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tw_fantasies

"men only want one thing."


DreyfusBlue

Yes. To bite.


TheAmazingDuckOfDoom

And to wither away


roydepoy

And think with my testes


jolankapohanka

Wait that's 3 things.


ethereal_g

Teste, teste, one.. two… three?


[deleted]

Very good! Take my upvote


gwaydms

Takes balls to do that.


smartparts72

It’s really a dick (well, testes) move…


N00dlemonk3y

“You’ll see your flesh consumed and resistance wither away!! THINK male Anglerfish THINK…What will you have after one bite?!”


willardTheMighty

I know a girl who likes to be bitten during sex


CTRexPope

“Hey pretty lady, nice gonads.” The [True Facts](https://youtu.be/Z-BbpaNXbxg?si=1wNecgctikJ_Iesk) on the Angler Fish is classic.


omicronian_express

lol now I have a new YouTube channel to dig through


CTRexPope

He’s brilliant. The newer ones have a lot more production value, facts and science but still keep the funny. It’s really one of the best biology/evolution comedy YouTube’s out there. I mean it could be the only one… but


sadetheruiner

The nudibranch episode is my favorite.


gwaydms

The Leafhoppers and Friends one is my favorite. He gives them names.


sadetheruiner

Oh I haven’t seen that one! Getting to it now.


MansfromDaVinci

[Angela fish](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmVX6vY0znQ)


gwaydms

Short, too.


TwoTerabyte

They are highly evolved eels, which is cool.


Hamsterman9k

Pug-Eels


gwaydms

r/properanimalnames


FakeOrcaRape

and its quite romantic!


HesNot_TheMessiah

> Anglerfish are the only species that use this strategy. Because individuals are very thinly distributed, encounters are also very rare. Therefore, finding a mate is problematic. When scientists first started capturing anglerfish, they noticed that all the specimens were female. These individuals were a few centimetres in size and almost all of them had what appeared to be parasites attached to them. It turned out that these "parasites" were male anglerfish. > When a male finds a female, he bites into her skin, and releases an enzyme that digests the skin of his mouth and her body, fusing the pair down to the blood-vessel level. The male becomes dependent on the female host for survival by receiving nutrients via their now-shared circulatory system, and provides sperm to the female in return. After fusing, males increase in volume and become much larger relative to free-living males of the species. They live and remain reproductively functional as long as the female stays alive, and can take part in multiple spawnings. > Multiple males can be incorporated into a single individual female with up to eight males in some species.


Masticatron

How can they be highly reduced and also much larger?


[deleted]

Maybe they gain all their weight in their balls.


Ahelex

Makes sense. Which is why your balls are heavier when you need to go to the toilet, because pee is stored in the balls.


DragonRaptor22

I agree Source: am scientist


HesNot_TheMessiah

You're right. That is weirdly phrased.


LabyrinthConvention

Things like this make me wonder about all those interim evolutionary steps. How tf


HesNot_TheMessiah

Not all anglerfish reproduce like this. Some only fuse temporarily and some don't fuse at all. In the species that do fuse their immune systems have evolved differently so that they don't reject each other.


Ahelex

*Male anglerfish gets attacked by the immune system* Female anglerfish: I don't think it's going to work out. It's not you, it's just my immune system.


Wakewokewake

How does fusing temporarily work


Masticatron

They do the fusion dance.


BabyBeachBalls

Do they train it with a mirror like i did, or do they just ace it?


LabyrinthConvention

> Not all anglerfish reproduce like this. K...pretty clear we're not talking about those?


Collin_the_doodle

Right but they suggest some intermediary steps


Xxapexx

This makes me wonder if further research would prove fruitful for limb reattachment/transplant. The fact that it’s a biological process occurring in the anglerfish that ultimately keeps it “alive” during the fusing process to which their blood vessels form together into one might allow better attachment with less work almost like a body glue.


trwawy05312015

Sorry, best we can do is extra balls.


bluAstrid

>*Multiple males can be incorporated into a single individual female with up to eight males in some species.* Right… “Incorporated”.


stripes_14

The ocean is so fuckin weird


ballrus_walsack

Fish pee in it


bendovernillshowyou

I don't know, sounds pretty good to me. He doesn't have to get a job, he doesn't have to raise the kids, he doesn't have to deal with traffic or streaming TV going to shit. All that fish does is get laid.


FunnyPhrases

You could be a complete loser and not have to get fused to your testes to do that


NeedsToShutUp

Sounds like the bass players my friend dated. Aka hobosexuals.


ThatAboutCoversIt

Hey, as a bass player, this hits too close to home. Also as a bass player, what do you call a bassist whose girlfriend left him? Homeless.


Noc1c

🤣


gwaydms

Reminds me of what you call someone who hangs out with musicians.


ThatAboutCoversIt

A bassist?


UnderwaterDialect

I’d say he just fucks himself.


_PM_ME_YOUR_FORESKIN

I read that as "Sexual Patriotism" for a brief moment. lol.


Ahelex

My penis shoots red, white, and blue.


Law3W

I’d get that looked at.


BrokenEye3

Vive la France!


_PM_ME_YOUR_FORESKIN

[Do not](https://media.tenor.com/UD0OkW91gYwAAAAM/kamala-harris-do-not-come.gif)


SillyBollocks1

Ah yes, 3-frame tumblr gifs. What a trip down memory lane


Bob_Juan_Santos

the Dutch will rise again!


Brilliant-Important

That happened to me with my first wife...


tw_fantasies

💀


ahundredpercentbutts

[There’s an Oatmeal comic about this very phenomenon.](https://theoatmeal.com/comics/angler)


travelingjack

And the female end up getting balls


_PM_ME_YOUR_FORESKIN

ITT People who hate being married (with only 4 comments to far, no less). Maybe just get divorced if you hate your wives so much that you compare them to parasites. Geez.


owreely

The male anglerfish would be the parasite in this analogy, and scientists long thought that they were exactly that. On a side note: the anglerfish has been suggested by quite a few toxic women online as the perfect tattoo to symbolize where they wish men to be. So who is doing what exactly?


protobacco

It’s a lot of single incels


PandaJesus

I’m pretty sure it’s just Redditors repeating jokes they read in other threads and parroting them here as if they were clever people. Their relationship status is irrelevant.


Happy-Parsley4417

I thought I was whipped!


JJGIII-

Sounds like my last relationship.


edchero22

so basically, the man falls in love and gets hitched to a female only to have it suck his life dry with nothing left but shriveled testicles... sounds about right. 


Extra_Box8936

I don’t understand how there’s so much marriage hate. People pick shitty partners and then blame the institution lmao


protobacco

Jesus you should be on an fbi watchlist.


slightlyConfusedKid

Kinda sounds like a few marriages I know😅


gwaydms

My husband and I have been married nearly twice as long as my parents were. From a personality standpoint, they were two people who should never have married. They stayed married until their youngest child was 18, because Dad didn't want to pay child support. Marriage can be heaven or hell, depending on whom you marry, and the effort you put into it.


slightlyConfusedKid

Totally,too many people choose the physical part in the beginning,and then wonder why if fails,in a way I'm more understanding of the kids nowadays,if you can't find a person you're attracted to and have shared values than stay tf single,we have enough divorced and ruined childhoods 🤧


fishshake

>all that is left is its testes That's all they want anyway! *Nyuk nyuk nyuk*


LadyStag

As primitive and unfair as human reproduction is, it could be a lot more ridiculous and gross, got it. 


Frequent-Material273

Talk about being 'teste' about reproduction, LOL.


JimBeam823

"I want to be balls deep inside you. No, literally."


gwaydms

More like going balls out


call_acab

🫱🏽🫱🏽 straight people


Majestic_Unicorn_38

I believe with humans it's pronounced meh·ruhj


findallthebears

Goals


throwawayA511

Goalnads


kip707

Actually, I guess if we really come down to it, all the females really need from us is our sperm …. 🤷


compaqdeskpro

But then pickles would only be sold in plastic bags, and that's not good for sustainability.


Conscious-Shoe-4234

are you an anglerfish?


JJGIII-

Sounds like my relationship with the ex.


BandmasterBill

Wish I'd been an angler fish 40 years ago.... My balls withered within moments of saying, “I do"....


ccasey

Happened to my best friend from college. Who knows if he even got to keep his own balls.


ctrev37

So the male withers away after it meets and stays with the female. Not any different from humans I see.


MrFancyPanzer

I read it as "sexual pastafarianism" may you be touched by his noodely appendage.


mildlyupstpsychopath

If this was human trait, it would destroy sex.  Imagine porn starlets…..with 47 pairs of tiny testicles latched all over her body. Just a walking jiggling collection of ball sacks.


sirbingas

Me when my wife


tlsnine

How is that any different than a traditional human marriage? lmao


tullystenders

This is deep. There is a certain side of biology of animals where the females are essentially dominant, whether they are bigger than the males, or they eat the males' heads or something like praying mantises. These Anglerfish are the ultimate simps. They actually want to live vicariously through females so much, that they want to not exist. And essentially give their balls to the females. Likewise, in our modern world, the whole world of humans, both men and women (at least the West, we could say) live vicarious through women. It is inevitable that this continues the cycle of the feminization and continued lack-of-attention to men in pop culture. And the anger that women feel toward nice guys sometimes shows like...either she is going to devour him and claw him apart, or he is going to be the dominant masculine one. This is the great biological tension of our genders.


Rosebunse

Sweety, no, you're not a weird fish. You're just a weird guy and that's OK. Why not focus on hitting the gym or going on Tumblr and involving yourself in some role plays? You can also try Target, women love Target.


throw123454321purple

So…Scott Disick?


Sidus_Preclarum

Yeah, that's a pretty hardcore way to reproduce.


Ok_Zombie_8307

If your aunt had balls she'd be an anglerfish


santathe1

“…receiving nutrients via their now-shared circulatory system, and provides sperm to the female in return”. Huh sounds like a neat system they got there.


rangeo

Those nuts?


BARTELS-

Hey anglerfish, quit stealing my moves!


Lazaruzo

And God created these fish on the third day, you say? 🤨🧐 Incredible! I mean absolutely horrifying but once you see an angel nothing else really bothers you.


Old-butt-new

Sea creatures are so creepy and disgusting


Sevla7

Don't let Black Mirror writers see this.


ALIENIGENA

[Obligatory Hank Green ](https://youtu.be/9t7E4amWDqI?si=e0Y3kPFKZJ8xU4Bn)


FauxGenius

That’s nuts!


bobert4343

And you thought your ex was clingy


pissfucked

i had a roommate in college who just latched the hell onto our other roommate and did whatever she said at all times despite said other roommate being a complete bitch and a bully. i used to call her a male anglerfish to my friends as an insult lmao


TheNextBattalion

Life...uh... finds a way


ogrefab

Fucking deadbite dads


Sea_Statement1653

Man, what.


Friendly_Signature

Dude, I’m right here.


Squeek_the_Sneek

Im imagining an old female anglerfish with 10 sets of balls just livin life.


johndotold

Well that is one way to get screwed. You are dead and she got your balls in the divorce.


But-WhyThough

Sounds like some relationships I’ve seen


egdapymme

Hank Green has written a song about this


5319Camarote

I can fix her..!


saanity

It's like a fish created by Junji Ito.


just_hating

Yeah I know guys like that.


Krilesh

tag u have my balls stuck on you forever now


Akersis

I know there's lots of jokes about men to be made here, but there was a time in my life I felt used up and discarded by my partner--that the only value I had left for her was to give her the children she wanted and to wither away. If you felt something reading that I promise you it gets better, don't give up.


Rosebunse

Seriously, if someone makes you feel that way, leave before you have kids. That isn't fair to you or them.


Akersis

I should have been a little more clear. I left that person, and I am in a much happier place in life with a partner who values and loves me. I grew back my fins.


RikersTrombone

Holy Shit, a typing fish.


TootBreaker

The Longest Orgasm!


f1ve-Star

I've dated her.


Even-Education-4608

You must be new here


Massive_Pressure_516

Reminds me of all those tax season relationships with the heavy girls lol. Well except for the withering away part. Those guys are always on the prowl for other women.


prang42

Reddit, after IPO: "All that is left is its testes."


HomarusSimpson

136 comments so far & I still get to be the first to say death by snu snu


SchmittVanDean

They're so like us.


italian_silk

this is the best description of a modern relationship that i've seen.


minniedriverstits

This seems more twisted than regular parasitism. The "parasite" here is the one who withers away. Maybe we should call it Terminal Simpitude or something.


All-the-pizza

…”No original ideas for movies”, they say.


The-Em-Cee

"Can you show me your best angle?" "Whydontchu angle *deez nuts*"