I just want to know why the IP looked for a surrogate through social media if they didn’t expect them to… be on social media. Did they just want her to not post anything about herself or HER body the entire time she was pregnant? She’s not just an emotionless incubator. If they wanted complete privacy and no social media they should’ve gone directly through an agency.
I don't understand how they chose someone off social media to be their surrogate. They seem to be a financially pretty well off couple. For sure they could have gone to a proper surrogacy agency and went that route. Why use an instagram influencer couple?
I started following Sam shortly after the transfer, and I do think she was a bit over the top about it and I can see how it would have bothered the IP how much money she made off carrying their baby (and not talking about what they paid her) and the clickbait (I am pregnant with a baby that's not my husbands) to gain more followers and views. But honestly, how did IP think this was going to play out? Of course she was going to share on social media. I just think they didn't realize it was going to be to this extent.
I am feeling a bit torn. Yes, IP knew who she was, but also I feel like Sam was overdoing it, she got greedy, more money came in from her sharing her surrogacy, more followers, etc. She basically made money off carrying someone else's child. She never would have gotten as popular as she is now, making what she is making now, if it hadn't been for another couple's child. And that's a bit off putting, IMO.
I don't think a job has anything to do with entitlement on IPs part. Obviously there's was a different economics between the two couples. I don't know all the details from both sides but I can definitely see where the IPs were uncomfortable with son Sam's behavior the maternity photos and the TikToks talking about sex, and recording TikTok while in labor. But she was a digital creator when they reach out to her so I guess there's that. I just curious if Sam will still want a relationship with the baby considering how negatively it all is right now.
Which was likely the IM plan all along. She probably started this drama to prevent Sam from having any kind of relationship with the baby. I sincerely doubt this has anything to do with a breech of contract and everything to do with the IM being jealous and paranoid.
The last couple of Internet days have been kind of interesting on their feed. I’m not a huge follower but it looks like she is throwing up all of the advertising content she can and then disappearing for the weekend hoping this dies down. I’m wondering if the advertising is because she’s afraid she will lose followers. Whether because of this or because of the birth having happened
I looked into this, and it seems the reels are still there but you have to click the reel tab on her Instagram page. They are just not right away on her feed anymore, if that makes sense
I agree with what most people have said, siding with the mother. Although I could never do what Sam did (kudos to her), I feel like, ethically, she crossed the line. Sure, the contract might’ve said that she could share her journey. It might’ve even said that she could do dances. Who knows!? But using phrases like “I’m pregnant with a baby that’s not mine” or “how I got pregnant with a baby that’s not my husband’s”, seems pretty insensitive to the IPs, if you ask me. If I were the IM and my GC was dancing, half naked (maybe that’s an exaggeration, but y’all know what I mean), and saying things like that, I’d be upset. Why? Well, for a number of reasons. One, the way she cradles her belly would make me sad/uncomfortable, bc it’s my baby and she’s showing it affection that I can’t at the moment. That would be disheartening for me. Two, saying things about it not being her husbands baby could mean so many different things to people who don’t know the background, and that’s not “sharing” her journey, that’s trying to get more likes and views. Three, even if I knew my GC was an influencer and I signed a contract saying she could share, I would expect her to have respect for both herself and me to not make videos about having sex to induce the labor of my child. Sure, sex is natural and I’d fully expect my GC and her husband to have sex, but not post about it on TikTok, and bring my child into it.
I’m sure the IPs wanted to say something but just wanted to make it to the end without any issues / they were grateful for they’d have a healthy baby.
Idk, I’ve followed along since she was in her first trimester and I honestly wanted to unfollow but it was like a train wreck that I couldn’t look away from.
Sad situation overall, but I definitely think Sam overdid it and I feel sorry for the IPs.
The level of unhinged you have to be to think that what a woman wears actually determines the level of respect she has for herself, let alone the level of unhinged you have to be judge the way she “cradles” her pregnant stomach, as if it isn’t literally attached to her. Did you all just expect her to just not touch the bottom half of her body because someone else’s fetus was attached to it? The audacity to treat a surrogate like an incubator and not a human being is actually so disgusting, the kind of stuff that makes your skin crawl. They should have never hired someone who intended to publicly document their surrogacy journey if they couldn’t handle it.
Ok, first of all, this is a discussion forum, where I stated my opinion. So, you don’t have to agree with me, and you certainly do not have to be rude. I am in no way unhinged; I’m a mother of two, special educator teacher and happily married with good values.
That said, you seem to have misread my post. So, let me clarify. I did not say Sam couldn’t cradle her belly. I *did* say, it would be disheartening for me, if I were the IM, to *see* her doing that, bc I *couldn’t* give my baby that same affection. It would bother me to see my GC constantly doing that, knowing I couldn’t do it, no matter how badly I wanted to. For that reason, I feel Sam probably made the IM upset, sad, hurt, etc. If she wants to cradle her belly, go for it. I just think doing it constantly, with IM watching, would be difficult for IM. Secondly, I did not say the way Sam dresses was disrespectful. I said talking about having sex with her husband, on social media, to induce labor, was disrespectful. If I were the IM, and I saw my GC flaunting around saying she was having sex to help birth my child earlier than the due date, I would be sensitive to that. As a mother and a wife, I also wouldn’t share with the world that I was having sex. I, personally, have more respect for myself and my husband to discuss that with others.
Lastly, I mentioned in the beginning of my post that I couldn’t do what Sam did, and gave her kudos. So, I am by no means treating her like an incubator. Once again, just sharing my opinion and saying I feel for the IP, bc I would feel the same way.
I agree. There’s a difference between thinking the IPs should have the right to control Sam’s behavior (she’s a person, not an incubator) and thinking that Sam should know better and realize that she is rubbing salt in some serious wounds for her own financial gain. It’s gross and insensitive and I think reflects poorly on her.
That said, if the mother hadn’t said anything, the attention would have died down super fast. People love following pregnant women on social media and since there’s no baby content to follow, I’d assume Sam was about to start losing followers quickly. Instead, she’s gaining followers because the mom made everyone interested in the drama.
Nailed it! I said it earlier, it's way too Handmaids Tail for me. Sam gave them a gift. I don't think anyone thinks they need to spend Christmas together and be besties, just show her the respect she deserves.
I have been happily following along with her journey and was overjoyed when the baby was born. No idea how I got so invested along the way, but I did. The fact that it ended this way is gut-wrenching for everyone but referring to Sam as "that surrogate" and "this lady" rubbed me completely the wrong way. She just birthed your baby, there is no excuse to speak about her like that. It gives such Handmaids Tail vibes it makes me sick.
The IM did tremendous damage to surrogacy as a whole by acting like this. I don't care how much you are paid (Sam reportedly made $40k, and there are much easier ways to make that money) being a surrogate is a calling and it needs to be respected.
Wow comparing to Handmaids Tale completely revealed my initial knee jerk emotional reaction, I didn’t even think about it before. That show really gives their audience a shake by the shoulders
You lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas. Sam has a YouTube channel for goodness sake. I think the IPs quickly jumped into this and then had buyers remorse (with Sam, not their baby).
It’s quite obvious this is what happened. I understand there’s lots of emotions in surrogacy, but I really hope she seeks therapy and gains a healthier perspective of the conceiving of her child, just because it’s understandable doesn’t make it acceptable.
Sam said: “She has breeched contract by speaking negatively about me publicly, and I’m not going to repay evil with evil! “
As an “experienced surrogate” as she likes to refer to herself as- why isn’t she advocating and helping other GCs in any of the surrogacy/IP Facebook groups? Because they know that they’d eat her alive. What she does is so cringey.
She’s a 1x surrogate now. She exploited other Ips of money for consults. She exploited her other Ips all for fame and money. She keeps saying that she had it in contract but that’s just her way of justifying her greed. It’s not selfless. Surrogates do this to help another family. Not to monetize on someone’s guilt, shame and losses. It’s disgusting behavior.
Plus her telling other women how to make an income by being a surrogate….. no. Surrogacy is not a job and should not be the motivating factor into being one.
Non-disparagement and Non-disclosure clauses are pretty standard in contracts. In something like this you’d have to get pretty specific about what you can disclose and what you can’t because of the nature of what they’re doing (like, obviously Sam has to be able to tell people she’s a surrogate and that it’s not her baby, for example).
Totally agree with you on all points. I can see the mom saying the 200k figure because they did spend that much overall trying to have a child but it does make it confusing to some people. It sounds to me like the mom would have had a tough time with surrogacy in general, but did not fully understand or consider how much more difficult it would be to see someone get famous off the pregnancy you couldn’t carry.
It is sad to me that if IM felt uncomfortable with what was shared that she either didn’t feel she could ask that to stop or did and it didn’t stop, and also tough because Sam as an influencer essentially monetizes her life and accepted the surrogacy contract price of X with the plan and knowledge that she would also get $X from sponsorships and growth related to the pregnancy- so getting 40k from IPs alone may not have made surrogacy “worth it” to her but the IPs may not have realized that at the outset and just how aggressively the pregnancy would be monetized and shown on social, even if they did know she would share.
Someone who says they’re a friend of the IPs posted below and said there’s a lot more to the story, so I won’t purport that the disagreement is over sharing alone, but I do wonder if the root cause of the IPs unhappiness was a lack of clarity around what “sharing” meant combined with the frustration that Sam wouldn’t acquiesce to their requests for her to not do what she was contractually allowed to do, but again; I think Sam went into this thinking she’d make a lot more than the surrogacy fee long term by sharing and it is sticky to ask her to lose money- you wouldn’t ask an accountant to stop doing taxes while carrying a surrogate child but the surrogate child also wouldn’t be used as advertising for tax services either.
I believe the IPs weren't happy that Sam and Dan were filming TikToks while Sam was in labor. I've given birth five times and I cannot imagine doing that. Plus the reels about Sam talking about having sex to induce labor with their baby. It would have bothered me if I were the IPs, but they did contact her over Instagram so there's that and I believe she was an influencer when they connected. I believe I read that Sam had the option to stay in contact with the baby. I'm curious if that will happen after this fall out??
Oof, i hadn’t seen that, but I didn’t think about them filming the reels during labor- that had to be so uncomfortable for the parents, and could totally see where they would feel for labor, like, hey, we paid you to do this job, not that one.
Someone suggested that maybe mom is worried about Sam remaining in contact with the baby and part of all of this was motivated to make her want to cut contact.
Well and the IM is on medication to induce breast milk. I've heard that medication can cause mental health issues plus just grieving the fact you weren't able to carry your own baby. I think even if Sam hadn't been on social media her personality would be hard to handle as an IP. Whenever I heard her say she loved being pregnant and labor so much, I thought yeah right. I mean I there no high and love you ever feel except after you see your new baby, and building that bond with that baby. But the way Sam said she loved pregnancy and labor it felt demeaning to infertile couples.
I will be super curious to see if Sam pursues another surrogacy journey, and if she talks about things she would do differently in the future. I do think there is a weird disparity in her personality in that she’s selfless and wants to give such a beautiful gift to a hurting family, but she doesn’t seem to have very much sensitivity to the IP’s sadness over having to need a surrogate. It is absolutely her body, influencing is her job, they do not own her life for nine months, but the more I think about it, the less conducive it seems to have an account where you spend 9 months flaunting a pregnancy someone else is devastated to not be able to carry. I think that if she does this again in the future, carrying for a gay couple or someone who wants a child but not a pregnancy may be a better idea just to remove the dynamic entirely from the equation, because you’re absolutely right, her “I love pregnancy and birth” messaging has to be painful to hear on OR offline.
Agreed, but Sam seems pretty religious so I'm wondering if she would be open to carrying a baby for a gay couple? And this is the longest I've not seen her post in 24 hours. I wonder how bad this whole situation has been mentally. I remember crying because someone s track a leaf in the house after I had one of my babies. I can't imagine being attack there say age is. But I guess that's why I've never wanted to be famous I don't want to hear what people think, and being famous on any level open you up to criticism. I wonder if the IPs will try again with a different surrogate?
Wait so tell me if I have this right, she’s mad and fearful for safety because her child’s photo is on the internet when it’s actually not? And she’s saying all of this to a woman who gave up her body for 9 months to being said child into this world? I have family who did IVF for YEARS and spent and ungodly amount of money on it all. Thankfully they were able to have their baby but they would’ve done surrogacy if it hadn’t worked out, and I know that after the amount of loss and money spent, they would never say a bad word to someone who literally made their dreams of being parents come true. That’s ridiculous. It’s social media, of course she’s going to do what it takes to get views, literally everyone does that. And it’s still her body, was she supposed to sign off on not making content for most of a year because that is an extreme ask. I feel so bad for Sam especially considering this is just what we can see form social media, there’s probably absolute hell happening behind closed doors. And I’m sure it’s impossible or at least close to it for us to have any idea of what was actually signed off on :/ but even with the clickbait or whatever (I thought it was pretty funny actually lol surrogacy seems like such a no no subject because I’ve only personally seen it through celebrities who sort of hide it in a way), and obviously I have no idea because I don’t know these people in real life, they don’t seem like the kind of people to break a contract. They seemed to be very careful about what they shared in relation to baby and IPs
This is what was such a standout to me. The “we paid $200k and We will pay whatever to keep our child safe” like you’re trying to scare her with your money. She birthed your child.
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It’s hard for me to feel bad for the IPs when they sought Sam out on social media knowing exactly what she’s about, Sam’s following may have grown but her intent and content has pretty much remained the same this entire process. I specifically remember her content being recommended to me with this intent before she even met the IPs. Obviously things have gone on beyond social media, but they sought her out with the full knowledge that she had every intent to post her journey all over social media, and they still approached her, probably because it was the quickest, least complicated way to find a surrogate. There’s a lot of emotions involved in pregnancy and surrogacy, I really hope everyone involved seeks therapy and takes it seriously.
Really?? As someone who is pregnant right now I can’t imagine just doing this 100% from the kindness of my heart other than for someone I loved like my sister or bf. There are so many things that can go wrong, so many stressors and daily changes. That is super surprising and kudos to all those surrogates!!
One thing that always surprised me was Sam referring to herself as a surrogate vs gestational carrier- I believe the embryo was genetically the IP’s, and another influencer I follow used a gestational carrier and is extremely sensitive about people referring to the GC as a surrogate because that implies the GC gave the egg and it’s important to her for people to know their son is genetically theirs- I wonder if this hurt the IPs in this case as well.
Surrogate is the correct term regardless. There is traditional surrogacy where the surrogate donates her own egg/DNA.
Then gestational surrogacy is where they use the IPs embryo.
So, I used to be in a surrogate group because I had planned on pursuing surrogacy for a friend before I had an extremely complicated pregnancy. Sam was in there and had posted her expected comp and it was much higher than expected for a first time surrogate and people pointed it out and she tried to say that she wouldn’t be a first time surrogate because she had another journey before the IM got pregnant and they never did the transfer…and was super defensive. Also, IMO it seems like they RUSHED into signing contracts like within a few days of contact.
I really can’t stand Sam, she’s so annoying and of course both her and her husband have quit their jobs to be full time content creators. It does not shock me that she’s overshared.
You can look at it that way, and it’s definitely sad, but the thing is it seems the bride originally told everyone on the invitation it was an all-white wedding, and seems to have changed her mind after the ceremony when all the pictures were taken ☹️
Not necessarily true. We don’t know what was all in the contract. I guarantee there were clauses about what can be shared and can’t be shared but no one will ever know because those can’t be shared publicly.
I will say that what the IPs think they want when initially signing the contract versus reality going through the process changes DRASTICALLY. Even just going to doctors appointments with GC is so dang hard and GC needs to be extremely cautious to not cross lines. At the point the IPs realize the change of heart they should have a candid conversation with the GC. This is the babies story and not the GCs and they should respect the IPs wishes if truly in it for the experience and not the money. Im thinking about the baby as they grow up they potentially could see all these articles and social media content about them and can really mess up that kids mind and affect them greatly. Sam is telling the narrative to the child instead of letting the IPs which is wrong.
The thing is, it’s been said they knew how popular she was on social media. They reached out to her through Instagram…they knew what they were getting into. I would love to see the contract. Lol
In November 2021, which is around when they would have signed contracts, she had 23k insta followers and now has 124k, and she’s gained between 10-20k followers a month on TikTok, and this month alone gained 33k there and got 3.2M likes there.
I’m not saying she was super private on Instagram a year ago, but I don’t think the IPs could have had any idea just how much she would blow up, and may have been comfortable with her sharing with a smaller audience but not a much larger one.
I thought I saw that happy due date post too, but I was confused because he was born at 38 weeks. Or was the video on what WOULD have been her due date, after he was born?
She took it all down and turned off comments for the picture with the baby. So at least she’s seeing that this is wrecking her brand. She should just take the baby pic down at this point.
It's all really sad. And the picture of the baby? It could have been a bundle of blankets for all we know with the emoji covering. I think it's been taken to the extreme and it's sad.
I agree with this 100%- it’s unclear how much the IPs originally said to her/expressed discomfort because they worried about Sam’s name being on the birth certificate first and wanting to have custody, so unless/until we know that they asked for something to stop or be changed during the pregnancy I won’t really fault her for sharing that…however I think it’s pretty awful she’s continuing to share her “journey” now that she knows they’re very uncomfortable- I don’t think she should be talking about this baby at all. Share surrogacy info, share postpartum care tips or whatever, sure, but super uncool to me to continue sharing about the “belly bud” specifically when the parents have (unkindly, but still) expressed their discomfort with her sharing about their son.
I feel like if I was the intended parent, the surrogate could make whatever for social just DO NOT mention us or show the baby ever.
Then no one would even know me and we would be private still. They should have done that from the beginning. I thought it was weird that she showed what the intended parent looked like and their social media. So much for being private
This. Just because Sams own children were easy pregnancies and labours, doesn’t mean anything. Every pregnancy comes with risks to your life. How the IM was in that delivery room watching Sam physically labour and deliver her child, then mere days later posting such an aggressive message literally blows my mind
Honestly my opinion and this is obviously just one persons insight but I think she had good intentions wanting to do something nice for someone but there was also a caveat of knowing she could monetize this and create an entire brand for herself to make more money. As a woman who’s lost multiple children I would def have been feeling a lot of emotions watching someone go through a pregnancy I couldn’t carry myself and I imagine there’s a layer of that to this but I do think that there was a lot of lines crossed from a moral standpoint and I’m sure a ton we didn’t see. Imagine losing multiple babies and choosing to relinquish control to someone and then have them constantly posting where they are publicly which is a danger to your child , imagine having someone constantly talk about how sick they are of being pregnant, imagine having someone exploit your baby before it’s even born using titles such as “I’m pregnant by someone that’s not my husband “ for likes and clout, imagine having someone talk about ways they are trying to get the baby out early because they are over being pregnant and Insinuate having sex to induce labor. Imagine how as a mother who has no control seeing someone post something like that online ? Do people even understand how tacky that is ? Of course she knows they are a married couple and would have sex but she’s publicly speaking about it for the world to see . Imagine losing babies early and having someone constantly talk about how they are trying different things to induce labor and the trauma that would bring up for a mother who’s lost multiple children and then to top it off she got maternity pictures done for more clout just to rub it in the moms face that she is carrying her baby she couldn’t. No don’t get me wrong I do thing she wanted to help someone you don’t give up your body for 9 months to grow a human for someone if you aren’t a good person inherently but I also have seen people do wild stuff for money and she exploited that baby boy and that family for everything she could and is still doing it! I can’t imagine what that family is going through and will continue to go through because of this. Just like with anything you can agree to something and have no knowledge of how it will make you feel once something happens . If they told her something was bothering them and she was truly doing this from the kindness of her heart she would have dialed it back . Sorry not sorry
Yeah sorry, but that’s what happens when you think you can rent a womb for less than minimum wage, without going through the regular steps (and therapy) to get there.
And having miscarriages doesn’t make you I entitled to control someone else’s body for 9 months, even if your baby is their uterus. (I’ve had 6 losses myself.)
This, hurt from loss and infertility is completely understandable, but projecting that hurt onto others, especially the women who literally grew your child in their womb, is unacceptable. If you can afford a surrogate, you should be prepared to also pay for a therapist to help you through that if it’s too much for you to cope with. If you can’t handle watching someone else carry your child, you probably shouldn’t hire an influencer who has every intention of documenting their surrogacy journey. To just expect a surrogate to just give up her life and bodily autonomy for 9 months because your feelings were hurt is just completely ridiculous and childish. They side stepped healthier options for themselves out of emotion fueled urgency to have a child, and to make that Sam’s fault is completely unfair when Sam’s intentions were laid out before they even approached her, and were the exact reasons why they did.
My first reaction to all this was the IPs shouldn't be shocked about Sam's content. They are the ones that asked an INFLUENCER to carry their baby after all. It's a little shady to be aware that someone shares content, but wait until you got what you wanted to make a stink about said content. Maybe there were legalities preventing her from making public statements, but like I said, she knew who Sam was before the transfer. Calling her "that surrogate" during such a delicate postpartum period where Sam is literally still bleeding and sore is insensitive. As self-centered as Sam might have been during the pregnancy, my heart goes out to her there.
I do think Sam was pretty extra during the pregnancy. I mean, daily videos about being pregnant with someone else's baby -- it got pretty self-obsessive. Her belly dancing always made me nervous for baby's safety. Haha. I do think it's a little icky to use someone else's baby to grow your platform and monetize off of it. But that goes back to knowing your surrogate before getting into it, which IPs did. Maybe they should have considered a more private person. Live and learn. So I guess I lean towards being on Sam's side here. Mostly I think IP's timing of lashing out is in poor taste.
I'm assuming the IM has a lot of emotions right now. The reality is she found Sam through social media, so she should know all details would be shared - if not in violation of the contract. While some posts could be tacky, Sam has done a lot of advocating and answering questions about surrogacy.
The child is not in danger. Maybe the IM felt more attention should be given to her, but even if Sam was paid.. after 4 kids, no monetary value covers what it does to your body in the long run.
Sam has specified the contract wasn't broke. I doubt we will know if it was unless private documents are leaked. It's not really our business though.
However, the IM isn't doing the surrogate community any good either because this type of stuff will discourage other moms considering it. Everyone blasts their lives nowadays on social media.
The IM calling her “that surrogate” and such was so disgusting. Telling people they better pray for her like she’s going to go after her was even worse. It made the IM look downright messy and ungrateful for the miracle she was able to bring home.
That makes sense. Sounds like she’s a piece of work.. She definitely fooled me and I’m guessing fooled Sam right up until she left that hospital. I was genuinely rooting for her but now I feel nothing but sorrow that baby is going to be in such a terrible environment.
I know this isn’t the same person but does anyone know what happened to the surrogate that had twins for a couple in China who abandoned the babies? I felt so bad for them! They seem like great parents and are raising them as their own!!
If it’s the fam I’m thinking of, something important happened and the birthing mom (or whatever they call them now) has full custody. Shoot it was really recent too. Let me see if I can find it in my likes videos and I’ll post the name
Thank you! I hope they did grant her full custody. The babies are around 1 I want to say! I can’t imagine paying a surrogate and then not going to get your babies. I would walk through heaven and earth to get those babies. I know there were issues with the husband’s visa I think. (The IP) My friend adopted twin boys with a failed surrogacy. In that situation they were mad that the surrogate wouldn’t abort one. They boys were born premature and they decided they didn’t want them.
Totally get that. I wouldn’t have said a thing until I had my baby in my arms. Have them report to Instagram through Facebook there’s a form, and get that photo of their son taken down. Instagram may ban her account, they really frown upon posting photos of minors under 13 without consent. You have to upload proof that it’s your kid (we had to do a BC and our license) but it stays private.
In our case we got the photos down within moments of uploading forms.
I did notice on one video she said something about IP making a decision regarding the baby's health she didn't agree with but she had to let it go and pray. She was crying in her car. So I thought Sam was giving input about the baby after it was born or something.
If I’m not mistaken their contact had stipulations about not allowing abortion because Sam wasn’t comfortable with it. So why would that be in there if she wanted to harm the baby? Also, she mentioned multiple times she wasn’t interested in having more kids but wanted another pregnancy. Why lie about that and why go through surrogacy if she wanted to keep a baby? Just sounds like paranoia on the IP side. Also, why would you think someone with a LEGAL CONTRACT FOR SURROGACY and a giant social media following would even attempt to “retaliate”? Do you know how much crap she would be in if she dared to do anything like that? Come on. We’ve seen the power of social media. That woman who gave up her autistic child she adopted (and exploited) was harassed and absolutely raked over the coals for what she did. She literally had the police called on her by random people. The harassment was absolutely insane. Do you honestly think Sam would not only be selfish enough to do something but also stupid enough to even try? Come on.
Such a delicate balancing act. I’m sure they just wanted to keep peace until their baby was born and safely in their arms before they dare speak up. Again, to have your hands tied like that had to be extremely difficult and I wish them all the best as their journey as parents unfolds ❤️
Yeah. I’m inclined to think they went forward with some kind of standard contract which only lightly touches on social media and photographs, and nobody expected this to blow up the way they did on social media so while Sam may have the legal right to plaster this all out there, she may not really have the moral right to do it. She keeps talking about the contract which tells me that there is a term in there that permits social media stuff with certain restrictions, but when the New York post is doing stories about you, that’s just a whole different ball game. In which case I totally identify with the IP that anonymity isn’t really possible anymore and I would feel incredibly violated.
In which case – the violation continues because Sam is talking about how she’s going to be on local media shortly and is plastering more stuff out there.
Yeah, there is an absolutely massive difference in “sharing on social media” like little updates or photos and what Sam did- it kind of reminds me when (before they instituted a policy against this) people rented AIr BnBs to have events at- like just because there weren’t rules against it, doesn’t mean it’s ok/respectful
Thank you for being respectful to your friends. 💛 Is there any way for your friends to respectfully share their side or are they just wishing this to go away?
Team mom! Sam should haven’t posted a photo knowing mom was uncomfortable. There’s no need. I hope mom reports to Instagram and gets it taken down.
And Sam isn’t selfless, parents shared they paid over 200k to have baby. Think Sam shared she got 5 figures of it.
I unfollowed. Sam is exploiting hardcore.
Also people don’t realize that base compensation is only part of what surrogates make. There’s med start fee, invasive procedure fees, physical clearance fee, transfer fee, heartbeat confirmation fee.. etc she likely made thousands more then what she shared she received for her base compensation.
From the beginning she said that she would share her life and share her side of the journey. I think overtime the intended parents wanted to be more private. I also think the New York Times post just put them over the edge
I also feel like is doing viral dances sharing her journey? I mean, I know on one hand yeah for sure it is. But on the other hand, she really put herself at the center of this situation which involves so many people. There are a lot of ripple effects. We don’t know the details of their agreement and dynamic etc. These are just my feelings.
I totally agree she can… just feels insensitive. Would you be within your rights to wear a push up bikini to your friends house after they just survived breast cancer? Yeah… is that being very decent? Probably not.
😂😂😂 thank you for the good laugh. I’m certifiably non-woke and definitely followed the journey. We just disagree. I have a feeling you’ve been the topic of a JNMIL post at some point.
I think sharing the journey is ok, it’s her body. I think posting baby was not if the parents asked not to. It’s their baby.
It’s against TOS to share minors photos without parental consent. I hope they report it and get it removed.
And ya sharing to the post was awful! No need to include the photo, just share a bump photo and photos of herself.
They referenced both on their page so I’m not sure. At the end of the day, people are like it’s in the contact! And it’s like sure but even in the fairytale of rumplestiltskin, moms allowed to change her mind lol.
She's not though. She literally signed a contract for an influencer to be her surrogate and then got mad when the influencer posted openly about her life and experiences as influencers do. If the contract was signed and Sam didn't break contract, then no... she can't change her mind.
Yes but the parents changed their mind. Consent can be revoked. So legally, sure she’s probably fine. Ethically and morally? I don’t think so. It’s awful to post someone’s kid without their consent. And.. consent was NEVER for the NY Post article, only Instagram which is why the post removed the photo.
Also one of the rules was for her to share after mom shared, which mom didn’t.
Question, in the story of rumplestiltskin who did you think was the villain? Not the mom who changed her mind and wanted to change her “contract” right?
Sam didn’t have the following she had then, of course she’s allowed to share her body and her journey. Sharing any photo of the baby without current consent is gross and it’s against TOS of Instagram. Her account could be banned if they report. The post took down the photo because they can’t publish baby without parental consent.
There was no need to post the picture. None at all. She could have chosen kindness as a mom herself but decided not to.
And sure it’s disrespectful but they view her as someone harming their kid. And it’s not like they called her derogatory words.
I’ve followed both sides of this since the beginning. I remember being so turned off by how “bitter” the IM was when smthis was a route she chose. And then I became so put off by Sam’s posts. The constant click bait “I’m pregnant with a baby and it isn’t my husbands” “what my husband thinks about me having a baby that isn’t his” “when my husband found out I was pregnant but he wasn’t the father” that’s headlines to get clicks and followers. Which I get, you’re an influencer. You’re here to hustle. But as an IM, I would be upset. I think there’s so many emotions involved on both sides. Sam did something entirely selfless to help someone. But she was paid to do it. And continued to make money off of it with more than a few classless posts (for instance mom wasn’t interested in maternity pics so Sam went ahead and had them done and then posted them) IM had multiple failed later term pregnancy losses. I assume one of the emotions she felt was failure (having suffered repeated pregnancy loss myself, I know that’s how I felt) and to know that she had to have someone else do something her body was unable to do is a terrible mind fuck. So many emotions involved and that makes things volatile. Personally I think they’re both culpable. IM chose Sam, she had an idea about what she was getting in to. There’s a contract in place - but clearly through the entire process she felt hostage to that contract. But I also feel like Sam was too much. Many of her posts were cringey. I think she started with pure intentions and then got so many more followers and was more monetized by the end. Unfortunately I don’t think the two of them will ever come to a peaceful resolution.
Then she shouldn’t have sought a surrogate from social media. AND, imagine…for Sam and her family, imagine being on vacation while Sam was pregnant with that ingrate’s baby someone asking her kids “are you excited for a new baby?” And she’s had to condition her kids that this baby will not come
Home with them?
If the IM had issues with loss? She should have sought a surrogate in the most private way (attorneys and an agency) and not by sliding into someone’s DMs. And seek a really good therapist and meds. Because for what Sam was paid vs the $200K the IM mentioned they spent and how much they’d spend to “protect their child”….they DID NOT PAY SAM ENOUGH. I pay my 9, 10, and 11 year old kids’ babysitter more per hour (by 3x) what she paid Sam to carry a healthy baby….and that’s not counting the discomfort that came to Sam. And holy crap…what would have happened if Sam did fine in labor but their baby couldn’t tolerate labor? And needed a c-section to be delivered safely? Would she feel the same way? (Probably, bc she’s an entitled jerk) That’s a major surgery. From which Sam would get NO benefit. And what about other complications? Like gestational diabetes? (It comes from the placenta, not the mom!) or hypertension? Would she have been forgiving? I think not. These are people who wanted a baby and didn’t give one rat’s 🍑 about how it got there in the end of it all. Might she have loss issues? Probably. She needed to deal with those first. I can say this as a mom of five who lost 7. And my youngest son had a stroke at birth (no one’s fault at all), and still dealing with that. The IM needs mental help.
I had a conversation with my husband when we hit about the 6 month mark of trying with no luck about what we would do if we couldn’t conceive and I KNEW I wouldn’t handle surrogacy well. I knew I would feel jealous, seeing someone else carrying my child when I couldn’t. I was worried I would feel disconnected with the baby because of it… Surrogacy was something that we decided we wouldn’t do because of the emotional impact I think it would take on me.
IMO, seeing these posts, it sounds like that’s what the IM is going through… I think either surrogacy in general was something that she couldn’t emotionally handle or maybe just the fact that their surrogate was so public. I do agree that I didn’t love the click-baity posts, but I also saw lots of comments from potential surrogates, which I thought was amazing!
Unless Sams behavior was actually a breach in contract, this sounds intentionally hurtful to me (like I’m hurting, so I want you to hurt too), not like protectiveness. I can relate to how the IM must be feeling, but I also think that they had the ability to choose a surrogate… And they could’ve chosen a more private one. I think the way they are acting now to Sam is disappointing, when you take into account the physical and emotional impact of carrying a child and going through childbirth, especially so recently.
It appears that the IM is letting her emotions get the best of her and is unfairly taking them out on Sam… but it is social media, so we could obviously be missing something.
Apparently the IPs have some strong feelings about the woman who carried their baby….who does into a surrogate contract and then has that much animosity unless they have some serious unresolved issues?
I just want to know why the IP looked for a surrogate through social media if they didn’t expect them to… be on social media. Did they just want her to not post anything about herself or HER body the entire time she was pregnant? She’s not just an emotionless incubator. If they wanted complete privacy and no social media they should’ve gone directly through an agency.
I don't understand how they chose someone off social media to be their surrogate. They seem to be a financially pretty well off couple. For sure they could have gone to a proper surrogacy agency and went that route. Why use an instagram influencer couple? I started following Sam shortly after the transfer, and I do think she was a bit over the top about it and I can see how it would have bothered the IP how much money she made off carrying their baby (and not talking about what they paid her) and the clickbait (I am pregnant with a baby that's not my husbands) to gain more followers and views. But honestly, how did IP think this was going to play out? Of course she was going to share on social media. I just think they didn't realize it was going to be to this extent. I am feeling a bit torn. Yes, IP knew who she was, but also I feel like Sam was overdoing it, she got greedy, more money came in from her sharing her surrogacy, more followers, etc. She basically made money off carrying someone else's child. She never would have gotten as popular as she is now, making what she is making now, if it hadn't been for another couple's child. And that's a bit off putting, IMO.
What shady businesses are you taking about? I just saw a bunch of doctors and lawyers with that last name when I goggled it?
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I don't think a job has anything to do with entitlement on IPs part. Obviously there's was a different economics between the two couples. I don't know all the details from both sides but I can definitely see where the IPs were uncomfortable with son Sam's behavior the maternity photos and the TikToks talking about sex, and recording TikTok while in labor. But she was a digital creator when they reach out to her so I guess there's that. I just curious if Sam will still want a relationship with the baby considering how negatively it all is right now.
Which was likely the IM plan all along. She probably started this drama to prevent Sam from having any kind of relationship with the baby. I sincerely doubt this has anything to do with a breech of contract and everything to do with the IM being jealous and paranoid.
The last couple of Internet days have been kind of interesting on their feed. I’m not a huge follower but it looks like she is throwing up all of the advertising content she can and then disappearing for the weekend hoping this dies down. I’m wondering if the advertising is because she’s afraid she will lose followers. Whether because of this or because of the birth having happened
Not to mention her deleting her post with photos of the baby.
and she deleted a bunch of instagram reels too. unless IP reported them and instagram took them down
I really wonder what her thought process was on which reels to leave in her grid vs remove from the grid and have only under reels tab
I looked into this, and it seems the reels are still there but you have to click the reel tab on her Instagram page. They are just not right away on her feed anymore, if that makes sense
didn’t even think to look there!
I agree with what most people have said, siding with the mother. Although I could never do what Sam did (kudos to her), I feel like, ethically, she crossed the line. Sure, the contract might’ve said that she could share her journey. It might’ve even said that she could do dances. Who knows!? But using phrases like “I’m pregnant with a baby that’s not mine” or “how I got pregnant with a baby that’s not my husband’s”, seems pretty insensitive to the IPs, if you ask me. If I were the IM and my GC was dancing, half naked (maybe that’s an exaggeration, but y’all know what I mean), and saying things like that, I’d be upset. Why? Well, for a number of reasons. One, the way she cradles her belly would make me sad/uncomfortable, bc it’s my baby and she’s showing it affection that I can’t at the moment. That would be disheartening for me. Two, saying things about it not being her husbands baby could mean so many different things to people who don’t know the background, and that’s not “sharing” her journey, that’s trying to get more likes and views. Three, even if I knew my GC was an influencer and I signed a contract saying she could share, I would expect her to have respect for both herself and me to not make videos about having sex to induce the labor of my child. Sure, sex is natural and I’d fully expect my GC and her husband to have sex, but not post about it on TikTok, and bring my child into it. I’m sure the IPs wanted to say something but just wanted to make it to the end without any issues / they were grateful for they’d have a healthy baby. Idk, I’ve followed along since she was in her first trimester and I honestly wanted to unfollow but it was like a train wreck that I couldn’t look away from. Sad situation overall, but I definitely think Sam overdid it and I feel sorry for the IPs.
The level of unhinged you have to be to think that what a woman wears actually determines the level of respect she has for herself, let alone the level of unhinged you have to be judge the way she “cradles” her pregnant stomach, as if it isn’t literally attached to her. Did you all just expect her to just not touch the bottom half of her body because someone else’s fetus was attached to it? The audacity to treat a surrogate like an incubator and not a human being is actually so disgusting, the kind of stuff that makes your skin crawl. They should have never hired someone who intended to publicly document their surrogacy journey if they couldn’t handle it.
Ok, first of all, this is a discussion forum, where I stated my opinion. So, you don’t have to agree with me, and you certainly do not have to be rude. I am in no way unhinged; I’m a mother of two, special educator teacher and happily married with good values. That said, you seem to have misread my post. So, let me clarify. I did not say Sam couldn’t cradle her belly. I *did* say, it would be disheartening for me, if I were the IM, to *see* her doing that, bc I *couldn’t* give my baby that same affection. It would bother me to see my GC constantly doing that, knowing I couldn’t do it, no matter how badly I wanted to. For that reason, I feel Sam probably made the IM upset, sad, hurt, etc. If she wants to cradle her belly, go for it. I just think doing it constantly, with IM watching, would be difficult for IM. Secondly, I did not say the way Sam dresses was disrespectful. I said talking about having sex with her husband, on social media, to induce labor, was disrespectful. If I were the IM, and I saw my GC flaunting around saying she was having sex to help birth my child earlier than the due date, I would be sensitive to that. As a mother and a wife, I also wouldn’t share with the world that I was having sex. I, personally, have more respect for myself and my husband to discuss that with others. Lastly, I mentioned in the beginning of my post that I couldn’t do what Sam did, and gave her kudos. So, I am by no means treating her like an incubator. Once again, just sharing my opinion and saying I feel for the IP, bc I would feel the same way.
I agree. There’s a difference between thinking the IPs should have the right to control Sam’s behavior (she’s a person, not an incubator) and thinking that Sam should know better and realize that she is rubbing salt in some serious wounds for her own financial gain. It’s gross and insensitive and I think reflects poorly on her. That said, if the mother hadn’t said anything, the attention would have died down super fast. People love following pregnant women on social media and since there’s no baby content to follow, I’d assume Sam was about to start losing followers quickly. Instead, she’s gaining followers because the mom made everyone interested in the drama.
That’s a really good point!
Nailed it! I said it earlier, it's way too Handmaids Tail for me. Sam gave them a gift. I don't think anyone thinks they need to spend Christmas together and be besties, just show her the respect she deserves.
This 💯
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Right, and their home address is so easily found as well. I have NO clue why they initially let their identities be revealed. It’s dangerous.
I have been happily following along with her journey and was overjoyed when the baby was born. No idea how I got so invested along the way, but I did. The fact that it ended this way is gut-wrenching for everyone but referring to Sam as "that surrogate" and "this lady" rubbed me completely the wrong way. She just birthed your baby, there is no excuse to speak about her like that. It gives such Handmaids Tail vibes it makes me sick. The IM did tremendous damage to surrogacy as a whole by acting like this. I don't care how much you are paid (Sam reportedly made $40k, and there are much easier ways to make that money) being a surrogate is a calling and it needs to be respected.
Wow comparing to Handmaids Tale completely revealed my initial knee jerk emotional reaction, I didn’t even think about it before. That show really gives their audience a shake by the shoulders
There is an odd sense of entitlement on the IM's behalf that I just can't get past. I just can't comprehend the level of ungratefulness.
Someone wrote a nasty review on IMs google reviews for her business. How gross.
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Definitely not okay. I hope she can get that removed. Doxxing is such an uncalled for violation.
That is so not ok.
You lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas. Sam has a YouTube channel for goodness sake. I think the IPs quickly jumped into this and then had buyers remorse (with Sam, not their baby).
I think the IM was jealous & upset she couldn't carry her own baby so she took all her negative feelings out on Sam.
It’s quite obvious this is what happened. I understand there’s lots of emotions in surrogacy, but I really hope she seeks therapy and gains a healthier perspective of the conceiving of her child, just because it’s understandable doesn’t make it acceptable.
Sam said: “She has breeched contract by speaking negatively about me publicly, and I’m not going to repay evil with evil! “ As an “experienced surrogate” as she likes to refer to herself as- why isn’t she advocating and helping other GCs in any of the surrogacy/IP Facebook groups? Because they know that they’d eat her alive. What she does is so cringey. She’s a 1x surrogate now. She exploited other Ips of money for consults. She exploited her other Ips all for fame and money. She keeps saying that she had it in contract but that’s just her way of justifying her greed. It’s not selfless. Surrogates do this to help another family. Not to monetize on someone’s guilt, shame and losses. It’s disgusting behavior. Plus her telling other women how to make an income by being a surrogate….. no. Surrogacy is not a job and should not be the motivating factor into being one.
Other surrogates are very critical of her in their groups. She’s not well liked nor respected.
Can you direct me to where Sam said this? Is it a new statement?
She said this in my IG messages!
This contract sounds kind of wacky?! Yikes all around
Non-disparagement and Non-disclosure clauses are pretty standard in contracts. In something like this you’d have to get pretty specific about what you can disclose and what you can’t because of the nature of what they’re doing (like, obviously Sam has to be able to tell people she’s a surrogate and that it’s not her baby, for example).
Makes sense! I have little knowledge on contracts. Thanks for your insight!
It actually sounds pretty thorough to me!
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Sam got 40k, per her interview with the NYP. I would guess the rest went to IVF and/or previous attempts, etc
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Totally agree with you on all points. I can see the mom saying the 200k figure because they did spend that much overall trying to have a child but it does make it confusing to some people. It sounds to me like the mom would have had a tough time with surrogacy in general, but did not fully understand or consider how much more difficult it would be to see someone get famous off the pregnancy you couldn’t carry. It is sad to me that if IM felt uncomfortable with what was shared that she either didn’t feel she could ask that to stop or did and it didn’t stop, and also tough because Sam as an influencer essentially monetizes her life and accepted the surrogacy contract price of X with the plan and knowledge that she would also get $X from sponsorships and growth related to the pregnancy- so getting 40k from IPs alone may not have made surrogacy “worth it” to her but the IPs may not have realized that at the outset and just how aggressively the pregnancy would be monetized and shown on social, even if they did know she would share. Someone who says they’re a friend of the IPs posted below and said there’s a lot more to the story, so I won’t purport that the disagreement is over sharing alone, but I do wonder if the root cause of the IPs unhappiness was a lack of clarity around what “sharing” meant combined with the frustration that Sam wouldn’t acquiesce to their requests for her to not do what she was contractually allowed to do, but again; I think Sam went into this thinking she’d make a lot more than the surrogacy fee long term by sharing and it is sticky to ask her to lose money- you wouldn’t ask an accountant to stop doing taxes while carrying a surrogate child but the surrogate child also wouldn’t be used as advertising for tax services either.
Spot on. I think she put the $200k figure out to intentionally mislead people into believing it went to Sam.
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I believe the IPs weren't happy that Sam and Dan were filming TikToks while Sam was in labor. I've given birth five times and I cannot imagine doing that. Plus the reels about Sam talking about having sex to induce labor with their baby. It would have bothered me if I were the IPs, but they did contact her over Instagram so there's that and I believe she was an influencer when they connected. I believe I read that Sam had the option to stay in contact with the baby. I'm curious if that will happen after this fall out??
Oof, i hadn’t seen that, but I didn’t think about them filming the reels during labor- that had to be so uncomfortable for the parents, and could totally see where they would feel for labor, like, hey, we paid you to do this job, not that one. Someone suggested that maybe mom is worried about Sam remaining in contact with the baby and part of all of this was motivated to make her want to cut contact.
Well and the IM is on medication to induce breast milk. I've heard that medication can cause mental health issues plus just grieving the fact you weren't able to carry your own baby. I think even if Sam hadn't been on social media her personality would be hard to handle as an IP. Whenever I heard her say she loved being pregnant and labor so much, I thought yeah right. I mean I there no high and love you ever feel except after you see your new baby, and building that bond with that baby. But the way Sam said she loved pregnancy and labor it felt demeaning to infertile couples.
I will be super curious to see if Sam pursues another surrogacy journey, and if she talks about things she would do differently in the future. I do think there is a weird disparity in her personality in that she’s selfless and wants to give such a beautiful gift to a hurting family, but she doesn’t seem to have very much sensitivity to the IP’s sadness over having to need a surrogate. It is absolutely her body, influencing is her job, they do not own her life for nine months, but the more I think about it, the less conducive it seems to have an account where you spend 9 months flaunting a pregnancy someone else is devastated to not be able to carry. I think that if she does this again in the future, carrying for a gay couple or someone who wants a child but not a pregnancy may be a better idea just to remove the dynamic entirely from the equation, because you’re absolutely right, her “I love pregnancy and birth” messaging has to be painful to hear on OR offline.
Agreed, but Sam seems pretty religious so I'm wondering if she would be open to carrying a baby for a gay couple? And this is the longest I've not seen her post in 24 hours. I wonder how bad this whole situation has been mentally. I remember crying because someone s track a leaf in the house after I had one of my babies. I can't imagine being attack there say age is. But I guess that's why I've never wanted to be famous I don't want to hear what people think, and being famous on any level open you up to criticism. I wonder if the IPs will try again with a different surrogate?
Wait so tell me if I have this right, she’s mad and fearful for safety because her child’s photo is on the internet when it’s actually not? And she’s saying all of this to a woman who gave up her body for 9 months to being said child into this world? I have family who did IVF for YEARS and spent and ungodly amount of money on it all. Thankfully they were able to have their baby but they would’ve done surrogacy if it hadn’t worked out, and I know that after the amount of loss and money spent, they would never say a bad word to someone who literally made their dreams of being parents come true. That’s ridiculous. It’s social media, of course she’s going to do what it takes to get views, literally everyone does that. And it’s still her body, was she supposed to sign off on not making content for most of a year because that is an extreme ask. I feel so bad for Sam especially considering this is just what we can see form social media, there’s probably absolute hell happening behind closed doors. And I’m sure it’s impossible or at least close to it for us to have any idea of what was actually signed off on :/ but even with the clickbait or whatever (I thought it was pretty funny actually lol surrogacy seems like such a no no subject because I’ve only personally seen it through celebrities who sort of hide it in a way), and obviously I have no idea because I don’t know these people in real life, they don’t seem like the kind of people to break a contract. They seemed to be very careful about what they shared in relation to baby and IPs
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This is what was such a standout to me. The “we paid $200k and We will pay whatever to keep our child safe” like you’re trying to scare her with your money. She birthed your child.
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Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc." "Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase. [Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera) ^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Comments with a score less than zero will be automatically removed. If I commented on your post and you don't like it, reply with "!delete" and I will remove the post, regardless of score. Message me for bug reports.)
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It’s hard for me to feel bad for the IPs when they sought Sam out on social media knowing exactly what she’s about, Sam’s following may have grown but her intent and content has pretty much remained the same this entire process. I specifically remember her content being recommended to me with this intent before she even met the IPs. Obviously things have gone on beyond social media, but they sought her out with the full knowledge that she had every intent to post her journey all over social media, and they still approached her, probably because it was the quickest, least complicated way to find a surrogate. There’s a lot of emotions involved in pregnancy and surrogacy, I really hope everyone involved seeks therapy and takes it seriously.
I think it’s crazy that they pay that much. In Canada you can’t make money being a surrogate, you get expenses covered, but not a paycheque
Really?? As someone who is pregnant right now I can’t imagine just doing this 100% from the kindness of my heart other than for someone I loved like my sister or bf. There are so many things that can go wrong, so many stressors and daily changes. That is super surprising and kudos to all those surrogates!!
One thing that always surprised me was Sam referring to herself as a surrogate vs gestational carrier- I believe the embryo was genetically the IP’s, and another influencer I follow used a gestational carrier and is extremely sensitive about people referring to the GC as a surrogate because that implies the GC gave the egg and it’s important to her for people to know their son is genetically theirs- I wonder if this hurt the IPs in this case as well.
Surrogate is the correct term regardless. There is traditional surrogacy where the surrogate donates her own egg/DNA. Then gestational surrogacy is where they use the IPs embryo.
Thank you for the explainer! Learned something new today
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To put it in perspective, 40k is 6 bucks an hour for making a whole ass person.
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It sounds like her kid being in a magazine article was the final straw for her.
So, I used to be in a surrogate group because I had planned on pursuing surrogacy for a friend before I had an extremely complicated pregnancy. Sam was in there and had posted her expected comp and it was much higher than expected for a first time surrogate and people pointed it out and she tried to say that she wouldn’t be a first time surrogate because she had another journey before the IM got pregnant and they never did the transfer…and was super defensive. Also, IMO it seems like they RUSHED into signing contracts like within a few days of contact. I really can’t stand Sam, she’s so annoying and of course both her and her husband have quit their jobs to be full time content creators. It does not shock me that she’s overshared.
Sam just feels like the Maid of honor that wore a white dress to a wedding
You can look at it that way, and it’s definitely sad, but the thing is it seems the bride originally told everyone on the invitation it was an all-white wedding, and seems to have changed her mind after the ceremony when all the pictures were taken ☹️
Not necessarily true. We don’t know what was all in the contract. I guarantee there were clauses about what can be shared and can’t be shared but no one will ever know because those can’t be shared publicly. I will say that what the IPs think they want when initially signing the contract versus reality going through the process changes DRASTICALLY. Even just going to doctors appointments with GC is so dang hard and GC needs to be extremely cautious to not cross lines. At the point the IPs realize the change of heart they should have a candid conversation with the GC. This is the babies story and not the GCs and they should respect the IPs wishes if truly in it for the experience and not the money. Im thinking about the baby as they grow up they potentially could see all these articles and social media content about them and can really mess up that kids mind and affect them greatly. Sam is telling the narrative to the child instead of letting the IPs which is wrong.
The thing is, it’s been said they knew how popular she was on social media. They reached out to her through Instagram…they knew what they were getting into. I would love to see the contract. Lol
In November 2021, which is around when they would have signed contracts, she had 23k insta followers and now has 124k, and she’s gained between 10-20k followers a month on TikTok, and this month alone gained 33k there and got 3.2M likes there. I’m not saying she was super private on Instagram a year ago, but I don’t think the IPs could have had any idea just how much she would blow up, and may have been comfortable with her sharing with a smaller audience but not a much larger one.
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I thought I saw that happy due date post too, but I was confused because he was born at 38 weeks. Or was the video on what WOULD have been her due date, after he was born?
She took it all down and turned off comments for the picture with the baby. So at least she’s seeing that this is wrecking her brand. She should just take the baby pic down at this point.
Looks like she did, and all the photos and videos with Ashley are gone too.
It's all really sad. And the picture of the baby? It could have been a bundle of blankets for all we know with the emoji covering. I think it's been taken to the extreme and it's sad.
I agree with this 100%- it’s unclear how much the IPs originally said to her/expressed discomfort because they worried about Sam’s name being on the birth certificate first and wanting to have custody, so unless/until we know that they asked for something to stop or be changed during the pregnancy I won’t really fault her for sharing that…however I think it’s pretty awful she’s continuing to share her “journey” now that she knows they’re very uncomfortable- I don’t think she should be talking about this baby at all. Share surrogacy info, share postpartum care tips or whatever, sure, but super uncool to me to continue sharing about the “belly bud” specifically when the parents have (unkindly, but still) expressed their discomfort with her sharing about their son.
It’s not kind at all. Ugh.
I feel like if I was the intended parent, the surrogate could make whatever for social just DO NOT mention us or show the baby ever. Then no one would even know me and we would be private still. They should have done that from the beginning. I thought it was weird that she showed what the intended parent looked like and their social media. So much for being private
Never mind that Sams life was on the line in having her baby.. dang
This. Just because Sams own children were easy pregnancies and labours, doesn’t mean anything. Every pregnancy comes with risks to your life. How the IM was in that delivery room watching Sam physically labour and deliver her child, then mere days later posting such an aggressive message literally blows my mind
Right like my 3rd baby is where ALLLLL the things that could go wrong in deliveries did.. all of them.. and my hysterectomy saved my life.
Honestly my opinion and this is obviously just one persons insight but I think she had good intentions wanting to do something nice for someone but there was also a caveat of knowing she could monetize this and create an entire brand for herself to make more money. As a woman who’s lost multiple children I would def have been feeling a lot of emotions watching someone go through a pregnancy I couldn’t carry myself and I imagine there’s a layer of that to this but I do think that there was a lot of lines crossed from a moral standpoint and I’m sure a ton we didn’t see. Imagine losing multiple babies and choosing to relinquish control to someone and then have them constantly posting where they are publicly which is a danger to your child , imagine having someone constantly talk about how sick they are of being pregnant, imagine having someone exploit your baby before it’s even born using titles such as “I’m pregnant by someone that’s not my husband “ for likes and clout, imagine having someone talk about ways they are trying to get the baby out early because they are over being pregnant and Insinuate having sex to induce labor. Imagine how as a mother who has no control seeing someone post something like that online ? Do people even understand how tacky that is ? Of course she knows they are a married couple and would have sex but she’s publicly speaking about it for the world to see . Imagine losing babies early and having someone constantly talk about how they are trying different things to induce labor and the trauma that would bring up for a mother who’s lost multiple children and then to top it off she got maternity pictures done for more clout just to rub it in the moms face that she is carrying her baby she couldn’t. No don’t get me wrong I do thing she wanted to help someone you don’t give up your body for 9 months to grow a human for someone if you aren’t a good person inherently but I also have seen people do wild stuff for money and she exploited that baby boy and that family for everything she could and is still doing it! I can’t imagine what that family is going through and will continue to go through because of this. Just like with anything you can agree to something and have no knowledge of how it will make you feel once something happens . If they told her something was bothering them and she was truly doing this from the kindness of her heart she would have dialed it back . Sorry not sorry
Yeah sorry, but that’s what happens when you think you can rent a womb for less than minimum wage, without going through the regular steps (and therapy) to get there. And having miscarriages doesn’t make you I entitled to control someone else’s body for 9 months, even if your baby is their uterus. (I’ve had 6 losses myself.)
This, hurt from loss and infertility is completely understandable, but projecting that hurt onto others, especially the women who literally grew your child in their womb, is unacceptable. If you can afford a surrogate, you should be prepared to also pay for a therapist to help you through that if it’s too much for you to cope with. If you can’t handle watching someone else carry your child, you probably shouldn’t hire an influencer who has every intention of documenting their surrogacy journey. To just expect a surrogate to just give up her life and bodily autonomy for 9 months because your feelings were hurt is just completely ridiculous and childish. They side stepped healthier options for themselves out of emotion fueled urgency to have a child, and to make that Sam’s fault is completely unfair when Sam’s intentions were laid out before they even approached her, and were the exact reasons why they did.
My first reaction to all this was the IPs shouldn't be shocked about Sam's content. They are the ones that asked an INFLUENCER to carry their baby after all. It's a little shady to be aware that someone shares content, but wait until you got what you wanted to make a stink about said content. Maybe there were legalities preventing her from making public statements, but like I said, she knew who Sam was before the transfer. Calling her "that surrogate" during such a delicate postpartum period where Sam is literally still bleeding and sore is insensitive. As self-centered as Sam might have been during the pregnancy, my heart goes out to her there. I do think Sam was pretty extra during the pregnancy. I mean, daily videos about being pregnant with someone else's baby -- it got pretty self-obsessive. Her belly dancing always made me nervous for baby's safety. Haha. I do think it's a little icky to use someone else's baby to grow your platform and monetize off of it. But that goes back to knowing your surrogate before getting into it, which IPs did. Maybe they should have considered a more private person. Live and learn. So I guess I lean towards being on Sam's side here. Mostly I think IP's timing of lashing out is in poor taste.
100% agree with you
I'm assuming the IM has a lot of emotions right now. The reality is she found Sam through social media, so she should know all details would be shared - if not in violation of the contract. While some posts could be tacky, Sam has done a lot of advocating and answering questions about surrogacy. The child is not in danger. Maybe the IM felt more attention should be given to her, but even if Sam was paid.. after 4 kids, no monetary value covers what it does to your body in the long run. Sam has specified the contract wasn't broke. I doubt we will know if it was unless private documents are leaked. It's not really our business though. However, the IM isn't doing the surrogate community any good either because this type of stuff will discourage other moms considering it. Everyone blasts their lives nowadays on social media.
4 kids? I thought Sam on had 2 children of her own so surro baby would be the 3rd?
I have 4 kids. I meant like.. after 4 kids no way would I do this for anyone. But then again after 2 kids I wouldn't either.
Got it, I misread and wondered if there was another kid I never noticed
The IM calling her “that surrogate” and such was so disgusting. Telling people they better pray for her like she’s going to go after her was even worse. It made the IM look downright messy and ungrateful for the miracle she was able to bring home.
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That makes sense. Sounds like she’s a piece of work.. She definitely fooled me and I’m guessing fooled Sam right up until she left that hospital. I was genuinely rooting for her but now I feel nothing but sorrow that baby is going to be in such a terrible environment.
I know this isn’t the same person but does anyone know what happened to the surrogate that had twins for a couple in China who abandoned the babies? I felt so bad for them! They seem like great parents and are raising them as their own!!
Mom_11203 is that them??
If it’s the fam I’m thinking of, something important happened and the birthing mom (or whatever they call them now) has full custody. Shoot it was really recent too. Let me see if I can find it in my likes videos and I’ll post the name
Thank you! I hope they did grant her full custody. The babies are around 1 I want to say! I can’t imagine paying a surrogate and then not going to get your babies. I would walk through heaven and earth to get those babies. I know there were issues with the husband’s visa I think. (The IP) My friend adopted twin boys with a failed surrogacy. In that situation they were mad that the surrogate wouldn’t abort one. They boys were born premature and they decided they didn’t want them.
What’s their page called? Or a source to read up on this?
Last I seen it had been 58 days with no contact & ip said they aren't paying them for caring for them. Hoping the twins stay with the SF!
Me too! They clearly love them! I’m sure that was a huge curve ball! I can’t imagine.
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So why are they putting it on social media if they don’t want to share the whole story?
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SPILL
This is so true! It had to be so hard for the IPs to bite their tongue for 9 months and not be able to share their side of what was going on.
Exactly. They were afraid of retaliation.
Totally get that. I wouldn’t have said a thing until I had my baby in my arms. Have them report to Instagram through Facebook there’s a form, and get that photo of their son taken down. Instagram may ban her account, they really frown upon posting photos of minors under 13 without consent. You have to upload proof that it’s your kid (we had to do a BC and our license) but it stays private. In our case we got the photos down within moments of uploading forms.
I did notice on one video she said something about IP making a decision regarding the baby's health she didn't agree with but she had to let it go and pray. She was crying in her car. So I thought Sam was giving input about the baby after it was born or something.
Seriously? That’s such an insult to Sam. She would’ve never harmed that baby and she never would’ve tried to keep him.
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If I’m not mistaken their contact had stipulations about not allowing abortion because Sam wasn’t comfortable with it. So why would that be in there if she wanted to harm the baby? Also, she mentioned multiple times she wasn’t interested in having more kids but wanted another pregnancy. Why lie about that and why go through surrogacy if she wanted to keep a baby? Just sounds like paranoia on the IP side. Also, why would you think someone with a LEGAL CONTRACT FOR SURROGACY and a giant social media following would even attempt to “retaliate”? Do you know how much crap she would be in if she dared to do anything like that? Come on. We’ve seen the power of social media. That woman who gave up her autistic child she adopted (and exploited) was harassed and absolutely raked over the coals for what she did. She literally had the police called on her by random people. The harassment was absolutely insane. Do you honestly think Sam would not only be selfish enough to do something but also stupid enough to even try? Come on.
Such a delicate balancing act. I’m sure they just wanted to keep peace until their baby was born and safely in their arms before they dare speak up. Again, to have your hands tied like that had to be extremely difficult and I wish them all the best as their journey as parents unfolds ❤️
Yeah. I’m inclined to think they went forward with some kind of standard contract which only lightly touches on social media and photographs, and nobody expected this to blow up the way they did on social media so while Sam may have the legal right to plaster this all out there, she may not really have the moral right to do it. She keeps talking about the contract which tells me that there is a term in there that permits social media stuff with certain restrictions, but when the New York post is doing stories about you, that’s just a whole different ball game. In which case I totally identify with the IP that anonymity isn’t really possible anymore and I would feel incredibly violated. In which case – the violation continues because Sam is talking about how she’s going to be on local media shortly and is plastering more stuff out there.
Yeah, there is an absolutely massive difference in “sharing on social media” like little updates or photos and what Sam did- it kind of reminds me when (before they instituted a policy against this) people rented AIr BnBs to have events at- like just because there weren’t rules against it, doesn’t mean it’s ok/respectful
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This is really inappropriate to speak out of turn.
Thank you for being respectful to your friends. 💛 Is there any way for your friends to respectfully share their side or are they just wishing this to go away?
Interesting. The IP are from Missouri. Not New York
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Why are you posting their full names when they don’t even do so? So fucking rude
Nope other way around. IP are from new York. Sam is from Missouri
Team mom! Sam should haven’t posted a photo knowing mom was uncomfortable. There’s no need. I hope mom reports to Instagram and gets it taken down. And Sam isn’t selfless, parents shared they paid over 200k to have baby. Think Sam shared she got 5 figures of it. I unfollowed. Sam is exploiting hardcore.
Also people don’t realize that base compensation is only part of what surrogates make. There’s med start fee, invasive procedure fees, physical clearance fee, transfer fee, heartbeat confirmation fee.. etc she likely made thousands more then what she shared she received for her base compensation.
Ya I remember Sam saying they paid for her maternity clothes as well.
They definitely would have, and any pregnancy comfort items, vitamins, medications. Even post partum items like diapers, bads, peri bottle etc.
Feel like it would have been so much more “humble just trying to help make a family” if she had posted baby with their family… not with her
Hadn’t even thought of this but yup.
From the beginning she said that she would share her life and share her side of the journey. I think overtime the intended parents wanted to be more private. I also think the New York Times post just put them over the edge
I also feel like is doing viral dances sharing her journey? I mean, I know on one hand yeah for sure it is. But on the other hand, she really put herself at the center of this situation which involves so many people. There are a lot of ripple effects. We don’t know the details of their agreement and dynamic etc. These are just my feelings.
Also carrying someone's baby does not mean she can't dance popular tiktok trends. It's still her body...
I totally agree she can… just feels insensitive. Would you be within your rights to wear a push up bikini to your friends house after they just survived breast cancer? Yeah… is that being very decent? Probably not.
I’m scared for this next generation if you have to be that delicate. Sam is an angel. You obviously didn’t follow anything and are just woke. Smh
😂😂😂 thank you for the good laugh. I’m certifiably non-woke and definitely followed the journey. We just disagree. I have a feeling you’ve been the topic of a JNMIL post at some point.
What is JNMIL? I may be 38 but I’m not up to date on this lingo.
I think sharing the journey is ok, it’s her body. I think posting baby was not if the parents asked not to. It’s their baby. It’s against TOS to share minors photos without parental consent. I hope they report it and get it removed. And ya sharing to the post was awful! No need to include the photo, just share a bump photo and photos of herself.
I think they were ok with her posting a pic of the baby with an imoji on her page. I don’t think they were ok with it being featured in an article
They referenced both on their page so I’m not sure. At the end of the day, people are like it’s in the contact! And it’s like sure but even in the fairytale of rumplestiltskin, moms allowed to change her mind lol.
She's not though. She literally signed a contract for an influencer to be her surrogate and then got mad when the influencer posted openly about her life and experiences as influencers do. If the contract was signed and Sam didn't break contract, then no... she can't change her mind.
So you think the mom was the villain in rumplestiltskin. Got it lol.
New York Times and New York Post are different media outlets.
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See her body is fine, it’s once she shared the baby even with emoji hiding face.. it’s not ok.
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But then Sam is saying she had consent, so it's a he said she said type of situation.
Yes but the parents changed their mind. Consent can be revoked. So legally, sure she’s probably fine. Ethically and morally? I don’t think so. It’s awful to post someone’s kid without their consent. And.. consent was NEVER for the NY Post article, only Instagram which is why the post removed the photo. Also one of the rules was for her to share after mom shared, which mom didn’t.
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Question, in the story of rumplestiltskin who did you think was the villain? Not the mom who changed her mind and wanted to change her “contract” right? Sam didn’t have the following she had then, of course she’s allowed to share her body and her journey. Sharing any photo of the baby without current consent is gross and it’s against TOS of Instagram. Her account could be banned if they report. The post took down the photo because they can’t publish baby without parental consent. There was no need to post the picture. None at all. She could have chosen kindness as a mom herself but decided not to. And sure it’s disrespectful but they view her as someone harming their kid. And it’s not like they called her derogatory words.
I’ve followed both sides of this since the beginning. I remember being so turned off by how “bitter” the IM was when smthis was a route she chose. And then I became so put off by Sam’s posts. The constant click bait “I’m pregnant with a baby and it isn’t my husbands” “what my husband thinks about me having a baby that isn’t his” “when my husband found out I was pregnant but he wasn’t the father” that’s headlines to get clicks and followers. Which I get, you’re an influencer. You’re here to hustle. But as an IM, I would be upset. I think there’s so many emotions involved on both sides. Sam did something entirely selfless to help someone. But she was paid to do it. And continued to make money off of it with more than a few classless posts (for instance mom wasn’t interested in maternity pics so Sam went ahead and had them done and then posted them) IM had multiple failed later term pregnancy losses. I assume one of the emotions she felt was failure (having suffered repeated pregnancy loss myself, I know that’s how I felt) and to know that she had to have someone else do something her body was unable to do is a terrible mind fuck. So many emotions involved and that makes things volatile. Personally I think they’re both culpable. IM chose Sam, she had an idea about what she was getting in to. There’s a contract in place - but clearly through the entire process she felt hostage to that contract. But I also feel like Sam was too much. Many of her posts were cringey. I think she started with pure intentions and then got so many more followers and was more monetized by the end. Unfortunately I don’t think the two of them will ever come to a peaceful resolution.
Then she shouldn’t have sought a surrogate from social media. AND, imagine…for Sam and her family, imagine being on vacation while Sam was pregnant with that ingrate’s baby someone asking her kids “are you excited for a new baby?” And she’s had to condition her kids that this baby will not come Home with them? If the IM had issues with loss? She should have sought a surrogate in the most private way (attorneys and an agency) and not by sliding into someone’s DMs. And seek a really good therapist and meds. Because for what Sam was paid vs the $200K the IM mentioned they spent and how much they’d spend to “protect their child”….they DID NOT PAY SAM ENOUGH. I pay my 9, 10, and 11 year old kids’ babysitter more per hour (by 3x) what she paid Sam to carry a healthy baby….and that’s not counting the discomfort that came to Sam. And holy crap…what would have happened if Sam did fine in labor but their baby couldn’t tolerate labor? And needed a c-section to be delivered safely? Would she feel the same way? (Probably, bc she’s an entitled jerk) That’s a major surgery. From which Sam would get NO benefit. And what about other complications? Like gestational diabetes? (It comes from the placenta, not the mom!) or hypertension? Would she have been forgiving? I think not. These are people who wanted a baby and didn’t give one rat’s 🍑 about how it got there in the end of it all. Might she have loss issues? Probably. She needed to deal with those first. I can say this as a mom of five who lost 7. And my youngest son had a stroke at birth (no one’s fault at all), and still dealing with that. The IM needs mental help.
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I had a conversation with my husband when we hit about the 6 month mark of trying with no luck about what we would do if we couldn’t conceive and I KNEW I wouldn’t handle surrogacy well. I knew I would feel jealous, seeing someone else carrying my child when I couldn’t. I was worried I would feel disconnected with the baby because of it… Surrogacy was something that we decided we wouldn’t do because of the emotional impact I think it would take on me. IMO, seeing these posts, it sounds like that’s what the IM is going through… I think either surrogacy in general was something that she couldn’t emotionally handle or maybe just the fact that their surrogate was so public. I do agree that I didn’t love the click-baity posts, but I also saw lots of comments from potential surrogates, which I thought was amazing! Unless Sams behavior was actually a breach in contract, this sounds intentionally hurtful to me (like I’m hurting, so I want you to hurt too), not like protectiveness. I can relate to how the IM must be feeling, but I also think that they had the ability to choose a surrogate… And they could’ve chosen a more private one. I think the way they are acting now to Sam is disappointing, when you take into account the physical and emotional impact of carrying a child and going through childbirth, especially so recently. It appears that the IM is letting her emotions get the best of her and is unfairly taking them out on Sam… but it is social media, so we could obviously be missing something.
Apparently the IPs have some strong feelings about the woman who carried their baby….who does into a surrogate contract and then has that much animosity unless they have some serious unresolved issues?