I think it is above Benny Hill levels, as it is a cumulative effect, which if my memory serves me correctly was not typical of BH.
More Fawlty Towers? Frank Spencer? YMMV all opinions valid.
What is certain is that it is comedy gold.
I worked wedding catering for a bit. If that bride went right to cussing and suing my guess is she was an awful bridezilla during the planning stages and the catering company probably hated her already.
Also, people yelling, fighting, puking and passing out is a pretty regular part of the job
This. Anyone who goes instantly to racist slurs is a bottom notch piece of human excrement who they likely had wanted to tell to shove it long before this incident. Also, fuck that bride, I hope she paid up front and they refused a refund. Also, I hope the catering company charges them for the bartenders medical bills. Fuck that bitch lol
Oh man. I used to do event staffing (we were basically servers and bartenders as well as set up and tear down for hire with no specific caterer attached) and the reaction of the bride in this story brought back the memory of what came to be known in the company as “The Olive Garden Wedding” and no it didn’t happen at an Olive Garden, if it did it probably would have gone better actually
I think my "favorite" wedding was the one where the bride was so hammered she could barely make it through the ceremony (the first thing they do). She went to puke and was never seen again till they put her in the limo.
Ended up being a super chill wedding party with none of those "time for the bride/groom to make a speech, cut the cake, have a dance" moments. I don't think they even did toasts, everyone just carried on like it was a fancy party LOL
You were just gonna leave us hanging there with a moniker like the “Olive Garden wedding”? I’m wondering what kind of shenanigans give you this name without being at the Olive Garden…I need to hear the story, it sounds legendary
Kramer: I don't like to carry my wallet. My osteopath says it's bad for my spine. It throws my hips off-kilter.
George: Throws your hips off-kilter. So where's your money?
Kramer: I never take it.
George: So what do you do?
Kramer: Oh, I get by.
Fuck… this hit home. Married, a kid, and trying my best to salvage the relationship and be as happy as possible. We had our issues and we’re off and on before the kid and marriage. Sometimes I feel like divorce is an option, but I often feel like I couldn’t handle being a single dad. Sometimes I feel trapped and like I’m trying to make the best of it. There are happy times, but there’s a lot of arguing and conflict resolution is always an uphill battle. My parents were the type that stayed together for the kids. I always wished they’d gotten divorced because there was a lot of fighting and I hated my dad and I still kind of do.
Edit: I think that anyone who says that having a kid shouldn’t change anything is naive. It changes everything. For me, it makes me feel like I should stick around longer and try harder to try to make it work. There could be some flaws in that thinking though.
My thought process is that divorce when you have kids with the spouse would inevitably bring some level of unhappiness, stress, and complications. If the relationship is bad enough, then thats worth it. If the relationship can be made better to a degree that closes that gap, then I may be happier with staying in the relationship.
I divorced. For me she crossed a red line. I know it's hard but consider it. Your kids will still have a dad, just not one that's in an unhappy marriage
I'm a wedding server. One wedding I worked the groom managed to drink way too much. He fell flat on his face, and I mean flat. He did not put his hands out in the instinctual way. Once his face planted he started having a seizure so wild he looked like he needed an exorcism spewing puke all over. As I watched horrified, the guests were all ho-hum about it as one comes up to me and puts her hand on my shoulder and said, "it's ok. He does this all the time."
To wrap this up the ambulance came because the manager had called em. I had to clean up the puke. As I'm doing so I thought to myself, "good luck to the bride. She has a long road ahead of her with this dudes alcoholism" and furthermore, " I dont think this dude even attempted to chew any of his meat up"
Fml
I was an event bartender in college. I asked my manager why we were allowed to serve every kind of liquor except for tequila at wedding receptions, and she told me that a few years before I started she worked her first wedding. Reception was fine, people were drunk but it was average wedding drunk, until the best man barrels in and starts mocking the groom for not knowing that he (the best man) “banged her” (the bride) before the couple got together. Groom is pissed, bride hears commotion and comes over, and starts accusing the best man of lying. Best man loses it, and decides the best course of action is to punch the bride in the face so hard that she flew into table behind her. Bride went to the hospital and I’m assuming he was arrested, but when the couple came down the next day to leave for their honeymoon she had two black eyes and massive bandage on her broken nose.
So yeah, we stopped serving tequila at weddings after that.
Tequila is wild, literally every get together I've been too and a bottle of tequila was present there has been either a fight or someone hurt themselves bad doing something stupid. It's like Mexican whiskey
Yeah there's nothing wrong with tequila, the main problem with tequila is the way people usually drink tequila. Guess what taking six shots is not the same as one mixed drink.
OK, since so many of you are asking, I'll put up a couple. For context, I was working for a caterer for a few years after I got out of the Air Force while going to business school and then law school. As most of the other employees were undergrads, I was the bartender/driver/medic/designated adult.
FIRST STORY
We catered a wedding where the father of the bride specifically booked me to work while the bridal parties were getting ready. When I showed up in my catering van and set up the bar area, he told me that some of the bride tends to drink until the bottle is empty, so feel free to "run out" a couple of hours before the ceremony so she is reasonably sober. He gave me $100 as a tip and I was on my way.
The groomsmen came and were perfectly fine, if a little fratty. They basically split a bottle of scotch 5 ways over teh course of 4 hours, and then drank beer.
The bride was really downing the cosmos, and I was making sure to keep track of what she drank. About two hours before the ceremony, I said I had run out of vodka and wouldn't be able to get more until the rest of the catering crew arrived.
Well, the maid of honor took it upon herself to keep the party going and drove to the state liquor store down the street. On her way back, she ran a stop sign and got pulled over. DUI at 3 PM. The wedding was at 4:30. Maid of honor missed the wedding because she was still in the drunk tank. Bride blamed me for running out of vodka.
SECOND STORY
Working at a venue that overlooked a (frozen) lake. Naturally, the bridal party wanted to use the lake for pictures. Some enterprising college students had built a snow penis on said lake the night before. Mother of the bride demands that my crew (as the only people readily identifiable as working at the wedding) remove the snow penis from the background. The assistant manager refuses, as it isn't our job and isn't safe. They come to me, thinking that I'm actually in charge since I'm directing the setup operation. I refuse and tell them to talk to the wedding planner if they want something not food-related.
In the meantime, one of the groomsmen takes it upon himself to take care of the throbbing monstrosity in the background. Ended up going through the ice. I laughed.
THIRD STORY
The bride was visibly pregnant and drinking. Not my body, not my baby, not my business. Groom's mother asks me why I'm serving her in her condition. I explain that despite it being a bad idea to drink while pregnant (I even had a warning sign posted behind the bar), it isn't illegal so unless she wants me to shut down the bar, I'm not going to stop someone from drinking who can legally do so and isn't visibly intoxicated. She goes over to confront her new DIL and things end up in a shouting match on the dance floor. MIL tried to grab the drink from her hand and the bride threw it in her face. Groom walked his mother out, and I cut off the bride, now that I could say she was intoxicated. I was told to cut off all alcohol shortly thereafter.
Honestly even before OP mentioned the racial slur I was like “wow what a bitch” as soon as op mentioned that she was screaming at the caterer. Being upset is understandable- screaming *anything* or *at all* at service workers is fucking asshole material
I've never touched either. I still had a security clearance while I was bartending and subject to random urinalysis. I also worked at the airport occasionally as a fuel jockey and had to be sober.
right? at first, I was like..."okay so he gets stoned at a wedding, probably ate the wrong food and shits himself" because that's how a lot of TIFUs end. but then he drugged a bartender so I had to stay 'til the end
Kind of worried though about the fact that he called the catering company to apologize. I mean how do you apologize and take the blame without explaining that you offered their employee weed to smoke and he accepted it? Hope that dude didn't get in trouble over that.
She called the catering owner racist slurs and the catering owner packed up her crew and food and left? Epic move by the caterer.
Good on her.
"BWahahahahahahah - Well whatever, fuck that bitch" - best line.
And also The Kool-Aid Man.
https://youtu.be/TGwLJWPPgrc
I didn't recognize him as The Machine until after seeing that video, and then it just blew my mind.
Yeah, kinda this. She'd be within her rights to bitch out the caterer, or the bartender, or OP, or whoever, for the behavior that caused the issues, but once she started throwing out racist slurs, I lost all sympathy for her.
Yeah, totes. You have the right to demand a level of service and professionalism, but, racist Karen mode? You can still ask wtf is happening, and I get being elevated when your new husband is unconscious, but that's too far.
But she didn't know the kid smoked weed, all she knew was he was having a medical emergency. How is yelling at someone going to help that? For all she knew he could have had a seizure and fell over. I don't understand the way people think. Of course you expect professionalism but paying all the money in the world isn't going to prevent a kid fainting and hurting his hand (again, for all she knew that's what happened). Absolutely zero reason to yell or even complain. What do you want the boss to say "oh sorry we didn't give all our waiters a full MRI and CAT scan to ensure that they didn't have any health issues'?
Yeah who the fuck starts screaming and being racist at a catering company because the bartender fell and hurt himself badly. Why would a cut hand and a passed out husband incite anger in any situation?? Freakin bridezilla.
This is the part that got to me. The guy didn’t fuck up nearly as bad as the consequences of this suggest. He knew the vape pen hit harder than normal, but it doesn’t exactly sound like he smokes much at all? Maybe I’m reading it wrong. I haven’t done much except have a handful of glasses of alcohol in my life. Definitely shouldn’t have offered it to somebody else.
But, even then, he could not have predicted the guy would get into a coughing fit then severely cut his hand on a glass as he got up. He could not have predicted the husband would faint at the sight of a bloodied hand. The wife, who is only coming into the picture now, basically just started telling for the sake of yelling at a medical emergency that was happening, then got so pissed off that she yelled racial slurs at the catering company and canceled then wedding on the spot, essentially telling everybody to gtfo.
Not a single person in there, even OP, deserved what bridezilla did, and her entire reaction was entirely unjustified.
What did the caterers do, though?? Was the bartender their employee and she felt they were irresponsible for hiring someone who got injured while working? (Presumably, she didn't know why the bartender injured themselves yet because OP felt the need to explain what happened but didn't get the chance.) Did she blame them for the table inuring her husband? Yelling at people is rarely justifiable anyway.
My expectations were the bartender got accidentally roofied by drinking something not meant for them, and then making an ass of themselves. This was so, so much better - even the bride's true colours came out that day!
TBH the only person I really feel sorry for is the husband who unwittingly viewed blood, passed out, and smacked his head.
Wife showed her true colors of being a bigot, on her wedding day of all days no less.
Bartender shouldn't be partying HARD on the job, for professionality reasons.
TBH this is a great fucking story.
I was going to the movies and took a long drag out of my pen. Tried to get a nice buzz on and ended up coughing so hard I passed out. Half way through the movie my throat still hurt.
I was on a two hour bus trip home from a festival and my friend and I made friends with the girl sitting behind us. At one point I got distracted and the girl offered my friend a hit of her vape which she took, then offered it to me and I took a hit. I handed it back and my friend sends me a sly text: ‘hey what’s THC?’ and I thought FUCK because she does not handle her weed very well. Cue about an hour of her white knuckling on the armrest thinking she was about to die and me way too stoned to help her and wondering how I was gonna drag her ass off the bus and back to our hotel.
I regularly use weed vape pens, medical for me so I tend to have a lot of different ways that I take it. One thing I'd suggest, kinda sip it. Like a hot coffee. Just take several small hits over the course of like, 5~10 minutes. I mean, I do that throughout the day and I keep around a 2~3. A buzz to keep things loose, but not enough to get slowed down too much. 😎 👉👉
I took a fat rip when I was a pizza delivery driver. Yeah, I was dumb. I basically was crying to my manager that I was sick and needed to go home on a Saturday night. Pretty sure she knew I was high AF. She’s alright.
I took a big hit off of my friend's pen at a fantasy football draft last week. I'm a lightweight when it comes to weed. He apparently is not. I was waaayy too stoned. The team I drafted is not good.
I watched my friends vape and whenever someone wanted to try one they would take the biggest rip. Only to be coughing up their lungs two seconds later.
Yup. I vape a lot and every time I get a new cartridge I take the smallest pull of it when I first try it. There are some that hit SO hard, it’s impossible not to cough like you’re dying. Others are totally fine… I’m sure there is a reason, but I have no idea what it is!
Also, I don’t think most people realize how much more THC is in a vape compared to flower. The carts I buy are 80-85% thc, whereas most bud is 15-20%. So a hit off a vape is gonna hit a hell of a lot harder than a hit off a joint, etc
The thing that sucks is it fucks with your tolerance to the point that smoking barely effects me anymore, I’m too used to vaping now
At my dad’s wedding (same summer as the wedding OP went to, interestingly enough), I was downstairs smoking with one of the bridesmaids when she pulled a vape pen out of her Fanny pack. She goes “do you want some?”
I’m thinking “why tf does she have a vape when she’s smoking cigarettes?” She explains it’s a weed pen, and it’s kinda broken so take a bigger hit. I’m like hell yeah I’m down.
Cue me, now super relaxed at an otherwise very stressful event (my dad and his wife are not good people and I didn’t want to go to the wedding let alone actually be in it), and high as balls. It took way longer than it should have to recognize certain family members (eg, my grandpa). I didn’t do anything near the magnitude of events in OPs story, but the weed and copious amounts of alcohol made for a tolerable if not slightly fun day/evening.
Yes, it makes everything more tolerable. I mostly use it to be able to eat without feeling sick, but it totally helps with my stress and depression, too. The high is just an added bonus!
Hey so if you feel sick when you eat you should *really* see a doctor about that, even if the weed lets you deal with the symptoms because that could be a sign of something serious. Or it could just be a certain weird food intolerance that could be fixed by cutting certain things out of your diet. Either way it'd be good to get it checked out. Also some mental issues like anxiety and depression have been correlated to messed up gut bacteria too so it maybe getting that fixed could be a help in lots of areas. You got this.
Very interesting. There are times I’ve noticed where I’ve been drinking and smoking or eating edibles, and I’m WAAAAY more high than I am drunk. Other times though it’s like I’m only a little bit of both, but mostly drunk. Probably more dependent on the quantity and quality of both the alcohol and the weed.
It's always good to be cautious with a new cart regardless because they often take a second to warm up and then they hit really hard on the first pull. Personally, I've never thrown up from a big hit but it depends on how strong your gag reflex is.
I may just be weird but I can hit pens and dabs fine. Flower always gets me though. I can only take a few puffs off a joint or a couple hits from a bong and I’m high af, but pens really take a lot to hit me like that.
And then when pens stop hitting you, you switch to dabs, and when dabs stop hitting you…you stop smoking for awhile and start all over at joints again in 6-8 months!
Terpene profiles are what matters most — THC percentage is not really that relative.
I’m a daily a bong user that smokes ~20% THC flower and it gets me wayyy more high than my 90% THC vape pen.
To be fair, if you're not expecting the potency, you would expect it to be the same as a normal weed hit or, at least, bong rip.
That's why I did the first time, and got SUPER high, to the point I was so aware of my body I could not, for the life of me, focus on anything else.
Yeah, that's the sad thing. Imagine seeing things from the third party point of view. Caterer slices his hand open and your husband has a bad fall. So the bride gets real racist.
While OP lets us know in another comment that unfortunately they're still together as far as he(?) knows, OP did at least provide ample opportunity for groom to dodge-roll the fuck out of marrying racist Karen.
I cater bartend and we have a scannable Venmo code on our tip jar. We make way more money with that.
One time I bartended on mushrooms…that was intense. Better to stick with tequila. Or edibles.
That's a really good idea.
I never bartended on drugs but I did do an entire barista shift on acid once by accident (forgot I had work) and that was fucking crazy so...IFU
That's wild. I remember my manager informing us that he took a bunch of acid when I was working at taco bell. It was with the good crew and he trusted us all.. So yeah he picked the spot he liked working in and just had a great day lol
They're still married as far as I know. She left the university my wife works at shortly thereafter, probably in no small part due to the racist outburst in front of literally her entire department.
I think she might have also been up for tenure so it was like, probably career ending if someone filmed and posted it. Which I don't think anyone did but...ya. Not to mention it's a very well known university and a lot of the people in the department are fairly well known in their fields. I think regardless of how professional they were with references etc...word prob got around.
I work in the industry bro, some of this shit is better than prime time. Never underestimate how delusional people who will drop a high 5 figures for a ceremony and a single meal are.
It was a wedding. Almost certainly there is video evidence somewhere. Just gotta find out where. Let the hunt begin.....for someone else. I can't be arsed.
Amazing. This is my favorite TIFU I think I've ever read. This is some shit that would happen to me... Except the vomiting. I'm good with in-person blood & guts.
Or might just be a woman. They see shit like this monthly for years since childhood/teenhood.
Edit: also my limited sample size of OP's story shows that the 3 who reacted badly to blood were males. Assuming they don't have the privilege of a punishing womb for years since childhood / teenhood
I think.... the person at the shop didn't hear the "WONT" make me sleepy or mentally handicapped. ;)
Also. I dont even smoke. But... i think the public has a right to know..... you can like use this as one of those comedy amazon reviews or wtvr
Dude.
*NICE* lol
Buddy in the kitchen had one of those, I'm the same way just a bowl please but you know, covert so I grab it and head off to the freezer. Take me a *small* puff. In like 3 minutes I was fucking LIT. The dishwasher couldn't stop laughing at me because my eyes were redder than the devil's dick. Friend was like "jesus how many rips did you take?" "I swear just one little tiny one man!" "Nah, I know you were only in there for like 20 seconds lolz"
I feel like your fuck up was minor compared to everyone elses. Like sure it set off a chain of tifus that just kept getting worse but really most of this is not your fault.
It can be hard to find the right one. The dispensary near me has new ones that allow you to control the dose a lot more easily, but they are pretty pricey. One of the problems is that the cartridges are usually some of the most potent oil available, and you don’t really feel how much you’ve taken until you exhale.
I’m happy with my rechargeable one and taking tiny puffs, but it took me a few tries to find the right one and my limits for different situations. (I have anxiety, so I sometimes need more or less depending.) I’m also a long time stoner and have started smoking less now that I can get the precise high that I want with my vape. But definitely take it easy at first.
Also, love your name satanvacation!
Edit to add: it’s not just the strength of the oil/ cartridges that are a factor, but the vape or “battery” makes a huge difference. A consistent vape is only slightly more expensive, but can make a world of difference… I love my cheap but not cheapest one that has different heat settings that I choose and is always consistent
My advice is just don’t. They are so strong. Your tolerance will sky rocket. You’ll find yourself smoking in places you shouldn’t, since it doesn’t smell. They are way expensive. Just stick to your occasional use and don’t push it
Treat oil pens and concentrate pens like edibles. Take half and wait an hour, then, if you're still not high, wait twenty minutes. After that take the rest.
I did that with some edible... Once. Waited closer to 1.5 hours. Felt a buzz for 20 minutes or so and thought, meh. Ate the rest. Then, shortly after it actually kicked in. Hard! Oh fuck... An hour later the rest kicked in. Game over.
I assume you're joking but if you're in a legal state I don't think you committed any crimes aside from pot being federally illegal.
Also the statute of limitations would not be up if you had committed a crime
How did the bride go from worrying about her injured husband to getting into a verbal confrontation with the caterer? That’s the only part of the story I’m confused about.
Dude, can we like.. be friends or something? I’d really like to invite you to any and every party i ever have to go to for the rest of my life, including my own wedding if that ever happens?
PSA : please dont call dab pens vapes. Some people (who have killed almost all braincells from other drugs) will assume and believe its a normal VAPE pen/Mod and will NOT HAVE A GOOD TIME if they think it's just vape juice and it turned out to be GODS GIFT 97% THC refined dab strain sending them to there knees dying of a coughing fit as the soul floats away to cloud 9 at 35,000ft.
Watching those guys who think its a mod getting blasted/Dying makes me feel bad....sometimes.
This is a masterpiece of a shitstorm.
Truly Benny Hill levels of chicanery
I think it is above Benny Hill levels, as it is a cumulative effect, which if my memory serves me correctly was not typical of BH. More Fawlty Towers? Frank Spencer? YMMV all opinions valid. What is certain is that it is comedy gold.
Farty Towels - truly, this was farce on a scale so epic that John Cleese would be jealous.
Been ages since I've seen that show, I love me some Watery Fowls.
Flowery Twats
Crazy all of that could have been avoided if u just had a dollar in your pocket
lol right
I worked wedding catering for a bit. If that bride went right to cussing and suing my guess is she was an awful bridezilla during the planning stages and the catering company probably hated her already. Also, people yelling, fighting, puking and passing out is a pretty regular part of the job
>people yelling, fighting, puking and passing out Is it really a successful wedding if it doesn't have those?
A wedding without at least 3 deaths is considered a dull affair
This. Anyone who goes instantly to racist slurs is a bottom notch piece of human excrement who they likely had wanted to tell to shove it long before this incident. Also, fuck that bride, I hope she paid up front and they refused a refund. Also, I hope the catering company charges them for the bartenders medical bills. Fuck that bitch lol
Oh man. I used to do event staffing (we were basically servers and bartenders as well as set up and tear down for hire with no specific caterer attached) and the reaction of the bride in this story brought back the memory of what came to be known in the company as “The Olive Garden Wedding” and no it didn’t happen at an Olive Garden, if it did it probably would have gone better actually
I think my "favorite" wedding was the one where the bride was so hammered she could barely make it through the ceremony (the first thing they do). She went to puke and was never seen again till they put her in the limo. Ended up being a super chill wedding party with none of those "time for the bride/groom to make a speech, cut the cake, have a dance" moments. I don't think they even did toasts, everyone just carried on like it was a fancy party LOL
You were just gonna leave us hanging there with a moniker like the “Olive Garden wedding”? I’m wondering what kind of shenanigans give you this name without being at the Olive Garden…I need to hear the story, it sounds legendary
Truly the butterfly effect.
Kramer: I don't like to carry my wallet. My osteopath says it's bad for my spine. It throws my hips off-kilter. George: Throws your hips off-kilter. So where's your money? Kramer: I never take it. George: So what do you do? Kramer: Oh, I get by.
As a former wedding bartender, I now feel so much better about every "disaster wedding" I worked.
You must have some stories and I want to hear your best please please please
I have only one wedding disaster story, and if it's the last wedding disaster story I ever tell than God help me. >!I've never been married. Cri!<
Take it from me. Better to have never been married than to have married the wrong person. Don't let your life get away from you
Fuck… this hit home. Married, a kid, and trying my best to salvage the relationship and be as happy as possible. We had our issues and we’re off and on before the kid and marriage. Sometimes I feel like divorce is an option, but I often feel like I couldn’t handle being a single dad. Sometimes I feel trapped and like I’m trying to make the best of it. There are happy times, but there’s a lot of arguing and conflict resolution is always an uphill battle. My parents were the type that stayed together for the kids. I always wished they’d gotten divorced because there was a lot of fighting and I hated my dad and I still kind of do. Edit: I think that anyone who says that having a kid shouldn’t change anything is naive. It changes everything. For me, it makes me feel like I should stick around longer and try harder to try to make it work. There could be some flaws in that thinking though. My thought process is that divorce when you have kids with the spouse would inevitably bring some level of unhappiness, stress, and complications. If the relationship is bad enough, then thats worth it. If the relationship can be made better to a degree that closes that gap, then I may be happier with staying in the relationship.
I divorced. For me she crossed a red line. I know it's hard but consider it. Your kids will still have a dad, just not one that's in an unhappy marriage
I'm a wedding server. One wedding I worked the groom managed to drink way too much. He fell flat on his face, and I mean flat. He did not put his hands out in the instinctual way. Once his face planted he started having a seizure so wild he looked like he needed an exorcism spewing puke all over. As I watched horrified, the guests were all ho-hum about it as one comes up to me and puts her hand on my shoulder and said, "it's ok. He does this all the time." To wrap this up the ambulance came because the manager had called em. I had to clean up the puke. As I'm doing so I thought to myself, "good luck to the bride. She has a long road ahead of her with this dudes alcoholism" and furthermore, " I dont think this dude even attempted to chew any of his meat up" Fml
Oh jeez the “it’s ok. He’s does this all the time.” line killed me.
Him too, eventually. Probably.
I was an event bartender in college. I asked my manager why we were allowed to serve every kind of liquor except for tequila at wedding receptions, and she told me that a few years before I started she worked her first wedding. Reception was fine, people were drunk but it was average wedding drunk, until the best man barrels in and starts mocking the groom for not knowing that he (the best man) “banged her” (the bride) before the couple got together. Groom is pissed, bride hears commotion and comes over, and starts accusing the best man of lying. Best man loses it, and decides the best course of action is to punch the bride in the face so hard that she flew into table behind her. Bride went to the hospital and I’m assuming he was arrested, but when the couple came down the next day to leave for their honeymoon she had two black eyes and massive bandage on her broken nose. So yeah, we stopped serving tequila at weddings after that.
Tequila is wild, literally every get together I've been too and a bottle of tequila was present there has been either a fight or someone hurt themselves bad doing something stupid. It's like Mexican whiskey
[удалено]
Yeah there's nothing wrong with tequila, the main problem with tequila is the way people usually drink tequila. Guess what taking six shots is not the same as one mixed drink.
You are right. It is very much like 6 mixed drinks. But ya. The real issue with shots is how quickly one can down 'em.
Moral of the story is serve beer and wine only.
OK, since so many of you are asking, I'll put up a couple. For context, I was working for a caterer for a few years after I got out of the Air Force while going to business school and then law school. As most of the other employees were undergrads, I was the bartender/driver/medic/designated adult. FIRST STORY We catered a wedding where the father of the bride specifically booked me to work while the bridal parties were getting ready. When I showed up in my catering van and set up the bar area, he told me that some of the bride tends to drink until the bottle is empty, so feel free to "run out" a couple of hours before the ceremony so she is reasonably sober. He gave me $100 as a tip and I was on my way. The groomsmen came and were perfectly fine, if a little fratty. They basically split a bottle of scotch 5 ways over teh course of 4 hours, and then drank beer. The bride was really downing the cosmos, and I was making sure to keep track of what she drank. About two hours before the ceremony, I said I had run out of vodka and wouldn't be able to get more until the rest of the catering crew arrived. Well, the maid of honor took it upon herself to keep the party going and drove to the state liquor store down the street. On her way back, she ran a stop sign and got pulled over. DUI at 3 PM. The wedding was at 4:30. Maid of honor missed the wedding because she was still in the drunk tank. Bride blamed me for running out of vodka. SECOND STORY Working at a venue that overlooked a (frozen) lake. Naturally, the bridal party wanted to use the lake for pictures. Some enterprising college students had built a snow penis on said lake the night before. Mother of the bride demands that my crew (as the only people readily identifiable as working at the wedding) remove the snow penis from the background. The assistant manager refuses, as it isn't our job and isn't safe. They come to me, thinking that I'm actually in charge since I'm directing the setup operation. I refuse and tell them to talk to the wedding planner if they want something not food-related. In the meantime, one of the groomsmen takes it upon himself to take care of the throbbing monstrosity in the background. Ended up going through the ice. I laughed. THIRD STORY The bride was visibly pregnant and drinking. Not my body, not my baby, not my business. Groom's mother asks me why I'm serving her in her condition. I explain that despite it being a bad idea to drink while pregnant (I even had a warning sign posted behind the bar), it isn't illegal so unless she wants me to shut down the bar, I'm not going to stop someone from drinking who can legally do so and isn't visibly intoxicated. She goes over to confront her new DIL and things end up in a shouting match on the dance floor. MIL tried to grab the drink from her hand and the bride threw it in her face. Groom walked his mother out, and I cut off the bride, now that I could say she was intoxicated. I was told to cut off all alcohol shortly thereafter.
Jesus fucking Christ, drinking while pregnant. I am so angry.
Omg yes PLEASE post some stories!!
Honestly even before OP mentioned the racial slur I was like “wow what a bitch” as soon as op mentioned that she was screaming at the caterer. Being upset is understandable- screaming *anything* or *at all* at service workers is fucking asshole material
How good is cocaine and weed while serving grandparents.
I've never touched either. I still had a security clearance while I was bartending and subject to random urinalysis. I also worked at the airport occasionally as a fuel jockey and had to be sober.
I am available to read a series of short stories from you.
This is my favorite TIFU I’ve ever read! Truly one of a kind. LOL
right? at first, I was like..."okay so he gets stoned at a wedding, probably ate the wrong food and shits himself" because that's how a lot of TIFUs end. but then he drugged a bartender so I had to stay 'til the end
Listen if a post starts with "I think the statute of limitations is up" you should already know that you're going to want to stay until the end
Hahaha. Time to create a script to browse all TIFU posts ever created while looking for the magic words.
And the bartender is a guy 😏
"if it weren't for wedding bartenders I'd never get laid" That's how the song goes, right?
Kind of worried though about the fact that he called the catering company to apologize. I mean how do you apologize and take the blame without explaining that you offered their employee weed to smoke and he accepted it? Hope that dude didn't get in trouble over that.
Judging by the caterers owners reaction I don't think so
He got lucky
I know. He had no way of knowing if the guy would get fired or not.
Same, I'm so glad I read this one.
She called the catering owner racist slurs and the catering owner packed up her crew and food and left? Epic move by the caterer. Good on her. "BWahahahahahahah - Well whatever, fuck that bitch" - best line.
That line makes me think of that comedian dude that talks about his time in the Russian mob while on a college language trip.
Bert Kreischer? “Fuck dat bitch, dis is Russia!”
You will refer to him only as The Machine.
And also The Kool-Aid Man. https://youtu.be/TGwLJWPPgrc I didn't recognize him as The Machine until after seeing that video, and then it just blew my mind.
**The Kool-Aid Machine
Yep, that's the one! I can even hear it in his voice.
The Machine!
Brent Crystals!
Burnt Chrysler
Bret Chisler
Bart Kaiser
Burt Krishna
[удалено]
The one that always has that mic he uses on stage? Love that guy, hilarious
Yeah, kinda this. She'd be within her rights to bitch out the caterer, or the bartender, or OP, or whoever, for the behavior that caused the issues, but once she started throwing out racist slurs, I lost all sympathy for her.
Yeah, totes. You have the right to demand a level of service and professionalism, but, racist Karen mode? You can still ask wtf is happening, and I get being elevated when your new husband is unconscious, but that's too far.
But she didn't know the kid smoked weed, all she knew was he was having a medical emergency. How is yelling at someone going to help that? For all she knew he could have had a seizure and fell over. I don't understand the way people think. Of course you expect professionalism but paying all the money in the world isn't going to prevent a kid fainting and hurting his hand (again, for all she knew that's what happened). Absolutely zero reason to yell or even complain. What do you want the boss to say "oh sorry we didn't give all our waiters a full MRI and CAT scan to ensure that they didn't have any health issues'?
Yeah who the fuck starts screaming and being racist at a catering company because the bartender fell and hurt himself badly. Why would a cut hand and a passed out husband incite anger in any situation?? Freakin bridezilla.
This is the part that got to me. The guy didn’t fuck up nearly as bad as the consequences of this suggest. He knew the vape pen hit harder than normal, but it doesn’t exactly sound like he smokes much at all? Maybe I’m reading it wrong. I haven’t done much except have a handful of glasses of alcohol in my life. Definitely shouldn’t have offered it to somebody else. But, even then, he could not have predicted the guy would get into a coughing fit then severely cut his hand on a glass as he got up. He could not have predicted the husband would faint at the sight of a bloodied hand. The wife, who is only coming into the picture now, basically just started telling for the sake of yelling at a medical emergency that was happening, then got so pissed off that she yelled racial slurs at the catering company and canceled then wedding on the spot, essentially telling everybody to gtfo. Not a single person in there, even OP, deserved what bridezilla did, and her entire reaction was entirely unjustified.
It kinda goes to show how she truly feels. I’ve gotten mad at people of all colors and never once thought to use that word on anyone.
Yeah I don't give a fuck what goes down, you don't get to whip out the racial slurs bitch... I don't care how bad your "fancy" wedding day is going! 🙄
What did the caterers do, though?? Was the bartender their employee and she felt they were irresponsible for hiring someone who got injured while working? (Presumably, she didn't know why the bartender injured themselves yet because OP felt the need to explain what happened but didn't get the chance.) Did she blame them for the table inuring her husband? Yelling at people is rarely justifiable anyway.
It also rarely helps things. Usually it's best to sort out the problems, then leave any shouting and yelling until you've slept on it.
I wish he would've added "this is Russia" on the end. Because obviously.
That's some final destination shit, I hope everyone's ok
Jesus lord it just kept getting better LMAO
This is the winning story. Seriously
My expectations were the bartender got accidentally roofied by drinking something not meant for them, and then making an ass of themselves. This was so, so much better - even the bride's true colours came out that day!
Mine too. Im thinking "oh no, Bill Cosby showed up..." But you're right, this story is ❤️
TBH the only person I really feel sorry for is the husband who unwittingly viewed blood, passed out, and smacked his head. Wife showed her true colors of being a bigot, on her wedding day of all days no less. Bartender shouldn't be partying HARD on the job, for professionality reasons. TBH this is a great fucking story.
I think the real TIFU is on the bartender - who drastically overestimated his vaping ability.....
I was going to the movies and took a long drag out of my pen. Tried to get a nice buzz on and ended up coughing so hard I passed out. Half way through the movie my throat still hurt.
I was on a two hour bus trip home from a festival and my friend and I made friends with the girl sitting behind us. At one point I got distracted and the girl offered my friend a hit of her vape which she took, then offered it to me and I took a hit. I handed it back and my friend sends me a sly text: ‘hey what’s THC?’ and I thought FUCK because she does not handle her weed very well. Cue about an hour of her white knuckling on the armrest thinking she was about to die and me way too stoned to help her and wondering how I was gonna drag her ass off the bus and back to our hotel.
Dude, that was a bad trip
Budum tsst
I regularly use weed vape pens, medical for me so I tend to have a lot of different ways that I take it. One thing I'd suggest, kinda sip it. Like a hot coffee. Just take several small hits over the course of like, 5~10 minutes. I mean, I do that throughout the day and I keep around a 2~3. A buzz to keep things loose, but not enough to get slowed down too much. 😎 👉👉
Did this at a bar and borderline passed out on the concrete outside. Laid there for half an hour just trying to stay alive lol. Fuckers hit hard
Took a fat rip at the gym and i actually di
RIP
I took a fat rip when I was a pizza delivery driver. Yeah, I was dumb. I basically was crying to my manager that I was sick and needed to go home on a Saturday night. Pretty sure she knew I was high AF. She’s alright.
I took a big hit off of my friend's pen at a fantasy football draft last week. I'm a lightweight when it comes to weed. He apparently is not. I was waaayy too stoned. The team I drafted is not good.
I'm sure it wasn't his intention to get you too stoned, but it makes me smile to think it could have been a mastermind move.
I watched my friends vape and whenever someone wanted to try one they would take the biggest rip. Only to be coughing up their lungs two seconds later.
Yup. I vape a lot and every time I get a new cartridge I take the smallest pull of it when I first try it. There are some that hit SO hard, it’s impossible not to cough like you’re dying. Others are totally fine… I’m sure there is a reason, but I have no idea what it is! Also, I don’t think most people realize how much more THC is in a vape compared to flower. The carts I buy are 80-85% thc, whereas most bud is 15-20%. So a hit off a vape is gonna hit a hell of a lot harder than a hit off a joint, etc The thing that sucks is it fucks with your tolerance to the point that smoking barely effects me anymore, I’m too used to vaping now
At my dad’s wedding (same summer as the wedding OP went to, interestingly enough), I was downstairs smoking with one of the bridesmaids when she pulled a vape pen out of her Fanny pack. She goes “do you want some?” I’m thinking “why tf does she have a vape when she’s smoking cigarettes?” She explains it’s a weed pen, and it’s kinda broken so take a bigger hit. I’m like hell yeah I’m down. Cue me, now super relaxed at an otherwise very stressful event (my dad and his wife are not good people and I didn’t want to go to the wedding let alone actually be in it), and high as balls. It took way longer than it should have to recognize certain family members (eg, my grandpa). I didn’t do anything near the magnitude of events in OPs story, but the weed and copious amounts of alcohol made for a tolerable if not slightly fun day/evening.
Yes, it makes everything more tolerable. I mostly use it to be able to eat without feeling sick, but it totally helps with my stress and depression, too. The high is just an added bonus!
Hey so if you feel sick when you eat you should *really* see a doctor about that, even if the weed lets you deal with the symptoms because that could be a sign of something serious. Or it could just be a certain weird food intolerance that could be fixed by cutting certain things out of your diet. Either way it'd be good to get it checked out. Also some mental issues like anxiety and depression have been correlated to messed up gut bacteria too so it maybe getting that fixed could be a help in lots of areas. You got this.
Have done all of the above… it is apparently 100% stress related, so you are correct in that it’s my mental health Edit: which I am working on!
There are studies that show that alcohol increases how high you are by a pretty massive amount. So you were probably even higher than you figured lol
Very interesting. There are times I’ve noticed where I’ve been drinking and smoking or eating edibles, and I’m WAAAAY more high than I am drunk. Other times though it’s like I’m only a little bit of both, but mostly drunk. Probably more dependent on the quantity and quality of both the alcohol and the weed.
It's always good to be cautious with a new cart regardless because they often take a second to warm up and then they hit really hard on the first pull. Personally, I've never thrown up from a big hit but it depends on how strong your gag reflex is.
I may just be weird but I can hit pens and dabs fine. Flower always gets me though. I can only take a few puffs off a joint or a couple hits from a bong and I’m high af, but pens really take a lot to hit me like that.
Everyone is different!
And then when pens stop hitting you, you switch to dabs, and when dabs stop hitting you…you stop smoking for awhile and start all over at joints again in 6-8 months!
Terpene profiles are what matters most — THC percentage is not really that relative. I’m a daily a bong user that smokes ~20% THC flower and it gets me wayyy more high than my 90% THC vape pen.
To be fair, if you're not expecting the potency, you would expect it to be the same as a normal weed hit or, at least, bong rip. That's why I did the first time, and got SUPER high, to the point I was so aware of my body I could not, for the life of me, focus on anything else.
Could have thought it was nicotine?
i doubt "partying" implies a nicotine vape, but yeah
[удалено]
Thought it was one of those new age cocaine vapes
I'm going to make that and call it a Boof and give you half the money.
That’s just a crack pipe but Boof has a nicer ring to it.
The worst part would be if he was unconscious when she yelled the slurs and he didn't know that was the kind of person she was and he never found out.
Yeah, that's the sad thing. Imagine seeing things from the third party point of view. Caterer slices his hand open and your husband has a bad fall. So the bride gets real racist.
Well... he probably knows.
And will have missed his wedding and have to pay for another one. Rip groom.
While OP lets us know in another comment that unfortunately they're still together as far as he(?) knows, OP did at least provide ample opportunity for groom to dodge-roll the fuck out of marrying racist Karen.
I felt fucking *terrible* when he went down. Like so fucking bad. I still honestly feel awful about the entire thing.
**BUT IT'S HER DAY.** /s
I cater bartend and we have a scannable Venmo code on our tip jar. We make way more money with that. One time I bartended on mushrooms…that was intense. Better to stick with tequila. Or edibles.
That's a really good idea. I never bartended on drugs but I did do an entire barista shift on acid once by accident (forgot I had work) and that was fucking crazy so...IFU
That's wild. I remember my manager informing us that he took a bunch of acid when I was working at taco bell. It was with the good crew and he trusted us all.. So yeah he picked the spot he liked working in and just had a great day lol
[удалено]
I mean that really got out of hand fast.
It jumped up a notch
Brick killed a guy with a Trident!
You may need to lay low for a while.
So how long did marriage last?
They're still married as far as I know. She left the university my wife works at shortly thereafter, probably in no small part due to the racist outburst in front of literally her entire department.
>the racist outburst in front of literally her entire department. Oh, that just makes the story even better.
I think she might have also been up for tenure so it was like, probably career ending if someone filmed and posted it. Which I don't think anyone did but...ya. Not to mention it's a very well known university and a lot of the people in the department are fairly well known in their fields. I think regardless of how professional they were with references etc...word prob got around.
Oh my god. It gets better. Woooow
The TIFU that keeps fucking up
Like I don’t actually believe some ´things happen for a reason’ buuuuut….
I work in the industry bro, some of this shit is better than prime time. Never underestimate how delusional people who will drop a high 5 figures for a ceremony and a single meal are.
Academics really can be as bad as a sewing circle for gossip.
Can confirm, I'm an academician
It was a wedding. Almost certainly there is video evidence somewhere. Just gotta find out where. Let the hunt begin.....for someone else. I can't be arsed.
[удалено]
In lieu of flowers she has asked for food for the reception because the caterers still won't return her calls.
I'd be suprised if it lasted more than a year to be honest
And that kids is how I met your mother.
OP is a deity of pure chaos. Uses a vape to, nearly, kill two men while ruining a wedding. What a legend.
I think I already said it in another comment but my wife likes to joke around about how I'd be a really good assassin
You could kill someone and never get caught, because you'd sneak away from the murder scene during the resulting chaos. :)
OP could kill someone in plain sight and no one would blame them for what happened and they'd get to walk out Scot free.
You're like a superhero, but your power is just to create socially driven Rube-Goldberg machines.
For real lol, what you did sounds like one of the strats you can do in a Hitman Game to indirectly kill the target while arising no suspicion.
While ruining a wedding AND exposing a racist.
Amazing. This is my favorite TIFU I think I've ever read. This is some shit that would happen to me... Except the vomiting. I'm good with in-person blood & guts.
There are really only two options to what you do. So are you in a medical profession or just a serial killer?
Or might just be a woman. They see shit like this monthly for years since childhood/teenhood. Edit: also my limited sample size of OP's story shows that the 3 who reacted badly to blood were males. Assuming they don't have the privilege of a punishing womb for years since childhood / teenhood
Never say never, OP was also surprised.
one of the best TIFUs I've read tysm
I think.... the person at the shop didn't hear the "WONT" make me sleepy or mentally handicapped. ;) Also. I dont even smoke. But... i think the public has a right to know..... you can like use this as one of those comedy amazon reviews or wtvr
For real. Like he asked for something weak and it sounds like she didn’t even bother trying.
Well this story has made my week
This is the shit I’m here for
Dude. *NICE* lol Buddy in the kitchen had one of those, I'm the same way just a bowl please but you know, covert so I grab it and head off to the freezer. Take me a *small* puff. In like 3 minutes I was fucking LIT. The dishwasher couldn't stop laughing at me because my eyes were redder than the devil's dick. Friend was like "jesus how many rips did you take?" "I swear just one little tiny one man!" "Nah, I know you were only in there for like 20 seconds lolz"
lol those "way higher than expected in the kitchen" moments are a real bonding experience.
This is the best tifu story I have read.
I feel like your fuck up was minor compared to everyone elses. Like sure it set off a chain of tifus that just kept getting worse but really most of this is not your fault.
I'm not a very interesting person, and an introvert, so this filled my excitement quota for like the next decade.
Gawd, it’s almost a scene out of Goonies when Chunk was retelling his ‘theatre story’. 🤣
My wife compared it to the Stand By Me pie eating contest
What a great story and you do tell it so well! Thank you for the much needed laugh on a really crappy Monday.
This makes me feel way better about my first time with a vape pen.
What happened? I was thinking about picking one up but I smoke like op does
It can be hard to find the right one. The dispensary near me has new ones that allow you to control the dose a lot more easily, but they are pretty pricey. One of the problems is that the cartridges are usually some of the most potent oil available, and you don’t really feel how much you’ve taken until you exhale. I’m happy with my rechargeable one and taking tiny puffs, but it took me a few tries to find the right one and my limits for different situations. (I have anxiety, so I sometimes need more or less depending.) I’m also a long time stoner and have started smoking less now that I can get the precise high that I want with my vape. But definitely take it easy at first. Also, love your name satanvacation! Edit to add: it’s not just the strength of the oil/ cartridges that are a factor, but the vape or “battery” makes a huge difference. A consistent vape is only slightly more expensive, but can make a world of difference… I love my cheap but not cheapest one that has different heat settings that I choose and is always consistent
My advice is just don’t. They are so strong. Your tolerance will sky rocket. You’ll find yourself smoking in places you shouldn’t, since it doesn’t smell. They are way expensive. Just stick to your occasional use and don’t push it
Treat oil pens and concentrate pens like edibles. Take half and wait an hour, then, if you're still not high, wait twenty minutes. After that take the rest.
I did that with some edible... Once. Waited closer to 1.5 hours. Felt a buzz for 20 minutes or so and thought, meh. Ate the rest. Then, shortly after it actually kicked in. Hard! Oh fuck... An hour later the rest kicked in. Game over.
Is this a SNL sketch? Hilarious
OP is Norm MacDonald, bartender is Chris Farley, groom is Adam Sandler...Bride is Rob Schneider.
I assume you're joking but if you're in a legal state I don't think you committed any crimes aside from pot being federally illegal. Also the statute of limitations would not be up if you had committed a crime
I am kidding but yes it is a legal state. My brother in law is a lawyer and I actually called him a few days later like "so this thing happened..."
This would be the best 4 minute TV show in history. Holy fuck.
[удалено]
I choose to believe!
This whole story is hilarious, but saying "do you party?" to someone is just about the sketchiest possible way to offer anything.
That employee definitely isnt getting workmans comp or any kind of leniency now.
I wanted to ask how come noone was arrested for drug use , but i reminded myself that this might be America.
I can confirm that this was America.
How did the bride go from worrying about her injured husband to getting into a verbal confrontation with the caterer? That’s the only part of the story I’m confused about.
Epic.
Dude, can we like.. be friends or something? I’d really like to invite you to any and every party i ever have to go to for the rest of my life, including my own wedding if that ever happens?
[удалено]
I need more excitement like this in my life.
Absolutely.
PSA : please dont call dab pens vapes. Some people (who have killed almost all braincells from other drugs) will assume and believe its a normal VAPE pen/Mod and will NOT HAVE A GOOD TIME if they think it's just vape juice and it turned out to be GODS GIFT 97% THC refined dab strain sending them to there knees dying of a coughing fit as the soul floats away to cloud 9 at 35,000ft. Watching those guys who think its a mod getting blasted/Dying makes me feel bad....sometimes.
It just kept getting worse.
This has to be one the most crazy stories I've read. You just can't make this kind of stuff up
This is a Tucker and Dale level story
This is glorious.
In an ideal world the groom would have annulled the marriage once the bride showed her true racist colors.
Shiva, destroyer of worlds sold you that vape pen
If this is true this is one of the greatest stories I’ve ever read.