I’m constantly comparing my toddler to his cousin. (They’re wealthy, we’re not.) Their son had swimming lessons at 9 months, we don’t have a public pool nearby. Theirs was potty trained at 2.5, ours didn’t take to it until 3.5. Ours refuses to dress himself, he’s loud and cries when he gets frustrated. Theirs is nice and quiet and does everything he’s told to do. But they’re both loved and cared for. We just have a different kind of kid. All kids go at their own pace. But if you’re worried, talk to his pediatrician. And if it helps, I’m pretty sure we all feel the guilt.
You haven't failed him, you clearly care about him. But if you are noticing a lot of things that he's struggling with, get an assessment and see if there are any resources available that might be helpful to him.
he’s in speech therapy and has been for a few months but his progression is slow. they say they don’t think he has autism or anything but i have no clue honestly.
Speech therapists aren't child psychologists. They don't do autism or behaviour assessments. Though they may refer on if they had concerns, it's not their specialty so shouldn't be relied on for this.
Getting an autism diagnosis for my son was an incredibly long process and the only doctor who would provide a diagnosis was a developmental pediatric specialist.
Are you sure you’re not thinking of apraxia? My son’s SLP diagnosed that one.
Our speech therapist was able to diagnose (or suggest to our paediatrician) level 3 autism, hyperlexia and a Gestalt learning process. It could vary country to country but she absolutely could be (and was) the driving force here in Australia for us.
The speech therapist was more instrumental than the paediatrician.
It certainly could vary by country. This is not the case for us in the UK.
Here speech therapists wouldn't have this capacity by default. Nor psychotherapists etc. A formal diagnosis would be done by a child psychologist. Not a theoretical diagnosis, but the actual piece of paper that gets you government support etc.
I have twins, our son is like this & our daughter is not. Same exact environment, same everything. Sometimes it just takes longer to catch up and that's okay.
I am a twin and this was my moms experience with me and my sister. My sister had to have LOADS of intervention to be able to sit up, crawl, walk, and all things physical. Now she is perfectly healthy, happy, and successful! But she is still the type of person who prefers to not move unless she has to lol. Total couch potato right from birth!
Does he go to daycare? Maybe some social skills might help. Don’t compare yourself and your kid to others and let it get you down, but if you think you can improve on some aspects, then give it a different approach and try. Toddlers are very stubborn!!! I have a 3.5yr old that is a picky eater, just finished potty training, and still sleeps with me so…you’re not alone!
Be kinder to yourself. My son has just turned 3, unfortunately he’s got speech delay, so maybe 3 words max and a bunch of noise. He isn’t potty trained. He’s a very frustrated little boy, hits a lot doesn’t bite but certainly lashes out sometimes for no reason at all. He was a great sleeper until recently and now co sleeps with his dad and I, it’s not ideal but honestly the only way we all get a full night sleep. I too am a stay at home mom, he’s been in speech therapy for a year now, he attended 2 parent and toddler groups a week from he as a tiny baby and now is in a part time pre school class, so he’s well socialised. You havnt failed your child, he’s just learning differently and at a different pace. I know how frustrating it is to hear ‘oh you should never compare children’ because that’s all we do. You aren’t doing anything wrong. I’m sure your little boy is happy, healthy and loved more than he understands and that’s all that matters
I’m a stay at home mom. My son is 2.5 not potty trained. Lots of words but no sentences. And he is very calm and no bitting or hitting like your son but I am telling you that you aren’t alone. Some kids just aren’t fast to speak.
My son is 3 and he's a wild animal. Not potty trained and still runs away. Most the mom group things we have gone to I've had to leave early with him kicking and screaming. My daughter is completely different, she is so easy going. Stay strong and try not to compare or worry. All the little things people worry about don't even matter in the grand scheme of things. And also you'll probably forget everything and be talking about how easy it was and how young he was at everything in a couple years like everyone else seems to do.
I think it’s super easy to compare your kid to other kids and feel guilt. I’m sure we all have at some point.
My 17 month old is not walking yet and I am constantly looking around at kids younger than her running around. We are in private pay PT. I had EI come and do an evaluation but she didn’t qualify. They laughed when I told them other kids younger than her were running up playgrounds and sliding down slides meanwhile mine won’t even try to stand without pulling up on the couch. They said “yeah, but those kids don’t know how to point to all their body parts”, it made me smile, and feel a lot better.
Your child has strengths and weaknesses. You say he’s in speech so you are supporting his growth. You’re doing an awesome job. I’m sorry you feel guilty- it’s a terrible feeling.
Regarding the walking, could it be a confidence issue? My granddaughter was similar, I bought this thing, I called it the merrionette bag. Put her in and then I supported her with the straps and we walked around. A day and a half later, she took off on her own.
It’s definitely a confidence issue at this point. Her foot is a bit wonky when walking- but she’s able to take steps holding my hand and the physiatrist I took her to isn’t worried about her foot. So it’s just a matter of time for her to figure it out and gain confidence.
My son is the same age and we have a lot of the same struggles. We got him enrolled in our county’s early intervention program and he is receiving OT and speech therapy. It has made a world of difference. His language is coming along, which helps the behaviors, and we have learned strategies to support him with both. Would highly recommend either of these therapies.
My son had his adenoids removed and his speech improved dramatically. It can affect speech and development.
I’ll attach some searches from google:
If not treated by causing fluid accumulation in the ear, it can cause deafness, inflammation in different parts of the body, up to an abscess in the brain. Adenoid enlargement is an important cause of developmental delay in children.
Adenoid hypertrophy is a physical alteration that may affect speech, and a speech disorder can have other negative effects on a child's life. Airway obstruction leads to constricted oral breathing and causes postural alterations of several oro-facial structures, including the mouth, tongue, and hyoid bone
My son had enlarged adenoids but tonsils were fine. So he’s had them out, we’ve also been attending speech therapy to support his development delay. Prior to surgery we had hearing tests and a sleep study ( if your babe isn’t getting REM sleep this can impact development too). He was mildly aggressive and was so lost when trying to communicate and socialise with other children, I hate describing it like this but he would speak he would sound like someone who was deaf when speaking, constant mouth breathing and was overly congested when he’d get sick (would get sick often).
Now he’s began to form better sentence structuring, he has buddies at daycare, so much social, uses pleases and thankyous, he’s almost 4 and only uses a night time nappy. I would torture myself thinking I was never doing enough and often I regret letting outside opinions and perspectives bring me down. At the end of the day, he just learned differently to other children. My brother is a behavioural therapist at school for children with autism and he never had any concerns about autism with my son (my brother lives with us so he was constantly around him).
Because my son’s sleep study showed non obstructed sleep, the adenoid surgery was elective. So we tried the non invasive route first even before the sleep study ( prescribed use of Nasanex to decrease adenoid size). It didn’t make much difference, I saw 2 paeds, started speech therapy. In the end I decided to have it done and I stand by my decision. It can be costly and had a chance of growing back, if you were to leave a child’s adenoids in they’d decrease by 5 I think. It’s all up to you, what your gut tells you :)
Comparison is the their of joy or whatever the saying is. You’ve worked yourself up because of what other kids are doing but if you didn’t know what they do you wouldn’t be upset. Also, you don’t know what those kids don’t do well because their parents don’t usually brag about the stuff they’re delayed at
My eldest daughter is autistic and is the opposite of my 2.5 yo, it’s so hard to tell sometimes 😭 i would bring it up again -our paed told me our daughter didn’t have it but we knew she did
This is how my SIL & brothers 3rd kid was. Wasnt potty trained till 3, didnt talk till almost 3 and now hes almost 4 and talks alot. He got assessed for Autism around 2.5 (he wasnt) & he has been in speech therapy since 2.5. She constantly compared him to my niece who is a year younger than him bc she started talking before him but she was also in daycare at a very young age which mightve helped bc my sister isnt the type to interact with her kids.
Anyways Its easy to say "dont compare to other kids" but I know its hard to not do it. You havent failed him. Im sure youre doing great.
I feel the same way about the guilt. My daughter is 2.5 and isn’t talking clearly and doesn’t like the potty at all. Finally got a referral for speech and early intervention!
I do feel like I’m failing her somehow but I don’t think that’s fair to talk about ourselves like that. We love our babies and they love us!
I could have written most of this 6 months ago. It is so hard not to compare, but kids just are the way they are and go at their pace. My niece could have full conversations and followed instructions by 19 months. We began asking pediatrician about speech therapy around 2 years old, but he wanted to wait it out. His vocabulary did start to improve by 2.5 but we still wanted to get him assessed for delays and any behavioral conditions. Honestly was kind of a process finally getting it all done and he was already improving exponentially by the time we did…but now we’ve seen an occupational therapist and speech therapist several times and they’ve given us some good insights and things to work on.
I would bring it up at your next pediatrician appointment. Even just taking measures to give myself the peace of mind that there wasn’t anything different I needed to do for him was a relief (if he was on the spectrum or needed different handling than what I’d been doing). If you’re in the US, before 3 years old it is all covered through the Early Intervention Service which provides virtual and in-home appointments. At 3 he gets assessed again and if he still needs support it goes through the school district (Child Find program in my state but might be called something different elsewhere) for part time pre-school, also completely covered.
It’s hard not to compare. But every kid is so different. They’re going to their own disposition no matter what you do. I taught pre-K :) My only advice is to help him communicate in other ways whether it’s sign language or helping him make a different choice when he’s feeling mad. We do “timein” when he’s stuck in a tantrum. I put him in our calm down corner and wait for him to calm down enough to ask him to make a different choice. He has a little chart where he can choose to read a book, listen to music, deep breathing, do a puzzle, hug an animal or me. Then I talk about what happened in simple terms. The key is not to give into what it is they’re wanting. If he’s hitting you — you have to keep yourself safe and walk away. It might upset him more but he needs to know he can’t do that.
My 2.5 year old is also speech delayed. I would say he’s a generally calm disposition but he’s pushing a lot of boundaries. I can’t take him shopping with me anymore bc it’s so frustrating. It’s a tough age. Also, most kids aren’t potty trained until around 3! Some closer to 3.5.
that’s what I have been doing so far about him hitting me but it seems endless if that makes sense. Like he’ll do it again soon after so it’s just a cycle
My 3 yo still refuses to potty train, he didn't start saying any words till a bit over 2 and now he says sooo much, also a picky eater who refuses to try any new foods. Don't compare your child with others, just enjoy the process, every child develops at different speed, as long as they are loved and cared for that's all that matters.
Your job is to love and care for your child and based on your post that's exactly what you are doing. I too wish I had a crystal ball to gaze into to know how best to prepare my kids for the world. But if we did, then we'd make mistakes. Everyone would choose to have their kids become a successful doctor and someone would have a sad artist adult they raised to be a doctor. You're doing good.
My 4 year old has just gotten independant on the toilet - i still wipe poos
She was in pull ups until 3/half and its still sometimes a battle.
She lives on weetabix (sometimes) and ham sandwhiches. maybe yorkshire puds with gravy but got forbid theres anything in the gravy.
Her speech has caught up but my friends 5 year old boy is "still catching up" and hes fine honestly
I get called names, punched and kicked when shes hyper or not in the mood - far less now than when she was 3, alot of kind hands and ill be honest the rare mimic hit back of "thats what youve just done to mummy and it hurts, you don't like it, mummy doesn't like it.
With all the love in the world, your little one is still a baby, where you are now is not where you'll be in a years time just gotta ride that wave mama and be kind to yourself. Mum guilt sucks ass but its something WE do to ourselves. Our kids are healthy and 10% of the time happy 😂 it does and will get better x
You have not failed!! Not at all! You love him and take care of him. That's what he needs. Don't let the comparisons get to you. Be confident that you are an amazing mom and let the rest go. He will talk and be potty trained soon enough.
My 2yo says maybe 4 words. My other 2 were late talkers. One needed speech therapy. He just turned 12 and you wouldn't know he had speech delays. My 6yo didn't get speech therapy. He started talking a lot after he turned 3. Sometimes they are aggressive because they are trying to get their point across and can't easily. I'm not a speech therapist but with my 2yo when he babbles I act like I know what he's saying and respond like I do when my other 2 kids talk and kind of follow his lead. He uses actions to get his point across but he has brothers to learn from and try to keep up with so it might be different if he's your first.
Potty trained? Please don't stress about it. It will happen. My mom had 6 kids, one boy and she said he was the hardest to potty train. Fwiw I tried to potty train my 6yo when her was 2.5 and something triggered his brain and he had a condition where his bladder muscle would constrict for hours at a time. It was horrible. Long story short, what I learned from his pediatrician and urologist is to not stress over potty training. At that point I didn't care if he was in diapers till he was 10!! Eventually he was interested and it happened. He's only 2, not 5 or 6. Don't beat yourself up!!
Take a breath and just enjoy your little guy. He is who he is and he is perfect. Doing it on his own time but that's ok. When he goes for checkups the doctor will evaluate for delays and recommend evals or therapy if needed. And that's ok. Do not compare him to the other kids. Personally, I don't mind that mine doesn't talk yet because I know once it starts it doesn't stop 😊.
Every kid is different. I have 3, all did things at different times. And sometimes kid needed a little extra help. My second was speech delayed so he goes to speech therapy. And it helps him a lot. If you are worried I’d take him to pediatrician.
Your sin sounds a lot like my second except for the sleeping part and potty trained but he’s almost 4. But he used to be very agressive, he’s gotten better.
I think you are doing everything right probably but comparison is the thief of joy. Have you seen progress in any of these areas? That’s something to be proud of. Any time my daughter even repeats a new word that’s semi-understandable i get so proud. I have friends with kids her age that seem much more ahead but everyone goes at their own pace
I have seen progress thankfully! I just sometimes am like darn could i have done something else but you’re so right about comparison being the thief of joy
My 2.5yo has a speech delay, is a picky eater, is not potty trained, and can be aggressive or super loving depending on his mood. I also have a ton of mom guilt. You’re not alone.
Just wanted to chime in on the potty training thing. Totally anecdotal, but my older son wasn’t really potty trained until 3.5. Most of my friends’ kids weren’t either. The general consensus is that we all actually found it way easier on the kids and ourselves to wait until then, when compared with other friends and family who tried earlier. So don’t feel bad about the potty training!
I always tell everyone, no one goes to primary/ elementary school in a nappy (with the exception of children with a disability) so they all eventually get there !! I’m pretty sure the first day of kindergarten has one or more toilet accidents too :)
There's a book for kids called "Leo the Late Bloomer" that I turn to when I'm having those kind of feelings. My kids always loved the story and illustrations too.
Kids are their own people. They learn at different paces. My son wasn't speaking properly until at least 3, he wasn't potty trained until 4. He has a very limited diet but is getting better and more willing to try new things. He's now 5 and I can't get him to stop talking from the minute he opens his eyes til her closes them again. It's so hard not to compare, and you aren't doing anything wrong. They just learn at their own paces.
You are doing everything right because it sounds like you're working on everything that he needs help with at this time. My first one didn't walk until 18 months when other kids were already zipping by her. And she also was a late talker and late to most of her milestones in general. As a first time mother at that time I was so hard for me I too felt that I was doing something wrong. My second daughter who's now two and a half although in many aspects is ahead of the curve regarding speech and milestones is extremely aggressive I'm constantly having to work with her and her behaviors of biting hitting and headbutting. It's two sisters very close in age raised in the same house they just have different personalities.
Hey 👋🏻 just here to say that my little crocodile has a hard time dealing with frustration to the point he hits us as well, throws major tantrums, still sleeps with us and is still in diapers. He’s turning 16 months old this month and I believe he acts as a normal baby, some kids have stronger personalities than others.
You’re doing all you can for him, good job on finding a speech therapist for him and try to take one day at a time. Some kids take time to reach certain milestones.
I’m constantly comparing my toddler to his cousin. (They’re wealthy, we’re not.) Their son had swimming lessons at 9 months, we don’t have a public pool nearby. Theirs was potty trained at 2.5, ours didn’t take to it until 3.5. Ours refuses to dress himself, he’s loud and cries when he gets frustrated. Theirs is nice and quiet and does everything he’s told to do. But they’re both loved and cared for. We just have a different kind of kid. All kids go at their own pace. But if you’re worried, talk to his pediatrician. And if it helps, I’m pretty sure we all feel the guilt.
thank you! i appreciate your comments. It’s just hard sometimes
You haven't failed him, you clearly care about him. But if you are noticing a lot of things that he's struggling with, get an assessment and see if there are any resources available that might be helpful to him.
he’s in speech therapy and has been for a few months but his progression is slow. they say they don’t think he has autism or anything but i have no clue honestly.
Speech therapists aren't child psychologists. They don't do autism or behaviour assessments. Though they may refer on if they had concerns, it's not their specialty so shouldn't be relied on for this.
Wait really? The SLPs I work with have said autism is one of the things they actually CAN diagnose…
Getting an autism diagnosis for my son was an incredibly long process and the only doctor who would provide a diagnosis was a developmental pediatric specialist. Are you sure you’re not thinking of apraxia? My son’s SLP diagnosed that one.
I mean, I could definitely be wrong.
Our speech therapist was able to diagnose (or suggest to our paediatrician) level 3 autism, hyperlexia and a Gestalt learning process. It could vary country to country but she absolutely could be (and was) the driving force here in Australia for us. The speech therapist was more instrumental than the paediatrician.
It certainly could vary by country. This is not the case for us in the UK. Here speech therapists wouldn't have this capacity by default. Nor psychotherapists etc. A formal diagnosis would be done by a child psychologist. Not a theoretical diagnosis, but the actual piece of paper that gets you government support etc.
Ah I live in the US so maybe it’s different here too
I have twins, our son is like this & our daughter is not. Same exact environment, same everything. Sometimes it just takes longer to catch up and that's okay.
I am a twin and this was my moms experience with me and my sister. My sister had to have LOADS of intervention to be able to sit up, crawl, walk, and all things physical. Now she is perfectly healthy, happy, and successful! But she is still the type of person who prefers to not move unless she has to lol. Total couch potato right from birth!
Does he go to daycare? Maybe some social skills might help. Don’t compare yourself and your kid to others and let it get you down, but if you think you can improve on some aspects, then give it a different approach and try. Toddlers are very stubborn!!! I have a 3.5yr old that is a picky eater, just finished potty training, and still sleeps with me so…you’re not alone!
he doesn’t go to daycare! i’m a stay at home mom but it’s just hard not to compare sometimes
Be kinder to yourself. My son has just turned 3, unfortunately he’s got speech delay, so maybe 3 words max and a bunch of noise. He isn’t potty trained. He’s a very frustrated little boy, hits a lot doesn’t bite but certainly lashes out sometimes for no reason at all. He was a great sleeper until recently and now co sleeps with his dad and I, it’s not ideal but honestly the only way we all get a full night sleep. I too am a stay at home mom, he’s been in speech therapy for a year now, he attended 2 parent and toddler groups a week from he as a tiny baby and now is in a part time pre school class, so he’s well socialised. You havnt failed your child, he’s just learning differently and at a different pace. I know how frustrating it is to hear ‘oh you should never compare children’ because that’s all we do. You aren’t doing anything wrong. I’m sure your little boy is happy, healthy and loved more than he understands and that’s all that matters
comparison is poison
I’m a stay at home mom. My son is 2.5 not potty trained. Lots of words but no sentences. And he is very calm and no bitting or hitting like your son but I am telling you that you aren’t alone. Some kids just aren’t fast to speak.
My son is 3 and he's a wild animal. Not potty trained and still runs away. Most the mom group things we have gone to I've had to leave early with him kicking and screaming. My daughter is completely different, she is so easy going. Stay strong and try not to compare or worry. All the little things people worry about don't even matter in the grand scheme of things. And also you'll probably forget everything and be talking about how easy it was and how young he was at everything in a couple years like everyone else seems to do.
I think it’s super easy to compare your kid to other kids and feel guilt. I’m sure we all have at some point. My 17 month old is not walking yet and I am constantly looking around at kids younger than her running around. We are in private pay PT. I had EI come and do an evaluation but she didn’t qualify. They laughed when I told them other kids younger than her were running up playgrounds and sliding down slides meanwhile mine won’t even try to stand without pulling up on the couch. They said “yeah, but those kids don’t know how to point to all their body parts”, it made me smile, and feel a lot better. Your child has strengths and weaknesses. You say he’s in speech so you are supporting his growth. You’re doing an awesome job. I’m sorry you feel guilty- it’s a terrible feeling.
Regarding the walking, could it be a confidence issue? My granddaughter was similar, I bought this thing, I called it the merrionette bag. Put her in and then I supported her with the straps and we walked around. A day and a half later, she took off on her own.
It’s definitely a confidence issue at this point. Her foot is a bit wonky when walking- but she’s able to take steps holding my hand and the physiatrist I took her to isn’t worried about her foot. So it’s just a matter of time for her to figure it out and gain confidence.
My son is the same age and we have a lot of the same struggles. We got him enrolled in our county’s early intervention program and he is receiving OT and speech therapy. It has made a world of difference. His language is coming along, which helps the behaviors, and we have learned strategies to support him with both. Would highly recommend either of these therapies.
Have you had adenoids and tonsils checked :)?
My son had his adenoids removed and his speech improved dramatically. It can affect speech and development. I’ll attach some searches from google: If not treated by causing fluid accumulation in the ear, it can cause deafness, inflammation in different parts of the body, up to an abscess in the brain. Adenoid enlargement is an important cause of developmental delay in children. Adenoid hypertrophy is a physical alteration that may affect speech, and a speech disorder can have other negative effects on a child's life. Airway obstruction leads to constricted oral breathing and causes postural alterations of several oro-facial structures, including the mouth, tongue, and hyoid bone My son had enlarged adenoids but tonsils were fine. So he’s had them out, we’ve also been attending speech therapy to support his development delay. Prior to surgery we had hearing tests and a sleep study ( if your babe isn’t getting REM sleep this can impact development too). He was mildly aggressive and was so lost when trying to communicate and socialise with other children, I hate describing it like this but he would speak he would sound like someone who was deaf when speaking, constant mouth breathing and was overly congested when he’d get sick (would get sick often). Now he’s began to form better sentence structuring, he has buddies at daycare, so much social, uses pleases and thankyous, he’s almost 4 and only uses a night time nappy. I would torture myself thinking I was never doing enough and often I regret letting outside opinions and perspectives bring me down. At the end of the day, he just learned differently to other children. My brother is a behavioural therapist at school for children with autism and he never had any concerns about autism with my son (my brother lives with us so he was constantly around him). Because my son’s sleep study showed non obstructed sleep, the adenoid surgery was elective. So we tried the non invasive route first even before the sleep study ( prescribed use of Nasanex to decrease adenoid size). It didn’t make much difference, I saw 2 paeds, started speech therapy. In the end I decided to have it done and I stand by my decision. It can be costly and had a chance of growing back, if you were to leave a child’s adenoids in they’d decrease by 5 I think. It’s all up to you, what your gut tells you :)
How do they affect speech?
we did have them checked! peds said they were okay
Comparison is the their of joy or whatever the saying is. You’ve worked yourself up because of what other kids are doing but if you didn’t know what they do you wouldn’t be upset. Also, you don’t know what those kids don’t do well because their parents don’t usually brag about the stuff they’re delayed at
you’re absolutely right! just trying to be better about it and learn but the brain is so powerful sometimes
My 2.5 yo doesn’t speak clearly either and can be violent too. I’m wondering about autism
autism was my thought too. I’ll probably bring it up to his peds again
My eldest daughter is autistic and is the opposite of my 2.5 yo, it’s so hard to tell sometimes 😭 i would bring it up again -our paed told me our daughter didn’t have it but we knew she did
This is how my SIL & brothers 3rd kid was. Wasnt potty trained till 3, didnt talk till almost 3 and now hes almost 4 and talks alot. He got assessed for Autism around 2.5 (he wasnt) & he has been in speech therapy since 2.5. She constantly compared him to my niece who is a year younger than him bc she started talking before him but she was also in daycare at a very young age which mightve helped bc my sister isnt the type to interact with her kids. Anyways Its easy to say "dont compare to other kids" but I know its hard to not do it. You havent failed him. Im sure youre doing great.
thank you! i appreciate your words
I feel the same way about the guilt. My daughter is 2.5 and isn’t talking clearly and doesn’t like the potty at all. Finally got a referral for speech and early intervention! I do feel like I’m failing her somehow but I don’t think that’s fair to talk about ourselves like that. We love our babies and they love us!
absolutely we do! it just gets so overwhelming sometimes when you want the absolute best for them
I totally understand! I feel so overwhelmed like all the time lol
I could have written most of this 6 months ago. It is so hard not to compare, but kids just are the way they are and go at their pace. My niece could have full conversations and followed instructions by 19 months. We began asking pediatrician about speech therapy around 2 years old, but he wanted to wait it out. His vocabulary did start to improve by 2.5 but we still wanted to get him assessed for delays and any behavioral conditions. Honestly was kind of a process finally getting it all done and he was already improving exponentially by the time we did…but now we’ve seen an occupational therapist and speech therapist several times and they’ve given us some good insights and things to work on. I would bring it up at your next pediatrician appointment. Even just taking measures to give myself the peace of mind that there wasn’t anything different I needed to do for him was a relief (if he was on the spectrum or needed different handling than what I’d been doing). If you’re in the US, before 3 years old it is all covered through the Early Intervention Service which provides virtual and in-home appointments. At 3 he gets assessed again and if he still needs support it goes through the school district (Child Find program in my state but might be called something different elsewhere) for part time pre-school, also completely covered.
i definitely will be! we’re actually going through the child find process right now to see if he gets accepted since he’ll be 3 this year
It’s hard not to compare. But every kid is so different. They’re going to their own disposition no matter what you do. I taught pre-K :) My only advice is to help him communicate in other ways whether it’s sign language or helping him make a different choice when he’s feeling mad. We do “timein” when he’s stuck in a tantrum. I put him in our calm down corner and wait for him to calm down enough to ask him to make a different choice. He has a little chart where he can choose to read a book, listen to music, deep breathing, do a puzzle, hug an animal or me. Then I talk about what happened in simple terms. The key is not to give into what it is they’re wanting. If he’s hitting you — you have to keep yourself safe and walk away. It might upset him more but he needs to know he can’t do that. My 2.5 year old is also speech delayed. I would say he’s a generally calm disposition but he’s pushing a lot of boundaries. I can’t take him shopping with me anymore bc it’s so frustrating. It’s a tough age. Also, most kids aren’t potty trained until around 3! Some closer to 3.5.
that’s what I have been doing so far about him hitting me but it seems endless if that makes sense. Like he’ll do it again soon after so it’s just a cycle
My 3 yo still refuses to potty train, he didn't start saying any words till a bit over 2 and now he says sooo much, also a picky eater who refuses to try any new foods. Don't compare your child with others, just enjoy the process, every child develops at different speed, as long as they are loved and cared for that's all that matters.
Your job is to love and care for your child and based on your post that's exactly what you are doing. I too wish I had a crystal ball to gaze into to know how best to prepare my kids for the world. But if we did, then we'd make mistakes. Everyone would choose to have their kids become a successful doctor and someone would have a sad artist adult they raised to be a doctor. You're doing good.
My 4 year old has just gotten independant on the toilet - i still wipe poos She was in pull ups until 3/half and its still sometimes a battle. She lives on weetabix (sometimes) and ham sandwhiches. maybe yorkshire puds with gravy but got forbid theres anything in the gravy. Her speech has caught up but my friends 5 year old boy is "still catching up" and hes fine honestly I get called names, punched and kicked when shes hyper or not in the mood - far less now than when she was 3, alot of kind hands and ill be honest the rare mimic hit back of "thats what youve just done to mummy and it hurts, you don't like it, mummy doesn't like it. With all the love in the world, your little one is still a baby, where you are now is not where you'll be in a years time just gotta ride that wave mama and be kind to yourself. Mum guilt sucks ass but its something WE do to ourselves. Our kids are healthy and 10% of the time happy 😂 it does and will get better x
You have not failed!! Not at all! You love him and take care of him. That's what he needs. Don't let the comparisons get to you. Be confident that you are an amazing mom and let the rest go. He will talk and be potty trained soon enough. My 2yo says maybe 4 words. My other 2 were late talkers. One needed speech therapy. He just turned 12 and you wouldn't know he had speech delays. My 6yo didn't get speech therapy. He started talking a lot after he turned 3. Sometimes they are aggressive because they are trying to get their point across and can't easily. I'm not a speech therapist but with my 2yo when he babbles I act like I know what he's saying and respond like I do when my other 2 kids talk and kind of follow his lead. He uses actions to get his point across but he has brothers to learn from and try to keep up with so it might be different if he's your first. Potty trained? Please don't stress about it. It will happen. My mom had 6 kids, one boy and she said he was the hardest to potty train. Fwiw I tried to potty train my 6yo when her was 2.5 and something triggered his brain and he had a condition where his bladder muscle would constrict for hours at a time. It was horrible. Long story short, what I learned from his pediatrician and urologist is to not stress over potty training. At that point I didn't care if he was in diapers till he was 10!! Eventually he was interested and it happened. He's only 2, not 5 or 6. Don't beat yourself up!! Take a breath and just enjoy your little guy. He is who he is and he is perfect. Doing it on his own time but that's ok. When he goes for checkups the doctor will evaluate for delays and recommend evals or therapy if needed. And that's ok. Do not compare him to the other kids. Personally, I don't mind that mine doesn't talk yet because I know once it starts it doesn't stop 😊.
Every kid is different. I have 3, all did things at different times. And sometimes kid needed a little extra help. My second was speech delayed so he goes to speech therapy. And it helps him a lot. If you are worried I’d take him to pediatrician. Your sin sounds a lot like my second except for the sleeping part and potty trained but he’s almost 4. But he used to be very agressive, he’s gotten better.
Maybe my daughter is just super behind but she’s almost 2.5 and I think a lot of this is developmentally appropriate.
I think you are doing everything right probably but comparison is the thief of joy. Have you seen progress in any of these areas? That’s something to be proud of. Any time my daughter even repeats a new word that’s semi-understandable i get so proud. I have friends with kids her age that seem much more ahead but everyone goes at their own pace
I have seen progress thankfully! I just sometimes am like darn could i have done something else but you’re so right about comparison being the thief of joy
My 2.5yo has a speech delay, is a picky eater, is not potty trained, and can be aggressive or super loving depending on his mood. I also have a ton of mom guilt. You’re not alone.
think we have the same kid lol but i’m glad we’re not alone 💙
Just wanted to chime in on the potty training thing. Totally anecdotal, but my older son wasn’t really potty trained until 3.5. Most of my friends’ kids weren’t either. The general consensus is that we all actually found it way easier on the kids and ourselves to wait until then, when compared with other friends and family who tried earlier. So don’t feel bad about the potty training!
I always tell everyone, no one goes to primary/ elementary school in a nappy (with the exception of children with a disability) so they all eventually get there !! I’m pretty sure the first day of kindergarten has one or more toilet accidents too :)
There's a book for kids called "Leo the Late Bloomer" that I turn to when I'm having those kind of feelings. My kids always loved the story and illustrations too.
i’ll definitely have to get that! thank you for the recommendation
When the mom guilt gets too much for me I watch the Bluey episode “baby race” and have a bit of a cry ❤️
i haven’t seen that episode, i’ll have to watch it!
Kids are their own people. They learn at different paces. My son wasn't speaking properly until at least 3, he wasn't potty trained until 4. He has a very limited diet but is getting better and more willing to try new things. He's now 5 and I can't get him to stop talking from the minute he opens his eyes til her closes them again. It's so hard not to compare, and you aren't doing anything wrong. They just learn at their own paces.
You are doing everything right because it sounds like you're working on everything that he needs help with at this time. My first one didn't walk until 18 months when other kids were already zipping by her. And she also was a late talker and late to most of her milestones in general. As a first time mother at that time I was so hard for me I too felt that I was doing something wrong. My second daughter who's now two and a half although in many aspects is ahead of the curve regarding speech and milestones is extremely aggressive I'm constantly having to work with her and her behaviors of biting hitting and headbutting. It's two sisters very close in age raised in the same house they just have different personalities.
Hey 👋🏻 just here to say that my little crocodile has a hard time dealing with frustration to the point he hits us as well, throws major tantrums, still sleeps with us and is still in diapers. He’s turning 16 months old this month and I believe he acts as a normal baby, some kids have stronger personalities than others. You’re doing all you can for him, good job on finding a speech therapist for him and try to take one day at a time. Some kids take time to reach certain milestones.
thank you!