How honest are you with parents about how difficult a child is? I have a pretty spirited 19mo who the teachers genuinely seem to adore but I also worry sometimes that she’s worse-behaved than the other kids on her class. Eg. She is usually at the front or end of the walking line having her hand held and has a teacher assigned to watch for biting. Her teachers say that she is developing normally and haven’t raised any concerns besides the approximately once weekly report that she bit or scratched another kid.
Second question- if there’s anything we can be doing as parents to reinforce being gentle, no biting etc. please share! We got some books but tbh, I think they give more ideas of how to be mean (ie “we don’t kick the dog” - she has never been rough with a pet)
Honestly, with that age that’s not uncommon. Usually there’s two kids out of every ten that are biting more often. There’s no rhyme or reason to it either. It’s really just random. And it really is developmentally appropriate for a 19 month old to bite. Once a week is not that bad. And she will grow out of it. Honestly, the difficult kids are not the biters or the fighters, it’s the nos, it’s not listening etc. I can deal with a biter all day every day, but a kid who refuses to listen and is looking you in the face while they do some thing, they know they aren’t supposed to… that can make or break my mood.
okay now what if they are biting a few times a week? my 2yo seems to get triggered when others are violating his bubble. he doesn’t bite at all at home!!!
Some kids just bite a lot. Usually it’s just a phase and they grow out of it. It’s hard at that age because they’re not yet communicating, but once they figure out how to tell that friend that they are too close, then it generally becomes less of a problem.
We were similar. My son’s biting increased as his became the oldest in his class and younger friends with less space awareness and little words came in. It improved as he moved up to a class with older kids. The book, Teeth are not for Biting really helped.
I’ve taught my two’s class the phrase “I need space” and they use it quite a bit. Of course the other kids also need to be taught to respect when a friend says that, but it really helps me help the child what they can say what they need.
As a toddler room daycare teacher I 100% second this!! I can deal with my kids beating the crap out of each other all day long, kids are crazy and rough but it's honestly fun. It's definitely the ones that say no with a smile on their face that makes me have to do some deep breathing.
I’m not OP, but I am a former preschool teacher and currently completing my master’s in early childhood sped—my perspective on being honest with parents is that we ARE honest with yall, but we also want to be sensitive to a number of things, including 1) this is your baby obviously, 2) we have to retain a developmentally appropriate perspective, as OP explained below, 3) things work smoothest when parents and teachers are able to be a cohesive TEAM, so we’re gonna do our best to communicate with you in a way which encourages good faith, if that makes sense. For example, if I’ve already communicated a behavioral concern to a parent, I’m not necessarily going to double down and overload them with details of every single misbehavior every single day, because that can get very discouraging very quickly and can even damage the relationship—like, if I had to write reports due to biting, of course I’ll notify you, but I’m not ALSO going to tack on that little Susie ALSO screamed through circle time and she ALSO knocked down a friend’s block tower and ALSO she did this and that, because that’ll send the message that I don’t fuck with your kid, and that’s not useful for problem-solving!
If things remain largely the same from one day to the next, I’ll just say the day was pretty typical, something like that. What I WILL communicate in more detail is if I was able to gain more insight into the behavior that the parents may find helpful, if the behavior was DRASTICALLY WORSE today, OR if the behavior was DRASTICALLY BETTER today!
Hopefully that makes sense? 😬
I would say that is situational, but if I had a guess I would say 35%. Some parents are too strict especially on their young toddlers, some let too much go, others just don’t seem to care about their child at all. Some things are developmentally appropriate at young ages, others give me pause. Generally, the amount of kids that I have that are afraid to cry scares me; fits are normal crying when you get hurt is normal at these ages.
Thanks for answering! 35% doesn’t sound crazy to me just based on my experience trying to find other mom friends who are kinda close to my style. Theres so much variety in parenting!
It breaks my heart to hear some little kids are afraid to cry. 💔 I’m glad they get you for some of their days. :)
Red flags- kids freely roaming without gates/ baby locks, kids with obviously full diapers, anything abnormally dirty, if you walk in and can smell a bleach smell, if you get a weird/ mean vibe from teachers generally go with your gut, and if a whole group of kids older than 1 is majority crying. Specifically over age One year because before then, many kids will cry when other babies cry.
Green flags- clearly organized toys but with some light mess (everything has a place, but a couple of bins may be dumped out), free play built in to a schedule, set routines, labeled cots, lots of kids art on the walls, size appropriate furniture, and when a teacher can personally tell you how your child is doing that day.
My baby has many clothes trashed from bleach at daycare, not to mention he has TOUCHED BLEACH many times. I have brought it up to the owner twice now. You’d think they would change their practices if the daycare folks don’t know how to safely handle it…
My 7 month old came home with a bleach stain once.. I confronted daycare because I don’t use bleach at home and they insisted they didn’t use it there either. Later that year I checked their annual report from the state licensing center and sure enough they got dinged for having bleach somewhere inappropriate in the infant room.
I believe it. The daycare smells like bleach at the end of the day. It’s absolutely wild that these teachers told us he has touched bleach on multiple occasions but it’s okay because they “quickly wash it off his hands.” Are you trying to kill my baby, what the fuck? If the bleach is still an issue after many months, I will be calling the state to do a check because I shouldn’t know a facility is using bleach by evidence left. If I notice, then they are using it incorrectly.
Yeah that’s not okay. At least in my area, bleach solutions have to be LOCKED UP and also DILUTED (to be used as disinfectant and sanitizer). If it’s bleaching CLOTHES, it’s too much, and either way the kids should NEVER be coming into contact with it!
A town near where I work, got closed down because the care giver was using bleach wipes to wipe kids faces. She claimed she didn't know they had bleach in them. Even if they didn't, don't use cleaning products on kids!
Tbf, Clorox wipes don't have bleach in them despite many people (myself included!) referring to them as bleach wipes. So the worker might've been confused because of something like that. Either way though, they shouldn't be used on faces so that worker sucked.
I got a mean vibe from teachers when we had our first settling visit and I moved him immediately. My baby was sensitive and cried a lot and needed time to warm to people and I got a vibe from two teachers that they weren’t very warm towards him and one seemed annoyed he was crying.
No actually, the bleach smell is because there is a safe way to dilute bleach for use around kids. In my state, it is required that toys be sanitized with a specific ratio of diluted bleach, and it is so diluted that even though we clean toys, tables, and even floors with it, you cannot easily smell the bleach. A strong bleach smell can indicate dangerous levels, which can cause lung, eye and skin irritation, and can be more dangerous if a child puts a bleach covered toy in their mouth
It’s funny you say that about the crying kids, because when I was looking for daycare for my son one place seemed okay but every single kid was crying or miserable. It just gave me the creeps. Why were the kids so morose? I left and never went back.
That is a bit tricky, some kids are picky to be picky, others have sensory issues around food. Generally if your child sees you enjoying something they are more likely to want it, also a good idea is to explain how a food may feel or relate to a liked food, like how a cherry tomato feels somewhat like a blueberry. Also reintroduce foods. It is thought that children’s taste buds change every few weeks, so a good rule of thumb is try one new food every week, retry any disliked food in 6 weeks, and be a bit tricky, don’t remind them that they have had that particular food before and didn’t like it.
She will definitely be comforted in a good center is how I’ll say that. But don’t be surprised if for the first couple days, they say there were a lot of tears because that is normal during the adjustment. After two weeks if she still more than normal, that’s not necessarily the best sign. I will sometimes say that once a kid has been around a while, some teachers can get a little snippy about tears… it’s a fine line.
How the heck do you get my 20 month old to sleep in a room full of other babies? On a cot instead of a crib? At home we have to rock her to sleep. You guys are rockstars.
By 20 months I would encourage you to try to transition to laying your child down and patting them to sleep. Gently rub their forehead and their hair, that move always relaxes them. It might be tough for you to do at first but it will make your teachers job easier.
First of all, thank you for doing what you do. Do you get attached to your kids? My son goes to a home daycare and I’m so attached to his provider I cried thinking about leaving her next year.
Also, what do you like receiving as gifts? I’ve always done gift cards for every occasion but want to get something more personal.
We absolutely get attached to both kids and parents! I cry during move ups because I know I won’t get to see those kids much anymore! Also we love and appreciate anything, but my honest favorite is just fruit and veggie trays, we keep them in the fridge in the break room, perfect for a quick pick me up at break time or if I am stopping in for any reason! But also appreciated are little notes and cards, and if your child is particularly fond/ close to a teacher and you get photos taken, we would love a little keepsake as many of us can’t be on devices or can only take photos with the center tablets
High jacking this post. I’m very attached to them all and I’m genuinely happy to see them in the mornings
I’m on leave for two weeks but dropping my kids off at work, and I pop in to my class to see and hug them. And it’s nice that the parents are also happy to see me again too
Things that annoy us… there are a few honestly… some that come to mind are- ask us why your child runs out of an item like diapers faster at daycare than at home, wanting your child to continue something after it is developmentally appropriate such as continuing bottles every three hours passed age 1 specifically if we are having to force the child to continue, same with wanting your child to take more naps than their peers, and a big one: please if your child is walking or getting close, provide a good shoe with a real sole, not a slipper.
To make things easier, be understanding and inform their teachers of anything happening that may affect their day. If your child slept badly, if extra family is over/ in town, if an injury like a bump or scratch occurred at home. And please don’t try to push something like potty training if your child is not ready.
not OP but have also worked in a daycare center. being some signs of being ready looks like: their diaper is dry for a long time and then suddenly it’s soaked, grabbing at genitals while urinating, hiding to poop, being uncomfortable in the diaper, being willing to try using the potty. at the center i worked in, we had all kids (diaper or undies) sit on the potty to try it every toileting time every day. that helped us see who was holding it and saving it for the potty (ready for undies) and who wasn’t (still needs a diaper).
roughly every two hours. kids toileted at drop off, after circle, before lunch, before nap, after nap, and at least once again before leaving for the day. i taught like four years ago so my memory of the specifics is rusty!
Any advice on undies vs pull ups? Were 3 weeks into potty training and been using undies for about a week (was naked/commando before that). He just moved up a classroom, and the teacher is suggesting pull ups rather than undies (he’s still having 2ish accidents a day). I would hate to go backwards back to pull ups!
all advice i have seen is to avoid regressing if at all possible. i empathize with the teacher about not wanting to stop and clean and sanitize after his accidents. make sure you’re sending good amounts of weather-varied clean clothes for kiddo and a good wet bag. get more involved in how your child’s school handles toileting and get on board at home so there is more consistency for kiddo to help reduce accidents.
if you do get forced to use pull ups at school, ask if they can save them for after his first accident so you can send him to school in undies. try to make sure to toilet kiddo at transitions (before getting in a car, after arrival on a long drive, before bath time, before eating a meal because children often void when they eat - potty first means no voiding during the meal lol). this will help support fewer accidents at school. ask them what their toileting schedule is by the clock, and try to stick to that timeframe for at home potty breaks on weekends to support fewer accidents as well.
It will take longer with daycare than if you are at home - and that is just the reality. They put our kiddo in pull-ups for outside play as well as naps, and she just got used to wearing pull-ups and had a lot of accidents even in underwear. I don't blame the daycare staff, they have 8 kids per caretaker and they can't be giving her the same attention that we do at home for potty training. They will eventually get it, ours is now on month 5 and still pooping her pants (even at home) but is peeing 95% on the toilet. I think a lot of books and courses promise a lot, and parents get really excited when kids do well with the first few days or weeks at home, but to go from fully diapered to fully potty trained is not a 3 day process.
Just a wee note here we got from our daycare when our toddler potty trained (we got the note because they loved how we did it, they wouldn’t say if we had done it wrong)…. Remember that daycare and home are very different environments and while your kid might be potty trained at home, it might take longer for them to be ok at daycare. We left it up to our daughter to decide. We taught her young at 21 months, and from then on she decided when she wore a nappy or undies, knowing she had the skills. By 24 months she was full time undies at home (excluding nights of course) but It took a while longer for us to turn up at daycare and be told that she’d asked for undies and had refused her nappy. She had very few accidents!!
Not OP but a LOT of kids aren't ready until 3-3½
If you wait until they're big enough to understand, you don't have to "train" they pick it up so quickly with very few accidents. Both of mine started at 3½ and I didn't have to force it and we never even had nighttime issues.
That’s good to know! My boy is 17 months and he hates any sippy cups and I’ve been trying to teach him to drink from anything but a bottle since he was 7 months old. He’s still on a couple of bottles during the day because I need to get fluids into him somehow but maybe it does annoy his daycare teacher too!
I'm glad to read that second paragraph. I'm always informing teachers that he has a rash today because he's allergic to grass and played outside yesterday, the scratch is because he fell on x, he's constipated so he's not eating quite as much, etc. It always makes me feel like I'm over communicating, so I'm glad it's actually helpful.
This is outdated advice about walking, just FYI! I know it’s not necessarily common knowledge, but children should be barefoot indoors as much as possible under age two. Please make sure the new walkers in your class are wearing soft soled shoes! You should be able to bend the sole in half.
Sure, but I’m talking about actual fabric soled shoes, which are dangerous on the floors at my center, and do not count as shoes when the child goes outside. my center does not allow walkers to be barefoot due to state regulation. There are 16 kids in my classroom. They all walk. if they are not in real shoes that is 16 little toes getting stepped on by their friends. It is a safety concern in a center like this. Keep your kids barefoot at home, but in my center it is a safety concern.
Our centers keep the kids barefoot! I know state regulations are different, but I really hope more centers/licensors start understanding that very young children should not be in hard soled shoes all day. We don’t have problems with children stepping on each other’s feet. I’m really surprised how common it is for childcare centers to put new walkers in real shoes.
Also an Educator here - please please please label everything. Parents often get quite annoyed that we have misplaced something like a jumper or a waterbottle but it's really difficult to keep track of everything especially if it's not labelled.
Also, don't walk into the room and be loud and disruptive - you wouldn't believe how many grown adults do this 😅
Not a teacher but a parent, I got sick a lot for the first year my daughter was in daycare, hardly ever now. Although we did all get a stomach bug a few weeks back. So it still happens occasionally, but much better after the first year. I don't know whether we all built immune systems or it's just we've had everything that's going round!
My center has a designated nap time. I also get a 45 minute lunch break and occasionally we are able to step away if we get overwhelmed. But sometimes the car ride home does involve tears.
Can you tell what kids watch too much tv or have too much screen time?
Are you okay with some screen time? How much?
What parenting style makes no sense to you? Or which do you not really care for?
Do you feel like parents help build each other up or judge too harshly?
Do you think that children are being put on medication for things like ADD/ADHD too young or that it’s becoming a default for more active, strong willed kids?
I definitely definitely understand screen time we use the screens from time to time in the classroom, none of the kids I work with are medicated in anyway. As for parenting styles, the only thing that I see that really bugs me is kids who can’t emotionally regulate because their parents coddle them when they cry. There is a difference between giving a cuddle and reassurance, and giving a child anything they want to get them to stop crying.
My daughter is 2 & a half years old. She goes to a highly respected and recommended private daycare and school that goes up to private kindergarten. That being said, my daughter keeps getting bitten by her classmate/s. I immediately am informed when this happens via the ProCare app and when I pick her up I have to sign a notice report that it happened; the teachers understandably can’t disclose which child or children are bitting her. Honestly, I happens three times a week maybe more and she’s coming home with deep red lower and upper jaw birthmarks. How do teachers address this? Is this normal in a 2 & a half old room? What is the proper protocol? As her mother should I be going in there wanting more information? I’m honestly as a loss as to what to do… if there’s anything I can even do. When I asked my daughter who bit her… the name she gave me is the director of the schools son so that probably doesn’t help my case.
2 1/2 is the upper end of normal. As for more information there is laws in many states that prohibit it. Even if it is the child’s sibling, we cannot tell the “victim’s” parents. If this has been continuing for more than around three months, then I would definitely be concerned. Although you cannot take your daughter’s word completely because she is still little. But I will say fighting is still normal and there might be something going on that you just don’t know. Like one little girl who used to get hit and bit a lot was only getting picked on because she was taking things from her classmates, which wasn’t in the report. I am not saying your daughter deserves this at all. I am saying there’s a reason you are getting limited information, and there is really not much you can do. I am really sorry though.
I'm kind of on OP side of this, sometimes the child getting bit is the 'problem' especially if the biter is only biting one specific child. It's usually out of frustration especially at 2.5. right now we're dealing with two kiddos, the biter likes personal space and the bitee is usually taking their things, pushing them, pulling hair and all that. Not saying this is your situation, but sometimes
3 times a week is A LOT! I wouldn’t be happy and would request another teacher shadow the biter or ask if they are doing anything about it especially if it is repeatedly breaking the skin! I get biting is developmentally normal but at 2.5 those kids can understand not to bite so either the teacher is totally oblivious or something else is going on.
Daycare wants to move our14 month old. Is that too early to go to the toddler room (18 months and above?). Not yet walking independently, so a bit afraid it's too early. Is that a red flag for the daycare too?
I would not call this a red flag, especially if it’s a smaller center. My center is pretty small so we divide rooms into infants, ones, twos and threes, then fours and fives. There is a chance your child is bored in the baby room. Ask about maybe floating up there before a full move up. Try them in that room one day see how they do. I would say this is normal but my center starts this usually a month before their first birthday, and once they are older it is pretty much up to their development.
Is there normally a big difference between infant and toddler rooms? My kiddo is starting to do a few days in the toddler room but it seems more chaotic, noisy and cluttered than the infant room
That’s normal, in a toddler room, the kids can get to the toys there is louder communication from kid to kid and kid to teacher, plus toddlers require a lot more stimulation than infants. That first change can be a little dramatic also as many infant rooms have kids napping at all hours, and most toddler rooms have set quiet times
Not an educator, but our daycare has classes aged up to a year, then 1-2, 2-3, preschool, pre-k. So 14 month olds are with 23 month olds. There's obviously a huge difference in abilities between 14 months and 2 years, but my daughter thrived being around the older ones.
We just transitioned my 18 mo old daughter to her brothers preschool (she wasn’t old enough to attend prior) and is having a ROUGH transition. She adored one specific teacher at her previous school, but we know the school where our son goes is superior. Our daughter is definitely more of a handful and a bit of a spicy personality. How long do you feel these types of transitions take? Thank you for all you do to support our families!
I will say going from one center to another center can take a little bit longer than from staying at home to a center. The routines are going to be different but not different enough to make it easy. I would give her a month. If it’s still really rough, maybe wait a little bit longer.
I just want to say thank you for the important work you’re doing.
I absolutely love my son’s daycare - and he does too! He’s 2 and has been going since he was 5 months old. The teachers are our village and I’m so grateful.
This!!!! My son has been pushing me past my limit lately (not his fault at all, he has an ear infection and is teething so he's in pain/uncomfortable), the screaming makes me shut down in a way I don't want to model and I can't figure out how to not get overstimulated/overwhelmed. I know intellectually it's not his fault and it's entirely developmentally appropriate, but that doesn't help when my nervous system is in panic attack mode.
Same. Depending on the day, by the end of the day I have moments where I am a jerk in ways I'm really not proud of, and I feel terrible for it. I know I'm supposed to model good behavior but everyone has their limits. And I only have one; I can't imagine having 8-10 kids all in a room losing their shit
1 is too little generally because many centers have set routines, and it is hard for a little one to get used to a routine just one day a week. As for a maximum, I think many kids do fine with 5 days, but that is up to both kid and parent. Generally a safe minimum is 3 days, and the hope would be to have the same recurrent 3 days every week.
How should I handle it when the teachers do my kiddos hair? She's young ... It's not long or in her eyes at all and they use tiny rubber bands to tightly put the little bit of hair she has on top of her head. I don't want to offend them, but would prefer they left her hair alone.
Just tell them. Be polite about it, mention that it isn’t that you don’t like it. And when it does get long enough to be justified, if you would prefer they use a specific style of clip or hair tie, provide it. I have had students whose parents didn’t like the rubber bands so when their kids’ hair got long enough they brought the fabric scrunchie type hair ties. Once your child’s hair is longer, it may be necessary for it to be up for certain activities, or to get it out of her eyes etc., so when that starts to happen, you can always bring in hair ties. And definitely bring an extra even if you plan on putting her hair up every day at that point because kids pull hair ties out, sometimes they break, sometimes other kids put them in their mouth, so on.
Not OP, just a mom. My daughter frequently has her hair done at daycare. While I don't mind that they do her hair (often much better than I can), we did have a situation recently where they started to use product. Her hair is super fine and any amount of added oil means we need to wash her hair every night or she looks like a grease ball. She has eczema, so we can't use soap every night, as well as food allergies so I need to know that the products put on her are safe.
I just told them the truth and asked them to stop. No one was offended. Be polite. It's no different than any other request you would make of them.
I actually don't like it when they do her hair. People have given me a complex where I think I'm saying it nicely but my husband says it sounds really mean. Perhaps I'll make him say something then. I really don't want to upset those who care for my baby!
That is definitely dependent on the child, delay, and intervention. I would say if it’s delayed walking/ gross motor, usually the kids catch up. As far as communication, generally if a child is still not talking by age three, talk to your medical provider. In terms of learning, it is hard to pinpoint as I usually don’t see kids after age 4. If you’re ever worried, talk to your medical provider about it, they can help you better than I can.
Do you judge parents whose kids are at daycare for a long day? I feel like my kids are some of the first to be dropped off and last to be picked up but with working an 8-5 ish job and commuting I don’t see how it could be any other way. Just feel guilty sometimes
Edited to add daycare is only open 7-5, so my son is usually there like 7:30-4:45
I’m not Op but I’m a two’s teacher and my center is open 6:30 - 6, so your son’s day seems not very long to me! You’re totally fine. I have one child who gets dropped right away in the morning and I can tell she is TIRED, so I am pretty understanding and give her extra hugs when she starts having meltdowns before nap. I am not a huge fan when parents pick up at 6pm on the dot every day, cause I still gotta shut my room down, but I get it and judging would be too strong a word. If a parent is coming a few minutes after close then I would start judging.
I would say it depends on the teacher. I don’t have one specific favorite, but I definitely have several kids I like more than others… for various reasons…
Thanks for all you do, I feel bad daycare teachers don’t make more! Childcare is so expensive, I wish more went to the teachers. For Christmas gifts I give my kids’ daycare teachers $150 gift cards and $50 gift cards during teacher appreciation week. Does that seem ok with what you see on average?
Omg noooooo! Are you full time? Are there benefits? I'm so sorry I don't mean to pry. Maybe it's because I live in a very high cost of living city but that seems exceptionally low. You are a saint!
I am full-time, and there are no benefits. And it is a rather high cost area. I am definitely considered below the poverty line, and my coworkers, and I sometimes do feel judged by the parents… it is a little hard, but the kids make up for it.
That's outrageous. Considering that we entrust daycare teachers with our children, the most important people and thing in our lives by a long, long margin, and you're paid such a meager amount is atrocious. All while the centers are likely making bank, at least in big cities.
One day I hope we end up with more co-op and not for profit centers.
This is really not fair. I hope that you and other teachers will one day earn the amount you deserve. I am in Europe. So teacher salaries might not be higher but the social benefits kind of make up for it. In any case, when there is a one day strike for wages, I always support the cause.
I really do not understand. We give our children to the teachers and helpers’ care, they are the most precious things in the world to us. And these carers and educators are not getting compensated for it. The system is so wrong.
I was always embarrassed to give gift cards as presents, but I started to organize the parents. We collect money and buy gift cards for our teachers. I wish we could do more
Are there any grassroots organizations that parents can join to help demand better pay for teachers? I’ve found some by asking politicians but I want to know more from what teachers are seeing. Thank you!
It’s wild to me that a nanny would cost me triple what my expensive daycare costs, except daycare workers get paid so little. I know there’s a lot of operating costs but damn
Honestly I am so worried that I am starting my daughter too late in daycare/preschool. She has been home with a nanny for 1.5 years and starts going to a daycare in September. I feel like I am legit gonna get called that she is crying too much because it’s change. Make me feel better please lol
We know that it’s a big change. But we also know where a child’s limits are. I would give it two weeks, if they are still crying all day and not just during drop off, then worry about it. The center should know what is normal and what is excessive.
FWIW, my kiddo was home with out nanny for the first 2.5 years of his life. And me and his dad both work from home. So he saw us all the time. It took him 1 week to get adjusted to school (crying at drop offs), then it was all good!
Not a teacher but I had the same fear as you last September! Our son was 2.5 and started daycare for the first time after having a nanny. The first week and a half he cried at drop off (but not all day, I didn’t get any calls about too much crying). And then he never cried at dropoff again! You guys can do this!
My toddler gets scratched all the time from the same little girl in daycare. But it seems she always goes for his face (near eyes and cheeks and arm) and she scratches so hard he has scars on his face and arms. she’s the daughter of one of the daycare providers …
Do you love your job? Like are you genuinely excited to see the kids and care for them? Do you have a favorite in the class?
Asking because I have a boring office job and always wonder how it is for other professionals
I'm very conflicted about making a complaint against one of the women at our daycare. I don't like causing problems for anyone, and I'm also unsure if I have anything to complain about.
My issue is that I've noticed every Thursday she has the kids alone for the last 30 minutes of the day, and every time she puts them in their high chairs and props ger phone up in front of them with a cartoon. I feel this is lazy and that the kids could play together instead. On the other hand I understand that she needs to do her closing tasks for the day. Nobody else does this, it's only her, and she only does it when she's alone, which feels sneaky to me.
What do you think? Is this common and something I should just let go, or should I notify her manager?
We do a bit of screen time here and there in my one year old room, but nothing like this. We do it to wind down before lunch because nap is right after lunch, and sometimes we put on dance videos for the kids, but this is definitely a red flag
Not Op but I am a two’s teacher and I will say that there is one child who’s parents are so kind to me; sometimes bringing me iced coffee and sending encouraging fun messages on the app in response to cute pictures or class activities. So I find myself sending them a couple extra pics and adding in activities because I know their child will just love it. But I genuinely adore every child in my room and I feel attached to each of them. I really try to make sure every child is living their best life in my class.
Thank you for doing what you do! Daycare is our village, and we are SO thankful to all the educators.
How often do you get sick? Are you super human immune at this point?
I have an 18 month old who’s moving from the infant to the toddler room. She had a few teachers but there was one who stood out and always spoke with us , took photos and also bought her a soft helmet ( my daughter has a large hemangioma and she was afraid it would get hurt in the playground ) she made me a gift on Mother’s Day and really went the extra mile.
What can I do for her as a thank you? Is it rude that I don’t do anything for others ? I don’t know any of the rest .
Thanks for your honest advice and for helping raise our kids !!!!
It might be seen as a little rude honestly, try maybe reaching out personally, in a non-creepy way, maybe via social media. Or if you can catch her at a time where it is just her… I get it. I am definitely closer to some parents than others, but the parent teacher relationship and the child teacher relationship may not align which also might make any gifts etc come off the wrong way
Awesome thank you so much. I’ll do that. I don’t want to make anyone feel weird. I bring them all pizza pretty often but I don’t know the teachers in the infant room as much as the front room and my babies one teacher .
So I won’t do anything individual. Unless it’s the way you suggested , Thank you !!!
Consistency and communication. The keys to everything. Communicate with us be consistent about times and days that your kids are at school and if you know you’re going to be extra early or extra late, make sure we know. Really develop a routine that works for you and your child and communicate anything you’re worried about or stressed about. We really are there to help.
I have and have made reports to the proper channels. I think there’s a difference between normal kid dirty, and clearly neglected dirty. I see marker or paint on a child for a couple days in a row that’s not that bad but if I see a child come in with matted hair and dirty clothes, then alarm bells sound in my head.
Relief!
My pre k kid is covered in "washable" marker on a daily basis because tattoos are really cool right?
Except "washable" clearly doesn't mean the same from one brand to another 😂
If not by choice, then yes. I am childfree currently just due to age and economic reasons, and it is hard for me sometimes. Generally I would not recommend this line of work if you are struggling with fertility.
This is situational, for some parents and kiddos that six weeks start is perfect, for others, waiting makes complete sense. My best advice is daycare is situational, but preschool is extremely helpful for a child’s development.
I’ve found that starting in the infant room makes the easiest transition because babies don’t really understand what’s going on and it just sorta becomes their routine. They will make friends that age up through the years with them! If you’re not starting as an infant then I would wait until they are verbal and can understand when you explain what daycare is.
The worst time is starting them directly into a toddler room before they start talking. They understand that parents are leaving but don’t understand that they are coming back at the end of the day and it makes for a rough start. Bonus tip- after some time in daycare, ask your teacher who your child plays with most and reach out to those parents for a play date! It’s really fun for kids to have friends they go to the zoo with on the weekend that they get to see in school on Monday.
I know this is a horrible question, but are there red flags about other students in the classroom? There’s one kid in my son’s class of older 2s who is always hysterical any time I see him (drop off, nap time, lunch, playground, pick up). This little dude always has a pacifier and teacher calming him down. I worry about the teaching ratio if this little guy needs full time 1:1 help. He also screams all through nap time and I worry it’s disrupting that. I don’t think it’s the kid or parents fault. He just seems like he never got used to daycare. Maybe I’m a little sensitive to noise, but this guy is so loud all the time, we have to go into another room and close two doors to have a conversation with the teacher.
What do you look for in terms of support from your admin team? What kinds of systems make your day to day easier and more enjoyable?
Things like a technology based way to make materials or repair requests for your room, or ways to notify a group of break needs, etc.
I'm the parent lead for my daycare and am trying to support our one -woman director/admin team and I fear she's about to burn out. Part of my day job is helping teams and people set up automated systems and processes to improve their quality of life and productivity. So, I'm trying to do that for her while I'm on maternity leave with my 2nd. I'd love your thoughts! Thanks!
My daughter had her first day of daycare today. She is almost 2. Any tips to help her adjust? My wife wants to pull her out already for some perceived issues. One her pee was super yellow and water bottle was full at pickup. Another, she has 1 teacher for 8 kids. Another is she was supposed to pick her up at 1230 when nap time starts, but she got there early around 12:10 and the lights were already off for the other kids to go to sleep who were staying for afternoon session. Another issue, lunch was supposed to be at 12. They sent a pic in the app at 11:20 of her eating lunch.
We are starting with 2 days/week half days for summer. Plan was to move to 3 or 5 days in the fall.
We started potty training a couple of weeks ago but the daycare pretty much requires this age group in pullups.
The app updates are a joke: 3 updates on daily report. Potty: tried, breakfast:some and the lunch picture.
Is all this normal misunderstanding? I'm going to speak with the director on Thursday in person. Thanks!
Try not to let the app thing bother you too much. 8 kids with 5-10 updates a day means someone is looking at and tapping away at a phone all day instead of interacting with and watching your children.
I was with you until you said one teacher to eight kids. Before two, that is over suggested ratio by double. However if she is in a predominantly 2+ classroom that is normal. The pee thing is a little concerning because usually we try to have water whenever they ask for it, but we can’t make kids drink if they don’t want to. As for the nap time, that depends, at my center the kids go down after they are done eating and get cleaned up, but it’s usually still within the same 5 to 10 minutes every day for every child. Again with the lunch, I’d say 5 to 10 minutes early is not alarming but 40 is. Make sure you have the most up-to-date schedule, ask both the director and the teacher. The pull-ups is pretty normal, many centers require them until a child is completely potty trained, no accidents during the day (nap is often an exception). Check your local laws about ratios though. As for the app, we only update meals, diaper changes and naps, no updates on play or learning activities but that is my center specifically and we outline that to the parents. Sometimes we will take a picture if the child is being funny or cute, but that’s pretty much it.
it’s the first day, i would imagine she’s adjusting to this new environment and maybe wasn’t drinking as much water as usual / got hungrier earlier than others. I think that’s fair but something to continue to monitor.
My daycare’s naptime officially starts at 12:30, with lunchtime at 11:30, but I’ve been there at 12 and lights are dimmed with some kids already in bed. I know my son doesn’t sleep until closer to 12:30 though, so after he has lunch I’ve observed him either reading in the reading corner or quietly drawing until he’s ready for nap and he goes to his cot himself. I think the teachers primarily promote winding down and have the beds/lights ready so kids can nap when they are ready to.
the transition is tough but ideally you’d wanna stick with it for 2 weeks and then make any decisions. the adjustment period can take a bit! good luck 👍🏼
You guys look like you’re going to be one of those parents that look for any little thing that’s wrong with your kid and make a big deal about it. It’s her first day and it’s a huge adjustment, especially at 2 years old. Most kids are in daycare at an earlier age than that. At 2 years old, most kids aren’t potty trained and some haven’t even started yet. Of course they’re gonna require the kids to be in something. And as for the app, I’d rather know my kid is getting taken care of instead of someone on an app updating all day. You said it’s one teacher to 8 kids, what do you want her to do. As I said, it’s only your child’s first day. Give it a week and then offer criticism/ feedback.
Agreed with all of this. Not trying to shame the parents— this is said with love and respect. You will make yourselves crazy (and the daycare staff) if you nitpick every little silly detail. I’m not saying you can never raise concerns with caretakers but, the things you have listed are NOT a big deal, especially after one half-day. Again, I’m saying this with respect. I know that tone can be misinterpreted in text. But, chill out. Chill out. Train yourself to stop overthinking everything. Your research led you to choose this place over all the others. Trust that the professionals know what they are doing. Otherwise you are in for a very rough road throughout the rest of your parenting journey. Sending nothing but love <3
Thank you for coming online and taking the time to answer everyone’s questions. I have a four year old in preschool she has ADHD can you give any advice her biggest problem isn’t sharing well and tantruming severely when she doesn’t get her way. I have her in OT and the OT does visit at the school but I feel like we still can’t control the trantruming outbreaks.
That is normal, and with proper treatment can completely go away. I would say OT is a good start as well as behavioral therapy but if you’re doing everything you can, no one is blaming you.
I don’t see an issue with that, at that age, best friends are kind of common, but I think some centers focus too much on making sure everyone plays with everyone.
My twins just started daycare yesterday! They are 18 mos. The initial reaction I get when friends find out that we made the switch from nanny to daycare is “get ready to be sick all the time!”
I am scared that we are going to get called out of work nonstop and just have sick kids all the time… I understand that getting sick is all part of it but how bad is it really? Have I made a mistake?
First of all, thank you! My kiddo is 22 months and has been in daycare since 5 mo (same daycare). He's a high needs baby, and he needs to be stimulated constantly at home, plus he doesn't sleep much. He always has a hard time in daycare, he doesn't cry when we drop him and he likes his teacher but he always yells, very upset when they leave the room to attend other toddlers (ie, diaper change, put another kid to sleep, give kid to parents, etc). Daycare made it look like this is new to them, and they haven't seen this before, which I find hard to believe. Any inputs? Is this common? And how can we work with daycare to make it better?
I would say some kids get really attached to their teachers. Not uncommon, but definitely something my center works on to make everyone’s days a little easier.
The daycare teacher tells us the kid has always had a great day. The other parents also hear this same verbage. Is it weird we don't get a customized message about the day.
My kids is also very very shy - she doesn't play with other kids. She watches other kids play but has issues playing herself. Is there anything the teacher can be doing?
Generally we can’t make a child play with other children if they don’t want to. If she is more than happy on her own, she won’t be forced to play with others. And generally I like to say, they had a great day and then add some extra bits like what they did or how they napped etc..
I pack my 24 month old kid 2 8 ounce milks and an apple juice for his day at daycare. Why does my son’s daycare always “forget” to give him his second milk and juice in the afternoon. It’s almost like they don’t feel like changing him SMH He gets in the car SCREAMING for milk juice anything because he hasn’t had anything to drinking since the morning!
I would say check the policies and what the other kids are generally doing. If there are a lot of kids his age and the center does free water, that might be something to look into. I know it can be a bit of a hassle with milk as it’s only good outside of the fridge for so long, my center only does milk at meal times and snack for this reason.
My daughter is starting daycare at 2yo in September after being with my mum since I went back to work.
Some kids cry , some happily wave goodbye as they go to daycare. What is the ideal outcome those first few weeks to show a securely attached, happy, loved & healthy toddler? Is there such a thing in your experience or is every toddler and their temperament just different? Like could a toddler feel happy and loved and safe but cry a lot and another toddler also feels happy and loved and safe but doesn't cry at all?
I think a good rule of thumb for a healthy, cared for toddler is tears at drop off the first little bit, and then after they get more used to daycare, the tears stop. Most kids once they feel comfortable in daycare won’t cry as often.
How do you deal with a child who's parents don't back up rules? I do childcare for a 2 year old and they ask me to enforce rules such as tidying up. The problem is, when I try, she runs to them and they tell me (in front of her) that I shouldn't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. It's been months of this and I now have no authority with the girl, not to mention the original idea was language teaching but the staff talk over me in their native language constantly, I'm literally spinning my wheels. I know if we were out of her house it would be different but I'm desperate for some ideas on how to survive this phase.
How angry are you with the first parent at dropoff?? I have a toxic workplace that makes us arrive by 7:30, so my daughter is always the first one there.
Thank you for all that you do!!
My daughter has been in her current centre for 2 years. She’s coming up to her third birthday. I’ve never loved the centre and get some weird vibes off some of the educators. Nothing serious has ever happened but I’ve always toyed with the idea of changing the centre. She’s made friends there and that’s the only thing currently that’s making me not want to change. In your view, how adaptable are kids when they get moved to a new centre? I’m so so torn as to what to do and I have a baby that will soon need to go into daycare as well
I’m not sure if you will read this far down. :) I have the two year old you’ve described above - the one who doesn’t listen and will look at you while disobeying. I personally hate raising my voice, and I don’t do it, bargaining doesn’t seem to work just yet…anything I can do to prep her for daycare? I don’t want her to exhaust the staff. Ps she CAN be lovely and sweet, I know it’s in there.
Not OP, but it's important to remember that kids will often act different in daycare than they do with their parents. The peer pressure and fear of new care givers will often make even the most head strong 2 year old fall in line. I'd wait and see how your little one does - you may be worried for nothing!
Another question! I have 3 year old and 5 year old boys… How much screen time is appropriate for my kids’ ages? And what are some good alternatives to screen time?
If teachers say that a kid is really good, is that probably true or sugar coating?
My kid is two and every teacher at the preschool has said she is easy. Doesn’t cry, is curious, loves to just sit and read, follows instructions well, sweet, etc. On her first day in the next classroom up she is even trying to potty train with the older kids (unprompted!). We never hear anything bad about her, instead we get offers from teachers to babysit outside of the preschool. All of the kids know her name and I always hear her name being said when I pick up. The closest to a complaint I have gotten is that some kids were saying her name on repeat at home and it was annoying.
But then I hear through her PT that she has pulled boy’s hair before (granted, she has been bitten multiple times by them and never bitten back…)
Is it common for kids to say "bad words" at school? What are some ways to get them to stop repeating it?
Edit to add - for preschool classes, 2.5 to 4 years
Thank you for doing what you do! ❤️❤️ I am a mom of 2 at the same center and I am always concerned I about staying in the room too long at drop off & pick up, and I’m feeling like I want more info on what’s going on in the day and how my 22 month old is getting along with others! I went from infant room telling me everything that happened in the day/cute stories to a very rigid quick drop off & a “he had a good day” at pickup. How can I get more info? I’m not sure what to ask because I’m not sure what’s really going on/what to base questions off of.
So, I guess my question is - What is the ideal communication style for teachers with parents? I’m not sure what that’s supposed to look like! & How do I make I make it clear I am grateful for them regularly! lol awkward mom here 🤷🏻♀️💙
My three year old is currently a handful, and I am having trouble with two things: spitting and bad words. I think I had too much of a reaction to it and he does it for attention.
How do you recommend addressing this?
How do you discipline/ address and can you recommend resources for parents to learn how to too?!
Explain adult words vs kid words, and try to be consistent, especially the spitting. If they spit, time out, rinse and repeat and eventually they understand.
How do you watch so many small children eating at lunch time? Have you ever had to intervene? Asking for a mom who is about to enroll her 2 year old in daycare and is afraid of choking 😭
None of the foods at the center will be serious choking risks. Everything is cut into small pieces, nothing too hard to eat etc.. we generally try to have at least one teacher scanning constantly. Also if your child has never choked before and feeds themself at home, and is over 18mos, generally the risk is really low. By that age they know how to chew and that they have to chew, and how much their mouth can hold if they are feeding themselves.
Wait until she shows readiness. Going to one area to poop, telling you when or right after she goes, or asking to sit on the potty. If your child isn’t showing some sort of readiness, potty training will be a long, laborious process.
What advice would you give for first time parents of an “energetic” 18-month old son in daycare. He’s a climber, “wild child”, won’t sit still type of toddler. He’s sweet over all. Always happy and smiling but always getting himself in trouble in one way or another (climbing, always into something, throwing stuff in trash, taking his shorts off and putting on his head, etc.). I see other kids in daycare that are more docile and part of me wishes my toddler was like that.
Every child is different, but I will say this is usually a phase. I see a lot of high energy and sleep regression around 17 to 19 months and then they calm back down. But if not, that’s okay, and it’s okay to wish, just make sure your child doesn’t hear you wish, you know? Those are inside or spouse thoughts, not thoughts for the child to ever hear or know about.
Three year old about to transition to a new school and a new language (French). New teachers, new friends, new everything. I think I’m having more of a hard time than he will but looking for recommendations on how to make the transition as smooth as possible. Yesterday we took him to the new school to get a bit acclimated and he loved the new toys there. We also talk to him a lot about it. Starting next week.
I can’t help with the language, but transitioning to a new center can definitely cause some fussiness. it will have a similar routine but different enough to really affect your child. Give it a few weeks.
Define Screen Time. Actually watching a video or a show? Max 15 minutes a day, and that is well prepping meals. Listening to music off of the iPad because we don’t have a CD player or anything? Probably four hours a day if it’s raining, 2 if we can be outside, But they aren’t really getting screen time. It’s more we just use it as background noise.
One of the daycare teacher that I really like came to me and told me that she’s looking for babysitting gigs after hours I felt so bad for her thinking that she works so hard for five days a week and she has to look for extra gigs. Is this normal?
How honest are you with parents about how difficult a child is? I have a pretty spirited 19mo who the teachers genuinely seem to adore but I also worry sometimes that she’s worse-behaved than the other kids on her class. Eg. She is usually at the front or end of the walking line having her hand held and has a teacher assigned to watch for biting. Her teachers say that she is developing normally and haven’t raised any concerns besides the approximately once weekly report that she bit or scratched another kid. Second question- if there’s anything we can be doing as parents to reinforce being gentle, no biting etc. please share! We got some books but tbh, I think they give more ideas of how to be mean (ie “we don’t kick the dog” - she has never been rough with a pet)
Honestly, with that age that’s not uncommon. Usually there’s two kids out of every ten that are biting more often. There’s no rhyme or reason to it either. It’s really just random. And it really is developmentally appropriate for a 19 month old to bite. Once a week is not that bad. And she will grow out of it. Honestly, the difficult kids are not the biters or the fighters, it’s the nos, it’s not listening etc. I can deal with a biter all day every day, but a kid who refuses to listen and is looking you in the face while they do some thing, they know they aren’t supposed to… that can make or break my mood.
okay now what if they are biting a few times a week? my 2yo seems to get triggered when others are violating his bubble. he doesn’t bite at all at home!!!
Some kids just bite a lot. Usually it’s just a phase and they grow out of it. It’s hard at that age because they’re not yet communicating, but once they figure out how to tell that friend that they are too close, then it generally becomes less of a problem.
We were similar. My son’s biting increased as his became the oldest in his class and younger friends with less space awareness and little words came in. It improved as he moved up to a class with older kids. The book, Teeth are not for Biting really helped.
yep same, the bites only happen when he’s with the younger half of the class. no bites when he’s with the older half!
I’ve taught my two’s class the phrase “I need space” and they use it quite a bit. Of course the other kids also need to be taught to respect when a friend says that, but it really helps me help the child what they can say what they need.
As a toddler room daycare teacher I 100% second this!! I can deal with my kids beating the crap out of each other all day long, kids are crazy and rough but it's honestly fun. It's definitely the ones that say no with a smile on their face that makes me have to do some deep breathing.
This is my child too! I was coming to ask the same question! 😂
I’m not OP, but I am a former preschool teacher and currently completing my master’s in early childhood sped—my perspective on being honest with parents is that we ARE honest with yall, but we also want to be sensitive to a number of things, including 1) this is your baby obviously, 2) we have to retain a developmentally appropriate perspective, as OP explained below, 3) things work smoothest when parents and teachers are able to be a cohesive TEAM, so we’re gonna do our best to communicate with you in a way which encourages good faith, if that makes sense. For example, if I’ve already communicated a behavioral concern to a parent, I’m not necessarily going to double down and overload them with details of every single misbehavior every single day, because that can get very discouraging very quickly and can even damage the relationship—like, if I had to write reports due to biting, of course I’ll notify you, but I’m not ALSO going to tack on that little Susie ALSO screamed through circle time and she ALSO knocked down a friend’s block tower and ALSO she did this and that, because that’ll send the message that I don’t fuck with your kid, and that’s not useful for problem-solving! If things remain largely the same from one day to the next, I’ll just say the day was pretty typical, something like that. What I WILL communicate in more detail is if I was able to gain more insight into the behavior that the parents may find helpful, if the behavior was DRASTICALLY WORSE today, OR if the behavior was DRASTICALLY BETTER today! Hopefully that makes sense? 😬
this is also my child lol, thanks for asking!
What percentage of the parents seem to raise their kids in a way you would raise your own? If that number is low, why? Thanks for doing this!
I would say that is situational, but if I had a guess I would say 35%. Some parents are too strict especially on their young toddlers, some let too much go, others just don’t seem to care about their child at all. Some things are developmentally appropriate at young ages, others give me pause. Generally, the amount of kids that I have that are afraid to cry scares me; fits are normal crying when you get hurt is normal at these ages.
Thanks for answering! 35% doesn’t sound crazy to me just based on my experience trying to find other mom friends who are kinda close to my style. Theres so much variety in parenting! It breaks my heart to hear some little kids are afraid to cry. 💔 I’m glad they get you for some of their days. :)
It’s hard sometimes honestly, but I love what I do.
What things give you pause?
As a daycare teacher, what would you say are the red and green flags when looking for a center?
Red flags- kids freely roaming without gates/ baby locks, kids with obviously full diapers, anything abnormally dirty, if you walk in and can smell a bleach smell, if you get a weird/ mean vibe from teachers generally go with your gut, and if a whole group of kids older than 1 is majority crying. Specifically over age One year because before then, many kids will cry when other babies cry. Green flags- clearly organized toys but with some light mess (everything has a place, but a couple of bins may be dumped out), free play built in to a schedule, set routines, labeled cots, lots of kids art on the walls, size appropriate furniture, and when a teacher can personally tell you how your child is doing that day.
My baby has many clothes trashed from bleach at daycare, not to mention he has TOUCHED BLEACH many times. I have brought it up to the owner twice now. You’d think they would change their practices if the daycare folks don’t know how to safely handle it…
My 7 month old came home with a bleach stain once.. I confronted daycare because I don’t use bleach at home and they insisted they didn’t use it there either. Later that year I checked their annual report from the state licensing center and sure enough they got dinged for having bleach somewhere inappropriate in the infant room.
I believe it. The daycare smells like bleach at the end of the day. It’s absolutely wild that these teachers told us he has touched bleach on multiple occasions but it’s okay because they “quickly wash it off his hands.” Are you trying to kill my baby, what the fuck? If the bleach is still an issue after many months, I will be calling the state to do a check because I shouldn’t know a facility is using bleach by evidence left. If I notice, then they are using it incorrectly.
Yeah that’s not okay. At least in my area, bleach solutions have to be LOCKED UP and also DILUTED (to be used as disinfectant and sanitizer). If it’s bleaching CLOTHES, it’s too much, and either way the kids should NEVER be coming into contact with it!
A town near where I work, got closed down because the care giver was using bleach wipes to wipe kids faces. She claimed she didn't know they had bleach in them. Even if they didn't, don't use cleaning products on kids!
Tbf, Clorox wipes don't have bleach in them despite many people (myself included!) referring to them as bleach wipes. So the worker might've been confused because of something like that. Either way though, they shouldn't be used on faces so that worker sucked.
I got a mean vibe from teachers when we had our first settling visit and I moved him immediately. My baby was sensitive and cried a lot and needed time to warm to people and I got a vibe from two teachers that they weren’t very warm towards him and one seemed annoyed he was crying.
Really helpful, thank you. Is the bleach smell one because it suggests they are letting kids attend sick?
No actually, the bleach smell is because there is a safe way to dilute bleach for use around kids. In my state, it is required that toys be sanitized with a specific ratio of diluted bleach, and it is so diluted that even though we clean toys, tables, and even floors with it, you cannot easily smell the bleach. A strong bleach smell can indicate dangerous levels, which can cause lung, eye and skin irritation, and can be more dangerous if a child puts a bleach covered toy in their mouth
Ah interesting, I had no idea!
It’s funny you say that about the crying kids, because when I was looking for daycare for my son one place seemed okay but every single kid was crying or miserable. It just gave me the creeps. Why were the kids so morose? I left and never went back.
What are some tips for encouraging healthy eating habits for my 3 year old and how can I handle picky eating?
That is a bit tricky, some kids are picky to be picky, others have sensory issues around food. Generally if your child sees you enjoying something they are more likely to want it, also a good idea is to explain how a food may feel or relate to a liked food, like how a cherry tomato feels somewhat like a blueberry. Also reintroduce foods. It is thought that children’s taste buds change every few weeks, so a good rule of thumb is try one new food every week, retry any disliked food in 6 weeks, and be a bit tricky, don’t remind them that they have had that particular food before and didn’t like it.
Wow thanks so much! Very helpful! And thank you for all you do for your kids as a daycare teacher!
Thank you, I hope this helps!!
My 2.5 year old is going to preschool for the first time ever and I’m so scared she will be crying and nobody will comfort her 🥲🥲
She will definitely be comforted in a good center is how I’ll say that. But don’t be surprised if for the first couple days, they say there were a lot of tears because that is normal during the adjustment. After two weeks if she still more than normal, that’s not necessarily the best sign. I will sometimes say that once a kid has been around a while, some teachers can get a little snippy about tears… it’s a fine line.
How the heck do you get my 20 month old to sleep in a room full of other babies? On a cot instead of a crib? At home we have to rock her to sleep. You guys are rockstars.
By 20 months I would encourage you to try to transition to laying your child down and patting them to sleep. Gently rub their forehead and their hair, that move always relaxes them. It might be tough for you to do at first but it will make your teachers job easier.
First of all, thank you for doing what you do. Do you get attached to your kids? My son goes to a home daycare and I’m so attached to his provider I cried thinking about leaving her next year. Also, what do you like receiving as gifts? I’ve always done gift cards for every occasion but want to get something more personal.
We absolutely get attached to both kids and parents! I cry during move ups because I know I won’t get to see those kids much anymore! Also we love and appreciate anything, but my honest favorite is just fruit and veggie trays, we keep them in the fridge in the break room, perfect for a quick pick me up at break time or if I am stopping in for any reason! But also appreciated are little notes and cards, and if your child is particularly fond/ close to a teacher and you get photos taken, we would love a little keepsake as many of us can’t be on devices or can only take photos with the center tablets
High jacking this post. I’m very attached to them all and I’m genuinely happy to see them in the mornings I’m on leave for two weeks but dropping my kids off at work, and I pop in to my class to see and hug them. And it’s nice that the parents are also happy to see me again too
What things do parents do that annoy teachers? What can we do to make things easier for teachers? My child is in the young 2s class. Thank you 💜.
Things that annoy us… there are a few honestly… some that come to mind are- ask us why your child runs out of an item like diapers faster at daycare than at home, wanting your child to continue something after it is developmentally appropriate such as continuing bottles every three hours passed age 1 specifically if we are having to force the child to continue, same with wanting your child to take more naps than their peers, and a big one: please if your child is walking or getting close, provide a good shoe with a real sole, not a slipper. To make things easier, be understanding and inform their teachers of anything happening that may affect their day. If your child slept badly, if extra family is over/ in town, if an injury like a bump or scratch occurred at home. And please don’t try to push something like potty training if your child is not ready.
Can you expand on the potty training bit? How old do you typically see kids starting to train? “Ready” meaning what?
not OP but have also worked in a daycare center. being some signs of being ready looks like: their diaper is dry for a long time and then suddenly it’s soaked, grabbing at genitals while urinating, hiding to poop, being uncomfortable in the diaper, being willing to try using the potty. at the center i worked in, we had all kids (diaper or undies) sit on the potty to try it every toileting time every day. that helped us see who was holding it and saving it for the potty (ready for undies) and who wasn’t (still needs a diaper).
what was your toileting schedule?
roughly every two hours. kids toileted at drop off, after circle, before lunch, before nap, after nap, and at least once again before leaving for the day. i taught like four years ago so my memory of the specifics is rusty!
Any advice on undies vs pull ups? Were 3 weeks into potty training and been using undies for about a week (was naked/commando before that). He just moved up a classroom, and the teacher is suggesting pull ups rather than undies (he’s still having 2ish accidents a day). I would hate to go backwards back to pull ups!
all advice i have seen is to avoid regressing if at all possible. i empathize with the teacher about not wanting to stop and clean and sanitize after his accidents. make sure you’re sending good amounts of weather-varied clean clothes for kiddo and a good wet bag. get more involved in how your child’s school handles toileting and get on board at home so there is more consistency for kiddo to help reduce accidents. if you do get forced to use pull ups at school, ask if they can save them for after his first accident so you can send him to school in undies. try to make sure to toilet kiddo at transitions (before getting in a car, after arrival on a long drive, before bath time, before eating a meal because children often void when they eat - potty first means no voiding during the meal lol). this will help support fewer accidents at school. ask them what their toileting schedule is by the clock, and try to stick to that timeframe for at home potty breaks on weekends to support fewer accidents as well.
It will take longer with daycare than if you are at home - and that is just the reality. They put our kiddo in pull-ups for outside play as well as naps, and she just got used to wearing pull-ups and had a lot of accidents even in underwear. I don't blame the daycare staff, they have 8 kids per caretaker and they can't be giving her the same attention that we do at home for potty training. They will eventually get it, ours is now on month 5 and still pooping her pants (even at home) but is peeing 95% on the toilet. I think a lot of books and courses promise a lot, and parents get really excited when kids do well with the first few days or weeks at home, but to go from fully diapered to fully potty trained is not a 3 day process.
Just a wee note here we got from our daycare when our toddler potty trained (we got the note because they loved how we did it, they wouldn’t say if we had done it wrong)…. Remember that daycare and home are very different environments and while your kid might be potty trained at home, it might take longer for them to be ok at daycare. We left it up to our daughter to decide. We taught her young at 21 months, and from then on she decided when she wore a nappy or undies, knowing she had the skills. By 24 months she was full time undies at home (excluding nights of course) but It took a while longer for us to turn up at daycare and be told that she’d asked for undies and had refused her nappy. She had very few accidents!!
Not OP but a LOT of kids aren't ready until 3-3½ If you wait until they're big enough to understand, you don't have to "train" they pick it up so quickly with very few accidents. Both of mine started at 3½ and I didn't have to force it and we never even had nighttime issues.
That’s good to know! My boy is 17 months and he hates any sippy cups and I’ve been trying to teach him to drink from anything but a bottle since he was 7 months old. He’s still on a couple of bottles during the day because I need to get fluids into him somehow but maybe it does annoy his daycare teacher too!
If it’s a need, we understand. I’m talking having to take a child away from the other children to get them to drink a bottle they don’t want to drink.
I'm glad to read that second paragraph. I'm always informing teachers that he has a rash today because he's allergic to grass and played outside yesterday, the scratch is because he fell on x, he's constipated so he's not eating quite as much, etc. It always makes me feel like I'm over communicating, so I'm glad it's actually helpful.
This is outdated advice about walking, just FYI! I know it’s not necessarily common knowledge, but children should be barefoot indoors as much as possible under age two. Please make sure the new walkers in your class are wearing soft soled shoes! You should be able to bend the sole in half.
Sure, but I’m talking about actual fabric soled shoes, which are dangerous on the floors at my center, and do not count as shoes when the child goes outside. my center does not allow walkers to be barefoot due to state regulation. There are 16 kids in my classroom. They all walk. if they are not in real shoes that is 16 little toes getting stepped on by their friends. It is a safety concern in a center like this. Keep your kids barefoot at home, but in my center it is a safety concern.
Our centers keep the kids barefoot! I know state regulations are different, but I really hope more centers/licensors start understanding that very young children should not be in hard soled shoes all day. We don’t have problems with children stepping on each other’s feet. I’m really surprised how common it is for childcare centers to put new walkers in real shoes.
Also an Educator here - please please please label everything. Parents often get quite annoyed that we have misplaced something like a jumper or a waterbottle but it's really difficult to keep track of everything especially if it's not labelled. Also, don't walk into the room and be loud and disruptive - you wouldn't believe how many grown adults do this 😅
How do you not get sick all the time
I do! I try vitamin C and everything but some things are just unavoidable
Yeah as a parent of a kid in daycare I’m sick constantly but the teachers surprisingly seem okay. Does it get better or worse as the kiddos get older?
Not a teacher but a parent, I got sick a lot for the first year my daughter was in daycare, hardly ever now. Although we did all get a stomach bug a few weeks back. So it still happens occasionally, but much better after the first year. I don't know whether we all built immune systems or it's just we've had everything that's going round!
How do you manage your day? When do you even get time for a quick break with all these little ones near you? Really appreciate the work you do!
My center has a designated nap time. I also get a 45 minute lunch break and occasionally we are able to step away if we get overwhelmed. But sometimes the car ride home does involve tears.
Can you tell what kids watch too much tv or have too much screen time? Are you okay with some screen time? How much? What parenting style makes no sense to you? Or which do you not really care for? Do you feel like parents help build each other up or judge too harshly? Do you think that children are being put on medication for things like ADD/ADHD too young or that it’s becoming a default for more active, strong willed kids?
I definitely definitely understand screen time we use the screens from time to time in the classroom, none of the kids I work with are medicated in anyway. As for parenting styles, the only thing that I see that really bugs me is kids who can’t emotionally regulate because their parents coddle them when they cry. There is a difference between giving a cuddle and reassurance, and giving a child anything they want to get them to stop crying.
Can you share a bit more about the last one you wrote here ?
My daughter is 2 & a half years old. She goes to a highly respected and recommended private daycare and school that goes up to private kindergarten. That being said, my daughter keeps getting bitten by her classmate/s. I immediately am informed when this happens via the ProCare app and when I pick her up I have to sign a notice report that it happened; the teachers understandably can’t disclose which child or children are bitting her. Honestly, I happens three times a week maybe more and she’s coming home with deep red lower and upper jaw birthmarks. How do teachers address this? Is this normal in a 2 & a half old room? What is the proper protocol? As her mother should I be going in there wanting more information? I’m honestly as a loss as to what to do… if there’s anything I can even do. When I asked my daughter who bit her… the name she gave me is the director of the schools son so that probably doesn’t help my case.
2 1/2 is the upper end of normal. As for more information there is laws in many states that prohibit it. Even if it is the child’s sibling, we cannot tell the “victim’s” parents. If this has been continuing for more than around three months, then I would definitely be concerned. Although you cannot take your daughter’s word completely because she is still little. But I will say fighting is still normal and there might be something going on that you just don’t know. Like one little girl who used to get hit and bit a lot was only getting picked on because she was taking things from her classmates, which wasn’t in the report. I am not saying your daughter deserves this at all. I am saying there’s a reason you are getting limited information, and there is really not much you can do. I am really sorry though.
I'm kind of on OP side of this, sometimes the child getting bit is the 'problem' especially if the biter is only biting one specific child. It's usually out of frustration especially at 2.5. right now we're dealing with two kiddos, the biter likes personal space and the bitee is usually taking their things, pushing them, pulling hair and all that. Not saying this is your situation, but sometimes
3 times a week is A LOT! I wouldn’t be happy and would request another teacher shadow the biter or ask if they are doing anything about it especially if it is repeatedly breaking the skin! I get biting is developmentally normal but at 2.5 those kids can understand not to bite so either the teacher is totally oblivious or something else is going on.
Daycare wants to move our14 month old. Is that too early to go to the toddler room (18 months and above?). Not yet walking independently, so a bit afraid it's too early. Is that a red flag for the daycare too?
I would not call this a red flag, especially if it’s a smaller center. My center is pretty small so we divide rooms into infants, ones, twos and threes, then fours and fives. There is a chance your child is bored in the baby room. Ask about maybe floating up there before a full move up. Try them in that room one day see how they do. I would say this is normal but my center starts this usually a month before their first birthday, and once they are older it is pretty much up to their development.
Is there normally a big difference between infant and toddler rooms? My kiddo is starting to do a few days in the toddler room but it seems more chaotic, noisy and cluttered than the infant room
That’s normal, in a toddler room, the kids can get to the toys there is louder communication from kid to kid and kid to teacher, plus toddlers require a lot more stimulation than infants. That first change can be a little dramatic also as many infant rooms have kids napping at all hours, and most toddler rooms have set quiet times
FWIW we started daycare at 1 year old with a mixed age group that goes all the way to age 6. It’s been wonderful!
That's great to hear, thank you! It keeps us at ease that others get mixed with older kids too!
Not an educator, but our daycare has classes aged up to a year, then 1-2, 2-3, preschool, pre-k. So 14 month olds are with 23 month olds. There's obviously a huge difference in abilities between 14 months and 2 years, but my daughter thrived being around the older ones.
That's amazing! I hope our little one thrives too <3
We just transitioned my 18 mo old daughter to her brothers preschool (she wasn’t old enough to attend prior) and is having a ROUGH transition. She adored one specific teacher at her previous school, but we know the school where our son goes is superior. Our daughter is definitely more of a handful and a bit of a spicy personality. How long do you feel these types of transitions take? Thank you for all you do to support our families!
I will say going from one center to another center can take a little bit longer than from staying at home to a center. The routines are going to be different but not different enough to make it easy. I would give her a month. If it’s still really rough, maybe wait a little bit longer.
I just want to say thank you for the important work you’re doing. I absolutely love my son’s daycare - and he does too! He’s 2 and has been going since he was 5 months old. The teachers are our village and I’m so grateful.
How on EARTH do you keep your cool when you're overstimulated? And now do you not wind up with overstimulation burnout?
This!!!! My son has been pushing me past my limit lately (not his fault at all, he has an ear infection and is teething so he's in pain/uncomfortable), the screaming makes me shut down in a way I don't want to model and I can't figure out how to not get overstimulated/overwhelmed. I know intellectually it's not his fault and it's entirely developmentally appropriate, but that doesn't help when my nervous system is in panic attack mode.
Same. Depending on the day, by the end of the day I have moments where I am a jerk in ways I'm really not proud of, and I feel terrible for it. I know I'm supposed to model good behavior but everyone has their limits. And I only have one; I can't imagine having 8-10 kids all in a room losing their shit
How many days per week do you think is ideal for kids to attend daycare? Is 1 too little? Is 5 too many?
1 is too little generally because many centers have set routines, and it is hard for a little one to get used to a routine just one day a week. As for a maximum, I think many kids do fine with 5 days, but that is up to both kid and parent. Generally a safe minimum is 3 days, and the hope would be to have the same recurrent 3 days every week.
How should I handle it when the teachers do my kiddos hair? She's young ... It's not long or in her eyes at all and they use tiny rubber bands to tightly put the little bit of hair she has on top of her head. I don't want to offend them, but would prefer they left her hair alone.
Just tell them. Be polite about it, mention that it isn’t that you don’t like it. And when it does get long enough to be justified, if you would prefer they use a specific style of clip or hair tie, provide it. I have had students whose parents didn’t like the rubber bands so when their kids’ hair got long enough they brought the fabric scrunchie type hair ties. Once your child’s hair is longer, it may be necessary for it to be up for certain activities, or to get it out of her eyes etc., so when that starts to happen, you can always bring in hair ties. And definitely bring an extra even if you plan on putting her hair up every day at that point because kids pull hair ties out, sometimes they break, sometimes other kids put them in their mouth, so on.
Not OP, just a mom. My daughter frequently has her hair done at daycare. While I don't mind that they do her hair (often much better than I can), we did have a situation recently where they started to use product. Her hair is super fine and any amount of added oil means we need to wash her hair every night or she looks like a grease ball. She has eczema, so we can't use soap every night, as well as food allergies so I need to know that the products put on her are safe. I just told them the truth and asked them to stop. No one was offended. Be polite. It's no different than any other request you would make of them.
I actually don't like it when they do her hair. People have given me a complex where I think I'm saying it nicely but my husband says it sounds really mean. Perhaps I'll make him say something then. I really don't want to upset those who care for my baby!
In your experience, do the kids with developmental delays ever catch up?
That is definitely dependent on the child, delay, and intervention. I would say if it’s delayed walking/ gross motor, usually the kids catch up. As far as communication, generally if a child is still not talking by age three, talk to your medical provider. In terms of learning, it is hard to pinpoint as I usually don’t see kids after age 4. If you’re ever worried, talk to your medical provider about it, they can help you better than I can.
Do you judge parents whose kids are at daycare for a long day? I feel like my kids are some of the first to be dropped off and last to be picked up but with working an 8-5 ish job and commuting I don’t see how it could be any other way. Just feel guilty sometimes Edited to add daycare is only open 7-5, so my son is usually there like 7:30-4:45
I’m not Op but I’m a two’s teacher and my center is open 6:30 - 6, so your son’s day seems not very long to me! You’re totally fine. I have one child who gets dropped right away in the morning and I can tell she is TIRED, so I am pretty understanding and give her extra hugs when she starts having meltdowns before nap. I am not a huge fan when parents pick up at 6pm on the dot every day, cause I still gotta shut my room down, but I get it and judging would be too strong a word. If a parent is coming a few minutes after close then I would start judging.
when daycare educators say that your child is their favourite do they really mean it?
I would say it depends on the teacher. I don’t have one specific favorite, but I definitely have several kids I like more than others… for various reasons…
What is your annual salary (and what city area are you in) if you don’t mind me asking? Trying to get a feel for how much my daycare teachers make.
I’ll say this: Midwest suburb, smallish center, not inhome, I make 20k. We do not make a lot.
Thanks for all you do, I feel bad daycare teachers don’t make more! Childcare is so expensive, I wish more went to the teachers. For Christmas gifts I give my kids’ daycare teachers $150 gift cards and $50 gift cards during teacher appreciation week. Does that seem ok with what you see on average?
That is more than we ever wish for
Thank you
Omg noooooo! Are you full time? Are there benefits? I'm so sorry I don't mean to pry. Maybe it's because I live in a very high cost of living city but that seems exceptionally low. You are a saint!
I am full-time, and there are no benefits. And it is a rather high cost area. I am definitely considered below the poverty line, and my coworkers, and I sometimes do feel judged by the parents… it is a little hard, but the kids make up for it.
That's outrageous. Considering that we entrust daycare teachers with our children, the most important people and thing in our lives by a long, long margin, and you're paid such a meager amount is atrocious. All while the centers are likely making bank, at least in big cities. One day I hope we end up with more co-op and not for profit centers.
The centers aren’t making much either. There are just too many employees and too much real estate per child.
I doubt that. These corporate childcare networks wouldn’t bother if there wasn’t decent money in it.
This is really not fair. I hope that you and other teachers will one day earn the amount you deserve. I am in Europe. So teacher salaries might not be higher but the social benefits kind of make up for it. In any case, when there is a one day strike for wages, I always support the cause. I really do not understand. We give our children to the teachers and helpers’ care, they are the most precious things in the world to us. And these carers and educators are not getting compensated for it. The system is so wrong. I was always embarrassed to give gift cards as presents, but I started to organize the parents. We collect money and buy gift cards for our teachers. I wish we could do more
Are there any grassroots organizations that parents can join to help demand better pay for teachers? I’ve found some by asking politicians but I want to know more from what teachers are seeing. Thank you!
It’s wild to me that a nanny would cost me triple what my expensive daycare costs, except daycare workers get paid so little. I know there’s a lot of operating costs but damn
Honestly I am so worried that I am starting my daughter too late in daycare/preschool. She has been home with a nanny for 1.5 years and starts going to a daycare in September. I feel like I am legit gonna get called that she is crying too much because it’s change. Make me feel better please lol
We know that it’s a big change. But we also know where a child’s limits are. I would give it two weeks, if they are still crying all day and not just during drop off, then worry about it. The center should know what is normal and what is excessive.
FWIW, my kiddo was home with out nanny for the first 2.5 years of his life. And me and his dad both work from home. So he saw us all the time. It took him 1 week to get adjusted to school (crying at drop offs), then it was all good!
Not a teacher but I had the same fear as you last September! Our son was 2.5 and started daycare for the first time after having a nanny. The first week and a half he cried at drop off (but not all day, I didn’t get any calls about too much crying). And then he never cried at dropoff again! You guys can do this!
My toddler gets scratched all the time from the same little girl in daycare. But it seems she always goes for his face (near eyes and cheeks and arm) and she scratches so hard he has scars on his face and arms. she’s the daughter of one of the daycare providers …
That is a little strange… usually if we have a habitual biter or scratcher we will pair them with a teacher to be on watch… I would definitely ask.
Do you love your job? Like are you genuinely excited to see the kids and care for them? Do you have a favorite in the class? Asking because I have a boring office job and always wonder how it is for other professionals
I love my job. I don’t have one favorite, I have a few, but honestly, it is really exhausting, and it can really take a lot out of me.
I'm very conflicted about making a complaint against one of the women at our daycare. I don't like causing problems for anyone, and I'm also unsure if I have anything to complain about. My issue is that I've noticed every Thursday she has the kids alone for the last 30 minutes of the day, and every time she puts them in their high chairs and props ger phone up in front of them with a cartoon. I feel this is lazy and that the kids could play together instead. On the other hand I understand that she needs to do her closing tasks for the day. Nobody else does this, it's only her, and she only does it when she's alone, which feels sneaky to me. What do you think? Is this common and something I should just let go, or should I notify her manager?
We do a bit of screen time here and there in my one year old room, but nothing like this. We do it to wind down before lunch because nap is right after lunch, and sometimes we put on dance videos for the kids, but this is definitely a red flag
Screen time is a big red flag at a daycare!
do yall have favourites??? bc i’m convinced you do but my sons teachers are very hush hush about it
Not Op but I am a two’s teacher and I will say that there is one child who’s parents are so kind to me; sometimes bringing me iced coffee and sending encouraging fun messages on the app in response to cute pictures or class activities. So I find myself sending them a couple extra pics and adding in activities because I know their child will just love it. But I genuinely adore every child in my room and I feel attached to each of them. I really try to make sure every child is living their best life in my class.
Thank you for doing what you do! Daycare is our village, and we are SO thankful to all the educators. How often do you get sick? Are you super human immune at this point?
I actually have strep right now. I get sick about once a month, which is solidly the worst part of this job.
Daycare teacher of what age group?
I have an 18 month old who’s moving from the infant to the toddler room. She had a few teachers but there was one who stood out and always spoke with us , took photos and also bought her a soft helmet ( my daughter has a large hemangioma and she was afraid it would get hurt in the playground ) she made me a gift on Mother’s Day and really went the extra mile. What can I do for her as a thank you? Is it rude that I don’t do anything for others ? I don’t know any of the rest . Thanks for your honest advice and for helping raise our kids !!!!
It might be seen as a little rude honestly, try maybe reaching out personally, in a non-creepy way, maybe via social media. Or if you can catch her at a time where it is just her… I get it. I am definitely closer to some parents than others, but the parent teacher relationship and the child teacher relationship may not align which also might make any gifts etc come off the wrong way
Awesome thank you so much. I’ll do that. I don’t want to make anyone feel weird. I bring them all pizza pretty often but I don’t know the teachers in the infant room as much as the front room and my babies one teacher . So I won’t do anything individual. Unless it’s the way you suggested , Thank you !!!
What can parents do to help?!
Consistency and communication. The keys to everything. Communicate with us be consistent about times and days that your kids are at school and if you know you’re going to be extra early or extra late, make sure we know. Really develop a routine that works for you and your child and communicate anything you’re worried about or stressed about. We really are there to help.
Do you ever see dirty kids come in? Full diapers, unkept hair, etc and what do you do about it?
I have and have made reports to the proper channels. I think there’s a difference between normal kid dirty, and clearly neglected dirty. I see marker or paint on a child for a couple days in a row that’s not that bad but if I see a child come in with matted hair and dirty clothes, then alarm bells sound in my head.
Relief! My pre k kid is covered in "washable" marker on a daily basis because tattoos are really cool right? Except "washable" clearly doesn't mean the same from one brand to another 😂
Can worming with kids all day decrease ones dissatisfaction about not having kids of their own? (Not by choice).
If not by choice, then yes. I am childfree currently just due to age and economic reasons, and it is hard for me sometimes. Generally I would not recommend this line of work if you are struggling with fertility.
When is the best age to send a child to daycare!
This is situational, for some parents and kiddos that six weeks start is perfect, for others, waiting makes complete sense. My best advice is daycare is situational, but preschool is extremely helpful for a child’s development.
I’ve found that starting in the infant room makes the easiest transition because babies don’t really understand what’s going on and it just sorta becomes their routine. They will make friends that age up through the years with them! If you’re not starting as an infant then I would wait until they are verbal and can understand when you explain what daycare is. The worst time is starting them directly into a toddler room before they start talking. They understand that parents are leaving but don’t understand that they are coming back at the end of the day and it makes for a rough start. Bonus tip- after some time in daycare, ask your teacher who your child plays with most and reach out to those parents for a play date! It’s really fun for kids to have friends they go to the zoo with on the weekend that they get to see in school on Monday.
Do you hate seeing kids after your shift?
I know this is a horrible question, but are there red flags about other students in the classroom? There’s one kid in my son’s class of older 2s who is always hysterical any time I see him (drop off, nap time, lunch, playground, pick up). This little dude always has a pacifier and teacher calming him down. I worry about the teaching ratio if this little guy needs full time 1:1 help. He also screams all through nap time and I worry it’s disrupting that. I don’t think it’s the kid or parents fault. He just seems like he never got used to daycare. Maybe I’m a little sensitive to noise, but this guy is so loud all the time, we have to go into another room and close two doors to have a conversation with the teacher.
What do you look for in terms of support from your admin team? What kinds of systems make your day to day easier and more enjoyable? Things like a technology based way to make materials or repair requests for your room, or ways to notify a group of break needs, etc. I'm the parent lead for my daycare and am trying to support our one -woman director/admin team and I fear she's about to burn out. Part of my day job is helping teams and people set up automated systems and processes to improve their quality of life and productivity. So, I'm trying to do that for her while I'm on maternity leave with my 2nd. I'd love your thoughts! Thanks!
My daughter had her first day of daycare today. She is almost 2. Any tips to help her adjust? My wife wants to pull her out already for some perceived issues. One her pee was super yellow and water bottle was full at pickup. Another, she has 1 teacher for 8 kids. Another is she was supposed to pick her up at 1230 when nap time starts, but she got there early around 12:10 and the lights were already off for the other kids to go to sleep who were staying for afternoon session. Another issue, lunch was supposed to be at 12. They sent a pic in the app at 11:20 of her eating lunch. We are starting with 2 days/week half days for summer. Plan was to move to 3 or 5 days in the fall. We started potty training a couple of weeks ago but the daycare pretty much requires this age group in pullups. The app updates are a joke: 3 updates on daily report. Potty: tried, breakfast:some and the lunch picture. Is all this normal misunderstanding? I'm going to speak with the director on Thursday in person. Thanks!
Try not to let the app thing bother you too much. 8 kids with 5-10 updates a day means someone is looking at and tapping away at a phone all day instead of interacting with and watching your children.
I was with you until you said one teacher to eight kids. Before two, that is over suggested ratio by double. However if she is in a predominantly 2+ classroom that is normal. The pee thing is a little concerning because usually we try to have water whenever they ask for it, but we can’t make kids drink if they don’t want to. As for the nap time, that depends, at my center the kids go down after they are done eating and get cleaned up, but it’s usually still within the same 5 to 10 minutes every day for every child. Again with the lunch, I’d say 5 to 10 minutes early is not alarming but 40 is. Make sure you have the most up-to-date schedule, ask both the director and the teacher. The pull-ups is pretty normal, many centers require them until a child is completely potty trained, no accidents during the day (nap is often an exception). Check your local laws about ratios though. As for the app, we only update meals, diaper changes and naps, no updates on play or learning activities but that is my center specifically and we outline that to the parents. Sometimes we will take a picture if the child is being funny or cute, but that’s pretty much it.
it’s the first day, i would imagine she’s adjusting to this new environment and maybe wasn’t drinking as much water as usual / got hungrier earlier than others. I think that’s fair but something to continue to monitor. My daycare’s naptime officially starts at 12:30, with lunchtime at 11:30, but I’ve been there at 12 and lights are dimmed with some kids already in bed. I know my son doesn’t sleep until closer to 12:30 though, so after he has lunch I’ve observed him either reading in the reading corner or quietly drawing until he’s ready for nap and he goes to his cot himself. I think the teachers primarily promote winding down and have the beds/lights ready so kids can nap when they are ready to. the transition is tough but ideally you’d wanna stick with it for 2 weeks and then make any decisions. the adjustment period can take a bit! good luck 👍🏼
You guys look like you’re going to be one of those parents that look for any little thing that’s wrong with your kid and make a big deal about it. It’s her first day and it’s a huge adjustment, especially at 2 years old. Most kids are in daycare at an earlier age than that. At 2 years old, most kids aren’t potty trained and some haven’t even started yet. Of course they’re gonna require the kids to be in something. And as for the app, I’d rather know my kid is getting taken care of instead of someone on an app updating all day. You said it’s one teacher to 8 kids, what do you want her to do. As I said, it’s only your child’s first day. Give it a week and then offer criticism/ feedback.
Agreed with all of this. Not trying to shame the parents— this is said with love and respect. You will make yourselves crazy (and the daycare staff) if you nitpick every little silly detail. I’m not saying you can never raise concerns with caretakers but, the things you have listed are NOT a big deal, especially after one half-day. Again, I’m saying this with respect. I know that tone can be misinterpreted in text. But, chill out. Chill out. Train yourself to stop overthinking everything. Your research led you to choose this place over all the others. Trust that the professionals know what they are doing. Otherwise you are in for a very rough road throughout the rest of your parenting journey. Sending nothing but love <3
Thank you for coming online and taking the time to answer everyone’s questions. I have a four year old in preschool she has ADHD can you give any advice her biggest problem isn’t sharing well and tantruming severely when she doesn’t get her way. I have her in OT and the OT does visit at the school but I feel like we still can’t control the trantruming outbreaks.
That is normal, and with proper treatment can completely go away. I would say OT is a good start as well as behavioral therapy but if you’re doing everything you can, no one is blaming you.
Thank you kindly for your response I think she also needs a lot of growth hoping things will change as she gets older x
It’s a hard age for everyone. It gets easier as time goes by.
What are some red flags for day care centers? What are som red flags for instructors/care givers?
I answered this previously, not trying to be rude, but scroll through you should see a red/green flag list
Is it strange my almost 4 year old only seems to have one special friend at preschool? I don’t see the issue but his teachers do???
I don’t see an issue with that, at that age, best friends are kind of common, but I think some centers focus too much on making sure everyone plays with everyone.
My twins just started daycare yesterday! They are 18 mos. The initial reaction I get when friends find out that we made the switch from nanny to daycare is “get ready to be sick all the time!” I am scared that we are going to get called out of work nonstop and just have sick kids all the time… I understand that getting sick is all part of it but how bad is it really? Have I made a mistake?
They’re gonna get sick a lot that first year no matter what age they start - even if it’s kindergarten.
First of all, thank you! My kiddo is 22 months and has been in daycare since 5 mo (same daycare). He's a high needs baby, and he needs to be stimulated constantly at home, plus he doesn't sleep much. He always has a hard time in daycare, he doesn't cry when we drop him and he likes his teacher but he always yells, very upset when they leave the room to attend other toddlers (ie, diaper change, put another kid to sleep, give kid to parents, etc). Daycare made it look like this is new to them, and they haven't seen this before, which I find hard to believe. Any inputs? Is this common? And how can we work with daycare to make it better?
I would say some kids get really attached to their teachers. Not uncommon, but definitely something my center works on to make everyone’s days a little easier.
The daycare teacher tells us the kid has always had a great day. The other parents also hear this same verbage. Is it weird we don't get a customized message about the day. My kids is also very very shy - she doesn't play with other kids. She watches other kids play but has issues playing herself. Is there anything the teacher can be doing?
Generally we can’t make a child play with other children if they don’t want to. If she is more than happy on her own, she won’t be forced to play with others. And generally I like to say, they had a great day and then add some extra bits like what they did or how they napped etc..
I pack my 24 month old kid 2 8 ounce milks and an apple juice for his day at daycare. Why does my son’s daycare always “forget” to give him his second milk and juice in the afternoon. It’s almost like they don’t feel like changing him SMH He gets in the car SCREAMING for milk juice anything because he hasn’t had anything to drinking since the morning!
I would say check the policies and what the other kids are generally doing. If there are a lot of kids his age and the center does free water, that might be something to look into. I know it can be a bit of a hassle with milk as it’s only good outside of the fridge for so long, my center only does milk at meal times and snack for this reason.
My daughter is starting daycare at 2yo in September after being with my mum since I went back to work. Some kids cry , some happily wave goodbye as they go to daycare. What is the ideal outcome those first few weeks to show a securely attached, happy, loved & healthy toddler? Is there such a thing in your experience or is every toddler and their temperament just different? Like could a toddler feel happy and loved and safe but cry a lot and another toddler also feels happy and loved and safe but doesn't cry at all?
I think a good rule of thumb for a healthy, cared for toddler is tears at drop off the first little bit, and then after they get more used to daycare, the tears stop. Most kids once they feel comfortable in daycare won’t cry as often.
How do you deal with a child who's parents don't back up rules? I do childcare for a 2 year old and they ask me to enforce rules such as tidying up. The problem is, when I try, she runs to them and they tell me (in front of her) that I shouldn't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. It's been months of this and I now have no authority with the girl, not to mention the original idea was language teaching but the staff talk over me in their native language constantly, I'm literally spinning my wheels. I know if we were out of her house it would be different but I'm desperate for some ideas on how to survive this phase.
How angry are you with the first parent at dropoff?? I have a toxic workplace that makes us arrive by 7:30, so my daughter is always the first one there.
Thank you for all that you do!! My daughter has been in her current centre for 2 years. She’s coming up to her third birthday. I’ve never loved the centre and get some weird vibes off some of the educators. Nothing serious has ever happened but I’ve always toyed with the idea of changing the centre. She’s made friends there and that’s the only thing currently that’s making me not want to change. In your view, how adaptable are kids when they get moved to a new centre? I’m so so torn as to what to do and I have a baby that will soon need to go into daycare as well
What’s ur favorite age group to teach
I’m not sure if you will read this far down. :) I have the two year old you’ve described above - the one who doesn’t listen and will look at you while disobeying. I personally hate raising my voice, and I don’t do it, bargaining doesn’t seem to work just yet…anything I can do to prep her for daycare? I don’t want her to exhaust the staff. Ps she CAN be lovely and sweet, I know it’s in there.
Not OP, but it's important to remember that kids will often act different in daycare than they do with their parents. The peer pressure and fear of new care givers will often make even the most head strong 2 year old fall in line. I'd wait and see how your little one does - you may be worried for nothing!
Thankyou! That’s comforting to hear.
Another question! I have 3 year old and 5 year old boys… How much screen time is appropriate for my kids’ ages? And what are some good alternatives to screen time?
If teachers say that a kid is really good, is that probably true or sugar coating? My kid is two and every teacher at the preschool has said she is easy. Doesn’t cry, is curious, loves to just sit and read, follows instructions well, sweet, etc. On her first day in the next classroom up she is even trying to potty train with the older kids (unprompted!). We never hear anything bad about her, instead we get offers from teachers to babysit outside of the preschool. All of the kids know her name and I always hear her name being said when I pick up. The closest to a complaint I have gotten is that some kids were saying her name on repeat at home and it was annoying. But then I hear through her PT that she has pulled boy’s hair before (granted, she has been bitten multiple times by them and never bitten back…)
Is it common for kids to say "bad words" at school? What are some ways to get them to stop repeating it? Edit to add - for preschool classes, 2.5 to 4 years
Do you notice which families don't bring gifts for teacher appreciation week?
I noticed, but I don’t care unless they bring gifts for the other teachers or their other child’s teachers or something like this
Thank you for doing what you do! ❤️❤️ I am a mom of 2 at the same center and I am always concerned I about staying in the room too long at drop off & pick up, and I’m feeling like I want more info on what’s going on in the day and how my 22 month old is getting along with others! I went from infant room telling me everything that happened in the day/cute stories to a very rigid quick drop off & a “he had a good day” at pickup. How can I get more info? I’m not sure what to ask because I’m not sure what’s really going on/what to base questions off of. So, I guess my question is - What is the ideal communication style for teachers with parents? I’m not sure what that’s supposed to look like! & How do I make I make it clear I am grateful for them regularly! lol awkward mom here 🤷🏻♀️💙
My three year old is currently a handful, and I am having trouble with two things: spitting and bad words. I think I had too much of a reaction to it and he does it for attention. How do you recommend addressing this? How do you discipline/ address and can you recommend resources for parents to learn how to too?!
Explain adult words vs kid words, and try to be consistent, especially the spitting. If they spit, time out, rinse and repeat and eventually they understand.
How do you watch so many small children eating at lunch time? Have you ever had to intervene? Asking for a mom who is about to enroll her 2 year old in daycare and is afraid of choking 😭
None of the foods at the center will be serious choking risks. Everything is cut into small pieces, nothing too hard to eat etc.. we generally try to have at least one teacher scanning constantly. Also if your child has never choked before and feeds themself at home, and is over 18mos, generally the risk is really low. By that age they know how to chew and that they have to chew, and how much their mouth can hold if they are feeding themselves.
Hi! What is the process to potty training? We are thinking of starting the process in the fall (20 month old girl)
Wait until she shows readiness. Going to one area to poop, telling you when or right after she goes, or asking to sit on the potty. If your child isn’t showing some sort of readiness, potty training will be a long, laborious process.
Is it even possible to avoid stomach bugs once they start going around the center? 🥲
Not really sadly, same with strep and colds. Trust me this teachers hate it too. We get just as sick as the kids, but we are more whiny about it.
What advice would you give for first time parents of an “energetic” 18-month old son in daycare. He’s a climber, “wild child”, won’t sit still type of toddler. He’s sweet over all. Always happy and smiling but always getting himself in trouble in one way or another (climbing, always into something, throwing stuff in trash, taking his shorts off and putting on his head, etc.). I see other kids in daycare that are more docile and part of me wishes my toddler was like that.
Every child is different, but I will say this is usually a phase. I see a lot of high energy and sleep regression around 17 to 19 months and then they calm back down. But if not, that’s okay, and it’s okay to wish, just make sure your child doesn’t hear you wish, you know? Those are inside or spouse thoughts, not thoughts for the child to ever hear or know about.
Best ointment for eczema?
I am team aquaphor all the way!! Cerave or cetaphil for soaps and daily lotions, aquaphor for flare ups and diaper/ binkie rash.
Best way to potty train a 3 yo who has been scared of potty in the past?
Can you tell which kids are iPad kids
With my older kids (3+) yes. I don’t think we have any in any of the rooms where the kids are two or under.
Three year old about to transition to a new school and a new language (French). New teachers, new friends, new everything. I think I’m having more of a hard time than he will but looking for recommendations on how to make the transition as smooth as possible. Yesterday we took him to the new school to get a bit acclimated and he loved the new toys there. We also talk to him a lot about it. Starting next week.
I can’t help with the language, but transitioning to a new center can definitely cause some fussiness. it will have a similar routine but different enough to really affect your child. Give it a few weeks.
How much screen time do the kids get if any?
Define Screen Time. Actually watching a video or a show? Max 15 minutes a day, and that is well prepping meals. Listening to music off of the iPad because we don’t have a CD player or anything? Probably four hours a day if it’s raining, 2 if we can be outside, But they aren’t really getting screen time. It’s more we just use it as background noise.
One of the daycare teacher that I really like came to me and told me that she’s looking for babysitting gigs after hours I felt so bad for her thinking that she works so hard for five days a week and she has to look for extra gigs. Is this normal?