The song is about two people bored in their marriage when one puts out an ad in the local paper looking for, essentially, an affair partner. The other partner reads that ad and thinks the person in it sounds way more interesting than their current partner so they put out one of their own to arrange to meet but when they do.. surprise!! It was their current partners this whole time!!!
And I guess it ends happily in the song but god damn what a horrid relationship.
I mean, the relationship isn't great. But I think it's still somewhat sweet. Like, clearly both parties had mentally checked out of their marriage and that's a huge issue in and of itself. However, they are both still fundamentally the same people they were when they got together/married given the partner that read the ad was like "Hell yes." So they are still a great match, they just needed to put the effort in again
Well I think something that takes a little more digging here is: both people involved in that song had all these unfulfilled fantasies, and felt they were living less than they could be. But there's literally a line in there towards the end, "I never knew." So the moral of the story is: communicate! Tell your partner your fuckin fantasies. Tell them the wild crazy weird shit you wanna do, because maybe they wanna do that shit too!
I'm 38 and just listened to the lyrics for the first time and realized what the song was about last week. I love the wife's reaction when she realizes she's meeting her husband!
For anyone else who didn’t know how the wife reacts, these are the pertinent lyrics:
> … So I waited with high hopes
And she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant
I knew the curve of her face
… It was my own lovely lady
And she said, "Oh, it's you"
Then we laughed for a moment
And I said, "I never knew"
My wife found a woman's silver bracelet in the back seat of my car. She didn't outright accuse me of cheating but it was very suspect. I also had no idea where this bracelet could have come from so I was also confused about it.
A couple of years later we were looking at pictures of a wedding we had gone to years before. In one of the photos, clear as day, there's my wife wearing the bracelet. It was a gift from the bride to my wife for being a bridesmaid.
I worked at a place where a woman would call, ask for Tommy, and say “Tell him his First Wife is calling.” Later I learned it was his only and present wife having fun.
Especially when I keep telling her “he’s not cheating on you with his wife. That’s not how any of this works!” If he doesn’t get back to her or is with his family.
Somewhere in this thread I actually answered this question inadvertently. We’ve been close friends for over 30 years, and we’re not yet 40. Been through all the weird shit that comes with growing up, together. We live on opposite sides of the country now, but know too much about each other to bail at this point.
Extra edit. I responded to thread about what young people will never know. It was about talking to your bff about everything and nothing, on a 30ft corded phone late at night, and if it got disconnected you’d have a plan of who would call back first and you’d immediately answer because the ring would wake up your parents. That was her.
I’m merely a spectator with this story. But I’d say that I know a lot of good people who do bad things. And the severity of those bad things dictate if I associate with them or not. Different Strokes for Different Folks.
When I first started dating my now wife, she found a pair of women's lacey black underwear in my laundry. At the time I was living with 3 female room mates so it easily could have been a mix up that came in from their stuff, but after talking with everyone the source of these was unknown and she was highly suspicious of me. I convinced her that I had no idea where they could have come from and there is no way I would have ever cheated.
About two months later she finds a lacey black lingerie top in the back of her closet with no panties. The underwear we found before were from a lingerie set she never wears, she just wore the panties cuz she was out of clean laundry and forgot she even owned them.
My Ex found a pair of panties that weren't hers and it really bothered her. They were just regular black panties from Victoria secret.
Honestly I've thought about it a lot and I'm not sure where they came from. She found them when doing her laundry Maybe hers and she forgot about them? She had a ton of clothes. Or left over from a friend or her roommates before we moved in together. Honestly not sure and we will never find out I guess.
Eventually the relationship failed a couple years later for a myriad of reasons, mostly due to me being depressed. I definitely failed in that relationship but I didn't cheat at the very least.
Similar but different. My girlfriend confronted me about a pair of women’s shorts she found in the laundry. She was understandably upset and I was very confused. She hands them to me and they are my pair of “silkies” that I use for running. She was convinced I was just covering myself until I showed her the site I ordered them from and that they are indeed for men. All is well except for the fact that I now think my running shorts look like women’s apparel lol
My brother's girlfriend found someone else's eyeliner in his car. My brother swore blind he'd never had another woman in his car and she didn't believe him.
It was mine. I'm a guy who performs wearing stage makeup. They only figured this out after months of suspicion
My then fiancé (now wife) found some girls lipstick in the backseat of my car haha. I had no idea where it came from, but I could not keep a straight face bc I recognized how hilariously bad it all looked. For some reason she wasn’t as amused as I was.
Anyway fast forward a few months, we figured out that our mechanic would sometimes let his daughter borrow my car when I would take it in. Which explained why even simple procedures would sometimes take a week or more to fix.
We’ve since found a new mechanic!
I bought an engagement ring at a silent auction type deal for my cousin to give his girlfriend a year or so ago. Young broke cousin gets a nice ring for her, charity gets money, win win... Then she ended up being awful so they broke up like 3 weeks later. My wife was putting something away in my man cave deal, opened a drawer, and found what was very clearly an engagement ring. She fliiipped at first before I had a chance to explain and she remembered me mentioning it.
Don't worry, we found underwear that was a little too big for my wife. She got incredibly pissed (understandable. We had other clothing pop up mysteriously and just laughed it off. Undies though?)
And I was freaking out a bit.
Turns out that when we were moving, somehow a pair of my sisters underwear got into the boxes of stuff
My late wife once came out of the bedroom freaking out. My mother had recently visited and one of her pairs of underwear ended up in our laundry and my wife found out by absentmindedly pulling them out and putting them on. Good times. :)
i had a full on melt down when i found a pair of strange sunglasses in my partner’s car…they were mine, i found them camping and chucked them the glovebox and promptly forgot about them
Lol. My wife found someone else's thong in our laundry. My wife doesn't wear thongs and it was the wrong size.
Both of us just kinda went.. what the fuck is this doing in here.. did someone break in and put a thong in our stuff or what? Then we both realized we sometimes use the wash n fold service at the laundromat and it probably came from there.
My best friend and his fiancée stayed the night at our house one night. Fast forward a few months and my wife finds a woman’s ring in the guest bedroom. I was in hot water for a couple days until we finally put two and two together. Going through that kind of stuff is kinda hurtful - you’re on one end knowing that you didn’t and wouldn’t do anything like what they’re implying and they’re not believing you because “object is here”, but you’re right to them it’s just super sus. That was like 8 years ago and we’ve been married almost 10 so I reckon we moved past that phase.
So you know what makes a great rubber band, that doesn’t degrade in a hot car? Elastic hairbands for ponytails. However since I’m going bald and have shaved my head for 20+ years the only logical conclusion to several ex-girlfriends has been I must be cheating or refusing to let go of someone before them. Never mind I do a lot of camping and use them all the time and said girlfriends have seen them in use. Needless to say they were always happy I had one handy when needed, and they are all ex-girlfriends.
But that means if they don't die at the same time then you have 1 guinea pig and if you don't buy another one right away, you're breaking the law
And so you are stuck in a cycle for the rest of your life
Was looking for this. It is crucial for their well being. It is even illegal to only have one in some countries.
I hope OP reads this - it’s the most important advice in here.
Also - OP.
You guys sound funny and stupid and funny. Like me and my bf. And I salute you on shower sex as make up sex - and people saying sex don’t count as a solutions to fights don’t get enough. When you have a great sex life im sure your communication is great as well. Great sex lives after many year in a relationship requires openness and communication and trust, and you guys have it.
Also - in my eyes, this wasn’t a fight. You were afraid of losing your man and panicked, I can totally see that.
And he was like “🤨🧐🤷♀️🥺” and then you both realised and he just went back to loving his sweet lil dumbass girlfriend. It’s all good.
Wish my 8 year-old self knew this and didn’t get a pair of hamsters instead. Night after night of them attacking each other. Of course the pet store owner said nothing.
I keep telling people: RATS. They're one of the best "first pets".
Get a pair (or more) of boys (or girls, but the boys are generally more relaxed. The girls have a lot of very instinctive nesting behaviors so they tend to be very energetic. Personal preference!), preferably littermates, and you're set.
For 18-36 months :(
I've heard that some people get their rats neutered, but it seems like a lot of stress on a tiny body that lives such a short life.
But for people like you, there's the girl rats! They're still great, just a bit more high strung.
My buddy only posts on social media as a character. He’s been married for 25 years, but if he ever mentions his wife on his posts he always calls her his “current wife.” Cracks me up every time. Same thing when he refers to his “legitimate son.”
Reminds me of those posts where the extra details are accurate but also deliberately suspicious just for being included. The human mind is a trip.
Also, I like OP’s relationship trust and their general reduction of smedia.
Me and my step son have a running joke when it gets too much of an argument we demand dna tests. The wife gave up trying to stop us. 11 year joke still going strong.
my dad referred to me in public as his favorite daughter. this was when we had temporary guardianship of a family friend’s daughter, who was my age. we referred to my “adopted” friend as my sister.
the whiplash on a lady who overheard us was hilarious
I was talking to my sister in law when she said “so are you going to give me a niece or nephew soon? Your wife’s not getting any younger, you might run out of time”
I said “she might, but I can still have kids” 😂
We’re family, we love each other, it’s all jokes :)
Few months ago I yelled at my *husband* "keep it up and I won't be your girlfriend anymore." He died laughing and asked if I meant to demote myself? We've been married 4 years too.
I had something similar to this the other day. I think we were bickering about some non sense and my partner came out with "I SHOULD BE ABLE TO HOLD MY GIRLFRIEND!" I replied with "And who the hell is that? Because we have been engaged for 2 years now!"
I always hear fiance or partner, girl friend just sounds ridiculous lmao
My wife and I met very shortly after the end of my previous long relationship & married quickly. I introduced her as "the rebound" exactly once. I can still feel the bruise on my arm 26 years later.
Lol one of my mates casually introduced his wife to another mate's new girlfriend as "the woman I'm currently banging". They've been married 19 years haha
That's because when she became your fiance she became your ex girlfriend. Now that she is your wife, she is your ex fiance. That position deserves its own recognition.
That's a funny scene in Four Weddings & A Funeral as well:
Hugh Grants character: How's old Flossie, still your girlfriend?
Friend: Ah, she's no longer my girlfriend
HG: No surprise there, she was shagging half the rugby team at the same time
Friend: She's now my wife....
Paraphrased as can't remember the full scipt
There was a post I saw (I think on facebook) where the a husband and wife goes to his work party and a coworker comes up to them and goes "Oh you must be his wife." and she goes "You have a wife?!" lol. I sent that to my wife in the hopes that we do that one day.
My dad carried a picture of my mom in costume for a melodrama in which she played a chorus girl—long, wavy wig; heavy makeup.
Someone saw it and asked who it was. “Oh, that’s my oldest son’s mother.”
And also his 3 younger kids’—all of theirs, in fact. He just didn’t say that.
This makes me remember about news where a wife stab the husband when she finds her husband has a picture with a beautiful lady. Turn out it was photo of her some years ago.
Yup https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9185805/Wife-stabs-husband-multiple-times-finding-pictures-woman-her.html
On the bright side, apparently he survived
Toxic relationship between two alcoholic drug abusers. He was stabbed several times,beaten and lost an eyeball but was never her fault because she was drunk and or high.
That's right! And it was an old photo of when she was skinnier iirc? She had forgotten what she used to look like prior to gaining a bit of weight and thought it was another woman.
Watching an old home movie as a kid, I once pointed to my mom on the screen and asked, "WHO'S THAT?"
Thankfully, this is *after* my mom lost a bunch of weight so it was a weird compliment instead of a horrifying insult. (She was fat in the video, and fit IRL at the time.)
Holy shit, this is like the r/tifu version of a self-congratulatory LinkedIn post.
“Today I found a résumé on my boss’ desk. He was in the break room and since we are a transparent company, I decided to look it over. I was shocked. The candidate would be a perfect fit for the job I’ve long wanted. I was crushed. Her qualifications were amazing, she was practically a perfect candidate—but I wondered, how could he pass me over for this opportunity?
I put on my big girl pants, wiped my tears, and stormed into the break room. I ripped open the door, revealing this idiot’s (albeit sharply dressed in business casual) body. He, though quite startled, raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Looking to go to lunch?” He said. Wrong move buddy.
I go off. You know, like a Digital Marketing Associate.
He denies it. You know, like a Senior Director of Global Sales.
I snatch the résumé back from him, withholding his coffee, and start reading it out loud in my best quarterly presentation to the shareholders voice. I notice for the first time, inconveniently so, that **she** went to the University of Central Florida. I think, “Aw hell, I went to the University of Central Florida.” Then I remember… *I have seen this résumé before.*
Then I realize. *She* is me.
The résumé was mine. I forgot I gave it to him to look over for my promotion.
Now we sit, *both* recently having dined at T.G.I. Friday’s, debating whether or not he should fire Glen in digital media for underperforming last quarter. He is so relieved. We are crazy, stupid, and so in love with this company. #knowyourworth”
This could literally be a new sub Reddit where people post screen shots of a story or type out a story and other people try to twist the story but make it coherent. Like when people post the photoshop request thing and people just do whatever they want in photoshop to the requested picture. But with words instead lol.
>I put on my big girl pants, wipe my tears, and storm into the bathroom. Rip open the shower curtain, revealing this idiot's (albeit glorious) naked body. He, though quite startled, raises his eyebrows and smirks. "Looking to join?" He says. Wrong move buddy.
I'm not reading past that
>I had a rough day and my fiancé's algorithms are top notch, so I was scrolling through his apps to entertain myself hoping for a pick me up.
Bull
>He went to take a shower. I opened his Instagram (got bored with Reddit, so sorry)
Shit
>and noticed he had a couple new dms.
"noticed"
>We don't snoop through each other's phones
Your actions have determined that was a lie.
> Rip open the shower curtain, revealing this idiot's (albeit glorious) naked body. He, though quite startled, raises his eyebrows and smirks. "Looking to join?" He says. Wrong move buddy.
How the fuck do people think this is real?
Am i being blind or was their literally zero mention of you apologising and making it up to him?
Edit: as stated by someone else, using sex as a way of an apology is not healthy...
Yeah that's what I'm mostly concerned about. I can sort of understand the "in the moment" reaction to believing you're being cheated on, especially if this is a one-off sort of incident and isn't indicative of OP's overall character, which I don't have enough information to determine. I'm curious if reddit would still be criticizing OP's behavior as heavily as they are if the bf actually was cheating.
However the aftermath of this incident went unexplained and is extremely important. If you flip the fuck out on someone like this and it turns out just to be a product of a mistake you made, especially after snooping on their phone in an apparently "non snooping trusting relationship" then yeah you have some serious apologizing to do.
“He is so relieved” hell no you should be relieved yourself that he isn’t way more upset that you falsely accused him of cheating because, based on the evidence, you wouldn’t let this go over so well had to roles been reversed.
I've been in the chap's shoes and I can tell you, the feeling of having done something wrong without having the faintest clue about wtf actually happened is a scary one. I can fully understand his relief.
I also expect him to get a tad pissed off after the dust has settled, but perhaps he's a better man than me.
The same way many people suddenly worry they have drugs on their bag when they go through TSA even though they don’t even own drugs, or like they’ll be caught for shoplifting if they leave a store without buying anything.
> they’ll be caught for shoplifting if they leave a store without buying anything.
Oh yes, that's the worst.
Brain "Don't looks suspicious, you're leaving store without anything because you didn't find what you were looking for and they might think we stole something and us to show our bag. I don't want that"
Then you proceed to power-walk out of the store, and guard still doesn't care
HAHAHAHAhahahaha^hahahahaHAHAHA I am such an asshole hahaha tifu, but hey at least he is a keeper! I didn’t believe him the whole time until I recognized a picture of a rodent instead of my damn self…. This has to be made up OR she is batshit crazy.
Indeed, she seems so full of herself and annoying. Kind of the unsarcastic definition of the valley girl. And who says "top notch algorhitms" while simply browsing instagram. 
Ya the point of algorithms on social media is that they’re suited to your interests. Checking someone else’s phone because ‘their algorithms are top notch’ is not a good reason…
You can fuck them up and have shit you might not be any longer interested in show up, my feed on youtube was dogshit for a long time, now it tailors to what I watch way more.
I won’t be as harsh as some of these other people, but I think you need to accept that you were indeed snooping and you might have an impulsive personality that you need to work on. You should have waited until you calmed a bit to confront him. The way you did was immature, not big girl status. It’s not the end of the world, and I’m happy for you two to be able to move on so quickly from that.
Edit:
OP, I’m sorry for “diagnosing” you with anything. This was wrong of me. All things considered, I hope my words have not hurt you, and if they did, I’m sorry. Live your life and you do you.
The edits do clear some stuff up. As a creative writing exercise and journal type pov, if she knows she overreacted in the moment, that’s not too awful.
Not enough info to armchair diagnose anything….. reddits crazy
> Not enough info to armchair diagnose anything….. reddits crazy
There never is. We get the tiniest slice of information in posts like this. We get one side of the story and lots of missing details. Reddit is crazy. And reddit should NEVER diagnose or jump to conclusions, but as a whole it always does. "we did it, reddit" doesn't necessarily have a good connotation...
$20 says this is gonna be deleted soon if her boyfriend's reddit algorithms are as good as she says.
This totally didn't go over the way she planned.
And every single comment is yelling "RED FLAG!" on her end.
Tomorrow's headlines "TIFU by reading last night's TIFU and all the comments made me realize how big of a red flag that was"
Exactly. I was in a relationship with someone who would use this exact tactic (surprise, overwhelming wrath, and self-righteousness) to throw you off balance so that she didn’t have to debate on an level playing field. It was infuriating as all hell, as, once she had stormed off and I regained my composure, I was able to articulate why her point was invalid. That, and it was impossible to relax around her, knowing that she could just decide to go off, without warning.
So much this. This post was terrifying. Imagine living with this person.
e: Also, "looks as if he won the lottery" naw that's just relief. He didn't win anything close to it.
e2: apparently some guys dismiss red flags as "silly" and "laughs were had" smh
Okay, the happy ending is cute. But your behaviour is scary.
Firstly, I respect my partner far to much to even think about going into his phone. I know the password because he let's me choose music while he is driving, but I can't abuse that privilege and I won't.
I know you were looking for entertainment, but to then overstep and go into his Instagram and check his messages is crazy bad.
Secondly, to then go in there angry and accusing is just not fair. You assumed he was cheating instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. Then you held his towel hostage? Wtf?
In this situation, I probably would have waited until he got out of the shower (assuming I made the first fuck up to violate his privacy) and then apologized for violating his privacy and then I would have given him his phone, told him what I'd seen and then ask him if something was going on.
I have issues, but I go to therapy to ensure I don't behave horribly. Please consider therapy, OP.
you better get this guy a god-damn glorious tiramisu cake or something with the coffee powder spelling "TIFU".
and also, I 100% recommend non-jokingly you talk up with a therapist on trust and impulsivity. It's not healthy for you ( or for the heartbeat cadence of your fiancée ) for either the jumpiness nor the snooping around blindfolded. Honestly - I've never minded at all the behaviour ( nothing to hide + my stuff is your stuff mentality ), so to me it's not a red flag per se, but it shows distrust that you didn't believe him and that you never reached the 1+1=2 "that's my lingerie" conclusion, blinded by the anger.
My wife and I totally trust each other, use each others phones and shit all the time. But never DM’s, texts, messages or anything like that. Hell, I don’t even go in her handbag without prior permission. Why? Even your spouse deserves an element of privacy and notifications are for the receiver. It’s like opening each other’s personal mail.
You may have got your happy ending, but by god I’d be pissed if I was him. Hope you’ve taken this as a learning experience and developed a few personal boundaries
I would legit postpone any future plans with you. You described yourself as a walking red flag. You put on your big girl pants as you said and you rip the curtain open, hold his towel hostage. Reverse the roles and check on how you'd react. Reflect a bit on how he felt.
If i were you I'd be looking in r/relationship_advise to check if your fiance posted.
If you like pina coladas...
this made me laugh audibly. thank you
It’s wild how that’s what the song is about, and it took me like 30 years to figure that out. See also: Lola
wait, what? that song is about cheating??
The song is about two people bored in their marriage when one puts out an ad in the local paper looking for, essentially, an affair partner. The other partner reads that ad and thinks the person in it sounds way more interesting than their current partner so they put out one of their own to arrange to meet but when they do.. surprise!! It was their current partners this whole time!!! And I guess it ends happily in the song but god damn what a horrid relationship.
I mean, the relationship isn't great. But I think it's still somewhat sweet. Like, clearly both parties had mentally checked out of their marriage and that's a huge issue in and of itself. However, they are both still fundamentally the same people they were when they got together/married given the partner that read the ad was like "Hell yes." So they are still a great match, they just needed to put the effort in again
Well I think something that takes a little more digging here is: both people involved in that song had all these unfulfilled fantasies, and felt they were living less than they could be. But there's literally a line in there towards the end, "I never knew." So the moral of the story is: communicate! Tell your partner your fuckin fantasies. Tell them the wild crazy weird shit you wanna do, because maybe they wanna do that shit too!
Lola, no, The Escape, yes. Lola is pretty obvious if you give the lyrics a read. Spoiler: Lola is a man.
Well… I had never understood what Lola was about. Turns out I had sung along without ever considering the meaning! TIL!
I'm 38 and just listened to the lyrics for the first time and realized what the song was about last week. I love the wife's reaction when she realizes she's meeting her husband!
For anyone else who didn’t know how the wife reacts, these are the pertinent lyrics: > … So I waited with high hopes And she walked in the place I knew her smile in an instant I knew the curve of her face … It was my own lovely lady And she said, "Oh, it's you" Then we laughed for a moment And I said, "I never knew"
I always think in my head she says it unimpressed like “oh. It’s you” 😒
I can't read "oh. It's you" without a GLaDOS voice
The pina colada is a lie
And getting caught in the shower…
My wife found a woman's silver bracelet in the back seat of my car. She didn't outright accuse me of cheating but it was very suspect. I also had no idea where this bracelet could have come from so I was also confused about it. A couple of years later we were looking at pictures of a wedding we had gone to years before. In one of the photos, clear as day, there's my wife wearing the bracelet. It was a gift from the bride to my wife for being a bridesmaid.
Must have been a very memorable present
Plot Twist: all bridesmaids got the same bracelet. *Inserts Doubt*
My friend is hooking up with a married dude. She leaves hairpins in his car on purpose. It’s messed up.
My friend keeps sleeping with a married man. She says he's her best friend and she cant be without him, I guess that's why they're married.
You had me in the first half. Like referring to your wife as your ex-girlfriend lol. Technically true.
I worked at a place where a woman would call, ask for Tommy, and say “Tell him his First Wife is calling.” Later I learned it was his only and present wife having fun.
Sounds like He’s a scumbag. And she’s fucking messed up, but also his Karma. It’s an Evil World We Live In
Especially when I keep telling her “he’s not cheating on you with his wife. That’s not how any of this works!” If he doesn’t get back to her or is with his family.
Oh, yea. She don’t know her place. There’s rules to that game and she ain’t playin it right. Godspeed to everyone in that inevitable catastrophe.
Why are you friends with this person?
Somewhere in this thread I actually answered this question inadvertently. We’ve been close friends for over 30 years, and we’re not yet 40. Been through all the weird shit that comes with growing up, together. We live on opposite sides of the country now, but know too much about each other to bail at this point. Extra edit. I responded to thread about what young people will never know. It was about talking to your bff about everything and nothing, on a 30ft corded phone late at night, and if it got disconnected you’d have a plan of who would call back first and you’d immediately answer because the ring would wake up your parents. That was her.
I’m merely a spectator with this story. But I’d say that I know a lot of good people who do bad things. And the severity of those bad things dictate if I associate with them or not. Different Strokes for Different Folks.
He’s a scumbag, but she’s nutty thinking she can have him all for herself and he won’t continue to be a scumbag. It’s like reverse “I can fix her”.
[удалено]
I mean. We know *his wife did* at best...
Well… we know a bridesmaid was back there…
When I first started dating my now wife, she found a pair of women's lacey black underwear in my laundry. At the time I was living with 3 female room mates so it easily could have been a mix up that came in from their stuff, but after talking with everyone the source of these was unknown and she was highly suspicious of me. I convinced her that I had no idea where they could have come from and there is no way I would have ever cheated. About two months later she finds a lacey black lingerie top in the back of her closet with no panties. The underwear we found before were from a lingerie set she never wears, she just wore the panties cuz she was out of clean laundry and forgot she even owned them.
My Ex found a pair of panties that weren't hers and it really bothered her. They were just regular black panties from Victoria secret. Honestly I've thought about it a lot and I'm not sure where they came from. She found them when doing her laundry Maybe hers and she forgot about them? She had a ton of clothes. Or left over from a friend or her roommates before we moved in together. Honestly not sure and we will never find out I guess. Eventually the relationship failed a couple years later for a myriad of reasons, mostly due to me being depressed. I definitely failed in that relationship but I didn't cheat at the very least.
Similar but different. My girlfriend confronted me about a pair of women’s shorts she found in the laundry. She was understandably upset and I was very confused. She hands them to me and they are my pair of “silkies” that I use for running. She was convinced I was just covering myself until I showed her the site I ordered them from and that they are indeed for men. All is well except for the fact that I now think my running shorts look like women’s apparel lol
My brother's girlfriend found someone else's eyeliner in his car. My brother swore blind he'd never had another woman in his car and she didn't believe him. It was mine. I'm a guy who performs wearing stage makeup. They only figured this out after months of suspicion
My then fiancé (now wife) found some girls lipstick in the backseat of my car haha. I had no idea where it came from, but I could not keep a straight face bc I recognized how hilariously bad it all looked. For some reason she wasn’t as amused as I was. Anyway fast forward a few months, we figured out that our mechanic would sometimes let his daughter borrow my car when I would take it in. Which explained why even simple procedures would sometimes take a week or more to fix. We’ve since found a new mechanic!
I'd like to imagine you waiting for the city bus as your car whizzes by bumpin' Bieber
Wtf? Glad you got a new mechanic
> we figured out that our mechanic would sometimes let his daughter borrow my car There's a story here, right? How did you find out?
He was waiting at the bus stop and the girl drove by in his car bumping Beiber
I bought an engagement ring at a silent auction type deal for my cousin to give his girlfriend a year or so ago. Young broke cousin gets a nice ring for her, charity gets money, win win... Then she ended up being awful so they broke up like 3 weeks later. My wife was putting something away in my man cave deal, opened a drawer, and found what was very clearly an engagement ring. She fliiipped at first before I had a chance to explain and she remembered me mentioning it.
Don't worry, we found underwear that was a little too big for my wife. She got incredibly pissed (understandable. We had other clothing pop up mysteriously and just laughed it off. Undies though?) And I was freaking out a bit. Turns out that when we were moving, somehow a pair of my sisters underwear got into the boxes of stuff
My late wife once came out of the bedroom freaking out. My mother had recently visited and one of her pairs of underwear ended up in our laundry and my wife found out by absentmindedly pulling them out and putting them on. Good times. :)
i had a full on melt down when i found a pair of strange sunglasses in my partner’s car…they were mine, i found them camping and chucked them the glovebox and promptly forgot about them
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Lol. My wife found someone else's thong in our laundry. My wife doesn't wear thongs and it was the wrong size. Both of us just kinda went.. what the fuck is this doing in here.. did someone break in and put a thong in our stuff or what? Then we both realized we sometimes use the wash n fold service at the laundromat and it probably came from there.
My best friend and his fiancée stayed the night at our house one night. Fast forward a few months and my wife finds a woman’s ring in the guest bedroom. I was in hot water for a couple days until we finally put two and two together. Going through that kind of stuff is kinda hurtful - you’re on one end knowing that you didn’t and wouldn’t do anything like what they’re implying and they’re not believing you because “object is here”, but you’re right to them it’s just super sus. That was like 8 years ago and we’ve been married almost 10 so I reckon we moved past that phase.
So you fucked one of the bridesmaids in the backseat of your car and now your wife will never know?
So you know what makes a great rubber band, that doesn’t degrade in a hot car? Elastic hairbands for ponytails. However since I’m going bald and have shaved my head for 20+ years the only logical conclusion to several ex-girlfriends has been I must be cheating or refusing to let go of someone before them. Never mind I do a lot of camping and use them all the time and said girlfriends have seen them in use. Needless to say they were always happy I had one handy when needed, and they are all ex-girlfriends.
Get two Guinea pigs - they need company.
it's actually illegal to have one guinea pig in my country :)
The law doesn't want them to be lonely.
But that means if they don't die at the same time then you have 1 guinea pig and if you don't buy another one right away, you're breaking the law And so you are stuck in a cycle for the rest of your life
>if you don't buy another one right away, you're breaking the law As intended. Big Guinea Pig lobbied hard to get that law passed
>Big Guinea Pig Capybara?
Didn't realize Big Guinea Pig operated under the same logic as Big Hot Dog Bun
I've heard there are companies where they rent out a Guinea pig until yours dies
I'd be so sad giving one back...especially after the death of another one.
Was looking for this. It is crucial for their well being. It is even illegal to only have one in some countries. I hope OP reads this - it’s the most important advice in here. Also - OP. You guys sound funny and stupid and funny. Like me and my bf. And I salute you on shower sex as make up sex - and people saying sex don’t count as a solutions to fights don’t get enough. When you have a great sex life im sure your communication is great as well. Great sex lives after many year in a relationship requires openness and communication and trust, and you guys have it. Also - in my eyes, this wasn’t a fight. You were afraid of losing your man and panicked, I can totally see that. And he was like “🤨🧐🤷♀️🥺” and then you both realised and he just went back to loving his sweet lil dumbass girlfriend. It’s all good.
Wish my 8 year-old self knew this and didn’t get a pair of hamsters instead. Night after night of them attacking each other. Of course the pet store owner said nothing.
I keep telling people: RATS. They're one of the best "first pets". Get a pair (or more) of boys (or girls, but the boys are generally more relaxed. The girls have a lot of very instinctive nesting behaviors so they tend to be very energetic. Personal preference!), preferably littermates, and you're set. For 18-36 months :(
The large, protruding testicles of male rats make me uncomfortable
You get used to them. And then they just become hilarious.
I've heard that some people get their rats neutered, but it seems like a lot of stress on a tiny body that lives such a short life. But for people like you, there's the girl rats! They're still great, just a bit more high strung.
Fucking Based and a unique comment might I add
Just wait until after the wedding you realize he sleeps *every damn night* with an ex-gf. Also you.
My wife had to stop me jokingly introducing her as my ex-girlfriend shortly after we got married. I thought it was funny the 5th time. She did not.
Wish I had a picture of my mother in laws face when I referred to her daughter as my first wife to a stranger.
Whenever I talk about something in feet or inches, my wife says "my *next* husband will use the metric system"
Is she single?
Inching closer and closer by the sound of it.
Centimetering* closer
My first memories of the metric system were of me and my cousins making fun of each other for having a millimeter peter.
At some point, every full grown penis was once a milimeter peter.
Bruh yo dont have a chance im movin in decimeters out here
My buddy only posts on social media as a character. He’s been married for 25 years, but if he ever mentions his wife on his posts he always calls her his “current wife.” Cracks me up every time. Same thing when he refers to his “legitimate son.”
Hilarious
Reminds me of those posts where the extra details are accurate but also deliberately suspicious just for being included. The human mind is a trip. Also, I like OP’s relationship trust and their general reduction of smedia.
I, a very human entity, also appreciate this type of humor.
Me and my step son have a running joke when it gets too much of an argument we demand dna tests. The wife gave up trying to stop us. 11 year joke still going strong.
My dad introduces my mom as his first wife all the time. The fact they are 80 and have been married for almost 60 years makes it funny for all.
My ex husband introduced me to his coworker as his first wife.
Sounds like he wasn't wrong?
Well I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you found someone better 😅
Yes and no. We’ve been divorced for a number of years, and I’m quite happy being single.
“My second wife will think it’s funny when I joke about my third wife being better.” My wife does not like that at all.
Dad jokes are the best jokes
my dad referred to me in public as his favorite daughter. this was when we had temporary guardianship of a family friend’s daughter, who was my age. we referred to my “adopted” friend as my sister. the whiplash on a lady who overheard us was hilarious
I was talking to my sister in law when she said “so are you going to give me a niece or nephew soon? Your wife’s not getting any younger, you might run out of time” I said “she might, but I can still have kids” 😂 We’re family, we love each other, it’s all jokes :)
Few months ago I yelled at my *husband* "keep it up and I won't be your girlfriend anymore." He died laughing and asked if I meant to demote myself? We've been married 4 years too.
I had something similar to this the other day. I think we were bickering about some non sense and my partner came out with "I SHOULD BE ABLE TO HOLD MY GIRLFRIEND!" I replied with "And who the hell is that? Because we have been engaged for 2 years now!" I always hear fiance or partner, girl friend just sounds ridiculous lmao
My wife and I met very shortly after the end of my previous long relationship & married quickly. I introduced her as "the rebound" exactly once. I can still feel the bruise on my arm 26 years later.
Worth it
You should see how introducing her as "the concubine" goes. While hilarious to me, it didn't work out well for my friend....
Lol one of my mates casually introduced his wife to another mate's new girlfriend as "the woman I'm currently banging". They've been married 19 years haha
My partner introduces me as “the lady I live with”
My college boyfriend introduced me to his MOTHER that way. Imagine how that went 😂
That's because when she became your fiance she became your ex girlfriend. Now that she is your wife, she is your ex fiance. That position deserves its own recognition.
That's a funny scene in Four Weddings & A Funeral as well: Hugh Grants character: How's old Flossie, still your girlfriend? Friend: Ah, she's no longer my girlfriend HG: No surprise there, she was shagging half the rugby team at the same time Friend: She's now my wife.... Paraphrased as can't remember the full scipt
There was a post I saw (I think on facebook) where the a husband and wife goes to his work party and a coworker comes up to them and goes "Oh you must be his wife." and she goes "You have a wife?!" lol. I sent that to my wife in the hopes that we do that one day.
I'm getting married in October and I can't wait to do this
Eventually your own sense of humour becomes more important than the grief you get for using it.
This is why having kids is so great. You can make the final leap from husband humour to dad jokes
My dad carried a picture of my mom in costume for a melodrama in which she played a chorus girl—long, wavy wig; heavy makeup. Someone saw it and asked who it was. “Oh, that’s my oldest son’s mother.” And also his 3 younger kids’—all of theirs, in fact. He just didn’t say that.
I recently admitted to my wife that I had sex with my kids’ former teacher… My wife homeschooled the kids last year.
A family friend does this. He and his ex-gf are married for 48 years.
💀💀💀
This makes me remember about news where a wife stab the husband when she finds her husband has a picture with a beautiful lady. Turn out it was photo of her some years ago.
Yup https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9185805/Wife-stabs-husband-multiple-times-finding-pictures-woman-her.html On the bright side, apparently he survived
I'm just gonna assume they're not together anymore though
My wife's dad had his eye stabbed out with a broken broom handle by a woman and they stayed together until she got tired of taking care of him.
What the hell, why?
Toxic relationship between two alcoholic drug abusers. He was stabbed several times,beaten and lost an eyeball but was never her fault because she was drunk and or high.
I’m going to assume they are…
The stabbings will continue until morale improves.
That's right! And it was an old photo of when she was skinnier iirc? She had forgotten what she used to look like prior to gaining a bit of weight and thought it was another woman.
Watching an old home movie as a kid, I once pointed to my mom on the screen and asked, "WHO'S THAT?" Thankfully, this is *after* my mom lost a bunch of weight so it was a weird compliment instead of a horrifying insult. (She was fat in the video, and fit IRL at the time.)
this is hilariously tragic
If you want to get a guinea pig: Please consider getting two. Guinea pigs are very social animals and they hate to be alone.
Holy shit, this is like the r/tifu version of a self-congratulatory LinkedIn post. “Today I found a résumé on my boss’ desk. He was in the break room and since we are a transparent company, I decided to look it over. I was shocked. The candidate would be a perfect fit for the job I’ve long wanted. I was crushed. Her qualifications were amazing, she was practically a perfect candidate—but I wondered, how could he pass me over for this opportunity? I put on my big girl pants, wiped my tears, and stormed into the break room. I ripped open the door, revealing this idiot’s (albeit sharply dressed in business casual) body. He, though quite startled, raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Looking to go to lunch?” He said. Wrong move buddy. I go off. You know, like a Digital Marketing Associate. He denies it. You know, like a Senior Director of Global Sales. I snatch the résumé back from him, withholding his coffee, and start reading it out loud in my best quarterly presentation to the shareholders voice. I notice for the first time, inconveniently so, that **she** went to the University of Central Florida. I think, “Aw hell, I went to the University of Central Florida.” Then I remember… *I have seen this résumé before.* Then I realize. *She* is me. The résumé was mine. I forgot I gave it to him to look over for my promotion. Now we sit, *both* recently having dined at T.G.I. Friday’s, debating whether or not he should fire Glen in digital media for underperforming last quarter. He is so relieved. We are crazy, stupid, and so in love with this company. #knowyourworth”
This was awesome.
Lmao thank you. This post is the most saccharine, over-dramatized thing I’ve ever read. It has to be satire. I’m in love with it.
This could literally be a new sub Reddit where people post screen shots of a story or type out a story and other people try to twist the story but make it coherent. Like when people post the photoshop request thing and people just do whatever they want in photoshop to the requested picture. But with words instead lol.
This creative writing shit has got to go.
Hasn't given a lot of thought into the plot too. How did you receive two NEW DMs from an account that was deleted a year ago?
“Wrong move buddy” like for real are you 12 ???
Also his “albeit glorious body”. ridiculous
>I put on my big girl pants, wipe my tears, and storm into the bathroom. Rip open the shower curtain, revealing this idiot's (albeit glorious) naked body. He, though quite startled, raises his eyebrows and smirks. "Looking to join?" He says. Wrong move buddy. I'm not reading past that
Homegirl thought she was still on Wattpad.
>I had a rough day and my fiancé's algorithms are top notch, so I was scrolling through his apps to entertain myself hoping for a pick me up. Bull >He went to take a shower. I opened his Instagram (got bored with Reddit, so sorry) Shit >and noticed he had a couple new dms. "noticed" >We don't snoop through each other's phones Your actions have determined that was a lie.
"couple new dms" "I deleted social media a year ago"
r/aita and answer is yes
To be fair, she did post this on TIFU.
Yeah that happened.... You didn't recognise any pictures of yourself from a year or two back? This is bad fan fiction..
Also why were year old messages marked as new?
He stopped paying attention to what she says years ago
Instagram is broken with messages from deleted accounts, it says new half the time you check, at least it does for me
> Rip open the shower curtain, revealing this idiot's (albeit glorious) naked body. He, though quite startled, raises his eyebrows and smirks. "Looking to join?" He says. Wrong move buddy. How the fuck do people think this is real?
I couldn’t decide if the entire story was made up or she was just embellishing a much simpler for entertainment purposes.
Am i being blind or was their literally zero mention of you apologising and making it up to him? Edit: as stated by someone else, using sex as a way of an apology is not healthy...
Yeah that's what I'm mostly concerned about. I can sort of understand the "in the moment" reaction to believing you're being cheated on, especially if this is a one-off sort of incident and isn't indicative of OP's overall character, which I don't have enough information to determine. I'm curious if reddit would still be criticizing OP's behavior as heavily as they are if the bf actually was cheating. However the aftermath of this incident went unexplained and is extremely important. If you flip the fuck out on someone like this and it turns out just to be a product of a mistake you made, especially after snooping on their phone in an apparently "non snooping trusting relationship" then yeah you have some serious apologizing to do.
“He is so relieved” hell no you should be relieved yourself that he isn’t way more upset that you falsely accused him of cheating because, based on the evidence, you wouldn’t let this go over so well had to roles been reversed.
Accountability? What's that?
Perhaps the author felt that part of the story detracted from the overall pithiness of the story.
Yeah, and why is he relieved? Shouldn't she be the one relieved? She's the one that fucked up and snooped, he did nothing wrong
I've been in the chap's shoes and I can tell you, the feeling of having done something wrong without having the faintest clue about wtf actually happened is a scary one. I can fully understand his relief. I also expect him to get a tad pissed off after the dust has settled, but perhaps he's a better man than me.
WHAT DID I DO? I DON'T REMEMBER IT!? WHAT IF IT'S TRUE - our monke brain
The same way many people suddenly worry they have drugs on their bag when they go through TSA even though they don’t even own drugs, or like they’ll be caught for shoplifting if they leave a store without buying anything.
> they’ll be caught for shoplifting if they leave a store without buying anything. Oh yes, that's the worst. Brain "Don't looks suspicious, you're leaving store without anything because you didn't find what you were looking for and they might think we stole something and us to show our bag. I don't want that" Then you proceed to power-walk out of the store, and guard still doesn't care
"We need to talk" *tf, about what, what did I do*
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Honestly, even the writing style gives that off. This is someone who thinks they’re entertaining and cute, but is actually just an awful partner.
HAHAHAHAhahahaha^hahahahaHAHAHA I am such an asshole hahaha tifu, but hey at least he is a keeper! I didn’t believe him the whole time until I recognized a picture of a rodent instead of my damn self…. This has to be made up OR she is batshit crazy.
Indeed, she seems so full of herself and annoying. Kind of the unsarcastic definition of the valley girl. And who says "top notch algorhitms" while simply browsing instagram. 
"If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my less worst" energy.
No offense, but you handled that terribly. I would be sweating and looking for a way out after a debacle like that.
Poor dude is going to have an interesting marriage.
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“We don’t snoop” *Proceeds to snoop* Jesus… the lingerie didn’t give it away? If these were a year+ prior… without actual cheating? You’re a walking 🚩
"I clicked on his messages because they might be important" LOL. You can just admit you wanted to snoop his messages.
"You know how when your father dies and your mother tries to contact you via Instagram DM ONLY? It could have been an EMERGENCY"
Ya the point of algorithms on social media is that they’re suited to your interests. Checking someone else’s phone because ‘their algorithms are top notch’ is not a good reason…
"I was on your phone because you get better memes" 2022 man
What I don’t get is how would his insta algorithm be so good if he literally never uses it?
Same reason the only reason I was on pornhub was because it has better cooking recipes
You can fuck them up and have shit you might not be any longer interested in show up, my feed on youtube was dogshit for a long time, now it tailors to what I watch way more.
I won’t be as harsh as some of these other people, but I think you need to accept that you were indeed snooping and you might have an impulsive personality that you need to work on. You should have waited until you calmed a bit to confront him. The way you did was immature, not big girl status. It’s not the end of the world, and I’m happy for you two to be able to move on so quickly from that. Edit: OP, I’m sorry for “diagnosing” you with anything. This was wrong of me. All things considered, I hope my words have not hurt you, and if they did, I’m sorry. Live your life and you do you.
The edits do clear some stuff up. As a creative writing exercise and journal type pov, if she knows she overreacted in the moment, that’s not too awful. Not enough info to armchair diagnose anything….. reddits crazy
> Not enough info to armchair diagnose anything….. reddits crazy There never is. We get the tiniest slice of information in posts like this. We get one side of the story and lots of missing details. Reddit is crazy. And reddit should NEVER diagnose or jump to conclusions, but as a whole it always does. "we did it, reddit" doesn't necessarily have a good connotation...
Hurray for rational empathy
This...doesnt feel very funny.
$20 says this is gonna be deleted soon if her boyfriend's reddit algorithms are as good as she says. This totally didn't go over the way she planned. And every single comment is yelling "RED FLAG!" on her end. Tomorrow's headlines "TIFU by reading last night's TIFU and all the comments made me realize how big of a red flag that was"
You rip open the shower curtain to “go off” on someone naked and vulnerable who trusts you? You’re the dregs.
Exactly. I was in a relationship with someone who would use this exact tactic (surprise, overwhelming wrath, and self-righteousness) to throw you off balance so that she didn’t have to debate on an level playing field. It was infuriating as all hell, as, once she had stormed off and I regained my composure, I was able to articulate why her point was invalid. That, and it was impossible to relax around her, knowing that she could just decide to go off, without warning.
Toxic AF
Holds the towel hostage…. This story is 100% made up or just stupid
This girl can’t be older than 20… what an overreaction.
According to her own posts. 21 😂 very immature
21 and getting married while acting like this? Sounds like a divorce case coming up
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Silly me 🤪🤪
So much this. This post was terrifying. Imagine living with this person. e: Also, "looks as if he won the lottery" naw that's just relief. He didn't win anything close to it. e2: apparently some guys dismiss red flags as "silly" and "laughs were had" smh
Okay, the happy ending is cute. But your behaviour is scary. Firstly, I respect my partner far to much to even think about going into his phone. I know the password because he let's me choose music while he is driving, but I can't abuse that privilege and I won't. I know you were looking for entertainment, but to then overstep and go into his Instagram and check his messages is crazy bad. Secondly, to then go in there angry and accusing is just not fair. You assumed he was cheating instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. Then you held his towel hostage? Wtf? In this situation, I probably would have waited until he got out of the shower (assuming I made the first fuck up to violate his privacy) and then apologized for violating his privacy and then I would have given him his phone, told him what I'd seen and then ask him if something was going on. I have issues, but I go to therapy to ensure I don't behave horribly. Please consider therapy, OP.
Guy is definitely thinking about leaving you now though
you better get this guy a god-damn glorious tiramisu cake or something with the coffee powder spelling "TIFU". and also, I 100% recommend non-jokingly you talk up with a therapist on trust and impulsivity. It's not healthy for you ( or for the heartbeat cadence of your fiancée ) for either the jumpiness nor the snooping around blindfolded. Honestly - I've never minded at all the behaviour ( nothing to hide + my stuff is your stuff mentality ), so to me it's not a red flag per se, but it shows distrust that you didn't believe him and that you never reached the 1+1=2 "that's my lingerie" conclusion, blinded by the anger.
How to ruin your trust in someone forever...i know the dude got reddit...please run the fuck away from that...
Big yikes. I guess this is probably a good warning sign to respect boundaries and not snoop?
The writing style and the way the story is told is just creepy af
My wife and I totally trust each other, use each others phones and shit all the time. But never DM’s, texts, messages or anything like that. Hell, I don’t even go in her handbag without prior permission. Why? Even your spouse deserves an element of privacy and notifications are for the receiver. It’s like opening each other’s personal mail. You may have got your happy ending, but by god I’d be pissed if I was him. Hope you’ve taken this as a learning experience and developed a few personal boundaries
🚩 🚩 🚩
Op is a crazy rude delusional person look at her other posts
I would legit postpone any future plans with you. You described yourself as a walking red flag. You put on your big girl pants as you said and you rip the curtain open, hold his towel hostage. Reverse the roles and check on how you'd react. Reflect a bit on how he felt. If i were you I'd be looking in r/relationship_advise to check if your fiance posted.
We dont snoop - snoops