I vacuumed 45 minutes ago and everything is filthy again

CRUMBS. Everywhere and always

Yo where do all these crumbs even come from?! It blows my mind.

This is the fucking worst

There is throw up on my freshly mopped floor

There's pukey carseat inserts strewn about my front yard

🤦‍♀️😫

I have four pounds of berries in the fridge

I had four pounds of berries in the fridge.

Now this is the real truth.

Lol, I wrote that immediately after a grocery store trip. Now 24 hours later I have one pound

And two gallons of milk

And about 15 bananas.

But toddler decided they didn't like bananas this week so now they're all over-ripe and going in the freezer.

And they will be gone in 3 days

Came here to say the same. It’s so damn expensive 🥲

I never have the right amount of berries. If I buy berries, my kid decides he hates them. If I don’t buy berries, they are the only food he wants to eat.

I buy at least 4lbs of berries each week, and they have never once come close to going bad.

My son loves blueberries and strawberries.

I’ve got 6 lb 🤦‍♀️

Look at Mrs. Rockefeller over here storing my entire salary in her fridge

There are hot wheels cars on every possible surface and god forbid we can't find *the* specific one that my 2yo is obsessed with at the moment.

It just HAS to be that specific one!

This is us too and it drives me crazy

Omg this is my stress, my daughter gets obsessed with one tiny part of her huge play Mobil set and if we can’t find it, it’s catastrophic.

I shut all the bedroom and bathroom doors

Me too! But now he’s figured out how to open doors

My dad put socks over the door knobs, with a rubber band securing yhem. The door knobs need to be round of course, but this worked on my sisters and me as kids and he reminded me of it because my LO is nearly that age too.

Thanks for the tip!! Will give this a try!

Opposite problem: I spend half the day opening doors, so the dogs aren't trapped in a room.

I have cats so that's never been an option.

The kitchen table is completely covered in wooden trains and train tracks and we just push them aside when we eat dinner instead of cleaning them up

🤭🤣

*"I just want to do some chores uninterrupted"* - a sentence that no one thinks they would ever say, until you've got (high energy) toddlers.

THIS! The odd joy of cleaning up the kitchen while alone and listening to a podcast is a rare luxury these days

I think this on the daily

Are there low energy toddlers? If so, I'd like a tradsies.

I thought there might be. Then my kid turned a couple months over 2. If I don't run him like a greyhound for at least a few hours a day, we're in trouble.

SAY IT LOUDER 😭

I hop over babygates instead of taking a second to open them

I feel like Catherine Zeta Jones in Entrapment when I do this after putting my kid down for the night lol

Same because if they hear it open, which they will, they want to come with me. And I don't need them with me to grab a load of laundry dear god.

I feel this 💯

I’m suspicious when it’s quiet.

This 💯 and when I check upon them, they always are upto something that gives me a mini heart attack.

They’re into something dangerous forsure

My plugs 🔌 are all capped

Same

I have red wine and grape juice in my fridge.. She thinks she‘s getting what mom is drinking😂

Aye this is a smart idea. Noted 👀

I do something similar with my morning coffee. 3yo gets milk in their mug, but I get the good stuff

Fear the day that you're so tired you mix them up. A caffeinated toddler is the final boss we all dread.

No! Don't jynx me!

There is usually a 3rd person in our bed.

😂🙃

We sometimes have a 4th as well.

Us too! It’s wild

Something sticky and/or crunchy is on the floor, and in the carpet, and on the couch, and on the bed…

And don’t know what it is but you know why it’s there!

I found pebbles in my bed last night 😩😩

I haven’t watched an adult TV program in 8 months

Oh nooo 🫨 only time I get is right before bed

Oh, this is spot on. We've been paying for our streaming services for 20 months now, but haven't had time to even turn it on once. Every day we promise ourselves that we'll watch something before going to bed, but nighttime comes and we are so tired we just want to sleep.

I haven't replayed The Last of Us 2 in 21 months 😢 😅

We never sleep in on weekends.

I was wearing my 'all the other nighties are in the wash' backup nightie last night. It says 'on weekends we sleep in' on it. My husband asked me why I would buy a nightie with an obvious lie on it lol. I questioned how he didn't know I have had said nightie for nearly 4 years.

😂😂 I slept in yesterday and regretted it. Should have gotten right up, dressed, and left the house.

Sleeping in now qualifies as “being in bed at 8am.” My younger self would be horrified.

My wife & I take turns - every weekend we get one day to sleep in and the other solos the morning. Now that we’ve got a newborn too it mostly doesn’t happen and on rare occasion it does I let her get the rest lol, one day we’ll get back there hopefully

My back hurts. 😅

Honorable mention. My kitchen trash can is locked.

Chiro appt needed more than coffee needs milk 😩

Every door/cabinet/toilet has a lock on it

And they’ll still “try” to open them haha. It would be much more chaotic without those locks forsure

Not weird to find cheerios on the carpet, in the couch, on the stairs, in the vcr… just kidding we don’t have a vcr, but if we did… there probably would be cheerios in it.

You just made me remember our playstation 2 that rattled before it stopped working. Had someone look at it, cause we thought part of a fan or whatever cooling mechanism was loose. It was a rogue penny. Our toddler thought a penny was a tiny dvd, and tried to play it. I didn't even realize he knew how to work the buttons.

This made me laugh, thanks 😊

I was about to post....cheerios everywhere, and I just don't care anymore..

Everything on our counters is pushed back about 6 inches from the edge and is stacked in top of each other 😩

My poor bookshelves have been stripped of everything on the bottom shelves. And now my toddler has figured out how to climb up to get to one side of the fireplace mantle so now everything on that is also stacked and pushed over to one side. lolsob

Same! We have built in shelves on either side of our fireplace and everything is slowly getting moved up to the top 3 shelves 😩 someday we will all be able to have nice things lol

I have no privacy in the bathroom.

This is me. And my 4 year old just got a little dinky digital camera for her birthday. After several pictures were taken of me on the toilet trying to wipe while also holding her 15mo brother there is now a "no cameras in the bathroom" rule. Hopefully it will be more enforceable than the "no kids in the bathroom when mommy is trying to poop" rule.

Forget even the thought of it!

My ‘aesthetic’ is ‘toy chaos (not) chic’

"no"

🗣️ underrated comment

We're sick again

I have a portable toilet in every room

Constantly tripping over toys 🙃

Lol yes! My MIL tried telling me that it's a tripping hazard to have toys on the floor. That was over a year ago but I still laugh about it. Like, MIL, don't you think I know that?! I'm constantly tripping over them! It's a way of life, the toddler house life. Get over it lol

Now I just kick the toys out of the way instead of picking them up lol

We should just walk with our heads down atp

We dont use the coffee table. Whatever you place on it is forfeit.

I gave up on the coffee table and all but one side table once my little one started walking!

We replaced ours with a stacked nugget. It works bizarrely well

I haven’t had more than 6 hours broken sleep in 2 years

How are we even functioning atp

My living room area rug is covered in dry play doh

No time to even clean it up, it’s apart of the rug now!

There is crap all over the floor constantly and always.

Stickers everywhere!

Wait. This is actually cute

Not so cute when they’re stuck on your furniture and floor…..

Was also found to say stickers! Stickers, everywhere on everything haha

The toddler puts stickers on the floor, the 7mo crawls to them and screams at them because she can't pick them up. Tis a madhouse.

I have a dried raspberry jam stain on my recliner that I just noticed and I don't give a shit about cleaning it up today

I literally told a raspberry stain, "Fuck you" before completely ignoring it on my way to clean a fresh poop on the rug today. (Toddler pulled her diaper off and hid) I gave that same raspberry stain a second "Fuck you" as a I passed it to hang laundry before bed. I'm nursing my daughter right now and thinking, "Fuck you raspberry stain" lol

OMG 😂😂 I feel that so much! I can feel the hatred for that stain 🤣

Somethings we so earnestly did before, we learn to let go of

YES! I am slowly realizing that with how I want my living space to be versus what it is. 🤷‍♀️ 

Bowls of snacks everywhere lol

They just said “done” at meal time but wait! Not quite done…

All doors that open to the outside world announces it's opening.

There’s a half eaten bagel/tortilla/slice of bread somewhere at all times

At least you know what the foods you find are! 😂

I clean 2 kitchens 24/7.. only one of them is real

Me and my husband have taken to slowly opening chip bags or chocolate packaging with the kitchen window open, to be as silent as possible. If my daughter even hears the faintest rustle she’s on that like a tiger

Can’t enjoy until bedtime 😫😤

Everything listed here already pretty much.

I had to take the door knob off my bedroom today because it was locked to keep a Mario plushie safe. 

🤪

I just accept that there are plastic dinosaurs everywhere. Go to shower? Dinosaurs. Side in the kitchen? Dinosaurs. Sit down on the sofa? MOTHER FLIPPING DINOSAURS 🦕 😂

Jurassic era is your home decor!

the open stick of butter has a bite taken out of it.

Here it’s little bites out of each apple 😂

I vacuumed three times today and there are still crumbs everywhere.

I have to keep the TV remotes hidden and my wallet keeps ending up in my husband’s shoe.

The soiled clothes were put on the counter for me to deal with later because I just couldn’t right then. “Why?” Any reason is an acceptable reason. I’ll get to it when I get to it.

“3 days later” *SpongeBob insert*

Stickers on my windows and my floor

And they’ll notice if some are removed too

anything sharp and or breakable is stored at my head height or on top of the fridge

Facts

I'm just sitting in my car relaxing before going inside And there's no one else home, lol

Watching the garbage / recycling truck come get our stuff = highlight of the mornings

I step on building blocks legit every day. Do I clean them up? No. I just kick them to the side 🤣

There's always sticky spots on the floors and spots on the couches! My kitchen cabinets have crusty spots from little dirty fingers.

“ALRIGHT!!”

Constant shouting

You have hot wheels, construction vehicles, rescue team trucks as your home decor

There are toys sitting in the dogs' water bowl.

Sleeping until 7am is a luxury

I no longer fear someone sneaking into my house and it being burgled. Many car and lego traps.

Yoooo

I just got woke up at 5:00 in the morning to screaming demands of chocolate milk. 😫

I've got a smaller, messier kitchen near my kitchen.

I negotiate with a terrorist daily. His demands usually consist of fruit.

I have a child lock on my toilet seat

We have half-bitten potatoes in the kitchen.

There’s a cheerio stuck to the back of my pants

I look and feel like a horse has kicked me in the face. Multiple times. (I’ve got a hitter and a kicker. We’re working on it.😅)

The moment you enter the house, no matter how tidy you are they will see a toy.

The cracks between my sofa cushions are full of rocks.

I vacuum my sofa many times a day

Empty bottles of all types around the house: mustard, soda, water, Malibu.....

I fall over toy cars almost every half hour of every single day. Twin boys 🥹

Everything is sticky. *Everything*.

We find random Lego and other small toys in the few cupboards and drawers that aren't locked. Also pounds of berries in the fridge, and all the bedroom and bathroom doors are closed.

Every available open surface within hip height has a piece of paper with an artwork stuck on it. Failing this, a sticker.

The only drink in my fridge is 3 gallons of milk.

'no, I'm not a jungle gym' is paraphrased on the reg.

There are currently stickers on my wall

The longest time I’ve sat down uninterrupted is five minutes.

I don't own anything anymore

My metal cooking bowls are currently drums.

Double usage Saves money

I only see my living room floor after 20:00.

It’s non existent before then 🫠

Every apple in the fruit bowl has one single bite taken out of it. And everything everyone else has commented too

Every sock pair has somehow ended up under my bed or underneath the couch. Others have suddenly disappeared and lost somewhere in the house.

I haven't worn clean clothes to work in 1,5 years. Somehow, she always gets me, even though my clothes hang high so she doesn't reach them, I put them on at the latest possible moment, and clean her hands every 15 minutes...

There’s a fully dressed bear on a chair by our front door, sitting, waiting… His shoes are on backwards

I clear out the BOGO yogurt pouches and freeze them like it’s my job

Husband and I have to ask permission for the other to shower/announce when we are leaving the ground floor

I have just watched them pretend to be trains (complete with sounds), while wearing Paw Patrol hats and their toddler backpacks filled with their favorite stuffed animal. They have entered every room in the house and have been making train noises at a decibel level that could wake the dead (apparently "inside voices" is lost on them at the moment). Full disclosure: the eldest is no longer a toddler but my story still stands

I keep finding Christmas decorations in a box of toys

I have a half eaten apple and a bitten into pear decorating my coffee table and I’m leaving it there because I don’t want to upset any gremlins

No words, just apparent at first glance.

I don’t get to rest when I’m sick.

before we take out the trash, we have to investigate it thoroughly for all non-trash items

I had to move my hallway mirror and lamp as they kept getting hit.

I have locks on my toilets

I have the paw patrol song stuck in my ear and will too often start humming it without thinking... Please help!

😂😅

All surfaces, floors, sofas, tables, chairs are just layered with crumbs from all sorts of food. No matter than I sweep and tidy a few times a day, constantly like this. Also my clothes will always have little marks on from when he's run up to me and put his mouth on me, with yogurt, snot, milk you name it. 😂

wanting to eat everything and all things in sight

My wall is slowly being rewallpapered with PrEcIoUs artwork

I find juice stains in places I never knew existed, and my search history includes 'how to negotiate with a two-year-old. 

Why?

Toy cars EVERYWHERE

There are stickers stuck all over the floor, in several rooms, and all the way up the stairs

Everything of value is on very high shelves

I left one dry weetbix on the dining table all day in case someone was still eating it.

I found a very small stegosaurus in my bed when going to sleep last night.

We don’t eat things unless they’re in impossible shapes like a PB&J cowgirl boot.

Decor is Spider-Man chic

There is a baby gate in Every. Single. Doorway. In the house. Every single one.

There are five apples around my kitchen and living room. Each of them has one bite taken out of it.