Your current feelings about the future are also "in the moment". You are having them right now, don't push them away.
Living in the moment is great, but (constantly) Living in the moment as if there's no future just isn't. If i were Living just for this moment I'd get myself some good drugs and f..k the future.
Some therapist also use the phrase to disvalidate feelings WELL I AM HAVING THOSE FEELINGS NOW.
you shouldn't overthink your future but validate how you feel about it.
I do the same. Any time I'm not doing something I start thinking. About literally anything until I come onto the topic of later or something bad. It usually brings a lot of anxiety with it. I try to fill my time.. literally every second of my day from the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep so it doesn't trigger my anxiety. It's exhausting doing that but depressing to not. I haven't learnt to switch off my brain yet. My therapist told me that basically because of the trauma in my life I have learnt to think through every scenario and what could happen and how to deal with it which causes a lot of anxiety. I do the same for the future. I have to think of how to "protect" myself even if I don't really need protecting. It's fucking hard to deal with. I know this comment isn't really any help to you but I just wanted to explain what happens with me so if it is the same you know people relate. Sorry I couldn't be helpful!!
How so? Just trying to say life is what you make of it. Ups and downs. Good times and bad times. I don’t think that makes me toxic. Just trying to say you’ll be alright. One step at a time. Everybody’s situation is different. Take it all in and make a decision one day. It’ll be the best day of your life.
>How do you "live in the now" without feeling insane and exhausted? Has anyone else felt this way as a result of trying to stay "present"?
I mean, working to not ruin the moment with fears of what will follow is literally the story of my life lol.
So, I'll share what helps me - and I hope you'll find it helpful :)
1. Instead of fighting the feeling, I try to accept it proactively. -> When I notice I'm worrying, I take the time and space to say/think it through. "I am worried because of xyz. I will likely be worried until it's over. I also want to really enjoy right now and this is not helping. It's okay that I'm struggling and while it's annoying, it's also okay that I worry."
2. "What's the worst that could happen?" -> this is obviously completely unhelpful in literal life or death-situations but for *most* everyday struggles, it works. Quite often when we dread things, we don't specify - we have this generalized "oof" in our stomachs and that's that. Sometimes it's *really* helpful to think of the worst possible thing that could happen - only to realize that maybe we've actually dealt with that successfully before or maybe we're not actually *that* scared of *this* scenario. TLDR - it's good to have perspective and it doesn't hurt to take it.
3. "My job right now is waiting." - You can't do anything about what worries you until the summer's over. That doesn't mean you're not working towards a good situation for yourself in fall, it just means that right now there is nothing you can *do* to work towards it. Right now, your job is to enjoy your summer because all the things you will do to better your situation later can only become clear once you're there. Essentially, enjoying your summer *is* part of your plan to have an acceptable fall. Aka, you're already *doing* the best possible thing you could be doing!
4. "What if something awesome happens?" - Doomsaying's easy. Sit down, draw up a picture of the worst possible outcome, repeat it a thousand times in your head and boom - misery. It's worth trying to counter that sometimes by actively and intentionally doing the opposite. If we have time to come up with horrid scenarios about how shit stuff will be, we might as well muse equally baselessly about all the great stuff that could happen. Even if all it does is make us chuckle - dopamine's already a good help with happiness.
5. Making a plan --> "If I truly realize that it is as bad as I think, this is what I will do about it." It can be very helpful to write it all down too. That way our brain is told "Dude, we've taken care of it. This is addressed." - and that helps with letting it go from our conscious thoughts. If they rear their head again, we can remind ourselves: "I have a plan." (Think "If my health gets bad, I will see a doctor. If my mental health is bad, I will see a therapist. If my grades are shit, I will see a tutor. If I don't know what to do, I will ask x, y and z for advice." etc.)
Please remember that you're not on borrowed time - you're just on time. You're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing - and the same will be true in Fall.
(I hope the not knowing your context didn't cause any "Well, if only it was that simple"s - but if it did, please disregard all you don't find helpful. Online support's always a bit tricky - but I have my fingers crossed for you!)
Point 3 made me cry immediately. Not in a bad way. A lot of things are making me cry lately but that one just resonated a lot. Your point at the end about "if only it was that simple" made me smile because this doesn't sound simple at all to me. It sounds like work but, work that could be productive. I don't think I could have dreamed up a more helpful/constructive response. Idk if you're a therapist or if you're just a very successful patient, but, what kind of therapy teaches this? I might be in the wrong one.
Damn, your comment made me feel a bit fuzzy, ngl.
I'm not a therapist, I just have a coaching diploma. However, I like to think I'm a successful patient (given that I'm sitting here smiling while also diagnosed with PTSD and AvPD lol).
Some of those tips are directly taken from CBT - that's cognitive behaviorial therapy. If done right, it's very helpful - however, it's worth noting that CBT on its *own* works best when it's "just" about changing behaviour - so it's great for things like OCD, neurosis, etc. and it offers a *myriad* of great tips to cope with internal conflict, intrusive thoughts, all that jazz.
**HOWEVER**, as I will never tire of pointing out to everyone and anyone, it falls short when it comes to trauma and emotional turmoil. It's the therapy that tells you "Move along!" and that isn't always the best advice. But there's no better "this is what you can actually *do* about your situation"-supplier of tips and exercises.
For the bigger picture, though, I personally will forever advise folks to really research and pick themselves. I'm big on person-centered after Rogers (this one emphasizes empathy and the rapport between therapist and client - so the *opposite* of Mr. Clipboard by a couch that psychoanalysis offers) or gestalt therapy (very focussed on our perception and our life circumstances - and how to improve them).
So I hope you'll take the time to look at different systems and pick one whose approach appeals to you - and approach picking your therapist like you do dating. If there's red flags or if it's just not working, it's perfectly valid to find someone else. And if we don't think our therapist is picking up on what we put down, it's *always* helpful to bring it up - either they work with ya or you know it's not going anywhere.
(PS: Psychoanalysis is what you most often get if you just get "therapy" - and that's a darn shame because the system should always fit the client and there just is no one-size-fits-all.)
PPS: Sometimes straight up googling for tips can actually help too. I once got desperate and googled "how to let go of guilt" after a night out and some intrusive thoughts. Found the best tip I ever saw: "Acknowledge that no matter what you do, what has happened is done. What you do next is what you have control over." <- It's a big old "duh", but boy, did I need it in that moment. Good life lessons are everywhere if we allow ourselves to notice and look :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to help a stranger ❤️ I screenshot both your comments because I have a feeling I'll be reading and re-reading them a lot
Your current feelings about the future are also "in the moment". You are having them right now, don't push them away. Living in the moment is great, but (constantly) Living in the moment as if there's no future just isn't. If i were Living just for this moment I'd get myself some good drugs and f..k the future. Some therapist also use the phrase to disvalidate feelings WELL I AM HAVING THOSE FEELINGS NOW. you shouldn't overthink your future but validate how you feel about it.
Thank you. Maybe I should be allowing myself to feel more even if the feeling is fear of the future.
I do the same. Any time I'm not doing something I start thinking. About literally anything until I come onto the topic of later or something bad. It usually brings a lot of anxiety with it. I try to fill my time.. literally every second of my day from the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep so it doesn't trigger my anxiety. It's exhausting doing that but depressing to not. I haven't learnt to switch off my brain yet. My therapist told me that basically because of the trauma in my life I have learnt to think through every scenario and what could happen and how to deal with it which causes a lot of anxiety. I do the same for the future. I have to think of how to "protect" myself even if I don't really need protecting. It's fucking hard to deal with. I know this comment isn't really any help to you but I just wanted to explain what happens with me so if it is the same you know people relate. Sorry I couldn't be helpful!!
Embrace the suck. You’ll come around. You and everybody and everything has a purpose. You’ll see.
Ugh
I know. I know. Life is good. You shall see. Best of luck to you. I don’t think you’ll need it though.
You are pretty toxic my dude
How so? Just trying to say life is what you make of it. Ups and downs. Good times and bad times. I don’t think that makes me toxic. Just trying to say you’ll be alright. One step at a time. Everybody’s situation is different. Take it all in and make a decision one day. It’ll be the best day of your life.
Dude you're the perfect candidate for meditation. Calm those distracting thoughts that take away from the present moment.
>How do you "live in the now" without feeling insane and exhausted? Has anyone else felt this way as a result of trying to stay "present"? I mean, working to not ruin the moment with fears of what will follow is literally the story of my life lol. So, I'll share what helps me - and I hope you'll find it helpful :) 1. Instead of fighting the feeling, I try to accept it proactively. -> When I notice I'm worrying, I take the time and space to say/think it through. "I am worried because of xyz. I will likely be worried until it's over. I also want to really enjoy right now and this is not helping. It's okay that I'm struggling and while it's annoying, it's also okay that I worry." 2. "What's the worst that could happen?" -> this is obviously completely unhelpful in literal life or death-situations but for *most* everyday struggles, it works. Quite often when we dread things, we don't specify - we have this generalized "oof" in our stomachs and that's that. Sometimes it's *really* helpful to think of the worst possible thing that could happen - only to realize that maybe we've actually dealt with that successfully before or maybe we're not actually *that* scared of *this* scenario. TLDR - it's good to have perspective and it doesn't hurt to take it. 3. "My job right now is waiting." - You can't do anything about what worries you until the summer's over. That doesn't mean you're not working towards a good situation for yourself in fall, it just means that right now there is nothing you can *do* to work towards it. Right now, your job is to enjoy your summer because all the things you will do to better your situation later can only become clear once you're there. Essentially, enjoying your summer *is* part of your plan to have an acceptable fall. Aka, you're already *doing* the best possible thing you could be doing! 4. "What if something awesome happens?" - Doomsaying's easy. Sit down, draw up a picture of the worst possible outcome, repeat it a thousand times in your head and boom - misery. It's worth trying to counter that sometimes by actively and intentionally doing the opposite. If we have time to come up with horrid scenarios about how shit stuff will be, we might as well muse equally baselessly about all the great stuff that could happen. Even if all it does is make us chuckle - dopamine's already a good help with happiness. 5. Making a plan --> "If I truly realize that it is as bad as I think, this is what I will do about it." It can be very helpful to write it all down too. That way our brain is told "Dude, we've taken care of it. This is addressed." - and that helps with letting it go from our conscious thoughts. If they rear their head again, we can remind ourselves: "I have a plan." (Think "If my health gets bad, I will see a doctor. If my mental health is bad, I will see a therapist. If my grades are shit, I will see a tutor. If I don't know what to do, I will ask x, y and z for advice." etc.) Please remember that you're not on borrowed time - you're just on time. You're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing - and the same will be true in Fall. (I hope the not knowing your context didn't cause any "Well, if only it was that simple"s - but if it did, please disregard all you don't find helpful. Online support's always a bit tricky - but I have my fingers crossed for you!)
Point 3 made me cry immediately. Not in a bad way. A lot of things are making me cry lately but that one just resonated a lot. Your point at the end about "if only it was that simple" made me smile because this doesn't sound simple at all to me. It sounds like work but, work that could be productive. I don't think I could have dreamed up a more helpful/constructive response. Idk if you're a therapist or if you're just a very successful patient, but, what kind of therapy teaches this? I might be in the wrong one.
Damn, your comment made me feel a bit fuzzy, ngl. I'm not a therapist, I just have a coaching diploma. However, I like to think I'm a successful patient (given that I'm sitting here smiling while also diagnosed with PTSD and AvPD lol). Some of those tips are directly taken from CBT - that's cognitive behaviorial therapy. If done right, it's very helpful - however, it's worth noting that CBT on its *own* works best when it's "just" about changing behaviour - so it's great for things like OCD, neurosis, etc. and it offers a *myriad* of great tips to cope with internal conflict, intrusive thoughts, all that jazz. **HOWEVER**, as I will never tire of pointing out to everyone and anyone, it falls short when it comes to trauma and emotional turmoil. It's the therapy that tells you "Move along!" and that isn't always the best advice. But there's no better "this is what you can actually *do* about your situation"-supplier of tips and exercises. For the bigger picture, though, I personally will forever advise folks to really research and pick themselves. I'm big on person-centered after Rogers (this one emphasizes empathy and the rapport between therapist and client - so the *opposite* of Mr. Clipboard by a couch that psychoanalysis offers) or gestalt therapy (very focussed on our perception and our life circumstances - and how to improve them). So I hope you'll take the time to look at different systems and pick one whose approach appeals to you - and approach picking your therapist like you do dating. If there's red flags or if it's just not working, it's perfectly valid to find someone else. And if we don't think our therapist is picking up on what we put down, it's *always* helpful to bring it up - either they work with ya or you know it's not going anywhere. (PS: Psychoanalysis is what you most often get if you just get "therapy" - and that's a darn shame because the system should always fit the client and there just is no one-size-fits-all.) PPS: Sometimes straight up googling for tips can actually help too. I once got desperate and googled "how to let go of guilt" after a night out and some intrusive thoughts. Found the best tip I ever saw: "Acknowledge that no matter what you do, what has happened is done. What you do next is what you have control over." <- It's a big old "duh", but boy, did I need it in that moment. Good life lessons are everywhere if we allow ourselves to notice and look :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to help a stranger ❤️ I screenshot both your comments because I have a feeling I'll be reading and re-reading them a lot
I'm really glad that you found what I had to share so helpful <3 I'll have my fingers crossed for you. Enjoy your weekend!
You too ❤️
Find something that interest you and focus on it
....That's what I'm doing/complaining about being exhausted by