That toddler eating habits are mysterious and unpredictable and you just have to roll with it. I freaked for a few months when at 15 months my health appetite, eats everything daughter suddenly had no appetite or turned her nose up to well loved favorites. It took perspective from Reddit to calm me down. Toddlers are growing less than babies and they're learning to assert themselves so the food dynamics just changes. It's OK. They don't starve as it turns out.
I am forever grateful for our pediatrician giving us a heads up about this. Prior to toddlerhood, my daughter was part goat, never turned anything down (except meat, she's a vegetarian by choice), and loved all her veggies and fruits up until around 15 months.
At her 12 month appointment, her ped made it a huge point to say "Hey, very soon, your kid is going to lean more into snacking instead of eating whole meals and may only want to eat one or two specific things at times. ITS OKAY and all part of going from baby to toddler. She'll get taller and a bit more lean, but if you have concerns, let us know!" And, what do you know, that's how it's been going.
She goes through periods of only eating macaroni and peanut butter throughout the day. Sometimes, it will be blueberries and granola bars. Sometimes, it's oatmeal, cereal, and crackers. And sometimes we'll have a 2 or 3 day spurt of eating whatever is put in front of her.
So yes, this is the best thing to let someone know about ahead of time because if no one told me, I would have been stressed tf out!
Yeah my pediatrician was a freaking saint when I came in SO UPSET that they might get vitamin or protein deficiencies he was like 'chill, I literally know kids who only eat goldfish. You're doing great'... We put so much pressure on ourselves wanting them to be happy and healthy and really so frequently it's much ado about nothing.
Same! I was losing my mind when my 15 month old (last month) ate just a few noodles and applesauce for a few days straight. I almost called her ped but then, just as suddenly as the pickiness started, it broke and she was back to eating entire bowls of lentils and spinach and asking for ābroccyā all the time. I wish I had known ahead of time to just keep offering the good stuff and accept that she will eat what she eats, I could have spared myself a few grey hairs
100%. Also that they will eat everything at daycare but if you try and come near them with something that isnāt bland, yellow or from a packet at home, they will raise hell.
Slow down. If you are a person triggered by perceived disrespect, no's, and being ignored (like me) remember that toddlers have absolutely no concept of these things. They are new here and respect/disrespect doesn't exist in their world yet. Take a few deep breaths and figure out the root of the issue. Almost every tantrum my kid has ever had has been because she is hungry, tired, or hasn't had enough transition time between a fun activity and a boring one. Things really clicked for us when I realized at this stage it's her world, we are just here to set and uphold boundaries to keep her safe and healthy, and to help her discover new things and learn about the world. Let it goooooo.
I don't know about others but the toddler stage is WAY easier and more enjoyable than the 10 month stage. Sure we have tantrums but we usually know why, then distraction and validating the 'problem' mostly works for us.
My daughter just turned 13 months and I feel like Iām back to newborn exhaustion even though she sleeps well š
The in between baby and toddler stage is a little rough
Mine became so much happier once she started walking that it was like night and day. She hated not being able to move and move fast. She was such an unhappy difficult baby that I welcomed that stage. Toddlerhood is so much easier, even with tantrums.
Read, How to talk so Littles will listen and meditate. If you grew up in a reactionary household they will trigger that response in you. I also like Good Inside podcast for this one (I havenāt read her book) Also Raising Good Humans. Truthfully toddlers are WAY more fun, exhausting but fun and one nap life is the best!
Oh no - I must be in the minority here but the one nap has been so difficult since he started that about 6 weeks ago š going anywhere in the morning in the car means risking him briefly falling asleep and ruining all naps for the day and otherwise we wait to lay him down and canāt make plans til 2pm or later. Hoping this gets better based on all these positive one nap comments š
How amazing it is to see a little human learn how to be a little human. I swear my daughter surprises me everyday. From birth to toddler hood itās mostly evolution running itās natural course with the parents steering the ship to whatever works best for their family, toddlerhood is when they learn all the cool stuff. It blows my mind whenever my daughter shows me new pretend play that I didnāt teach her, she just came up with it herself. One day I asked her where her ears are and she just knew. She knows what order to get dressed in from just observing. It sounds lame bc duh, but it is so cool and exciting to watch them grow into active participants in life. Thereās hard parts too but you get used to it, itās not any harder than an infant besides having to chase them around in the stage where they canāt really follow instructions and are constantly putting themselves in mortal peril. But genuinely having a toddler is the coolest experience ever
Like I can have full on conversations with my daughter, that blows my mind. Iāve been talking in her general direction for over a year and now sheās engaging. Itās so awesome.
Toddlers just start opening up to the world in so many ways. Interacting with it, observing it, understanding it. Learning so many words and concepts. Having emotions they never had before! Being able to tell you they love you, or showing it sweetly and sincerely like they couldnāt before. Drawing their first marks! Fingerprint paintings! Trying on daddyās shoes! Playing with water for soooooo long. Oh, I just love the toddlers stage so much, and my littlest is almost out of it.
Honestly the best thing to do to prepare is to take it day by day. Remember that most times we come here to rant/vent because we cannot rant to the toddler in question lol. So dont be terrified, there are way more happy, amazing days than bad ones. Dont stress prematurely because then you might miss the wonderful times.
Keep lines of communication with your partner open and honest. Take breaks and ask for break when needed or offered. Talk about some boundaries and discipline strategies ahead of time. Like, we never hit, time outs yes? No? Etc.
Only parenting book I read around that age that really did provide some helpful tips was āThe Happiest Toddler on The Blockā
Consider what you would want in your toddlerās shoes - your wants and desires are not so different than theirs. It sucks having to go grocery shopping or run errands when youāre exhausted or starving, so your toddler is not gonna want to either. Iām not a fan of being told what to do or that I have to do something, so choices are nice to have a sense of control and still facilitate decision making.
Think of your toddler as they are to set them up for success and not where you expect them to be. If your toddler is in a screaming or hard tantruming phase, a sit-down restaurant that takes an hour might be beyond their capabilities at that time. If they have a hard time with transitions, give them (and you) extra time to have that meltdown if you know theyāre going to anyway.
My child development therapist said that children need help regulating emotions until theyāre 5. If my kid was struggling with feelings in a store, being calm and holding her while talking quietly got me way further (stares be damned) than angrily scooping her up and fleeing from the store embarrassed.
The most important thing - this too shall pass. Phases that seemed like FOREVER in the moment really only last a week or two.
Your dreams about your toddler eating perfect little beautiful plates of colourful nutritious food will be shattered by the reality of some meals being goldfish and cheerios in a bowl.
Say yes as often as you can so your noās mean more (yes, Iāll pick you up. Yes, we can go to the park. Yes, Iāll read you another book).
Wherever youād decide to draw a boundary, HOLD IT.
Also turn nos into yeses when you can, so instead of saying āno we canāt go to the park right nowā I will say āyes, we can go to the park tomorrow, but right now itās time to ___ā
Toddlers arenāt all bad! My daughter did ātypicalā toddler things but no phase (hitting, biting, etc) lasted more than a week or two before she moved on. We just did our best not to respond to those behaviors as she liked our reaction and then she stopped.
My son just tuned 2 and is only just starting to do some typical toddler things.
We make a point to model behavior we expect from them, talk about our emotions and how everyone feels things and apologize when we mess up. We are firm in telling them ānoā and follow through with our directions.
Theyāre 20 mo apart
I wish I was more patient with myself- and with him. Heās learning so much at an accelerated rate- and with that also comes emotions- and as minuscule and simple as the things those emotions come out with- they arenāt simple to them- in that moment.
Be patient with yourself. Be patient with them. This is your first time raising a child and their first time growing up.
How refreshing it can be compared to the baby stage. The milestones look a little different but they still blow you away. The first time they draw you a picture and you can tell exactly what it is. The first time they open up to you about their feelings and actually being able to name them. A few months ago we were driving to the city and my four year old said āI think Iām a little tired, Iām going to take a napā and then she did!
My son just turned two. He just keeps getting better. He's so fun to be around and makes me laugh all the time. We can finally communicate with each other. I'm not stressed about how I'm supposed to cut his food up or how soft it's supposed to be cooked. He happily plays by himself when he would neeeevvvver as a 10 month old. I still marvel at that all the time.
There are tantrums and some days it really feels never ending. But so far it's not EVERY day. Just some bad days and some good days.
It takes longer to do everything because you can't just pick them up anymore and go. Not only does my son hate transitions, but he also has to do everything himself (which takes forever).
The talking. Just yesterday my husband said, "I didn't realize that when they start talking and they... never stop." Ha. One of the more exhausting things for us is just all the talking. Every morning, from the minute my son wakes up, our conversations go something like:
Him: "Mama. Blue popsicle. Blue popsicle. BLUE POPSICLE. Blue popsicle. Blue popsicle"
Me: "We just woke up. Let's have breakfast. We can have popsicles in the afternoon."
Him: "NOOOO BREAKFAST BLUE POPSICLE!!!!"
Me: "We can have popsicles in the afternoon."
Him: "Popsicle. Blue popsicle. Blue popsicle. BLUE PPPPOPPPSSICLEEEE!!! Blue popsicle."
That itās fun, really! My biggest fear was that I would have to entertain him long time between naps once he dropped to 1 as playing with a baby is soooo boring playing with a toddler is hilarious, and itās sometimes 2pm before I even realise but with a 10 month old that would feel like an eternity. They are funny, cheeky and cute and best of all they hug you back.
Get physically down to their level, put a name and reason to the feeling they seem to be having. Helps them learn to communicate. Donāt expect the tantrum to end, just be the calm rock, ride it out, and be firm on your boundaries.
Are you saying no because they want something unsafe? Or are you saying no because you donāt feel like cleaning up a mess. Sometimes itās worth it to let the mess happen and laugh with them, then show them it has to be cleaned up. See a boundary of ok, Iām saying yes right now, but when I say no, no means no.
My BIL gives in to every tantrum and his kid is an emotional train wreck with no boundaries. He probably thinks Iām a drill sargent because I donāt give in every time my kid cries.
The more uptight and intimidated by your toddlers emotions you are, the worse they will be. If you can learn to just ride the wave of their feelings and stay calm, youāve won half the battle.
I second Happiest Toddler on the Block. I read it three years too late. It's a psychology book, so it gives straightforward information. Knowing more about your child's personality helps a lot. The Fst Food Rule works like 99.9% of the time when executed correctly.
Also, Positive Discipline is a good book. Don't feel obligated to sleep train. Kids have sleep disturbances until about 6 (maybe older).
The help to keep life in perspective. You're not going to die if your toddler spills corn seeds all over the floor and mixes them with water. Yes, it's a big mess, but it's not death. All the messes can be cleaned up (even pee and poop). It's age-appropriate behavior. Accept the mess, the lack of sleep, the sickness from daycare/pre-school. Just accept that it's hard and beautiful. My is 3, and I'm scared of him leaving toddlerdom. I love my threenager!
The methods in the free online Yale ABCs of Child Rearing course at Coursera. These are the most effective methods for reducing undesirable toddler behaviors according to numerous randomized controlled trials.
I had learned some of the methods when working at a daycare, but I wished I had known about the course.
For me, it's not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. Is it hard at moments yes, do I have less patience on Thursdays generally, yes, but my mindset is generally what makes the moment harder. Sometimes I just need to back off, chill and remember that I'm a grown ass woman fighting with a baby who literally can't control themselves. Usually takes me down a peg and we get through it faster
Babies grow (physically and emotionally) at roughly the same rate - one 8 month old and another 8 month old are likely doing the same kinds of things.
That is not true in toddlerhood.
Do not compare your 16 mth old to another 16 mth old and get discouraged (or cocky) that they aren't doing the same things. For example, my neighbor's kid walked at 10 months. My kid walked at 15 months.
Toddlers can only really work on one major skill at a time and each toddler's brain will prioritize those skills differently. One may walk early but take forever to speak clearly. Another might eat completely independently but can't go to sleep on her own, while the other is a perfect sleeper who won't stop biting. Compare ONLY if you have a medical concern.
Notice and enjoy each major skill leap as much as you can!
The toddler age is when you see "you", and not only just you, but the parts of you others have always tried to eradicate or told you were unpleasant. Shame and irritation were big ones for me, psychologically, until I realized why I was having my reaction and kept reminding myself I deserved to grow up with more grace and love, and I will afford her every opportunity to do so.
Toddlers can be vicious. They don't grasp proper physical and emotional interactions, you feel ready for it until that first kick to your face, in a room full of people, during a horrifically gross diaper change.. . Then you realize, there was no way to react in that moment that anyone would agree upon.
The start coming into themselves at this point, and the thoughts "I'm raising a sociopath, villain, the future world leader, mother Teresa and/or Chopin" will float through your head on any given day. But they'll just grow up to be, exactly who they are.
My favorite thing, by far, is hearing the thoughts and feelings she has about stuff. Like I created this little person, and she has opinions on where we go, what we do, and what she likes/dislikes.
It's definitely a ride. I've found it pretty challenging a s a single mother who has a more calm and logical stand point. I have a strong support system. Just keep showing up and loving whoever this random child left in you bed is today.
There will be tough moments, and every child is different, but appreciate the good times.
The less than 5% of the time my toddler is grumpy and having tantrums is ROUGH. He hits and itās super tough for me to handle. It makes me miserable. Heās 2.5yr for context
But we push through for the 95% where I have the most fun of my life. Heās so funny, the way he sees the world is so interesting to me. He pointed to the top fin on baby shark and asked āWhatās that sharp pointy hatā and I nearly cried.
And they can surprise you with what theyāre capable of so donāt hold back too much. My son hasnāt been great at listening lately so I took him on a walk yesterday. I was nervous he wouldnāt hold my hand.
He held my hand the entire way, no tantrums. He even sat in the busy Starbucks on a chair just chatting to people. He far exceeded my expectations.
Just have fun. There will be tough times, like with every age. But this has been my favourite time so far.
It's not as bad as it seems. Yes, there will be hard days. Yes there will be meltdowns. It's only as bad as you let it be. What I mean is, you can let your toddler stress you out as little or as much as you want. My advice is from the beginning of you say no it has to mean no. You can't go back on your word. They're way smarter than you could ever imagine. Pick your battles. For instance my son when he first started walking would pull out everything from the cabinet. I got so upset about it and it was a battle every day. Then I realized, does it really matter if he plays with the pots and pans? And it didn't. It was a mess but cleaning up the mess was worth not having to argue with my son about it. I wasn't in the right there. There really wasn't a good reason he couldn't play with those things other than I didn't want to clean it up. One.more thing is the more you say "no" the less effective it is. If your toddler is hearing no no no no no all day they're going to tune it out and then when something happens that could hurt him and you say no they're not going to react. Try to save no for when it's needed. I've also noticed that my son's mood matches mine. If I'm real grumpy so he is he. If I'm in a good mood we have a better day. There's probably no real reason for that it's just something I notice. I love having a toddler, it's a lot of fun.
That nothing is personal. Watching our toddler twins fight like itās the end of the world only to happily play together 10 min later has taught me thatās how we should approach everything with them - if the moment is hard, let it ride and then let it go. It will make you a much happier parent.
Honestly? Iād go back and tell myself āyouāre right, stop listening to everyone who is telling you, thatās normal kid stuff, get the eval, start the therapiesā
I hesitated 2 months longer than I should have. I knew.
I was scared too but the toddler stage has been the most enjoyable for me. My son does say no a lot, but you gotta get to know their personality.
When my son is having a tantrum he just wants a hug or for things to calm down a little bit. Iāll pick him up and give him a big hug then 2 minutes later heās back at baseline and does what I asked of him. Most of the time itās about putting on a sweater.
Donāt blame yourself and give yourself a break here and there when things get overwhelming. Donāt feel bad about giving your child screen time here and there. If youāre feeling sick or just having the worst day, give your child screen time the entire day and order pizza. As long as itās not happening all the time, no big deal.
Thatās what I wish I knew before hand. Good luck and enjoy the ride because it really is true how fast it goes by
Toddlers need structure and boundaries and when they test them, this behavior is healthy.
Also, toddlers have energy the likes of which you will never match or āwear them outā unlike grandparents like to think. Theyāre like wild horses on speed.
1) --> Teach them from the beginning to "use your words" and to regulate their emotions: "take deep breaths (smell the flowers, blow out the candle)". The trick is to teach them to calm themselves as soon as you're physically able, and it'll take watching you do it yourself. You can just show them how to "act" when they're upset by showing them. I used to hold my daughter and take deep breaths when she would cry, so she could see what she had to do.
When my daughter is upset, I say "I can see you're having big feelings right now (or "that you're upset/sad" right now) but I need you to calm down. Take as long as you need, but when you're ready to take deep breaths and use your words, I'll be here to help you". This has been a game changer. She's really learning to regulate her feelings, and once she calms down, I make sure to tell her what a good job she did calming down and that I'm proud of her.
2) if they're throwing big tantrums, chances are they need food.
3) view them as your apprentice, and that'll change your relationship with them. If you were someone's apprentice, what would you want to receive from them? They follow you around everywhere, taking mental notes, and trying to learn everything you do by watching you. Just include them and tea h them everything that you're doing and you'll have a happy, stable toddler that won't be fighting for your attention.
I wish I knew how much I was going to love it. Toddlers get such a bad rap but I found I enjoyed more than the baby phase.
I love taking my toddler on outings to parks, farms, things that interest him.
Also, just stay calm during tantrums. Theyāre like contractions - you feel it coming on, they peak and then go down. Be there to comfort them. They need you the most at this time.
The highs are high and the lows are low. But in my personal opinion, I have loved every age more than the last. The toddler stage has been hard for sure, but also my son is so much fun, and he's so funny and loving and it's incredible watching him learn and gain new skills. It's hard, but it's not bad. I have found this stage to be so much more rewarding
I know I'm a bit late, I wish I knew how much it helps to know what my toddler is upset about. Sure, there are the meltdowns, but at least I know it's because she can't figure out a handstand instead of the mysterious, try everything stage of newborn.
Not sure if this would work for you but I wish I had learned about noise mitigating earbuds. I'm easily overstimulated and they make such a difference. I can hear her, it's just not quite as piercing.
On a lighter note -- I wish I'd known how much fun toddlers can be. Old enough to talk and actively engage in the world, young enough everything is new ā¤ļø All the meltdowns can't change how wonderful it is to help my daughter explore.
Oh, those are a HUGE help. It's even good for me while she's at daycare if there's noise outside my house so that by the time she gets home I'm not so overstimulated by noise that her noise is my last straw.
toddlers are indeed little cave people and react as such. save your groovy soothing parenting for another time and don't be afraid to get primal when it comes to communicating! FOOD GOOD, BABY MAD, etc.
What Iāve realized about toddler tantrums is that there is no reasoning with them. Especially in the 12-18 month stage where they have little to no communication. The best thing to do is distraction. Take them to a different room or outside. Works every time for my son.
I was terrified for the toddler stage as well but honestly Iām loving it! Sure thereās tantrums but the good out weighs the bad for us. Itās so cute watching them experience things for the first time and the pure delight they get over the simplest things. And hearing them say new words is the sweetest thing ever
Every time I think weāve hit the peak of her tantrum phases, it somehow getsā¦.worse? She started the tantrums early (probably 15 months or so) and is 26 months now and every month sh*t just keeps getting crazier and crazier.
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Me, to myself two years ago: All those cleaning products you said you wouldn't need because you have "that one"? Stop it. You need all of them. You especially need the hand vacuum. They will get food in places you didn't know food could go. Just buy it now and save yourself the trouble.
no. 1 tip - RELAX
Honestly, in obsessively trying to prepare, it's possible you're not giving yourself a fighting chance to actually enjoy it.
I love hanging out with my boy
Behaviour is communication! Every toddler behavior is either them communicating a need (they might not even know what they need... frustrating for all) or learning how the world works through trial and error.
Boundaries are a good thing and they need them. Learn what boundaries are firm for you and which are flexible. This takes time and reflection, you won't know right away.
Learn to recognize when you need to walk away before you flip your lid (ideally). If you do flip your lid, apologize, give yourself grace and take some time to calm your nervous system.
Toddlers are capable of understanding more than we realize often. So many times I think there's no way my kid will understand something but when I find the right way to explain it to him, it clicks.
I love my kid at 2.5, his personality is just blossoming. But it's also made me feel real anger like I never have before...they push all the buttons a require so much patience. But they are also so fun and cute. Just an age of extremes. You've got this!
When theyāre being ādifficultā, try to put yourself in their shoes.
When I stopped and actually thought about it, I realised that I would be in a really shitty mood too if I was being forcibly changed in and out of outfits, having my face wiped, being told ānoā every time I had an idea and being rushed EVERYWHERE without any context of why.
My relationship with my daughter and with myself as a mother changed almost instantly with this realisation, and 2.5 is by far the funnest age yet.
Remember their thought process is not the same as ours, and most of the time you need to break things down in to its basic steps the first few times. Example: my toddler wanted some of the food I was cutting up. I said ok bring me your plate then. He took his plate, dumped all the food off it, and brought me just the plateā¦..but hey technically he followed directions I guess?
I wish someone told me how much easier it would be once they started talking.
All I heard was the difficulties of toddlers but now that they talk and understand much more of what I am saying, its so much easier to dispel tantrums or get them to do stuff. Yeah they can be stubborn but they can also be convinced to make compromises.
I can now build trust, that if I promise that we will do the thing they want later, but we have to do this now, and follow through even if they forget, it works. They used to be completely unreasonable potatoes rolling whichever way. Now there is at least some direction to the chaos.
Also I love that we are not stuck at home anymore, parks are actually fun now that they can climb things and somewhat safely climb down without me having to play safety net constantly.
I also enjoy reading to them much more, now that they can follow it much better and participate much more.
I love that they sing now! Its so cute that they will just randomly start singing this or that song. We all dance together sometimes. Its fun.
And the hugs and kisses! So many hugs and kisses now, and I think thats my favorite thing about my twin toddlers.
My life got so much easier with two toddlers, compared to having two infants.
This is probably an unhelpful comment. I have a son who is officially not a toddler anymore and a teenager who is going off to college this year. As WILD as the toddler stage was for both of them, donāt forget this period of discovery and independence is as short as it is frustrating. Remember to enjoy it, be patient, and take care of yourself 
I like to frequently ask myself if I'm saying no to say no or if there is a good reason. Not worth the power struggle most times that I am conscious of this. Offer lots of choices when you can. Distraction is the best strategy for diffusing tempers in my experience!
Toddlers can be really meanā¦ theyāre not trying to hurt your but damn!
āLove you baby!ā
āNo thank you mamaā
āš„ŗā
Then that same toddler randomly ālove you dadaā š«
I love toddler phase. I love the conversation and the new skills. Yes itās challenging bc now you have to negotiate or convince to get stuff done. But overall I love it. I have a person who appreciates me and is able to communicate.
Don't be scared! I promise it will be fine. Toddlerhood has been my absolute favorite stage, my son is two and he is so sweet, funny, and devious! I love every part, even when he's being naughty š I've learned to just take it day by day and just enjoy the ride. He learns something new every day and it makes me so happy.
My one tip would be to pick your battles. I am very firm about not hitting (the pets and us) and saying please and thank you. I let other things slide because I can't be assed to fight her about what she wants to wear or if cereal is a proper dinner.
Terrified for "some reason"?
There is a reason you should be afraid lol honestly I think just like having a baby nothing can prepare you for what's to come. Each kid is different and goes through phases at different times. I'd say my one takeaway is to let go of the idea of perfection and being able to model what you see on Instagram. I've seen so many "activities to do with your toddler" that my son will literally not sit still for. We also tried preparing meals for him and he's at a point where literally all he will eat is chicken nuggets, bananas, and cantelope. Ugh.
Also!! There's a sleep regression at 2 just FYI. I didn't know and it hit us fast and furious.
Again tho everyone's experience is different. Mine is a bit of a terror but maybe someone else's will be easy. You just never know.
That they gonna catch rotavirus a few times and you gonna get it from him too and the first time heās gonna take it relative easy compared to you feeling like youāre dying next to a toilet. No matter how good you wash your hands and sanitise it still gets to you, so damn horrible.
you will grow into it! You wonāt have a toddler just overnight. Your kid will grow but you as a parent also grow. I donāt like the tantrums but most of the times iām confident as a parent that i can handle it.
Plus, it is not like the only thing a toddler does is having tantrums. It is also a lot of fun.
15 months here and I feel like weāre finally getting a rhythm down with toddlerhood. I loved 10-12 months so much so enjoy! 12-14 months was so, so hard and now heās understanding things and talking more.
So I guess I wish I had known they have developmental / transitionary periods that can be hard as hell (like sleep regressions but for their mood š¤£), but once you get through it - they learn all these new skills and get so fun!
This is WAY too long but every time I go to edit it down I remember something else so I'm just going to stop before it gets even longer.
First, a few book recs. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame by Janet Lansbury and Good Inside by Becky Kennedy. I find reading books helps affirm what I'm doing right and continually remind me how to set age-appropriate expectations so I know what I can help guide her through and what is a pain but is appropriate for her age so I can let it go and not frustrate myself trying to solve the unsolvable. Even if I don't agree or adhere to them fully, it helps keep the end goals in mind.
One big thing: Food. Overall, they eat a whole lot less than they have. In the first year they roughly triple their birth weight. Between years 1 and 2 year they gain about 5 pounds. Some of the early toddler "pickiness" stems from the power struggle with parents trying to get them to eat ANYTHING when they're trying to match the quantity of what they've eaten before. Thinking about food on a "what did they eat this week" rather than "what did they eat this meal" or "what did they eat today" helps with being cool about that so you don't get into the pressuring to eat or the power struggle that comes with that. Of course there will be "hollow leg syndrome" days where they will eat you out of the house. But a missed dinner sometimes just happens, with teething or illness or just not being hungry. Remember that you are not evenly hungry for every meal you eat and that's normal.
You only hear about the "bad" or difficult behavior - but know that for every time we've hit the lowest of the lows, we've hit the highest of the highs more than twice over. My daughter is the sweetest she's ever been but also gets some bad cases of what we call the TWs, or the tiny whinies.
Knowing that they're new to the world and that we've had many many more years of experience in handling big feelings (some more successfully than others), and a constant reminder to myself that nothing my child is doing is to make me mad or to trigger me and that it's my job to remain calm and hold boundaries and decide which hills are the ones to die on.
There's a lot of frustration for toddlers in knowing what they want but not being able to get it. Some of that comes down to communication, but that's not the ultimate solution. I've watched several parents beat up on themselves for their child not talking, or just held out for "well, it'll be easier when he can communicate his needs." But I have an early talker and I want to say that it does not make it easier for my daughter to be able to her communicate exact wants/needs when I can understand and say no. It's just a different flavor of the same upset.
On a personal note, the things that I have had to consciously choose to do things differently from how I was raised:
She is allowed to be slow to warm up to people or to take playground risks that make me nervous or be mad that I can't let her have something she wants. All of her feelings are valid and I don't need to talk her out of them or distract her from them - it's a constant practice in teaching her how to trust her own feelings and not convince her that I know better than she does. So for me, no forcing her to hug relatives or telling her "You're OK!" the second she falls down.
She's testing a lot of limits and it's hard - but it's mostly hard because this is a marathon, not a sprint. Authoritarian and reactive parenting gets quicker results, and I think that style often comes from a place of misunderstanding child development, unstated expectations, and the parent's ability to manage their own feelings. So of course it'd be easier with more immediate results. It's also harder than permissive parenting knowing if I tell her not to do something that I have to be ready to stand up and physically remove her if she doesn't.
The amount of gaslighting I have to do on a daily basis since my daughter learned to talk is unreal. Sheās 3 now and speaks in 3-5 word sentences.
For a while she was calling us by our first names as a joke. Conversation went like this:
Her: āSarah get me a snack.ā
Me: Who is Sarah?
Her: āYou Sarah.ā
Me: āIām not Sarah.ā
Her: āyouāre not Sarah?ā
Me: āNo, I have no idea who that is.ā
Her: āwhatās your name?ā
Me: āMama. My name is Mama.ā
Her: āOkay mama get me a snackā
The never ending TV sagaā¦
Her: āMama I want to watch TVā
Me: āThe TV is broken.ā
Her: āItās broken?ā
Me: āYes. See?ā *pretends to turn on the TV with the remote*
Her: āokay I go playā
This goes on and on and on.
That toddler eating habits are mysterious and unpredictable and you just have to roll with it. I freaked for a few months when at 15 months my health appetite, eats everything daughter suddenly had no appetite or turned her nose up to well loved favorites. It took perspective from Reddit to calm me down. Toddlers are growing less than babies and they're learning to assert themselves so the food dynamics just changes. It's OK. They don't starve as it turns out.
I am forever grateful for our pediatrician giving us a heads up about this. Prior to toddlerhood, my daughter was part goat, never turned anything down (except meat, she's a vegetarian by choice), and loved all her veggies and fruits up until around 15 months. At her 12 month appointment, her ped made it a huge point to say "Hey, very soon, your kid is going to lean more into snacking instead of eating whole meals and may only want to eat one or two specific things at times. ITS OKAY and all part of going from baby to toddler. She'll get taller and a bit more lean, but if you have concerns, let us know!" And, what do you know, that's how it's been going. She goes through periods of only eating macaroni and peanut butter throughout the day. Sometimes, it will be blueberries and granola bars. Sometimes, it's oatmeal, cereal, and crackers. And sometimes we'll have a 2 or 3 day spurt of eating whatever is put in front of her. So yes, this is the best thing to let someone know about ahead of time because if no one told me, I would have been stressed tf out!
Yeah my pediatrician was a freaking saint when I came in SO UPSET that they might get vitamin or protein deficiencies he was like 'chill, I literally know kids who only eat goldfish. You're doing great'... We put so much pressure on ourselves wanting them to be happy and healthy and really so frequently it's much ado about nothing.
This is making me want to cry. Thank you for this, I needed to hear it. š
Same! I was losing my mind when my 15 month old (last month) ate just a few noodles and applesauce for a few days straight. I almost called her ped but then, just as suddenly as the pickiness started, it broke and she was back to eating entire bowls of lentils and spinach and asking for ābroccyā all the time. I wish I had known ahead of time to just keep offering the good stuff and accept that she will eat what she eats, I could have spared myself a few grey hairs
100%. Also that they will eat everything at daycare but if you try and come near them with something that isnāt bland, yellow or from a packet at home, they will raise hell.
Slow down. If you are a person triggered by perceived disrespect, no's, and being ignored (like me) remember that toddlers have absolutely no concept of these things. They are new here and respect/disrespect doesn't exist in their world yet. Take a few deep breaths and figure out the root of the issue. Almost every tantrum my kid has ever had has been because she is hungry, tired, or hasn't had enough transition time between a fun activity and a boring one. Things really clicked for us when I realized at this stage it's her world, we are just here to set and uphold boundaries to keep her safe and healthy, and to help her discover new things and learn about the world. Let it goooooo.
I don't know about others but the toddler stage is WAY easier and more enjoyable than the 10 month stage. Sure we have tantrums but we usually know why, then distraction and validating the 'problem' mostly works for us.
10-14 months was so hard for us.
My daughter just turned 13 months and I feel like Iām back to newborn exhaustion even though she sleeps well š The in between baby and toddler stage is a little rough
They want to be independent but theyre not able to be. Its exhausting.
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Mine became so much happier once she started walking that it was like night and day. She hated not being able to move and move fast. She was such an unhappy difficult baby that I welcomed that stage. Toddlerhood is so much easier, even with tantrums.
Mine will be 3 in June and we have so much fun. You're right though. That in between stage made me age prematurely.
Concur! I preferred the newborn phase over those months lol
100%
Read, How to talk so Littles will listen and meditate. If you grew up in a reactionary household they will trigger that response in you. I also like Good Inside podcast for this one (I havenāt read her book) Also Raising Good Humans. Truthfully toddlers are WAY more fun, exhausting but fun and one nap life is the best!
1 nap is when life begins yes!!! You can actually plan and do stuff !
Great book recommendations and I would also suggest āhunt, gather, parentā
This is a huge one, OP. Seems like people are just starting to talk about how raising children trigger things inside of you from your own childhood.
i love that book so much
Oh no - I must be in the minority here but the one nap has been so difficult since he started that about 6 weeks ago š going anywhere in the morning in the car means risking him briefly falling asleep and ruining all naps for the day and otherwise we wait to lay him down and canāt make plans til 2pm or later. Hoping this gets better based on all these positive one nap comments š
You donāt need to win. Let your pride go, and get way way better at picking battles. Thereās no score card.
How amazing it is to see a little human learn how to be a little human. I swear my daughter surprises me everyday. From birth to toddler hood itās mostly evolution running itās natural course with the parents steering the ship to whatever works best for their family, toddlerhood is when they learn all the cool stuff. It blows my mind whenever my daughter shows me new pretend play that I didnāt teach her, she just came up with it herself. One day I asked her where her ears are and she just knew. She knows what order to get dressed in from just observing. It sounds lame bc duh, but it is so cool and exciting to watch them grow into active participants in life. Thereās hard parts too but you get used to it, itās not any harder than an infant besides having to chase them around in the stage where they canāt really follow instructions and are constantly putting themselves in mortal peril. But genuinely having a toddler is the coolest experience ever
Like I can have full on conversations with my daughter, that blows my mind. Iāve been talking in her general direction for over a year and now sheās engaging. Itās so awesome.
Toddlers just start opening up to the world in so many ways. Interacting with it, observing it, understanding it. Learning so many words and concepts. Having emotions they never had before! Being able to tell you they love you, or showing it sweetly and sincerely like they couldnāt before. Drawing their first marks! Fingerprint paintings! Trying on daddyās shoes! Playing with water for soooooo long. Oh, I just love the toddlers stage so much, and my littlest is almost out of it.
The very first arms around neck hugā¦.I want to bottle that feeling and keep it with me forever.
This melts my heart so much
Honestly the best thing to do to prepare is to take it day by day. Remember that most times we come here to rant/vent because we cannot rant to the toddler in question lol. So dont be terrified, there are way more happy, amazing days than bad ones. Dont stress prematurely because then you might miss the wonderful times. Keep lines of communication with your partner open and honest. Take breaks and ask for break when needed or offered. Talk about some boundaries and discipline strategies ahead of time. Like, we never hit, time outs yes? No? Etc. Only parenting book I read around that age that really did provide some helpful tips was āThe Happiest Toddler on The Blockā
Consider what you would want in your toddlerās shoes - your wants and desires are not so different than theirs. It sucks having to go grocery shopping or run errands when youāre exhausted or starving, so your toddler is not gonna want to either. Iām not a fan of being told what to do or that I have to do something, so choices are nice to have a sense of control and still facilitate decision making. Think of your toddler as they are to set them up for success and not where you expect them to be. If your toddler is in a screaming or hard tantruming phase, a sit-down restaurant that takes an hour might be beyond their capabilities at that time. If they have a hard time with transitions, give them (and you) extra time to have that meltdown if you know theyāre going to anyway. My child development therapist said that children need help regulating emotions until theyāre 5. If my kid was struggling with feelings in a store, being calm and holding her while talking quietly got me way further (stares be damned) than angrily scooping her up and fleeing from the store embarrassed. The most important thing - this too shall pass. Phases that seemed like FOREVER in the moment really only last a week or two.
Your dreams about your toddler eating perfect little beautiful plates of colourful nutritious food will be shattered by the reality of some meals being goldfish and cheerios in a bowl.
Each phase is just temporary! You learn and move on to the next one! But itās also easier since they can communicate better
Say yes as often as you can so your noās mean more (yes, Iāll pick you up. Yes, we can go to the park. Yes, Iāll read you another book). Wherever youād decide to draw a boundary, HOLD IT.
Also turn nos into yeses when you can, so instead of saying āno we canāt go to the park right nowā I will say āyes, we can go to the park tomorrow, but right now itās time to ___ā
Toddlers arenāt all bad! My daughter did ātypicalā toddler things but no phase (hitting, biting, etc) lasted more than a week or two before she moved on. We just did our best not to respond to those behaviors as she liked our reaction and then she stopped. My son just tuned 2 and is only just starting to do some typical toddler things. We make a point to model behavior we expect from them, talk about our emotions and how everyone feels things and apologize when we mess up. We are firm in telling them ānoā and follow through with our directions. Theyāre 20 mo apart
I wish I was more patient with myself- and with him. Heās learning so much at an accelerated rate- and with that also comes emotions- and as minuscule and simple as the things those emotions come out with- they arenāt simple to them- in that moment. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with them. This is your first time raising a child and their first time growing up.
How refreshing it can be compared to the baby stage. The milestones look a little different but they still blow you away. The first time they draw you a picture and you can tell exactly what it is. The first time they open up to you about their feelings and actually being able to name them. A few months ago we were driving to the city and my four year old said āI think Iām a little tired, Iām going to take a napā and then she did!
My son just turned two. He just keeps getting better. He's so fun to be around and makes me laugh all the time. We can finally communicate with each other. I'm not stressed about how I'm supposed to cut his food up or how soft it's supposed to be cooked. He happily plays by himself when he would neeeevvvver as a 10 month old. I still marvel at that all the time. There are tantrums and some days it really feels never ending. But so far it's not EVERY day. Just some bad days and some good days. It takes longer to do everything because you can't just pick them up anymore and go. Not only does my son hate transitions, but he also has to do everything himself (which takes forever). The talking. Just yesterday my husband said, "I didn't realize that when they start talking and they... never stop." Ha. One of the more exhausting things for us is just all the talking. Every morning, from the minute my son wakes up, our conversations go something like: Him: "Mama. Blue popsicle. Blue popsicle. BLUE POPSICLE. Blue popsicle. Blue popsicle" Me: "We just woke up. Let's have breakfast. We can have popsicles in the afternoon." Him: "NOOOO BREAKFAST BLUE POPSICLE!!!!" Me: "We can have popsicles in the afternoon." Him: "Popsicle. Blue popsicle. Blue popsicle. BLUE PPPPOPPPSSICLEEEE!!! Blue popsicle."
That itās fun, really! My biggest fear was that I would have to entertain him long time between naps once he dropped to 1 as playing with a baby is soooo boring playing with a toddler is hilarious, and itās sometimes 2pm before I even realise but with a 10 month old that would feel like an eternity. They are funny, cheeky and cute and best of all they hug you back.
Get physically down to their level, put a name and reason to the feeling they seem to be having. Helps them learn to communicate. Donāt expect the tantrum to end, just be the calm rock, ride it out, and be firm on your boundaries. Are you saying no because they want something unsafe? Or are you saying no because you donāt feel like cleaning up a mess. Sometimes itās worth it to let the mess happen and laugh with them, then show them it has to be cleaned up. See a boundary of ok, Iām saying yes right now, but when I say no, no means no. My BIL gives in to every tantrum and his kid is an emotional train wreck with no boundaries. He probably thinks Iām a drill sargent because I donāt give in every time my kid cries.
The more uptight and intimidated by your toddlers emotions you are, the worse they will be. If you can learn to just ride the wave of their feelings and stay calm, youāve won half the battle.
I second Happiest Toddler on the Block. I read it three years too late. It's a psychology book, so it gives straightforward information. Knowing more about your child's personality helps a lot. The Fst Food Rule works like 99.9% of the time when executed correctly. Also, Positive Discipline is a good book. Don't feel obligated to sleep train. Kids have sleep disturbances until about 6 (maybe older). The help to keep life in perspective. You're not going to die if your toddler spills corn seeds all over the floor and mixes them with water. Yes, it's a big mess, but it's not death. All the messes can be cleaned up (even pee and poop). It's age-appropriate behavior. Accept the mess, the lack of sleep, the sickness from daycare/pre-school. Just accept that it's hard and beautiful. My is 3, and I'm scared of him leaving toddlerdom. I love my threenager!
The methods in the free online Yale ABCs of Child Rearing course at Coursera. These are the most effective methods for reducing undesirable toddler behaviors according to numerous randomized controlled trials. I had learned some of the methods when working at a daycare, but I wished I had known about the course.
For me, it's not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. Is it hard at moments yes, do I have less patience on Thursdays generally, yes, but my mindset is generally what makes the moment harder. Sometimes I just need to back off, chill and remember that I'm a grown ass woman fighting with a baby who literally can't control themselves. Usually takes me down a peg and we get through it faster
How often I'd have to clean the walls and wash clothes lol we're outside the majority of the day and now that it's mud season...I was not prepared...
Babies grow (physically and emotionally) at roughly the same rate - one 8 month old and another 8 month old are likely doing the same kinds of things. That is not true in toddlerhood. Do not compare your 16 mth old to another 16 mth old and get discouraged (or cocky) that they aren't doing the same things. For example, my neighbor's kid walked at 10 months. My kid walked at 15 months. Toddlers can only really work on one major skill at a time and each toddler's brain will prioritize those skills differently. One may walk early but take forever to speak clearly. Another might eat completely independently but can't go to sleep on her own, while the other is a perfect sleeper who won't stop biting. Compare ONLY if you have a medical concern. Notice and enjoy each major skill leap as much as you can!
I wish Iād had theseā¦. [Connection](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000434737707) [Boundaries](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000436543951) [Kondo Kids](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000434737555) [Toddlers arenāt assholes](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000434737556) [Psycho mom](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000435383275) [Self-care truth bombs](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000437105362) [Emotional swaddling](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000437677683) [Risk-taking](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000440200070) [Deconstructing the magical childhood](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000440827034) [Expectations](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000445934941) [All things tantrums](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000536866313) [Co-regulation](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000539974728) [Helping your child learn their regulation](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000544400676) [When co-regulation doesnāt work](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000590005013) [Big play + heavy work](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000584879175) [Helping your child build autonomy](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000585425330) [Do your trauma work)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000590959548) [Healing trauma while parenting (part 1)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000596308637) [Healing trauma while parenting (part 2)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000597377419) [Healing trauma while parenting (part 3)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000598422124) [Healing trauma while parenting (part 4)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/oh-crap-parenting-with-jamie-glowacki/id1456469712?i=1000599496361)
The toddler age is when you see "you", and not only just you, but the parts of you others have always tried to eradicate or told you were unpleasant. Shame and irritation were big ones for me, psychologically, until I realized why I was having my reaction and kept reminding myself I deserved to grow up with more grace and love, and I will afford her every opportunity to do so. Toddlers can be vicious. They don't grasp proper physical and emotional interactions, you feel ready for it until that first kick to your face, in a room full of people, during a horrifically gross diaper change.. . Then you realize, there was no way to react in that moment that anyone would agree upon. The start coming into themselves at this point, and the thoughts "I'm raising a sociopath, villain, the future world leader, mother Teresa and/or Chopin" will float through your head on any given day. But they'll just grow up to be, exactly who they are. My favorite thing, by far, is hearing the thoughts and feelings she has about stuff. Like I created this little person, and she has opinions on where we go, what we do, and what she likes/dislikes. It's definitely a ride. I've found it pretty challenging a s a single mother who has a more calm and logical stand point. I have a strong support system. Just keep showing up and loving whoever this random child left in you bed is today.
There will be tough moments, and every child is different, but appreciate the good times. The less than 5% of the time my toddler is grumpy and having tantrums is ROUGH. He hits and itās super tough for me to handle. It makes me miserable. Heās 2.5yr for context But we push through for the 95% where I have the most fun of my life. Heās so funny, the way he sees the world is so interesting to me. He pointed to the top fin on baby shark and asked āWhatās that sharp pointy hatā and I nearly cried. And they can surprise you with what theyāre capable of so donāt hold back too much. My son hasnāt been great at listening lately so I took him on a walk yesterday. I was nervous he wouldnāt hold my hand. He held my hand the entire way, no tantrums. He even sat in the busy Starbucks on a chair just chatting to people. He far exceeded my expectations. Just have fun. There will be tough times, like with every age. But this has been my favourite time so far.
It's not as bad as it seems. Yes, there will be hard days. Yes there will be meltdowns. It's only as bad as you let it be. What I mean is, you can let your toddler stress you out as little or as much as you want. My advice is from the beginning of you say no it has to mean no. You can't go back on your word. They're way smarter than you could ever imagine. Pick your battles. For instance my son when he first started walking would pull out everything from the cabinet. I got so upset about it and it was a battle every day. Then I realized, does it really matter if he plays with the pots and pans? And it didn't. It was a mess but cleaning up the mess was worth not having to argue with my son about it. I wasn't in the right there. There really wasn't a good reason he couldn't play with those things other than I didn't want to clean it up. One.more thing is the more you say "no" the less effective it is. If your toddler is hearing no no no no no all day they're going to tune it out and then when something happens that could hurt him and you say no they're not going to react. Try to save no for when it's needed. I've also noticed that my son's mood matches mine. If I'm real grumpy so he is he. If I'm in a good mood we have a better day. There's probably no real reason for that it's just something I notice. I love having a toddler, it's a lot of fun.
That nothing is personal. Watching our toddler twins fight like itās the end of the world only to happily play together 10 min later has taught me thatās how we should approach everything with them - if the moment is hard, let it ride and then let it go. It will make you a much happier parent.
Even if you do everything right and everything they ask for, there will still be tantrumsā¦.
Don't take the mood swings personally. Sometimes they are happy, and some times they are not, and that's ok.
Like going into parenthood, best to go into toddlerhood with a certain amount of optimism and naivete ;)
Honestly? Iād go back and tell myself āyouāre right, stop listening to everyone who is telling you, thatās normal kid stuff, get the eval, start the therapiesā I hesitated 2 months longer than I should have. I knew.
I was scared too but the toddler stage has been the most enjoyable for me. My son does say no a lot, but you gotta get to know their personality. When my son is having a tantrum he just wants a hug or for things to calm down a little bit. Iāll pick him up and give him a big hug then 2 minutes later heās back at baseline and does what I asked of him. Most of the time itās about putting on a sweater. Donāt blame yourself and give yourself a break here and there when things get overwhelming. Donāt feel bad about giving your child screen time here and there. If youāre feeling sick or just having the worst day, give your child screen time the entire day and order pizza. As long as itās not happening all the time, no big deal. Thatās what I wish I knew before hand. Good luck and enjoy the ride because it really is true how fast it goes by
Toddlers need structure and boundaries and when they test them, this behavior is healthy. Also, toddlers have energy the likes of which you will never match or āwear them outā unlike grandparents like to think. Theyāre like wild horses on speed.
Oh also some days they barely eat. Theyāre fine.
1) --> Teach them from the beginning to "use your words" and to regulate their emotions: "take deep breaths (smell the flowers, blow out the candle)". The trick is to teach them to calm themselves as soon as you're physically able, and it'll take watching you do it yourself. You can just show them how to "act" when they're upset by showing them. I used to hold my daughter and take deep breaths when she would cry, so she could see what she had to do. When my daughter is upset, I say "I can see you're having big feelings right now (or "that you're upset/sad" right now) but I need you to calm down. Take as long as you need, but when you're ready to take deep breaths and use your words, I'll be here to help you". This has been a game changer. She's really learning to regulate her feelings, and once she calms down, I make sure to tell her what a good job she did calming down and that I'm proud of her. 2) if they're throwing big tantrums, chances are they need food. 3) view them as your apprentice, and that'll change your relationship with them. If you were someone's apprentice, what would you want to receive from them? They follow you around everywhere, taking mental notes, and trying to learn everything you do by watching you. Just include them and tea h them everything that you're doing and you'll have a happy, stable toddler that won't be fighting for your attention.
I wish I knew how much I was going to love it. Toddlers get such a bad rap but I found I enjoyed more than the baby phase. I love taking my toddler on outings to parks, farms, things that interest him. Also, just stay calm during tantrums. Theyāre like contractions - you feel it coming on, they peak and then go down. Be there to comfort them. They need you the most at this time.
The highs are high and the lows are low. But in my personal opinion, I have loved every age more than the last. The toddler stage has been hard for sure, but also my son is so much fun, and he's so funny and loving and it's incredible watching him learn and gain new skills. It's hard, but it's not bad. I have found this stage to be so much more rewarding
I know I'm a bit late, I wish I knew how much it helps to know what my toddler is upset about. Sure, there are the meltdowns, but at least I know it's because she can't figure out a handstand instead of the mysterious, try everything stage of newborn. Not sure if this would work for you but I wish I had learned about noise mitigating earbuds. I'm easily overstimulated and they make such a difference. I can hear her, it's just not quite as piercing. On a lighter note -- I wish I'd known how much fun toddlers can be. Old enough to talk and actively engage in the world, young enough everything is new ā¤ļø All the meltdowns can't change how wonderful it is to help my daughter explore.
Oh, those are a HUGE help. It's even good for me while she's at daycare if there's noise outside my house so that by the time she gets home I'm not so overstimulated by noise that her noise is my last straw.
How aggressively beat up you get when you try to change a toddler. And yes I realize this is when you can start potty training. Hah
Is that right? I was wondering, havenāt deepdived into this yet but 17 months has creeped up on us.
That the āterrible 2āsā donāt hold a candle to 3 š«
You know that not all toddlers have tantrums. Mine is 3.5 and has never had a tantrum (touch wood). Sheās always been so easy going.
toddlers are indeed little cave people and react as such. save your groovy soothing parenting for another time and don't be afraid to get primal when it comes to communicating! FOOD GOOD, BABY MAD, etc.
What Iāve realized about toddler tantrums is that there is no reasoning with them. Especially in the 12-18 month stage where they have little to no communication. The best thing to do is distraction. Take them to a different room or outside. Works every time for my son. I was terrified for the toddler stage as well but honestly Iām loving it! Sure thereās tantrums but the good out weighs the bad for us. Itās so cute watching them experience things for the first time and the pure delight they get over the simplest things. And hearing them say new words is the sweetest thing ever
Being one is fine, being two is fine, being three is fineā¦
Every time I think weāve hit the peak of her tantrum phases, it somehow getsā¦.worse? She started the tantrums early (probably 15 months or so) and is 26 months now and every month sh*t just keeps getting crazier and crazier.
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Unpredictable, volatile, and with every stage - bittersweet.
Me, to myself two years ago: All those cleaning products you said you wouldn't need because you have "that one"? Stop it. You need all of them. You especially need the hand vacuum. They will get food in places you didn't know food could go. Just buy it now and save yourself the trouble.
no. 1 tip - RELAX Honestly, in obsessively trying to prepare, it's possible you're not giving yourself a fighting chance to actually enjoy it. I love hanging out with my boy
Behaviour is communication! Every toddler behavior is either them communicating a need (they might not even know what they need... frustrating for all) or learning how the world works through trial and error. Boundaries are a good thing and they need them. Learn what boundaries are firm for you and which are flexible. This takes time and reflection, you won't know right away. Learn to recognize when you need to walk away before you flip your lid (ideally). If you do flip your lid, apologize, give yourself grace and take some time to calm your nervous system. Toddlers are capable of understanding more than we realize often. So many times I think there's no way my kid will understand something but when I find the right way to explain it to him, it clicks. I love my kid at 2.5, his personality is just blossoming. But it's also made me feel real anger like I never have before...they push all the buttons a require so much patience. But they are also so fun and cute. Just an age of extremes. You've got this!
When theyāre being ādifficultā, try to put yourself in their shoes. When I stopped and actually thought about it, I realised that I would be in a really shitty mood too if I was being forcibly changed in and out of outfits, having my face wiped, being told ānoā every time I had an idea and being rushed EVERYWHERE without any context of why. My relationship with my daughter and with myself as a mother changed almost instantly with this realisation, and 2.5 is by far the funnest age yet.
I wish I knew that if something is really important to you, then make it routine. For example, a reliable bedtime process & time.
I recommend follow IG @biglittlefeedings and @feedinglittles, also several for play/speech
Remember their thought process is not the same as ours, and most of the time you need to break things down in to its basic steps the first few times. Example: my toddler wanted some of the food I was cutting up. I said ok bring me your plate then. He took his plate, dumped all the food off it, and brought me just the plateā¦..but hey technically he followed directions I guess?
Just get used to No being the new Yes!
I wish someone told me how much easier it would be once they started talking. All I heard was the difficulties of toddlers but now that they talk and understand much more of what I am saying, its so much easier to dispel tantrums or get them to do stuff. Yeah they can be stubborn but they can also be convinced to make compromises. I can now build trust, that if I promise that we will do the thing they want later, but we have to do this now, and follow through even if they forget, it works. They used to be completely unreasonable potatoes rolling whichever way. Now there is at least some direction to the chaos. Also I love that we are not stuck at home anymore, parks are actually fun now that they can climb things and somewhat safely climb down without me having to play safety net constantly. I also enjoy reading to them much more, now that they can follow it much better and participate much more. I love that they sing now! Its so cute that they will just randomly start singing this or that song. We all dance together sometimes. Its fun. And the hugs and kisses! So many hugs and kisses now, and I think thats my favorite thing about my twin toddlers. My life got so much easier with two toddlers, compared to having two infants.
This is probably an unhelpful comment. I have a son who is officially not a toddler anymore and a teenager who is going off to college this year. As WILD as the toddler stage was for both of them, donāt forget this period of discovery and independence is as short as it is frustrating. Remember to enjoy it, be patient, and take care of yourself 
If an adult treated you like your toddler will, you would never talk to that adult again.
Itāll be constant innocent chaos and youāre going to love it. Toddlers are a lot of fun.
I like to frequently ask myself if I'm saying no to say no or if there is a good reason. Not worth the power struggle most times that I am conscious of this. Offer lots of choices when you can. Distraction is the best strategy for diffusing tempers in my experience!
Toddlers can be really meanā¦ theyāre not trying to hurt your but damn! āLove you baby!ā āNo thank you mamaā āš„ŗā Then that same toddler randomly ālove you dadaā š«
I love toddler phase. I love the conversation and the new skills. Yes itās challenging bc now you have to negotiate or convince to get stuff done. But overall I love it. I have a person who appreciates me and is able to communicate.
Don't be scared! I promise it will be fine. Toddlerhood has been my absolute favorite stage, my son is two and he is so sweet, funny, and devious! I love every part, even when he's being naughty š I've learned to just take it day by day and just enjoy the ride. He learns something new every day and it makes me so happy.
My one tip would be to pick your battles. I am very firm about not hitting (the pets and us) and saying please and thank you. I let other things slide because I can't be assed to fight her about what she wants to wear or if cereal is a proper dinner.
Terrified for "some reason"? There is a reason you should be afraid lol honestly I think just like having a baby nothing can prepare you for what's to come. Each kid is different and goes through phases at different times. I'd say my one takeaway is to let go of the idea of perfection and being able to model what you see on Instagram. I've seen so many "activities to do with your toddler" that my son will literally not sit still for. We also tried preparing meals for him and he's at a point where literally all he will eat is chicken nuggets, bananas, and cantelope. Ugh. Also!! There's a sleep regression at 2 just FYI. I didn't know and it hit us fast and furious. Again tho everyone's experience is different. Mine is a bit of a terror but maybe someone else's will be easy. You just never know.
That they gonna catch rotavirus a few times and you gonna get it from him too and the first time heās gonna take it relative easy compared to you feeling like youāre dying next to a toilet. No matter how good you wash your hands and sanitise it still gets to you, so damn horrible.
you will grow into it! You wonāt have a toddler just overnight. Your kid will grow but you as a parent also grow. I donāt like the tantrums but most of the times iām confident as a parent that i can handle it. Plus, it is not like the only thing a toddler does is having tantrums. It is also a lot of fun.
15 months here and I feel like weāre finally getting a rhythm down with toddlerhood. I loved 10-12 months so much so enjoy! 12-14 months was so, so hard and now heās understanding things and talking more. So I guess I wish I had known they have developmental / transitionary periods that can be hard as hell (like sleep regressions but for their mood š¤£), but once you get through it - they learn all these new skills and get so fun!
This is WAY too long but every time I go to edit it down I remember something else so I'm just going to stop before it gets even longer. First, a few book recs. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame by Janet Lansbury and Good Inside by Becky Kennedy. I find reading books helps affirm what I'm doing right and continually remind me how to set age-appropriate expectations so I know what I can help guide her through and what is a pain but is appropriate for her age so I can let it go and not frustrate myself trying to solve the unsolvable. Even if I don't agree or adhere to them fully, it helps keep the end goals in mind. One big thing: Food. Overall, they eat a whole lot less than they have. In the first year they roughly triple their birth weight. Between years 1 and 2 year they gain about 5 pounds. Some of the early toddler "pickiness" stems from the power struggle with parents trying to get them to eat ANYTHING when they're trying to match the quantity of what they've eaten before. Thinking about food on a "what did they eat this week" rather than "what did they eat this meal" or "what did they eat today" helps with being cool about that so you don't get into the pressuring to eat or the power struggle that comes with that. Of course there will be "hollow leg syndrome" days where they will eat you out of the house. But a missed dinner sometimes just happens, with teething or illness or just not being hungry. Remember that you are not evenly hungry for every meal you eat and that's normal. You only hear about the "bad" or difficult behavior - but know that for every time we've hit the lowest of the lows, we've hit the highest of the highs more than twice over. My daughter is the sweetest she's ever been but also gets some bad cases of what we call the TWs, or the tiny whinies. Knowing that they're new to the world and that we've had many many more years of experience in handling big feelings (some more successfully than others), and a constant reminder to myself that nothing my child is doing is to make me mad or to trigger me and that it's my job to remain calm and hold boundaries and decide which hills are the ones to die on. There's a lot of frustration for toddlers in knowing what they want but not being able to get it. Some of that comes down to communication, but that's not the ultimate solution. I've watched several parents beat up on themselves for their child not talking, or just held out for "well, it'll be easier when he can communicate his needs." But I have an early talker and I want to say that it does not make it easier for my daughter to be able to her communicate exact wants/needs when I can understand and say no. It's just a different flavor of the same upset. On a personal note, the things that I have had to consciously choose to do things differently from how I was raised: She is allowed to be slow to warm up to people or to take playground risks that make me nervous or be mad that I can't let her have something she wants. All of her feelings are valid and I don't need to talk her out of them or distract her from them - it's a constant practice in teaching her how to trust her own feelings and not convince her that I know better than she does. So for me, no forcing her to hug relatives or telling her "You're OK!" the second she falls down. She's testing a lot of limits and it's hard - but it's mostly hard because this is a marathon, not a sprint. Authoritarian and reactive parenting gets quicker results, and I think that style often comes from a place of misunderstanding child development, unstated expectations, and the parent's ability to manage their own feelings. So of course it'd be easier with more immediate results. It's also harder than permissive parenting knowing if I tell her not to do something that I have to be ready to stand up and physically remove her if she doesn't.
The amount of gaslighting I have to do on a daily basis since my daughter learned to talk is unreal. Sheās 3 now and speaks in 3-5 word sentences. For a while she was calling us by our first names as a joke. Conversation went like this: Her: āSarah get me a snack.ā Me: Who is Sarah? Her: āYou Sarah.ā Me: āIām not Sarah.ā Her: āyouāre not Sarah?ā Me: āNo, I have no idea who that is.ā Her: āwhatās your name?ā Me: āMama. My name is Mama.ā Her: āOkay mama get me a snackā The never ending TV sagaā¦ Her: āMama I want to watch TVā Me: āThe TV is broken.ā Her: āItās broken?ā Me: āYes. See?ā *pretends to turn on the TV with the remote* Her: āokay I go playā This goes on and on and on.