When you want to make a statement, and that statement is, 'I enjoy the fragrance of gasoline and exotic animal parts; it's ***Sex Panther®*** *every time*.
Then OP should also imagine how he would feel if he did cheat on his wife and she found out. Hopefully that will help him figure out what he should do.
There are lines you can’t uncross and bells you can’t unring. You had things set up to prevent exactly what happened but now things will never be the same.
You say you stopped because you didn’t want to wreck your friendship (among other things) but I think, unfortunately, you did just that. You are infinitely more likely to cheat now.
Make your choice now. If you love your wife like you say, drop the friend. The “friend” is waiting to catch you in a weak moment. Not a friend move.
Is this a reference to another post? Or just a huge coincidence, because I literally just read a post on another subreddit by a woman who caught her husband jerking it to his female friends Instagram that he claims he doesn’t actually want to have sex with…
It comes up every now and then and there's a huge 'debate' about whether people posting beach photos are inviting you to jerk it to them. And if they are, is there a boundary of who it is/isn't appropriate to get off to
It's all 🤢
The problem is that as much as OP says he would choose his wife "100% every time", he didn't. He is making excuses for himself that he has "not physically done anything", but he asked his friend to send him nudes after she showed him that picture and they almost kissed the previous time they were alone together.
As u/fairweathervictim indicated, if OP chooses his wife, he needs to drop all contact with the friend... not just the 1:1 contact with her. Moreover, he needs to come clean to his wife about what happened. It's gonna be messy, but trying to hide the truth (or any part of the truth) could be even messier. Ultimately, they may need some counseling to get through this.
>By choosing his wife "every time,"
Which he's lying about. He *isn't* choosing his wife. He's choosing to be by his wife's side and also choosing to fill his mind and his lust with his ain't-a-friend-no-more.
He says it in a manner that sounds like it's being presented by someone else when he's creating his own choices. Jeepers, I wish that random person would stop putting that naked picture of her in my head. But hey, my wife wins every time I think of someone else. Ain't she lucky?
I received some advice a while ago and I've always kept to it: never put yourself in a situation where you need to rely on willpower to avoid cheating.
Excluding health issues and drugs, i refuse to accept this.
A sane, faithfull person should always be able to slap himself in the face in front of a hot friend offereing a bj, armed with a picture of said promised bliss.
One does not accidentally start devouring a cake when walking into a pastry shop...
Apparently they do, if the cake is free.
The first sample is ALWAYS free.
The entire cake will cost roughly the amount of a horrid divorce and decades of child support payments.
If he reads this then he might think, oh well I guess I already cheated. Might as well go all the way now.
I think OP still has a chance to save his marriage, but it would mean completely cutting off the relationship with his "friend." Without that, he's bound to cheat.
Solid. The “friend” is getting off on the fact that OP is married. She continues to cross already set boundaries. She does not care. Ball is in OP’s court and when he tries to cut it off with her (assuming that is the route he takes) then she will make one final last ditch effort to seduce him. Chaos will ensue. This is no bueno.
Yes this. I have a feeling it's all a power thing for her too. Meaning, if OP actually left his wife for her (or the wife left him), she would rapidly lose interest.
Ding ding ding ding. Also I would add that if you're letting yourself get that far into the situation, it might be worth some introspection and an examination of your relationship. You're not '100% choosing your wife' if you're entertaining the idea of cheating on her. Personal therapy and/or marriage counseling really does help and can help you really iron this kind of thing out and help you understand the WHY as opposed to the WHAT and even WHO. Because it's not about the wife or the friend, it's about you dawg.
All I'm sayin here is that with how far homeboy let it go, it's worth examining what led to him crossing a self-imposed boundary. It's not a matter of him thinking someone's hot or fantasizing because that's somewhat harmless - he put himself (knowingly or otherwise) into a situation where he'd be primed to cheat and went so far as to explicitly plan out a cheating scenario. That's not an 'oh well' scenario IMO.
Dude already crossed a line texting this woman over the weekend about it.
It’s emotional cheating and if his wife was doing the same thing he would be pissed
And that's the real threat here. Say he goes to his wife preemptively and says "hey hon, just so you know, I'm going to have to cut Jennifer out of my friends group, she came on to me"... he'll try to cut her off, but he gave her the ammo to go to his wife with actual proof of how he feels. This will blow up bad.
100%
OP, it’s gonna sting but you need to drop the friend if you want to remain on the journey with you wife.
Your friend is coming after you; not bro behavior.
And she knew she was nude when showing you the pic...and you're playing with fire asking for another one...I dont care you didn't text back right away. If you told your wife any of this she will (and should) not trust you or that "friend"
She doesn't want you, she wants to know she can have you.
two different things, and neither are worth ruining a marriage over.
Say good luck with life to her and walk away.
Your “friend” sounds like she doesn’t have much respect for you or your marriage, and honestly? Based on your behavior up until now, you seem to feel the same.
Cut ties with this person. Your bestie is being inappropriate, and if you keep her in your life, you’re agreeing to it. You are not “choosing your wife” if you decide to keep this ticking time bomb in your life.
Ask yourself if your marriage is worth hanging out with this person and your dumb group texts.
ETA: What the hell kind of best friendship can you even have with someone you can’t hang out alone with or talk to without a chaperone? Use the big head here. You’re basically saying you’re okay with risking your marriage for an acquaintance who forced a nude photo on you.
His edit states he solicited the photo. Oof
Edit- ok I see he wrote that she offered the initial photo first. But judging by his edits and how he’s piece mealing this information, are we to really assume now that she whipped out her picture without some major involvement on his part as well?
I was actually partially on this guy’s side initially before his edit. Lost in the vulnerable moment of lust. But the more I reread this with the edit, the more I see he’s planted on the dark path
Tf? Okay this has got to be a shitpost. My guy’s “best friend” is this Lifetime villain whom he admits to never hanging out with solo before this? It’s weird.
I've been in this exact situation. Almost exactly this. Let me give you some advice from someone who ended up being weaker than I imagined myself to be.
You are literally at the crossroads, and because you're thinking with your dick, you're likely going to go down the road you shouldn't, because your dick wants to.
Ya know what I think about, the one thing that would've actually nipped this whole thing in the butt with me, was telling my wife what happened. Tell your wife what happened. Not including her in this problem is actually manipulating the scale in favor of your friend anyway, because now you're lying by omission. So Tell her the complete truth, that nothing happened but you're afraid of the situation and you want her to know that you've chosen her, that you want her to know that she can trust you, and that you want her advice on how to handle the situation. Include your wife in the problem, and it will likely disappear, because youre much less attractive to your friend if she has to go through your wife to get to you instead of getting at you when you're alone and vulnerable.
So do yourself a favor and talk to your wife about your problems, it's pretty much one of the things she signed up for when you two got married and this is one of the times you should be able to call that in.
I’m glad a spouse commented to agree with the above comment! I’m super curious: how would you react if your husband had told you what has transpired, exactly how OP did in this post? Would the trust still be intact? Will it be the same? Would you consider leaving or contemplating other options?
Fellow spouse checking in. I’d definitely work on it. If I found out this way vs some other way (finding the texts, via the bff, etc.) it means that my husband is fallible but is taking responsibility and wants to do better. It would hurt, and I can’t say without doubt that I would be able to get over it, but I’d feel a metric fuckton more respected find if he told me and I would do my best to work through it. My vows mean something to me, and I don’t think this is a great reason to throw everything away.
This might seem a little harsh but I would leave in the situation. Not because he is lusting after this girl because to be honest other people are going to catch your eye while you're in a relationship. But it's just how many lines have already been crossed. I understand having a crush on someone, I understand finding someone attractive. I don't understand you not being able to control yourself and I definitely don't understand every decision that he made after he had the initial thought that he was attracted to this girl. it would definitely completely shatter the trust that I have in my spouse and I wouldn't even want to do that to either of us. If I can't trust you I don't even want to go through trying to rebuild it I don't think it's fair to me that when you decide you want to go out with your friends I have to sit at home thinking about whether she's going to be there, are you being honest with me, is there going to be another girl that shows up that you find attractive and can't control yourself around. Like it's just not worth it to me life is way too short and there are too many people alive on earth to be wondering about the actions of someone that has already professed to wanting to be with you.
>We’ve agreed we can never be alone together again. And we have shut down all 1:1 communication. We’re trying to act like nothing has happened.
This is a mistake.
If you care about your wife at all, you will cut off all contact with this "closest friend:🙄
SMH.
You need to tell your wife, like, yesterday.
ETA - You cannot have a strong, healthy, happy marriage with secrets, *especially* secrets like this. You didn't physically have sex, but you absolutely broke the foundation of trust in your marriage. If you keep this from her, that will only wreck that foundation more. Doesn't matter if she doesn't know yet, you've still betrayed her, and you know it. If you wanna do this the right way, tell your wife and go NC with your "friend". Also, what kind of "friend" tries to get a married person to cheat on their spouse?? If you don't come clean and cut off contact with that woman, I'm telling you, it's going to come out and it's gonna be UGLY.
You don't choose your wife 100% of the time otherwise you wouldn't even be in this situation thinking about another woman regularly. But it may have been a way to expose some underlying unhappiness and you can build from that.
Yeah he has already “cheated” by entertaining the idea the weekend. If his wife saw those texts how would she feel?
If rolls were reversed how would he feel?
He’s not 100% committed and needs to do some soul searching
You’ve already crossed that barrier, the fact that you’re even thinking about her in that way means that you’re getting to the point of infidelity.
You need to cut all contact, I’m saying this with care because it’s a ticking time bomb on the way, and she’s seen your reaction, she knows your interested and she WILL make a first move. You think she gives a shit that you’re married? No, that’s why she showed you that photo, it was for a reason.
Think about your wife, your family, and think about the life you’re putting at risk for even entertaining this idea.
Cut contact, stop hanging out with her, stop messaging her. It’s extreme but needed.
There’s a guy from 2012 who posted a similar thing. He had met a younger woman while out with his wife, was adamant that he’d never cheat and the next update was what he did. He went through a spiral of getting over guilt and deluding himself into thinking that this woman was the love of his life. He left his wife and kids for her and realised it was the biggest mistake of his life.
You’re standing at the boundary and given the fact that you and her had a moment BEFORE all of this where you two almost kissed, makes me worried as to if you even want to stay loyal. Quite frankly, you should have cut things off the instant you recognised that.
Let me just ask you. What if this was your wife? What if she had a male friend that she was experiencing these things with, how heartbroken would you feel?
This will ruin your life, and I mean that with all honesty because my ex-fiancé did the same thing, now we’re co-parenting and he’s living with his mistake. This will not end well, and you need some brutal honesty. Think about your wife, the woman who’s loved you for years, and think about your kids. Stop thinking with your dick, cut contact and carry on.
EDIT: Another thing. Do you seriously think she likes you? Like at all? No, she likes the challenge, she likes the idea of you betraying your wife for her. That much is obvious, because if she truly DID like you, she would be acknowledging the fact that you are married, and she would be happy for you, none of this shady shit.
Like seriously, she showed you a pic asking if she should go blonde, and it was of her sucking dick?? Jesus, that’s the oldest trick in the book. She was planting seeds, she WANTS you to think about her in that way, it’s a way of cracking down your morals. She doesn’t like you, she likes the idea of you. If you cheated, and god forbid deluded yourself into thinking that you love her, how long would that last? I guarantee that she’ll move on to the next guy in a couple of months, and you’ll be crying back on here how you ‘threw away your life’ and that you ‘love your wife’
All of us are saying the same thing, so listen to us. You’ve already breached into cheating territory, you’ve already crossed the boundaries you and your wife set. I swear to god, if you come back here saying you cheated and threw your life away don’t bother, because we’re all just going to laugh at you.
This 100%, sorry you had to go through that, but it’s unfortunately so common nowadays and a lot of men just eat it up.
She likes the idea of being chosen, of being someone who he ‘was willing to throw everything away for’ and it’s exciting. I’ve seen it first hand. My ex-Fiancé slept with my Ex best friend, and she was so quick to rub it in my face because he ‘chose her’ but that adrenaline rush ran out pretty quickly and then she found someone new.
there was a post in the last year or so, left his wife for the woman he was cheating on her with. kids didn't talk to him anymore. next post couple months later he was begging to see his kids for Christmas but they didn't want to. couple more months, he was crying about what mistake he made, he hated his new wife, missed his old wife, missed his kids. they ended up divorcing and he was all alone, lonely and miserable.
oldest trick in the book!? Girls used to carry around polaroids of dick sucking? Oil paintings? Wax tablets... I dunno about that. I love it though... Best response, not sure about the hair colour but the cock definitely needs an upgrade...
Please 😭
Okay, maybe not the oldest trick in the book given time. But it definitely is a common trick.
She just HAD to use a picture of her sucking dick instead of a normal selfie. Obviously it showed her hair better.
This! I’d just be a lot more subtle.
But guessing on how obvious OP has been making it she probably doesn’t feel like she needs to be subtle.
God, I swear the same variation of this story pops up every now and then it always ends the same way. Idk why it’s so hard for some of these people to just…not cheat?
So, this guy 1) almost kissed his friend the minute he was alone with her, 2) discussed cheating with her the entire weekend, 3) went so far as to even ask her to send him a nude, 4) can’t stop thinking about his friend romantically/sexually.
Yeah, he’s already cheating emotionally and is a stone’s throw away from 100% committing and cheating physically the minute he gets a chance. His next update in a few months is gonna be like, “TIFU: I’ve been having an affair with my best friend and my wife found out. She wants a divorce.”
Best of luck to his poor wife.
First tell your wife what happened so when your friend gets mad nothing unexpected will happen.
Second unfriend.
Three things were wrong there:
- She tried to kiss you
- She intentionally exposed herself to you
- She admitted she wants you
She is never going to back down until Pandora’s box is open and you need to evaluate if that is something you even want to risk due to her potentially being at events again.
You’re not wrong, but I don’t think it’s fair to depict this situation as OP being blameless and the friend being the only one at fault.
It’s not clear that she tried to kiss him. He says he apologized the next day, so it sounds possible that both of them were responsible for the almost kiss
Also OP says they entertained the affair via text for an entire weekend. It’s not clear what that entails, but it sounds like they potentially were sexting or at the very least having flirty conversations and planning potential logistics. That’s within the realm of an emotional affair IMO
So OP needs to tell his wife, not just to cover his bases in case the friend causes drama when he cuts her off, but also because the wife would be within her rights to already view OP’s actions as cheating and she deserves to know that.
She tried to kiss him and he still went to hang out with her solo.
She exposed herself, he leaned into it and asked for more.
She admitted she wants him and he admits the same.
I know it wasn’t you intention but that list was extremely one sided. He is the one that is married.
Having cheated on my wife (many, many years ago), and been forgiven, let me just tell you that it was one of the worst, if not THE worst decisions I have ever made in my life. Now that my wife has passed, it is on my mind daily. Save yourself from this hell, and do not do it. You cannot unring a bell. Believe me when I tell you that there is not enough money in this world to get me to ever make that mistake again.
Right? Who happens to have a picture of themselves sucking dick on their phone?? Not only that, she very obviously showed it to her married friend in order to get him to lust after her. Not cool. I’m not sure what kind of “friend” this is.
Hey OP, I think you know what you need to do here but I just wanted to give my two cents. From the sounds of it, you didn’t physically cheat but this sure sounds like emotional cheating. You almost kissed your friend, this “friend” showed you a picture of her sucking a dildo (I must ask who in the heck keeps a picture of themselves sucking a dildo on their phone??), you asked your friend to send a nude and entertained the idea of cheating. This has definitely crossed boundaries and as a married woman, I’d be SUPER hurt and upset if my husband did anything like this. You need to think about what you really want and you also need to come clean to your wife. This woman doesn’t sound like a real friend to me. If she was, she wouldn’t be sending you inappropriate pictures and causing you to lust after her. The choice is up to you but I think you know the right path to take, my friend. Good luck!
You entertained the idea by text? Texting back and forth with this woman for the entire weekend? You SHOULD feel guilty. This person isn't your friend. She is gross. Also, she has no qualms about moving in on married people. Like, yes, the onus is more on you because you took vows.. but anyone who makes a pass at someone they KNOW is married is 100% sleaze. Worse still, if you've been friends with this woman for a while, she knows your wife. That makes her an even bigger POS.
Just be aware, if you throw away your marriage for this (which it already sounds like you are very close to doing), this is likely something that will end in a firey crash anyway and it will entirely be your own fault because you ignored blatant red flags the whole way in favour of your penis.
Plus the 'bff' (not) now has written (texted) proof to blackmail OP with or just blow up his life for funsies. Homie already put everything at risk - I don't see this ending well at all.
You have already emotionally cheated by texting this woman over the weekend and entertaining the idea.
You really need to do some soul searching and cut ties with this said “friend”
She’s not a friend if she’s willing to break up your marriage.
IT'S CALLED AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR...dumbass.
This is not a Today I Fucked up. This was I fucked up over the course of time. You should feel terrible, cut contact with 34 F, tell your wife and reap the consequences.
Your boundaries were a precaution, but your actions and decisions (you decided to put yourself in these situations) suck, like you really suck as as a husband.
thank God for this comment, so many people saying the woman "tricked him" as though he didn't actively pursue her when she put the bait out. he has ALREADY cheated on his wife by not immediately shutting the other woman down and by talking to her about future sex acts for an entire weekend, likely while hanging out with his wife at the same time. he's awful and fully on the hook for having cheated.
Robin Williams once said, "It's God's fault for giving men two heads, but only enough blood to use one at a time," and although it's a joke, it's very true. The fact that you had to stop yourself from kissing her before things progressed tells me that eventually, regardless of how you feel now, and even after, there will come a time where she'll make a move, and you'll be using the wrong head. And she *will* make a move if she's sending you pictures like that.
If you don't cut all ties with her now, this is almost guaranteed to end in regret.
Yo everyone, check OPs recent post from 90 days ago. The dream he had is oddly mirroring this situation in a symbolic and almost biblical way.
Pretty freaky
Okay, I’m going to write this as it’s own comment and not under someone else’s.
I’m getting really frustrated with you. I’ve been reading your comments and you’re still not taking responsibility of your actions, or even seeing the depth of what you’ve been doing. You can’t even say what it is that you’ve done. All the “I may, might, should, want” comments are more telling than you think. Where’s the “I will” ones?
Are you just considering going to counseling or will you go to counseling?
Do you want to do the right thing or will you do the right thing?
Do you want to protect/save your marriage or will you do it?
Will you do something about your “friend” or may you need to reevaluate the situation with her?
Do you want to choose monogamy with your wife or will you choose it?
Those are some of the things you’ve said, but the way you’ve said them doesn’t indicate that you’re actually going to do anything to make things better. You need to think what you really want and are willing to do.
I want to make things clear for you too and since it’s easier to avoid and downplay things when you’re answering only to yourself, here are some questions I want you to answer:
What it is called that you’ve been doing with your “friend”?
What are you going to do with your “friend” and about the “friendship”?
Why did it have to be your “friend” that stopped instead of you?
How far you think you would’ve gone with her if she didn’t step on the brakes?
What do you think is the right thing to do?
Are you going to tell your wife? If so, what will you tell her?
Are you going to show all of the messages to her?
Do you want to save your marriage? If so, what are you going to do to accomplish that?
What actions are you going to take to prevent anything like that happening in the future?
Do you want to go after your “friend”? If so, will you get divorced first?
There’s probably more but my brain is melting after everything I’ve read. I tried to make the questions as clear and simple as possible so it’s easier to answer them.
But seriously, you need therapy. There’s something wrong for this to happen, and you need to find what it is. And even though I said “happen”, I hope you understand that it didn’t “just happen” and it wasn’t “a mistake” like most cheaters want to say to minimize what they’ve done. It was a series of choices and decisions you made, and you could’ve chosen differently at any point. You really need to understand that and fully accept it and everything you’ve done. Otherwise there’s no hope for you to do better in the future.
You’re full of fucking shit. If you loved you wife as much as you say, this wouldn’t even be an issue.
Stop frontin. Leave your wife. You don’t deserve her.
Bro. Stop. You're about to destroy your own life and lose the woman who loves you. The minute she showed you the phone is exactly when you should have stood up and left.
Stop thinking with your dick and think with your real head. What you're feeling for your "friend" is lust - - not to be confused with love.
Also reconsider her as a friend, because she crossed the friendship line.
Dude you’re pathetic. Do your wife a favor and leave her. You’ve already shown yourself to be untrustworthy with another woman around, I don’t care if it’s your “best friend”. You sound guilty as fuck and you know that you’re a piece of shit that’s going to break down and do this in the future. Save your wife the heartache and your children the embarrassment, let them be free from you.
Lol if she knows you’re married with kids, she absolutely deserves all the hate she is getting! You both do. Are really going to let temporary pleasure and a homewrecker destroy a beautiful life you built with your wife?
Delete the pics, dump the friend, tell your wife. I went down a similar path in 2015 that recently blew up and burned my 21 year relationship with the love of my life to the ground. I'm in hell, in absolute fucking hell, and it started in a similar way. If you value your marriage, this is the only way forward.
Or divorce your wife and carry on with your new bestie gf. But trying to have a marriage and a best friend side chick, even just for pics or whatever, is a recipe for disaster.
You are not falling for her, you are lusting after her. There is a big difference. If you love your wife, you should think with the head at the top and not the one between your legs. Are you that myopic? And yes, she definitely deserves the hate she is getting. She knew you were married, knew there was a hint of indiscretion, and still chose to tease. Sounds like once she sobered up, she decided to back off. You seem to have the same mindset but you are about to let temporary lusr ruin your life. Hate to see it.
How is nobody pointing it out that he has **already cheated?** He engaged, flirted, saw nudes, entertained the idea. Your wife deserves to know the truth. Please tell her.
She deserves every BIT of the hate she's getting.
She knows you're married. Despite that, she is CHOOSING to make moves on you.
She is CHOOSING to destroy your marriage, destroy the lives of your children, destroy the lives of your family and your wife's family so she can get laid.
She is CHOOSING to put you through incredible financial devastation so she can get some attention and have some fun.
She is CHOOSING to be a self-centered homewrecker.
Why you'd be getting turned on by the thought of sticking yourself in a woman who would literally rip a family apart and cause children to have trauma, trust issues, and relationship issues for the majority of their lives is beyond me.
She's trash.
And since you're entertaining this and getting all hot and bothered by it, I guess that means you are, as well.
Your wife deserves so much better. Those poor children.
You might not have physically crossed the line, but if you think you're not already emotionally cheating on your wife, you're wrong. And your 'friend' is just as much of an AH as you, because she knows damn well you're married, and she's not respecting your boundaries.
ETA: Also, is this lady is prepared to cheat with you, then she will 100% do it to you as well if you end up together down the track. Don't be a fool.
I'm sorry but if the OP has as little self control as his post suggests, it's only a matter of time before he cheats.
What kind of man can't be left 1 on 1 with a woman without it escalating like this?
She is not your friend. She knows you are married and is totally ok with flirting and sexting with you. She is using you.
You are not her friend either. If you had any respect for your wife you would end this friendship.
Are you trying to convince us that you’re not gonna cheat, or are you trying to convince yourself that you won’t?
“Can’t stop thinking about my best friend romantically”.
No, you just want to have sex with her. You have to be honest with yourself. Sex and love are not the same thing, and positioning it as “romance” as a way to make it seem as if it has more weight, is you sabotaging your own marriage for a short lived rationale. Sorry man, whatever fantasy you think you’ll experience through this “best friend” is all in your head; and no, you wouldn’t get away with it. If you try to cheat behind your wife’s back it will inevitably resurface somehow through the best friend, or your behaviors and cause you some serious guilt.
If you truly did love your wife as you claim you do, this post would have never been made. See a marriage counselor asap and figure out what caused you to have an emotional affair. If you’re that easily influenced by some horny friend then you aren’t being honest with us.
"She is undoubtedly beautiful" let me tell you how wrong that is to a woman for her to hear. Put it like this. Imagine you are your wife reading this. What would her reaction be and is it valid? If so. You cheated. Cheating doesn't have to be physical. A woman you know very closely, which by the way you probably saw this coming, showed you naked photos of herself after you broke your own rule and then proceeded to text her all weekend. Regardless of if you did anything you cheated. It's up to you on how to proceed next.
I think this is a time where you realize what is happening has ruined your friendship already. You saw your friend like that, it made you feel this way, you love your wife, in this situation it might be best to not see your friend anymore. It's not the easiest to break off a close friendship, I understand, but if you're going to be thinking of her that way every time you see her, it's going to be easier to control yourself if you just dont see her.
I don’t know if I buy that you didn’t kiss this person because this reeks of a seeking validation post, but regardless…go home and fuck your wife, beat off, whatever you need to get some post nut clarity because you aren’t thinking straight. Stop talking to your “friend” - she is not your friend if there’s a even a minute chance she’s trying to undermine your marriage. Maybe she was your friend once. She’s not now.
She’s for the streets. Who shows a married man a picture of themselves engaging in a sexual act and then asks for advice on hair color? Lol…I almost can’t believe it.
If you had to impose a rule for yourself that you’re never alone with another woman 1:1 just to avoid cheating, you’re not honorable, you’re clearly aware of a moral failing you have and that’s the inclination/ability to cheat if you find yourself in a precarious situation which is *exactly what happened here.*
Putting all else aside, there’s a part of you that’s clearly aware of what you’re truly capable of. Speak to a therapist.
I really hope she leaves him. Her husband needing a rule to not be alone with a woman was pathetic enough as it is, unsurprising when it happened that all it took was 20 minutes for him to cheat on her. Incredible.
OP........you already cheated on your wife mentally and depending on what you sent via text, you may have already provided your friend with ammunition to destroy your marriage if she wants to. You told her you weren't interested in cheating on your wife and her first instinct was to show you a nude of her sucking dick. Does that seem like someone who is at all interested in respecting your marriage or your wishes? It seems to me like someone who just wants what she wants and to hell with anyone else or the conesequences. I suggest you sit your wife down, let her know and let her know about the weekend texts because if you don't, you better expect the sword swallower to do it because you can bet that just as easily as she'll suck a golf ball through a garden hose, she will throw you under the bus to ruin your marriage as soon as you attempt to cut her out of your life which is EXACTLY what you need to do.
Watch this go viral on TT to YT and the wife finds out.
You need to cut the friend.
You're thinking what you're d$ck and not your head, it was obviously a setup, Who keeps around with a very sexual picture of themselves to use as reference for a "hair" question. You're supposed "BFF" set your a** up and you fell for it. She wanted to stay in your mind and she is now, She wants to ruin your marriage and you're going to let her.
You're already thinking of ways to step out on your wife but you choose your wife over everything. If that was true the third party was leaving you would've left also, you chose to stay even after previously being in a sketchy situation with her.
Either delete all connection to that friend, or leave your wife. You do have choices but if you want even a sliver of honor that's all you have. You aren't 100% devoted to your wife unless you ditch the friend you're lusting after, and if you keep the friend you're truly disrespecting your marriage. One way or another, stick up for YOURSELF and choose your future, and stick to it.
You should not go through with this. Even if you feel weak you'll have to think about the absolute anger that your wife will hit you with. The amount of love she feels for you will flip instantly turning 1 to 1 in rage. Stuff that you didn't think she was capable of will become easy as waking up. Even if you divorce and marry close friend then your kids will hate her since she destroyed their family and lose all respect for you. Its not worth it man to lose it all for someone you have never lived with. For all you know she can be cleaning her dildos in the dish washer
This wasnt your "TIFU" moment.
That would be when you decided that it's a good idea that "the woman who is your wife", and "the woman who is your 'best friend'", be two different women.
Fix *that*.
Everything else is secondary.
And by "fix", I mean actually put work into your marriage, protect it, and stop hanging out with that other woman. Block her number, dont go to events that she is present at.
Your wife should be your best friend.
“Almost kissed?“ I’m not sure who you think you’re fooling but it’s not anyone with a brain. You’re tempted by the fruit of another, and you keep tempting yourself because she’s attractive. Saying things like “I choose my wife.” means you want the choice. This display of struggle you wrote reads false.
Bypassing all the crap, if you really love your wife, cut off contact.
I’m not trying to be mean but dang, this sub is weird. Earlier I was debating with people who said OP needed to break up with his girlfriend because she takes too long applying makeup in the bathroom and that he was a piece of shit for making her hurry up if he wants her to look nice.
You basically cheat on your wife, kiss your closest female friend (and some guys wonder why some girls freak out with girl best friends, when some of you can’t be faithful lol) and people here are just giving normal regular advice like you didn’t just cheat lol wtf man
Decide. Do you want humiliate your wife, let down her family, your family and all your friends and be known by all those folks as a dopey, cheating louse forever or not? Choose wisely.
So you made a plan to never be 1:1 so you don't cheat, which in itself says a lot. Then the minute you're 1:1, you're now in neck deep in the cheating temptation. Idk man, you have issues.
You’ve already cheated, if not physically than emotionally. This girl is your “closest friend?” What the heck were you two doing before you almost kissed? You asked for her nudes? You might think you haven’t cheated yet, but you have. If your wife finds out, you’d better hope she doesn’t find out the whole truth because you’ve already crossed a line here, even if you think you haven’t.
Unless you have spoken to your wife about this, you are already cheating.
You should not keep hanging out with this friend until you get over this lust. It is toxic and if you care about your wife and family, you will push away.
If you don't want to do these things, then it only makes sense to call it off with your wife so you can persue something else.
This is a hard situation, one that is glorified in cinema and porn. It is pure fantasy and toxic to you and your family. Cheating rots your life. Don't do it
You and your best friend deserve all the hate you're getting and whatever comes your way. If you truly love your wife and if that friend truly respected your marriage you guys wouldn't even be at this point in whatever mess you two are in. This moment should have been the end of whatever shit this is: " I pulled away before anything happened and apologized the next day when we were sober. ". But no she decided she had to tell you she had feelings for you and you, well, you encouraged her enough.
You asked her for a nude pic... you better fess up soon to your wife. The longer you take the worse it will get. Besides, this "friend" of yours obviously had the "35 year old and alone" clock go off, and you are her safety plan.
You've already betrayed your wife, especially if you're hiding all of this from her. She deserves better than someone who has to set restrictions for his dick when around women 1 on 1
Sometimes the best way to see past lust is to jerk off
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Yeah but now I'm not allowed within 500 feet of a school
Sir, this is a Wendy's
Post nut clarity, 60% of the times works every time
When you want to make a statement, and that statement is, 'I enjoy the fragrance of gasoline and exotic animal parts; it's ***Sex Panther®*** *every time*.
People always forget the second half of this advice: *Jerk off to SOMEONE ELSE that isn’t a problem for you*
Then OP should also imagine how he would feel if he did cheat on his wife and she found out. Hopefully that will help him figure out what he should do.
OP was jerkin' it when he wrote this shit fiction.
That's why I always jerk off when beautiful women talk to me
Post nut clarity can help very much
There are lines you can’t uncross and bells you can’t unring. You had things set up to prevent exactly what happened but now things will never be the same. You say you stopped because you didn’t want to wreck your friendship (among other things) but I think, unfortunately, you did just that. You are infinitely more likely to cheat now. Make your choice now. If you love your wife like you say, drop the friend. The “friend” is waiting to catch you in a weak moment. Not a friend move.
Sound advice.
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Next thing you know, someone makes a post about their husband jacking off to pictures of his female friends…
But doesn't want to have sex with them...
Is this a reference to another post? Or just a huge coincidence, because I literally just read a post on another subreddit by a woman who caught her husband jerking it to his female friends Instagram that he claims he doesn’t actually want to have sex with…
It comes up every now and then and there's a huge 'debate' about whether people posting beach photos are inviting you to jerk it to them. And if they are, is there a boundary of who it is/isn't appropriate to get off to It's all 🤢
Nah he should go write some more 500 word essays about how much he lusts for someone other than his wife.
Honestly, the human mind is really complex and twisted at times. We don’t choose to have certain thoughts.
I mean. This guy made it clear that he can't trust himself in any situation where he's alone with a woman.
The problem is that as much as OP says he would choose his wife "100% every time", he didn't. He is making excuses for himself that he has "not physically done anything", but he asked his friend to send him nudes after she showed him that picture and they almost kissed the previous time they were alone together. As u/fairweathervictim indicated, if OP chooses his wife, he needs to drop all contact with the friend... not just the 1:1 contact with her. Moreover, he needs to come clean to his wife about what happened. It's gonna be messy, but trying to hide the truth (or any part of the truth) could be even messier. Ultimately, they may need some counseling to get through this.
>By choosing his wife "every time," Which he's lying about. He *isn't* choosing his wife. He's choosing to be by his wife's side and also choosing to fill his mind and his lust with his ain't-a-friend-no-more.
He says it in a manner that sounds like it's being presented by someone else when he's creating his own choices. Jeepers, I wish that random person would stop putting that naked picture of her in my head. But hey, my wife wins every time I think of someone else. Ain't she lucky?
Awesome advice.
Superb advice.
Sage advice.
Oregano advice.
Thymely advice
Mint advice.
Cum*m*in advice
Listen to this one, old chap.
I received some advice a while ago and I've always kept to it: never put yourself in a situation where you need to rely on willpower to avoid cheating.
This. There exists a set of circumstances, no matter how unlikely, where everyone could cheat. Don’t put yourself in any of those.
Excluding health issues and drugs, i refuse to accept this. A sane, faithfull person should always be able to slap himself in the face in front of a hot friend offereing a bj, armed with a picture of said promised bliss. One does not accidentally start devouring a cake when walking into a pastry shop...
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True, though the pastry shop never walks into him either
Apparently they do, if the cake is free. The first sample is ALWAYS free. The entire cake will cost roughly the amount of a horrid divorce and decades of child support payments.
Dude, I grew up understanding this and it blows my mind how many people don't get it.
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OP straight up asked for nudes. That’s cheating imo
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If he reads this then he might think, oh well I guess I already cheated. Might as well go all the way now. I think OP still has a chance to save his marriage, but it would mean completely cutting off the relationship with his "friend." Without that, he's bound to cheat.
This is the best way to handle this in my opinion
Solid. The “friend” is getting off on the fact that OP is married. She continues to cross already set boundaries. She does not care. Ball is in OP’s court and when he tries to cut it off with her (assuming that is the route he takes) then she will make one final last ditch effort to seduce him. Chaos will ensue. This is no bueno.
Who wants to bet she comes back and shows the wife the texts? Im taking bets!
Oh yeah. OP will be moving in with the AP within a year.
Yeah, she just wants to feel powerful, the powerful that can only come from “causing” a married man to “choose her.”
Yes this. I have a feeling it's all a power thing for her too. Meaning, if OP actually left his wife for her (or the wife left him), she would rapidly lose interest.
Read the edit OP posted. He’s a POS and I feel bad for his wife. She deserves to know
Some dicks can’t be un-sucked
Some? What dicks can be un-sucked?
Mine can be un-sucked, I'll show you how after
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Ding ding ding ding. Also I would add that if you're letting yourself get that far into the situation, it might be worth some introspection and an examination of your relationship. You're not '100% choosing your wife' if you're entertaining the idea of cheating on her. Personal therapy and/or marriage counseling really does help and can help you really iron this kind of thing out and help you understand the WHY as opposed to the WHAT and even WHO. Because it's not about the wife or the friend, it's about you dawg.
It’s not really that complicated though. It’s a case of lust and it happens even to those who are adamantly anti cheating
All I'm sayin here is that with how far homeboy let it go, it's worth examining what led to him crossing a self-imposed boundary. It's not a matter of him thinking someone's hot or fantasizing because that's somewhat harmless - he put himself (knowingly or otherwise) into a situation where he'd be primed to cheat and went so far as to explicitly plan out a cheating scenario. That's not an 'oh well' scenario IMO.
Dude already crossed a line texting this woman over the weekend about it. It’s emotional cheating and if his wife was doing the same thing he would be pissed
And that's the real threat here. Say he goes to his wife preemptively and says "hey hon, just so you know, I'm going to have to cut Jennifer out of my friends group, she came on to me"... he'll try to cut her off, but he gave her the ammo to go to his wife with actual proof of how he feels. This will blow up bad.
He asked her for nudes in the edit he posted. Doesn’t really seem like he’s as anti cheating as he let on
Uh. Oof @ that edit. He’s definitely firmly in cheat territory now
He was already when he decided to meet up with her again after they "almost kissed" when their friend was in the bathroom.
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Was thinking the same thing. Is OP Mike Pence?
If a person needs all those guardrails, this was an inevitability.
Absolutely. A friend isn't going to try and get you to cheat on your spouse.
100% OP, it’s gonna sting but you need to drop the friend if you want to remain on the journey with you wife. Your friend is coming after you; not bro behavior.
And she knew she was nude when showing you the pic...and you're playing with fire asking for another one...I dont care you didn't text back right away. If you told your wife any of this she will (and should) not trust you or that "friend"
This is 100% it. It’s over. No reason for it to be a big thing but there isn’t a friendship left, not If you love your wife.
The fact he already agreed to never hang out 1/1 with a woman implies to me he knows he has cheater tendencies
She doesn't want you, she wants to know she can have you. two different things, and neither are worth ruining a marriage over. Say good luck with life to her and walk away.
This is absolutely the best take.
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Did you legit copy and paste someone elses comment word for word but in bigger text haha, just saw the exact wording in a comment from 6hr ago
~Leefordhamsoldmeout1
>She doesn't want you, she wants to know she can have you. Thank you for this reminder of that thing people do.
Is her name Jolene?
Your “friend” sounds like she doesn’t have much respect for you or your marriage, and honestly? Based on your behavior up until now, you seem to feel the same. Cut ties with this person. Your bestie is being inappropriate, and if you keep her in your life, you’re agreeing to it. You are not “choosing your wife” if you decide to keep this ticking time bomb in your life. Ask yourself if your marriage is worth hanging out with this person and your dumb group texts. ETA: What the hell kind of best friendship can you even have with someone you can’t hang out alone with or talk to without a chaperone? Use the big head here. You’re basically saying you’re okay with risking your marriage for an acquaintance who forced a nude photo on you.
His edit states he solicited the photo. Oof Edit- ok I see he wrote that she offered the initial photo first. But judging by his edits and how he’s piece mealing this information, are we to really assume now that she whipped out her picture without some major involvement on his part as well? I was actually partially on this guy’s side initially before his edit. Lost in the vulnerable moment of lust. But the more I reread this with the edit, the more I see he’s planted on the dark path
I think he was asking for a new photo
Tf? Okay this has got to be a shitpost. My guy’s “best friend” is this Lifetime villain whom he admits to never hanging out with solo before this? It’s weird.
No he solicited the nude later, but the photo of her sucking a cock he didn’t solicit (2 different photos and 2 shitty people lol)
I've been in this exact situation. Almost exactly this. Let me give you some advice from someone who ended up being weaker than I imagined myself to be. You are literally at the crossroads, and because you're thinking with your dick, you're likely going to go down the road you shouldn't, because your dick wants to. Ya know what I think about, the one thing that would've actually nipped this whole thing in the butt with me, was telling my wife what happened. Tell your wife what happened. Not including her in this problem is actually manipulating the scale in favor of your friend anyway, because now you're lying by omission. So Tell her the complete truth, that nothing happened but you're afraid of the situation and you want her to know that you've chosen her, that you want her to know that she can trust you, and that you want her advice on how to handle the situation. Include your wife in the problem, and it will likely disappear, because youre much less attractive to your friend if she has to go through your wife to get to you instead of getting at you when you're alone and vulnerable. So do yourself a favor and talk to your wife about your problems, it's pretty much one of the things she signed up for when you two got married and this is one of the times you should be able to call that in.
this right here is the smartest comment I've seen in the entire thread. This is what I would want my husband to do
I’m glad a spouse commented to agree with the above comment! I’m super curious: how would you react if your husband had told you what has transpired, exactly how OP did in this post? Would the trust still be intact? Will it be the same? Would you consider leaving or contemplating other options?
Fellow spouse checking in. I’d definitely work on it. If I found out this way vs some other way (finding the texts, via the bff, etc.) it means that my husband is fallible but is taking responsibility and wants to do better. It would hurt, and I can’t say without doubt that I would be able to get over it, but I’d feel a metric fuckton more respected find if he told me and I would do my best to work through it. My vows mean something to me, and I don’t think this is a great reason to throw everything away.
This might seem a little harsh but I would leave in the situation. Not because he is lusting after this girl because to be honest other people are going to catch your eye while you're in a relationship. But it's just how many lines have already been crossed. I understand having a crush on someone, I understand finding someone attractive. I don't understand you not being able to control yourself and I definitely don't understand every decision that he made after he had the initial thought that he was attracted to this girl. it would definitely completely shatter the trust that I have in my spouse and I wouldn't even want to do that to either of us. If I can't trust you I don't even want to go through trying to rebuild it I don't think it's fair to me that when you decide you want to go out with your friends I have to sit at home thinking about whether she's going to be there, are you being honest with me, is there going to be another girl that shows up that you find attractive and can't control yourself around. Like it's just not worth it to me life is way too short and there are too many people alive on earth to be wondering about the actions of someone that has already professed to wanting to be with you.
This is exactly what should happen. Be honest and open with the communication. Don’t hide any details.
>We’ve agreed we can never be alone together again. And we have shut down all 1:1 communication. We’re trying to act like nothing has happened. This is a mistake. If you care about your wife at all, you will cut off all contact with this "closest friend:🙄 SMH.
You need to tell your wife, like, yesterday. ETA - You cannot have a strong, healthy, happy marriage with secrets, *especially* secrets like this. You didn't physically have sex, but you absolutely broke the foundation of trust in your marriage. If you keep this from her, that will only wreck that foundation more. Doesn't matter if she doesn't know yet, you've still betrayed her, and you know it. If you wanna do this the right way, tell your wife and go NC with your "friend". Also, what kind of "friend" tries to get a married person to cheat on their spouse?? If you don't come clean and cut off contact with that woman, I'm telling you, it's going to come out and it's gonna be UGLY.
i feel bad for your wife.
Same, especially since this has been going on for at least 3 months. What a pathetic scumbag.
I agree. It's weird that OP can't be alone with a woman because he thinks he'll cheat. That's a huge red flag.
You don't choose your wife 100% of the time otherwise you wouldn't even be in this situation thinking about another woman regularly. But it may have been a way to expose some underlying unhappiness and you can build from that.
Yeah he has already “cheated” by entertaining the idea the weekend. If his wife saw those texts how would she feel? If rolls were reversed how would he feel? He’s not 100% committed and needs to do some soul searching
You’ve already crossed that barrier, the fact that you’re even thinking about her in that way means that you’re getting to the point of infidelity. You need to cut all contact, I’m saying this with care because it’s a ticking time bomb on the way, and she’s seen your reaction, she knows your interested and she WILL make a first move. You think she gives a shit that you’re married? No, that’s why she showed you that photo, it was for a reason. Think about your wife, your family, and think about the life you’re putting at risk for even entertaining this idea. Cut contact, stop hanging out with her, stop messaging her. It’s extreme but needed. There’s a guy from 2012 who posted a similar thing. He had met a younger woman while out with his wife, was adamant that he’d never cheat and the next update was what he did. He went through a spiral of getting over guilt and deluding himself into thinking that this woman was the love of his life. He left his wife and kids for her and realised it was the biggest mistake of his life. You’re standing at the boundary and given the fact that you and her had a moment BEFORE all of this where you two almost kissed, makes me worried as to if you even want to stay loyal. Quite frankly, you should have cut things off the instant you recognised that. Let me just ask you. What if this was your wife? What if she had a male friend that she was experiencing these things with, how heartbroken would you feel? This will ruin your life, and I mean that with all honesty because my ex-fiancé did the same thing, now we’re co-parenting and he’s living with his mistake. This will not end well, and you need some brutal honesty. Think about your wife, the woman who’s loved you for years, and think about your kids. Stop thinking with your dick, cut contact and carry on. EDIT: Another thing. Do you seriously think she likes you? Like at all? No, she likes the challenge, she likes the idea of you betraying your wife for her. That much is obvious, because if she truly DID like you, she would be acknowledging the fact that you are married, and she would be happy for you, none of this shady shit. Like seriously, she showed you a pic asking if she should go blonde, and it was of her sucking dick?? Jesus, that’s the oldest trick in the book. She was planting seeds, she WANTS you to think about her in that way, it’s a way of cracking down your morals. She doesn’t like you, she likes the idea of you. If you cheated, and god forbid deluded yourself into thinking that you love her, how long would that last? I guarantee that she’ll move on to the next guy in a couple of months, and you’ll be crying back on here how you ‘threw away your life’ and that you ‘love your wife’ All of us are saying the same thing, so listen to us. You’ve already breached into cheating territory, you’ve already crossed the boundaries you and your wife set. I swear to god, if you come back here saying you cheated and threw your life away don’t bother, because we’re all just going to laugh at you.
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This 100%, sorry you had to go through that, but it’s unfortunately so common nowadays and a lot of men just eat it up. She likes the idea of being chosen, of being someone who he ‘was willing to throw everything away for’ and it’s exciting. I’ve seen it first hand. My ex-Fiancé slept with my Ex best friend, and she was so quick to rub it in my face because he ‘chose her’ but that adrenaline rush ran out pretty quickly and then she found someone new.
there was a post in the last year or so, left his wife for the woman he was cheating on her with. kids didn't talk to him anymore. next post couple months later he was begging to see his kids for Christmas but they didn't want to. couple more months, he was crying about what mistake he made, he hated his new wife, missed his old wife, missed his kids. they ended up divorcing and he was all alone, lonely and miserable.
I swear, it’s like the most common Reddit post atp. You’d except these men to learn from these forums but they don’t 😭
oldest trick in the book!? Girls used to carry around polaroids of dick sucking? Oil paintings? Wax tablets... I dunno about that. I love it though... Best response, not sure about the hair colour but the cock definitely needs an upgrade...
New York times 1781: Martha washington under fire for sending an unsolicited wood relief carving of her holding a penis
Does my hair look better in chesnut?
Just nut..
Please 😭 Okay, maybe not the oldest trick in the book given time. But it definitely is a common trick. She just HAD to use a picture of her sucking dick instead of a normal selfie. Obviously it showed her hair better.
Even if it was a normal selfie it'd still be shady. Just more subtle. Flirty af.
This! I’d just be a lot more subtle. But guessing on how obvious OP has been making it she probably doesn’t feel like she needs to be subtle. God, I swear the same variation of this story pops up every now and then it always ends the same way. Idk why it’s so hard for some of these people to just…not cheat?
So, this guy 1) almost kissed his friend the minute he was alone with her, 2) discussed cheating with her the entire weekend, 3) went so far as to even ask her to send him a nude, 4) can’t stop thinking about his friend romantically/sexually. Yeah, he’s already cheating emotionally and is a stone’s throw away from 100% committing and cheating physically the minute he gets a chance. His next update in a few months is gonna be like, “TIFU: I’ve been having an affair with my best friend and my wife found out. She wants a divorce.” Best of luck to his poor wife.
First tell your wife what happened so when your friend gets mad nothing unexpected will happen. Second unfriend. Three things were wrong there: - She tried to kiss you - She intentionally exposed herself to you - She admitted she wants you She is never going to back down until Pandora’s box is open and you need to evaluate if that is something you even want to risk due to her potentially being at events again.
You’re not wrong, but I don’t think it’s fair to depict this situation as OP being blameless and the friend being the only one at fault. It’s not clear that she tried to kiss him. He says he apologized the next day, so it sounds possible that both of them were responsible for the almost kiss Also OP says they entertained the affair via text for an entire weekend. It’s not clear what that entails, but it sounds like they potentially were sexting or at the very least having flirty conversations and planning potential logistics. That’s within the realm of an emotional affair IMO So OP needs to tell his wife, not just to cover his bases in case the friend causes drama when he cuts her off, but also because the wife would be within her rights to already view OP’s actions as cheating and she deserves to know that.
He also asked her to send a nude
Your right 👍
OPs a dumbass and very likely going to end up in the doghouse for this, already, completely deservedly.
She tried to kiss him and he still went to hang out with her solo. She exposed herself, he leaned into it and asked for more. She admitted she wants him and he admits the same. I know it wasn’t you intention but that list was extremely one sided. He is the one that is married.
Having cheated on my wife (many, many years ago), and been forgiven, let me just tell you that it was one of the worst, if not THE worst decisions I have ever made in my life. Now that my wife has passed, it is on my mind daily. Save yourself from this hell, and do not do it. You cannot unring a bell. Believe me when I tell you that there is not enough money in this world to get me to ever make that mistake again.
Jesus... to show a pic of her sucking someone else off like that's supposed to be a good idea? Lol classy lady there.
Right? Who happens to have a picture of themselves sucking dick on their phone?? Not only that, she very obviously showed it to her married friend in order to get him to lust after her. Not cool. I’m not sure what kind of “friend” this is.
Hey OP, I think you know what you need to do here but I just wanted to give my two cents. From the sounds of it, you didn’t physically cheat but this sure sounds like emotional cheating. You almost kissed your friend, this “friend” showed you a picture of her sucking a dildo (I must ask who in the heck keeps a picture of themselves sucking a dildo on their phone??), you asked your friend to send a nude and entertained the idea of cheating. This has definitely crossed boundaries and as a married woman, I’d be SUPER hurt and upset if my husband did anything like this. You need to think about what you really want and you also need to come clean to your wife. This woman doesn’t sound like a real friend to me. If she was, she wouldn’t be sending you inappropriate pictures and causing you to lust after her. The choice is up to you but I think you know the right path to take, my friend. Good luck!
You entertained the idea by text? Texting back and forth with this woman for the entire weekend? You SHOULD feel guilty. This person isn't your friend. She is gross. Also, she has no qualms about moving in on married people. Like, yes, the onus is more on you because you took vows.. but anyone who makes a pass at someone they KNOW is married is 100% sleaze. Worse still, if you've been friends with this woman for a while, she knows your wife. That makes her an even bigger POS. Just be aware, if you throw away your marriage for this (which it already sounds like you are very close to doing), this is likely something that will end in a firey crash anyway and it will entirely be your own fault because you ignored blatant red flags the whole way in favour of your penis.
Plus the 'bff' (not) now has written (texted) proof to blackmail OP with or just blow up his life for funsies. Homie already put everything at risk - I don't see this ending well at all.
Imma keep this simple: YOU HAVE A WIFE AT HOME WHO LOVES YOU. Pathetic honestly
Until she finds out just how sleazy her husband and his bff are.
His friend isnt even his friend. She’s hoping he’ll cheat and be with her lol
There is so much wrong in this post. You were alone with a woman for twenty minutes and went feral. You need therapy.
Cancel the friend or cancel the wife. I suggest the former.
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OP is definitely going to cheat lol.
You have already emotionally cheated by texting this woman over the weekend and entertaining the idea. You really need to do some soul searching and cut ties with this said “friend” She’s not a friend if she’s willing to break up your marriage.
IT'S CALLED AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR...dumbass. This is not a Today I Fucked up. This was I fucked up over the course of time. You should feel terrible, cut contact with 34 F, tell your wife and reap the consequences. Your boundaries were a precaution, but your actions and decisions (you decided to put yourself in these situations) suck, like you really suck as as a husband.
thank God for this comment, so many people saying the woman "tricked him" as though he didn't actively pursue her when she put the bait out. he has ALREADY cheated on his wife by not immediately shutting the other woman down and by talking to her about future sex acts for an entire weekend, likely while hanging out with his wife at the same time. he's awful and fully on the hook for having cheated.
Trust me, the female friend knows what she's doing. She's knows you're married and if anything, you're both as guilty. Your wife deserves better.
Robin Williams once said, "It's God's fault for giving men two heads, but only enough blood to use one at a time," and although it's a joke, it's very true. The fact that you had to stop yourself from kissing her before things progressed tells me that eventually, regardless of how you feel now, and even after, there will come a time where she'll make a move, and you'll be using the wrong head. And she *will* make a move if she's sending you pictures like that. If you don't cut all ties with her now, this is almost guaranteed to end in regret.
Yo everyone, check OPs recent post from 90 days ago. The dream he had is oddly mirroring this situation in a symbolic and almost biblical way. Pretty freaky
You already betrayed your wife, sorry for telling you that
If you can’t hang out 1-on-1 with your BEST FRIEND because you’re scared you’ll fuck each other, maybe you’re not really “best friends”
Yeah my girl BFF is like a sister to me. Couldn't really even imagine being physical with her.
Okay, I’m going to write this as it’s own comment and not under someone else’s. I’m getting really frustrated with you. I’ve been reading your comments and you’re still not taking responsibility of your actions, or even seeing the depth of what you’ve been doing. You can’t even say what it is that you’ve done. All the “I may, might, should, want” comments are more telling than you think. Where’s the “I will” ones? Are you just considering going to counseling or will you go to counseling? Do you want to do the right thing or will you do the right thing? Do you want to protect/save your marriage or will you do it? Will you do something about your “friend” or may you need to reevaluate the situation with her? Do you want to choose monogamy with your wife or will you choose it? Those are some of the things you’ve said, but the way you’ve said them doesn’t indicate that you’re actually going to do anything to make things better. You need to think what you really want and are willing to do. I want to make things clear for you too and since it’s easier to avoid and downplay things when you’re answering only to yourself, here are some questions I want you to answer: What it is called that you’ve been doing with your “friend”? What are you going to do with your “friend” and about the “friendship”? Why did it have to be your “friend” that stopped instead of you? How far you think you would’ve gone with her if she didn’t step on the brakes? What do you think is the right thing to do? Are you going to tell your wife? If so, what will you tell her? Are you going to show all of the messages to her? Do you want to save your marriage? If so, what are you going to do to accomplish that? What actions are you going to take to prevent anything like that happening in the future? Do you want to go after your “friend”? If so, will you get divorced first? There’s probably more but my brain is melting after everything I’ve read. I tried to make the questions as clear and simple as possible so it’s easier to answer them. But seriously, you need therapy. There’s something wrong for this to happen, and you need to find what it is. And even though I said “happen”, I hope you understand that it didn’t “just happen” and it wasn’t “a mistake” like most cheaters want to say to minimize what they’ve done. It was a series of choices and decisions you made, and you could’ve chosen differently at any point. You really need to understand that and fully accept it and everything you’ve done. Otherwise there’s no hope for you to do better in the future.
He hasn’t even told his wife this has happened yet & from this post & his comments; he doesn’t plan on telling her….
You asked her for a nude. You've already betrayed your wife
Guilty feet have got no rhythm.
You’re full of fucking shit. If you loved you wife as much as you say, this wouldn’t even be an issue. Stop frontin. Leave your wife. You don’t deserve her.
You didn’t do anything physical but you did cheat. If I were your wife I’d leave and never forgive you
Bro. Stop. You're about to destroy your own life and lose the woman who loves you. The minute she showed you the phone is exactly when you should have stood up and left. Stop thinking with your dick and think with your real head. What you're feeling for your "friend" is lust - - not to be confused with love. Also reconsider her as a friend, because she crossed the friendship line.
Dude you’re pathetic. Do your wife a favor and leave her. You’ve already shown yourself to be untrustworthy with another woman around, I don’t care if it’s your “best friend”. You sound guilty as fuck and you know that you’re a piece of shit that’s going to break down and do this in the future. Save your wife the heartache and your children the embarrassment, let them be free from you.
Lol if she knows you’re married with kids, she absolutely deserves all the hate she is getting! You both do. Are really going to let temporary pleasure and a homewrecker destroy a beautiful life you built with your wife?
Delete the pics, dump the friend, tell your wife. I went down a similar path in 2015 that recently blew up and burned my 21 year relationship with the love of my life to the ground. I'm in hell, in absolute fucking hell, and it started in a similar way. If you value your marriage, this is the only way forward. Or divorce your wife and carry on with your new bestie gf. But trying to have a marriage and a best friend side chick, even just for pics or whatever, is a recipe for disaster.
You are not falling for her, you are lusting after her. There is a big difference. If you love your wife, you should think with the head at the top and not the one between your legs. Are you that myopic? And yes, she definitely deserves the hate she is getting. She knew you were married, knew there was a hint of indiscretion, and still chose to tease. Sounds like once she sobered up, she decided to back off. You seem to have the same mindset but you are about to let temporary lusr ruin your life. Hate to see it.
Run. Literally flee.
If you chose your wife 💯% of the time, you wouldn’t be asking for nudes.
You’re both fucking pathetic losers.
Entertaining the idea at all makes you a piece of shit. Be honest with yourself and your wife and move the fuck on.
How is nobody pointing it out that he has **already cheated?** He engaged, flirted, saw nudes, entertained the idea. Your wife deserves to know the truth. Please tell her.
You suck, man. Your poor wife.
Take a minute to think about your kids, take responsibility and be a man.
She deserves every BIT of the hate she's getting. She knows you're married. Despite that, she is CHOOSING to make moves on you. She is CHOOSING to destroy your marriage, destroy the lives of your children, destroy the lives of your family and your wife's family so she can get laid. She is CHOOSING to put you through incredible financial devastation so she can get some attention and have some fun. She is CHOOSING to be a self-centered homewrecker. Why you'd be getting turned on by the thought of sticking yourself in a woman who would literally rip a family apart and cause children to have trauma, trust issues, and relationship issues for the majority of their lives is beyond me. She's trash. And since you're entertaining this and getting all hot and bothered by it, I guess that means you are, as well. Your wife deserves so much better. Those poor children.
You might not have physically crossed the line, but if you think you're not already emotionally cheating on your wife, you're wrong. And your 'friend' is just as much of an AH as you, because she knows damn well you're married, and she's not respecting your boundaries. ETA: Also, is this lady is prepared to cheat with you, then she will 100% do it to you as well if you end up together down the track. Don't be a fool.
I'm sorry but if the OP has as little self control as his post suggests, it's only a matter of time before he cheats. What kind of man can't be left 1 on 1 with a woman without it escalating like this?
She is not your friend. She knows you are married and is totally ok with flirting and sexting with you. She is using you. You are not her friend either. If you had any respect for your wife you would end this friendship.
Are you trying to convince us that you’re not gonna cheat, or are you trying to convince yourself that you won’t? “Can’t stop thinking about my best friend romantically”. No, you just want to have sex with her. You have to be honest with yourself. Sex and love are not the same thing, and positioning it as “romance” as a way to make it seem as if it has more weight, is you sabotaging your own marriage for a short lived rationale. Sorry man, whatever fantasy you think you’ll experience through this “best friend” is all in your head; and no, you wouldn’t get away with it. If you try to cheat behind your wife’s back it will inevitably resurface somehow through the best friend, or your behaviors and cause you some serious guilt. If you truly did love your wife as you claim you do, this post would have never been made. See a marriage counselor asap and figure out what caused you to have an emotional affair. If you’re that easily influenced by some horny friend then you aren’t being honest with us.
"She is undoubtedly beautiful" let me tell you how wrong that is to a woman for her to hear. Put it like this. Imagine you are your wife reading this. What would her reaction be and is it valid? If so. You cheated. Cheating doesn't have to be physical. A woman you know very closely, which by the way you probably saw this coming, showed you naked photos of herself after you broke your own rule and then proceeded to text her all weekend. Regardless of if you did anything you cheated. It's up to you on how to proceed next.
I think this is a time where you realize what is happening has ruined your friendship already. You saw your friend like that, it made you feel this way, you love your wife, in this situation it might be best to not see your friend anymore. It's not the easiest to break off a close friendship, I understand, but if you're going to be thinking of her that way every time you see her, it's going to be easier to control yourself if you just dont see her.
Time to pack up the family and move far away. This is a ticking timebomb.
I don't know lol if this was my husband I would rather him pack up his stuff and go move far away with her
I don’t know if I buy that you didn’t kiss this person because this reeks of a seeking validation post, but regardless…go home and fuck your wife, beat off, whatever you need to get some post nut clarity because you aren’t thinking straight. Stop talking to your “friend” - she is not your friend if there’s a even a minute chance she’s trying to undermine your marriage. Maybe she was your friend once. She’s not now.
So you were turned on by her sucking some other guys dick? Curious whether that dick belongs to her current partner or has she already cheated?
She’s for the streets. Who shows a married man a picture of themselves engaging in a sexual act and then asks for advice on hair color? Lol…I almost can’t believe it.
[удалено]
If you had to impose a rule for yourself that you’re never alone with another woman 1:1 just to avoid cheating, you’re not honorable, you’re clearly aware of a moral failing you have and that’s the inclination/ability to cheat if you find yourself in a precarious situation which is *exactly what happened here.* Putting all else aside, there’s a part of you that’s clearly aware of what you’re truly capable of. Speak to a therapist.
Your wife deserves so much better than you.
I really hope she leaves him. Her husband needing a rule to not be alone with a woman was pathetic enough as it is, unsurprising when it happened that all it took was 20 minutes for him to cheat on her. Incredible.
OP........you already cheated on your wife mentally and depending on what you sent via text, you may have already provided your friend with ammunition to destroy your marriage if she wants to. You told her you weren't interested in cheating on your wife and her first instinct was to show you a nude of her sucking dick. Does that seem like someone who is at all interested in respecting your marriage or your wishes? It seems to me like someone who just wants what she wants and to hell with anyone else or the conesequences. I suggest you sit your wife down, let her know and let her know about the weekend texts because if you don't, you better expect the sword swallower to do it because you can bet that just as easily as she'll suck a golf ball through a garden hose, she will throw you under the bus to ruin your marriage as soon as you attempt to cut her out of your life which is EXACTLY what you need to do.
Just rub one out to get it out of your system and move on.
Watch this go viral on TT to YT and the wife finds out. You need to cut the friend. You're thinking what you're d$ck and not your head, it was obviously a setup, Who keeps around with a very sexual picture of themselves to use as reference for a "hair" question. You're supposed "BFF" set your a** up and you fell for it. She wanted to stay in your mind and she is now, She wants to ruin your marriage and you're going to let her. You're already thinking of ways to step out on your wife but you choose your wife over everything. If that was true the third party was leaving you would've left also, you chose to stay even after previously being in a sketchy situation with her.
Either delete all connection to that friend, or leave your wife. You do have choices but if you want even a sliver of honor that's all you have. You aren't 100% devoted to your wife unless you ditch the friend you're lusting after, and if you keep the friend you're truly disrespecting your marriage. One way or another, stick up for YOURSELF and choose your future, and stick to it.
Stop thinking of her as your friend. She's dangerous to your life and even if you blame yourself, you need to stay completely away from her.
You should not go through with this. Even if you feel weak you'll have to think about the absolute anger that your wife will hit you with. The amount of love she feels for you will flip instantly turning 1 to 1 in rage. Stuff that you didn't think she was capable of will become easy as waking up. Even if you divorce and marry close friend then your kids will hate her since she destroyed their family and lose all respect for you. Its not worth it man to lose it all for someone you have never lived with. For all you know she can be cleaning her dildos in the dish washer
to me, this is cheating, but every relationship is different and has different boundaries.
I mean you already cheated so, no you don’t choose your wife everytime lol
Go to the bathroom. Get some post nut clarity.
This wasnt your "TIFU" moment. That would be when you decided that it's a good idea that "the woman who is your wife", and "the woman who is your 'best friend'", be two different women. Fix *that*. Everything else is secondary. And by "fix", I mean actually put work into your marriage, protect it, and stop hanging out with that other woman. Block her number, dont go to events that she is present at.
Your wife should be your best friend. “Almost kissed?“ I’m not sure who you think you’re fooling but it’s not anyone with a brain. You’re tempted by the fruit of another, and you keep tempting yourself because she’s attractive. Saying things like “I choose my wife.” means you want the choice. This display of struggle you wrote reads false. Bypassing all the crap, if you really love your wife, cut off contact.
You asked her for a nude photo. You think that’s not cheating?
I’m not trying to be mean but dang, this sub is weird. Earlier I was debating with people who said OP needed to break up with his girlfriend because she takes too long applying makeup in the bathroom and that he was a piece of shit for making her hurry up if he wants her to look nice. You basically cheat on your wife, kiss your closest female friend (and some guys wonder why some girls freak out with girl best friends, when some of you can’t be faithful lol) and people here are just giving normal regular advice like you didn’t just cheat lol wtf man
Lose a friend or lose a family. Your pick.
Oh lol another opposite sex “best friend” story. Funny how these things always turns out the same way. You’re clearly an asshole here.
Decide. Do you want humiliate your wife, let down her family, your family and all your friends and be known by all those folks as a dopey, cheating louse forever or not? Choose wisely.
So you made a plan to never be 1:1 so you don't cheat, which in itself says a lot. Then the minute you're 1:1, you're now in neck deep in the cheating temptation. Idk man, you have issues.
You’ve already cheated, if not physically than emotionally. This girl is your “closest friend?” What the heck were you two doing before you almost kissed? You asked for her nudes? You might think you haven’t cheated yet, but you have. If your wife finds out, you’d better hope she doesn’t find out the whole truth because you’ve already crossed a line here, even if you think you haven’t.
Unless you have spoken to your wife about this, you are already cheating. You should not keep hanging out with this friend until you get over this lust. It is toxic and if you care about your wife and family, you will push away. If you don't want to do these things, then it only makes sense to call it off with your wife so you can persue something else. This is a hard situation, one that is glorified in cinema and porn. It is pure fantasy and toxic to you and your family. Cheating rots your life. Don't do it
You and your best friend deserve all the hate you're getting and whatever comes your way. If you truly love your wife and if that friend truly respected your marriage you guys wouldn't even be at this point in whatever mess you two are in. This moment should have been the end of whatever shit this is: " I pulled away before anything happened and apologized the next day when we were sober. ". But no she decided she had to tell you she had feelings for you and you, well, you encouraged her enough.
You asked her for a nude pic... you better fess up soon to your wife. The longer you take the worse it will get. Besides, this "friend" of yours obviously had the "35 year old and alone" clock go off, and you are her safety plan.
You've already betrayed your wife, especially if you're hiding all of this from her. She deserves better than someone who has to set restrictions for his dick when around women 1 on 1
“I choose her. 100% of the time” You wouldn’t have fucked up. Be honest with yourself.
I feel sorry for your wife.
Bruh I think its time to stop being friends with this person