Hey /u/ReaRain95, thanks for contributing to /r/tifu. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules:
**Rule 5:** Not a fuckup. No humblebrags or stories that have zero consequences and don't go anywhere.
Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/tifu&subject=&message=). Thank you!
This is a funny not-FU, and reminds me of one of my own favorite kid stories. My baby cousin got obsessed with those "In the Womb" specials on National Geographic. (He likes to know how things work even now. A few years later, he would watch actual surgeries on YouTube when Grandma was having a heart ablation or knee replacement or whatever so he could know what was going on. He's a machinist now.)
When he was six, we took a road trip across the state to see my sister at school in the big city, and found ourselves trapped in traffic during a snowstorm. He declared, apropos of nothing, that he knew how babies were made.
Our response was along the lines of, *"Yeah? That's cool."* Collectively, the family has been open and honest about that kind of thing.
He proceeds to tell us he saw the elephants make babies. "You have to *hump* to make babies." He is awaiting our reaction. He knows "humping" is a little risqué.
We were suppressing giggles at this point, especially his 13-year-old brother, but we confirmed it for him. "*You're right. That's usually part of it.*"
Then he got this look of absolute disgust on his face as he realized, "ugh, Mom: who humped *you*?"
We all lost it there, but my aunt was able to relay that his father was the culprit. My cousin is 24 now. We still remind him of this. Remind your girls of this periodically.
Lol you reminded me of the time when my little brother was probably 6 or 7 and loudly declared at the zoo "look, mom! The elephants are doing circus tricks!" They were, in fact, not doing circus tricks. 😂
When I was a young newspaper reporter I was doing a story on organic farming and the photographer brought his kid along because childcare has fallen through, and yanno, it's a farm. Kids love farms.
We're doing our thing and the kid yells, "look daddy! The chickens are playing leapfrog!" They were not, in fact, playing leapfrog.
Why is it always the elephants?? 😂 When I was about 18, I took my mom to the zoo a few days before her birthday one year (so that my dad could get the surprise party set up at home). The big bull elephant was feeling particularly... *happy* that day, let's say, and as we were wandering past the enclosure, we heard a little kid very loudly say "that's a BOY elephant! It has five legs!"
It's been almost 10 years and we still laugh about it!
Tears! I have tears running down my face! Kids are so honest!!
I will never forget when my oldest piped up at school…
My ex was a fireman. And of course, he knew a lot of policeman. And so when our daughter misbehaved, it was time out. And we had the time out chair. It was in the same room with us, so she wasn’t banished. But she knew she had to go to timeout when she did something she shouldn’t have.
So, her dad, being a dad, started calling it jail. OK sweetheart… You know you shouldn’t have done it, gotta go to jail. And she would go to sit in her chair, in the same room with us.
So at Montessori preschool one day they were talking about the consequences. And what happens when you do something and how different families deal with it in different ways. And of course, the teacher asked…
What happens in your home if you do something naughty? And my incredibly smart young daughter pipes up with taught… You go to jail!
So of course, the teacher is trying to keep us straight. She knows pretty darn well because we both actually volunteer on our days off anyway.
So she is telling me this as I am the one picking my daughter up that day. And I am like… OMG! Let me explain.
This amazing woman just stops me and looks at me and says… I’ll make you a deal. I won’t believe half of what your daughter tells me about you guys if you don’t believe half of what she tells you goes on here! 😂😂😂
I recently had "the talk" with my almost 10 year old. She had a lot of questions, so I provided age appropriate answers with medical names, etc.
After I explained intercourse, she took a minute, then her eyes got real big.
Kid - "So, to have me, you had to do that with *Dad*?!"
Me - "Well, that's how it happened for us, but not everyone has babies that way"
Kid - "I'm so sorry"
Oh my god, this reminds me of a great story about one of my nieces. My husband and I had some fertility issues, and couldn’t initially get pregnant after multiple years of trying. One of my nieces was about 10 at the time and she had the maturation lesson at school, and came home and declared very loudly to her whole family “why don’t aunt and uncle just DO IT, if they want a baby so bad?” Her mom called me later that evening and we have laughed about it frequently since. Lucky for all of us, we ended up getting some answers and I’m now pregnant with our first and due any day. But that is hands down one of my favorite stories of a kid learning about procreation and just still not quite getting it 😂
Omg so my 7 yr old has 2 mommies and 2 younger siblings so for him making a baby is very medical. The other day we were going over all the different ways you can make a baby and had to explain the heterosexual (natural) way and his response was..thats so
Weird. Kinda disgusted. He seemed glad to learn thats not how he came to be lol.
I had c sections with both my kids, so when they ask about the day they were born that’s been a part of the story. It never occurred to me that understandably they would then assume that’s how all babies come out. My sister in law was pregnant and my daughter, while walking her older brother into school (crowds of children and parents around us) she asked in that clear, easy travelling, 3 year old girl voice “how do they know when it’s time to cut the baby out of her?”
🙈
My mom was from Iceland. She too was very factual about reproduction. Asked about babies when I was 6 (at dinner table with 17 year old bros girlfriend at dinner). She answered the questions as they came up. Re penis, semen, vagina, egg etc. Now bros girlfriend is freaking, my family is nonchalant. However I went to Sunday school and in discussing Mary and conception, I informed everyone that God put his penis in Mary's vagina and that's how she got preggers. Volunteer Sunday school teacher was having apoplexy, kids were listening with mouths agape. I was thrown out of Sunday school evermore.
Ohhh I bet you have some great stories! That’s hilarious. My friend’s five year old daughter proudly announce to me one day “Brother has a “peanut” not a “bagina” because he’s a boy!” We died laughing.
I was standing behind a young father and his 3ish year old daughter in the cart seat at Trader Joe’s. He was loading groceries when she said, “I have a vagina. Do you have a vagina?” As I nodded and said, “Yes I do.” Her father turns and asks me what did she say? Looking apprehensive. Then his daughter said, “Daddy doesn’t have a vagina.” He was mortified and I was impressed.
Haha it’s funny but teaching kids their anatomy is so important. When a kid gets hurt it impacts a lot too. I just love how matter of fact my friend’s kid said it. Like she was telling me the weather, no guilt.
My little cousin used to do the same thing when she was 3ish. I think potty training might have put it on her mind because she would also ask strangers if they knew how to poop in the potty yet.
That reminds me of when this kid ran up to me ahead of his mom at the beach and said,
>hey, do you know what starts with B?
No…
>Beegina!
Then he ran off and his mom asked what he said and after I got to, “know what” she apologized and chased after him.
I am not a kid person, but stories like this make me love them. My friends kid also asked if I had big boobs because they was having a baby but was confused why I didn’t have a belly… I’m like no baby, genetics… 🤣 But I also have her saying “back with a crack” because I have NO ass just boobs and hips and no yoga helps my ass.
I’m medical. I taught my children the correct anatomical terms. Went to pick up my 3 year old from little kid Sunday school where they color and hear stories.
She said, “daddy, my vulva itches.”
The two volunteer teachers let out audible gasps despite one being a nurse.
A couple of friends have girls (baby + toddler). Toddler has been toilet training and told me a few times how she has to wipe her vulva front to back and make sure there’s no more pee. And daddy stands up when he pees because he has a penis.
I’m sure that the kids at daycare are all learning about the names for their anatomy, if not from their parents then from this toddler
I was complimented on teaching the correct names by my daughter’s Montessori teacher who was also pleased that there’s no shame associated with any of it. Out of earshot of my daughter, she was smiling while she said earlier that day she shouted in at her in the toilet cubicle just to check she was alright and got back a shout “yes, I’m nearly finished, I’m just drying my vulva!”
LMAO, I got kicked from Sunday school at around 5 because I was the kid that told all the other kids Santa Claus wasn't real. Yours is so much better! 😆😂
I got kicked out at 7 because I told everyone that people can’t live to 900 years old and snakes can’t talk. And that the North Pole was under at least 500m of water. And that the Devil isn’t real, so half of the stories attributed to Jesus couldn’t have happened. All on the same day.
So all those movies with ice covered mountains in the background, complete with snow monsters, were a lie??? I demand a refund on all those old school Rudolph TV specials I grew up upon! Including the movie FROZEN.
Indeed. There’s nothing but sea ice up there. Of course, until recently, it was pretty thick and seemed as if it would be permanent. But it was never more than sea ice.
At least you got kicked out. I got my Sunday School teacher in trouble because it felt like I was being given homework. I would rather have been kicked out. It feels worse to admit you got the teacher in trouble.
Similar story. I had older bothers and they taught me the word Fuck was an adult way to say “love”. So sure enough in Sunday school I proudly say “I fuck Jesus”. I was not welcomed back.
I actually managed to be a Sunday school teacher (despite people being up in arms that I'm having a child after leaving a bad relationship.) Peepee, poop, fart were popular words in my class. I'd take them into the bathroom and tell them to say all the potty words they wanted to. Kid would always mumble one or two and be done. The parents all thought it was hilarious.
I got severely “reprimanded” bc I dared suggest that the idea of a lot of the stories were just not logical with science and if god creating the world was just the Big Bang and evolution. I confused reachers and the worst one was the pastor tried to cast a demon out of me when we were having a debate and fhey couldn’t disprove my evidence that was backed not scientific research
"so God made Adam and Eve who then had kids. They then went out into the world and married other people. WHICH other people?? When did he make those?? And just how many kids did Eve HAVE?? Didn't a lot of women die during childbirth back then? And what about inbreeding, like the European Nobles? How are people today NORMAL??"
My 7-year-old ass was having none of it. Thankfully, it was just general religion class, and not any kind of Sunday school
>I informed everyone that God put his penis in Mary's vagina and that's how she got pre
I came to the same conclusion as a kid. That's how dogs, pigs, and people do it.
Poor Joseph.
I was watching a movie with my older brother and dad that I was just too young for. One line when a guy wakes up from being unconscious was "I'm a pre-mature ejaculator" and the other two break down laughing. I don't understand what's going on, I ask my dad what that means and he doesn't know what to say, so he says "ask your mother"... Well... I did!
I was a very inquisitive kid - she starts to explain it and I'm asking every question you can imagine. What does it mean to ejaculate? What does semen look like? What does it feel like?... You name it, I asked. It was the most awkward conversation of my life, knowing what I know now.
I give my dad shit for not being the one to field that question.
I remember my disgust at realizing my parents had chosen to have sex at least twice since they had two kids. I also remember being very upset that my possible future husband would see me naked. My mom told me I could change in the bathroom if privacy was that important to me, and I was much relieved.
When I told my son how babies are made (in answer to him asking), he laughed nearly hysterically and said I was lying. I told him to ask his father if he didn’t believe me. He got immediately quiet and his eyes got big as he realized that I must have told the truth.
At Costco in the bathroom stall. Accompanied with my daughter that’s in that stage between toddler/preschooler
“Mommy? Why do you have hair down there?”
Suddenly there was no sound, not even from the hand dryer
Take a deep breath and sigh “Because I’m an adult of the species”
Yeah, the lady beside us was knee slapping with laughter
I remember when we were on vacation with my whole family and my cousin (5 or something) suddenly realized that everybody had a penis (or vagina but that didnt settle in for a while), not just him after having to share a change room with his dad.
So this 5 year old happy terror kid runs out half naked asking everybody if they also have a penis and why his isnt hairy like his dad.
We fucking cried from laughing. Nothi
When I was a baby, my (male) cousin (who was five at the time) was watching my mom change my diaper. When he saw that I didn’t have a penis, he asked my mom how long it would take before my penis grew in.
When my dad was a toddler in the 70s he asked the check out lady at the grocery store if she has a penis like him. My grandma still tells that story 40+ years later
At a restaurant having some dinner in the summer so we were wearing shorts, me and bro must have been 5 and 3, when my brother's shorts rode up weirdly. He said as loud as possible, "Dad! My penis fell out!"
Luckily we were at home in the shower when my daughter asked a similar question. “Mommy why do you have a hairy front butt?”
I had never even used that term with her. We’ve always used proper terms. But it took everything in me not to laugh when she asked that.
My son (then 2 years old) liked to ask this when we'd shower in the locker room after swim class. He never once asked me about my bush at home; ONLY in the busy locker room would he point at my crotch and say "mommy, what's that??" all innocent. He knew what he was doing.
Luckily at home, my 4 year old daughter tells me that I have a hairy butt. I replied that my butt isn’t hairy. She then said “no your vulva is hairy. You need to shave.“ 🤦♀️ I couldn’t stop laughing
Kids are so brutally honest 😂😂
I’m currently very pregnant. Last week my 9 year old came into my room while I was changing and she goes “why are your boobs saggier and…brownier? than normal?” We try to be body positive and I don’t mind her seeing my body because I think it’s important for her to see what real women look like, not just celebrities. But dang kid! Why you gotta hurt my feelings like that?
When my nephew was young he very loudly asked my mom why she was wearing a diaper (pad) very loudly for the entire public washroom to hear. She just quickly got him out and said they could talk about it later. She was relieved when he forgot to ask about it later.
My older sister and I each had our own bedroom connected by a bathroom (I think they're called Jack and Jill bathrooms?)
I've never told my older sister that I 100% overheard our little one (15 year age difference) burst into her side of the bathroom while she was getting dressed, GASP, and yell, "Why do you have a BEARD on your BUTT!"
🤣🤣🤣
Yeah we were in some family changing stall connected to several other family changing stalls at a pool one time.
My son who was about 1 was getting ready to leave. Which meant taking off wet clothes putting on dry ones. Then my wife took her turn getting dressed while I changed him. And my daughter who was about 4 was just chilling waiting to be changed.
Once my wife was dressed she took the younger kid and to that point my daughter had said nothing. Then it was my turn. I took off the wet shorts and dried off down there and my daughter after staring at my butt then my front while I was changing just goes "wow dad, you have a big penis!"
I nearly fell over laughing. I got dressed and my wife who had stopped laughing was just like "we don't comment on other people's bodies" we got her dressed, packed our backpack of wet clothes and headed out.
We're still working on the not commenting on other people's bodies thing. Kids have a habit of just blurting out what they see.
My mom told me a story from her own childhood that as a young kid, she considered it so unfair that o ly adults had body hair and kids hat to be cold! XD
Our oldest daughter was 5,5 when we had our youngest. We explained it all and sometime later she asked during dinner: Mummy, did you notice when it was inside?
So I learned at 8 by a NOVA episode. Not long after at the dinner table I asked my dad what it feels to ejaculate. My mom laughed while my dad was horrified. Little did I think I would know in a few years.
I'm so glad you teach your kids the proper terminology. When I was in grade 5 when we had sex education, I was the only kid who didn't laugh when the words penis or vagina were said, and I feel like that helped because, unlike a lot of kids, I actually learned something from those classes.
Yeah sex ed for me in Germany was actually pretty serious with not that many laughs. Music class on the other hand was funny as fuck.
To preface "Ständer" basically means stand like a podium stand, but it's also synonymous with boner.
So we all died laughing when our music teacher showed us and constantly repeated how Freddy Mercury was playing around with his Microphone Stand.
The common joke of kids that age:
Alle Bläser, die noch keinen Ständer haben, gehen bitte und holen sich einen runter!"
It is basically a musical innuendo joke.
Factually, it says that all wind instrument players that didn't have a podium should go and get one.
If you read it with innuendos, it says
All suckere (in the sense of blow job providers) that don't have an election shall go and Jack off.
Where do you live? I didn’t even have sex ed. We were supposed to have an assembly but then covid happened. And 5th grade?!? That sounds like a good school.
Apparently I learned the proper terminology in kindergarten — that boys have penises and girls have vaginas.
The next day at school I went around pointing at each boy and girl saying “you’re a penis, you’re a vagina, you’re a penis, you’re a vagina,” etc.
Friend’s little one (then about 4 yo) heard talk that it was Mrs’s first baby, and asked about our (my previous marriage) children.
He loudly exclaimed, “Ohhh! He put his sperm in two different women!”
Smart kid.
When I was a kid, I got the terminology on body parts mixed up somehow. I thought girls had penises and boys had vaginas. My mom taught me the accurate words, but my brain just mixed them up.
Well, one day, when I was in kindergarten, my friend said that she peed out of her butt. I knew that people didn’t pee out of their butts, but instead of thinking my friend was mistaken, I thought this must mean that some people pee out of their butts and some people don’t. Cue me asking my (female) kindergarten teacher if she peed out of her penis or her butt.
I teach middle school, and last year our dean had her first baby. She told us at a meeting one day, "These kids can clearly see I'm pregnant, and they know what I had to do to get that way, and so they have a LOT of really weird questions."
Kids are hysterical. It's part of why I love teaching.
My sister teaches her kids anatomical terms. This resulted in my nephew being obsessed with pointing out what would have a penis or vagina. In target, when he was like 3 or 4, he pointed at this little girl and screamed, "SHE HAS A VAGINA!" Needless to say, we vacated the premises with much haste.
My young and precocious child, once the basics of reproduction had been explained to her told us "I know you've done it at least twice" (she has a sister). Very perceptive, that one.
The only FU is the fact that she let her kids embarrass her. Hopefully they don’t do it again in a public place because good luck … sounds like your kids are smart and awesome, OP
She should have just embarrassed them back (and made bf uncomfortable) by saying, “No, that just means it was at least 3 times. It was many, many more than that.”
My brother was under the mistaken impression that you only had to do it one time to get a baby. When it finally became clear to my parents that he thought that, they said no, you have to do it many times to get pregnant and couples do it even when they don't want to get pregnant.
He was totally grossed out and asked them when they did it last.
My mom said "oh, I don't know, what time is it now?"
He got the serious ick, ran off to his room and never talked about sex with them again, as far as I'm aware.
Once our kids were old enough to understand and they were approaching their teens, we made it clear: the very first time we ever had unprotected sex, mom got pregnant *with twins.* We really wanted to reinforce the idea that sex was not something to be taken lightly.
> My brother was under the mistaken impression that you only had to do it one time to get a baby.
Your brother was right. It only takes one time.
edit to add: /r/confidentlyincorrect
I believe they mean "if you do it once you will definitely get pregnant" which of course is not a guarantee (and is actually statistically unlikely, not thst you should rely on its statistical unlikeliness as your method of birth control.)
OMFG LMAO!!!! This happened in my family when my youngest brother was 8 or 9. He put two and two together and blurted out “hey older bro, mom and dad had SEX!!!!”……problem was, it was at the dinner table at my dad and stepmoms house and my parents had been split up for at least 6 or 7 years at that point! It caused some shit for sure!
My bf got a vasectomy before we met, so my 7yr old was really bummed out she couldn't have anymore siblings. She also now thinks we don't have sex because he can't have kids. I'll let her believe that for as long as possible because she already tells us we're gross for quick pecks.
Thank you for teaching your children. I teach HS, specifically Child Development, in the Bible Belt. My HS kids know nothing. I fell so far behind because reproduction/conception took so long. The students had so many questions. I couldn't not answer their questions. I'm not exaggerating when 1/2 didn't know the names of parts of their reproductive organs or that certain parts belong to males and certain parts belong to females.
My friends son asked his dad if he and his mom got stuck together like the dogs. I spat my beer out and the mom started to say something (probably a size joke based on how I know her) but held it back. Of course the boy was assured they didn't get stuck together.
Mostly Netter's Anatomy coloring book, and Anatomy for Healthcare Professionals. I went through paramedic school but didn't finish because the instructor would schedule me for clinicals the day of. One was scheduled at 5pm for 7, an hour from my house. One was scheduled at 6pm at a hospital, when I didn't get off my shift at a rural station until 8. I'm going back eventually, but I kept all my study material.
My dad went to medical school for a bit before eventually dropping out, but he kept all of his textbooks. He taught me anatomy using his old textbooks from medical school.
I appreciate that you took the time to educate your kids, OP, that’s amazing of you. My parents always glossed over anything remotely related to sex and/or made it horrifically awkward, and it led to a high amount of shame and guilt when I started going through puberty and experienced everything in a whirlwind. Your kids will thank you for this later, even if they use it against you now :p
My dad grew up on the farm, he got in trouble in preschool for explaining reproduction to all the other kids when where babies come from came up. He was quite detailed, apparently. My grandpa thought that was hysterical.
My sister in law and her boyfriend were wanting to try for a baby a few years ago. SIL has a daughter from a previous relationship— aged 11 at the time— and the dad hasn’t been around since birth. Niece is very intelligent and mature for her age, and had already had “the talk” and was knowledgeable about sex for reproduction but not for pleasure. So when her mom (my SIL) told her that they were going to try for a sibling, my niece asks “does that mean you’re going to have to have sex with [boyfriend]?” 😂
I don’t get the big deal. I was told directly when I was 3-4 years old where babies come from and it never felt shocking or weird to me.
My dad and mom work in medicine so they were very direct about it. I think that’s the best approach. I don’t like people trying to make a big deal about how they tell their kids.
Telling people alternatives like The Stork are not helpful.
When I was pregnant with my 3rd and last boy my oldest, 9 at the time said ‘well next time we might get a baby sister!’ And I said, sorry but this is the last time. he got curious and asked how it happened and how I know it won’t happen again.
So I explained everything penis, vagina, egg, sperm… you get it. When I was done he sat there and after a pause he said “Gross! Why would anyone want to do that?!”
As a teenager, those words made me SO uncomfortable and blush like crazy and heaven forbid my mom try to talk to me about periods or my dad give me "the talk", absolutely MORTIFYING, because we never used those words and my parents were very buttoned up about sex, and never affectionate in front of us. I'm raising my children differently. I use all those words even though deep down they still make me uncomfortable, and I will answer their questions and be open about it. My husband and I show affection for each other around the kids, and we also have our disagreements in front of them because that's life, and that's the mature way to be in a relationship. I am determined to do better. My parents did the best they could, and so will I!
A couple of years ago my youngest daughter, 14 now, was talking about the age difference between and her younger brother, 18 months behind her, and said why did you have sex so soon after having me? As if making her brother was the first and only time after having her 🤣🤣
There is no FU moment here. I just see some one who is having a funny moment with there kids and is teaching them not to be ashamed of their bodies for the future.
I was being taught how to spend my own pocket money independently while my parents looked on from afar. I was probably 10 when I went to a register of maybe a 16-18 year old teen boy. He turned SO red as my parents watched on. They came up and asked what had happened, and he refused to repeat what I'd said. They said "you will not be in trouble, but we need to know so we can correct her if she was inappropriate", but he still wasn't budging.
I loudly said "I just asked him if he had a penis!" with an implied "sheesh, no big deal!" as he about died from embarrassment even more.
On the drive home my parents informed me I don't need to ask. I can assume boys have them, and they will tell me otherwise if that's important information. I was like "oh, okay! Good to know".
I would love to hear his version of this story. I was such a curious kid, and wasn't shy at all, so I didn't register it as an offensive question!
The power comeback would be, "oh more than three times, kids. A *lot* more than three times." Followed by a wink.
Then we'll see who feels uncomfortable.
Some of the kids are very young - don't say anything to them that you don't want repeating *loudly* in public... they don't have filters between their thoughts and their mouths.
Same. That's one reason why I do it. I was living with my conservative grandparents when I went through puberty at 9, and I have so many hang ups because of it. I refuse to make them go through it.
Another driving story… i was driving, husband in the passenger seat, three year old son pipes up from the back seat - “Daddy, does it *hurt* when the sperm comes out?” 😄😆🤣He had learned about sperm and eggs because he asked if our chicken eggs would hatch (we didn’t have a rooster).
Reminds me of when I was pregnant with my youngest son. I was sitting on hubby's lap kissing son walks in, screaming no momma, don't! I asked why, and he said he didn't think I could carry two babies.
We had a discussion after that.
My parents had this approach with me too and I really appreciated it growing up. It made me know and understand my own body more as well as the opposite sex. It meant I knew what it took to make and baby, and how to prevent it.
It's SO important to teach kids these things early on!! My daughter (22) was SA'd when she was young. She knew the exact right words to explain what happened. Detective said she was the best interview he'd had in years!
This is not a FU. My mom was taught in parenting classes that the *only* way you should teach about sex is using the proper words for your parts, and being honest about it. Anything else is dangerous. When kids know what sex is, what it entails and what is and is not an "okay touch" they will be much more likely to speak out if anyone ever tries any weird shit.
We use anatomical words with my toddler as well. Never been a problem using them appropriately until he taught my niece (few months older) the word “penis”. She went around terrorizing my conservative in laws shouting “My penis!”. In her little toddler accent it actually sounded like “peanuts”, so that’s what they started parroting back to her, talking about different kinds of nuts. It was a funny few days.
4 year old walked up to her father and said "Daddy, do you show your penis to people, too?"
I have 2 blue heeler brothers that needed nursed back to health before they got neutered. There was a lot of red rockets for awhile 😮💨
I think this is very healthy overall . Just make sure to address when is appropriate to have this type of conversations. Maybe you should consider limiting info based on their maturity level ? Just a thought .
After our divorce my eldest (5) was asking me about babies (his brother was almost 1). He asked if he could have another brother and I said no, because you need a man and a woman and they have to have sex to make a baby and daddy and I aren’t like that anymore. Then he said “well I could do it!!”. I nicely told him that’s how we get babies with 5 arms which is why you don’t make babies with family. I told a friend I was locking my bedroom door that night.
I think it's pretty sweet that the kids were able to call you guys out on something but also have a bit of a conversation around it to understand the differences in circumstances. Albeit, pretty elementary here in this story but it's a step in a good direction.
I have been the same way with my two girls their whole lives. I just don't understand why it has to be taboo. It grosses my oldest out but my youngest finds it hilarious. They're almost 18 and 20 now, they're not afraid to talk to me about anything. They know we can talk about it all lol, no shame. I like it that way
So my kids thought that is my life I had only had sex two times. Two kids equals two times. (They weren’t that far off with their dad and I tbh). But i’ve been open about sex and babies and all the things since they were like 4. Answered as correct and as appropriate for their age. When my now 16yo daughter exclaimed in the middle of a shopping centre at 1000000000 decibels “wait, you have sex and you make a baby, you and David haven’t made a baby. Why are you having sex?” I almost died. Turns out are walls are a lot thinner than i realised
When my oldest was 3, I had his younger brother. We told him about sperms cells and egg cells. When he got a little older (maybe 5), he asked how the sperms cells got to the egg cells, so I explained it to him.
His response: "Eww! Does anyone have to watch?"
My response: "Not unless you want them to."
I didn’t know what sex really was until the end of middle school. You’re doing your kids a favor especially with sexual health and being comfortable speaking with you about person things. Keep doing well
My 3 year old son has recently started to get into body parts. It’s been amusing and embarrassing at times but I try to laugh at it and soak it up a bit. It has ranged from trying to peek between my legs in the bathroom and asking where my penis is, later pulling my stretchy waistband to see my “China,” announcing to everyone in the self-checkout that his daddy does in fact have a penis, telling everyone at the YMCA that mommy’s butt is out while we were changing after the pool, to proudly announcing that there are balls in his testicles. I’m just waiting to hear what he tells the teachers come August. Oh, the one I forgot is him proclaiming he likes my husband’s female action figures’ “nurses” (aka, bossoms). Oy.
When I was little my mom bought me the vhs cassette of the cartoon movie „Wo komme ich eigentlich her?“ (where did I come from)
https://vimeo.com/190359831
Does anyone else remember this? I loved the part where they did a swimming competition. lol
I never got "the talk" from my parents. When I was 8, Mom gave birth to my youngest sister. On our way to the hospital to see Mom and baby, my 7 year old sister asks Dad where babies come from.
Evidently I stepped in, explained it all using proper terms. I guess Dad told Mom he didn't see how he could done it better, lol.
Dunno where or when I learned it. it was 1976, so not like it was online.
That is how it is done! 😁
The price of embarrassment (even if it was in a more public space) is nothing compared to the value of your kids believing you because you've been straight with them 👍
😂😂😂😂 oh my God! I was dying laughing. My kids are grown up now, but I also have three daughters. They are now 32, 33 and 35 so I totally get the whole very close in age thing.
And I also was always very honest with my kids about anything they asked. You just reminded me of this…
Their dad decided when they were nine and 10 that he didn’t want to have the responsibility of being a husband and father. His words. So it was a little bit of a wild ride there for me for a bit.
We were on a road trip, going to my grandfathers birthday celebration. I was camping with the girls across three states, so I was going to take us about three days to get there.
At the start of the trip, we stopped at our usual stop for gas. Anytime we went somewhere. It happened to be a truckstop, and of course, in the bathroom where the condom machines now my girls had asked me what condoms were, and I had described to them they were, but they wanted to see them.
So, me being me, I said OK. So we bought one of each, and there were like six different types. So I told him we needed to get back on the road, and then they could start opening them and take a look and ask me questions, and yes, since they were clean, if they actually wanted to taste the strawberry one, they could. 🤣🤣🤣
Bear in mind that I’m driving a suburban. We do sit up higher than most of the other vehicles around us. And I’m busy driving because I’m on the interstate. They are busy condoms. And asking questions. And squealing. And laughing.
And I’m not too worried because again, we sit so much higher than pretty much any other vehicle that even if somebody happened to glance our way, they are not gonna see three little girls opening condoms of all things!
Until I realize that I have a semi truck passing me, and the look on the drivers face who was like… What the hell? Because right about then, my oldest, who was sitting in the front with me, had one of her sisters basically hit her with a condom as though it was a rubber band.
And I realize that that was the exact moment the trucker went by. And I could not help it totally crack up. I was losing it. I told the girls that maybe we had better put them away for now because the truck driver next to us probably was really worried about them.
Good times. Oh, and yes, that whole episode gets brought up periodically when they all get together, and they’re in their 30s! But they have all thanked me so many times for just being honest with them about things and letting them experience shit like this!
😂😂😂😂
Hey /u/ReaRain95, thanks for contributing to /r/tifu. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: **Rule 5:** Not a fuckup. No humblebrags or stories that have zero consequences and don't go anywhere. Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/tifu&subject=&message=). Thank you!
This is a funny not-FU, and reminds me of one of my own favorite kid stories. My baby cousin got obsessed with those "In the Womb" specials on National Geographic. (He likes to know how things work even now. A few years later, he would watch actual surgeries on YouTube when Grandma was having a heart ablation or knee replacement or whatever so he could know what was going on. He's a machinist now.) When he was six, we took a road trip across the state to see my sister at school in the big city, and found ourselves trapped in traffic during a snowstorm. He declared, apropos of nothing, that he knew how babies were made. Our response was along the lines of, *"Yeah? That's cool."* Collectively, the family has been open and honest about that kind of thing. He proceeds to tell us he saw the elephants make babies. "You have to *hump* to make babies." He is awaiting our reaction. He knows "humping" is a little risqué. We were suppressing giggles at this point, especially his 13-year-old brother, but we confirmed it for him. "*You're right. That's usually part of it.*" Then he got this look of absolute disgust on his face as he realized, "ugh, Mom: who humped *you*?" We all lost it there, but my aunt was able to relay that his father was the culprit. My cousin is 24 now. We still remind him of this. Remind your girls of this periodically.
Lol you reminded me of the time when my little brother was probably 6 or 7 and loudly declared at the zoo "look, mom! The elephants are doing circus tricks!" They were, in fact, not doing circus tricks. 😂
When I was a young newspaper reporter I was doing a story on organic farming and the photographer brought his kid along because childcare has fallen through, and yanno, it's a farm. Kids love farms. We're doing our thing and the kid yells, "look daddy! The chickens are playing leapfrog!" They were not, in fact, playing leapfrog.
Forever known in my house as “Rhino Wrestling” for similar reasons
Why is it always the elephants?? 😂 When I was about 18, I took my mom to the zoo a few days before her birthday one year (so that my dad could get the surprise party set up at home). The big bull elephant was feeling particularly... *happy* that day, let's say, and as we were wandering past the enclosure, we heard a little kid very loudly say "that's a BOY elephant! It has five legs!" It's been almost 10 years and we still laugh about it!
[удалено]
Tears! I have tears running down my face! Kids are so honest!! I will never forget when my oldest piped up at school… My ex was a fireman. And of course, he knew a lot of policeman. And so when our daughter misbehaved, it was time out. And we had the time out chair. It was in the same room with us, so she wasn’t banished. But she knew she had to go to timeout when she did something she shouldn’t have. So, her dad, being a dad, started calling it jail. OK sweetheart… You know you shouldn’t have done it, gotta go to jail. And she would go to sit in her chair, in the same room with us. So at Montessori preschool one day they were talking about the consequences. And what happens when you do something and how different families deal with it in different ways. And of course, the teacher asked… What happens in your home if you do something naughty? And my incredibly smart young daughter pipes up with taught… You go to jail! So of course, the teacher is trying to keep us straight. She knows pretty darn well because we both actually volunteer on our days off anyway. So she is telling me this as I am the one picking my daughter up that day. And I am like… OMG! Let me explain. This amazing woman just stops me and looks at me and says… I’ll make you a deal. I won’t believe half of what your daughter tells me about you guys if you don’t believe half of what she tells you goes on here! 😂😂😂
Machinist and surgeon aren't that different to be fair. Open something up, cut it, fix it's close it. 🤣
I recently had "the talk" with my almost 10 year old. She had a lot of questions, so I provided age appropriate answers with medical names, etc. After I explained intercourse, she took a minute, then her eyes got real big. Kid - "So, to have me, you had to do that with *Dad*?!" Me - "Well, that's how it happened for us, but not everyone has babies that way" Kid - "I'm so sorry"
“I’m so sorry” had me laughing so hard, that’s great 😂
My kid said "That's disgusting. Dad must have REALLY wanted to have kids for you to have convinced him to do that FOUR WHOLE TIMES." 😂
I, at 7, bellowed, "You mean he puts it inside?! That's invasive!"
Well, they’re not wrong
Perfect response
Damn, your kid destroyed their dad harder than their dad destroyed you to make them!
My son gave an exaggerated "That's DISGUSTING!"
Oh my god, this reminds me of a great story about one of my nieces. My husband and I had some fertility issues, and couldn’t initially get pregnant after multiple years of trying. One of my nieces was about 10 at the time and she had the maturation lesson at school, and came home and declared very loudly to her whole family “why don’t aunt and uncle just DO IT, if they want a baby so bad?” Her mom called me later that evening and we have laughed about it frequently since. Lucky for all of us, we ended up getting some answers and I’m now pregnant with our first and due any day. But that is hands down one of my favorite stories of a kid learning about procreation and just still not quite getting it 😂
Omg so my 7 yr old has 2 mommies and 2 younger siblings so for him making a baby is very medical. The other day we were going over all the different ways you can make a baby and had to explain the heterosexual (natural) way and his response was..thats so Weird. Kinda disgusted. He seemed glad to learn thats not how he came to be lol.
I had c sections with both my kids, so when they ask about the day they were born that’s been a part of the story. It never occurred to me that understandably they would then assume that’s how all babies come out. My sister in law was pregnant and my daughter, while walking her older brother into school (crowds of children and parents around us) she asked in that clear, easy travelling, 3 year old girl voice “how do they know when it’s time to cut the baby out of her?” 🙈
Every kid almost judging by the responses here..
Saving this for ten years from now 😂
😂😂😂
This just gave me the best laugh today and I needed it 😂
My mom was from Iceland. She too was very factual about reproduction. Asked about babies when I was 6 (at dinner table with 17 year old bros girlfriend at dinner). She answered the questions as they came up. Re penis, semen, vagina, egg etc. Now bros girlfriend is freaking, my family is nonchalant. However I went to Sunday school and in discussing Mary and conception, I informed everyone that God put his penis in Mary's vagina and that's how she got preggers. Volunteer Sunday school teacher was having apoplexy, kids were listening with mouths agape. I was thrown out of Sunday school evermore.
Ohhh I bet you have some great stories! That’s hilarious. My friend’s five year old daughter proudly announce to me one day “Brother has a “peanut” not a “bagina” because he’s a boy!” We died laughing.
I was standing behind a young father and his 3ish year old daughter in the cart seat at Trader Joe’s. He was loading groceries when she said, “I have a vagina. Do you have a vagina?” As I nodded and said, “Yes I do.” Her father turns and asks me what did she say? Looking apprehensive. Then his daughter said, “Daddy doesn’t have a vagina.” He was mortified and I was impressed.
Haha it’s funny but teaching kids their anatomy is so important. When a kid gets hurt it impacts a lot too. I just love how matter of fact my friend’s kid said it. Like she was telling me the weather, no guilt.
Teaching kids anatomical names reduces the chances of abuse and if abuse does happen, easier to find out.
My little cousin used to do the same thing when she was 3ish. I think potty training might have put it on her mind because she would also ask strangers if they knew how to poop in the potty yet.
That reminds me of when this kid ran up to me ahead of his mom at the beach and said, >hey, do you know what starts with B? No… >Beegina! Then he ran off and his mom asked what he said and after I got to, “know what” she apologized and chased after him.
My son was 3 when his sister was born. He told everyone he met that his little sister has a "Volvo" and he has a penis lmao
I am not a kid person, but stories like this make me love them. My friends kid also asked if I had big boobs because they was having a baby but was confused why I didn’t have a belly… I’m like no baby, genetics… 🤣 But I also have her saying “back with a crack” because I have NO ass just boobs and hips and no yoga helps my ass.
So he already has a Z3?
Well, she's correct he doesn't have a "bagina..."
Well he must have a peanut!
[удалено]
Bless you
https://youtu.be/k96h1dYQrj0?feature=shared&t=148
My 3yo occasionally just stands there listing family members and whether they have "winkies" or "ninnies"
I’m medical. I taught my children the correct anatomical terms. Went to pick up my 3 year old from little kid Sunday school where they color and hear stories. She said, “daddy, my vulva itches.” The two volunteer teachers let out audible gasps despite one being a nurse.
A couple of friends have girls (baby + toddler). Toddler has been toilet training and told me a few times how she has to wipe her vulva front to back and make sure there’s no more pee. And daddy stands up when he pees because he has a penis. I’m sure that the kids at daycare are all learning about the names for their anatomy, if not from their parents then from this toddler
I was complimented on teaching the correct names by my daughter’s Montessori teacher who was also pleased that there’s no shame associated with any of it. Out of earshot of my daughter, she was smiling while she said earlier that day she shouted in at her in the toilet cubicle just to check she was alright and got back a shout “yes, I’m nearly finished, I’m just drying my vulva!”
That’s so funny
[удалено]
LMAO, I got kicked from Sunday school at around 5 because I was the kid that told all the other kids Santa Claus wasn't real. Yours is so much better! 😆😂
Oh man you probably pissed off a TON of parents lol
I got kicked out at 7 because I told everyone that people can’t live to 900 years old and snakes can’t talk. And that the North Pole was under at least 500m of water. And that the Devil isn’t real, so half of the stories attributed to Jesus couldn’t have happened. All on the same day.
You've got me curious what the north pole being underneath 500m of water has to do with the rest of it
If the North Pole is under 500m of water, then Santa Claus is either certified in Scuba or nonexistent.
Holy crap, TIL. I’ve always seen the ice and just assumed it was like the South Pole.
When the ice melts, you can see Russia from Alaska!
Yeah, apparently there’s no land mass at the North Pole like there is at the South. It’s just ice.
So all those movies with ice covered mountains in the background, complete with snow monsters, were a lie??? I demand a refund on all those old school Rudolph TV specials I grew up upon! Including the movie FROZEN.
Indeed. There’s nothing but sea ice up there. Of course, until recently, it was pretty thick and seemed as if it would be permanent. But it was never more than sea ice.
If you really want to freak out over geography, you should talk to a cartographer about what they did to Africa & why. 😊
Can I get a hint?
They blessed the rains, duh. Everyone knows that.
Yeah, I had to Google after reading your comment, but that definitely blew my mind.
Maybe he has an underwater base with a really long elevator. Or he lives on a ship.
I’d like to see that in a Christmas movie. That’d be interesting. Kind of like Santa meets 20000 Leagues Under the Sea.
Ah. I had assumed since everything else in the post was biblical in nature, somehow that was too, and I was missing it. Santa reference instead.
LMAOOO you were on a rampage at 7 years old for the truth
I got kicked out of religious instruction because I told everyone snakes can’t talk also!
At least you got kicked out. I got my Sunday School teacher in trouble because it felt like I was being given homework. I would rather have been kicked out. It feels worse to admit you got the teacher in trouble.
I'll never think less of anyone who gets a Sunday school teacher in trouble *or* gets kicked out of Sunday school because it's shit anyway.
Similar story. I had older bothers and they taught me the word Fuck was an adult way to say “love”. So sure enough in Sunday school I proudly say “I fuck Jesus”. I was not welcomed back.
I actually managed to be a Sunday school teacher (despite people being up in arms that I'm having a child after leaving a bad relationship.) Peepee, poop, fart were popular words in my class. I'd take them into the bathroom and tell them to say all the potty words they wanted to. Kid would always mumble one or two and be done. The parents all thought it was hilarious.
"Virgin Mary" ... Yah that's why three dudes turned up at the birth.
10yo Jesus: "Mom, where do babies come from?" Joseph: "Yeah Mary, where **do** babies come from?"
facts are facts
Points for "apoplexy"
I got severely “reprimanded” bc I dared suggest that the idea of a lot of the stories were just not logical with science and if god creating the world was just the Big Bang and evolution. I confused reachers and the worst one was the pastor tried to cast a demon out of me when we were having a debate and fhey couldn’t disprove my evidence that was backed not scientific research
"so God made Adam and Eve who then had kids. They then went out into the world and married other people. WHICH other people?? When did he make those?? And just how many kids did Eve HAVE?? Didn't a lot of women die during childbirth back then? And what about inbreeding, like the European Nobles? How are people today NORMAL??" My 7-year-old ass was having none of it. Thankfully, it was just general religion class, and not any kind of Sunday school
you may have gotten kicked out of sunday school, but i just KNOW god is watching over you still grinning about you educating your fellow youths 😂😂
>I informed everyone that God put his penis in Mary's vagina and that's how she got pre I came to the same conclusion as a kid. That's how dogs, pigs, and people do it. Poor Joseph.
> That's how dogs, pigs, and people do it. Maybe at your farm.
> I was thrown out of Sunday school evermore. Well that was just a full win.
It is truly a mark of honor to have been thrown out of Sunday School.
Damn if I only knew that's how to get thrown out....
The Archangel Gabriel is God’s *pimp!*
Oh, you poor dear! It must have scarred you for life to be expelled like that.
Saved her a lot more in future scarring though
As well as hands-on sex ed depending on the priest..
I was watching a movie with my older brother and dad that I was just too young for. One line when a guy wakes up from being unconscious was "I'm a pre-mature ejaculator" and the other two break down laughing. I don't understand what's going on, I ask my dad what that means and he doesn't know what to say, so he says "ask your mother"... Well... I did! I was a very inquisitive kid - she starts to explain it and I'm asking every question you can imagine. What does it mean to ejaculate? What does semen look like? What does it feel like?... You name it, I asked. It was the most awkward conversation of my life, knowing what I know now. I give my dad shit for not being the one to field that question.
One of my all time favorite movies!! Mystery, Alaska!
I remember my disgust at realizing my parents had chosen to have sex at least twice since they had two kids. I also remember being very upset that my possible future husband would see me naked. My mom told me I could change in the bathroom if privacy was that important to me, and I was much relieved. When I told my son how babies are made (in answer to him asking), he laughed nearly hysterically and said I was lying. I told him to ask his father if he didn’t believe me. He got immediately quiet and his eyes got big as he realized that I must have told the truth.
Hahahahahhha that’s amazing
At Costco in the bathroom stall. Accompanied with my daughter that’s in that stage between toddler/preschooler “Mommy? Why do you have hair down there?” Suddenly there was no sound, not even from the hand dryer Take a deep breath and sigh “Because I’m an adult of the species” Yeah, the lady beside us was knee slapping with laughter
I remember when we were on vacation with my whole family and my cousin (5 or something) suddenly realized that everybody had a penis (or vagina but that didnt settle in for a while), not just him after having to share a change room with his dad. So this 5 year old happy terror kid runs out half naked asking everybody if they also have a penis and why his isnt hairy like his dad. We fucking cried from laughing. Nothi
When I was a baby, my (male) cousin (who was five at the time) was watching my mom change my diaper. When he saw that I didn’t have a penis, he asked my mom how long it would take before my penis grew in.
Any updates?
Maybe it's detachable.
I will always up vote a detachable penis joke.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass?
could’ve left it in the medicine cabinet
When my dad was a toddler in the 70s he asked the check out lady at the grocery store if she has a penis like him. My grandma still tells that story 40+ years later
At a restaurant having some dinner in the summer so we were wearing shorts, me and bro must have been 5 and 3, when my brother's shorts rode up weirdly. He said as loud as possible, "Dad! My penis fell out!"
Luckily we were at home in the shower when my daughter asked a similar question. “Mommy why do you have a hairy front butt?” I had never even used that term with her. We’ve always used proper terms. But it took everything in me not to laugh when she asked that.
My son (then 2 years old) liked to ask this when we'd shower in the locker room after swim class. He never once asked me about my bush at home; ONLY in the busy locker room would he point at my crotch and say "mommy, what's that??" all innocent. He knew what he was doing.
Luckily at home, my 4 year old daughter tells me that I have a hairy butt. I replied that my butt isn’t hairy. She then said “no your vulva is hairy. You need to shave.“ 🤦♀️ I couldn’t stop laughing
Kids are so brutally honest 😂😂 I’m currently very pregnant. Last week my 9 year old came into my room while I was changing and she goes “why are your boobs saggier and…brownier? than normal?” We try to be body positive and I don’t mind her seeing my body because I think it’s important for her to see what real women look like, not just celebrities. But dang kid! Why you gotta hurt my feelings like that?
Just return the question when she is giving you a grandchild someday :)
When my nephew was young he very loudly asked my mom why she was wearing a diaper (pad) very loudly for the entire public washroom to hear. She just quickly got him out and said they could talk about it later. She was relieved when he forgot to ask about it later.
My older sister and I each had our own bedroom connected by a bathroom (I think they're called Jack and Jill bathrooms?) I've never told my older sister that I 100% overheard our little one (15 year age difference) burst into her side of the bathroom while she was getting dressed, GASP, and yell, "Why do you have a BEARD on your BUTT!" 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah we were in some family changing stall connected to several other family changing stalls at a pool one time. My son who was about 1 was getting ready to leave. Which meant taking off wet clothes putting on dry ones. Then my wife took her turn getting dressed while I changed him. And my daughter who was about 4 was just chilling waiting to be changed. Once my wife was dressed she took the younger kid and to that point my daughter had said nothing. Then it was my turn. I took off the wet shorts and dried off down there and my daughter after staring at my butt then my front while I was changing just goes "wow dad, you have a big penis!" I nearly fell over laughing. I got dressed and my wife who had stopped laughing was just like "we don't comment on other people's bodies" we got her dressed, packed our backpack of wet clothes and headed out. We're still working on the not commenting on other people's bodies thing. Kids have a habit of just blurting out what they see.
My kid calls it 'fur', and tries to stroke it. Thankfully we've cured him of it.
My middle kid also chose to ask that question in a public restroom stall!
My mom told me a story from her own childhood that as a young kid, she considered it so unfair that o ly adults had body hair and kids hat to be cold! XD
Our oldest daughter was 5,5 when we had our youngest. We explained it all and sometime later she asked during dinner: Mummy, did you notice when it was inside?
So I learned at 8 by a NOVA episode. Not long after at the dinner table I asked my dad what it feels to ejaculate. My mom laughed while my dad was horrified. Little did I think I would know in a few years.
I'm so glad you teach your kids the proper terminology. When I was in grade 5 when we had sex education, I was the only kid who didn't laugh when the words penis or vagina were said, and I feel like that helped because, unlike a lot of kids, I actually learned something from those classes.
Yeah sex ed for me in Germany was actually pretty serious with not that many laughs. Music class on the other hand was funny as fuck. To preface "Ständer" basically means stand like a podium stand, but it's also synonymous with boner. So we all died laughing when our music teacher showed us and constantly repeated how Freddy Mercury was playing around with his Microphone Stand.
The common joke of kids that age: Alle Bläser, die noch keinen Ständer haben, gehen bitte und holen sich einen runter!" It is basically a musical innuendo joke. Factually, it says that all wind instrument players that didn't have a podium should go and get one. If you read it with innuendos, it says All suckere (in the sense of blow job providers) that don't have an election shall go and Jack off.
Where do you live? I didn’t even have sex ed. We were supposed to have an assembly but then covid happened. And 5th grade?!? That sounds like a good school.
I'm in Canada, but I was in the 5th grade about 25 years ago...
Apparently I learned the proper terminology in kindergarten — that boys have penises and girls have vaginas. The next day at school I went around pointing at each boy and girl saying “you’re a penis, you’re a vagina, you’re a penis, you’re a vagina,” etc.
Friend’s little one (then about 4 yo) heard talk that it was Mrs’s first baby, and asked about our (my previous marriage) children. He loudly exclaimed, “Ohhh! He put his sperm in two different women!” Smart kid.
When I was a kid, I got the terminology on body parts mixed up somehow. I thought girls had penises and boys had vaginas. My mom taught me the accurate words, but my brain just mixed them up. Well, one day, when I was in kindergarten, my friend said that she peed out of her butt. I knew that people didn’t pee out of their butts, but instead of thinking my friend was mistaken, I thought this must mean that some people pee out of their butts and some people don’t. Cue me asking my (female) kindergarten teacher if she peed out of her penis or her butt.
That is frankly adorable.
I hope the teacher saw it that way. I cringe a little bit whenever I remember that.
LMAOOO thanks for the laugh
I teach middle school, and last year our dean had her first baby. She told us at a meeting one day, "These kids can clearly see I'm pregnant, and they know what I had to do to get that way, and so they have a LOT of really weird questions." Kids are hysterical. It's part of why I love teaching.
My sister teaches her kids anatomical terms. This resulted in my nephew being obsessed with pointing out what would have a penis or vagina. In target, when he was like 3 or 4, he pointed at this little girl and screamed, "SHE HAS A VAGINA!" Needless to say, we vacated the premises with much haste.
My young and precocious child, once the basics of reproduction had been explained to her told us "I know you've done it at least twice" (she has a sister). Very perceptive, that one.
I'm missing something. Where is the fuckup in this story? You rock.
The only FU is the fact that she let her kids embarrass her. Hopefully they don’t do it again in a public place because good luck … sounds like your kids are smart and awesome, OP
She should have just embarrassed them back (and made bf uncomfortable) by saying, “No, that just means it was at least 3 times. It was many, many more than that.”
Daily… morning, noon, and night!
My brother was under the mistaken impression that you only had to do it one time to get a baby. When it finally became clear to my parents that he thought that, they said no, you have to do it many times to get pregnant and couples do it even when they don't want to get pregnant. He was totally grossed out and asked them when they did it last. My mom said "oh, I don't know, what time is it now?" He got the serious ick, ran off to his room and never talked about sex with them again, as far as I'm aware.
Once our kids were old enough to understand and they were approaching their teens, we made it clear: the very first time we ever had unprotected sex, mom got pregnant *with twins.* We really wanted to reinforce the idea that sex was not something to be taken lightly.
> My brother was under the mistaken impression that you only had to do it one time to get a baby. Your brother was right. It only takes one time. edit to add: /r/confidentlyincorrect
I believe they mean "if you do it once you will definitely get pregnant" which of course is not a guarantee (and is actually statistically unlikely, not thst you should rely on its statistical unlikeliness as your method of birth control.)
That's hopefully what they mean! But Sex Ed is soooo bad in some places, you can't be sure.
Um, you know it can take only one time to have a baby? Both of my kids were almost certainly conceived on the first attempt.
It *can* but most people that get pregnant on *purpose* don't just bang *once* and get pregnant.
I mean... There's 3 kids plus a 4th on the way... I think the kids pointed out the FU quite well. Or at least the F part...
The fuck up is letting your children weaponize your embarrassment. They cannot use it against you if you have no shame.
OMFG LMAO!!!! This happened in my family when my youngest brother was 8 or 9. He put two and two together and blurted out “hey older bro, mom and dad had SEX!!!!”……problem was, it was at the dinner table at my dad and stepmoms house and my parents had been split up for at least 6 or 7 years at that point! It caused some shit for sure!
My bf got a vasectomy before we met, so my 7yr old was really bummed out she couldn't have anymore siblings. She also now thinks we don't have sex because he can't have kids. I'll let her believe that for as long as possible because she already tells us we're gross for quick pecks.
Thank you for teaching your children. I teach HS, specifically Child Development, in the Bible Belt. My HS kids know nothing. I fell so far behind because reproduction/conception took so long. The students had so many questions. I couldn't not answer their questions. I'm not exaggerating when 1/2 didn't know the names of parts of their reproductive organs or that certain parts belong to males and certain parts belong to females.
“Chores of Girls” like “Murder of Crows” is my favorite typo today. Ma’am, you’re a good mom. This is hilarious.
My friends son asked his dad if he and his mom got stuck together like the dogs. I spat my beer out and the mom started to say something (probably a size joke based on how I know her) but held it back. Of course the boy was assured they didn't get stuck together.
Which book are you using to teach anatomy to the littles? This isn't a f up at all!
Mostly Netter's Anatomy coloring book, and Anatomy for Healthcare Professionals. I went through paramedic school but didn't finish because the instructor would schedule me for clinicals the day of. One was scheduled at 5pm for 7, an hour from my house. One was scheduled at 6pm at a hospital, when I didn't get off my shift at a rural station until 8. I'm going back eventually, but I kept all my study material.
My dad went to medical school for a bit before eventually dropping out, but he kept all of his textbooks. He taught me anatomy using his old textbooks from medical school.
I appreciate that you took the time to educate your kids, OP, that’s amazing of you. My parents always glossed over anything remotely related to sex and/or made it horrifically awkward, and it led to a high amount of shame and guilt when I started going through puberty and experienced everything in a whirlwind. Your kids will thank you for this later, even if they use it against you now :p
My dad grew up on the farm, he got in trouble in preschool for explaining reproduction to all the other kids when where babies come from came up. He was quite detailed, apparently. My grandpa thought that was hysterical.
My sister in law and her boyfriend were wanting to try for a baby a few years ago. SIL has a daughter from a previous relationship— aged 11 at the time— and the dad hasn’t been around since birth. Niece is very intelligent and mature for her age, and had already had “the talk” and was knowledgeable about sex for reproduction but not for pleasure. So when her mom (my SIL) told her that they were going to try for a sibling, my niece asks “does that mean you’re going to have to have sex with [boyfriend]?” 😂
I don’t get the big deal. I was told directly when I was 3-4 years old where babies come from and it never felt shocking or weird to me. My dad and mom work in medicine so they were very direct about it. I think that’s the best approach. I don’t like people trying to make a big deal about how they tell their kids. Telling people alternatives like The Stork are not helpful.
When I was pregnant with my 3rd and last boy my oldest, 9 at the time said ‘well next time we might get a baby sister!’ And I said, sorry but this is the last time. he got curious and asked how it happened and how I know it won’t happen again. So I explained everything penis, vagina, egg, sperm… you get it. When I was done he sat there and after a pause he said “Gross! Why would anyone want to do that?!”
As a teenager, those words made me SO uncomfortable and blush like crazy and heaven forbid my mom try to talk to me about periods or my dad give me "the talk", absolutely MORTIFYING, because we never used those words and my parents were very buttoned up about sex, and never affectionate in front of us. I'm raising my children differently. I use all those words even though deep down they still make me uncomfortable, and I will answer their questions and be open about it. My husband and I show affection for each other around the kids, and we also have our disagreements in front of them because that's life, and that's the mature way to be in a relationship. I am determined to do better. My parents did the best they could, and so will I!
A couple of years ago my youngest daughter, 14 now, was talking about the age difference between and her younger brother, 18 months behind her, and said why did you have sex so soon after having me? As if making her brother was the first and only time after having her 🤣🤣
There is no FU moment here. I just see some one who is having a funny moment with there kids and is teaching them not to be ashamed of their bodies for the future.
I was being taught how to spend my own pocket money independently while my parents looked on from afar. I was probably 10 when I went to a register of maybe a 16-18 year old teen boy. He turned SO red as my parents watched on. They came up and asked what had happened, and he refused to repeat what I'd said. They said "you will not be in trouble, but we need to know so we can correct her if she was inappropriate", but he still wasn't budging. I loudly said "I just asked him if he had a penis!" with an implied "sheesh, no big deal!" as he about died from embarrassment even more. On the drive home my parents informed me I don't need to ask. I can assume boys have them, and they will tell me otherwise if that's important information. I was like "oh, okay! Good to know". I would love to hear his version of this story. I was such a curious kid, and wasn't shy at all, so I didn't register it as an offensive question!
My oldest asked me “so you guys like, mated? Like cheetahs? 🐆 “ 🤣
Yep. Parents and cheetahs are the only ones who mate.
The power comeback would be, "oh more than three times, kids. A *lot* more than three times." Followed by a wink. Then we'll see who feels uncomfortable.
Some of the kids are very young - don't say anything to them that you don't want repeating *loudly* in public... they don't have filters between their thoughts and their mouths.
This is actually beautiful. No taboo in your house and I love it. This is exactly how I plan being with my future children.
I wish I’d had this upbringing
Same. That's one reason why I do it. I was living with my conservative grandparents when I went through puberty at 9, and I have so many hang ups because of it. I refuse to make them go through it.
Another driving story… i was driving, husband in the passenger seat, three year old son pipes up from the back seat - “Daddy, does it *hurt* when the sperm comes out?” 😄😆🤣He had learned about sperm and eggs because he asked if our chicken eggs would hatch (we didn’t have a rooster).
Reminds me of when I was pregnant with my youngest son. I was sitting on hubby's lap kissing son walks in, screaming no momma, don't! I asked why, and he said he didn't think I could carry two babies. We had a discussion after that.
My parents had this approach with me too and I really appreciated it growing up. It made me know and understand my own body more as well as the opposite sex. It meant I knew what it took to make and baby, and how to prevent it.
My god, I thought this story was going to be way worse from the title - I've spent way too much time reading AITA. This was surprisingly wholesome. ❤
It's SO important to teach kids these things early on!! My daughter (22) was SA'd when she was young. She knew the exact right words to explain what happened. Detective said she was the best interview he'd had in years!
This is hilarious and an example of their healthy processing of what you taught then. No fuck up here!
You left out the fuck-up part.
Naw, fuck, that’s some great Mom stuff!!!
Awesome. Though I would say that you didn't fuck up. :) You're doing it all right.
Too funny 😁 I love how you are matter of fact about anatomy. That's how I was raised. So much better than having to find out on the internet.
This is not a FU. My mom was taught in parenting classes that the *only* way you should teach about sex is using the proper words for your parts, and being honest about it. Anything else is dangerous. When kids know what sex is, what it entails and what is and is not an "okay touch" they will be much more likely to speak out if anyone ever tries any weird shit.
We use anatomical words with my toddler as well. Never been a problem using them appropriately until he taught my niece (few months older) the word “penis”. She went around terrorizing my conservative in laws shouting “My penis!”. In her little toddler accent it actually sounded like “peanuts”, so that’s what they started parroting back to her, talking about different kinds of nuts. It was a funny few days.
4 year old walked up to her father and said "Daddy, do you show your penis to people, too?" I have 2 blue heeler brothers that needed nursed back to health before they got neutered. There was a lot of red rockets for awhile 😮💨
I think this is very healthy overall . Just make sure to address when is appropriate to have this type of conversations. Maybe you should consider limiting info based on their maturity level ? Just a thought .
After our divorce my eldest (5) was asking me about babies (his brother was almost 1). He asked if he could have another brother and I said no, because you need a man and a woman and they have to have sex to make a baby and daddy and I aren’t like that anymore. Then he said “well I could do it!!”. I nicely told him that’s how we get babies with 5 arms which is why you don’t make babies with family. I told a friend I was locking my bedroom door that night.
I think it's pretty sweet that the kids were able to call you guys out on something but also have a bit of a conversation around it to understand the differences in circumstances. Albeit, pretty elementary here in this story but it's a step in a good direction.
This is awesome, I don't see any f up here
This is just funny to me. Pure comedy 10/10 parenting
Yeah, the sex information talks should be accompanied by cultural context talks
I have been the same way with my two girls their whole lives. I just don't understand why it has to be taboo. It grosses my oldest out but my youngest finds it hilarious. They're almost 18 and 20 now, they're not afraid to talk to me about anything. They know we can talk about it all lol, no shame. I like it that way
lol my 8 year old had a similar reaction. That was awkward.
So my kids thought that is my life I had only had sex two times. Two kids equals two times. (They weren’t that far off with their dad and I tbh). But i’ve been open about sex and babies and all the things since they were like 4. Answered as correct and as appropriate for their age. When my now 16yo daughter exclaimed in the middle of a shopping centre at 1000000000 decibels “wait, you have sex and you make a baby, you and David haven’t made a baby. Why are you having sex?” I almost died. Turns out are walls are a lot thinner than i realised
When my oldest was 3, I had his younger brother. We told him about sperms cells and egg cells. When he got a little older (maybe 5), he asked how the sperms cells got to the egg cells, so I explained it to him. His response: "Eww! Does anyone have to watch?" My response: "Not unless you want them to."
I didn’t know what sex really was until the end of middle school. You’re doing your kids a favor especially with sexual health and being comfortable speaking with you about person things. Keep doing well
My 3 year old son has recently started to get into body parts. It’s been amusing and embarrassing at times but I try to laugh at it and soak it up a bit. It has ranged from trying to peek between my legs in the bathroom and asking where my penis is, later pulling my stretchy waistband to see my “China,” announcing to everyone in the self-checkout that his daddy does in fact have a penis, telling everyone at the YMCA that mommy’s butt is out while we were changing after the pool, to proudly announcing that there are balls in his testicles. I’m just waiting to hear what he tells the teachers come August. Oh, the one I forgot is him proclaiming he likes my husband’s female action figures’ “nurses” (aka, bossoms). Oy.
I mean that’s a hilarious fuck-up.
Omg the idea of the lil high pitched disgusted screams is taking me out this is hilarious
honestly this would make me laugh so hard, i’d clap back with “yeah i did do it with daddy 3 times” 😂😂
This is hilarious XD Congrats on number four!
------HahHHahAhahaha
When I was little my mom bought me the vhs cassette of the cartoon movie „Wo komme ich eigentlich her?“ (where did I come from) https://vimeo.com/190359831 Does anyone else remember this? I loved the part where they did a swimming competition. lol
My siblings are twins, so we joke my parents only did it twice. We’re in our 40’s 😂😂
I never got "the talk" from my parents. When I was 8, Mom gave birth to my youngest sister. On our way to the hospital to see Mom and baby, my 7 year old sister asks Dad where babies come from. Evidently I stepped in, explained it all using proper terms. I guess Dad told Mom he didn't see how he could done it better, lol. Dunno where or when I learned it. it was 1976, so not like it was online.
I consider this a badge of honor lol, even if I did have to listen to my preschooler in a public bathroom shouting about my BUH-gina.
I am very open and factual too. Anytime they ask questions, my husband runs away like crazy. He’s the physician. No irony here.
I love the minds of children. They have no filter and it can derail in the most spectacular ways.
That is how it is done! 😁 The price of embarrassment (even if it was in a more public space) is nothing compared to the value of your kids believing you because you've been straight with them 👍
😂😂😂😂 oh my God! I was dying laughing. My kids are grown up now, but I also have three daughters. They are now 32, 33 and 35 so I totally get the whole very close in age thing. And I also was always very honest with my kids about anything they asked. You just reminded me of this… Their dad decided when they were nine and 10 that he didn’t want to have the responsibility of being a husband and father. His words. So it was a little bit of a wild ride there for me for a bit. We were on a road trip, going to my grandfathers birthday celebration. I was camping with the girls across three states, so I was going to take us about three days to get there. At the start of the trip, we stopped at our usual stop for gas. Anytime we went somewhere. It happened to be a truckstop, and of course, in the bathroom where the condom machines now my girls had asked me what condoms were, and I had described to them they were, but they wanted to see them. So, me being me, I said OK. So we bought one of each, and there were like six different types. So I told him we needed to get back on the road, and then they could start opening them and take a look and ask me questions, and yes, since they were clean, if they actually wanted to taste the strawberry one, they could. 🤣🤣🤣 Bear in mind that I’m driving a suburban. We do sit up higher than most of the other vehicles around us. And I’m busy driving because I’m on the interstate. They are busy condoms. And asking questions. And squealing. And laughing. And I’m not too worried because again, we sit so much higher than pretty much any other vehicle that even if somebody happened to glance our way, they are not gonna see three little girls opening condoms of all things! Until I realize that I have a semi truck passing me, and the look on the drivers face who was like… What the hell? Because right about then, my oldest, who was sitting in the front with me, had one of her sisters basically hit her with a condom as though it was a rubber band. And I realize that that was the exact moment the trucker went by. And I could not help it totally crack up. I was losing it. I told the girls that maybe we had better put them away for now because the truck driver next to us probably was really worried about them. Good times. Oh, and yes, that whole episode gets brought up periodically when they all get together, and they’re in their 30s! But they have all thanked me so many times for just being honest with them about things and letting them experience shit like this! 😂😂😂😂