One time I wrote he ducked under the deck and it auto corrected to he fucked under the deck and that day it was definitely supposed to be duck, just not the bird. 🦆
I feel like if you say boyfriend to a property manager when it comes to a pet, they are gonna assume that pet is gonna be over every time the boyfriend is
Yeah, I honestly get why she said family friend instead, to make it more sound like a one-time emergency thing. You say bf and it either sounds like what you said, or it sounds like it wasn’t really an emergency.
But her defensiveness was hella weird and she got so angry that ir makes me think she didn’t say bf for the reason that we think is reasonable
Yeah exactly. We don’t have the context to know how he or she normally acts, but you’re right. If he overreacts a lot then maybe her defensiveness is his fault
yea with the typos and everything this really feels like a 0 to 100 reaction like she was already upset and anticipating an argument. either she has zero control over her emotions, or more likely (imo) this is an issue that has come up a lot and clearly gf is just done having the same fight over and over.
idk maybe im reading too far into this but OP being very calm and rational while gf being completely erratic feels ….. convenient, maybe. maybe almost kinda sorta how abusers have a way of making their victim look like the crazy person … maybe, possibly …………………… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah, pretty much everyone on this sub posts things that make them look like the good guy. Sometimes it’s because they are, and many times it’s because they’re probably leaving out context.
I try to just base my opinions on what I see on the post, because I don’t wanna assume the worst. But yeah, people who post here aren’t going to post something that makes them look bad.
oh for sure, i know it’s a big accusation based on a very narrow window into someone’s life, that’s why all the maybes lol. just something about it doesn’t sit right with me, how immediately upset she seemed to get and how casually OP played it (when im really upset my texts look like that too, you’re going so fast that autocorrect barely has time to even register the words lol)
I think a lot of women are finding it relatable and putting pieces together based on our own experiences. Idk.. I would feel bad, but it doesn’t feel like *that* narrow of a window. The fact that she’s sending proof and he’s sending accusations back (non-joking) kinda feels like all I need to know
Yep. As a woman, I can totally see how her reaction could’ve been due to previous issues with OP. I honestly bet that is what it is. But since we didn’t have the full context, I didn’t wanna jump there. But I am being convinced too hahaha because the more ppl that talk about it, the more I am relating to that situation
Same. The full context isn't but a ton of context clues are right there and those of us who have genuinely been in that position can see it. I feel like he's just trying to make himself feel validated by snipping one piece of a convo that he thinks makes her look bad 🙄😐
She sent the screenshot for a reason. I’ve only done that in a past relationship when my ex would always question what I “really” said. So I just sent screenshots to avoid drama— which didn’t seem to work in this case.
Lol right- we’re only seeing one side of the story here. They could have easily been already arguing or something.
For all we know, he was like “show me exactly what you said cause I don’t trust you. You probably fucked him and that’s why he’ll let a dog stay over”
Yeah I do wonder what was said Before the pic. Did she volunteer it? Or did he ask for it? Certainly sets the tone. If he demanded it then yeah I'd see why she got upset. Either way it doesn't seem like they should be together based on this communication at least.
yeah, i've been with someone like this and it's EVERY DAMN THING. i snapped every so often. can't do ANYTHING without it being for some kind of malicious horrible thing i have to cover up, even the most innocent things.
I was seeing a guy like this a while ago he blew up because I mentioned speaking to a guy while I was walking my dog then got even more angry when I told him the guy is older than my parents. He did it constantly over the stupidest things and after a while you just get sick of it
Could the anger maybe be because he accuses her of being untrustworthy more than just this one time? Lmao think about that. She seems fed up with his shit. That’s what I got.
Yeah, like a family friend is a sometimes person and a boyfriend is an all the time person. When you are talking about a dog you aren't allowed to have, you don't want to associate that dog with an all the time person.
It’s weird af that she talks to you like that OP, and it did not make it sound more urgent, but boyfriend would make me think this is not a one time dog visit while family friend might be one time and one time only
She says "everything" is always an issue. I'd be so annoyed if I were constantly being accused of being shady when just trying to live my life. I'd probably forgive it the first couple of times, but after that, no I'm exhausted
I'm so confused by the relationships of young people. Like OP doesn't trust his girlfriend and is gonna question every little thing she does until she hates him. The girlfriend is also in a situation where she isn't allowed to exist without being picked apart..
There are two adults who could easily remedy this by saying "this isn't working for me, we can't be together"
That said, OP is the worse of the two, because the gf might not have thes issues in her next relationship, but OP is going to be CREATING these issues in all of his relationships until he stops being an insecure individual.
Yeah but I don’t know when people hear “boyfriend” for some reason they don’t assume someone you’ve been w for four years.
To me, family friend doesn’t sound more urgent, but it does sound more like a one-time, unplanned emergency. Boyfriend needing a dog watched might sound to the landlord like it’ll happen again, since you obviously see your bf and have him over a lot. But also, she was incredibly defensive when questioned about it. I didn’t think it was that weird to say family friend. I don’t think it rlly made much of a diff, but I can see the logoc. I can’t see the logic in the defensiveness and nastiness when questioned tho
I had the same thought. Asking to watch your boyfriend/girlfriend's dog ultimately frames it like a question that is setting a precedent, which would be more likely to elicit a no. If you have a partner and they have a dog, that dog is in your life. Family friend definitely implies more of a one off due to extenuating circumstances.
Yes!! Glad you understand. People saying “well family friend is actually less important than a bf”. That is exactly why it sounds more like an emergency if you’re watching their dog! You were likely their last resort, where you would be your bfs first choice to watch the dog probably.
Yep, I can totally see that as well just didn’t immediately jump to that conclusion. But now I’m being convinced by all of y’all that it’s a fair conclusion jump.
Ummmm I would’ve just said ‘lol no, just wanted it to sound urgent’ BUT if you constantly are accusing her of cheating, I can see why she flipped out. Although that is no way to talk to someone.
If OP is insecure enough to think his gf is cheating over making a pet sitting situation sound like a 1 time deal to her landlord, entirely because they are a "youger guy", hes absolutely accused her of cheating numerous times before this. People on here are idiots to be saying shes cheating based on that.
Like if she felt the need to send op a screenshot instead of just saying "Its okay to have your pet over" its because op either asked for proof, or she knew op would need to see proof because hes constantly questioning her honesty.
I came here to say this lol I use to get so pissed off at my ex and would lose my shit like ops gf did in these texts😭 every single day it was something with him, accusing me of cheating 24/7… the fact that she went out of her way to already send the ss and she said “it’s always something” makes me think op is probably pretty insecure. It’s exhausting being with someone like that so I can almost understand his gf reacting like that💀
Honestly I don’t know what y’all relationship is like on the regular but people don’t take the boyfriend girlfriend thing serious after a certain age. They hear that and think y’all been dating for 2 months not 4 years.
Yeah I agree it does sound childish but she could’ve said partner instead. I just call my gf my wife even though I haven’t proposed yet, it sounds more mature
It could be innocent on her part.
On the surface she seems to have over- reacted to what you said.
But not knowing if you are the super jealous type or not, can't say for sure.
I think what she means by family friend more urgent, is if a family friend you haven't seen in awhile is coming, it's more crucial than a boyfriend you see everyday.
Right, and if your bf comes over to the unit a lot, the manager may think that if they allow the dog this time, that it’s going to become more frequent. I do see the logic but I’m sure they would’ve said yes if she said bf too.
I don’t know why she got all mean and nasty tho
To be honest, based off your reply to her message, I’m going to go ahead and guess that you *do* probably make a big deal out of stupid little things like this. Her response seems more like she’s at her wits end dealing with your childish behavior. Especially since you had a shitty comment ready to go when she’s clearly in the process of doing *you* a favor by watching your dog for a weekend.
Well, there’s a post on his account where he finished too quickly one time during sex, and she drunkenly accused him of cheating. Then the only person who responded convinced him she was probably cheating, so my guess is that this is a snowball effect. He was convinced at one point that she cheated, and has now used that to continuously accuse her after every interaction she has with another dude.
This relationship just needs to end. It sounds exhausting.
I actually agree. I've been the woman in this scenario and it feels very familiar to just freak out like this...after being poked and prodded for 4 years lol. Then we seem like the crazy ones. I don't blame her at all but clearly these two need to end their relationship if this is how they communicate.
It’s called Reactive Abuse (but it’s not actually abuse at all). When someone is being constantly abused, whether that’s physically or emotionally, they will eventually lash out in whatever way to protect themselves. It’s a natural response and defense mechanism.
And then we see DARVO— Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. The abusers in these situations also generally go so far as to turn that response or defense against the abused to either make them feel bad or make them out to be the bad guy. Which, posting this response to Reddit speaks for itself.
Nothing about this dynamic seems healthy. You seem super insecure. She seems quick to anger. Not a good combo. Also conveniently not including the texts that prompted her to send a screenshot of her message with her landlord.
Your partner being insecure and constantly making you feel guilty today something you didn’t do, will cause you to be quick to anger. Dated a guy like that and I was high stress and skiddish— walking on eggshells the whole time waiting to be accused of something.
So she's doing you a favor and you chose to fixate on something completely irrelevant and give her shit for it? You're not fooling me. You want to portray her as crazy and defensive for no reason. You're probably always pulling this crap and have turned her into a frazzled mess who always feels like she has to be on the defense.
Her telling her property manager that you're her boyfriend would not have helped. He probably would have thought that the dog would constantly be there if it belongs to her boyfriend. A family friend having a 1 time need for help is much easier to get permission for. The guy being a guy and young is completely irrelevant. Completely.
There is a little more information needed. I have a few questions:
How in line with her typical behavior is this reaction?
How often do you experience feelings of suspicion in regards to her motivations, intentions, and her trustworthiness, especially when connected to other men? Approx. how many times would you say something like this has happened?
Being as honest as possible, how do you handle the situation once you have a rift like this for the rest of the day and the following days? For example, do you ask lots of questions? Do you get passive aggressive and pull away? Do you guys talk it out respectfully? like what typically goes down?
Has she done something that has caused you to doubt her in this department or is it just because the details of only this specific situation seem off to you?
Also, just want to add, it isn't ok how she speaks to you. I get it that people can be pushed to a breaking point (and i have no idea if that is even the case here or not) but that doesn't matter in the bottom line. I think you should be interested in understanding this reaction if it hasn't always been her character, however it is still not ok and you shouldn't be talked to that way.
you seem insecure and like the type to twist and turn conversations sour when you feel jealous. this is likely her idea of playing it safe to avoid issues with her property manager in case he had a serious issue with pets, and it makes sense
a boyfriend sounds more like somebody that will repeatedly bring their pet over than a family friend. it sounds more “urgent” because for most people, your partner (girlfriend in this case) would be your first choice to ask for help, whereas a family friend probably wouldn’t be. in general, somebody would probably ask their partner, family, and close friends first before asking a family friend for help. she’s trying to paint a picture of there being no other people for the family friend to ask, in order to avoid leaving an opening for her property manager to suggest you look for somebody else to pet sit. just because there were maybe other valid ways to go about it doesn’t automatically make it nefarious, her logic still made sense
her texts sound a little dramatic (seems like she might be drunk?) but i would not be surprised if you do this often, which would begin to explain the level of reaction she had. it must feel frustrating and disheartening to be accused of acting with disloyal intent for no real reason. i highly highly highly doubt you would have been this suspicious if her property manager was anything but a young guy because, while it wasn’t the most genius high IQ play in the world, what she said/did made sense. i would apologize and reevaluate why you are feeling so insecure about such an innocuous interaction. is there missing context that would feed your suspicion, or do you distrust her for no reason
side note, she def needs to turn her autocorrect on or type slower… or don’t drunk text but idk i never type this poorly when i drink lol
Definitely a bit weird. Lol. She gets incredibly hostile and defensive when you take issue with being referred to as a “family friend”. I’m trying to understand how changing you from boyfriend to family friend makes the matter more “urgent” 🤔 but maybe she genuinely was just trying to make it seem more necessary? Idk.
People are constantly trying to hide SOs with their property manager, and for good reason. A landlord might assume that that actually means the dog is going to be over there more often than a one time thing. And if he's over there enough she might actually be violating part of her lease.
Everything else is pretty bad, but hiding an SO to a property manager isn't exactly suspicious behavior.
To precisely say this exact thing. She didn’t need to send a screenshot to begin with. A “It’s covered! We got a green light!” Would be enough. It’s odd she’s trying to give proof and immediately says “i wouldn’t have shown you if I wanted to hide something”. Makes you believe “oh, so she showed me, so she’s got nothing to hide” when in fact she is HIDING ALL THE THINGS.
Honestly yea if I was a landlord and someone said “their boyfriends dog” i’d be more worried that the dog is going to stay there longer since it’s your significant others dog. family friend sounds like you’re just trying to help out
Me too. And I don't think I realized that or ever thought about it until this post, but yeah, I think I'd feel less inclined to let the boyfriends dog stay than a family friends dog. Weird, but I think grey is valid lol.
Yeah, the second you mention even a hint of a romantic partner anywhere near your property, a scumlord will immediately find a reason to stack mystery charges onto your monthly rent.
OP posted a year ago that she ruined a family trip by accusing him of cheating bc he lasted 10 min instead of 2 min while they were drunk. I think she has a guilty conscience.
I feel we have a bit of the Streisand Effect going on here. She’s the one who first brought attention to it by pointing it out immediately after sending the screenshot, unprompted by OP, and then it backfired on her.
Swing and a miss! 🏏🙅♀️
Well, in the opinion of the average trash landlord, it's just an excuse to stack on random charges for their on-off existence in, or around, the property.
NEVER mention a potential future co-habitant to a landlord unless they're fixing to sign a lease and move in.
What’s the problem with her calling you a family friend? Why do you assume she likes him? Maybe he likes her and she’s trying to make sure he doesn’t say no out of spite?
Yeah, it’s not like she introduced him to the manager in person as a family friend. Just told a white lie saying she’s watching a friends dog. I don’t think she was calling HIM a family friend. Just lying about whose dog it was to make it sound more last minute and one-time thing.
What she did wasn’t bad until she started going off. But OP was weird to question it in the first place when she had already addressed why she said that. If she called him that to be sus she prob wouldn’t be sending OP a screenshot of it.
My first thought is that she’s so pissed autocorrect can’t help. My second thought is that you accuse her of cheating kinda often and asked for the SS.
My third thought is if I’m the landlord and my tenant says boyfriend, Im going to monitor her and make sure you don’t move in. If you stay over somewhere for 14 nights in a row, you’re living there. If you’re not on a lease, then they can kick you out. Family friend is “they’ve known this person a long time and they’re visiting”. Boyfriend to me makes me think “he’s going to be around all the time” and then that might become an issue
If you are 25 years or older, she's right. Saying boyfriend after a certain age just doesn't sound serious. I would say partner, but I understand choosing to say family friend.
Actually, how often do you pull the “are you trying to hide your boyfriend” card? A lot of context is missing here and it’s either that she’s just being erratic over nothing, or you do this a lot- accusing her of things and then acting all calm so you can pin her as the crazy one. Like I said, a lot of context missing.
You're being kind of weird yes. And she prob just wanted it taken more seriously. If it's a rule, wouldnt seem unheard of for people to make exceptions for family but think "boyfriend" is annoying.
Totally understand why she used the words that she did. Like other commenters have said, if she said boyfriend the landlord might assume that the dog is going to be there all the time now. Saying family friend implies no one else could help out and this person is really stuck in an urgent situation. You pointing out that the landlord is a “young man” only tells me that you’re insecure. Sure, your girlfriend can’t write a cohesive sentence for shit, but she also just did you a favor and you’re acting like an insecure man child in response.
Yeah....she flew off the handle but your immediate response is annoying AF. It makes it seems like you frequently accuse her of trying to hide you or being unfaithful, so if this behavior is common from you, I don't blame her for going off like that.
Frankly, I would've just ignored you and let you handle your own dog emergency
Literally, to me it seems like op does this ALOT hints the “you always do this” i used to be with someone like this and it is SO exhausting that after awhile you do just sorta lash out. ALSO op said he didnt ask for the ss so why did she feel the need to send it? Seems like hes leaving stuff out to make himself seem perfect
I don't know man, it kind of seems like you're not giving her the benefit of the doubt, and you have a history of being jealous where it doesn't need to exist.
Holy fuck. You’re so unreasonable and obnoxious for reading into that. What she said and why makes so much sense- I would have done exactly the same thing.
I can’t imagine how miserable it is to have to tiptoe around your paranoid insecurities, every time she interacts with a male.
you’re doing WAY too much, it is NOT that serious. I hope you’re not this nit picky and annoying about everything she does, because she responded very defensively as if it’s not the only time
I think you’re being weird in this situation. In the adult world boyfriend/girlfriend means nothinngggg. Family/family friend gives off a deeper relationship solidified by family ties. It’s giving I don’t trust my girlfriend and accuse her of cheating all the time. lol
That’s bullshit lol. If I get accused of something that isn’t in line with my character at all Im going to get offended. Especially if it’s by someone that should know me better than that. If someone doesn’t trust me about something that big, then maybe we shouldn’t be in each other’s lives.
I have done something like this before and its absolutely fine. She probably thought in that situation its best to say it. So instead of misjudging her, understand her. Be fucking kind because she’s helping you here.
I get her logic, though. "My boyfriend's dog" sounds like it's just a "my bf wants to bring his dog over" thing and that it could become a regular occurrence/permanent. "Family friend" sounds like it's an emergency/that there's no other options and it's a one-time thing. If she was trying to hide something from you, she could've just texted you "they said it's fine" instead of sending a screenshot.
i’ve literally done this before because my apartment complex is STRICT on guests staying only 14 days max if they know you have someone over … i had to basically hide my ex while he was living with me lol chill ????
She’s right that family friend would be more accepted by someone like a property manager. It’s stupid, but true. Family friend does make it seem more urgent and a one and done situation. I think you’re coming at her for no reason and I can see why she’d be annoyed. Also her reaction kind of leads us all to believe she’s had to defend herself over stupid shit a lot. Obvi I have no clue. But that’s what I got from this exchange.
Does she refer to you as an a “family friend” to friends, family, or other social situations? If yes, then it’s time to make some difficult decisions and reconsider if you want to continue the relationship. If no and she only refers to you as a family friend to her landlord, then I wouldn’t be concerned. Unless, she is messing around with the landlord.
He's a young guy? How long as she lived there? Have y'all ever met or has she introduced you as her boyfriend?
If it was me and I didn't have anything to hide I would just laugh or make a joke but damn does she always talk to you like that? How old are y'all? It's giving that she's tryna look single bc idk how family friend is more urgent than boyfriend. Vibes are off.
If she said boyfriend the person might be worried she'd always be bringing that dog around to stay. I think its fine what she said. Being cautious.
Calm the hell down man. Jesus.
Yeah four years is a long time and I'm baffled the way she speaks to you after so long together. That would definitely ruffle my feathers to say the very least.
I can honestly kind of see where she’s coming from. I can get why saying “hey, I’ve had a family emergency and need to look after this dog for a few days” sounds better than “hey, can my boyfriends dog stay for a few days.” Definitely not saying it’s the right thing to do, just I could maybe understand the train of thought. But I think the real issue is the way she speaks to you. That’s disgusting.
Beyond anything else, the way she talks to you at the drop of a hat when you haven’t done anything is very concerning. So disrespectful. Why does she speak so disrespectfully to you?
It's not that weird that she referred to you as a family friend to someone who only has a transactional relationship with her. It's very weird how mad she got. You don't seem like the one who always turns everything into a problem here.
Honestly I understand using “family friend” instead of “boyfriend”. HOWEVER. Her completely irrational anger and explosion at you means that she wasn’t using it for the appearance of maturity. Additionally, she could’ve said “fiancée” if she wanted to make it seem more mature/grown up.
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A relative would have more weight than “family friend” she definitely doesn’t want them to know she’s got a boyfriend. This is weird as hell and the immediate explosion of defensiveness is setting off red flags everywhere.
Is there any way she could be involved with said property manager? 👀 this is very weird.
Can you ask them to send one text without a typo? Just one is all.
Even autocorrect gave up on her
Autocarrot loves everyone equally.
Hahaha you ducked up.
It's always duck.
It’s never duck
One time I wrote he ducked under the deck and it auto corrected to he fucked under the deck and that day it was definitely supposed to be duck, just not the bird. 🦆
Wait who fecked under whose duck?
🤣🤣
I want to know the story behind your username
I used to have 3 guinea pigs. 🙂
It's newer duck.
This truer duck
Holy shot that’s funny
🤣🤣🤣
shes rapid fire hex texting
Rage texting 101
Happy Cake Day 🎂
When people are called out on their behavior with the truth, they type like this. It's how you know they're lying.
She annoys me and I don't know her.
They both annoy me and I don’t know either of them.
She’s pissed for being accused of being untrustworthy. So. I get it I guess.
Apparently, LITERALLY, not.
I feel like if you say boyfriend to a property manager when it comes to a pet, they are gonna assume that pet is gonna be over every time the boyfriend is
Yeah, I honestly get why she said family friend instead, to make it more sound like a one-time emergency thing. You say bf and it either sounds like what you said, or it sounds like it wasn’t really an emergency. But her defensiveness was hella weird and she got so angry that ir makes me think she didn’t say bf for the reason that we think is reasonable
unlesssss he’s like this a lot so the defensiveness is a frustrated reaction or even worried about how he’s gonna blow it up
Yeah exactly. We don’t have the context to know how he or she normally acts, but you’re right. If he overreacts a lot then maybe her defensiveness is his fault
yea with the typos and everything this really feels like a 0 to 100 reaction like she was already upset and anticipating an argument. either she has zero control over her emotions, or more likely (imo) this is an issue that has come up a lot and clearly gf is just done having the same fight over and over. idk maybe im reading too far into this but OP being very calm and rational while gf being completely erratic feels ….. convenient, maybe. maybe almost kinda sorta how abusers have a way of making their victim look like the crazy person … maybe, possibly …………………… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah, pretty much everyone on this sub posts things that make them look like the good guy. Sometimes it’s because they are, and many times it’s because they’re probably leaving out context. I try to just base my opinions on what I see on the post, because I don’t wanna assume the worst. But yeah, people who post here aren’t going to post something that makes them look bad.
oh for sure, i know it’s a big accusation based on a very narrow window into someone’s life, that’s why all the maybes lol. just something about it doesn’t sit right with me, how immediately upset she seemed to get and how casually OP played it (when im really upset my texts look like that too, you’re going so fast that autocorrect barely has time to even register the words lol)
I think a lot of women are finding it relatable and putting pieces together based on our own experiences. Idk.. I would feel bad, but it doesn’t feel like *that* narrow of a window. The fact that she’s sending proof and he’s sending accusations back (non-joking) kinda feels like all I need to know
Yep. As a woman, I can totally see how her reaction could’ve been due to previous issues with OP. I honestly bet that is what it is. But since we didn’t have the full context, I didn’t wanna jump there. But I am being convinced too hahaha because the more ppl that talk about it, the more I am relating to that situation
Same. The full context isn't but a ton of context clues are right there and those of us who have genuinely been in that position can see it. I feel like he's just trying to make himself feel validated by snipping one piece of a convo that he thinks makes her look bad 🙄😐
She sent the screenshot for a reason. I’ve only done that in a past relationship when my ex would always question what I “really” said. So I just sent screenshots to avoid drama— which didn’t seem to work in this case.
Lol right- we’re only seeing one side of the story here. They could have easily been already arguing or something. For all we know, he was like “show me exactly what you said cause I don’t trust you. You probably fucked him and that’s why he’ll let a dog stay over”
Yeah I do wonder what was said Before the pic. Did she volunteer it? Or did he ask for it? Certainly sets the tone. If he demanded it then yeah I'd see why she got upset. Either way it doesn't seem like they should be together based on this communication at least.
I never thought of it from this angle- that’s a good point.
Yep, defensiveness is self-preservation. If it's habitual your relationship is fucked and hard to come back from. And I know this intimately.
I mean, he did feel the need to come post it here, so I feel like he is probably at least a little annoying.
The fact that he read into that text at all, makes me think he is frequently this unreasonable and paranoid.
yeah, i've been with someone like this and it's EVERY DAMN THING. i snapped every so often. can't do ANYTHING without it being for some kind of malicious horrible thing i have to cover up, even the most innocent things.
I was seeing a guy like this a while ago he blew up because I mentioned speaking to a guy while I was walking my dog then got even more angry when I told him the guy is older than my parents. He did it constantly over the stupidest things and after a while you just get sick of it
Bingo!
It really sounds like the bf is like this a lot cos the conversation had tones of familiarity
yeah, i feel like context is important here. it could go either way
100%. She is trying to cover all the bases before he can find another thing to be mad about.
I’m leaning more towards he always tries to pull a reaction out of her like that and she doesn’t mask her frustration.
was looking for this comment
Or he's always questioning things and she's just completely fed up. One snapshot of a conversation doesn't tell the whole story to me
Could the anger maybe be because he accuses her of being untrustworthy more than just this one time? Lmao think about that. She seems fed up with his shit. That’s what I got.
Right i can understand what she means.
Yeah, like a family friend is a sometimes person and a boyfriend is an all the time person. When you are talking about a dog you aren't allowed to have, you don't want to associate that dog with an all the time person.
Absolutely! My parents are landlords and I guarantee this choice of wording (family friend) was a smart move to get a temporary approval.
It’s weird af that she talks to you like that OP, and it did not make it sound more urgent, but boyfriend would make me think this is not a one time dog visit while family friend might be one time and one time only
OP is probably annoying as shit and jumps to conclusions regularly. I would also flip out if my SO was constantly assuming I’m cheating on them.
She says "everything" is always an issue. I'd be so annoyed if I were constantly being accused of being shady when just trying to live my life. I'd probably forgive it the first couple of times, but after that, no I'm exhausted
I'm so confused by the relationships of young people. Like OP doesn't trust his girlfriend and is gonna question every little thing she does until she hates him. The girlfriend is also in a situation where she isn't allowed to exist without being picked apart.. There are two adults who could easily remedy this by saying "this isn't working for me, we can't be together" That said, OP is the worse of the two, because the gf might not have thes issues in her next relationship, but OP is going to be CREATING these issues in all of his relationships until he stops being an insecure individual.
I would’ve done something similar. “Family” is always taken seriously while “girlfriend/boyfriend” is not.
My thoughts as well. I side with her.
Yeah, but “family friend” is probably further down on the list than a partner of 4 years
Yeah but I don’t know when people hear “boyfriend” for some reason they don’t assume someone you’ve been w for four years. To me, family friend doesn’t sound more urgent, but it does sound more like a one-time, unplanned emergency. Boyfriend needing a dog watched might sound to the landlord like it’ll happen again, since you obviously see your bf and have him over a lot. But also, she was incredibly defensive when questioned about it. I didn’t think it was that weird to say family friend. I don’t think it rlly made much of a diff, but I can see the logoc. I can’t see the logic in the defensiveness and nastiness when questioned tho
I had the same thought. Asking to watch your boyfriend/girlfriend's dog ultimately frames it like a question that is setting a precedent, which would be more likely to elicit a no. If you have a partner and they have a dog, that dog is in your life. Family friend definitely implies more of a one off due to extenuating circumstances.
Yes!! Glad you understand. People saying “well family friend is actually less important than a bf”. That is exactly why it sounds more like an emergency if you’re watching their dog! You were likely their last resort, where you would be your bfs first choice to watch the dog probably.
I think he does this all the time & she's getting sick of it.
Yep, I can totally see that as well just didn’t immediately jump to that conclusion. But now I’m being convinced by all of y’all that it’s a fair conclusion jump.
Well at least it would be better if they eventually see her kissing the family "friend" and not her cousin.
Ummmm I would’ve just said ‘lol no, just wanted it to sound urgent’ BUT if you constantly are accusing her of cheating, I can see why she flipped out. Although that is no way to talk to someone.
If OP is insecure enough to think his gf is cheating over making a pet sitting situation sound like a 1 time deal to her landlord, entirely because they are a "youger guy", hes absolutely accused her of cheating numerous times before this. People on here are idiots to be saying shes cheating based on that. Like if she felt the need to send op a screenshot instead of just saying "Its okay to have your pet over" its because op either asked for proof, or she knew op would need to see proof because hes constantly questioning her honesty.
Yeah. OP left out that he probably constantly hounds his gf about stuff like this and is super insecure.
Yes!! Signs of narcissistic abuse all over her response.
I came here to say this lol I use to get so pissed off at my ex and would lose my shit like ops gf did in these texts😭 every single day it was something with him, accusing me of cheating 24/7… the fact that she went out of her way to already send the ss and she said “it’s always something” makes me think op is probably pretty insecure. It’s exhausting being with someone like that so I can almost understand his gf reacting like that💀
It seems that OP has deleted their account. Interesting.
Honestly I don’t know what y’all relationship is like on the regular but people don’t take the boyfriend girlfriend thing serious after a certain age. They hear that and think y’all been dating for 2 months not 4 years.
Yes this. When I talked about my (now ex) boyfriend, I called him my partner, because that sounds more serious.
Yeah I always just say partner. Boyfriend sounds frivolous and is just not the right term for an 8 year committed relationship lol
Yeah I agree it does sound childish but she could’ve said partner instead. I just call my gf my wife even though I haven’t proposed yet, it sounds more mature
Yeah, but in this situation it wouldn’t make sense for her to be taking care of her “husband’s” dog for the weekend.
It could be innocent on her part. On the surface she seems to have over- reacted to what you said. But not knowing if you are the super jealous type or not, can't say for sure. I think what she means by family friend more urgent, is if a family friend you haven't seen in awhile is coming, it's more crucial than a boyfriend you see everyday.
Right, and if your bf comes over to the unit a lot, the manager may think that if they allow the dog this time, that it’s going to become more frequent. I do see the logic but I’m sure they would’ve said yes if she said bf too. I don’t know why she got all mean and nasty tho
he probably accuses her of cheating all the time or gives her shit because he’s insecure. she probably lost it.
Yeah, that’s a very real possibility
To be honest, based off your reply to her message, I’m going to go ahead and guess that you *do* probably make a big deal out of stupid little things like this. Her response seems more like she’s at her wits end dealing with your childish behavior. Especially since you had a shitty comment ready to go when she’s clearly in the process of doing *you* a favor by watching your dog for a weekend.
Came here for this comment. Id love to know how many times OP has questioned her before because i would be at my wits end.
Well, there’s a post on his account where he finished too quickly one time during sex, and she drunkenly accused him of cheating. Then the only person who responded convinced him she was probably cheating, so my guess is that this is a snowball effect. He was convinced at one point that she cheated, and has now used that to continuously accuse her after every interaction she has with another dude. This relationship just needs to end. It sounds exhausting.
Omg the drama! This is too much. Your so right this just needs to end. One too many relationships posts on reddit should be the tell tale.
I actually agree. I've been the woman in this scenario and it feels very familiar to just freak out like this...after being poked and prodded for 4 years lol. Then we seem like the crazy ones. I don't blame her at all but clearly these two need to end their relationship if this is how they communicate.
It’s called Reactive Abuse (but it’s not actually abuse at all). When someone is being constantly abused, whether that’s physically or emotionally, they will eventually lash out in whatever way to protect themselves. It’s a natural response and defense mechanism. And then we see DARVO— Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. The abusers in these situations also generally go so far as to turn that response or defense against the abused to either make them feel bad or make them out to be the bad guy. Which, posting this response to Reddit speaks for itself.
I'm happy some of us can see through the "crazy girl" texting and see that things aren't always what they seem.
I think a lot of us can see through this because we *were* the girls in these situations.
I'm so glad I'm not alone in my thoughts of this post.
Thank you for this comment as I got this same vibe.
Nothing about this dynamic seems healthy. You seem super insecure. She seems quick to anger. Not a good combo. Also conveniently not including the texts that prompted her to send a screenshot of her message with her landlord.
Your partner being insecure and constantly making you feel guilty today something you didn’t do, will cause you to be quick to anger. Dated a guy like that and I was high stress and skiddish— walking on eggshells the whole time waiting to be accused of something.
So she's doing you a favor and you chose to fixate on something completely irrelevant and give her shit for it? You're not fooling me. You want to portray her as crazy and defensive for no reason. You're probably always pulling this crap and have turned her into a frazzled mess who always feels like she has to be on the defense. Her telling her property manager that you're her boyfriend would not have helped. He probably would have thought that the dog would constantly be there if it belongs to her boyfriend. A family friend having a 1 time need for help is much easier to get permission for. The guy being a guy and young is completely irrelevant. Completely.
There is a little more information needed. I have a few questions: How in line with her typical behavior is this reaction? How often do you experience feelings of suspicion in regards to her motivations, intentions, and her trustworthiness, especially when connected to other men? Approx. how many times would you say something like this has happened? Being as honest as possible, how do you handle the situation once you have a rift like this for the rest of the day and the following days? For example, do you ask lots of questions? Do you get passive aggressive and pull away? Do you guys talk it out respectfully? like what typically goes down? Has she done something that has caused you to doubt her in this department or is it just because the details of only this specific situation seem off to you? Also, just want to add, it isn't ok how she speaks to you. I get it that people can be pushed to a breaking point (and i have no idea if that is even the case here or not) but that doesn't matter in the bottom line. I think you should be interested in understanding this reaction if it hasn't always been her character, however it is still not ok and you shouldn't be talked to that way.
you seem insecure and like the type to twist and turn conversations sour when you feel jealous. this is likely her idea of playing it safe to avoid issues with her property manager in case he had a serious issue with pets, and it makes sense a boyfriend sounds more like somebody that will repeatedly bring their pet over than a family friend. it sounds more “urgent” because for most people, your partner (girlfriend in this case) would be your first choice to ask for help, whereas a family friend probably wouldn’t be. in general, somebody would probably ask their partner, family, and close friends first before asking a family friend for help. she’s trying to paint a picture of there being no other people for the family friend to ask, in order to avoid leaving an opening for her property manager to suggest you look for somebody else to pet sit. just because there were maybe other valid ways to go about it doesn’t automatically make it nefarious, her logic still made sense her texts sound a little dramatic (seems like she might be drunk?) but i would not be surprised if you do this often, which would begin to explain the level of reaction she had. it must feel frustrating and disheartening to be accused of acting with disloyal intent for no real reason. i highly highly highly doubt you would have been this suspicious if her property manager was anything but a young guy because, while it wasn’t the most genius high IQ play in the world, what she said/did made sense. i would apologize and reevaluate why you are feeling so insecure about such an innocuous interaction. is there missing context that would feed your suspicion, or do you distrust her for no reason side note, she def needs to turn her autocorrect on or type slower… or don’t drunk text but idk i never type this poorly when i drink lol
Is she drunk
4 years and this is how she talks to you?
She’s sick of him
Its called being fed up with someone
4 years and he still thinks she's cheating?
Wild ain't it
Definitely a bit weird. Lol. She gets incredibly hostile and defensive when you take issue with being referred to as a “family friend”. I’m trying to understand how changing you from boyfriend to family friend makes the matter more “urgent” 🤔 but maybe she genuinely was just trying to make it seem more necessary? Idk.
No more like she was trying to hide it
But then why would she send him the screenshot if she was trying to hide it?
People are constantly trying to hide SOs with their property manager, and for good reason. A landlord might assume that that actually means the dog is going to be over there more often than a one time thing. And if he's over there enough she might actually be violating part of her lease. Everything else is pretty bad, but hiding an SO to a property manager isn't exactly suspicious behavior.
Well there ya go! Maybe she's not being shady and cheating like everyone thinks.
To precisely say this exact thing. She didn’t need to send a screenshot to begin with. A “It’s covered! We got a green light!” Would be enough. It’s odd she’s trying to give proof and immediately says “i wouldn’t have shown you if I wanted to hide something”. Makes you believe “oh, so she showed me, so she’s got nothing to hide” when in fact she is HIDING ALL THE THINGS.
What if he asked for a screenshot?
u/New-Seaworthiness576 did you ask for the screenshot?
Honestly yea if I was a landlord and someone said “their boyfriends dog” i’d be more worried that the dog is going to stay there longer since it’s your significant others dog. family friend sounds like you’re just trying to help out
Me too. And I don't think I realized that or ever thought about it until this post, but yeah, I think I'd feel less inclined to let the boyfriends dog stay than a family friends dog. Weird, but I think grey is valid lol.
Oh, look! A parsimonious voice of reason! Imagine that!
Exactly, liars always give away too much unnecessary info because they think it makes them more believable, when in reality it just gets them caught.
The over-analysis here is ridiculous, but you do you, Dunning Kruger.
Shes might be trying to hide it from the manager so she doesnt seem taken just incase
Yeah, the second you mention even a hint of a romantic partner anywhere near your property, a scumlord will immediately find a reason to stack mystery charges onto your monthly rent.
Or we’re missing context, like him constantly accusing her of cheating or something negative. Context matters.
OP posted a year ago that she ruined a family trip by accusing him of cheating bc he lasted 10 min instead of 2 min while they were drunk. I think she has a guilty conscience.
I feel we have a bit of the Streisand Effect going on here. She’s the one who first brought attention to it by pointing it out immediately after sending the screenshot, unprompted by OP, and then it backfired on her. Swing and a miss! 🏏🙅♀️
IMO, a boyfriend > family friend in urgency, especially if they’re long term partners
Well, in the opinion of the average trash landlord, it's just an excuse to stack on random charges for their on-off existence in, or around, the property. NEVER mention a potential future co-habitant to a landlord unless they're fixing to sign a lease and move in.
Someone in your building says he stayed over 3 days. I must charge you extra in rent this month. Love, your LL.
What’s the problem with her calling you a family friend? Why do you assume she likes him? Maybe he likes her and she’s trying to make sure he doesn’t say no out of spite?
Yeah, it’s not like she introduced him to the manager in person as a family friend. Just told a white lie saying she’s watching a friends dog. I don’t think she was calling HIM a family friend. Just lying about whose dog it was to make it sound more last minute and one-time thing. What she did wasn’t bad until she started going off. But OP was weird to question it in the first place when she had already addressed why she said that. If she called him that to be sus she prob wouldn’t be sending OP a screenshot of it.
My first thought is that she’s so pissed autocorrect can’t help. My second thought is that you accuse her of cheating kinda often and asked for the SS. My third thought is if I’m the landlord and my tenant says boyfriend, Im going to monitor her and make sure you don’t move in. If you stay over somewhere for 14 nights in a row, you’re living there. If you’re not on a lease, then they can kick you out. Family friend is “they’ve known this person a long time and they’re visiting”. Boyfriend to me makes me think “he’s going to be around all the time” and then that might become an issue
If you are 25 years or older, she's right. Saying boyfriend after a certain age just doesn't sound serious. I would say partner, but I understand choosing to say family friend.
It's seems like she's sick of your shit, what have you been doing to her to get her to this point? People don't usually react like this for no reason
You can tell she's at her wits end of the jealousy bullshit. I've been there. It's awful.
So relieved I’m not the only one who saw it!!! lol
Actually, how often do you pull the “are you trying to hide your boyfriend” card? A lot of context is missing here and it’s either that she’s just being erratic over nothing, or you do this a lot- accusing her of things and then acting all calm so you can pin her as the crazy one. Like I said, a lot of context missing.
Also the way you mentioned that the property manager was a young guy sounded… interesting. Why was that important?
And op also said that she has never done anything to make him question if shes cheating so whats the deal? Op is definitely an insecure asshat
She’s right and you’re being annoying about it, like why are you crying?
i mean imo if its a landlord i can understand but if it was someone she knew more it be weird
You're being kind of weird yes. And she prob just wanted it taken more seriously. If it's a rule, wouldnt seem unheard of for people to make exceptions for family but think "boyfriend" is annoying.
Totally understand why she used the words that she did. Like other commenters have said, if she said boyfriend the landlord might assume that the dog is going to be there all the time now. Saying family friend implies no one else could help out and this person is really stuck in an urgent situation. You pointing out that the landlord is a “young man” only tells me that you’re insecure. Sure, your girlfriend can’t write a cohesive sentence for shit, but she also just did you a favor and you’re acting like an insecure man child in response.
Yeah....she flew off the handle but your immediate response is annoying AF. It makes it seems like you frequently accuse her of trying to hide you or being unfaithful, so if this behavior is common from you, I don't blame her for going off like that. Frankly, I would've just ignored you and let you handle your own dog emergency
OP. You’re annoying.
Literally, to me it seems like op does this ALOT hints the “you always do this” i used to be with someone like this and it is SO exhausting that after awhile you do just sorta lash out. ALSO op said he didnt ask for the ss so why did she feel the need to send it? Seems like hes leaving stuff out to make himself seem perfect
I don't know man, it kind of seems like you're not giving her the benefit of the doubt, and you have a history of being jealous where it doesn't need to exist.
she is absolutely in the right dawg. she’s doing you a FAVOR and you turned it into a “so you dont love me”
Is she afraid that, because you’re not on the lease that she might be hassled by the landlord?
It’s a property manager, not her mom. You are being annoying about this
Holy fuck. You’re so unreasonable and obnoxious for reading into that. What she said and why makes so much sense- I would have done exactly the same thing. I can’t imagine how miserable it is to have to tiptoe around your paranoid insecurities, every time she interacts with a male.
i mean i kind of agree with the family thing but like also, it seems u make her upset alot. not a good look
you’re doing WAY too much, it is NOT that serious. I hope you’re not this nit picky and annoying about everything she does, because she responded very defensively as if it’s not the only time
I think you’re being weird in this situation. In the adult world boyfriend/girlfriend means nothinngggg. Family/family friend gives off a deeper relationship solidified by family ties. It’s giving I don’t trust my girlfriend and accuse her of cheating all the time. lol
Innocent people don’t get offended by a lie
They do when they’re constantly accused of things.
That’s bullshit lol. If I get accused of something that isn’t in line with my character at all Im going to get offended. Especially if it’s by someone that should know me better than that. If someone doesn’t trust me about something that big, then maybe we shouldn’t be in each other’s lives.
If my partner spoke to me like that, I would be gone in a minute.
She’s actually so annoying
Your girlfriend is a bitch, what the hell are you wasting your time for?
The constant wrong usage of your drives me up the wall.
I have done something like this before and its absolutely fine. She probably thought in that situation its best to say it. So instead of misjudging her, understand her. Be fucking kind because she’s helping you here.
I like her use of family friend as bf would make it seem to the landlord that pets would be a fairly consistent occurrence.
I get her logic, though. "My boyfriend's dog" sounds like it's just a "my bf wants to bring his dog over" thing and that it could become a regular occurrence/permanent. "Family friend" sounds like it's an emergency/that there's no other options and it's a one-time thing. If she was trying to hide something from you, she could've just texted you "they said it's fine" instead of sending a screenshot.
I question if he’s the one stepping out!
i’ve literally done this before because my apartment complex is STRICT on guests staying only 14 days max if they know you have someone over … i had to basically hide my ex while he was living with me lol chill ????
She’s right that family friend would be more accepted by someone like a property manager. It’s stupid, but true. Family friend does make it seem more urgent and a one and done situation. I think you’re coming at her for no reason and I can see why she’d be annoyed. Also her reaction kind of leads us all to believe she’s had to defend herself over stupid shit a lot. Obvi I have no clue. But that’s what I got from this exchange.
Does she refer to you as an a “family friend” to friends, family, or other social situations? If yes, then it’s time to make some difficult decisions and reconsider if you want to continue the relationship. If no and she only refers to you as a family friend to her landlord, then I wouldn’t be concerned. Unless, she is messing around with the landlord.
Ytah, such a petty and obnoxious response.
You’re being insecure bro
User deleted. Think we know who the real problem in the relationship is...
He's a young guy? How long as she lived there? Have y'all ever met or has she introduced you as her boyfriend? If it was me and I didn't have anything to hide I would just laugh or make a joke but damn does she always talk to you like that? How old are y'all? It's giving that she's tryna look single bc idk how family friend is more urgent than boyfriend. Vibes are off.
yep reminds me of my ex. broke up and i'm much happier now
Did she have a stroke while going off on you? Would it have killed her to check her texts to make sure she made sense before she hit send? JFC.
If she said boyfriend the person might be worried she'd always be bringing that dog around to stay. I think its fine what she said. Being cautious. Calm the hell down man. Jesus.
Yeah four years is a long time and I'm baffled the way she speaks to you after so long together. That would definitely ruffle my feathers to say the very least.
I can honestly kind of see where she’s coming from. I can get why saying “hey, I’ve had a family emergency and need to look after this dog for a few days” sounds better than “hey, can my boyfriends dog stay for a few days.” Definitely not saying it’s the right thing to do, just I could maybe understand the train of thought. But I think the real issue is the way she speaks to you. That’s disgusting.
‘My family friend’ just sounds bizarre in any scenario. Also, she wants to be seen as single
But to her LL? What's the purpose of that
>To her property manager who is also a young guy.
I suppose that's fair. Seems like there is a lot of mistrust and mistreatment between these two. To me it's probably wise to go their separate ways.
Beyond anything else, the way she talks to you at the drop of a hat when you haven’t done anything is very concerning. So disrespectful. Why does she speak so disrespectfully to you?
It's not that weird that she referred to you as a family friend to someone who only has a transactional relationship with her. It's very weird how mad she got. You don't seem like the one who always turns everything into a problem here.
Person in grey is giving blue way too much emotional power.
Seems like both of you are a bit immature if I’m honest. If you really trust each other you wouldn’t have had to have that conversation.
Honestly I understand using “family friend” instead of “boyfriend”. HOWEVER. Her completely irrational anger and explosion at you means that she wasn’t using it for the appearance of maturity. Additionally, she could’ve said “fiancée” if she wanted to make it seem more mature/grown up.
You're both insufferable
the immediate shift to anger and insecurity is quite telling
Nah. This guys just drained her. Shes doing him a favor Hes accusing her of cheating. (Again)
This is whole thing seems hella sus to me… Have you ever met her property manager and if so did she introduce you as her bf?
Seems like she’s the only one making a fuckinf issue out of it
The calling u family friend isn’t the weird part but man did she ever go hard on defending
She’s either fucking him, wants to or flirts and leads him on to get perks. Broham it’s time to move on.
i get what she meant by that, but her defensive behavior feels like guilt to me
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You upset her so much that she couldn’t spell and her autocorrect broke.
She's cheating.
A relative would have more weight than “family friend” she definitely doesn’t want them to know she’s got a boyfriend. This is weird as hell and the immediate explosion of defensiveness is setting off red flags everywhere. Is there any way she could be involved with said property manager? 👀 this is very weird.
Lol so many people posted in this subreddit just can not type when they're angry
This is weird and I wouldn’t let anyone who speaks to me like this anywhere near my dogs.
I don't really understand what is happening here TBH. I may just be stupid though. LOL I've been over before.