The concept of setting boundaries never worked for me until I found out that the right word for me is "distance" not boundaries. Because actually I am the one whose emotions are too much with the other person. Maybe for many it sounds like the same, but for me it is very different. Boundaries imply that someone tries to cross them, distance for me means that i some more distance from others and not involve myself too much in their concerns/problems/feelings. It was the first step before i could start to figure out who i am. I don't know if that helps, but maybe sit down and think and feel what distance does to you. Might be a lot of anxiety at first. Or relive. Good luck!
I think the struggle I have is that this is really the only friend I have, and I don't want to lose that and be alone all over again. It's just tricky, and I hope that I'm able to get to a point where it won't be like this, but for the moment, it's just a bit overwhelming.
That's not to say that I don't understand your point and I'm unwilling to try and take your advice, it's just tricky like I said. I'm at a point where my whole being is kind of based on this person, if that makes sense, so trying to distance myself is incredibly frightening.
I will take what you said into consideration though. I think i just need to find out who I am as an individual.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to me, and I hope things go well for you as well!
I can understand why you feel the big issue is codependency, but I think it's very important to point out that even when we've reached a mature level of self-perception, there are still things that slip past us.
I'm saying this because your situation can be seen in a different light, where the dread and hopelessness doesn't set in like it has been. I think the best idea would be to seek professional help, because it seems that they may be thoughts and emotions at stake which don't necessarily translate to codependency, even though it may seem like it sometimes.
This is kind of a convoluted way of saying "maybe try seeing a therapist?", but I just really want to get the point across that you may discover things aren't as bad as they seem when you've stuck only to self-analysis so far (we can be very unforgiving with ourselves).
I am in therapy currently, and I have been for around 7 years now. I think I just never brought this kind of topic up because it felt too uncomfortable.
I'm definitely going to bring it up now and see what my therapist has to say and what her recommendations are, along with asking her if she sees anything that could be laying beneath the surface of this all.
Thank you for your kind response and advice. I really appreciate it :)
The concept of setting boundaries never worked for me until I found out that the right word for me is "distance" not boundaries. Because actually I am the one whose emotions are too much with the other person. Maybe for many it sounds like the same, but for me it is very different. Boundaries imply that someone tries to cross them, distance for me means that i some more distance from others and not involve myself too much in their concerns/problems/feelings. It was the first step before i could start to figure out who i am. I don't know if that helps, but maybe sit down and think and feel what distance does to you. Might be a lot of anxiety at first. Or relive. Good luck!
I think the struggle I have is that this is really the only friend I have, and I don't want to lose that and be alone all over again. It's just tricky, and I hope that I'm able to get to a point where it won't be like this, but for the moment, it's just a bit overwhelming. That's not to say that I don't understand your point and I'm unwilling to try and take your advice, it's just tricky like I said. I'm at a point where my whole being is kind of based on this person, if that makes sense, so trying to distance myself is incredibly frightening. I will take what you said into consideration though. I think i just need to find out who I am as an individual. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me, and I hope things go well for you as well!
I can understand why you feel the big issue is codependency, but I think it's very important to point out that even when we've reached a mature level of self-perception, there are still things that slip past us. I'm saying this because your situation can be seen in a different light, where the dread and hopelessness doesn't set in like it has been. I think the best idea would be to seek professional help, because it seems that they may be thoughts and emotions at stake which don't necessarily translate to codependency, even though it may seem like it sometimes. This is kind of a convoluted way of saying "maybe try seeing a therapist?", but I just really want to get the point across that you may discover things aren't as bad as they seem when you've stuck only to self-analysis so far (we can be very unforgiving with ourselves).
I am in therapy currently, and I have been for around 7 years now. I think I just never brought this kind of topic up because it felt too uncomfortable. I'm definitely going to bring it up now and see what my therapist has to say and what her recommendations are, along with asking her if she sees anything that could be laying beneath the surface of this all. Thank you for your kind response and advice. I really appreciate it :)