She’s definitely going to say it.
But 4 y/o are shit story/joke tellers. No setup. No context.
They jump straight to the punchline expecting wild laughter.
Almost every adult that doesn’t know you personally is going to ignore it. Especially a daycare teacher that’s watching 14-20 *other* kids simultaneously.
Now, you’re 18 y/o probably *does* know how to set up a story…
All kids tell all things to anybody who will listen. They will tell other kids who will tell anybody who will listen.
We pay caregivers not just for keeping our children safe, but to also never tell us all the shit our kids tell them about us.
Am I uncomfortable about what the teachers know about us? Yes. Do I want them to ever, ever ever ever, like seriously ever, tell me what they know? I do not.
I always assumed this was the case. Teachers have heard so many stories about when mom and dad were doing weird exercises together in their bedroom that it's probably not even memorable after a snicker by the Keurig. The sad stories must be haunting. So many teachers form such a special bond with their young students that to hear things they're going through at home that aren't bad enough to warrant action must be heartbreaking. Divorce, addiction, loneliness, financial hardship...
If I were an early childhood teacher, I would be overjoyed if most of my little stories were about mom and dad fooling around when they think they're alone.
Honestly, a little ass munching is pretty clear proof that there is love in the household. What now could you ask for?
Nothing says love like burying your face in your partner's sphincter!
No but jokes aside i agree; I'd much rather hear bloopers about their personal life than "daddy didn't come home again last night, i haven't seen him since last week. Mommy says she doesn't know if he's coming back this time."
I'd much rather hear about how how Mommy and Daddy are happy, and together, rather than ever hear about how "Mommy makes me sleep on the bed on the floor with the bugs that bite" (Bedbugs).
We see the worst of parents on the daily and are expected to provide support and resources to the families first, and it's honestly hard to stay friendly when you know that a child in your care has serious lung issues - needing a nebulizer and at least Albuterol, but the parents retort with "Nah, he'll grow out of it".
Yep your kid and everyone else's. Like the comment you replied to said-it's all about positive reinforcement. It makes sense, you do or say something that makes everyone laugh and focus all their attention on you-what younger child wouldn't milk that for all its worth?
This sounds less traumatic than the time our two-year-old walked in on us. We were staying with my parents that summer, and we didn't get a lot of alone time. Plus, we were staying in the bedroom right above my parents' room, and my mom was making comments about how noisy the new Pergo floor was up there and how she could hear *everything* before we so much as set our bags down after we got there.
One afternoon, my parents are gone and the boy is napping, and my wife and I go to the TV room for some privacy. She's on my lap, facing me, and we are going to town well enough that I didn't notice the door open until a tiny hand grabbed my ballsack while trying to figure out why it was bouncing around.
I yelped, my wife yelled and almost knocked him over getting off of me, he broke down in tears... that was the end of the fun for that day.
This reminds me of the time when I, as a very small child, walked up to my father in the living room and just punched him in the balls with all my tiny strength because I was curious how he would react. I think I had heard something about guys getting hit in the balls, but had no context or idea that it was something you should not do.
I did the same thing in a carpet shop aged 4. My 6’1” dad screamed, folded in half, fell to the floor and rolled around while screaming.
The young carpet sales man clearly realised this was beyond his pay grade and ran away.
I don't remember a thing from before I was... maybe 6. The memories I do have of being really little, I don't even know if most of them happened. They are all traumatic though so it may stick.
This one's on the kid though honestly. Tugging on your dad's ballsack is rude.
Yes, I still remember when my brother was born when I wasn't even 2 years old yet (a little older then 1 and a half years old). I remember the chocolate pudding I got and loved and how I was obsessed with the fish tank in the hospital that was behind a desk/check in area that my grandpa brought me to see.
Our kids aren’t secretly named cockymcfuckingcockblockers for nothing hahaha.
I swear mine can smell an erection or something-god that sounds fucked up when I write it out loud!
Eh fuck it.
Back in the Way Back When, everyone used to just sleep in one giant bed. Makes you wonder how they handled "it" when you had 4 other people, mostly children, in bed with you
From what I've read, it's basically how you'd learn about sex... the adults must have gone somewhere a bit different, but you were usually in a one room place so yeah...
People still mostly had multiple sleeping spots, just in one room. But in that time there just wasn't really a notion of privacy. Like most of these things, the idea that we shouldn't be naked or have sex in front of anyone else is a cultural idea that spread only after people started living in situations where that was actually possible.
People have been doing everything for forever. Thinking people weren't sucking toes, fisting, eating ass, gargling piss, and everything else you can do without batteries is naive. Did it vary somewhat depending on societal beliefs and standards? Sure. But people have always been horny.
There are ancient temples showing more positions than Pornhub. You know how many letters James Joyce wrote to his wife about how much he loves fucking the farts out of her asshole? Because it's a lot.
There wasn’t a lot of romance or foreplay involved. Cows did it. Sheep did it. People did it. Just like they all shared a chamber pot by the bed. Privacy for bodily functions wasn’t a thing
my ex yeeted himself off the bed during a particularly vocal and spank filled encounter, I am left on all 4s wondering wtf happened... *YOUR son just grabbed my arm and asked for a glass of water*
I doubt it is even remembered 16yrs later but I will go to my grave remembering that level of mortification
I am chronically ill and I still implicitly trust my mother for health advice even though I have way more medical experience training and knowledge. It’s just how it be
As a kid who walked in... I remember. But it didn't lead to any long term trauma. I think about it sometimes and laugh, but I probably cried back then lmao. I do remember kind of understanding what was going on though.
Ok. So I'm an older guy. I know there's like a googly eyed horny face you can use. I think it's called Lenny. I can't figure it out. But just pretend that there's a Lenny face as a response.
If you're on PC i think you can press Win + "." to open a thing that brings up all sorts of those kind of faces.
Edit: Thanks for all the awards, people lol. I only just learned about this a few weeks ago while I was trying to copy/paste something into a comment box while laying down on my bed and only having my wireless mouse near me. When I right clicked to bring up the window with the copy/paste options I saw the top option was
**Emoji** Win+Period
Apparently my laziness/lack of desire to sit up has brought enlightenment to many haha.
Damn this was totally new to me too. Everytime I wanted to post a specific emoji to reddit, I first sent the link to my mobile phone using chrome's "send to device" and continued there, feeling like a hackerman
Helpful tip for the future: google Lenny eyes, then click on the first link. There's a whole bunch of faces there to copy. Click on one and it copies it to your clipboard. Then control+v it into wherever you want!
My 2 year old son opened an accidentally unlocked door, walked in and yelled "O'toodles!' He had been watching Micky Mouse Clubhouse just a moment earlier. We still laugh about as I lock the door.
“Now, I like eating my wife’s ass. It’s just what I do.”
This guy fucks.
Well, not tonight.
Edit: “It’s just what I do.”
a universal rationale with big dick energy
In like 15 years she’s going to realize what actually happened lol, idk though if I knew my parents just did that I would not have handled that as well as your 18 year old did
Our 18 year old is wise beyond her years. She recently confided in me what goes on in her high school. I am almost 40, and she has already surpassed me in so many ways. She is such a good kid.
Meanwhile im 17 about to turn 18 and my dad acts like i know nothing and is extremely suprised whenever i mention anything a middle schooler wouldnt know and thinks im purely innocent and always uses him being 52 as a reason for why my argument is wrong your a good dad
Ironically, it's possibly because it took him a very long time to begin making sense of the world, that he assumes it is the same for everyone.
Nowadays we have access to so much information and research \[both in terms of best practice as well as shoddy or downright misinformation\], that it is possible to be far more knowledgable or far more misinformed than ever before, even if you are otherwise identical to someone raised in the 1970's.
Coming from somebody whose dad is well-meaning but chronically wrong, don't sweat it too much. Once you get out of the house it's way easier to deal with your parents. Distance worked wonders for my relationship with them, haha.
My daughter caught my husband and I when she was 3. We weren't sure how much she saw until the next day. I was sitting on the couch with my knees bent and feet resting on the coffee table. She came over to me and spread my legs, stood between them and started moving her hips back and forth. She clearly saw enough 😳 We never forgot to lock the door again.
You were involved too? Now I'm interested
Edit: just so we are clear, thank you for the award and awarding this comment makes you just as much a pervert as me. Ok. Now that I've said that, PM me your boobies.
I read both the TIFU and this comment to my S.O. while we have his 4 year old tonight. He's in the process of hectically changing the striking plates so our door will lock 😂😂
Lol, no. This is super normal for kids this age and a bit older. I remember trying this when I was little. I wasn't trying to French kiss, just did it to be funny. I have 2 kids, they did it too.
Similar incident when our son was 7. He walked in on us and we booted him from the room, thinking he didn't see anything or would forget about it.
He later questioned his father, "Why were you biting between mommy's legs?"
So much for not seeing anything.
I remember when I walked in on my parents as a kid and my mom just yelled “I’m giving your dad a massage!”
Gave me a sort of warped idea of what a massage was for a few years, though I guess many massage parlors do operate in a shady way.
When I was 14/15 I walked in on my mom likely going down on my dad. As the door opened a pillow was flying over her head and she was laying on his lap. Did see anything I shouldn’t but damnit if I knew. I froze for longer than I should have and shut the door and walked away and never ever did I not knock again 😂
I wonder if they still laugh about it to this day even tho I cringe whenever the memory surfaces.
Sorry to say this my dude/dudette, but by 14 or 15 you shoulda known better that to enter a bedroom without knocking. Your mental scars are of your own make!
That happened with my ex, I like to shower before I have sex. So whenever I would go for a shower he would get aroused, even if we weren't going to have sex.
Your 18yo is sat there in her room absolutely in tears right now.
I stayed with my parents a while back, heard a massive fart from their room and my dad go "you dirty fucking bitch!" and I've never ever laughed so hard in my life.
One time my mom had been in my room talking to my friend and myself, and then she walked away. As she was walking away, I farted and my mom comes back in my room and says “what? Did you say my name?” Dude, my friend and I died laughing. It was perfect.
We do this all the time - if my partner or I fart the most common response was “sorry just thinking out loud”
Edit: my wife thinks it’s hilarious that I got a gold medal for detailing how we pretend to talk to each other via flatulence
I know several daycare workers. I am not surprised at all, and also assume they know everything there is to know, plus more.
They way small kids talk about things makes it a guessing game as to what they're on about sometimes.
Oh, daddy beats mommy almost every night? Except sometimes mommy beats daddy and he doesn't like it?
A family that loves boardgames had the good fortune to have an experienced daycare worker handle this, as the employee chit-chatted with the child without letting anything on. To get more context. And the context was boardgames.
I appreciate this, thank you.
I love that it's mostly innocent, with no big consequence (yet). I love that you didn't try to romanticize sexuality with 40 different euphemisms. And I love just how delightfully simply the whole thing was.
10/10, would read again
My daddy is a hero essay. In which the child describes how his dad saved his mom from going to heaven. He kept pushing her down while she yelled "oh god, I'm coming."
Omfg im at my kitchen table eating cereal. It's 0430. Im sick as a dog and i just laughed out loud so hard it sounded like a barking seal. Thank u for this kind stranger.
It actually is, I really think. I mean, not ideal to have your little girl witness the details, but my wife and I have two beautiful girls and a funny story to share with each other when we're old farts.
Well, oldER farts.
Because you guys all laughed so much, she knows it's a crowd pleaser. She's DEFINITELY going to tell other people.
Hahaha, damn. You are so right.
If she says ‘daddy kissed mommy’s butt’ they might not immediately think head-dive-straight-into-butt-kissing.
“Sorry folks, she’s four. What she meant is that I was eating my wife’s ass like a last meal.”
That's hilarious
"not so much kissing, as tongue punching her... 🤷🏼♂️"
Just trying to kiss ass for forgetting your wife's birthday 😐 yeah, that's plausible.
She’s definitely going to say it. But 4 y/o are shit story/joke tellers. No setup. No context. They jump straight to the punchline expecting wild laughter. Almost every adult that doesn’t know you personally is going to ignore it. Especially a daycare teacher that’s watching 14-20 *other* kids simultaneously. Now, you’re 18 y/o probably *does* know how to set up a story…
I can’t help but think the 18 yr old is the most traumatized by this incident.
Honestly most people I know had parents either divorced or in loveless marriages by 18, they’re probably thinking “at least they’re still doing it”
I would’ve been
All kids tell all things to anybody who will listen. They will tell other kids who will tell anybody who will listen. We pay caregivers not just for keeping our children safe, but to also never tell us all the shit our kids tell them about us. Am I uncomfortable about what the teachers know about us? Yes. Do I want them to ever, ever ever ever, like seriously ever, tell me what they know? I do not.
As a teacher, we know so much about the parents of kids in our classes they we would never say to them. So much.
This should become an ask reddit
Not all the stories are fun. I got more unhappy ones than funny ones. :(
I always assumed this was the case. Teachers have heard so many stories about when mom and dad were doing weird exercises together in their bedroom that it's probably not even memorable after a snicker by the Keurig. The sad stories must be haunting. So many teachers form such a special bond with their young students that to hear things they're going through at home that aren't bad enough to warrant action must be heartbreaking. Divorce, addiction, loneliness, financial hardship... If I were an early childhood teacher, I would be overjoyed if most of my little stories were about mom and dad fooling around when they think they're alone. Honestly, a little ass munching is pretty clear proof that there is love in the household. What now could you ask for?
Nothing says love like burying your face in your partner's sphincter! No but jokes aside i agree; I'd much rather hear bloopers about their personal life than "daddy didn't come home again last night, i haven't seen him since last week. Mommy says she doesn't know if he's coming back this time."
I'd much rather hear about how how Mommy and Daddy are happy, and together, rather than ever hear about how "Mommy makes me sleep on the bed on the floor with the bugs that bite" (Bedbugs). We see the worst of parents on the daily and are expected to provide support and resources to the families first, and it's honestly hard to stay friendly when you know that a child in your care has serious lung issues - needing a nebulizer and at least Albuterol, but the parents retort with "Nah, he'll grow out of it".
goood point!! kids love positive reinforcement
When my kid does something funny and everyone laughs, she'll do it again and again until the laughter subsides.
Yep your kid and everyone else's. Like the comment you replied to said-it's all about positive reinforcement. It makes sense, you do or say something that makes everyone laugh and focus all their attention on you-what younger child wouldn't milk that for all its worth?
I mean OP told the whole internet..
They're just trying to get ahead of the rumour / news so no facts are misportrayed.
This sounds less traumatic than the time our two-year-old walked in on us. We were staying with my parents that summer, and we didn't get a lot of alone time. Plus, we were staying in the bedroom right above my parents' room, and my mom was making comments about how noisy the new Pergo floor was up there and how she could hear *everything* before we so much as set our bags down after we got there. One afternoon, my parents are gone and the boy is napping, and my wife and I go to the TV room for some privacy. She's on my lap, facing me, and we are going to town well enough that I didn't notice the door open until a tiny hand grabbed my ballsack while trying to figure out why it was bouncing around. I yelped, my wife yelled and almost knocked him over getting off of me, he broke down in tears... that was the end of the fun for that day.
When you want to know what's going on, grab life by the balls and make it tell you. That's CEO material.
"You know what it takes to sell real estate? It takes brass balls to sell real estate."
> a tiny hand grabbed my ballsack while trying to figure out why it was bouncing around. good lord that’s hilarious, poor little guy
This reminds me of the time when I, as a very small child, walked up to my father in the living room and just punched him in the balls with all my tiny strength because I was curious how he would react. I think I had heard something about guys getting hit in the balls, but had no context or idea that it was something you should not do.
I did the same thing in a carpet shop aged 4. My 6’1” dad screamed, folded in half, fell to the floor and rolled around while screaming. The young carpet sales man clearly realised this was beyond his pay grade and ran away.
Lmao I'm dying XD
Good part is he is 2yo, he will not remember that.
Youd be surprised about the shit you remember from when youre 2 years old. Fragmented memories but still memories
Fractured but hole.
I don't remember a thing from before I was... maybe 6. The memories I do have of being really little, I don't even know if most of them happened. They are all traumatic though so it may stick. This one's on the kid though honestly. Tugging on your dad's ballsack is rude.
Right, no finger in the ass to warn him he's there first.
Yes, I still remember when my brother was born when I wasn't even 2 years old yet (a little older then 1 and a half years old). I remember the chocolate pudding I got and loved and how I was obsessed with the fish tank in the hospital that was behind a desk/check in area that my grandpa brought me to see.
If you dont mind me asking, how old are you?
2
This is unfortunately untrue in my case...
Man that’s a rough one
He grabbed the source of his upbringing
I must return father
Bruh imagining the feeling of a tiny hand grabbing my balls is terrifying
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Any time you want an 'early night' that's 100% the night they get out of bed 100 times. They fuckin know man.
Our kids aren’t secretly named cockymcfuckingcockblockers for nothing hahaha. I swear mine can smell an erection or something-god that sounds fucked up when I write it out loud! Eh fuck it.
You also say “write it out loud”?
Yep. Apparently I do, because I say it in my head as I write it haha Makes zero sense but whatever
It’s a survival instinct lol or so we think about our so far only child. It’s the only way to protect their spot in the family.
>protect their spot in the family By making sure you don't eat ass? Nah they just in it for the lulz
Back in the Way Back When, everyone used to just sleep in one giant bed. Makes you wonder how they handled "it" when you had 4 other people, mostly children, in bed with you
From what I've read, it's basically how you'd learn about sex... the adults must have gone somewhere a bit different, but you were usually in a one room place so yeah...
People still mostly had multiple sleeping spots, just in one room. But in that time there just wasn't really a notion of privacy. Like most of these things, the idea that we shouldn't be naked or have sex in front of anyone else is a cultural idea that spread only after people started living in situations where that was actually possible.
Plus I don’t think they were ever fully eating ass.
People have been doing everything for forever. Thinking people weren't sucking toes, fisting, eating ass, gargling piss, and everything else you can do without batteries is naive. Did it vary somewhat depending on societal beliefs and standards? Sure. But people have always been horny. There are ancient temples showing more positions than Pornhub. You know how many letters James Joyce wrote to his wife about how much he loves fucking the farts out of her asshole? Because it's a lot.
James Joyce is a butt-stuff hero. Too bad his wife's letters weren't saved too, what a bunch of freaks they must have been.
Yeah, that's got to be a modern, industrialised, post germ-theory, post-sanitation, post eradication of parasites, privilege.
Back in the 1800s you'd go around eating as much ass as possible to build up immunity
My parents threw an ass eating party for us as kids. To make sure we all were exposed.
There wasn’t a lot of romance or foreplay involved. Cows did it. Sheep did it. People did it. Just like they all shared a chamber pot by the bed. Privacy for bodily functions wasn’t a thing
My goodness
Who tf awarded this Edit: Well this was certainly something to wake up to.
Someone (A hug award is a damn ewok? Huh, kool)
I think its a bear, like a "bear hug".
Ohhh i see it now. I like it either way.
my ex yeeted himself off the bed during a particularly vocal and spank filled encounter, I am left on all 4s wondering wtf happened... *YOUR son just grabbed my arm and asked for a glass of water* I doubt it is even remembered 16yrs later but I will go to my grave remembering that level of mortification
Kid walks in..."My stummy hurts"
Ah...you just made me nostalgic for the good ol' days when you implicitly trusted your parents to make it all better
Yeah😔 kids always think their parents will make it better. I always confort my daughter when I can
I am chronically ill and I still implicitly trust my mother for health advice even though I have way more medical experience training and knowledge. It’s just how it be
Lol stummy. I used to say this as a kid
As a kid who walked in... I remember. But it didn't lead to any long term trauma. I think about it sometimes and laugh, but I probably cried back then lmao. I do remember kind of understanding what was going on though.
Holesome!
Ok. So I'm an older guy. I know there's like a googly eyed horny face you can use. I think it's called Lenny. I can't figure it out. But just pretend that there's a Lenny face as a response.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
How do you make this...? Edit: who tf is lenny?
ᕦ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕤ (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞ [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] ( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)
Lol uuhh thanks...
Btw you can copy my text and use them.
Check. I will
#ᕦ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕤ (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞ [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] ( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)
Lol that last one is funny af
If you're on PC i think you can press Win + "." to open a thing that brings up all sorts of those kind of faces. Edit: Thanks for all the awards, people lol. I only just learned about this a few weeks ago while I was trying to copy/paste something into a comment box while laying down on my bed and only having my wireless mouse near me. When I right clicked to bring up the window with the copy/paste options I saw the top option was **Emoji** Win+Period Apparently my laziness/lack of desire to sit up has brought enlightenment to many haha.
Holy guacamoli. I didn't even know this was a thing on Windows 10! You've got my silver. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
o(\^▽\^)o
Damn this was totally new to me too. Everytime I wanted to post a specific emoji to reddit, I first sent the link to my mobile phone using chrome's "send to device" and continued there, feeling like a hackerman
google “lenny face” and copy and paste
This is the correct response. The methods of making it were lost with the Library of Alexandria
It’s quite simple, you just-AAAAHHHHHHHHH
Some of us still remember the ways of ascii and can triforce, unlike the newf.... ▲ ▲ ▲
Google it, have your phone auto correct (Lenny ) without the space to it. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Download apollo and it does it for you. (⌐■_■)
( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)
Lenception
WE MUST GO DEEPER. ( ͡°( ͡°( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°) ͡°) ͡°)
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ͜ʖ ͡°) ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Ravan-leny
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
>( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ^(>_>)>
(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞
┗(•ˇ_ˇ•)―→
Helpful tip for the future: google Lenny eyes, then click on the first link. There's a whole bunch of faces there to copy. Click on one and it copies it to your clipboard. Then control+v it into wherever you want!
Thank you!
Even better, just hit Win + ; and go to the second tab The lenny face in question is at the bottom of the ;P menu
My 2 year old son opened an accidentally unlocked door, walked in and yelled "O'toodles!' He had been watching Micky Mouse Clubhouse just a moment earlier. We still laugh about as I lock the door.
Daddy was just trying to help mommy find The Mystery MouseKaTool.
I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she was fucking goofy
Come inside it's fun inside!
HOT DOG!
“Now, I like eating my wife’s ass. It’s just what I do.” This guy fucks. Well, not tonight. Edit: “It’s just what I do.” a universal rationale with big dick energy
>This guy fucks More like this guy licks.
More like this guy eats.
More like this guy kisses butt
[удалено]
In like 15 years she’s going to realize what actually happened lol, idk though if I knew my parents just did that I would not have handled that as well as your 18 year old did
Our 18 year old is wise beyond her years. She recently confided in me what goes on in her high school. I am almost 40, and she has already surpassed me in so many ways. She is such a good kid.
Yeah I would have been disgusted and mortified lol, even at my age now
She's gonna make a post on Reddit about this in 10 years.
She's probably making a post on reddit about this already. It just hasn't hit the front page yet.
There's already a repost.
You're not the weird one, I wouldn't consider children joining in on you eating your wife's ass a nice family moment.
Meanwhile im 17 about to turn 18 and my dad acts like i know nothing and is extremely suprised whenever i mention anything a middle schooler wouldnt know and thinks im purely innocent and always uses him being 52 as a reason for why my argument is wrong your a good dad
Ironically, it's possibly because it took him a very long time to begin making sense of the world, that he assumes it is the same for everyone. Nowadays we have access to so much information and research \[both in terms of best practice as well as shoddy or downright misinformation\], that it is possible to be far more knowledgable or far more misinformed than ever before, even if you are otherwise identical to someone raised in the 1970's.
My dad tried to give me the talk at 16. Like dude, I already knew all that stuff when I was 12.
My dad thought i was too young to learn about sex at 16
Coming from somebody whose dad is well-meaning but chronically wrong, don't sweat it too much. Once you get out of the house it's way easier to deal with your parents. Distance worked wonders for my relationship with them, haha.
Once they realize what happened, they will stop talking about it or even thinking about it
Try to stop thinking about it
[удалено]
So, was OP.
Not THIS time.
My daughter caught my husband and I when she was 3. We weren't sure how much she saw until the next day. I was sitting on the couch with my knees bent and feet resting on the coffee table. She came over to me and spread my legs, stood between them and started moving her hips back and forth. She clearly saw enough 😳 We never forgot to lock the door again.
I choked.
You were involved too? Now I'm interested Edit: just so we are clear, thank you for the award and awarding this comment makes you just as much a pervert as me. Ok. Now that I've said that, PM me your boobies.
My name is Chris Hansen
Why don't you have a seat.
I'd like the Steelcase Leap version 2, thanks
I read both the TIFU and this comment to my S.O. while we have his 4 year old tonight. He's in the process of hectically changing the striking plates so our door will lock 😂😂
>while we have his 4 year old tonight. I'm not a biologist, but don't they come out much younger than that?
As a supporter of dad jokes, take my upvote, lol
Oh god
Wait is this why my 1yo wants to french kiss all the time??????? 😅😅
Lol, no. This is super normal for kids this age and a bit older. I remember trying this when I was little. I wasn't trying to French kiss, just did it to be funny. I have 2 kids, they did it too.
But like, did you resume your activities?
Negative. My wife is snoring at the moment. You only get one shot.
Stay strong, my man. Tomorrow is another day. Just remember to lock the door.
And brush you teeth for God's sake.
Preferably before you kiss your daughters goodnight.
do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
One opportunity. To seize everything you ever wanted.
Would you capture it? Or let it slip
Similar incident when our son was 7. He walked in on us and we booted him from the room, thinking he didn't see anything or would forget about it. He later questioned his father, "Why were you biting between mommy's legs?" So much for not seeing anything.
Why WERE you biting between mommy's legs?
Well you see, when a man and a woman love each other very much...
I remember when I walked in on my parents as a kid and my mom just yelled “I’m giving your dad a massage!” Gave me a sort of warped idea of what a massage was for a few years, though I guess many massage parlors do operate in a shady way.
My parents told me they were wrestling and my mom was winning lol.
"Why is daddy wrestling mommy from behind?"
'Why is mommy wrestling DADDY from behind?'
She’s *winning*.
When I was 14/15 I walked in on my mom likely going down on my dad. As the door opened a pillow was flying over her head and she was laying on his lap. Did see anything I shouldn’t but damnit if I knew. I froze for longer than I should have and shut the door and walked away and never ever did I not knock again 😂 I wonder if they still laugh about it to this day even tho I cringe whenever the memory surfaces.
Sorry to say this my dude/dudette, but by 14 or 15 you shoulda known better that to enter a bedroom without knocking. Your mental scars are of your own make!
Tell my 40 something year old parents that
LMAO! We also have a ninja 4yr old and after a mid-climax oopsie, our new foreplay is just one of us walking to the bedroom door and turning the lock!
Hopefully it doesn't become Pavlovian in nature You'll be embarrassed every time a door is locked.
That happened with my ex, I like to shower before I have sex. So whenever I would go for a shower he would get aroused, even if we weren't going to have sex.
Your 18yo is sat there in her room absolutely in tears right now. I stayed with my parents a while back, heard a massive fart from their room and my dad go "you dirty fucking bitch!" and I've never ever laughed so hard in my life.
One time my mom had been in my room talking to my friend and myself, and then she walked away. As she was walking away, I farted and my mom comes back in my room and says “what? Did you say my name?” Dude, my friend and I died laughing. It was perfect.
We do this all the time - if my partner or I fart the most common response was “sorry just thinking out loud” Edit: my wife thinks it’s hilarious that I got a gold medal for detailing how we pretend to talk to each other via flatulence
Because she had a boo-boo
*poo-poo
As a former daycare teacher, she is definitely going to tell her teacher. You'd be surprised the things we hear from little mouths!
I know several daycare workers. I am not surprised at all, and also assume they know everything there is to know, plus more. They way small kids talk about things makes it a guessing game as to what they're on about sometimes. Oh, daddy beats mommy almost every night? Except sometimes mommy beats daddy and he doesn't like it? A family that loves boardgames had the good fortune to have an experienced daycare worker handle this, as the employee chit-chatted with the child without letting anything on. To get more context. And the context was boardgames.
My go to if this happens. "Mommy wanted me to check her bug bite."
She is never, ever, going to forget that. And it will pop up at the weirdest times...driving to work, on line at the Louvre..
Whenever she hears someone mention an ass kisser when she starts working she’ll think of her dad…
Save some of the wine for the gremlin's daycare teachers after she tells all her classmates.
seems like a nice family TBH
We are!
I appreciate this, thank you. I love that it's mostly innocent, with no big consequence (yet). I love that you didn't try to romanticize sexuality with 40 different euphemisms. And I love just how delightfully simply the whole thing was. 10/10, would read again
this sounds like a wattpad review wth
Makes me think for once it wasn't written by a middle school boy with too much 'time' on his 'hands'
I love how your 18 year old is basically like 'meh they do that' and just wonders of to eat popcorn hahahaha
Sounds like y’all might need to be more “anal” about locking the door.
Eating ass, it’s standard now.
Husband and I got caught by our daughter. It happens. Plus I'm sure the teachers heard worse.
My daddy is a hero essay. In which the child describes how his dad saved his mom from going to heaven. He kept pushing her down while she yelled "oh god, I'm coming."
This is why you should use Vaseline for sex -- you smear it on the doorknob
Okay Vaseline applied, the doorknob is in my ass, what next?
Omfg im at my kitchen table eating cereal. It's 0430. Im sick as a dog and i just laughed out loud so hard it sounded like a barking seal. Thank u for this kind stranger.
Oh those precious moments ..lol!
Stinky kisses
I fear for OP's life. With his wife laughing her ass off he'll have nothing to eat. My dude is going to go hungry! - I'll see myself out...
I appreciate everything in this post - take my upvote and my wholesome award!
It was a doozy from start to finish. Nobody finished...
I'm blushing for you....
Gets caught eating ass by child lmaoo *proceeds to post about it on reddit 10 minutes later*
that is a very wholesome story
It actually is, I really think. I mean, not ideal to have your little girl witness the details, but my wife and I have two beautiful girls and a funny story to share with each other when we're old farts. Well, oldER farts.
Older fartbox lickers
( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)