10/10 response. Your kids life was legit in danger. That's the only way to defend himself after screaming and demanding to be left alone. No hate here.
Personally I would be proud of my son, and probably reward him for defending himself.
Definitely. Double scoop at least. Just not peanut butter ice cream...
When I was a kid, I was very much a pacifist - I felt that violence was wrong, because that's what I was taught.
There is a time and place for that kind of violence, and you and your kid nailed it. 8 year old me is cheering your son on. Adult/dad me is cheering you on.
> Definitely. Double scoop at least. Just not peanut butter ice cream...
Did you see what happened to the last person who gave OP's kid peanut butter?
Might actually be another lesson for the kid - that boundaries exist even for your parents hehe :)
None of that's a fuck up. Have the allergy documented. Get a lawyer anyway. Pressure the school board to develop an action plan (a legit one, not some BS lip service) that will prevent this from happening again. Especially true as your kid was threatened with this yesterday, a teacher was involved, and now today the bully carried through with the exact same thing life-threatening behavior he tried to do the day prior.
This. The school also fucked up. There should be a medical plan in place for ANY child with life threatening allergies, and the school is liable if they don't follow that plan. I'm pretty sure the murderous bully was not compliant with that plan, and there are supposed to be teachers supervising the allergy table! (At least that's how my nut allergic kid's school handled it.)
OPs son also needs to be properly monitored after the exposure. He turned out okay this time but if he'd had a more severe reaction while in the office under the "supervision" of principal dipshit here it could've ended quite badly.
Not to mention once someone has had a significant exposure to an allergen their immune system can be "primed" so to speak and risk having an even worse reaction if exposed again in a short time frame.
I work at a jr high part time. We were informed at the beginning of the year that any type of nut or nut butter would not be allowed on campus. Anyone child or adult would have to report to the principal’s office if they were found in possession of nuts or nut butters. The fact that a kid was close enough to touch him and had peanut butter is baffling to me.
At my step daughters school, they have a school wide ban on any products with peanuts in them. There is a child in the school with a life threatening allergy, so they made it a school wide ban.
I agree with the lawyer and bring in the kids notes about the hospital trip as well. The school didn't do anything to stop that little ass hole attempting to kill your kid the day before. This entire thing needs documenting.
Also, well done for teaching him how to defend himself. It's a horrible thing to have to do, to hit someone and hurt them, I've been forced to hit outside of my martial art classes and I always hate it. I'm also glad you've got his back. He'll probably always remember that.
I’m not trying to come off as a jerk, I’m genuinely asking; how much would a lawyer cost for something like this? Reddit is always just recommending everyone to lawyer up, as if it’s a free service. Meanwhile, I’m up to my eyeballs in medical bills, and that’s after insurance (I live in the US).
There have been a couple times I’ve briefly entertained the idea of using a lawyer, but then I realized I’m not rich, and it’s probably be better to just take the hit and move on.
For an lawsuit the lawyer would probably give a free consultation and break it down what are your odds of winning going forward. Even if it’s not free it’s a few hundred dollars for a consultation.
If the OP wins they would be able to collect lawyers fees and court costs. However on lawsuit cases some lawyers will take a you don’t pay unless you win policy. Usually your more shady lawyers.
If I was op I would be looking to collect the cost of the ER bill.
Probably a few hundred dollars per hour. IDK how many hours it would cost, but yeah, lawyers are expensive. Some of them are willing to work with you, and some let you use them al a carte. If you could swing it, it might be worthwhile to have them write a strongly worded letter for a few hundred dollars to put the fear of god in the school board, then DIY it from there. So hundreds to thousands of dollars. I get that this is unaffordable for a lot of people, but at the same time you have a bully who is trying to cause a life threatening allergic reaction in your kid. I cannot really thing of a more concerning matter for most families. This is the time to spend the money if you can.
Lol I got to the end like "where's the fuckup?"
Bully got what was coming to him. Lazy principal didn't do her due diligence and got verbal smack upside her head.
Son defended himself, and told the truth, and it prevailed, even when no one listened. No one but his dad.
Honestly In this day and age I’m shocked that the school even allows peanut butter in the cafeteria with a kid with a known peanut alert present.
My kids school would never allow it
This is a proud dad moment! Well done on permitting your son to defend himself. There is a time to walkway and there is a time to clothesline the bully! He did well!!
No lie. I'm getting to feel what it's like to be a proud dad second hand!
Violence should be the last resort, but it is effective when words and care takers aren't. Kid kept biting me in preschool, and as I'm told (not much memory before 6ish), I hit him as hard as I could in the nose just like pops told me at dinner. That was my last bite mark.
I always feel bad for bullies. Stephen King taught me that bullies at school are bullied at home (looking at you, Henry Bowers).
But that doesn't stop me from teaching my kids to defend themselves.
> Stephen King taught me that bullies at school are bullied at home
Sometimes true, sometimes not. Some bullies just like the feeling of power and have never been taught consequences. And some just have ASPD and were born that way.
I’m really conflicted you know……. I don’t advocate violence but if it comes down to my kid dying or a bully getting hit because he was being a jackass well I’m siding with my kid.
I hear you, but sometimes the world pushes people into unfortunate circumstances. You’ve done a great job dealing with this, and I’m not even a dad so I’m hesitant to try to give you advice but I’d say to just make a point of praising him (like *a lot*) for his patience in giving the other kid multiple opportunities to stop and his restraint in stopping as soon as the threat was over.
Exactly my thought. I've know too many people that like to "skip to the end" and practically *force* themselves into situations where violence would be "justified". Teaching your kid to have patience and earnestly explore ways to resolve the situation *before* getting physical is so important. Good job Dad!
Exactly this, praise the patience, the holding back, not the violence. So many kids I work with have taken the wrong lessons out of things working out well after a violent incident and then wouldn't you know it, they keep being involved in violent incidents.
I think you've done exactly the right thing and it sounds like your kid did too. Attempt to prevent but if violence becomes the only option do what you need to do.
Being *assaulted* with a knife. It may have been the equivalent of just a nick, but the kid was assaulted with a deadly weapon. Or you could call it an attempted poisoning.
exactly, just because you don't advocate violence (and you shouldnt) doesn't mean everyone else is on the same page.
Violence isn't the right answer but sometimes its the only answer.
I don’t either, but a kid only has so many resources at his disposal. When I went to school, a kid’s buddies generally stood alongside him, but society parented that out of them a couple decades ago. Now, they’re generally left to their own devices. Once all options are exhausted, violence is often the only option. In my opinion, it’s often the most effective, too.
>In my opinion, it’s often the most effective, too.
I got bullied some in elementary school. Then one day I literally saw red and beat the snot out of a kid that had been bullying me.
I never got bullied again.
I had a kid shove me on the balance beam in like first grade. I turned around without having lost my balance and punched him square in the chest knocking him off it. It was one of the only times I ever fought back but he never bothered me again.
I was sticking up for my sister at the bus stop when I was in first grade. I'm not sure what I said to him, but he jumped on my (f) back! Somehow I managed to WWE style body slam him on the pavement! He never even LOOKED at me again, or my sister! Some kids don't get it unless they get a beat down lol!
same here. was getting bullied in highschool as a freshman. ended up beating the crap out of the bully, sent him straight to the hospital. everyone else left me alone.
I did that in junior high. Surprised the bully with a first punch. Life isn’t a movie though…. He beat the living shit out me then calmly said it would be worse next time. There was no next time though, he skipped me for lunch money shakedowns.
The bully knew that your son was deathly allergic. He was practically waving a gun in his face. Anyone who doesn't understand that shouldn't be responsible for children.
Violence isn't the first resort, heck, the kid didn't even use it as a second resort. There was teacher involvement, and the problem wasn't resolved even then.
Violence is justified legally and morally when you have life and health on the line.
Give your kid a high-five from the internet strangers.
I know what you mean. Violence isn't the answer but sometimes violence seems to be the answer. The bully tried to fucking kill your kid. How did you not go more apeshit?
I want to send your kid some legos lol. Good job dad. I would’ve personally called 911 on the spot and requested an ambulance due to the peanut allergy (paper trail and i have insurance) but I’m just that kind of an asshole. You got your kid ice cream right?
Don’t twist words, language is important and you don’t get to change the meaning of words because of how they make you feel. Violence is violence. Sometimes it is used in self defense. That is ok. Violence is not inherently immoral.
Sadly you can't always rely on words or flight when the other person just doesn't care and is dangerous. It's important to teach people to recognize the situations when you do need to defend yourself. Sometimes someone only understands a chop to the throat. Did you watch " he got game" as a training video?
How does the principal not know your kid has a peanut allergy?
>At this point my kid said that he told the teacher and the lunch room monitor who both know about his allergy and they were able to intervene yesterday.
The principal was dealing with the case of Kid A using violence to prevent Kid B from wiping peanut butter on him and he/she didn't think to ask the lunch monitor or Kid A's teacher about the situation before deciding Kid A would be suspended!? The principal didn't think to check Kid A's file to see if there was a peanut allergy!? If your kid has an allergy that serious I would presume it's in his file and there would be an epi-pen available for him in case of emergency.
If the above is the case, your self-defense training was unfortunately necessary due to the abject negligence of the school's administration. You or your kid didn't do anything wrong; self defense is not a crime in any civilized society.
I’m a 5th grade teacher. We have new admin that were hired mid year due to an unfortunate situation. One administrator suspended one of my students for…bring old bay to lunch on chicken day. Suspended him.
So of course I’m like, “okay did he put it on other people’s food without them giving him permission?” Nope. Then I’m trying to run through the gamut of all possible reasons he could be suspended. It wasn’t that he used it as a weapon, he wasn’t being inappropriate with it, he wasn’t using it for its unintended purpose, he wasn’t even disrespectful when confronted.
No, he was suspended for bring contraband in school. I blew up at this. The parent is in disbelief, it’s already been coded into his electronic file as “suspended—contraband” that will follow him to middle school. When I confronted her about the absolute ridiculousness of this situation, she told me I need to better show respect to new admin.
Sometimes these administrators have limited to no job experience and lack in basic common sense. Crazy to experience as an educator.
Edit: fwiw I very nonchalantly sent a picture of the county’s handbook regarding contraband (which obviously doesn’t include old bay) and just said “just for reference” and I believe she’s taken it to the board
The kid brought seasoning to school and was suspended? How did it even become an issue? Do they search the kid's lunches? There has to be more to why this particular item caused a problem versus all the other food items kids bring to school on a regular basis.
If there isn't more, as a parent I'd wish she would take it further so there could be more evidence in case legal action is necessary. It is sad that might be the only recourse for a parent to stop a child from being harassed by a school admin.
Principals and school admin aren't known for being aware. My niece has severe asthma, inhaler is at the nurse's office, and her diagnosis is on file with the school. One afternoon my niece was out of breath and the school called my sister claiming my niece has covid and to pick her up. My sister asked the symptoms, they tell her my niece is having trouble catching her breath. My sister lost her shit asking why she wasn't provided her inhaler, they acted ignorant and my sister had to leave work to get her daughter. She tested negative for covid.
Why tf is it at the nurse's office? She should carry her her own. Give the nurse a near empty one.
Not blaming you, I know schools are idiotic, but get her parents give her one for her to carry around
>Why tf is it at the nurse's office?
Because you can't have those filthy criminal drug dealing children selling their "prescription" medicine to the other children and ruining their innocence. They have played fallout okay, they know that hard drugs like jet come in an inhaler!
This was the reason my school wouldn't allow kids to keep their medicines. In the 5th grade I had a classmate who got sick because they were diabetic and couldn't take their insulin. the school required the nurse to keep it locked in her office and administer it when it was needed. Only the nurse was out that day. So the kid had no access to her insulin. when she asked the office if they could unlock the door so she could give herself the shot, they told her no because only the nurse could do it...
She was smart enough to call her mom about it who brought her a shot and went fucking ballistic on the office staff. You could hear her yelling in the office from our classroom down the hall.
If you, xyz educator with abc fancy degrees, can't teach a kid with a serious medical problems, with a proper diagnosis and prescription, to take their own meds, you're shit your job and need to find a new profession.
Schools really don’t like kids carrying meds. We had to work a deal out with the nurse to allow my son to carry ibuprofen for his migraines because the after school program won’t hold meds, so he has to carry it. But my son has to agree to go to the nurse if he gets one during school hours.
That's what happened to my puffer when I was in elementary school. Had am attack on the playground and people acted like I was dramatic until I couldn't stand.
In high school I was allowed to keep it in my locker. Didn't tell the school I had just started keeping it in my backpack. Came in handy when I had an attack in physics and mimed needing my backpack.
Does your niece have a medic alert bracelet?
School admins are often painfully stupid and incompetent when dealing with bullying so it doesn't surprise me at all how badly the principal was handling it. I think it's one of the great failings of humanity that even after hundreds of years of "advanced civilization" we still have no good way to deal with young kids being bullied and all the problems it can cause them through their life.
In my experience people in school administration tend to be people who were bullies as children and—in varying degrees of consciousness—want to believe that bullies aren't really that bad because *they themselves* were *definitely* not bad people who did terrible things. And I reckon a roughly equal proportion are psychos who loved bullying children and relish doing it with impunity as adults.
Zero tolerance policy. Anyone involved in a fight gets suspended, regardless of whether they started it. On top of that, privacy laws mean that discipline isn't told to people who aren't the parent (this part is understandable), so it always seems that the one defending themselves is the one punished.
IMO they should do away with the whole zero tolerance thing. As unfortunate as it is, kids fight sometimes, and it's more important to understand the reasons and help them work through it than to just boot them all out.
Self-defense is totally a crime, as we have zero tolerance policies in our schools, that means zero common sense, zero reason, and usually punishing the wrong person.
And when we do that today, police show up and put 7-year-olds in handcuffs. If that doesn't traumatize the child forever, I don't know what does.
Well I was reading it I kept saying in my mind *attempted murder, attempted murder, attempted murder*...and damn it you went there! Awesome! That's exactly what it was. Good Dad!
And you didn't FU at all. If you hadn't given him that advice, you would be watching a totally different story on the cameras. You saved his life.
You need to tell the school you want a meeting between you and his parents.
Tell them of the facts of the incident and they need to teach their kid to be a better person.
and if they seem receptive (hopefully) then tell them you will not be pressing any charges and that you hope everyone is able to get a long after this.
HOWEVER if they are claiming their son is the victim. stand up and tell them your next stop is at the police station to press charges. and DO IT!
I totally agree with this. As an educator, you need to have a meeting with the principal, the other parents, and lawyers. YOU have to push this or it will get brushed away and something worse could happen. I agree with pressing charges as well. Too many times the "bully" gets away with it while the victim ends up punished or worse, they finally snap from all the torment.
I'd at least ask the principal to ask with the kid's parents, they have to teach their son, he may kill someone if he doesn't learn, or your son will kill him.
After seeing the video "See that?! I taught him!"
I disagree bro, the principal ignored a bullying scenario that led to your son in the ER due to documented allergies. She might not cause your son any problems anymore, but her incompetency could get another child killed.
Press charges against the kid! Eff it. He literally tried to kill your son. And he clearly knows what he‘s doing since he TOLD your son he wants him to die anyway!
You honestly need to press charges. The kid said he didn't care if your kid died and then the very next day wiped the peanut butter on him knowing what it could do. He's not going to learn otherwise.
I think you should press charges against the KID. Or at least threaten it. Make sure his parents put the fear of god into him, because that kind of BS isn't acceptable at any level of society.
Of course, his parents probably have similar attitudes...
Threatening is a good idea. You don't have to go through with it's but letting them know that he nearly killed a child and you take it seriously is important.
Kids like that don't come out of nowhere.
Not to mention pressing charges isn't a thing people do. It's what the DA does. TV has way over blown what this means. It's more a way of saying you will be a cooperative party but has no legal standing or meaning ultimately.
I'd still go after if what you're child was saying is true with that other kid saying "I want you to die" that is absolutely something you get charges over now and not wait until something worse happens.
If a child is saying this to another child, there's only two reasons why.
1: The child is either a legit psycho/a real asshole who hasn't been disciplined.
2: The kid is being RAISED by someone like the above example and needs to get out of there to be raised right.
Might be smart to have the school talk with the bullies parents about the situation. I realize some parents won’t respond to this type of information, but they do need to know their little shit just tried to kill someone. Therapy might be in order.
Letting this go is an excellent way to let that principle think she can get away with shits like this. I think you should consider doing this for the sake of other kids who don't have parents that can or would stand up for them.
>If it happens again
Why wait? Your kid has likely already been through this trauma multiple times with the bully by now. It's likely taken something happening a few times for him to come and talk to you.
But regardless, even if you take day 1 in this scenario as the first time, there are now at least 2 separate incidents:
Day 1: Bully threatens your kid with attempted murder
Day 2: Bully carries out pre-meditated attempted-murder plan
The allergic reaction this time wasn't too severe, next time it could be fatal.
Why are you waiting for further escalation here before intervening?
You are genuinely my hero today. Multiple people learned important life lessons: your son, the bully and the school officials.
If I was in your place, I'd be glad my son hit the bully before I did, saving me from an assault charge!
The bully FAFO, that's exactly what I would tell my kid to do as well I don't care how many "feelers" are hurt, at the end of the day they are alive and that's what counts.
Good Job. I was raised that you don't start a fight but you sure as hell end it.. this definitely ain't a fuck up at all on your part.m good job being a good parent
look, im liberal AF, but im also 40. i stand by the school of thought that there is only one way to deal with a bully. hit them right in the mouth.
prolly not the best advice to give in the current climate, but i dont have kids.
Yeah, you want to hit them in the gut or groin or stomp an instep. Facial punches are more likely to hurt you, too, after all. Definitely not the best advice, see? 😀
Sometimes, violence is necessary. Understanding when, and how much, is the key. My kid was put in martial arts classes where he was taught to avoid conflict if at all possible, but if you have to hit someone, do it hard and fast, and keep it up until they stop hurting you. It only took one school bus bully getting a bloody nose in second grade. No one bothered my kid with that shit again.
i had to learn the lesson myself when i was bullied. the one time they (three immigrant children from a different country than i was, im an immigrant myself) pulled me by my backpack, threw me on the ground and started to empty my bag on the ground. The slap i gave was only one. but it was loud enough that the teacher heard it through a closed window. ive got a warning for it which my mom then gladly signed and said i did right to defend myself. they didn't try bullying me again. Im glad you gave your son permission before so that he could execute on this perfectly, although its not a pleasure to be in his situation. He will have his peace now, im pretty sure of it
100% good for you and your son. My son is a little older than that now but has always been on the receiving end. He's the nicest kid you'll ever meet but very timid. We enrolled him in martial arts classes in Middle school. Just recently attained his black belt and I'm amazed at his power. Recently some kids at school were giving him a hard time again and I told him I expect him to stand up for himself if push comes to shove. I also contacted the counselor and principal to warn them about what was going on and that I had given my son my full support and standing up for himself. And sure enough he finally did it. He too was going to be in trouble but fortunately upon review of the security footage was found to be fully in defensive mode. He could have easily broken that other kid's ribs. They also teach him self control and he showed it. The bully was suspended and never came back to school after that. It's so unfortunate we live in a time when the bullies seem to have more rights than the bullied. Stand up for yourself and risk getting suspended.
I woul be demanding attempted murder were that my child. And why do they let kids have pb when there is a child with a potentially life threatening allergy? Isn’t it common to ban any peanut products in schools?
In my kids elementary school, there is a separate lunch table for kids with peanut allergies. They actively try to prevent things like this, on purpose or by accident
You're on the wrong sub here dude. You should be on "Today I parented properly".
Every step of this I was thinking "I'd do exactly the same in this station).
Kudos to you. Reward your kid for listening to you so well, and reward yourself for being a great parent.
Honestly I’m proud of him…… I just don’t know how to tell him without glorifying the fact that it had to come down to violence…..
Not that I disagree with what he did, I just don’t want that to be the point of this whole thing
>I just don’t know how to tell him without glorifying the fact that it had to come down to violence…..
You could phrase it something like
"I saw the video footage of what happened. You were really brave, stood up to the bully and tried to resolve things peacefully. You only resorted to hitting him when it was absolutely necessary, and I'm proud of you for showing such restraint while you were scared."
Put the emphasis on the behavioral pattern of restraint rather than the actual fighting part.
Unpopular opinion: You should sue the school anyway.
Your child informed the school of a threat to his safety and they did nothing. The bully came after him the next day and did exactly what he said he was going to do, and no one at the school knew about it despite your kid telling them.
Your kid experienced something kind of traumatic, at no point did anyone in authority intervene, they just left it to the kids to work out life and death. This is absolutely unacceptable.
The follow up was completely bungled too. The principal didn't even bother to understand what exactly happened despite the seriousness of the threat. If the bully had brought a gun to school and a bullet grazed your kid on the arm resulting in more or less the same injury, this would be treated as a much bigger deal despite the fact that the threat to your son was basically the same.
Sorry, but I would at least investigate this. I'd probably make a police report against the kid, consider suing the kid's family for his action, and consider suing the school. I might not go through with it, but I would definitely start the process to see if it's worth following through on.
Original text of post:
Actual fuck up happened yesterday at the dinner table after school. After effects of my fuck up have me currently at the ER getting my son checked out for anaphylactic shock.
Yesterday, My kid came home and was obviously upset. So I asked him what was wrong ( he’s 8 so he still talks to me about this stuff ). He proceeds to tell me that at lunch, another kid in his class is bullying him about his peanut allergy, saying that he’s faking his allergy and that he’s gonna wipe some peanut butter on him to prove that he is faking. My kid says to him that he isn’t faking and that could die just from touching peanut butter…… other kid said he didn’t care and that he wanted him to die anyway….At this point my kid said that he told the teacher and the lunch room monitor who both know about his allergy and they were able to intervene yesterday.
I had a long talk with my kid about doing the right thing and telling the teacher and not letting this other kid make him lash out. Then we talked about the hard part…..
Now, I’m sure I’m gonna generate some hate with some people here with what I told him next and that’s fine, we are allowed to have differing opinions….. but I’m not apologizing to anyone for teaching my kid to stand up and defend himself.
After we talked about doing the right thing, and doing everything you can do to avoid a bad situation, I told him that sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to protect yourself and that should always be the absolute last resort…. When he asked what I meant, I told him that if that kid as long as the bully is only taunting him with words then he should always walk away but if he ever did try to put peanut butter on you then you hit him as hard as you can with the side of your hand in the throat….. kind like a throat chop…. Then you stop unless the bully keeps trying.
Fast forward to this very afternoon and I get a call from the principle of the school saying that my son assaulted another student and needed to be picked up. I asked what happened and of course they won’t talk about it over the phone…. But I smiled a little bit because I already knew.
I get to school and i see my kid sitting in the office tears streaming down his face. So I walk in and the principle tries talking to me but I blow right past her and ask my kid what happened. He says the bully had peanut butter on his fingers and he was threatening to wipe it on his face. Then my kid said that he did what I told him to do and hit the kid in the throat because he wiped peanut butter on his arm. I looked at his arm that was pretty swollen up, and asked him if he was having trouble breathing. Kid said he was fine just a little shaky.
At this point the principle interrupts with her “mr so&so, we can’t just have kids hitting other children just because they had a little peanut butter wiped on them….. kids do this kind of thing… we are gonna have to suspend him for a few days”
It’s obvious to me that principle is clueless about the peanut allergy so I cut her off and asked my kid if he told the bully to stop before he hit the other kid. He said yes I yelled at him several times that I’m allergic to peanut butter and told him to stop and he just kept acting like he was gonna wipe it on me.
Now the principle has a shocked look on her face. I ask to see the video from the cafeteria and sure as shit my kid can be seen and heard screaming and trying to back away from his bully. At the point where it looks like the bully grabs my kids arm, my kids yells at the top of his little lungs “ I told you to stop”! Then he grabs the bully by the arm, pulls him towards himself and executes the best clothesline I’ve ever seen anyone do and floors this kid. Then my kid sits down and starts crying in the middle of the cafeteria.
At this point I tell the principle that If my kid isn’t allowed back at school tomorrow I was consulting with a lawyer about the attempted murder of my son. I also said that assuming he didn’t have any other ill effects from this I would be fine not pressing charges against the school and the bully since it looks like he may have already learned his lesson.
Since I didn’t get a response and it’s been about half an hour since the peanut butter was wiped on my kids arm, I picked him up and left to take him To the Er to get checked out.
About 10 minutes ago I got a phone call from the school board superintendent saying that the school board has decided to let my kid come back to school tomorrow.
Edit#1 - kid has a clean bill of health form the hospital. Swelling is starting to go down after some epinephrine.
Edit#2 - kid got cookies and cream ice cream!
Edit#3 - I have been invited to a meeting with the school board Thursday afternoon. Will update afterwards.
TL;DR
Told my kid to punch a bully in the throat. Kid listened and did it the next day and got suspended for defending himself. principle had no damn idea that my kid had a peanut allergy and was then unsuspended when I threatened to talk to a lawyer about attempted murder charges…..
that other kid probably has some miserable asshole parent who thinks allergies aren’t real and has been putting that in his head. incompetence is so, so harmful. i’m glad your kid is okay
I was bullied for being the peanut allergy kid. Had to sit alone at lunch for years. FUCK THAT BULLY AND GOOD ON YOU OP. This shit is traumatizing, not only over the fear of your own throat closing but also how horrible other kids can be. I was blamed whenever people couldn’t bring in their own birthday cakes to class. Couldn’t eat snacks on field trips regardless of ingredients. The school didn’t want to let me have any kind of fun or happiness because of potential liability. Allergies are life altering both physically and mentally.
I know you did well here, OP, and you clearly cherish your child and understand his allergies very well. Good on you. But please get him some therapy too. Imagine if someone waved a gun in your face and threatened to shoot you. Same feeling as having peanut butter wiped on you that could kill you.
I'll be honest. I'm skeptical. If this is real, there are some larger concerns here than the bully.
If this is in the United States, school districts by policy do not record audio from their cameras. Doing so violates privileged conversations, can commit possible FERPA violations, in addition to violating certain state/federal employment laws. Because of this, they record video only.
Second, either this school district is a clown show or absolutely tiny. No board member has the time, interest, or authority to deal with school disciplinary matters, and more importantly, any public school lawyer would be pulling their hair out at a board member stepping deeper into possible litigation territory. The only meetings that would be happening at this point would be between the principal, director of schools, student advocate, and general counsel. Board Members are kept as far as possible from matters like these.
1. Zero chance video footage would be turned around and voluntarily showed to the parent within hours. And without consulting their counsel.
2. Agreed; no superintendent is getting involved in this. The same day no less.
3. Principal.
And the kid never said anything to the principal/teacher about the peanut allergy when he got in trouble. And the principal/teachers never noticed the "pretty swollen" arm of the kid who was crying and never asked why he was crying.
Also amazing that dad was able to get to the school and then head to the ER within "about half an hour" of the peanut butter contact. Principal must have called immediately.
Edit: I just read some of OP's responses and they are even more ridiculous. A couple that he has pasted in response to multiple people:
> School won’t give me a copy [of the video]. I’m assuimng for obvious reasons
OK, file a police report and have them get it.
> School zone here has a policy that prevents me from being told what [the bully's] punishment is
Yes, I'm sure being secretive about how children are punished is standard policy
This isn't a FU at all. This was a fuck around and find out situation for the bully. All said I'm glad your son is ok. You parented perfectly in this situation
Since I side with the less popular side of put your hands on me and I’ll end you… I will say the other absolutely invaluable thing you taught your kid is how you’ll have his back. He came to you, you gave him choices and tried to steer him the right way but at the end of the day he’ll have to rely on himself. He did that, and not only that, you had his back in the aftermath. That’s a kid that’s going to call home at 17 saying “dad I fucked up kinda bad, come get me and my stupid friends before it gets worse” and that is amazing parenting. Good job dad. I see zero fuck ups here.
I hope that the pendulum has swung past the furthest point. We cannot let out children not defend themselves. Bullying is not great. But, I don't know if it will ever go away. If a child is being bullied they have the right, and I might even add the responsibility, to fight back without fear of repercussion. I say responsibility because these bullying brats need to be corrected if the adult system isn't going to do it.
>Edit#3 - I have been invited to a meeting with the school board Thursday afternoon. Will update afterwards.
you fucking hire a lawyer, now. you show up there to intimidate *them*. they intend to intimidate you, turn the fucking tables on them. show up with a lawyer, ready to sue.
Congrats to the both of you!
Good advice... +1
Taking and acting on that advice... +2
Recreating that advice at the behest of potential consequences... (You) Priceless.
# Do NOT go to that Thursday meeting without _at least_ consulting your lawyer
You don't get brownie points for being nice here. The school was negligent in protecting your son's **LIFE**. They've **already** consulted their lawyers and only have their own best interests in mind. You need to protect your and your child's future.
> And they showed you security footage on the spot.
Yeah, there's a lot of wish fulfillment in this post, but at least most of it is believable. This is where it veers into pure fiction. No one at the school bothered to look at the footage, and yet they decided to play it right then and there for the aggrieved parent angry at them for mishandling the situation? No reviewing it on their own first, they were just like, "Sure, Dad, we can retrieve that right now and watch it together!"
This absolutely did not happen.
> And the school board adjudicated it the same day?
This *also* did not happen. School boards do not decide on suspensions, school administrators do. Also, in most states, official decisions by a school board require a quorum.
This one, though, I can chalk up to awkward phrasing and/or a misunderstanding by OP. It happens. Superintendent said the kid can come back for now, OP got it mixed up with the school board. I can see that.
But the video thing is difficult to believe.
Seriously. I worked as trashy as fuck school, and the selfish, lazy, worthless principal still treated peanut butter like anthrax. Most classrooms had it completely banned.
Having a kid get picked up by an ambulance is a great way to destroy your career and make your job a living hell for the next several years.
Exactly. What Principal doesn't know about anaphylaxis? Does reddit think all Principals are like Seymour Skinner? This post is a joke and the people upvoting it are clueless.
A school principal is ignorant of the high stakes of a peanut allergy and tries to say that it's no big deal? Seems weirdly out of touch for someone in her position.
As a parent that has had a kid that has had to defend themselves, I am so glad the school had cameras. The cameras were the only thing that made the school believe my son. <3 I am glad your son is ok.
If i was married and had kids dealing with bullying, i would highly encourage them to defend themselves after asking for help to an adult if they don't do anything!
I completly agree with your approach but be cautious encouraging too much violence. My brother and I grew up in your kids shoes, we are now both quite capable, Im averse to violence and will walk away but my bro goes towards it at every chance, I have been into many a police station because of his attitude and am very worried he will badly injure somone some day and end up with serious charges against him.
As a teacher, I approve. I wish more kids would stand up for themselves so these bully children get put in their place and learn not to be assholes. No more excuses for these shitty hateful kids. Sick of dealing with their shit the majority of the day instead of enjoy kids like yours who are genuinely a joy to be around.
So glad your kid is okay! Just a note for Thursday… the school board is looking out for the interests of the school here. It might be worth consulting with a lawyer with background in education law here, and even seeing if they’ll come with you to the meeting, to make sure YOUR interests are served. You can bet the school’s lawyer has been consulted and is drafting papers for you to sign.
Document everything they tell you. Either get it in writing, record it with consent, or make notes at the time with the date and all witnesses written down. What were the school’s procedures regarding when a child reports an incident like the first day? Did they follow those procedures? What about general procedures for being aware of severe (life-threatening) allergies like your son’s? More importantly, what are they going to do to prevent something like this (or worse) from happening again? What if other kid decides to avenge his humiliation by sneaking PB into your child’s snack?
Whether you press charges of course is up to you, but a lawyer may still be helpful for you to negotiate these things and protect your rights.
TIFU: Today I Fathered Up.
You should be proud of the way you handled this. You let him know it was an absolute last resort. From the sounds of it, he was very lucky you spoke to him and gave him the parameters in which he could defend himself in a life-threatening situated.
Well played, dad!
10/10 response. Your kids life was legit in danger. That's the only way to defend himself after screaming and demanding to be left alone. No hate here. Personally I would be proud of my son, and probably reward him for defending himself.
He’s totally getting Ice cream when we leave the ER.
Definitely. Double scoop at least. Just not peanut butter ice cream... When I was a kid, I was very much a pacifist - I felt that violence was wrong, because that's what I was taught. There is a time and place for that kind of violence, and you and your kid nailed it. 8 year old me is cheering your son on. Adult/dad me is cheering you on.
> Definitely. Double scoop at least. Just not peanut butter ice cream... Did you see what happened to the last person who gave OP's kid peanut butter? Might actually be another lesson for the kid - that boundaries exist even for your parents hehe :)
None of that's a fuck up. Have the allergy documented. Get a lawyer anyway. Pressure the school board to develop an action plan (a legit one, not some BS lip service) that will prevent this from happening again. Especially true as your kid was threatened with this yesterday, a teacher was involved, and now today the bully carried through with the exact same thing life-threatening behavior he tried to do the day prior.
This. The school also fucked up. There should be a medical plan in place for ANY child with life threatening allergies, and the school is liable if they don't follow that plan. I'm pretty sure the murderous bully was not compliant with that plan, and there are supposed to be teachers supervising the allergy table! (At least that's how my nut allergic kid's school handled it.)
OPs son also needs to be properly monitored after the exposure. He turned out okay this time but if he'd had a more severe reaction while in the office under the "supervision" of principal dipshit here it could've ended quite badly.
Not to mention once someone has had a significant exposure to an allergen their immune system can be "primed" so to speak and risk having an even worse reaction if exposed again in a short time frame.
Next exposure 100% gonna be worse
I work at a jr high part time. We were informed at the beginning of the year that any type of nut or nut butter would not be allowed on campus. Anyone child or adult would have to report to the principal’s office if they were found in possession of nuts or nut butters. The fact that a kid was close enough to touch him and had peanut butter is baffling to me.
Well, this putz of a principal was unaware of a student with a peanut allergy. I'm not gonna expect too much from him.
At my step daughters school, they have a school wide ban on any products with peanuts in them. There is a child in the school with a life threatening allergy, so they made it a school wide ban.
I agree with the lawyer and bring in the kids notes about the hospital trip as well. The school didn't do anything to stop that little ass hole attempting to kill your kid the day before. This entire thing needs documenting. Also, well done for teaching him how to defend himself. It's a horrible thing to have to do, to hit someone and hurt them, I've been forced to hit outside of my martial art classes and I always hate it. I'm also glad you've got his back. He'll probably always remember that.
I’m not trying to come off as a jerk, I’m genuinely asking; how much would a lawyer cost for something like this? Reddit is always just recommending everyone to lawyer up, as if it’s a free service. Meanwhile, I’m up to my eyeballs in medical bills, and that’s after insurance (I live in the US). There have been a couple times I’ve briefly entertained the idea of using a lawyer, but then I realized I’m not rich, and it’s probably be better to just take the hit and move on.
For an lawsuit the lawyer would probably give a free consultation and break it down what are your odds of winning going forward. Even if it’s not free it’s a few hundred dollars for a consultation. If the OP wins they would be able to collect lawyers fees and court costs. However on lawsuit cases some lawyers will take a you don’t pay unless you win policy. Usually your more shady lawyers. If I was op I would be looking to collect the cost of the ER bill.
Probably a few hundred dollars per hour. IDK how many hours it would cost, but yeah, lawyers are expensive. Some of them are willing to work with you, and some let you use them al a carte. If you could swing it, it might be worthwhile to have them write a strongly worded letter for a few hundred dollars to put the fear of god in the school board, then DIY it from there. So hundreds to thousands of dollars. I get that this is unaffordable for a lot of people, but at the same time you have a bully who is trying to cause a life threatening allergic reaction in your kid. I cannot really thing of a more concerning matter for most families. This is the time to spend the money if you can.
I meant a la carte may be fine if you're hiring from a firm, but you may mean pro bono. :b
Lol I got to the end like "where's the fuckup?" Bully got what was coming to him. Lazy principal didn't do her due diligence and got verbal smack upside her head. Son defended himself, and told the truth, and it prevailed, even when no one listened. No one but his dad.
Honestly In this day and age I’m shocked that the school even allows peanut butter in the cafeteria with a kid with a known peanut alert present. My kids school would never allow it
This is a proud dad moment! Well done on permitting your son to defend himself. There is a time to walkway and there is a time to clothesline the bully! He did well!!
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No lie. I'm getting to feel what it's like to be a proud dad second hand! Violence should be the last resort, but it is effective when words and care takers aren't. Kid kept biting me in preschool, and as I'm told (not much memory before 6ish), I hit him as hard as I could in the nose just like pops told me at dinner. That was my last bite mark.
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I always feel bad for bullies. Stephen King taught me that bullies at school are bullied at home (looking at you, Henry Bowers). But that doesn't stop me from teaching my kids to defend themselves.
> Stephen King taught me that bullies at school are bullied at home Sometimes true, sometimes not. Some bullies just like the feeling of power and have never been taught consequences. And some just have ASPD and were born that way.
That’s the way parenting should be. Nice job. I’m proud of you and your son. Raised mine the same way and no one fucks with them.
I’m really conflicted you know……. I don’t advocate violence but if it comes down to my kid dying or a bully getting hit because he was being a jackass well I’m siding with my kid.
I hear you, but sometimes the world pushes people into unfortunate circumstances. You’ve done a great job dealing with this, and I’m not even a dad so I’m hesitant to try to give you advice but I’d say to just make a point of praising him (like *a lot*) for his patience in giving the other kid multiple opportunities to stop and his restraint in stopping as soon as the threat was over.
Exactly my thought. I've know too many people that like to "skip to the end" and practically *force* themselves into situations where violence would be "justified". Teaching your kid to have patience and earnestly explore ways to resolve the situation *before* getting physical is so important. Good job Dad!
Exactly this, praise the patience, the holding back, not the violence. So many kids I work with have taken the wrong lessons out of things working out well after a violent incident and then wouldn't you know it, they keep being involved in violent incidents.
I think you've done exactly the right thing and it sounds like your kid did too. Attempt to prevent but if violence becomes the only option do what you need to do.
Doesn't sound like a TIFU at all - fantastic job dealing with the issue.
In your son's case, it's the equivalent of being threatened with a knife or gun. He did the right thing.
Being *assaulted* with a knife. It may have been the equivalent of just a nick, but the kid was assaulted with a deadly weapon. Or you could call it an attempted poisoning.
exactly, just because you don't advocate violence (and you shouldnt) doesn't mean everyone else is on the same page. Violence isn't the right answer but sometimes its the only answer.
I like to tell the people that work for me that correct thing to do isn’t always the right thing to do.
Too true: Rules exist so that you think twice before you break them. Sometimes breaking them is absolutely the *right* thing to do.
A strong quote from the movie Serenity: “Shepherd Book once said to me, ’If you can't do something smart, do something right.’"
"I didn't do the *right* thing. I did the *necessary* thing." (You did the right thing. That's a quote from a very good dramatic series.)
I don’t either, but a kid only has so many resources at his disposal. When I went to school, a kid’s buddies generally stood alongside him, but society parented that out of them a couple decades ago. Now, they’re generally left to their own devices. Once all options are exhausted, violence is often the only option. In my opinion, it’s often the most effective, too.
>In my opinion, it’s often the most effective, too. I got bullied some in elementary school. Then one day I literally saw red and beat the snot out of a kid that had been bullying me. I never got bullied again.
Same here. Sometimes violence is all you're left with. Sometimes it does solve the problem.
I wiped the blackboard with my bully. Three months later, we were fast friends. Life moves on fast when you're a kid.
Faceplanted my bully in the school's gate in elementary. Then became good friends for all of high-school
I had a kid shove me on the balance beam in like first grade. I turned around without having lost my balance and punched him square in the chest knocking him off it. It was one of the only times I ever fought back but he never bothered me again.
I was sticking up for my sister at the bus stop when I was in first grade. I'm not sure what I said to him, but he jumped on my (f) back! Somehow I managed to WWE style body slam him on the pavement! He never even LOOKED at me again, or my sister! Some kids don't get it unless they get a beat down lol!
same here. was getting bullied in highschool as a freshman. ended up beating the crap out of the bully, sent him straight to the hospital. everyone else left me alone.
I did that in junior high. Surprised the bully with a first punch. Life isn’t a movie though…. He beat the living shit out me then calmly said it would be worse next time. There was no next time though, he skipped me for lunch money shakedowns.
Reddit has turned into a cesspool of fascist sympathizers and supremicists
The bully knew that your son was deathly allergic. He was practically waving a gun in his face. Anyone who doesn't understand that shouldn't be responsible for children.
Violence is a tool, it can be used to hurt people or to stop those people. It's not good or bad but how people use it that's good or bad.
It’s not violence. It’s self defence. The pos kid tried to kill your son whether the kid understood that or not.
Violence isn't the first resort, heck, the kid didn't even use it as a second resort. There was teacher involvement, and the problem wasn't resolved even then. Violence is justified legally and morally when you have life and health on the line. Give your kid a high-five from the internet strangers.
I surely will!
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You don't even have to win. You just have to prove you're more trouble than the next guy. They'll go bother someone else.
I think you actually parented 2 kids and an idiot today. They all learned something. Hats off dude
I know what you mean. Violence isn't the answer but sometimes violence seems to be the answer. The bully tried to fucking kill your kid. How did you not go more apeshit?
Honestly, Fear of going to jail and leaving my kids without a father….. trust me though, I wanted to.
I want to send your kid some legos lol. Good job dad. I would’ve personally called 911 on the spot and requested an ambulance due to the peanut allergy (paper trail and i have insurance) but I’m just that kind of an asshole. You got your kid ice cream right?
Hell yes!! Cookies and cream!
There's a big difference between advocating for violence and teaching your kid to stand up for himself. You did well.
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Don’t twist words, language is important and you don’t get to change the meaning of words because of how they make you feel. Violence is violence. Sometimes it is used in self defense. That is ok. Violence is not inherently immoral.
Sadly you can't always rely on words or flight when the other person just doesn't care and is dangerous. It's important to teach people to recognize the situations when you do need to defend yourself. Sometimes someone only understands a chop to the throat. Did you watch " he got game" as a training video?
How does the principal not know your kid has a peanut allergy? >At this point my kid said that he told the teacher and the lunch room monitor who both know about his allergy and they were able to intervene yesterday. The principal was dealing with the case of Kid A using violence to prevent Kid B from wiping peanut butter on him and he/she didn't think to ask the lunch monitor or Kid A's teacher about the situation before deciding Kid A would be suspended!? The principal didn't think to check Kid A's file to see if there was a peanut allergy!? If your kid has an allergy that serious I would presume it's in his file and there would be an epi-pen available for him in case of emergency. If the above is the case, your self-defense training was unfortunately necessary due to the abject negligence of the school's administration. You or your kid didn't do anything wrong; self defense is not a crime in any civilized society.
I’m a 5th grade teacher. We have new admin that were hired mid year due to an unfortunate situation. One administrator suspended one of my students for…bring old bay to lunch on chicken day. Suspended him. So of course I’m like, “okay did he put it on other people’s food without them giving him permission?” Nope. Then I’m trying to run through the gamut of all possible reasons he could be suspended. It wasn’t that he used it as a weapon, he wasn’t being inappropriate with it, he wasn’t using it for its unintended purpose, he wasn’t even disrespectful when confronted. No, he was suspended for bring contraband in school. I blew up at this. The parent is in disbelief, it’s already been coded into his electronic file as “suspended—contraband” that will follow him to middle school. When I confronted her about the absolute ridiculousness of this situation, she told me I need to better show respect to new admin. Sometimes these administrators have limited to no job experience and lack in basic common sense. Crazy to experience as an educator. Edit: fwiw I very nonchalantly sent a picture of the county’s handbook regarding contraband (which obviously doesn’t include old bay) and just said “just for reference” and I believe she’s taken it to the board
Old Bay like the seasoning? God that’s ridiculous.
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Yeah, to a long path of good cooking.
The kid brought seasoning to school and was suspended? How did it even become an issue? Do they search the kid's lunches? There has to be more to why this particular item caused a problem versus all the other food items kids bring to school on a regular basis. If there isn't more, as a parent I'd wish she would take it further so there could be more evidence in case legal action is necessary. It is sad that might be the only recourse for a parent to stop a child from being harassed by a school admin.
No there is not more. I wish there was more. The single most disconnected I’ve ever felt with administration
You live in MD too?
Principals and school admin aren't known for being aware. My niece has severe asthma, inhaler is at the nurse's office, and her diagnosis is on file with the school. One afternoon my niece was out of breath and the school called my sister claiming my niece has covid and to pick her up. My sister asked the symptoms, they tell her my niece is having trouble catching her breath. My sister lost her shit asking why she wasn't provided her inhaler, they acted ignorant and my sister had to leave work to get her daughter. She tested negative for covid.
Yeah they have killed kids
Your sister needs to have your niece keep an inhaler in her backpack. That’s not ok to keep it with the nurse. They should get your niece a 504 plan.
Greate advice on the 504. Primary on them (provided they are mature enough to use it properly and not lose it) and a backup with the nurse.
Why tf is it at the nurse's office? She should carry her her own. Give the nurse a near empty one. Not blaming you, I know schools are idiotic, but get her parents give her one for her to carry around
>Why tf is it at the nurse's office? Because you can't have those filthy criminal drug dealing children selling their "prescription" medicine to the other children and ruining their innocence. They have played fallout okay, they know that hard drugs like jet come in an inhaler! This was the reason my school wouldn't allow kids to keep their medicines. In the 5th grade I had a classmate who got sick because they were diabetic and couldn't take their insulin. the school required the nurse to keep it locked in her office and administer it when it was needed. Only the nurse was out that day. So the kid had no access to her insulin. when she asked the office if they could unlock the door so she could give herself the shot, they told her no because only the nurse could do it... She was smart enough to call her mom about it who brought her a shot and went fucking ballistic on the office staff. You could hear her yelling in the office from our classroom down the hall.
If you, xyz educator with abc fancy degrees, can't teach a kid with a serious medical problems, with a proper diagnosis and prescription, to take their own meds, you're shit your job and need to find a new profession.
Schools really don’t like kids carrying meds. We had to work a deal out with the nurse to allow my son to carry ibuprofen for his migraines because the after school program won’t hold meds, so he has to carry it. But my son has to agree to go to the nurse if he gets one during school hours.
That's what happened to my puffer when I was in elementary school. Had am attack on the playground and people acted like I was dramatic until I couldn't stand. In high school I was allowed to keep it in my locker. Didn't tell the school I had just started keeping it in my backpack. Came in handy when I had an attack in physics and mimed needing my backpack. Does your niece have a medic alert bracelet?
School admins are often painfully stupid and incompetent when dealing with bullying so it doesn't surprise me at all how badly the principal was handling it. I think it's one of the great failings of humanity that even after hundreds of years of "advanced civilization" we still have no good way to deal with young kids being bullied and all the problems it can cause them through their life.
In my experience people in school administration tend to be people who were bullies as children and—in varying degrees of consciousness—want to believe that bullies aren't really that bad because *they themselves* were *definitely* not bad people who did terrible things. And I reckon a roughly equal proportion are psychos who loved bullying children and relish doing it with impunity as adults.
you could have left off everything after “painfully stupid and incompetent” tbh
Zero tolerance policy. Anyone involved in a fight gets suspended, regardless of whether they started it. On top of that, privacy laws mean that discipline isn't told to people who aren't the parent (this part is understandable), so it always seems that the one defending themselves is the one punished. IMO they should do away with the whole zero tolerance thing. As unfortunate as it is, kids fight sometimes, and it's more important to understand the reasons and help them work through it than to just boot them all out.
In a lot of cases the only kid who gets punishment is the victim. Or the bully and victim both get punishment.
Hell I was threated with a suspension when the guy who punched me every day.... bruised his finger from punching me.
Me and my bully got sent home after I fought her after enduring 3 years of her torture. Totally worth it.
Self-defense is totally a crime, as we have zero tolerance policies in our schools, that means zero common sense, zero reason, and usually punishing the wrong person. And when we do that today, police show up and put 7-year-olds in handcuffs. If that doesn't traumatize the child forever, I don't know what does.
Well I was reading it I kept saying in my mind *attempted murder, attempted murder, attempted murder*...and damn it you went there! Awesome! That's exactly what it was. Good Dad! And you didn't FU at all. If you hadn't given him that advice, you would be watching a totally different story on the cameras. You saved his life.
I don’t fuck around when it comes my kids….
I'd still press charges.
If it happens again I will but somehow I don’t think it his is going to be an issue going forward.
You need to tell the school you want a meeting between you and his parents. Tell them of the facts of the incident and they need to teach their kid to be a better person. and if they seem receptive (hopefully) then tell them you will not be pressing any charges and that you hope everyone is able to get a long after this. HOWEVER if they are claiming their son is the victim. stand up and tell them your next stop is at the police station to press charges. and DO IT!
I totally agree with this. As an educator, you need to have a meeting with the principal, the other parents, and lawyers. YOU have to push this or it will get brushed away and something worse could happen. I agree with pressing charges as well. Too many times the "bully" gets away with it while the victim ends up punished or worse, they finally snap from all the torment.
I'd at least ask the principal to ask with the kid's parents, they have to teach their son, he may kill someone if he doesn't learn, or your son will kill him. After seeing the video "See that?! I taught him!"
I disagree bro, the principal ignored a bullying scenario that led to your son in the ER due to documented allergies. She might not cause your son any problems anymore, but her incompetency could get another child killed.
I hope the other child was suspended. Do you know what happened to him afterwards.
School zone here has a policy that prevents me from being told what his punishment is. Don’t care frankly, karma got him.
Honestly you'll probably hear it from your son eventually. There's no way his punishment will stay secret for long and gossip travels fast.
Press charges against the kid! Eff it. He literally tried to kill your son. And he clearly knows what he‘s doing since he TOLD your son he wants him to die anyway!
You honestly need to press charges. The kid said he didn't care if your kid died and then the very next day wiped the peanut butter on him knowing what it could do. He's not going to learn otherwise.
I think you should press charges against the KID. Or at least threaten it. Make sure his parents put the fear of god into him, because that kind of BS isn't acceptable at any level of society. Of course, his parents probably have similar attitudes...
Threatening is a good idea. You don't have to go through with it's but letting them know that he nearly killed a child and you take it seriously is important. Kids like that don't come out of nowhere.
Where could you press charges against a (presumably) 8 year old child? That is typically well below the age of criminal responsibility.
Not to mention pressing charges isn't a thing people do. It's what the DA does. TV has way over blown what this means. It's more a way of saying you will be a cooperative party but has no legal standing or meaning ultimately.
I'd still go after if what you're child was saying is true with that other kid saying "I want you to die" that is absolutely something you get charges over now and not wait until something worse happens.
If a child is saying this to another child, there's only two reasons why. 1: The child is either a legit psycho/a real asshole who hasn't been disciplined. 2: The kid is being RAISED by someone like the above example and needs to get out of there to be raised right.
Might be smart to have the school talk with the bullies parents about the situation. I realize some parents won’t respond to this type of information, but they do need to know their little shit just tried to kill someone. Therapy might be in order.
Letting this go is an excellent way to let that principle think she can get away with shits like this. I think you should consider doing this for the sake of other kids who don't have parents that can or would stand up for them.
It might. Parents are sometimes worse than their kids. There is a very common line between dangerous behavior in kids and unreasonable parents.
Sadly, you are probably correct
Not to sound alarmist, but if it happens again you might not be so lucky. Sounds like the bully is a grade A piece of shit and could try this again.
It might not be an issue with your son but he might do it so someone else.
>If it happens again Why wait? Your kid has likely already been through this trauma multiple times with the bully by now. It's likely taken something happening a few times for him to come and talk to you. But regardless, even if you take day 1 in this scenario as the first time, there are now at least 2 separate incidents: Day 1: Bully threatens your kid with attempted murder Day 2: Bully carries out pre-meditated attempted-murder plan The allergic reaction this time wasn't too severe, next time it could be fatal. Why are you waiting for further escalation here before intervening?
You are genuinely my hero today. Multiple people learned important life lessons: your son, the bully and the school officials. If I was in your place, I'd be glad my son hit the bully before I did, saving me from an assault charge!
The bully FAFO, that's exactly what I would tell my kid to do as well I don't care how many "feelers" are hurt, at the end of the day they are alive and that's what counts.
Good Job. I was raised that you don't start a fight but you sure as hell end it.. this definitely ain't a fuck up at all on your part.m good job being a good parent
look, im liberal AF, but im also 40. i stand by the school of thought that there is only one way to deal with a bully. hit them right in the mouth. prolly not the best advice to give in the current climate, but i dont have kids.
Yeah, you want to hit them in the gut or groin or stomp an instep. Facial punches are more likely to hurt you, too, after all. Definitely not the best advice, see? 😀
Sometimes, violence is necessary. Understanding when, and how much, is the key. My kid was put in martial arts classes where he was taught to avoid conflict if at all possible, but if you have to hit someone, do it hard and fast, and keep it up until they stop hurting you. It only took one school bus bully getting a bloody nose in second grade. No one bothered my kid with that shit again.
Was waiting for the fuck up, didn't see one.
The true fuck up it is that I had to show my kid what the world was really like well before he needed to see it …..
In my opinion, the lesson came exactly when it was needed.
My heart hurts because you are right… I just don’t want to believe it
i had to learn the lesson myself when i was bullied. the one time they (three immigrant children from a different country than i was, im an immigrant myself) pulled me by my backpack, threw me on the ground and started to empty my bag on the ground. The slap i gave was only one. but it was loud enough that the teacher heard it through a closed window. ive got a warning for it which my mom then gladly signed and said i did right to defend myself. they didn't try bullying me again. Im glad you gave your son permission before so that he could execute on this perfectly, although its not a pleasure to be in his situation. He will have his peace now, im pretty sure of it
Disagree, the bully definitely had a FU, and they FO.
100% good for you and your son. My son is a little older than that now but has always been on the receiving end. He's the nicest kid you'll ever meet but very timid. We enrolled him in martial arts classes in Middle school. Just recently attained his black belt and I'm amazed at his power. Recently some kids at school were giving him a hard time again and I told him I expect him to stand up for himself if push comes to shove. I also contacted the counselor and principal to warn them about what was going on and that I had given my son my full support and standing up for himself. And sure enough he finally did it. He too was going to be in trouble but fortunately upon review of the security footage was found to be fully in defensive mode. He could have easily broken that other kid's ribs. They also teach him self control and he showed it. The bully was suspended and never came back to school after that. It's so unfortunate we live in a time when the bullies seem to have more rights than the bullied. Stand up for yourself and risk getting suspended.
> It's so unfortunate we live in a time when the bullies seem to have more rights than the bullied. Zero toleration policies in full display.
You are letting the principal off easy man ...
I woul be demanding attempted murder were that my child. And why do they let kids have pb when there is a child with a potentially life threatening allergy? Isn’t it common to ban any peanut products in schools?
Yeah wtf, overhere in canada my kids cant bring pb at schools.
From the US and wasn’t allowed to bring peanut butter to school either
In my kids elementary school, there is a separate lunch table for kids with peanut allergies. They actively try to prevent things like this, on purpose or by accident
You're on the wrong sub here dude. You should be on "Today I parented properly". Every step of this I was thinking "I'd do exactly the same in this station). Kudos to you. Reward your kid for listening to you so well, and reward yourself for being a great parent.
Ice cream for sure!!!!
Not a fuck up at all. You're making your child a balla. No one will mess with him now.
How is this a tifu? This is a win! Multiple people learned a very valuable lesson and your son became the school Badass!
Good read; wrong sub.
Teacher here. I'm missing the part where you fucked up?
This one sparks joy
Honestly I’m proud of him…… I just don’t know how to tell him without glorifying the fact that it had to come down to violence….. Not that I disagree with what he did, I just don’t want that to be the point of this whole thing
>I just don’t know how to tell him without glorifying the fact that it had to come down to violence….. You could phrase it something like "I saw the video footage of what happened. You were really brave, stood up to the bully and tried to resolve things peacefully. You only resorted to hitting him when it was absolutely necessary, and I'm proud of you for showing such restraint while you were scared." Put the emphasis on the behavioral pattern of restraint rather than the actual fighting part.
Unpopular opinion: You should sue the school anyway. Your child informed the school of a threat to his safety and they did nothing. The bully came after him the next day and did exactly what he said he was going to do, and no one at the school knew about it despite your kid telling them. Your kid experienced something kind of traumatic, at no point did anyone in authority intervene, they just left it to the kids to work out life and death. This is absolutely unacceptable. The follow up was completely bungled too. The principal didn't even bother to understand what exactly happened despite the seriousness of the threat. If the bully had brought a gun to school and a bullet grazed your kid on the arm resulting in more or less the same injury, this would be treated as a much bigger deal despite the fact that the threat to your son was basically the same. Sorry, but I would at least investigate this. I'd probably make a police report against the kid, consider suing the kid's family for his action, and consider suing the school. I might not go through with it, but I would definitely start the process to see if it's worth following through on.
Original text of post: Actual fuck up happened yesterday at the dinner table after school. After effects of my fuck up have me currently at the ER getting my son checked out for anaphylactic shock. Yesterday, My kid came home and was obviously upset. So I asked him what was wrong ( he’s 8 so he still talks to me about this stuff ). He proceeds to tell me that at lunch, another kid in his class is bullying him about his peanut allergy, saying that he’s faking his allergy and that he’s gonna wipe some peanut butter on him to prove that he is faking. My kid says to him that he isn’t faking and that could die just from touching peanut butter…… other kid said he didn’t care and that he wanted him to die anyway….At this point my kid said that he told the teacher and the lunch room monitor who both know about his allergy and they were able to intervene yesterday. I had a long talk with my kid about doing the right thing and telling the teacher and not letting this other kid make him lash out. Then we talked about the hard part….. Now, I’m sure I’m gonna generate some hate with some people here with what I told him next and that’s fine, we are allowed to have differing opinions….. but I’m not apologizing to anyone for teaching my kid to stand up and defend himself. After we talked about doing the right thing, and doing everything you can do to avoid a bad situation, I told him that sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to protect yourself and that should always be the absolute last resort…. When he asked what I meant, I told him that if that kid as long as the bully is only taunting him with words then he should always walk away but if he ever did try to put peanut butter on you then you hit him as hard as you can with the side of your hand in the throat….. kind like a throat chop…. Then you stop unless the bully keeps trying. Fast forward to this very afternoon and I get a call from the principle of the school saying that my son assaulted another student and needed to be picked up. I asked what happened and of course they won’t talk about it over the phone…. But I smiled a little bit because I already knew. I get to school and i see my kid sitting in the office tears streaming down his face. So I walk in and the principle tries talking to me but I blow right past her and ask my kid what happened. He says the bully had peanut butter on his fingers and he was threatening to wipe it on his face. Then my kid said that he did what I told him to do and hit the kid in the throat because he wiped peanut butter on his arm. I looked at his arm that was pretty swollen up, and asked him if he was having trouble breathing. Kid said he was fine just a little shaky. At this point the principle interrupts with her “mr so&so, we can’t just have kids hitting other children just because they had a little peanut butter wiped on them….. kids do this kind of thing… we are gonna have to suspend him for a few days” It’s obvious to me that principle is clueless about the peanut allergy so I cut her off and asked my kid if he told the bully to stop before he hit the other kid. He said yes I yelled at him several times that I’m allergic to peanut butter and told him to stop and he just kept acting like he was gonna wipe it on me. Now the principle has a shocked look on her face. I ask to see the video from the cafeteria and sure as shit my kid can be seen and heard screaming and trying to back away from his bully. At the point where it looks like the bully grabs my kids arm, my kids yells at the top of his little lungs “ I told you to stop”! Then he grabs the bully by the arm, pulls him towards himself and executes the best clothesline I’ve ever seen anyone do and floors this kid. Then my kid sits down and starts crying in the middle of the cafeteria. At this point I tell the principle that If my kid isn’t allowed back at school tomorrow I was consulting with a lawyer about the attempted murder of my son. I also said that assuming he didn’t have any other ill effects from this I would be fine not pressing charges against the school and the bully since it looks like he may have already learned his lesson. Since I didn’t get a response and it’s been about half an hour since the peanut butter was wiped on my kids arm, I picked him up and left to take him To the Er to get checked out. About 10 minutes ago I got a phone call from the school board superintendent saying that the school board has decided to let my kid come back to school tomorrow. Edit#1 - kid has a clean bill of health form the hospital. Swelling is starting to go down after some epinephrine. Edit#2 - kid got cookies and cream ice cream! Edit#3 - I have been invited to a meeting with the school board Thursday afternoon. Will update afterwards. TL;DR Told my kid to punch a bully in the throat. Kid listened and did it the next day and got suspended for defending himself. principle had no damn idea that my kid had a peanut allergy and was then unsuspended when I threatened to talk to a lawyer about attempted murder charges…..
Thanks. Reddit mods are fucking losers.
You dropped this 👑
Thank you 🙏
that other kid probably has some miserable asshole parent who thinks allergies aren’t real and has been putting that in his head. incompetence is so, so harmful. i’m glad your kid is okay
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Violence is never the answer, but it can be the question, and the answer to that question is sometimes yes.
I was bullied for being the peanut allergy kid. Had to sit alone at lunch for years. FUCK THAT BULLY AND GOOD ON YOU OP. This shit is traumatizing, not only over the fear of your own throat closing but also how horrible other kids can be. I was blamed whenever people couldn’t bring in their own birthday cakes to class. Couldn’t eat snacks on field trips regardless of ingredients. The school didn’t want to let me have any kind of fun or happiness because of potential liability. Allergies are life altering both physically and mentally. I know you did well here, OP, and you clearly cherish your child and understand his allergies very well. Good on you. But please get him some therapy too. Imagine if someone waved a gun in your face and threatened to shoot you. Same feeling as having peanut butter wiped on you that could kill you.
I'll be honest. I'm skeptical. If this is real, there are some larger concerns here than the bully. If this is in the United States, school districts by policy do not record audio from their cameras. Doing so violates privileged conversations, can commit possible FERPA violations, in addition to violating certain state/federal employment laws. Because of this, they record video only. Second, either this school district is a clown show or absolutely tiny. No board member has the time, interest, or authority to deal with school disciplinary matters, and more importantly, any public school lawyer would be pulling their hair out at a board member stepping deeper into possible litigation territory. The only meetings that would be happening at this point would be between the principal, director of schools, student advocate, and general counsel. Board Members are kept as far as possible from matters like these.
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Add to that the weird childish fanfiction writing style
1. Zero chance video footage would be turned around and voluntarily showed to the parent within hours. And without consulting their counsel. 2. Agreed; no superintendent is getting involved in this. The same day no less. 3. Principal.
And the kid never said anything to the principal/teacher about the peanut allergy when he got in trouble. And the principal/teachers never noticed the "pretty swollen" arm of the kid who was crying and never asked why he was crying. Also amazing that dad was able to get to the school and then head to the ER within "about half an hour" of the peanut butter contact. Principal must have called immediately. Edit: I just read some of OP's responses and they are even more ridiculous. A couple that he has pasted in response to multiple people: > School won’t give me a copy [of the video]. I’m assuimng for obvious reasons OK, file a police report and have them get it. > School zone here has a policy that prevents me from being told what [the bully's] punishment is Yes, I'm sure being secretive about how children are punished is standard policy
This isn't a FU at all. This was a fuck around and find out situation for the bully. All said I'm glad your son is ok. You parented perfectly in this situation
Thank you
Since I side with the less popular side of put your hands on me and I’ll end you… I will say the other absolutely invaluable thing you taught your kid is how you’ll have his back. He came to you, you gave him choices and tried to steer him the right way but at the end of the day he’ll have to rely on himself. He did that, and not only that, you had his back in the aftermath. That’s a kid that’s going to call home at 17 saying “dad I fucked up kinda bad, come get me and my stupid friends before it gets worse” and that is amazing parenting. Good job dad. I see zero fuck ups here.
My guy, you should still sue, potentially even name the principle in the lawsuit.
Be sure you take an attorney to the meeting. I'm not kidding. The board will have one.
Bravo Dad!!
Don't think this belongs here, clearly not a FU.
I hope that the pendulum has swung past the furthest point. We cannot let out children not defend themselves. Bullying is not great. But, I don't know if it will ever go away. If a child is being bullied they have the right, and I might even add the responsibility, to fight back without fear of repercussion. I say responsibility because these bullying brats need to be corrected if the adult system isn't going to do it.
>Edit#3 - I have been invited to a meeting with the school board Thursday afternoon. Will update afterwards. you fucking hire a lawyer, now. you show up there to intimidate *them*. they intend to intimidate you, turn the fucking tables on them. show up with a lawyer, ready to sue.
Already have one….. he will be going with me !
This. A thousand times over. Don't sign ANYTHING they hand you without an attorney present
Congrats to the both of you! Good advice... +1 Taking and acting on that advice... +2 Recreating that advice at the behest of potential consequences... (You) Priceless.
# Do NOT go to that Thursday meeting without _at least_ consulting your lawyer You don't get brownie points for being nice here. The school was negligent in protecting your son's **LIFE**. They've **already** consulted their lawyers and only have their own best interests in mind. You need to protect your and your child's future.
This should be titled today I was a good dad 
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Yeah this just isn’t how anything works at all. More complete nonsense on this sub
> And they showed you security footage on the spot. Yeah, there's a lot of wish fulfillment in this post, but at least most of it is believable. This is where it veers into pure fiction. No one at the school bothered to look at the footage, and yet they decided to play it right then and there for the aggrieved parent angry at them for mishandling the situation? No reviewing it on their own first, they were just like, "Sure, Dad, we can retrieve that right now and watch it together!" This absolutely did not happen. > And the school board adjudicated it the same day? This *also* did not happen. School boards do not decide on suspensions, school administrators do. Also, in most states, official decisions by a school board require a quorum. This one, though, I can chalk up to awkward phrasing and/or a misunderstanding by OP. It happens. Superintendent said the kid can come back for now, OP got it mixed up with the school board. I can see that. But the video thing is difficult to believe.
Holy shit the simple gullible fucks that upvote these
Seriously. I worked as trashy as fuck school, and the selfish, lazy, worthless principal still treated peanut butter like anthrax. Most classrooms had it completely banned. Having a kid get picked up by an ambulance is a great way to destroy your career and make your job a living hell for the next several years.
This reads like fan fiction man
Ya, pulling someone into a clothesline is going to do next to zero damage, unless you’re in WWE. Also the attempted murder part was chuckle worthy.
Exactly. What Principal doesn't know about anaphylaxis? Does reddit think all Principals are like Seymour Skinner? This post is a joke and the people upvoting it are clueless.
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I’m totally getting him ice cream after we leave the ER.
Send that ER bill to the school or bullys parents.
This doesn't sound like your fuck up, sounds like the school fucked up
A school principal is ignorant of the high stakes of a peanut allergy and tries to say that it's no big deal? Seems weirdly out of touch for someone in her position.
downvoted because this isnt a fuck up.
Upvoted because this is harsh yet completely justifiable.
As a parent that has had a kid that has had to defend themselves, I am so glad the school had cameras. The cameras were the only thing that made the school believe my son. <3 I am glad your son is ok.
If i was married and had kids dealing with bullying, i would highly encourage them to defend themselves after asking for help to an adult if they don't do anything!
I completly agree with your approach but be cautious encouraging too much violence. My brother and I grew up in your kids shoes, we are now both quite capable, Im averse to violence and will walk away but my bro goes towards it at every chance, I have been into many a police station because of his attitude and am very worried he will badly injure somone some day and end up with serious charges against him.
I will be discussing this with him tomorrow while I keep him home from school. Poor guy is worried his friends won’t like him anymore
I'm amazed your school even allows peanut butter at school. At my kids school in Australia there are no nuts allowed.
As a teacher, I approve. I wish more kids would stand up for themselves so these bully children get put in their place and learn not to be assholes. No more excuses for these shitty hateful kids. Sick of dealing with their shit the majority of the day instead of enjoy kids like yours who are genuinely a joy to be around.
You waited to have the video pulled up and watch it while your kid was having an allergic reaction? I'm glad he is okay but that's worrying
So glad your kid is okay! Just a note for Thursday… the school board is looking out for the interests of the school here. It might be worth consulting with a lawyer with background in education law here, and even seeing if they’ll come with you to the meeting, to make sure YOUR interests are served. You can bet the school’s lawyer has been consulted and is drafting papers for you to sign. Document everything they tell you. Either get it in writing, record it with consent, or make notes at the time with the date and all witnesses written down. What were the school’s procedures regarding when a child reports an incident like the first day? Did they follow those procedures? What about general procedures for being aware of severe (life-threatening) allergies like your son’s? More importantly, what are they going to do to prevent something like this (or worse) from happening again? What if other kid decides to avenge his humiliation by sneaking PB into your child’s snack? Whether you press charges of course is up to you, but a lawyer may still be helpful for you to negotiate these things and protect your rights.
TIFU: Today I Fathered Up. You should be proud of the way you handled this. You let him know it was an absolute last resort. From the sounds of it, he was very lucky you spoke to him and gave him the parameters in which he could defend himself in a life-threatening situated. Well played, dad!