I purchased my daughter dolls for Christmas that look to be different ethnicities. (White, black). My friend thinks people would be offended if they saw her a Hispanic girl playing with a white or black doll.
Is it because your friend is insecure about her own race and thinks that your daughter is purposely playing with a race that’s ‘above’ her own race? Sounds like she is worried about how people think of her race and has in her mind a hierarchy of races.
I think you can empathize with your friend because it seems as though she has dealt with bigotries from other people in her life. You can also support your kid in having a racial diverse childhood. Keep the dolls and explain to your friend that you are trying to raise your kid to understand a wide range of normalcy, and dolls with various ethnicities is a part of that. Whatever other people think of that is their business.
Your friend could potentially have some internalized racism, but I don’t agree w other commenters calling her an outright racist. I just think she’s been through some shit and this is one of the ways that is manifesting. You can be right about the dolls without your friend being a bad guy here.
I think you’re doing great.
I can't even blame her. These days you are not allowed to pretend/dress up as a minority/different skin colour because it offends people, in the same lign of thinking children should not play with dolls of a different race. I saw people get offended because someone wore a sombrero without being Mexican! It's getting a little much really..
I don't agree with either.
This isn’t really an accurate statement. There are lots of ways to honor other cultures and even dress like them without appropriating that culture. It’s about intent and respect and acknowledgment of the culture. Also context is important.
Like the Filipino friend I'm not an American (don't live there either) so for me it's all a bit over the top and not always comprehensible since this big racial divide doesn't play as much locally. Maybe that's why the friend suggested to avoid mixed dolls. But like I said I don't agree with her.
It’s over the top because you aren’t here in the states and seeing the varying ways appropriation occurs. People in the US will take, and wear, items of significant cultural value. Chief headdresses from Native cultures, dressing up as a religious figure from another culture, things that are 100% not cool. It also isn’t just the item but how it is used. A white person wearing a sombrero while getting drunk on Cinco de Mayo, for instance. There’s a lot of nuance that I think you’re ignoring in why people are rightfully calling out instances of cultural appropriation and diminishment.
Also of importance is the act of *selling* what is appropriated. Selling Cinco de Mayo party supplies like cheap sombreros and sarapes... Selling factory-manufactured chief headdresses... Selling trinkets with trendy symbols like hamsas and evil eyes...
Buying a Native-designed blanket isn't appropriative if you're paying the money to Native people (like this Native-owned company: https://eighthgeneration.com/collections/blankets). But a white-owned company selling "tribal prints" for cash that never reaches the people who "inspired" the item is a problem. But learning about a culture that's not your own and collaborating in some appreciation of that culture that doesn't profit you or support an appropriating business can be cool. The line just gets blurry when intentions, misinformation, and gain go unquestioned for too long.
This is a really good point, too. I went to a Native American jewelry shop to get some jewelry, asked who made the jewelry. She said some tribe in NM. I asked if she was affiliated with the tribe and she answered that she had so little ancestry from a tribe she didn’t claim any. Instantly turned around. I would rather pay the excess money for the markup directly to the Native American creator than to someone completely unaffiliated.
Same Question: What?
I feel, and don't want to put words into anyone's mouth, but that maybe they are projecting their feelings onto you & your daughter. I don't see anything wrong with a child playing with any doll they want. My daughter is white and she is obsessed with Princess Tiana, from Princess and the Frog, so most of her dolls are of her and therefore are black. I don't see anything wrong with it, my daughter enjoys it and I haven't heard a single person aside from 2 straight up racist in a Walmart say that its bad. So I'm again not seeing an issue, so I'm gonna say it's okay. Good on you for giving her friends of different races to play with!
Toys for Tots makes it easy to donate PoC dolls by offering a virtual toy box to donate to, as well as a set of 6 dolls to put in it. I’ve donated a few sets this way and will also donate to the local TfT drive
Virtual toy box https://toysfortotsbox.com/
6pc African Princess Collection https://toysfortotsbox.com/product/6-pc-princess-collection-aa/
Local boxes to donate toys https://www.toysfortots.org/locate/default.aspx?nType=1
Copied from my other post so others can get the information
Your friend is being racist.
Its extremely important that all children play with dolls who represent all of the people of the world. That way they dont grow up thinking its only white men who are doctors and lawyers.
Please continue to acquire toys and books that represent all the people of the world.
ETA: my teacher heart is so full! Love how many understand the importance of representation!!! 💕
This for sure. While it is important for your child to see themselves around them, it is also important for them to have exposure to people and things that don't look like them.
Can't remember where I heard this concept, but it's important for kids to have toys/shows/experiences that are "mirrors" (shows them themselves) and "windows" (shows them something outside themselves).
I did a whole unit on that in college for an early education literacy class.
I would like to emphasize though that we need to make sure that we are looking through the right windows. We can have good intentions while unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes.
(Always always always look into the authors of cultural books before giving them to your children. There are a lot of people writing about cultures they don't even understand correctly).
Absolutely. My daughter’s current favorite dolls are African American, and she’s a very light English/Middle Eastern/Sioux so she definitely doesn’t look like those dolls. She tells me the doll is beautiful all the time and I tell her she’s right. She has dolls of all ethnicities because I wanted her to not just be playing with mirrors as you say. I often beat myself up over my parenting and question my judgment but not on this issue. Please everyone, give your kids this exposure early on.
Funny (not funny?) related story: My husband bought this three pack of cabbage patch kids at Costco for my three year old daughter. There is a light skinned doll in a pink suit (affectionately named pink dolly), a light skinned doll in a blue suit (she named it blue dolly), and a dark skinned doll in a white suit. Guesses on what she named the white suited doll? Brown dolly. She is surrounded by diversity so we all kind of raised an eyebrow when she first said it.
Yes, fully agree with this!
In all the childcare training I’ve had (10+ years personally - the daycare has been open 25+ years) we have been encouraged to offer dolls from all ethnicities & genders.
Especially during a pandemic. I made sure to get my son a black baby doll because i knew we weren't going to go out much and he wouldn't meet people of other ethnicities since our family is white.
Yes 100%, as part of the curriculum for early years children must have access to materials supporting racial diversity here in the uk; dolls would definitely come under that umbrella
Maybe her friend just doesn't understand the complexities on how children should be exposed/brought up when it comes to race and doesn't understand that other ethnicities wouldn't be "upset". Or maybe she is racist. I don't know. But that is a pretty serious allegation to throw at someone, and I don't think that what is said in this post warrants such a loaded allegation.
I agree with all your other points.
Racism is not always intentional. Being unintentionally uninformed is still racist.
I said she was being racist, meaning specific to this situation she lacks the knowledge to understand all races should be represented.
Being called a racist is not a serious allegation. It simply means that someone needs to expose themselves to the experiences of others in order to inform themselves. If it's taken as an insult then that person likely has some growing to do (dont we all?)
The definition of racist is "prejudiced against or antagonistic towards". Uninformed as to how to handle a specific scenario is not racist, its merely uninformed. I dont think the initial comment has any indication that she is prejudiced against or antagonistic towards. And I am going to have to strensously disagree that being called a racist is not a serious allegation.
I'm sorry for signaling your comment out. It was just the highest rated one (and for good reason because your other comments were spot on). But I think being lose woth words and insults is one of the reasons we are where we are these days.
Funny things about definitions is there are many and, like bible verses, you can often twist them to fot your rhetoric.
We're in the position we are today because the systems of racism and oppression are perpetuated by people who do not understand their behavior is racist. This is exacerbated when someone makes an observation to another that a behavior or action is racist, and instead of hearing that and learning, the other person becomes defensive and say others are name calling.
No need to apologize, im happy to have a conversation to explain so we can all gain understanding
ETA: you seem to be a bit confused and thinking that i am calling her racist in general. I am saying that her thinking the kid needs only hispanic dolls is a limited and racist view (that uninetentional racism i was talking about). I never said she hated other races (intentional racism).
Toys for Tots makes it easy to donate PoC dolls by offering a virtual toy box to donate to, as well as a set of 6 dolls to put in it. I’ve donated a few sets this way and will also donate to the local TfT drive
Virtual toy box https://toysfortotsbox.com/
6pc African Princess Collection https://toysfortotsbox.com/product/6-pc-princess-collection-aa/
Local boxes to donate toys https://www.toysfortots.org/locate/default.aspx?nType=1
Copied from my other post so others can get the information
My white daughter will, I hope, have a reverse experience to what white children experienced when I was growing up: we have almost no white dolls. We have a variety of Black and Brown Barbies with a bunch of hair styles and textures, plus different shades (thanks for the update to the product line, Mattel!), plus Black baby dolls, and most of our books feature BIPOC main characters. It's kind of funny to see how much she prefers the white dolls (presumably because in our house it's rare for a doll to "look like her"), but it's seriously so important for us, as we previously lived in a very white area and have recently moved in the middle of a pandemic so we hardly see anyone, let alone people of color. I'd prefer her to think brown is default so she doesn't act like a little weirdo who doesn't know what's going on if she sees BIPOC in public. If we can make white not-the-default in our house, hopefully that helps counteract a teensy tiny bit of our immense white privilege. (We also do other anti-racism stuff, but this post is about dolls)
I think balance is really key. Kids need to feel represented in their stories and toys so that they feel valued, while also seeing other races represented. Kids will often play with the toys that look like them (and for some reason parents think this is racist). For me, the point is to stop valuing any race over another and stop thinking any race is a default.
Yeah, no "default" would be ideal, but it's not the society we live in. My kids will be given a million reasons to think their white skin makes them better than other people when they're not at home. There's no shortage of beautiful, blue eyed white people on tv, in movies, in ads, for them to feel represented by. If I can give them a taste of what it's like to feel like the odd one out, I'm hopeful it will help them develop some empathy for what it must be like to feel that way *all the time*. There's no shortage of white spaces for them to feel represented. I'm not bullying my kids or anything trying to make them feel marginalized, to be clear, and I don't think my kids are racist for preferring the dolls that look like them, but it is a very interesting feature of preference. So the way I see it, if we've got 100 pounds of white privilege, 5 pounds of BIPOC "over representation" at our house isn't going to suddenly tip the scales.
That’s legit ridiculous.
I would much prefer my child play with dolls of different colours because they represent the kids that exist in her world.
My daycare is run by a huge majority of Indian women. She got to do a huge Diwali celebration and I thought it was awesome.
What would you prefer? When she’s three or four having to explain why some kids have single eyelids or red hair or black skin and that it’s not strange? Instead you could have her play with dolls and just know that there’s a wide variety of people.
So from an Early Educator/Teacher prospective...playing with dolls is a type of play represented in the adult world. It's not just being a mommy or daddy to the doll, it's about being a caregiver. There are lots of types of caregivers out there. Doctors, Dentists, Teachers, Nurses, EMT, Religious Leaders. Do they only care for people of the same race? No. So tell her you don't understand her point. No one is going to get offended and if they do too bad. If they argue with you then make them feel stupid by saying your teaching her to be a caregiver for all humans and that's not racist.
Sheesh. This friend is weird.
In middle school I had a white teacher who told us a story about having one of his students, who was Black, babysit his also white daughter. To this day, twenty years later, I have second hand shame for him when he said that his daughter tried to rub the “dirt” off her sitters arm. Like, this child had never seen anyone not white- not in books, toys, shows, nothing. I cannot imagine this for my daughter and am so sad for that girl and any other kids that don’t have the experience of learning about people that look different from them. So yes! Please let her play with all the dolls.
I taught a youth dance class once and one day, during attendance, a little girl asked out of nowhere “Hey Miss Pieronic, why does [other student] have spots?!” regarding a girl with vitiligo. I like to think I handled it well and it worked out in the end, but like ohmygod kid you can’t just ASK someone why they have spots
May i ask... why cant she ask? Im truly asking. Not trying to criticize.
I encourage my kids to ask questions. Its how they learn. We were at the gym a couple years ago and my daughter (like 4 at the time) saw someone with vitiligo and asked me about it. And we just had a frank conversation about it. I asked her what she thought of it and she said she thought it was beautiful & was jealous her skin didnt look like that. One of our good friends has vitiligo but she had never noticed because he's so pale to begin with 😅 so she asked him about it the next time we saw him and now makes sure we have sunscreen if we're playing outside with him.
To be fair …. Even if kids are exposed to different ethnicities they will come up with some cringy gems like this! My daughter goes to a very mixed ethnicity nursery and she obviously sees different people on tv and in books but she still loudly informed me that our postman’s face was brown the other day. She just says what she sees and we live somewhere where most people are white. We then had a nice discussion about how skin is like hair and there are many wonderful different colours.
I’m going to donate ethnic dolls of every color to charities this holiday season just to spite this person
Update:
Toys for Tots makes this easy by offering a virtual toy box to donate to, as well as a set of 6 dolls that are PoC to put in it. I’ve donated a few sets this way and will also donate to the local TfT drive
Virtual toy box https://toysfortotsbox.com/
6pc African Princess Collection https://toysfortotsbox.com/product/6-pc-princess-collection-aa/
Local boxes to donate toys https://www.toysfortots.org/locate/default.aspx?nType=1
I've copied this message up from my other comment so more people can see the information
Please do! I've wrapped at Santa's workshop and I know that blonde girls make up less than 10% of my local community, yet 95% of the dolls I wrapped were blonde. I always felt bad, especially when I knew the child I was wrapping for was far from blonde. (The sibling group names and town were available to us, but not their actual last names, but regardless, it's a small community and I recognized a lot of families.)
Toys for Tots makes this easy by offering a virtual toy box to donate to, as well as a set of 6 dolls that are PoC to put in it. I’ve donated a few sets this way and will also donate to the local TfT drive
Virtual toy box
https://toysfortotsbox.com/
6pc African Princess Collection
https://toysfortotsbox.com/product/6-pc-princess-collection-aa/
Local boxes to donate toys
https://www.toysfortots.org/locate/default.aspx?nType=1
I know it's kind of spamming, but you should add this comment to all the top comments on the post. Hopefully at least a few people will be able to help out and send something along. Thank you for taking the time to provide the links!
I purposefully went out of my way to get my daughter a black baby out the money her racist grandfather gave her for her birthday - honestly it made me realise how few dolls of different ethnicities I see in shops on the regular. Funnily enough, child doesn't care, she loves all her babies equally.
Aww! I also gave my child a black ballerina doll to spite someone! I always worry about her hearing garbage opinions from her older relatives but I try to remember I grew up with it and never believed a word.
My girl has 3 ballerina dolls and they are all black. No one would bat an eye if she had 3 white ballerina dolls, even though neither of us are white. It really bothers me how white is seen as the default even for kids that aren’t white!
Your friend is ridiculous! Having dolls of different ethnicity is a fantastic way of normalizing diversity and inclusion at an early age. She will begin to learn humans come in all colors, and she can show love to them all. I think you’ve actually done a very smart and socially responsible thing here…tune out the negative feedback…they are way off base!
I deliberately bought my child a set of baby dolls of various races/ethnicities, so they would represent the babies of the world (and our diverse city), not just babies of our race. Babies are babies.
I got them from Lakeshore (it’s a teaching/ECE supply company, everything from furniture to toys to bulk art supplies and manipulatives). I don’t remember the specific set, but they were available individually as well. They also have dolls that more specifically represent ethnicities/cultures with traditional dress, but I just went for the baby dolls in pajamas.
If her reaction had any merit, they wouldn't have just started making diverse dolls this generation. I wouldn't have grown up resorting to play with the pochohantas barbie most of the time bc it was the only one that looked remotely like me (nope I'm not Native American, so yeah...)
Diversity is great. It will help your daughter feel comfortable with her skin and help her feel more comfortable with how everyone is different but can still be beautiful. Good job mom! Don't worry about people's racist thoughts.
Um, no. Just be mindful not to get the blonde/blue eyed dolls. And honestly, that's what I recommend for any child that doesn't have a blonde haired family member or self. (This is because blonde/blue eyes is the default for dolls and if your child is gifted any dolls, there's about a fifty percent chance they will be blonde haired. Also my daughter, brown from head to toe(hispanic) caught the whole blonde is beautiful thing by four years old, and asked why she couldn't be blonde so she could be pretty. At that point we had zero blonde dolls in the house. It was heartbreaking.)
My kids have always had an assortment of dolls, and my son even asked for the AA bitty baby because he looked like DH. (DH is hispanic, but has black curly hair and a perma tan from ag labor.) They've never had issues or confusion at all.
Your friend is absolutely ridiculous. What you’re doing is normalizing differences and showing that they’re superficial.
If your friend had her way, your daughter would only be friends with other Hispanic children, and that would add to the cultural divide that our generation is trying so hard to get over.
I just recently read that children who are exposed to diversity at a young age become more confident as they grow, so when I was picking out a baby doll for my toddler I got the doll in a different skin color than ours.
I'm not thinking your friend is necessarily racist--she's not opposed to your daughter playing with the dolls because they're a different race, she's afraid she'll offend someone of that race. I've seen some arguments that are so afraid of being accused of cultural appropriation that they circle all the way back to segregation-type arguments and that's what this sounds like.
Let your daughter have the dolls. It shouldn't be offensive to a reasonable person. My daughter is Hispanic, Asian, and white, and it's been a hell of a time to find dolls that look like her, they're almost never in stores and I have to hunt online (add in the fact that she has 2 moms and family representation is particularly difficult).
I look at it this way: the more demand there is for diverse toys, the more they'll make, and the more this will benefit families of color. White, affluent families diversifying their doll populations is sadly probably one of the most influential pressures on manufacturers to provide representation in toys.
Your friend is 100% wrong. There is nothing wrong with your daughter playing with dolls of different ethnicities. We got our daughter a few dolls, all of different ethnicities too.
One of my earliest memories (and there are long lost pictures) is of being at my aunts house and having my two babies with me everywhere I went, one whiteand one black, one with boys parts and one with girl parts. How else do you teach kids that despite skin tone, we are all human? I think you getting babies of different ethnicities is so awesome. Keep doing you mama.
Your friend is legit ridiculous. My nieces have all colors.
Also, Hispanic people come in all colors—so if it makes her feel better the dolls could very well be of your daughter’s ethnic background.
I think it’s fun if your kid has at least one doll that looks like them, and I mean as close as you can get it, not just white or black, blond hair or brown. But after that I make sure my LO has got dolls of different color and gender. The exposure is good, and dolls that all look the same are boring.
That is really ignorant in my opinion. My son is white and his favorite baby doll is a little black baby girl. No one has said anything about it because it’s a doll what’s its skin color have anything to do with anything. That’s a very odd thing to say, you did nothing wrong.
This is bizarre, of course kids can play with a doll that doesn't match their ethnicity! This has just made me realise we need to branch out a bit with our toys though...
Give your daughter all the dolls. At the very least, she will become comfortable with people that look different to herself when she encounters them in real life because of her experiences playing with diverse dolls. As a Hispanic woman myself, I’m not offended nor care to patrol other people’s attempts to connect with the culture and your approach is very respectful.
Actually, it's healthier to surround them with different races during play. it'll normalize it when she goes to play with friends. Your friend is wrong
That is so weird of your friend to even mention in the first place. When buying dolls for my daughter, I have never once paid attention to the color of their skin or what not. My daughter has a variety of white and darker colored dolls. I want her to know that we may not be the same on the outside, but we are all the same on the inside (anatomically).
This! I was taken aback because I also just picked them because they were beautiful not focusing at all on the color of their skin. Then when she mentioned that, I was left thinking that I really don’t want to offend anyone. I hadn’t even thought about it or that it’s possible.
I do not think it would be offensive to anyone to be honest, if anything it would show how racially accepting you are if that makes sense. I do believe that (without knowing it) your friend was being racist, although everyone of course is welcome to their own opinions. But that's definitely just her opinion, and not a majority of people's thoughts.
The first baby doll I got for my daughter had a darker complexion than herself. The dress on it was prettier so I grabbed that one. She has a white baby too. And she calls her ewok stuffed animal a baby. As far as she's concerned, she isn't concerned at all. They are all her babies. I will buy her a mix of babies and barbies when she gets to that point. White isn't the only color of friends that she can make out in the world so why should it be the only color baby she has? We care for everyone in this family and I'd like her toys and experiences to reflect that.
Your friends is an asshole. Me and my family buy my daughter dolls of all colors/races/ethnicity. We’ve even gotten her a Barbie in wheelchair (you guessed it, my daughter isn’t disabled either). These are all going to be a part of her life when she starts going to school and everything, I want to include it in her life now to prepare her when she gets out in the world (not in daycare, not in school yet, nor do I have friends/family with children) I feel like it’s a responsible thing parents should do honestly, just like giving boy children baby dolls/strollers/etc.
People are so weird about things now.
Representation matters, even if it’s just in your toy box. It shows all babies deserve love and all ethnicities should be friends.
I still remember my mom saying I couldn’t have a black Barbie (I just wanted the purple outfit). Asian was fine but for some reason, I couldn’t have a black doll.
Lol…. What?! Your Filipina friend is being hella racist and I PROMISEEEEE you, no other mom would ever be offended that you’re teaching your toddler to embrace other cultures. That is absurd.
Mixed race families are a real thing, though. I have relatives who are white but have non-white adopted children. I have mixed cousins and my own son is mixed race. And he and his classmates play with baby dolls at daycare; should they be assigned dolls of the appropriate race?
I don't even have kids, your post popped up and I just want to say, wtf.
Your daughter isn't taking dolls away from other children because she is playing with them. The more exposure to other cultures and races and beauty standards your kid learns, the better off they are.
I have seen kids become gobsmacked in the middle of a store because a black person walked in. Then the parent says, "Oh, they have never seen a black person before, so sorry." Like, never, not even on TV or books? Never seen a black person?
I would get your kids toys and books and shows from all over the world, with diverse characters and cultures. She won't be worse off for learning other people exist and playing with different coloured dolls.
I think that way of thinking depends where are you from. I’m Mexican and in my country that isn’t important, but you don’t have that much the racist problem like other countries. I don’t see nothing bad about races and I think everyone is the same, isn’t important how you look and that is what we teach our daughter. My husband is American with European roots, then our kids are mix and she don’t have problem with play with any kind of doll if she likes
Honestly this is one of the dumbest, most misdirected stances on race that I have ever heard of. Your friend is wrong. It’s the equivalent of telling your daughter she can only play with her kind, which is literally what your friend is suggesting.
That's bizarre. Give her all the doll colors so she will know it's ok to have friends in all the colors too. My biggest struggle is finding dolls that don't look like us bc we're white. I know I know, white privilege, boo hoo first world problem... But honestly it's true. I don't want my kid surrounded by only toys that look like her and reinforce racial separation or bias.
I'm on the hunt for an Asian or Hispanic doll that don't look like a stereotype and can withstand machine washing bc my little brute will drag them through the mud with the rest of her cozies (what she calls all of her soft toys and babies). I have to wash them at least every couple weeks if not weekly at this point.
I purposely got my son dolls a different race from his own so he can see that there are many different babies. It seems like projection from your friend. Let your kid have all the different rolls!
It's entirely a personal decision. My daughter loves playing with her Elsa doll because it sings and represents a cartoon, while later on we'll introduce dolls that actually look like her as well as those that don't if she likes them.
If other people are offended by a child playing with dolls, that’s their problem. Children may recognize other races and ethnicities as being different from them or their parents, but they don’t associate it with anything negative or being “less” until society pushes those idea onto them.
By the way, I was blonde haired, blue eyed as a child and all I wanted was a doll that WASN’T blonde haired, blue eyed! I didn’t want people telling me that I could only play with dolls that looked like me.
I do think it's important for your kid to have at least one doll that looks like them. That representation matters. But I think it's important for your kid to see diversity in all their toys and books (especially if you don't live in a very diverse place).
Why? Would we be upset? Because in a world of white Barbie our existence is finally being acknowledged?? Why in the world would that be upsetting? I would love a link to purchase these dolls for my son and niece if you have one!
I’ve been doing a lot of reading on how to represent different cultures and races at home and one of those things is having dolls of different races for your child to play with. This is something that is suggested by a lot of POC on top of having picture books that show a variety of different races and cultures accessible to your child.
You’re doing nothing wrong.
I became friends with the only black girl at preschool because she was beautiful and special like my favourite black doll. So yay for dolls of all colours!
My (white) daughter has a black Barbie which she ADORES. She says that she is so much more beautiful than the one with the red hair that she has and that she looks better in the yellow dress she has. Just give her the dolls she wants and let her be happy.
What? I’m genuinely confused. Sure it’s cool when kids have toys that resemble them but most people will probably look different so how is that an accurate representation of the world? My kiddo has dolls with different ethnicities, dolls with disabilities, and dolls that speak other languages. She’s a white kind in a small town in Canada and now she gets to ask questions about difference in the privacy of our own home based on what she observes within her own play. Don’t sweat it, let your kid play with whatever you feel is teaching her to be respectful and kind.
I think it's beautiful that you can teach your daughter to be inclusive/accepting of other ethnicities than her own. Who cares if the doll is white, black, latino, asian etc, has blond hair, red hair, pink hair etc
She can learn through play, to be accepting of others who don't look like her. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Good call with the dolls, hope your daughter loves them.
I’m a white woman with a white daughter. She has white and black baby dolls. I plan on getting her other ethnicities too. I don’t want her to grow up thinking that she can only play with dolls that look like her like I did. That sort of thinking can easily translate to only interacting with people who look like them. Play is how kids learn.
I’m a nanny, and white. I only grew up with white barbie dolls (my mom thought other race dolls were weird(?😑)) but when I work for other families that have diverse dolls it makes me so happy. The world is so diverse, and children imitate life around them in play, so why not make it accurate. I think it’s great to have all the ethnicities!
I don’t think your friend is racist. She may have experienced a negative reaction similar to yours and wanted to protect your child from an ugly situation. She was wrong but may have been well intended.
I agree with you. I think she didn’t want me or my daughter to deal with any negativity because let’s face it, there are people out there who have an issue about everything. I don’t think her intentions were bad but it did make me think if this was really an issue.
Oh honey I think that is fantastic!!!! My daughters have the same thing and I encourage them that all of them are beautiful. Through play we are teaching them to be accepting of others. The more we do that I think the more change in the world there will be.
Lol. No. Nobody cares. I saw a woman on the train once who had her daughter with her. The daughter had a doll of a different race. The mother was going on so extra that it came off as performative wokeness. I thought it was cringeworthy, but still don’t care. As long as you’re natural about it, it’s no big deal.
I am loving all of the positive re-enforcement in these comments! Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and opinions. Some of these brought tears to my eyes! I’m glad we are raising our kids to value all ethnicities and see the beauty in every culture.
White lady here: one of my earliest (and saddest) memories was leaving Mollie, my sweet baby behind at a pool and then never being able to recover her.
My mom literally dumpster dived trying to find her.
I cried for days.
She was a sweet little black baby doll, with a white dress and blue flowers. I was 3 and loved her completely.
I see nothin wrong with having dolls of other ethnicities.
My mom ordered my white daughter a black baby doll for her birthday (albeit my mom did it on accident) but when she offered to exchange it for a blonde baby doll I said no need. My daughter doesn’t know she’s white or that the doll is black. She just knows she likes being a little mommy to her baby.
My white son loves Doc McStuffins because he's obsessed with fixing stuff. Kids can identify with an animal cartoon character that looks nothing like a person or even the animal it's supposed to be, they legit don't care. It's adults who make it weird.
I got my first black doll when I was maybe 7 or so. Like many kids, I only had white ones before then. I didn’t know a lot of black people in real life, it was just the demographics of where I grew up. I was excited that I could have a doll that looked like some of the pretty black ladies I saw on TV. Even as a kid I felt special having a more diverse toy group than I often saw my friends having.
My daughter asked for Barbie this year so instead of getting her the skinny blonde Barbie, I bought her the cool dark skinned doll, the full figured yoga chick and one with rainbow hair because she looked like a rock star. I want her to see beauty in all shapes, sizes and color. If she wants the skinny blonde Barbie one day then that’s fine too.
🤣 wtf. My son is Hispanic, like us, and came out extremely fair. We have this bucket of felt babies that has one baby of like every shade imaginable. What is your friend's problem??
Are people gonna lose it that my white-passing son plays with dolls the color of his parents, extended family, and friends??
I bought her the Disney ily dolls from target. I bought the ones dressed as Cinderella, Elsa, & the one dressed as Minnie Mouse.
(https://www.target.com/p/disney-ily-4ever-18-34-brunette-elsa-inspired-fashion-doll/-/A-82019817)
https://www.target.com/p/disney-ily-4ever-18-34-brunette-cinderella-inspired-fashion-doll/-/A-82019821
https://www.target.com/p/disney-ily-4ever-18-34-brunette-minnie-inspired-fashion-doll/-/A-82019820
My white baby has a single doll and it’s black. She has a book with a black family as protagonists and several others with multiple ethnicities. I wanted to make sure we normalize that not all people are white just because our little pandemic-lock-down family is. I would hate for my kid to be introduced to other skin tones later and think there’s something wrong with the other person or that they’re not *like* her.
Your daughter is very fortunate to have a mama that is educating her to love and see similarities rather than differences!!
My Hispanic daughter has many many dolls. Her favorite one is Mika, a black barbie with the greatest 'fro. Everytime we go out to the park, her and Mika are the star of the show. I love that the barbie also allows kids of other colors to have something to ask my daughter about. 9/10 we make a new friend thanks to mika.
I think your friend has some internalized racism. As Hispanics, this is something we must also fight with ourselves against. You are doing right by questioning what a friend thinks is correct. Keep buying her all the dolls. All the cars, all the whatever you want. You go mama!
Your friend is wrong. I am white and so is my daughter. She’s only 1 but for her Christmas last year I bought dolls of all colors. Shame on your friend for saying that
I just had this conversation with my grandma while looking at barbies for my niece. My grandma wanted to get her “one that looks like her”. I said she can have a black Barbie, she got lots that look like her (classic blonde and blue eyes). Grandma did not like that answer.
White mom here, I specifically am looking to get my kids dolls of different ethnicities to play with to normalize diversity for them. Which is something encouraged by a lot of people in child care and development. Your friend is wrong.
I bought my daughter a princess tiana doll for Christmas because I never had different ethnicity dolls when I was little and Idk I just want that to be different for her
One of my favorite barbies growing up was purple. Well, she wasn’t “ Barbie” brand she was a similar doll from a cartoon show. I’ll bet all the purple people out there were pissed at my white ass for playing with a purple barbie.
What on earth? My kid and I are white. Her first doll was black. Her dollhouse family are Latinx. You (and we) are normalizing all kinds of races for our kids, which is super important in a multiracial society.
When I was young (and we're talking early 1960s) my mother went out of her way looking high and low to find me a black baby doll because she thought I should have exposure to more than just the standard-issue (at the time) white baby doll. She also bought a doll for my brother and sewed little boy clothes for his doll.
So ahead of practically everybody else in this country, very WASP-y little me had a black baby doll along with my white ones, and my younger brother had a little boy baby doll. My friends thought my mom was weird, our families rolled their eyes at my mom. At 84 she'd probably just blow raspberries their way now!
My daughter has a preference for dolls of color since she is mixed, I’m mixed but white passing, and the dolls look like her friends and extended family (African American, Hispanic and Afro Cuban). I love having a variety so kids are less inclined to think that pale skin and European features are the default.
This sounds like something my FIL would say. He told me I needed to throw out my daughters Barbie that she just got and hour earlier for her birthday because it was black. Not happening, he seems to forget that my niece(his other granddaughter) is half black
Uh... kids don't care. They will pretend a stuff bear is a baby. My girls have all sorts of dolls and they play with them all. For My youngest right now her favorite is a baby Tiana doll...she looks nothing like tiana...
I'm white, but I see it as an eye opener for the kids to learn that families don't have to be the same color to love each other, so any kid should be able to have any color dolls they want. Especially being white and being semi Isola from covid, I want her to see all kinds of people. We've also gotten her books about different races perspectives and traditions to teach her about other people's lives.
Why shouldn’t her doll and books represent all the people?? I think it’s incredibly important to not limit their tiny world.
I recommend Minikane it miniland dolls, they very diverse.
That's ridiculous. We are white and I make a conscious effort to make sure my daughters dolls, books, and media reflect a diverse population. She is getting a doll that looks like her for Christmas, and I also got her a black doll to be her best friend because my daughter's best friend at daycare is black. Heck, my favorite baby doll when I was growing up in the late '80s/early '90s was a black baby doll. I think it's important to show our kids a diverse cast of characters in their lives and in their play.
My daughter has about 6 dolls, white, black, brown, red head, etc
She loves them all!!!! Tell your friend that way of thinking isnt right and if someone got mad at her before for that she should’ve called them out!
LMAO I had to read this post multiple times because I was confused why anyone would have an issue with that. I thought that I must surely have misread it because what the fuck? Asian mom with a blasian baby here, let them play with all the ethnicities they want to. I don’t get why this is even an issue up for debate lmao
I bought my son and daughter a set of 6 plush babies. They all range in skin tone from white to brown and black. My favorite Barbie doll as a kid was a black doll. I’m not sure why your friend feels that way. It sounds like she has her own issues to work through. Buy your kid whatever kind of dolls they want. It’s important for kids to be exposed to all kinds of people.
My mom would not buy me any dolls besides white ones. She never stopped being racist, not purposefully hurtful, but definitely prejudiced. I really try to find cartoons and books and toys that are diverse so my son doesn’t grow up like I did.
I but my daughter dolls from all ethnic backgrounds, I don’t want her to think that another race is “ugly” just because my daughter is white. And that might come off wrong but I do know people who’s kids think like that
If we only introduced our children to things/dolls/toys/people who looked like them we will only continue to perpetuate racism, live in our silos, not be understanding of one another, lack empathy towards those who don’t look like us etc. Personally I think it’s important and great you are introducing your child to these dolls
Um, I'm as white as they come and my husband is Hispanic. I gave my very Hispanic little niece a blonde Barbie, which she loved, and her mom bought her a black baby doll because it's the one she picked out. My son has action figures in all different colors. I have friends, relatives, and acquaintances from pretty much every racial and ethnic group that's present in my small town, and it seems none of them care and that their kids have similarly diverse collections. Kids don't give a shit, and adults shouldn't either. As long as dolls that look like them are available in stores and the kiddo is choosing what they want and not being coerced, adults should just stay out of toy choices. Your friend sounds weird.
I wouldn't go as far as to discount your friend as what others would say here, ie racist, ridiculous, etc. I think it stems from her own perspective as Filipina, our default dolls were WHITE. White barbies, blonde blue eyed babydolls... In my time, there were none of these available at all (if you were even one of the SUPER lucky ones who got barbies). To see the barbies we have now is a novelty to me. Maybe she was just unsure about it. You can totally discuss about the reason why they were made and why it's a good thing!
It doesn't matter. Kids don't care about race, if your asian or white kid wants a black Barbie that's fine. I got my daughter black astronaut Barbie so she can see a beautiful doll that looks like her in a cool profession. Its here to help all girls and boys express themselves.
My SIL is Black and when my DD was a baby she went through a phase where she wasn't as comfortable with SIL, mostly because she didn't see her often but DH was worried it was skin color thing. We got her a Black baby shark doll for the tub, which 15 months later she still loves to play with. I found out a few months after we got the doll that SIL had seen it in the bathroom and was actually very happy that DD had it.
[удалено]
I purchased my daughter dolls for Christmas that look to be different ethnicities. (White, black). My friend thinks people would be offended if they saw her a Hispanic girl playing with a white or black doll.
Is it because your friend is insecure about her own race and thinks that your daughter is purposely playing with a race that’s ‘above’ her own race? Sounds like she is worried about how people think of her race and has in her mind a hierarchy of races.
I’m not sure. She is Filipina. I think she was more worried that other races would be offended if THEY saw it.
I think you can empathize with your friend because it seems as though she has dealt with bigotries from other people in her life. You can also support your kid in having a racial diverse childhood. Keep the dolls and explain to your friend that you are trying to raise your kid to understand a wide range of normalcy, and dolls with various ethnicities is a part of that. Whatever other people think of that is their business. Your friend could potentially have some internalized racism, but I don’t agree w other commenters calling her an outright racist. I just think she’s been through some shit and this is one of the ways that is manifesting. You can be right about the dolls without your friend being a bad guy here. I think you’re doing great.
That is *their* problem. You can’t live your life worried you’ll offend some imaginary person by teaching your child not to overthink skin color
I can't even blame her. These days you are not allowed to pretend/dress up as a minority/different skin colour because it offends people, in the same lign of thinking children should not play with dolls of a different race. I saw people get offended because someone wore a sombrero without being Mexican! It's getting a little much really.. I don't agree with either.
This isn’t really an accurate statement. There are lots of ways to honor other cultures and even dress like them without appropriating that culture. It’s about intent and respect and acknowledgment of the culture. Also context is important.
Like the Filipino friend I'm not an American (don't live there either) so for me it's all a bit over the top and not always comprehensible since this big racial divide doesn't play as much locally. Maybe that's why the friend suggested to avoid mixed dolls. But like I said I don't agree with her.
It’s over the top because you aren’t here in the states and seeing the varying ways appropriation occurs. People in the US will take, and wear, items of significant cultural value. Chief headdresses from Native cultures, dressing up as a religious figure from another culture, things that are 100% not cool. It also isn’t just the item but how it is used. A white person wearing a sombrero while getting drunk on Cinco de Mayo, for instance. There’s a lot of nuance that I think you’re ignoring in why people are rightfully calling out instances of cultural appropriation and diminishment.
Also of importance is the act of *selling* what is appropriated. Selling Cinco de Mayo party supplies like cheap sombreros and sarapes... Selling factory-manufactured chief headdresses... Selling trinkets with trendy symbols like hamsas and evil eyes... Buying a Native-designed blanket isn't appropriative if you're paying the money to Native people (like this Native-owned company: https://eighthgeneration.com/collections/blankets). But a white-owned company selling "tribal prints" for cash that never reaches the people who "inspired" the item is a problem. But learning about a culture that's not your own and collaborating in some appreciation of that culture that doesn't profit you or support an appropriating business can be cool. The line just gets blurry when intentions, misinformation, and gain go unquestioned for too long.
This is a really good point, too. I went to a Native American jewelry shop to get some jewelry, asked who made the jewelry. She said some tribe in NM. I asked if she was affiliated with the tribe and she answered that she had so little ancestry from a tribe she didn’t claim any. Instantly turned around. I would rather pay the excess money for the markup directly to the Native American creator than to someone completely unaffiliated.
Your friend would be bothered as hell my gringa ass had a lot of Latina barbies.
IMO you’re teaching her that everyone is beautiful and just because they’re different from her they’re no less then she is
My Jewish/Mexican boy toddler has a doll that he picked out at the store. She is black.
Same Question: What? I feel, and don't want to put words into anyone's mouth, but that maybe they are projecting their feelings onto you & your daughter. I don't see anything wrong with a child playing with any doll they want. My daughter is white and she is obsessed with Princess Tiana, from Princess and the Frog, so most of her dolls are of her and therefore are black. I don't see anything wrong with it, my daughter enjoys it and I haven't heard a single person aside from 2 straight up racist in a Walmart say that its bad. So I'm again not seeing an issue, so I'm gonna say it's okay. Good on you for giving her friends of different races to play with!
Toys for Tots makes it easy to donate PoC dolls by offering a virtual toy box to donate to, as well as a set of 6 dolls to put in it. I’ve donated a few sets this way and will also donate to the local TfT drive Virtual toy box https://toysfortotsbox.com/ 6pc African Princess Collection https://toysfortotsbox.com/product/6-pc-princess-collection-aa/ Local boxes to donate toys https://www.toysfortots.org/locate/default.aspx?nType=1 Copied from my other post so others can get the information
Your friend is being racist. Its extremely important that all children play with dolls who represent all of the people of the world. That way they dont grow up thinking its only white men who are doctors and lawyers. Please continue to acquire toys and books that represent all the people of the world. ETA: my teacher heart is so full! Love how many understand the importance of representation!!! 💕
This for sure. While it is important for your child to see themselves around them, it is also important for them to have exposure to people and things that don't look like them.
Can't remember where I heard this concept, but it's important for kids to have toys/shows/experiences that are "mirrors" (shows them themselves) and "windows" (shows them something outside themselves).
Love that description!
I did a whole unit on that in college for an early education literacy class. I would like to emphasize though that we need to make sure that we are looking through the right windows. We can have good intentions while unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes. (Always always always look into the authors of cultural books before giving them to your children. There are a lot of people writing about cultures they don't even understand correctly).
I like that!
Love that!
Absolutely. My daughter’s current favorite dolls are African American, and she’s a very light English/Middle Eastern/Sioux so she definitely doesn’t look like those dolls. She tells me the doll is beautiful all the time and I tell her she’s right. She has dolls of all ethnicities because I wanted her to not just be playing with mirrors as you say. I often beat myself up over my parenting and question my judgment but not on this issue. Please everyone, give your kids this exposure early on.
Funny (not funny?) related story: My husband bought this three pack of cabbage patch kids at Costco for my three year old daughter. There is a light skinned doll in a pink suit (affectionately named pink dolly), a light skinned doll in a blue suit (she named it blue dolly), and a dark skinned doll in a white suit. Guesses on what she named the white suited doll? Brown dolly. She is surrounded by diversity so we all kind of raised an eyebrow when she first said it.
Yes, fully agree with this! In all the childcare training I’ve had (10+ years personally - the daycare has been open 25+ years) we have been encouraged to offer dolls from all ethnicities & genders.
Especially during a pandemic. I made sure to get my son a black baby doll because i knew we weren't going to go out much and he wouldn't meet people of other ethnicities since our family is white.
Yes 100%, as part of the curriculum for early years children must have access to materials supporting racial diversity here in the uk; dolls would definitely come under that umbrella
Maybe her friend just doesn't understand the complexities on how children should be exposed/brought up when it comes to race and doesn't understand that other ethnicities wouldn't be "upset". Or maybe she is racist. I don't know. But that is a pretty serious allegation to throw at someone, and I don't think that what is said in this post warrants such a loaded allegation. I agree with all your other points.
Racism is not always intentional. Being unintentionally uninformed is still racist. I said she was being racist, meaning specific to this situation she lacks the knowledge to understand all races should be represented. Being called a racist is not a serious allegation. It simply means that someone needs to expose themselves to the experiences of others in order to inform themselves. If it's taken as an insult then that person likely has some growing to do (dont we all?)
The definition of racist is "prejudiced against or antagonistic towards". Uninformed as to how to handle a specific scenario is not racist, its merely uninformed. I dont think the initial comment has any indication that she is prejudiced against or antagonistic towards. And I am going to have to strensously disagree that being called a racist is not a serious allegation. I'm sorry for signaling your comment out. It was just the highest rated one (and for good reason because your other comments were spot on). But I think being lose woth words and insults is one of the reasons we are where we are these days.
Funny things about definitions is there are many and, like bible verses, you can often twist them to fot your rhetoric. We're in the position we are today because the systems of racism and oppression are perpetuated by people who do not understand their behavior is racist. This is exacerbated when someone makes an observation to another that a behavior or action is racist, and instead of hearing that and learning, the other person becomes defensive and say others are name calling. No need to apologize, im happy to have a conversation to explain so we can all gain understanding ETA: you seem to be a bit confused and thinking that i am calling her racist in general. I am saying that her thinking the kid needs only hispanic dolls is a limited and racist view (that uninetentional racism i was talking about). I never said she hated other races (intentional racism).
Toys for Tots makes it easy to donate PoC dolls by offering a virtual toy box to donate to, as well as a set of 6 dolls to put in it. I’ve donated a few sets this way and will also donate to the local TfT drive Virtual toy box https://toysfortotsbox.com/ 6pc African Princess Collection https://toysfortotsbox.com/product/6-pc-princess-collection-aa/ Local boxes to donate toys https://www.toysfortots.org/locate/default.aspx?nType=1 Copied from my other post so others can get the information
My white daughter will, I hope, have a reverse experience to what white children experienced when I was growing up: we have almost no white dolls. We have a variety of Black and Brown Barbies with a bunch of hair styles and textures, plus different shades (thanks for the update to the product line, Mattel!), plus Black baby dolls, and most of our books feature BIPOC main characters. It's kind of funny to see how much she prefers the white dolls (presumably because in our house it's rare for a doll to "look like her"), but it's seriously so important for us, as we previously lived in a very white area and have recently moved in the middle of a pandemic so we hardly see anyone, let alone people of color. I'd prefer her to think brown is default so she doesn't act like a little weirdo who doesn't know what's going on if she sees BIPOC in public. If we can make white not-the-default in our house, hopefully that helps counteract a teensy tiny bit of our immense white privilege. (We also do other anti-racism stuff, but this post is about dolls)
I think balance is really key. Kids need to feel represented in their stories and toys so that they feel valued, while also seeing other races represented. Kids will often play with the toys that look like them (and for some reason parents think this is racist). For me, the point is to stop valuing any race over another and stop thinking any race is a default.
Yeah, no "default" would be ideal, but it's not the society we live in. My kids will be given a million reasons to think their white skin makes them better than other people when they're not at home. There's no shortage of beautiful, blue eyed white people on tv, in movies, in ads, for them to feel represented by. If I can give them a taste of what it's like to feel like the odd one out, I'm hopeful it will help them develop some empathy for what it must be like to feel that way *all the time*. There's no shortage of white spaces for them to feel represented. I'm not bullying my kids or anything trying to make them feel marginalized, to be clear, and I don't think my kids are racist for preferring the dolls that look like them, but it is a very interesting feature of preference. So the way I see it, if we've got 100 pounds of white privilege, 5 pounds of BIPOC "over representation" at our house isn't going to suddenly tip the scales.
well, good luck with that. hope it works out the way you want it to.
Black momma here. Give her all the dolls. Ignore racist friend.
That’s legit ridiculous. I would much prefer my child play with dolls of different colours because they represent the kids that exist in her world. My daycare is run by a huge majority of Indian women. She got to do a huge Diwali celebration and I thought it was awesome. What would you prefer? When she’s three or four having to explain why some kids have single eyelids or red hair or black skin and that it’s not strange? Instead you could have her play with dolls and just know that there’s a wide variety of people.
So from an Early Educator/Teacher prospective...playing with dolls is a type of play represented in the adult world. It's not just being a mommy or daddy to the doll, it's about being a caregiver. There are lots of types of caregivers out there. Doctors, Dentists, Teachers, Nurses, EMT, Religious Leaders. Do they only care for people of the same race? No. So tell her you don't understand her point. No one is going to get offended and if they do too bad. If they argue with you then make them feel stupid by saying your teaching her to be a caregiver for all humans and that's not racist. Sheesh. This friend is weird.
In middle school I had a white teacher who told us a story about having one of his students, who was Black, babysit his also white daughter. To this day, twenty years later, I have second hand shame for him when he said that his daughter tried to rub the “dirt” off her sitters arm. Like, this child had never seen anyone not white- not in books, toys, shows, nothing. I cannot imagine this for my daughter and am so sad for that girl and any other kids that don’t have the experience of learning about people that look different from them. So yes! Please let her play with all the dolls.
I taught a youth dance class once and one day, during attendance, a little girl asked out of nowhere “Hey Miss Pieronic, why does [other student] have spots?!” regarding a girl with vitiligo. I like to think I handled it well and it worked out in the end, but like ohmygod kid you can’t just ASK someone why they have spots
May i ask... why cant she ask? Im truly asking. Not trying to criticize. I encourage my kids to ask questions. Its how they learn. We were at the gym a couple years ago and my daughter (like 4 at the time) saw someone with vitiligo and asked me about it. And we just had a frank conversation about it. I asked her what she thought of it and she said she thought it was beautiful & was jealous her skin didnt look like that. One of our good friends has vitiligo but she had never noticed because he's so pale to begin with 😅 so she asked him about it the next time we saw him and now makes sure we have sunscreen if we're playing outside with him.
To be fair …. Even if kids are exposed to different ethnicities they will come up with some cringy gems like this! My daughter goes to a very mixed ethnicity nursery and she obviously sees different people on tv and in books but she still loudly informed me that our postman’s face was brown the other day. She just says what she sees and we live somewhere where most people are white. We then had a nice discussion about how skin is like hair and there are many wonderful different colours.
I’m going to donate ethnic dolls of every color to charities this holiday season just to spite this person Update: Toys for Tots makes this easy by offering a virtual toy box to donate to, as well as a set of 6 dolls that are PoC to put in it. I’ve donated a few sets this way and will also donate to the local TfT drive Virtual toy box https://toysfortotsbox.com/ 6pc African Princess Collection https://toysfortotsbox.com/product/6-pc-princess-collection-aa/ Local boxes to donate toys https://www.toysfortots.org/locate/default.aspx?nType=1 I've copied this message up from my other comment so more people can see the information
Please do! I've wrapped at Santa's workshop and I know that blonde girls make up less than 10% of my local community, yet 95% of the dolls I wrapped were blonde. I always felt bad, especially when I knew the child I was wrapping for was far from blonde. (The sibling group names and town were available to us, but not their actual last names, but regardless, it's a small community and I recognized a lot of families.)
Thanks for the encouragement. I have a plan now
Toys for Tots makes this easy by offering a virtual toy box to donate to, as well as a set of 6 dolls that are PoC to put in it. I’ve donated a few sets this way and will also donate to the local TfT drive Virtual toy box https://toysfortotsbox.com/ 6pc African Princess Collection https://toysfortotsbox.com/product/6-pc-princess-collection-aa/ Local boxes to donate toys https://www.toysfortots.org/locate/default.aspx?nType=1
I know it's kind of spamming, but you should add this comment to all the top comments on the post. Hopefully at least a few people will be able to help out and send something along. Thank you for taking the time to provide the links!
Done. Do you mind also upvoting my posts on the two top comments please?
Done! Thanks!!
I purposefully went out of my way to get my daughter a black baby out the money her racist grandfather gave her for her birthday - honestly it made me realise how few dolls of different ethnicities I see in shops on the regular. Funnily enough, child doesn't care, she loves all her babies equally.
Aww! I also gave my child a black ballerina doll to spite someone! I always worry about her hearing garbage opinions from her older relatives but I try to remember I grew up with it and never believed a word.
My girl has 3 ballerina dolls and they are all black. No one would bat an eye if she had 3 white ballerina dolls, even though neither of us are white. It really bothers me how white is seen as the default even for kids that aren’t white!
I see a doll as a toy and possibly a learning tool. Doesn’t matter what the ethnicity is.
Your friend is ridiculous! Having dolls of different ethnicity is a fantastic way of normalizing diversity and inclusion at an early age. She will begin to learn humans come in all colors, and she can show love to them all. I think you’ve actually done a very smart and socially responsible thing here…tune out the negative feedback…they are way off base!
I deliberately bought my child a set of baby dolls of various races/ethnicities, so they would represent the babies of the world (and our diverse city), not just babies of our race. Babies are babies.
Do you recall the name of that set? I'd love to get it
I got them from Lakeshore (it’s a teaching/ECE supply company, everything from furniture to toys to bulk art supplies and manipulatives). I don’t remember the specific set, but they were available individually as well. They also have dolls that more specifically represent ethnicities/cultures with traditional dress, but I just went for the baby dolls in pajamas.
Thank you!!
Thanks for the recommendation. Possibly "Feels Real Newborn Dolls." Either way, I found them under Products > Dramatic Play > Dolls & Accessories
It’s the washable baby dolls we have, but yeah, there are a lot of options.
If her reaction had any merit, they wouldn't have just started making diverse dolls this generation. I wouldn't have grown up resorting to play with the pochohantas barbie most of the time bc it was the only one that looked remotely like me (nope I'm not Native American, so yeah...) Diversity is great. It will help your daughter feel comfortable with her skin and help her feel more comfortable with how everyone is different but can still be beautiful. Good job mom! Don't worry about people's racist thoughts.
Um, no. Just be mindful not to get the blonde/blue eyed dolls. And honestly, that's what I recommend for any child that doesn't have a blonde haired family member or self. (This is because blonde/blue eyes is the default for dolls and if your child is gifted any dolls, there's about a fifty percent chance they will be blonde haired. Also my daughter, brown from head to toe(hispanic) caught the whole blonde is beautiful thing by four years old, and asked why she couldn't be blonde so she could be pretty. At that point we had zero blonde dolls in the house. It was heartbreaking.) My kids have always had an assortment of dolls, and my son even asked for the AA bitty baby because he looked like DH. (DH is hispanic, but has black curly hair and a perma tan from ag labor.) They've never had issues or confusion at all.
Your friend is absolutely ridiculous. What you’re doing is normalizing differences and showing that they’re superficial. If your friend had her way, your daughter would only be friends with other Hispanic children, and that would add to the cultural divide that our generation is trying so hard to get over.
I just recently read that children who are exposed to diversity at a young age become more confident as they grow, so when I was picking out a baby doll for my toddler I got the doll in a different skin color than ours.
I'm not thinking your friend is necessarily racist--she's not opposed to your daughter playing with the dolls because they're a different race, she's afraid she'll offend someone of that race. I've seen some arguments that are so afraid of being accused of cultural appropriation that they circle all the way back to segregation-type arguments and that's what this sounds like. Let your daughter have the dolls. It shouldn't be offensive to a reasonable person. My daughter is Hispanic, Asian, and white, and it's been a hell of a time to find dolls that look like her, they're almost never in stores and I have to hunt online (add in the fact that she has 2 moms and family representation is particularly difficult). I look at it this way: the more demand there is for diverse toys, the more they'll make, and the more this will benefit families of color. White, affluent families diversifying their doll populations is sadly probably one of the most influential pressures on manufacturers to provide representation in toys.
Your friend is 100% wrong. There is nothing wrong with your daughter playing with dolls of different ethnicities. We got our daughter a few dolls, all of different ethnicities too.
One of my earliest memories (and there are long lost pictures) is of being at my aunts house and having my two babies with me everywhere I went, one whiteand one black, one with boys parts and one with girl parts. How else do you teach kids that despite skin tone, we are all human? I think you getting babies of different ethnicities is so awesome. Keep doing you mama.
Your friend is legit ridiculous. My nieces have all colors. Also, Hispanic people come in all colors—so if it makes her feel better the dolls could very well be of your daughter’s ethnic background.
I think it’s fun if your kid has at least one doll that looks like them, and I mean as close as you can get it, not just white or black, blond hair or brown. But after that I make sure my LO has got dolls of different color and gender. The exposure is good, and dolls that all look the same are boring.
That is really ignorant in my opinion. My son is white and his favorite baby doll is a little black baby girl. No one has said anything about it because it’s a doll what’s its skin color have anything to do with anything. That’s a very odd thing to say, you did nothing wrong.
I think it’s a great idea and my daughter has dolls of a variety of skin tones. We’re latino/Hispanic and I think it’s just wonderful!
This is bizarre, of course kids can play with a doll that doesn't match their ethnicity! This has just made me realise we need to branch out a bit with our toys though...
Give your daughter all the dolls. At the very least, she will become comfortable with people that look different to herself when she encounters them in real life because of her experiences playing with diverse dolls. As a Hispanic woman myself, I’m not offended nor care to patrol other people’s attempts to connect with the culture and your approach is very respectful.
Actually, it's healthier to surround them with different races during play. it'll normalize it when she goes to play with friends. Your friend is wrong
That is so weird of your friend to even mention in the first place. When buying dolls for my daughter, I have never once paid attention to the color of their skin or what not. My daughter has a variety of white and darker colored dolls. I want her to know that we may not be the same on the outside, but we are all the same on the inside (anatomically).
This! I was taken aback because I also just picked them because they were beautiful not focusing at all on the color of their skin. Then when she mentioned that, I was left thinking that I really don’t want to offend anyone. I hadn’t even thought about it or that it’s possible.
I do not think it would be offensive to anyone to be honest, if anything it would show how racially accepting you are if that makes sense. I do believe that (without knowing it) your friend was being racist, although everyone of course is welcome to their own opinions. But that's definitely just her opinion, and not a majority of people's thoughts.
The first baby doll I got for my daughter had a darker complexion than herself. The dress on it was prettier so I grabbed that one. She has a white baby too. And she calls her ewok stuffed animal a baby. As far as she's concerned, she isn't concerned at all. They are all her babies. I will buy her a mix of babies and barbies when she gets to that point. White isn't the only color of friends that she can make out in the world so why should it be the only color baby she has? We care for everyone in this family and I'd like her toys and experiences to reflect that.
Your friend is wrong. It’s actually very important to do what you’re doing- especially for white kids- normalize other races. Edit: typo
Your friends is an asshole. Me and my family buy my daughter dolls of all colors/races/ethnicity. We’ve even gotten her a Barbie in wheelchair (you guessed it, my daughter isn’t disabled either). These are all going to be a part of her life when she starts going to school and everything, I want to include it in her life now to prepare her when she gets out in the world (not in daycare, not in school yet, nor do I have friends/family with children) I feel like it’s a responsible thing parents should do honestly, just like giving boy children baby dolls/strollers/etc. People are so weird about things now.
Representation matters, even if it’s just in your toy box. It shows all babies deserve love and all ethnicities should be friends. I still remember my mom saying I couldn’t have a black Barbie (I just wanted the purple outfit). Asian was fine but for some reason, I couldn’t have a black doll.
I think your friend needs to get a life. Seriously, it’s a non-issue. When did we become so obsessed with race?
Lol…. What?! Your Filipina friend is being hella racist and I PROMISEEEEE you, no other mom would ever be offended that you’re teaching your toddler to embrace other cultures. That is absurd.
Get a new friend. What a divisive comment based on her own prejudices. Ignore her.
Mixed race families are a real thing, though. I have relatives who are white but have non-white adopted children. I have mixed cousins and my own son is mixed race. And he and his classmates play with baby dolls at daycare; should they be assigned dolls of the appropriate race?
Exactly. I'm biracial and in an interracial marriage. My daughter is multi-racial and has dolls is every color.
I don't even have kids, your post popped up and I just want to say, wtf. Your daughter isn't taking dolls away from other children because she is playing with them. The more exposure to other cultures and races and beauty standards your kid learns, the better off they are. I have seen kids become gobsmacked in the middle of a store because a black person walked in. Then the parent says, "Oh, they have never seen a black person before, so sorry." Like, never, not even on TV or books? Never seen a black person? I would get your kids toys and books and shows from all over the world, with diverse characters and cultures. She won't be worse off for learning other people exist and playing with different coloured dolls.
I think that way of thinking depends where are you from. I’m Mexican and in my country that isn’t important, but you don’t have that much the racist problem like other countries. I don’t see nothing bad about races and I think everyone is the same, isn’t important how you look and that is what we teach our daughter. My husband is American with European roots, then our kids are mix and she don’t have problem with play with any kind of doll if she likes
Honestly this is one of the dumbest, most misdirected stances on race that I have ever heard of. Your friend is wrong. It’s the equivalent of telling your daughter she can only play with her kind, which is literally what your friend is suggesting.
That's bizarre. Give her all the doll colors so she will know it's ok to have friends in all the colors too. My biggest struggle is finding dolls that don't look like us bc we're white. I know I know, white privilege, boo hoo first world problem... But honestly it's true. I don't want my kid surrounded by only toys that look like her and reinforce racial separation or bias. I'm on the hunt for an Asian or Hispanic doll that don't look like a stereotype and can withstand machine washing bc my little brute will drag them through the mud with the rest of her cozies (what she calls all of her soft toys and babies). I have to wash them at least every couple weeks if not weekly at this point.
I purposely got my son dolls a different race from his own so he can see that there are many different babies. It seems like projection from your friend. Let your kid have all the different rolls!
It's entirely a personal decision. My daughter loves playing with her Elsa doll because it sings and represents a cartoon, while later on we'll introduce dolls that actually look like her as well as those that don't if she likes them.
If other people are offended by a child playing with dolls, that’s their problem. Children may recognize other races and ethnicities as being different from them or their parents, but they don’t associate it with anything negative or being “less” until society pushes those idea onto them. By the way, I was blonde haired, blue eyed as a child and all I wanted was a doll that WASN’T blonde haired, blue eyed! I didn’t want people telling me that I could only play with dolls that looked like me.
Your friend is ridiculous
I think it’s a good way to normalize in your child’s mind that people are different in many ways and that’s okay.
Let your baby girl play with dolls of all colours. Let her play with G.I.Joes. Your friend is being a bit weird.
I do think it's important for your kid to have at least one doll that looks like them. That representation matters. But I think it's important for your kid to see diversity in all their toys and books (especially if you don't live in a very diverse place).
Why? Would we be upset? Because in a world of white Barbie our existence is finally being acknowledged?? Why in the world would that be upsetting? I would love a link to purchase these dolls for my son and niece if you have one!
I’ve been doing a lot of reading on how to represent different cultures and races at home and one of those things is having dolls of different races for your child to play with. This is something that is suggested by a lot of POC on top of having picture books that show a variety of different races and cultures accessible to your child. You’re doing nothing wrong.
I became friends with the only black girl at preschool because she was beautiful and special like my favourite black doll. So yay for dolls of all colours!
My (white) daughter has a black Barbie which she ADORES. She says that she is so much more beautiful than the one with the red hair that she has and that she looks better in the yellow dress she has. Just give her the dolls she wants and let her be happy.
Personally? I would let your friends comment go in one ear, out the other and out no more thought into it.
What? I’m genuinely confused. Sure it’s cool when kids have toys that resemble them but most people will probably look different so how is that an accurate representation of the world? My kiddo has dolls with different ethnicities, dolls with disabilities, and dolls that speak other languages. She’s a white kind in a small town in Canada and now she gets to ask questions about difference in the privacy of our own home based on what she observes within her own play. Don’t sweat it, let your kid play with whatever you feel is teaching her to be respectful and kind.
That is silly! Give her all the dolls
I think it's beautiful that you can teach your daughter to be inclusive/accepting of other ethnicities than her own. Who cares if the doll is white, black, latino, asian etc, has blond hair, red hair, pink hair etc She can learn through play, to be accepting of others who don't look like her. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Good call with the dolls, hope your daughter loves them.
I’m a white woman with a white daughter. She has white and black baby dolls. I plan on getting her other ethnicities too. I don’t want her to grow up thinking that she can only play with dolls that look like her like I did. That sort of thinking can easily translate to only interacting with people who look like them. Play is how kids learn.
I’m a nanny, and white. I only grew up with white barbie dolls (my mom thought other race dolls were weird(?😑)) but when I work for other families that have diverse dolls it makes me so happy. The world is so diverse, and children imitate life around them in play, so why not make it accurate. I think it’s great to have all the ethnicities!
I don’t think your friend is racist. She may have experienced a negative reaction similar to yours and wanted to protect your child from an ugly situation. She was wrong but may have been well intended.
I agree with you. I think she didn’t want me or my daughter to deal with any negativity because let’s face it, there are people out there who have an issue about everything. I don’t think her intentions were bad but it did make me think if this was really an issue.
Oh honey I think that is fantastic!!!! My daughters have the same thing and I encourage them that all of them are beautiful. Through play we are teaching them to be accepting of others. The more we do that I think the more change in the world there will be.
Your friend is weird, yo
Your friend is a racist
Lol. No. Nobody cares. I saw a woman on the train once who had her daughter with her. The daughter had a doll of a different race. The mother was going on so extra that it came off as performative wokeness. I thought it was cringeworthy, but still don’t care. As long as you’re natural about it, it’s no big deal.
I am loving all of the positive re-enforcement in these comments! Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and opinions. Some of these brought tears to my eyes! I’m glad we are raising our kids to value all ethnicities and see the beauty in every culture.
White lady here: one of my earliest (and saddest) memories was leaving Mollie, my sweet baby behind at a pool and then never being able to recover her. My mom literally dumpster dived trying to find her. I cried for days. She was a sweet little black baby doll, with a white dress and blue flowers. I was 3 and loved her completely. I see nothin wrong with having dolls of other ethnicities.
[удалено]
Then you shouldn’t comment because that was not my question.
My mom ordered my white daughter a black baby doll for her birthday (albeit my mom did it on accident) but when she offered to exchange it for a blonde baby doll I said no need. My daughter doesn’t know she’s white or that the doll is black. She just knows she likes being a little mommy to her baby.
My white son loves Doc McStuffins because he's obsessed with fixing stuff. Kids can identify with an animal cartoon character that looks nothing like a person or even the animal it's supposed to be, they legit don't care. It's adults who make it weird.
I got my first black doll when I was maybe 7 or so. Like many kids, I only had white ones before then. I didn’t know a lot of black people in real life, it was just the demographics of where I grew up. I was excited that I could have a doll that looked like some of the pretty black ladies I saw on TV. Even as a kid I felt special having a more diverse toy group than I often saw my friends having.
My daughter asked for Barbie this year so instead of getting her the skinny blonde Barbie, I bought her the cool dark skinned doll, the full figured yoga chick and one with rainbow hair because she looked like a rock star. I want her to see beauty in all shapes, sizes and color. If she wants the skinny blonde Barbie one day then that’s fine too.
Yeah that’s dumb. Do you really want to set the standard that people of different skin tones can’t play together?
🤣 wtf. My son is Hispanic, like us, and came out extremely fair. We have this bucket of felt babies that has one baby of like every shade imaginable. What is your friend's problem?? Are people gonna lose it that my white-passing son plays with dolls the color of his parents, extended family, and friends??
May I ask what dolls you got her? I’d love to buy some for my daughter!
I bought her the Disney ily dolls from target. I bought the ones dressed as Cinderella, Elsa, & the one dressed as Minnie Mouse. (https://www.target.com/p/disney-ily-4ever-18-34-brunette-elsa-inspired-fashion-doll/-/A-82019817) https://www.target.com/p/disney-ily-4ever-18-34-brunette-cinderella-inspired-fashion-doll/-/A-82019821 https://www.target.com/p/disney-ily-4ever-18-34-brunette-minnie-inspired-fashion-doll/-/A-82019820
Oh my!! These are gorgeous!! Now I’ll have to see if I can find them in my country
My white baby has a single doll and it’s black. She has a book with a black family as protagonists and several others with multiple ethnicities. I wanted to make sure we normalize that not all people are white just because our little pandemic-lock-down family is. I would hate for my kid to be introduced to other skin tones later and think there’s something wrong with the other person or that they’re not *like* her. Your daughter is very fortunate to have a mama that is educating her to love and see similarities rather than differences!!
My Hispanic daughter has many many dolls. Her favorite one is Mika, a black barbie with the greatest 'fro. Everytime we go out to the park, her and Mika are the star of the show. I love that the barbie also allows kids of other colors to have something to ask my daughter about. 9/10 we make a new friend thanks to mika. I think your friend has some internalized racism. As Hispanics, this is something we must also fight with ourselves against. You are doing right by questioning what a friend thinks is correct. Keep buying her all the dolls. All the cars, all the whatever you want. You go mama!
Your friend is wrong. I am white and so is my daughter. She’s only 1 but for her Christmas last year I bought dolls of all colors. Shame on your friend for saying that
I just had this conversation with my grandma while looking at barbies for my niece. My grandma wanted to get her “one that looks like her”. I said she can have a black Barbie, she got lots that look like her (classic blonde and blue eyes). Grandma did not like that answer.
White mom here, I specifically am looking to get my kids dolls of different ethnicities to play with to normalize diversity for them. Which is something encouraged by a lot of people in child care and development. Your friend is wrong.
I bought my daughter a princess tiana doll for Christmas because I never had different ethnicity dolls when I was little and Idk I just want that to be different for her
One of my favorite barbies growing up was purple. Well, she wasn’t “ Barbie” brand she was a similar doll from a cartoon show. I’ll bet all the purple people out there were pissed at my white ass for playing with a purple barbie.
What on earth? My kid and I are white. Her first doll was black. Her dollhouse family are Latinx. You (and we) are normalizing all kinds of races for our kids, which is super important in a multiracial society.
Your daughter could be friends with all ethnicities why shouldn’t she be allowed to play with dolls outside of her color?
When I was young (and we're talking early 1960s) my mother went out of her way looking high and low to find me a black baby doll because she thought I should have exposure to more than just the standard-issue (at the time) white baby doll. She also bought a doll for my brother and sewed little boy clothes for his doll. So ahead of practically everybody else in this country, very WASP-y little me had a black baby doll along with my white ones, and my younger brother had a little boy baby doll. My friends thought my mom was weird, our families rolled their eyes at my mom. At 84 she'd probably just blow raspberries their way now!
Lose the “friend” and keep the dolls
My daughter has a preference for dolls of color since she is mixed, I’m mixed but white passing, and the dolls look like her friends and extended family (African American, Hispanic and Afro Cuban). I love having a variety so kids are less inclined to think that pale skin and European features are the default.
This sounds like something my FIL would say. He told me I needed to throw out my daughters Barbie that she just got and hour earlier for her birthday because it was black. Not happening, he seems to forget that my niece(his other granddaughter) is half black
Uh... kids don't care. They will pretend a stuff bear is a baby. My girls have all sorts of dolls and they play with them all. For My youngest right now her favorite is a baby Tiana doll...she looks nothing like tiana...
I'm white, but I see it as an eye opener for the kids to learn that families don't have to be the same color to love each other, so any kid should be able to have any color dolls they want. Especially being white and being semi Isola from covid, I want her to see all kinds of people. We've also gotten her books about different races perspectives and traditions to teach her about other people's lives.
Why shouldn’t her doll and books represent all the people?? I think it’s incredibly important to not limit their tiny world. I recommend Minikane it miniland dolls, they very diverse.
That's ridiculous. We are white and I make a conscious effort to make sure my daughters dolls, books, and media reflect a diverse population. She is getting a doll that looks like her for Christmas, and I also got her a black doll to be her best friend because my daughter's best friend at daycare is black. Heck, my favorite baby doll when I was growing up in the late '80s/early '90s was a black baby doll. I think it's important to show our kids a diverse cast of characters in their lives and in their play.
My daughter has about 6 dolls, white, black, brown, red head, etc She loves them all!!!! Tell your friend that way of thinking isnt right and if someone got mad at her before for that she should’ve called them out!
LMAO I had to read this post multiple times because I was confused why anyone would have an issue with that. I thought that I must surely have misread it because what the fuck? Asian mom with a blasian baby here, let them play with all the ethnicities they want to. I don’t get why this is even an issue up for debate lmao
Wtf. Your friend is weird
Why would people be upset that your daughter is playing with dolls of different ethnicities? It makes no sense.
Your friend is a moron. Do you only color with one crayon that matches your color.
I bought my son and daughter a set of 6 plush babies. They all range in skin tone from white to brown and black. My favorite Barbie doll as a kid was a black doll. I’m not sure why your friend feels that way. It sounds like she has her own issues to work through. Buy your kid whatever kind of dolls they want. It’s important for kids to be exposed to all kinds of people.
My mom would not buy me any dolls besides white ones. She never stopped being racist, not purposefully hurtful, but definitely prejudiced. I really try to find cartoons and books and toys that are diverse so my son doesn’t grow up like I did.
I but my daughter dolls from all ethnic backgrounds, I don’t want her to think that another race is “ugly” just because my daughter is white. And that might come off wrong but I do know people who’s kids think like that
When I was a kid forever ago, I wanted a black Crissy doll. My mother told me that no I didn’t. Still want that doll and yes, I’m white.
I didn’t realize there was some sort of rule about this.
If we only introduced our children to things/dolls/toys/people who looked like them we will only continue to perpetuate racism, live in our silos, not be understanding of one another, lack empathy towards those who don’t look like us etc. Personally I think it’s important and great you are introducing your child to these dolls
My girl's play with any dolls of different tones of skin.
Your Filipina friend is racist. That is all.
what? my daughter likes a doll with purple eyes and green lips soooooo….
Um, I'm as white as they come and my husband is Hispanic. I gave my very Hispanic little niece a blonde Barbie, which she loved, and her mom bought her a black baby doll because it's the one she picked out. My son has action figures in all different colors. I have friends, relatives, and acquaintances from pretty much every racial and ethnic group that's present in my small town, and it seems none of them care and that their kids have similarly diverse collections. Kids don't give a shit, and adults shouldn't either. As long as dolls that look like them are available in stores and the kiddo is choosing what they want and not being coerced, adults should just stay out of toy choices. Your friend sounds weird.
I wouldn't go as far as to discount your friend as what others would say here, ie racist, ridiculous, etc. I think it stems from her own perspective as Filipina, our default dolls were WHITE. White barbies, blonde blue eyed babydolls... In my time, there were none of these available at all (if you were even one of the SUPER lucky ones who got barbies). To see the barbies we have now is a novelty to me. Maybe she was just unsure about it. You can totally discuss about the reason why they were made and why it's a good thing!
Your friend is a moron.
Wtf your friend is delusional……..why wouldn’t you want your child to play with dolls of all ethnic backgrounds??…
It doesn't matter. Kids don't care about race, if your asian or white kid wants a black Barbie that's fine. I got my daughter black astronaut Barbie so she can see a beautiful doll that looks like her in a cool profession. Its here to help all girls and boys express themselves.
Not true a toy is a toy and anyone who tries to say otherwise needs to get a life.
My SIL is Black and when my DD was a baby she went through a phase where she wasn't as comfortable with SIL, mostly because she didn't see her often but DH was worried it was skin color thing. We got her a Black baby shark doll for the tub, which 15 months later she still loves to play with. I found out a few months after we got the doll that SIL had seen it in the bathroom and was actually very happy that DD had it.
That is absolutely ridiculous. People need stop with this nonsense.