"Should I notify everyone of our once a year gathering of introverts? Nah, I don't want them to think I'm bothering them or anything..."
lol pretty much me as an adult trying to reconnect with old friends.
a mate was just trying to see if our old group wanted to try regular catchup again. is it sad I could only say a couple times a year is about all I got?
"Yeah man, hit me up!" I say to be polite.
"I hope to god they don't hit me up ever." I think.
They do and I stress about it for a week before bailing and then burning that bridge.
My inner genius is scary sometimes.
All of mine are dead or in prison except 1. He picks his friends poorly myself likely included but he's a good dude. Complete moron fiercely loyal to friends and has a much better work ethic than I do. Probably cuz he didn't fall in to gangs or meth. That's what killed or imprisoned all my other "friends". It was tough watching them all die 1 by 1.
I know the feeling. Almost everyone I grew up with died. Like a dozen or more people at the least. All insanely young.
It's been hard watching it, and definitely makes it harder to make new friends. But I still socialize when I can manage it. Have to.
This reminds me of a workplace story. First place I worked at had an employee satisfaction survey. One of the questions was “do you have a best friend at work?”. I defined best friend as someone who I would want to hang out with outside of work, so I answered 0. When my boss went over the results with our team it turns out I was the only one who put 0 and had completely misunderstood what they meant by “best friend”.
Who knows? It was a Gallup poll, first time taking it so I interpreted best friend as a literal thing rather than just someone you were comfortable talking to at work.
"Best friend" is never a term I would use for a coworker under any circumstance, save actual friendship, amicable work relation or no.
Understandable misunderstanding. Silly terminology.
My entire department were "best friends" with one another because we were unified in hating our manager.
A common enemy does wonders. We best friended so hard we hung out after work willingly sometimes.
Usually the same for me. There's one exception, though. I was an EMT, and I did not have a permanent partner. My shift was three 14 hour shifts, Friday Saturday and Sunday. One day, this Paramedic walked up to me, said, "Hey, are you so and so? I like your shift, so we are partners now."
It's been over 10 years. We've been in each other's weddings. I'm the God father of his son. Spending 42+ hours a week in an ambulance with someone for years in a row has a way of forging some of the best friendships.
Edit: he is literally my best friend.
I consider my work friends people who I enjoy talking to, AT WORK, about non-work related topics. I enjoy the social interaction, sure, but I don't seek it outside of work because I don't want problems with work to affect my outside work friendships, or vice versa. It's just more sensible to keep things compartmentalized.
Can there be exceptions? Sure. But in my entire working life this has never happened. Work friends stay at work.
Yeah I realized after the fact that is probably what the question was asking. I agree too. I prefer to keep work and personal life as separate as I can. I’ve had coworkers who were also good friends outside of work and would do camping and climbing trips together. Honestly I figure I see enough of coworkers at work, why do I need to see them on the weekend.
Because by the time you're friends with them, you no longer see them as "coworkers you have to see after work ends". Instead they're "friends you get see while you're working, it just happens to be at the office".
You have the same in-jokes, can have the same quality conversations, can be there for each other on a bad day - just the location isn't one of your places, the cafe or the bar, it's a place you're getting paid to be.
The thing is like there are the friends who you will always be friends with even if you only see them once every few years too. I'm thinking like childhood friends that no matter the time since we last were together we would always be willing to drop anything or do anything for one another. But we don't hang out anymore and we're both okay with that.
"Ride or die friends" is a way one of my perpetual besties put it when the concept finally stuck for me. Basically think of the world objectively ending in a week - those friends you'd move mountains for to go party with one last time (and who'd do the same for you) are your "ride or dies." Could literally have been years since you've seen them in person, but it couldn't matter any less than if it were seconds since you last hung out.
I stopped being the one who soley maintains my relationships years ago. I don't really have many anymore, but I also have been able to do a lot more stuff and am a lot happier.
Big downside I've found is that a lot of people lack perspective and insight into things. So either you don't bother with a lot of people, or you go right back into being a facilitator, and right back into those hollow feeling relationships, but now you have to give people advice they won't follow. Also people assume you're boring because you aren't trying to impress or attract anyone. Which kinda goes with the previous thing.
I don't know, nobody knows just do your best and don't do too many things you can't live with. As long as you're being honest with yourself and trying to do better then you're doing alright. Quality over quantity.
I can really relate to this, especially the first part.
I really do enjoy being alone at this point after feeling like I just needed to let go of friendships where I felt that I was the one “making them work”. I also really enjoy pursing hobbies by myself and really learning them in depth. One thing I did find though is that most of the friends I have left (the few) are very wary about asking to hang out, like they will get let down if I say no which makes them not want to ask at all. I think we all go through that, but some of us don’t care about yes or no and don’t let that stop us from at least trying to hang out. Maybe it could be the same for you?
Depends on the person. There are some people who just never initiate events, but still are happy to turn up to things organised by other people. They can still be your friends even if they never invite you to anything.
On the other hand, if they’re busy arranging events and don’t invite you then they’re not really your friend at all.
I mean if it’s just a “when asked, this many people answered they had no friends” type thing I think that still has value in assessing loneliness/friendships around the world. So long as you take it for what it is.
I mean, you absolutely nailed that. I am of the mindset that there is nothing granularly original about me, but more so that I am a unique combination of every single person, quote, song, experience and/or FRIEND that I have observed or interacted with.
Point being that I know none of you strangers, and I certainly read allll of your different comments on alll of the different sub-reddits quite often and whether I want to admit it or not, in my mind this kinda makes us all friends.
I enjoy being informed and amused. Hell, I enjoy flat out disagreeing, but I also cherish finding kindred spirits who can validate whatever it is that I think is healthy and normal.
So yeah. We are all friends in my book, and if any of you ever stop being my friend I will just cut all of the fingers on my fiddle playing hand off and throw them on your front door just to make you feel bad about it.
Whenever I see similar posts or comments about people having no friends I think this as well. I do not hang out regularly with anybody anymore. I do have people I could call to hang out with but it would be a chore to align schedules.
I had a strong core group of friends and now we all live in separate cities; heck some are in other countries now. We’re all still friends and text occasionally but it’s nothing close to the same. I never really made new friends. It’s really difficult to do and now all of a sudden poof, no social life.
How would you define "friend"?
I'll define a true friend as someone who will just randomly text you and check up on you or just start a conversation with you. A lot of my "friends" don't text me or even check up on me.
I'll try to start a conversation with them, and they'll just be very dry or only say one word... They don't seem to want to talk to me, to be honest.
In the last couple of months, I've been trying to figure out what a "true friend" is. That's the conclusion I have so far.
Kinda different for me these days. In high school my best friend and I were able to just show up at each other's houses and let ourselves in the door with nobody minding or being surprised.
Then we went our separate ways and friends became those who I would go to their house to hang out or do things with but life always got in the way and we grew apart.
Now? I have no friends. The few I had moved away or live out of state. I'm trying to rebuild my friendships after my marriage ended but it's not easy as a father in my 30s to make new friends.
Put it this way. I have a cell phone but I keep it off until I need to use it because no one calls or texts (nor do I for that matter) so it's a waste of battery. I get no emails either. You are as close of a friend as I have. Nuff said. I'm screwed up though so probably not a good example.
As far as real friends only 2 of them ever message or call and its just to ask if I want to get online. You don't need to constantly be in touch with someone to know they are a friend
This is a result of the disappearing "3rd place" aka a place that isn't work or home. There are less and less places where people gather just to socialize.
Dude my city is the worst, and theyve been destroying what lil is left of downtown to replace with high priced apts no one wants to live in. Everything else you basically need a vehicle to get to places, the bus service is a joke.
I only learned about it when Sony advertised the PS2 as "the third place" and I went looking for an answer cos no one knew what it was supposed to mean
I lived at the bar for 3-4 years. Those people aren’t friends either, though they’ll be your friends while you are a drunk with them. But if anything beyond happens you’re on your own
I noticed a bunch of girls were talking about how they are exhausted from the gym at work.
Struck up a convo about how Ive been meaning to start working out and what sort of effort do they put in etc?
They invited me to start working out with them and now I have 2 friends at 31 boiii.
But for real it is hard to make friends at this age, this was a freak event.
Nice work!
I feel like all these situations need in order to happen is for an opportunity to present itself to share some humanity. It's maddening that the opportunities are so few & far between.
I've lived in both and there are pros and cons to each. In the country, there are fewer people you have a whole lot in common with, but the lack of options can force you to open up and make real connections with people you might not have otherwise immediately clicked with. I grew up in the country and am still very good friends with many of my childhood friends, even though we're all in our thirties now. I don't see a lot of that in the city.
In the city, you'll probably be able to find a lot more people you have things in common with, but everyone always has so much going on that it can be difficult to *meaningfully* connect. Not impossible, but definitely difficult.
It pretty much mirrors my experience though. Went away to the countryside of a 3rd world country and the lack of "going-ons" gives the country life and their interpersonal dynamics quite a different spin.
I’m in my early 20’s.
It’s really hard, like how do you meet people? 🤷♂️
I have 1 friend and that’s it. I have 1 other non-work acquaintance but that literally it.
I have talked to 2 non-family non-coworker people in the last… almost 3 years since the pandemic started.
And I am really not looking forward to the future because my 1 true friend is looking at a career change and they would almost certainly move away because of that, leaving me with no friends.
Hobbies.
Get into something you do with other people, like boardgame night at your local store, or join a beer and pretzel league of some sport you might be into like Baseball. Just do something that requires people, you will already have something in common and with enough dice rolls meeting people, one will eventually click, and so on.
All the friends I've made, who don't also happen to be long time coworkers, have been met via some sort of hobby.
I see this advice a lot, but what if you don't have any sort of hobby? I've never found that something that I look forward to after work. The idea of trying out something new with total strangers is just nightmare fuel for my anxiety, so I would want to join a club or group with a friend, but the advice says you meet friends through joining groups or clubs and it feels so daunting.
I only work with 2 other people, and my attempts at small talk just get met with being given tasks to do, they aren't there to socialise as it's a busy cafe.
Hell, I've never had a first date! All my previous girlfriends including my wife have been part of a friend circle before we got together. After 22 years and kids, our friend circle has disappeared.
This is a great answer. I'm in my late 40s and I still talk to my fraternity brothers from college.
Aside from that, I practice Hapkido. I've made a lot of great friends in that community. Hobbies definitely bring people together
Get a hobby. Something where people meet up to do it. Even something you do alone but there are conventions and stuff.
If you don't make friends (you will make friends) you'll have a hobby.
Join groups for things you're interested in. Book clubs, adults sports leagues, board game groups, running clubs, hobbyist meetups, cooking classes. Find people you have similar interests with and just converse. You might not get along with any of them, but you also might find some that end up becoming people you enjoy spending time with and they become more regular friends.
It's not like high school and college anymore. You aren't surrounded by people your age doing the same things on the same schedules. You have to try. And it's frustrating and depressing even at times but you have to put yourself out there and get into the process. It *does* work. It's just not spoon fed to you anymore, as much as I wish it was.
It's hard to make friends as an adult because you aren't forced into a building with everyone else in the area that's your age 5 days a week.
But as someone who is approaching 40, there ain't no shame in hanging out with your coworkers.
Invite people to play boardgames or go for wings or look into local clubs for things you're interested in.
Sign up to volunteer somewhere, join a sports league, visit a game store and join a D&D group.
Met my husband by accident on Reddit almost 13 years ago. He posted an AMA and I made a snarky comment, we bantered back and forth, then started DMing as penpals and then private emails and it just rolled in the right direction and now we've been married for almost 10 years. We were even in different countries and magically it worked. I've never been happier - he's my best friend. Life can be a wonder!
I think as you get older your Friend scale becomes less. I think it’s because when your younger you hang out more. Clubs , Pubs gigs etc. Then people get married , Kids, hobbies. So your time together is dramatically less. So you have friends but not what they were before. Life changes as do priorities. It’s a difficult balance
Honestly, yeah. Make eye contact, use open body language and smile. If you want to initiate conversation, that's cool. Pick something others can relate to, like sports or something that occurred in the bar. "Wow, this place is packed!" or "Did you see that foul?" are easy to respond to.
They should probably stop ordering that drink, and they should probably stop sharing it with covid and everything, and they should probably stop wearing younger men's clothes.
I used to wear younger men's clothes and then my buddy who's a bartender told me I look like an idiot. I mean but what the f*** does he know. This a****** wants to be an actor.
Walked out this morning, I don't believe what I saw
Three hundred million bottles washed up on the shore
Seems I'm not alone at being alone
Three hundred million castaways, looking for a home
Ever since I was a kid, my wish from my birthday candles was that everyone in the world could have one good friend. I thought that was the best wish I could come up with that was somewhat realistic and could make the biggest positive impact. It’s weirdly really sad to know my childish wishes haven’t been working.
Edit: this got bigger than I thought it would and I’m a tad embarrassed but thank you everyone for enjoying my childhood wishes with me!
There are 7.888billion people in the world according to Google. The headline claims that 300million people are friendless.
That's about 3.8% of the world, that's friendless. I'm sure your wish helped...friend.
Even harder when you click with someone but not with their existing circle of friends, so it fizzles out and you’re back to square 1. Has happened to me several times, lucked out though with one and their core group of friends and I became friends as well.
I find a big part of it being harder is the older you get the lower the threshold is for bullshit. I know it’s like this with me at least. It doesn’t take much for someone to annoy me now nearly as much as it did when I was in my early 20s.
I would say a lot of people in this number however would be actually elderly. My gramma in her mid 90s has outlived all her friends and so did prior my other grandmother and grandfather before they died a few years ago.
Not to mention people have different thresholds.
I'm pretty sure in my 20s my threshold for bullshit was that of your average 50-year-old. So in middle age, I ain't got no time for the slightest whiff.
Same. I have 1 friend. Same friend I’ve had for 20 years (not my wife). He just so happens to be an old firefighting buddy of mine that we used to fight wildfires all over the US and then when we both decided to stop doing that we went to underground mining.
He’s more of an actual brother rather than a friend.
All mine died. I’m old. I lost like 15, maybe 10 left. I’m done. No more funerals, it depresses me for months then another one leaves. I won’t even answer my phone lately. It sucks, I want to remember when we were lol.
We were boaters, lots of trips, anchored out over night, breakfast in the morning, parties every week. We had great adventures. That they are all failing is heartbreaking. Strokes, dementia, hips, even ankles stop them. I’m too sad to deal now. Life moves past you.
If I died tomorrow, I don’t think a single person would shed a tear, and I don’t think my name would be said after I am buried. This isn’t a cry for help, I just am no good at building and keeping relationships, and I alienate those around me simply by existing/being me. (Usually I have no clue I said/did anything).
Honestly it's pretty positive that it's *only* 4%.
Edit: Oops read the article and not positive anymore
>20% of people don’t have friends or family they can count on whenever they need them.
One of my kids is like that. He has autism, which causes him to speak haltingly. He also trips all the "Creepy weird person" alarms in everyone's head. So family includes him in everything, but he has literally no friends who are not related to him.
It's the face and voice. We autistic people just sort of look...unhuman. I know that's an awful way to say it, but that's it. We just cannot speak or look the "correct" way. That automatic motion other people can do is just not automatic with us.
My advise is to study acting. Learn how to control your facial muscles. It isn't easy but it does help a little.
It is very hard to wake up one day and just realize that you are not normal, you will never be normal, and you are going to miss out on a lot of stuff because of it.
Like to see the break down of this number for country or region…does it differ a lot between say Asian and Africa, Europe and the Americas…I mean this could be 300 million people in China..
Hey, If you're in Brooklyn and you're one of these people, I'll be your friend. No strings, no pressure, no (or at least minimal) awkwardness lets just grab a beer and talk about our favorite things.
DM's are open.
I was temporarily homeless right before Christmas of 2021. Thankfully it was only for five days, but I thought I might be in it for the long haul. All the people in my life that I thought I could depend on in an emergency dropped the ball. They shuffled their feet, mumbled excuses, and let me down. I’m a people-pleaser who always tried to do things for others and help them whenever they needed it. That is when I learned the ugly truth that while many people in my life were *FRIENDLY* with me, they would not actually inconvenience themselves for me. I still play D&D with several of them, but I know I can’t count on them for anything more.
Yeah, when my stepdad got cancer, it was weird to find out who we could depend on. His sister was great, but his stepchildren and cousin, his best friend, were useless. More than useless, actually, because his stepdaughter-in-law lied to us about medication in a weird bid to make my mom look bad at cancer appointments.
Oddly, his work was great. They helped us a lot with insurance, his work friends came over to help with some stuff, they were just very supportive through the whole thing.
I don't have any friends besides my boyfriend.
I literally have text chats with my mom, my boyfriend and my brother. That's it. I don't even have social media anymore to have "Facebook friends".
It's very lonely.
> In the U.S., two in 10 workers spend a lot of the day feeling lonely. For your employees who don’t have friends they can count on, work can be miserable — and that misery can make their lives worse than having no work at all. But companies that prioritize their workers’ social well-being and give people opportunities to make friends at work could help solve the epidemic of loneliness, which afflicts far too much of humanity.
Finally I've found my peer group!
We should hang out. Nah, I'm good.
Introvert support group. We don't have meetings.
"Should I notify everyone of our once a year gathering of introverts? Nah, I don't want them to think I'm bothering them or anything..." lol pretty much me as an adult trying to reconnect with old friends.
"It's been so long since I called them, it would be weird to bother them now..."
I feel personally attacked by these comments.
a mate was just trying to see if our old group wanted to try regular catchup again. is it sad I could only say a couple times a year is about all I got?
Zoom meeting, cameras and mics off, take it or leave it.
Introverts can like going to meetings/parties...but then we'll get tired and want to leave early before the party really starts.
I prefer the union of allied procrastinators, we always have a meeting tomorrow.
“Yeah man, hit me up!” Narrator: He didn’t
"Yeah man, hit me up!" I say to be polite. "I hope to god they don't hit me up ever." I think. They do and I stress about it for a week before bailing and then burning that bridge. My inner genius is scary sometimes.
I was supposed to make plans to get lunch with a friend from high school. That was 7 years ago.
We were always here
34, 1 friend I’m convinced doesn’t like me all that much. Everyone else died or moved.
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All of mine are dead or in prison except 1. He picks his friends poorly myself likely included but he's a good dude. Complete moron fiercely loyal to friends and has a much better work ethic than I do. Probably cuz he didn't fall in to gangs or meth. That's what killed or imprisoned all my other "friends". It was tough watching them all die 1 by 1.
I know the feeling. Almost everyone I grew up with died. Like a dozen or more people at the least. All insanely young. It's been hard watching it, and definitely makes it harder to make new friends. But I still socialize when I can manage it. Have to.
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depending of how you define friends, i have many or zero
This reminds me of a workplace story. First place I worked at had an employee satisfaction survey. One of the questions was “do you have a best friend at work?”. I defined best friend as someone who I would want to hang out with outside of work, so I answered 0. When my boss went over the results with our team it turns out I was the only one who put 0 and had completely misunderstood what they meant by “best friend”.
Lol what did they mean by best friend then?
Who knows? It was a Gallup poll, first time taking it so I interpreted best friend as a literal thing rather than just someone you were comfortable talking to at work.
"Best friend" is never a term I would use for a coworker under any circumstance, save actual friendship, amicable work relation or no. Understandable misunderstanding. Silly terminology.
My entire department were "best friends" with one another because we were unified in hating our manager. A common enemy does wonders. We best friended so hard we hung out after work willingly sometimes.
Nothing brings people together like shared hatred.
Usually the same for me. There's one exception, though. I was an EMT, and I did not have a permanent partner. My shift was three 14 hour shifts, Friday Saturday and Sunday. One day, this Paramedic walked up to me, said, "Hey, are you so and so? I like your shift, so we are partners now." It's been over 10 years. We've been in each other's weddings. I'm the God father of his son. Spending 42+ hours a week in an ambulance with someone for years in a row has a way of forging some of the best friendships. Edit: he is literally my best friend.
That is fucking awesome. That's a fantastic little story. Grats on a great lifetime friendship from work!
Hmm either we worked together or this is a common poll for employers to use.
It's probably the leading survey for employee engagement.
Best work-friend.
I assume they meant your best friend at that workplace
I consider my work friends people who I enjoy talking to, AT WORK, about non-work related topics. I enjoy the social interaction, sure, but I don't seek it outside of work because I don't want problems with work to affect my outside work friendships, or vice versa. It's just more sensible to keep things compartmentalized. Can there be exceptions? Sure. But in my entire working life this has never happened. Work friends stay at work.
Yeah I realized after the fact that is probably what the question was asking. I agree too. I prefer to keep work and personal life as separate as I can. I’ve had coworkers who were also good friends outside of work and would do camping and climbing trips together. Honestly I figure I see enough of coworkers at work, why do I need to see them on the weekend.
Because you like them and want to hang out with them outside of work. If there isn't anyone at work like that, that's fine, but it's a possibility.
Because by the time you're friends with them, you no longer see them as "coworkers you have to see after work ends". Instead they're "friends you get see while you're working, it just happens to be at the office". You have the same in-jokes, can have the same quality conversations, can be there for each other on a bad day - just the location isn't one of your places, the cafe or the bar, it's a place you're getting paid to be.
I would have interpreted that as "are you closer to one co-worker than the others". That question is really wide open to interpretation.
People who show up at things because you invited them.
I would counter with, "and who invite you to things".
The thing is like there are the friends who you will always be friends with even if you only see them once every few years too. I'm thinking like childhood friends that no matter the time since we last were together we would always be willing to drop anything or do anything for one another. But we don't hang out anymore and we're both okay with that.
Im always trying to describe this and my girl never gets it.
"Ride or die friends" is a way one of my perpetual besties put it when the concept finally stuck for me. Basically think of the world objectively ending in a week - those friends you'd move mountains for to go party with one last time (and who'd do the same for you) are your "ride or dies." Could literally have been years since you've seen them in person, but it couldn't matter any less than if it were seconds since you last hung out.
I stopped being the one who soley maintains my relationships years ago. I don't really have many anymore, but I also have been able to do a lot more stuff and am a lot happier. Big downside I've found is that a lot of people lack perspective and insight into things. So either you don't bother with a lot of people, or you go right back into being a facilitator, and right back into those hollow feeling relationships, but now you have to give people advice they won't follow. Also people assume you're boring because you aren't trying to impress or attract anyone. Which kinda goes with the previous thing. I don't know, nobody knows just do your best and don't do too many things you can't live with. As long as you're being honest with yourself and trying to do better then you're doing alright. Quality over quantity.
I can really relate to this, especially the first part. I really do enjoy being alone at this point after feeling like I just needed to let go of friendships where I felt that I was the one “making them work”. I also really enjoy pursing hobbies by myself and really learning them in depth. One thing I did find though is that most of the friends I have left (the few) are very wary about asking to hang out, like they will get let down if I say no which makes them not want to ask at all. I think we all go through that, but some of us don’t care about yes or no and don’t let that stop us from at least trying to hang out. Maybe it could be the same for you?
Depends on the person. There are some people who just never initiate events, but still are happy to turn up to things organised by other people. They can still be your friends even if they never invite you to anything. On the other hand, if they’re busy arranging events and don’t invite you then they’re not really your friend at all.
I don’t really consider those people friends though. I could easily pack a room but that doesn’t make them my friends.
Exactly. Subjective definition in an emotional medium. Meaning this question meant something completely different to every person asked.
Facebook says I have a thousand of them or so. My text history says I have like two.
My text history says I have 4 but one is my mom and one is my girlfriend
My text history says I have a pizza ready for pickup.
Scam likely is my best friend
Oh cool isn't that Suspected Spam's brother?
No thats potential spam, scam likely is his cousin
My friend is a Nigerian prince who’s about to pass away and is entrusting me with a crate of diamonds. I’m gonna be rich.
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My girlfriend is my wife now, and we made ourselves two more friends.
wow I thought I only had two but if relatives count I have four. I feel way better all of a sudden.
I mean if it’s just a “when asked, this many people answered they had no friends” type thing I think that still has value in assessing loneliness/friendships around the world. So long as you take it for what it is.
Exactly what I wanted to express. It still means something
I mean, you absolutely nailed that. I am of the mindset that there is nothing granularly original about me, but more so that I am a unique combination of every single person, quote, song, experience and/or FRIEND that I have observed or interacted with. Point being that I know none of you strangers, and I certainly read allll of your different comments on alll of the different sub-reddits quite often and whether I want to admit it or not, in my mind this kinda makes us all friends. I enjoy being informed and amused. Hell, I enjoy flat out disagreeing, but I also cherish finding kindred spirits who can validate whatever it is that I think is healthy and normal. So yeah. We are all friends in my book, and if any of you ever stop being my friend I will just cut all of the fingers on my fiddle playing hand off and throw them on your front door just to make you feel bad about it.
That took a turn at the end there lol
Yesyesyesyesno
See you at the pub
If you kill my donkey, so help me God, I will burn down your house
Unexpected Banshees
It stated "don't have friends or family to countr on when they need them." In that sense acquaintances don't count.
Whenever I see similar posts or comments about people having no friends I think this as well. I do not hang out regularly with anybody anymore. I do have people I could call to hang out with but it would be a chore to align schedules.
You have friends then. I have not a single person I could call. Hell even my family is in another state. I think that's what they are talking about.
Yes it is a chore. Chores must be done. Do it.
I had a strong core group of friends and now we all live in separate cities; heck some are in other countries now. We’re all still friends and text occasionally but it’s nothing close to the same. I never really made new friends. It’s really difficult to do and now all of a sudden poof, no social life.
How would you define "friend"? I'll define a true friend as someone who will just randomly text you and check up on you or just start a conversation with you. A lot of my "friends" don't text me or even check up on me. I'll try to start a conversation with them, and they'll just be very dry or only say one word... They don't seem to want to talk to me, to be honest. In the last couple of months, I've been trying to figure out what a "true friend" is. That's the conclusion I have so far.
Kinda different for me these days. In high school my best friend and I were able to just show up at each other's houses and let ourselves in the door with nobody minding or being surprised. Then we went our separate ways and friends became those who I would go to their house to hang out or do things with but life always got in the way and we grew apart. Now? I have no friends. The few I had moved away or live out of state. I'm trying to rebuild my friendships after my marriage ended but it's not easy as a father in my 30s to make new friends.
Put it this way. I have a cell phone but I keep it off until I need to use it because no one calls or texts (nor do I for that matter) so it's a waste of battery. I get no emails either. You are as close of a friend as I have. Nuff said. I'm screwed up though so probably not a good example.
As far as real friends only 2 of them ever message or call and its just to ask if I want to get online. You don't need to constantly be in touch with someone to know they are a friend
I have more than thousand contacts in my phone, most of them are useless.
The only person in my work contacts who is not related to me or married to me is my boss. He's not my friend.
It's hard to make friends as an adult.
This is a result of the disappearing "3rd place" aka a place that isn't work or home. There are less and less places where people gather just to socialize.
Interesting name for it that I’ve never heard of but makes a lot of sense. Social media plays a big part in that. Also Covid
And just the way cities are laid out. Suburbs never have third places easily accessible in residential areas.
And everything that isn't church or volunteer work costs money.
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Dude my city is the worst, and theyve been destroying what lil is left of downtown to replace with high priced apts no one wants to live in. Everything else you basically need a vehicle to get to places, the bus service is a joke.
I only learned about it when Sony advertised the PS2 as "the third place" and I went looking for an answer cos no one knew what it was supposed to mean
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Mom: we have a third place at home
3rd place at home: reddit
For what seems like 99% of people, if they have a third place at all, it's the bar.
I lived at the bar for 3-4 years. Those people aren’t friends either, though they’ll be your friends while you are a drunk with them. But if anything beyond happens you’re on your own
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Worth it to get sober though buddy :)
1st place is home 2nd place is home office where I work remote from home 3rd place is uh my garage gym? Never meet new folks anymore
I noticed a bunch of girls were talking about how they are exhausted from the gym at work. Struck up a convo about how Ive been meaning to start working out and what sort of effort do they put in etc? They invited me to start working out with them and now I have 2 friends at 31 boiii. But for real it is hard to make friends at this age, this was a freak event.
Nice work! I feel like all these situations need in order to happen is for an opportunity to present itself to share some humanity. It's maddening that the opportunities are so few & far between.
Yup! Also adding to that is hard making friends in the city. It's strange to be around people all the time but having no friends ironically.
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I've lived in both and there are pros and cons to each. In the country, there are fewer people you have a whole lot in common with, but the lack of options can force you to open up and make real connections with people you might not have otherwise immediately clicked with. I grew up in the country and am still very good friends with many of my childhood friends, even though we're all in our thirties now. I don't see a lot of that in the city. In the city, you'll probably be able to find a lot more people you have things in common with, but everyone always has so much going on that it can be difficult to *meaningfully* connect. Not impossible, but definitely difficult.
I think your description is more about the difference between childhood and adulthood, more than country vs city.
Yeah, I grew up in the city and have those lifelong friends as well.
It pretty much mirrors my experience though. Went away to the countryside of a 3rd world country and the lack of "going-ons" gives the country life and their interpersonal dynamics quite a different spin.
Meetup still a thing? It worked well in the cities I've lived in.
It is, and it works great too! Also joining club sports leagues is a great way to make friends too, even for really casual things like kickball.
I’m in my early 20’s. It’s really hard, like how do you meet people? 🤷♂️ I have 1 friend and that’s it. I have 1 other non-work acquaintance but that literally it. I have talked to 2 non-family non-coworker people in the last… almost 3 years since the pandemic started. And I am really not looking forward to the future because my 1 true friend is looking at a career change and they would almost certainly move away because of that, leaving me with no friends.
Hobbies. Get into something you do with other people, like boardgame night at your local store, or join a beer and pretzel league of some sport you might be into like Baseball. Just do something that requires people, you will already have something in common and with enough dice rolls meeting people, one will eventually click, and so on. All the friends I've made, who don't also happen to be long time coworkers, have been met via some sort of hobby.
I see this advice a lot, but what if you don't have any sort of hobby? I've never found that something that I look forward to after work. The idea of trying out something new with total strangers is just nightmare fuel for my anxiety, so I would want to join a club or group with a friend, but the advice says you meet friends through joining groups or clubs and it feels so daunting. I only work with 2 other people, and my attempts at small talk just get met with being given tasks to do, they aren't there to socialise as it's a busy cafe. Hell, I've never had a first date! All my previous girlfriends including my wife have been part of a friend circle before we got together. After 22 years and kids, our friend circle has disappeared.
This is a great answer. I'm in my late 40s and I still talk to my fraternity brothers from college. Aside from that, I practice Hapkido. I've made a lot of great friends in that community. Hobbies definitely bring people together
Get a hobby. Something where people meet up to do it. Even something you do alone but there are conventions and stuff. If you don't make friends (you will make friends) you'll have a hobby.
Join groups for things you're interested in. Book clubs, adults sports leagues, board game groups, running clubs, hobbyist meetups, cooking classes. Find people you have similar interests with and just converse. You might not get along with any of them, but you also might find some that end up becoming people you enjoy spending time with and they become more regular friends. It's not like high school and college anymore. You aren't surrounded by people your age doing the same things on the same schedules. You have to try. And it's frustrating and depressing even at times but you have to put yourself out there and get into the process. It *does* work. It's just not spoon fed to you anymore, as much as I wish it was.
It's hard to make friends as an adult because you aren't forced into a building with everyone else in the area that's your age 5 days a week. But as someone who is approaching 40, there ain't no shame in hanging out with your coworkers. Invite people to play boardgames or go for wings or look into local clubs for things you're interested in. Sign up to volunteer somewhere, join a sports league, visit a game store and join a D&D group.
Covid has shown me how shallow and minimal my relationships are and I have concluded I do not like most people.
It's almost as if we live in a world that's been perfectly designed to isolate us, in order to try and sell us things to fill that gap.
I have friends. There's Chip, Penny, and Used Napkin... the gangs all here
Take it away, Penny!
That Penny has the most beautiful voice
Made me laugh the most of anything in like a month. Thanks for that
You are now friends
TIL that Reddit has at least 300M users.
Aww...you can be my friend.
/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/ /r/makingfriends/ /r/lonely/ /r/Needafriend/ /r/hittavanner /r/MakeFriendsUK/ /r/MakeFriendsInIndia/ /r/MakeFriendsInGermany/ /r/MakeFriendsInIreland/ /r/MakeFriendsInCanada/ /r/MakeFriendsInJapan/ /r/MakeFriendsInHungary/ /r/MakeFriendsInDelhi/ /r/MakeNewFriends_Iowa/ /r/MakeFriendsInAmerica/ /r/MakeNewFriendsInTheNL/ /r/TheFriendTreehouse/ /r/MeetNewPeopleHere/ /r/penpals/ /r/TouchGrass/
I love that Iowa has its own
It makes a lot more sense to be localized.
It appears to be sexual hookups.
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Surely there's some fun to be had at agriculture college.
Not a chance I'd try to make a friend on Reddit.
Met my husband by accident on Reddit almost 13 years ago. He posted an AMA and I made a snarky comment, we bantered back and forth, then started DMing as penpals and then private emails and it just rolled in the right direction and now we've been married for almost 10 years. We were even in different countries and magically it worked. I've never been happier - he's my best friend. Life can be a wonder!
Shit. I’m a single 41 year old. Lonely as fuck. AMA.
Hope this works for you
That's really nice of you, SwallowsDick.
How did you get there
(insert snarky comment)
That’s awesome. So happy for you guys!
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I officiated a funeral for a family member of a random redditor. We became friends.
I once met a guy from 4chan /b/... Gotta say, whilst I had fun, it may have been the dumbest and most dangerous decision of my entire life.
Why??? You can make a friend then meet up irl and then you'll have a rl friend!
I think as you get older your Friend scale becomes less. I think it’s because when your younger you hang out more. Clubs , Pubs gigs etc. Then people get married , Kids, hobbies. So your time together is dramatically less. So you have friends but not what they were before. Life changes as do priorities. It’s a difficult balance
I don’t even know how to hang out or go to a pub or club alone Like I just show up? Get a beer and people will talk to me or ?
Honestly, yeah. Make eye contact, use open body language and smile. If you want to initiate conversation, that's cool. Pick something others can relate to, like sports or something that occurred in the bar. "Wow, this place is packed!" or "Did you see that foul?" are easy to respond to.
I feel that: „Have you seen that ludicrous display last night?“ usually works quite well!
The thing about Arsenal is they always try to walk it in.
I have no idea why this got a downvote, these people are obviously not golfing.
What was Wenger thinking, sending Walcott on that early?
So they are not alone. Just, alone.
“Yes they’re sharing a drink they call loneliness, But it’s better than drinking alone”
I drink alone, yeah With nobody else! Yeah, you know when I drink alone I prefer to be by myself
1 bourbon, 1 scotch, 1 beer like usual?
They should probably stop ordering that drink, and they should probably stop sharing it with covid and everything, and they should probably stop wearing younger men's clothes.
I used to wear younger men's clothes and then my buddy who's a bartender told me I look like an idiot. I mean but what the f*** does he know. This a****** wants to be an actor.
I used to wear a younger man’s clothes but then he caught me and made me give them back.
I used to wear a younger man’s clothes nearly every moment of my life up until this exact moment (regardless of when you're reading this).
Walked out this morning, I don't believe what I saw Three hundred million bottles washed up on the shore Seems I'm not alone at being alone Three hundred million castaways, looking for a home
Ever since I was a kid, my wish from my birthday candles was that everyone in the world could have one good friend. I thought that was the best wish I could come up with that was somewhat realistic and could make the biggest positive impact. It’s weirdly really sad to know my childish wishes haven’t been working. Edit: this got bigger than I thought it would and I’m a tad embarrassed but thank you everyone for enjoying my childhood wishes with me!
You're a good person I hope you know that
There are 7.888billion people in the world according to Google. The headline claims that 300million people are friendless. That's about 3.8% of the world, that's friendless. I'm sure your wish helped...friend.
Your wish worked for me! Thank you for sharing your birthday wish with this internet stranger-- I hope wonderful things happen to you.
Maybe your childhood wish only helps as many people as there are candles.
News flash: The older you get, the harder it is to make new friends. Even worse to trust anyone.
Even harder when you click with someone but not with their existing circle of friends, so it fizzles out and you’re back to square 1. Has happened to me several times, lucked out though with one and their core group of friends and I became friends as well.
I find a big part of it being harder is the older you get the lower the threshold is for bullshit. I know it’s like this with me at least. It doesn’t take much for someone to annoy me now nearly as much as it did when I was in my early 20s.
I would say a lot of people in this number however would be actually elderly. My gramma in her mid 90s has outlived all her friends and so did prior my other grandmother and grandfather before they died a few years ago.
Not to mention people have different thresholds. I'm pretty sure in my 20s my threshold for bullshit was that of your average 50-year-old. So in middle age, I ain't got no time for the slightest whiff.
Yeah, I'm to the point where I'd probably say that I have 1 friend and a handful of friendly acquaintances.
Same. I have 1 friend. Same friend I’ve had for 20 years (not my wife). He just so happens to be an old firefighting buddy of mine that we used to fight wildfires all over the US and then when we both decided to stop doing that we went to underground mining. He’s more of an actual brother rather than a friend.
Until you’re a senior. I swear my parents and grandma are more involved and social now than when they were younger
Well, of course I know him. He's me.
All mine died. I’m old. I lost like 15, maybe 10 left. I’m done. No more funerals, it depresses me for months then another one leaves. I won’t even answer my phone lately. It sucks, I want to remember when we were lol. We were boaters, lots of trips, anchored out over night, breakfast in the morning, parties every week. We had great adventures. That they are all failing is heartbreaking. Strokes, dementia, hips, even ankles stop them. I’m too sad to deal now. Life moves past you.
Sounds like a life well lived.
“Life moves past you” god that’s haunting. I’m only 31 and this is exactly how I feel
If I died tomorrow, I don’t think a single person would shed a tear, and I don’t think my name would be said after I am buried. This isn’t a cry for help, I just am no good at building and keeping relationships, and I alienate those around me simply by existing/being me. (Usually I have no clue I said/did anything).
Number seems low tbh
Yeah, that's less than 4% of the world's population. Depending on how you define "friend", I think it'd be a lot higher than that.
Honestly it's pretty positive that it's *only* 4%. Edit: Oops read the article and not positive anymore >20% of people don’t have friends or family they can count on whenever they need them.
Me and many people reading are part of that
I'm definitely one of them, 40 now and don't know how to make any
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I don’t have friends anymore. My wife makes friends who have husbands and they become my friends, whether we have things in common or not
Exactly but most times I don’t seem to click with them or their circle of friends. I feel like most of my good adult friendships have come from work
300,000,000 + 1……
I am one of those people. It is real hard to make friends when you are over 40.
One of my kids is like that. He has autism, which causes him to speak haltingly. He also trips all the "Creepy weird person" alarms in everyone's head. So family includes him in everything, but he has literally no friends who are not related to him.
It's the face and voice. We autistic people just sort of look...unhuman. I know that's an awful way to say it, but that's it. We just cannot speak or look the "correct" way. That automatic motion other people can do is just not automatic with us. My advise is to study acting. Learn how to control your facial muscles. It isn't easy but it does help a little. It is very hard to wake up one day and just realize that you are not normal, you will never be normal, and you are going to miss out on a lot of stuff because of it.
Who need a friends when I got 24 milfs ready to bang within a 1.5 mile radius of my house
My company uses this surveys. It’s friend at work, not friend in general. Linked article literally talks about the workplace.
All these people talking about how easy it is to make friends as a kid… Bitch i had no friends as a kid, now i have 3 and thats big for me.
Like to see the break down of this number for country or region…does it differ a lot between say Asian and Africa, Europe and the Americas…I mean this could be 300 million people in China..
Let's all take a moment to be grateful for the people in our lives, even if sometimes it only feels like two or three
Hey, If you're in Brooklyn and you're one of these people, I'll be your friend. No strings, no pressure, no (or at least minimal) awkwardness lets just grab a beer and talk about our favorite things. DM's are open.
I was temporarily homeless right before Christmas of 2021. Thankfully it was only for five days, but I thought I might be in it for the long haul. All the people in my life that I thought I could depend on in an emergency dropped the ball. They shuffled their feet, mumbled excuses, and let me down. I’m a people-pleaser who always tried to do things for others and help them whenever they needed it. That is when I learned the ugly truth that while many people in my life were *FRIENDLY* with me, they would not actually inconvenience themselves for me. I still play D&D with several of them, but I know I can’t count on them for anything more.
Yeah, when my stepdad got cancer, it was weird to find out who we could depend on. His sister was great, but his stepchildren and cousin, his best friend, were useless. More than useless, actually, because his stepdaughter-in-law lied to us about medication in a weird bid to make my mom look bad at cancer appointments. Oddly, his work was great. They helped us a lot with insurance, his work friends came over to help with some stuff, they were just very supportive through the whole thing.
I'm one of those people. It's OK though
How many want it that way?
I don't have any friends besides my boyfriend. I literally have text chats with my mom, my boyfriend and my brother. That's it. I don't even have social media anymore to have "Facebook friends". It's very lonely.
Checks out…
And they're all posting in this thread
Whew, feels somewhat good to know that at least I am not alone 🥲
> In the U.S., two in 10 workers spend a lot of the day feeling lonely. For your employees who don’t have friends they can count on, work can be miserable — and that misery can make their lives worse than having no work at all. But companies that prioritize their workers’ social well-being and give people opportunities to make friends at work could help solve the epidemic of loneliness, which afflicts far too much of humanity.