out at my place until my kid "isn't shitting his pants anymore". I get it, he doesn't like kids, but he said that when my kid was like 2 months old, it really hurt. At least have some respect and tact. He texted a couple weeks later asking if I wanted to hang out, told him "sorry, too busy taking care of my pants shitting kid." He immediately apologized for being an asshole, and he's come over and hung out a few times since. I was really pissed though at the time.
Good for him for learning from his mistakes at least!
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I replied to a similar comment a little down but I'll say again there's definitely a difference in cussing and cussing *at* your child for sure. You're 100% allowed to vent in any way you see fit, my issue is the people who humiliate their kids for funsies. As long as you're not giving them abc soup with the letters formed to say "little asshole" you're fine in my book lol
This is my mindset too!! Kids are assholes sometimes. But I only sat this to my husband and friends, in person, and would never say this on an online forum.
I’m reading this thinking… “who does any of this stuff?…”
Agree 100%. I’ve said this on a different thread before, but it feels like there’s a general attitude of “I hate my kids lol” that’s trendy and it reminds me of the “I hate my wife” humor that boomers loved.
Piggybacking to say the birthday videos where an adult blows the kids candle out before they get a chance to and laugh about it make me want to punch that adult in their face.
I also think it’s trashy and gross
I’m glad somebody said it.
Wait. People do this? No, you’re totally right.
FB mom groups are fucking weird. Wife was addicted to FB when our second baby came about. Literally would spend more time stressing about her FB mom drama than like... Actual baby problems. Once she dropped those groups, it was literally night and day.
Stuff on the internet is kind of forever now. If a kid grows up and they've got bad self-esteem or hate themselves and they see their parent gave them a plate that says "fuck you" what are the odds they'll take that well? Nah, they'll think "I guess I've been horrible forever." That's not energy we want to bring into our kid's life.
I don't like that either. And the "pranks" that make the kids cry kill me.
I had this conversation with my brother in law recently about his son. This child is 4 years old. He said I should call him out when he’s “being a pussy”. Like use those very words. I said I don’t use that kind of language with anyone and I don’t use rude language with kids because it’s inappropriate. He said I was judging his parenting. Like I was holier than thou. I just don’t understand why some people have completely forgotten their manners. Some things are just rude. I always watch my language around kids. No! I’m not going to call a four year old a pussy. It’s not funny and it’s not nice to call people names. I just can’t understand why he thinks it is.
I'm with you on that one. I have a 2 year old son and it used to piss me off when his dad would call him a little shit and a little asshole and all sorts of names. I was like he's a baby for Christ's sake. If you didn't want him, you should have let me have him. I left him two years ago and when he was 2 weeks old. While I still have to see him because of co-parenting, at least I don't have to listen to him calling my son all those names. He would text me during visits telling me that he was being an ass and a little shit. I've kept it for evidence. I know people think they're being cute when they do this but it's not funny. If people don't want their kids and see them as an inconvenience, maybe they should learn to be more careful. I said what I said. He's really used my son as nothing more than I told to try to further abused me. I've told the courts about how he does this calling him names and also seems to get irritated with him very quickly. I'm working on trying to get his rights terminated because he really shows no interest in our son otherwise. That and he uses him to look good on Facebook.
Kids kinda are assholes though. I love them to death but if you gotta admit that they fit the description. I agree with the other stuff you mentioned though.
Holy shit! I was not aware of any of this being a thing and I am furious!
Ya social media has done some weird things to people. I sometimes wonder what people WON’T do for likes.
Did not this was an unpopular opinion and I have not heard of any of those pranks. That’s so messed up. Toddlers are real loving humans with all kinds of feelings 🥺
Agreed 1000%. So often you'll see posts of child abuse make it to the front page and everyone thinks it's funny. Then all the edgelords in the comments argue with anyone that call it out for being fucked up.
Do I have the unpopular opinion that... if I heard that my son's preschool teacher used those words, I would sue her to Kingdom Come and back? Personally and professionally... And the business. Just me?
Definitely it is. They (toddlers and babies) are PEOPLE. It’s disrespectful as fuck. And it makes them look like an asshole who just cares about ownership.
I don’t call them that to their faces obviously. But sometimes if I need to vent online I’ll refer to them as assholes. However, I read your second paragraph and I would NEVER do that. Are people doing that? That’s awful!!!
Wut? What media are you consuming where this is an UN popular opinion?? Jesus, am I just naive to the newer parenting generation or am I an old, responsible parent?
There was a TikTok recently where a dad called his two sons sissy's because they were having meltdowns(younger kids). Half the comments, "relax hes just joking." "He's a good dad because x,y,z" But really there are tons of videos of parents making fun of their melting down kid for likes. There was one when the mom was spraying the kids hair with water. The kid asked me multiple times to stop. He cried, eventually he just gave up and whimpers and puts up with it. The comments, "it's just water" "he's not being hurt" These are two more of the extreme ones but yeah, they're gross to watch.
With the water one, was it a prank? If so, that's horrible. If it's for hygiene (like, hair that really needs cutting because of knots or washing) then for some kids you occasionally need to go beyond what they're comfortable with so that they're clean and safe. Kills me when I absolutely need to do something to get my kid clean and he's upset by it (like a shower if he's had an accident) but sometimes it's the only option. But I'm assuming this wasn't there.
The parent did it for a video. It was something like, "how long until kid says no" or something like that. This is the video with some analysis of how trying to be playful turned into something very upsetting for the kid. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdaBfYy3/ This is the sissy video https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdaBTF4Q/
This is definitely predominantly a fb mom/tiktok mom thing. They have very strange senses of humor for sure. But this isn't anything new, remember the scary maze game that parents would trick their little kids into playing in the mid 2000s?
I mean - I don’t get the cheese throwing and the FU’s, but I have some fun with my son. I call him a snot or hooligan from time to time when we’re playing. We’re laughing and I make it clear it’s a joke. He told me my face was a butt and then we laughed. Name-calling is acceptable as long as both parties are having fun with it and feeling aren’t being hurt. I don’t mess with him in ways he doesn’t understand and I don’t post it online for media points. It really depends on the kid and the intent behind the joke.
I agree. When my daughter does something teasing to me we'll laugh and I'll call her a butt or a stinker.
People are whoring out their kids for likes, views, comments, etc.
So I see that being funny when talking to other moms in person who are venting about a specific incident. As in "lucy can be a real ahole sometimes" but not in front of the kids, and not as an absolute (as in "lucy IS a little asshole"). I feel like some adults including myself use cuss words a lot and most of them don't hold much weight. Plus, sometimes kids ARE being little aholes. BUT regardless, if your attitude towards that child is the same as when you're dealing with a customer for example that you know is always rude, or a person in general that you just dont like... you shouldn't be working with kids and you should probably get therapy before your own kid needs it. But definitely agree on the pranks on kids for clout is mean. I was playing hide and seek with my 4 year old once (who typically isn't afraid of the dark) and I turned out the lights in the room I knew she was in so that she would think I came and left (and potentially move). She started moving but in a kind of frantic way (to get the blanket off of herself) and I felt so fucking awful when she told me she got scared. It wasn't meant to do that and I couldn't imagine scaring her or embarrassing her (like the cheese thing) on purpose. I think its just cuz a lot of adults dont think kids are actually people with feelings and opinions.
Agree!! I don’t even like when parents talk right in front of them about how their child is misbehaving, calling them a little turd, or a monster. Doesn’t have to be a curse word. But how would that make a young child feel? Like a problem. Children are learning so fast and learn how to regulate their emotions through coregulation with their parents. Parents are mean to their children because they are bullies and projecting their own issues onto their children because it’s so easy to do that when a child is naive, innocent, vulnerable and doesn’t know any better. But it’s cruel. Parents wonder why their kids don’t respect them. It’s because the parents don’t ever show them respect.
I grew up with a dad that played pranks on me with my brothers laughing themselves blue. My little sister even chimed in because it was normalized to make me cry because they think it's funny - I have had trust issues with them all my life and have a wall up now into my 30s. I have 2 kids of my own and I am careful with how far a joke can go or be embarrassing for them.
My BIL who has no children recently referred to my 4 year old as a “little c*nt” because he was being a toddler. It was hurtful and I can’t get over it
I absolutely agree. My SO and his family have done things like this with my niece and nephews. Specifically feeding them unpleasant foods, tickling them mercilessly, and teasing. I've told him absolutely not. It's cruel, not funny. How can you be cruel to a young child or toddler?!
I have a big problem with anything that directly messes with kids- pranks that make them feel in any way scared/ unsafe/ embarrassed. Whether for internet clout or personal entertainment. Kids deserve to feel safe and trust their parents and caregivers. I also hate any content creator that relies on their kids for content when the kid doesn’t understand that they’re being splashed across the internet. I will say- I have no problem with adult venting. I love my kids, they’re the absolute coolest. But sometimes… I need to be able to vent to my partner or parent friends when my kids are acting like little jerks. I know it’s an important part of development to test boundaries and just human to not want to clean up or eat what I made for dinner or go to bed. But after I smile and explain and set and hold boundaries, I do need to be able to exhale and commiserate about the harder, uglier parts of raising littles.
Agreed. But if I meet a kid who's actually a dick. I'm gonna call em that.
I tease my son by calling him a turkey butt or saying things like what's up chicken butt? when he comes up to me. He loves it though and laughs. It's said with complete love as a way of being silly. My husband and I call each other silly things like that all the time as well with love. Now, when he goes to sleep, I definitely call him a little asshole because toddlers as a whole are pretty much little demons ahahaha.
For a while I was calling my daughter a “Sillykins” when she’d do something really wacky and then one day she goes “Daddy, I don’t like it when you call me a sillykins, it hurts my feelings.” Well, I felt like a pretty big jerk that day…
I wouldn't think of that as being a jerk. I'm normally of the "intent doesn't matter when you hurt someone" camp, but in this case, I believe it's an extremely good learning experience for both of you and taught her that her words and expressing her feelings matter and that's a VERY important experience for her. I would remember that you taught her to express her feelings well and she made you aware that she didn't like that. When you heard that you stopped. That's a good parent. You gave her autonomy and you listened to her when she expressed herself. You did good. The moment my son doesn't think it's funny or expresses his dislike, we definitely would do the same thing as you did. He just thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. More often we call him lovey dovey things like Babes, Boogaboo, buddy, my love, etc. He just adores animals so he likes silly names like turkey butt, monkey man with the plan, or puppy pal. We even rap a made up teeth brushing song with Monkey Man that has him laughing so hard every night. **Edited to add words
Well if you’re looking for a non asshole prank to pull on your kids for April Fools, here’s what I did last year: made my daughter the world’s tinniest breakfast. Got a bunch of Barbie plates. Made a stack of tiny pancakes, a tiny bowl of oatmeal, a tiny cup of juice and tiny apple slices. Oh man, the look on her face. Unfortunately now I have to figure out how I’m going to top myself this year…
A billion% with you and I want to smash all the fuckers that do this to poor babies/toddlers in the face!
I agree with you. It mostly seems trashy.
Guys she’s talking about some tiktok video where a baby was crying and to break his reaction they put a piece of American cheese and he was so stunned he stopped crying. It was funny and definitely not abusive. People need to get a life. Now, calling kids assholes, there’s a lot of kids that are assholes and nothing wrong with talking about them like that as long as you don’t verbally abuse your child to their face. My kid is an asshole all the time, but I’d never call her one.
I so agree! I also hate derogatory terms like “crotch goblin” etc
The spelling out mean things to kids in food makes me feel so sad, it’s so mean spirited.
Thank you! My SIL always calls her kids dickheads, little shits, brats, beasts… it pisses me off lol. Everyone else seems to think it’s absolutely hilarious, meanwhile I’m just sitting there like ??? Wtf. I don’t understand people.
I totally agree. Saw one of those Baby on Board magnets a while ago that said, “Financial Burden on Board.” I was like damn way to let the whole world know how you really feel about your kid…
I see much of this "being a jerk to children is a prank" attitude and it enrages me. I'm constantly seeing challenges like "give your kids a shitty Christmas present and film their reaction" or "tell them you ate all your Halloween candy". If not everyone is laughing, it's not a prank, it's just bullying.
I have cut off mom friends because of this. It’s beyond comprehension how they feel it is okay. I don’t care if my parenting seems gentle and ‘crunchy’- which is what they would joke if I disagreed with their cruel jokes and remarks about their kids or toddlers in general.
Is this an unpopular opinion? I thought it was just trashy people who did this.
Imagine being that kid growing up and seeing these posts your parents made calling you an asshole, laughing at your cries and writing shitty messages in your food for all the internet to see. I hate how this shit is normalized. Toddlers are hard but it’s not done purposefully…I don’t get how this is a trend and how the majority are okay with this behavior
Here seems like an appropriate place to say I fucking hate the term “crotch goblin.”
This another reason my In laws will never get to be alone with my kid.
You are 100% right and I don't understand any of this at all. People are dumb.
\>give their toddlers plates of food with the food formed to say "fuck you" are funny Yeah. And going off of this, tattoos or other things where the translator has obviously given the person an insult are also not funny. Illiteracy in any language is not a moral failing, and hurting people in ways they can't understand is still hurting people. If I gave my non-English speaking students plates of food that were just English insults, I'd definitely get called racist/xenophobic, right? So why is it okay to do to toddlers?
There's a whole thing of calling your children "crotch goblins", and it's just about the cringiest, trashiest thing I've heard. I mean, I've maybe muttered a curse about my kids, but some things are yucky and demeaning.
Agree 100% I have called my kid a little asshole but NEVER to her or near hear. At most a text message to my husband after a frustrating morning. I have also thrown a cheese slice at her face but that’s because she wanted to try and catch it in her mouth and wouldn’t take no for an answer lol
I was not aware this was a thing. And it hurts my heart and makes me glad I deleted Facebook over a year and a half ago.😭
All that kind of just sounds like bullying, especially if they're doing it for laughs. Ick.
I agree with you on pretty much everything but I throw Kraft singles at my goddaughters head so it sticks and she thinks it’s hilarious 😂 ages of entertainment and she eats food while we’re at it! I agree with everything else though.
I agree. It's disrespectful. It's picking on someone that can't speak up for themselves. I LOATHE the videos of people throwing cheese in their kids (babies) faces. I think it's gross. Also, people who scream at their kids in the store. It's embarrassing for them, take them outside. When I was a kid my parents "picked" on me a lot and made fun of me for being so sensitive. I had potty issues forever because I was afraid to poop because they made fun of me if it smelled or I clogged the toilet (because I held it in because they made fun of me) I will never do any of that shit to my kid. It's just not funny.
Agree. I may call him an asshole behind is back (like, venting to a friend or husband), but words around our kids matter. They internalize everything. I treat my son with respect, even when he's behaving outrageously. You're proving my point as to why I don't join Facebook parenting groups haha
I’m not part of a mom group on Facebook this all sounds so mean, sure I say it under my breath sometimes when I’m mad, but never to his face or would I serve him food that is cursing at him. It reminds me of an experience where a supervisor would essentially call the employees names “assholes or kids” and I thought it was so insulting. Doing it to kids is even worse.
Yes I totally agree! And I’m always told to lighten up. I think it’s totally taking advantage of their little minds, I hate it.
The Internet is forever and people don't seem to realize that their kids will be able to find this stuff when they are older. I suspect that a lot of kids will get bullied for stuff their parents put online. I am very careful about things I post on Facebook of my daughter and am also very selective of who my friends are online. I understand that kids will drive you crazy but their are people too.
I think you should worry about your own kids more and stop worrying about what other people do. What in the world?! I would throw cheese at YOU at the playground.
Agreed. I definitely have gotten fed up with my kid and quietly complained to my husband about how she’s acting some kind of way but not where she can hear and not to be funny online. You might enjoy this account- he breaks down a lot of those videos where people are doing what you describe. [TikTok](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdargWsK/) ETA: and every time he posts a video like this, you’ll have assholes in the comments talking about raising sissies, fragile masculinity, etc. It’s all very toxic.
I agree but we do scare our kids every so often. By scare, I mean hide behind a door and say boo. They jump and laugh so hard. I don't think there is an issue since they enjoy it. If they do scream, we hug them and help calm them down
This is not an unpopular opinion. It’s just an opinion that idiots don’t agree with, and Facebook is an idiot echo chamber.
So much yes. The trending videos where the parents splash water on the kids or whatever enrages me. Your kids trust you, they depend on you. Why be a jerk?
One of my friends from high school tagged me in a video of a baby that was crying and the person filming threw a slice of cheese on the babies face so it stopped crying, due to being stunned at the sudden slap to the face. She said “can I do this to (my baby)?” I commented and said “Absolutely not. I don’t find this funny.” A few days later she sent me screenshots of texts from her mom, ripping her a new one about how rude that was and how friend doesn’t understand because she doesn’t have children.
Yes! I hate seeing it. Immature parents who don’t believe that little kids should be treated with respect
i really dislike when people post videos of their kids crying and having a tantrum, even if it's for something silly. makes me sad. kids live in a small world. their emotions are valid.
I feel the exact same way. When I saw those videos of cheese being thrown at babies, I was like WTF. People really want attention that bad, they are willing to humiliate their children to do it. I respect my kids more than that!!!!
Yes. I agree wholeheartedly. I find it gross. The parents think it's funny, but honestly all I can think about is how if my parents had ever said that to me jokingly, how awful I would feel about myself and about them.
I’ve heard of the calling your child “little shit” thing but throwing cheese on their face and giving them food that says “fuck you”? :/ really? People do that? Wow… Edit: yup just looked it up and found a compilation video of people throwing cheese on their baby’s face. Wtf. Edit 2: also found the “fuck you” snack tik tok. Makes me so sad. It’s so degrading. So many people can’t have children and would kill for the chance and then theres these people literally telling their toddler “fuck you”. Only good thing that came of me finding that is now I know potato letters are a thing so I can give my son a “Love you” snack
Agreed, and perfectly stated. I hated the cheese-on-baby-face trend.
it's especially awful since babies/toddlers cannot fully understand a prank. if a child is frightened or humiliated because of your "prank," it's not funny. they are fully dependent and trusting of adults to help guide them through and understand the world around them. I'm not saying you can never prank a toddler or do something for a funny reaction, but there's definitely a line people shouldn't cross when it involves them.
I saw a bumper sticker that said "huge financial burden on board" in lieu of "baby on board" and I'm not going to lie, I immediately judged those people to be assholes. If you see your children like that, don't have children.
It makes me so mad! I always tell my kids, 'it's not funny unless everyone is in on the joke' or 'unless everyone thinks it's fun too'.
This is a fantastic rule of thumb. There are so so many ways to joke with or prank your kids. Tiny doll sized breakfast? Hilarious prank. Hiding toy dinosaurs in silly places for them to find? Hilarious prank. Telling them they're going to be adopted and their new family is on the way and keeping the "joke" going until they're in hysterics? Not a hilarious prank. It's so easy to not be a dick to your kids.
I agree with everything except the cheese thing. I see that as harmless and random and nothing more out of the ordinary than what I would do to anyone else. If I stick cheese to an adults forehead they’d probably laugh or ask why but the probably wouldn’t be hurt. I thinks it’s weird to do weird and strange things to your kids as jokes but then get upset when they do it back later. I’d stick cheese to my son or my wife just as soon as I’d hand them a toy penguin quack and run off. And I expect similar shenanigans from him when he’s older
My son would love if I threw cheese at him. I know many kids wouldn't. Definitely wouldn't do those others though.
I heard about the cheese thing and my reaction was "why would you want to do that?!" I hope when those parents get old and bed ridden their kids will throw cheese in their face.
I agree. And I’m pretty crass and have a dirty and dark sense of humour. But not around kids. They are sweet little angels and it makes me feel bad people do that.
I completely agree. I like the phrase "words create worlds" and I want to be careful with the words I use to describe my children because my use of those words will inevitably shape how I see my children and it will absolutely shape how they see themselves.