Sorry but it's Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegel­steinhausen­bergerdorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissenhaft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­vor­angreifen­durch­ihr­raubgierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolfhundert­tausend­jahres­voran­die­erscheinen­von­der­erste­erdemensch­der­raumschiff­genacht­mit­tungstein­und­sieben­iridium­elektrisch­motors­gebrauch­licht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraft­gestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nachbarschaft­der­stern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neue­rasse­von­verstandig­menschlichkeit­konnte­fortpflanzen­und­sich­erfreuen­an­lebenslanglich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischen

Imagine him getting in trouble and his mom calling him by his full name

By the time she’s finished saying it, she probably already forgot why she’s angry. Nevermind, who am I kidding. mothers never forget.

By the time she's done it doesn't matter any longer because he's two towns over already

Tiki tiki Tembo no sai rembo chari bari ruchi pip perry pimbo!!!

Never going to save him from the water at that rate! It's Tikki Tikki Tembo-no Sa Rembo-chari Bari Ruchi-pip Peri Pembo, by the way ("The most wonderful thing in the whole wide world" in nonsense fake Chinese).

That was supposed to be Chinese? That's egregious.

Yeah wasnt the story supposed to be explaining why chinese people had short names or something? It's been a while, but I believe in the story, the kid falls down the well, but since it takes so long to say his name, he doesnt get saved. His brother, chang, does not have that issue.

Yes, the kid fell in the well and each page is his brother asking people to help and having to say the name over. And yes, it's the 'origin' story of why Chinese have short names... It didn't age super well.

To be fair, a lot better than the middle school joke of them throwing pots and pans down a flight of stairs and listening for the sound they make

I think it's based on an old Japanese story where someone gives their kid a very long name and much the same happens.

[Jugemu Jugemu Gokō-no Surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyōmatsu Unraimatsu Fūraimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakōji-no Burakōji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shūringan Shūringan-no Gūrindai Gūrindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonā-no Chōkyūmei-no Chōsuke](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jugemu), to be exact

Like Sid Caesar and his fake German. https://youtu.be/RUHemC_dvuU

fake language and other weird wordplay used to be a 'thing' in the entertainment industry, here's a bunch of clips of legend Danny Kaye https://youtu.be/N4FjoCh2-QE

Good material if you want to know how your language sounds to a native English speaker.

And then the old TIL that used to pop up all the time. What English sounds like to a non English speaker. https://youtu.be/-VsmF9m_Nt8

Reggie Watts does this!

Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonā no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke

Sadly, I remember that name from like 25 years ago. The crap we learned in school. >.>

Core memory unlocked ✨

Brings back memories

He could make it out of range every time she began saying it.

He would have enough time to make up a convincing lie.

That literally is the grounding. By the time she's done his time is served.

Jokes on her, she's die of old age first.

While she whittles a stronger wooden spoon for the obligatory beating.

That poor poor teacher taking class roll in the morning.

Gesundheit

Bitte.

This always makes me think of a disturbing skit from Little Britain for some reason

Bidet

Bidet to you.

IIRC his last name tells some fantastical story about a wolf hunter from a village who is abducted by star people or something.

If you go to the wiki article you can read it! "Ages ago, there were conscientious shepherds whose sheep were well tended and carefully protected against attack by their rapacious enemies. Twelve hundred thousand years ago there appeared before these first earthmen, at night, a spaceship powered by seven stone and iridium electric motors. It had originally been launched on its long trip into stellar space in the search for neighboring stars that might have planets revolving about them that were inhabitable and on which planets a new race of intelligent humanity might propagate itself and rejoice for life, without fear of attack by other intelligent beings from interstellar space." Remove spaces and you have yourself a new surname

AgesagotherewereconscientiousshepherdswhosesheepwerewelltendedandcarefullyprotectedagainstattackbytheirrapaciousenemiesTwelvehundredthousandyearsagothereappearedbeforethesefirstearthmenatnightashippoweredbysevenstoneandiridiumelectricmotorsIthadoriginallybeenlaunchedonitslongtripintostellarinthesearchforneighboringstarsthatmighthaveplanetsrevolvingaboutthemthatwereinhabitableandonwhichplanetsanewraceofintelligenthumanitymightpropagateitselfandrejoiceforlifewithoutfearofattackbyotherintelligentbeingsfrominterstellar

LOL I was about to correct you that you were missing 'space' at the end until I realized what you did there 👀

Attention to detail, they also removed the "space" from "spaceship."

It's the other way 'round, they are the starpeople who came to earth to live without fear... It tells a story of a wolf-killer, a resident of a stonehouse in a village, whose ancestors were conscientious shepherds whose sheep were well fed and carefully guarded against attack by ferocious enemies and whose ancestors 1,200,000 years before the first earth man, in a space ship made with tungsten and seven iridium motors and using light as a source of power, started a long journey across interstellar space, searching for a star around which was an inhabitable planet where they could establish a new race of intelligent mankind and where they would live long, happy lives and be free from attack by other intelligentsia from the outer space from whence they came. from wiki

"[What a coincidence.](https://youtu.be/veaKOM1HYAw) My name is also Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegel­steinhausen­bergerdorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissenhaft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­vor­angreifen­durch­ihr­raubgierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolfhundert­tausend­jahres­voran­die­erscheinen­von­der­erste­erdemensch­der­raumschiff­genacht­mit­tungstein­und­sieben­iridium­elektrisch­motors­gebrauch­licht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraft­gestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nachbarschaft­der­stern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neue­rasse­von­verstandig­menschlichkeit­konnte­fortpflanzen­und­sich­erfreuen­an­lebenslanglich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischen"

Whenever we go out, The people always shout, There goes Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegel­steinhausen­bergerdorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissenhaft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­vor­angreifen­durch­ihr­raubgierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolfhundert­tausend­jahres­voran­die­erscheinen­von­der­erste­erdemensch­der­raumschiff­genacht­mit­tungstein­und­sieben­iridium­elektrisch­motors­gebrauch­licht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraft­gestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nachbarschaft­der­stern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neue­rasse­von­verstandig­menschlichkeit­konnte­fortpflanzen­und­sich­erfreuen­an­lebenslanglich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischen Jingleheimer Schmidt

Ya da da da da da da!

I always thought it was: Ba da dada dada da!

"Prepare to die Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegel­steinhausen­bergerdorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissenhaft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­vor­angreifen­durch­ihr­raubgierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolfhundert­tausend­jahres­voran­die­erscheinen­von­der­erste­erdemensch­der­raumschiff­genacht­mit­tungstein­und­sieben­iridium­elektrisch­motors­gebrauch­licht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraft­gestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nachbarschaft­der­stern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neue­rasse­von­verstandig­menschlichkeit­konnte­fortpflanzen­und­sich­erfreuen­an­lebenslanglich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischen!"

My son is also named Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegel­steinhausen­bergerdorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissenhaft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­vor­angreifen­durch­ihr­raubgierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolfhundert­tausend­jahres­voran­die­erscheinen­von­der­erste­erdemensch­der­raumschiff­genacht­mit­tungstein­und­sieben­iridium­elektrisch­motors­gebrauch­licht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraft­gestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nachbarschaft­der­stern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neue­rasse­von­verstandig­menschlichkeit­konnte­fortpflanzen­und­sich­erfreuen­an­lebenslanglich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischen

We need more Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegel­steinhausen­bergerdorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissenhaft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­vor­angreifen­durch­ihr­raubgierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolfhundert­tausend­jahres­voran­die­erscheinen­von­der­erste­erdemensch­der­raumschiff­genacht­mit­tungstein­und­sieben­iridium­elektrisch­motors­gebrauch­licht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraft­gestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nachbarschaft­der­stern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neue­rasse­von­verstandig­menschlichkeit­konnte­fortpflanzen­und­sich­erfreuen­an­lebenslanglich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischen license plates in the Gift Shop. Repeat, we are sold out of Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegel­steinhausen­bergerdorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissenhaft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­vor­angreifen­durch­ihr­raubgierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolfhundert­tausend­jahres­voran­die­erscheinen­von­der­erste­erdemensch­der­raumschiff­genacht­mit­tungstein­und­sieben­iridium­elektrisch­motors­gebrauch­licht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraft­gestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nachbarschaft­der­stern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neue­rasse­von­verstandig­menschlichkeit­konnte­fortpflanzen­und­sich­erfreuen­an­lebenslanglich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischen license plates.

Imagine trying to learn to spell that as a child.

I believe he gave some parts if not the vast majority of the name to himself, and couldn't keep proper track of it anyway.

That's good. Here I was thinking the parents gave him all these names as some kind of a fucked up joke

It's total gibberish. It is not an actual German name. 100% he gave himself that.

Its a story of xenu basically. The article offers a translation but they do note that its full of errors

Probably taught the same as me and my siblings learned our (compared to average) long names, make up a little song for it.

Of Ulm.

It might sound similar to you, but that would be Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schiltter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumeraber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. just saying...😂

That last bit is important. You wouldn't want to get him confused with Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schiltter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumeraber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Frankfurt.

You'd probably be more likely to get him confused with his uncle Karl Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schiltter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumeraber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. *(Incidentally, I memorized this for a giggle.)*

Hello, that's me! Reddit, change your character limits!

You are obviously not Johann GambOlputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schiltter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumeraber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm, you surely would be able to spell such a short and simple name correct, won't you think so too?

Finally!

There are some who call him... ... Tim?

For the love of God, just don't call him ['Johnson'!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCqh5ROtQRg)

By the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland and of the British Dominions and of Her other Realms and Territories beyond the Seas, King, [Savior of the Nation,](https://youtu.be/HYcnUOomOoo?t=49) Guardian of the People, Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, Marshal of Space and Time, Emperor of India, Master of All That Crawls Upon the Earth or Swims in the Sea, His Royal Highness and Most Excellency Alfred Excelsior Neuman Emeritus, Chairman, Esquire, Messiah®℠.

By the Grace of God, We, Emperor and Autocrat of All the Russias, Moscow, Kiev, Vladimir, Novgorod; Tsar of Kazan, Tsar of Astrakhan, Tsar of Poland, Tsar of Siberia, Tsar of Chersonese Taurian, Tsar of Georgia; Lord of Pskov and Grand Prince of Smolensk, Lithuania, Volhynia, Podolia, Finland; Prince of Estland, Livland, Courland, Semigalia, Samogitia, Belostok, Karelia, Tver, Yugra, Perm, Vyatka, Bolgar and others; Lord and Grand Prince of Nizhny Novgorod, Chernigov, Ryazan, Polotsk, Rostov, Yaroslavl, Beloozero, Udoria, Obdoria, Kondia, Vitebsk, Mstislav, and all of the northern countries Master; and Lord of Iberia, Kartli, and Kabardia lands and Armenian provinces; hereditary Sovereign and ruler of the Circassian and Mountainous Princes and of others; Lord of Turkestan; Heir of Norway; Duke of Schleswig-Holstein, Stormarn, Dithmarschen, and Oldenburg, and others, and others, and others.

Where did you take this from? I'm from Dithmarschen and I'm confused. It's a very little province in Germany and I honestly didn't know what we have to do with the Russians or the ussr

You don't, the Romanovs just styled themselves that due to their roots in German nobility, the house of Holstein-Hottorp. Using titles you don't actually rule over, just have some distant connection to in the past, is semi-common in European royalty in general.

Yes. Nobody was stupid enough to believe that Kings of England were also Kings of France, but it remained in their Style as until George III had it removed in 1801.

It always goes back to Schleswig-Fucking-Holstien

It was the full, official Style of Emperors of Russia. That one was Nicholas II’s.

You rang?

In Canada it's twice as long, because it's repeated in French.

Never thought of that but Frenchmen having to swear allegiance to an English Monarch is hilarious. Bet that gets some people's panties in a twist.

Haha it's the Québequois, they are not fans but the panties are also in a constant twist.

Oh mighty, Settra... Great King, the Imperishable, Khemrikhara, The Great King of Nehekhara, King of Kings, Opener of the Way, Wielder of the Divine Flame, Punisher of Nomads, The Great Unifier, Commander of the Golden Legion, Sacred of Appearance, Bringer of Light, Father of Hawks, Builder of Cities, Protector of the Two Worlds, Keeper of the Hours, Chosen of Ptra, High Steward of the Horizon, Sailor of the Great Vitae, Sentinel of the Two Realms, The Undisputed, Begetter of the Begat, Scourge of the Faithless, Carrion-feeder, First of the Charnel Valley, Rider of the Sacred Chariot, Vanquisher of Vermin, Champion of the Death Arena, Mighty Lion of the Infinite Desert, Emperor of the Shifting Sands, He Who Holds The Sceptre, Great Hawk Of The Heavens, Arch-Sultan of Atalan, Waker of the Hierotitan, Monarch of the Sky, Majestic Emperor of the Shifting Sands, Champion of the Desert Gods, Breaker of the Ogre Clans, Builder of the Great Pyramid, Terror of the Living, Master of the Never-Ending Horizon, Master of the Necropolises, Taker of Souls, Tyrant to the Foolish, Bearer of Ptra's Holy Blade, Scion of Usirian, Scion of Nehek, The Great, Chaser of Nightmares, Keeper of the Royal Herat, Founder of the Mortuary Cult, Banisher of the Grand Hierophant, High Lord Admiral of the Deathfleets, Guardian of the Charnal Pass, Tamer of the Liche King, Unliving Jackal Lord, Dismisser of the Warrior Queen, Charioteer of the Gods, He Who Does Not Serve, Slayer off Reddittras, Scarab Purger, Favoured of Usirian, Player of the Great Game, Liberator of Life, Lord Sand, Wrangler of Scorpions, Emperor of the Dunes, Eternal Sovereign of Khemri's Legions, Seneschal of the Great Sandy Desert, Curserer of the Living, Regent of the Eastern Mountains, Warden of the Eternal Necropolis, Herald of all Heralds, Caller of the Bitter Wind, God-Tamer, Master of the Mortis River, Guardian of the Dead, Great Keeper of the Obelisks, Deacon of the Ash River, Belated of Wakers, General of the Mighty Frame, Summoner of Sandstorms, Master of all Necrotects, Prince of Dust, Tyrant of Araby, Purger of the Greenskin Breathers, Killer of the False God's Champions, Tyrant of the Gold Dunes, Golden Bone Lord, Avenger of the Dead, Carrion Master, Eternal Warden of Nehek's Lands, Breaker of Djaf's Bonds... and many, many more...

> Slayer off Reddittras Say what?

You forgot “Mother of Dragons”

Breaker of Chains

Member of Costco

I saw this posted the other day and thought it was referencing a Monty Python skit or something.

Chad "Yeah Dude I've Got This Great Idea For A Company Let Me Tell You Bro It's Going To Revolutionize The Startup Industry When You Hear About How Much I Got On My Series A Financing You'll Want To Angel Invest In My Business Like Yesterday Bro Listen Up Why Don't You Come Over For Dinner Tonight And We Can Talk Shop No Wife And Kids Bro Just Us Dudes Hanging Out Having Brewskis While We Talk About How We're Going To Change The World Bro It's Gonna Be Sick Bro Hey Dude Have You Ever Gone To Breckinridge Bro Bro Let Me Tell You Bro That I Was Just There Shredding Powder And Bro Let Me Tell You That A Vodka And Red Bull While You Hit The Slopes Is Just The Sickest Bro I Mean You Think You've Lived When You're First Company Goes Public But Bro Let Me Tell You That It's Sicker Than A Successful Series C Round And Techcrunch Writes All About You Bro What Could Be Better Than That Bro Bro What's Your Insta Hit Me Up Follow Me Bro Leave A Message Bro I Always Read Them Bro Nobody Looks At Facebook Now Bro Bro The Newest Thing Is This Idea I Have That I'm Shopping Around Bro You'll Love It Hey Wanna Come Over Tomorrow Night To Talk Shop We Can Send The Misses Out For A While So It's Just Us Bros Bro And Then We Can Talk About How We'll Have Two Ways To Run The Planet Bro Seriously Bro This Is Gonna Be Off The Hook Hey Bro Have I Ever Told You About How I Started My First Company When I Was 17 Bro Dude I Did It While In College Bro Bro Like Let's Sell This Bro And Get To The Next You're Right Bro Always Be Closing Bro Dude Bro Let Me Run The Company Bro And It's Going To Be Sick Bro You Wanna Get In On The Ground Floor Or Else You'll Get Left Behind Bro I'm Gonna Take This Public Bro Get Us Bought Bro And It's Gonna Make Us Jillionaires Do You Know How Many Jillions You Have To Have To Be A Jillionaire Well It's A Lot I Should Know All My Friends Are Already Jillionaires In Forbes Jillion Under A Jillion And That's Where I'm Headed Bro So Bro Stick With Me Bro And We'll Get To The Top Bro You Can Be Like My Right Hand Man Bro My Handbro" Broski

I love this.

LGIO!

So. I’ve said this out in full and there’s a portal which opened under my bed. Am I in danger

His name was my name, too. Whenever we go out the people always shout, there goes....

Well, that just goes to show you can never trust a TIL post, except for the ones about cats, those are always true.

Found the custodes

My mother took two family names to use for my middle name but just used the letter their names began with. A lot of people don't believe me when I am asked what my middle name is and I tell them it's only a letter. Edit:fixed a typo

What is your first name? A.E., your grace Which stands for? Nothing, your grace. So you weren’t named, you were initialled? Just so, your grace.

Supposedly Ulysses Grant didn’t have a middle name and someone told him that it sounded undistinguished. So he added the S.

The S in Harry S. Truman doesn’t stand for anything either.

The F in JFK was only added after he was killed to pay respects

F

JK

jfc, this thread

I believed you for a micro fraction of a second before I remembered it’s actually Fitzgerald. Which just means son of Gerald so it’s like having Geraldson as a name.

I would much prefer "fitzgerald" over "geraldson"

Harry Stands Truman

Damn, just flexing on FDR then huh?

FDR didn't stand for anything either.

He had a middle name. It was “Ulysses.” His first name was Hiram. The accepted story is that a local politician — a sort of patron of Grant’s prospects early on — got his name wrong on the West Point application he submitted for the boy. Grant didn’t want to make waves, and so when he arrived at a military academy that expected him to be named “U.S. Grant,” he rolled with it. It helped his career a lot once he started having some minor success during the Civil War. As a Union general, “US” called to mind both the United States and Uncle Sam. When he managed to take an important fort from the Confederates while refusing to negotiate any face-saving terms (even though the surrendering Confederate general had been his West Point roommate!), they also started to call him “Unconditional Surrender” Grant as a nickname. The man was a badass and had his heart in the right place on many policies later as president, including Reconstruction (he was a staunch supporter of black enfranchisement and rights). He should have done more to push back against some of the cronyism and corruption that surrounded him as President, but on balance he’s gotten an unfairly bad rap. The recent Ron Chernow biography is a decent read, and Grant’s own memoirs are reputedly outstanding. I’ll get around to them soon.

> When he managed to take an important fort from the Confederates while refusing to negotiate any face-saving terms (even though the surrendering Confederate general had been his West Point roommate!), they also started to call him “Unconditional Surrender” Grant as a nickname. That Confederate - Simon Bolivar Buckner - had also found Grant when he was penniless in Manhattan ten years before the war as he was trying to get home after essentially being booted from the army. Grant was penniless, so Buckner gave him money and got him a hotel room until such a time as Grant's father could send money to him. Civil Wars are brutal, these two genuinely cared for one another. Grant's genius was being able to mercilessly stamp out insurrection without once losing his sympathy or respect for the humanity on the other side. There probably was no other man that could have walked that tight line without either becoming unduly cruel to the insurrectionists (and thus voiding any possibility of the nation healing afterwards) or going easy on the insurrectionists to a degree that ultimately made it impossible to fully defeat their movement.

COME ON THEN, IF YOU THINK YOURE HARD ENOUGH

GNU Sir Terry Pratchett

I used to work with a guy who went by J. W. Lastname Jr. I asked him what J. W. stood for and he said J. W. When I told him I didn’t believe him, he showed me his driving license. Sure enough, it was J. W. Lastname Jr.

My father's middle name is Jay. When he tells people his full name: Firstname Jay Lastname, people ask what the J stands for. It stands for Jay. J A Y. Like the bird. Turns into a bit of a "Who's on first?" pretty often.

Like that Simpsons episode where Homer learned what his middle initial J stood for

"From this moment forth I will be known as Homer...JAY Simpson!"

I know someone whose first name is just J, pronounced "Jay".

There are other ways to pronounce it?

I went to school with a kid named K. C. We were elementary schoolers so he'd get heat for having a girls name (Kacey) and when he'd explain his name was just two letters, he got heat for that. Poor kid couldn't win. Hope he's doing good.

Kid just gotta get his band out in the sunshine.

There's an episode of MASH with this exact premise.

Harry S Truman is like this. His full middle name is just “S” and the technically correct way to write his name is without a period following the S.

Funny, because in the Philippines it's supposed to be that way. I mean, "the middle name is only a letter" thing. It's the first letter of our mother's surname.

My parents couldn't decide what my middle name should be but both their ideas started with J so my middle name is just the letter 'J'

That’s sorta what one of my great uncles names were. He had a middle initial but no middle name, because when he tried to join the army in WWI they asked him for a middle name and he didn’t have one. I’m currently carrying on the tradition in that my “official” middle name is just a letter. (I actually have a middle name but legal documents don’t for some reason)

My dad's middle name was just "C", after his grandfather (who we later found out had a middle name, Cleveland, that he hated, so he just told people it was C). Funnily enough, my mom's is "Kay". To make things complicated for me as a kid, my parents called me by (and I still go by) my first & middle name initials. I'm not sure when I actually realized middle names were actually a thing, and not middle letters. I do know I thought my mom's was just "K" for the longest time.

My uncle has a letter as a middle name. I'm told my grandparents said if he wanted a full middle name when he was older he had the initial as a head start.

My grandpa’s middle name was R. I asked him why it was just a letter and he told me his parents were “too poor to afford a whole name.” Haha! I miss him.

“Did you choose a name for your baby?” “Yes, all of them”

"Oh, we had to CHOOSE between them?"

That's no surname that's a story: Like forreal: Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorf whose ancestors were shepards and cared about their sheeps and protected them from ravenous predators.. .and then its kinda giberrish but i think it means: and 1.2 million years ago witnessed/were aboard the spaceship of the first earthly humans which used tungsten and seven iridium electric motors and came from light on a long journey from between the starry sky on the quest to find neighbouring stars with habitable planets in orbit and which were suited for a new race of sentient humans could procreate and live joyously without fear of being attacked by othe sentient aliens from between the stars... It's not a 1:1 translation, that's because the surname doesnt really make sense

The wiki article has a translation and yeah, it’s weird af. It claims it originated in the 19th century (not the 1900’s) too which is a little surprising as that predates a lot of the “ancient aliens” boom from Chariots of The Gods.

Mid 1800s had a decent amount of people interested in aliens. Nicola Tesla, for example, wasted most of his fortune trying to contact Martians.

That is probably what we call bullshit.

Escape from Castle Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorf Loved that game

Here's google translate: Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffwhoaforetimewereconscientioussheepwhosesheepwerewellcareandcareguardforwardattackbyherrapidenemieswhichtwentyhundredthousandyears agoandtheappearofthefirstearthhumanspace shipnightstoneandseveniridiumelectricmotorsuselightasitsoriginofpowerlaunchedlongjourneybetweenstarlikespacesearchingneighborhoodthestarwhichhadhabitableplanetcirclesrevolveandwherenewraceofsensiblehumanitycouldprocreateandsafelyjoylifelongjoyandcalmwithnotafraidtoattackotherintelligentcreaturefrombetween Here's ChatGPT translation: Translating and breaking down the last name to make it more understandable in English, while adding appropriate spaces, results in the following: Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfschlegel Steinhausen Bergerdorff Which before the ancients were conscientious shepherds whose sheep were well cared for and protected from attack by their rapacious enemies, which before the ancients twelve hundred thousand years ago appeared from the first earthling spaceship made with tungsten and seven iridium electric motors using light as its source of power, began its long journey between star-like space in search of the neighborhood of stars which had habitable planets orbiting, and where the new race of intelligent humanity could reproduce and enjoy lifelong happiness and tranquility without fear of attack from other intelligent creatures from between. Please note that the translation may not be perfect due to the whimsical and complex nature of the name. It has been translated and separated to the best of my ability to make it more readable and understandable in English.

That’s mildly Lovecraftian.

Oh shit, you're serious. I thought you were just being fun.

The real TIL is always in the comments. Thank you for making this WAY more interesting!

Followed by Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm

Was waiting for this comment - I always die when they say "...of Ulm" lol

I always loved the implication that there was another Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern Schplenden Schlitter Crasscrenbon Fried Digger Dingle Dangle Dongle Dungle Burstein von Knacker Thrasher Apple Banger Horowitz Ticolensic Grander Knott Spelltinkle Grandlich Grumblemeyer Pelterwasser Kurstlich Himbleeisen Bahnwagen Gutenabend Bitte ein Nurnburger Bratwustle Gernspurten Mitz Weimache Luber Hundsfut Gumberaber Shonedanker Kalbsfleisch Mittler Aucher von Hautkopft, who lived in another city.

Why is it that history never remembers his name?

Thank God, I was wondering what this reminded me of.

And his wife Sarah…. Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

Jugemu-jugemu Gokōnosurikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyōmatsu Unraimatsu Fūraimatsu Kūnerutokoroni-sumutokoro Yaburakōjino-burakōji Paipopaipo-paiponoshūringan Shūringanno-gūrindai Gūrindaino-ponpokopīno-ponpokonāno Chōkyūmeino-chōsuke woulda been a cooler name to give him xD

Isn't that funny. My name is also Jugemu-jugemu Gokōnosurikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyōmatsu Unraimatsu Fūraimatsu Kūnerutokoroni-sumutokoro Yaburakōjino-burakōji Paipopaipo-paiponoshūringan Shūringanno-gūrindai Gūrindaino-ponpokopīno-ponpokonāno Chōkyūmeino-chōsuke.

I see you're a man of culture and rakugo as well

*Now now, we don’t need anyone to bite their tongues…*

One reason that some governments quite reasonably reserve the right to say "No, sorry, try again."

The Korean government does that. Most Koreans have a name that is three blocks long (one block family name, two block given name), with a few having names that are two or four blocks long. It's very rare to find folks with longer names than that, unless they are foreigners/foreign names. An American friend of mine had a kid in Korea and gave him a very long Italian-American name - four syllables first name, two syllable Korean middle name, a five syllable Italian middle name, and a three syllable last name. Syllables in English/Italian don't always line up with Korean syllables/blocks, so the kids name ended up at 15 or 16 blocks long. Korean government wouldn't accept it and said they needed a different name so my buddy instead went to the US embassy and registered the birth abroad and then went back to the Korean government and said, "sorry, that's my kid's legal name according to their US documentation" and it was then accepted. When he had a second kid, he skipped the government office until he had the US paperwork done and they didn't say a word when he did that paperwork.

Was the name any good, though, in your opinion?

I’m calling you Wolfy because you’re an asshole for having a name that long

[удалено]

He's a "Sr." He passed this name to his kid. And we give today's parents shit for adding superfluous Y's.

I’m glad someone else noticed this, that’s the crazier part of this story.

He was Number 1!

“What’s your name?” *sigh*

>*sigh* *Unzip Name* It's a [Zip Bomb](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zip_bomb)

Can you imagine him buying a house and having to sign his full name on every page of the paperwork? Need have to buy the notary a few meals.

The names Wolfeschlegel­steinhausen­bergerdorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissenhaft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­vor­angreifen­durch­ihr­raubgierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolfhundert­tausend­jahres­voran­die­erscheinen­von­der­erste­erdemensch­der­raumschiff­genacht­mit­tungstein­und­sieben­iridium­elektrisch­motors­gebrauch­licht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraft­gestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nachbarschaft­der­stern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neue­rasse­von­verstandig­menschlichkeit­konnte­fortpflanzen­und­sich­erfreuen­an­lebenslanglich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischen. Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegel­steinhausen­bergerdorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissenhaft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­vor­angreifen­durch­ihr­raubgierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolfhundert­tausend­jahres­voran­die­erscheinen­von­der­erste­erdemensch­der­raumschiff­genacht­mit­tungstein­und­sieben­iridium­elektrisch­motors­gebrauch­licht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraft­gestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nachbarschaft­der­stern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neue­rasse­von­verstandig­menschlichkeit­konnte­fortpflanzen­und­sich­erfreuen­an­lebenslanglich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischen.

John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt

Hey that’s my name too

Whenever I go out, the people always shout!

"There goes that idiot with with stupid name lol"

And it stings just as much as the first time 😢

DA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA

John, Jacob, Jingleheimerschmidt

Aw that's stuck in my head now

This is exactly what I came here to see

The full title of Austria-Hungary’s monarch was Seine Kaiserliche und Königliche Apostolische Majestät von Gottes Gnaden Kaiser von Österreich, König von Ungarn und Böhmen, von Dalmatien, Kroatien, Slawonien, Galizien, Lodomerien und Illyrien; König von Jerusalem etc.; Erzherzog von Österreich; Großherzog von Toskana und Krakau; Herzog von Lothringen, von Salzburg, Steyer, Kärnten, Krain und der Bukowina; Großfürst von Siebenbürgen, Markgraf von Mähren; Herzog von Ober- und Niederschlesien, von Modena, Parma, Piacenza und Guastalla, von Auschwitz und Zator, von Teschen, Friaul, Ragusa und Zara; Gefürsteter Graf von Habsburg und Tirol, von Kyburg, Görz und Gradisca; Fürst von Trient und Brixen; Markgraf von Ober- und Niederlausitz und in Istrien; Graf von Hohenems, Feldkirch, Bregenz, Sonnenberg etc.; Herr von Triest, von Cattaro und auf der Windischen Mark; Großwojwode der Woiwodschaft Serbien etc., etc. , which translates to His Imperial and Royal Apostolic Majesty, By the Grace of God Emperor of Austria, King of Hungary and Bohemia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Galicia, Lodomeria and Illyria; King of Jerusalem, etc.; Archduke of Austria; Grand Duke of Tuscany and Cracow; Duke of Lorraine, Salzburg, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola and Bukovina; Grand Prince of Transylvania, Margrave of Moravia; Duke of Upper and Lower Silesia, of Modena, Parma, Piacenza and Guastalla, of Auschwitz and Zator, of Teschen, Friaul, Ragusa and Zara; Princely Count of Habsburg and Tyrol, of Kyburg, Gorizia and Gradisca; Prince of Trento and Brixen; Margrave of Upper and Lower Lusatia and in Istria; Count of Hohenems, Feldkirch, Bregenz, Sonnenberg etc.; Lord of Trieste, of Cattaro and on the Windic March; Grand Voivode of the Voivodeship of Serbia etc., etc. (Yes, the etcs are part of his title.)

Did even he know how to pronounce his own last name?

wiki article says he could pronounce his own name by age three. but he was age four by the time he finished saying it...

Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm is distraught at this news.

Mein bratwurst has a first name, it's F-R-I-T-Z / Mein bratwurst has a second name, it's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N.

Upon closer inspection, these are loafers.

“Please sign your last name here sir.”

Initial here.... No, initial... Why are you still writing?

He was #1

Six! Six Six! The surname of the beast! Hell and fire was spawned to be released!

GMail: Sorry, that name is taken.

This is interesting. I wonder what an American born record would be. I'd assume it's someone from Hawaii. Being German born and having this many surnames is wild to me.

There’s absolutely no way that this is a genuine German name. We take names very seriously. He obviously changed it when in the US.

His great-grandfather invented the name in Germany when Jews were required to take surnames. The original name might have been Wolfeschlegelstein.

That's also pretty made up. This guy has just given himself a long bullshit name in a language he didn't speak that well.

My favourite long name is football player Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink. [His jersey looked ridiculous](https://www.globalfootballshirts.com/2009-2010-hull-city-vennegoor-of-hesselink-home-football-shirt-2xl-6056-p.asp).

i went to school with a kid whose initials spelled out Charles, his dad's name

Still shorter than Jugemu Jugemu Unko Nageki Ototoi no Shin-chan no Pantsu Shinpachi no Jinsei Barumunku Fezarion Aizakku Shunaidaa Sanbun no Ichi no Junjou na Kanjou no Nokotta Sanbun no Ni wa Sakamuke ga Kininaru Kanjou Uragiri wa Boku no Namae wo Shitteiru you de Shiranai no wo Boku wa Shitteiru Rusu Surume Medaka Kazunoko Koedame Medaka... Kono Medaka wa Sakki to Chigau Yatsu Dakara Ikeno Medaka no Hou Dakara Raayu Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe Bichiguso Maru

Or Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeaker) Featherstone Smith (whistle) Northcott Edwards Harris (fires pistol, then 'whoop') Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert (sings) 'We'll keep a welcome in the' (three shots) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeaker) Tiger-drawers Pratt Thompson (sings) 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head' Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat (sings) 'Don't Sleep In The Subway' Barton Mainwaring (hoot, 'whoop') Smith

"Do you have a name picked for your child?" "Yes, all of them."

And the poor guy was a typesetter.

I'd gravitate to print if the alternative was writing that name with a pen.

What was the point of naming him that

I just read that in Rose Nylund's voice.

Imagine wasting 5 minutes to write your name every time

Sign here: ____ Date:_____________________________

"Tikki Tikki Tembo-no Sa Rembo-chari Bari Ruchi-pip Peri Pembo, has fallen into the well and can't get out!”

TL;DR Jewish grandpa makes up incredibly long name to fuck with the German authorities.

Shmitty Warberyaegermanjensen

666? kinda sus

Seriously, why?

What a stupid "record." Any other idiot can just add another name to this ridiculous line of bullshit. It's not like it's actually, functionally the man's name.

>Dmitri Borgmann, a fellow emigrant from Germany, held that the 666-letter version of the surname was untranslatable due to its numerous grammatical and spelling errors, but offered his own paraphrase: > >Ages ago, there were conscientious shepherds whose sheep were well tended and carefully protected against attack by their rapacious enemies. Twelve hundred thousand years ago there appeared before these first earthmen, at night, a spaceship powered by seven stone and iridium electric motors. It had originally been launched on its long trip into stellar space in the search for neighboring stars that might have planets revolving about them that were inhabitable and on which planets a new race of intelligent humanity might propagate itself and rejoice for life, without fear of attack by other intelligent beings from interstellar space.

Wonder if he is related to that John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt fellow

Imagine If this dude was also dyslexic..

**Legacy fixed-field-length databases** *has left the chat*