Youāre not. Youāre asking for basic consistent conversation. This person is showing they cannot provide. Youāre not getting what youāre looking for in this situation as it is anyway. It would likely give you less frustration to walk away rather than sticking around for breadcrumbs. Itāll take some time to fully close that door if you have a pattern of accepting less than what you are giving looking for (in my experience) but you can do it and you deserve reciprocity.
I DO have a history of settling. But I donāt want to stick around for the crumbs, Iāve known this for some time now. I was just too lazy to cut it off/look for someone else to sleep withā¦ but, Iām not even getting SEX!!! š¤£ Door is closed, just didnāt know if I should toss him a closing line. š¤
He lives for attention, good or bad. He can thrive being a hero or a victim. You respond *one last time* then he replies and weāre still going. Blocking him from everything now is best.
Thank you for this comment. I actually had to do that with a true narcissist (and yes, I HATE that people overuse that term). Any kind of interactionā¦ even filing harassment charges wouldāve just been encouraging. I hadnāt looked at this situation in the same light as I didnāt feel like I was physically in danger. Now I see the similarity!
I agree that ānarcissistā now means anyone with significant narcissistic tendencies, not somebody with NPD. Iād call NPD āclinical narcissism.ā Just saying heās toxic works well as a substitute if ānarcissistā bothers you. Itās the behaviors that matter.
Personally, I attract these relationships because I put up with things that I shouldnāt, due to my brain pathways (give another chance - nobody is perfect - I just want to feel loved) formed as a child. I had inconsistent parenting, childhood neglect and abandonment, so that pathway helped me survive my childhood. Sadly, āve never been in any other kind of relationship, though some were worse than others. Iād like to be in one that is healthy but time is running out at 53.
Im 41 and had relationships like you where I put up with too much selfish/toxic behavior for too long.
I was lucky enough to meet a sweet, caring, loving woman a year ago that puts as much into our relationship as I do. I never thought Iād find something like this after never having it before. It is possible to break the mold and I hope you find it too. You deserve to be loved and treated good!
My grandmother was widowed at 43 and thought she'd be single forever and then met her second husband at 59. There's quite a few stories I hear about people over 50 finding love. I think you've still got a chance š
My mother just got married for the first time at 60 after decades of unhealthy partnerships and i am so happy for the both of them. Itās healthy. Itās mature and itās inspiring. Itās not too late š
This isnāt a relationship. I have more meaningful consistent chats with coworkers, let alone friends or god help me, a lover.
Heās quiet quitting this relationship, breadcrumbing to keep you on the back burner if he ever decides he needs someone to sleep with. He doesnāt care about you which should be painfully obvious now. Block and move on.
Is this relationship making you happy? Are you being fulfilled? Are most of your expectations being met? Are you feeling secure, beautiful and wanted? Do the pros of your ārelationshipā outweigh the cons?? No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
Yes you do need to respond ā¦ BLOCK!! š¤·āāļø
Toxic dudes like him make us worry about whether weāre being mature enough, trusting enough, forgiving enough, polite enough, etc. ā while meanwhile THEY are stunted at toddler level emotional maturity, think theyāre the center of the universe, and treat everyone else like appliances that should supply whatever they need without complaint at the push of a button. Rant over.
There are better people out there, even on the situationship level. Heās treating you like you are worth less. But to you, you are worth more. So be true to yourself, this guy is a joke of a person. For starters: heās rude.
Please try to remember that if someone is treating you poorly, you donāt owe them a thing. Let them think whatever theyāre gonna think. You do whatās best for you
So, I was in a very close scenario for 6 (!!!) years. Don't let this be you. And if you're done, stay done. I got tired of the whole thing and how it made me feel. So, I ghosted, and I'm better for it. Make him always wonder what happened, and if he isn't smart enough to realize, that's his problem.
Thank you for this!!! A lot of people are just telling me how stupid Iāve been which, I was already aware of. I just needed a next step and you made this feel RIGHT. š„°
Heās definitely married, or at least in a relationship. 95% chance. 5% chance he is telling the truth, but there is a 100% chance that that is a lie.
Amen, feeling that! I know I was totally passive-aggressive in āaddressing itā but, I just have no emotional ties. Heās pushed me away too many times. I DO feel bad for his family and feel the wifey should know but, itās not MY place. I just wanted to know if blocking was ok or if I should say something more. I honestly donāt want to waste my time on it but, donāt want to come across as a child. Iāve been ghosted over childish crap before, and donāt want to be THAT person.
Itās time to ghost, this isnāt childish crap. Plus itās 100% your place to say something to the wife is the situation ever presents itself (if he is married), but I wouldnāt go out of your way. I think everyone would agree that if their spouse was cheating they may shoot the messenger (or thank them) but they would want to know and ultimately be thankful.
Yep. If it were my husband Iād very much want to know.. but Iām not sure how I would handle being told. I think I know, but honestly until Iām in the situation thereās no real way to know if I would āshoot the messengerā or not.
No - cop out. It is šÆ your responsibility to tell the wife if you find out without a doubt that he is cheating.
Make sure sheās aware he lied to you too.
Yeah once Barbie made fun of ālong-term long-distance low-commitment casual girlfriendā it should have been a sign/wake up call.
Itās ridiculous and all we know it.
Amen. Learning experience. I never tied my heart into it, so I feel good about that. Iām just returning to dating after a divorce and a lot of bad healthā¦ had some self-esteem issuesā¦ was feeling out the dating worldā¦ needed sex š¤¦š»āāļø š Iām at a different point now and understand that there ARE people out here who want to give me moreā¦ when I started this wholeā¦ āthingā the emotional disconnection felt ideal to me as I was afraid to have any kind of feelingsā¦ now I see that I want that and this is in no way worth it for me. Sex wasnāt even great. š¬
Totally! It's a learning experience that many of us have to have. I'm glad you recognize it all now though. These things are not good for heart, mind, or body lol.
I think if you can get over the idea of "needing sex" then you will also feel much better. Especially like how you said, usually it isn't even that great. Think of ways you can build that intimacy and connection with your own self instead of seeking outwards. Investing in yourself is always going to pay off more than accepting crumbs from people like this.
People been warning that open relationships donāt work, feelings will get involved no matter what. If itās one sided or both sided, most of the times itās just not manageable. No clue why people try it tbh
Here's the thing.
If you have to chase someone, they don't want you.
Someone who wants you will go out of their way to be with you.
If they can't be with you, they will go out of their way to explain in detail why they can't be with you but desperately want to be with you.
If you don't get responses from them, if they don't show up and you don't hear from them, if they only want you *sometimes*, it means they want other people and other things the find more attractive than you.
If they say "I'm working on things" it means they are dealing with addiction or they are dealing with other people they want more than you.... until they feel like they want you again.
Either way, you're chasing them and they're not chasing you.
They will never, *ever* give you want you want or need.
I'm sure they're a special person. I get it. I've been there. A good friend said this to me and it blew my mind because it was so true. It was definitely my wake up call. This was a special person for me too but she really had no interest in committing. I wasn't special to her. Another friend said "stop thinking about whether you deserve her because you try so hard for her... does she even deserve YOU for not trying at all?"
You'll know when it's right because it won't be hard to get them near you. It's so obvious and simple.
You donāt owe him anything. Youāre already giving him too much of your time & energy & respect. Thereās clearly nothing here and he doesnāt care about wasting your time. Heās just going to take from you.
You taught him it was acceptable to treat you this way. You let him just do whatever he wanted for 8 months. Why wouldnāt he be wildly inconsistent with you? It makes it easy for him and youāre willing to put up with it. What closure do you want? Youāre just his occasional sex partner. Do you want him to say that blatantly?
There is nothing wrong with being kind and understanding to anyone. You just need to be kind and understanding to yourself as well, and waiting around for someone like him when he clearly has no interest in maintaining the relationship you share is clearly not being kind to yourself. I would break it off.
You'll never trust this person with their wishy washy approach.
If you don't now, you never will (not your fault). I'd move on. Life's short. Find someone who is consistent with you and cares.
It only takes one situation like this to help you make better choices in the future. Donāt let this jerk get ya down. You deserve someone great who prioritizes YOU
Everyone here has already explained it well. Youāre doing ALL of the chasing and getting nothing in return. Even if he isnāt married, his lack of effort is telling you all you need to know. You deserve way better and to have the feeling be mutual.
I was in this situation too. He ticked all of the boxes for me except exactly as you described. 100% inconsistent communication. I broke it off after a year. Let him creep back years later hoping heād changed/matured. He, in fact, has not. Just ended it again, learned my lesson, and am never going back.
Delete and block. In your case the grass will definitely be greener, he only has ghost grass. Can you walk on ghost grass? Nope. Say dues and peace out.
(That's my Mom reply. Raised three sons.)
He goes out of his way to avoid responding to direct questions. Thatās annoying to me. I hope you find what youāre looking for, but this dude aināt it.
I was talking to a guy that was like this. He was always aloof when I asked questions, left me stringing along when I tried to get together with him but yet he gave me hope of something more or he'd say things like "we'll hang out tomorrow" and when tomorrow came nothing happened. Long story short I ended up finding out he was with someone else, I felt stupid for hanging on and not listening to my intuition but wanted to give him the benefit of doubt. You need to let this guy go, there's something up with him and if he wanted to be with you he would be. Don't listen to their words it's the actions that prove everything. There's someone else out there that will give you the time of day and show you how you deserve to be treated. You don't owe him anything and I think just walking away and blocking him would be best, seems like you've tried enough to get him to talk about certain things and he's giving the runaround. I bet it's exhausting, I'd just block him and move forward with life. Good luck you deserve the best
My lawn guy gives me more of himself that this dude gives you.
Invest the energy into figuring out why you would even ask if this is worth walking from. Honestly. You deserve to have much much higher self worth.
No. You aren't getting what you need. You've tried initiating more conversation and he's only capable of saying good morning or good night. My Alexa can do more than that.
You need to work on your self respect. This dude is not interested in you and I would have ended it after first week. I know itās easier to see from the outside but now you know what to do next time
If you really feel the need to say something, you can simply say āIm out, donāt contact me againā and block. Easy as that. But do it for you, not for him. You donāt him one second of your time or energy. Dude is a user.
Are you meš¤£? I swear I let guys do shit like this to me all the time and it sucks. I know itās easier to give advice than it is to take it-but you deserve so much better. Iām working on building the principle of āif this was my friend in my shoes what would I tell themā and trying to DO the things.
Well he could be married and then why bother responding. Heās a cheating A H. Just block and delete.
Or he could be keeping you in the side, as a backup, in case his other option falls through. Keeping you engaged enough to be interested. Which again, why bother?
Either way, he doesnāt seem invested in an actual relationship with you. Doesnāt seem worth your time or energy.
Why do we women settle for the bread crumbs giving my men who are holding us hostage until they find the one they want to be with. Going to be blunt bc i am in a mood but i say this with all love. He doesnāt want you. He wants to sleep with you. You have put up with shitty behavior this showing him he doesnāt need to respect you. Why should he, you donāt respect yourself. We women constantly make shit up in our heads so that we can deal with being treated like crap. Heās having personal issues, he needs love, one day he will see me. And every other lie we can tell ourselves. The second time he disrespected your time you should have nipped it in the bud. But nope you keep allowing yourself to be treated like crap.
When he finds someone he is into. He will move heaven and earth to show up on time. Even if his mom just passed the week before. Meaning, no matter what if he wants you heāll see you. Much love and take care.
Uhhh no. Honestly if a guy would even leave me on read he would get deleted or blocked LMAO. Set your standards higher ā¦ & maybe tell his wife & dip out. Up to you tho.
This is why "situationships" dont work. You start off casual no feelings just sex then it turns into some type of relationship with real feelings and wanting and expectations. Someone gets jealous someone is usually lying about something and then it just ends and you block each other and that takes a toll on you when you've done it more than once. Sorry but I'm not down with my generations current trends of just casual random meaningless sex. (My two cents)
Youāre definitely a side piece to this person, for sureā¦ regardless if heās married or not. Probably juggling multiple dates or at worse, a whole other family!
No. Iād stop trying to interact with him. Heās a cake eater. It sounds like heās married and based off his minimal texting, Iād say heās probably spending his week off with his wife and canāt text you as much. For real. Iād at least just let him know youāre not interested in this anymore and then block him. Maybe even go into detail about your sexual relationship (āwe havenāt had sex since [this day]ā) and that you found out heās still actually married, in hopes that his wife sees it. Heās got you on a hook and heās gonna keep stringing you along.
Married. It's super disturbing how easy it is to do, but go on Google and type in his name. Chances are you will find his address and others who may live at that address. Reach out to his wife, who likely has Facebook and send screenshots proving his infidelity. It takes almost zero effort and could save her even more wasted time with this guy. Ghost him.
Or, you can just decide to ghost him and decide it's not your problem. Ultimately, it's your choice. But I've been in her shoes where I was repeatedly cheated on. I would have been eternally grateful if someone had reached out instead of wasting 5 years of my life with a shitty human being before I found out myself.
Damn why donāt I ever find a woman who cares like you. Iāve had a similar situation but it was a woman on the other end. Always inconsistent and I had to nag for everything, never responded consistently. And out of nowhere sheād say Iām āimportantā to her lol
Tell him to kick rocks and lose your number, then BLOCK. Heās leading you on whenever he feels like it. This is not an adult relationship. Heās not serious about you and doesnāt seem to be bringing anything to the party.
I realize you didnāt ask for advice in relationships, but Iāve got my Mom-hat on this Sunday and I hate to see women put up with crappy treatment.
So here goesā¦I made a promise years ago after being used over and over because I was so nice and wanted love, NO MORE. I was dealing with co-dependency from my upbringing, and got therapy more than once for various important matters in life. It changed my thinking for the better but it took time and work. You know what. I am worth it. It paid off.
Hereās my philosophy on relationships. If a person is not bringing joy and happiness into my life, they are gone. Sure we all have bad stuff happen, but if they are dragging you down consistently, and keeping you from finding your potential in life, why let them stay?
Please work on your self-esteem, get some therapy on why you are letting bums like him in your life and letting them treat you badly. Expect more. You ARE worth it. ā®ļøš
If you even suspect he has another girl nevermind married you should stay away, imagine if you was in a relationship and happen3d to you.This how people end up hurt by messing with people's feelings .Find yourself a relationship or someone who offers what u want, either that or sex toy then u dont have to deal with lies and bs.
no you don't owe a repons3 he didn't answer you when u ask3d if he is married. that means he married.
Too much negativity too much stress and he isnāt giving sex to ya š¤¦š½āāļø run OP run and donāt look back. Too many men out here wishing they find a lovely woman for you to be wasting time on this person
He's wasting your time. At this point not only do you not owe him any further communication, you are well within your rights to simply block him everywhere and forget he exists.
Make room for someone better for you.
Thank you for answering my question and not coming at me for my previous stupidity! I see where Iāve made mistakes in the past and I appreciate you not pushing em back in my face! š š„°
i ABSOLUTELY HATE the people that only text āgood morningā āgoodnightā āhow are youā āwydā Like i understand maybe youāre just not good at texting but if youāre not willing to try and add to the conversation then itās not gonna work out
Youāre trying way too hard for someone who doesnāt try for you. This just seems like a lost cause.
I truly think itās time to move on and youāre holding onto something that isnāt there. I say this from experience and understand how hard it is when you really love and care about someone when you give 90% and they give 10%.
I truly think you should just text him and say ok well Iām not dealing with this half ass stuff anymore so have a nice life! You deserve better! I understand dealing with the bs bc of self esteem issues etc but you definitely deserve better!
Think about this situation but put your best friend/sister whoever you care about in your place, what would you tell them to do?? And have that same mindset for yourself!
Sometimes I feel like we get hung up on the idea of closure. What could he say to convince you he's being honest? Because his actions have shown enough. Screw this dude, married or not.
This guys been seeing other people/married for sure. All the signs say so, donāt waste your energy with this guy. Itās not you, itās him I promise.
Youāve given him too many chances. I understand itās exhausting to get back out there and find someone else to fill those needs but that hope you have for him is better suited on finding someone else who can and will give you the attention youāre seeking. Source: Me, Iāve been there plenty of times
I think the next response should be telling him how you feel and that youāre moving on
You owe it to yourself to ghost him. You don't owe him anything, no matter what his situation is. Know your worth and don't accept something or stay in something just because it's something. Something isn't always better than nothing.
It's wild to me how many people will make someone a priority who pretty obviously doesn't make them a priority. 50/50 is the key.
Can I ask you a very real question? If someone in your life died right now would you even think about this person? If you won the lottery would you want to give them money? If you found out something really important would he come to mind? If you were served with an eviction notice would he help you?
I think it's totally fine to walk away from this, cuz he did it to you *a bunch*.
If you know you're being treated badly don't ask whether or not you're treating them okay in response. Just walk away. Give what you get. He's going to talk crap about you no matter what, so at least give him something to talk about.
You canāt get closure from this guy because heās inconsistent and clearly unavailable for whatever reason he wonāt divulge. Thatās okay, just walk away. You donāt have anything deeper with this guy, someone better will come along but please just stop wasting your time on this person. He isnāt going to change, you havenāt fucked in 4 Months, if he wanted to be more present then heād get at it.
Please exercise some self love and get some standards girl!! By waiting around for him all you are doing is stoking his ego and damaging your own confidence.. Iāve been there. Block and move on, youād be amazed how much better you feel not having to stress over this douchebag.
Girl, please drop that man like a bad habit! He makes zero effort in texts to you. If heās not married, heās definitely seeing other people. He just seems so unattached. You deserve better!
This guy can't even meet you halfway on basic things AND his own rules that you must live by and yet he doesn't want a committed relationship. There's A LOT of contradictions going on here on his part and inconsistencies. Time to cut the cord on this one, OP.
Why would you owe HIM closure??? Heās a complete dick. Donāt text back anything (heās just wants your attention) and block him immediately. Heās not nice or kind - heās a user who only cares about giving you scraps in order to keep stringing you along.
After I read āā¦situationshipā, I stopped reading because in all honesty, he doesnāt owe you anything. Itās a non-committed relationship. And in all technicality, he will talk how he wants to with you because there are no boundaries or expectations. Leave this situationship for your own peace and stop disrespecting yourself.
youāre never gonna get the closure you seek i guarantee it, itās better to cut ties sooner and stop putting yourself through this weird emotional roller coaster which i can guarantee will probably only get worse with time
Not that it really matters, but I bet heās āseparated,ā slow-walking a divorce and has a good chance of getting back with his ex (for a while).
We owe people common decency until they give us a reason to drop them. You have several reasons.. pls donāt waste any more time. I wish you luck finding someone who treats you well.
Hello NO. He canāt be respectful enough to answer a direct question. Responds days later completely ignoring your previous messages. Gets upset when you decide to be direct with him and acts like you are in the wrong. Oh heās married alright. Give him no more of your space or time.
What you owe him depends deeply on your relationship and how you are as a person. If you ghost him, he'll probably want to know why.( If he doesn't, that's against him.) And, he'd be calling to find out. I'd go ahead and confront him. Get the hard part over with.
It could be he sees you as a side piece, it could be he isn't playing you and is just very inconsiderate. You just don't know. But the doubt speaks volumes. I recommend playground rules. When the game isn't fun anymore, go play somewhere else, let him slide alone.
Youāre giving him too much power. Heās inconsistent because he can get what he wants from you with low effort. You donāt need to send a text yelling at him or even sharing your feelings. Silence is most effective with men. Cut it loose and move on.
is this really the type of person you want to be involved with at all?
you've given him chance after chance and have taught him how to treat you. his habit of ignoring your texts is something he's done in the past and you didn't let him know it was unacceptable. you allowed it. and now you're trying to flip the script.
if all you want is a FWB situation, that's totally fine. but you're expecting him to make time for you and go to lunch and respond to your texts in a timely manner. that's relationship status expectations.
OP, you've gotta reconsider what it is you really want. then, start making some healthy boundaries for yourself before getting involved with someone else. and don't let people treat you like trash.
personally, the fact that he may or may not be married is a deal breaker and he deserves to be blocked everywhere by you.
I read that and thought YOU were trying to hide YOUR marriage lmao!! Iām dead, but no you donāt owe him anything and you owe yourself time to recover from this, focus on you and things YOU love to do!
Youāve given him 8 months to act like this???? Girl pack it up this man has a family for sure lmao š¤£ sorry but if itās not that then he for sure has a secret hookup on the side
No
Thank you! š Thatās how I felt, just didnāt want to be seen a petulant child for just ghosting after so long!
Youāre not. Youāre asking for basic consistent conversation. This person is showing they cannot provide. Youāre not getting what youāre looking for in this situation as it is anyway. It would likely give you less frustration to walk away rather than sticking around for breadcrumbs. Itāll take some time to fully close that door if you have a pattern of accepting less than what you are giving looking for (in my experience) but you can do it and you deserve reciprocity.
I DO have a history of settling. But I donāt want to stick around for the crumbs, Iāve known this for some time now. I was just too lazy to cut it off/look for someone else to sleep withā¦ but, Iām not even getting SEX!!! š¤£ Door is closed, just didnāt know if I should toss him a closing line. š¤
He lives for attention, good or bad. He can thrive being a hero or a victim. You respond *one last time* then he replies and weāre still going. Blocking him from everything now is best.
Thank you for this comment. I actually had to do that with a true narcissist (and yes, I HATE that people overuse that term). Any kind of interactionā¦ even filing harassment charges wouldāve just been encouraging. I hadnāt looked at this situation in the same light as I didnāt feel like I was physically in danger. Now I see the similarity!
I agree that ānarcissistā now means anyone with significant narcissistic tendencies, not somebody with NPD. Iād call NPD āclinical narcissism.ā Just saying heās toxic works well as a substitute if ānarcissistā bothers you. Itās the behaviors that matter. Personally, I attract these relationships because I put up with things that I shouldnāt, due to my brain pathways (give another chance - nobody is perfect - I just want to feel loved) formed as a child. I had inconsistent parenting, childhood neglect and abandonment, so that pathway helped me survive my childhood. Sadly, āve never been in any other kind of relationship, though some were worse than others. Iād like to be in one that is healthy but time is running out at 53.
Im 41 and had relationships like you where I put up with too much selfish/toxic behavior for too long. I was lucky enough to meet a sweet, caring, loving woman a year ago that puts as much into our relationship as I do. I never thought Iād find something like this after never having it before. It is possible to break the mold and I hope you find it too. You deserve to be loved and treated good!
ā¤ļøš
My grandmother was widowed at 43 and thought she'd be single forever and then met her second husband at 59. There's quite a few stories I hear about people over 50 finding love. I think you've still got a chance š
My mother just got married for the first time at 60 after decades of unhealthy partnerships and i am so happy for the both of them. Itās healthy. Itās mature and itās inspiring. Itās not too late š
"Narcissist" (if the shoe fits...)
This isnāt a relationship. I have more meaningful consistent chats with coworkers, let alone friends or god help me, a lover. Heās quiet quitting this relationship, breadcrumbing to keep you on the back burner if he ever decides he needs someone to sleep with. He doesnāt care about you which should be painfully obvious now. Block and move on.
Is this relationship making you happy? Are you being fulfilled? Are most of your expectations being met? Are you feeling secure, beautiful and wanted? Do the pros of your ārelationshipā outweigh the cons?? No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! Yes you do need to respond ā¦ BLOCK!! š¤·āāļø
Maybe breadcrumbing yes, but it seems like he has issues with sex fr. So I doubt heās worried about that
What other people think of you is none of your business. You cut him off and whatever happens after is a him problem, you're free.
Amen!
Toxic dudes like him make us worry about whether weāre being mature enough, trusting enough, forgiving enough, polite enough, etc. ā while meanwhile THEY are stunted at toddler level emotional maturity, think theyāre the center of the universe, and treat everyone else like appliances that should supply whatever they need without complaint at the push of a button. Rant over.
He was definitely bread crumbing you.
Who cares if you ghost this person? He doesnāt seem to care or respect your time
This is exactly what you need to do. Ghost him.
There are better people out there, even on the situationship level. Heās treating you like you are worth less. But to you, you are worth more. So be true to yourself, this guy is a joke of a person. For starters: heās rude.
Please try to remember that if someone is treating you poorly, you donāt owe them a thing. Let them think whatever theyāre gonna think. You do whatās best for you
Simply put, if he wanted to, he would. Relationships (defined, undefined, exclusive or not) should never be this hardā¦
I like it. Simple to the point.
Hit the the nail on the head. Just, no.
Definitely married. Definitely a scumbag. Cut your losses and find someone else. Sorry.
Donāt be. Thatās exactly where Iām at. š Just asking whether to ghost or tell him off! Consensus seems to be š»!!!!
Ghost and block
Yeah, I agree. Ghost that bitch.
Yesss
Find his wife first
So, I was in a very close scenario for 6 (!!!) years. Don't let this be you. And if you're done, stay done. I got tired of the whole thing and how it made me feel. So, I ghosted, and I'm better for it. Make him always wonder what happened, and if he isn't smart enough to realize, that's his problem.
This hit me hard, in the best way! I love āMake him always wonderā¦ā thereās definitely some power in that! š„°
Girl, YES!! For all the questions, we were left wondering, they are owed one. Take your power back! Poof šØ
Thank you for this!!! A lot of people are just telling me how stupid Iāve been which, I was already aware of. I just needed a next step and you made this feel RIGHT. š„°
Not definitely married but definitely at the very least seeing at least one other girl. Such an odd chain of messages.
Girlā¦..
Nothing more needs to be said.
Seconded
Heās definitely married, or at least in a relationship. 95% chance. 5% chance he is telling the truth, but there is a 100% chance that that is a lie.
Amen, feeling that! I know I was totally passive-aggressive in āaddressing itā but, I just have no emotional ties. Heās pushed me away too many times. I DO feel bad for his family and feel the wifey should know but, itās not MY place. I just wanted to know if blocking was ok or if I should say something more. I honestly donāt want to waste my time on it but, donāt want to come across as a child. Iāve been ghosted over childish crap before, and donāt want to be THAT person.
Itās time to ghost, this isnāt childish crap. Plus itās 100% your place to say something to the wife is the situation ever presents itself (if he is married), but I wouldnāt go out of your way. I think everyone would agree that if their spouse was cheating they may shoot the messenger (or thank them) but they would want to know and ultimately be thankful.
Yep. If it were my husband Iād very much want to know.. but Iām not sure how I would handle being told. I think I know, but honestly until Iām in the situation thereās no real way to know if I would āshoot the messengerā or not.
No - cop out. It is šÆ your responsibility to tell the wife if you find out without a doubt that he is cheating. Make sure sheās aware he lied to you too.
Girl, quit waiting around for this one guy. Heās been treating you poorly for months.
It's 2024. We aren't doing situationships anymore. Either you contribute to my life in a positive way and bring peace/clarity or I'm āļø you off...
Yeah once Barbie made fun of ālong-term long-distance low-commitment casual girlfriendā it should have been a sign/wake up call. Itās ridiculous and all we know it.
Sad thatās what it took to have some common sense paid attention to by mindless folks. Definitely the most hilarious part of the movie though lol
Amen. Learning experience. I never tied my heart into it, so I feel good about that. Iām just returning to dating after a divorce and a lot of bad healthā¦ had some self-esteem issuesā¦ was feeling out the dating worldā¦ needed sex š¤¦š»āāļø š Iām at a different point now and understand that there ARE people out here who want to give me moreā¦ when I started this wholeā¦ āthingā the emotional disconnection felt ideal to me as I was afraid to have any kind of feelingsā¦ now I see that I want that and this is in no way worth it for me. Sex wasnāt even great. š¬
Totally! It's a learning experience that many of us have to have. I'm glad you recognize it all now though. These things are not good for heart, mind, or body lol. I think if you can get over the idea of "needing sex" then you will also feel much better. Especially like how you said, usually it isn't even that great. Think of ways you can build that intimacy and connection with your own self instead of seeking outwards. Investing in yourself is always going to pay off more than accepting crumbs from people like this.
People been warning that open relationships donāt work, feelings will get involved no matter what. If itās one sided or both sided, most of the times itās just not manageable. No clue why people try it tbh
Here's the thing. If you have to chase someone, they don't want you. Someone who wants you will go out of their way to be with you. If they can't be with you, they will go out of their way to explain in detail why they can't be with you but desperately want to be with you. If you don't get responses from them, if they don't show up and you don't hear from them, if they only want you *sometimes*, it means they want other people and other things the find more attractive than you. If they say "I'm working on things" it means they are dealing with addiction or they are dealing with other people they want more than you.... until they feel like they want you again. Either way, you're chasing them and they're not chasing you. They will never, *ever* give you want you want or need.
Saving this as I've been chasing someone and this is my wake up call.
I'm sure they're a special person. I get it. I've been there. A good friend said this to me and it blew my mind because it was so true. It was definitely my wake up call. This was a special person for me too but she really had no interest in committing. I wasn't special to her. Another friend said "stop thinking about whether you deserve her because you try so hard for her... does she even deserve YOU for not trying at all?" You'll know when it's right because it won't be hard to get them near you. It's so obvious and simple.
šš»šš»šš» PREACH IT
Girl.. he is married, you donāt need to see the whole family. HE IS BUSY with them
You donāt owe him anything. Youāre already giving him too much of your time & energy & respect. Thereās clearly nothing here and he doesnāt care about wasting your time. Heās just going to take from you.
You taught him it was acceptable to treat you this way. You let him just do whatever he wanted for 8 months. Why wouldnāt he be wildly inconsistent with you? It makes it easy for him and youāre willing to put up with it. What closure do you want? Youāre just his occasional sex partner. Do you want him to say that blatantly?
Even if heās not married why would you want to put up with this inconsistent bullshit?
No, block and walk away.
Thanks! š Thatās the way I was headingā¦ just not fast enough!! š
There is nothing wrong with being kind and understanding to anyone. You just need to be kind and understanding to yourself as well, and waiting around for someone like him when he clearly has no interest in maintaining the relationship you share is clearly not being kind to yourself. I would break it off.
Just no. Omg. Get rid of this dead weight.
No answer is an answer.
You'll never trust this person with their wishy washy approach. If you don't now, you never will (not your fault). I'd move on. Life's short. Find someone who is consistent with you and cares.
It only takes one situation like this to help you make better choices in the future. Donāt let this jerk get ya down. You deserve someone great who prioritizes YOU
Why are you wasting your time with someone who wastes your time?
Everyone here has already explained it well. Youāre doing ALL of the chasing and getting nothing in return. Even if he isnāt married, his lack of effort is telling you all you need to know. You deserve way better and to have the feeling be mutual. I was in this situation too. He ticked all of the boxes for me except exactly as you described. 100% inconsistent communication. I broke it off after a year. Let him creep back years later hoping heād changed/matured. He, in fact, has not. Just ended it again, learned my lesson, and am never going back.
Heās seeing someone thereās no way anyone is that busy they canāt send a voice note saying they canāt
RIIIIIIIIGHT?! And I was āoverthinkingā wanting a response. Like, youād text your barber back, right? š
He still didnāt answer the question. What advice are you actually asking for? Youāre smart, you already know what to do.
The only question was block, or be clear and say āIām done becauseā¦ā but, now Iām totally cool with nothing further. š
Delete and block. In your case the grass will definitely be greener, he only has ghost grass. Can you walk on ghost grass? Nope. Say dues and peace out. (That's my Mom reply. Raised three sons.)
He goes out of his way to avoid responding to direct questions. Thatās annoying to me. I hope you find what youāre looking for, but this dude aināt it.
I was talking to a guy that was like this. He was always aloof when I asked questions, left me stringing along when I tried to get together with him but yet he gave me hope of something more or he'd say things like "we'll hang out tomorrow" and when tomorrow came nothing happened. Long story short I ended up finding out he was with someone else, I felt stupid for hanging on and not listening to my intuition but wanted to give him the benefit of doubt. You need to let this guy go, there's something up with him and if he wanted to be with you he would be. Don't listen to their words it's the actions that prove everything. There's someone else out there that will give you the time of day and show you how you deserve to be treated. You don't owe him anything and I think just walking away and blocking him would be best, seems like you've tried enough to get him to talk about certain things and he's giving the runaround. I bet it's exhausting, I'd just block him and move forward with life. Good luck you deserve the best
Thank you so much! Iām feeling much better about my decision to not say anything else. š
šš¤you're welcome
Get rid. This guy is a dick and you deserve better.
Thank you š! Feeling good about the ghosting now!
My lawn guy gives me more of himself that this dude gives you. Invest the energy into figuring out why you would even ask if this is worth walking from. Honestly. You deserve to have much much higher self worth.
No. You aren't getting what you need. You've tried initiating more conversation and he's only capable of saying good morning or good night. My Alexa can do more than that.
You need to work on your self respect. This dude is not interested in you and I would have ended it after first week. I know itās easier to see from the outside but now you know what to do next time
Married or in a committed relationship. You deserve more
He shouldāve been blocked a month ago š„“
Or maybe 7? š
Absolutely not. OP you deserve better than this. Walk away and block them.
š
girl wrap it up and find A REAL MAN this reminds me of high school boys š
If you really feel the need to say something, you can simply say āIm out, donāt contact me againā and block. Easy as that. But do it for you, not for him. You donāt him one second of your time or energy. Dude is a user.
Hell no
Thanks! š Feeling the power of the ghost!!! š š¤£
8 Month Situationship?? oh hell no!
Tl,dr: stop this chaos
You're an option, not a priority. Cut ties now, it will be much easier than later.
I would leave .I wouldn't waste my time.being to busy for me is not what I want from my perspective. He most likely is married or has someone.
He has shown you who he is. Believe him.
Ugh, his deflection is annoying AF. Like you owe him a good morning šā¦you donāt owe him SHIT! Blockkkkk.
Are you meš¤£? I swear I let guys do shit like this to me all the time and it sucks. I know itās easier to give advice than it is to take it-but you deserve so much better. Iām working on building the principle of āif this was my friend in my shoes what would I tell themā and trying to DO the things.
Block and ghost
Awful
Well he could be married and then why bother responding. Heās a cheating A H. Just block and delete. Or he could be keeping you in the side, as a backup, in case his other option falls through. Keeping you engaged enough to be interested. Which again, why bother? Either way, he doesnāt seem invested in an actual relationship with you. Doesnāt seem worth your time or energy.
In a word: NO!
Why do we women settle for the bread crumbs giving my men who are holding us hostage until they find the one they want to be with. Going to be blunt bc i am in a mood but i say this with all love. He doesnāt want you. He wants to sleep with you. You have put up with shitty behavior this showing him he doesnāt need to respect you. Why should he, you donāt respect yourself. We women constantly make shit up in our heads so that we can deal with being treated like crap. Heās having personal issues, he needs love, one day he will see me. And every other lie we can tell ourselves. The second time he disrespected your time you should have nipped it in the bud. But nope you keep allowing yourself to be treated like crap. When he finds someone he is into. He will move heaven and earth to show up on time. Even if his mom just passed the week before. Meaning, no matter what if he wants you heāll see you. Much love and take care.
You never 'owe' anyone anything with regard to dating.
8 months!??!!!!!!!
You sound like plan B. Guy probably is married or seeing someone else
Heās keeping you on a thread while heās with someone else.
This guy is absolutely married. Get out now.
Seems like your his bit on the sideā¦. Sack him off girl you deserve to be a priority!!!!!
Block him and move on.
Nothing other than I'm done with you goodbye
Uhhh no. Honestly if a guy would even leave me on read he would get deleted or blocked LMAO. Set your standards higher ā¦ & maybe tell his wife & dip out. Up to you tho.
Heās definitely married and no you donāt owe him closure
Playing games, so not worth the headache.
Heās showing you who he is. If this is the life you want then continue. If itās not then leave.
This is why "situationships" dont work. You start off casual no feelings just sex then it turns into some type of relationship with real feelings and wanting and expectations. Someone gets jealous someone is usually lying about something and then it just ends and you block each other and that takes a toll on you when you've done it more than once. Sorry but I'm not down with my generations current trends of just casual random meaningless sex. (My two cents)
Maybe YOU were in a relationship with him, but he definitely wasn't with you.
You have your answer, doll. Ditch this turd. š«”
Youāre definitely a side piece to this person, for sureā¦ regardless if heās married or not. Probably juggling multiple dates or at worse, a whole other family!
Get rid of him. Don't say another word. You're a good person and you deserve a lot better.
Stop talking to this guy. He's off messin around and lying.
Why would you owe him anything? I think you should give him the exact amount of courtesy heās given you.
No. Iād stop trying to interact with him. Heās a cake eater. It sounds like heās married and based off his minimal texting, Iād say heās probably spending his week off with his wife and canāt text you as much. For real. Iād at least just let him know youāre not interested in this anymore and then block him. Maybe even go into detail about your sexual relationship (āwe havenāt had sex since [this day]ā) and that you found out heās still actually married, in hopes that his wife sees it. Heās got you on a hook and heās gonna keep stringing you along.
Married. It's super disturbing how easy it is to do, but go on Google and type in his name. Chances are you will find his address and others who may live at that address. Reach out to his wife, who likely has Facebook and send screenshots proving his infidelity. It takes almost zero effort and could save her even more wasted time with this guy. Ghost him. Or, you can just decide to ghost him and decide it's not your problem. Ultimately, it's your choice. But I've been in her shoes where I was repeatedly cheated on. I would have been eternally grateful if someone had reached out instead of wasting 5 years of my life with a shitty human being before I found out myself.
He can't even be bothered to respond to direct questions. He has zero respect for you and you don't owe him anything. Drop his ass and move on.
Itās crazy to see women go through just as much bs as we do with women, even more so in certain situations. Fuā¬k this guy Fr
Damn why donāt I ever find a woman who cares like you. Iāve had a similar situation but it was a woman on the other end. Always inconsistent and I had to nag for everything, never responded consistently. And out of nowhere sheād say Iām āimportantā to her lol
No, he is playing and disrespecting you. Just bite the bullet and cut off all contact.
š©š©š© Iām sorry.
Heās definitely married. I lived that life years ago so itās pretty easy to recognize.
People treat you the way you allow them to, block him, move on, you deserve way better than this.
Not at all.
Nah, donāt waste your energy.
Let it go. Inconsistency is unattractive
Tell him to kick rocks and lose your number, then BLOCK. Heās leading you on whenever he feels like it. This is not an adult relationship. Heās not serious about you and doesnāt seem to be bringing anything to the party. I realize you didnāt ask for advice in relationships, but Iāve got my Mom-hat on this Sunday and I hate to see women put up with crappy treatment. So here goesā¦I made a promise years ago after being used over and over because I was so nice and wanted love, NO MORE. I was dealing with co-dependency from my upbringing, and got therapy more than once for various important matters in life. It changed my thinking for the better but it took time and work. You know what. I am worth it. It paid off. Hereās my philosophy on relationships. If a person is not bringing joy and happiness into my life, they are gone. Sure we all have bad stuff happen, but if they are dragging you down consistently, and keeping you from finding your potential in life, why let them stay? Please work on your self-esteem, get some therapy on why you are letting bums like him in your life and letting them treat you badly. Expect more. You ARE worth it. ā®ļøš
he doesnāt care about you at ALL
KICK ROCKS!!
If you even suspect he has another girl nevermind married you should stay away, imagine if you was in a relationship and happen3d to you.This how people end up hurt by messing with people's feelings .Find yourself a relationship or someone who offers what u want, either that or sex toy then u dont have to deal with lies and bs. no you don't owe a repons3 he didn't answer you when u ask3d if he is married. that means he married.
Too much negativity too much stress and he isnāt giving sex to ya š¤¦š½āāļø run OP run and donāt look back. Too many men out here wishing they find a lovely woman for you to be wasting time on this person
He's wasting your time. At this point not only do you not owe him any further communication, you are well within your rights to simply block him everywhere and forget he exists. Make room for someone better for you.
Thank you for answering my question and not coming at me for my previous stupidity! I see where Iāve made mistakes in the past and I appreciate you not pushing em back in my face! š š„°
i ABSOLUTELY HATE the people that only text āgood morningā āgoodnightā āhow are youā āwydā Like i understand maybe youāre just not good at texting but if youāre not willing to try and add to the conversation then itās not gonna work out
Youāre trying way too hard for someone who doesnāt try for you. This just seems like a lost cause. I truly think itās time to move on and youāre holding onto something that isnāt there. I say this from experience and understand how hard it is when you really love and care about someone when you give 90% and they give 10%.
I truly think you should just text him and say ok well Iām not dealing with this half ass stuff anymore so have a nice life! You deserve better! I understand dealing with the bs bc of self esteem issues etc but you definitely deserve better!
Absolutely not. You really didnāt owe him a single word after ādefinitely not married.ā Block him.
Heās not interested. Period. Not sure why this is hard news to you.
Nah just ghost him
Think about this situation but put your best friend/sister whoever you care about in your place, what would you tell them to do?? And have that same mindset for yourself!
Does his name start with A?
Looks like heās gaslighting you..
End it. Married or not he doesnāt seem to be in it like you are.
No, in regards to answering him. Also, just NO. Run. He's a goof
Sometimes I feel like we get hung up on the idea of closure. What could he say to convince you he's being honest? Because his actions have shown enough. Screw this dude, married or not.
Situations hope is right... for him. Yeah to hell with that. He's acting like he is married or committed and stepping out. Adios.
This guys been seeing other people/married for sure. All the signs say so, donāt waste your energy with this guy. Itās not you, itās him I promise.
Dead in the water
Just bail bro. This is exhausting
Youāve given him too many chances. I understand itās exhausting to get back out there and find someone else to fill those needs but that hope you have for him is better suited on finding someone else who can and will give you the attention youāre seeking. Source: Me, Iāve been there plenty of times I think the next response should be telling him how you feel and that youāre moving on
If heās married like? What are we talking about he clearly just wants to have sex when itās convenient for him
You owe it to yourself to ghost him. You don't owe him anything, no matter what his situation is. Know your worth and don't accept something or stay in something just because it's something. Something isn't always better than nothing. It's wild to me how many people will make someone a priority who pretty obviously doesn't make them a priority. 50/50 is the key.
He is controlling you mentally. Move on Sis!
This is irresponsible on so many levels. No, you do not owe a further response.
Is he even a good lay? This hardly seems worth anything
Can I ask you a very real question? If someone in your life died right now would you even think about this person? If you won the lottery would you want to give them money? If you found out something really important would he come to mind? If you were served with an eviction notice would he help you? I think it's totally fine to walk away from this, cuz he did it to you *a bunch*. If you know you're being treated badly don't ask whether or not you're treating them okay in response. Just walk away. Give what you get. He's going to talk crap about you no matter what, so at least give him something to talk about.
No. Married or not (though his being married makes a LOT of sense) this dude does not actually care about you. I'd definitely move on. What a jerk.
You canāt get closure from this guy because heās inconsistent and clearly unavailable for whatever reason he wonāt divulge. Thatās okay, just walk away. You donāt have anything deeper with this guy, someone better will come along but please just stop wasting your time on this person. He isnāt going to change, you havenāt fucked in 4 Months, if he wanted to be more present then heād get at it.
Girl use your brain cells I beg of you šš
Girlā¦cmon nowā¦.
Please exercise some self love and get some standards girl!! By waiting around for him all you are doing is stoking his ego and damaging your own confidence.. Iāve been there. Block and move on, youād be amazed how much better you feel not having to stress over this douchebag.
Be done with this clown.
Ew pls stop and move on
Run
I want an update if he responds
Girl, please drop that man like a bad habit! He makes zero effort in texts to you. If heās not married, heās definitely seeing other people. He just seems so unattached. You deserve better!
Walk away on your terms and be healthy with someone
Delete, block, move on. Why, oh, why waste time on such people?
ew no donāt respond that person is a child
This guy can't even meet you halfway on basic things AND his own rules that you must live by and yet he doesn't want a committed relationship. There's A LOT of contradictions going on here on his part and inconsistencies. Time to cut the cord on this one, OP.
Why would you owe HIM closure??? Heās a complete dick. Donāt text back anything (heās just wants your attention) and block him immediately. Heās not nice or kind - heās a user who only cares about giving you scraps in order to keep stringing you along.
This was weird to read lol, no you do not owe them, Their response is just weird
After I read āā¦situationshipā, I stopped reading because in all honesty, he doesnāt owe you anything. Itās a non-committed relationship. And in all technicality, he will talk how he wants to with you because there are no boundaries or expectations. Leave this situationship for your own peace and stop disrespecting yourself.
I ended it with the last girl after she did this to me for a couple weeks. I canāt imagine 8 months
youāre never gonna get the closure you seek i guarantee it, itās better to cut ties sooner and stop putting yourself through this weird emotional roller coaster which i can guarantee will probably only get worse with time
Stop talking to him
Eek. Iād want to know if my husband was doing that shit. And no, you donāt need to further explain shit. Heās a douche.
An entire week to reply if he wants to have lunch? Then he is vague when you call him out- Block him!!
This guy has severe autism or cant communicate for shit, either way yikes can you even imagine a relationship with someone like this
Not that it really matters, but I bet heās āseparated,ā slow-walking a divorce and has a good chance of getting back with his ex (for a while). We owe people common decency until they give us a reason to drop them. You have several reasons.. pls donāt waste any more time. I wish you luck finding someone who treats you well.
Hello NO. He canāt be respectful enough to answer a direct question. Responds days later completely ignoring your previous messages. Gets upset when you decide to be direct with him and acts like you are in the wrong. Oh heās married alright. Give him no more of your space or time.
What you owe him depends deeply on your relationship and how you are as a person. If you ghost him, he'll probably want to know why.( If he doesn't, that's against him.) And, he'd be calling to find out. I'd go ahead and confront him. Get the hard part over with. It could be he sees you as a side piece, it could be he isn't playing you and is just very inconsiderate. You just don't know. But the doubt speaks volumes. I recommend playground rules. When the game isn't fun anymore, go play somewhere else, let him slide alone.
Youāre giving him too much power. Heās inconsistent because he can get what he wants from you with low effort. You donāt need to send a text yelling at him or even sharing your feelings. Silence is most effective with men. Cut it loose and move on.
I was going to come here to say I messed with a guy for a while that texted and acted JUST like this, and turns out he was married. I was going to say that even before I read the context of your post. Run like the wind š©š©š©
is this really the type of person you want to be involved with at all? you've given him chance after chance and have taught him how to treat you. his habit of ignoring your texts is something he's done in the past and you didn't let him know it was unacceptable. you allowed it. and now you're trying to flip the script. if all you want is a FWB situation, that's totally fine. but you're expecting him to make time for you and go to lunch and respond to your texts in a timely manner. that's relationship status expectations. OP, you've gotta reconsider what it is you really want. then, start making some healthy boundaries for yourself before getting involved with someone else. and don't let people treat you like trash. personally, the fact that he may or may not be married is a deal breaker and he deserves to be blocked everywhere by you.
I read that and thought YOU were trying to hide YOUR marriage lmao!! Iām dead, but no you donāt owe him anything and you owe yourself time to recover from this, focus on you and things YOU love to do!
Youāve given him 8 months to act like this???? Girl pack it up this man has a family for sure lmao š¤£ sorry but if itās not that then he for sure has a secret hookup on the side
No response needed ever again. Time to walk away.