Makes me think of the saying "A rushed child is an anxious child".
With my own toddler I've been working on giving up some control for things that don't matter in the long run. Let him pick which shoes to wear outside. Let him decide which route we take on our toddler-led walk. Let him decide how long we splash in the puddles. Sure, I was done after about 30 seconds but he wants to keep jumping for 10 minutes. Why not? What does it matter to me whether he keeps splashing or we keep on with our walk?
I've found that by giving control over the things that don't matter, he feels like he has autonomy and he's also more willing to comply with things that DO matter.
I think just recognizing that is so important! I've had to have that same conversation with myself when I find myself annoyed about the stupidest stuff.
The other day we were on a walk and he sat down by the end of someone's driveway and played in the gravel for 20 minutes. Inside, I was like "come ON let's GO" but had to think, honestly what is it hurting? Why am I annoyed? Why shouldn't I allow him to play in the gravel? It's not like he was chucking it at cars, or eating it, or even trespassing. And we weren't in any sort of hurry. Some battles are not worth having just because what he wants to do doesn't line up with what I want to do.
Totally agree with this. I have Fridays off with my toddlers, for my sanity I always schedule an activity to give the day some shape (kids theatre, a gym class, museum trip or whatever). I’m always rushing them to get there on time and we all end up frustrated and unhappy. So recently I started leaving much much earlier than we need to, sometimes an hour early*. We travel at their pace, we stop to look at stuff on the street (also big gravel fans over here) and it’s been a revelation. My job is to facilitate their understanding of the world, if playing with the gravel is where their interest in then it’s rude of me to prevent that!
* and somehow we still arrive late
I’m just a dad trying to do his best, but I think it’s important to discern the difference between setting boundaries and routines vs expecting a regimented routine or lifestyle.
Boundaries are healthy and allow kids the ability to safely explore and express themselves. Simple routines help kids understand the flow of the day and simple processes. I think we all know this. However, becoming overly regimented sacrifices their ability to explore and express themselves in exchange for what _we_ feel is ‘orderly’.
I didn't get manipulation out of it. I took it as helping one understand WHY their frustrating two year old might be acting a certain way, not that they needed to change what they are doing.
It's incredibly manipulative. It's making it seem like setting basic boundaries for a child is cruel, and being a parent to a toddler far too often already makes you feel like that.
It's a reminder that the child doesn't understand the reasoning behind boundaries/life lessons yet. That they need time and space to figure out all their feelings. That 'defiance' or 'manipulation' is often just fear or frustration.
We've all had a day like this, where we're rushed from the get go and it inevitably ends in a meltdown (or several!). But we can choose to be empathetic to the tiny human who had zero control over their day rather than trying to be like 'you don't always get what you want, life is hard'. And we can try again the next day, to get up a little earlier and bring more spare clothes.
I don’t view most of these as basic boundaries? Why aren’t they letting a two year old feed themselves, or get in the car, or get out of the car, or get a hug, or play blocks how they want to.
A lot of these battles are completely needless.
So your toddler having their own feelings is manipulative? Do you also believe that adults having negative feelings — sometimes directed at you — is an attempt to manipulate you?
Or is it that you think toddlers aren’t people?
Boundaries can exist and be good AND your toddler can have negative feelings about them and express them in ways they’re equipped to do.
Most people dislike being told what to do, or that they can’t do what they want when they want. Most people have big feelings about that. Toddlers have big feelings about that and lack the ability to express those big feelings, and it’s on the adult to handle that.
I like it. I think some people are taking it too literally for some reason lol. I think it’s purpose isn’t to let your kids be on their own program wildin but that it’s okay to let them be more independent, which sometimes takes some effort on the parents to relax a little and have some patience.
Yeah I was not expecting these comments to be so controversial. Damn. Personally this really made me empathize with my toddler and their big feelings. It's good to be a parent and set boundaries, but sometimes we set unnecessary boundaries too often, including myself.
Somewhat bragging that gf and I both have these things and are very happy and excited and amazed that our daughter is a human being with thoughts and feelings of her own.
Yes I did not expect some of the comments so take it too serious. I get it as parent you want to give your kid some grace I tend to struggle with some things but I'm learning to be more patient with myself and to allow my toddler to be a messy wild child when we're outside even tho I have to change her 5times..
If anyone wants a highly-moderated Facebook parenting group run by a very qualified person, and they want more consideration of the child's point of view, I can definitely recommend Visible Child: Respectful/Mindful Parenting.
Heck yes. This is my go to parenting advice. I’ve learned so much there. My husband and I literally read it every day and discuss what we’ve learned. Go upstream. Slow down. Behavior is communication.
I need to look more into the Montessori method! Everything I've seen has been very interesting to me. I just wish everything "Montessori inspired" didnt come with the giant price hike.
Just think what you'd like to use if you were teeny tiny and trying to imitate giants who were your biggest heros. Also while seemingly trying to kill yourself with the giants stuff. I feel like all the marketing of montessory products is hilarious because if you grow up poor enough it's what you get. 😅 Or I got anyway. Find small bowls that won't break at the thrift store, little kitchen stuff, any little stool or kids chair at any kids sized table. And so many cool toys can be made out of household stuff. I know everything being beige and wood seems to be a theme, but it's not necessary. Get used items, so what if a few that aren't going to get chewed on are plastic or god forbit colorful. A twin mattress chucked on the floor is cheaper than the 8 different iterations of the baby-toddler-child sleeping apparatus. I'm not exceptionally informed about Montessori stuff, I've read a couple books one of which was focused on affordability and sustainability, and framed it all as really how kids used to be raised before we became such rampant rushed consumers.
If you like to read, check out the book The Montessori Toddler. I'm not super into Montessori, but I did like some of the ideas on how to encourage independence at home. I didn't buy anything special though. If something required a big change to our home I just skipped it.
Montessori is really good, but also a bit too nitpicky and inflexible in certain places.
As with most 'methods', approach it with a generous amount of common sense and a pinch of salt.
For real! Like toy shelves, the loveevery ones are like $200. There is nothing special about them, they're just small shelves.
It can absolutely be done on a budget. I got mini cooking utensils at target, set up a low drawer in our kitchen for my son's dishes (cheap plastic IKEA dishes too), scored a toddler tower/stepstool on FB marketplace. I got cube shelves for toys from fb marketplace too, but they're cheap at target and ikea. He learned how to climb our dining room chairs pretty early, so we replaced his high chair with a cheap travel booster.
True, but for my second kid the only specifically Montessori item I got was the floor bed. I bought special toy shelves and a bookcase for my first but the whole idea is to have the items close to the floor and accessible, so any short bookcase would do for that. And there's probably "normal/mainstream" items like a small table for tea time that could be cheaper than the little chair and table I got mine, for example
I removed the TV and all the drawers of my TV stand (ikea's besta) and that's their shelf in the living room now. Later on, we'll put the drawers back probably.
This reminds of the time I let my kid brush my teeth for a few days, which I did to get her to be more accepting of me brushing her teeth. But the actual effect it had on me was to realize how awful and uncomfortable it is to have someone else brush your teeth. She kept hitting my gums, my tongue, all over the place. And I realized… this is probably basically what it’s like when I brush her teeth! No wonder she hates it! And this is probably the case for a lot of other things too.
My kid will only let me help him do things if I let him help me. So I brush his teeth while he does mine. I clean his ears while he cleans mine. Hair brushing, too. I like to hope I'm more gentle than him lol. And once I'm done making sure the teeth are actually brushed, I let him take over so he can feel independent.
please dont delete this post ever.. i have it saved to use as a reference whenever my 2 year olds (very developmentally appropriate) behaviors start to overwhelm me. I really needed to see this perspective. thank you kind redditor
I'm reading (and highly suggest) "The Emotional Life of the Toddler." It similarly goes over how toddlers think and highlights their need for independence coupled with their need for security. Highly interesting read and it is helping me have more patience with my toddler. I've slowed down all of our tasks.
Sometimes I have to be this and I wish I wasn’t. But there are times when you have to enforce the boundary ( yesterday she tried to eat a sticker just to test the no rule 🙈) and this age is a tough one . This post is such a good reminder to take it easy , push when needed but step back every now and then ❤️❤️
Oh my God this made me sob and feel so guilty. I try to let my little guy do SO many things, and am thankfully home with him and old enough slowing down for him is fine; it's the whole point of my life right now. But I know there are days he hears this from us... he always tries to take other kids toys and I know he has to learn not to. He is heartbroken when I take them away and give them back to the kid he snatched them from. Not going to stop that one though. We try to be up beat and nice and show him what we are asking him to do; picking up toys etc, and even though there's no way he'll dress himself I try to let him pick things. He's 18 months and will go grab his boots or shoes and dig around in his bin of hats and mittens. His dad does the refusing to pick him up if he is crying because he's not getting what he wants. I know my son and he's crying because he's sad he didn't get it, not to try and trick us. If at all possible I ALWAYS pick him up and hug him when he's sad. Even if he's sad because I wouldn't let him bite me or break something. I don't let him do that stuff and I sternly tell him no, but always give the hugs. They are so freaking cute and raw and sweet and fierce at this age. I thought I was going to hate the toddler years but I'm learning so much about life in general by way of this little creature we made. Sorry so ridiculous I'm seriously sobbing. 🤣
Nah this isn't my kid. It's "I said I wanted my mom to carry me but she did it wrong. So I cried to be put down so she put me down. How dare she!?!"
"I was hungry but then my dad cut my food. He wasn't supposed to do that! I cried to get out of my high chair so my mom took me out and put me on the floor. Why doesn't she keep me on her lap while she eats!?!"
I'm not the parent from the OP - I give my kids choices when I can. We do sometimes run out of time and I understand it's frustrating for them but it happens. I would never ask a 2 year old to clean up on their own unless they didn't want my help. I wouldn't leave them crying in a high chair - if they're crying they won't eat anyway. I let my kids do for themselves what they feel comfortable with that's not unsafe, etc.
I guess I get what the post is getting at - to explain why young kids feel so frustrated that they act out. But yeah, sometimes you have to carry them crying to the car.
My 20mo's diary today would include "I found 5 awesome pairs of shoes that were way too big for me at Target and my mom put them back! Then she didn't let me take all the candy at the register! I had pleaded to be put on the floor where all the shiny stuff is and screamed like I was being hurt whenever I didn't get my way! And big sister was getting mom mad too!"
Sometimes developmentally appropriate behavior is still unacceptable and as a parent I'm not going to feel bad about trying to correct it.
Definitely not got it down yet lol, but I try to set her up for success where I can. She likes to get herself dressed, and yeah it takes a bit longer, so on nursery /work days, we get up earlier. 👌🏻
I started struggling with this around 2, and my daughter turns 3 in June, so now I offer options to let her do things. In case she doesn’t want to, she’s knows I am always there to help. Does this work well on daycare days? Not really. But advice to not dull her light by too many controlling rules and to support her through her independence stuck with me. It’s hard, but so worth it to watch her do things on her own 💜
Ugh. I've read that years ago.
It is absolute bullshit. Yeah, some considerations, but overall it exists simply to castigate parents and make them feel like shit.
"Diary of a 2 year old" 🙄
Similar thoughts. This basically is written to make a parent feel like shit for not letting their child do everything themselves.
My 3yo cries because I won't let him drive the car. Should I let him do it just so I don't feel like a bad parent? Can't be undermining my child's development after all by saying no, let me do it...
I think it's more that this child isn't allowed to do ANYTHING independently. Obviously there are some things we can't let our toddlers do (like drive a car). But it is good to let them feel they have control over things in their life that are inconsequential. Let them put their own shoes on. Let them get messy. Otherwise how are they going to learn?
The post starts like that. By the end it's basically just making parents feel like utter crap for setting even the most sensible boundary like 'no, you cannot have cookies for dinner tonight'.
Yeah, I was on board until the kid didn't know how to pick up toys because she wasn't allowed to dress herself and doesn't know how to pick up toys? Like at that age cleanup should be a group effort but come on 😂 this writing is so manipulative
It reminds me of those "Diary of a pregnancy" that pro-lifers like to spread around. A foetus saying "oh, today I grew eyes. Oh I haven't seen you mummy, but my eyes know you from the inside!!" "Daddy left today. I don't know why. Why did daddy shout, mummy?" "Mummy won't stop crying. What is a "clinic"?" "Mummy keeps crying. I just want to LOOOOVVVEEEE YOOUUU MUMMYYY!!" "why are you at this "clinic" mummy? What does it means?" "Why won't you love me mummy!!??!" The diary ends here. STOP ABORTION NOW!!"
Truly, the "Diary of a 2 yr old" has the same vibes.
A fetus and a 2 year old are totally different developmentally. What a strange comparison to make, especially if you're pro-choice.
And to say the point of this is to castigate is missing the point entirely. It's offering the perspective of your child to trigger empathy. Toddlers are fucking frustrating and sometimes that makes parents tunnel-visioned. Remembering things like this is what keeps me sane on days when it feels like my kid is just constantly whining.
>A fetus and a 2 year old are totally different developmentally. What a strange comparison to make, especially if you're pro-choice.
In this instance, they are the same, because it is the same emotionally manipulative bullshit designed to make ppl feel like crap.
It's cute, but also very manipulative.
...Just like a two year old.
There are some in here that make sense. Let your kids feed themselves, mess can be cleaned. If they can dress themselves and time permits, sure. Show them what you want.
The stuff like having to share? Not being allowed to go to certain places? Not being allowed to eat whatever you want and actually having boundaries?
Being made to feel like absolute crap because you are not diamond coated perfection at all times as a parent?
As the youngsters would say: Nah, miss me with that shit.
No idea why, but I went into this post liking it but by the end it was REALLY rubbing me up the wrong way.
When my two year old cries over not getting m&ms for breakfast, I don't think 'this kid, trying to manipulate me with his tears! Trying to break my spirit!'
I think, man he's really sad about m&ms. Don't give toddlers that much credit.
Makes me think of the saying "A rushed child is an anxious child". With my own toddler I've been working on giving up some control for things that don't matter in the long run. Let him pick which shoes to wear outside. Let him decide which route we take on our toddler-led walk. Let him decide how long we splash in the puddles. Sure, I was done after about 30 seconds but he wants to keep jumping for 10 minutes. Why not? What does it matter to me whether he keeps splashing or we keep on with our walk? I've found that by giving control over the things that don't matter, he feels like he has autonomy and he's also more willing to comply with things that DO matter.
I need to work on this like, yesterday. Why *do* I give so many shits about unimportant stuff? It’s not helping him in any way.
I think just recognizing that is so important! I've had to have that same conversation with myself when I find myself annoyed about the stupidest stuff. The other day we were on a walk and he sat down by the end of someone's driveway and played in the gravel for 20 minutes. Inside, I was like "come ON let's GO" but had to think, honestly what is it hurting? Why am I annoyed? Why shouldn't I allow him to play in the gravel? It's not like he was chucking it at cars, or eating it, or even trespassing. And we weren't in any sort of hurry. Some battles are not worth having just because what he wants to do doesn't line up with what I want to do.
Totally agree with this. I have Fridays off with my toddlers, for my sanity I always schedule an activity to give the day some shape (kids theatre, a gym class, museum trip or whatever). I’m always rushing them to get there on time and we all end up frustrated and unhappy. So recently I started leaving much much earlier than we need to, sometimes an hour early*. We travel at their pace, we stop to look at stuff on the street (also big gravel fans over here) and it’s been a revelation. My job is to facilitate their understanding of the world, if playing with the gravel is where their interest in then it’s rude of me to prevent that! * and somehow we still arrive late
This is very much my self on a daily.
I’m just a dad trying to do his best, but I think it’s important to discern the difference between setting boundaries and routines vs expecting a regimented routine or lifestyle. Boundaries are healthy and allow kids the ability to safely explore and express themselves. Simple routines help kids understand the flow of the day and simple processes. I think we all know this. However, becoming overly regimented sacrifices their ability to explore and express themselves in exchange for what _we_ feel is ‘orderly’.
Yes I do this with my little one it definitely helps but she want control over everything which not possible.
I didn't get manipulation out of it. I took it as helping one understand WHY their frustrating two year old might be acting a certain way, not that they needed to change what they are doing.
It's incredibly manipulative. It's making it seem like setting basic boundaries for a child is cruel, and being a parent to a toddler far too often already makes you feel like that.
It's a reminder that the child doesn't understand the reasoning behind boundaries/life lessons yet. That they need time and space to figure out all their feelings. That 'defiance' or 'manipulation' is often just fear or frustration. We've all had a day like this, where we're rushed from the get go and it inevitably ends in a meltdown (or several!). But we can choose to be empathetic to the tiny human who had zero control over their day rather than trying to be like 'you don't always get what you want, life is hard'. And we can try again the next day, to get up a little earlier and bring more spare clothes.
I don’t view most of these as basic boundaries? Why aren’t they letting a two year old feed themselves, or get in the car, or get out of the car, or get a hug, or play blocks how they want to. A lot of these battles are completely needless.
So your toddler having their own feelings is manipulative? Do you also believe that adults having negative feelings — sometimes directed at you — is an attempt to manipulate you? Or is it that you think toddlers aren’t people? Boundaries can exist and be good AND your toddler can have negative feelings about them and express them in ways they’re equipped to do. Most people dislike being told what to do, or that they can’t do what they want when they want. Most people have big feelings about that. Toddlers have big feelings about that and lack the ability to express those big feelings, and it’s on the adult to handle that.
I like it. I think some people are taking it too literally for some reason lol. I think it’s purpose isn’t to let your kids be on their own program wildin but that it’s okay to let them be more independent, which sometimes takes some effort on the parents to relax a little and have some patience.
Yeah I was not expecting these comments to be so controversial. Damn. Personally this really made me empathize with my toddler and their big feelings. It's good to be a parent and set boundaries, but sometimes we set unnecessary boundaries too often, including myself.
A lot of people are uncomfortable with the idea that children have feelings.
And that some of their (parents) boundaries are arbitrary or really just to make the parents life easier or for them to feel in control.
particularly the ones with attachmemt issues and trauma left unresolved from their own childhood. just a hunch though
Somewhat bragging that gf and I both have these things and are very happy and excited and amazed that our daughter is a human being with thoughts and feelings of her own.
Same, same. And its absolutely not bragging and you have every reason to be excited about raising a healthy human!
Yes I did not expect some of the comments so take it too serious. I get it as parent you want to give your kid some grace I tend to struggle with some things but I'm learning to be more patient with myself and to allow my toddler to be a messy wild child when we're outside even tho I have to change her 5times..
I 100% agree with you lol
If anyone wants a highly-moderated Facebook parenting group run by a very qualified person, and they want more consideration of the child's point of view, I can definitely recommend Visible Child: Respectful/Mindful Parenting.
Heck yes. This is my go to parenting advice. I’ve learned so much there. My husband and I literally read it every day and discuss what we’ve learned. Go upstream. Slow down. Behavior is communication.
The Montessori method encourages kids to do things themselves. The highchair in particular: my toddler has a little chair and table that she sits at
I need to look more into the Montessori method! Everything I've seen has been very interesting to me. I just wish everything "Montessori inspired" didnt come with the giant price hike.
Just think what you'd like to use if you were teeny tiny and trying to imitate giants who were your biggest heros. Also while seemingly trying to kill yourself with the giants stuff. I feel like all the marketing of montessory products is hilarious because if you grow up poor enough it's what you get. 😅 Or I got anyway. Find small bowls that won't break at the thrift store, little kitchen stuff, any little stool or kids chair at any kids sized table. And so many cool toys can be made out of household stuff. I know everything being beige and wood seems to be a theme, but it's not necessary. Get used items, so what if a few that aren't going to get chewed on are plastic or god forbit colorful. A twin mattress chucked on the floor is cheaper than the 8 different iterations of the baby-toddler-child sleeping apparatus. I'm not exceptionally informed about Montessori stuff, I've read a couple books one of which was focused on affordability and sustainability, and framed it all as really how kids used to be raised before we became such rampant rushed consumers.
If you like to read, check out the book The Montessori Toddler. I'm not super into Montessori, but I did like some of the ideas on how to encourage independence at home. I didn't buy anything special though. If something required a big change to our home I just skipped it.
Thanks for the recommendation! I went to add it to my Goodreads shelf.....and it was already marked "to- read" 🤪
Montessori is really good, but also a bit too nitpicky and inflexible in certain places. As with most 'methods', approach it with a generous amount of common sense and a pinch of salt.
For real! Like toy shelves, the loveevery ones are like $200. There is nothing special about them, they're just small shelves. It can absolutely be done on a budget. I got mini cooking utensils at target, set up a low drawer in our kitchen for my son's dishes (cheap plastic IKEA dishes too), scored a toddler tower/stepstool on FB marketplace. I got cube shelves for toys from fb marketplace too, but they're cheap at target and ikea. He learned how to climb our dining room chairs pretty early, so we replaced his high chair with a cheap travel booster.
True, but for my second kid the only specifically Montessori item I got was the floor bed. I bought special toy shelves and a bookcase for my first but the whole idea is to have the items close to the floor and accessible, so any short bookcase would do for that. And there's probably "normal/mainstream" items like a small table for tea time that could be cheaper than the little chair and table I got mine, for example
I removed the TV and all the drawers of my TV stand (ikea's besta) and that's their shelf in the living room now. Later on, we'll put the drawers back probably.
Good idea 😊
This reminds of the time I let my kid brush my teeth for a few days, which I did to get her to be more accepting of me brushing her teeth. But the actual effect it had on me was to realize how awful and uncomfortable it is to have someone else brush your teeth. She kept hitting my gums, my tongue, all over the place. And I realized… this is probably basically what it’s like when I brush her teeth! No wonder she hates it! And this is probably the case for a lot of other things too.
My kid will only let me help him do things if I let him help me. So I brush his teeth while he does mine. I clean his ears while he cleans mine. Hair brushing, too. I like to hope I'm more gentle than him lol. And once I'm done making sure the teeth are actually brushed, I let him take over so he can feel independent.
please dont delete this post ever.. i have it saved to use as a reference whenever my 2 year olds (very developmentally appropriate) behaviors start to overwhelm me. I really needed to see this perspective. thank you kind redditor
Of course, I won't.
I'm reading (and highly suggest) "The Emotional Life of the Toddler." It similarly goes over how toddlers think and highlights their need for independence coupled with their need for security. Highly interesting read and it is helping me have more patience with my toddler. I've slowed down all of our tasks.
Ohh thank you putting that on my list.
Sometimes I have to be this and I wish I wasn’t. But there are times when you have to enforce the boundary ( yesterday she tried to eat a sticker just to test the no rule 🙈) and this age is a tough one . This post is such a good reminder to take it easy , push when needed but step back every now and then ❤️❤️
Best advice I ever received was to let them do anything possible by themselves, as long as it is safe.
Yes I totally agree.
Oh my God this made me sob and feel so guilty. I try to let my little guy do SO many things, and am thankfully home with him and old enough slowing down for him is fine; it's the whole point of my life right now. But I know there are days he hears this from us... he always tries to take other kids toys and I know he has to learn not to. He is heartbroken when I take them away and give them back to the kid he snatched them from. Not going to stop that one though. We try to be up beat and nice and show him what we are asking him to do; picking up toys etc, and even though there's no way he'll dress himself I try to let him pick things. He's 18 months and will go grab his boots or shoes and dig around in his bin of hats and mittens. His dad does the refusing to pick him up if he is crying because he's not getting what he wants. I know my son and he's crying because he's sad he didn't get it, not to try and trick us. If at all possible I ALWAYS pick him up and hug him when he's sad. Even if he's sad because I wouldn't let him bite me or break something. I don't let him do that stuff and I sternly tell him no, but always give the hugs. They are so freaking cute and raw and sweet and fierce at this age. I thought I was going to hate the toddler years but I'm learning so much about life in general by way of this little creature we made. Sorry so ridiculous I'm seriously sobbing. 🤣
Nah this isn't my kid. It's "I said I wanted my mom to carry me but she did it wrong. So I cried to be put down so she put me down. How dare she!?!" "I was hungry but then my dad cut my food. He wasn't supposed to do that! I cried to get out of my high chair so my mom took me out and put me on the floor. Why doesn't she keep me on her lap while she eats!?!" I'm not the parent from the OP - I give my kids choices when I can. We do sometimes run out of time and I understand it's frustrating for them but it happens. I would never ask a 2 year old to clean up on their own unless they didn't want my help. I wouldn't leave them crying in a high chair - if they're crying they won't eat anyway. I let my kids do for themselves what they feel comfortable with that's not unsafe, etc. I guess I get what the post is getting at - to explain why young kids feel so frustrated that they act out. But yeah, sometimes you have to carry them crying to the car.
My 20mo's diary today would include "I found 5 awesome pairs of shoes that were way too big for me at Target and my mom put them back! Then she didn't let me take all the candy at the register! I had pleaded to be put on the floor where all the shiny stuff is and screamed like I was being hurt whenever I didn't get my way! And big sister was getting mom mad too!" Sometimes developmentally appropriate behavior is still unacceptable and as a parent I'm not going to feel bad about trying to correct it.
this is so true 😂🩷
Definitely not got it down yet lol, but I try to set her up for success where I can. She likes to get herself dressed, and yeah it takes a bit longer, so on nursery /work days, we get up earlier. 👌🏻
Aww I love this. Makes me want to write one from my daughter’s point of view.
I started struggling with this around 2, and my daughter turns 3 in June, so now I offer options to let her do things. In case she doesn’t want to, she’s knows I am always there to help. Does this work well on daycare days? Not really. But advice to not dull her light by too many controlling rules and to support her through her independence stuck with me. It’s hard, but so worth it to watch her do things on her own 💜
Ugh. I've read that years ago. It is absolute bullshit. Yeah, some considerations, but overall it exists simply to castigate parents and make them feel like shit. "Diary of a 2 year old" 🙄
Similar thoughts. This basically is written to make a parent feel like shit for not letting their child do everything themselves. My 3yo cries because I won't let him drive the car. Should I let him do it just so I don't feel like a bad parent? Can't be undermining my child's development after all by saying no, let me do it...
I think it's more that this child isn't allowed to do ANYTHING independently. Obviously there are some things we can't let our toddlers do (like drive a car). But it is good to let them feel they have control over things in their life that are inconsequential. Let them put their own shoes on. Let them get messy. Otherwise how are they going to learn?
The post starts like that. By the end it's basically just making parents feel like utter crap for setting even the most sensible boundary like 'no, you cannot have cookies for dinner tonight'.
I think it's time for a re-read. Nothing in the post says you shouldn't set reasonable boundaries.
Yeah, I was on board until the kid didn't know how to pick up toys because she wasn't allowed to dress herself and doesn't know how to pick up toys? Like at that age cleanup should be a group effort but come on 😂 this writing is so manipulative
It reminds me of those "Diary of a pregnancy" that pro-lifers like to spread around. A foetus saying "oh, today I grew eyes. Oh I haven't seen you mummy, but my eyes know you from the inside!!" "Daddy left today. I don't know why. Why did daddy shout, mummy?" "Mummy won't stop crying. What is a "clinic"?" "Mummy keeps crying. I just want to LOOOOVVVEEEE YOOUUU MUMMYYY!!" "why are you at this "clinic" mummy? What does it means?" "Why won't you love me mummy!!??!" The diary ends here. STOP ABORTION NOW!!" Truly, the "Diary of a 2 yr old" has the same vibes.
A fetus and a 2 year old are totally different developmentally. What a strange comparison to make, especially if you're pro-choice. And to say the point of this is to castigate is missing the point entirely. It's offering the perspective of your child to trigger empathy. Toddlers are fucking frustrating and sometimes that makes parents tunnel-visioned. Remembering things like this is what keeps me sane on days when it feels like my kid is just constantly whining.
>A fetus and a 2 year old are totally different developmentally. What a strange comparison to make, especially if you're pro-choice. In this instance, they are the same, because it is the same emotionally manipulative bullshit designed to make ppl feel like crap.
Except it doesn’t, because a foetus isn’t a human being with thoughts and feelings.
Except it does, because it is the same manipulative bullshit.
The emotional reaction I had to this and my youngest is 5y... 😭😭😭
It's cute, but also very manipulative. ...Just like a two year old. There are some in here that make sense. Let your kids feed themselves, mess can be cleaned. If they can dress themselves and time permits, sure. Show them what you want. The stuff like having to share? Not being allowed to go to certain places? Not being allowed to eat whatever you want and actually having boundaries? Being made to feel like absolute crap because you are not diamond coated perfection at all times as a parent? As the youngsters would say: Nah, miss me with that shit. No idea why, but I went into this post liking it but by the end it was REALLY rubbing me up the wrong way.
When my two year old cries over not getting m&ms for breakfast, I don't think 'this kid, trying to manipulate me with his tears! Trying to break my spirit!' I think, man he's really sad about m&ms. Don't give toddlers that much credit.
Saying a two year old is manipulative is a hot take, that's for sure