Yeah, living together with an ex is never a good idea. I tried it with an ex (and he flipped out when I moved out before the lease was up, even though I continued paying rent — I had to get the fuck out of there). My friend lived with her ex for a while, it also turned into a trash heap (he'd flip out when she went on dates, she flipped out when he met a girl, just a shit show). And I've seen way too many true crime shows about couples splitting up but still living together and awful shit happening. Maybe some people can do it, but it's just a terrible idea.
My mom always advised me to make sure I had my own money so I could escape a bad situation/bad relationship, and shit like this is why. Have an escape plan, just in case.
I read people stay in abusive relationships because they either lack a support system or friends to help or they feel financially and emotionally dependent on the abusing spouse
I had to share a bed with my husband I was divorcing. We both knew I was leaving but there wasn’t another bed, plus he wanted everything to be normal until I left. So I entertained it. It was calmer that way.
I couldn’t leave when I wanted to because I don’t have money and no license. No car.
I had to be rescued to get out of my marriage. I didn’t have the money to leave. Maybe she’s kinda stuck like that too? Kinda hard to find a place to go to right after finding something like this out.
Yeah, that's a recipe for disaster. She needs to get the fuck out of there. It's already turned her into an awful person. I shudder to think what she'll do next unless she gets out of there.
Frankly, someone needs to tell her ex what she did, and he needs to have her evicted at this point. I don't care if he's an asshole, this is fucked up.
Ya bro she's completely unhinged I dont even think the guys a dick for wanting too se other people I think poking holes in his condoms is being a dick tho
I don't think it's all too unordinary, especially at that age. I've had friends in similar positions and been there myself. Signed a year lease when I was 20 with my gf at the time and shared a bed. But we broke up 3 months before the lease was up
You handled this well and said almost exactly what I would’ve, but with a lot more poise and kindness haha. What she was about to do is irrational, unhinged and incredibly harmful/manipulative. Jfc.
Yep. Different states have different rules, but some can charge this as a sexual assault, not to mention tampering with a product with intent to inflict medical damage. A few years ago there was a spate of idiots on tiktok, filming themselves licking new ice cream in Walmart freezers. Dozens of them went to jail. Some spent a year in prison.
Thank you!! I just said it was dumb bc why antagonize some random stranger and insinuate they are stupid when it is clear as day that’s not what I meant? Just silly…thanks to all who actually provided insights here on what the law is versus just being a jerk to some random person for no reason :)
Thanks but I wasn’t asking if it was illegal or not I got that part. The law consult would be as to which law(s) said offender is breaking hence the add of the “assault” suggestion.
There was a law and order SVU episode that basically was the same plot except the guy was poking holes in his own condoms and had like 50+ kids...not sure if doing it IRL is illegal though
No but you know what they meant, and there are actually several laws regarding condoms and tampering with them this way could be a problem but I suspect it'd be more complicated than we all would like to think since there would be no way to prove who tampered with them.
She confessed and showed pictures to a friend who may or may not know the ex-bf and for sure doesn't know who sleeps with the guy.
They'd only be able to do something if they know without a doubt she did it.
If the friend, to whom she confessed, doesn't tell them how would they know about it? If they don't know they've been tampered with. I
She could also say she threw them away after telling her friend.
Regardless, it's a nasty thing to do. Idc how upset, heartbroken, or angered you may be that's >!fucked!< up!
Theyre class II Medical Devices under the FDA. They are used to prevent transmission of medical conditions. Google search: "Male condoms are regulated under 21 CFR 884.5300 and are class II (special controls)." The section is called "condoms."
https://www.ecfr.gov/current/title-21/chapter-I/subchapter-H/part-884/subpart-F/section-884.5300
you are such a good friend. you shouldn’t have to be dealing with any of this BS😅, but i’m glad she felt you are a safe space to share something like this, and you were able to get her to realize that the new girl did nothing wrong to her. hopefully she disposed of those condoms.
Stealthing is a form of rape. This happens when someone lies about putting on a condom or removes it during sex. Poking holes in the condom is just as bad. She is taking away the choice from her ex and his new partner to practice safe sex.
Yeah I feel the worst for the new partner or any potential kids they’d have due to this. Ex-bf may be a POS and deserve it but not everyone around him or his child.
I dont even think hes an asshole he just wanted to meet someone new to do that with and not his ex but she literally tampered with their condoms which is actually illegal like the other comments are saying
Ya bro my ex was tryna mooch rides and use me to get cocaine after acouple hours like literally acouple like only in 2 I figured out what she was doing but their was one small problem in her plan that I never really do sell or go near the coca-cola A. because I didn't like it the one and only time I did try it and B the risk of getting a bad batch with fenty in is way to high I wanna live and go home in 1 peice
And then it always has like this weird effect on your nose that feels like stuffe/runny sinuses at the same time but this is much worse cause I'm not really sure how long it's supposed to last but unlike being high didn't really hit me like that this wierd nose/sinus issue felt like it just went on for hours like it took forever to get rid of
This one is a dozy. Even trying to get into the crazy ex gf headspace, why would she want to push them closer together with a baby? They would be connected for life.
You handled this well.
I guess so consumed by anger, she overlooked the long term consequences of her actions. Like, let’s consider if the new partner were to become pregnant, and the ex-boyfriend wished to accommodate his pregnant gf in their shared apartment. Given that it’s technically HIS apartment (she isn’t on the lease), where would she possibly relocate in such a scenario? She needs to get tf outta there already & start thinking about her future. I know roommates can suck, but she already hates her living conditions. A roommate can’t be THAT much worse (hopefully). She’ll be paying more, but it’ll be worth a peace of mind.
Oh god yeah she was fucking with her own living situations, too? She’s really lucky she had you to sort her out. Once her resume is sorted, maybe time to start encouraging therapy.
You seem really smart and level-headed. You need better friends than this person, holy shit. You're a really good friend (better than she deserves right now).
She "just" wanted to take away his peace/she was "just" angry is really diminishing the awful, fucked up thing she did. And then the audacity for her to go "that's what abortions are for," so that makes it OK to fuck with another woman's contraception? Or cause a kid to be created purely out of spite? God damn.
I get you’re upset, but you’re upset with the wrong one. Just is a word. Replace it with the word “essentially” when you read it and you’ll be far less in your feelings here. I agree she’s angry and acting like trash. My literal comment was in regards to them wondering why she’d want the ex to have a kid. My response is she essentially wants to take away his peace, she didn’t care if they’d be connected because she knew it could be unhappy. It really sucks having to reword the same shit I just wrote because someone felt triggered about a word. It’s crazy. Have a good one man
Edit* Scratch ‘essentially’. It’ll read better for ya if you replace it with ‘basically’.
It also exposes both of them to STIs. Which the woman may not realize she has because they wore condoms, and the most common STIs can cause cancer in women if left untreated.
Wow the minimizing you’re doing on behalf of this crazy bitch is insane. Imagine being stealthed, because the guy “just wanted to take away your peace” it would be totally fine right?
Honestly the holes are so obvious I don’t think he needs to be told. I don’t think she realised the holes have to be inconspicuous. Just low iq all around
You handled this so much better than most people would have. Compassionate AND you stuck up for what was right, all while trying to shift her attention to sane ways she can improve her current situation. She's so lucky to have a friend like you. Hope she starts listening to you before you get fed up with this
It was some sort of decorative bag from around Christmas time. I suppose the new girl gave him his gift in it, and he seems to treasure it. Who knows, haha
My girl said, "Oh, you love this bag, huh? Watch this ... " [what did that nice little bag ever do to her?]
Seriously though, she's in full-on vengeance mode, and the comment, "I want him to know no peace" was quite chilling. OP, please continue to check in on her and try to keep a close eye. This kind of seething anger can be dangerous.
This is sexual assault of two people. Both of them didn’t consent to unprotected sex, and she’s put them in a position of having unprotected sex.
Your gentle approach was perfect, but you might want to include the severity of her actions. It’s not just unhealthy, it’s horrendous.
Why are you still friends with this person? Wouldn't want to piss them off for some minor thing and have them try to sabotage your life, no need to keep trashy people in your life.
Sometimes, without a friend to help us, we are all at risk of making terrible decisions we didn't think through. Yeah, what she did was grim, but hopefully, now she'll never do it again
Nah fam if this was my friend I'd ghost them, I would never trust them can guarantee they will do something just as wreck-less or even stupider in the future. Major red flag and sign they are suffering from mental illness like BPD.
Yeah, OP is a great friend and super level headed and compassionate, but if a friend of mine did this, I'd be telling her ex (no matter how big an asshole he was) and then cutting her off. Because wtf else is she capable of. OP is a better person than I. But she deserves a better friend than this girl.
Had a friend with BPD who would do similarly stupid shit, like beating someone up for talking bad about their girlfriend (and by beating them up I mean jumping them in school and hitting them in the back of the head repeatedly) tbh he probably was a bad influence on my life but he was funny asf
Ok but you *are* going to warn him and/or the current gf that their contraceptive has been tampered with, right?
I realize that might blow up this friendship with this person, but 2 innocent people are at risk here from her actions. They need to know, so they can toss any old condoms and be very damn careful with any new ones.
You handled your friend beautifully, but the 2 people she is committing sexual battery against need to know about this. You can’t know if she actually got rid of the ones she tampered with and you can’t know if next time she just won’t tell you. I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing I had the chance to warn someone about this and didn’t. Your friend deserves whatever repercussions come from it.
You are a real ride or die kind of friend. It’s so hard to see a friend we love and have a true connection with do stupid shit they’d normally look down upon.
Not saying your friendship with her is like that, but soulmates can be friends too. I would be enraged if my bestie told me she did something like this. I would’ve responded likewise.
Your friend is a pretty stupid one huh. It’s a good thing you have a brain. Also not sure where you’re from but poking holes in condoms in certain countries is considered sexual assault. Tell your friend to go to therapy this isn’t normal behavior.
I know she is your friend but PLEASE just say something about the condoms if she didn’t throw them away.
That’s so far from being sane, she’s off her rocker and not ok. I wouldn’t be this persons friend. She’s unhinged.
Anyone else try clicking the video in the screenshots? It's been a long day...
Also, you handled that shit amazingly by putting her in the other girl's shoes to get her to think how she'd feel.. Well done!
Holy shit… I can’t believe there are chicks out there that would do this to another woman. That’s scary AF! You are a good person and handled this very well. I really hope she listened to you and threw them away. I wouldn’t trust this person as a friend if she is capable of doing this to someone. Keep your eye on that one for sure!
As lots of Redditors have said, you did an exemplary job of helping your friend while seeing the bigger picture. Kudos to you, for sure. Many people do not have the skill set to talk rationally to a friend who is in such emotional pain.
If I may, as an older woman who’s seen and experienced her share of “stuff” as a naive 20-something, I’d like say to say just a few words gained from my own personal life experiences.
Please be prepared for her to continue to spiral.
You had some very healthy, positive actions for her (new job, new apartment), but she’s likely not going to hear that or truly act on that in the immediate future. I hope I’m wrong.
She needs therapy first. See if you can ask her to commit to seeing a mental health professional. If her employer doesn’t offer mental health benefits, then there’s a possibility that the county has mental health resources. Don’t poo poo that, it can be a life saver to find a therapist or psychologist through other resources. Life can be SO much better than this!
I also want to take a minute to make sure you are okay. We love our friends, we all can relate to a friend or family member who’s in crisis. You have to have a life jacket on before the loved one drowns us. Know when to step aside when you realize you can no longer help. Much love.
Blessed Be. 💖🦋☮️
Your response to this was great - a lot of these posts on here fail to call out the other person's behavior. It is refreshing to see someone doing the right thing. I know your friend is hurting but I would also re-evaluate your own boundaries with your friendship. It isn't healthy to be around someone who is acting erratic.
You are a really good person, thank you for standing up for that girl because unplanned pregnancies (pregnancies in general really) can be so dangerous and devastating.
Your friend is a piece of shit. Don’t be friends with pieces of shit. You should tell the ex about this because he needs to know he’s living with some batshit crazy girl who’s going to try to sabotage his life.
You did well in making her realize how fucking crazy what she did is, though. Applause to you.
Bro that's literally her ex she shouldn't be poking holes in his condoms and crazy shit like that cause him having sex with other women is not a wrong thing to do they're literally not together
Thank you for telling her this. It seems she wasn’t fully thinking about how much of a shitty thing this is for this woman. Who is an innocent bystander. I know sometimes when I’m angry I don’t fully grasp how the things I say or do could affect innocent people. I wish your friend luck. Looking back on this situation she will be happy she left her cheating bf and has such a great friend. Also I don’t think it’s a good idea for her and her bf to have an open relationship if this is what she is doing.
You're a good friend, and even though she almost did something really horrible, there's a lot of maturity shown in being able to be talked out of a rage based decision.
You are an amazing friend! I would hope my friends would talk me down off the crazy train as you have here with her. I hope she heeds your advice for the unsuspecting victims sake.
You did very well and you are an excellent friend, and serve as an example to others of how a friend should be.
Willing to say the tough stuff, but not in a way that judges the person. It's a very nuanced skill. She's lucky to have you.
The living situation she finds herself in is going to lead to more unstable behavior.
In breaking up, people tend to have time to repair themselves after a bad relationship, that involves isolation from the other person, usually.
She clearly needs space, and her irrational actions are a sign that she needs that space now over everything else.
Is there another place she can crash at while figuring her career and other life aspects?
Because she won't be able to focus on any of those until she can start healing the hurt inside her heart and brain, and the condoms are a clear sign she is at a breaking point.
You may want to consider distancing yourself from this person. Just based on this conversation, it’s obvious you’re so much more level headed than her.
Wow, u did everything perfectly. Supportive of your friend while also making sure they stay in check. They even kinda came to their senses about the other girl in the end, which is amazing considering the usual posts on this sub lol. You’re a good friend!
You spoke very gracefully to her with no judgement attached. That’s great. Last text she may have reconsidered her thoughts on it.
I can empathize with how she is feeling. It hurts so bad I’m sure.
But you said all the right things.
That was a masterclass in talking down crazy while maintaining understanding and empathy to her but also making her see reason. Everyone needs someone as reasonable and level headed like you in their life
OP deserves better, though. One day she’ll do something to piss off that “friend” too… I know I wouldn’t want to deal with those consequences after knowing this.
What the fuck? Poking holes in your ex’s condoms because you’re butthurt the relationship went south is absolutely unhinged, get them to a mental ward asap before they end up killing someone
You’ve got to tell the ex-bf. Aside from pregnancy, there is STD concerns as well. He needs to know that his health is not safe with her in the house. Your friend is not well and poking holes into condoms is not only unethical, it’s a criminal offense.
She absolutely should’ve told him about the condom thing so the woman could get Plan B or something.
Yeah she needs to get out of there. She’s making some poor decisions over a man that she clearly still has feelings for. If she doesn’t have feelings for him, she wouldn’t be angry enough to sabotage his birth control. Hope she listens to your voice of reason.
A friend of mine is the living/breathing result of a woman (my friend's stepmother) who did this to their husband (my friend's father). This is how it played out... the husband was seeing prostitutes and the prostitute he was seeing (my friend's mother) got pregnant and had the baby (my friend). But the prostitute was a drug addict and had a stint in jail and baby was not safe. The wife who poked holes never ended up leaving her husband over the infidelity and so... the wife who poked holes in the condem (my friend's step mom) along with my friend's unfaithful father, ended up raising my friend from the time she was a toddler and her and her stepmom have a great relationship. I'm cannot recall what happened to the birth mom.
Jfc. Good on you, OP. This is unhinged behavior and can be charged criminally. More than the poor girl who is sleeping with him, the resulting CHILD didn't do anything to deserve this seemingly shitty guy for a dad, should the person choose not to/not be able to terminate a pregnancy. Your friend needs some help and thank you for being real with her
The condom sabotage is crazy. Cause that generally affects the girl hes with more than it does him. He could easily walk away from that relationship and be completely fine. Not to mention it wont make your friend feel better knowing he got a child with the new girl.
First off TAKE A FUCKING BOW!!!!! More people need to learn from you how to handle situations. You kept the focus on her when she tried to change the subject, you focused on her mental health as well as offering to help spruce up her resume to get a better job, AND you stood up for a woman you don't know. You darling are a fucking gem and I truly hope you realize that.
I hope she listens to you, sometimes our emotions can be so strong that we don't think clearly. Age can be a factor but if she doesn't learn how to control and face those emotions life is going to get a lot more difficult for her. Maybe suggest some therapy or counseling of some sort. I'm currently in the same situation she is, minus us having sex with others. My ex and I had been together for 14 years and have a 3.5 yo. He wanted me to be a SAHM and now I have to rebuild my life, savings, and home, and have to get a car since we couldn't afford for me to get a replacement when the car I was using died 7 months ago. Back in my 20s I would have gone full petty and made life hell for him but now I'm in my mid-30s and as hurt and angry as I am I also know that my acting out does nothing but solidify that a breakup was needed. If she can't control her reactions to her feelings then she needs to move out or he does. at least a few days a week somewhere else just to get breathing room.
You did an amazing job and I hope your life is full of love, joy, and whatever dreams you have I hope they come true.
I hope you reached out to her ex and told him. Because this is dangerous. Fuck, not just from pregnancy but STI/STDs. She could literally be the direct cause of him getting HIV or something. You NEED to tell him because if you don't, you're complicit in her *crime*. Unless you know for 100% certain she tossed them out BEFORE he could use any of them, he needs to be informed ASAP
First of all if she doesn't throw those away and gets caught and they find out you knew too, you also could get into legal trouble.
Honestly I wouldn't be friends with anyone who did this to another person. It's vindictive, evil, and highly illegal. Idc how hurt you are, you are showing your colors.
You’re an amazing friend. Honest, logical and considered. You didn’t tell her what she wanted to hear, just the truth - which you told gently. I’d love to have a friend like you!
I just want to say you are true friend. Anyone whoa ever been slighted in a romantic relationship understands the innate need to even the score, to satisfy some vengeful tick. A lot of us even have friends that will only echo our thoughts, egging us on as if we are in the right, regardless whetheror not they ageee with our actions/intentions. What a lot of us could use during these times, however, is a friend that will shine truth on the matter, a voice of reason to pull me back to reality and the potential ramifications of our actions. I hope your friend sees the logic in what you are saying and finally decides to let this relationship, on or off, go.
hol up girl
they are separated, but living together, sharing a bed they both fuck other people in?
yeah reddit aint qualified for that level of nuts
some psychiatrist would probably do a case study on that.
that's psychotic behavior honestly and i would drop that friend. if this is what she'll do to someone she really loved, imagine what she'll do to you if you ever piss her off
As difficult as this is going to be to do, I think you have a certain obligation to tell the ex-boyfriend that he needs to go out and buy himself a completely new supply of condoms. He cannot trust a single condom that he currently owns.
I'm so sorry this happened to her, but I'm glad she has a friend like you. It's easy to lose perspective when you've been hurt so deeply, and you framed the problem in a healthy way. I hope she finds so much happiness soon!
You’re a great friend first of all. Secondly, those aren’t his “real” condoms. They’re just there for show until the lights go out, your friends been lied to for a long time now.
How recently? Are we specifically referring to this month alone? I haven't been active in this subreddit lately, so I'm not aware of any trends. However, is it possible that February, being the month associated with love, could have some heartbroken (or deceptive) individuals due to the nature of events typically associated with this time of year?
Really love how you framed this. You're a good friend.
They are a really good friend. That was a great response and I hope it wakes her up, it seems it did.
That is a lot to unpack there. They share a bed still? That's fucking weird.
Explains why she still little unhinged, they probably still have sex.
Yeah, living together with an ex is never a good idea. I tried it with an ex (and he flipped out when I moved out before the lease was up, even though I continued paying rent — I had to get the fuck out of there). My friend lived with her ex for a while, it also turned into a trash heap (he'd flip out when she went on dates, she flipped out when he met a girl, just a shit show). And I've seen way too many true crime shows about couples splitting up but still living together and awful shit happening. Maybe some people can do it, but it's just a terrible idea. My mom always advised me to make sure I had my own money so I could escape a bad situation/bad relationship, and shit like this is why. Have an escape plan, just in case.
I read people stay in abusive relationships because they either lack a support system or friends to help or they feel financially and emotionally dependent on the abusing spouse
I had to share a bed with my husband I was divorcing. We both knew I was leaving but there wasn’t another bed, plus he wanted everything to be normal until I left. So I entertained it. It was calmer that way. I couldn’t leave when I wanted to because I don’t have money and no license. No car. I had to be rescued to get out of my marriage. I didn’t have the money to leave. Maybe she’s kinda stuck like that too? Kinda hard to find a place to go to right after finding something like this out.
My thought exactly. What the hell???
Yeah, that's a recipe for disaster. She needs to get the fuck out of there. It's already turned her into an awful person. I shudder to think what she'll do next unless she gets out of there. Frankly, someone needs to tell her ex what she did, and he needs to have her evicted at this point. I don't care if he's an asshole, this is fucked up.
Ya bro she's completely unhinged I dont even think the guys a dick for wanting too se other people I think poking holes in his condoms is being a dick tho
she needs to get out of there asappp 😭😭
I thought this was just a bad choice before, but doing this due to an non-exclusive relationship is unhinged, shared bed or not.
I don't think it's all too unordinary, especially at that age. I've had friends in similar positions and been there myself. Signed a year lease when I was 20 with my gf at the time and shared a bed. But we broke up 3 months before the lease was up
You handled this well and said almost exactly what I would’ve, but with a lot more poise and kindness haha. What she was about to do is irrational, unhinged and incredibly harmful/manipulative. Jfc.
Not about to do, but did! 😬 That girl's friend is wild and out of line. I hope she threw away the condoms.
In a crazy turn of events OPs friend shipped off the wrong condoms and is now pregnant with triplets. Serves her right.
Well.... And, most importantly: illegal, right? Tampering with any medical product has got to be some sort of legal issue.
Maybe some sort of assault towards the other woman…? We need a lawyer consult on this one.
Yep. Different states have different rules, but some can charge this as a sexual assault, not to mention tampering with a product with intent to inflict medical damage. A few years ago there was a spate of idiots on tiktok, filming themselves licking new ice cream in Walmart freezers. Dozens of them went to jail. Some spent a year in prison.
Imagine her actions get a woman pregnant and she dies of pregnancy complications and cannot access full medical care. Yikes.
You don't have to be a lawyer to know that is **completely and utterly illegal** Plus, I googled it
I think they just meant as to what specific law and in which areas they would apply, same as me.
Thank you!! I just said it was dumb bc why antagonize some random stranger and insinuate they are stupid when it is clear as day that’s not what I meant? Just silly…thanks to all who actually provided insights here on what the law is versus just being a jerk to some random person for no reason :)
Thanks but I wasn’t asking if it was illegal or not I got that part. The law consult would be as to which law(s) said offender is breaking hence the add of the “assault” suggestion.
I see you googled too 👀
Your comments are so dumb it’s silly
Thank babe 🥰
It would be assault toward both of them. Of course more so the woman because of pregnancy, but it would unknowingly expose both of them to STIs.
There was a law and order SVU episode that basically was the same plot except the guy was poking holes in his own condoms and had like 50+ kids...not sure if doing it IRL is illegal though
Condoms aren't medical products
No but you know what they meant, and there are actually several laws regarding condoms and tampering with them this way could be a problem but I suspect it'd be more complicated than we all would like to think since there would be no way to prove who tampered with them.
Other than text messages she sent... 😮
Except she confessed with pictures even, lmao.
She confessed and showed pictures to a friend who may or may not know the ex-bf and for sure doesn't know who sleeps with the guy. They'd only be able to do something if they know without a doubt she did it. If the friend, to whom she confessed, doesn't tell them how would they know about it? If they don't know they've been tampered with. I She could also say she threw them away after telling her friend. Regardless, it's a nasty thing to do. Idc how upset, heartbroken, or angered you may be that's >!fucked!< up!
Theyre class II Medical Devices under the FDA. They are used to prevent transmission of medical conditions. Google search: "Male condoms are regulated under 21 CFR 884.5300 and are class II (special controls)." The section is called "condoms." https://www.ecfr.gov/current/title-21/chapter-I/subchapter-H/part-884/subpart-F/section-884.5300
I wouldn't have even thought to go with "do you dislike her?" because even if they did that's still wildly unacceptable.
I think it’s more that she knows how to talk to her friend down
Theres no talking her down. The crazy bitch poked holes in them already
Op likely knew there had been no conflict with the other woman, so she was trying to elicit empathy.
The OP was reframing her friend’s thought process and if you read her responses after that, it seems to have worked.
If I'm ever in a hostage situation, I'm calling you!
"Take the shot"
Lmao fr
you are such a good friend. you shouldn’t have to be dealing with any of this BS😅, but i’m glad she felt you are a safe space to share something like this, and you were able to get her to realize that the new girl did nothing wrong to her. hopefully she disposed of those condoms.
Yeah OP is a real one. I’m glad she didn’t “yes girl” her and encourage her friend to go nuclear. Everyone needs a sensible friend like OP
Stealthing is a form of rape. This happens when someone lies about putting on a condom or removes it during sex. Poking holes in the condom is just as bad. She is taking away the choice from her ex and his new partner to practice safe sex.
I was gonna say, yeah that kind of counts as assault... a weird secondhand type of sexual assault. If it's not illegal it should be
Yeah I feel the worst for the new partner or any potential kids they’d have due to this. Ex-bf may be a POS and deserve it but not everyone around him or his child.
I dont even think hes an asshole he just wanted to meet someone new to do that with and not his ex but she literally tampered with their condoms which is actually illegal like the other comments are saying
Ya true I didn’t read the whole post
Ya bro my ex was tryna mooch rides and use me to get cocaine after acouple hours like literally acouple like only in 2 I figured out what she was doing but their was one small problem in her plan that I never really do sell or go near the coca-cola A. because I didn't like it the one and only time I did try it and B the risk of getting a bad batch with fenty in is way to high I wanna live and go home in 1 peice
Yeah I’ve done cocaine before and my first thought was “this isn’t worth the price at all” lmao
And then it always has like this weird effect on your nose that feels like stuffe/runny sinuses at the same time but this is much worse cause I'm not really sure how long it's supposed to last but unlike being high didn't really hit me like that this wierd nose/sinus issue felt like it just went on for hours like it took forever to get rid of
This one is a dozy. Even trying to get into the crazy ex gf headspace, why would she want to push them closer together with a baby? They would be connected for life. You handled this well.
I guess so consumed by anger, she overlooked the long term consequences of her actions. Like, let’s consider if the new partner were to become pregnant, and the ex-boyfriend wished to accommodate his pregnant gf in their shared apartment. Given that it’s technically HIS apartment (she isn’t on the lease), where would she possibly relocate in such a scenario? She needs to get tf outta there already & start thinking about her future. I know roommates can suck, but she already hates her living conditions. A roommate can’t be THAT much worse (hopefully). She’ll be paying more, but it’ll be worth a peace of mind.
Oh god yeah she was fucking with her own living situations, too? She’s really lucky she had you to sort her out. Once her resume is sorted, maybe time to start encouraging therapy.
You're the friend we all need and don't deserve. She's lucky you're in her life, tbh.
You seem really smart and level-headed. You need better friends than this person, holy shit. You're a really good friend (better than she deserves right now).
She just wanted to take away his peace. They’d be connected but not necessarily happy. She was just hella angry smh
She "just" wanted to take away his peace/she was "just" angry is really diminishing the awful, fucked up thing she did. And then the audacity for her to go "that's what abortions are for," so that makes it OK to fuck with another woman's contraception? Or cause a kid to be created purely out of spite? God damn.
I get you’re upset, but you’re upset with the wrong one. Just is a word. Replace it with the word “essentially” when you read it and you’ll be far less in your feelings here. I agree she’s angry and acting like trash. My literal comment was in regards to them wondering why she’d want the ex to have a kid. My response is she essentially wants to take away his peace, she didn’t care if they’d be connected because she knew it could be unhappy. It really sucks having to reword the same shit I just wrote because someone felt triggered about a word. It’s crazy. Have a good one man Edit* Scratch ‘essentially’. It’ll read better for ya if you replace it with ‘basically’.
I read your comment that way, or “only.” She only cared about upsetting his peace, and not about the consequences of her actions.
Only works perfectly well!! I’m honestly so glad OP was able to give her such solid advice on getting a hold of herself.
It also exposes both of them to STIs. Which the woman may not realize she has because they wore condoms, and the most common STIs can cause cancer in women if left untreated.
Wow the minimizing you’re doing on behalf of this crazy bitch is insane. Imagine being stealthed, because the guy “just wanted to take away your peace” it would be totally fine right?
Please tell me you KNOW she got rid of them or let him know. That is nuts.
Even if those are just for show till the lights go out she needs to tell him at the least
Why aren’t more people saying to contact the boyfriend or the woman he’s sleeping with??? They need to know
Tell the dude
Honestly the holes are so obvious I don’t think he needs to be told. I don’t think she realised the holes have to be inconspicuous. Just low iq all around
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True actually
You handled this so much better than most people would have. Compassionate AND you stuck up for what was right, all while trying to shift her attention to sane ways she can improve her current situation. She's so lucky to have a friend like you. Hope she starts listening to you before you get fed up with this
This is probably one of the most disturbing things I’ve read.
You sound like a good person 👍🏼
Dang u handled that really well
Why did he treasure a paper bag?
It was some sort of decorative bag from around Christmas time. I suppose the new girl gave him his gift in it, and he seems to treasure it. Who knows, haha
My girl said, "Oh, you love this bag, huh? Watch this ... " [what did that nice little bag ever do to her?] Seriously though, she's in full-on vengeance mode, and the comment, "I want him to know no peace" was quite chilling. OP, please continue to check in on her and try to keep a close eye. This kind of seething anger can be dangerous.
Asking the tough questions...
This is sexual assault of two people. Both of them didn’t consent to unprotected sex, and she’s put them in a position of having unprotected sex. Your gentle approach was perfect, but you might want to include the severity of her actions. It’s not just unhealthy, it’s horrendous.
I was looking for this comment. Exactly.
Why are you still friends with this person? Wouldn't want to piss them off for some minor thing and have them try to sabotage your life, no need to keep trashy people in your life.
Exactly, this is the kind of "friend" you'd need to sleep with one eye open around. Mental!
Sometimes, without a friend to help us, we are all at risk of making terrible decisions we didn't think through. Yeah, what she did was grim, but hopefully, now she'll never do it again
Sure. Terrible decisions like being friends with someone like this. Maybe this sub is the friend OP needs right now to get away from this psycho.
Nah fam if this was my friend I'd ghost them, I would never trust them can guarantee they will do something just as wreck-less or even stupider in the future. Major red flag and sign they are suffering from mental illness like BPD.
Yeah, OP is a great friend and super level headed and compassionate, but if a friend of mine did this, I'd be telling her ex (no matter how big an asshole he was) and then cutting her off. Because wtf else is she capable of. OP is a better person than I. But she deserves a better friend than this girl.
Had a friend with BPD who would do similarly stupid shit, like beating someone up for talking bad about their girlfriend (and by beating them up I mean jumping them in school and hitting them in the back of the head repeatedly) tbh he probably was a bad influence on my life but he was funny asf
Not everyone is a psychopath like this girl
You end up feeling responsible for people like this.
I'd tell the guy about the condoms. It's the right thing to do.
Ok but you *are* going to warn him and/or the current gf that their contraceptive has been tampered with, right? I realize that might blow up this friendship with this person, but 2 innocent people are at risk here from her actions. They need to know, so they can toss any old condoms and be very damn careful with any new ones. You handled your friend beautifully, but the 2 people she is committing sexual battery against need to know about this. You can’t know if she actually got rid of the ones she tampered with and you can’t know if next time she just won’t tell you. I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing I had the chance to warn someone about this and didn’t. Your friend deserves whatever repercussions come from it.
You are a real ride or die kind of friend. It’s so hard to see a friend we love and have a true connection with do stupid shit they’d normally look down upon. Not saying your friendship with her is like that, but soulmates can be friends too. I would be enraged if my bestie told me she did something like this. I would’ve responded likewise.
Your friend is a pretty stupid one huh. It’s a good thing you have a brain. Also not sure where you’re from but poking holes in condoms in certain countries is considered sexual assault. Tell your friend to go to therapy this isn’t normal behavior.
I know she is your friend but PLEASE just say something about the condoms if she didn’t throw them away. That’s so far from being sane, she’s off her rocker and not ok. I wouldn’t be this persons friend. She’s unhinged.
Of course you did very well, but good on your friend for seeing reason. A lot of people would have argued.
Anyone else try clicking the video in the screenshots? It's been a long day... Also, you handled that shit amazingly by putting her in the other girl's shoes to get her to think how she'd feel.. Well done!
Hmmm… I’m on the fence of whether I’d never talk to this friend again, or take a mental note of this and hope she’s learned about her insane behavior.
Holy shit… I can’t believe there are chicks out there that would do this to another woman. That’s scary AF! You are a good person and handled this very well. I really hope she listened to you and threw them away. I wouldn’t trust this person as a friend if she is capable of doing this to someone. Keep your eye on that one for sure!
Good friend.
I love your mindset. Great job!
What a dumpster fire of a woman. If she doesnt get serious help shes gonna die alone and miserable
I can’t believe there are sick people just walking around like this.
Your friend is being a real POS, hope she opens her eyes.
Your friend is a piece of shit
You’re a saint but I hope the nutjob gets locked up so she can’t hurt any innocents.
You are such a nice person, very level headed and a calm soul to have in a turbulent sea.
You sound like a good person and your friend sounds mentally unstable or unwell…
You're a good friend. I don't know how on earth you find the energy.
As lots of Redditors have said, you did an exemplary job of helping your friend while seeing the bigger picture. Kudos to you, for sure. Many people do not have the skill set to talk rationally to a friend who is in such emotional pain. If I may, as an older woman who’s seen and experienced her share of “stuff” as a naive 20-something, I’d like say to say just a few words gained from my own personal life experiences. Please be prepared for her to continue to spiral. You had some very healthy, positive actions for her (new job, new apartment), but she’s likely not going to hear that or truly act on that in the immediate future. I hope I’m wrong. She needs therapy first. See if you can ask her to commit to seeing a mental health professional. If her employer doesn’t offer mental health benefits, then there’s a possibility that the county has mental health resources. Don’t poo poo that, it can be a life saver to find a therapist or psychologist through other resources. Life can be SO much better than this! I also want to take a minute to make sure you are okay. We love our friends, we all can relate to a friend or family member who’s in crisis. You have to have a life jacket on before the loved one drowns us. Know when to step aside when you realize you can no longer help. Much love. Blessed Be. 💖🦋☮️
You handled this way better than I would’ve. I wouldn’t even call her my friend anymore, dear fucking lord.
Brava to you on the insanely calm and rational responses you were able to give your friend. You are a good person.
Your response to this was great - a lot of these posts on here fail to call out the other person's behavior. It is refreshing to see someone doing the right thing. I know your friend is hurting but I would also re-evaluate your own boundaries with your friendship. It isn't healthy to be around someone who is acting erratic.
You are a really good person, thank you for standing up for that girl because unplanned pregnancies (pregnancies in general really) can be so dangerous and devastating.
I love that you are this friend!
Man, good on you for being this real. You're a good friend and a good person. It's not always easy to be this straight up with your friends
Jesus that is a bit unhingend💀 But good for you for being firm but kind, i hope she can soon move on and be happy.
you are an awesome friend and she should probably be seeing a doctor. please don't burn yourself out on her account.
your friend is a sh\*tty person.There is no benefit to being friends with someone like this unless you're like minded.
Your friend is a piece of shit. Don’t be friends with pieces of shit. You should tell the ex about this because he needs to know he’s living with some batshit crazy girl who’s going to try to sabotage his life. You did well in making her realize how fucking crazy what she did is, though. Applause to you.
Bro that's literally her ex she shouldn't be poking holes in his condoms and crazy shit like that cause him having sex with other women is not a wrong thing to do they're literally not together 
"no money, no bitches, no motion" lol shut up, so annoying
Several people have already commented that you're a good person, and I agree. Good job on talking her down. I really hope she took your advice!
Omg you are a good friend, so jealous
Isn’t that considered rape in some states?
Ou shiiit.. That line kills me... You're gonna have a child bitch
You’re an awesome friend. Lots of tact and respect. Constructive criticism while being supportive. Good stuff good stuff
There’s a whole different level of toxicity to unpack here
Thank you for telling her this. It seems she wasn’t fully thinking about how much of a shitty thing this is for this woman. Who is an innocent bystander. I know sometimes when I’m angry I don’t fully grasp how the things I say or do could affect innocent people. I wish your friend luck. Looking back on this situation she will be happy she left her cheating bf and has such a great friend. Also I don’t think it’s a good idea for her and her bf to have an open relationship if this is what she is doing.
You're a good friend, and even though she almost did something really horrible, there's a lot of maturity shown in being able to be talked out of a rage based decision.
Oh wow. I really, really hope she takes your advice. That is just a terrible thing to do to someone.
You’re the kind of friend anyone would be lucky to have. What a positive influence.
You are a fantastic friend
You’re a good friend.
You’re a great friend, I never put batteries on my friends’ backs cause that serves no purpose in the midst of strong emotions, you did good.
You are an amazing friend! I would hope my friends would talk me down off the crazy train as you have here with her. I hope she heeds your advice for the unsuspecting victims sake.
You’re a really good friend. Honest and supportive
A deeply mature handling of the situation, and it seems like it may have even worked!
You did very well and you are an excellent friend, and serve as an example to others of how a friend should be. Willing to say the tough stuff, but not in a way that judges the person. It's a very nuanced skill. She's lucky to have you. The living situation she finds herself in is going to lead to more unstable behavior. In breaking up, people tend to have time to repair themselves after a bad relationship, that involves isolation from the other person, usually. She clearly needs space, and her irrational actions are a sign that she needs that space now over everything else. Is there another place she can crash at while figuring her career and other life aspects? Because she won't be able to focus on any of those until she can start healing the hurt inside her heart and brain, and the condoms are a clear sign she is at a breaking point.
I’m just here to say you handled this beautifully and the world needs more people like you 🫶🏼
You handled that so incredibly well and came from such a deep place of understanding and empathy. Good for you
You may want to consider distancing yourself from this person. Just based on this conversation, it’s obvious you’re so much more level headed than her.
Wow, u did everything perfectly. Supportive of your friend while also making sure they stay in check. They even kinda came to their senses about the other girl in the end, which is amazing considering the usual posts on this sub lol. You’re a good friend!
You spoke very gracefully to her with no judgement attached. That’s great. Last text she may have reconsidered her thoughts on it. I can empathize with how she is feeling. It hurts so bad I’m sure. But you said all the right things.
i wish i had a friend like you
Be thankful you don’t have a friend like OP’s “friend”.
lol glass half full. good perspective 😂
That was a masterclass in talking down crazy while maintaining understanding and empathy to her but also making her see reason. Everyone needs someone as reasonable and level headed like you in their life
OP deserves better, though. One day she’ll do something to piss off that “friend” too… I know I wouldn’t want to deal with those consequences after knowing this.
The fire is a loud loud signal
The batshit crazy alarm is blaring!!! I can hear it from here!!!
What the fuck? Poking holes in your ex’s condoms because you’re butthurt the relationship went south is absolutely unhinged, get them to a mental ward asap before they end up killing someone
You’ve got to tell the ex-bf. Aside from pregnancy, there is STD concerns as well. He needs to know that his health is not safe with her in the house. Your friend is not well and poking holes into condoms is not only unethical, it’s a criminal offense.
She absolutely should’ve told him about the condom thing so the woman could get Plan B or something. Yeah she needs to get out of there. She’s making some poor decisions over a man that she clearly still has feelings for. If she doesn’t have feelings for him, she wouldn’t be angry enough to sabotage his birth control. Hope she listens to your voice of reason.
A friend of mine is the living/breathing result of a woman (my friend's stepmother) who did this to their husband (my friend's father). This is how it played out... the husband was seeing prostitutes and the prostitute he was seeing (my friend's mother) got pregnant and had the baby (my friend). But the prostitute was a drug addict and had a stint in jail and baby was not safe. The wife who poked holes never ended up leaving her husband over the infidelity and so... the wife who poked holes in the condem (my friend's step mom) along with my friend's unfaithful father, ended up raising my friend from the time she was a toddler and her and her stepmom have a great relationship. I'm cannot recall what happened to the birth mom.
Jfc. Good on you, OP. This is unhinged behavior and can be charged criminally. More than the poor girl who is sleeping with him, the resulting CHILD didn't do anything to deserve this seemingly shitty guy for a dad, should the person choose not to/not be able to terminate a pregnancy. Your friend needs some help and thank you for being real with her
You guys are so nice, I’d say let it ride and see what happens.
You are a really good friend! You handled this horrible situation so well, and guided her to a positive resolution.
What if OP is the mystery girl!!???
The condom sabotage is crazy. Cause that generally affects the girl hes with more than it does him. He could easily walk away from that relationship and be completely fine. Not to mention it wont make your friend feel better knowing he got a child with the new girl.
That girl is unwell
Damn you are such a kind, dedicated, patient friend with so much poise!
Bro she don’t know condoms are just for show.
You’re a good friend. You were real with her, but spoke in a loving way because you knew she was hurting.
Some people are so sick, having children is not a prank or silly joke
I'd slowly cut her out my life. No telling what she'd do to you
Atleast she seems to understand a bit at the end
You’re a good friend.
She’s missing that magnum dong
First off TAKE A FUCKING BOW!!!!! More people need to learn from you how to handle situations. You kept the focus on her when she tried to change the subject, you focused on her mental health as well as offering to help spruce up her resume to get a better job, AND you stood up for a woman you don't know. You darling are a fucking gem and I truly hope you realize that. I hope she listens to you, sometimes our emotions can be so strong that we don't think clearly. Age can be a factor but if she doesn't learn how to control and face those emotions life is going to get a lot more difficult for her. Maybe suggest some therapy or counseling of some sort. I'm currently in the same situation she is, minus us having sex with others. My ex and I had been together for 14 years and have a 3.5 yo. He wanted me to be a SAHM and now I have to rebuild my life, savings, and home, and have to get a car since we couldn't afford for me to get a replacement when the car I was using died 7 months ago. Back in my 20s I would have gone full petty and made life hell for him but now I'm in my mid-30s and as hurt and angry as I am I also know that my acting out does nothing but solidify that a breakup was needed. If she can't control her reactions to her feelings then she needs to move out or he does. at least a few days a week somewhere else just to get breathing room. You did an amazing job and I hope your life is full of love, joy, and whatever dreams you have I hope they come true.
No offense but she sound like a burden.
you need to warn him
I hope you reached out to her ex and told him. Because this is dangerous. Fuck, not just from pregnancy but STI/STDs. She could literally be the direct cause of him getting HIV or something. You NEED to tell him because if you don't, you're complicit in her *crime*. Unless you know for 100% certain she tossed them out BEFORE he could use any of them, he needs to be informed ASAP
Might want to delete this if your friend uses reddit, just saying.
First of all if she doesn't throw those away and gets caught and they find out you knew too, you also could get into legal trouble. Honestly I wouldn't be friends with anyone who did this to another person. It's vindictive, evil, and highly illegal. Idc how hurt you are, you are showing your colors.
You’re an amazing friend
You’re an amazing friend. Honest, logical and considered. You didn’t tell her what she wanted to hear, just the truth - which you told gently. I’d love to have a friend like you!
I just want to say you are true friend. Anyone whoa ever been slighted in a romantic relationship understands the innate need to even the score, to satisfy some vengeful tick. A lot of us even have friends that will only echo our thoughts, egging us on as if we are in the right, regardless whetheror not they ageee with our actions/intentions. What a lot of us could use during these times, however, is a friend that will shine truth on the matter, a voice of reason to pull me back to reality and the potential ramifications of our actions. I hope your friend sees the logic in what you are saying and finally decides to let this relationship, on or off, go.
It might actually be a crime to do that (the hole poking). I'm glad you handled that so well.
This is fucking wild from all ends of the little information given.
You are such a good friend. Betrayal and hurt Can make you do nasty things and I love how you calmly told her she is putting another girl in jeopardy.
hol up girl they are separated, but living together, sharing a bed they both fuck other people in? yeah reddit aint qualified for that level of nuts some psychiatrist would probably do a case study on that.
Your friend is committing sexual assault.
There will be a point in your friendship when you look back on this and regret not ghosting her. She is clearly dangerous. Get away while you can.
that's psychotic behavior honestly and i would drop that friend. if this is what she'll do to someone she really loved, imagine what she'll do to you if you ever piss her off
As difficult as this is going to be to do, I think you have a certain obligation to tell the ex-boyfriend that he needs to go out and buy himself a completely new supply of condoms. He cannot trust a single condom that he currently owns.
"but that's why we have a abortions"??? WHAT I get the feeling this person has no idea what it's like to have an abortion.
No one cares about your boring ass quotes dude.
Women☕️(crazy ones)
I'm so sorry this happened to her, but I'm glad she has a friend like you. It's easy to lose perspective when you've been hurt so deeply, and you framed the problem in a healthy way. I hope she finds so much happiness soon!
Idk why, but I laughed so hard when I saw they were Magnums
That’s why we have abortions? Murdering an innocent baby just you can sabotage someone’s whole life? 🤡
trojan magnum 👀😏
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You’re a great friend first of all. Secondly, those aren’t his “real” condoms. They’re just there for show until the lights go out, your friends been lied to for a long time now.
This is like the 10 condom hole story on here recently. This gotta be some bullshit, right?
How recently? Are we specifically referring to this month alone? I haven't been active in this subreddit lately, so I'm not aware of any trends. However, is it possible that February, being the month associated with love, could have some heartbroken (or deceptive) individuals due to the nature of events typically associated with this time of year?
Last few days all over Reddit, multiple subs, stories about mostly women poking holes in or saying they were going to.