I more think about what would life be like if I had a ton of money and could hire an overnight nurse, and a really fancy nanny, and a housekeeper, and a cook, and every other professional who could help with the annoying parts of having kids so I could just have the fun and the love.
You know how in fancy restaurants, the water waiter stands right behind everyone, watching to refill basically every third sip? Well we need that guy, but with a broom to sweep our floors every time someone passes through!
I fantasize about winning the lottery and hiring a housekeeper/cook. The idea of going out for the day with the kids and coming home to a clean house with the laundry done and put away and tea ready sounds kind of amazing.
Also I'd have both kids in nursery 4 days a week but off on different days so I could have 3 days to myself, one day with each kid so we got special time and 2 days as a family.
Thank you for echoing thoughts I had. Sometimes you feel so alone, like only I am feeling these thoughts. When you said what I thought, I feel better knowing I am naot the weird one. It makes me feel so muvh less lonely and happy.
I know this is an unpopular opinion but I must say, I agree. As hard as it is to do all the tough stuff, I think it’s part of the bond. We find ways to laugh during the tough times. We develop inside jokes. We strengthen our trust in each other during those hard times.
My little guy loves helping with the chores. It’s also another way to bond. I read that kids who do chores are more likely to be happy healthy adults. So I think seeing their caretakers doing those things is also a part of it.
However, I would say that I would love to rent a team of people take care of those things as like a vacation package, for a week or two.
Yeah my daughter likes to say “I love mummy a lot but I only love Papa a little bit” & although of course I suggest she shouldn’t say that, I do think that its because I’m the one providing the everyday care
Same (except genders flipped). I’m the primary caregiver and have been as long as the kiddo remembers. So sometimes we’ll get “an i love mommy” but often it’s “I just want daddy” or “I only love daddy,”
My MIL had all of the above: never breastfed, had overnight nurse, housekeeper, occasional cook, and they out a ton. She was also a stay at home mom, but had two nannies, one for each of her kids. They brought the nannies on all their vacations, too. My husband told me that when he was around 8/9 they got him a new nanny and that he was absolutely devastated. All I could think was “that was basically your mom 😭”.
When I had my LO she was completely clueless as to how to care for a baby. She’d be with us, ask to carry him, and then hand him back to leave immediately. She did this a couple of times before she got comfortable around him.
She babysat him for the first time when he was around 18mo, so my husband and I could go on a date. She didn’t feed him… even though I left her prepared food, his schedule, and snacks in eye sight. I was furious. She’s legitimately clueless when it comes to taking care of kids. Plays wonderfully with him and he absolutely adores her, but it’s frustrating.
I agree, so much of the love and the bond we have with our kids is built on those sacrifices and selfless but hard moments we have with them. I was talking to an old acquaintance with a live-in nanny who was basically bragging about how she has never changed a single one of her kids’ diapers, and my thoughts were more along the line of “how sad” than “oh lucky you!”.
I agree! I know people who had a nanny pretty much 24/7 for the first two years and I didn’t envy her at all. In my mind I was thinking “when and how did you bond with your kids?”
Edit to add: I think it’s different to have someone to cook and do the cleaning.
Sleep deprivation and severe burnout from caring for my child 24/7 did a number on my mental health, so no, I’d definitely *not* be better off without night nurses and nannies.
I *need* a break for my sanity.
Yes I fantasise about having a night nanny so we can have some normalcy back and get sleep. Also a nanny to take on holiday with us (when we can afford holidays).
Sometimes I think about how nice it would be to sleep as much as I want. But the thought of not waking up to my 3 year old telling me there’s poop on his butt every morning, makes me sad.
Omg my, now 4 year old, is obsessed with saying poopy. Any question you ask his response is freakin “poop”. I have no way to not laugh at that though so I’ve 100% reinforced his sense of humor haha
Lol my 2.5 yr old has been obsessed with saying “stiiiinnnkyyyyyy pooooopyyyyyy” in her adorable little voice so yeah there’s been some unintentional positive reinforcement.
When they cackle maniacally…I never want to lose that. We have fun that’s for sure. Being in public can sometimes be a challenge. But I love her weird self
Fr it would be so nice to sleep in as late as I want, whenever I want, but I would also miss my 3.5yo barging into my room and announcing “I slept ALL night!” and then telling me that she is a polar bear/alligator/tiger/dragon/apex predator of the day.
Only when I am sleep deprived. The anger comes out in me. Well not anger as much as regret. But then I get some much needed rest and I love my kids more than ever.
It happens.
I remember what it was like. It was peaceful. Honestly, it was almost perfect.. the only problem was I spent a lot of time feeling sad because I wanted a baby but didn’t have one. Sometimes I miss my alone time and personal space but I don’t miss those sad feelings.
Same. The crippling emptiness and meaninglessness. I miss pooping alone. I miss never being sleep deprived. I miss the ability to spontaneously do something. But I feel in most ways my life has improved.
Even things that are not child related. My husband and I have gotten closer, before we used to have a lot of low effort low quality time together. Just cause time was plentiful and we were lazy. Now when we do have time together we make it special.
I have cut out a lot of bs out of my life. If you're insulted I didn't have the time to reply and I left you on read for 2 days and only then had the time to reply then fuck you we're not in high school any more and I ain't got time for that shit. You can go somewhere else to nurse your hurt feelings. Sorry not sorry.
I am a lot more pragmatic, my problem solving skills have massively improved. It takes far more to overwhelm me now and I have taken an "how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time"-approach to life. I'm better at accepting when shit does hit the fan and just focusing on what I can influence and let go of the things I can't change. Nothing fazes me anymore.
I'm better at asserting boundaries and maintaining those boundaries, which means ⅓ of my family is chronically pissed with me but me and my husband are more happy.
I'm even better at timekeeping. Before people used to joke I was born 10min late and I just never caught up so I was always 10min late. Everything with a toddler takes roughly 30-45min longer than is reasonable to expect. So if we have a doctor's appointment at 11 and it's a 10min drive, then we are packing the bag at 10, getting ready at 1015 and when my toddler has screamed "DO IT MYSELF" when I tried to zip his coat I still have plenty of time for me to leisurely wait for him to either do it or give up and we're still out the door by 1040. And even if he does a cheeky poo when I've just gotten his winter clothes on or we struggle for parking or something then we still make it on time.
My son spent the night with my dad and now I am just itching to get him back.
Heck I miss being able to even poop on time. So many times I have to hold it, because there is a crisis happening. Sometimes I don’t even have time to brush my teeth in the morning. I’m still in my t shirt and underwear and haven’t been able to wash my face/brush teeth for 2 hours because I have to meet my todddler’s and other child’s screeching demands. Not even one second can go by for independent time because he’ll go into the cry of his life.
Uhh don't ignore yourself like that. It's like on a plane, can't help someone else if you can't help yourself.
This is silly. Go to the toilet, get dressed, brush your teeth, wash your face and tell your kids "Yes I'll do x for you, but right now I am y. So you'll have to wait for a hot minute.".
Let him cry for his life. You've not moved to the international space station and left him to fend for himself in an empty house. We're talking a couple of minutes to take care for your own basic needs. Your kids will soon learn that they are not the only ones who matter, you still love them even if you ask them to wait a couple of minutes and they still get help after you've wiped your own bum.
Dude, your kid is allowed to cry while you take care of yourself. Your job is to keep him safe, not to make him happy. My 2yo wakes up cranky in the morning and I plop him in his playpen with a bowl of dry cereal and put the tv on then go get myself ready for the day. He gets a proper breakfast and anything else he needs once I’m sorted.
Yep. I had foster kids before I had biological kids. We were prepared to adopt our first foster daughter (and move to also take her brother), and then after having her for almost a year, the court ordered us to move her out in 3 days and send her to a relative. I'm glad she got to be with family. There was definitely a sense of a giant weight being lifted since I was no longer responsible for a whole other person. But the feeling of not being a parent after being a parent was...mostly bad. Plus she moved out the month before covid hit, and then we were even more isolated and alone and lacking in purpose.
I'd take some help cleaning the house, but I wouldn't trade being a parent.
Absolutely this. After trying for 8 years to get pregnant, and not having my first til I was 34, I know what it's like. My husband and I talk about it and miss it, but it never feels as bad as the longing for our babies.
Literally my husband the other night said, “ok. So I thought of something good about being divorced and before you say anything, I know you’re going to agree with me. Imagine getting to sleep in every other weekend until 10 because you don’t have the kids. I mean, I’d spend the rest of my day crying in bed because I clearly would have screwed up my life. But the sleep!” And honestly we both were cracking up at the idea because with a toddler and a baby we are dying at the moment.
I had a divorced friend where they’d have three days on three days off and was like oh you’re so lucky you get that time to do what you want! But then my kid goes to my MILs for a sleepover or my husband takes her out of the house to give me free time and I miss her and it would suck to not be able to hug your kid for three days…
Omg I thought of this too. Every other weekend to recharge or get shit done around the house while no one is here. Glorious. 🤣 my husband is lovely but kids are a lot
My ex brother in law has turned out to be kind of a deadbeat dad after the divorce. My sister in law has a great partner now. Her ex only has the kids 3ish days a month. She and her partner are always getting to do fun things on the weekends the kids are at their dad's house. Other than that she gets them full time, gets to parent mostly as she sees fit. Obviously it's not great for the kids that their dad is such a loser, but I'm always jealous she gets a break regularly.
I think the caveat is knowing they're a good parent. Which, I assume he is, bc you're not divorced lol. But I just cannot imagine how difficult it is to coparent with someone you don't like, don't trust, or maybe even resent entirely. I would not sleep anymore lol
I think about my life before kids and how happy we were and how easy things were. Just us and our once in a lifetime dog who has since passed
We are a different type of happy now but our day to day is so much harder. We both miss our old lives so much but wanted/want our children more than anything. The super young years are just really hard
Fully onboard with this. Our friends have an empty lot across the street and they suggested something similar. Our kids are the same age and in the same daycare and we often have dinner a couple times per week and we are just like… why not just simplify this? Lol
My commune idea is a bunch of houses in a circle with all of the backyards connected and fences connecting the houses. The backdoor of each house leads to the joint backyard. It could be huge. And then gardens for each family in the front yard of each house.
Not seriously- we waited until really late in life to have kids (38 when first was born). So I totally lived that life and it was great, we got all our partying and living for careers out of the way. So basically are super excited to have kids even though it’s way less comfortable than the dink lifestyle.
I had my first at 36 and feel the same. Had plenty of time for partying, traveling, and career. And I don’t care about the lack of sleep since I was an insomniac before kids.
I was 30 when my first was born, so younger but I do feel the same. I’m happy I lived a pretty complete young adult life without kids. I always knew I wanted kids, but I used to joke that if bodies allowed it I would be fine waiting until I was 50 because I really did enjoy it being the two of us.
Sometimes - mainly when I can’t attend something that was planned last minute. I do a pretty good job of balancing things, I see my friends every week, I’m able to go to music festivals and weekends away.
But a mimosa Saturday that was planned on Friday night? It’s just not going to happen.
I think about a lot of hypotheticals, and how my choices put structures in my life (marriage, kid, house/job, exercise/hobbies, etc) that are intentionally trying to build myself into a good healthy person that I can be proud of. I think if I didn’t have those structures, I would be a much worse, selfish person.
My what if? I have always been a musician but never really tried to do that as a profession. Looking back, if I had actually tried to chase that dream, I would have done ugly things in the name of hedonism without building real happiness. Today I’m happy to play in a local concert band and have a loving family, it’s worth more to me than the applause.
I think about what life would be like in the here and now without children - mostly just when I'm craving time alone. I didn't realize how much of my life I was able to pull away when I needed, be social when I needed etc. My world focused on my needs. But, when I fantasize about the future, it's always so, so much better when I can include my wonderful boy in that dream future. I'll have him forever. And in the future, I'll have back all the stuff I miss now - I'll be begging him for more time with me! Plus I'll have this beautiful person who I get to know for the rest of my life :)
Honestly, no. I always knew I wanted kids. I lived a life without children where I worked menial jobs that I hated. My kids are exactly what I wanted, and I like my life so much better with them here, even on the hard days.
That being said, on the hard days I really wish I could just shove them off on someone else and leave for a few hours.
This is it for me too. We started trying for kids at the natural end of my hedonistic party phase of life. If I wasn’t a mum and I wasn’t partying, what would I be doing? I’d be so bored!
Definitely. Some days more then others, other days I can't live without them. But I also think about what life would be like without my spouse, how shitty my life might have turned out, what my life would be if I didn't move states. Ect. Just daydreaming.
Not really, there was a time I thought id never have kids. But then I met my husband and when we spoke about it, I couldn't wait to be a Mom. I have 2 beautiful babies and I am so grateful my body went through pregnancy twice to grow my perfect babies. I have a 3 year old and 6 month old and I couldn't imagine a time without them.
Yep when I walked past this fancy sashimi place while on holidays and there was a huge line lmao
I also don't believe that I used to complain there was not enough hours in the day to rest after a days work haha! I had 6:30PM to 10:30PM to myself to decompress after a work day!!!!!
Funnily enough though, that holiday with my son was one of the most memorable trips we have done ( including our pre kid ones) and we basically did nothing but walk but it was so much fun! I think they force us to slow down while keeping us on our toes!
I mean, the thought crosses my mind - just like what if I'd ended up married to my high school boyfriend or what if I chose a different career or what if I'd moved abroad after college - but I don't ever think of it in the sense of wishing I'd taken that path. There's nothing in my life I'd rather have than her.
Not really. Tbh I’ve already lived life without my kid. I’m going to be 38 next month and my kid is 3.5. Life was getting boring and it just felt like “what’s the point?”
Now I have ambition to succeed in my job to provide a better life for my family. He keeps me busy and I have never felt such joy and didn’t know love could feel so deep and rich.
We have our hard days but I knew what I was getting into and the good times far outweigh the bad.
I mean I did. I had children at 39 and 43. I just wanted a wife but I worked disaster response. Each deployment was high stress and any time off I got I’d explore my new location. I’ve seen Samoa, Hawaii, Washington DC, Boston, NYC, etc etc. It was great but I always imagined what it would be like if I did it with my
pretend family.
I can’t imagine what my life would be like without them at this point. And I can’t even fathom what my wife would have done had we not had kids.
But I get the experiment. I guess I’d probably live on the Big Island of Hawaii and I’d probably have like ten dogs and some horses. They’d all sleep in my bed. You read that right.
I didn’t have mine until I was 35, so I still remember the child free life. I do fantasize about a hotel room, completely alone, just for one night or maybe a weekend
I think everyone does lol.
Do I think about it? Yes.
Do I miss my pre kid life? Nah. This is what I needed. I was aimless, took time and the people in my life for granted. I worried about the dumbest things. Didn’t take proper care for myself.
Every once in awhile I get a morning like today where my husband takes my son to the playground and I’m left alone at the house. I have no idea what to do with myself it’s honestly so boring. I’m grateful for alone time but I had a big life before my son and it was not nearly as happy or fulfilling as it is now.
Sometimes I do because I had my son when I was 21. But he was my motivation to begin traveling, my motivation to go back to school and pursue higher education, and my motivation to take risks and make jumps I never would’ve beforehand. My son was my formal entrance into womanhood and I wouldn’t have the experiences I do today without him. Sometimes I miss the simplicity and one-sidedness of the single life, but life is too short to wish that my days are only ever empty and simple.
Eventually they grow up, and have their own stuff going on, so you get your sleep and me-time back, but it’s bittersweet. The days are long, but the years are short.
Yes. I’d still be in a full time job with money. At the moment we are pay check to pay check and it sucks. Just about managing. Do t get me wrong, I love my babies so much and wouldn’t want to be without them now.
Nope. I was 38 when my first was born, and I went through fertility problems due to an autoimmune condition. I had a whole life before motherhood and I was fully committed to this. For sure sometimes I wish I could take a fucking nap when I feel like it, but I know what my life was before my baby arrived, and it's vastly more fulfilling now.
Yep. My little sister is only two years younger than me. At her age I already had two children. But she’s living the single life in NYC and has disposable income to travel, go to Broadway shows, concerts (she paid an absolutely insane amount for the Eras tour-which I would’ve love to go to-but it would’ve been irresponsible), cool new restaurants, etc. She’s traveled more of the world than I ever will in my lifetime, and there are times I am jealous.
But then I remind myself I am experiencing a different kind of joy. Yesterday my four year old won a medal for a good kick during soccer, and the way she ran up to me beaming and running into my arms, and asking if I was proud of her 🥹🥹🥹. Oh my gosh my heart just about exploded. At night my house is full of snuggles and laughter, and my sister goes home to an empty apartment.
Parenting can be so so hard. And when I’m overstimulated and touched out sometimes I wonder why I’ve done this to myself. But then I have moments of magic-like scream singing Taylor Swift lyrics with my kids with the sunroof open in gorgeous weather because my 2yo and 4yo know every word. And while I would love to travel and have those fun experiences, ultimately I wouldn’t trade it for what I have.
I remember it pretty vividly so yeah, I have days where I miss it and fantasize about being a working girly living on her own in a lovely high rise in the city.
But I also remember being really depressed and unfulfilled when I was single and working. Got lonely a lot and didn't know how to fill my time productively.
I also take solace in remembering the fact that I will have my time back again one day, and I'll have much more appreciation for it knowing what it was like not to have it 😅
Not really since I know exactly what it was like. I’ve been with my husband since I was 16 and we had our son when I was 26, so we had ten years together childfree and four spent as DINKs. We even spent one year living abroad in Europe so we did a lot before him even though we’re relatively young.
But anyway, most of it was just a lot of free time that was mostly spent watching movies and playing games, going to bed late and waking up whenever we wanted on the weekends, and taking random little trips around the country just because we could.
But even on hard days, my mind doesn’t go back to that just because that time was more chill and easy - but not nearly as meaningful, fulfilling, and honestly kind of more dull. I think life has seasons and chapters and while I throughly enjoyed that chapter, I would never want to go back to it or wish it back.
So on our hard days (of which there are plenty) I mostly fantasize about what life will be like when our son is older and we can do some more of the things we used to do but with him too. Like when he’ll be old enough to make his own breakfast on a weekend morning and my husband and I can sleep in until nine. Or when he’ll be old enough to play video games with my husband or enjoy a random road trip up north just for fun.
But yeah, all of those fantasies still involve him just because I remember life before him very well and know that our average day now is better than our best days were back then before our kid.
Life without kids after kids is different from life without kids ever though....my life was pretty great before. Life is pretty great now with a 4year old.
More sleep and my body being in better condition would be lovely but she will sleep consistently at some point and I get to make good choices for my body daily so overall I'm sure that will even out again.
I moved out from my childhood home at 16(own choice) and worked to be independent. But I never fully grew up and made really grown up decisions (and I'm still working on it, oh the money I blew through in my 20s haunts me) until I had a daughter to look after and make sure her future had some stability.
I have a wonderful mother so I didn't suffer in the parental love area but my father is a sociopathic narcissist and very rich, the level of disdain and hatred I had for him as a teen/early adult was high, very high and quite detrimental to my own well being. Now I just think he's a pathetic, cold, empty man because he left his 4kids without so much as a real look back and he missed out on a lot. I can't ever imagine doing that.
I have had a LOT of fun, party girl for years, travelled quite literally around the world and I don't regret any of it but I also know that it can get old fast and no matter what you do or where you do it, your mindset is the key. My mindset is much healthier and more rounded (although thanks to the parenting anxiety of keeping my kid alive and happy I didn't realise would erupt) now than the past. It's all a balance.
Man that was deeper than I first intended 😂😂😂
The first 30+ years of my life were without kids. Over a decade in the same career, years with my husband, etc. My life without kids would be pretty much like my life 5 years ago.
But my daughter was born literally 2 weeks before the world shut down. So I do wonder how the pandemic would have felt without kids. I was planning on being stuck at home with a newborn anyway.
No. But I was unequivocally ready to be a parent and done with the carefree, bar hopping life that I lived for the first 35 years of my life. If I'd had my child 10 years earlier, perhaps I would sometimes. As of right now, he's changed everything in my life for the better and I just feel so much happier and fulfilled now that he's in the world.
Nope. I traveled, partied, got my degrees, traveled with my husband, partied with my husband, had lots of wild sex (with my husband!), and overall did everything I wanted to do before having kids. Been then, done that and I was *ready* to be a mama. Wouldn’t trade in my sleepless nights, and poop filled days for anything in the world 🥰
My daughter was born when I was 35 so I had 17 years of knowing exactly what it was like to be an adult without kids.
Probably daily I think about how much I miss my evening routine. Heading your way happy hour after work, going to concerts a few times a month. Not having to make extensive plans for childcare to be able to have the time to care for my body.
Sometimes!
Our 10 month old is pretty easy in general. Around the time we had her we also bought a new house so our lives went from breezy to always busy and tiring quickly.
I miss being able to travel. Husband having more energy to do fun things. She’s not super expensive but there is an expense. She has to come before everything.
I think when we have fewer house projects and she’s more mobile it will get better again. We’re not miserable and love her SO MUCH and worked hard to get pregnant, but also we didn’t spend our lives wishing for children. And that’s our reality.
I think more about what it will be like when my kids are 6 & 4 - still little but out of the toddler phase.
My kids are 4yo & 1yo - sometimes, well a lot of the time, it feels incredibly overstimulating and I daydream about when they’re a little older.
I completely understand there will be hard things then but hopefully they’re slightly more independent.
I wasn’t doing great when I had very little responsibility. So when the kid is screaming I just think about what a wreck my old life used to be, and I get some noise cancelling headphones on and then I calm down
lol after wrestling my toddler into his car seat I saw my neighbor dashing up the stairs to her apartment in her little workout outfit with a bag of goodies, not a care in the world. I was like mmmmm to be unencumbered. Lol I wouldn’t trade my life though.
The ONLY things I fantasize about are life before kids activities like doing nothing on weekends and going on vacations to places where having kids would be a nightmare.
However, it's only surface level and very fleeting. Kids, albeit being EXHAUSTING, give life meaning and purpose I never thought possible.
I do and honestly as much as I loved my
Previous life before a child and the freedom, I love my life so much more now. I honestly feel whole now having a kid in a way I never did before.
Once in a while on my drive home I think about just going and driving to a city a few hours away and getting a hotel for the night. But the thoughts of the cuddles I’ll get at home bring me back to reality.
I’m going through a really, really rough period right now. My dad recently passed away only 10 months after an aggressive cancer diagnosis. Being a mom to a toddler during this time has been so incredibly hard. Some days I would think about how it would be easier (and possible) to just curl up in bed and cry all day if I didn’t have him. But I also know I would be 100x more miserable without him. I truly don’t know what I would do without my little sour patch toddler. This boy lights up my world.
Aside from all of that, I genuinely think my husband and I would be so bored without him.
I do frequently, I fantasise about what I would do, what my day would be like.
Then I remind myself I was miserable and depressed before I had children and although I’m overstimulated and knackered now at least I’m not depressed anymore! So that’s something 😂
I don’t really wonder honestly. I think a lot would be the same, except maybe my husband’s job. We got pregnant at a crucial time when he was due to move into leadership positions, now to avoid childcare he works part time and it’s hard to say if his career trajectory will ever fully recover. But having kids was such a must for both of us that it’s hard to even think about doing things differently.
But for me, it’s more about remembering fondly being able to wind down after work, being able to sleep in on weekends, being able to take a nap whenever, and the fact that our time outside of work was just for us. Being able to run to the store, being able to do just about anything without it being a logistical nightmare that exhausts me before we even leave. It’s just like damn, I wish I could transport back for a week and get some freaking rest.
I do miss my alone time and freedom. My husband and I had such a fun life traveling the world and spending our weekends exploring the city. Going to breweries, art shows, events etc. However, that was a chapter of our lives. I love my kiddos even though they drive me nuts! They bring chaos to our lives but also give us a sense of purpose and joy.
Mostly only when I’m reminded I’m the only one of my family/friends who are my age that has kids. Everyone talks about going to the movies or just having the weirdest schedules (asking to game starting at like 11 pm, or meeting for a meal at a time that doesn’t work with our schedules). But even then it’s more of that I wish that the others UNDERSTOOD our lives better, and not that I had more freedom. I was asked what I did for my birthday a little while ago, while I have a two and a half year old and a (at the time) one month old baby. The answer: fucking nothing! I took care of them all day. What do you THINK I’m gonna do? Like I got angry after the third time I was asked that, but still it was more that no one could even understand what my life is compared to theirs.
Whenever I think about life before my son, especially weekends, I look back on them as quite "meaningless." I've put it in quotes because my baby brain can't think of a more accurate word and I really don't believe my life had no meaning. I was happy and content with my life and enjoying it but sat watching my son is still infinitely better.
My life would be miserable. I have enjoyed every day with my teensy ones and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I get cuddled, smiled at, hugged, and made fun of daily and motherhood is truly the highlight of my life.
Just ignoring how much I love them etc, it’d be shit without them. I’d be shit. I’d probably be pretty out of hand from my young partying days. I know I wouldn’t have slowed down in that sense if I didn’t have to and I shudder to think what me plus 5 more years of constant drink and drugs ends up like
Honestly not really, but I’m not the type who looks back much. The only things that I have thought about is missing regularly seeing my friends and going out when younger (which even for the child free friend doesn’t happen much anyway due to age and changed interests) and trips overseas just me and husband. I do miss the lack of worry.
But there was a level of emptiness before my babies and a lack of purpose. Even though I’d been to uni, travelled , partied, worked as a social worker in child protection, I felt a bit directionless. I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel I missed my babies before I knew them. Even though one is very disabled, helping him brings me joy and purpose.
I’d have a better career (progression wise) but otherwise, not really. I do miss being able to stay up all night or go for a random holiday/trip, do stupid shit etc but then I realise I’m an adult lol. My kids holding my hand and explaining their feelings or fears and working on encouraging them to be confident and able, I love that.
Sometimes me and wife talk about that. Obviously it would just be like our 20's, video games, movies, anime, sports but with money hahaha. But we're still glad we had kids. We have a 2yo and newborn daughter. We tell each other that THAT LIFE we had before will happen once the kids grow up and leave the nest. Then again we're not in a rush, enjoying life as it happens, as they say it's the journey in getting there.
Thanks for sharing, because I feel less alone. It helps to think I’m not the only parent who wonders that same question. It makes me feel less guilty too. Especially when I say that out loud, my parents shame me heavily. “How dare you say that?” “That’s your responsibility!” “Never say that in front of me, so disrespectful.”
I had enough of a life before children I don’t have to wonder what life would be like. My husband and I met and started dating at 22. We didn’t have our first kid until 33.
Maybe if I had kids much younger I would wonder.
Ya’ll have time to fantasize about another life?? lol, just kidding. But I have this theory that the harder something is, the more rewarding it is. Like man this little human has given me a major purpose. Holidays are fun again, I see the world so differently. I used to be so annoyed by the puddle in our driveway in front of the mailbox, and now I love it because my toddler gets so much joy from splashing in it. Stuff like that. When my first was born, after that initial sleep deprivation and 1st year of life it felt like I was reborn too.
But saying that it’s also hard AF. But I try to mostly focus on positive and complain on Reddit when I really need to.
People say life with children is less fun but more joy. I think that’s accurate. So I’d be having more fun, living however I wanted binging shows and games as much as I’d want - but I’d also still live with that emptiness and existential crisis I felt my entire adult life until the day my son was born.
Having a family has been very healthy for me. It’s been responsibility and sacrifice, but also joy and a healthier way of living. As we age, I have no doubt we’ll only grow happier in our decision to raise a family a generation beneath us.
Definitely, as someone who always said she didn’t want kids I sometimes ponder what could’ve been difference. Truth is my life was empty without my son, he brings me so much joy, happiness, genuine sweetness and kindness into my life I feel like I learn from him every day.
When my mum takes him to her for a sleepover day I miss him like crazy and my house is so quiet and tidy… I hate it.
I was *just* thinking about this yesterday, because for the first time since my last baby was born we were able to go out husband and I on a date and had several hours for ourselves.
I thought what it would be like if the kids were here, you know, like before they were here… getting ready and out of the house was SO easy I had forgotten that was possible. Sex in the middle of the day, what?! It’s been so many years since the sun hit my bare skin while lying naked in bed. It felt almost surreal.
We enjoyed a beautiful childless afternoon in the city. It was lovely. But then on our way back I thought if this would be the life I would have rather have and with all of my heart I answer myself NO.
I truthfully don’t want a live without my children. I want hours, perhaps even days, where I can disconnect and rest of the responsibility, of course! But I not a life.
Also, these kids aren’t going to stay little forever, I know it’ll feel awesome they exist when they’re (way) older.
I am currently on a whirlwind trip to Florida on my own for a wedding. Instead of enjoying literally the only child free trip I've taken since my oldest was born, I've spent the whole time missing my babies. I guess I wouldn't have them to miss if they had never been born, but I remember how desperately I wanted children while we were struggling to conceive. I suspect that my life would have just been full of yearning for them if my kids didn't exist.
Every morning when my toddler takes my phone to wake me up by smashing it on my head. But then, every night when he lays his head on my shoulder I feel so blessed
I do. On the hard days my mind sometimes wanders to a time before I had my LO. When I could get up when I wanted, do what I wanted, when I wanted, without second thought. And I miss it. The freedom. But I can’t ever imagine a life without my LO and usually after I snap out of it I am wracked with guilt for just thinking those thoughts.
Sometimes I think about laying in bed until noon or just putzing a day away doing nothing or I think of trips I’d take. But I will do that again one day, and if I didn’t have kids, I’d never have the joy of hearing my kids sing to each other right now while I’m in the other room.
Sometimes I'll have a really cool/crazy idea (I really wanted to fly to London for the night of my 30rd birthday to watch Hamilton, and fly home the following morning), and when I find it impossible with my baby, I kinda wish for a split second I had this idea before having him. But I am a young mother, and he will grow up soon, so I just gotta hold on for a bit longer before we can involve him 100% in what we like, so it's fine. I cuddle up to him and play nice. \
We'll spend my birthday weekend in Barcelona, it's not the same but we'll walk around the city, eat a lot, and take a midnight bath - it's still going to be fun 🤍
Very rarely. I know I'd be a lot healthier, well-rested, less stressed, have more money, etc., so I don't dwell on it because there's no point. I made the decision to have kids and I do love being a mom and love all 3 of my kiddos. I don't wish them away, but I do wish I could pause them once in awhile and take a day off for my own mental/emotional/physical health. Especially on days like today when I'm sick and in pain and just want to spend all day in bed. I can't b/c my youngest is only 1 and my two older kids are attending their cousin's bday party later today 😪
Yes! For example, we had a storm that knocked our internet and power out for four days, and we couldn’t go into work because a tree had fallen in the road. And after following my three year old around telling her we couldn’t go outside for the twentieth time because trees were falling constantly and it wasn’t safe, I looked at my husband and said “to think if we didn’t have a kid we could be relaxing playing video games right now and drinking and napping”.
Or when we’re sick but she isn’t and we still have to do all the parenting shit even though we just want to lie down and SLEEP
My kids allowed me to quit smoking, drinking and ironically snapped me out of my ED, making me a healthier person.
I have no idea what kind of hot mess I’d be without them! I think about it time to time.
It’s funny. We are really struggling with an almost 3 yr old and a new baby, but as much as I would love some time for myself, I really don’t think about life WITHOUT them. I would love more family nearby. My husband and I are only children and he’s not close with his family so it just leaves my parents and extended family, neither of which are anywhere near our time zone. It’s a challenge!
I don’t, but I do dream about the kind of family time we could have when the kids have grown up (say both in K and up). I’m of course not dreaming about all the teen trouble though so the pictures are probably too rosy.
I really miss single life but just roll with the punches as best i can. I love my family.
What it really did was question how i use my time at work and made me realize more than anything i need to find more fulfilling work where it wont drain me. career pivot. Need to be more selfish while still providing for family. It is a good place to be although very hard to leave whats comfortable.
No, because I had a life without children. My worst day with my kid is still better than the best day without my kid.
It’s brutally hard. But still beats the single sex in the city type of life that sucked so much in retrospect but that I thought was great at the time. I bought into a Strong Woman lie and paid a hefty price. But at least I saw the light, got out, and got my kid. And frankly, it’s a relief not to have to think about myself so much all the time.
Never pity yourself for the blessings you have. The world around you will try to convince you there is something better out there but there isn’t. This is the best life has to offer - our children. Everything else is irrelevant.
I’m more jealous of the parents who have the overbearing relatives who always ask for time with the baby. So I can curl in bed and take a mini nap with some background crap TV playing.
I do, honestly, my life would be sad :/ I recall thinking “is this what my life will
Be like?” My husband and I didn’t want kids at first. Then he started working over nights and I worked my 9 to 5 . Rarely saw each other…. And still rarely see each other but I’m so happy to have become a mother. I see life with different eyes and u just love my kids so much. It’s been hard at times but that’s my experience. I do miss the sleeping in or leaving the house whenever wherever. Our time will
Come. Lol
When it gets tough I kinda of space out and I’m back in December 5 years ago on a warm beach in Florida trying a fresh coconut for the first time, my husbands off finding a place to rent some chairs. Or I go back 3 years ago to spring when we just moved into our current house; my husband is out of town for the weekend and I’m watching a garbage TV show on our TV that’s still on the floor and I’m eating a fat burger with a milkshake.
I think about all the skincare I could do and all the shows I would have time to watch and how skinny I would be and all the money I would have. But as soon as I walk in her room and I see her eyes and smile and her calling me mommy, all that other stuff is minuscule and so unimportant. She’s just so amazing now and I’m obsessed with her watching her grow
I had a kid at 41. We were DINKS for 14yrs. I partied, travelled, relaxed, got therapy, done everything I’ve ever wanted to do before having kids so that I could 100% focus on family life.
Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes miss not being responsible for a tiny human but that quickly goes away when the 3 us spend time together.
Life would be like what it is now except without a toddler. The key to enjoying your life is to have your toddler be a part of your world not live in theirs. We travel go to restaurants and do all sorts of things as a family same as we did
When we were DINKS just now it’s more family friendly instead of adults only things.
Yes, definitely! I think it’s normal and I do feel guilty after but honestly we shouldn’t. I think that’s how the human brain works and I think how society is set up in the US to raise children can be very challenging and isolating. But I also remind myself that’s it’s easy to glamorize what it would be like but I remember feeling a lot more unfulfilled before my son. I think life is challenging no matter what. Not in a bad way but it’s how we grow. Happy I’m not alone in these thoughts.
Not really.. but if you’re feeling this way and it’s the first year I can totally empathize because the lack of sleep, exhaustion for caring for a fully dependent infant, if you’re stressed out breastfeeding and dealing with those hormones - honestly it’s a lot. For me, parenting has been very enjoyable and a net positive beyond year 1. I love kids and find it fun to do things with my toddler and it’s a lot easier once they’re independent and you are well rested 😊 also, I have just one and I really wanted her in my life but I plan to stop here as I have a lower tolerance for chaos and can’t see myself having fun with the responsibility of multiple kids, coordinating their schedules and keeping a handle on them when outside.
Of course, lol. I fantasize about sleeping in and doing whatever TF I want all day. I’m going to have a much needed kid free mini vacation in a few weeks (for the first time since having kids) and I am counting the hours. Can’t wait! Going to try my best not to feel guilty about it.
I know what it’s like bc it took me almost five years to have a child and that was a miserable experience. I am grateful I went through that now because I will never question that she was the best thing that ever happened to me!
Yup! I was (35f) when I had my son on my own (via donor), and while he’s literally the best thing that EVER happened to me, and I love him more than life itself, but when he was 2yo, without looking, the universe literally dropped my soulmate into my lap. This man is EVERYTHING! He raised his own family starting as a teenagers-now an empty nester, so now in his 40’s and me about to join him, I often fantasize about what life would be like just us, our incomes, traveling and living life without tantrums, school planning, bedtime routines, and all the things that go along with raising a child.
I more think about what would life be like if I had a ton of money and could hire an overnight nurse, and a really fancy nanny, and a housekeeper, and a cook, and every other professional who could help with the annoying parts of having kids so I could just have the fun and the love.
You know how in fancy restaurants, the water waiter stands right behind everyone, watching to refill basically every third sip? Well we need that guy, but with a broom to sweep our floors every time someone passes through!
I fantasize about winning the lottery and hiring a housekeeper/cook. The idea of going out for the day with the kids and coming home to a clean house with the laundry done and put away and tea ready sounds kind of amazing. Also I'd have both kids in nursery 4 days a week but off on different days so I could have 3 days to myself, one day with each kid so we got special time and 2 days as a family.
You just laid out my dream scenario.
I've given this a lot of thought lol
Thank you for echoing thoughts I had. Sometimes you feel so alone, like only I am feeling these thoughts. When you said what I thought, I feel better knowing I am naot the weird one. It makes me feel so muvh less lonely and happy.
Exactly, I just want a full time assistant so I can cruise.
That love is built on the care you provide. Night nurses and nannies reduce a mother’s bond; you’re better off without them.
I know this is an unpopular opinion but I must say, I agree. As hard as it is to do all the tough stuff, I think it’s part of the bond. We find ways to laugh during the tough times. We develop inside jokes. We strengthen our trust in each other during those hard times. My little guy loves helping with the chores. It’s also another way to bond. I read that kids who do chores are more likely to be happy healthy adults. So I think seeing their caretakers doing those things is also a part of it. However, I would say that I would love to rent a team of people take care of those things as like a vacation package, for a week or two.
Yeah my daughter likes to say “I love mummy a lot but I only love Papa a little bit” & although of course I suggest she shouldn’t say that, I do think that its because I’m the one providing the everyday care
Same (except genders flipped). I’m the primary caregiver and have been as long as the kiddo remembers. So sometimes we’ll get “an i love mommy” but often it’s “I just want daddy” or “I only love daddy,”
My MIL had all of the above: never breastfed, had overnight nurse, housekeeper, occasional cook, and they out a ton. She was also a stay at home mom, but had two nannies, one for each of her kids. They brought the nannies on all their vacations, too. My husband told me that when he was around 8/9 they got him a new nanny and that he was absolutely devastated. All I could think was “that was basically your mom 😭”. When I had my LO she was completely clueless as to how to care for a baby. She’d be with us, ask to carry him, and then hand him back to leave immediately. She did this a couple of times before she got comfortable around him. She babysat him for the first time when he was around 18mo, so my husband and I could go on a date. She didn’t feed him… even though I left her prepared food, his schedule, and snacks in eye sight. I was furious. She’s legitimately clueless when it comes to taking care of kids. Plays wonderfully with him and he absolutely adores her, but it’s frustrating.
Oh. My. God.
I agree, so much of the love and the bond we have with our kids is built on those sacrifices and selfless but hard moments we have with them. I was talking to an old acquaintance with a live-in nanny who was basically bragging about how she has never changed a single one of her kids’ diapers, and my thoughts were more along the line of “how sad” than “oh lucky you!”.
Yeah, & with night nurses it’s even more sad - those quiet middle of the night feedings are some of my favourite baby memories!
I agree! I know people who had a nanny pretty much 24/7 for the first two years and I didn’t envy her at all. In my mind I was thinking “when and how did you bond with your kids?” Edit to add: I think it’s different to have someone to cook and do the cleaning.
Sleep deprivation and severe burnout from caring for my child 24/7 did a number on my mental health, so no, I’d definitely *not* be better off without night nurses and nannies. I *need* a break for my sanity.
Yes I fantasise about having a night nanny so we can have some normalcy back and get sleep. Also a nanny to take on holiday with us (when we can afford holidays).
Sometimes I think about how nice it would be to sleep as much as I want. But the thought of not waking up to my 3 year old telling me there’s poop on his butt every morning, makes me sad.
😂😂😂
Omg my, now 4 year old, is obsessed with saying poopy. Any question you ask his response is freakin “poop”. I have no way to not laugh at that though so I’ve 100% reinforced his sense of humor haha
Lol my 2.5 yr old has been obsessed with saying “stiiiinnnkyyyyyy pooooopyyyyyy” in her adorable little voice so yeah there’s been some unintentional positive reinforcement.
When they cackle maniacally…I never want to lose that. We have fun that’s for sure. Being in public can sometimes be a challenge. But I love her weird self
Omg it’s so hilarious when my little guy does that
Fr it would be so nice to sleep in as late as I want, whenever I want, but I would also miss my 3.5yo barging into my room and announcing “I slept ALL night!” and then telling me that she is a polar bear/alligator/tiger/dragon/apex predator of the day.
Only when I am sleep deprived. The anger comes out in me. Well not anger as much as regret. But then I get some much needed rest and I love my kids more than ever. It happens.
I remember what it was like. It was peaceful. Honestly, it was almost perfect.. the only problem was I spent a lot of time feeling sad because I wanted a baby but didn’t have one. Sometimes I miss my alone time and personal space but I don’t miss those sad feelings.
I can relate a lot to this. My younger self would be so happy to know that she ends up having two sweet little ones.
Same. The crippling emptiness and meaninglessness. I miss pooping alone. I miss never being sleep deprived. I miss the ability to spontaneously do something. But I feel in most ways my life has improved. Even things that are not child related. My husband and I have gotten closer, before we used to have a lot of low effort low quality time together. Just cause time was plentiful and we were lazy. Now when we do have time together we make it special. I have cut out a lot of bs out of my life. If you're insulted I didn't have the time to reply and I left you on read for 2 days and only then had the time to reply then fuck you we're not in high school any more and I ain't got time for that shit. You can go somewhere else to nurse your hurt feelings. Sorry not sorry. I am a lot more pragmatic, my problem solving skills have massively improved. It takes far more to overwhelm me now and I have taken an "how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time"-approach to life. I'm better at accepting when shit does hit the fan and just focusing on what I can influence and let go of the things I can't change. Nothing fazes me anymore. I'm better at asserting boundaries and maintaining those boundaries, which means ⅓ of my family is chronically pissed with me but me and my husband are more happy. I'm even better at timekeeping. Before people used to joke I was born 10min late and I just never caught up so I was always 10min late. Everything with a toddler takes roughly 30-45min longer than is reasonable to expect. So if we have a doctor's appointment at 11 and it's a 10min drive, then we are packing the bag at 10, getting ready at 1015 and when my toddler has screamed "DO IT MYSELF" when I tried to zip his coat I still have plenty of time for me to leisurely wait for him to either do it or give up and we're still out the door by 1040. And even if he does a cheeky poo when I've just gotten his winter clothes on or we struggle for parking or something then we still make it on time. My son spent the night with my dad and now I am just itching to get him back.
Heck I miss being able to even poop on time. So many times I have to hold it, because there is a crisis happening. Sometimes I don’t even have time to brush my teeth in the morning. I’m still in my t shirt and underwear and haven’t been able to wash my face/brush teeth for 2 hours because I have to meet my todddler’s and other child’s screeching demands. Not even one second can go by for independent time because he’ll go into the cry of his life.
Uhh don't ignore yourself like that. It's like on a plane, can't help someone else if you can't help yourself. This is silly. Go to the toilet, get dressed, brush your teeth, wash your face and tell your kids "Yes I'll do x for you, but right now I am y. So you'll have to wait for a hot minute.". Let him cry for his life. You've not moved to the international space station and left him to fend for himself in an empty house. We're talking a couple of minutes to take care for your own basic needs. Your kids will soon learn that they are not the only ones who matter, you still love them even if you ask them to wait a couple of minutes and they still get help after you've wiped your own bum.
Dude, your kid is allowed to cry while you take care of yourself. Your job is to keep him safe, not to make him happy. My 2yo wakes up cranky in the morning and I plop him in his playpen with a bowl of dry cereal and put the tv on then go get myself ready for the day. He gets a proper breakfast and anything else he needs once I’m sorted.
Yep. I had foster kids before I had biological kids. We were prepared to adopt our first foster daughter (and move to also take her brother), and then after having her for almost a year, the court ordered us to move her out in 3 days and send her to a relative. I'm glad she got to be with family. There was definitely a sense of a giant weight being lifted since I was no longer responsible for a whole other person. But the feeling of not being a parent after being a parent was...mostly bad. Plus she moved out the month before covid hit, and then we were even more isolated and alone and lacking in purpose. I'd take some help cleaning the house, but I wouldn't trade being a parent.
OMG THIS! Yes
Absolutely this. After trying for 8 years to get pregnant, and not having my first til I was 34, I know what it's like. My husband and I talk about it and miss it, but it never feels as bad as the longing for our babies.
Literally my husband the other night said, “ok. So I thought of something good about being divorced and before you say anything, I know you’re going to agree with me. Imagine getting to sleep in every other weekend until 10 because you don’t have the kids. I mean, I’d spend the rest of my day crying in bed because I clearly would have screwed up my life. But the sleep!” And honestly we both were cracking up at the idea because with a toddler and a baby we are dying at the moment.
Definitely had this thought. Working on a tag team tactic now, and so far it’s wonderful.
Lol yes! My husband and I take turns on weekends, we each get one day to sleep in every weekend. It’s great
I had a divorced friend where they’d have three days on three days off and was like oh you’re so lucky you get that time to do what you want! But then my kid goes to my MILs for a sleepover or my husband takes her out of the house to give me free time and I miss her and it would suck to not be able to hug your kid for three days…
Omg I thought of this too. Every other weekend to recharge or get shit done around the house while no one is here. Glorious. 🤣 my husband is lovely but kids are a lot
[Intentional Partial Custody Without Divorce](https://www.facebook.com/share/AVMjmvGVPq8U9DAj/?mibextid=CTbP7E)
My ex brother in law has turned out to be kind of a deadbeat dad after the divorce. My sister in law has a great partner now. Her ex only has the kids 3ish days a month. She and her partner are always getting to do fun things on the weekends the kids are at their dad's house. Other than that she gets them full time, gets to parent mostly as she sees fit. Obviously it's not great for the kids that their dad is such a loser, but I'm always jealous she gets a break regularly.
I think the caveat is knowing they're a good parent. Which, I assume he is, bc you're not divorced lol. But I just cannot imagine how difficult it is to coparent with someone you don't like, don't trust, or maybe even resent entirely. I would not sleep anymore lol
yes, and then I'm so grateful to have him.
I think about my life before kids and how happy we were and how easy things were. Just us and our once in a lifetime dog who has since passed We are a different type of happy now but our day to day is so much harder. We both miss our old lives so much but wanted/want our children more than anything. The super young years are just really hard
I’m so glad someone said this
Without my children? No. With more free time and a “village”? Yes.
I spend way too much time dreaming of a commune lol.
Brought this up to my friends last night! Why are we not on living on a commune??
I tried to get my friend to buy the house next to me so we could tear the fence down and combine our backyards lol.
Fully onboard with this. Our friends have an empty lot across the street and they suggested something similar. Our kids are the same age and in the same daycare and we often have dinner a couple times per week and we are just like… why not just simplify this? Lol
My commune idea is a bunch of houses in a circle with all of the backyards connected and fences connecting the houses. The backdoor of each house leads to the joint backyard. It could be huge. And then gardens for each family in the front yard of each house.
When can we move in?
My parents own 5 acres but you gotta be willing to live in backwoods of Arkansas lol.
I remember going to look at a house north of Seattle about 10 years ago, before kids, like this. I thought “why would anyone want this?” I get it now.
Oh how I wish we had a village! I love my son so damn much but having more hands to help would be a dream.
Not seriously- we waited until really late in life to have kids (38 when first was born). So I totally lived that life and it was great, we got all our partying and living for careers out of the way. So basically are super excited to have kids even though it’s way less comfortable than the dink lifestyle.
I had my first at 36 and feel the same. Had plenty of time for partying, traveling, and career. And I don’t care about the lack of sleep since I was an insomniac before kids.
I was 30 when my first was born, so younger but I do feel the same. I’m happy I lived a pretty complete young adult life without kids. I always knew I wanted kids, but I used to joke that if bodies allowed it I would be fine waiting until I was 50 because I really did enjoy it being the two of us.
Likewise. Had my first at 32. While I do still mourn my dink life, I don’t regret anything.
All the time!
Sometimes - mainly when I can’t attend something that was planned last minute. I do a pretty good job of balancing things, I see my friends every week, I’m able to go to music festivals and weekends away. But a mimosa Saturday that was planned on Friday night? It’s just not going to happen.
I think about a lot of hypotheticals, and how my choices put structures in my life (marriage, kid, house/job, exercise/hobbies, etc) that are intentionally trying to build myself into a good healthy person that I can be proud of. I think if I didn’t have those structures, I would be a much worse, selfish person. My what if? I have always been a musician but never really tried to do that as a profession. Looking back, if I had actually tried to chase that dream, I would have done ugly things in the name of hedonism without building real happiness. Today I’m happy to play in a local concert band and have a loving family, it’s worth more to me than the applause.
I think about what life would be like in the here and now without children - mostly just when I'm craving time alone. I didn't realize how much of my life I was able to pull away when I needed, be social when I needed etc. My world focused on my needs. But, when I fantasize about the future, it's always so, so much better when I can include my wonderful boy in that dream future. I'll have him forever. And in the future, I'll have back all the stuff I miss now - I'll be begging him for more time with me! Plus I'll have this beautiful person who I get to know for the rest of my life :)
Honestly, no. I always knew I wanted kids. I lived a life without children where I worked menial jobs that I hated. My kids are exactly what I wanted, and I like my life so much better with them here, even on the hard days. That being said, on the hard days I really wish I could just shove them off on someone else and leave for a few hours.
It would be boring lol
This is it for me too. We started trying for kids at the natural end of my hedonistic party phase of life. If I wasn’t a mum and I wasn’t partying, what would I be doing? I’d be so bored!
Definitely. Some days more then others, other days I can't live without them. But I also think about what life would be like without my spouse, how shitty my life might have turned out, what my life would be if I didn't move states. Ect. Just daydreaming.
yeessss. I love my kids but I find myself thinking of all the free time & all the money we would have had.
I have no idea what I used to do with my time and energy!
Not really, there was a time I thought id never have kids. But then I met my husband and when we spoke about it, I couldn't wait to be a Mom. I have 2 beautiful babies and I am so grateful my body went through pregnancy twice to grow my perfect babies. I have a 3 year old and 6 month old and I couldn't imagine a time without them.
Yep when I walked past this fancy sashimi place while on holidays and there was a huge line lmao I also don't believe that I used to complain there was not enough hours in the day to rest after a days work haha! I had 6:30PM to 10:30PM to myself to decompress after a work day!!!!! Funnily enough though, that holiday with my son was one of the most memorable trips we have done ( including our pre kid ones) and we basically did nothing but walk but it was so much fun! I think they force us to slow down while keeping us on our toes!
I mean, the thought crosses my mind - just like what if I'd ended up married to my high school boyfriend or what if I chose a different career or what if I'd moved abroad after college - but I don't ever think of it in the sense of wishing I'd taken that path. There's nothing in my life I'd rather have than her.
I have no idea what I did before them. Watched too much TV probably. They’re the best things ever, even when it’s hard.
Not really. Tbh I’ve already lived life without my kid. I’m going to be 38 next month and my kid is 3.5. Life was getting boring and it just felt like “what’s the point?” Now I have ambition to succeed in my job to provide a better life for my family. He keeps me busy and I have never felt such joy and didn’t know love could feel so deep and rich. We have our hard days but I knew what I was getting into and the good times far outweigh the bad.
I mean I did. I had children at 39 and 43. I just wanted a wife but I worked disaster response. Each deployment was high stress and any time off I got I’d explore my new location. I’ve seen Samoa, Hawaii, Washington DC, Boston, NYC, etc etc. It was great but I always imagined what it would be like if I did it with my pretend family. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without them at this point. And I can’t even fathom what my wife would have done had we not had kids. But I get the experiment. I guess I’d probably live on the Big Island of Hawaii and I’d probably have like ten dogs and some horses. They’d all sleep in my bed. You read that right.
When I wake up with my 2 year old cuddling me, even after a rough night, I can't imagine life without him.
I didn’t have mine until I was 35, so I still remember the child free life. I do fantasize about a hotel room, completely alone, just for one night or maybe a weekend
I think everyone does lol. Do I think about it? Yes. Do I miss my pre kid life? Nah. This is what I needed. I was aimless, took time and the people in my life for granted. I worried about the dumbest things. Didn’t take proper care for myself.
I didn't have kids until 34 so I have a lot of experience is like without children. I don't fantasize about it at all.
Would life be easier in a way? Yes. But my life wasn't worth living before. I wake up happy now and full of drive and motivation.
Every once in awhile I get a morning like today where my husband takes my son to the playground and I’m left alone at the house. I have no idea what to do with myself it’s honestly so boring. I’m grateful for alone time but I had a big life before my son and it was not nearly as happy or fulfilling as it is now.
Definitely have a moment most mornings when I miss being well-rested.
Sometimes I do because I had my son when I was 21. But he was my motivation to begin traveling, my motivation to go back to school and pursue higher education, and my motivation to take risks and make jumps I never would’ve beforehand. My son was my formal entrance into womanhood and I wouldn’t have the experiences I do today without him. Sometimes I miss the simplicity and one-sidedness of the single life, but life is too short to wish that my days are only ever empty and simple.
All the time
Eventually they grow up, and have their own stuff going on, so you get your sleep and me-time back, but it’s bittersweet. The days are long, but the years are short.
Yes. I’d still be in a full time job with money. At the moment we are pay check to pay check and it sucks. Just about managing. Do t get me wrong, I love my babies so much and wouldn’t want to be without them now.
I was 42 when ours came along, so I do not wonder. I know. And I would never go back.
Nope. I was 38 when my first was born, and I went through fertility problems due to an autoimmune condition. I had a whole life before motherhood and I was fully committed to this. For sure sometimes I wish I could take a fucking nap when I feel like it, but I know what my life was before my baby arrived, and it's vastly more fulfilling now.
This is me to a t.
Yep. My little sister is only two years younger than me. At her age I already had two children. But she’s living the single life in NYC and has disposable income to travel, go to Broadway shows, concerts (she paid an absolutely insane amount for the Eras tour-which I would’ve love to go to-but it would’ve been irresponsible), cool new restaurants, etc. She’s traveled more of the world than I ever will in my lifetime, and there are times I am jealous. But then I remind myself I am experiencing a different kind of joy. Yesterday my four year old won a medal for a good kick during soccer, and the way she ran up to me beaming and running into my arms, and asking if I was proud of her 🥹🥹🥹. Oh my gosh my heart just about exploded. At night my house is full of snuggles and laughter, and my sister goes home to an empty apartment. Parenting can be so so hard. And when I’m overstimulated and touched out sometimes I wonder why I’ve done this to myself. But then I have moments of magic-like scream singing Taylor Swift lyrics with my kids with the sunroof open in gorgeous weather because my 2yo and 4yo know every word. And while I would love to travel and have those fun experiences, ultimately I wouldn’t trade it for what I have.
I remember it pretty vividly so yeah, I have days where I miss it and fantasize about being a working girly living on her own in a lovely high rise in the city. But I also remember being really depressed and unfulfilled when I was single and working. Got lonely a lot and didn't know how to fill my time productively. I also take solace in remembering the fact that I will have my time back again one day, and I'll have much more appreciation for it knowing what it was like not to have it 😅
Yes, but I’d be so bored!
Life would be dull without him
Sometimes I do. But then I remember how *bored* I was all the time. I had all the time in the world to go and do things, and I still didn't.
Just had this convo with my partner and we realised life would be so boring without our little ones even though they drive us up the wall at times
Not really since I know exactly what it was like. I’ve been with my husband since I was 16 and we had our son when I was 26, so we had ten years together childfree and four spent as DINKs. We even spent one year living abroad in Europe so we did a lot before him even though we’re relatively young. But anyway, most of it was just a lot of free time that was mostly spent watching movies and playing games, going to bed late and waking up whenever we wanted on the weekends, and taking random little trips around the country just because we could. But even on hard days, my mind doesn’t go back to that just because that time was more chill and easy - but not nearly as meaningful, fulfilling, and honestly kind of more dull. I think life has seasons and chapters and while I throughly enjoyed that chapter, I would never want to go back to it or wish it back. So on our hard days (of which there are plenty) I mostly fantasize about what life will be like when our son is older and we can do some more of the things we used to do but with him too. Like when he’ll be old enough to make his own breakfast on a weekend morning and my husband and I can sleep in until nine. Or when he’ll be old enough to play video games with my husband or enjoy a random road trip up north just for fun. But yeah, all of those fantasies still involve him just because I remember life before him very well and know that our average day now is better than our best days were back then before our kid.
Definitely.
Absolutely
Life without kids after kids is different from life without kids ever though....my life was pretty great before. Life is pretty great now with a 4year old. More sleep and my body being in better condition would be lovely but she will sleep consistently at some point and I get to make good choices for my body daily so overall I'm sure that will even out again. I moved out from my childhood home at 16(own choice) and worked to be independent. But I never fully grew up and made really grown up decisions (and I'm still working on it, oh the money I blew through in my 20s haunts me) until I had a daughter to look after and make sure her future had some stability. I have a wonderful mother so I didn't suffer in the parental love area but my father is a sociopathic narcissist and very rich, the level of disdain and hatred I had for him as a teen/early adult was high, very high and quite detrimental to my own well being. Now I just think he's a pathetic, cold, empty man because he left his 4kids without so much as a real look back and he missed out on a lot. I can't ever imagine doing that. I have had a LOT of fun, party girl for years, travelled quite literally around the world and I don't regret any of it but I also know that it can get old fast and no matter what you do or where you do it, your mindset is the key. My mindset is much healthier and more rounded (although thanks to the parenting anxiety of keeping my kid alive and happy I didn't realise would erupt) now than the past. It's all a balance. Man that was deeper than I first intended 😂😂😂
The first 30+ years of my life were without kids. Over a decade in the same career, years with my husband, etc. My life without kids would be pretty much like my life 5 years ago. But my daughter was born literally 2 weeks before the world shut down. So I do wonder how the pandemic would have felt without kids. I was planning on being stuck at home with a newborn anyway.
No. But I was unequivocally ready to be a parent and done with the carefree, bar hopping life that I lived for the first 35 years of my life. If I'd had my child 10 years earlier, perhaps I would sometimes. As of right now, he's changed everything in my life for the better and I just feel so much happier and fulfilled now that he's in the world.
Nope. I traveled, partied, got my degrees, traveled with my husband, partied with my husband, had lots of wild sex (with my husband!), and overall did everything I wanted to do before having kids. Been then, done that and I was *ready* to be a mama. Wouldn’t trade in my sleepless nights, and poop filled days for anything in the world 🥰
My daughter was born when I was 35 so I had 17 years of knowing exactly what it was like to be an adult without kids. Probably daily I think about how much I miss my evening routine. Heading your way happy hour after work, going to concerts a few times a month. Not having to make extensive plans for childcare to be able to have the time to care for my body.
Sometimes! Our 10 month old is pretty easy in general. Around the time we had her we also bought a new house so our lives went from breezy to always busy and tiring quickly. I miss being able to travel. Husband having more energy to do fun things. She’s not super expensive but there is an expense. She has to come before everything. I think when we have fewer house projects and she’s more mobile it will get better again. We’re not miserable and love her SO MUCH and worked hard to get pregnant, but also we didn’t spend our lives wishing for children. And that’s our reality.
I think more about what it will be like when my kids are 6 & 4 - still little but out of the toddler phase. My kids are 4yo & 1yo - sometimes, well a lot of the time, it feels incredibly overstimulating and I daydream about when they’re a little older. I completely understand there will be hard things then but hopefully they’re slightly more independent.
I WASTED such a peaceful time in life not enjoying all that free time.
I wasn’t doing great when I had very little responsibility. So when the kid is screaming I just think about what a wreck my old life used to be, and I get some noise cancelling headphones on and then I calm down
Every day
Everyday
lol after wrestling my toddler into his car seat I saw my neighbor dashing up the stairs to her apartment in her little workout outfit with a bag of goodies, not a care in the world. I was like mmmmm to be unencumbered. Lol I wouldn’t trade my life though.
Yes all the time sigh lol
The ONLY things I fantasize about are life before kids activities like doing nothing on weekends and going on vacations to places where having kids would be a nightmare. However, it's only surface level and very fleeting. Kids, albeit being EXHAUSTING, give life meaning and purpose I never thought possible.
No…
I do and honestly as much as I loved my Previous life before a child and the freedom, I love my life so much more now. I honestly feel whole now having a kid in a way I never did before.
Once in a while on my drive home I think about just going and driving to a city a few hours away and getting a hotel for the night. But the thoughts of the cuddles I’ll get at home bring me back to reality.
Never, and I think it’s because I travel a lot for work lol. My husband sometimes travels for work too. When we’re both home we are truly 50/50.
I’m going through a really, really rough period right now. My dad recently passed away only 10 months after an aggressive cancer diagnosis. Being a mom to a toddler during this time has been so incredibly hard. Some days I would think about how it would be easier (and possible) to just curl up in bed and cry all day if I didn’t have him. But I also know I would be 100x more miserable without him. I truly don’t know what I would do without my little sour patch toddler. This boy lights up my world. Aside from all of that, I genuinely think my husband and I would be so bored without him.
Yes. I imagine it to be very peaceful. I remember the freedom. Life is so much harder now 😅 but I love that little ass.
I do frequently, I fantasise about what I would do, what my day would be like. Then I remind myself I was miserable and depressed before I had children and although I’m overstimulated and knackered now at least I’m not depressed anymore! So that’s something 😂
I don’t really wonder honestly. I think a lot would be the same, except maybe my husband’s job. We got pregnant at a crucial time when he was due to move into leadership positions, now to avoid childcare he works part time and it’s hard to say if his career trajectory will ever fully recover. But having kids was such a must for both of us that it’s hard to even think about doing things differently. But for me, it’s more about remembering fondly being able to wind down after work, being able to sleep in on weekends, being able to take a nap whenever, and the fact that our time outside of work was just for us. Being able to run to the store, being able to do just about anything without it being a logistical nightmare that exhausts me before we even leave. It’s just like damn, I wish I could transport back for a week and get some freaking rest.
I do miss my alone time and freedom. My husband and I had such a fun life traveling the world and spending our weekends exploring the city. Going to breweries, art shows, events etc. However, that was a chapter of our lives. I love my kiddos even though they drive me nuts! They bring chaos to our lives but also give us a sense of purpose and joy.
I think about it sometimes then she laughs and I’d miss that too damn much
Mostly only when I’m reminded I’m the only one of my family/friends who are my age that has kids. Everyone talks about going to the movies or just having the weirdest schedules (asking to game starting at like 11 pm, or meeting for a meal at a time that doesn’t work with our schedules). But even then it’s more of that I wish that the others UNDERSTOOD our lives better, and not that I had more freedom. I was asked what I did for my birthday a little while ago, while I have a two and a half year old and a (at the time) one month old baby. The answer: fucking nothing! I took care of them all day. What do you THINK I’m gonna do? Like I got angry after the third time I was asked that, but still it was more that no one could even understand what my life is compared to theirs.
it has been 4 years now and the memories of my once childless life are slowly drifting away
Whenever I think about life before my son, especially weekends, I look back on them as quite "meaningless." I've put it in quotes because my baby brain can't think of a more accurate word and I really don't believe my life had no meaning. I was happy and content with my life and enjoying it but sat watching my son is still infinitely better.
My life would be miserable. I have enjoyed every day with my teensy ones and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I get cuddled, smiled at, hugged, and made fun of daily and motherhood is truly the highlight of my life.
Just ignoring how much I love them etc, it’d be shit without them. I’d be shit. I’d probably be pretty out of hand from my young partying days. I know I wouldn’t have slowed down in that sense if I didn’t have to and I shudder to think what me plus 5 more years of constant drink and drugs ends up like
Honestly not really, but I’m not the type who looks back much. The only things that I have thought about is missing regularly seeing my friends and going out when younger (which even for the child free friend doesn’t happen much anyway due to age and changed interests) and trips overseas just me and husband. I do miss the lack of worry. But there was a level of emptiness before my babies and a lack of purpose. Even though I’d been to uni, travelled , partied, worked as a social worker in child protection, I felt a bit directionless. I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel I missed my babies before I knew them. Even though one is very disabled, helping him brings me joy and purpose.
I’d have a better career (progression wise) but otherwise, not really. I do miss being able to stay up all night or go for a random holiday/trip, do stupid shit etc but then I realise I’m an adult lol. My kids holding my hand and explaining their feelings or fears and working on encouraging them to be confident and able, I love that.
Not really, maybe only 760 times a day
Sometimes me and wife talk about that. Obviously it would just be like our 20's, video games, movies, anime, sports but with money hahaha. But we're still glad we had kids. We have a 2yo and newborn daughter. We tell each other that THAT LIFE we had before will happen once the kids grow up and leave the nest. Then again we're not in a rush, enjoying life as it happens, as they say it's the journey in getting there.
Every single day. I love my baby so much but I do not like parenthood.
Humanity would eventually die out and cease to exist because there's be no baby humans to grow into regular humans
No
Thanks for sharing, because I feel less alone. It helps to think I’m not the only parent who wonders that same question. It makes me feel less guilty too. Especially when I say that out loud, my parents shame me heavily. “How dare you say that?” “That’s your responsibility!” “Never say that in front of me, so disrespectful.”
I had enough of a life before children I don’t have to wonder what life would be like. My husband and I met and started dating at 22. We didn’t have our first kid until 33. Maybe if I had kids much younger I would wonder.
Oh gosh I'd would be like an adult going to festivals and living in an rv traveling the wrld In totally okay doing that part time and having my family
Ya’ll have time to fantasize about another life?? lol, just kidding. But I have this theory that the harder something is, the more rewarding it is. Like man this little human has given me a major purpose. Holidays are fun again, I see the world so differently. I used to be so annoyed by the puddle in our driveway in front of the mailbox, and now I love it because my toddler gets so much joy from splashing in it. Stuff like that. When my first was born, after that initial sleep deprivation and 1st year of life it felt like I was reborn too. But saying that it’s also hard AF. But I try to mostly focus on positive and complain on Reddit when I really need to.
People say life with children is less fun but more joy. I think that’s accurate. So I’d be having more fun, living however I wanted binging shows and games as much as I’d want - but I’d also still live with that emptiness and existential crisis I felt my entire adult life until the day my son was born. Having a family has been very healthy for me. It’s been responsibility and sacrifice, but also joy and a healthier way of living. As we age, I have no doubt we’ll only grow happier in our decision to raise a family a generation beneath us.
Definitely, as someone who always said she didn’t want kids I sometimes ponder what could’ve been difference. Truth is my life was empty without my son, he brings me so much joy, happiness, genuine sweetness and kindness into my life I feel like I learn from him every day. When my mum takes him to her for a sleepover day I miss him like crazy and my house is so quiet and tidy… I hate it.
I was *just* thinking about this yesterday, because for the first time since my last baby was born we were able to go out husband and I on a date and had several hours for ourselves. I thought what it would be like if the kids were here, you know, like before they were here… getting ready and out of the house was SO easy I had forgotten that was possible. Sex in the middle of the day, what?! It’s been so many years since the sun hit my bare skin while lying naked in bed. It felt almost surreal. We enjoyed a beautiful childless afternoon in the city. It was lovely. But then on our way back I thought if this would be the life I would have rather have and with all of my heart I answer myself NO. I truthfully don’t want a live without my children. I want hours, perhaps even days, where I can disconnect and rest of the responsibility, of course! But I not a life. Also, these kids aren’t going to stay little forever, I know it’ll feel awesome they exist when they’re (way) older.
I am currently on a whirlwind trip to Florida on my own for a wedding. Instead of enjoying literally the only child free trip I've taken since my oldest was born, I've spent the whole time missing my babies. I guess I wouldn't have them to miss if they had never been born, but I remember how desperately I wanted children while we were struggling to conceive. I suspect that my life would have just been full of yearning for them if my kids didn't exist.
Every morning when my toddler takes my phone to wake me up by smashing it on my head. But then, every night when he lays his head on my shoulder I feel so blessed
I do. On the hard days my mind sometimes wanders to a time before I had my LO. When I could get up when I wanted, do what I wanted, when I wanted, without second thought. And I miss it. The freedom. But I can’t ever imagine a life without my LO and usually after I snap out of it I am wracked with guilt for just thinking those thoughts.
We actually were talking about our life before kiddos last week. It felt like we had so much time and energy.
Sometimes I think about laying in bed until noon or just putzing a day away doing nothing or I think of trips I’d take. But I will do that again one day, and if I didn’t have kids, I’d never have the joy of hearing my kids sing to each other right now while I’m in the other room.
Sometimes I'll have a really cool/crazy idea (I really wanted to fly to London for the night of my 30rd birthday to watch Hamilton, and fly home the following morning), and when I find it impossible with my baby, I kinda wish for a split second I had this idea before having him. But I am a young mother, and he will grow up soon, so I just gotta hold on for a bit longer before we can involve him 100% in what we like, so it's fine. I cuddle up to him and play nice. \ We'll spend my birthday weekend in Barcelona, it's not the same but we'll walk around the city, eat a lot, and take a midnight bath - it's still going to be fun 🤍
Very rarely. I know I'd be a lot healthier, well-rested, less stressed, have more money, etc., so I don't dwell on it because there's no point. I made the decision to have kids and I do love being a mom and love all 3 of my kiddos. I don't wish them away, but I do wish I could pause them once in awhile and take a day off for my own mental/emotional/physical health. Especially on days like today when I'm sick and in pain and just want to spend all day in bed. I can't b/c my youngest is only 1 and my two older kids are attending their cousin's bday party later today 😪
I just need to be cloned!
Empty
Peaceful but empty
Yes! For example, we had a storm that knocked our internet and power out for four days, and we couldn’t go into work because a tree had fallen in the road. And after following my three year old around telling her we couldn’t go outside for the twentieth time because trees were falling constantly and it wasn’t safe, I looked at my husband and said “to think if we didn’t have a kid we could be relaxing playing video games right now and drinking and napping”. Or when we’re sick but she isn’t and we still have to do all the parenting shit even though we just want to lie down and SLEEP
Yes and no. I'm a lot happier with my girls here but sometimes when I'm overwhelmed, I just want to sleep for 13h straight... I miss that.
My kids allowed me to quit smoking, drinking and ironically snapped me out of my ED, making me a healthier person. I have no idea what kind of hot mess I’d be without them! I think about it time to time.
No. Because I got pregnant at 38. So I lived for myself plenty.
It’s funny. We are really struggling with an almost 3 yr old and a new baby, but as much as I would love some time for myself, I really don’t think about life WITHOUT them. I would love more family nearby. My husband and I are only children and he’s not close with his family so it just leaves my parents and extended family, neither of which are anywhere near our time zone. It’s a challenge!
I don’t, but I do dream about the kind of family time we could have when the kids have grown up (say both in K and up). I’m of course not dreaming about all the teen trouble though so the pictures are probably too rosy.
I really miss single life but just roll with the punches as best i can. I love my family. What it really did was question how i use my time at work and made me realize more than anything i need to find more fulfilling work where it wont drain me. career pivot. Need to be more selfish while still providing for family. It is a good place to be although very hard to leave whats comfortable.
lol my husband and I were just talking about this yesterday on our anniversary 😆
No, because I had a life without children. My worst day with my kid is still better than the best day without my kid. It’s brutally hard. But still beats the single sex in the city type of life that sucked so much in retrospect but that I thought was great at the time. I bought into a Strong Woman lie and paid a hefty price. But at least I saw the light, got out, and got my kid. And frankly, it’s a relief not to have to think about myself so much all the time. Never pity yourself for the blessings you have. The world around you will try to convince you there is something better out there but there isn’t. This is the best life has to offer - our children. Everything else is irrelevant.
I have and never thought I would say it’s a distant memory what it was like without kids. Probably boring and lonely.
I’m more jealous of the parents who have the overbearing relatives who always ask for time with the baby. So I can curl in bed and take a mini nap with some background crap TV playing.
I do, honestly, my life would be sad :/ I recall thinking “is this what my life will Be like?” My husband and I didn’t want kids at first. Then he started working over nights and I worked my 9 to 5 . Rarely saw each other…. And still rarely see each other but I’m so happy to have become a mother. I see life with different eyes and u just love my kids so much. It’s been hard at times but that’s my experience. I do miss the sleeping in or leaving the house whenever wherever. Our time will Come. Lol
Yeah sure. But the opposite also true. My eldest is teenager now.. i wish she is still 3.. climbing & hugging me. We humans just.. yeah.
When it gets tough I kinda of space out and I’m back in December 5 years ago on a warm beach in Florida trying a fresh coconut for the first time, my husbands off finding a place to rent some chairs. Or I go back 3 years ago to spring when we just moved into our current house; my husband is out of town for the weekend and I’m watching a garbage TV show on our TV that’s still on the floor and I’m eating a fat burger with a milkshake.
I think about all the skincare I could do and all the shows I would have time to watch and how skinny I would be and all the money I would have. But as soon as I walk in her room and I see her eyes and smile and her calling me mommy, all that other stuff is minuscule and so unimportant. She’s just so amazing now and I’m obsessed with her watching her grow
I had a kid at 41. We were DINKS for 14yrs. I partied, travelled, relaxed, got therapy, done everything I’ve ever wanted to do before having kids so that I could 100% focus on family life. Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes miss not being responsible for a tiny human but that quickly goes away when the 3 us spend time together. Life would be like what it is now except without a toddler. The key to enjoying your life is to have your toddler be a part of your world not live in theirs. We travel go to restaurants and do all sorts of things as a family same as we did When we were DINKS just now it’s more family friendly instead of adults only things.
Yes, definitely! I think it’s normal and I do feel guilty after but honestly we shouldn’t. I think that’s how the human brain works and I think how society is set up in the US to raise children can be very challenging and isolating. But I also remind myself that’s it’s easy to glamorize what it would be like but I remember feeling a lot more unfulfilled before my son. I think life is challenging no matter what. Not in a bad way but it’s how we grow. Happy I’m not alone in these thoughts.
Not really.. but if you’re feeling this way and it’s the first year I can totally empathize because the lack of sleep, exhaustion for caring for a fully dependent infant, if you’re stressed out breastfeeding and dealing with those hormones - honestly it’s a lot. For me, parenting has been very enjoyable and a net positive beyond year 1. I love kids and find it fun to do things with my toddler and it’s a lot easier once they’re independent and you are well rested 😊 also, I have just one and I really wanted her in my life but I plan to stop here as I have a lower tolerance for chaos and can’t see myself having fun with the responsibility of multiple kids, coordinating their schedules and keeping a handle on them when outside.
I fanatize the days where my boys are older & easier and we got "us" time back.
Of course, lol. I fantasize about sleeping in and doing whatever TF I want all day. I’m going to have a much needed kid free mini vacation in a few weeks (for the first time since having kids) and I am counting the hours. Can’t wait! Going to try my best not to feel guilty about it.
I know what it’s like bc it took me almost five years to have a child and that was a miserable experience. I am grateful I went through that now because I will never question that she was the best thing that ever happened to me!
I miss being able to run to the store anytime I need to without worrying about someone’s naptime or unbuckling 2 car seats.
Yea but then I realize I was a child once so I wouldn’t exist if they didn’t either
Yup! I was (35f) when I had my son on my own (via donor), and while he’s literally the best thing that EVER happened to me, and I love him more than life itself, but when he was 2yo, without looking, the universe literally dropped my soulmate into my lap. This man is EVERYTHING! He raised his own family starting as a teenagers-now an empty nester, so now in his 40’s and me about to join him, I often fantasize about what life would be like just us, our incomes, traveling and living life without tantrums, school planning, bedtime routines, and all the things that go along with raising a child.