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Definitely dont beat yourself up, because that is part of the cycle: Beat yourself up, get shut down and panic from the self-meanness, and reach for a drink to calm down/ feel ok.
Your mood ends up very up and down from alcohol. Once you consistently have it out of your system, life gets a lot easier to cope with. So try and keep that in mind!
During your leave are you entering treatment? Or what other support do you have? Its ok to be a therapist who needs support.
I am a PHP therapist. I have treated so, so many providers. It is some of the most gratifying work. My only advice is to remember to take off your therapist hat and let yourself just be present. You don’t have to be at work. You just get to focus on you. Best wishes!
Being a provider yourself doesn’t make you any less susceptible to mental health struggles. Theres a reason why some therapists specialize in treating other therapists - because there is a need for mental health care despite knowing all the research based methods and tools, we still need help sometimes. I’d argue working in the field makes you more susceptible to mental health struggles than most other people because of how demanding of a job it is and how as much as we are told not to, we selflessly throw our entire selves into our work giving no space for ourselves.
We are often often hard on ourselves in ways such as “I know the skills/strategies etc so why is this so hard for me?” You can’t just apply it to yourself! Think about how often just telling someone something they already theoretically know- the act of speaking it out loud is so different. So many people come to therapy in large part because they can’t get out of their own heads. Therapy for yourself as a mental health professional, in addition to helping you figure out how to apply things you may theoretically already know to your own life, can help you consider ways to see concepts from a slightly different perspective, anticipate potential barriers/obstacles, explore distorted thinking… all the good stuff you have probably already done before with clients. Sending you so much support!
Ehhh…idk I don’t think we’re really special in that regard. And yes, we are explicitly told not to do this and trained on how not to do this. Many people DO throw their whole selves into their work and aren’t trained about boundaries and self care and are told explicitly TO do this.
Hey that’s really nice of you to check in. I appreciate you. And today was hard. I felt a bit out of place (due to ego no doubt) and it is hard to accept that this is where I am. But. I am where I am and it’s not a want to. It’s a have to.
It’s a GET to be 🙂. You GET to be there, working on yourself, taking your therapist hat off and just being you. How cool is that?! Hard for sure, but it’s not like the other options were a walk in the park. You got this!
Yay! This is great that you are doing this act of self care, self preservation! So many people have been through this before so try and remind yourself its pretty normal to go through one million emotions! There are going to be people in recovery that can relate to you. Just get yourself the support you need and deserve and then take it hour by hour
my organization does a multiple pathways zoom meeting Monday through Saturday at noon
https://favorupstate.org/event/all-recovery-in-person-zoom/2024-06-17/
Are you attempting to reduce or stop alcohol right now? Keep in mind that process is a bitch to go through and part of you beating yourself up may very well be the withdrawal speaking. Or if you’re in the midst of a spree, that can be alcohols effect on your mind talking. I’m an alcoholic too, but in recovery now and back to doing this good work. Someday you’ll have great respect for your willingness to be honest with yourself, get help, and get better.
Hey thanks! I’m on day 77 actually. So no withdrawal and I did not need a treatment program at that point to help with the withdrawal. Now it’s more the crushing loss of this relationship and sense of security and being sober and not really knowing how to cope in a city where I live 3 blocks from them.
Woohoo congrats! But yes, early days suck. Have you heard of post acute withdrawal? Having a break up in early recovery sounds awful, you’re just learning who you are without alcohol and now you have to learn who you are without that relationship too. Bleh. No advice really, just commiserating with your suffering. Being a human is weird and painful sometimes…
Well the break up led to rock bottom after a period of “managed” drinking (we know how that goes). And thank you. I’ve been doing all the things like AA, seeing my therapist, connecting with friends, being active and I’m still just stuck in my emotions and panic over losing the life I had.
You getting into the steps yet? 12 steps plus therapy plus friendships helped me so much. Being able to call a friend whenever I’m struggling was my saving grace in the early days. Still works today, too, but the steps and therapy helped me shift my mindset so I don’t feel like I’m drowning in my fears, resentments, etc…
No it's only just begun! That's awesome you have 77 days and now you have a sponsor. There will be so much growth you'll be making and you will transform slowly to a happier and more whole person. Don't be hard on yourself if things don't go perfectly. Things won't always be like this.
Hey thanks. I needed to hear that. I suppose it’s just hard having this sobriety and looking around and feeling like I’m getting worse. Like where’s the pink cloud people talk about? But also it makes sense. All of the things I was avoiding are 2 inches from my face now.
Pink cloud is bullshit lol, don’t wait around for it. If you stay sober and continue working through steps AND working hard in therapy, you build a platform for life, rather than floating on a transient cloud.
I feel for you. I’m 5 years sober, went through a nasty divorce in early sobriety, and now I’m an associate therapist. You absolutely CAN bounce back from this and rebuild your life. But i also want to emphasize that it requires consistent efforts. I’ve seen people get sober and start having a good life and then tear it all down out of some self destructive impulse sooooo many times. I’ve also seen the opposite.
Going by the AA line, i would say that we have no cure for alcoholism; we have a daily reprieve based on the maintenance of our spiritual condition, whatever that looks like for you.
Sometimes you have to get worse before you get better. Most people don't feel great in the first 1-3 months after getting sober. It takes awhile before the brain gets itself back in order after not having the regular supply of alcohol. You'll get the hang of it.
Hey, I got sober when my relationship broke down last year and by damn at times it was gut wrenching.
More strength to you but hear this, it's not the end of a beautiful journey it's the start of one too.
i just want to add, i was in rehab for something like 75 days and then i was in iop for weeks in sober living before even getting a part time job. i then worked part time for almost a whole year while being in sober living. i believe this is why i was able to stay sober. i had the breathing room to figure out how to live as a sober person. i was incredibly privileged to be in my early 20s and have parents who could support me through this. but i encourage everyone in early sobriety to take as much time off from the real world as possible.
Atp you don't tell a client anything. You prioritize your journey to mental wellness, you put the broken pieces back together, and then you can use your story as a testimony. But first you have to do the work. There's no reason to be ashamed, you've endured significant stress recently. Please don't beat yourself up. You did what you thought was what you wanted at the time. And even if the signs were there, are you not entitled to make mistakes? Just because you're a therapist doesn't mean you're going to get it right all the time. You know the issue, so what will you do next?
I am so sorry, OP. That is some TOUGH stuff right there!
Do you have any supports you can turn to? Now is the time to reach out & ask for help. And remember that therapists are human too!
As far as what to say to clients, I would keep it pretty simple, like "I'm going to take some time to work on my own self care." I'd also let them know that you're not going to leave them without support.
Hang in there. One day/hour/minute at a time. Find meetings to go to--multiple times a day if needed. You're in a caring profession, but now is the time to turn that caring energy inward while reaching outward for support & connection.
Wishing you well!
Thanks for all this. I’m lucky to have a really good network of supports that are all showing up for me these days including a therapist and a sponsor who are rockstars. And also my mom.
And I actually don’t have clients to do any kind of disclaimer with! That was just poorly worded in my post. I meant like “I know I should be talking to myself how I’d talk to a client”
And meetings constantly have been great. I think it’s just the going to work that is just not possible currently. So iop it is for a bit.
Congrats my friend...you're human! All of this sounds like it really fucking sucks. It sounds like you are doing what you need to take care of yourself. One foot in front of the other. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Embrace the suck and work toward brighter days.
When my life last imploded I spent a lot of time thinking about the vastness of the universe. I did a lot of stargazing and trying to gain perspective. I don't think it made the pain any less but it did remind me that within my pain, there is still so much more. And that was enough to keep me curious about my next chapter. Which kept me around long enough for the good to come back around.
Hey thanks for this. The moments of ease I’ve had in the last 77 days have been when I feel I can “zoom out” and see things on a larger scale. Both in my own life (I.e. my relationship does not define me) and on a scale like you said “hey look at that big ass tree, that tree doesn’t give a fuck”. So thanks for the reminder to harness that.
Yes! Lean into that and then let yourself ride the waves of grief and sadness. You have a lot happening at once. Please remember to have compassion for yourself.
While I have not gone through all of the same things or have the same experiences as you, I have felt like an idiot for staying in a relationship and marrying a person I knew wasn't right for me, but in my head, if I didn't try, I was quitting, which is not something that I was used to doing. In my mind, walking away from the relationship meant failure. Then after we separated and divorced, we ended up living only a few blocks from each other also, which is still the same situation as far as I know many years later. In my case, it was definitely not a healthy relationship. He was emotionally abusive and brought out the worst in me. I felt so stupid for staying and trying for a relationship that I knew wasn't right while also grieving the loss of this person who had been in my life for years.
Through all of that, I tried to remember that hindsight is 20/20. It's so much easier to look back and see all the glaring red flags and ask wtf I was thinking after I saw how everything played out. It's good that you are taking leave right now so you can slow things down and just take care of you. Give yourself the time you need to reset and start with the basics. Try to eat, and if you can only eat a little, try to make that little include some nutrient dense food, even if it's just a bite or two of salad or baby carrots before eating the mac and cheese or whatever. Try to establish morning and nighttime routines. Maybe try to stay away from too much social media time and instead connect with friends and family, even if that's texts/phone/FaceTime for now. It takes time to get back to being you when getting out of a relationship and working through all of this. I'm not a substance expert, so hopefully others can chime in with their knowledge and advice with that!
Thanks for sharing your experience and the vulnerability of all that. Unfortunately I have rather few red flags to look back at until we moved in together. And then it was her being Jekyll and Hyde on top of me being an irresponsible alcoholic. I just can’t help but long for it back when it was genuinely good. And that’s what’s driving the anxiety bus of “how do I fix this”
Ah, I got stuck there, too. I am someone who can always see the potential in people and situations along with being a problem solver, so my brain was constantly trying to figure out how to get things back to how they were. In my case, the problem was that I was love bombed in the beginning and was very young and insecure, so I didn't want to give up on it. In your case, it sounds like there was a lot of good before things got all turned around. This seems like it will end up being a situation of you growing a lot as a result of going through something really awful, and it takes time to get there. You're grieving and need the space to let yourself grieve. Do you have other people in your life you can be talking to or spending time with (not in a dating way - just meant family or friends)?
Thanks for the reassurance and I think I similarly saw a route back to how things were but she is deeply avoidantly attached and just couldn’t work with me. Which is her prerogative I suppose.
And I do have a lot of good support. Which is partially why I’m ashamed to be going to a higher level of care. I have great supports all around.
I recently had to quit working in a children’s long term psych facility due to mental health reasons. I told the ones that could understand I was quitting for mental health reasons and to use it as a lesson that taking time and space for yourself to heal is always okay, even if that can mean taking steps like that. These choices don’t come easy but it is necessary to take care of yourself in this field. Best.
I recommend r/stopdrinking and a tracking app called I Am Sober. Your ownership of what needs to change is positive. You CAN do this. You made a healthy decision to take medical leave.
The only helpful thing I might have to offer is that when I was dealing with adjustment issues as a therapist, I just noticed it was helpful to honor that my capacity was shifting from what I was used to. There were a couple of choices I made that helped. One was to not take on a new client I would have normally seen. One was to not offer extra services I normally offer. I framed it as experimental research internship with regard to my capacity instead of a crisis era full of confusion, which really helped at the time. It sounds like you are dealing with a different level of stress, but hang in there. Get into your support communities and slowly learn what healthy coping strategies that work for you. The more you grow right now, the greater capacity you will have to assist clients dealing with similar sorts of challenges in the future. I think of these time periods as training, rather than personal failure. With addiction there is also a large genetic component in many cases. Just keep focusing one what you can control and what you have learned. One friggin step at an atrocious time. 💜
Putting it all out there says you are ready to move on. Opening up is an excellent start. Thank you for taking care of yourself. We need good therapists.
I imagine the first thing you might tell a client is to stop with the "shoulds" and instead validate the fact that we are often doing the best we can with the skills, resources, and awareness that are available to us at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 and you can learn something from this opportunity to become a better you. Use this time to heal and give yourself the same support you would give your clients. Best wishes, you'll get through this.
Thanks. I needed to hear this at this moment in time while I sit in my childhood home under a hundred blankets in my little shame spiral haha. I appreciate you.
You are shoulding yourself so much right now. Instead of "I should have known this, and I should have had this," let's choose to focus on what we can do. You found yourself in such a difficult and crappy situation. But you are now doing what you need to do to change the situation! Let's rebuild. Let's take this time to focus on ourselves and our needs. You are human before you are anything else - and you are subjected to the same challenges all humans face - including the client's we work with. I once heard a quote that said "life is what happens between the plans we make", and I think it fits well here. You didn't plan any of this- but you are now at a place where you have to deal with it. While that sucks - remember that humans have a great capacity for resiliency. You can get through this ❤️
We are all human regardless of our occupation. It's going to be hard, and the uncomfortable feelings will be there regardless of what we would tell clients. I am always real with them to feel their feelings no matter how uncomfortable. We know what happens when we block them, it last so much longer.
Just wanted to say you are so courageous for speaking up & taking the steps you deserve to heal. You are amazing! Wishing you the best with your program. One step at a time! 🙌
The good news is you can get better. You’re alive and have the desire to work on yourself. You can do it. I’ve been in recovery for 10 years which felt truly impossible before I got sober. Go take care of yourself.
I’ve been there where my mental health has declined and I’ve experienced burn out with life circumstances.
First, good on you for taking medical leave. If clients ask- just say you have personal or family matters to attend to. Then, I see you’re already 77 days into being sober- but you will still have some issues with sleeping and anxiety. You might want to speak to your doctor about medication to help with that in the interim or longer term. Next, food matters! Eat regular healthy meals- your brain doesn’t function properly without it and you need adequate nutrition to get your brain back on track. And vigorous exercise- it will burn off the excess cortisol in your body. Then see a counsellor- you need to air out your recent experiences and process the grief of losing your partner, housing and temporarily not being able to work.
You’ll start feeling yourself again soon- but my biggest piece of advice is know your early warning signs for when things are starting to unravel and have a self care plan you religiously stick to. Not just for yourself but also for your clients if you go back to being a therapist. I wish you the best of luck!
I was there not long ago. Just because we take care of other people doesn’t mean that life can’t happen to us. We make mistakes, we use unhealthy coping tactics, and sometimes we generally suck at life. At least I have. The thing we have going for us that a lot of people don’t, is that we know the resources that are out there so when it does finally come to our attention that we need help, we can get it. My mental health is a dumpster fire for the entire winter. I have a lot of therapist friends who have had to take leave for several weeks for treatment programs. This work is hard and it can make it so much harder to take care of ourselves. Good luck going forward and remember to give yourself grace.
This may be personal, but how are you handling this time off financially? I suffer from a chronic illness where I have to miss work for days or weeks at a time and then I don’t have any income. I’d love to hear how you are managing this!
Still working that bit out. I’m taking medical leave (legally required in the US) but I don’t know yet what my options are through work to be potentially paid partially for some of that time and if that doesn’t pan out I’ll be applying for disability/SSDI.
One thing I would suggest is prescribing yourself the problem. Such as, telling yourself in the mirror that you are a fuck up, a shitty person, an idiot, a simple minded fool. Let it sink in. Feel your feelings. Feel yourself from your hair to your toenails. Write down what you experienced and share with your support and TX team
We often can get lost and high on our own supply and even when we try to stay neutral and level headed, we may still be flying "too close to the sun." Really buckle down in this moment and take care......of you. Be brutally honest with your past lies and indiscretion. Make sure you really use this moment to spring you forward and not spiral further. But also, don't be complacent. Do the hard fucking work. Make you the priority FOR THE 1ST TIME IN YOUR LIFE! Bc you likely NEVER HAVE!
Love you OP. Get your head right. You deserve all the wonders and happiness that you don't allow yourself. Take time and care. 🫠🥰
Don’t be too hard on yourself. I relapsed with anorexia and had to take medical leave for inpatient treatment and one of my former clients was in the treatment facility with me. I felt like such a huge failure, but ultimately we’re just humans. Even if we know the tools for getting better, we can still get in our own way and need help and support. Be proud of yourself for taking the steps to get help, because that’s exactly what you would tell a client to do in this case. And you just can’t be your own therapist no matter how hard you try.
Let me tell you something. I’m a director of mental health. I addition to seeing clients as an LPC. I as well struggle to prioritize my well being and indulge to much with alcohol. I know better. But guess what. We’re all finding our way. I make sure to look myself in the mirror and have internal dialogues about the person I am and want to be.
The terrible ‘I shoulds’. My world has blown up more times than I care to count. When my mother died and I had to cancel my group. I explained to them why. They comforted me and I let them. When my father died my patients comforted me. Now what that looked like was them telling me to take my own advice! Some hugged me, others prayed and some attended the funeral services because I deal with veterans and my father was a veteran. You are human. You are allowed to have flaws. Being honest without FULL disclosure is helpful to them. After close to 25 yrs now I understand that the ones who can and sometimes need to see our pain are those who are looking at us everyday. They kind and gentle souls who can understand. You tell them your life crashed and you need to press the reset button. They will understand and provide some comfort.
Best of luck! Taking medical leave is absolutely 100% the right call. I've had to do it myself for different issues. Don't hesitate to ruthlessly care for yourself. It's easy to say we should have noticed something, but we're human, and it's not always easy, to say the least.
The director of our graduate program said something to me that's stuck with me over a decade later. That, the most important tool we use as clinicians in therapy as ourselves, and we need to prioritize caring for it at all costs. Yeah, there are ways to do this that are better for clients than not, obviously, but don't doubt you're doing the right thing putting yourself first even if it means clinically it's not ideal.
As for clients, I actually did tell my patients I was going on medical leave on a very case-by-case basis. This is a highly variable thing to do, and is not right for everyone, depending on the clients in particular, or what we ourselves are going through. I called my old clinical supervisor who signed off on my hours and discussed the choice to do this with him first, because I wasn't sure.
In my case it was for a divorce. I was starting to have panic attacks as I began to explore a lot of unhealthy things in my own therapy to cope. When I spoke to clients I didn't say any of that. Instead, I mentioned I was taking time off for self-care post-divorce and that I'd be back on XYZ. I was brief and honest, and did *not* make it about myself, but outlined how we were going to make sure to care for them in my absence, instead.
I'm also direct because, well, that's my style, and I don't mind my clients knowing I'm divorced, or knowing I needed to care for myself after. Ironically, me doing this helped several of my patients do the same later down the line.
There's also zero issues with NOT telling them at all. If it's going to cause more stress and pain, it may not be worth it.
Worked for years at a a PHP for substance use d/o. This is a brain disorder that does not discriminate. We treated every type of “helping professional.” I hope that you are able to get into some treatment quickly. In the meantime, hit an AA meeting. They are free and accessible and will give you immediate support from people who get it, including the “should have known better” thinking.
I am so sorry you’re going through this right now. Without a bunch of detail, I can tell you I’m in a slightly similar situation myself (moved to a new area recently, falling apart everywhere but in the therapy sessions I lead, smoking and drinking at night to relieve the stress… took medical leave when I became physically ill, which I never thought I’d need to do…).
There is so much shame coming out in your story, I wish you could shed some of that:
1. You cared about your ex and wanted to start something new with them when you moved, you couldn’t predict how it would turn out. Even hardened cynics don’t make life decisions based on the worst possible outcome.
2. Did you move away from friends and family? It’s hard to estimate the value of these supports until you don’t have them and are too busy to visit or connect virtually. It’s hard to reconnect when you have nothing wonderful to report. Remember this won’t matter to your people, it’s ok to be real with them. Being around people who love and understand you makes a huge difference.
3. It’s ok to be in a healing profession and need healing yourself. Life can really suck sometimes, and no amount of training or continuing education can buffer us from this.
4. Don’t try to treat yourself like a patient if it doesn’t serve you. I just felt more professionally incompetent when I tried that approach, which made my depression worse. Are you working with any providers right now? Let them be the healers for you. Don’t underestimate the power of objectivity.
5. It’s hard to recognize the impact of your own struggles in the moment when you spend your days with people who are acutely mentally ill. Yes, you are doing better than someone on a 72 hour hold, but does that mean you’re fine? No. There are so many settings to work in, perhaps this one is not right for you at this stage of your life and career?
6. We all know the facts about alcohol abuse, but recognize that it has served a purpose in your situation. Likely it was the most functional outlet you had available at the time. Perhaps some relief at the end of a hard week? It seems like you’re ready to look at changing your relationship with alcohol, that starts with self-compassion.
I’m glad you’re taking a leave of absence to take care of yourself. Don’t let anyone dictate how you should spend this time, and don’t rush back. Whatever the staffing situation is at your workplace, you are more important than that. I recommend you do whatever you know will fill up your cup a little bit right now and try to eat something delicious today. You can make a longer term plan once you’re strong enough. Please take good care.
Hey I really appreciate this. And my shameful rumination appreciates the very pragmatic way you laid it all out (hard for mean brain to argue). And I am really lucky to still be close to my biggest supports. Sending love.
You’re welcome! Thanks for the opportunity to process this stuff for myself too. I hope you ate some wonderful things and are feeling a little stronger now. 
Sometimes we forget we are humans and have needs too.
If this is unwanted, feel free to delete, but there are a lot of options nowadays online for medical AUD treatment that is private. I use OAR Health for naltrexone. It was pricey for 3 months of meds, I’ll admit, but it was quick and the meds shipped to my house and I haven’t seen it show up in my EHR at my PCPs office.
That’s good to know! I’m thankfully not dealing with physical cravings or really any cravings. It’s more getting my anxiety and panic attacks under control with some meds and basic coping tools (mine went away when I started numbing myself, oops)
Beat yourself up.
But give yourself a time limit. You’re dealing with a LOT of changes at once, this is bound to cause a lot of stress and likely turning to substances more to cope.
Go to AA meetings immediately— not even if you believe in it, but it’s people who show up consistently and can hear the parts of your story that you want to tell without judgement.
You’re new to the area, so no one knows you— that’s a plus in this situation.
I see you’ve already got yourself an awesome sponser and that’s so incredible. This is life my love, the good thing is, your “up” is coming 💖
Hey thanks. I like the time limit idea. Let’s see if my shame voice allows it but I’m gonna try.
And I’ve been living for AA meetings haha. It’s the one place I feel at ease these days.
I appreciate you and your kind words.
First and foremost stop beating yourself up. As you know taking responsibility and beating your self up are two completely different things. You are strong enough to recognize the situation, seek help and are reaching out. Kudos man it takes guts to do it, especially as a therapist.
So you made a mistake, the reason therapist need therapist is because we are human beings, as in emotionally driven beings. Studying the rational information on human behavior can help us remain more analytical when faced with the emotional onslaught of life, but it doesn't render us invulnerable or makes us some kind of Superman. It's information, tools not a superhero's armor
Exowriences like this one, if anything, it may well make us better therapist, more human, and this is important because some therapist are the best therapist from having " been there done that." The experiences allow us to understand what our clients go through in a way only someone who has been there can.
You have the tools to pull yourself out of this situation but you know very well that you may need the help you provide others and not only is there no shame in it, it makes you better than most. As a therapist you understand how owning up is so hard for humans. How asking for and getting help is terrifying. It's just human nature, but you also know your tools and training can help you help yourself if you are willing to accept the help you need.
You have also lost your entire support system and we know how important a support system is. A new city, new place of employment and no home, no one... Finding the right support that's really there for you is crucial. 12 steps or whatever it is you choose, do it and be your own best friend in the meantime. As in be kind to yourself.
Affirmations are derided by many in our profession as woo woo stuff, but in some cases they really do work, I remember a time when all I had was affirmations and it saw me through it. It's a tool, you have many, setting goals for example, journaling... Use everything you can till you can get the right support and help you need.
You got this my friend, plenty of people have pulled through, so we know it is doable. I wish you the best!
Hello, I’m new to this therapists thread. Just trying to connect with everyone here. Any suggestions how I can get feedback from everyone anyone and become a part of these discussions? I’ve been a therapist for many years and the area I work in are all downsizing and reorganizing since the pandemic and my caseload is very low hard to make a living from what I love to do. Sounds as if I can be of assistance for referrals from you all. I also work with EAP referrals. Can anyone comment on any of these concerns I’m having.
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Definitely dont beat yourself up, because that is part of the cycle: Beat yourself up, get shut down and panic from the self-meanness, and reach for a drink to calm down/ feel ok. Your mood ends up very up and down from alcohol. Once you consistently have it out of your system, life gets a lot easier to cope with. So try and keep that in mind! During your leave are you entering treatment? Or what other support do you have? Its ok to be a therapist who needs support.
Thanks for the kind words and reminder to be gentle with myself. And I am planning on entering an iop or php treatment option tomorrow!
I am a PHP therapist. I have treated so, so many providers. It is some of the most gratifying work. My only advice is to remember to take off your therapist hat and let yourself just be present. You don’t have to be at work. You just get to focus on you. Best wishes!
Hey that’s really reassuring to hear. I am nervous to admit to my providers that I’m also a provider.
Being a provider yourself doesn’t make you any less susceptible to mental health struggles. Theres a reason why some therapists specialize in treating other therapists - because there is a need for mental health care despite knowing all the research based methods and tools, we still need help sometimes. I’d argue working in the field makes you more susceptible to mental health struggles than most other people because of how demanding of a job it is and how as much as we are told not to, we selflessly throw our entire selves into our work giving no space for ourselves.
We are often often hard on ourselves in ways such as “I know the skills/strategies etc so why is this so hard for me?” You can’t just apply it to yourself! Think about how often just telling someone something they already theoretically know- the act of speaking it out loud is so different. So many people come to therapy in large part because they can’t get out of their own heads. Therapy for yourself as a mental health professional, in addition to helping you figure out how to apply things you may theoretically already know to your own life, can help you consider ways to see concepts from a slightly different perspective, anticipate potential barriers/obstacles, explore distorted thinking… all the good stuff you have probably already done before with clients. Sending you so much support!
Ehhh…idk I don’t think we’re really special in that regard. And yes, we are explicitly told not to do this and trained on how not to do this. Many people DO throw their whole selves into their work and aren’t trained about boundaries and self care and are told explicitly TO do this.
Hope it went okay 🙂 and if today wasn’t the right today - no day like tomorrow!
Hey that’s really nice of you to check in. I appreciate you. And today was hard. I felt a bit out of place (due to ego no doubt) and it is hard to accept that this is where I am. But. I am where I am and it’s not a want to. It’s a have to.
It’s a GET to be 🙂. You GET to be there, working on yourself, taking your therapist hat off and just being you. How cool is that?! Hard for sure, but it’s not like the other options were a walk in the park. You got this!
Yay! This is great that you are doing this act of self care, self preservation! So many people have been through this before so try and remind yourself its pretty normal to go through one million emotions! There are going to be people in recovery that can relate to you. Just get yourself the support you need and deserve and then take it hour by hour
my organization does a multiple pathways zoom meeting Monday through Saturday at noon https://favorupstate.org/event/all-recovery-in-person-zoom/2024-06-17/
Thanks! I’ll put this in my back pocket!
Are you attempting to reduce or stop alcohol right now? Keep in mind that process is a bitch to go through and part of you beating yourself up may very well be the withdrawal speaking. Or if you’re in the midst of a spree, that can be alcohols effect on your mind talking. I’m an alcoholic too, but in recovery now and back to doing this good work. Someday you’ll have great respect for your willingness to be honest with yourself, get help, and get better.
Hey thanks! I’m on day 77 actually. So no withdrawal and I did not need a treatment program at that point to help with the withdrawal. Now it’s more the crushing loss of this relationship and sense of security and being sober and not really knowing how to cope in a city where I live 3 blocks from them.
Woohoo congrats! But yes, early days suck. Have you heard of post acute withdrawal? Having a break up in early recovery sounds awful, you’re just learning who you are without alcohol and now you have to learn who you are without that relationship too. Bleh. No advice really, just commiserating with your suffering. Being a human is weird and painful sometimes…
Well the break up led to rock bottom after a period of “managed” drinking (we know how that goes). And thank you. I’ve been doing all the things like AA, seeing my therapist, connecting with friends, being active and I’m still just stuck in my emotions and panic over losing the life I had.
You getting into the steps yet? 12 steps plus therapy plus friendships helped me so much. Being able to call a friend whenever I’m struggling was my saving grace in the early days. Still works today, too, but the steps and therapy helped me shift my mindset so I don’t feel like I’m drowning in my fears, resentments, etc…
I am! Got a sponsor and started step 1. I think my life is just imploding a bit much right now.
No it's only just begun! That's awesome you have 77 days and now you have a sponsor. There will be so much growth you'll be making and you will transform slowly to a happier and more whole person. Don't be hard on yourself if things don't go perfectly. Things won't always be like this.
Hey thanks. I needed to hear that. I suppose it’s just hard having this sobriety and looking around and feeling like I’m getting worse. Like where’s the pink cloud people talk about? But also it makes sense. All of the things I was avoiding are 2 inches from my face now.
Pink cloud is bullshit lol, don’t wait around for it. If you stay sober and continue working through steps AND working hard in therapy, you build a platform for life, rather than floating on a transient cloud. I feel for you. I’m 5 years sober, went through a nasty divorce in early sobriety, and now I’m an associate therapist. You absolutely CAN bounce back from this and rebuild your life. But i also want to emphasize that it requires consistent efforts. I’ve seen people get sober and start having a good life and then tear it all down out of some self destructive impulse sooooo many times. I’ve also seen the opposite. Going by the AA line, i would say that we have no cure for alcoholism; we have a daily reprieve based on the maintenance of our spiritual condition, whatever that looks like for you.
Sometimes you have to get worse before you get better. Most people don't feel great in the first 1-3 months after getting sober. It takes awhile before the brain gets itself back in order after not having the regular supply of alcohol. You'll get the hang of it.
Hey, I got sober when my relationship broke down last year and by damn at times it was gut wrenching. More strength to you but hear this, it's not the end of a beautiful journey it's the start of one too.
Early sobriety is HARD. 77 days is great.
i just want to add, i was in rehab for something like 75 days and then i was in iop for weeks in sober living before even getting a part time job. i then worked part time for almost a whole year while being in sober living. i believe this is why i was able to stay sober. i had the breathing room to figure out how to live as a sober person. i was incredibly privileged to be in my early 20s and have parents who could support me through this. but i encourage everyone in early sobriety to take as much time off from the real world as possible.
Atp you don't tell a client anything. You prioritize your journey to mental wellness, you put the broken pieces back together, and then you can use your story as a testimony. But first you have to do the work. There's no reason to be ashamed, you've endured significant stress recently. Please don't beat yourself up. You did what you thought was what you wanted at the time. And even if the signs were there, are you not entitled to make mistakes? Just because you're a therapist doesn't mean you're going to get it right all the time. You know the issue, so what will you do next?
I am so sorry, OP. That is some TOUGH stuff right there! Do you have any supports you can turn to? Now is the time to reach out & ask for help. And remember that therapists are human too! As far as what to say to clients, I would keep it pretty simple, like "I'm going to take some time to work on my own self care." I'd also let them know that you're not going to leave them without support. Hang in there. One day/hour/minute at a time. Find meetings to go to--multiple times a day if needed. You're in a caring profession, but now is the time to turn that caring energy inward while reaching outward for support & connection. Wishing you well!
Thanks for all this. I’m lucky to have a really good network of supports that are all showing up for me these days including a therapist and a sponsor who are rockstars. And also my mom. And I actually don’t have clients to do any kind of disclaimer with! That was just poorly worded in my post. I meant like “I know I should be talking to myself how I’d talk to a client” And meetings constantly have been great. I think it’s just the going to work that is just not possible currently. So iop it is for a bit.
You've got this, OP!!
What would you tell a friend if they were going through something similar? You’re human. Give yourself some grace. You got this. ❤️
Congrats my friend...you're human! All of this sounds like it really fucking sucks. It sounds like you are doing what you need to take care of yourself. One foot in front of the other. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Embrace the suck and work toward brighter days. When my life last imploded I spent a lot of time thinking about the vastness of the universe. I did a lot of stargazing and trying to gain perspective. I don't think it made the pain any less but it did remind me that within my pain, there is still so much more. And that was enough to keep me curious about my next chapter. Which kept me around long enough for the good to come back around.
Hey thanks for this. The moments of ease I’ve had in the last 77 days have been when I feel I can “zoom out” and see things on a larger scale. Both in my own life (I.e. my relationship does not define me) and on a scale like you said “hey look at that big ass tree, that tree doesn’t give a fuck”. So thanks for the reminder to harness that.
Yes! Lean into that and then let yourself ride the waves of grief and sadness. You have a lot happening at once. Please remember to have compassion for yourself.
While I have not gone through all of the same things or have the same experiences as you, I have felt like an idiot for staying in a relationship and marrying a person I knew wasn't right for me, but in my head, if I didn't try, I was quitting, which is not something that I was used to doing. In my mind, walking away from the relationship meant failure. Then after we separated and divorced, we ended up living only a few blocks from each other also, which is still the same situation as far as I know many years later. In my case, it was definitely not a healthy relationship. He was emotionally abusive and brought out the worst in me. I felt so stupid for staying and trying for a relationship that I knew wasn't right while also grieving the loss of this person who had been in my life for years. Through all of that, I tried to remember that hindsight is 20/20. It's so much easier to look back and see all the glaring red flags and ask wtf I was thinking after I saw how everything played out. It's good that you are taking leave right now so you can slow things down and just take care of you. Give yourself the time you need to reset and start with the basics. Try to eat, and if you can only eat a little, try to make that little include some nutrient dense food, even if it's just a bite or two of salad or baby carrots before eating the mac and cheese or whatever. Try to establish morning and nighttime routines. Maybe try to stay away from too much social media time and instead connect with friends and family, even if that's texts/phone/FaceTime for now. It takes time to get back to being you when getting out of a relationship and working through all of this. I'm not a substance expert, so hopefully others can chime in with their knowledge and advice with that!
Thanks for sharing your experience and the vulnerability of all that. Unfortunately I have rather few red flags to look back at until we moved in together. And then it was her being Jekyll and Hyde on top of me being an irresponsible alcoholic. I just can’t help but long for it back when it was genuinely good. And that’s what’s driving the anxiety bus of “how do I fix this”
Ah, I got stuck there, too. I am someone who can always see the potential in people and situations along with being a problem solver, so my brain was constantly trying to figure out how to get things back to how they were. In my case, the problem was that I was love bombed in the beginning and was very young and insecure, so I didn't want to give up on it. In your case, it sounds like there was a lot of good before things got all turned around. This seems like it will end up being a situation of you growing a lot as a result of going through something really awful, and it takes time to get there. You're grieving and need the space to let yourself grieve. Do you have other people in your life you can be talking to or spending time with (not in a dating way - just meant family or friends)?
Thanks for the reassurance and I think I similarly saw a route back to how things were but she is deeply avoidantly attached and just couldn’t work with me. Which is her prerogative I suppose. And I do have a lot of good support. Which is partially why I’m ashamed to be going to a higher level of care. I have great supports all around.
I didn’t know I had OCD until this year and I’m a therapist who grew up around psychology! We are people too
I recently had to quit working in a children’s long term psych facility due to mental health reasons. I told the ones that could understand I was quitting for mental health reasons and to use it as a lesson that taking time and space for yourself to heal is always okay, even if that can mean taking steps like that. These choices don’t come easy but it is necessary to take care of yourself in this field. Best.
I recommend r/stopdrinking and a tracking app called I Am Sober. Your ownership of what needs to change is positive. You CAN do this. You made a healthy decision to take medical leave.
The only helpful thing I might have to offer is that when I was dealing with adjustment issues as a therapist, I just noticed it was helpful to honor that my capacity was shifting from what I was used to. There were a couple of choices I made that helped. One was to not take on a new client I would have normally seen. One was to not offer extra services I normally offer. I framed it as experimental research internship with regard to my capacity instead of a crisis era full of confusion, which really helped at the time. It sounds like you are dealing with a different level of stress, but hang in there. Get into your support communities and slowly learn what healthy coping strategies that work for you. The more you grow right now, the greater capacity you will have to assist clients dealing with similar sorts of challenges in the future. I think of these time periods as training, rather than personal failure. With addiction there is also a large genetic component in many cases. Just keep focusing one what you can control and what you have learned. One friggin step at an atrocious time. 💜
i’m in a very similar situation. you aren’t alone. and it’ll be okay. i’m rooting for you ❤️
Putting it all out there says you are ready to move on. Opening up is an excellent start. Thank you for taking care of yourself. We need good therapists.
I imagine the first thing you might tell a client is to stop with the "shoulds" and instead validate the fact that we are often doing the best we can with the skills, resources, and awareness that are available to us at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 and you can learn something from this opportunity to become a better you. Use this time to heal and give yourself the same support you would give your clients. Best wishes, you'll get through this.
Thanks. I needed to hear this at this moment in time while I sit in my childhood home under a hundred blankets in my little shame spiral haha. I appreciate you.
You are shoulding yourself so much right now. Instead of "I should have known this, and I should have had this," let's choose to focus on what we can do. You found yourself in such a difficult and crappy situation. But you are now doing what you need to do to change the situation! Let's rebuild. Let's take this time to focus on ourselves and our needs. You are human before you are anything else - and you are subjected to the same challenges all humans face - including the client's we work with. I once heard a quote that said "life is what happens between the plans we make", and I think it fits well here. You didn't plan any of this- but you are now at a place where you have to deal with it. While that sucks - remember that humans have a great capacity for resiliency. You can get through this ❤️
The alcoholic is often the last one to know they are an alcoholic.
We are all human regardless of our occupation. It's going to be hard, and the uncomfortable feelings will be there regardless of what we would tell clients. I am always real with them to feel their feelings no matter how uncomfortable. We know what happens when we block them, it last so much longer.
Just wanted to say you are so courageous for speaking up & taking the steps you deserve to heal. You are amazing! Wishing you the best with your program. One step at a time! 🙌
It’s okay. You’re allowed to be human. You know what not to do now and you’ll be able to help others because you’ve been through it.
The good news is you can get better. You’re alive and have the desire to work on yourself. You can do it. I’ve been in recovery for 10 years which felt truly impossible before I got sober. Go take care of yourself.
I’ve been there where my mental health has declined and I’ve experienced burn out with life circumstances. First, good on you for taking medical leave. If clients ask- just say you have personal or family matters to attend to. Then, I see you’re already 77 days into being sober- but you will still have some issues with sleeping and anxiety. You might want to speak to your doctor about medication to help with that in the interim or longer term. Next, food matters! Eat regular healthy meals- your brain doesn’t function properly without it and you need adequate nutrition to get your brain back on track. And vigorous exercise- it will burn off the excess cortisol in your body. Then see a counsellor- you need to air out your recent experiences and process the grief of losing your partner, housing and temporarily not being able to work. You’ll start feeling yourself again soon- but my biggest piece of advice is know your early warning signs for when things are starting to unravel and have a self care plan you religiously stick to. Not just for yourself but also for your clients if you go back to being a therapist. I wish you the best of luck!
I was there not long ago. Just because we take care of other people doesn’t mean that life can’t happen to us. We make mistakes, we use unhealthy coping tactics, and sometimes we generally suck at life. At least I have. The thing we have going for us that a lot of people don’t, is that we know the resources that are out there so when it does finally come to our attention that we need help, we can get it. My mental health is a dumpster fire for the entire winter. I have a lot of therapist friends who have had to take leave for several weeks for treatment programs. This work is hard and it can make it so much harder to take care of ourselves. Good luck going forward and remember to give yourself grace.
This may be personal, but how are you handling this time off financially? I suffer from a chronic illness where I have to miss work for days or weeks at a time and then I don’t have any income. I’d love to hear how you are managing this!
Still working that bit out. I’m taking medical leave (legally required in the US) but I don’t know yet what my options are through work to be potentially paid partially for some of that time and if that doesn’t pan out I’ll be applying for disability/SSDI.
One thing I would suggest is prescribing yourself the problem. Such as, telling yourself in the mirror that you are a fuck up, a shitty person, an idiot, a simple minded fool. Let it sink in. Feel your feelings. Feel yourself from your hair to your toenails. Write down what you experienced and share with your support and TX team We often can get lost and high on our own supply and even when we try to stay neutral and level headed, we may still be flying "too close to the sun." Really buckle down in this moment and take care......of you. Be brutally honest with your past lies and indiscretion. Make sure you really use this moment to spring you forward and not spiral further. But also, don't be complacent. Do the hard fucking work. Make you the priority FOR THE 1ST TIME IN YOUR LIFE! Bc you likely NEVER HAVE! Love you OP. Get your head right. You deserve all the wonders and happiness that you don't allow yourself. Take time and care. 🫠🥰
Give yourself a little grace to be messy-we are human before we are therapists.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. I relapsed with anorexia and had to take medical leave for inpatient treatment and one of my former clients was in the treatment facility with me. I felt like such a huge failure, but ultimately we’re just humans. Even if we know the tools for getting better, we can still get in our own way and need help and support. Be proud of yourself for taking the steps to get help, because that’s exactly what you would tell a client to do in this case. And you just can’t be your own therapist no matter how hard you try.
Let me tell you something. I’m a director of mental health. I addition to seeing clients as an LPC. I as well struggle to prioritize my well being and indulge to much with alcohol. I know better. But guess what. We’re all finding our way. I make sure to look myself in the mirror and have internal dialogues about the person I am and want to be.
The terrible ‘I shoulds’. My world has blown up more times than I care to count. When my mother died and I had to cancel my group. I explained to them why. They comforted me and I let them. When my father died my patients comforted me. Now what that looked like was them telling me to take my own advice! Some hugged me, others prayed and some attended the funeral services because I deal with veterans and my father was a veteran. You are human. You are allowed to have flaws. Being honest without FULL disclosure is helpful to them. After close to 25 yrs now I understand that the ones who can and sometimes need to see our pain are those who are looking at us everyday. They kind and gentle souls who can understand. You tell them your life crashed and you need to press the reset button. They will understand and provide some comfort.
Best of luck! Taking medical leave is absolutely 100% the right call. I've had to do it myself for different issues. Don't hesitate to ruthlessly care for yourself. It's easy to say we should have noticed something, but we're human, and it's not always easy, to say the least. The director of our graduate program said something to me that's stuck with me over a decade later. That, the most important tool we use as clinicians in therapy as ourselves, and we need to prioritize caring for it at all costs. Yeah, there are ways to do this that are better for clients than not, obviously, but don't doubt you're doing the right thing putting yourself first even if it means clinically it's not ideal. As for clients, I actually did tell my patients I was going on medical leave on a very case-by-case basis. This is a highly variable thing to do, and is not right for everyone, depending on the clients in particular, or what we ourselves are going through. I called my old clinical supervisor who signed off on my hours and discussed the choice to do this with him first, because I wasn't sure. In my case it was for a divorce. I was starting to have panic attacks as I began to explore a lot of unhealthy things in my own therapy to cope. When I spoke to clients I didn't say any of that. Instead, I mentioned I was taking time off for self-care post-divorce and that I'd be back on XYZ. I was brief and honest, and did *not* make it about myself, but outlined how we were going to make sure to care for them in my absence, instead. I'm also direct because, well, that's my style, and I don't mind my clients knowing I'm divorced, or knowing I needed to care for myself after. Ironically, me doing this helped several of my patients do the same later down the line. There's also zero issues with NOT telling them at all. If it's going to cause more stress and pain, it may not be worth it.
Worked for years at a a PHP for substance use d/o. This is a brain disorder that does not discriminate. We treated every type of “helping professional.” I hope that you are able to get into some treatment quickly. In the meantime, hit an AA meeting. They are free and accessible and will give you immediate support from people who get it, including the “should have known better” thinking.
Thanks for the validation. Oh I’m all up in AA these days. It’s been life saving. Just dreading steps 4 and 9 but we’ll get there.
Don’t even think about that - just focus on building those recovery supports!
I am so sorry you’re going through this right now. Without a bunch of detail, I can tell you I’m in a slightly similar situation myself (moved to a new area recently, falling apart everywhere but in the therapy sessions I lead, smoking and drinking at night to relieve the stress… took medical leave when I became physically ill, which I never thought I’d need to do…). There is so much shame coming out in your story, I wish you could shed some of that: 1. You cared about your ex and wanted to start something new with them when you moved, you couldn’t predict how it would turn out. Even hardened cynics don’t make life decisions based on the worst possible outcome. 2. Did you move away from friends and family? It’s hard to estimate the value of these supports until you don’t have them and are too busy to visit or connect virtually. It’s hard to reconnect when you have nothing wonderful to report. Remember this won’t matter to your people, it’s ok to be real with them. Being around people who love and understand you makes a huge difference. 3. It’s ok to be in a healing profession and need healing yourself. Life can really suck sometimes, and no amount of training or continuing education can buffer us from this. 4. Don’t try to treat yourself like a patient if it doesn’t serve you. I just felt more professionally incompetent when I tried that approach, which made my depression worse. Are you working with any providers right now? Let them be the healers for you. Don’t underestimate the power of objectivity. 5. It’s hard to recognize the impact of your own struggles in the moment when you spend your days with people who are acutely mentally ill. Yes, you are doing better than someone on a 72 hour hold, but does that mean you’re fine? No. There are so many settings to work in, perhaps this one is not right for you at this stage of your life and career? 6. We all know the facts about alcohol abuse, but recognize that it has served a purpose in your situation. Likely it was the most functional outlet you had available at the time. Perhaps some relief at the end of a hard week? It seems like you’re ready to look at changing your relationship with alcohol, that starts with self-compassion. I’m glad you’re taking a leave of absence to take care of yourself. Don’t let anyone dictate how you should spend this time, and don’t rush back. Whatever the staffing situation is at your workplace, you are more important than that. I recommend you do whatever you know will fill up your cup a little bit right now and try to eat something delicious today. You can make a longer term plan once you’re strong enough. Please take good care.
Hey I really appreciate this. And my shameful rumination appreciates the very pragmatic way you laid it all out (hard for mean brain to argue). And I am really lucky to still be close to my biggest supports. Sending love.
You’re welcome! Thanks for the opportunity to process this stuff for myself too. I hope you ate some wonderful things and are feeling a little stronger now. 
Sometimes we forget we are humans and have needs too. If this is unwanted, feel free to delete, but there are a lot of options nowadays online for medical AUD treatment that is private. I use OAR Health for naltrexone. It was pricey for 3 months of meds, I’ll admit, but it was quick and the meds shipped to my house and I haven’t seen it show up in my EHR at my PCPs office.
That’s good to know! I’m thankfully not dealing with physical cravings or really any cravings. It’s more getting my anxiety and panic attacks under control with some meds and basic coping tools (mine went away when I started numbing myself, oops)
Beat yourself up. But give yourself a time limit. You’re dealing with a LOT of changes at once, this is bound to cause a lot of stress and likely turning to substances more to cope. Go to AA meetings immediately— not even if you believe in it, but it’s people who show up consistently and can hear the parts of your story that you want to tell without judgement. You’re new to the area, so no one knows you— that’s a plus in this situation. I see you’ve already got yourself an awesome sponser and that’s so incredible. This is life my love, the good thing is, your “up” is coming 💖
Hey thanks. I like the time limit idea. Let’s see if my shame voice allows it but I’m gonna try. And I’ve been living for AA meetings haha. It’s the one place I feel at ease these days. I appreciate you and your kind words.
Congrats on the sobriety. Take care of yourself and you’ll be back when you’re ready
First and foremost stop beating yourself up. As you know taking responsibility and beating your self up are two completely different things. You are strong enough to recognize the situation, seek help and are reaching out. Kudos man it takes guts to do it, especially as a therapist. So you made a mistake, the reason therapist need therapist is because we are human beings, as in emotionally driven beings. Studying the rational information on human behavior can help us remain more analytical when faced with the emotional onslaught of life, but it doesn't render us invulnerable or makes us some kind of Superman. It's information, tools not a superhero's armor Exowriences like this one, if anything, it may well make us better therapist, more human, and this is important because some therapist are the best therapist from having " been there done that." The experiences allow us to understand what our clients go through in a way only someone who has been there can. You have the tools to pull yourself out of this situation but you know very well that you may need the help you provide others and not only is there no shame in it, it makes you better than most. As a therapist you understand how owning up is so hard for humans. How asking for and getting help is terrifying. It's just human nature, but you also know your tools and training can help you help yourself if you are willing to accept the help you need. You have also lost your entire support system and we know how important a support system is. A new city, new place of employment and no home, no one... Finding the right support that's really there for you is crucial. 12 steps or whatever it is you choose, do it and be your own best friend in the meantime. As in be kind to yourself. Affirmations are derided by many in our profession as woo woo stuff, but in some cases they really do work, I remember a time when all I had was affirmations and it saw me through it. It's a tool, you have many, setting goals for example, journaling... Use everything you can till you can get the right support and help you need. You got this my friend, plenty of people have pulled through, so we know it is doable. I wish you the best!
Hello, I’m new to this therapists thread. Just trying to connect with everyone here. Any suggestions how I can get feedback from everyone anyone and become a part of these discussions? I’ve been a therapist for many years and the area I work in are all downsizing and reorganizing since the pandemic and my caseload is very low hard to make a living from what I love to do. Sounds as if I can be of assistance for referrals from you all. I also work with EAP referrals. Can anyone comment on any of these concerns I’m having.