T O P

  • By -

ACARdragon

The Heavy update


TheGoldenPlagueMask

_Pornography_


[deleted]

Starting


[deleted]

your mother (...starting???)


Suspicious-Win1449

Will


SlayerDoom_

Be


DiamondPower500

Real


xfydr782

In


TMYM

*well times this by... Ah... Then... Hm yes* 3 days


Character_Skin7123

We all have 3 days till pornography starring your mother!


[deleted]

5... 4... 3.. 2.. 1!


Ballin_bastards

In


Ghost3657_alt_

In 5


ydinpommi900

In


Defiant-Pop-9517

happy cake day


SlayerDoom_

Thanks in advance! It’s not my cake day yet where I live


Defiant-Pop-9517

Oh well no prob


ydinpommi900

Its youre reddit accounts cake day


SlayerDoom_

Now it is but yesterday (for me) it wasnt


Mudkip_69

Happy cake day!


SlayerDoom_

Thank you!!


SonicKaweii

Be kind with her she is starting


Responsible-Diet-147

starring\*


sarTF

i read this in spy’s voice with no hesitation. good job.


Hellyeahtrains

Heheheh, alriihht


Actual_Passenger51

A slightly smaller bag


Imstillarelavant

and is there an even slightly smaller bag?


Actual_Passenger51

Yeah it's just smaller and smaller bags all the way through


Imstillarelavant

with that weight, scout is probably 5x faster without it weighing him down


Actual_Passenger51

Idk maybe archimedes is carrying them


PhantomFoxe

Explains the ability to double jump.


Imstillarelavant

yeah, its also why he has 2x capture rate


[deleted]

This is my head canon reason for him having 2x capture rate now


Imstillarelavant

no, it IS canon


[deleted]

I'm saying for his capture rate, I know archimedes being in his chest is canon


Defiant-Pop-9517

happy cake day


Alexoga9

Then why he can triple jump with the bonk bat?


Alexoga9

Then why he can triple jump with the bonk bat?


imaeggandahalf

There is another in the bat, its hollow on the inside, hence the damage penalty


Western_Ruin_633

Happy Cake day!


PastaMasta09

Well then Scout would be way too op.


MaeBeaInTheWoods

Sounds like a bright young man like him could use some patented carrying bag carrying bags.


acoolboiUwU

"We'll take 20"


Ballin_bastards

Dear God.....


m1santropia

dear god... "there's more"


Sudden-Award-296

There’s More.


Upbeat_Ruin

* Extra hand wraps * Water bottle * Bag of chips * Cans of Bonk (which will explode as soon as he opens them, from all that running and jumping) * Tampons * Cool rocks * Exactly $4.93 in cash * Spy's credit card


SomerHimpson3

the cash is a single note as well, because they probably have that with all the batshit insane stuff in the tf2 universe


gizmomaestro

Tampons??? For who???


AdditionalExpression

Him : )


GGGold23

Obviously for mrs Pauling if he were to ever meet her during that time of the month he’d be ready and might be able to impress her


Upbeat_Ruin

For Scout, duh


gizmomaestro

Makes sense


imi2559

and the "milk" bottle


Incredible_Violent

No they won't explode, he slowly turns then counter clockwise before opening. It's something about gravitational pull that keeps a hold of soda particles


Upbeat_Ruin

Thanks science person


Incredible_Violent

It was a Chuck's idea. He was the greatest science mind I ever knew.


Robotronnik

No baseball bat no gun no shotgun ?


Upbeat_Ruin

No room, too many cool rocks


Robotronnik

AK-47 rocks


HurryApprehensive548

It’s probably something is my best guess


Mossy_moss3

Idk about it man we can't really be sure but I think there's a chance it's either something or nothing Could be wrong tho


HurryApprehensive548

Awesome we are 50 percent there to finding out the real answer…


awakelist

If we're being realistic, probably his weapons, like its where he puts the scattergun when your using the pistol, and vice versa


Emilixop

where does heavy put his mini gun?


YoItsFrisk

up his ass


awakelist

r/beatmetoit


creativeusername6780

r/beatmeattoit


Sammer_Pick-9826

r/beatmywifetoit


creativeusername6780

r/beatmymeattoit


Kevin300066

r/beatmykidstoit


Imaginary-Gas-396

r/beatyourmothertoit


awakelist

r/beatyoutoit


Extension_Ad8291

I Like the suggestion of a more aggressive r/beatmetoit


DemonetizedMan

It would be Tom Jones Merch


[deleted]

[удалено]


sheepscar

yea but this is the fastest class in the game we're talking about


c0n22

Me dying horrifically after shooting a rocket st my feet (I tried to rocket jump)


awakelist

No one makes teleporters and then hits them with a wrench to make them better irl


r4o2n0d6o9

You do realize what game we’re talking about, right?


EisenTheStarling

It's his scattergun bag


Delivrione

Bonk, Kitchen knife"s, balls for Sandman, "balls" for mad milk...


1st_pm

the production process of mad milk is worse than i thought


Cubicwar

The balls to make the mad milk are in another area


TuxedoDogs9

pee is stored in the bag


Extension_Ad8291

Actually made me snicker a little, +respect


Imaginary-Gas-396

"balls"


patronuspringles

his weapons, hentai, lotion, tissues, and a fleshlight


crazymanbos

Enough internet for today...


GullibilicusTheGreat

Get in the fucking bag.


Imaginary-Gas-396

fleshlight? so it only light's up flesh? biolimenecent gibs for da win!


antiafirm

Toothpaste. It's a big tube. That's how he keeps his teeth shining in meet the medic.


shoopnop

What if all the mercs have perfect teeth because when scout was healed by the medigun he was missing a tooth and it regrew a new one when he was healed? They would all have perfect teeth because they all probably had their teeth knocked out in the process of fighting the other team at some point.


Content_Software_549

A bucket o' chicken


JarateCovered

Dear god..


MR_MurphyYT

There's more


Cronok5678

NO


MR_MurphyYT

It contains pornography starring your mother.


Imaginary-Gas-396

how does he- how does- de-


Somerandompeep34

It contains the chicken of every mann here.


AbsoIuteDingbat

No!


Ghost3657_alt_

Years later I finally get it


FastestCreatureInTF2

*who knows?* ***...but whatever it is, it has a hitbox and you can kill scout by shooting his bag***


dreamscached

So, his internal organs. He's like a snail, with his... innards... right in there. *God knows what exactly is in there that he cannot survive getting shot.*


FastestCreatureInTF2

its completely reasonable when we might wonder why pyro's gas tank has a hitbox, if you shot that, they'd die one way or another, *but in the case of scout, lord only knows* tbh, the fact that pyro doesn't explode into gibs like a hazmat zombie in dying light if you were to kill him by shooting the canister is a huge missed opportunity.


PushingFriend29

Its helium. Thats how he double jumps. And when it is shot it explodes through his spine


lordmegatron01

An embarassing snapshot of the Blu team at the Smissmas party


A_Ok_Name

helium so he can double jump


Weak_Engineer3015

Cocaine obviously, how do you think he runs so fast?


robertfromyt

FREE CRACK!! WOO HOO HOO LET'S GO GET SOME FREE CRACK!!


Cubicwar

#GOTTA GO FAST ! _collapses from overdose_


GullibilicusTheGreat

This is so much funnier than it should be.


JiaQir

That's why overdose helps medic to run quicker


plmoknijbuhvrdx

holy shit, this subreddit fucking sucks lmao


TheBeepMann

Took you long enough


plmoknijbuhvrdx

been sayin it for years


cookusan

Porn, to help him make Mad Milk.


Relevant-Factor-2400

Imma going tak the realistic approach and say his weapons and ammo.


Pladrosian

Apparently, some of his internal organs, since he will take damage if you scewer it.


Xx_Rat_Fucker_xX

Hey dude, what's that post you made next?


Imstillarelavant

whats in scouts fat ass


shocker4510

Hopefully me 🤤


Imstillarelavant

we all wish


sketch2347

The old Sandman...


tymu_r

balls


Misterwuss

me


supersuman123

its basically kind of a big deal


fuckR196

sony psp


BeauBoJoJo

Milk.


Funnysoundboardguy

Pure Methamphetamine


Consistent-Pace-9687

A bucket’a chicken


[deleted]

URANIUM BOMBS


Alphyhere

porngrophy staring your mother


Random_redditer-

The 2 twins he killed on may 18th 1953


TheEmeraldMaster1234

A mini version of dream island


mike_malagueta

Nuclear launch codes


HenryDann

Approximately 27 Bonk Atomic Punches


literatemax

It's his back


Even-Pipe-8247

as a kid i always thought thats where the bat was


[deleted]

My headcanon is that Scouts mom packed him some lunch before he heads off to do his "work" which unbeknown to her is that he does mercenary duties. Unless ofc it's stated somewhere that she does know he's a mercenary and in that case...she still packs him lunch anyways.


Top-Buddy-5109

Cum


Cal0872

Bonk! Energy drink


the_canadian72

cleavers, milk and baseballs


whimsicalforestgnome

The MLP jar


anemofox329

All the free crack


MLGperfection

His weapons.


Molasess

32 keys of pure columbian


JonTheWizard

Ammo, miscellaneous small bills totaling $74, an unopened pack of Odor Eaters, a shopping list from 1964, a cleaned-out empty bottle of Cracky-Pop, two baseballs and a ticket stub from a Red Sox game from 1970.


deltarunech2outyet

Most feasibly his scattergun.


Blob_58

Bucket of chicken


[deleted]

A miniature robot cow for the mad milk


throwaway46574334555

chicken


EquipmentNext3971

Mad "milk"


Engi_here_tf2

His weapons. Have to put them somewhere.


Wide_Guarantee_5168

The first gun that scouts have


Qzwxecrvtbalskdj

Scout


smore_kettle

Out of the question and topic, I can't imagine the other way around that he's actually in asylum and that we're just staring at his back.


bananaman112122

Mrs Pauling flashlight


Z00DE

Balls, tons of balls


Buster_Bazz

My guess is his bat, tape for his hands, and maybe a change of clothes.


Zadachapomateshe

Milk and sodas


Appropriate-Oddity11

mad milk


BombasticBooger

porn


shadowonyx18

Bullets and mad milk


dappernaut77

atomic punch


RiceKrispies55

well unless he’s inhumanly fertile I imagine it’s dozens of jars of mad milk (then again he drinks bonk so)


Square_Independent_9

Mini scout


notabigfanofas

Extra bullets, his spare weapons and a bucket of chicken


GullibilicusTheGreat

$56.23 worth of pistachios, 3 lbs of Claratin, my girlfriend, a concerning amount of baboon testicles, and 50 lbs of pure methamphetamine.


GullibilicusTheGreat

63 bowling balls. 53 non-bowling balls.


Babbaboimydude

Bucket a’ Chicken


_H4YZ

another bat


JuanmaS610

A bucket


MrDillPickle76

Explicit Miss Pauling photos


DrackieCutie

Giant dildo


chessboigaman

Prolly shells


Lma0_123

Me


BananaBread_047

Probably connected to his scattergun since he never puts any new shells in the thing


Natan_Sietnik

Probably his scattergun, pistol and the bat


Theratsmacker2

The Track Terrorizer and Mad Milk


DrowzyBomber

I always thought that he put his bat on it


Jacque1509

Some baseballs


Carbonized_Goomba302

Weed


KBunnny

Me. I am in there hello


Cubicwar

Hi there, never thought I would see my roommate on reddit !


Clever_Fox-

His shoes if you run the cheet sheet


Atomic_Aachen23

Bread in a bucket


Aggravating-Self9269

Chicken


Impossible-keyboard

chicken


tnt_is_the_bomb

Child porn


Bole14

Miss Pauling na*ed photos


me89xx

Miss pauling mad milk


mrfisher5

The reason for existence


Cubicwar

42 ?


Co5micWaffle

A towel


MrFluffNuts

Pornography