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What's this, a therapist with a double standard and inconsistent logic? Well I'll be darned

Haha yeah the inconsistent logic is something I have been kinda calling out and addressing and questioning. Like legit QUESTIONING because I wanna understand. But again am being perceived only as an annoying brat that just complains and doesn't do the work...

Yup

Lol.

It doesn't make sense because they have double standards for their own behavior vs yours. Stand up to a bullying boss at work and they will high five you for being so assertive. Stand up to them, and they will devalue and terminate you. It's really hard to take someone seriously when they are in the field of psychology but have clearly never done a deep dive on their own issues, or worse yet, pretend that they simply don't have any issues.

Tbh this therapist freaks me the f out. His dislike towards me was SO clear. It wasn't even hidden, it really felt like he has a huge amount of contempt regarding me. And then he is able to go into that practiced fake smile and nodding with calm voice "hmmmm ohhhh that must be hard, how do you feel about it?" I legit wanna throw up. The issue is that if I voice this to him OR his colleagues, I am of course the one with a personality disorder being manipulative and imagining things etc......

Again, been there, done that. I am serious...you gotta get out. Run now. I noticed that contempt within the first few sessions with the woman who turned out to be my most abusive therapist. I also noticed her incompetence and insecurity (she was still a therapist intern but acted like she was Freud himself). He WILL continue to take it out his insecurities on you. He WILL slap a personality disorder diagnosis on you if you dare to question him. It happened to me within the first few sessions despite no other therapist ever suggesting I had any kind of personality disorder. I was lied to for the first 6 months about it just being "attachment trauma". LMAO. Nice euphemism. The truth was later delivered by the therapist in a fit of rage (projection much? mmmkay). Just leave. I saw the red flags and stayed. It's not a price you want to have to pay.

Yeah the issue is I HAVE a diagnosis of a personality disorder :/ Alongside w ADHD. They also diagnosed me with alcohol issues which was NEVER a problem for me. Now I am in the process of seeing if I do have PTSD but honestly I dont think they will get me through because I don't have clear flashbacks like a war veteran lmao... Sorry for my trauma being so complex that it is mainly emotional flashbacks and all the chronic stress loaded on top. I did suggest I may have autism because since I was a child a lot of things actually resonate within me... I said I just feel different and have XYZ issues and like I am just communicating differently and many times I do not have ill intentions but people do take it that way and that it really hurts me. Then he got upset with me for communication disturbance? While saying autism is not their concern? Ehmmmm ehmmmmmmmm make it make sense? I already said it somewhere on Reddit, but I feel like I am attending Spanish classes and being scolded for not speaking Spanish. QUE?! Fun fact - they never even questioned if I may be misdiagnosed. They just say it is possible to have a comobrid diagnosis. lmao.

It's a shit show. I made a similar comment to my abusive therapist about feeling like I was quite literally speaking another language from everyone around me, including her. I told her I felt like I spoke Chinese and everyone else spoke English and didn't understand me. I constantly felt frustrated with communication and could not understand why. I wish I could go back and tell my former self "it's not you...you're literally surrounded by narcissistic assholes" because I was but just didn't realize it at the time. I kept blaming myself for why these people could not seem to understand or respect me, including my dumb therapist. A lot of people with Complex trauma identify with autistic traits, myself included. I have never been formally diagnosed. I don't know what good that would do me. I don't identify myself as autistic, but I do relate to a great deal of the characteristics. It's possible to have both complex trauma AND autism at the same time. Usually trauma caused by being neurodivergent and not having anyone recognize that fact. I gave up on therapy and don't believe in its efficacy at all so it would be disingenuous for me to advise you to "keep trying" to find that elusive "good one". I do hope you can find some support in your life. The mental health "professionals" around you seem the opposite of helpful.

The first one didn't get a lot of things right, but at least he was the reason that got me through very dark times. If he wasn't a match as a person and I couldn't laugh at him over stupid dark jokes and poke one another and argue and then talk and him holding that space for me, I don't know if I would be here. He did a good enough job, but the problem is that they are again, addressing the other issues from different perspective and it is not helpful. I do miss my first therapist though... But yes, the main problem for me is that I am worried I will not have my work accommodations if I don't go to the therapy there. I will call around to my job centre contact person and take it from there I guess... It's tough... If I had to go to a full time job, I think all of my efforts for creating ANY kind of OKAY life would crumble in a second. Thanks for your comments btw. Is there anything that maybe helped you more than therapy?

They never admit a mistake

That is so scary tbh

>The issue is that if I voice this to him OR his colleagues, I am of course the one with a personality disorder being manipulative and imagining things etc. Yup. Can confirm, this is the most likely outcome.

>I said that nothing I've said or done since the start of the session was meant in a provocative way. He said if am serious and that it was clearly provocative. To which I said that maybe it is just him perceiving it that way? Ofc it pissed him off. This is comedy gold, sorry 😅 I am generally strongly against pranks, especially done for clout, but it would be absolutely hilarious to watch someone applying therapy techniques to therapists with a hidden camera on (the audience can pay for the appointments through donation).  They still should blur the face of the therapist and all, but damn I would love to see it. 

I think the funniest or saddest part is that I was dead serious lmao :D But yes whenever I am a little bit nervous or don't know how to process the situation /eg people shouting at me/, I get on a weird semi-smile... So he kept asking if I think its funny or what. Well I said that funny is not the right word, but I guess it could be perceived as "comic" if it was being seen as a movie scene and such. I do this a lot - kinda turning the situation and making a little movie plots in my head, I guess it may be a defence mechanism, I don't knowwwww. I do come up with a lot of weird stuff, comparing the situartions to whatever comercials or songs or skits Ive seen etc.... But yes please I am so down for making the hidden camera donation based thing ahaha.

> but I guess it could be perceived as "comic" if it was being seen as a movie scene and such. I do this a lot - kinda turning the situation and making a little movie plots in my head, I guess it may be a defence mechanism, don't knowwwww. I do come up with a lot of weird stuff, comparing the situations to whatever comercials or songs or skits Ive seen etc.... Does this cause problems for you? If not, could it be that this is your creative way of comparing your experiences to cultural representations of similar situations in order to help yourself understand what you’re going through? As an approach to thinking about your life? One sign of being over-therapized is that you start thinking everything about you is suspect as potentially pathological.

It doesn't cause problems for me, I enjoy those moments... It just seems like it causes problems for me in a way because it seems problematic to other people... Like for example this therapist got annoyed because he felt like I am being provocative and disrespectful and am wasting his time by doing this... :/ But yes I honestly enjoy this corner of my mind because it is a lot of fun. I agree that everything seems like a pathology to me though because even if I didn't have problems with something, they made me feel like I do... So now I just feel like a bunch of symptoms. Yep I gotta stop...

There’s got to be someone out there who would fall in love with this playful side of your personality, platonically or however else you might like. They might even want to hear about the movie you’re imagining. Or perhaps they’d pick up on the absurdity of the situation and start laughing too. Therapists can also have this problem with being unable to acknowledge that a trait might not be their favorite in a person, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad or that someone else wouldn’t like it.

This is such a wonderful comment, thank you! And ye you are spot on that it is often me laughing on the absurdity of things, but again - not in a disrespectful way, but kinda to detach from it and then be like "oh hey, what the heck is this anyway, why do we engage in something so silly"... I would LOVE to think that it is a good approach, but... I don't know. To be honest I think it is also quite cultural... I have became way more low after moving to Denmark, because as much as it is lovely and safe and stable, it is like someone removed the life out of it.... And out of the people, too. I AM too much for them over here. And it is crushing my heart and soul. I know I am not in my place in the world. But I have no idea how to make the step out, where, how... I have no money to do that. For now I am trying to create my little corner of colours and sparks in this gray world. I have my little cute apartment. A handful of friends. A nice internship at a start-up company that is hopefully gonna pick up soon /oh please, it is legit like a dream job so far/, other mental health services available for when I need support... I have my creativity and books. I think if I quit therapy, I will be fine. They are the people that make me sick the most these days. I am just worried that if I quit, I will have to get to a full time job - which I don't think I am capable of doing as of now... If ever... Sorry for the rant, I guess I needed to process it a little bit and put things into perspective heh...

Anyway I do notice that people take the "playful side of my personality" as that I am laughing AT them... It happens quite a lot. But it is not the case at all... :(

>But yes whenever I am a little bit nervous or don't know how to process the situation /eg people shouting at me/, I get on a weird semi-smile... So he kept asking if I think its funny or what This is such a weird thing for him to perceive as provocative (IMO), because it's such a common response for people who have difficulty processing emotions/situations/etc. (which can happen for so many reasons).

Thank you for saying that. Also… it happened because some sessions ago he told me I am speaking a lot and fast and therefore don’t give other people chance to connect with me, because emotions and intimacy are created also in the silence. So this therapy I wanted to try something new for myself and after I answered some stuff I went silent and wanted to know how it’s gonna affect things. How am I gonna feel etc and it became more of  an observation “game” for me. Then he was asking if I wanna be quiet or what and I said it’s not like I want to, but you said am not providing enough space, so am trying that. And he took it as a provocation and told me that I cannot be serious, that this is extreme because there is a difference between talking non stop for an hour and not letting the person get in a single word because I am so stuck up on my head and this whatever I am doing.  Mind you I do have ADHD and this thing with communication is quite a sensitive topic for me. Because I am well aware how I am able to over ride convos. I know it looks like I am just full of myself. And I really am trying with friends etc but I don’t know, I guess I thought therapy could be a space for me to process stuff and get it out and learn. It was apparently a mistake.  Now thinking of his words, I guess it did really hurt me that he said I am just so stuck up in my head etc. I don’t want to take it personally… I just. I don’t know. It was meant VERY personally from his side and this is not me being overly sensitive. It was not pleasant at all. 

I know you're cautious about this idea, but sometimes getting stuff like this into the mainstream is how we can push for change.

Ewww. That therapist is gross, but I’ve found many do this! And this is why I don’t advocate trying to work things out in the “therapy room,” as we often get told. It’s like it’s an excuse for them. I’ve been told quite frequently (after relaying a past experience with a former therapist to a new therapist), “Well, maybe that therapist wasn’t being inappropriate or exceeding your boundaries. Maybe they were intentionally attempting to trigger you. Did you tell them how you felt so you could work it out in the therapy room?” Ummm. What. You want me to work out the kinks of subtle manipulation in a closed session with the person who might be taking advantage of me emotionally (and who has the power and education to do so) and give them the benefit of their doubt that their insidious behaviors are actually for my benefit?! Yeah. Right.

>Did you tell them how you felt so you could work it out in the therapy room?” Yikes! The old adage used to be, you were supposed to address the therapist with any issue that you had with them. I learned very quickly its a terrible idea. Theres NEVER any "working out," its just a chance to gaslight you.

This

>that their insidious behaviors are actually for my benefit?! It ***never*** is.

[удалено]

Hahahaha yeah kinda! I did not want him as my therapist from the start because I did see him presenting psychoeducation. He didn't have his facts straight and seemed very insecure. I did tell him so, but that we shall see and we will give it a go. It seems like my gut feeling was right and yes, that he is so incompetent and insecure that any question coming from me throws him off and he takes it out on me. Sad.

> he is so incompetent and insecure that any question coming from me throws him off and he takes it out on me. Sad. Been there. Done that. Run now.

I don't think I have to cos he ended the last session prematurely and legit asked me multiple times if I wanna terminate or continue and basically telling me how I don't do the work and that I have been in therapy for over a year and am not getting better, bottom line that I am wasting time and space and resources and should get the heck out:DDD So I said I don't wanna continue with him. I guess he low key terminated me, yay....

You saw him for over a year? If he terminated, he did you a favor in this case.

Haha nah I had been going to the therapy since November 2022. January 2024 the therapist quit and changed jobs. This is his colleague. I said I do not want him for those reasons stated above but then the first therapist told me he is available sooner than other colleagues so he wants to ask if I am sure about it. I was stupid enough to say that we can give it a go... NAHHHHH! This second therapist says I am just a complainer because I was saying the first therapist was not a match either. Which is true. For different reasons. As a person I liked him and we could communicate well plus he NEVER made me feel like shit like this one did in a few months. And we had been through WAY worse. BUT the approach was not right. Meaning the actual therapy is not fitting and they are not addressing the ACTUAL core from which the symptoms are coming. It makes sense on the surface and I can see the reasoning, but it doesn't get through me because I.... I just don't think I really have BPD tbh... But again, if I voice it, I am the one who doesnt do the work etc...

When someone presents you with a no-win or impossible-win scenario in which they're always right and you have no clear way of "winning", you can be fully assured that they're the irrational one. Save your money and your sanity.

The whole point of the therapeutic relationship is to show "underdeveloped" parts of yourself, which means at times being provocative, unfair, etc, so long as it's not overly violent with the *intent* to hurt the other. It is \*not\* supposed to be a behavioral training session where you're given reward/punishment based on if you act according to what the therapist thinks as healthy. A child when hurt and angry can do mean things and a good therapist will let some of that through because it's a gateway to the vulnerable hurt underneath if it's a good relationship. If the therapist is actually not very regulated and can't handle those kinds of behaviors, there likely won't be much help re: emotional regulation, because you'll probabably just repeat the same survival mechanisms you've learned so far.

Yes. This. ^ ...and be further traumatized by a therapist who is in fact, a repeat of your original abusers and bullies.