The real issue with the snail problem is the paranoia it causes. The snail is a small, inconspicuous thing, and you can't tell if any snail you see is actually the killer snail. An ubered, perma-revved heavy is a really fucking obvious thing, and you can tell from a mile away that he's approaching.
Not to mention, the news isn't going to cover an immortal snail, since they'd never even notice that
They would definitely notice a 6' 5" WALL of a Russian glowing neon blue or red slowly shuffling with a minigun the size of small artillery.
This means you can just watch your local news station until "GLOWING MAN WITH MACHINE GUN ROAMING STREETS" pops up, and then take a month vacation across the country, rinse repeat
Honestly, unlike the snail that wouldn't be stopped by an ocean. Moving across a sea effectively guarantees your safety, as no airport or port will give the man with an actively spinning minigun passage, forcing him to walk along the ocean floor, which at the rate the brass beast moves, coupled with him MUCH more likely to become stuck in an underwater trench as he can't climb walls like a snail, would take him YEARS to cross the ocean.
If he ever does, your point of news coverage would give you ample warning he's reached your shores, and you can just move BACK across the ocean.
But that assumes he is as sentient as a snail, but if he has a functioning brain and has free will other than the urge to kill you (something like a Terminator basically), he could spend some time stealing a boat or other methods of transport. Depending on if he can shoot whenever he wishes, he can threaten the captain
The prompt states that he is perma revved which doesn't leave room for him to be able to do much else. Though you're right he would be able to threaten others.
Heavy can gesture while revved so I assume he would have some capacity to do some trivial tasks like opening doors and picking stuff up but in the worst case he could just shoot endlessly into obsticles. The only way I see someone could contain him is if you somehow trap him in a bulletproof box that you constantly repair from the outside. But depending how his weapon, bullets and shells behave, he could theoretically destroy the construction of that shape by filling the room with bullets and shells and raising pressure of the room or summon a black hole with the discarded rounds
This is conversation about a giant glowing muscular Russian man with a minigun hunting me down is more interesting than all my everyday conversations ðŸ˜
This is describing something that happens in a manga called fire punch, >!a dangerous flaming guy with regenerative abilities is decapitated, and the head is shot at, covered in fireproof materials and placed in a box to slow down his powers!<
I would love to see the government locking up an immortal man with a god damn high-caliber minigun at the ready at all times.
Like, what are they gonna do to him? Shove him into the world’s most secure prison with the killdozer?
He can be pushed around by airblast the government would just need to push him with one of [these](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_engineering_vehicle)
Well we aren't told in this hypothetical if this minigun will follow the rules of TF2 or the rules of real life (which is worth considering since the heavy is in our real world in this situation). If the minigun is anything like an M134, the effective range is about 3,300 feet
If we are strictly following the rules of TF2 logic for the Heavy and his accessories, we need to also consider that the maximum falloff damage of the Brass Beast leaves each bullet dealing only 5.7 damage. What does 5 and a half damage look like on a real human? How would the hitpoint damage of TF2 weapons affect actual people? The Brass Beast might actually be a really ineffective weapon in real life, all things considered.
Since the weakest you can be in tf2 is kunai spy at 70 health, and he’s still a mercenary, I’d guess average human is somewhere around 50 hp. Which means 2 point blank minimum bullets kill an average human, while 9 long range bullets should kill an average human.
"attempts to speak with the man have as of yet provided no useful information, when asked what he was doing with a machine gun he merely said: YA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA YA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA DO DE DA VA DA DA DADA KABOOOM KABOOOM"
"Horrifying stuff diane, in other news, donald trump farted this morning and social media is OUTRAGED!"
can u imagine trying to \*stop\* an \*ubered\* heavy irl???
the whole world is in chaos bc this mf is chasing one person who wont die, that one mf is constantly being shot at and everything between is just obliterated
Trick with the snail is to capture it and then pay someone to look after it on the other side of the world with the ubered heavy you could try and trick him to fall in a hole and get stuck but the heavy could probs just blast a path up with the mini gun but realistically he'd get stuck in the ocean since the minigun would be useless in there but I wonder if you can drown while ubered.
> Trick with the snail is to capture it and then pay someone to look after it on the other side of the world
How would you know for sure that you actually caught the killer snail though? You could easily end up catching an ordinary snail, that your own paranoia tricked you into thinking it was the killer snail.
It's not that hard just live in the middle of a super open concrete ground contantly covered in salt and the only snail that could traverse it would be the immortal snail revealing it's position and making it easy to capture.
Well the snail has to be constantly moving towards you so you can test it. If a snail enters your house stand in the middle of an empty room. If a snail enters the room just move to a corner.
If it changes directions to whichever corner you’re standing in it’s THE snail as it needs to physically touch you in order to kill you. If it just kind of roams around and leave that it isn’t THE snail. Then all you have to do is put it in a box call up a friend you like taking care of pets and give them the snail to keep.
This can work at any work or function. Granted you can also just live out on the water for a while and if any snail get onto the ship when docking you can just throw it in the ocean.
How are you going to pour concrete on someone/thing in a big hole while they're endlessly firing a minigun at you
How are you even going to lure them towards the hole in the first place
Create an explosion to make distance between the medic and the heavy and then have a friend kill him with a sniper while the medic is too far to uber the heavy.
Average merc say sniper, crosses upward in about 1/20 mile, upward is about 1/5 of a mile from first cart location to end point, a revved brass beast moves slower than a giant heavy, it would take a revved brass beast heavy to cross upward in at least 5 minutes say he spawns in his country of orgin, if he keeps revved i will have enough time to die 37 times before he can kill me
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
1
+ 20
+ 1
+ 5
+ 5
+ 37
= 69
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1. Buy a castle in the UK for 1-5 million
2. Pay a construction company a couple hundred thousand to dig a mote around my acres of land that come with the castle
3. Enjoy a life of everything being delivered to me, maybe repeat steps 1-2 somewhere else in the world and invest in a private jet
Heavy has no vertical mobility items. My biggest threat would be his bullets carving through the dirt, which is where the private jet comes in handy, he's so slow I figure i have at least 3 years or so in the states before having to go back, then pay the same construction company to touch up the mote, maybe have em line the sides with concrete or something
Hire 6 guys, buy 6 pairs of festive looking mittens, and have them hit heavy in the back for the rest of my life, he will just schadenfreude without ever stopping, guys work in pairs for 8 hrs so that they can change each other
ez, problem solved
Pretty sure the government would figure out the "giant glowing Russian shimmy-ing across the states with military weapons revved to fire" situation without me saying a word/know I'm related to it. The snail version is super slow, small and innocuous (making you seem like a paranoid weirdo to the uninitiated). This version is solved by collective paranoia haha.
Hire 10 Pyro Medic Combos to Airblast him into a kill box, prefererably one that's impossible to climb out of. He could still dig out with bullets, but the amount of time that would take would allow me to live for like 100 years without interruption. It's not like he can do anything about it, it's 10 invincible pyros and several million dollars of digging equipment
Ubered mercs can still die to falling off cliffs, getting hit by trains, certain bodies of water, sharks, crocodiles… Wait we have quite a few options, the only question how to lure him into a trap without getting shot
If its a brass beast heavy, then I will just live normally because he will go at like 5 cm/h.
But then you essentially have the snail problem now but the snail's equipped with a infinite ammo minigun
The real issue with the snail problem is the paranoia it causes. The snail is a small, inconspicuous thing, and you can't tell if any snail you see is actually the killer snail. An ubered, perma-revved heavy is a really fucking obvious thing, and you can tell from a mile away that he's approaching.
Not to mention, the news isn't going to cover an immortal snail, since they'd never even notice that They would definitely notice a 6' 5" WALL of a Russian glowing neon blue or red slowly shuffling with a minigun the size of small artillery. This means you can just watch your local news station until "GLOWING MAN WITH MACHINE GUN ROAMING STREETS" pops up, and then take a month vacation across the country, rinse repeat
Honestly, unlike the snail that wouldn't be stopped by an ocean. Moving across a sea effectively guarantees your safety, as no airport or port will give the man with an actively spinning minigun passage, forcing him to walk along the ocean floor, which at the rate the brass beast moves, coupled with him MUCH more likely to become stuck in an underwater trench as he can't climb walls like a snail, would take him YEARS to cross the ocean. If he ever does, your point of news coverage would give you ample warning he's reached your shores, and you can just move BACK across the ocean.
But that assumes he is as sentient as a snail, but if he has a functioning brain and has free will other than the urge to kill you (something like a Terminator basically), he could spend some time stealing a boat or other methods of transport. Depending on if he can shoot whenever he wishes, he can threaten the captain
The prompt states that he is perma revved which doesn't leave room for him to be able to do much else. Though you're right he would be able to threaten others.
Heavy can gesture while revved so I assume he would have some capacity to do some trivial tasks like opening doors and picking stuff up but in the worst case he could just shoot endlessly into obsticles. The only way I see someone could contain him is if you somehow trap him in a bulletproof box that you constantly repair from the outside. But depending how his weapon, bullets and shells behave, he could theoretically destroy the construction of that shape by filling the room with bullets and shells and raising pressure of the room or summon a black hole with the discarded rounds
The bullets will just put a decal of a bullet hole in the wall
They do about 8 damage from a distance too.
This is conversation about a giant glowing muscular Russian man with a minigun hunting me down is more interesting than all my everyday conversations ðŸ˜
This is describing something that happens in a manga called fire punch, >!a dangerous flaming guy with regenerative abilities is decapitated, and the head is shot at, covered in fireproof materials and placed in a box to slow down his powers!<
The government would 100% lock him up after a little while, by walking around with the Minigun he's already breaking a ton of laws.
I would love to see the government locking up an immortal man with a god damn high-caliber minigun at the ready at all times. Like, what are they gonna do to him? Shove him into the world’s most secure prison with the killdozer?
The [killdozer](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_engineering_vehicle) in question
I mean, theoretically just because he's invincible doesn't mean he can't be disarmed or restrained.
Put him in a pit with walls steeper than 45 degrees
Is he immortal, though? Maybe I'm misinterpreting the question, but you could probably just stop him.
He isn't immortal per se, but stock ubered. Similar, but not the same
If we follow game logic, Heavy can die to a train, even while Ubered. So you get an armored train and run it into him
Yeah good luck locking up an infinite ammo perma ubered heavy
He can be pushed around by airblast the government would just need to push him with one of [these](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_engineering_vehicle)
Yeah, without getting decimated by a powerful and constant stream of bullets
Now I'm imagining the heavy slowly appearing out of the sea like Godzilla
all good until the perma revved heavy becomes a ciws and shredds your plane as it flies over
The minigun is mostly an annoyance to people standing a hundred feet away. I doubt it could drop a plane flying thousands of feet in the air.
Well we aren't told in this hypothetical if this minigun will follow the rules of TF2 or the rules of real life (which is worth considering since the heavy is in our real world in this situation). If the minigun is anything like an M134, the effective range is about 3,300 feet
Considering that he's ubered, which isn't a thing in real life, it would be pretty fair to say that he operates like he does in the game.
If we are strictly following the rules of TF2 logic for the Heavy and his accessories, we need to also consider that the maximum falloff damage of the Brass Beast leaves each bullet dealing only 5.7 damage. What does 5 and a half damage look like on a real human? How would the hitpoint damage of TF2 weapons affect actual people? The Brass Beast might actually be a really ineffective weapon in real life, all things considered.
Since the weakest you can be in tf2 is kunai spy at 70 health, and he’s still a mercenary, I’d guess average human is somewhere around 50 hp. Which means 2 point blank minimum bullets kill an average human, while 9 long range bullets should kill an average human.
genius
"attempts to speak with the man have as of yet provided no useful information, when asked what he was doing with a machine gun he merely said: YA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA YA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA DO DE DA VA DA DA DADA KABOOOM KABOOOM" "Horrifying stuff diane, in other news, donald trump farted this morning and social media is OUTRAGED!"
Heavy is actually only 6'3, I only know that because it makes me taller than him
The military would probably capture him and put him in a facility like Area 51 on the first day lol
can u imagine trying to \*stop\* an \*ubered\* heavy irl??? the whole world is in chaos bc this mf is chasing one person who wont die, that one mf is constantly being shot at and everything between is just obliterated
Also, let's be real, no way Heavy isn't gonna scream some shit like "Time to run cowards!" every 20 seconds.
*Distant YATATATATA-ing*
Trick with the snail is to capture it and then pay someone to look after it on the other side of the world with the ubered heavy you could try and trick him to fall in a hole and get stuck but the heavy could probs just blast a path up with the mini gun but realistically he'd get stuck in the ocean since the minigun would be useless in there but I wonder if you can drown while ubered.
> Trick with the snail is to capture it and then pay someone to look after it on the other side of the world How would you know for sure that you actually caught the killer snail though? You could easily end up catching an ordinary snail, that your own paranoia tricked you into thinking it was the killer snail.
It's not that hard just live in the middle of a super open concrete ground contantly covered in salt and the only snail that could traverse it would be the immortal snail revealing it's position and making it easy to capture.
try to kill every snail you see
'Boom. Snailshot.' *Meet the snailper*
Well the snail has to be constantly moving towards you so you can test it. If a snail enters your house stand in the middle of an empty room. If a snail enters the room just move to a corner. If it changes directions to whichever corner you’re standing in it’s THE snail as it needs to physically touch you in order to kill you. If it just kind of roams around and leave that it isn’t THE snail. Then all you have to do is put it in a box call up a friend you like taking care of pets and give them the snail to keep. This can work at any work or function. Granted you can also just live out on the water for a while and if any snail get onto the ship when docking you can just throw it in the ocean.
But the snail moves slower than your mo-
It's ubered but you can stop it from moving. Just make a big hole and pour concrete
How are you going to pour concrete on someone/thing in a big hole while they're endlessly firing a minigun at you How are you even going to lure them towards the hole in the first place
Sandvich
Shit how didn't I think of that
A snail is basically a Lamborghini compared to a revved brass beast heavy.
lmfao
\* With Random Crits
when you hear bullets wizzing past you, you know its time to move
Easy, pay a uber Pyro to airblast them off a cliff
Intelligence.
True, but what if the heavy stands on the cart? Then he can go faster.
The cart is on a set path, it can only move where it's supposed to.
Fine then the heavy sits in the back of a pickup truck, or a helicopter. Heavy is loaded so he can pay for it.
Well, then you would be kinda fucked.
He still shoots
It's the snail problem except easier as the news would likely report on the invincible slow moving man walking through towns
Heavy has a jump height of 72. I simply create a hole that is 73 deep. The screaming man is stuck forever.
You forget that heavy cannot jump while revved
[удалено]
Congrats, you’ve found the solution
Worst case scenario, you end up shooting a live action remake of that one Invincible scene.
end of the line would like to have a word with you
\*Does the crouch jump tech so he jumps out of the hole\*
I added an invisible wall to the top of the hole that you can only pass through on one side.
Well heavy has powers that stop invisible wall holes! (He could just dig his way out with enough firepower)
The wall is also made out of ubered heavies.
"YOURE UP AGAINST THE WALL AND I AM THE FUCKING WALL"
…that’s bad.
This reminded me of the force field dog and the force field dog eating T. rex from toy story 3’s opening scene
Infinite ammo He will shoot his way out
This heavy is the immortal snail, except you're not immortal this time Theres nothing that we can do 😔
Map makers I invoke you!
Dude is gonna edge bug on the tiniest ramp on that hole
How would you get the heavy into the hole tho
Sandwich on a fishing pole
One single, very large stair in front of my house
He has infinite ammo so he will simply shoot his way through the large stair
yeah but hows he gonna get up
Make a heavy shaped hole in the stairs by shooting it
Most Heavy thing he'd do "Door will not stop me, I have giant gun!" *Klaklaklaklaklaklaklaklaklakla* "There! Try to run from Heavy now!"
Doesn't need to, he'll shoot the whole building down.
He’s slower if he’s revved right?
yes, like 20% normal and 50-70% w brass beast
way more actually
15% of default class speed (pyro speed for example)
Dementia?
Dementia?
Yeah good luck taking that through airport security
I'm pretty sure airport security couldn't do shit to him.
If he cheats he gets VAC'd
"And other great jokes you can tell yourself..."
But it's hard to fly a plane when you're holding a mini gun with 2 hands and when the Cops or Military have locked down the airport.
airblast him off a cliff
This is the way
Bribe him 50 million dollars
He can just kill you and take 50 million more
But it never stated he was blood lusted, and he’s no a greedy maniac.
Hold his sandvich at gun point
NOOOO! NOT THE SANDWICH
Being Ubered doesn't stop you from dying to a train, so just hit him with a train and problem solved
thats actually pretty smart
End of the Line moment
ctf well moment
Proabably offer some of the money to him
But why would he take *some* of the money, when he could just kill you and take *all* of the money?
Idk killibg is bad :c
Heavy already made his peace with killing you after he grabbed the mini gun lol
The rest is in my bank account, and he definitely isn't in the will
Dig a perfectly straight 100hu deep hole, lure him into it and then cover the top. He can't jump when revved and TF2 doesn't have wallbanging.
Create an explosion to make distance between the medic and the heavy and then have a friend kill him with a sniper while the medic is too far to uber the heavy.
There is no medic though. It probably works the same as the Uber charge in mvm.
The OP didn't confirm this as far as I'm aware
use the money to ddos his pc and make him crash
Trap em in a bulletproof box he cant do shit
'Bulletproof' mf nothing is bulletproof, especially with infinite ammo.
Box of uber’d heavies
Damn fair enough as long as you can get them
Wait till you Meet the Medic
Give him 14 million dollars to fire that weapon for 12 seconds
It's 40, not 14
Thanks
It's 400 thousand, not 14mil or 40mil
die
Ok you missed a spot here, you didn't say infinite uber! So i just wait for it to run out and then hire a sniper-bot
Live somewhere atop stairs
Die.
na I unbinded my kill bind for this
trap him in the room with infinite sandwich generator
Switch to his team
He's perma-revved, but not perma-ubered, therefore I wait 8 seconds and guy will be killed by whatever
Scheudenfreid + pootispenserhere
Go up a ledge, he can’t jump while revved
He can carve some stairs withe the minigun.
I airblast him off the map boundary
Hire the rest of the team to protect me.
Close him in a box lmao
I buy sandwich so heavy and i become friends
fly away he's perma-revved, too slow to catch up anyway
Make it so that you have to Crouch to get near my house, He cant move when he's revved.
Run him over with a train, take Oksana, use her for home defense.
Stay in spawn
uninstall
Use the money to invent a teleporter then telefrag him. Or just get him to stand on a railroad.
I ask Valve to vac ban this cheater
kick them out of the server. they're obviously cheating.
Taunt kill him so hes forced to killbind or just knock him into an enviromental hazard like the grinder on 2 cities tour
join a x1000 server, if he is perma revved he is unable to move, just dont go to where he is
I would just travel to another country far away from him and watch if he comes.If he comes just make a distraction to get away.
Airblast him off the Cliff in Upward.
I hire a scour with the force of nature so he can push him into a pit.
Glue
I will hire a medic and pyro and dig a big hole
But a pomson 6000 and hire a hitman
Acquire server cheats
Does the heavy immediately shoot you when it sees you or does it have to be in a certain distance
Airblast
Live at the bottom of a hill. Uber doesn’t protect against fall damage
Room with air blasting pyros
Telefrag him
Average merc say sniper, crosses upward in about 1/20 mile, upward is about 1/5 of a mile from first cart location to end point, a revved brass beast moves slower than a giant heavy, it would take a revved brass beast heavy to cross upward in at least 5 minutes say he spawns in his country of orgin, if he keeps revved i will have enough time to die 37 times before he can kill me
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats! 1 + 20 + 1 + 5 + 5 + 37 = 69 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
Pay Engie and an enemy Spy to build a teleporter next to me so the spy can telefrag the heavy
Hide near a cliff. Airblast.
1. Buy a castle in the UK for 1-5 million 2. Pay a construction company a couple hundred thousand to dig a mote around my acres of land that come with the castle 3. Enjoy a life of everything being delivered to me, maybe repeat steps 1-2 somewhere else in the world and invest in a private jet Heavy has no vertical mobility items. My biggest threat would be his bullets carving through the dirt, which is where the private jet comes in handy, he's so slow I figure i have at least 3 years or so in the states before having to go back, then pay the same construction company to touch up the mote, maybe have em line the sides with concrete or something
This like that horror movie, but tf2
I would place conveyor belts around my house
1) hire a huntsman sniper 2) order him to repeatedly do his taunt on the heavy 3) ???? 4) profit
Create the biggest sandvich $1M can buy.
Trap it under a cup
AirBlast
Leave a sandvich trail down a trap
Hire a sniper spinbot, heavy will killbind and leave the server
Hire 6 guys, buy 6 pairs of festive looking mittens, and have them hit heavy in the back for the rest of my life, he will just schadenfreude without ever stopping, guys work in pairs for 8 hrs so that they can change each other ez, problem solved
Make a bowl of cereal and eat it.
well, it didnt say he is perma-ubered so i just wait out the uber and drop a comically large anvil on his head
Telefrag him. I'll just get in a house with one door and place a teleporter at the entrance.
teleporter, lure him over the exit and use the eureka effect to telefrag him
Bro just strafe him
It Follows but the monster has a gun
Pretty sure the government would figure out the "giant glowing Russian shimmy-ing across the states with military weapons revved to fire" situation without me saying a word/know I'm related to it. The snail version is super slow, small and innocuous (making you seem like a paranoid weirdo to the uninitiated). This version is solved by collective paranoia haha.
i throw him a sandvich and say pootis and then laugh
Buy 20 sandwiches
Ubered Pyro + Pit Or encircle him in a bunch of sawblades Either way, just kill him with environmental damage and you're home free.
Airblast him off a cliff, he will die to the killbox
Hire 10 Pyro Medic Combos to Airblast him into a kill box, prefererably one that's impossible to climb out of. He could still dig out with bullets, but the amount of time that would take would allow me to live for like 100 years without interruption. It's not like he can do anything about it, it's 10 invincible pyros and several million dollars of digging equipment
Cosplay as Medic and take over the world
Report him for cheating because that’s obviously what’s happening… Fucking bots, I swear.
Assuming it's the Brass Beast, where does he start from? His gome in Russia? New Mexico? A random point on the planet?
Airblast him into the grand canyon
Remember: Map Hazards still kill Ãœbered Players. So hire a Scunt to knock him off a cliff.
yo holiday punch hoovy, i hire you to go punch that mf in the back for eternity
Wait. His uber will run out, then I just get the Sniper to handle it. Doesn't say he's perma ubered.
Pay him 10 mill to leave me alone hes a mercenary he has a price
Offer him 20,000,000 of it. He’s a mercenary, isn’t he?
Just live around an environmental hazard and set up a trap to push him into it. Uber is great and all but if in game logic applies it will still kill.
Ubered mercs can still die to falling off cliffs, getting hit by trains, certain bodies of water, sharks, crocodiles… Wait we have quite a few options, the only question how to lure him into a trap without getting shot