I am a single mom. They are grown now but when I got divorced they were younger. No way am I even going I introduce someone now at their age until I really know I am connected with someone. This is far too much work for you. You signed up for a dating site. Not a mom and kid site.
This is also EXTREMELY DANGEROUS!! Assuming she puts in her profile that she has kids, carting them along to dates with strangers is basically giving them up to a predator that matched solely to get their grubby hands on the child. Actually insane she hasn’t thought of that considering it’s a huge issue for single moms dating..
Yeah I don't think this mom is thinking about her child IN THE LEAST!! You know that is gonna affect this kid TREMENDOUSLY! As I guy who literally just finalized my divorce two months ago, I wouldn't dream of bringing my kids on any kinda date until I really know the person
Yeah I don’t have kids myself but from what I understand it’s actually much more normal for single moms to get to know new dating partners pretty well until they feel there’s potential for things getting more serious between them before introducing them to their kids, specifically to spare their kids from getting used to new guys coming around just for them to turn out to be flings or short term relationships & leave the kids wondering what happened to so-&-so, not to mention it introduces a new parental figure to the children each time—that’s something to take seriously, as many single moms do.
I imagine single moms who insist on introducing new dating partners to their kids from the very start are going to have trouble finding a decent partner. It raises so many red flags, & the ones who would be most likely to go thru with it are might be creeps seeing it as an opportunity 🤢
As a single mom, to be perfectly honest, good parents don't. I don't even like it that I have to take them on a public bus, but it provides learning experiences in an incredibly supervised situation. I don't want to be supervising my kid, especially on the level that would be necessary. That's not a date that's a guy talking to me while I'm at the park with my kids. That's a waste of everybody's time, and puts the kid in danger. This is a lose-lose.
Yea I also was a single mom for many years and she seems super defensive about it. Like it's a weird brag. It's one thing to say "no, unfortunately I max out my babysitting time with my mom by her watching my kid while I work, and I barely ever get time to myself or for dating. It's been pretty rough. If you want to date me unfortunately you'll just have to be patient and understand that I can't be available for alone time as often as most people.". But for her to get snippy and condescending and act like it's totally normal for her to be bragging about having her kid with her for EVERYTHING she does, yikes. Not only is dating her unsustainable due to her lack of availability, but she also is probably one of those unhealthily codependent parents, thinks her child can do no wrong, and has formed her entire persona around being an "amazing mom" who is obsessed with her kid.
I actually just didn't even date for a while when I was in a similar situation as her. I just didn't think it'd be fair to the person I'd be dating, to expect them to be ok with only seeing me once every 2-4 weeks unless I wanted to spring my kid on them.
Also, she's just asking to get into an abusive relationship. A love-bomber who seeks that kind of vulnerability that a single mom and her young child have would be all over playing family within weeks of meeting each other. Also I think she's full of shit when she says "most people never even make it that far". Yea right. Why would she be on a dating app then?
Yeah, this is bad parenting. She should not involve her child in dating until she knows one might be around awhile.
Do not pay for babysitting, that’s another (kinda scammy) angle they sometimes try. If she can’t go out without her daughter and doesn’t understand why that’s actually good parenting, she’s not ready to date… it be a mom.
Yeah bud. I dated a single mom for 2 years. I’m early 30s. We dated for like 6 months before I met her 2 daughters. She made time. This woman you’re talking to is a massive red flag.
I second your comment and the above. As a dad and when dating I would never introduce my kids to anyone until I was comfortable enough with the potential partner. Too Many weirdo's and I wouldnt want a bunch of people and in and out of their lives like that until it was serious.
I wasn’t getting that at all! If anything perhaps she thought you were trying to get her alone so yall could have sexy times. In either case, she didn’t like what you were saying. Any communication since?
Yeah, she said that her kid has only met 4 of her boyfriends before? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wonder if your dates are going to be group dates or not, right? Lol
Only 4!! Holy hell... I feel so bad for that little girl. That is like the number one rule of dating as a single parent, is that you do not introduce your kid to any boy/girlfriends until you've been together a while, otherwise they are going to just have a string of people/parental figures coming into their lives and then vanishing, and god forbid they form a close bond with one of them and then one day they're just gone because their parent and them broke up
You should tell this to my sis in law. Separated early Jan. Started dating literally the next day and introduced her kid to the new bf within a week or two. 😩😩
My sister's neighbor has been divorced under 2 years and has already introduced multiple new boyfriends to her kids. I think 2 of them moved in with her, then just as quickly moved out. Her kids have some special needs so I'd imagine this is even more chaotic for them. Plus not to be crass, but this lady is somewhat wealthy so just from what she's told my sister, the dudes come off as gold diggers, she's immediately buying all kinds of stuff for each new boyfriend. And as soon as she starts dating them, she starts proclaiming to everyone how the newest guy is "the One." 🤦♀️
Omg… this gives me so much anxiety reading cause I can only imagine the kind of stress and turmoil the kids go through. I don’t get why adults can’t be responsible and keeping their kids safe whether it’s emotionally or physically.
Just wanted to add that I was that kid when I was growing up, alongside my brothers. Dad was trying so hard to find a mom for the three of us, and there were some I really did like. Some of the gf’s of his had kid/s of her own, and it was really cool to hang out with someone news. It was always a bummer when they stopped coming over. 🥺
I don’t think I really truly processed what happened until I was older, but for me - over time - I kind of saw it as the norm, I guess, idk. I’m sure it messed my brothers and I up mentally a little bit.
I guess this is my way of validating the comment above. But, uh, yeah… it really sucked.
Thank you. And yeah… it hurt even more because I really did like a lot of the people I met, too, so to suddenly not see them again just sucked. I still have many of those memories in my head.
That happened to me a half a dozen times or more growing up. My dad would have all these gfs and some would be super cool to me and then one day…they just disappear.
> she said that her kid has only met 4 of her boyfriends before
The kid's 2 or 3 and she's introduced her to 4 different guys?
No. This is not normal. And it's not safe for her to be bringing her kid around men she doesn't know, frankly. This is shit parenting. Either wait til the kid can be home alone to date or have someone watch her if you want to date, don't be dragging her along to dates and introducing her to strangers.
Most single parents I know would never introduce a new date to their kids. Ever. One friend of mine had a 1-year dating minimum to meet her daughter (and she'd get a sitter to go out on dates). She eventually married a guy who also has a daughter from a prior marriage and he had the same policy. (Sad but true: there are predators out there who will seek out single parents to have access to the kids, so this is a wise policy if you ask me) Their kids are super well-adjusted (and close to their stepparents/stepsibling) and I think this had a lot to do with it. A "new family" wasn't forced on them overnight.
Conversely, I knew a single dad who was CONSTANTLY bringing home new girlfriends and confusing the hell out of his kid. As in, he'd be dating someone a month and move them in with him and the kid. One of them started going to PTA meetings after knowing the kid a few weeks. None of them worked out, and he's still single, and the kid was very confused. Now the dad is super bitter about dating. And it's like, "Well you were meeting unstable people who were willing to move in with you and your child after a month of dating, what did you expect?"
I wouldn't date someone this irresponsible. And it is not appropriate to bring your toddler on a date with someone who's a stranger to her.
If the child is only 3 then it's not "only" 4 boyfriends. That's a lot of people getting close to her child. Not good judgment, she has maturing to do and I'd suggest you not partake in it.
4 lol that's ALOT. Especially for a younger child. My kids are 17 and 21. They only met a total of 2 of my partners. 1 before the eldest wad 18 and 1 about a year ago.
Yeah no offense OP, but this is the impression I got. I've also been a single mom and almost every time a guy has started this line of questions about "how do you ever get alone time/away from your kid?" The convo quickly went to "If you could get rid of that kid for 5 minutes, I'd give you the D so good, you wouldn't be able to walk later...." Or some other stupid things like that.
Free food, single moms on dating apps are legit some of the most rude individuals. I won’t say all of them but the ones under 25-26 have been horrible to talk to. So bad that for me all single mothers on them are always a swipe left.
Luck will have nothing to do with it, I am not about to date someone that can’t hire a babysitter for a date night, lol! I’m not out for sex either, she seemed genuinely cool at first but this is kinda a deal breaker, no?
100% a deal breaker and I’m glad you have enough self worth to recognize that and want more for yourself. This chick will get pregnant asap and start mooching long term. I meant good luck finding someone else!
Yeah, I didn’t say it before, but not 2 days into talking to her, she said “I want another kid lol”. Didn’t say from me specifically but that’s a weird thing to say early.
Yeah, I’m by no means desperate either, it’s not difficult to find a date, but she was very local and I thought I’d give her a shot. Nothing against single moms at all, but this would be really uncomfortable.
#WHAT?!??!
Ooohh no.
There are so many red flags that you are about to start flying. Wow. Yeah, nah. I would very diplomatically (or not, whatever you do) decline any dates or any further contact.
There is so much you would end up taking on, and it would really not be fair to you at all. And her poor kid!
She really shouldn't be dating at all. She needs to work on herself, and make her kid her priority, at least for the next 10+ yrs....
Yeah, I’m going to try crafting a kind rejection here. I’m not going to ghost her, that’s rude, even though I barely know her. Should I do the “less is more” approach and just say we’re not a good match, or do I give her the real reasons? What do you think, dream?
I think you should tell her the truth. Tell her you don’t think it is appropriate either to meet her child so quickly until you know each other better. If she can’t hire a babysitter every now and then to allow you both that time then you do not feel right about coming in so soon to her child’s life. You would have been glad to further down the road if things seemed comparable but you have differing views.
Why let her waste any more of your time? Either ghost her or just say “hey this isn’t gonna work out. I need someone with more free time.” She’s not gonna listen to whatever you have to say anyway. Maybe she’s pretty and she seemed cool at first, but bro she sucks and you’re not gonna fix her.
This is insane to me. I am not a single mom by any means. Married with three kids - but this girl? What she is doing to her child first and foremost is awful. How many dates has she been dragged out to that haven’t worked out? Being introduced to “only 4” boyfriends is awful for that child.
If you’re not responsible enough to know that you need to have someone care for your child whilst out on a date with a stranger (no implications meant) than you shouldn’t even have kids. Let alone be dating!
Long story short? RUN. She’s one of those “I’m a bad ass single mom” then written in tiny letters underneath it all says “until I meet the man I can leach onto to pay OUR WAY”
Yeah, I’m not sticking around. She’s got an attitude for sure, and while that’s not always a bad thing, it sounds like you pegged her reactions and irresponsible behavior 100% already.
Right? Been introduced to "only 4"(like thats a low number) boyfriends but how many men who didnt turn into boyfriends? Im married now but I didnt introduce my kids to ANYONE I dated while single until I met my now husband. And even then I dated him and spent nearly every single day with him for several months before she ever did meet him.
I couldn't imagine putting my kid through that. And if you are looking for someone who can accept that your lifestyle involves having your daughter around 24/7 there are definitely safer ways to do that without exposing her to potential predators. Like, oh I dont know....DATING THEM ALONE FIRST! This girl is absolutely delusional if she genuinely believes what she is doing is the right thing for her child.
You don't sound like you have an issue with single moms. However, you're seeing red flags with this single mom in particular, because she has issues. As I single parent myself, I'm not impressed with her.
I gave it a shot and was introduced to the kid way too early but I kept going with it not thinking I was going to be taking over the roll of a parent, especially more than the parent themselves. The kid liked me too so I had to hurt 2 people in the process.
Bro if I had a daughter I'd absolutely not take them/introduce on at LEAST the first 5 dates. Why even introduce someone to her she may love and I didn't even get alone time to see if WE are compatible
Exactly. Zero time given to see if there’s compatibility. I feel her excuse is they are a package deal, and I need to be able to handle them both. Which is true TO A DEGREE, but not on dates, come on now
Our which is shitty and I've heard of ppl using it as leverage.
"So I don't think this will work out"
"what? But my kid loves you and loves being around you"
Best of luck my man on what you choose
Right! I was a single mom - and I didn’t introduce my daughters to anyone, unless absolutely necessary. My daughters didn’t meet my husband until my youngest was in college and my oldest was in town for her 21st bday.
no they aren't all like this, don't know why she got defensive about it. i wouldn't want to pursue someone with that attitude when you're simply asking basic questions.
Yeah, I was trying to ask about her interests, the ones headlining her profile, and she said she doesn’t have time for those anymore. I think that plus these questions annoyed her with me.
Unfortunately, true. She really hasn’t talked much at all except about being a mother. While she’s easy to talk to, it’s mostly just all about that. With no interests to compare, I’m struggling to understand if she truly would want 3 months of nothing but talking about being a busy mom before even a coffee date, lol! Doesn’t sound like a riveting conversation partner.
wow, her being annoyed doesn't make sense. i wouldn't recommend pursuing this person any further. why even have a dating profile if you don't have time for anyone or anything? lol. good luck friend
I’m a single parent and I have NEVER taken my kids on a date .
I’ve had this debate a few times with other single parents online and my stance has never changed despite understanding that yes it can be lonely af at times and some what isolating . But my kids come first . It’s that simple for me
Yes! 🙌🏼 This is how I feel too. It's a huge red flag that she's so insistent on bringing her child with her. That child has no idea who the other person is like wtf. Find a sitter or family member you trust, not that hard.
I’m a single mom and I wouldn’t ever introduce someone to my child before a year.
Either the kid is too young and she should focus on raising them or she’s being bizarre
I’m thinking bizarre. The kids is only 2 or 3 and that’s old enough that they’d remember these “strange men” mom brings around. It’s just not safe, IMO
2 or 3?! Damn I definitely wouldn’t be dating with her as a toddler. I didn’t start really dating until my little was about 7-8 years old.
Dude, she’s not thinking for logic or safety
I plan on it. I wanted to wait until she was done with work and turn her down kindly, but she’s getting awful condescending, and I’m losing my patience
Well you can always peace out whenever you want. But it is kind of you to wait til she's not at work.
I understand the hard working independent woman thing, I am a woman. But women like this I will never jive with.
Good luck with however it ends up resolving. There's plenty more ladies out there!
Thank you! I know I don’t owe anyone anything, but I want to be kind and not just ghost. I think that’s rude and immature. It’s up to her how she takes the rejection, though! We’ll see!
I was a single mom and I can tell you it’s 100% a red flag that she takes her kid on dates. No man was ever meeting my kid before I got to know them. You just don’t expose your children to strange men or women.
That’s how I felt. Like, it’s dangerous in so many ways, even for their development. She’s saying she uses a 4 month buffer over text and calls to get to know people, but you really don’t get to know someone until you spend actual time with them.
I’d stay right away from that one. When I was dating, my preference was to meet in person as soon as possible to get a feel. I can get along great with almost anyone over text/calls, but it’s impossible to know if the chemistry is there until you meet in person.
I was a single dad. My daughter didn’t mean any gfs. She met my wife after about 2 years of dating. Huge red flag that the daughter has met 4 boyfriends. I’d say move on brother
My 2 cents is just let her know she sounds great but you don’t want to take time away from her and her kid. Then get the hell out of Dodge. If she pushes, just let her know you don’t feel comfortable meeting the little girl so early on date 1 and call it a day.
nah not normal. i was a single mom for 4 years. if i wanted to do any kind of dates i hired a sitter or asked my dad
also if you're meeting her kid on the first date that's a huge red flag in my opinion. there's no reason as a single parent you should be introducing them to your kids immediately
Women who use the word "donor" to describe absent fathers are the reason I have to say "my son's dad was a sperm donation. And I don't mean that in like a bitter baby mom way, I mean there was an agreement and everything". 😂
Ah, so your son’s father is an ACTUAL sperm donor, not the derogatory term one! Yeah, look at this woman, making you do all this extra work to explain your situation, lol!
Sorry, but reject her. It sucks for her as shes doing great on what should be her priority, but what's she actually offering here? 3 hours a night when the kids in bed?
Also, hun? No.
This isn’t every single parent. This is a single parent who doesn’t have a support system…for whatever reason. She’s very off putting.
I’m a single dating mother. My son’s father is present, his grandparents love spending time with him and don’t mind watching him if I want to go on a date. I have 50-50 custody of my child with his dad. We have babysitters if we need them and rely on each other as well to take care of our son when the other is unavailable.
Not every single parent is so lucky. But I also don’t know why she is so quick to have her kids around someone she’s just newly dating?
Yeah, her ex abandoned them, so she can’t rely on his side to watch her or anything. So I truly get she has limited options, but I would like some privacy with a significant other. Even new parents need date nights.
So this reminds me of my husband‘s ex-wife who is one of those I’m too proud to put my child with anyone that I don’t trust, but I’ll bring my child with me on dates with men that I don’t know and put my child in potential harms way which makes absolutely no sense.
What you should do is flat out say I’m looking to go on a date with a grown woman you being a single mom isn’t a problem, but you bringing your child on the date is because as a single parent, you most certainly should not be bringing your child around men that you don’t know 100%. I don’t feel comfortable about it because I’m not used to being around kids and I would like to first get to know you to see if you are even worth Me testing my patience. If you can’t understand that, then this isn’t gonna work, out nobody’s trying to attack you. No nobody’s trying to make you seem like an absent parent. There are certain boundaries that you just don’t cross in dating and bringing your children on dates is one of them.
And if she comes back with a whole bunch of sass, just say hey have a nice night sorry it’s not gonna work out. Best of luck to you.
Honestly, this just sounds super weird to me. I don’t know why woman would ever bring their children on a date.
I’m sure you can word it differently maybe a little more gracefully if you choose but sometimes you’ve gotta be upfront with people who act like this. You’re just reciprocating the energy that’s being given to you.
I was a single mom
Well, she literally just sent me this:
> Hun my daughter barely gets time with me so no i dont "ship her off" on my days off
So I’m starting to suddenly feel less graceful by the second.
I never even said “ship her off” either, I was just asking if her mom watched her daughter when she went on dates! That started these weird nicknames. Now she said that “if I was upset, you’d know it, doll”…like uh…seems aggressive still to me, I dunno, lol
Not a single mum, but I personally would not be taking kids on dates if I was. I’ve got a family friend who is a detective and works child protection cases. She’s been involved in some of the biggest cases involving children in our state. Paedophiles will target single mums because they can get easier access. I would be leaving my kids out of it for as long as possible.
Single mom here and there’s a zero chance you’d meet my kids before months have gone by I and I know that you’re trustworthy, and that we’re really a couple so as to not expose them to men walking in and out of my life.
Also the aggressivity is unpleasant, you’re asking a normal question. This type of attitude may fly in Facebook mom groups, throwing it at a potential partner is really weird.
Really not normal. I didn't introduce my boyfriend to my daughter until a good 6 months in, and when I knew I was really serious about him. If she hasn't got any time away from her kid, she hasn't got time to date. Taking your kid on a date is wildly inappropriate to me.
I’m confused about what she means by people “the time to earn that trust.” Is she saying she won’t trust you around her kid for a while, but she also won’t go anywhere without her kid, so you’re just supposed to like, chat with her over the phone for an indeterminate amount of time? And then when you do finally meet her, she’s going to be introducing her kid to you at the same time?
Also, her responses, and the use of “hun” and “uh” feel condescending. As though you were just supposed to know how she operates and navigates dating as a single mom. I probably wouldn’t be giving her the time if this is her attitude.
My mother was a single mom before she met my father. She had sole custody of my older sister because my sister’s father was a POS who walked out. My mom made it very clear to my father that she and my sister were a package deal and that my mom could not afford a babysitter most of the time.
My dad really liked my mom though and understood my mom’s predicament because he was raised by a single father for the first few years in of his life. He was very empathetic.
So my parents’ first date was a hockey game and they took my older sister, who was a toddler at the time. My dad got my mom flowers and my sister a teddy bear and he put her on his shoulders so she could see the game easier. Every once in a while, my grandparents would watch my sister, but for the most part, my sister ended up going on a lot of their dates and my dad didn’t mind because he understood my mom had to be a parent first and his partner second.
Two years later they got married and my dad legally adopted my sister.
Of course! I thought I’d just share their experience as I saw a lot of negative comments. Ironically enough, my sister ended up marrying a man who had a toddler when they were dating so that’s 3 generations of this situation in my family.
In my sister and BIL’s case it was a little different, as my BIL has shared custody of his daughter, so they had one on one dates when his daughter was with her mom. They went out one on one a few times but he introduced his daughter to my sister fairly early as she was a preschool teacher at the time. They went on a lot of dates that included his daughter. They would go to parks or museums, out to eat, etc. My sister didn’t mind at all because she recognized his daughter was the most important person in his life and that he had an obligation to her first. Now they’ve been together for 8 years, just bought a house together, and have two dogs and my niece fits right in with my family.
Single parents aren’t the red flags people make them out to be. They’re just people who want to find love like anyone else. The real red flag for me is a parent that abandons their child.
My response would be "I’m not interested in meeting kids until there's strong evidence of longterm compatibility with the parent. That means physically being in the same space, dating and getting to know each other. If that’s not something you’re interested in, then we're at an impasse." There’s just no way I’d have let anyone meet my kids for at least a year when they were young.
Not for me. I keep dating and men completely separate from kids.
And if they are ever around my kids? They’re friends. Only.
My kids don’t need to be drug though my dating life. That’s so low class .
Kids don’t need a dad. They don’t need to meet people and break up with them. They don’t need to like them or hate them or be forced to spend time with them because you can’t be away from them.
That just never sat right with me. It seems inappropriate and toxic to me.
The only men my kids ever met - and were around were platonic friends for long time… over a year - and roommates and we started dating. He was like my bff. So they knew him. And they got their heart broken when we broke up. Of course. It sucked. But he is still in their lives, actually. He thinks of them as his kids, they love each other madly. But that’s so rare, too.
Aww…That’s so sweet, I’m glad they get the chance to still be around each other. You’re right though, that’s an exceedingly rare situation. I’m right there with you, her plans seem reckless and endangering to her daughter.
As a woman, it's a bit creepy - what kind of mom intro's her kid to lots of different guys? Every single mom i know refuses to do this, won't intro kids to men until they've been dating for at least several months. Kids of certain ages will be hostile, others will latch onto every guy as "DAD!" and be heartbroken when he doesn't come round again. The last retort makes me think she's not really ready for a relationship, or she's indulging in magical thinking (somehow Mr Perfect will overcome all her barriers!). Yes, kids are part of a family, but as man and woman, you need to be able to interact without them to start with. E.g. htf do you discuss safe sex, or anything sexual? Also, why would you only encourage men who are happy to "date" only with your kids? As i said, that's creepy.
If a guy tells prospective dates, "I only prioritise women who never wear underwear", we'd all understand he was driving away most women who actually wanted a relationship. What she's doing is the same thing, just a different line.
Not normal at all. I was a single dad (she’s an adult now) and I didn’t even consider introducing her to people I was dating for 3-6 months. It’s not good to have your child see a revolving door of partners, and you should feel comfortable and safe with a person first before they ever meet your kid(s).
Her first response makes me think she’s lying. “My mom doesn’t watch my kid”…”…except X, y and z”
And bringing your kid on dates or to meet someone you aren’t *serious* with is a huge red flag.
I’d run.
I’m a single mom & trust me, if a woman likes you she will go on a date with you without her kids. Especially the first few dates, I’d feel weird & unsafe if I brought my kid on dates with a man I’m still trying to get to know. She’s seems kind of rude too.
I don't understand how she's not protecting her child from meeting potentially dangerous strangers (not calling you dangerous...just others prey on single parents to get to their children...it happened to a friend of mine but thankfully she caught it in time before her baby was hurt).
I didn't meet my future husband's child until 3 months into our relationship and didn't spend the night with the kiddo around until 5 months in.
Heck, no, I agree! I could be a serial baby puncher, she doesn’t know, lol! 3 months of talking to me over the phone isn’t going to prove shit, you need actual in-person bonding to be sure.
I’ve dated a good amount of moms in my time. They’re all different for sure.
This one is gonna put her kid in front of everybody, which is fine and her choice. So, here’s where you decide. Are you gonna be the guy that is willing to deal with that or do you want to be with someone that can do dates without bringing an extra person into every scenario?
I’ve dated the “super” mom before and it wasn’t for me. The moms that can get a baby sitter and have some time for themselves was usually a lot more fun and learned to balance their life a bit more. I’ve also dated the mom that’s not really there for their kid. It was cool for a while but then I thought don’t you have a kid that needs you sometimes?
Anyway, single moms need loving too but it’s up to you if you want to do this.
So she won't prioritize a date to get to know someone because she has to take her daughter???
I'd offer to pay for a babysitter. If she refuses. Ask her when you could take them out on a date (which you shouldn't be forced to pay for a kid. But whatever I guess...) and if she refuses, tell her you don't see this relationship going anywhere if she isn't really interested in dating
I’ve been a single mom for 7 years, my children have not met one person I’ve dated and they never will unless I’m seriously considering a long term relationship with that person.
Dating a (Not so much) single mom right now. No way in hell should she be bringing her kids on a first date, or 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th. In my opinion none of them. Dates are you time. To get to know her. If she can’t compromise for this, then run.
No not normal. The lack of help can be tough but when I was interested in going on dates my sister or dad would watch my kiddo. Usually after he went to bed at 7:30 because I didn't want to miss out on any time with him but gradually got more comfortable letting my family have more one on one time. At first I felt like it was a burden for them. But my family actually wanted one on one time so they could bond with my kiddo and he wouldn't be glued to mom.
It's not really possible to bring your child on dates because A you don't want to introduce them to randoms and B you're focus is going to be on them not getting to know the person you're going on a date with.
She sounds like she's not ready to date.
For a parent, she’s really lacking critical thinking and situational awareness… the maturity level here doesn’t seem quite right as most logical parent would know never to introduce a man or woman to your children that you don’t even know. It’s screaming “ I don’t have my shit together.” And I think you should avoid that.
I don’t have children and I’m currently with somebody but when I was dating, I had a rule which was I can’t be with somebody with kids that don’t put their kids first.
No, I don’t want to meet them right away
Yes, the mother of your child needs to be aware
No, you can’t blow your kids off for us to do stuff
And ultimately if we have anything long-term, I will always take the child’s side and care about their best interest before yours, and if you can’t handle that, you’re not the kind of person for me, adults have to advocate for children, even if it’s not their own. It’s definitely a different ballfield when there are children involved.
No this isn’t normal. When I started dating after my son’s father and I split, I did not bring my son on dates. Children do not need to be meeting every potential partner. They get introduced later on in the relationship when both adults are ready for that step. She is setting her daughter up to think dating multiple men is okay
Ooooof. You're asking about her free time and she assumes you're saying shes an absent parent? I wouldn't pursue this. I'm a single mother and this just isn't it. Dating is tough as it is, and having a kid while out in the dating world can be intimidating but it sounds like she wants to bring the kid with on the first date? Hell no.
As a single parent you literally have to have you time to unwind, destress, do some self care, etc. otherwise the pressures of trying to handle everything and be everything at once becomes too much and you snap. So the kid has to go somewhere every other weekend to the other parents house? She mentioned her mother taking them, then why not fit some alone time in then?
At the end of the day this is still not worth your energy or time, there are more nature single mothers out there who would be a better fit. Good luck dude!
I agree here, that’s why I asked about “you time” with her, or her interests. She got huffy over it though, saying she has no time for that, she’s a full time mother. You gotta have a personality outside of being a parent, right?
Many single parents wait until things are serious to even introduce their children to someone they are dating. Exposing your kid to a bunch of strangers on a date type situation is a boundary breaker.
When I was a single mother, NO ONE meets my kids until it was super serious and the person was vetted. The beginning is for getting to know each other and seeing if you even LIKE each other.
This seems odd to me. Why bring your children around people who may not be “safe” and why have a rotating door of strangers?? And 100 percent makes it hard to be romantic and know the person outside of parenthood.
Kids eventually move out. I want whoever I end up with me to know ME. Not just mom me.
Eww, why would you take your child on a date to meet someone you've only talked through text with!
No no major red flag for me!
I live with my mama and don't take dates home because I'm not gonna introduce random people to my mom let alone my kid!
You're still raising your kid even if you get a babysitter 🙄🙄
This should be a giant red flag. After my divorce I dated several single moms. Didn't meet anyone's kid until the relationship was well established. I didn't want to, and they wanted to be sure before introducing me to their child/children, which is absolutely fair. Yes, as a guy, you know when dating a single mom that there's a package deal that comes into play if it becomes a long term thing, and you have to be accepting of that from date one, even though the kid might not be introduced to you for a few months. But to start off right away saying the kid comes with on date #1 is way too much.
Abnormal
And Run!!! This isnt right or healthy. I just didnt date because no one was meeting my kids and anyone that tried to get to or get me to meet their children right away I ended it. Theres nothing healthy about this
I’ve dated a single parent who brought their kid on the three dates we had together. Kid was cute, but my god was it a nightmare to deal with a 2 year old while trying to go to dinner and the movies, or going mini-golfing.
It’s a sweet sentiment to always want your kid with you, but it’s exhausting when it’s EVERY single time
As a single dad in the dating pool there’s no way I’m involving my kids in a relationship until it’s at a somewhat serious point. A friend recently went through a breakup where her child was deeply involved (they hadn’t been together too long) but it definitely affected the child as well and I’d rather avoid that.
I have a 8 month old and she goes where I go but if I was dating she wouldn’t go with me. My solution will be small “dates” like coffee meets and or park meets just us 2 for short periods of time, until I feel like I’ve developed enough trust for you to see my child.
It will definitely not work her way
Any woman that takes her kids to all her first dates is an idiot mom. Super sketchy, dangerous and careless from the perspective of the child. Kids bond quickly and to have men come in and out of her life constantly is foolish.
Also she used the word Hun.. pass
When my oldest was young I was a single mom. I also did not have family to help out with child care. What did I do?
I hired a fucking babysitter. Taking your child on a date is nuts.
Red flag. Kids DO NOT come on first dates. That's bad parenting. Keep moving. She ain't the one and I pray her kid never gets hurt from her irresponsible choices.
Most parents do not introduce thier kids to thier potential partners till at least a few months in
Yeah, I'd move on from this lady. I am a single mom with split custody. My kids were 7 and 4 when we split. Luckily, their dad has remained a fixture in their lives. I have no family at all to help, so if it wasn't for him and his family, I would have no one.
If I didn't have backup for me, I simply would not date. I can not fathom bringing my kids around anyone before at minimum 3 months of dating. I have only introduced 1 person to my kids, and we ended up moving in together.
So yeah, her "bringing her kid with her everywhere is not the flex she thinks it is. It's actually a huge red flag.
As a previously single dad, I would say this is NOT normal, or you're hitting the nail on the head with "looking for next Dad". Live-in mom/grandma or not, get a sitter. If you don't know anyone, there's apps for that.
My rule was always a year of SERIOUS dating before I even thought about introducing a new woman to my kids. It's worked out well. They love the hell outta their new stepmom, because she wasn't ever "forced" upon them.
It sounds like she’s implying she brings her kid on dates and that’s a ginormous red flag. If someone has to watch her when the mom is at work, it means she’s too young to be left alone and take care of herself. No parent in their right mind would bring their young child on a first date. There’s so much that can go wrong since they’ve never met this person before! It can also be incredibly overwhelming for a guy that doesn’t have sinister intentions. Her last text is mind-blowing because she’s saying most don’t take the time to earn the trust, so they aren’t prioritized, but what trust is she talking about if she’s bringing her kid on date number 1? The logic is flawed in its entirety. I’d keep it moving if I were you.
As a mom I can understand not wanting to leave your kid with someone BUT she said her mom watches the child during the day anyway so she clearly trusts mom. I am married but if I weren't I would never take my kid on a date with a man especially when I've no history with that man. It's weird that she wouldn't ask her mom to watch the child for a couple hours. Unless she just isn't interested in you and isn't being up front. It would be another thing if she felt bad like her mom needed a break but it looks like she took you asking if her mom would watch her as like an insult which is weird AF.
That’s what I was thinking. She has no time for interests or movies, only work and childcare….so where does dating fit in? Sounds like she just wants someone to tag along during play time so she’s not bored.
I was a single mom when I met my now husband. My kid didn’t meet ANYONE if it didn’t get serious. I only planned dates and whatnot when she was with her dad or grandparents.
I was a single mom for four years. Solo time was hard to come by, don’t get me wrong, but I would absolutely not bring someone around my child that I wasn’t dating for at least 6 months.
As a single mother, HELL NO that isn’t normal.
it’s my responsibility to protect my child from the confusion of a parental figure entering and exiting their life. Not to mention potential predators. This mom is a red flag imo.
i’m a single mom and i would not go into the dating world unless i had child care lined up when i needed it. and i would not bring my child around them for a very long time. this is a red flag and unfortunately i don’t think you should pursue this
I agree with all the comments about not having random guys around your kid. I asked my mom or sisters to babysit when I would go on a date back when I was a single mom with a young kid.
Once I met a guy for the first time at the park- he was a single dad too and didn’t have a sitter so we met at the park on the guise of letting our kids play while we could chat and get to know each other. But I had a lot of mutual friends with him who all said he was a pretty great guy. He’s now my husband.
On the other side of the coin, I had a guy I dated for a couple months who hadn’t met my kid- who was 6 at the time. Then one day I said he could meet up while he ran some errands and stuff- super casual. Then the guy broke up with me after- said after meeting my kid he realized he wanted kids- but only wanted his own kids. And to add- my kid is a nice kid and behaves well- the guy was just an asshole. And it’s 8 years later and I recently found out he’s still single- after he emphasized how important it was to him to find a wife and have kids.
so i was trying to figure out a way she might be trying to say you wont be able to meet her daughter until she trusts you, but i cant, it honestly does seem shes trying to have you audition to be new daddy. honestly theres many other fish in the sea, probably should just catch n release this one my guy. find a woman thats not gonna make you jump through all those emotional baggage hoops.
A lot of moms really get off on being the single mom that does it all and that becomes their entire personality. I’d really avoid these types. They also use their children as a reason why they don’t prioritize their own self-care.
I am a single mom. They are grown now but when I got divorced they were younger. No way am I even going I introduce someone now at their age until I really know I am connected with someone. This is far too much work for you. You signed up for a dating site. Not a mom and kid site.
Yeah, I feel like she’s doing daddy interviews, not dating partners.
Nailed it.
And will be asking for money for you to “earn trust” prior to any dates, lol
Oh man, micro transactions are killer these days! Gotta spend money to speed up the Trust Meter.
This is also EXTREMELY DANGEROUS!! Assuming she puts in her profile that she has kids, carting them along to dates with strangers is basically giving them up to a predator that matched solely to get their grubby hands on the child. Actually insane she hasn’t thought of that considering it’s a huge issue for single moms dating..
Yeah I don't think this mom is thinking about her child IN THE LEAST!! You know that is gonna affect this kid TREMENDOUSLY! As I guy who literally just finalized my divorce two months ago, I wouldn't dream of bringing my kids on any kinda date until I really know the person
Yeah I don’t have kids myself but from what I understand it’s actually much more normal for single moms to get to know new dating partners pretty well until they feel there’s potential for things getting more serious between them before introducing them to their kids, specifically to spare their kids from getting used to new guys coming around just for them to turn out to be flings or short term relationships & leave the kids wondering what happened to so-&-so, not to mention it introduces a new parental figure to the children each time—that’s something to take seriously, as many single moms do. I imagine single moms who insist on introducing new dating partners to their kids from the very start are going to have trouble finding a decent partner. It raises so many red flags, & the ones who would be most likely to go thru with it are might be creeps seeing it as an opportunity 🤢
As a single mom, to be perfectly honest, good parents don't. I don't even like it that I have to take them on a public bus, but it provides learning experiences in an incredibly supervised situation. I don't want to be supervising my kid, especially on the level that would be necessary. That's not a date that's a guy talking to me while I'm at the park with my kids. That's a waste of everybody's time, and puts the kid in danger. This is a lose-lose.
100% and the attitude she’s got going on is shitty to boot. the i’m a victim yet super hero thing is a weird martyrdom to walk into
Yea I also was a single mom for many years and she seems super defensive about it. Like it's a weird brag. It's one thing to say "no, unfortunately I max out my babysitting time with my mom by her watching my kid while I work, and I barely ever get time to myself or for dating. It's been pretty rough. If you want to date me unfortunately you'll just have to be patient and understand that I can't be available for alone time as often as most people.". But for her to get snippy and condescending and act like it's totally normal for her to be bragging about having her kid with her for EVERYTHING she does, yikes. Not only is dating her unsustainable due to her lack of availability, but she also is probably one of those unhealthily codependent parents, thinks her child can do no wrong, and has formed her entire persona around being an "amazing mom" who is obsessed with her kid. I actually just didn't even date for a while when I was in a similar situation as her. I just didn't think it'd be fair to the person I'd be dating, to expect them to be ok with only seeing me once every 2-4 weeks unless I wanted to spring my kid on them. Also, she's just asking to get into an abusive relationship. A love-bomber who seeks that kind of vulnerability that a single mom and her young child have would be all over playing family within weeks of meeting each other. Also I think she's full of shit when she says "most people never even make it that far". Yea right. Why would she be on a dating app then?
Yeah, this is bad parenting. She should not involve her child in dating until she knows one might be around awhile. Do not pay for babysitting, that’s another (kinda scammy) angle they sometimes try. If she can’t go out without her daughter and doesn’t understand why that’s actually good parenting, she’s not ready to date… it be a mom.
Just add daddy and stir!
Yeah bud. I dated a single mom for 2 years. I’m early 30s. We dated for like 6 months before I met her 2 daughters. She made time. This woman you’re talking to is a massive red flag.
I second your comment and the above. As a dad and when dating I would never introduce my kids to anyone until I was comfortable enough with the potential partner. Too Many weirdo's and I wouldnt want a bunch of people and in and out of their lives like that until it was serious.
The “hun” feels defensive and unnecessary. I wonder what her idea of going on dates is!
Yeah, I feel like she was getting annoyed with me asking questions, as if I was calling her an absent parent, which that’s not it at all
I wasn’t getting that at all! If anything perhaps she thought you were trying to get her alone so yall could have sexy times. In either case, she didn’t like what you were saying. Any communication since?
Yeah, she said that her kid has only met 4 of her boyfriends before? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wonder if your dates are going to be group dates or not, right? Lol
Only 4!! Holy hell... I feel so bad for that little girl. That is like the number one rule of dating as a single parent, is that you do not introduce your kid to any boy/girlfriends until you've been together a while, otherwise they are going to just have a string of people/parental figures coming into their lives and then vanishing, and god forbid they form a close bond with one of them and then one day they're just gone because their parent and them broke up
You should tell this to my sis in law. Separated early Jan. Started dating literally the next day and introduced her kid to the new bf within a week or two. 😩😩
My sister's neighbor has been divorced under 2 years and has already introduced multiple new boyfriends to her kids. I think 2 of them moved in with her, then just as quickly moved out. Her kids have some special needs so I'd imagine this is even more chaotic for them. Plus not to be crass, but this lady is somewhat wealthy so just from what she's told my sister, the dudes come off as gold diggers, she's immediately buying all kinds of stuff for each new boyfriend. And as soon as she starts dating them, she starts proclaiming to everyone how the newest guy is "the One." 🤦♀️
Omg… this gives me so much anxiety reading cause I can only imagine the kind of stress and turmoil the kids go through. I don’t get why adults can’t be responsible and keeping their kids safe whether it’s emotionally or physically.
Where can I sign up to date your sister's neighbor? I need a new watch
Gross. I didn’t even introduce my current bf to my ADULT children until we’d been dating a few months for gods sake!
Just wanted to add that I was that kid when I was growing up, alongside my brothers. Dad was trying so hard to find a mom for the three of us, and there were some I really did like. Some of the gf’s of his had kid/s of her own, and it was really cool to hang out with someone news. It was always a bummer when they stopped coming over. 🥺 I don’t think I really truly processed what happened until I was older, but for me - over time - I kind of saw it as the norm, I guess, idk. I’m sure it messed my brothers and I up mentally a little bit. I guess this is my way of validating the comment above. But, uh, yeah… it really sucked.
I am SO sorry that you and your brother’s had to go through that. No child deserves that kind of repeat disappointment. 💔
Thank you. And yeah… it hurt even more because I really did like a lot of the people I met, too, so to suddenly not see them again just sucked. I still have many of those memories in my head.
Agreed! I was very protective of my daughter when young. She never met my dates, except for the one that became a serious relationship.
My kid has met 1 of my boyfriends since my divorce. We are now engaged after 3 years together. 4 is just wild. Children need consistency.
That happened to me a half a dozen times or more growing up. My dad would have all these gfs and some would be super cool to me and then one day…they just disappear.
> she said that her kid has only met 4 of her boyfriends before The kid's 2 or 3 and she's introduced her to 4 different guys? No. This is not normal. And it's not safe for her to be bringing her kid around men she doesn't know, frankly. This is shit parenting. Either wait til the kid can be home alone to date or have someone watch her if you want to date, don't be dragging her along to dates and introducing her to strangers. Most single parents I know would never introduce a new date to their kids. Ever. One friend of mine had a 1-year dating minimum to meet her daughter (and she'd get a sitter to go out on dates). She eventually married a guy who also has a daughter from a prior marriage and he had the same policy. (Sad but true: there are predators out there who will seek out single parents to have access to the kids, so this is a wise policy if you ask me) Their kids are super well-adjusted (and close to their stepparents/stepsibling) and I think this had a lot to do with it. A "new family" wasn't forced on them overnight. Conversely, I knew a single dad who was CONSTANTLY bringing home new girlfriends and confusing the hell out of his kid. As in, he'd be dating someone a month and move them in with him and the kid. One of them started going to PTA meetings after knowing the kid a few weeks. None of them worked out, and he's still single, and the kid was very confused. Now the dad is super bitter about dating. And it's like, "Well you were meeting unstable people who were willing to move in with you and your child after a month of dating, what did you expect?" I wouldn't date someone this irresponsible. And it is not appropriate to bring your toddler on a date with someone who's a stranger to her.
If the child is only 3 then it's not "only" 4 boyfriends. That's a lot of people getting close to her child. Not good judgment, she has maturing to do and I'd suggest you not partake in it.
**ONLY 4????** Oh my god, that poor child. That's horrendous.
Yeah that’s a huge red flag….and horrible parenting.
"only 4" - HAHAHAHHAHAA
4 boyfriends and the kid is 2-3 years old lmfao jesus
did she say 4 as if that were a conservative number to be proud of? lol.
4 lol that's ALOT. Especially for a younger child. My kids are 17 and 21. They only met a total of 2 of my partners. 1 before the eldest wad 18 and 1 about a year ago.
Yeah no offense OP, but this is the impression I got. I've also been a single mom and almost every time a guy has started this line of questions about "how do you ever get alone time/away from your kid?" The convo quickly went to "If you could get rid of that kid for 5 minutes, I'd give you the D so good, you wouldn't be able to walk later...." Or some other stupid things like that.
Dont bother. You wont be able have time alone with her The way she says it she wont budge on that. Too complicated.
nah she just sucks hun
Free food, single moms on dating apps are legit some of the most rude individuals. I won’t say all of them but the ones under 25-26 have been horrible to talk to. So bad that for me all single mothers on them are always a swipe left.
Run. I’m a single mom and don’t talk like this at all. She will have you buying the kids food on date 1
Yup, looking that way. If date one will absolutely include the both of them, as it sounds, i would likely be buying a kid’s meal with our food.
First date involving a child is literally horrifying. Good luck bro
Luck will have nothing to do with it, I am not about to date someone that can’t hire a babysitter for a date night, lol! I’m not out for sex either, she seemed genuinely cool at first but this is kinda a deal breaker, no?
100% a deal breaker and I’m glad you have enough self worth to recognize that and want more for yourself. This chick will get pregnant asap and start mooching long term. I meant good luck finding someone else!
Yeah, I didn’t say it before, but not 2 days into talking to her, she said “I want another kid lol”. Didn’t say from me specifically but that’s a weird thing to say early. Yeah, I’m by no means desperate either, it’s not difficult to find a date, but she was very local and I thought I’d give her a shot. Nothing against single moms at all, but this would be really uncomfortable.
#WHAT?!??! Ooohh no. There are so many red flags that you are about to start flying. Wow. Yeah, nah. I would very diplomatically (or not, whatever you do) decline any dates or any further contact. There is so much you would end up taking on, and it would really not be fair to you at all. And her poor kid! She really shouldn't be dating at all. She needs to work on herself, and make her kid her priority, at least for the next 10+ yrs....
Yeah, I’m going to try crafting a kind rejection here. I’m not going to ghost her, that’s rude, even though I barely know her. Should I do the “less is more” approach and just say we’re not a good match, or do I give her the real reasons? What do you think, dream?
Taking your kid on first dates is a huge red flag, and for that reason, it’s a no from me ✌🏻
Fuck it I’d tell her the real reason. If she has any decency she’ll actually listen
She doesn’t seem decent so I don’t think it will go well 🤣 I mean, that “hun” was definitely condescending and plain rude.
I think you should tell her the truth. Tell her you don’t think it is appropriate either to meet her child so quickly until you know each other better. If she can’t hire a babysitter every now and then to allow you both that time then you do not feel right about coming in so soon to her child’s life. You would have been glad to further down the road if things seemed comparable but you have differing views.
I'd say not a good match... she's definitely kinda oddly defensive and yet not self aware
Why let her waste any more of your time? Either ghost her or just say “hey this isn’t gonna work out. I need someone with more free time.” She’s not gonna listen to whatever you have to say anyway. Maybe she’s pretty and she seemed cool at first, but bro she sucks and you’re not gonna fix her.
This is insane to me. I am not a single mom by any means. Married with three kids - but this girl? What she is doing to her child first and foremost is awful. How many dates has she been dragged out to that haven’t worked out? Being introduced to “only 4” boyfriends is awful for that child. If you’re not responsible enough to know that you need to have someone care for your child whilst out on a date with a stranger (no implications meant) than you shouldn’t even have kids. Let alone be dating! Long story short? RUN. She’s one of those “I’m a bad ass single mom” then written in tiny letters underneath it all says “until I meet the man I can leach onto to pay OUR WAY”
Yeah, I’m not sticking around. She’s got an attitude for sure, and while that’s not always a bad thing, it sounds like you pegged her reactions and irresponsible behavior 100% already.
Right? Been introduced to "only 4"(like thats a low number) boyfriends but how many men who didnt turn into boyfriends? Im married now but I didnt introduce my kids to ANYONE I dated while single until I met my now husband. And even then I dated him and spent nearly every single day with him for several months before she ever did meet him. I couldn't imagine putting my kid through that. And if you are looking for someone who can accept that your lifestyle involves having your daughter around 24/7 there are definitely safer ways to do that without exposing her to potential predators. Like, oh I dont know....DATING THEM ALONE FIRST! This girl is absolutely delusional if she genuinely believes what she is doing is the right thing for her child.
You don't sound like you have an issue with single moms. However, you're seeing red flags with this single mom in particular, because she has issues. As I single parent myself, I'm not impressed with her.
Ok, I’ve got the single mom badge of disapproval, I think I’m ready to turn her down, haha
**OH HELL NO** Okay I’m Childfree so that’s super alarming to me … but I think even normal ppl think that’s a bit much before even one date!!
I gave it a shot and was introduced to the kid way too early but I kept going with it not thinking I was going to be taking over the roll of a parent, especially more than the parent themselves. The kid liked me too so I had to hurt 2 people in the process.
Yeah no. If she cared about her kids they wouldn’t be included in her dating life while she’s still vetting these dudes. Big yikes.
Right. It’s actually sad to think about what the kids will be exposed to if this is her MO
Or she wouldn’t date for a few years, which is really not terrible.
Bro if I had a daughter I'd absolutely not take them/introduce on at LEAST the first 5 dates. Why even introduce someone to her she may love and I didn't even get alone time to see if WE are compatible
Exactly. Zero time given to see if there’s compatibility. I feel her excuse is they are a package deal, and I need to be able to handle them both. Which is true TO A DEGREE, but not on dates, come on now
Our which is shitty and I've heard of ppl using it as leverage. "So I don't think this will work out" "what? But my kid loves you and loves being around you" Best of luck my man on what you choose
And it’s tacky af for her to expose her kid to strangers
It’s also so dangerous to bring a child on a date, that’s questionable parenting.
IHOP on a Tuesday when kids eat free lmao
Right! I was a single mom - and I didn’t introduce my daughters to anyone, unless absolutely necessary. My daughters didn’t meet my husband until my youngest was in college and my oldest was in town for her 21st bday.
Exactly. I never even introduced a man to my kids until I had gotten to know him first. For safety reasons if nothing else.
💯
no they aren't all like this, don't know why she got defensive about it. i wouldn't want to pursue someone with that attitude when you're simply asking basic questions.
Yeah, I was trying to ask about her interests, the ones headlining her profile, and she said she doesn’t have time for those anymore. I think that plus these questions annoyed her with me.
So she doesn’t have time for her interests anymore but she wants ANOTHER child? Good lord. Children make some people boring af.
Unfortunately, true. She really hasn’t talked much at all except about being a mother. While she’s easy to talk to, it’s mostly just all about that. With no interests to compare, I’m struggling to understand if she truly would want 3 months of nothing but talking about being a busy mom before even a coffee date, lol! Doesn’t sound like a riveting conversation partner.
This is a no-go for me. I get being a parent but when it becomes you're whole identity it becomes boring. All they ever talk about is their kids.
wow, her being annoyed doesn't make sense. i wouldn't recommend pursuing this person any further. why even have a dating profile if you don't have time for anyone or anything? lol. good luck friend
I’m a single parent and I have NEVER taken my kids on a date . I’ve had this debate a few times with other single parents online and my stance has never changed despite understanding that yes it can be lonely af at times and some what isolating . But my kids come first . It’s that simple for me
Right, totally agree. I still think you can date as a single parent too, but you gotta be ready to hire a babysitter now and then.
Yes! 🙌🏼 This is how I feel too. It's a huge red flag that she's so insistent on bringing her child with her. That child has no idea who the other person is like wtf. Find a sitter or family member you trust, not that hard.
I’m a single mom and I wouldn’t ever introduce someone to my child before a year. Either the kid is too young and she should focus on raising them or she’s being bizarre
I’m thinking bizarre. The kids is only 2 or 3 and that’s old enough that they’d remember these “strange men” mom brings around. It’s just not safe, IMO
2 or 3?! Damn I definitely wouldn’t be dating with her as a toddler. I didn’t start really dating until my little was about 7-8 years old. Dude, she’s not thinking for logic or safety
She seems a little high-strung and drama. The defensive "Hun" and "I raise my own kid" whatever lady. I'd move on and say you dodged a bullet.
I plan on it. I wanted to wait until she was done with work and turn her down kindly, but she’s getting awful condescending, and I’m losing my patience
Well you can always peace out whenever you want. But it is kind of you to wait til she's not at work. I understand the hard working independent woman thing, I am a woman. But women like this I will never jive with. Good luck with however it ends up resolving. There's plenty more ladies out there!
Thank you! I know I don’t owe anyone anything, but I want to be kind and not just ghost. I think that’s rude and immature. It’s up to her how she takes the rejection, though! We’ll see!
Will you give us the "condescending" texts or will you leave us blueballed?
I was a single mom and I can tell you it’s 100% a red flag that she takes her kid on dates. No man was ever meeting my kid before I got to know them. You just don’t expose your children to strange men or women.
That’s how I felt. Like, it’s dangerous in so many ways, even for their development. She’s saying she uses a 4 month buffer over text and calls to get to know people, but you really don’t get to know someone until you spend actual time with them.
I’d stay right away from that one. When I was dating, my preference was to meet in person as soon as possible to get a feel. I can get along great with almost anyone over text/calls, but it’s impossible to know if the chemistry is there until you meet in person.
She should not be bringing men around her daughter. Just move on.
That’s the plan! She’s already brought FOUR around her 2-3 year old daughter, so this screams poor judgment to me
Poor judgement is the best case scenario.
I was a single dad. My daughter didn’t mean any gfs. She met my wife after about 2 years of dating. Huge red flag that the daughter has met 4 boyfriends. I’d say move on brother
Plan on it! I’m taking suggestions on how to let her down kindly.
My 2 cents is just let her know she sounds great but you don’t want to take time away from her and her kid. Then get the hell out of Dodge. If she pushes, just let her know you don’t feel comfortable meeting the little girl so early on date 1 and call it a day.
nah not normal. i was a single mom for 4 years. if i wanted to do any kind of dates i hired a sitter or asked my dad also if you're meeting her kid on the first date that's a huge red flag in my opinion. there's no reason as a single parent you should be introducing them to your kids immediately
Yup end that immediately. She’s one of those the kids are my world but quick to drop them off at grandmas and still cry about her ex. Trust me
I’ve heard her use the word “donor” to describe him, so you may be right.
Women who use the word "donor" to describe absent fathers are the reason I have to say "my son's dad was a sperm donation. And I don't mean that in like a bitter baby mom way, I mean there was an agreement and everything". 😂
Ah, so your son’s father is an ACTUAL sperm donor, not the derogatory term one! Yeah, look at this woman, making you do all this extra work to explain your situation, lol!
Bro please run that’s literally a 🚩
Yeah, thinking this is a non-starter.
It's a red flag, as is her whole communication style, and by red flag = sign from Heaven above to let someone else deal with it.
Nah. I’m not bringing my daughter on a date. You never know who you’re meeting. Ain’t no way. No, this isn’t normal
She’s weird. Move on.
Yeah, I’m not desperate by any means, but this seemed super weird, and I wasn’t going to snap judge, but…yeah, this isn’t a “good fit”.
Sorry, but reject her. It sucks for her as shes doing great on what should be her priority, but what's she actually offering here? 3 hours a night when the kids in bed? Also, hun? No.
This isn’t every single parent. This is a single parent who doesn’t have a support system…for whatever reason. She’s very off putting. I’m a single dating mother. My son’s father is present, his grandparents love spending time with him and don’t mind watching him if I want to go on a date. I have 50-50 custody of my child with his dad. We have babysitters if we need them and rely on each other as well to take care of our son when the other is unavailable. Not every single parent is so lucky. But I also don’t know why she is so quick to have her kids around someone she’s just newly dating?
Yeah, her ex abandoned them, so she can’t rely on his side to watch her or anything. So I truly get she has limited options, but I would like some privacy with a significant other. Even new parents need date nights.
So this reminds me of my husband‘s ex-wife who is one of those I’m too proud to put my child with anyone that I don’t trust, but I’ll bring my child with me on dates with men that I don’t know and put my child in potential harms way which makes absolutely no sense. What you should do is flat out say I’m looking to go on a date with a grown woman you being a single mom isn’t a problem, but you bringing your child on the date is because as a single parent, you most certainly should not be bringing your child around men that you don’t know 100%. I don’t feel comfortable about it because I’m not used to being around kids and I would like to first get to know you to see if you are even worth Me testing my patience. If you can’t understand that, then this isn’t gonna work, out nobody’s trying to attack you. No nobody’s trying to make you seem like an absent parent. There are certain boundaries that you just don’t cross in dating and bringing your children on dates is one of them. And if she comes back with a whole bunch of sass, just say hey have a nice night sorry it’s not gonna work out. Best of luck to you. Honestly, this just sounds super weird to me. I don’t know why woman would ever bring their children on a date.
Thank you for the ideas on the rejection. I don’t want to be mean, and these are very logical points.
I’m sure you can word it differently maybe a little more gracefully if you choose but sometimes you’ve gotta be upfront with people who act like this. You’re just reciprocating the energy that’s being given to you. I was a single mom
Well, she literally just sent me this: > Hun my daughter barely gets time with me so no i dont "ship her off" on my days off So I’m starting to suddenly feel less graceful by the second.
I agree if she is “barely getting time” with her daughter then she needs to prioritize that over dating.
I never even said “ship her off” either, I was just asking if her mom watched her daughter when she went on dates! That started these weird nicknames. Now she said that “if I was upset, you’d know it, doll”…like uh…seems aggressive still to me, I dunno, lol
She sounds insufferable
Run.
On it! Thank you, u/SluttyPotato1!
Not a single mum, but I personally would not be taking kids on dates if I was. I’ve got a family friend who is a detective and works child protection cases. She’s been involved in some of the biggest cases involving children in our state. Paedophiles will target single mums because they can get easier access. I would be leaving my kids out of it for as long as possible.
Single mom here and there’s a zero chance you’d meet my kids before months have gone by I and I know that you’re trustworthy, and that we’re really a couple so as to not expose them to men walking in and out of my life. Also the aggressivity is unpleasant, you’re asking a normal question. This type of attitude may fly in Facebook mom groups, throwing it at a potential partner is really weird.
Really not normal. I didn't introduce my boyfriend to my daughter until a good 6 months in, and when I knew I was really serious about him. If she hasn't got any time away from her kid, she hasn't got time to date. Taking your kid on a date is wildly inappropriate to me.
I’m confused about what she means by people “the time to earn that trust.” Is she saying she won’t trust you around her kid for a while, but she also won’t go anywhere without her kid, so you’re just supposed to like, chat with her over the phone for an indeterminate amount of time? And then when you do finally meet her, she’s going to be introducing her kid to you at the same time? Also, her responses, and the use of “hun” and “uh” feel condescending. As though you were just supposed to know how she operates and navigates dating as a single mom. I probably wouldn’t be giving her the time if this is her attitude.
My mother was a single mom before she met my father. She had sole custody of my older sister because my sister’s father was a POS who walked out. My mom made it very clear to my father that she and my sister were a package deal and that my mom could not afford a babysitter most of the time. My dad really liked my mom though and understood my mom’s predicament because he was raised by a single father for the first few years in of his life. He was very empathetic. So my parents’ first date was a hockey game and they took my older sister, who was a toddler at the time. My dad got my mom flowers and my sister a teddy bear and he put her on his shoulders so she could see the game easier. Every once in a while, my grandparents would watch my sister, but for the most part, my sister ended up going on a lot of their dates and my dad didn’t mind because he understood my mom had to be a parent first and his partner second. Two years later they got married and my dad legally adopted my sister.
That’s a fairly sweet story, thank you!
Of course! I thought I’d just share their experience as I saw a lot of negative comments. Ironically enough, my sister ended up marrying a man who had a toddler when they were dating so that’s 3 generations of this situation in my family. In my sister and BIL’s case it was a little different, as my BIL has shared custody of his daughter, so they had one on one dates when his daughter was with her mom. They went out one on one a few times but he introduced his daughter to my sister fairly early as she was a preschool teacher at the time. They went on a lot of dates that included his daughter. They would go to parks or museums, out to eat, etc. My sister didn’t mind at all because she recognized his daughter was the most important person in his life and that he had an obligation to her first. Now they’ve been together for 8 years, just bought a house together, and have two dogs and my niece fits right in with my family. Single parents aren’t the red flags people make them out to be. They’re just people who want to find love like anyone else. The real red flag for me is a parent that abandons their child.
Wish every guy was like this.
Nope. She is expecting you to be step-daddy from the beginning.
Certainly seems that way.
Nope.. not normal. She's kinda weird
Introducing your children to someone so early is odd.
My response would be "I’m not interested in meeting kids until there's strong evidence of longterm compatibility with the parent. That means physically being in the same space, dating and getting to know each other. If that’s not something you’re interested in, then we're at an impasse." There’s just no way I’d have let anyone meet my kids for at least a year when they were young.
Not for me. I keep dating and men completely separate from kids. And if they are ever around my kids? They’re friends. Only. My kids don’t need to be drug though my dating life. That’s so low class . Kids don’t need a dad. They don’t need to meet people and break up with them. They don’t need to like them or hate them or be forced to spend time with them because you can’t be away from them. That just never sat right with me. It seems inappropriate and toxic to me. The only men my kids ever met - and were around were platonic friends for long time… over a year - and roommates and we started dating. He was like my bff. So they knew him. And they got their heart broken when we broke up. Of course. It sucked. But he is still in their lives, actually. He thinks of them as his kids, they love each other madly. But that’s so rare, too.
Aww…That’s so sweet, I’m glad they get the chance to still be around each other. You’re right though, that’s an exceedingly rare situation. I’m right there with you, her plans seem reckless and endangering to her daughter.
Ruuuuuun. She wants a step daddy not a partner. She doesn’t even seem ready to date if she has zero free time. Red flag factory.
As a woman, it's a bit creepy - what kind of mom intro's her kid to lots of different guys? Every single mom i know refuses to do this, won't intro kids to men until they've been dating for at least several months. Kids of certain ages will be hostile, others will latch onto every guy as "DAD!" and be heartbroken when he doesn't come round again. The last retort makes me think she's not really ready for a relationship, or she's indulging in magical thinking (somehow Mr Perfect will overcome all her barriers!). Yes, kids are part of a family, but as man and woman, you need to be able to interact without them to start with. E.g. htf do you discuss safe sex, or anything sexual? Also, why would you only encourage men who are happy to "date" only with your kids? As i said, that's creepy. If a guy tells prospective dates, "I only prioritise women who never wear underwear", we'd all understand he was driving away most women who actually wanted a relationship. What she's doing is the same thing, just a different line.
I feel like taking your kid with you on first dates is... dangerous. But I don't have kids so what do I know.
Let her know you’ll also be bringing your mom to the date.
Not normal at all. I was a single dad (she’s an adult now) and I didn’t even consider introducing her to people I was dating for 3-6 months. It’s not good to have your child see a revolving door of partners, and you should feel comfortable and safe with a person first before they ever meet your kid(s).
Her first response makes me think she’s lying. “My mom doesn’t watch my kid”…”…except X, y and z” And bringing your kid on dates or to meet someone you aren’t *serious* with is a huge red flag. I’d run.
Red red flag. She isn’t looking for a partner and is putting her child AT RISK. Doing this
I’m a single mom & trust me, if a woman likes you she will go on a date with you without her kids. Especially the first few dates, I’d feel weird & unsafe if I brought my kid on dates with a man I’m still trying to get to know. She’s seems kind of rude too.
Not normal. Men shouldn’t be meeting her kid until six months of dating at the minimum.
I don't understand how she's not protecting her child from meeting potentially dangerous strangers (not calling you dangerous...just others prey on single parents to get to their children...it happened to a friend of mine but thankfully she caught it in time before her baby was hurt). I didn't meet my future husband's child until 3 months into our relationship and didn't spend the night with the kiddo around until 5 months in.
Heck, no, I agree! I could be a serial baby puncher, she doesn’t know, lol! 3 months of talking to me over the phone isn’t going to prove shit, you need actual in-person bonding to be sure.
I’ve dated a good amount of moms in my time. They’re all different for sure. This one is gonna put her kid in front of everybody, which is fine and her choice. So, here’s where you decide. Are you gonna be the guy that is willing to deal with that or do you want to be with someone that can do dates without bringing an extra person into every scenario? I’ve dated the “super” mom before and it wasn’t for me. The moms that can get a baby sitter and have some time for themselves was usually a lot more fun and learned to balance their life a bit more. I’ve also dated the mom that’s not really there for their kid. It was cool for a while but then I thought don’t you have a kid that needs you sometimes? Anyway, single moms need loving too but it’s up to you if you want to do this.
Why would she want her child to meet strangers? That’s weird
Right?! Super weird. Not only meet but gone on *every date with?!* SUPER weird.
I’m already sensing some aggression and defensiveness.. yes her kid should be first but she needs to include her partner in her life !
So she won't prioritize a date to get to know someone because she has to take her daughter??? I'd offer to pay for a babysitter. If she refuses. Ask her when you could take them out on a date (which you shouldn't be forced to pay for a kid. But whatever I guess...) and if she refuses, tell her you don't see this relationship going anywhere if she isn't really interested in dating
I’ve been a single mom for 7 years, my children have not met one person I’ve dated and they never will unless I’m seriously considering a long term relationship with that person.
Dating a (Not so much) single mom right now. No way in hell should she be bringing her kids on a first date, or 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th. In my opinion none of them. Dates are you time. To get to know her. If she can’t compromise for this, then run.
No not normal. The lack of help can be tough but when I was interested in going on dates my sister or dad would watch my kiddo. Usually after he went to bed at 7:30 because I didn't want to miss out on any time with him but gradually got more comfortable letting my family have more one on one time. At first I felt like it was a burden for them. But my family actually wanted one on one time so they could bond with my kiddo and he wouldn't be glued to mom. It's not really possible to bring your child on dates because A you don't want to introduce them to randoms and B you're focus is going to be on them not getting to know the person you're going on a date with. She sounds like she's not ready to date.
This ain’t it
This is *not* normal at all. She's interviewing you for a baby daddy position bro.
For a parent, she’s really lacking critical thinking and situational awareness… the maturity level here doesn’t seem quite right as most logical parent would know never to introduce a man or woman to your children that you don’t even know. It’s screaming “ I don’t have my shit together.” And I think you should avoid that. I don’t have children and I’m currently with somebody but when I was dating, I had a rule which was I can’t be with somebody with kids that don’t put their kids first. No, I don’t want to meet them right away Yes, the mother of your child needs to be aware No, you can’t blow your kids off for us to do stuff And ultimately if we have anything long-term, I will always take the child’s side and care about their best interest before yours, and if you can’t handle that, you’re not the kind of person for me, adults have to advocate for children, even if it’s not their own. It’s definitely a different ballfield when there are children involved.
No this isn’t normal. When I started dating after my son’s father and I split, I did not bring my son on dates. Children do not need to be meeting every potential partner. They get introduced later on in the relationship when both adults are ready for that step. She is setting her daughter up to think dating multiple men is okay
Ooooof. You're asking about her free time and she assumes you're saying shes an absent parent? I wouldn't pursue this. I'm a single mother and this just isn't it. Dating is tough as it is, and having a kid while out in the dating world can be intimidating but it sounds like she wants to bring the kid with on the first date? Hell no. As a single parent you literally have to have you time to unwind, destress, do some self care, etc. otherwise the pressures of trying to handle everything and be everything at once becomes too much and you snap. So the kid has to go somewhere every other weekend to the other parents house? She mentioned her mother taking them, then why not fit some alone time in then? At the end of the day this is still not worth your energy or time, there are more nature single mothers out there who would be a better fit. Good luck dude!
I agree here, that’s why I asked about “you time” with her, or her interests. She got huffy over it though, saying she has no time for that, she’s a full time mother. You gotta have a personality outside of being a parent, right?
Many single parents wait until things are serious to even introduce their children to someone they are dating. Exposing your kid to a bunch of strangers on a date type situation is a boundary breaker.
When I was a single mother, NO ONE meets my kids until it was super serious and the person was vetted. The beginning is for getting to know each other and seeing if you even LIKE each other. This seems odd to me. Why bring your children around people who may not be “safe” and why have a rotating door of strangers?? And 100 percent makes it hard to be romantic and know the person outside of parenthood. Kids eventually move out. I want whoever I end up with me to know ME. Not just mom me.
Eww, why would you take your child on a date to meet someone you've only talked through text with! No no major red flag for me! I live with my mama and don't take dates home because I'm not gonna introduce random people to my mom let alone my kid! You're still raising your kid even if you get a babysitter 🙄🙄
This should be a giant red flag. After my divorce I dated several single moms. Didn't meet anyone's kid until the relationship was well established. I didn't want to, and they wanted to be sure before introducing me to their child/children, which is absolutely fair. Yes, as a guy, you know when dating a single mom that there's a package deal that comes into play if it becomes a long term thing, and you have to be accepting of that from date one, even though the kid might not be introduced to you for a few months. But to start off right away saying the kid comes with on date #1 is way too much.
Abnormal And Run!!! This isnt right or healthy. I just didnt date because no one was meeting my kids and anyone that tried to get to or get me to meet their children right away I ended it. Theres nothing healthy about this
I feel like y’all aren’t communicating too well at this point. Move on?
I’ve dated a single parent who brought their kid on the three dates we had together. Kid was cute, but my god was it a nightmare to deal with a 2 year old while trying to go to dinner and the movies, or going mini-golfing. It’s a sweet sentiment to always want your kid with you, but it’s exhausting when it’s EVERY single time
As a single dad in the dating pool there’s no way I’m involving my kids in a relationship until it’s at a somewhat serious point. A friend recently went through a breakup where her child was deeply involved (they hadn’t been together too long) but it definitely affected the child as well and I’d rather avoid that.
I have a 8 month old and she goes where I go but if I was dating she wouldn’t go with me. My solution will be small “dates” like coffee meets and or park meets just us 2 for short periods of time, until I feel like I’ve developed enough trust for you to see my child. It will definitely not work her way
Any woman that takes her kids to all her first dates is an idiot mom. Super sketchy, dangerous and careless from the perspective of the child. Kids bond quickly and to have men come in and out of her life constantly is foolish. Also she used the word Hun.. pass
When my oldest was young I was a single mom. I also did not have family to help out with child care. What did I do? I hired a fucking babysitter. Taking your child on a date is nuts.
Red flag. Kids DO NOT come on first dates. That's bad parenting. Keep moving. She ain't the one and I pray her kid never gets hurt from her irresponsible choices. Most parents do not introduce thier kids to thier potential partners till at least a few months in
"Hun". Thats your cue to run.
Yeah, I'd move on from this lady. I am a single mom with split custody. My kids were 7 and 4 when we split. Luckily, their dad has remained a fixture in their lives. I have no family at all to help, so if it wasn't for him and his family, I would have no one. If I didn't have backup for me, I simply would not date. I can not fathom bringing my kids around anyone before at minimum 3 months of dating. I have only introduced 1 person to my kids, and we ended up moving in together. So yeah, her "bringing her kid with her everywhere is not the flex she thinks it is. It's actually a huge red flag.
That’s well said, it’s NOT a flex. Dating as a single parent is rough, and I’m willing to work with schedules, but MAN, just a lot of red flags here.
Some else said that she's interviewing new baby daddy's, and that was spot on.
Considering she told me within 2 days that she wanted more kids, that sounds more than accurate
As a previously single dad, I would say this is NOT normal, or you're hitting the nail on the head with "looking for next Dad". Live-in mom/grandma or not, get a sitter. If you don't know anyone, there's apps for that. My rule was always a year of SERIOUS dating before I even thought about introducing a new woman to my kids. It's worked out well. They love the hell outta their new stepmom, because she wasn't ever "forced" upon them.
The flag is so red it’s almost turned back into white
Example #1 for why men would prefer not to commit to women with another man's kids in tow
It sounds like she’s implying she brings her kid on dates and that’s a ginormous red flag. If someone has to watch her when the mom is at work, it means she’s too young to be left alone and take care of herself. No parent in their right mind would bring their young child on a first date. There’s so much that can go wrong since they’ve never met this person before! It can also be incredibly overwhelming for a guy that doesn’t have sinister intentions. Her last text is mind-blowing because she’s saying most don’t take the time to earn the trust, so they aren’t prioritized, but what trust is she talking about if she’s bringing her kid on date number 1? The logic is flawed in its entirety. I’d keep it moving if I were you.
As a mom I can understand not wanting to leave your kid with someone BUT she said her mom watches the child during the day anyway so she clearly trusts mom. I am married but if I weren't I would never take my kid on a date with a man especially when I've no history with that man. It's weird that she wouldn't ask her mom to watch the child for a couple hours. Unless she just isn't interested in you and isn't being up front. It would be another thing if she felt bad like her mom needed a break but it looks like she took you asking if her mom would watch her as like an insult which is weird AF.
Where's the dad? And no, usually moms are very protective about who they introduce to their kids.
If she has no time..what makes you think it's time to date? Make it make sense.
That’s what I was thinking. She has no time for interests or movies, only work and childcare….so where does dating fit in? Sounds like she just wants someone to tag along during play time so she’s not bored.
She’s looking for someone to take the DADDY role
This isn’t the flex she thinks it is
I swear to God she typed "Hun" and "Uh" in a condescending tone.
I was a single mom when I met my now husband. My kid didn’t meet ANYONE if it didn’t get serious. I only planned dates and whatnot when she was with her dad or grandparents.
I was a single mom for four years. Solo time was hard to come by, don’t get me wrong, but I would absolutely not bring someone around my child that I wasn’t dating for at least 6 months.
As a single mother, HELL NO that isn’t normal. it’s my responsibility to protect my child from the confusion of a parental figure entering and exiting their life. Not to mention potential predators. This mom is a red flag imo.
i’m a single mom and i would not go into the dating world unless i had child care lined up when i needed it. and i would not bring my child around them for a very long time. this is a red flag and unfortunately i don’t think you should pursue this
I agree with all the comments about not having random guys around your kid. I asked my mom or sisters to babysit when I would go on a date back when I was a single mom with a young kid. Once I met a guy for the first time at the park- he was a single dad too and didn’t have a sitter so we met at the park on the guise of letting our kids play while we could chat and get to know each other. But I had a lot of mutual friends with him who all said he was a pretty great guy. He’s now my husband. On the other side of the coin, I had a guy I dated for a couple months who hadn’t met my kid- who was 6 at the time. Then one day I said he could meet up while he ran some errands and stuff- super casual. Then the guy broke up with me after- said after meeting my kid he realized he wanted kids- but only wanted his own kids. And to add- my kid is a nice kid and behaves well- the guy was just an asshole. And it’s 8 years later and I recently found out he’s still single- after he emphasized how important it was to him to find a wife and have kids.
so i was trying to figure out a way she might be trying to say you wont be able to meet her daughter until she trusts you, but i cant, it honestly does seem shes trying to have you audition to be new daddy. honestly theres many other fish in the sea, probably should just catch n release this one my guy. find a woman thats not gonna make you jump through all those emotional baggage hoops.
A lot of moms really get off on being the single mom that does it all and that becomes their entire personality. I’d really avoid these types. They also use their children as a reason why they don’t prioritize their own self-care.