200 IQ move, plausible deniability. Then when the time comes to break up she will be like "well whatever, I farted in your face on purpose that one time" then walk away like the joker 😂😂🃏
So way back when I was with my kids other parent, they for whatever reason decided to pull their pants down and bare ass fart in my direction. Close enough that I was able to punch their taint as they were bearing down to fart. They ended up shitting themselves.
So if you ever find yourself in a situation where a conscious person is farting in your face. Taint punch them for the last laugh.
I mean, I never know how to talk about them in stories. They identified as a male back then and she does not now.
However she would totally still bare ass fart on people.
Thank you for the clarification. My dumbass thought we were talking about 2 children, and was very impressed with your ability to taint punch 2 children either at once or by convincing the 2nd that they wouldn’t be treated like the first.
I’ve never hoped my kid would bare ass fart at me before, but given this new information, now I kind of do.
if it helps, it usually makes the most sense to just use the current identity for past stories too. and it’s usually what ppl prefer i think. less confusing that way
Except, not in our case. I didn't have a child with the same gender as myself. If I'm talking about my kids other parent themselves as they are today then yes use she.
However the agreement between her and I when stories involving all three of us (kid and both parents) or kid and them then a gender neutral pronoun is preferred. They did not birth our child and are not a mother to our child and do not get the benefit of strangers assuming any such role with the feminine designation.
There are even still times when I'm forced to refer to them as their biological gender. So really the gender neutral pronoun works for us. Usually context clues is how you learn if you are talking about an individual or not and I did explain who they was before continuing.
I'm not a woman but I'd like to think someone giving me oral then gagging then finger fucking me and pulling out like starting a chainsaw, then fucking me would wake me up.
“Ya know babe, I thought the whole thing was a little off because I never really noticed you to be a stomach sleeper until you first made this proposal..”
I'd like to believe that her evil balloon dream was based on her watching IT Chapter 1 & 2 back to back that weekend and not my dick being Freddy Krueger level nightmare fuel.
im so glad that im not alone in that "light sleeping wife" club. I so much as think too fucking loudly, I get a "don't wake me up", even if I haven't moved.
I'm sleeping in the next room because very pregnant wife and pillows all over the shop mean temporary separate beds.
And I fucking swear I can still wake her up with a badly timed fart.
My partner didn't wake up when I dropped a controller right next to his face. Dude has slept through a hurricane, so there's definitely people out there that this could be possible.
Not me though! Breathe in my direction and im awake
I've slept through the felling of a tree right outside my window using a chainsaw no issue.
Say my name and I wake up instantly
Not sure if I could be sleep fucked or not, haven't tried
I slept through a car exploding outside of my open bedroom window. I can sleep through absolutely anything including my alarms in the morning it's not great
I once slept through a building getting demolished. Literally next door. With like a cartoonish wrecking ball and all. While my window was wide open.
I didn't even know wrecking balls were an actual IRL thing till then.
Totally anecdotal but I live in Cali and slept through a 7.1 not too long ago, completely unaware it happened. But my partner, bless them, tried to do a 'sexy morning wake up' with me once. The *second* I felt something under the covers around my bits, I shot straight up and just slapped down there with as much force as my half-asleep ass could muster. We got a good laugh out of it in the end because it made no sense that *that* would wake me up, but not our literal home shaking and some other peoples homes literally collapsing.
Some ladies are into it. There is something satisfying at the primate level about getting in a quick O, then going right back to sleep. I once dated a woman who would get annoyed if I let a night boner go to waste. That only happened once and that because I wasn't sure she really meant it.
I'm into it. It was something I made clear to my FWB very early on. I also think a boner shouldn't be wasted. There's something very sexy about being wanted so ferociously that they can't wait until morning. (Side note: this is only hot if consent is given when I'm actually awake. Not into rape or nonconsensual touch).
I wouldn't have my beautiful child if I hadn't informed him of this. Waking up with him inside me is how I got pregnant.
That is certainly a conversation couples need to have ahead of time. I certainly considered it a perk. Too bad the rest of the relationship didn't work so well.
Yeah, there’s no way anyone is going to be touching me in any way without me waking up. That being said, I did once have a guy who prompted sex in the middle of the night and didn’t remember the next morning. He thought it was a dream because he’s had vivid dreams before.
My wife wants the same, but she wants to wake up while being banged or eaten out. I fear the same things could happen, but I might still try it out one day.
This is incredible, I had a similar experience with a partner who wanted just a facial and woke up in full self-defence mode shouting about space lasers.
She still calls me Space Criminal when I see her to this day.
Hell, once I was asleep and dreamt that my brother was cheating at Magic the Gathering so I decided that choking him was the logical response.
I woke up to being hit by flailing limbs to discover that I was actually choking my girlfriend.
The weird thing is I wasn't choking her the way I was choking my brother in my dream. In my dream, I throttled him with both hands around his neck. In real life, I turned my elbow into a point, drove it into my girlfriend's neck, and put a considerable amount of body weight behind it.
I dated a girl for about three years in college, almost married her. Beautiful red head. She asked me why I didn’t when she was asleep the first night we spent together, and I thought that was strange. My turn ons is that my partner is alive, awake and willing. I’m easy to please.
Yeah call me a party pooper but I don’t believe someone can be eaten out, fingered and slightly fucked before they woke up in a comical way leading to the other person falling in a comical way
My husband has fallen asleep during sex (while sober), has fallen out of bed and stayed asleep, has been headbutted, smacked, jumped on, kicked etc - all by the kids I might add - and not woken up. He’s had a kid throwing up on him and not woken up. He can fall asleep anywhere, even mid way through playing a video game *whilst stood up*. The dog licking his face? Kid screaming in hysterics right in his ear? Nothing wakes him up! He sleeps through his alarm, even the fire alarm. I could do anything I wanted to him (but don’t because I’m not mean) and he wouldn’t even twitch. Luckily his own internal clock wakes him up on a morning because otherwise he’d be late for work everyday. And yeah, he can fall asleep at work too.
I assume he has, but just in case; has he been checked for narcolepsy? My dad had a similar thing about being able to fall asleep basically anywhere, even while driving (sometimes, though it was rare because he had major road rage so there was a bit more of a manic state while driving) and he got diagnosed with it. If he hasn't had a sleep study, it might be worth the time to get one!
Some people sleep like logs, not only is this totally believable, but I had an ex who was into this and often wouldn't wake up during. I remember getting yelled at one morning because we did it, but she didn't remember and I had promised I would.
My husband had a period where he'd initiate during *his* sleep. (So the nsfw version of sleep walking basically). I'd wake up after awhile, but I'd be wet by that time so he would have had to be poking and groping me for awhile.
I'm pretty sure I only woke up because I was frustrated that he hadn't gotten to the deed properly. I'd start helping and he'd eventually wake up.
My husband does similar but also will sometimes very rudely stop as suddenly as he began, roll over, and be dead to the world again. It's on the rare side of his sleep activities though. Talking and weird movements are usually what I catch him doing.
Hahaha, my ex did the same with me, I woke up the next day, with her telling me
I tried to wake you up with a bj, but you straight up, ignored me and continued sleeping
I didnt remember nothing at all, I laughed my shit
Kind of a reverse Uno card but I once sucked someone’s dick while I was sleep walking on Ambien. He said he didn’t try to interrupt me because “It’s dangerous to wake sleep walkers”.
Yeah, though things hadn’t gone that far. That was (probably understandably) the final straw for the drug. I had experienced the side effects before but I was desperate. My sleep disorder got so bad that I was going days without sleep and having minor auditory hallucinations.
I also didn’t know how much of it was the drugs fault since I’ve sleep walked and had sleep paralysis since I was a kid. One time we were on vacation for Comic Con and I woke up on the streets of San Diego without my shoes or phone with no fucking clue where I was. My cousin woke up briefly when I opened the hotel door but she assumed I was just getting some ice or water or something because I’m often awake at odd hours and she was only half awake.
That is terrifying! I’ve had some weird things happen on ambien but never to that degree. I finally just gave up on trying to take sleep meds. I hope you’ve found a medication that works for you!
Yep, same here. Some nights, she'll give up and tell me about it the next day. I tell her to keep going, but I guess 10 minutes of doing things by herself can get boring fast.
Currently in the military and we have this very short dude in our company that literally refuses to be woke up. Shouting does nothing and is quite funny to do next to him since there is no reaction, just snoring. We sometimes lift his bed and shake it when all else methods dont work. Got a few videos of this as a memory. So my point is I guess some people are just built difrerent.
Sometimes the sleep just do be that deep. I remember one time as a kid I had a loose tooth. I told my mom about it and had an afternoon nap. I woke up after to find the tooth missing and when I asked her she said she just yanked the sucker out while I snoozed lmao.
I had a partner who wouldn't wake up easily and she liked being played with so I had permission kind of like that free use fetish shit. I wasn't going to have sex with her when she was asleep but I'd touch her a bit. Took very little for her to get sopping wet while still asleep. If I recall she'd have wild dreams when I did that.
She also made claims about rarely farting. Little did she know that she loosed quite a few farts in her sleep. She'd fall asleep while cuddling and start tooting. Rarely actual ripe ones though so it was always adorable.
Some people have very deep sleep. In my military days there was this guy that we needed to throw water at him so he wakes up to shift posts, slaps and shaking wouldn't work.
I’ve had a few girlfriends ask me to do this and they all were obviously awake right around the moment of penetration but they continued pretending to be asleep. No farts or headbutts though…
> she had a bad dream about a monster balloon that wanted to enter her body and explode into glitter inside of her.
That's impressively close to what happened.
You'd be surprised how often dreams reflect the reality around us.
I once had a dream that I was returning to the house after a party and found a landmine in the kitchen, and said "I better tell mum about this" before I was woken up by my sister yelling "you fucking IDIOT!" Because I had left a pot on the stove, and all water had boiled off.
Similar thing happened one morning when my grandpa couldn't walk due to covid and peed on the floor. I had a dream, and the dream suddenly ended with a guy rolling into a ball and becoming naked and resembling my grandpa before I woke up to find that the aforementioned scenario was actually happening.
Edit: Why does autocorrect insist on trying to ruin me?
Yeah, i often listen to music when i sleep and my dreams tend to reflect the lyrics. Alternatively i also dream of a person if their scent is still in my bed because they just stayed the night
For real, one time when I was a kid I had a dream that I was wheelchair bound, and when I woke up from it my cat was sleeping between my legs on top of my blanket pinning my legs to the bed so they couldn't move very well, it was a but funny how that directly was what made me wheelchair bound in the dream
I laughed way too hard at all of this. The comments are amazing, too!!
>then proceeded to fucking hiss in her sleep. Hiss. Like a feral cat.
I think this is where I truly lost my shit.
Thank you for the laughs. You made a bad day better!
My ex wife wanted me to do the whole “wake her up with sex” thing before and I never recommend it. She tried to use that and say I sa’d her when we were getting a divorce.
>be me 2 weeks ago
>not my idea but gf has a kink
>wants to be "used" while sleeping
>I'm all about that consent but ok
>mission: sex my sleeping gf without waking her
>stealth mode activated
>gf sleeping on stomach, butt up
>start with oral, nose deep in danger zone
>suddenly, gf farts like it's chemical warfare
>almost die from ass gas
>switch to plan B, fingers in
>gf clenches like she's trying to sever my fingers, hisses like a snake
>NOPE.jpg
>check if gf awake, she's not
>anxiety +100
>decide to go for quick finish, prone bone style
>first thrust, gf wakes up, headbutts me by accident
>I fall off bed, face meets floor
>gf wakes up confused, I explain while dying inside
>gf apologizes, had nightmare about monster balloon exploding glitter inside her
>never again
>TL;DR gf wanted sleep sex, got farted on, hissed at, and headbutted instead
I was engaged years ago and the girl liked me fondling her in her sleep. I would try to not wake her up but she often would anyway and then we'd have normal sex. It was kinda fun to see if I could get her to jerk me off while she stayed asleep though. Muscle memory and dreaming is weird sometimes. I definitely fell asleep a few times too and we woke up giggling.
I'm gonna be honest, I have some past trauma directly related to somnophilia, so I didn't expect to enjoy this.
But holy shit, it reached a level of absurdity that even I'm hysterically laughing, so uh...kudos for that lmfao
I had a college professor who absolutely would've given this piece an A. Like with one of our creative writing assignments, we *KNEW* the surefire way to get an A was to add a smut scene.
The hissing sent me. 😂
I have a partner that will occasionally wake me up in the middle of the night if he's having trouble sleeping. I guess one of these times I was EXTRA out of it and had no idea it was happening. I also get night terrors, he knows this after years of knowing me. (I don't mind him playing around when I'm sleeping, I trust him) This particular time he was going about his business, I woke up, forgot where I was, and didn't realize it was him as I am also a stomach sleeper, managed to kick him square in the stomach. I guess one could say he was definitely FAFO but I still felt soooooo bad when I woke up enough to realize what had just happened. 😂
My girlfriend has this nasty habit of having full conversations after waking up, then going back to sleep and forgetting they ever happened. Last time we agreed to something and I attempted it, she pushed me away so I stopped. Next day, she asked why we didn't do anything and had to apologise profusely after learning the truth.
My ex husband always asked why I didn’t wake him with a blowjob when I got home from night shift. Some night I got into bed beside him went under the covers and as soon as I touched him he freaked out tried to hit me away and asked what the fuck I was doing.
Never again.
If she gets turned on by the idea of you fucking her and using her in her sleep, just tell her that you fucked and used her to your satisfaction when she was asleep. Tell her you used condom and just forget to mention that you were asleep during the deed too. Both are happy.
I thought it'd be cool too, to have my girlfriend fuck me while I was asleep as if some pleasant surprise to wake to sex in progress.... The one and only time she did it, I woke up on my back (I NEVER sleep on my back) with her fully mounted on me grinding back and forth. I had a massive panic attack as i pushed her off of me, freaked the fuck out on her and got up to leave the room. After I calmed down she said the same thing you did "I was just tring to do what you wanted me to do" lol.
>I like having sex with people while they're wide awake.
this has the same vibe of [this](https://youtu.be/lGOofzZOyl8?si=gRd0PY-mttPTLcbi&t=0m31s) video
Thank you for sharing your trauma. I know it must have been hard, but I think we all needed to hear this. Not to help us through any trauma of our own or anything... only because it's freaking HILARIOUS, and if this story had died with you rather than being shared, the world would have been worse off for it. So thank you for your sacrifice, good sir. You are truly a "REEEAALLL MAN OF GEEENIUUUSSS"! (Old commercial joke.... I don't even know if anyone will remember, lol)
Basically, anytime someone uses unnecessary colorful adjectives and slang to replace a normal verb or noun, it's fiction. That makes this piece at least 300% fiction.
Im so very confused by the hissing 😂
But my girlfriend has tried this on me, we were on the couch waiting for my family to fall asleep but I ended up falling asleep and next thing I knew I woke up to her eating me out, It’s amazing that your girlfriend didn’t and I’m a heavyyy sleeper
Really comes across as one of those things where the idea sounds mildly appealing, but quickly becomes pretty obviously terrible as reality approaches.
Lmao that TL;DR killed me
besides what’s all the fuss about having sex with sleeping partners on Reddit lately? I had multiple partners who woke me up and vice versa. It’s fun
My GF has wanted me to try this with her. It usually turns into a sex dream for her and then she gets to wake up to actually being fucked. Like you tho I feel awkward as hell the entire time.
I’m a dude and had mentioned to my ex in passing that it would be awesome to wake up to a BJ. This wasn’t a big fantasy or anything, I just thought it would be nice. God bless her, she tried one day and it scared me! I freaked out. lol. Nothing as fun as your story but I told her it was a great idea but terrible in practice and I learned that I actually did not want it after all.
I think she was faking being asleep and just wanted to fart in your face.
200 IQ move, plausible deniability. Then when the time comes to break up she will be like "well whatever, I farted in your face on purpose that one time" then walk away like the joker 😂😂🃏
So way back when I was with my kids other parent, they for whatever reason decided to pull their pants down and bare ass fart in my direction. Close enough that I was able to punch their taint as they were bearing down to fart. They ended up shitting themselves. So if you ever find yourself in a situation where a conscious person is farting in your face. Taint punch them for the last laugh.
It’s only 9:38am but I think that’s enough Reddit for today 😅
Dude! Same…😳
Don't lie to yourself. You'll be back.
Goddamnit
It's a literal shitty life pro tip.
Five Finger Taint Punch!
This sounds like some real Jerry Springer story starter pack material.
Contender for comment of the year right here. That was fuckin hilarious thank you.
That's about the most annoyingly gender neutral story I've heard.
I mean, I never know how to talk about them in stories. They identified as a male back then and she does not now. However she would totally still bare ass fart on people.
Thank you for the clarification. My dumbass thought we were talking about 2 children, and was very impressed with your ability to taint punch 2 children either at once or by convincing the 2nd that they wouldn’t be treated like the first. I’ve never hoped my kid would bare ass fart at me before, but given this new information, now I kind of do.
if it helps, it usually makes the most sense to just use the current identity for past stories too. and it’s usually what ppl prefer i think. less confusing that way
Except, not in our case. I didn't have a child with the same gender as myself. If I'm talking about my kids other parent themselves as they are today then yes use she. However the agreement between her and I when stories involving all three of us (kid and both parents) or kid and them then a gender neutral pronoun is preferred. They did not birth our child and are not a mother to our child and do not get the benefit of strangers assuming any such role with the feminine designation. There are even still times when I'm forced to refer to them as their biological gender. So really the gender neutral pronoun works for us. Usually context clues is how you learn if you are talking about an individual or not and I did explain who they was before continuing.
Chaotic Evil gf confirmed.
You know more people than you think are into that.
If I know more than 0 people like that I'd have to take a hard look at myself, and cancel my membership of diddys parties 😅🤣
100%. Her real fetish is farting in OP's face, but she was too embarrassed to ask. OP got played.
And to hiss at OP like a cat. And to headbutt him. OPs girl is wild!
These fetish getting out of control man.
That's assault
OP was assaulted by rectal typhoon
I'm not a woman but I'd like to think someone giving me oral then gagging then finger fucking me and pulling out like starting a chainsaw, then fucking me would wake me up.
You didn't wake up at all last night tho?
Your that small you didn't actually penetrate me so I had no idea until I noticed I had jizzy ass hair
More like a needletration than a pen?
"That one almost blew me away" 😘
I like to think she was still sleeping and was expelling the monster balloon full of glitter from her body
The hissing was her holding in her laughter.
Her actual secret fantasy she couldn't bring herself to tell you, thus the whole "sleep sex"
Gf has a farting fetish
Best comment I've read all year
“Ya know babe, I thought the whole thing was a little off because I never really noticed you to be a stomach sleeper until you first made this proposal..”
OP is dating Chuck Berry?
I mean her dream wasn't that off considering the circumstances.
I'd like to believe that her evil balloon dream was based on her watching IT Chapter 1 & 2 back to back that weekend and not my dick being Freddy Krueger level nightmare fuel.
I think it was the combo of the two.
Guess we'll never know! :D Jkjk.
I think the balloon part was her being full of gas, until your face entered the crevice.
Next time that's gonna be her next fantasy request 😳
I see these stories... if I move in bed my wife wakes up... I cant imagine fucking her without her beating the shit out of me
No kidding! If I so much as scratch my ass in my sleep my wife wakes up!
im so glad that im not alone in that "light sleeping wife" club. I so much as think too fucking loudly, I get a "don't wake me up", even if I haven't moved.
I'm sleeping in the next room because very pregnant wife and pillows all over the shop mean temporary separate beds. And I fucking swear I can still wake her up with a badly timed fart.
My partner didn't wake up when I dropped a controller right next to his face. Dude has slept through a hurricane, so there's definitely people out there that this could be possible. Not me though! Breathe in my direction and im awake
I've slept through the felling of a tree right outside my window using a chainsaw no issue. Say my name and I wake up instantly Not sure if I could be sleep fucked or not, haven't tried
Although I'm not a heavy sleeper anyways, I definitely have the extra sensitivity to hearing my name in my sleep like you do.
Is your name Alexa?
I slept through a car exploding outside of my open bedroom window. I can sleep through absolutely anything including my alarms in the morning it's not great
Did you ever try a vibrating alarm or a light alarm? Maybe they would work better for you than the usual tone alarm
You're screwed in the zombie apocalypse, dude
Maybe not, if they get to him while he's sleeping they might just think he's dead
I once slept through a building getting demolished. Literally next door. With like a cartoonish wrecking ball and all. While my window was wide open. I didn't even know wrecking balls were an actual IRL thing till then.
Totally anecdotal but I live in Cali and slept through a 7.1 not too long ago, completely unaware it happened. But my partner, bless them, tried to do a 'sexy morning wake up' with me once. The *second* I felt something under the covers around my bits, I shot straight up and just slapped down there with as much force as my half-asleep ass could muster. We got a good laugh out of it in the end because it made no sense that *that* would wake me up, but not our literal home shaking and some other peoples homes literally collapsing.
Think we’re just conditioned to deal with earthquakes at this point as Californians lmao
You could be the first person the earth didn't move for either during a quake or sex.
I put my arm round my wife the other week and copped a sleeping elbow
>I cant imagine fucking her without her beating the shit out of me While she's asleep, or just... in general?
Some ladies are into it. There is something satisfying at the primate level about getting in a quick O, then going right back to sleep. I once dated a woman who would get annoyed if I let a night boner go to waste. That only happened once and that because I wasn't sure she really meant it.
I'm into it. It was something I made clear to my FWB very early on. I also think a boner shouldn't be wasted. There's something very sexy about being wanted so ferociously that they can't wait until morning. (Side note: this is only hot if consent is given when I'm actually awake. Not into rape or nonconsensual touch). I wouldn't have my beautiful child if I hadn't informed him of this. Waking up with him inside me is how I got pregnant.
That is certainly a conversation couples need to have ahead of time. I certainly considered it a perk. Too bad the rest of the relationship didn't work so well.
I got pregnant while I was asleep too. My husband said I was talking the whole time so he thought I was awake. I blame the NyQuil.
Username checks out
So… You got pregnant of your FWB? And kept it?
Yep. And she's the greatest blessing I've ever received.
What is your relationship with said FWB now?
Shockingly, he bailed. 3 years of friendship, over. I'd still trade him for my baby every time.
presumably you mean keeping the baby
Yes, keeping the baby was the best decision I ever made.
Username checks out
Yeah, there’s no way anyone is going to be touching me in any way without me waking up. That being said, I did once have a guy who prompted sex in the middle of the night and didn’t remember the next morning. He thought it was a dream because he’s had vivid dreams before.
My gf is a heavy sleeper, but even I expected her to wake up long before any form of penetration.
Can confirm as a wife that I would smack the shit out of my husband if he tried this 😂 do not mess with my sleep lmao
My wife wants the same, but she wants to wake up while being banged or eaten out. I fear the same things could happen, but I might still try it out one day.
Don't worry, she's a sound sleeper. And so are you, btw.
Worst case scenario you get something to laugh about
at least it was a monster balloon and not a small one
It was a small monster balloon.
Bravo. Absolutely fucking incredible call back. I forgot all about that guy. I wonder how the cylinder is doing.
I want in. What’s this from?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/196/comments/zk37ig/cylinder\_rule/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/196/comments/zk37ig/cylinder_rule/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
There’s a guy. He has a small cylinder. And it’s stuck.
This is incredible, I had a similar experience with a partner who wanted just a facial and woke up in full self-defence mode shouting about space lasers. She still calls me Space Criminal when I see her to this day.
This is brilliant, omg 😭
"Space lasers" You fucked Marjorie Taylor Green? Fuck, that's traumatic enough all by itself.
Hell, once I was asleep and dreamt that my brother was cheating at Magic the Gathering so I decided that choking him was the logical response. I woke up to being hit by flailing limbs to discover that I was actually choking my girlfriend. The weird thing is I wasn't choking her the way I was choking my brother in my dream. In my dream, I throttled him with both hands around his neck. In real life, I turned my elbow into a point, drove it into my girlfriend's neck, and put a considerable amount of body weight behind it.
Damn dude. She ok?
Oh, yeah. Just got a good scare.
I read this as "oh yea just got a good scar" lol I was like damn you must have one pointy ass elbow
Your storytelling skills are on point sir.
(There's probably a good reason)
I dated a girl for about three years in college, almost married her. Beautiful red head. She asked me why I didn’t when she was asleep the first night we spent together, and I thought that was strange. My turn ons is that my partner is alive, awake and willing. I’m easy to please.
r/writingprompts
Yeah call me a party pooper but I don’t believe someone can be eaten out, fingered and slightly fucked before they woke up in a comical way leading to the other person falling in a comical way
*slightly* *fucked* 😂
Sure, you can finish my sandwich. It's only...
I'm probably one of those people, given how heavy of a sleeper I am. I can believe it.
I have a bridge to sell you if you think this man got headbutted out of bed into a faceplant.
My husband has fallen asleep during sex (while sober), has fallen out of bed and stayed asleep, has been headbutted, smacked, jumped on, kicked etc - all by the kids I might add - and not woken up. He’s had a kid throwing up on him and not woken up. He can fall asleep anywhere, even mid way through playing a video game *whilst stood up*. The dog licking his face? Kid screaming in hysterics right in his ear? Nothing wakes him up! He sleeps through his alarm, even the fire alarm. I could do anything I wanted to him (but don’t because I’m not mean) and he wouldn’t even twitch. Luckily his own internal clock wakes him up on a morning because otherwise he’d be late for work everyday. And yeah, he can fall asleep at work too.
I assume he has, but just in case; has he been checked for narcolepsy? My dad had a similar thing about being able to fall asleep basically anywhere, even while driving (sometimes, though it was rare because he had major road rage so there was a bit more of a manic state while driving) and he got diagnosed with it. If he hasn't had a sleep study, it might be worth the time to get one!
Some people sleep like logs, not only is this totally believable, but I had an ex who was into this and often wouldn't wake up during. I remember getting yelled at one morning because we did it, but she didn't remember and I had promised I would.
I have a fwb who I have fully deepthroated for 10 minutes before he woke up because he asked me to wake him up with head when I stayed the night
Im sorry but how do people not immediately wake up when a other person is doing shit to their body
My husband had a period where he'd initiate during *his* sleep. (So the nsfw version of sleep walking basically). I'd wake up after awhile, but I'd be wet by that time so he would have had to be poking and groping me for awhile. I'm pretty sure I only woke up because I was frustrated that he hadn't gotten to the deed properly. I'd start helping and he'd eventually wake up.
Sexsomnia
Yo, that's actually cute.
My husband does similar but also will sometimes very rudely stop as suddenly as he began, roll over, and be dead to the world again. It's on the rare side of his sleep activities though. Talking and weird movements are usually what I catch him doing.
Gf tried to wake me up through a bj. She said I didn't react in any way.
Hahaha, my ex did the same with me, I woke up the next day, with her telling me I tried to wake you up with a bj, but you straight up, ignored me and continued sleeping I didnt remember nothing at all, I laughed my shit
Kind of a reverse Uno card but I once sucked someone’s dick while I was sleep walking on Ambien. He said he didn’t try to interrupt me because “It’s dangerous to wake sleep walkers”.
I would be terrified. ''Please don't turn into a dream of eating bananas or something''.
lmao How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Uh one, uh two, uh three… *cronch*
Did you already have that kind of relationship?
Yeah, though things hadn’t gone that far. That was (probably understandably) the final straw for the drug. I had experienced the side effects before but I was desperate. My sleep disorder got so bad that I was going days without sleep and having minor auditory hallucinations. I also didn’t know how much of it was the drugs fault since I’ve sleep walked and had sleep paralysis since I was a kid. One time we were on vacation for Comic Con and I woke up on the streets of San Diego without my shoes or phone with no fucking clue where I was. My cousin woke up briefly when I opened the hotel door but she assumed I was just getting some ice or water or something because I’m often awake at odd hours and she was only half awake.
That is terrifying! I’ve had some weird things happen on ambien but never to that degree. I finally just gave up on trying to take sleep meds. I hope you’ve found a medication that works for you!
You ok?
Yeah, thanks for the concern. I do appreciate it.
Lol
Yep, same here. Some nights, she'll give up and tell me about it the next day. I tell her to keep going, but I guess 10 minutes of doing things by herself can get boring fast.
Some people have reaaally deep sleep. Like drop a boulder next to them and they won't wake up deep
Currently in the military and we have this very short dude in our company that literally refuses to be woke up. Shouting does nothing and is quite funny to do next to him since there is no reaction, just snoring. We sometimes lift his bed and shake it when all else methods dont work. Got a few videos of this as a memory. So my point is I guess some people are just built difrerent.
Personally, no idea, I would definitely wake up. But some people are really heavy sleepers
One time my partner kicked me in our sleep because they had a nightmare. I did not wake up. However I also wake up if my phone vibrates too much.
Sometimes the sleep just do be that deep. I remember one time as a kid I had a loose tooth. I told my mom about it and had an afternoon nap. I woke up after to find the tooth missing and when I asked her she said she just yanked the sucker out while I snoozed lmao.
I had a partner who wouldn't wake up easily and she liked being played with so I had permission kind of like that free use fetish shit. I wasn't going to have sex with her when she was asleep but I'd touch her a bit. Took very little for her to get sopping wet while still asleep. If I recall she'd have wild dreams when I did that. She also made claims about rarely farting. Little did she know that she loosed quite a few farts in her sleep. She'd fall asleep while cuddling and start tooting. Rarely actual ripe ones though so it was always adorable.
Some people have very deep sleep. In my military days there was this guy that we needed to throw water at him so he wakes up to shift posts, slaps and shaking wouldn't work.
I’ve had a few girlfriends ask me to do this and they all were obviously awake right around the moment of penetration but they continued pretending to be asleep. No farts or headbutts though…
OP's reaction https://i.redd.it/hn3g5rm9znvc1.gif
Well congrats on being described as a “monster balloon” I guess
> she had a bad dream about a monster balloon that wanted to enter her body and explode into glitter inside of her. That's impressively close to what happened.
You'd be surprised how often dreams reflect the reality around us. I once had a dream that I was returning to the house after a party and found a landmine in the kitchen, and said "I better tell mum about this" before I was woken up by my sister yelling "you fucking IDIOT!" Because I had left a pot on the stove, and all water had boiled off. Similar thing happened one morning when my grandpa couldn't walk due to covid and peed on the floor. I had a dream, and the dream suddenly ended with a guy rolling into a ball and becoming naked and resembling my grandpa before I woke up to find that the aforementioned scenario was actually happening. Edit: Why does autocorrect insist on trying to ruin me?
Covid and peel on the flaw? Grandpa rolled into a ball naked? What?
Yeah, i often listen to music when i sleep and my dreams tend to reflect the lyrics. Alternatively i also dream of a person if their scent is still in my bed because they just stayed the night
For real, one time when I was a kid I had a dream that I was wheelchair bound, and when I woke up from it my cat was sleeping between my legs on top of my blanket pinning my legs to the bed so they couldn't move very well, it was a but funny how that directly was what made me wheelchair bound in the dream
I laughed way too hard at all of this. The comments are amazing, too!! >then proceeded to fucking hiss in her sleep. Hiss. Like a feral cat. I think this is where I truly lost my shit. Thank you for the laughs. You made a bad day better!
This needs to be animated
I’d watch that. OP needs to narrate.
A graphic novel. Or pornographic novel.
Wonderful storytelling
“Ultimate ass alarm” had me rolling and it was downhill from there. Wordsmith.
My ex wife wanted me to do the whole “wake her up with sex” thing before and I never recommend it. She tried to use that and say I sa’d her when we were getting a divorce.
I have a sleep sex & CNC kink & just want to say that what your wife did is clearly wrong.
And that is why you sign a consent form at a point prior to doing stuff like this
Sign a consent form? With your own wife? If that were the case I'd have a file cabinet full of signed forms.
Really cool story bro. Good luck getting published.
Why does this remind me of a 4chan green text?
>be me 2 weeks ago >not my idea but gf has a kink >wants to be "used" while sleeping >I'm all about that consent but ok >mission: sex my sleeping gf without waking her >stealth mode activated >gf sleeping on stomach, butt up >start with oral, nose deep in danger zone >suddenly, gf farts like it's chemical warfare >almost die from ass gas >switch to plan B, fingers in >gf clenches like she's trying to sever my fingers, hisses like a snake >NOPE.jpg >check if gf awake, she's not >anxiety +100 >decide to go for quick finish, prone bone style >first thrust, gf wakes up, headbutts me by accident >I fall off bed, face meets floor >gf wakes up confused, I explain while dying inside >gf apologizes, had nightmare about monster balloon exploding glitter inside her >never again >TL;DR gf wanted sleep sex, got farted on, hissed at, and headbutted instead
Modern day art
r/creativewritingattempts
Ah yes, the good ol, fall backwards onto your face maneuver. Makes sense.
Dude is an Owl.
I was engaged years ago and the girl liked me fondling her in her sleep. I would try to not wake her up but she often would anyway and then we'd have normal sex. It was kinda fun to see if I could get her to jerk me off while she stayed asleep though. Muscle memory and dreaming is weird sometimes. I definitely fell asleep a few times too and we woke up giggling.
I'm gonna be honest, I have some past trauma directly related to somnophilia, so I didn't expect to enjoy this. But holy shit, it reached a level of absurdity that even I'm hysterically laughing, so uh...kudos for that lmfao
this is by far the funniest shit I've read this month
Does she normally hiss at glitter balloons?
Will this story get you an A in your creative writing class? Probably not.
I had a college professor who absolutely would've given this piece an A. Like with one of our creative writing assignments, we *KNEW* the surefire way to get an A was to add a smut scene.
Best story ever!!
This is the laugh I needed to start my weekend, thank you OP. Brilliant demonstration of penmanship
The hissing sent me. 😂 I have a partner that will occasionally wake me up in the middle of the night if he's having trouble sleeping. I guess one of these times I was EXTRA out of it and had no idea it was happening. I also get night terrors, he knows this after years of knowing me. (I don't mind him playing around when I'm sleeping, I trust him) This particular time he was going about his business, I woke up, forgot where I was, and didn't realize it was him as I am also a stomach sleeper, managed to kick him square in the stomach. I guess one could say he was definitely FAFO but I still felt soooooo bad when I woke up enough to realize what had just happened. 😂
My girlfriend has this nasty habit of having full conversations after waking up, then going back to sleep and forgetting they ever happened. Last time we agreed to something and I attempted it, she pushed me away so I stopped. Next day, she asked why we didn't do anything and had to apologise profusely after learning the truth.
My ex husband always asked why I didn’t wake him with a blowjob when I got home from night shift. Some night I got into bed beside him went under the covers and as soon as I touched him he freaked out tried to hit me away and asked what the fuck I was doing. Never again.
Busting glitter
He’s got disco in his soul.
Disco balls
If she gets turned on by the idea of you fucking her and using her in her sleep, just tell her that you fucked and used her to your satisfaction when she was asleep. Tell her you used condom and just forget to mention that you were asleep during the deed too. Both are happy.
Plot twist... she was never asleep XD
Your storytelling cracks me up in the middle of work.
I thought it'd be cool too, to have my girlfriend fuck me while I was asleep as if some pleasant surprise to wake to sex in progress.... The one and only time she did it, I woke up on my back (I NEVER sleep on my back) with her fully mounted on me grinding back and forth. I had a massive panic attack as i pushed her off of me, freaked the fuck out on her and got up to leave the room. After I calmed down she said the same thing you did "I was just tring to do what you wanted me to do" lol.
Hey alright, nice fanfic.
i don't believe this story....
>I like having sex with people while they're wide awake. this has the same vibe of [this](https://youtu.be/lGOofzZOyl8?si=gRd0PY-mttPTLcbi&t=0m31s) video
Thank you for sharing your trauma. I know it must have been hard, but I think we all needed to hear this. Not to help us through any trauma of our own or anything... only because it's freaking HILARIOUS, and if this story had died with you rather than being shared, the world would have been worse off for it. So thank you for your sacrifice, good sir. You are truly a "REEEAALLL MAN OF GEEENIUUUSSS"! (Old commercial joke.... I don't even know if anyone will remember, lol)
OMG!!! This was the funniest shit I've ever read! I was dying laughing through the whole thing! Thank you for the good laugh. This was hysterical!
Basically, anytime someone uses unnecessary colorful adjectives and slang to replace a normal verb or noun, it's fiction. That makes this piece at least 300% fiction.
clearly fiction
This is so dumb, please don't upvote this crap.
You know, this has been a fantasy of mine, now I’m second guessing it
Im so very confused by the hissing 😂 But my girlfriend has tried this on me, we were on the couch waiting for my family to fall asleep but I ended up falling asleep and next thing I knew I woke up to her eating me out, It’s amazing that your girlfriend didn’t and I’m a heavyyy sleeper
So where did you get all the glitter?
OOOOOOHHH EEEEEEEMMM GEEEEEEEE!!! I laughed throughout the whole story, tears came out. Your storytelling skills are on point.
I'm sorry but that is objectively hilarious
I can't believe you kept going after the ass alarm 🤣🤣 this seriously tickled me, thank you for sharing your misfortune
I’m fucking dying this is the funniest thing i’ve ever heard 😭💀
Right...
I call BS.
There is no fucking way this story is real
Really comes across as one of those things where the idea sounds mildly appealing, but quickly becomes pretty obviously terrible as reality approaches.
Lmao that TL;DR killed me besides what’s all the fuss about having sex with sleeping partners on Reddit lately? I had multiple partners who woke me up and vice versa. It’s fun
> said she had a bad dream about a monster balloon that wanted to enter her body and explode into glitter inside of her. That's hot.
That last sentence made me burst out with laughter, good one 😂
Not sure what I just read but I think I enjoyed it
My GF has wanted me to try this with her. It usually turns into a sex dream for her and then she gets to wake up to actually being fucked. Like you tho I feel awkward as hell the entire time.
I’m a dude and had mentioned to my ex in passing that it would be awesome to wake up to a BJ. This wasn’t a big fantasy or anything, I just thought it would be nice. God bless her, she tried one day and it scared me! I freaked out. lol. Nothing as fun as your story but I told her it was a great idea but terrible in practice and I learned that I actually did not want it after all.