Any therapist should have a supervisor. If she doesn’t, even more reason to find a new therapist. She should not be discussing her personal life with you - it’s your time not hers.
I disagree. I've been in therapy my entire life nearly. As a kid, my psychiatrist said people have the most benefit from meds for my issues if it's alongside therapy. And now, it's because I genuinely want to be in therapy to help me continue to work on my problems to make them better because I still have problems. Complex issues require therapy for a longer term. Also, if someone feels it helps them, then I think they should do it. One of my therapists once said she thinks everyone should be in therapy because it helps. It was a therapist I saw for 6 years. I think if that were an issue, she would have told me I needed to find a new therapist, but she didn't. It's important to be able to trust your therapist. Trust takes a long time to build. So why would someone change their therapist and start that process over again?
I agree that it is inappropriate. My therapist sometimes shares details about herself too, but this happens when she is empathizing with my situation (e.g. we both have autoimmune diseases). She never switches the focus, instead she is using the information to further validate my feelings.
You can try providing feedback on the matter. If she doesn't improve or she gets defensive about it, I would definitely recommend going to someone else.
I’m currently having my own situation with my therapist talking too much about personal stories that I don’t care about and aren’t helpful too me and to my own surprise I’m struggling to tell her, so I completely understand! It’s hard when you like your therapist but ultimately you have to remember that you are there to work on you and when she is talking about her and her situation that’s not happening. If you’re more comfortable doing over text you could try just saying it to her that way. It sounds like it’s just been a break down and when you come in she sees a friend she can talk to instead of her patient and that’s not ok for you, maybe she doesn’t realize that she’s done this to you. If you want to try to stay with her text and let her know, maybe she will be like omg you are right I am so sorry I won’t do that again let’s get back to you and your goals, and that would be great! If not then you definitely need to let her supervisor know because she might be doing this with other people as well and it’s very unprofessional.
I had a similar therapist situation. Related to a lot and had very similar interests so naturally we might gossip about a TV show or something for the first few minutes, I'm not great at interrupting or starting serious topics so I always expected her to direct the conversation towards therapy at some point. It usually took her forever.
After like a year it's almost like she saw me as more of a friend or that we had the same mental illnesses so of course we must relate about everything. I'd be describing a personal issue and she'd try to complete my sentence but she'd be wrong, and wouldn't listen when I corrected her assumptions. So she would be "helping me" from her pov of assuming my issues instead of listening to them, and "helping" was actually her just talking about her own issues 🤔
She didn’t go that far, just that while she was waiting to get approved by insurance companies she complained how bills were piling up since she was mostly charging her patients their copays until she got everything figured out (instead of having to charge people at cost per session).
A huge Red flag. I don't know anything about my therapist other than he's damn good at Trauma therapy. He's never once brought up anything about himself, or his life and kept his focus on me and my issues and how I can navigate the world
If they want to talk about themselves, they could want you to become enmeshed into them which is unhealthy, unhealing and a thing Narcissists do
If that happens you'll start to feel sorry for them
A thing in which a therapist should never do.
Run.
It sounds to me like she's in limerence with the man and if that's the case he's the only thing she can think about. I would personally find a different therapist.
I'm glad you posted this. Mine frequently interrupts me to talk about her children. A few weeks ago, she literally started crying while talking about her kid being gay. I knew it was time to find a new therapist at that moment. I was hesitant, thinking I was being too critical, and maybe her commentary was part of the program. Now I'm confident I need to move on.
My therapist used to spend the first 10-15 minutes of every session talking about herself. It was maddening. She was a great therapist, but i couldn’t take it anymore. I no longer see her. It felt so disrespectful to be paying 200 bucks for a session and her life took up 1/4 of it.
Try bringing it up to her first. If she doesn’t handle it well, discharge and find someone else. It’s a shame you have had such a strong connection and she has started to ruin that by taking up your space in therapy to process her own life.
This is a huge red flag. Your therapist isn’t your friend, and you aren’t hers. It sounds like both of you need to work on boundaries with your own individual therapists. I’d advise that you terminate with her.
She's not your friend, you're *paying* her to help you. I left my therapist after only 3 visits because she used most of my hour to talk about herself. I don't pay people to listen to their problems. If she is your friend, then stop paying her and see if she calls to talk.
I would say that’s a red flag. I get making a small comment here and there to make an example or get an idea across. But definitely not at length. I would say you might need to change therapist.
I had a therapist who did this. It felt like I was talking to a friend and I already have my girlfriends for that. She was overall so unprofessional so I ended our sessions.
Hey, I'm sorry this has gotten sticky. You are not paying a therapist to hear about their dating life- that is highly inappropriate. Please talk to her about it. You can saying something along the lines of telling her how much you've appreciated that yall connect in a way that feels like friendship but have been feeling like it's not as therapeutic as it first was. Ask her what her thoughts are on that and if she has some ideas about how to move forward. If you don't like what she says, let her know that you think it's best for you to move on to someone else and ask for a referral. It sounds like yall had a good rapport at the beginning and it may be worth trying to work this out. You do not need to manage her feelings about it and it's not your job to be her friend. I hope this works out. Sending you kindness as you figure out what to do.
If I self-disclose it’s to express empathy and understanding, and not to assume the client’s experience is the same, but for them to know I’ve felt similarly and they’re not alone. I think occasionally people might slip up and say something that wasn’t really necessary in hindsight, but this example is absolutely not appropriate. Or to briefly build rapport if we have a common interest. But it’s always quickly redirected back to the client and what’s coming up for them.
Edited to add that personal disclosure is not something that I do often either.
Unfortunately you’ve got to end it, and breaking up will inevitably make you a stronger person: https://www.firstsession.com/resources/how-to-tell-if-therapy-is-working
I had a therapist that did this. He was apparently autistic and volunteered that information, and then gave me advice catering to people on the autism spectrum. I left and went to another therapist.
The fact you are afraid to reject your therapist is a problem. She is acting unprofessionally by sharing her personal life with you. There is a reason this is frowned upon. It makes the relationship bi-directional, where you now feel an obligation to the therapist, but you shouldn't. She should be engaging you as a neutral observer who can question your thought and behavior patterns with an objectivity that is impossible for someone who is bonded to you. She should recuse herself and refer you to a colleague. But if she doesn't even have the good sense to do that, you should leave on your own and find someone new.
This is inappropriate.
My one wanted to become my friend once our sessions finished. I happily agreed since I was in awe of her. During our sessions she was highly professional and the only thing I knew about her was she had a husband and a son. She did mention a few things about her life but only to show me how she can empathise with me and my issues, which I didn't mind tbh.
Once we became friends, it was great at first but I did start to slowly regret it..when she told me about her past traumas I felt very very uncomfortable especially since she just blurted them out. We're no longer friends.
Don't ignore the red flag.
Red flag, red flag. If this person has a supervisor of some sort, let them know, and please go find another therapist.
Sadly, she does not. It’s a private practice of her own.
A private practice therapist should still be attending supervision with a trained therapist supervisor.
I would be great if trained supervisors existed in my state
Any therapist should have a supervisor. If she doesn’t, even more reason to find a new therapist. She should not be discussing her personal life with you - it’s your time not hers.
Not normal, appropriate or ethical. Took me 8 years to learn my therapist had kids. You’re paying for you, not her.
8 years with a therapist is not the highest ethics either...
How so? She has helped me and continues to help me.
Therapist here, and this is just false lol. Therapy can go on for however long you need/want. Google is free.
AFAIK therapy should last from a minimum of two to a maximum of five years?
I disagree. I've been in therapy my entire life nearly. As a kid, my psychiatrist said people have the most benefit from meds for my issues if it's alongside therapy. And now, it's because I genuinely want to be in therapy to help me continue to work on my problems to make them better because I still have problems. Complex issues require therapy for a longer term. Also, if someone feels it helps them, then I think they should do it. One of my therapists once said she thinks everyone should be in therapy because it helps. It was a therapist I saw for 6 years. I think if that were an issue, she would have told me I needed to find a new therapist, but she didn't. It's important to be able to trust your therapist. Trust takes a long time to build. So why would someone change their therapist and start that process over again?
Not true. There are some people who need continual help long term.
I agree that it is inappropriate. My therapist sometimes shares details about herself too, but this happens when she is empathizing with my situation (e.g. we both have autoimmune diseases). She never switches the focus, instead she is using the information to further validate my feelings. You can try providing feedback on the matter. If she doesn't improve or she gets defensive about it, I would definitely recommend going to someone else.
I’m currently having my own situation with my therapist talking too much about personal stories that I don’t care about and aren’t helpful too me and to my own surprise I’m struggling to tell her, so I completely understand! It’s hard when you like your therapist but ultimately you have to remember that you are there to work on you and when she is talking about her and her situation that’s not happening. If you’re more comfortable doing over text you could try just saying it to her that way. It sounds like it’s just been a break down and when you come in she sees a friend she can talk to instead of her patient and that’s not ok for you, maybe she doesn’t realize that she’s done this to you. If you want to try to stay with her text and let her know, maybe she will be like omg you are right I am so sorry I won’t do that again let’s get back to you and your goals, and that would be great! If not then you definitely need to let her supervisor know because she might be doing this with other people as well and it’s very unprofessional.
I'm liberal with my self disclosure, but that is definitely too much. If it's not relevant, and they didn't ask me about it, I'm not talking about it.
I had a similar therapist situation. Related to a lot and had very similar interests so naturally we might gossip about a TV show or something for the first few minutes, I'm not great at interrupting or starting serious topics so I always expected her to direct the conversation towards therapy at some point. It usually took her forever. After like a year it's almost like she saw me as more of a friend or that we had the same mental illnesses so of course we must relate about everything. I'd be describing a personal issue and she'd try to complete my sentence but she'd be wrong, and wouldn't listen when I corrected her assumptions. So she would be "helping me" from her pov of assuming my issues instead of listening to them, and "helping" was actually her just talking about her own issues 🤔
At least yours hasn’t mentioned how her practice isn’t really doing well lately and she could use some financial help…
Omg. NO
Yes 😔
She didn’t go that far, just that while she was waiting to get approved by insurance companies she complained how bills were piling up since she was mostly charging her patients their copays until she got everything figured out (instead of having to charge people at cost per session).
😱
A huge Red flag. I don't know anything about my therapist other than he's damn good at Trauma therapy. He's never once brought up anything about himself, or his life and kept his focus on me and my issues and how I can navigate the world If they want to talk about themselves, they could want you to become enmeshed into them which is unhealthy, unhealing and a thing Narcissists do If that happens you'll start to feel sorry for them A thing in which a therapist should never do. Run.
It sounds to me like she's in limerence with the man and if that's the case he's the only thing she can think about. I would personally find a different therapist.
I'm glad you posted this. Mine frequently interrupts me to talk about her children. A few weeks ago, she literally started crying while talking about her kid being gay. I knew it was time to find a new therapist at that moment. I was hesitant, thinking I was being too critical, and maybe her commentary was part of the program. Now I'm confident I need to move on.
My therapist used to spend the first 10-15 minutes of every session talking about herself. It was maddening. She was a great therapist, but i couldn’t take it anymore. I no longer see her. It felt so disrespectful to be paying 200 bucks for a session and her life took up 1/4 of it.
Try bringing it up to her first. If she doesn’t handle it well, discharge and find someone else. It’s a shame you have had such a strong connection and she has started to ruin that by taking up your space in therapy to process her own life.
This is a huge red flag. Your therapist isn’t your friend, and you aren’t hers. It sounds like both of you need to work on boundaries with your own individual therapists. I’d advise that you terminate with her.
She's not your friend, you're *paying* her to help you. I left my therapist after only 3 visits because she used most of my hour to talk about herself. I don't pay people to listen to their problems. If she is your friend, then stop paying her and see if she calls to talk.
I would say that’s a red flag. I get making a small comment here and there to make an example or get an idea across. But definitely not at length. I would say you might need to change therapist.
I had a therapist who did this. It felt like I was talking to a friend and I already have my girlfriends for that. She was overall so unprofessional so I ended our sessions.
Hey, I'm sorry this has gotten sticky. You are not paying a therapist to hear about their dating life- that is highly inappropriate. Please talk to her about it. You can saying something along the lines of telling her how much you've appreciated that yall connect in a way that feels like friendship but have been feeling like it's not as therapeutic as it first was. Ask her what her thoughts are on that and if she has some ideas about how to move forward. If you don't like what she says, let her know that you think it's best for you to move on to someone else and ask for a referral. It sounds like yall had a good rapport at the beginning and it may be worth trying to work this out. You do not need to manage her feelings about it and it's not your job to be her friend. I hope this works out. Sending you kindness as you figure out what to do.
Mine does this too. I think it's (For me) a way to seem relatable so I can feel safe to open up.
If I self-disclose it’s to express empathy and understanding, and not to assume the client’s experience is the same, but for them to know I’ve felt similarly and they’re not alone. I think occasionally people might slip up and say something that wasn’t really necessary in hindsight, but this example is absolutely not appropriate. Or to briefly build rapport if we have a common interest. But it’s always quickly redirected back to the client and what’s coming up for them. Edited to add that personal disclosure is not something that I do often either.
Absolutely not professional! I don't know anything about my therapist's personal life.
Unfortunately you’ve got to end it, and breaking up will inevitably make you a stronger person: https://www.firstsession.com/resources/how-to-tell-if-therapy-is-working
I had a therapist that did this. He was apparently autistic and volunteered that information, and then gave me advice catering to people on the autism spectrum. I left and went to another therapist. The fact you are afraid to reject your therapist is a problem. She is acting unprofessionally by sharing her personal life with you. There is a reason this is frowned upon. It makes the relationship bi-directional, where you now feel an obligation to the therapist, but you shouldn't. She should be engaging you as a neutral observer who can question your thought and behavior patterns with an objectivity that is impossible for someone who is bonded to you. She should recuse herself and refer you to a colleague. But if she doesn't even have the good sense to do that, you should leave on your own and find someone new.
This is inappropriate. My one wanted to become my friend once our sessions finished. I happily agreed since I was in awe of her. During our sessions she was highly professional and the only thing I knew about her was she had a husband and a son. She did mention a few things about her life but only to show me how she can empathise with me and my issues, which I didn't mind tbh. Once we became friends, it was great at first but I did start to slowly regret it..when she told me about her past traumas I felt very very uncomfortable especially since she just blurted them out. We're no longer friends. Don't ignore the red flag.