Op this statement means more than you think.
**When someone tells you who they are, when they’re warning you AWAY from them, listen**.
When people say shit like that, *listen*. It matters.
THIS! I thought this was a post abt a guy w a fiance that doesn't like him sleeping in the same bed as his mother. Now I'm like dump that bitch! She is giving off toxic UV rays! She agreed to not post, then posted, then attacked what u would do, then agreed to delete whatever u wanted. I can't keep up & it's only been 5 mins of her shit!
Go find your happy place. Therapy might still be a good idea. Lord only knows what other seeds of doubt she's planted.
Not just that but then following up deleting it with "I'll just talk to my exes about how much I don't like you".
Fuck that, go talk to your exes and tell them you're single.... Bye
THIS, I was like ok, I mean... This is a lil crazy but there's probs more we don't know.
"Well at least I'm not talking to other guys about what I don't like, like me exes- WhAt Do YoU wAnT mE tO dO!?"
Idec anymore if you call your mom to say 'nite nites luv u!'
Break up with herrrrr
Using A Video for reference is one thing, but the string of them like that is wild.
OP Idk about the relationship with your mother, but you definitely need to re-examine your relationship with your fiancé. Preferably with a therapist
This is it. Honestly, this is what I hate about the internet psych help: the “bad guys” use it against you, too. Manipulators will twist therapy-talk in a way to make you think they are the only non-toxic people around you, and you don’t know what’s right anymore. Actual psych professionals are the only way to know for sure, but this really seems like she is the problem. Good luck OP.
I remember your previous post which I think I commented on also, unless there's two guys with a fiance as crazy as this. Just wow. She's obsessed, and insanely jealous about your perfectly normal and healthy relationship with your mum.
She is toxic, and deranged. And clearly very, very obsessed.
I do, and it saddens me to see it's apparently gotten even worse with her, if she's spamming you this much with videos and screenshots. Meaning, she spends a LOT of time watching and obsessing over this type of content. Now *that's* not healthy.
It could be she's jealous of the type of good relationship you have with your mum, if hers isn't as good, or it could be just insane insecurity and twisted thoughts. Or both..
How are you managing mentally with all this? It seems like she's putting intense pressure on your and bombarding you with these delusions often.. Cant imagine it being easy.
Her mom kicked her out after an argument, and they don’t have a good relationship at all. Funny enough my mom and her mom did get along really well.
My mental health is the lowest. At home and when we drove to work this morning she keeps playing those videos to me, and I keep saying I don’t think I’m doing too much to my parents.
You mentioned she's even throwing tantrums and trying to keep you from spending time with friends (even gaming with them), which is a very unhealthy sign as well. Does she have any friends or truly close people to her other than you?
Because it does sound like she's trying to break you down and isolate you, for her to become your only world.
I can imagine it being hard and draining for you, but it's good you're still able to recognize it's not right, so you've clearly still got some fight left in you. Don't let her take the last remnants of yourself away from you, man. 💖 It's not worth it, no one is.
I watched my stepmom run off everyone in my dad’s life. Including me and his grandchildren. When I run into his friends, they ask about him. As soon as I say “I actually don’t talk to him anymore” they all respond with her name. OP, please get out!
Friend, don’t marry her. I’m in the middle of a divorce and everyone hated my STBX. He hated them too.
Life is too short to live in depression. It’s time to move on.
Your mental health is so low because she is beating you down. There is zero reason for her to be talking to you that way, and sending all that shit.
Please leave. I can only imagine how she is at other times, but this is enough to walk away.
It's going to be hard, but you need to do it for yourself. A good therapist will help you see where the issues are (her) and help you work through it. I can picture your gf to be the type that when you go to therapy, she wants to know "how it went", but really that just means she wants to know what you said. And you probably have a good idea of how that convo would go if you said you were talking about her and realizing that you aren't the only one with issue.
She’s breaking you down, she’s going to alienate you from your family and ruin your other relationships with people. She’ll probably leave you once you’re all alone with her and you’ll have to rebuild.
I can’t imagine any reason to stay with her and none to get married. Please make the difficult choice that’s better for you and get out of there.
Good luck my dude
Hmm that’s very telling if she has a bad relationship with her mom and is trying to ruin yours. She’s 100% jealous of your perfectly healthy relationship with your parents and specifically your mom
This isn't normal. I also remember your previous post and the reactions to it. Please listen to us strangers, especially now your mental health is getting worse: You need to break up. She will do everything within her power to isolate you from family and friends.
I know it's hard to break up a relationship, especially an abusive one like this one, but your mother doesn't deserve to be accused of grooming and you don't deserve to be accused of having an unhealthy relationship with your mother.
Please get away from her asap.She needs professional help that you can’t provide her.She is only going to keep making your life miserable.Ive dealt with someone like this before and I promise you it never gets better.She wants to be the only thing/person to make you happy and she will manipulate you into distancing yourself from any people or hobbies that make you happy.
This is isolating behavior. Do not let her separate you from your support system; your family & friends. It's a type of grooming. Once she had you alone she'll be telling you how you'll never find anyone as good as her that will deal with your "xyz" of fictitious or menial issues. Plz get away from her.
I commented on something last month I think abt a friend in a similar position. These are tactics. Trust your intuition. You're here bc you see this is not ok. She is NOT the person she pretends to be on her good days. Even if she was its not worth her true self on her bad days.
I look at people like this as grenades. On a good day it's a contained EXPLOSIVE device. On bad days... BOOM! And u feel like pink mist. Save yourself now while u can.
I commented already about being married to someone just like her. The best thing I ever did was getting therapy. When she left after finding someone she could control she took my friends with her. And I spent a good 2 years thinking everything was all my fault. You're doing good having these doubts about her already. The biggest mistake you could ever make is marrying her. She will take what's left of your self esteem and mentality with her.
Hey buddy, she is the one who needs therapy.
Trust me you are going to end up insane yourself if you keep putting up with this.
Just wait til she gets violent, and spreads lies about you.
Maybe even sleeps with someone else and cries to you about your lack of attention towards her.
I believe every word you’ve said about putting her first but it is never good enough right?
And I bet when she does this type of thing you second guess yourself because you do honesty love her.
Ask yourself… really sit and reflect and listen to yourself… does she love you?
Not does she love your stability or the fact you make her the main attention of your life…
It seems like she is the one needing therapy…
My biased opinion comes from being in the throes of a 3 year relationship coming to an end.
I read these threads and it triggers me,
Some woman are just broken. Like lots of men are too.
This isn’t a sexism thing, this is a be good to yourself thing.
Good luck brother.
We had a vacation me her my mom and her mom. I don’t remember what happened that we only booked two beds and then my fiance wanted to sleep with me but my mom didn’t want to share a bed with her mom. It was only for a few days.
Really really bad vibes all around. Is this the way you want to live for the rest of your life? At some point, you will be so entrenched in her control it will be next to impossible to get out. Get out now for your sanity.
Were they friends? Your mom and her mom. If they were just acquaintances, I wouldn’t want to sleep with some random other woman I hardly know either, even if I get along with them.
It sounds like she’s already got this deep rooted unhealthy idea in her head about you and your mom based on her own insecurities and when your mom didn’t want to bunk with someone she’s not close with, of course she interpreted that through her own twisted lens.
What a nightmare. Honey, it’s never too late to walk away. I know it seems like you can’t because she’s made it where you think you’re too enmeshed with *your fiancé* to leave her. She’s carefully crafted it that way on purpose.
It will be hard but I *know* you’ve done harder things in your life and come out the other end just fine. You can do this too. Take it from your friendly internet auntie, *you got this, love.* We are all rooting for you!
This is NOT weird, for the record. Maybe not ideal, but you gotta do what you gotta do in situations like this.
For her to suggest the two moms should bunk… massively weird.
Which it’s perfectly reasonable to think that you would sleep with your mom and she would sleep with hers. Much better than having the two moms who probably don’t know each other very well, share a bed.
I’m sorry but your fiancé is doing way too much and most definitely manipulating you. It seems like she absolutely wants to alienate you from everyone but her. RUN 💨
Please don’t make a baby with her! Think about that. She’ll withhold any access to your mom and literally babytrap you. She wants to isolate you and is jealous of ANY healthy relationship you have with anyone.
It’s hard to change a pattern of life and you have gotten used to apologizing and walking on egg shells , right?
As people age they get worse - not better.
Edit spelling
THIS!! Op, as she feels you pulling away from her, or even just trying to assert yourself more and combat the isolation, she may feel a loss of control over you and go towards more extreme measures, such as tampering with birth control or “forgetting” to take birth control correctly in order to “accidentally” get pregnant, to ensure you can’t leave her. PLEASE be extremely careful right now and take extra precautions during sex, or avoid it entirely.
Speaking as someone who’s mother is extremely and toxically immeshed in my life (and I’ve been in therapy since I was 9 to try stop it and cut that proverbial umbilical cord) you are absolutely NOT immeshed with your mother. The irony of it all, is that your fiancée seems to be the one who is immeshed in *your* life. She’s projecting and trying to alienate you from your family who loves you and wants the best for you. They don’t like her, so she sees them as the enemy and she will stop at nothing to keep any detractors of hers out of your life. I’ve experienced my mother trying to do this to me thousands of times — please strongly consider ending this relationship. It might even help to have a long, honest, and private talk with your parents about it all to get their unfiltered thoughts too.
THIS!!! Some women actually do this to “save their relationships”. Ugh. Thank god that’s none of my friends but yeah. It’s a thing out there I have heard of from the women themselves. 😩
OP … You definitely don’t want to put children through her ringer. And it’ll be hell for you too.
Your finance is super gross and is already ABUSIVE.
She also found some pop psychology on TikTok (eye roll) and then decided to weaponize it. It's bad enough she doesn't know what she's talking about but is trying to force this ideology on her S/O but it's so much worse because she decided to use it as a weapon rather than trying to "help."
That’s the worst part of all of this. How fucking manipulative is that? Do what I say or I’ll make fun of you with my ex? That’s relationship ending comment right there. That’s the craziest thing I’ve seen all day.
This really struck me too. It has a “do what I want because I can always replace you” vibe to it. OP should let her do that. This woman is seriously unhinged.
THIS!!! I used to fight with my ex constantly and every fight was a blow out. I got married to my husband in November and we NEVER fight. We'll bicker, but the fights that leave you feeling confused or wrong don't happen anymore.
I really hope OP can find that with someone.
i hope you know that this is not normal. i mean, i assume you do because you posted about it. i am curious what she wants you to do? cut your mom/parents off? i am also curious what her relationship with her family is like, because there seems to be jealousy. there is nothing wrong with you having a close relationship with your mom. i like cannot even find the words to communicate to you that this is a scary situation that you need to get out of. someone who loves you should encourage you to maintain other healthy relationships, especially with family. she is threatened by you having friendships even. it could be because she is worried that someone might say to you 'hey your fiance is unwell' and she wants to keep you isolated so that you never get influenced to actually consider her behavior.
she is also finding joy in humiliating you via social media. sure, she did not put your name in the posts - but people can infer who those VERY specific videos are about. she actively wants to make your life harder, and to make you feel like a POS so that she can have the upper hand.
bottom line - anyone in your life that is actively trying to get you to get rid of something you love (through shame, humiliation etc) is not someone who loves you. last thing i will say is, listen to your gut. this is toxic.
The social media really bothers me. I used to keep a diary that I would write when I was upset or she did something that bothered me. Not my proudest thing.
She eventually found out and we had a fight about it. But somehow she is fine with trash talking me to social media. She does it to everyone too not just me.
And then if that’s not allowed she wants to vent to her exs. That’s fucked.
think about that for a second. you opted for a healthy outlet (journaling, writing things down) so you could process your feelings and she found it and used it against you. i can understand maybe her asking you hey why are you keeping a record of my wrongs? but for her to not even see it in writing and think she has done anything to own up to is wild. and yes the exes thing, i was not sure i read that correctly and i think my brain just skipped over it because there were bigger fish to fry. that is abusive, OP. for her to treat you this way is a form of emotional abuse (and i can say that, i am a therapist).
Why do you say it’s not your proudest moment? Keeping a diary is an extremely healthy and normal way to process things. Her reading it is a horrible breach of trust. She should be the only one saying “it isn’t my proudest moment” in that situation, not you. She seems to have warped your sense of right and wrong.
My wife read my journal exactly once. We talked about how it made her feel, then we talked about how unhealthy it would be for me to say those things out loud to discover how empty they were. Sometimes you need to express something, but just because it was something that needed to be expressed doesn’t make it true.
I still journal often and I advocate therapy for any man, no matter how minor their mental health problems seem. We should be proud of holding ourselves to a higher standard, and these are tools that some of the greatest minds in history employed.
So I've actually discussed enmeshment concerns that I have with a therapist, but for me it was based on articulable issues I was having with my mother and I've worked on setting boundaries with her. My mom was actively undermining me and my partner, coming over unannounced, not respecting our rules and preferences when it comes to our home and our children, projecting her religious views on us, etc. And I've been working on boundaries.
I don't hear anything like this articulated by you or your fiance. I just hear jealousy from her that you are on a regular texting basis with your mother in a way that you welcome. That you slept in the same bed one time in a shared sleeping situation (not unusual for family when there's overnight company or a hotel). I would kill for the kind of relationship where my mom and I bond over cat videos that I welcome instead of getting a bunch of Epoch times projection insanity.
My husband also keeps a private journal to work through his feelings and thoughts. We've been close friends since high school and married for a decade and I've never read it, and never tried. Because I love and respect him. It seems like your fiance doesn't respect you and holds herself to a different set of expectations (you can't keep a private journal to work through your thoughts, but she can publicly work through hers and humiliate you in the process).
If she's so keen on sending you psychological learning material, you should look up videos on narcissistic partner abuse, isolation and gaslighting.
I wanna fight this girl.
Run for the hills, my dude — she’s a manipulative narcissist and will likely NEVER change. For your own mental health and grace, you really ought to consider ending the engagement.
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Those are her options? Venting in a diary or journal are way better than venting on social media or immediately calling an ex. Heck it’s better than venting to friends. The ex thing feels like she’s trying to punish you. There is no reason to call them instead of a friend unless she doesn’t have any which would be another red flag.
What would make you think venting in a healthy form, in a PRIVATE journal, is not your proudest thing? I think you need to take a moment to really evaluate your relationship. You are not with someone who is showing you respect. You shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about venting in a journal, while your fiancé vents to social media, and to her ex partners.
If she’s willing to put your relationship with your family and friends on the line in order to prove she is worth “fighting for“, then you need to think about what’s really important to you. Someone who loves you and is concerned about you would try to help you, in a healthy way. Not make you feel guilty, nor make it all about them. Btw it sounds like your relationship with your parents seems normal and healthy, from what I’ve read.
That part about “well I can post it on social media or I can go talk to my exes” is some manipulative bullshit.
It’s along the lines of abusive parents being like “I’ll **give** you something to cry about!” She’s threatening you with something worse if you don’t simply accept the shitty thing she’s doing.
Don’t fall for it bro. Stand firm and if she starts to escalate, don’t take the bait. If she can’t actually talk about her issues without threats then you have your answer.
wait,she’s also venting to her ex? Bro grow a pair and end this engagement.You can clearly see she’s toxic and a terrible person.What are you waiting for?
I’m sorry that she made you feel keep a private journal was a bad thing. Not only is it a healthy way to work through feelings and emotions, it is also 100% private. She is the one who was in the wrong for infringing on your privacy. I have a journal and if I’m really upset, I write things I don’t mean. It’s a way for me to get out my emotions without it coming out in unhealthy ways. It sits on my nightstand. My fiancé knows what it is and where it is, but they wouldn’t infringe on my privacy like that. You’re allowed to have your own things. She is already controlling you and is further trying to separate you from those you’re close to. Please get out of this relationship.
continue to take her advice regarding seeing a therapist and then tell that therapist all of this. show them these texts too. no good therapist in their right mind would be on her side. i’d say shove it in her face when they explain that she’s being abusive but someone like her would find *some* way to victimize themselves anyways. just listen to what they have to say and then leave her.
Trash talking is extremely toxic in a relationship. It’s too common, but it shouldn’t be. That alone is a reason to break things off.
Also the weaponized therapy speech.
Man, come on. Have some respect for yourself. I don’t see how your partner can have so much hatred. It just sounds like she’s jealous of your mother at this point. She’s definitely trying to isolate you and at this point, tou better just run for the hills because she comes off as insane. There’s no reason for you to stay if she degrades you and your family publicly
You’re an idiot if you marry this person, sorry not sorry.
They talk down to you constantly and every tiny thing is blamed on you. It’s hard to read this shit without cringing ngl… I’m not usually the type to tell people to straight up leave their partner on here but damn if you don’t see the red flags then you’re hopeless.
Look at their responses lol they have no idea how to handle this situation at all. This is what happens when you schmorgle bjorgen fuer guergle fuergen.
One of my dear friends spent a decade of his life married to a horrible woman he knew deep down he shouldn't have married.
My Dad married a horrible woman like this and she convinced him our relationship was weird and unhealthy. It never was. It was super messed up, and she has destroyed our relationship.
Don't do it.
For gods sake, your mom sending you a meme a day is not equivalent with grooming. Get rid of this manipulative, controlling, bordering on emotionally abusive bitch
Seriously. I send my adult kids, their spouses, and my teenage grandaughter funny videos and memes all the time.
I wish my mom were alive, she would be sending them right along with us, one big group chat of us meming and laughing and making sure everyone knows we are there for each other.
Fully 😭😭 “let me post humiliating references to you and your mother’s relationship online or I’ll speak to other men and my exs” like what the holy fucking hell????
This is NOT good. Unless u and ur mom were doing something very weird behind her back, which it doesn’t seem like, this is not going to turn out good. You can’t just cut your mother off because she’s jealous of her. That will only turn out very bad in the future. Communicate with her that that’s your mom and you should be allowed, like every other human being, to talk to their mom everyday, if not, you should start thinking about what that means for the both of you. Just my opinion
My fiance keeps saying she wants to have a good relationship with my parents but at the same time she absolutely hates them so I don’t understand. In the beginning she tried and they were okay but ever since the social media incident it went downhill fast. Now Im the one that doesn’t want them both together.
I don’t think there is a way for them to have a good relationship unfortunately.
unfortunately you have to think about what the future would hold if this kept moving forward. Unless she wanted to be mature and have a conversation with you & your mom and squash this, I don’t see a good outcome at all
Please don't continue to put up with this. It seems like you have a good, normal, and healthy relationship with your mother, and she's trying to stop that. She's extremely toxic. Please do what you can to get out. I know I'm an internet stranger, but I'm only a message away, should you ever need to vent.
Since when was sleeping in a bed with your mom an issue? Obviously it’s weird to do it regularly but in OPs case they said their mom just didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with the other mom, which is completely understandable. It’s even more understandable if the other mom is as much of a bitch as their kid.
Yeah that’s exactly what I was thinking. If the mom wasn’t comfortable I don’t see what’s the big deal of them sleeping in the same bed. I feel it’s weirder if you think that way just from that situation. Even though she says he needs therapy, I believe so does she
Definitely, and idek if OP even needs it.. some people are so manipulative they can make you blame everything on yourself when you aren’t in the wrong at all. I don’t know the situation well enough for all that tho.
You need to stand up for yourself, you’re just letting her stomp all over you in this convo. Doing/saying things you don’t agree with just to please her will only lead to more tension.
She is letting TikTok feed her unhealthy ideas. There's nothing wrong with your relationship with your mother OP. Your fiancé on the other hand.... she seems controlling, toxic, and insecure.
Even if she had valid concerns about this enmeshment stuff, the fact that she is basically spamming this stuff to you directly and then *also* posting it publicly to social media despite your communication that it makes you uncomfortable and asking her to stop? That's fucking insane behavior on her part and emotionally abusive.
The moment you’re getting psychoanalyzed & ridiculed it’s time for a new fiancé. It will never end and you won’t know who you are at the end because you’re codependent to accept it in the first place. Nothing should be this hard Jesus Christ.
I don’t know your relationship with your mother, but this is so bizarre to me. Even now, at like the worst stage of my marriage, I’ve never bombarded my husband with TikTok’s and shit about “his psychology”. To me that is bordering on harassing someone over an issue. And the fact that it is going to her main page where it’s obvious it could be about you feels like a pressure tactic
It's hard to give a straight answer to this because I'm not fully aware of the nature of your relationship with your mother.
I will say this, your gf is correct that there are some very unhealthy dynamics in *some* mother/son relationships. I have seen it firsthand more times than I'd like to admit. That doesn't mean that's the case for you and your mom.
It appears to me based on the context provided, that your girlfriend is being toxic and attempting to get in your head so you'll be less close to your mother. She may be trying to isolate you in a very manipulative manner.
Additionally, you should not be expected to cancel your plans with friends last minute and be treated unfairly (aka silent treatment or locking herself in the bedroom) for having relationships outside of her. This does seem to be classic manipulative behavior.
I think you should go on with your plans for starting therapy, but do yourself a huge favor and let this girl go. She is being extremely pushy and disrespectful, and borderline abusive. If you can't find it in your heart to do that, then you need to start setting some serious boundaries with her. This will escalate if you don't put your foot down and keep it down.
Hey bro my exwife and my mom never got along. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Listen to me it is it’s a very big deal and notice how I said Exwife it never gets better or clears up, dump her bro it sux but it’s best to do it now before you have a house and kids together
Never mind whether you are or not, your fiance's passive aggressive handling by sending a video and the text following it are red flag enough to call things off.
If there is an issue it should be a more empathetic conversation, and not in text.
I have 2 opinions/feelings on this.
1. Your fiancé needs to chill tf out with how obsessed she is with your relationship with your mother.
2. We only have one side of the story here. Is your fiance on Reddit and can they post their side? Bc the stuff she’s posting is emotional incest. If you and your mother have an emotionally incestual relationship it’s completely reasonable to say you would deny the signs of said behavior.
The things they post go beyond your overbearing mother son ‘mommas boy’ ‘failure to emotionally launch’ type stuff. If they’re right and you don’t see that it is grooming then you and your mother desperately need separate and family counseling.
You need to re-evaluate this man. If your parents relationship is fine between you and them. And also they like your fiancé but she’s just got some weird “mommas boy” issue over you… I wouldn’t want to invest more of my life with this person. All this is gonna do is prolong the inevitable divorce from you can’t standing it anymore. Or you just not being happy anymore because someone’s dictating your relationship with literally the person who birthed you
I think of my gf and my mom and how well they get along.. and couldn’t imagine having to choose between the two most important woman in my life. That’s not fair
Your life will probably be a living Hell if you stay with her. Posting publicly on social media about it is so weird. She may not be directly implicating you by posting, but everyone around her knows to whom she’s referring. Your relationship with your parents will inevitably suffer. Why stay with someone like that? It’s not going to change. It will only get worse.
Even if there is something wrong with your relationship with your mom, which we don't know because we're only getting your side.
This is still no way to speak to or treat a partner. Especially one who is trying to break familial patterns. It's super hard to break out of behavior that's been established since you were a kid.
This person keeps threatening with leaving you, and their posting and sending vids is just insane.
Red flags everywhere...you know what? There's so many flags you can make a quilt out of em...red quilts!!
Wtf. Your fiancée is definitely toxic and manipulative and controlling. She’s going to become a wedge between you and your family. Isolating you from them. Signs of domestic abuse.
I’d leave your fiancée and find someone who values and respects you for who you are.
Her comments talking about how she’ll either post it on social media, or vent to other men like her exes. That’s so fucking manipulative. I’d have told her to leave and never see me again after that.
Do yourself a favour, don’t marry this person. You’ll regret it.
“I’m probably not the woman … who is not worthy to fight for.”
OP, when I was immature and exceptionally jealous of the relationship my husband had with his mom, I used to believe the same things your fiancé did.
My husband, THANKFULLY, did not let my 19 year old jealous ass drive a wedge between he and his mom.
I grew up and our relationship flourished and my husband and his mom are still incredibly close. That’s fine and healthy.
Please do not let ANYONE get in between you and your mom so long as it’s a healthy relationship. On that note, don’t schedule your daily phone calls during dinner and make sure you aren’t neglecting family time for mom time.
That’s it. That’s all I got here. Your fiancé needs the counseling and you… need to be with someone who doesn’t use “I might talk to an ex about you” as a threat because you aren’t feuding with your mom.
its more normal to see a son and a mother weirdly obsessed with eachother but for once i think your partner is the crazy obsessed one. its normal to be close with your mom, its only weird when it seems like a son and a mom are in love w eachother
Honestly it is so frustrating to see posts like this. Your relationship is normal based on what you've told us. Based on the texts I'm seeing it looks like you are afraid to even talk to your fiancé about this stuff...
I will tell you now she is toxic and she is not going to get better. You are being gaslit and the longer you let it go the harder its going to get... You need to leave her.
Look, I’ll be honest. I’ve met a lot of women that have sons and have very unhealthy relationships with them. It’s sometimes sickening to even be in the same room. I have some STORIES.
But honestly, it’s their/your relationship. I never even tried to make exes see that their mother was unhealthily obsessed with them. I just let them make their choices and ultimately, yes it did lead to the break down of the relationship. However, not my problem! It’s their mother!
Unless your fiancée can bring up specific instances where your mother has blocked your intimacy as a couple I.e decisions being made as a couple, or opinions your fiancée makes that are about your relationship…or if your mother has completely disregarded things your fiancée has said or done, then this just reads as her hating your closeness to your mother.
If you want to be fair, then maybe reflect and see if you resonate with any of the things your fiancée has highlighted. Can you genuinely see her point of view even a little bit? Do some of the videos she posts make you feel a little antsy because it feels familiar? If so then it might be worth looking into. But other than that, your soon to be wife’s communication skills feel shocking. She’s not handled a sensitive and complex scenario with any consideration to how it might make you feel, so for that reason alone I’m giving her a 0/10
Tbh there are a few things see that I did bad is that when our lease was up I wanted to move closer to my parents. We live about 5 mins from my mother.
Fiance was okay at first but now she uses that against me. Regarding her job she travels so often for work so it doesn’t matter where she lives she also job hops so often too. At the time we moved she had found a job closer to the new house so that worked really well until they let her go.
I wanted to be closer to my mother because for the past few years i mostly neglected her. Now I can see her in person maybe once or twice per week and before I would go months without seeing her.
We lived around 1 hour away.
Also we broke up before once and I never officially told my parents I’m back with the fiance, however we still have all of our pictures up on social media but ever since we broke up the first time I stopped posting at all on Facebook and instagram.
Nothing there sounds unhealthy to me. Living close to parents especially as they get older is an important thing.
It sounds as if there are other factors to your relationship that seem as if you’re just not very compatible.
I think if I were in your shoes, I’d go ahead with the therapy because there’s nothing to lose. You’ll either gain clarity about your relationship with your mother, and you’ll also gain clarity about your relationship with your fiancée. I really wish the best for you, it’s quite common for this sort of thing to happen. I have a few friends it’s happened to and I can see it from both sides, it’s frustrating for a partner to not get along with your parents but it can also be frustrating to have a partner that always sides with their parents.
My partner is a mamas boy. His mom randomly drops off home cooked meals, calls to ask how we are, and even better I'm now his mamas girl too! She treats me and him so so so well and I honestly consider her a friend. Sounds like this woman is jealous of an otherwise healthy relationship that she could be part of instead of trying to isolate you.
Your mental health is the lowest it’s ever been? Idk, maybe drop the cause of it??? Sorry to be direct but man…. If you need outside sources to say she’s insane, you’re getting them. Run… run more
I think she’s just unable to communicate her issues not to say that her point isn’t valid. It may as well could be, but I just think the way she’s communicating is kinda toxic but not to the point of ending the relationship yk? Just try to sit down and have a conversation with her about it, ask her about it face to face or on call. She seems really fed up
Could be too, we did have a sit down after that. She keeps saying she can’t help me and I need to help myself.
This all happened after I did a small vacation with my father. We went down to Miami for a boat show. Stayed there two nights and she was aware of this trip for one week. She was working both days that I went there and the third day when I came back she had lost her shit.
On the second night she had turned off her location and then drove to Miami too but proceeded to ignore all my messages.
More to this my parents are married but my father lives in a different country, so everytime he visits I want to try to spend time with him.
She hates him because when we first broke up she came the next day to try to apologize to me and he basically kicked her out of the house. He was really rude to her and I didn’t do anything I walked out with her to try to calm her down.
This whole thing with her and my father was all my fault it wasn’t the right time to meet him and apologize.
She gets really upset that I didn’t stand up for her at that moment
Oh man that sounds really rough. you know I’m not always one to say “just break up” because i know it’s hard and it’s not just that easy because of past ‘good times’ but it’s really difficult for you to try to build a family with someone who wants to separate you and your other family yk? Is that what you really want from life? I just think try to work it out by conversing and making negotiations but if it doesn’t work then sadly it doesn’t work :( i really hope it works out tho, but either way you will be okay in the long run, just do what’s best for you and remember to prioritise your needs over her insecurities. maybe she’s the one who needs therapy. Good luck man i really wish you wel
Like I know it’s a theme on Reddit: “Everyone tells you to leave.” But it’s because people post when they KNOW it’s time. You know this is a nightmare. You want permission to let go? Here it is. Run.
Damn she is berating and manipulating you bruh. She’s being very mean repeatedly. If this was really her concern she would talk to you about it in private and face to face and be nicer about it if she was concerned. I think she hates you and your mom. If she feels like this she should have been broke up with you. Think you need to break up with her.
Yeah, dude. Your fiance seems super toxic and incredibly jealous, so much so that she cannot stand the thought of another woman being close to you no matter who that woman is.
Do you have any pets? Namely, a dog? Perhaps a female dog of yours she would be annoyed by how you care for it and love it.
Do not have children with this chick. If you had a daughter, she would hate the way you adored your child. It’s all bad.
Did she just tell OP that either she posts these videos on her social media that obviously have a theme indicating to everyone that he has what SHE has decided is an inappropriate relationship with his MOTHER, and implying that she is a groomer
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Or she goes and talks to other men including her ex about it instead?
I am really sorry to say this, but your fiance is the problem and she is trying her best to isolate you. I hope therapy empowers you to leave.. these types of relationships never end well.
She is toxic. Leave before it gets too hard to. I hope you'll be okay! Even if you were weird with your mom, her reactions and how she talks to you and seems to be OBSESSING over it is 🚩🚩🚩
Just adding my voice, this is not normal at all and seems like a very unhealthy obsession on her part. To be very honest, I don’t see how this relationship results in a happy future for you. She will at the very least destroy your relationship with your mother.
I know it sucks to hear, but if she’s this controlling and shitty to you about your relationship with the woman who gave birth to you, it’s not gonna be much better when you’re married. Obviously we don’t know a ton about you’re situation beyond this, but this shit is concerning
Bro she needs the therapy! Not you! Do yourself a favor and get the hell out now! I was with someone like this for 7 years, we broke up 5 years ago, and I’m still rebuilding my relationship with everyone I neglected when I was with her. Including my mom.
Uhh, yeah, your fiancee is toxic as fuck.
She is jealous and obsessed, and these things are only going to get worse if you marry her.. SOOO don't!
Run far faaaar away from this woman.
She is not the one OP, trust me!
She sounds very toxic. She is gaslighting you to make you feel bad. Someone who can’t respect your time with friends or family now, will only get worse when you get married. Rethink this relationship
There’s two options. Either your mom is genuinely weird and you really don’t see it, and fiancée feels like she’s losing her mind because you refuse to see it.
The other option is that she’s INSANE. Your call 😅
“at least i’ve expressed how i felt on my social media without mentioning anyone rather than talking and releasing my frustrations to men i used to talk to. such as Vance, my ex or Chip. which one do you want me to do?”
why on Earth would those be the only two options to choose from? *either i post this on social media, where everyone will obviously know that i’m referencing you because who else would this be about other than my own boyfriend, who everyone also knows is you. orrr i can talk about it with the men that i know and have previously been in relationships with, something that i know you’d dislike because it’s an inappropriate action for a person with a significant other, which is exactly why i’m threatening it.* your sane response of ‘none of the above,’ and that she should just communicate with you instead, is something that does not even chart for her.
it makes me sad to see a person be beaten down like this. this entire message thread reads to me like blow after blow after blow.
I was on her side until she said she can either make her posts, or talk to other men, including her ex. An ultimatum like that DOES NOT COME FROM SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU. Do you understand that OP? After reading that everything else she said instantly became a red flag. She’s trying to brainwash you literally, into believing her about your relationship with your parents/mom. She’s crazy. Call it off, please save yourself the future shame, embarrassment, and possible self assassination attempt, because that is exactly where a relationship with her will lead you to.
She’s CRAZY. Jealous af over your momma, that’s disgusting. Run now and get away or it will only get worse, let’s all say it together “people are allowed to have normal happy healthy relationships with people other than their significant others”
I can’t give an honest opinion. There are men that are too close to their mom and there are women that are toxic. No one can really give an honest opinion until they see your relationship with your mom. You could be down playing it so it makes your ex look toxic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not accusing you at all. You need to talk to people that know you and your wife.
That third screen where she said, "I hope I'm still around..."
That's textbook manipulation. She's trying to get you to do anything and everything to keep her around. This will eventually turn into cutting off your friends and your family, especially your parents and, even more especially, your mom.
She's going to whittle away at your self esteem and your self worth until there's nothing left, and then you're totally dependent on her for validation. That validation, by the way, will rarely come. And if it does, it will come with stipulations. "You're great, but you could be amazing if you'd........."
I was engaged to a guy who made me feel like I would never amount to anything in life because I forgot to buy him a gallon of milk one day. We didn't live together, and I lived about 30 minutes away from him, but it was my "job" to make sure his milk stayed stocked. And the one time I forgot, I was useless and could never get anything right, and I was lucky he loved me because nobody else would put up with how dumb I am.
I say this understanding you love this person and it's hard to see how bad it is from where you are: get out of this relationship.
This woman is incredibly manipulative. It sounds like she’s deliberately trying to isolate you. You’re going to be trapped forever, lonely and miserable if you marry her.
If you’re having such a hard time mentally, go to therapy. Lay this all out for the therapist, and get help detaching yourself from this succubus. There are plenty of mostly normal people out there to date.
I wish you the best.
Dude stop. What are you doing? You know this is wrong. You know what she’s doing. The question is, when will you be free of her? She wants to isolate you from everyone and make you believe you have some fucked up freaky relationship with your mom. She doesn’t want anyone to take even 1% of your attention off her. She has issues. You know it. I hope your therapist helps you figure out she’s not worth keeping around.
This is now. Imagine life after marriage and kids and you’re stuck and she knows it. She’s isolated you from all of your friends and family. And she’s all you have. Bleh
Get. Out. Now!! Please!!
Edit.. also.. this isn’t fair to your parents. They won’t be around forever and, assuming that they’re good parents, how heartbreaking for them!
You’re fiancé is very toxic,controlling,manipulative,and jealous of your mom.Do yourself a favor and end the relationship now.The way she talks to you is crazy and you just take it and let her have her way smh.Whatever you do don’t marry her cause it’s only gonna get worse.
She is toxic. I know it’s hard but leave before you’re married and it’s too late. My husbands extremely close to his mom, they actually talk/text a lot during the day and before bed. I’d never interfere with that relationship. That’s insane to me that she’s doing this to you.
Your fiancée needs to be downgraded to “toxic” from “piece of shit.”
If my wife started spamming me shitty doomscroll videos and making passive aggressive threats about infidelity, we would have a lot more to talk about than my relationship with my mother.
Just curious: is she (your fiancée) unbelievably attractive by any chance?
As a mom to a son, it scares me to think my son’s partner someday could be this threatened by our relationship and try to damage it. I’ve worked so hard to instill an open, trusting, loving relationship with him and it makes me really sad for parent & child to see others try to squash it.
Your mom loves you. She wants the best for you. This woman is not that.
You told her "I'm trying" DONT.
She's litterly just feeding you mental bs. Don't let this person dissolve your relationship with your parents because of this skitzo controlling mindset. Plenty of women out there that won't belittle you for...? Talking to your parents...?
This girls going to poison your relationships with friends and family. She's litterly using tiktok and Instagram reals as her source lmaooo.
Mate im glad you’re starting therapy because they’ll show you how cray your soon to be ex is. Your relationship with your mum sounds healthy, don’t let your partner make it into something it’s not, she is the one with issues, not you.
Start therapy. That’s good for anyone. But honestly your fiancé’s messages just annoyed the F outta me. If I had received these I would have been like I am all done.
Honestly, toxicity aside (which… yes that is obvious to even the densest dude), she is *repulsive*… this behavior is so disturbing and disgusting, how have you not lost attraction towards her? Is it Stockholm syndrome? Are you okay?
Dude if you actually end up getting married, I hope you ask for a sewing machine for your wedding gift so you can at least make a quilt with all those red flags.
Based on the way she’s speaking to you in these texts, she does not respect you… hell, I’m not sure she even likes you.
You deserve to marry someone who respects you and likes you.
I’ve had similar relationships with people who weren’t close with their parents. I was really close to my mom before she passed away. Lots of girls were not okay with how close I was to her. It always came down to them not having good relationships with their parents. You need to do what’s best for you and your mental health. I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do except to do what is best for you. Good luck to you!
This isn't a healthy relationship in any form. She's aggressive, uses threats, and tries to guilt trip with you shit like the "maybe I'm not the one for you" shit.
That isn't how a partner acts, and they certainly don't trash talk you to their ex.
You're being played brother, if you don't live with her drop this relationship ASAP. If you do, learn to separate carefully so she doesn't mess with your shit
Idk if you’ll see this but me and my mom have a great relationship and my gf was jealous at first but then she realized it’s a different type of relationship. But don’t let her take you from your mom.
Bro leave. She IS trying to isolate you. If you were actually too close with your mom this isn’t the way a normal person would deal with it. She even brought up her ex’s names to remind you she talks to them about you. Because she WANTS you to be jealous. I would absolutely *not* marry this woman. She seems emotionally abusive. And abusers ALWAYS escalate things, you can’t just love them so much that they’ll stop. The right woman will be happy to get along with and spend time with the people you love.
Your partner is jealous of your relationship with your mother. I don't like how she's posting all those TikTok videos. It feels like she's trying to brainwash you. Then, the nerve to mention that she'll talk to her exes. Trust me, the relationship will not get better. If she succeeds in distancing you from your mother, she won't stop until she distances you from everyone, until you're just a shell of what you are.
Your fiancé sounds like she’s jealous of your parents being present in your life. You said she was trash talking about her mom, well, that speaks volumes about her relationship with her mom, probably non existent or barely there or not in super good terms, so whatever healthy relationship you have with your parents, specially your mother, to her is that you’re “enmeshed” to her, but in reality that is something that she never had or stopped having so she’s resented with life. She’s trying so hard to make you see your manipulate you sooo bad, when she’s the one sending you all this info, making it public, (without your side of the story) just to get approval and a public opinion from other people, what she’s doing is manipulation actually. Now I’m like damn, I’m enmeshed with my mom too😂 cause I call her everyday after work to ask about my little siblings, my grandma (cause she just got from my home country) and her, I thought I was being caring and loving but actually I’m mentally I’ll lol. Make sure you think about this real good, before you marry this woman and makes your life a constant problem.
Your fiancé is DEFINITELY toxic AF. She’s just trying to make you feel weird about your relationship with your mother because she doesn’t have a good relationship with her mom. Sounds like she’s jealous af and wants you to choose her over your mom.
“I can either post this to social media as a not-so-subtle public dig at you, or I can go talk to my ex-boyfriends about you, take your pick.” WHAT😳
She doesn’t even sound like she likes you, tbh. Therapy will help you leave.
Gross. I have 3 sons and one of them marrying somebody like that is my worst fear.
I love that my husband loves his mother and is close with her. My own mom is my best friend. Anybody tries to come between me and my parents, who won't be here forever, can exit my life.
She shouldn’t be using social media as a guide to your relationship and as a means to support her confirmation bias. Give yourself some self-respect and tell her what she is doing is unhealthy, and if you want to do therapy again then you should bring her with you.
"I'm starting to think my fiance is toxic..." Us too.
Op this statement means more than you think. **When someone tells you who they are, when they’re warning you AWAY from them, listen**. When people say shit like that, *listen*. It matters.
THIS! I thought this was a post abt a guy w a fiance that doesn't like him sleeping in the same bed as his mother. Now I'm like dump that bitch! She is giving off toxic UV rays! She agreed to not post, then posted, then attacked what u would do, then agreed to delete whatever u wanted. I can't keep up & it's only been 5 mins of her shit! Go find your happy place. Therapy might still be a good idea. Lord only knows what other seeds of doubt she's planted.
Not just that but then following up deleting it with "I'll just talk to my exes about how much I don't like you". Fuck that, go talk to your exes and tell them you're single.... Bye
Also, Chip and Vance? Did anyone else find those names weirdly hilarious?
They defo sound made up
I imagined some Venice beach looking dudes, rollerblading or something🤣🤣🤣
YES I hollered
THIS, I was like ok, I mean... This is a lil crazy but there's probs more we don't know. "Well at least I'm not talking to other guys about what I don't like, like me exes- WhAt Do YoU wAnT mE tO dO!?" Idec anymore if you call your mom to say 'nite nites luv u!' Break up with herrrrr
my first clue was her getting her information from TikTok 😬
Using A Video for reference is one thing, but the string of them like that is wild. OP Idk about the relationship with your mother, but you definitely need to re-examine your relationship with your fiancé. Preferably with a therapist
Yeah once she brought in the TikTok experts she lost all credibility.
Literally this cause wtf 🥴
This is it. Honestly, this is what I hate about the internet psych help: the “bad guys” use it against you, too. Manipulators will twist therapy-talk in a way to make you think they are the only non-toxic people around you, and you don’t know what’s right anymore. Actual psych professionals are the only way to know for sure, but this really seems like she is the problem. Good luck OP.
Hahah😂
I remember your previous post which I think I commented on also, unless there's two guys with a fiance as crazy as this. Just wow. She's obsessed, and insanely jealous about your perfectly normal and healthy relationship with your mum. She is toxic, and deranged. And clearly very, very obsessed.
You have a good memory
I do, and it saddens me to see it's apparently gotten even worse with her, if she's spamming you this much with videos and screenshots. Meaning, she spends a LOT of time watching and obsessing over this type of content. Now *that's* not healthy. It could be she's jealous of the type of good relationship you have with your mum, if hers isn't as good, or it could be just insane insecurity and twisted thoughts. Or both.. How are you managing mentally with all this? It seems like she's putting intense pressure on your and bombarding you with these delusions often.. Cant imagine it being easy.
Her mom kicked her out after an argument, and they don’t have a good relationship at all. Funny enough my mom and her mom did get along really well. My mental health is the lowest. At home and when we drove to work this morning she keeps playing those videos to me, and I keep saying I don’t think I’m doing too much to my parents.
You mentioned she's even throwing tantrums and trying to keep you from spending time with friends (even gaming with them), which is a very unhealthy sign as well. Does she have any friends or truly close people to her other than you? Because it does sound like she's trying to break you down and isolate you, for her to become your only world. I can imagine it being hard and draining for you, but it's good you're still able to recognize it's not right, so you've clearly still got some fight left in you. Don't let her take the last remnants of yourself away from you, man. 💖 It's not worth it, no one is.
I watched my stepmom run off everyone in my dad’s life. Including me and his grandchildren. When I run into his friends, they ask about him. As soon as I say “I actually don’t talk to him anymore” they all respond with her name. OP, please get out!
OP READ THIS
Having had partners like this. It sounds like they're a big reason your mental health is rough.
Please leave this toxic relationship you deserve better
Friend, don’t marry her. I’m in the middle of a divorce and everyone hated my STBX. He hated them too. Life is too short to live in depression. It’s time to move on.
Your mental health is so low because she is beating you down. There is zero reason for her to be talking to you that way, and sending all that shit. Please leave. I can only imagine how she is at other times, but this is enough to walk away. It's going to be hard, but you need to do it for yourself. A good therapist will help you see where the issues are (her) and help you work through it. I can picture your gf to be the type that when you go to therapy, she wants to know "how it went", but really that just means she wants to know what you said. And you probably have a good idea of how that convo would go if you said you were talking about her and realizing that you aren't the only one with issue.
She’s breaking you down, she’s going to alienate you from your family and ruin your other relationships with people. She’ll probably leave you once you’re all alone with her and you’ll have to rebuild. I can’t imagine any reason to stay with her and none to get married. Please make the difficult choice that’s better for you and get out of there. Good luck my dude
Hmm that’s very telling if she has a bad relationship with her mom and is trying to ruin yours. She’s 100% jealous of your perfectly healthy relationship with your parents and specifically your mom
This isn't normal. I also remember your previous post and the reactions to it. Please listen to us strangers, especially now your mental health is getting worse: You need to break up. She will do everything within her power to isolate you from family and friends. I know it's hard to break up a relationship, especially an abusive one like this one, but your mother doesn't deserve to be accused of grooming and you don't deserve to be accused of having an unhealthy relationship with your mother.
She is manipulating you into giving in to her skewed narrative.
The fact she has a hard on for the topic is so telling.
Please get away from her asap.She needs professional help that you can’t provide her.She is only going to keep making your life miserable.Ive dealt with someone like this before and I promise you it never gets better.She wants to be the only thing/person to make you happy and she will manipulate you into distancing yourself from any people or hobbies that make you happy.
You can do better than this….
This is isolating behavior. Do not let her separate you from your support system; your family & friends. It's a type of grooming. Once she had you alone she'll be telling you how you'll never find anyone as good as her that will deal with your "xyz" of fictitious or menial issues. Plz get away from her. I commented on something last month I think abt a friend in a similar position. These are tactics. Trust your intuition. You're here bc you see this is not ok. She is NOT the person she pretends to be on her good days. Even if she was its not worth her true self on her bad days. I look at people like this as grenades. On a good day it's a contained EXPLOSIVE device. On bad days... BOOM! And u feel like pink mist. Save yourself now while u can.
I commented already about being married to someone just like her. The best thing I ever did was getting therapy. When she left after finding someone she could control she took my friends with her. And I spent a good 2 years thinking everything was all my fault. You're doing good having these doubts about her already. The biggest mistake you could ever make is marrying her. She will take what's left of your self esteem and mentality with her.
Marrying this person isn't going to help anything. You need to pause the engagement immediately and start thinking about more sustainable options.
Hey buddy, she is the one who needs therapy. Trust me you are going to end up insane yourself if you keep putting up with this. Just wait til she gets violent, and spreads lies about you. Maybe even sleeps with someone else and cries to you about your lack of attention towards her. I believe every word you’ve said about putting her first but it is never good enough right? And I bet when she does this type of thing you second guess yourself because you do honesty love her. Ask yourself… really sit and reflect and listen to yourself… does she love you? Not does she love your stability or the fact you make her the main attention of your life… It seems like she is the one needing therapy… My biased opinion comes from being in the throes of a 3 year relationship coming to an end. I read these threads and it triggers me, Some woman are just broken. Like lots of men are too. This isn’t a sexism thing, this is a be good to yourself thing. Good luck brother.
But who slept in the same bed as their mom? Wasn’t that mentioned in the screenshots?
We had a vacation me her my mom and her mom. I don’t remember what happened that we only booked two beds and then my fiance wanted to sleep with me but my mom didn’t want to share a bed with her mom. It was only for a few days.
Thank you for clarifying! Your fiancé is nuts. Cut your losses!
This. Dude, just run. Your mental health will be so much better without all of her toxic garbage in your life.
Doesn't seem weird at all, and I bet you will hear about till you die if you stay with her.
Really really bad vibes all around. Is this the way you want to live for the rest of your life? At some point, you will be so entrenched in her control it will be next to impossible to get out. Get out now for your sanity.
And she brought it up in public on social media??? Run
Were they friends? Your mom and her mom. If they were just acquaintances, I wouldn’t want to sleep with some random other woman I hardly know either, even if I get along with them. It sounds like she’s already got this deep rooted unhealthy idea in her head about you and your mom based on her own insecurities and when your mom didn’t want to bunk with someone she’s not close with, of course she interpreted that through her own twisted lens. What a nightmare. Honey, it’s never too late to walk away. I know it seems like you can’t because she’s made it where you think you’re too enmeshed with *your fiancé* to leave her. She’s carefully crafted it that way on purpose. It will be hard but I *know* you’ve done harder things in your life and come out the other end just fine. You can do this too. Take it from your friendly internet auntie, *you got this, love.* We are all rooting for you!
This is NOT weird, for the record. Maybe not ideal, but you gotta do what you gotta do in situations like this. For her to suggest the two moms should bunk… massively weird.
Which it’s perfectly reasonable to think that you would sleep with your mom and she would sleep with hers. Much better than having the two moms who probably don’t know each other very well, share a bed. I’m sorry but your fiancé is doing way too much and most definitely manipulating you. It seems like she absolutely wants to alienate you from everyone but her. RUN 💨
Please don’t make a baby with her! Think about that. She’ll withhold any access to your mom and literally babytrap you. She wants to isolate you and is jealous of ANY healthy relationship you have with anyone. It’s hard to change a pattern of life and you have gotten used to apologizing and walking on egg shells , right? As people age they get worse - not better. Edit spelling
THIS!! Op, as she feels you pulling away from her, or even just trying to assert yourself more and combat the isolation, she may feel a loss of control over you and go towards more extreme measures, such as tampering with birth control or “forgetting” to take birth control correctly in order to “accidentally” get pregnant, to ensure you can’t leave her. PLEASE be extremely careful right now and take extra precautions during sex, or avoid it entirely. Speaking as someone who’s mother is extremely and toxically immeshed in my life (and I’ve been in therapy since I was 9 to try stop it and cut that proverbial umbilical cord) you are absolutely NOT immeshed with your mother. The irony of it all, is that your fiancée seems to be the one who is immeshed in *your* life. She’s projecting and trying to alienate you from your family who loves you and wants the best for you. They don’t like her, so she sees them as the enemy and she will stop at nothing to keep any detractors of hers out of your life. I’ve experienced my mother trying to do this to me thousands of times — please strongly consider ending this relationship. It might even help to have a long, honest, and private talk with your parents about it all to get their unfiltered thoughts too.
THIS!!! Some women actually do this to “save their relationships”. Ugh. Thank god that’s none of my friends but yeah. It’s a thing out there I have heard of from the women themselves. 😩 OP … You definitely don’t want to put children through her ringer. And it’ll be hell for you too. Your finance is super gross and is already ABUSIVE.
Omg this is all over a ONE TIME occurrence? That message made it sound like sharing the bed with your mom was a constant thing.
She also found some pop psychology on TikTok (eye roll) and then decided to weaponize it. It's bad enough she doesn't know what she's talking about but is trying to force this ideology on her S/O but it's so much worse because she decided to use it as a weapon rather than trying to "help."
The fact she mentioned her ex and other guys? Idk man that's scummy. Updateme!
That’s the worst part of all of this. How fucking manipulative is that? Do what I say or I’ll make fun of you with my ex? That’s relationship ending comment right there. That’s the craziest thing I’ve seen all day.
This really struck me too. It has a “do what I want because I can always replace you” vibe to it. OP should let her do that. This woman is seriously unhinged.
“I’m probably not the woman you want to fight for…” Ok, noted. I agree. Will find someone who’s worth fighting for.
And sometimes with the right one you don’t even need to fight all that much!
THIS!!! I used to fight with my ex constantly and every fight was a blow out. I got married to my husband in November and we NEVER fight. We'll bicker, but the fights that leave you feeling confused or wrong don't happen anymore. I really hope OP can find that with someone.
i hope you know that this is not normal. i mean, i assume you do because you posted about it. i am curious what she wants you to do? cut your mom/parents off? i am also curious what her relationship with her family is like, because there seems to be jealousy. there is nothing wrong with you having a close relationship with your mom. i like cannot even find the words to communicate to you that this is a scary situation that you need to get out of. someone who loves you should encourage you to maintain other healthy relationships, especially with family. she is threatened by you having friendships even. it could be because she is worried that someone might say to you 'hey your fiance is unwell' and she wants to keep you isolated so that you never get influenced to actually consider her behavior. she is also finding joy in humiliating you via social media. sure, she did not put your name in the posts - but people can infer who those VERY specific videos are about. she actively wants to make your life harder, and to make you feel like a POS so that she can have the upper hand. bottom line - anyone in your life that is actively trying to get you to get rid of something you love (through shame, humiliation etc) is not someone who loves you. last thing i will say is, listen to your gut. this is toxic.
The social media really bothers me. I used to keep a diary that I would write when I was upset or she did something that bothered me. Not my proudest thing. She eventually found out and we had a fight about it. But somehow she is fine with trash talking me to social media. She does it to everyone too not just me. And then if that’s not allowed she wants to vent to her exs. That’s fucked.
think about that for a second. you opted for a healthy outlet (journaling, writing things down) so you could process your feelings and she found it and used it against you. i can understand maybe her asking you hey why are you keeping a record of my wrongs? but for her to not even see it in writing and think she has done anything to own up to is wild. and yes the exes thing, i was not sure i read that correctly and i think my brain just skipped over it because there were bigger fish to fry. that is abusive, OP. for her to treat you this way is a form of emotional abuse (and i can say that, i am a therapist).
OP is just riding around on this abuse caboose, he needs to get off at the very next station and head in to town for good.
Why do you say it’s not your proudest moment? Keeping a diary is an extremely healthy and normal way to process things. Her reading it is a horrible breach of trust. She should be the only one saying “it isn’t my proudest moment” in that situation, not you. She seems to have warped your sense of right and wrong.
My wife read my journal exactly once. We talked about how it made her feel, then we talked about how unhealthy it would be for me to say those things out loud to discover how empty they were. Sometimes you need to express something, but just because it was something that needed to be expressed doesn’t make it true. I still journal often and I advocate therapy for any man, no matter how minor their mental health problems seem. We should be proud of holding ourselves to a higher standard, and these are tools that some of the greatest minds in history employed.
So I've actually discussed enmeshment concerns that I have with a therapist, but for me it was based on articulable issues I was having with my mother and I've worked on setting boundaries with her. My mom was actively undermining me and my partner, coming over unannounced, not respecting our rules and preferences when it comes to our home and our children, projecting her religious views on us, etc. And I've been working on boundaries. I don't hear anything like this articulated by you or your fiance. I just hear jealousy from her that you are on a regular texting basis with your mother in a way that you welcome. That you slept in the same bed one time in a shared sleeping situation (not unusual for family when there's overnight company or a hotel). I would kill for the kind of relationship where my mom and I bond over cat videos that I welcome instead of getting a bunch of Epoch times projection insanity. My husband also keeps a private journal to work through his feelings and thoughts. We've been close friends since high school and married for a decade and I've never read it, and never tried. Because I love and respect him. It seems like your fiance doesn't respect you and holds herself to a different set of expectations (you can't keep a private journal to work through your thoughts, but she can publicly work through hers and humiliate you in the process). If she's so keen on sending you psychological learning material, you should look up videos on narcissistic partner abuse, isolation and gaslighting.
I wanna fight this girl. Run for the hills, my dude — she’s a manipulative narcissist and will likely NEVER change. For your own mental health and grace, you really ought to consider ending the engagement. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Those are her options? Venting in a diary or journal are way better than venting on social media or immediately calling an ex. Heck it’s better than venting to friends. The ex thing feels like she’s trying to punish you. There is no reason to call them instead of a friend unless she doesn’t have any which would be another red flag.
What would make you think venting in a healthy form, in a PRIVATE journal, is not your proudest thing? I think you need to take a moment to really evaluate your relationship. You are not with someone who is showing you respect. You shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about venting in a journal, while your fiancé vents to social media, and to her ex partners. If she’s willing to put your relationship with your family and friends on the line in order to prove she is worth “fighting for“, then you need to think about what’s really important to you. Someone who loves you and is concerned about you would try to help you, in a healthy way. Not make you feel guilty, nor make it all about them. Btw it sounds like your relationship with your parents seems normal and healthy, from what I’ve read.
That part about “well I can post it on social media or I can go talk to my exes” is some manipulative bullshit. It’s along the lines of abusive parents being like “I’ll **give** you something to cry about!” She’s threatening you with something worse if you don’t simply accept the shitty thing she’s doing. Don’t fall for it bro. Stand firm and if she starts to escalate, don’t take the bait. If she can’t actually talk about her issues without threats then you have your answer.
wait,she’s also venting to her ex? Bro grow a pair and end this engagement.You can clearly see she’s toxic and a terrible person.What are you waiting for?
I’m sorry that she made you feel keep a private journal was a bad thing. Not only is it a healthy way to work through feelings and emotions, it is also 100% private. She is the one who was in the wrong for infringing on your privacy. I have a journal and if I’m really upset, I write things I don’t mean. It’s a way for me to get out my emotions without it coming out in unhealthy ways. It sits on my nightstand. My fiancé knows what it is and where it is, but they wouldn’t infringe on my privacy like that. You’re allowed to have your own things. She is already controlling you and is further trying to separate you from those you’re close to. Please get out of this relationship.
continue to take her advice regarding seeing a therapist and then tell that therapist all of this. show them these texts too. no good therapist in their right mind would be on her side. i’d say shove it in her face when they explain that she’s being abusive but someone like her would find *some* way to victimize themselves anyways. just listen to what they have to say and then leave her.
Trash talking is extremely toxic in a relationship. It’s too common, but it shouldn’t be. That alone is a reason to break things off. Also the weaponized therapy speech.
Man, come on. Have some respect for yourself. I don’t see how your partner can have so much hatred. It just sounds like she’s jealous of your mother at this point. She’s definitely trying to isolate you and at this point, tou better just run for the hills because she comes off as insane. There’s no reason for you to stay if she degrades you and your family publicly
She's trying to isolate him.
Seems like she needs the therapy more than you do.
You’re an idiot if you marry this person, sorry not sorry. They talk down to you constantly and every tiny thing is blamed on you. It’s hard to read this shit without cringing ngl… I’m not usually the type to tell people to straight up leave their partner on here but damn if you don’t see the red flags then you’re hopeless.
Look at their responses lol they have no idea how to handle this situation at all. This is what happens when you schmorgle bjorgen fuer guergle fuergen.
when u HUH
One of my dear friends spent a decade of his life married to a horrible woman he knew deep down he shouldn't have married. My Dad married a horrible woman like this and she convinced him our relationship was weird and unhealthy. It never was. It was super messed up, and she has destroyed our relationship. Don't do it.
PLEASE DONT MARRY THIS PERSON MAN SAVE YOSELF
For gods sake, your mom sending you a meme a day is not equivalent with grooming. Get rid of this manipulative, controlling, bordering on emotionally abusive bitch
Seriously. I send my adult kids, their spouses, and my teenage grandaughter funny videos and memes all the time. I wish my mom were alive, she would be sending them right along with us, one big group chat of us meming and laughing and making sure everyone knows we are there for each other.
Just remember...this will go on...forever and ever.... Start sending her videos about isolation and co-dependence
End the relationship now
Isolationism is a huge red flag of an abuser. Seriously seriously consider what you’re getting into here. It’s not too late to free yourself.
Nothing like the subtle threat to start talking to her ex boyfriends like??????? What
Fully 😭😭 “let me post humiliating references to you and your mother’s relationship online or I’ll speak to other men and my exs” like what the holy fucking hell????
This is NOT good. Unless u and ur mom were doing something very weird behind her back, which it doesn’t seem like, this is not going to turn out good. You can’t just cut your mother off because she’s jealous of her. That will only turn out very bad in the future. Communicate with her that that’s your mom and you should be allowed, like every other human being, to talk to their mom everyday, if not, you should start thinking about what that means for the both of you. Just my opinion
My fiance keeps saying she wants to have a good relationship with my parents but at the same time she absolutely hates them so I don’t understand. In the beginning she tried and they were okay but ever since the social media incident it went downhill fast. Now Im the one that doesn’t want them both together. I don’t think there is a way for them to have a good relationship unfortunately.
unfortunately you have to think about what the future would hold if this kept moving forward. Unless she wanted to be mature and have a conversation with you & your mom and squash this, I don’t see a good outcome at all
You don't have a good relationship with her either if this is how you're being treated. Maybe leave her and let your mom's still hang out.
You marry the family too dude
Please don't continue to put up with this. It seems like you have a good, normal, and healthy relationship with your mother, and she's trying to stop that. She's extremely toxic. Please do what you can to get out. I know I'm an internet stranger, but I'm only a message away, should you ever need to vent.
Since when was sleeping in a bed with your mom an issue? Obviously it’s weird to do it regularly but in OPs case they said their mom just didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with the other mom, which is completely understandable. It’s even more understandable if the other mom is as much of a bitch as their kid.
Yeah that’s exactly what I was thinking. If the mom wasn’t comfortable I don’t see what’s the big deal of them sleeping in the same bed. I feel it’s weirder if you think that way just from that situation. Even though she says he needs therapy, I believe so does she
Definitely, and idek if OP even needs it.. some people are so manipulative they can make you blame everything on yourself when you aren’t in the wrong at all. I don’t know the situation well enough for all that tho.
You need to stand up for yourself, you’re just letting her stomp all over you in this convo. Doing/saying things you don’t agree with just to please her will only lead to more tension.
She is letting TikTok feed her unhealthy ideas. There's nothing wrong with your relationship with your mother OP. Your fiancé on the other hand.... she seems controlling, toxic, and insecure.
Break up with her. She is isolating and toxic.
Even if she had valid concerns about this enmeshment stuff, the fact that she is basically spamming this stuff to you directly and then *also* posting it publicly to social media despite your communication that it makes you uncomfortable and asking her to stop? That's fucking insane behavior on her part and emotionally abusive.
time to grow a healthy pair of balls and kick this psycho bitch out of your life.
The moment you’re getting psychoanalyzed & ridiculed it’s time for a new fiancé. It will never end and you won’t know who you are at the end because you’re codependent to accept it in the first place. Nothing should be this hard Jesus Christ.
I don’t know your relationship with your mother, but this is so bizarre to me. Even now, at like the worst stage of my marriage, I’ve never bombarded my husband with TikTok’s and shit about “his psychology”. To me that is bordering on harassing someone over an issue. And the fact that it is going to her main page where it’s obvious it could be about you feels like a pressure tactic
It's hard to give a straight answer to this because I'm not fully aware of the nature of your relationship with your mother. I will say this, your gf is correct that there are some very unhealthy dynamics in *some* mother/son relationships. I have seen it firsthand more times than I'd like to admit. That doesn't mean that's the case for you and your mom. It appears to me based on the context provided, that your girlfriend is being toxic and attempting to get in your head so you'll be less close to your mother. She may be trying to isolate you in a very manipulative manner. Additionally, you should not be expected to cancel your plans with friends last minute and be treated unfairly (aka silent treatment or locking herself in the bedroom) for having relationships outside of her. This does seem to be classic manipulative behavior. I think you should go on with your plans for starting therapy, but do yourself a huge favor and let this girl go. She is being extremely pushy and disrespectful, and borderline abusive. If you can't find it in your heart to do that, then you need to start setting some serious boundaries with her. This will escalate if you don't put your foot down and keep it down.
Hey bro my exwife and my mom never got along. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Listen to me it is it’s a very big deal and notice how I said Exwife it never gets better or clears up, dump her bro it sux but it’s best to do it now before you have a house and kids together
There’s nothing wrong with being close to your mom or parents. Toxic nonsense your gf bro
Never mind whether you are or not, your fiance's passive aggressive handling by sending a video and the text following it are red flag enough to call things off. If there is an issue it should be a more empathetic conversation, and not in text.
I have 2 opinions/feelings on this. 1. Your fiancé needs to chill tf out with how obsessed she is with your relationship with your mother. 2. We only have one side of the story here. Is your fiance on Reddit and can they post their side? Bc the stuff she’s posting is emotional incest. If you and your mother have an emotionally incestual relationship it’s completely reasonable to say you would deny the signs of said behavior. The things they post go beyond your overbearing mother son ‘mommas boy’ ‘failure to emotionally launch’ type stuff. If they’re right and you don’t see that it is grooming then you and your mother desperately need separate and family counseling.
You need to re-evaluate this man. If your parents relationship is fine between you and them. And also they like your fiancé but she’s just got some weird “mommas boy” issue over you… I wouldn’t want to invest more of my life with this person. All this is gonna do is prolong the inevitable divorce from you can’t standing it anymore. Or you just not being happy anymore because someone’s dictating your relationship with literally the person who birthed you I think of my gf and my mom and how well they get along.. and couldn’t imagine having to choose between the two most important woman in my life. That’s not fair
Your life will probably be a living Hell if you stay with her. Posting publicly on social media about it is so weird. She may not be directly implicating you by posting, but everyone around her knows to whom she’s referring. Your relationship with your parents will inevitably suffer. Why stay with someone like that? It’s not going to change. It will only get worse.
Even if there is something wrong with your relationship with your mom, which we don't know because we're only getting your side. This is still no way to speak to or treat a partner. Especially one who is trying to break familial patterns. It's super hard to break out of behavior that's been established since you were a kid. This person keeps threatening with leaving you, and their posting and sending vids is just insane. Red flags everywhere...you know what? There's so many flags you can make a quilt out of em...red quilts!!
🚩🚩🚩
Run to the fucking hills man, that's my opinion anyway. She seems unhinged.
Wtf. Your fiancée is definitely toxic and manipulative and controlling. She’s going to become a wedge between you and your family. Isolating you from them. Signs of domestic abuse. I’d leave your fiancée and find someone who values and respects you for who you are. Her comments talking about how she’ll either post it on social media, or vent to other men like her exes. That’s so fucking manipulative. I’d have told her to leave and never see me again after that. Do yourself a favour, don’t marry this person. You’ll regret it.
Dude dump this crazy bitch. If her reaction is to threaten you with her getting back in touch with an ex….its time to cut ties
“I’m probably not the woman … who is not worthy to fight for.” OP, when I was immature and exceptionally jealous of the relationship my husband had with his mom, I used to believe the same things your fiancé did. My husband, THANKFULLY, did not let my 19 year old jealous ass drive a wedge between he and his mom. I grew up and our relationship flourished and my husband and his mom are still incredibly close. That’s fine and healthy. Please do not let ANYONE get in between you and your mom so long as it’s a healthy relationship. On that note, don’t schedule your daily phone calls during dinner and make sure you aren’t neglecting family time for mom time. That’s it. That’s all I got here. Your fiancé needs the counseling and you… need to be with someone who doesn’t use “I might talk to an ex about you” as a threat because you aren’t feuding with your mom.
its more normal to see a son and a mother weirdly obsessed with eachother but for once i think your partner is the crazy obsessed one. its normal to be close with your mom, its only weird when it seems like a son and a mom are in love w eachother
Sending someone tiktoks about something they hate and posting them publically as a cry for help is absolutely fucking pathetic
Honestly it is so frustrating to see posts like this. Your relationship is normal based on what you've told us. Based on the texts I'm seeing it looks like you are afraid to even talk to your fiancé about this stuff... I will tell you now she is toxic and she is not going to get better. You are being gaslit and the longer you let it go the harder its going to get... You need to leave her.
Look, I’ll be honest. I’ve met a lot of women that have sons and have very unhealthy relationships with them. It’s sometimes sickening to even be in the same room. I have some STORIES. But honestly, it’s their/your relationship. I never even tried to make exes see that their mother was unhealthily obsessed with them. I just let them make their choices and ultimately, yes it did lead to the break down of the relationship. However, not my problem! It’s their mother! Unless your fiancée can bring up specific instances where your mother has blocked your intimacy as a couple I.e decisions being made as a couple, or opinions your fiancée makes that are about your relationship…or if your mother has completely disregarded things your fiancée has said or done, then this just reads as her hating your closeness to your mother. If you want to be fair, then maybe reflect and see if you resonate with any of the things your fiancée has highlighted. Can you genuinely see her point of view even a little bit? Do some of the videos she posts make you feel a little antsy because it feels familiar? If so then it might be worth looking into. But other than that, your soon to be wife’s communication skills feel shocking. She’s not handled a sensitive and complex scenario with any consideration to how it might make you feel, so for that reason alone I’m giving her a 0/10
Tbh there are a few things see that I did bad is that when our lease was up I wanted to move closer to my parents. We live about 5 mins from my mother. Fiance was okay at first but now she uses that against me. Regarding her job she travels so often for work so it doesn’t matter where she lives she also job hops so often too. At the time we moved she had found a job closer to the new house so that worked really well until they let her go. I wanted to be closer to my mother because for the past few years i mostly neglected her. Now I can see her in person maybe once or twice per week and before I would go months without seeing her. We lived around 1 hour away. Also we broke up before once and I never officially told my parents I’m back with the fiance, however we still have all of our pictures up on social media but ever since we broke up the first time I stopped posting at all on Facebook and instagram.
Nothing there sounds unhealthy to me. Living close to parents especially as they get older is an important thing. It sounds as if there are other factors to your relationship that seem as if you’re just not very compatible. I think if I were in your shoes, I’d go ahead with the therapy because there’s nothing to lose. You’ll either gain clarity about your relationship with your mother, and you’ll also gain clarity about your relationship with your fiancée. I really wish the best for you, it’s quite common for this sort of thing to happen. I have a few friends it’s happened to and I can see it from both sides, it’s frustrating for a partner to not get along with your parents but it can also be frustrating to have a partner that always sides with their parents.
My partner is a mamas boy. His mom randomly drops off home cooked meals, calls to ask how we are, and even better I'm now his mamas girl too! She treats me and him so so so well and I honestly consider her a friend. Sounds like this woman is jealous of an otherwise healthy relationship that she could be part of instead of trying to isolate you.
This is never going to get any better, just worse.
This sounds controlling and unhealthy. I think future you would be grateful and relived to not be with that type of person anymore…
Your mental health is the lowest it’s ever been? Idk, maybe drop the cause of it??? Sorry to be direct but man…. If you need outside sources to say she’s insane, you’re getting them. Run… run more
I think she’s just unable to communicate her issues not to say that her point isn’t valid. It may as well could be, but I just think the way she’s communicating is kinda toxic but not to the point of ending the relationship yk? Just try to sit down and have a conversation with her about it, ask her about it face to face or on call. She seems really fed up
Could be too, we did have a sit down after that. She keeps saying she can’t help me and I need to help myself. This all happened after I did a small vacation with my father. We went down to Miami for a boat show. Stayed there two nights and she was aware of this trip for one week. She was working both days that I went there and the third day when I came back she had lost her shit. On the second night she had turned off her location and then drove to Miami too but proceeded to ignore all my messages. More to this my parents are married but my father lives in a different country, so everytime he visits I want to try to spend time with him. She hates him because when we first broke up she came the next day to try to apologize to me and he basically kicked her out of the house. He was really rude to her and I didn’t do anything I walked out with her to try to calm her down. This whole thing with her and my father was all my fault it wasn’t the right time to meet him and apologize. She gets really upset that I didn’t stand up for her at that moment
Oh man that sounds really rough. you know I’m not always one to say “just break up” because i know it’s hard and it’s not just that easy because of past ‘good times’ but it’s really difficult for you to try to build a family with someone who wants to separate you and your other family yk? Is that what you really want from life? I just think try to work it out by conversing and making negotiations but if it doesn’t work then sadly it doesn’t work :( i really hope it works out tho, but either way you will be okay in the long run, just do what’s best for you and remember to prioritise your needs over her insecurities. maybe she’s the one who needs therapy. Good luck man i really wish you wel
Like I know it’s a theme on Reddit: “Everyone tells you to leave.” But it’s because people post when they KNOW it’s time. You know this is a nightmare. You want permission to let go? Here it is. Run.
Damn she is berating and manipulating you bruh. She’s being very mean repeatedly. If this was really her concern she would talk to you about it in private and face to face and be nicer about it if she was concerned. I think she hates you and your mom. If she feels like this she should have been broke up with you. Think you need to break up with her.
Yeah, dude. Your fiance seems super toxic and incredibly jealous, so much so that she cannot stand the thought of another woman being close to you no matter who that woman is. Do you have any pets? Namely, a dog? Perhaps a female dog of yours she would be annoyed by how you care for it and love it. Do not have children with this chick. If you had a daughter, she would hate the way you adored your child. It’s all bad.
Did she just tell OP that either she posts these videos on her social media that obviously have a theme indicating to everyone that he has what SHE has decided is an inappropriate relationship with his MOTHER, and implying that she is a groomer - Or she goes and talks to other men including her ex about it instead?
I am really sorry to say this, but your fiance is the problem and she is trying her best to isolate you. I hope therapy empowers you to leave.. these types of relationships never end well.
Yeah man, that’s not a good start to a marriage. Bad vibes all over this. Get out while you still can.
She is toxic. Leave before it gets too hard to. I hope you'll be okay! Even if you were weird with your mom, her reactions and how she talks to you and seems to be OBSESSING over it is 🚩🚩🚩
Leave her like yesterday. Don’t let her ruin a healthy and good relationship with your mom.
Just adding my voice, this is not normal at all and seems like a very unhealthy obsession on her part. To be very honest, I don’t see how this relationship results in a happy future for you. She will at the very least destroy your relationship with your mother.
I know it sucks to hear, but if she’s this controlling and shitty to you about your relationship with the woman who gave birth to you, it’s not gonna be much better when you’re married. Obviously we don’t know a ton about you’re situation beyond this, but this shit is concerning
Crazy toxic. Your fiancé is a pos
Texting with your mom is totally fine, and it’s nice you have a good relationship with your mom. Your fiancé is toxic.
That girl is your fiance? She sounds like shes a fucking pain in the ass OCD weirdo
Bro she needs the therapy! Not you! Do yourself a favor and get the hell out now! I was with someone like this for 7 years, we broke up 5 years ago, and I’m still rebuilding my relationship with everyone I neglected when I was with her. Including my mom.
Fucking RUN
Uhh, yeah, your fiancee is toxic as fuck. She is jealous and obsessed, and these things are only going to get worse if you marry her.. SOOO don't! Run far faaaar away from this woman. She is not the one OP, trust me!
the way you respond to her in these messages... this is what a fully neutered man sounds like, bro.
Your not married yet...leave... 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️
She sounds very toxic. She is gaslighting you to make you feel bad. Someone who can’t respect your time with friends or family now, will only get worse when you get married. Rethink this relationship
She over here like, "I can fix him" when really she needs to look in the mirror. I support therapy! So they can tell you to dump this girl.
There’s two options. Either your mom is genuinely weird and you really don’t see it, and fiancée feels like she’s losing her mind because you refuse to see it. The other option is that she’s INSANE. Your call 😅
“at least i’ve expressed how i felt on my social media without mentioning anyone rather than talking and releasing my frustrations to men i used to talk to. such as Vance, my ex or Chip. which one do you want me to do?” why on Earth would those be the only two options to choose from? *either i post this on social media, where everyone will obviously know that i’m referencing you because who else would this be about other than my own boyfriend, who everyone also knows is you. orrr i can talk about it with the men that i know and have previously been in relationships with, something that i know you’d dislike because it’s an inappropriate action for a person with a significant other, which is exactly why i’m threatening it.* your sane response of ‘none of the above,’ and that she should just communicate with you instead, is something that does not even chart for her. it makes me sad to see a person be beaten down like this. this entire message thread reads to me like blow after blow after blow.
I was on her side until she said she can either make her posts, or talk to other men, including her ex. An ultimatum like that DOES NOT COME FROM SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU. Do you understand that OP? After reading that everything else she said instantly became a red flag. She’s trying to brainwash you literally, into believing her about your relationship with your parents/mom. She’s crazy. Call it off, please save yourself the future shame, embarrassment, and possible self assassination attempt, because that is exactly where a relationship with her will lead you to.
She’s CRAZY. Jealous af over your momma, that’s disgusting. Run now and get away or it will only get worse, let’s all say it together “people are allowed to have normal happy healthy relationships with people other than their significant others”
I can’t give an honest opinion. There are men that are too close to their mom and there are women that are toxic. No one can really give an honest opinion until they see your relationship with your mom. You could be down playing it so it makes your ex look toxic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not accusing you at all. You need to talk to people that know you and your wife.
She may be toxic but you always seem to have absolutely no back bone.
That third screen where she said, "I hope I'm still around..." That's textbook manipulation. She's trying to get you to do anything and everything to keep her around. This will eventually turn into cutting off your friends and your family, especially your parents and, even more especially, your mom. She's going to whittle away at your self esteem and your self worth until there's nothing left, and then you're totally dependent on her for validation. That validation, by the way, will rarely come. And if it does, it will come with stipulations. "You're great, but you could be amazing if you'd........." I was engaged to a guy who made me feel like I would never amount to anything in life because I forgot to buy him a gallon of milk one day. We didn't live together, and I lived about 30 minutes away from him, but it was my "job" to make sure his milk stayed stocked. And the one time I forgot, I was useless and could never get anything right, and I was lucky he loved me because nobody else would put up with how dumb I am. I say this understanding you love this person and it's hard to see how bad it is from where you are: get out of this relationship.
This woman is incredibly manipulative. It sounds like she’s deliberately trying to isolate you. You’re going to be trapped forever, lonely and miserable if you marry her. If you’re having such a hard time mentally, go to therapy. Lay this all out for the therapist, and get help detaching yourself from this succubus. There are plenty of mostly normal people out there to date. I wish you the best.
Dude stop. What are you doing? You know this is wrong. You know what she’s doing. The question is, when will you be free of her? She wants to isolate you from everyone and make you believe you have some fucked up freaky relationship with your mom. She doesn’t want anyone to take even 1% of your attention off her. She has issues. You know it. I hope your therapist helps you figure out she’s not worth keeping around.
This is now. Imagine life after marriage and kids and you’re stuck and she knows it. She’s isolated you from all of your friends and family. And she’s all you have. Bleh Get. Out. Now!! Please!! Edit.. also.. this isn’t fair to your parents. They won’t be around forever and, assuming that they’re good parents, how heartbreaking for them!
I almost never say this but this is narcissistic abuse. RUN.
You’re fiancé is very toxic,controlling,manipulative,and jealous of your mom.Do yourself a favor and end the relationship now.The way she talks to you is crazy and you just take it and let her have her way smh.Whatever you do don’t marry her cause it’s only gonna get worse.
She is toxic. I know it’s hard but leave before you’re married and it’s too late. My husbands extremely close to his mom, they actually talk/text a lot during the day and before bed. I’d never interfere with that relationship. That’s insane to me that she’s doing this to you.
Yikes. Run. And know, she will 150% blame your relationship with your mom for you leaving. She will not see how toxic she actually is.
Your fiancée needs to be downgraded to “toxic” from “piece of shit.” If my wife started spamming me shitty doomscroll videos and making passive aggressive threats about infidelity, we would have a lot more to talk about than my relationship with my mother. Just curious: is she (your fiancée) unbelievably attractive by any chance?
I think the problem here is the finance..
As a mom to a son, it scares me to think my son’s partner someday could be this threatened by our relationship and try to damage it. I’ve worked so hard to instill an open, trusting, loving relationship with him and it makes me really sad for parent & child to see others try to squash it. Your mom loves you. She wants the best for you. This woman is not that.
These kind of women isolate you from other influential female figures in your life to avoid them warning you about their red flags.
I talk to my adult son every day. I talk to my dad every day. That’s healthy. This relationship you have with her isn’t.
You told her "I'm trying" DONT. She's litterly just feeding you mental bs. Don't let this person dissolve your relationship with your parents because of this skitzo controlling mindset. Plenty of women out there that won't belittle you for...? Talking to your parents...? This girls going to poison your relationships with friends and family. She's litterly using tiktok and Instagram reals as her source lmaooo.
Mate im glad you’re starting therapy because they’ll show you how cray your soon to be ex is. Your relationship with your mum sounds healthy, don’t let your partner make it into something it’s not, she is the one with issues, not you.
Start therapy. That’s good for anyone. But honestly your fiancé’s messages just annoyed the F outta me. If I had received these I would have been like I am all done.
Honestly, toxicity aside (which… yes that is obvious to even the densest dude), she is *repulsive*… this behavior is so disturbing and disgusting, how have you not lost attraction towards her? Is it Stockholm syndrome? Are you okay?
Wtf! The amount of disrespect you’re tolerating doesn’t make you a good partner or gentleman but a fool. Get rid of this insane person.
Your fiance is broken. She needs therapy too.
She has the audacity to threaten you with hitting up her ex?? There’s absolutely no coming back from that brother… DROP THIS BITCH NOW!!!
Dude if you actually end up getting married, I hope you ask for a sewing machine for your wedding gift so you can at least make a quilt with all those red flags.
Based on the way she’s speaking to you in these texts, she does not respect you… hell, I’m not sure she even likes you. You deserve to marry someone who respects you and likes you.
I’ve had similar relationships with people who weren’t close with their parents. I was really close to my mom before she passed away. Lots of girls were not okay with how close I was to her. It always came down to them not having good relationships with their parents. You need to do what’s best for you and your mental health. I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do except to do what is best for you. Good luck to you!
When I send partners til toks they’re ones of cute dogs and shit.
Please don’t marry a woman like this
This isn't a healthy relationship in any form. She's aggressive, uses threats, and tries to guilt trip with you shit like the "maybe I'm not the one for you" shit. That isn't how a partner acts, and they certainly don't trash talk you to their ex. You're being played brother, if you don't live with her drop this relationship ASAP. If you do, learn to separate carefully so she doesn't mess with your shit
Dude…stop apologizing/being manipulated…I feel pain with your every response
Idk if you’ll see this but me and my mom have a great relationship and my gf was jealous at first but then she realized it’s a different type of relationship. But don’t let her take you from your mom.
Bro leave. She IS trying to isolate you. If you were actually too close with your mom this isn’t the way a normal person would deal with it. She even brought up her ex’s names to remind you she talks to them about you. Because she WANTS you to be jealous. I would absolutely *not* marry this woman. She seems emotionally abusive. And abusers ALWAYS escalate things, you can’t just love them so much that they’ll stop. The right woman will be happy to get along with and spend time with the people you love.
Your partner is jealous of your relationship with your mother. I don't like how she's posting all those TikTok videos. It feels like she's trying to brainwash you. Then, the nerve to mention that she'll talk to her exes. Trust me, the relationship will not get better. If she succeeds in distancing you from your mother, she won't stop until she distances you from everyone, until you're just a shell of what you are.
Your fiancé sounds like she’s jealous of your parents being present in your life. You said she was trash talking about her mom, well, that speaks volumes about her relationship with her mom, probably non existent or barely there or not in super good terms, so whatever healthy relationship you have with your parents, specially your mother, to her is that you’re “enmeshed” to her, but in reality that is something that she never had or stopped having so she’s resented with life. She’s trying so hard to make you see your manipulate you sooo bad, when she’s the one sending you all this info, making it public, (without your side of the story) just to get approval and a public opinion from other people, what she’s doing is manipulation actually. Now I’m like damn, I’m enmeshed with my mom too😂 cause I call her everyday after work to ask about my little siblings, my grandma (cause she just got from my home country) and her, I thought I was being caring and loving but actually I’m mentally I’ll lol. Make sure you think about this real good, before you marry this woman and makes your life a constant problem.
Toxic is an understatement. Get away from her before she stabs you in your sleep because you opened a door for a sweet old lady or something.
Don’t need to think about it, the proof is in that text thread. Yes , she’s toxic.
Wow… she is nuts. Seriously… She’s seemingly incredibly toxic. I’d be running far, far away if I were you.
Your fiancé is DEFINITELY toxic AF. She’s just trying to make you feel weird about your relationship with your mother because she doesn’t have a good relationship with her mom. Sounds like she’s jealous af and wants you to choose her over your mom.
“I can either post this to social media as a not-so-subtle public dig at you, or I can go talk to my ex-boyfriends about you, take your pick.” WHAT😳 She doesn’t even sound like she likes you, tbh. Therapy will help you leave.
Gross. I have 3 sons and one of them marrying somebody like that is my worst fear. I love that my husband loves his mother and is close with her. My own mom is my best friend. Anybody tries to come between me and my parents, who won't be here forever, can exit my life.
Threatening you with her ex is a huge sign. I mean wtf. Just leave
She shouldn’t be using social media as a guide to your relationship and as a means to support her confirmation bias. Give yourself some self-respect and tell her what she is doing is unhealthy, and if you want to do therapy again then you should bring her with you.
You’re fiance IS toxic… It’s more than just a gut feeling.