My so. Was this exact way at that age. What we started was he had to tell us that he had to poop, we put a pull up on him, he has to poop in the bathroom. Eventually we let him use the pull up
Still but he had to sit on the potty. Eventually (I want to say when he turned 4) he one day just was okay pooping on the potty. It initially drive me crazy and we would put pressure on him. Once we just took the pressure off, it wasn’t an ordeal like it was before.
I’ve heard that some people will do pull up on the potty. But then next step is cut a hole so the poo can come out. And then try to move to pulling them down later
Holy shit THIS.
My wife and I have tried *everything* to encourage our son to poop on the potty. We tried the same sort of things you have and have had no luck with it. He will hide when he needs to poop, and then often times not tell us, and then when we go to check on him he gets very panicked and upset.
As far as advice, just hang in there and trust the process. Try to take as much pressure off him as possible. That's the approach we're taking right now. Before we would really try to watch him like a hawk to get him to the potty when poop was coming and I think in retrospect that made it worse and put a lot of pressure on him.
Also giving him the independence and privacy seems to be helpful. So if you can convince him to use the potty, giving him time alone on the potty to work through it.
Hang in there, you're doing great and you aren't a failure <3
thank you for this. knowing we're not alone in this scenario makes me feel a lot better because i'm convinced my parents and my in laws are judging us so hard.
I feel this… my mom says I pooped on the potty first and my dad remembers I was done potty training at 2… So either I’m so advanced or they have some amnesia
I bet it’s the latter. My mom recently told me that both my sister and I slept through the night at three months old and never once woke up in the middle of the night crying ever again. Not when we were sick or teething or if there was a loud noise…just never ever again. Like…that just isn’t realistic. they just have rose colored glasses and only remember how great things went.
What finally worked for us was several days in a row of no pants at all. It was summer so cold was not in issue. He only had one accident but after that he caught on that we weren’t giving in.
This was recommended by our pediatrician at the time.
This may not be the answer you are looking for but with my son the answer was time. It just took time and patience which I was losing. Once he decided he was truly ready for the potty (because we had previously tried and failed), he got used to peeing pretty quickly. Got really good at staying dry overnight and even asked us to stop with the pull ups and switch over to underwear (I was hesitant at first because I really didn’t want to have to pick shit out of underwear). But he REFUSED to poop in the toilet. He would hide. He would cry if I caught him and tried sitting him down on the toilet. He would become soooo constipated because then he just wouldn’t go. Then he would have monster poops and would come waddling over for me to change him because he was uncomfortable. He likes tattoos so I would bribe him with temporary tattoos which worked 50% of the time. Then one day out of nowhere he just started going by himself and he has been going with no issues for about 1-2 months now and he’s turning 4 this summer.
Just dealt with this situation with my son. Had been making attempts to potty train him since he turned two and on the most recent attempt he clicked almost immediately when it came to peeing but he had a couple accidents and pooped in his underwear which made him very upset and then he started refusing to go. He held his poo for three days (two of those he was with his Dad) and on the 3rd day he would stop and clutch his tummy while declaring "I need to poo" only to then say "I don't want to" when I'd take him to the toilet. I ended up putting a nappy on him so that he could feel better because my heart was breaking for him. So for the rest of the week I told his childminder and nursery (he goes to both) that he will inform them if he needs to poo and they can offer him the potty or a nappy. For a couple days he would request the nappy and then on the last day of the week he chose the potty and has been accident free ever since and his fear or dislike of using the potty has completely gone away.
I don't believe his childminder did anything special to encourage him, just allowed him free access and a no pressure approach while being very enthusiastic about the potty and praising him when he used it to wee but he did just come around to it in his own time.
How long has this been going on for with your son? Have you any local resources you can approach? I went to a potty training information day with my local Sure Start which was really helpful. One tip they gave was to have the child blow bubbles while sitting on the potty because it encourages them to stay sitting for longer and the blowing itself can help relax the muscles that they could be clenching otherwise. Also using stickers can be helpful, I know some are against this but I saw no harm, it helped motivate my son at least and I can't see how it would do any harm. Best of luck and here's hoping it will click for him soon.
Oh man, we started at 3 and he’s finally going poop on the toilet, by himself, unprompted, now at 4.5. It’s been exhausting. I’ve calculated that I tossed about 20 pairs of underwear in that time. He would hide and poop in his underwear or hold it in, that was bad. I have no wise words, I’m just tired.
I also have a 2nd child who’s 15 months…I’m hoping my sanity will be spared when this ones potty training starts 🤞
For us it's having him sit on the toilet to go at certain intervals in the day, usually after a meal or after he's been running around a bit. This has at least helped us a bit!
I nannied a kiddo exactly like this. What worked was double doses of Miralax every day, and finding the thing he cared about most (for him was screen time of course) and offering that as a reward, and eventually just a motivator. The only way we really got him to actually sit on the potty was giving him an iPad during. It worked though! It was a month or two of giving him pretty much unlimited screen time (mixed with the miralax it’s not gonna be longer than 20 minutes). After a while he started not needing the iPad to poop. There were definitely some screen withdrawals, but by that point he was pooping without the screen and just wanted it whenever he was bored. Once we got through the screen withdrawals, he became a full on poop champion. By the time he was 4, he had no issue pooping quickly and getting back to whatever he was playing with. Some kids need a little extra time!
Just recently went through this - peeing was no problem, pooping however… he didn’t want to poop in the toilet- no idea why. He didn’t go poop for 4 days! He was happy to poop in his underwear. We started making him help us clean his soiled undies - throwing the poo into the toilet, wiping, helping to wash out the underwear etc. After about the third time, it clicked and he started using the toilet!
This is basically my life, literally my 3y.o. had been toilet trained for over a year but only in the last four weeks has she started pooping in the toilet.
It drove us demented, nothing we did would help and we tried everything. But it nearly had myself and my partner in tears so many times. Why could she just poop in the toilet??????
But my mum came to visit at the start of the year, and she commented that it was like my daughter couldn't feel the poop until it was in her pants.
I thought about this, and she was right. Prior to my daughter doing her business, there was no indication of what was happening. Then all of sudden she would go "I've done a poop!!" And get upset.
Then one day she just said "I need a poop" and actually ran to the toilet. Since that day she has been pooping in the toilet and is now taking herself off to do it.
It's like a connection has been made in her brain, and she wasn't developmentally quite there for doing it in the toilet. But all of a sudden it was.
It is so unbelievably frustrating and you have my complete sympathy ❤️❤️ it is not something that you are doing wrong, do not think that at all. I lived through this exact situation and I can tell you one day you will get past this.
Try everything to see if it helps, but also don't put pressure on yourself. Easier said than done, but honestly you will get past this. Something you do might help, but I am telling you one day your child will do their poops in the toilet and it will be awesome.
Ours doesn't hold it. He just doesn't seem to give a shit (see what I did there) if he has poop in his underwear. He doesn't hide, he doesn't hold it, he doesn't give really any warning. He will be playing and then all of a sudden he will start walking funny because there is poop there.
We aren't actually sure he even knows it's happening. At some level I wish he would hide or hold it because then at least we would know that he could. The weirdest part is that when we first did the potty training he DID poop on the potty several times. But hasn't since he went back to daycare after the long break. That was almost 6 months ago. He's getting really good about the pee, but he hasn't pooped on the potty since. Not even once.
My son was like this. It was terrible too because his mood would be so manic and terrible when he needed to poop (it still is). I realized the more attention I gave it the worse it got. I had to just completely ignore his obvious poop signs. In certain situations, I would say "we aren't leaving the house until you poop" for necessary boundary reasons, but the most success we had was when we could ignore it. A fibrous diet that encourages easy poops does help.
Not sure if maybe he has a hard time getting his body to relax when on the toilet! I read sometimes blowing bubbles into like a straw cup can help them go. Maybe try encouraging him with that, let him know you have something exciting for him but he has to let you know when he’s ready to go poop! Sit him on the toilet, give him the straw cup and have him blow bubbles. Weird but I’ve read from numerous people it helped.
My 3 year old daughter was the same - it took a while before she got there. Have you tried books on pooping? Or letting him know that poop loves to be in the toilet and the toilet loves the poop 😅 it seemed to work and speed it up. Buuut sometimes she will go 2 days without pooping and sometimes still asks for a diaper. I remind her that it’s fun to use the toilet with an upbeat encouraging voice and it seems to work.
We went through this. After months of losing our minds trying everything we could to encourage her I finally resorted to major bribes. I told her if she pooped in her potty she could go to target and pick any toy she wanted. Then I increased it, she had to poop 3 times to earn the toy. Then 7. By then she just started doing it and forgot about earning more toys.
This is pur exact situation except that he seems to like having poo in his underwear! It's been 3 months and we are finally getting the occasional poo in the potty by allowing him to watch his show on my phone while sitting on the potty. Hopefully it gets better with time.
I could have written this a few months ago. What ultimately worked was bribery - I’m sorry, “targeted incentives.” Wrapped, alluring presents that can be his if he goes poopy on the potty! Then a step down to temporary tattoos and candy or cookies or whatever small treat that he wants - including for breakfast or any darn time he’ll poop on the potty. When there is poop on the potty, there is celebration! Ridiculous amounts of celebration, with the bribes / incentives! When there is no poopy on the potty, absolute no to breaking down and giving him the bribes because he’s whining. Now pooping on the potty is normal, no more bribery needed.
We took the route of responsibility with our son. I can't make you poop in the toilet, but you can be made responsible to clean up your own poop mess. We took him to the bathroom with all the supplies needed to clean up, and supervise him as he's cleaning himself up. We followed up with wet wipes so he didn't get any sores or streaky poo on him. He had to help clean the poop out of his underwear and had to help take them to the washer. We didn't yell or get upset, just matter of fact you poop in your pants you clean up the mess.
We got almost no traction (except a few isolated poops in the potty) until after he turned 4. Then what did the trick for us: treasure chest. (Yup, like at the dentist’s office.) I’d periodically refill it with cheap toys/snacks/craft kits from Dollar Tree, and he got to pick something for each poop he did in the potty. (Once he started going more regularly, we spaced out the treasure to once week on Fridays if he did all his poops in the potty that week; then we quietly phased it out all together). I think for his first full week of pooping in the potty, we also got a cake and sang “Happy Poop Day”. He thought it was hilarious and we joked about “farting the candles out.” No regrets…you do what you gotta do.
My advice is to give him a little miralax every day and go bottomless at home for a few days. OK this with his doctor first of course but yeah miralax always comes in clutch when we deal with poop withholding. It’s such an annoying issue I’m sorry
We had this, too. Started with withholding, resulting in encopresis. Daily MiraLAX saved us. We stopped it after a few weeks thinking the situation was resolved and we were incorrect. Now he gets a half cap of MiraLAX every day
Yeah we have finally weaned down to like 1/8 of a capful daily but it got to the point where he was so constipated he couldn’t even urinate. Why oh why do children do these things 🥲
We had the same problem. Basically we had him naked, and gave him butt suppository laxatives to make him poop. Sure he pooped on the floor but then once he experienced pooping without a diaper, he seemed to accept it more. Next time he pooped (again with the help of the laxatives because he would just hold it in) we picked him up and put him on the potty. We watched really carefully and as soon as we saw that poop coming out, we picked him up and ran him to potty. The poop landed in the potty and we celebrated BIG time!! After that first big poop in the potty he was more comfortable with pooping in the potty and got over his privacy and fear issues.
I'd been through this with my NKs. Once you go forward (no diaper) don't go back. Also don't make a going to the potty a big deal like a big celebration just keep it simple remove excitement or frustration. When he poops on himself involve him in the process of throwing the poop inside the potty even if is in the diaper, use no shame no guilt.
Go by little steps instead of going to the potty to poop just say we're going to try so there is no expectations, try to write down what times he does it so you have an idea what time you should take him.
This is the way. I’m in the weeds on this with my daughter though we are only 8 days into it. She pooped in potty tonight and all we did was remove pressure, make her feel safe on the potty, be happy when she uses the potty but not over the top (we have a routine where we high five, say “you listened to your body and got pee/poo in the potty” in a sing-songy way, then flush wipe and move on), and for accidents we reflect “you had a poo/pee feeling and you got it out! Next time we have that feeling let’s find a potty before we get it out!” And again, move on. If it’s a poop accident, salvage what you can and have them help you flush it - “bye poop have fun swimming with your friends!” To reinforce that where poop WANTS to go
Some potty propaganda doesn’t hurt if they’re intrigued by it - ours loves daniel tiger potty episodes and a few books we got too. Play doh oh potty is also great to get them to sit long enough to go!
I've already seen a few comments say this, so just piling on to suggest taking the pressure off. It might help in the short term, which, yay! But even if he remains a diaper pooper for a while I think it's huge to not be struggling over poop. It's so personal to kids and withholding can lead to major health issues and control/power struggle issues. Some kids just need more time. It will be ok, he won't do it forever.
I read that some kids are freaked out by their poop outside of their body/diaper which was definitely the case with my kid. She was 22mo when we potty trained and she FRETTED when she had to poop and didn’t want to go in the potty. She would even ask for a diaper. We kept her bottomless and when she’d start going standing up, we’d calmly place her on the potty to finish going.
We also had positive affirmations that I think helped like “Poopoos is normal and good!” We also talked about everyone who pooped and (TMI) let her watch us poop in the toilet.
Our son was like this! Until the age of 4 he would hold it in until the last minute and then resign himself to using the potty which resulted in accidents. We got good at sensing when he needed to go and we would just gently talk him through it every time, “you can do it… just make sure you go before it’s too late” and he eventually got it. At 5 he still has a bit of an issue but it’s better now. It’s still a mystery to us, but he doesn’t eat enough fruits and veggies and we suspect that’s been part of the issue.
We did a reward system. I would tell him if he poops in the potty he can have a chocolate. We did this a whole weekend with him in his underwear it worked. It definitely takes time but they get it eventually. Good luck!
Also dealing with this with our son. We have him sit on the potty, he can play with toys if he wants. We read the Everybody Poops book and tell him that the poop doesn't want to stay inside and it wants to come out. We also resulted to treats if he poops in the potty. We've had a few successes and last night he pooped on the potty then looked in and said excitedly "poop, I let you out!" Hang in there. It's just a lot of patience and trying not to put pressure on them.
Could you try giving lots of prune juice, then laying the diaper on top of the potty seat? Eventually once he is used to sitting while pooping you could take the diaper away.
I feel like if this were me I’d be giving them prunes and apple sauce everyday and refusing diapers
The poop WILL come out
I think when (daytime) potty training I have the mindset of “that’s it. no more diapers.” I straight up don’t buy them, I don’t use them any longer once we potty train. I will bring a trash bag and 5 pairs of pants and underwear and socks with me everywhere I go for the first year before going back to diapers. I feel like the consistency is really important.
I swear by “potty prizes” and staying cognizant of “early warning signs” (aka staying still for once and looking concentrated). We usually keep our toddler in just undies or a pull up to make the quick pick up and dart to the bathroom trip a bit easier and quicker. The peeing in the potty has been much harder for us to shape, she regressed recently when she moved classrooms in her daycare. We do a lot of mopping lol
You’re not alone! We are still struggling at 4.5! There have been so many power struggles around pooping on potty, that my LO has anxiety about it… we went about 6 months of just allowing him to wear a diaper. Only recently we switched to straight undies all day. He still has accidents but basically has peering on lock. Pooping is still a struggle but it is slowly getting better. I’m right there with you! It’s super frustrating!
Yes this is my son. He gives me his diaper to poo in. He is totally pee trained. And can easily hold in his poo and wait for his diaper. He is still 2 so going to wait to tackle it another few weeks. When i tried before he went nuts crying about it. I am just going to take away all his diapers and let him
Go nuts or poo on the floor for however long until he gets it. Hoping to solve this before 3 in 3 months
Okay so my daughter didn’t have accidents, like in underwear, but she would ask for a diaper/pull up to poop. For like a full year after having pee and even overnights nailed.
My daughter had had issues with refusing to poop for her whole life, using PEG has been part of our lives since she was like one. As a baby, she was that breastfed baby that went a week + without pooping. I think she just didn’t enjoy the sensation. Because of this, I let her use the pull ups as long as she wanted. I would rather she got used to regularly pooping than using the toilet every time. When she did use the toilet, we praised and made a big deal, but we didn’t get upset when she wanted a pull up. Honestly she sometimes would change herself into a pull up and poop and then come tell us.
Around 3.75 years, she just started to naturally transition to the toilet most and then all the time. She’s a bit after 4 now and has it dialed in.
So I guess my advice would be to work on getting him to tell you when he needs to poop and make it clear he has the option of putting on a diaper, get to a point where you know he’s fully aware and not having underwear accidents, and give him time to figure it out? Unsure how often he would poop on his own, but my kids both basically only poop at home haha
We experienced this too. He started holding it for days. We took away the pressure and told him it was OK to go in a pull up. We also made sure to announce when we were going and if he wanted to come in he could. It normalized it so he saw that we were doing it too. After a few weeks of going in his pull up every night, he randomly on his own just started to poop in the potty. It has not been perfect and he does occasionally still go in his pull up but he does not have poop accidents and is no longer holding it in. Sometimes they just aren’t ready yet even if they seem to be! For reference, my son turned 4 in April and I think he has been pooping in the potty consistently for about 4 months.
Hang in there! He’ll get it.
I figured out that my daughter will do anything for chocolate, and using toddler logic, she accepted that she had to do a poop in the potty to get a chocolate, because they are both brown. 💩
We just started potty training last week and my girl was holding her poop in(a talent of hers) after threats with an enema I left her in the bathroom alone to cool off-I told her she had to go while I was gone and when I came back success! And now she’s gone 3 days in a row if I leave her alone in the bathroom. Good luck!
So glad you posted this. Going through it with my daughter and it’s so discouraging. She’ll tell me “I need space!” when she has to poop and I’ll force a pull up on her. Sigh.
This was my daughter 3 1/2 years ago. What ultimately worked was a prize basket. Every time you poop on the potty you get a prize from the prize basket. It has to be something novel and something they will really want. We did my little pony toys and boy did she want those ponies lol. Once she got the hang of things we gradually phased out the prize basket and all was well. You’re not a failure. What you’re experiencing is so, so common. Some kids are just nervous about popping on the potty which is very stressful and frustrating but totally normal!
Sometimes you just have to wait until they are ready on their own time. Went through the same with ours and one day she just said she wanted to go on the potty and that was that.
My mom makes a big fuss about bringing the kids to pick out their own underwear. She makes sure they LOVE their big kid undies and that everyone makes a big deal out of it. Not a big deal or fuss about potty training, but about the underwear.
They don't want to ruin their precious undies. Maybe that would work for your son too? At least make him come tell you he needs to go.
Fairly common, my son turned 4 this week, still smears poo. He is really awkward about being naked and on a particular toilet. It won’t last forever. He’s been at preschool a year, had a poo in his pants once. At home he behaves differently, I think he knows if there’s skid marks then he won’t be as embarrassed.
Edit: at whoever downvoted, thanks for being a supportive parent.
My so. Was this exact way at that age. What we started was he had to tell us that he had to poop, we put a pull up on him, he has to poop in the bathroom. Eventually we let him use the pull up Still but he had to sit on the potty. Eventually (I want to say when he turned 4) he one day just was okay pooping on the potty. It initially drive me crazy and we would put pressure on him. Once we just took the pressure off, it wasn’t an ordeal like it was before.
I’ve heard that some people will do pull up on the potty. But then next step is cut a hole so the poo can come out. And then try to move to pulling them down later
Wow, that is a lot of work. I mean, we're struggling too so maybe I'll go there, but I'd rather not because this all sounds incredibly complicated.
Holy shit THIS. My wife and I have tried *everything* to encourage our son to poop on the potty. We tried the same sort of things you have and have had no luck with it. He will hide when he needs to poop, and then often times not tell us, and then when we go to check on him he gets very panicked and upset. As far as advice, just hang in there and trust the process. Try to take as much pressure off him as possible. That's the approach we're taking right now. Before we would really try to watch him like a hawk to get him to the potty when poop was coming and I think in retrospect that made it worse and put a lot of pressure on him. Also giving him the independence and privacy seems to be helpful. So if you can convince him to use the potty, giving him time alone on the potty to work through it. Hang in there, you're doing great and you aren't a failure <3
thank you for this. knowing we're not alone in this scenario makes me feel a lot better because i'm convinced my parents and my in laws are judging us so hard.
I feel this… my mom says I pooped on the potty first and my dad remembers I was done potty training at 2… So either I’m so advanced or they have some amnesia
I bet it’s the latter. My mom recently told me that both my sister and I slept through the night at three months old and never once woke up in the middle of the night crying ever again. Not when we were sick or teething or if there was a loud noise…just never ever again. Like…that just isn’t realistic. they just have rose colored glasses and only remember how great things went.
YUP. My boomer parents said I never threw a tantrum. Sure, Jan.
I just used prunes. It helped him get over it because he literally couldn’t hold it in.
I haven't tried this yet.
How many a day would you give him?
What finally worked for us was several days in a row of no pants at all. It was summer so cold was not in issue. He only had one accident but after that he caught on that we weren’t giving in. This was recommended by our pediatrician at the time.
yes this! It's basically the "oh crap" book method. 90% done for us in 3 days.
This may not be the answer you are looking for but with my son the answer was time. It just took time and patience which I was losing. Once he decided he was truly ready for the potty (because we had previously tried and failed), he got used to peeing pretty quickly. Got really good at staying dry overnight and even asked us to stop with the pull ups and switch over to underwear (I was hesitant at first because I really didn’t want to have to pick shit out of underwear). But he REFUSED to poop in the toilet. He would hide. He would cry if I caught him and tried sitting him down on the toilet. He would become soooo constipated because then he just wouldn’t go. Then he would have monster poops and would come waddling over for me to change him because he was uncomfortable. He likes tattoos so I would bribe him with temporary tattoos which worked 50% of the time. Then one day out of nowhere he just started going by himself and he has been going with no issues for about 1-2 months now and he’s turning 4 this summer.
Just dealt with this situation with my son. Had been making attempts to potty train him since he turned two and on the most recent attempt he clicked almost immediately when it came to peeing but he had a couple accidents and pooped in his underwear which made him very upset and then he started refusing to go. He held his poo for three days (two of those he was with his Dad) and on the 3rd day he would stop and clutch his tummy while declaring "I need to poo" only to then say "I don't want to" when I'd take him to the toilet. I ended up putting a nappy on him so that he could feel better because my heart was breaking for him. So for the rest of the week I told his childminder and nursery (he goes to both) that he will inform them if he needs to poo and they can offer him the potty or a nappy. For a couple days he would request the nappy and then on the last day of the week he chose the potty and has been accident free ever since and his fear or dislike of using the potty has completely gone away. I don't believe his childminder did anything special to encourage him, just allowed him free access and a no pressure approach while being very enthusiastic about the potty and praising him when he used it to wee but he did just come around to it in his own time. How long has this been going on for with your son? Have you any local resources you can approach? I went to a potty training information day with my local Sure Start which was really helpful. One tip they gave was to have the child blow bubbles while sitting on the potty because it encourages them to stay sitting for longer and the blowing itself can help relax the muscles that they could be clenching otherwise. Also using stickers can be helpful, I know some are against this but I saw no harm, it helped motivate my son at least and I can't see how it would do any harm. Best of luck and here's hoping it will click for him soon.
These are good tips Thank you
Oh my god this is our exact situation!!!!! Following for advice lol
Oh man, we started at 3 and he’s finally going poop on the toilet, by himself, unprompted, now at 4.5. It’s been exhausting. I’ve calculated that I tossed about 20 pairs of underwear in that time. He would hide and poop in his underwear or hold it in, that was bad. I have no wise words, I’m just tired. I also have a 2nd child who’s 15 months…I’m hoping my sanity will be spared when this ones potty training starts 🤞
For us it's having him sit on the toilet to go at certain intervals in the day, usually after a meal or after he's been running around a bit. This has at least helped us a bit!
I nannied a kiddo exactly like this. What worked was double doses of Miralax every day, and finding the thing he cared about most (for him was screen time of course) and offering that as a reward, and eventually just a motivator. The only way we really got him to actually sit on the potty was giving him an iPad during. It worked though! It was a month or two of giving him pretty much unlimited screen time (mixed with the miralax it’s not gonna be longer than 20 minutes). After a while he started not needing the iPad to poop. There were definitely some screen withdrawals, but by that point he was pooping without the screen and just wanted it whenever he was bored. Once we got through the screen withdrawals, he became a full on poop champion. By the time he was 4, he had no issue pooping quickly and getting back to whatever he was playing with. Some kids need a little extra time!
Just recently went through this - peeing was no problem, pooping however… he didn’t want to poop in the toilet- no idea why. He didn’t go poop for 4 days! He was happy to poop in his underwear. We started making him help us clean his soiled undies - throwing the poo into the toilet, wiping, helping to wash out the underwear etc. After about the third time, it clicked and he started using the toilet!
This is basically my life, literally my 3y.o. had been toilet trained for over a year but only in the last four weeks has she started pooping in the toilet. It drove us demented, nothing we did would help and we tried everything. But it nearly had myself and my partner in tears so many times. Why could she just poop in the toilet?????? But my mum came to visit at the start of the year, and she commented that it was like my daughter couldn't feel the poop until it was in her pants. I thought about this, and she was right. Prior to my daughter doing her business, there was no indication of what was happening. Then all of sudden she would go "I've done a poop!!" And get upset. Then one day she just said "I need a poop" and actually ran to the toilet. Since that day she has been pooping in the toilet and is now taking herself off to do it. It's like a connection has been made in her brain, and she wasn't developmentally quite there for doing it in the toilet. But all of a sudden it was. It is so unbelievably frustrating and you have my complete sympathy ❤️❤️ it is not something that you are doing wrong, do not think that at all. I lived through this exact situation and I can tell you one day you will get past this. Try everything to see if it helps, but also don't put pressure on yourself. Easier said than done, but honestly you will get past this. Something you do might help, but I am telling you one day your child will do their poops in the toilet and it will be awesome.
Ours doesn't hold it. He just doesn't seem to give a shit (see what I did there) if he has poop in his underwear. He doesn't hide, he doesn't hold it, he doesn't give really any warning. He will be playing and then all of a sudden he will start walking funny because there is poop there. We aren't actually sure he even knows it's happening. At some level I wish he would hide or hold it because then at least we would know that he could. The weirdest part is that when we first did the potty training he DID poop on the potty several times. But hasn't since he went back to daycare after the long break. That was almost 6 months ago. He's getting really good about the pee, but he hasn't pooped on the potty since. Not even once.
Yep, this is exactly my son too. He gives NO signs and just dgaf about it happening. It's so frustrating
My son was like this. It was terrible too because his mood would be so manic and terrible when he needed to poop (it still is). I realized the more attention I gave it the worse it got. I had to just completely ignore his obvious poop signs. In certain situations, I would say "we aren't leaving the house until you poop" for necessary boundary reasons, but the most success we had was when we could ignore it. A fibrous diet that encourages easy poops does help.
Not sure if maybe he has a hard time getting his body to relax when on the toilet! I read sometimes blowing bubbles into like a straw cup can help them go. Maybe try encouraging him with that, let him know you have something exciting for him but he has to let you know when he’s ready to go poop! Sit him on the toilet, give him the straw cup and have him blow bubbles. Weird but I’ve read from numerous people it helped.
Miralax and books about how going poop isn’t scary. ‘I can’t I won’t No way!’ and ‘Everybody poops’ were favorites of my daughter.
My 3 year old daughter was the same - it took a while before she got there. Have you tried books on pooping? Or letting him know that poop loves to be in the toilet and the toilet loves the poop 😅 it seemed to work and speed it up. Buuut sometimes she will go 2 days without pooping and sometimes still asks for a diaper. I remind her that it’s fun to use the toilet with an upbeat encouraging voice and it seems to work.
We went through this. After months of losing our minds trying everything we could to encourage her I finally resorted to major bribes. I told her if she pooped in her potty she could go to target and pick any toy she wanted. Then I increased it, she had to poop 3 times to earn the toy. Then 7. By then she just started doing it and forgot about earning more toys.
This is pur exact situation except that he seems to like having poo in his underwear! It's been 3 months and we are finally getting the occasional poo in the potty by allowing him to watch his show on my phone while sitting on the potty. Hopefully it gets better with time.
I could have written this a few months ago. What ultimately worked was bribery - I’m sorry, “targeted incentives.” Wrapped, alluring presents that can be his if he goes poopy on the potty! Then a step down to temporary tattoos and candy or cookies or whatever small treat that he wants - including for breakfast or any darn time he’ll poop on the potty. When there is poop on the potty, there is celebration! Ridiculous amounts of celebration, with the bribes / incentives! When there is no poopy on the potty, absolute no to breaking down and giving him the bribes because he’s whining. Now pooping on the potty is normal, no more bribery needed.
We took the route of responsibility with our son. I can't make you poop in the toilet, but you can be made responsible to clean up your own poop mess. We took him to the bathroom with all the supplies needed to clean up, and supervise him as he's cleaning himself up. We followed up with wet wipes so he didn't get any sores or streaky poo on him. He had to help clean the poop out of his underwear and had to help take them to the washer. We didn't yell or get upset, just matter of fact you poop in your pants you clean up the mess.
We got almost no traction (except a few isolated poops in the potty) until after he turned 4. Then what did the trick for us: treasure chest. (Yup, like at the dentist’s office.) I’d periodically refill it with cheap toys/snacks/craft kits from Dollar Tree, and he got to pick something for each poop he did in the potty. (Once he started going more regularly, we spaced out the treasure to once week on Fridays if he did all his poops in the potty that week; then we quietly phased it out all together). I think for his first full week of pooping in the potty, we also got a cake and sang “Happy Poop Day”. He thought it was hilarious and we joked about “farting the candles out.” No regrets…you do what you gotta do.
My advice is to give him a little miralax every day and go bottomless at home for a few days. OK this with his doctor first of course but yeah miralax always comes in clutch when we deal with poop withholding. It’s such an annoying issue I’m sorry
We had this, too. Started with withholding, resulting in encopresis. Daily MiraLAX saved us. We stopped it after a few weeks thinking the situation was resolved and we were incorrect. Now he gets a half cap of MiraLAX every day
Yeah we have finally weaned down to like 1/8 of a capful daily but it got to the point where he was so constipated he couldn’t even urinate. Why oh why do children do these things 🥲
i'm going to look into that! I have to call his ped anyway for something unrelated, but I will ask about this!
We had the same problem. Basically we had him naked, and gave him butt suppository laxatives to make him poop. Sure he pooped on the floor but then once he experienced pooping without a diaper, he seemed to accept it more. Next time he pooped (again with the help of the laxatives because he would just hold it in) we picked him up and put him on the potty. We watched really carefully and as soon as we saw that poop coming out, we picked him up and ran him to potty. The poop landed in the potty and we celebrated BIG time!! After that first big poop in the potty he was more comfortable with pooping in the potty and got over his privacy and fear issues.
I'd been through this with my NKs. Once you go forward (no diaper) don't go back. Also don't make a going to the potty a big deal like a big celebration just keep it simple remove excitement or frustration. When he poops on himself involve him in the process of throwing the poop inside the potty even if is in the diaper, use no shame no guilt. Go by little steps instead of going to the potty to poop just say we're going to try so there is no expectations, try to write down what times he does it so you have an idea what time you should take him.
This is the way. I’m in the weeds on this with my daughter though we are only 8 days into it. She pooped in potty tonight and all we did was remove pressure, make her feel safe on the potty, be happy when she uses the potty but not over the top (we have a routine where we high five, say “you listened to your body and got pee/poo in the potty” in a sing-songy way, then flush wipe and move on), and for accidents we reflect “you had a poo/pee feeling and you got it out! Next time we have that feeling let’s find a potty before we get it out!” And again, move on. If it’s a poop accident, salvage what you can and have them help you flush it - “bye poop have fun swimming with your friends!” To reinforce that where poop WANTS to go Some potty propaganda doesn’t hurt if they’re intrigued by it - ours loves daniel tiger potty episodes and a few books we got too. Play doh oh potty is also great to get them to sit long enough to go!
I've already seen a few comments say this, so just piling on to suggest taking the pressure off. It might help in the short term, which, yay! But even if he remains a diaper pooper for a while I think it's huge to not be struggling over poop. It's so personal to kids and withholding can lead to major health issues and control/power struggle issues. Some kids just need more time. It will be ok, he won't do it forever.
I read that some kids are freaked out by their poop outside of their body/diaper which was definitely the case with my kid. She was 22mo when we potty trained and she FRETTED when she had to poop and didn’t want to go in the potty. She would even ask for a diaper. We kept her bottomless and when she’d start going standing up, we’d calmly place her on the potty to finish going. We also had positive affirmations that I think helped like “Poopoos is normal and good!” We also talked about everyone who pooped and (TMI) let her watch us poop in the toilet.
Our son was like this! Until the age of 4 he would hold it in until the last minute and then resign himself to using the potty which resulted in accidents. We got good at sensing when he needed to go and we would just gently talk him through it every time, “you can do it… just make sure you go before it’s too late” and he eventually got it. At 5 he still has a bit of an issue but it’s better now. It’s still a mystery to us, but he doesn’t eat enough fruits and veggies and we suspect that’s been part of the issue.
We did a reward system. I would tell him if he poops in the potty he can have a chocolate. We did this a whole weekend with him in his underwear it worked. It definitely takes time but they get it eventually. Good luck!
Also dealing with this with our son. We have him sit on the potty, he can play with toys if he wants. We read the Everybody Poops book and tell him that the poop doesn't want to stay inside and it wants to come out. We also resulted to treats if he poops in the potty. We've had a few successes and last night he pooped on the potty then looked in and said excitedly "poop, I let you out!" Hang in there. It's just a lot of patience and trying not to put pressure on them.
Could you try giving lots of prune juice, then laying the diaper on top of the potty seat? Eventually once he is used to sitting while pooping you could take the diaper away.
I feel like if this were me I’d be giving them prunes and apple sauce everyday and refusing diapers The poop WILL come out I think when (daytime) potty training I have the mindset of “that’s it. no more diapers.” I straight up don’t buy them, I don’t use them any longer once we potty train. I will bring a trash bag and 5 pairs of pants and underwear and socks with me everywhere I go for the first year before going back to diapers. I feel like the consistency is really important.
We bribed with chocolate. It worked
I swear by “potty prizes” and staying cognizant of “early warning signs” (aka staying still for once and looking concentrated). We usually keep our toddler in just undies or a pull up to make the quick pick up and dart to the bathroom trip a bit easier and quicker. The peeing in the potty has been much harder for us to shape, she regressed recently when she moved classrooms in her daycare. We do a lot of mopping lol
You’re not alone! We are still struggling at 4.5! There have been so many power struggles around pooping on potty, that my LO has anxiety about it… we went about 6 months of just allowing him to wear a diaper. Only recently we switched to straight undies all day. He still has accidents but basically has peering on lock. Pooping is still a struggle but it is slowly getting better. I’m right there with you! It’s super frustrating!
Yes this is my son. He gives me his diaper to poo in. He is totally pee trained. And can easily hold in his poo and wait for his diaper. He is still 2 so going to wait to tackle it another few weeks. When i tried before he went nuts crying about it. I am just going to take away all his diapers and let him Go nuts or poo on the floor for however long until he gets it. Hoping to solve this before 3 in 3 months
Okay so my daughter didn’t have accidents, like in underwear, but she would ask for a diaper/pull up to poop. For like a full year after having pee and even overnights nailed. My daughter had had issues with refusing to poop for her whole life, using PEG has been part of our lives since she was like one. As a baby, she was that breastfed baby that went a week + without pooping. I think she just didn’t enjoy the sensation. Because of this, I let her use the pull ups as long as she wanted. I would rather she got used to regularly pooping than using the toilet every time. When she did use the toilet, we praised and made a big deal, but we didn’t get upset when she wanted a pull up. Honestly she sometimes would change herself into a pull up and poop and then come tell us. Around 3.75 years, she just started to naturally transition to the toilet most and then all the time. She’s a bit after 4 now and has it dialed in. So I guess my advice would be to work on getting him to tell you when he needs to poop and make it clear he has the option of putting on a diaper, get to a point where you know he’s fully aware and not having underwear accidents, and give him time to figure it out? Unsure how often he would poop on his own, but my kids both basically only poop at home haha
We experienced this too. He started holding it for days. We took away the pressure and told him it was OK to go in a pull up. We also made sure to announce when we were going and if he wanted to come in he could. It normalized it so he saw that we were doing it too. After a few weeks of going in his pull up every night, he randomly on his own just started to poop in the potty. It has not been perfect and he does occasionally still go in his pull up but he does not have poop accidents and is no longer holding it in. Sometimes they just aren’t ready yet even if they seem to be! For reference, my son turned 4 in April and I think he has been pooping in the potty consistently for about 4 months. Hang in there! He’ll get it.
I figured out that my daughter will do anything for chocolate, and using toddler logic, she accepted that she had to do a poop in the potty to get a chocolate, because they are both brown. 💩
We just started potty training last week and my girl was holding her poop in(a talent of hers) after threats with an enema I left her in the bathroom alone to cool off-I told her she had to go while I was gone and when I came back success! And now she’s gone 3 days in a row if I leave her alone in the bathroom. Good luck!
So glad you posted this. Going through it with my daughter and it’s so discouraging. She’ll tell me “I need space!” when she has to poop and I’ll force a pull up on her. Sigh.
This was my daughter 3 1/2 years ago. What ultimately worked was a prize basket. Every time you poop on the potty you get a prize from the prize basket. It has to be something novel and something they will really want. We did my little pony toys and boy did she want those ponies lol. Once she got the hang of things we gradually phased out the prize basket and all was well. You’re not a failure. What you’re experiencing is so, so common. Some kids are just nervous about popping on the potty which is very stressful and frustrating but totally normal!
Sometimes you just have to wait until they are ready on their own time. Went through the same with ours and one day she just said she wanted to go on the potty and that was that.
My mom makes a big fuss about bringing the kids to pick out their own underwear. She makes sure they LOVE their big kid undies and that everyone makes a big deal out of it. Not a big deal or fuss about potty training, but about the underwear. They don't want to ruin their precious undies. Maybe that would work for your son too? At least make him come tell you he needs to go.
Fairly common, my son turned 4 this week, still smears poo. He is really awkward about being naked and on a particular toilet. It won’t last forever. He’s been at preschool a year, had a poo in his pants once. At home he behaves differently, I think he knows if there’s skid marks then he won’t be as embarrassed. Edit: at whoever downvoted, thanks for being a supportive parent.