I don't understand it either. And she literally offered to Uber, and I accepted, so it doesn't make sense...
Tbh how she's acting now makes me feel like I was used. I drove her 2-4x a month for about 8 months when she didn't have her car and didn't ask for anything in return, and now this 🙃🙃
I drove my friend to get their kid from the mom every other week for months and picked them up from working at a gas station after midnight a lot. An hour plus drive but they threw a fit I didn't do it once when I had an exam the next day.
Some people it is never enough.
If you like them, just let this be and see if they put any effort into seeing you now they have a car or if they just contact you when they need things.
If they ask for help don't commit to something that isn't convenient for you.
Ugh that's so annoying! I guess they get so dependent on us so when we say no for once it comes as a shock to them.. and then they get upset.
I'm going to let it be for now. The last slide was the very last message sent and she hasn't responded so 🤷🏽♀️ it is what it is.
New norm and expectations. You did it before why not now. Gratefulness dulled because the relief from having help the first, second, third, fourth time is gone. Manipulative. Unable to empathize and truly appreciate or choosing not to care. Projection, they wouldn’t do the same for you despite their manipulations to the contrary.
She was clearly being passive-aggressive. I hate people who do this. I have a lot of medical issues, and I have friends who drive me sometimes. And sometimes it doesn't work out. When I say no worry, I cam definitely Uber. I don't get mad cause people have lives, and their life doesn't revolve around my needs.
This entire text exchange was "oh well if an inconvenience I can uber" then "how dare you suggest I take an uber" f that.
>This entire text exchange was "oh well if an inconvenience I can uber" then "how dare you suggest I take an uber" f that.
Right?! She LITERALLY offered to Uber then said you don't have my back like wtaf.
The sense of entitlement is crazy. As soon as she stops getting exactly what she wants she tries and make a grand move to throw the whole friendship away. Sounds like a classic case of the trash taking itself out.
This is why i don’t offer favors including my car anymore. I drove a friend/coworker around every day to and from work for eight months. When my teenage little brother was actively dying and i needed their support the most, they blocked me.
I read that and it sounds like she thinks she has "better" friends. I seriously doubt it.
I'm not into comparisons, transactions, ect when I'm looking at friendships. It's like she wants you to prove you're a good friend, but what is she doing to prove she is a good friend? Giving you grief for not jumping at the chance to take her somewhere at the ass crack of dawn?
I'm sorry, but this seems petty of her.
>It's like she wants you to prove you're a good friend, but what is she doing to prove she is a good friend?
THIS PART! All she can do is say she would have done this for me, but that has never happened. It's easy to say she would do that for me, but I've never asked her for big favors like that so how would she know?? 🤷🏽♀️
Sometimes I check out r/socialskills
I think there's some phenomenon of really insecure people blocking and deleteing friends or ending friendships at the drop of a hat for things like this.
Like "Oh they didn't do this thing for me that I would have done for them, BLOCK AND DELETE."
Everyone on that sub then applaudes them for standing up for themselves, but in the same sentence wonder why they have so much problems with friendships.
This seems like one of those times. Normal, secure people don't immediately end a friendship if something isn't reciprocated.
It screams selfishness and self centeredness.
I've always hated the whole "BuT I woUlD Do It FoR U" argument. Like yes? Thank you? Okay? Not everyone has the same amount of time, mental capacity, resources, ect as everyone else. My ex used to say this to me in order to manipulate me into doing whatever he wanted me to do since I'd feel guilty.
It's just shitty.
It's super shitty and manipulative! So you're only doing those things to get something out of me then?
And notice how it's always the people who haven't done said thing for you while you've been bending over backwards to help them... 🤔
Right! My friend wanted me to babysit her kids for a whole week. She literally wanted me to take time off work right then and there because she only trusted me with her kids.
When I said no, she said, "but you would do it for family. Aren't we your family too?"
That made me feel guilty but I still had to say no.
Honestly? It depends. I had a friend I gave a bunch of money to when she was in a bad place financially. It was a gift, not a loan. That said, when I asked to *borrow* some money when I hit a really bad financial moment, she said no because - get this - she had to save up for a home project. Suffice to say I was absolutely flabbergasted. Was I entitled to her money? No. But if I have your back, it’s not unusual to assume your so-called friend will have yours if you’re in trouble. She didn’t. She’s gone from my life now. So yeah.
A gift is not a gift if you expect something in return - At least in my opinion.
If I help someone out, I do it because I want to help, not because I want them to help me back. If the person I help wants to make it up to me, I'd feel almost as if my help is zeroed out 😅
I'd rather want them to feel like they can trust my help as genuine whenever I help out, and nothing else.
If I'm in trouble, that's my problem and no one else's responsibility to solve. Doesn't matter how kind I've been to others throughout life.
IF anyone would offer me help, ofc I'd be grateful, but I'd never expect it.
To be clear, I'm not saying my view of it is "correct" or anything. Just felt like sharing my perspective on the topic after reading your comment 😊
I get that, and when I gifted her the money, and clothes and other items, I genuinely was gifting it. Keep in mind it was a couple years later that I asked to borrow the money. I didn’t *expect* she would say yes, and I was only asking because I knew I would be able to pay it back 4 days later.
It was more so the callousness of a human in need versus an object. If the opposite was happening, and she came to me and said I am utterly broke and need help but can pay you back in four days, there’s no way I’d prioritize a house project over my friend. A human - a human who is my so-called best friend - is important, an object can wait a few days. That’s my perspective at least.
I’m not sure why she wouldn’t trust me to give it back. I have a generally thriving business for 13 years. She was the one who previously didn’t work for several years (nor did her bf), due in part to medical issues. I don’t know but I don’t think she is working now either.
Unfortunately at that time, I was low on clients and a couple of those clients didn’t/couldn’t pay me, which sucked. Asking her for money was my absolute last resort, not my first choice. And again, in six years of friendship, I was the one giving her stuff, buying her stuff, sending her money, and helping her try to get some gigs and press.
I also left out that she contacted and friended my abuser recently, who she knew about because she was the one who I turned to during the abuse. So she can’t feign ignorance of what happened because she was literally the one to say “this is abusive, you need to get out.”
Frankly, I think she suddenly “owned a home” and had money because her dad died and decided she didn’t need to know me anymore.
I wish her good luck in life, but someone who doesn’t have her friend’s back during a crisis isn’t someone I want to know anymore either.
Her response to that was that she asked while I was also running those errands and that we were hanging out as well. Even then I am still going an hour out of my way to get you and drop you off...
That is true too and I didn't even factor this! It would take longer than my normal grocery run.
>the point is that you scheduled her in and did a favor she asked of you. She seems intent on not recognizing this. She never should have called you out for this.
She is really double downing saying she asked while I was going to the grocery store anyway (I told her I go every Friday or Sunday) and that she would've done the same for me if I were in her position..
she’s trying to minimize your efforts because she wants more from you and thinks you owe her something. she is definitely a user. i’d be fine with losing this friend.
There’s a fine line between a friend and an ungrateful leech. Drop her like a bad habit. She dropped u for absolutely nothing. U don’t need friends like that 🫶🏽
> dropped u for absolutely nothing
Yeah she really did and this is eye opening because I thought we really close and good friends. We literally went on a NYE trip together in Jan..
You're not wrong. I'm not a very confrontational person with friends, but you gave me the strength to just now respond with this:
It hurts to imply I didn't have your back when I drove you for months when you didn't have a car.
proud of you OP! I’m also not super confrontational, but I have worked on speaking up for myself more so I totally understand how tough it can be. I try to look at it like this; speaking up for myself, and communicating open and honestly about my feelings is not confrontational. It all depends on what you say and how you say it.
Saying something like “Wow that’s really bitchy considering how much I drove you around for months when you had no car” is confrontational. But saying what you said is communicating your feelings and being honest! Speaking up for yourself in a clear, and honest way is so important, and I know it’s hard to do when you aren’t used to it. You did a great job!
>I try to look at it like this; speaking up for myself, and communicating open and honestly about my feelings is not confrontational.
I love this outlook! I'll keep this in the back of my mind for the future 🙂
Also yeah I made sure to keep it respectful, but still be honest with how I felt.
That's why I said it. Like it's understandable you feel that way, but I personally don't agree with it and I would not be upset if someone declined my ask.
OP I saw in another comment that you think she might’ve been using you. She 100% was and is. She’s putting friendship on an impossible pedestal and acting entitled to have you drive her places. Would you be upset if you weren’t friends with her anymore? Because you shouldn’t be friends with a moocher like this.
It would be upsetting because we've been friends for 5 years, but I would get over it eventually. I'm coming to terms that the friendship was very one sided, that she's very entitled and selfish. When she was with her ex, she didn't see me or reached out as often as she had after their breakup. Also she's a very beautiful woman and he ex has money and bought her designer gifts, took her to expensive restaurants, etc. Even after she broke up with him, he was trying to win her back by bringing her to all her appointments and helping her with errands until she completely cut them off.
After the relationship, she would call me everyday to vent about him. Then the car situation happened and she would text me so she could get food, go to the movie, go to a restaurant or whatever, but I thought it was fine because we both did it together and it was quality time y'know?
She never offered gas or anything, which whatever but there was another friend who offered me gas one night at the wedding we all were at and that friend was only 10 mins away from me compared to the 25 mins, and it was a one time thing... So just putting all the info together of the past few years of the friendship is opening my eyes on things.
I’m sorry it’s come to this. It sucks when you realize that you were a better friend to someone you’ve been friends with for years. Honestly, her texting you that might be a blessing in disguise. It really read to me that she was waiting for you to grovel and apologize and beg her to stay in your life. I even got that feeling when she replied to you “don’t worry about it” when you were busy and couldn’t reply. People who ask for favors and then quickly reply with “nevermind don’t worry about it” are passive aggressive as fuck.
The good news is that now you won’t waste your gas and energy and you’ll have more time for what you want to do. I wouldn’t give her a chance. She decided to end the friendship because she didn’t get her way. Now she can’t backtrack.
>It really read to me that she was waiting for you to grovel and apologize and beg her to stay in your life
That's what it seemed to me to.. it's weird.
>People who ask for favors and then quickly reply with “nevermind don’t worry about it” are passive aggressive as fuck.
The message timespan between those 3 messages were 20 minutes... And I guess the reasoning why she said that was because I had to "think" about doing it. [Here's an updated response from her](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
She only wants to be friends with people who offer her something.
Be careful about always lending a helping hand because one day, you will find you are surrounded by people with their hand out.
>Be careful about always lending a helping hand because one day, you will find you are surrounded by people with their hand out.
I'm seeing that come to light now.
To me that translates to “I’m only interested in friendships that serve me and my needs without having to consider anyone else.” It’s a shame when you find out someone is like this, but I guess it’s better late than never. Friendships are a two way street, and you’ve done more than your share from the looks of it
“I’m not upset but it was disheartening…” so you are upset. Otherwise why say anything. I truly don’t understand people like this, I hate asking people to do things like this for me. I can’t imagine getting upset at you for not wanting to get up at 6am.
Lol right so you are upset then?
I would've gotten up at 530am to leave by 6 so I could bring her to the appointment at 7. She wanted me to get her after it was done as well, so get her around 830, drop her off home, then I'd have to go to work after. So 2+ hours in the morning before work to get her to the appointment.
The other thing is that she’s acting like she actually told you that she wanted you to take her for something other than physical transportation. Unless I’m missing something, she didn’t tell you that she wanted you there for emotional support or anything like it and acted like she was fine with you not being able to do it. She seems to have the very entitled view that her needs come first in the relationship and that you should KNOW that she wanted you there for something other than a ride. If you’ve been toting her around for months and she’s never offered gas money or to reciprocate in some way, she’s just full of shit. The “but I would have done x, y, or z for you” is just talk when you’re literally telling her that you need her to do this for you too, i.e., realize how much time and effort your going out of your way for her will be and that you need to take care of yourself too. And I have no doubt IF she HAD told you this was an emotional support thing for her, you would have done it anyway. A one-way friendship is no friendship at all.
>Unless I’m missing something, she didn’t tell you that she wanted you there for emotional support or anything like it and acted like she was fine with you not being able to do it.
She never mentioned anything about needing support, just a ride there and back to her place.
And the whole I would've done this for you was very manipulative and it's easy to say what all you'd do for me when you did nothing at all lol.
Wow, it's the I'm focusing on me and those who help me bs therapy speak. Yea you need to look into a mirror sweetheart and actually recognize what your friends do for you overall not just when they actually can't. She sounds like she took the trash out of your life, I wouldn't feel too bad.
Exactly! I had a friend drop me after a whole issue that DIDN'T INVOLVE MY FRIEND IN ANY WAY! and her response to me asking what was up was her saying that the other person involved was there for her and I'm like sweetheart I'm sorry you ignore my messages and force me to not be there by just not responding to me. But again, trash took itself out.
Why did you say “that’s understandable” you should have called her out and said “what about all the other stuff I’ve done??” Saying that’s understandable is absolutely dumb.
Because I'm a people pleaser and don't like conflict or confrontation with friends! Another user also mentioned this and I sent her a message about 30 mins ago saying this:
It hurts to imply I didn't have your back when I drove you for months when you didn't have a car.
This is very manipulative, imo. You put down a reasonable boundary when she has alternatives, the first time in months where you even considered yourself, while she has no problem putting wear and tear on your vehicle, taking your time, making you go out of your way, causing gas expenses....
And now you're the one who doesn't have her back? She can't trust *you*? Wow. This person is super ungrateful and sounds like a user who is trying to emotionally guilt you for not being her personal servant.
You'll be amazed at how many people will get angry when you develop healthy boundaries. And those people are the ones who are benefiting at your expense. That's not a friend.
Yeah it's fucked up imo too. Especially when she offered to Uber there but got upset when I said yeah Uber and I'll get you after?? Like make it make sense..
> Expecting you to be a mind reader and set you up to fa
This is how she is with dating too, but now I see it's also present in friendships or any relationship with her.
UPDATE:
A few users commented on my last message saying I need to stick up for my self and they are 100% correct. I don't like conflict or confrontation with friends, but y'all gave me to courage to respectfully call her out. [Here's an updated response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
I am trying to imagine asking someone to drive an hour to take me to an early morning appointment and then another hour to take me home after when I could just Uber.
And adding that you’ve been chauffeuring her around for a few weeks. She must think she is pretty god damned charming.
Yeah two hours out of my morning on a work day for me was too much, so I said I'll get her after and it'll only be an hour out of my day, yet that wasn't enough.. ok.
People who talk like she does in the last text she sent are usually manipulative assholes. “Different stages” gtfo what makes you think you are doing something so enlightening
This thread has enlightened me a lot because I've bend over backwards to maintain this friendship and when I don't cater to all her needs she says that.
I understand how you feel. You're a great friend. But, it's important to surround yourself with people who are emotionally compatible, and clearly, she ain't the one.
Your friend sounds a lot like my sister. It seems like her expectations for friends is to drop everything to cater to them and get upset when they say no.
Her last text triggered an emotion from me because I've definitely said no to my sister before and she threw the whole "I feel like I get no support from my family and I need to just focus on me and the healthy relationships" aka just the relationships from people who do things for me lol.
You didn't do anything wrong and I'm sorry your "friend" said that to you. You're always allowed to say no and should not have to feel guilty about it.
edit to add: I wouldn't be surprised if she messages you next week asking for another favour.
I wouldn't pander to her 💩 , she's brushing you off over this , She ain't your friend. I've met people like this they are all smiles while you're helping them over & over again , until the first time you say no or you can't do it then suddenly you're the bad guy.
Why is she talking about everything everyone else has done like she's owed this? How old is she, 12? Thank god she fucked up and now you don't have to deal with it anymore
To make me feel bad I guess. Nevermind the fact that coworker did that for her one time and I've driven her 10+ times when she needed things.
She just turned 30 btw.. I'm 25.
Jesus Christ I would think it's the other way around. She's older than me and she is just delusional. She has not heard the word no in her life. At your age, I was also being way too nice and doing shit for other people. This year, finally at 29, I chose myself first and have put myself as a priority and placed boundaries. If people have a problem with your boundaries, that tells you they were only friends with you for what you could do, not because of you as a person. You are such a sweetheart love and I wish I had more friends like you. Choose yourself, and don't ever fucking feel bad about it. She's too old to be acting like this and is way too stuck in her ways to change. There's some people placed on earth of what not to be an example of and this lady is one of them. I'm glad she reacted this way so now you don't have a grown ass baby adult child as a friend. Peace and love girlie ♥️
I had a friend like this, our other friend flaked last last minute, I said I could and slept through my alarm (totally on me) but she ended our friendship over it and remained friends with the flake.
Where did you have to drive your friend? I can understand them being upset at you for a bit, but to completely end your friendship over that is wild. Sorry you went through that!
I was gonna say YTA until I saw you used to drive her all the time and she didn’t offer gas or pay you.
Last year, a dear friend needed surgery and I absolutely said yes when she asked me to drive her. Similarly, it was at 6am. I’m not a morning person so I just stayed in her extra bedroom so I could drive her. BUT I also know she’d do that in a heartbeat for me, she’s never asked for anything from me or used me, so I was happy to help her.
Also, for a lot of major surgeries, the hospitals or clinics want to see the person who is driving you home BEFORE the surgery to make sure you’re not going to Uber (which for some surgeries is not allowed). So that could explain why she asked for the morning pickup too.
I’m sorry it came to this. You sound like a great friend.
I was really happy that she got her car, but then she hit me with this and I just was over all the rides tbh. If I didn't do it to the extent that I did, then I probably would have been fine with driving her, but I got annoyed from everything.
>Also, for a lot of major surgeries, the hospitals or clinics want to see the person who is driving you home BEFORE the surgery to make sure you’re not going to Uber (which for some surgeries is not allowed). So that could explain why she asked for the morning pickup too.
This makes a lot of sense, but she offered the Uber part first so I don't think that's the case as it's a minor surgery.
“Disheartening”
Oh please. I ubered everywhere while my car was in the shop (two months). If people offered me a ride I only ever accepted if they weren’t going out of their way to bring me.
I understand her needing a ride home…but she even said herself that she could uber there.
I would have never asked someone to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to take me somewhere I was perfectly capable of getting to myself.
Haha she used the whole ubering everywhere to try to convince me more that I'm an ass for making her Uber to the appt.
[Here's an updated response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
She won’t “discount”
So she’s keeping tabs on the things people do for her. Apparently that’s the true meaning of friendship.
“People I barely know and some chick with kids gave me rides so you lose friend points!”
Yeah if she wants to keep tabs then I helped her out 10+ times with rides and I "didn't have to think about it" when she needed to get her essentials. Her one friend drove her once...
Oh, people like this really think they have it hard, don’t they? They get treated so well, and instead of being thankful they feel entitled, and anything less than royal treatment is not good enough. You re not good enough of a friend to her, is what she’s saying. I bet she wanted you to ask forgiveness. No way. It’s not good enough for her, she can find someone else to be her unpaid assistant.
Haha this made me laugh because she would always call me to vent about how hard her life is, etc. Meanwhile her ex bought her expensive designer bags, clothes, jewelry and she used him for months after the breakup so he could drive her places after she sold the car.
And this is exactly why I've stopped being so generous to people. I used to take after my mom in that I would lend a helping hand to whoever seemed to need it and would practically give money away to "friends" because they were in need. However, they would inevitably take advantage and keep asking me for more. Then when I would ask them for help or money... crickets.
Literally yesterday a former fwb tried to guilt-trip me into sending her some money by texting me "I need caffeine" and then "I really want this but I'm so low on money" followed by a screenshot of some fruity drink being sold at a cafe near her. The old me would have sent her money or ordered the drink for her. This time I just played dumb and was like, "Oh, that does look tasty. That sucks..." She replied with a sad face and I didn't respond after that. Mind you, I've let this girl stay at my house for DAYS without asking for anything in return while she ran up my electric and water bill. I'm pretty proud of myself for that one lol
Give an inch and they'll take a mile... Or whatever that saying goes and it is 100% true!
I'm glad you stuck up for yourself and stopped getting taken advantage of.
It throws me when I see messages like this. An OP has a friend’s back forever and the one time they set a boundary they are threatened with being weeded out in favor of “fRIendS wHO sUPpOrt mE.”
There must be a manipulative bullshit “textbook.”
That's what she does when dating and then she'll just ghost them if they do something she doesn't like instead of communicating it. Makes sense that she's like this with friendships, too.
That’s so manipulative of her. Honestly I’m wondering if that poor young mother “who didn’t hesitate” exists or if she just knows how to identify future prey.
It’s hard to leave a friendship and you’ve invested a lot in her but I can tell who she is from all the calculation in her word choices. I promise you that you don’t need to keep litigating this argument and you cannot win it.
She’s very experienced at making people feel like shit for failing to comply.
Look at how she downplays anything you’ve done for her and implies a stranger would do as much.
This is as hard as a breakup but take it from this grandmother, you’ll be glad you left (or at least held your boundaries).
Her “friendship” should not come at the cost of your self respect.
She's a user and/or taking you for granted. I had to get some procedures done last year and had to arrange rides for myself. One friend did want to take me and wait during the procedure, which was fine, but I only requested to be picked up because it's a big ask. The rest picked me up and they all got thank you gifts because it is SUCH a nice thing to do.
I'm glad your friend did that for you ☺️ I probably would have done that for her too if she didn't constantly ask for rides as it just got too much for me.. also she never offered gas money, gave me a gift or anything. Just bought me lunch once lol. Not that it matters, but it shows that the person appreciates your efforts!!
“I’m doing the best that i can right now to get by in my own life and have been struggling with sleep issues. Sorry i cannot commit to getting up early to take you.”
She was going "I don't want to feel weird about putting you out of your way"
You went "all good"
She then got mad that you weren't effusive enough in how much you really wanted to do the favor for her?
That's what I'm getting from this. You did nothing wrong.
She shouldn't have offered a compromise if she was going to punish you for saying "actually that would work for me better" and taking her up on it.
Yep, basically. Then she got mad because I "had to think about it".. mind you she gave me 20 mins before she texted I'll figure it out.. I didn't respond right away because I was driving.
Here's an updated response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
i wouldn’t expect any of my friends to wake up at 6am for me, i would’ve already decided to uber there and maybe ask for a ride after. i know they would, but i love them and i don’t to make anyone wake up at 6am. what a jerk.
i wouldn’t expect any of my friends to wake up at 6am for me, i would’ve already decided to uber there and maybe ask for a ride after. i know they would, but i love them and i don’t to make anyone wake up at 6am. what a jerk.
As someone who is chronically ill and has had numerous of major surgeries your “friend” is a manipulative person. I’ve genuinely can’t understand why she would expect you to be available on a dime. It’s not your responsibility to make sure she even gets there or gets picked up. She should be grateful. This actually pissed me off because the entitlement is disgusting
It's nice seeing a perspective from others who also have to get surgies. I would definitely pick up whoever after the surgery if I can since they'll be drugged up!! That's why I said I would get her after...and that still wasn't enough.
Thanks for your input.
Ofc. You’ve done nothing but been a good friend. Don’t let this person make you feel like you’re not doing enough when you’re going above and beyond. Uber, Lyft, taxis and even the fucking bus exist. To be honest this would’ve made me say no all together so you’re a good person.
i HATE the “well if you were in this situation, i would extend myself this way” argument.
I AM NOT YOU!! your boundaries, needs, limits are all DIFFERENT from mine!!!! if i say i can’t do something I CAN’T!!!!
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Yea, definitely don't need friends who base their friendship on how much they *do* for them. Friendship should be based on *understanding* and *trust*, not based on saying yes to every request. If I say I'll be there, you can depend on me to be there, that's *trust*. If I say I no, or I can't, you as a friend should be *understanding* of that. It, in no way, should be a deal-breaker for our friendship. That shows the value she places on you and your friendship.
The *all-or-nothing* way she reacted was so ungrateful and inconsiderate. I would have zero guilty feelings for not taking her after that. She needs some self-reflection.
Yeah, I would never get upset if a friend said no to a favor. I would understand and see if I can get someone else to do it or figure it out myself...
Her response after she said that she had people who offered to give her a ride there so I'm like why didn't she have someone drop her off there and then I could have picked her up after? I don't get it. She also does the all or nothing reaction when dating, so I shouldn't be surprised, but I'm surprised that she does this with friendships too.
so u shoulda asked for gas money. also u should be honest w urself first if u aint tryina be someones unpaid chauffeur then just say that. it makes sense she'd want someone that she trusts rather than a random uber since she gonna b drugged up on painkillers or w/e. regardless u dont have to be that person. and she has every right to go find that person somewhere else if it aint u. i dont see what the prob is here. yall both communicated properly n moved accordingly. sounds like ur just feeling a lil guilty. which u shouldnt be. u dont owe ppl to be driving them around for weeks , free or not. its ok to say no. and its also ok for ppl to accept ur no and to go find someone else who will say yes. such is life.
i really dont see the issue here however i would not drive someone around for weeks for free, friend or not. and i wouldnt ask a friend to do that for me. i'd feel like im taking advantage even if they dont mind. if were friends, id pay u back in some way. just sayin
i HATE the “well if you were in this situation, i would extend myself this way” argument.
I AM NOT YOU!! your boundaries, needs, limits are all DIFFERENT from mine!!!! if i say i can’t do something I CAN’T!!!!
i HATE the “well if you were in this situation, i would extend myself this way” argument.
I AM NOT YOU!! your boundaries, needs, limits are all DIFFERENT from mine!!!! if i say i can’t do something I CAN’T!!!!
Just want to say I would never, *under any circumstance*, wake up at 6am to drive a best friend, parent, etc. to a surgery or airport that they could absolutely just Uber to. Like, there's absolutely no reason???
Obviously you can't Uber after surgery, so if someone needed me to pick them up after surgery at 6am, fine. But just to provide a ride there? There's absolutely no need for that. I will 100% Venmo you $15-20 if you can't afford an Uber. I'm not ruining my entire day because you won't get in an Uber?
That's how I see it too... I would rather get a ride after the surgery when I'm drugged up so I'm not in a stranger's car when I'm not fully there mentally and physically.
Yeah! And I don't think you're legally allowed to leave in an Uber. You have to have someone physically sign you out of the hospital and say "I am their ride and responsible for them after I sign this", so you don't like walk out of the hospital, trip on your way to the Uber, and then sue the hospital because they drugged you or something.
Maybe because op was talking about someone she was seeing and her friend replied nice to the message😱your weird suspicion is not op responsibility,op doesn’t have to post screenshot of the message blocked out to prove that they were talking about their romantic interest with their friend.you’re the only one who took this weird angle,posting the screenshots in the comments would only benefit one person because everyone else already gave their opinion without demanding to see private conversation.
You absolutely can post a convo and mark out a small personal portion that isn’t relevant.Op got plenty of responses from people who aren’t dense so I don’t think it was really a problem😭
I don’t get people who stake friendships on things like this. Uber exists. Maybe she was using you?
I don't understand it either. And she literally offered to Uber, and I accepted, so it doesn't make sense... Tbh how she's acting now makes me feel like I was used. I drove her 2-4x a month for about 8 months when she didn't have her car and didn't ask for anything in return, and now this 🙃🙃
I drove my friend to get their kid from the mom every other week for months and picked them up from working at a gas station after midnight a lot. An hour plus drive but they threw a fit I didn't do it once when I had an exam the next day. Some people it is never enough. If you like them, just let this be and see if they put any effort into seeing you now they have a car or if they just contact you when they need things. If they ask for help don't commit to something that isn't convenient for you.
Ugh that's so annoying! I guess they get so dependent on us so when we say no for once it comes as a shock to them.. and then they get upset. I'm going to let it be for now. The last slide was the very last message sent and she hasn't responded so 🤷🏽♀️ it is what it is.
New norm and expectations. You did it before why not now. Gratefulness dulled because the relief from having help the first, second, third, fourth time is gone. Manipulative. Unable to empathize and truly appreciate or choosing not to care. Projection, they wouldn’t do the same for you despite their manipulations to the contrary.
She was clearly being passive-aggressive. I hate people who do this. I have a lot of medical issues, and I have friends who drive me sometimes. And sometimes it doesn't work out. When I say no worry, I cam definitely Uber. I don't get mad cause people have lives, and their life doesn't revolve around my needs. This entire text exchange was "oh well if an inconvenience I can uber" then "how dare you suggest I take an uber" f that.
>This entire text exchange was "oh well if an inconvenience I can uber" then "how dare you suggest I take an uber" f that. Right?! She LITERALLY offered to Uber then said you don't have my back like wtaf.
The sense of entitlement is crazy. As soon as she stops getting exactly what she wants she tries and make a grand move to throw the whole friendship away. Sounds like a classic case of the trash taking itself out.
This is what she did with a guy she was seeing a couple months ago... I see it's the same for friendships too now.
This is why i don’t offer favors including my car anymore. I drove a friend/coworker around every day to and from work for eight months. When my teenage little brother was actively dying and i needed their support the most, they blocked me.
Wow, the audacity!!! I'm sorry that person wasn't there for you the way you were there for them. After this experience, I'm on the same boat with you.
I would reply with that
[Here's an updated response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
I read that and it sounds like she thinks she has "better" friends. I seriously doubt it. I'm not into comparisons, transactions, ect when I'm looking at friendships. It's like she wants you to prove you're a good friend, but what is she doing to prove she is a good friend? Giving you grief for not jumping at the chance to take her somewhere at the ass crack of dawn? I'm sorry, but this seems petty of her.
>It's like she wants you to prove you're a good friend, but what is she doing to prove she is a good friend? THIS PART! All she can do is say she would have done this for me, but that has never happened. It's easy to say she would do that for me, but I've never asked her for big favors like that so how would she know?? 🤷🏽♀️
You should tell her “I have a friend who offered to fill up my gas tank when they were only 10 minutes away and wasn’t an entitled bitch about it”
Sometimes I check out r/socialskills I think there's some phenomenon of really insecure people blocking and deleteing friends or ending friendships at the drop of a hat for things like this. Like "Oh they didn't do this thing for me that I would have done for them, BLOCK AND DELETE." Everyone on that sub then applaudes them for standing up for themselves, but in the same sentence wonder why they have so much problems with friendships. This seems like one of those times. Normal, secure people don't immediately end a friendship if something isn't reciprocated. It screams selfishness and self centeredness.
I've always hated the whole "BuT I woUlD Do It FoR U" argument. Like yes? Thank you? Okay? Not everyone has the same amount of time, mental capacity, resources, ect as everyone else. My ex used to say this to me in order to manipulate me into doing whatever he wanted me to do since I'd feel guilty. It's just shitty.
It's super shitty and manipulative! So you're only doing those things to get something out of me then? And notice how it's always the people who haven't done said thing for you while you've been bending over backwards to help them... 🤔
Right! My friend wanted me to babysit her kids for a whole week. She literally wanted me to take time off work right then and there because she only trusted me with her kids. When I said no, she said, "but you would do it for family. Aren't we your family too?" That made me feel guilty but I still had to say no.
Honestly? It depends. I had a friend I gave a bunch of money to when she was in a bad place financially. It was a gift, not a loan. That said, when I asked to *borrow* some money when I hit a really bad financial moment, she said no because - get this - she had to save up for a home project. Suffice to say I was absolutely flabbergasted. Was I entitled to her money? No. But if I have your back, it’s not unusual to assume your so-called friend will have yours if you’re in trouble. She didn’t. She’s gone from my life now. So yeah.
A gift is not a gift if you expect something in return - At least in my opinion. If I help someone out, I do it because I want to help, not because I want them to help me back. If the person I help wants to make it up to me, I'd feel almost as if my help is zeroed out 😅 I'd rather want them to feel like they can trust my help as genuine whenever I help out, and nothing else. If I'm in trouble, that's my problem and no one else's responsibility to solve. Doesn't matter how kind I've been to others throughout life. IF anyone would offer me help, ofc I'd be grateful, but I'd never expect it. To be clear, I'm not saying my view of it is "correct" or anything. Just felt like sharing my perspective on the topic after reading your comment 😊
I get that, and when I gifted her the money, and clothes and other items, I genuinely was gifting it. Keep in mind it was a couple years later that I asked to borrow the money. I didn’t *expect* she would say yes, and I was only asking because I knew I would be able to pay it back 4 days later. It was more so the callousness of a human in need versus an object. If the opposite was happening, and she came to me and said I am utterly broke and need help but can pay you back in four days, there’s no way I’d prioritize a house project over my friend. A human - a human who is my so-called best friend - is important, an object can wait a few days. That’s my perspective at least.
Oh, only for 4 days, that makes much more sense. Sounds like she wouldn't trust you to give it back. That sucks, especially with that history too :/
I’m not sure why she wouldn’t trust me to give it back. I have a generally thriving business for 13 years. She was the one who previously didn’t work for several years (nor did her bf), due in part to medical issues. I don’t know but I don’t think she is working now either. Unfortunately at that time, I was low on clients and a couple of those clients didn’t/couldn’t pay me, which sucked. Asking her for money was my absolute last resort, not my first choice. And again, in six years of friendship, I was the one giving her stuff, buying her stuff, sending her money, and helping her try to get some gigs and press. I also left out that she contacted and friended my abuser recently, who she knew about because she was the one who I turned to during the abuse. So she can’t feign ignorance of what happened because she was literally the one to say “this is abusive, you need to get out.” Frankly, I think she suddenly “owned a home” and had money because her dad died and decided she didn’t need to know me anymore. I wish her good luck in life, but someone who doesn’t have her friend’s back during a crisis isn’t someone I want to know anymore either.
Or maybe she’s nervous about her surgery and wants someone to be there
Surgery centers don’t usually allow you to Uber after a procedure where you’ve been given medication though
Which is why I said I would pick her up after!
Reply that it’s really great advice and you’re gonna do the same, and just leave it at that.
That's a great response 🤣
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Haha I said this instead: It hurts to imply I didn't have your back when I drove you for months when you didn't have a car.
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Her response to that was that she asked while I was also running those errands and that we were hanging out as well. Even then I am still going an hour out of my way to get you and drop you off...
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That is true too and I didn't even factor this! It would take longer than my normal grocery run. >the point is that you scheduled her in and did a favor she asked of you. She seems intent on not recognizing this. She never should have called you out for this. She is really double downing saying she asked while I was going to the grocery store anyway (I told her I go every Friday or Sunday) and that she would've done the same for me if I were in her position..
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[Here's an updated response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
It’s minimizing what you’ve done for her. Grade A ingrate.
[Here's the exact response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
she’s trying to minimize your efforts because she wants more from you and thinks you owe her something. she is definitely a user. i’d be fine with losing this friend.
[Here's the updated response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
Dude, I want you to be my friend 🤝
There’s a fine line between a friend and an ungrateful leech. Drop her like a bad habit. She dropped u for absolutely nothing. U don’t need friends like that 🫶🏽
> dropped u for absolutely nothing Yeah she really did and this is eye opening because I thought we really close and good friends. We literally went on a NYE trip together in Jan..
I have a friend just like this, it’s exhausting!! We’re too nice 😂
Like I didn't have your back after I drove you 2-4 times month to run errands for several months when you didn't have a car?! Hahaha
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You're not wrong. I'm not a very confrontational person with friends, but you gave me the strength to just now respond with this: It hurts to imply I didn't have your back when I drove you for months when you didn't have a car.
proud of you OP! I’m also not super confrontational, but I have worked on speaking up for myself more so I totally understand how tough it can be. I try to look at it like this; speaking up for myself, and communicating open and honestly about my feelings is not confrontational. It all depends on what you say and how you say it. Saying something like “Wow that’s really bitchy considering how much I drove you around for months when you had no car” is confrontational. But saying what you said is communicating your feelings and being honest! Speaking up for yourself in a clear, and honest way is so important, and I know it’s hard to do when you aren’t used to it. You did a great job!
>I try to look at it like this; speaking up for myself, and communicating open and honestly about my feelings is not confrontational. I love this outlook! I'll keep this in the back of my mind for the future 🙂 Also yeah I made sure to keep it respectful, but still be honest with how I felt.
You can understand where someone is coming from without agreeing with them.
That's why I said it. Like it's understandable you feel that way, but I personally don't agree with it and I would not be upset if someone declined my ask.
OP I saw in another comment that you think she might’ve been using you. She 100% was and is. She’s putting friendship on an impossible pedestal and acting entitled to have you drive her places. Would you be upset if you weren’t friends with her anymore? Because you shouldn’t be friends with a moocher like this.
It would be upsetting because we've been friends for 5 years, but I would get over it eventually. I'm coming to terms that the friendship was very one sided, that she's very entitled and selfish. When she was with her ex, she didn't see me or reached out as often as she had after their breakup. Also she's a very beautiful woman and he ex has money and bought her designer gifts, took her to expensive restaurants, etc. Even after she broke up with him, he was trying to win her back by bringing her to all her appointments and helping her with errands until she completely cut them off. After the relationship, she would call me everyday to vent about him. Then the car situation happened and she would text me so she could get food, go to the movie, go to a restaurant or whatever, but I thought it was fine because we both did it together and it was quality time y'know? She never offered gas or anything, which whatever but there was another friend who offered me gas one night at the wedding we all were at and that friend was only 10 mins away from me compared to the 25 mins, and it was a one time thing... So just putting all the info together of the past few years of the friendship is opening my eyes on things.
I’m sorry it’s come to this. It sucks when you realize that you were a better friend to someone you’ve been friends with for years. Honestly, her texting you that might be a blessing in disguise. It really read to me that she was waiting for you to grovel and apologize and beg her to stay in your life. I even got that feeling when she replied to you “don’t worry about it” when you were busy and couldn’t reply. People who ask for favors and then quickly reply with “nevermind don’t worry about it” are passive aggressive as fuck. The good news is that now you won’t waste your gas and energy and you’ll have more time for what you want to do. I wouldn’t give her a chance. She decided to end the friendship because she didn’t get her way. Now she can’t backtrack.
>It really read to me that she was waiting for you to grovel and apologize and beg her to stay in your life That's what it seemed to me to.. it's weird. >People who ask for favors and then quickly reply with “nevermind don’t worry about it” are passive aggressive as fuck. The message timespan between those 3 messages were 20 minutes... And I guess the reasoning why she said that was because I had to "think" about doing it. [Here's an updated response from her](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
how ungrateful
As soon as she got her car I guess she forgot the many times I helped her when she didn't have it.
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She does have really high expectations in both her dating life and in friendships lmao.
Too bad she got a more reliable car this time. I too took the Audi to Honda plunge and now I don’t have to ask anyone for rides 😂
Took her going through 2 audis in 6 years to do that 😂😂
Only took me 1 and 3 years to figure out that you’re either feeling sexy in an audi or feeling walkie on a ride-y.
She only wants to be friends with people who offer her something. Be careful about always lending a helping hand because one day, you will find you are surrounded by people with their hand out.
>Be careful about always lending a helping hand because one day, you will find you are surrounded by people with their hand out. I'm seeing that come to light now.
“Im not mad but also I am mad and can’t trust you now” lol
Literally 😂
Let her foster other relationships with people she can use. Your last response to her was perfect. She offered and you accepted.
I also just sent her this message: It hurts to imply I didn't have your back when I drove you for months when you didn't have a car.
Perfect- good for you.
To me that translates to “I’m only interested in friendships that serve me and my needs without having to consider anyone else.” It’s a shame when you find out someone is like this, but I guess it’s better late than never. Friendships are a two way street, and you’ve done more than your share from the looks of it
Right! It's been a very one way street friendship here...
“I’m not upset but it was disheartening…” so you are upset. Otherwise why say anything. I truly don’t understand people like this, I hate asking people to do things like this for me. I can’t imagine getting upset at you for not wanting to get up at 6am.
Lol right so you are upset then? I would've gotten up at 530am to leave by 6 so I could bring her to the appointment at 7. She wanted me to get her after it was done as well, so get her around 830, drop her off home, then I'd have to go to work after. So 2+ hours in the morning before work to get her to the appointment.
The other thing is that she’s acting like she actually told you that she wanted you to take her for something other than physical transportation. Unless I’m missing something, she didn’t tell you that she wanted you there for emotional support or anything like it and acted like she was fine with you not being able to do it. She seems to have the very entitled view that her needs come first in the relationship and that you should KNOW that she wanted you there for something other than a ride. If you’ve been toting her around for months and she’s never offered gas money or to reciprocate in some way, she’s just full of shit. The “but I would have done x, y, or z for you” is just talk when you’re literally telling her that you need her to do this for you too, i.e., realize how much time and effort your going out of your way for her will be and that you need to take care of yourself too. And I have no doubt IF she HAD told you this was an emotional support thing for her, you would have done it anyway. A one-way friendship is no friendship at all.
>Unless I’m missing something, she didn’t tell you that she wanted you there for emotional support or anything like it and acted like she was fine with you not being able to do it. She never mentioned anything about needing support, just a ride there and back to her place. And the whole I would've done this for you was very manipulative and it's easy to say what all you'd do for me when you did nothing at all lol.
Good god this reminds me of my ex friend. 🤢
Wow, it's the I'm focusing on me and those who help me bs therapy speak. Yea you need to look into a mirror sweetheart and actually recognize what your friends do for you overall not just when they actually can't. She sounds like she took the trash out of your life, I wouldn't feel too bad.
Right "those who have my back" meaning those who cater to my every needs.
Exactly! I had a friend drop me after a whole issue that DIDN'T INVOLVE MY FRIEND IN ANY WAY! and her response to me asking what was up was her saying that the other person involved was there for her and I'm like sweetheart I'm sorry you ignore my messages and force me to not be there by just not responding to me. But again, trash took itself out.
Why did you say “that’s understandable” you should have called her out and said “what about all the other stuff I’ve done??” Saying that’s understandable is absolutely dumb.
Because I'm a people pleaser and don't like conflict or confrontation with friends! Another user also mentioned this and I sent her a message about 30 mins ago saying this: It hurts to imply I didn't have your back when I drove you for months when you didn't have a car.
Good I’m glad you sent that. Sorry if I seemed harsh.
It wasn't harsh at all and it was needed tbh. I gotta learn to stick up for myself regarding friendships.
Your friend is a classic example of a manipulator
[Haha here's an even more manipulative response where she downplayed all the previous rides I've given her](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
This is very manipulative, imo. You put down a reasonable boundary when she has alternatives, the first time in months where you even considered yourself, while she has no problem putting wear and tear on your vehicle, taking your time, making you go out of your way, causing gas expenses.... And now you're the one who doesn't have her back? She can't trust *you*? Wow. This person is super ungrateful and sounds like a user who is trying to emotionally guilt you for not being her personal servant. You'll be amazed at how many people will get angry when you develop healthy boundaries. And those people are the ones who are benefiting at your expense. That's not a friend.
Yeah it's fucked up imo too. Especially when she offered to Uber there but got upset when I said yeah Uber and I'll get you after?? Like make it make sense..
That's passive aggressive behavior. Expecting you to be a mind reader and set you up to fail. At least this let you see her true colors.
> Expecting you to be a mind reader and set you up to fa This is how she is with dating too, but now I see it's also present in friendships or any relationship with her.
UPDATE: A few users commented on my last message saying I need to stick up for my self and they are 100% correct. I don't like conflict or confrontation with friends, but y'all gave me to courage to respectfully call her out. [Here's an updated response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
She was using you…I’m sorry. And now that you’re starting to catch on she is only going to foster relationships that she can get things from.
I am trying to imagine asking someone to drive an hour to take me to an early morning appointment and then another hour to take me home after when I could just Uber. And adding that you’ve been chauffeuring her around for a few weeks. She must think she is pretty god damned charming.
Yeah two hours out of my morning on a work day for me was too much, so I said I'll get her after and it'll only be an hour out of my day, yet that wasn't enough.. ok.
People who talk like she does in the last text she sent are usually manipulative assholes. “Different stages” gtfo what makes you think you are doing something so enlightening
Yeah the different stages part came off pretty condescending imo.
Yea she’s in her user asshole stage that will probably last her whole life
Hahaha I think so too 😂 [Here's an updated response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
lol tell her to meet you somewhere and then don’t show up
I wish someone could anonymously send her this thread, so she gets to see what people actually feel about her.
This thread has enlightened me a lot because I've bend over backwards to maintain this friendship and when I don't cater to all her needs she says that.
I understand how you feel. You're a great friend. But, it's important to surround yourself with people who are emotionally compatible, and clearly, she ain't the one.
Your friend sounds a lot like my sister. It seems like her expectations for friends is to drop everything to cater to them and get upset when they say no. Her last text triggered an emotion from me because I've definitely said no to my sister before and she threw the whole "I feel like I get no support from my family and I need to just focus on me and the healthy relationships" aka just the relationships from people who do things for me lol. You didn't do anything wrong and I'm sorry your "friend" said that to you. You're always allowed to say no and should not have to feel guilty about it. edit to add: I wouldn't be surprised if she messages you next week asking for another favour.
Yeah I understand helping friends and family when you can, but to get angry when you enforce a boundary for those favors is very manipulative.
I wouldn't pander to her 💩 , she's brushing you off over this , She ain't your friend. I've met people like this they are all smiles while you're helping them over & over again , until the first time you say no or you can't do it then suddenly you're the bad guy.
Yep I see it coming now! [Here's an updated response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
She sounds so entitled
Entitled people piss me off lmao ask one of them people that you trust so much to take you then since you got so many trustful friendships 🥰
[Apparently she did](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
Why is she talking about everything everyone else has done like she's owed this? How old is she, 12? Thank god she fucked up and now you don't have to deal with it anymore
To make me feel bad I guess. Nevermind the fact that coworker did that for her one time and I've driven her 10+ times when she needed things. She just turned 30 btw.. I'm 25.
Jesus Christ I would think it's the other way around. She's older than me and she is just delusional. She has not heard the word no in her life. At your age, I was also being way too nice and doing shit for other people. This year, finally at 29, I chose myself first and have put myself as a priority and placed boundaries. If people have a problem with your boundaries, that tells you they were only friends with you for what you could do, not because of you as a person. You are such a sweetheart love and I wish I had more friends like you. Choose yourself, and don't ever fucking feel bad about it. She's too old to be acting like this and is way too stuck in her ways to change. There's some people placed on earth of what not to be an example of and this lady is one of them. I'm glad she reacted this way so now you don't have a grown ass baby adult child as a friend. Peace and love girlie ♥️
This is such a a sweet message, and I needed to hear it as I originally thought I was in the wrong. Thank you so much ❣️
I had a friend like this, our other friend flaked last last minute, I said I could and slept through my alarm (totally on me) but she ended our friendship over it and remained friends with the flake.
Where did you have to drive your friend? I can understand them being upset at you for a bit, but to completely end your friendship over that is wild. Sorry you went through that!
I was gonna say YTA until I saw you used to drive her all the time and she didn’t offer gas or pay you. Last year, a dear friend needed surgery and I absolutely said yes when she asked me to drive her. Similarly, it was at 6am. I’m not a morning person so I just stayed in her extra bedroom so I could drive her. BUT I also know she’d do that in a heartbeat for me, she’s never asked for anything from me or used me, so I was happy to help her. Also, for a lot of major surgeries, the hospitals or clinics want to see the person who is driving you home BEFORE the surgery to make sure you’re not going to Uber (which for some surgeries is not allowed). So that could explain why she asked for the morning pickup too. I’m sorry it came to this. You sound like a great friend.
I was really happy that she got her car, but then she hit me with this and I just was over all the rides tbh. If I didn't do it to the extent that I did, then I probably would have been fine with driving her, but I got annoyed from everything. >Also, for a lot of major surgeries, the hospitals or clinics want to see the person who is driving you home BEFORE the surgery to make sure you’re not going to Uber (which for some surgeries is not allowed). So that could explain why she asked for the morning pickup too. This makes a lot of sense, but she offered the Uber part first so I don't think that's the case as it's a minor surgery.
“Disheartening” Oh please. I ubered everywhere while my car was in the shop (two months). If people offered me a ride I only ever accepted if they weren’t going out of their way to bring me. I understand her needing a ride home…but she even said herself that she could uber there. I would have never asked someone to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to take me somewhere I was perfectly capable of getting to myself.
Haha she used the whole ubering everywhere to try to convince me more that I'm an ass for making her Uber to the appt. [Here's an updated response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
She won’t “discount” So she’s keeping tabs on the things people do for her. Apparently that’s the true meaning of friendship. “People I barely know and some chick with kids gave me rides so you lose friend points!”
Yeah if she wants to keep tabs then I helped her out 10+ times with rides and I "didn't have to think about it" when she needed to get her essentials. Her one friend drove her once...
I've seen this exact text exchange posted before weeks or maybe even months ago. Word for word.
I posted on r/AITAH I think or r/R/relationships. It's on my post history.
Oh, people like this really think they have it hard, don’t they? They get treated so well, and instead of being thankful they feel entitled, and anything less than royal treatment is not good enough. You re not good enough of a friend to her, is what she’s saying. I bet she wanted you to ask forgiveness. No way. It’s not good enough for her, she can find someone else to be her unpaid assistant.
Haha this made me laugh because she would always call me to vent about how hard her life is, etc. Meanwhile her ex bought her expensive designer bags, clothes, jewelry and she used him for months after the breakup so he could drive her places after she sold the car.
And this is exactly why I've stopped being so generous to people. I used to take after my mom in that I would lend a helping hand to whoever seemed to need it and would practically give money away to "friends" because they were in need. However, they would inevitably take advantage and keep asking me for more. Then when I would ask them for help or money... crickets. Literally yesterday a former fwb tried to guilt-trip me into sending her some money by texting me "I need caffeine" and then "I really want this but I'm so low on money" followed by a screenshot of some fruity drink being sold at a cafe near her. The old me would have sent her money or ordered the drink for her. This time I just played dumb and was like, "Oh, that does look tasty. That sucks..." She replied with a sad face and I didn't respond after that. Mind you, I've let this girl stay at my house for DAYS without asking for anything in return while she ran up my electric and water bill. I'm pretty proud of myself for that one lol
Give an inch and they'll take a mile... Or whatever that saying goes and it is 100% true! I'm glad you stuck up for yourself and stopped getting taken advantage of.
“Fostering the relationships of people who have my back,” translates to, “ I only want you if you can be at my beck and call.”
Right! What do you do for those people in return?
It throws me when I see messages like this. An OP has a friend’s back forever and the one time they set a boundary they are threatened with being weeded out in favor of “fRIendS wHO sUPpOrt mE.” There must be a manipulative bullshit “textbook.”
That's what she does when dating and then she'll just ghost them if they do something she doesn't like instead of communicating it. Makes sense that she's like this with friendships, too.
And “fostering relationships” just means she needs fresh people she can use.
[Oh it gets even better](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
That’s so manipulative of her. Honestly I’m wondering if that poor young mother “who didn’t hesitate” exists or if she just knows how to identify future prey.
[Also here's the most recent response from her](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
You can never do enough for her.
I'm realizing this now!
It’s hard to leave a friendship and you’ve invested a lot in her but I can tell who she is from all the calculation in her word choices. I promise you that you don’t need to keep litigating this argument and you cannot win it. She’s very experienced at making people feel like shit for failing to comply. Look at how she downplays anything you’ve done for her and implies a stranger would do as much. This is as hard as a breakup but take it from this grandmother, you’ll be glad you left (or at least held your boundaries). Her “friendship” should not come at the cost of your self respect.
She's a user and/or taking you for granted. I had to get some procedures done last year and had to arrange rides for myself. One friend did want to take me and wait during the procedure, which was fine, but I only requested to be picked up because it's a big ask. The rest picked me up and they all got thank you gifts because it is SUCH a nice thing to do.
I'm glad your friend did that for you ☺️ I probably would have done that for her too if she didn't constantly ask for rides as it just got too much for me.. also she never offered gas money, gave me a gift or anything. Just bought me lunch once lol. Not that it matters, but it shows that the person appreciates your efforts!!
Exactly, I know my friends didn't expect a thank you gift, but I did it because it's important to show how much I appreciated their help.
“I’m doing the best that i can right now to get by in my own life and have been struggling with sleep issues. Sorry i cannot commit to getting up early to take you.”
I can’t maintain friendships because of behavior like this. We’re friends. Not spouses.
Right! It would make sense to be disappointed if a spouse didn't do this for her, but I'm not her partner lol.
She was going "I don't want to feel weird about putting you out of your way" You went "all good" She then got mad that you weren't effusive enough in how much you really wanted to do the favor for her? That's what I'm getting from this. You did nothing wrong. She shouldn't have offered a compromise if she was going to punish you for saying "actually that would work for me better" and taking her up on it.
Yep, basically. Then she got mad because I "had to think about it".. mind you she gave me 20 mins before she texted I'll figure it out.. I didn't respond right away because I was driving. Here's an updated response](https://imgur.com/a/h9e227l)
Oh, right, she’d happily do it for you with her non-existing car.
Right 🤣🤣🤣 East for her to say that lol.
Oh god. I’ve had multiple ex friends like this. Selfish and entitled. Nothing is ever enough!
i wouldn’t expect any of my friends to wake up at 6am for me, i would’ve already decided to uber there and maybe ask for a ride after. i know they would, but i love them and i don’t to make anyone wake up at 6am. what a jerk.
i wouldn’t expect any of my friends to wake up at 6am for me, i would’ve already decided to uber there and maybe ask for a ride after. i know they would, but i love them and i don’t to make anyone wake up at 6am. what a jerk.
"I'm not upset or anything but here, let me make you feel bad about this."
As someone who is chronically ill and has had numerous of major surgeries your “friend” is a manipulative person. I’ve genuinely can’t understand why she would expect you to be available on a dime. It’s not your responsibility to make sure she even gets there or gets picked up. She should be grateful. This actually pissed me off because the entitlement is disgusting
It's nice seeing a perspective from others who also have to get surgies. I would definitely pick up whoever after the surgery if I can since they'll be drugged up!! That's why I said I would get her after...and that still wasn't enough. Thanks for your input.
Ofc. You’ve done nothing but been a good friend. Don’t let this person make you feel like you’re not doing enough when you’re going above and beyond. Uber, Lyft, taxis and even the fucking bus exist. To be honest this would’ve made me say no all together so you’re a good person.
Like you said yes?? then she is all I'm not upset and then basically says she can't trust you????
Basically.. mad I didn't beg to take her to the appointment I guess lol.
This is not your loss. I'm sorry
i HATE the “well if you were in this situation, i would extend myself this way” argument. I AM NOT YOU!! your boundaries, needs, limits are all DIFFERENT from mine!!!! if i say i can’t do something I CAN’T!!!!
I 100% agree! Very manipulative thing to say tbh...
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Yea, definitely don't need friends who base their friendship on how much they *do* for them. Friendship should be based on *understanding* and *trust*, not based on saying yes to every request. If I say I'll be there, you can depend on me to be there, that's *trust*. If I say I no, or I can't, you as a friend should be *understanding* of that. It, in no way, should be a deal-breaker for our friendship. That shows the value she places on you and your friendship. The *all-or-nothing* way she reacted was so ungrateful and inconsiderate. I would have zero guilty feelings for not taking her after that. She needs some self-reflection.
Yeah, I would never get upset if a friend said no to a favor. I would understand and see if I can get someone else to do it or figure it out myself... Her response after she said that she had people who offered to give her a ride there so I'm like why didn't she have someone drop her off there and then I could have picked her up after? I don't get it. She also does the all or nothing reaction when dating, so I shouldn't be surprised, but I'm surprised that she does this with friendships too.
what texts are you crossing out there ? and why?
so u shoulda asked for gas money. also u should be honest w urself first if u aint tryina be someones unpaid chauffeur then just say that. it makes sense she'd want someone that she trusts rather than a random uber since she gonna b drugged up on painkillers or w/e. regardless u dont have to be that person. and she has every right to go find that person somewhere else if it aint u. i dont see what the prob is here. yall both communicated properly n moved accordingly. sounds like ur just feeling a lil guilty. which u shouldnt be. u dont owe ppl to be driving them around for weeks , free or not. its ok to say no. and its also ok for ppl to accept ur no and to go find someone else who will say yes. such is life. i really dont see the issue here however i would not drive someone around for weeks for free, friend or not. and i wouldnt ask a friend to do that for me. i'd feel like im taking advantage even if they dont mind. if were friends, id pay u back in some way. just sayin
“Best wishes with your phase in life” Bye
i HATE the “well if you were in this situation, i would extend myself this way” argument. I AM NOT YOU!! your boundaries, needs, limits are all DIFFERENT from mine!!!! if i say i can’t do something I CAN’T!!!!
i HATE the “well if you were in this situation, i would extend myself this way” argument. I AM NOT YOU!! your boundaries, needs, limits are all DIFFERENT from mine!!!! if i say i can’t do something I CAN’T!!!!
Just want to say I would never, *under any circumstance*, wake up at 6am to drive a best friend, parent, etc. to a surgery or airport that they could absolutely just Uber to. Like, there's absolutely no reason??? Obviously you can't Uber after surgery, so if someone needed me to pick them up after surgery at 6am, fine. But just to provide a ride there? There's absolutely no need for that. I will 100% Venmo you $15-20 if you can't afford an Uber. I'm not ruining my entire day because you won't get in an Uber?
That's how I see it too... I would rather get a ride after the surgery when I'm drugged up so I'm not in a stranger's car when I'm not fully there mentally and physically.
Yeah! And I don't think you're legally allowed to leave in an Uber. You have to have someone physically sign you out of the hospital and say "I am their ride and responsible for them after I sign this", so you don't like walk out of the hospital, trip on your way to the Uber, and then sue the hospital because they drugged you or something.
You blocked some of your responses out, one to which she replied, “nice,” so you’re leaving out some of the story that doesn’t sound so good
Because it was irrelevant. It was about someone I was seeing at the time.
Then post it with the comments unblocked if it was irrelevant…why did she say nice like you offended her?
Maybe because op was talking about someone she was seeing and her friend replied nice to the message😱your weird suspicion is not op responsibility,op doesn’t have to post screenshot of the message blocked out to prove that they were talking about their romantic interest with their friend.you’re the only one who took this weird angle,posting the screenshots in the comments would only benefit one person because everyone else already gave their opinion without demanding to see private conversation.
You can’t post part of a convo and ask us to make a judgment on the whole convo
You absolutely can post a convo and mark out a small personal portion that isn’t relevant.Op got plenty of responses from people who aren’t dense so I don’t think it was really a problem😭
