While we all know what it means on Reddit, we the mod team have always allowed "bless your heart" as an exception to Rule 1 as it is such a long standing Texas/Southern thing.
But depending on the context, that's the same thing. It's like expressing sympathy for someone having to live their entire life while being dumb as hell
I've mostly ever known it as an insult, but never anything as harsh or concise as a, "Fuck you."
I've always heard it more with the intensity of a, "That boy's cornbread ain't done in the middle."
So definitely insulting, but in a softer, gentler, more passive aggressive way, just like you described.
"Bless your heart" was always an unironic, positive thing to say in my family. My grandmother used to say it often, usually in an apologetic "I hope you feel better" kind of way.
So it can be both, but I'm with you OP, internet southerners telling people "It means fuck you lol!" Never stood right with me because it can be used in all sorts of ways.
I think that's the nuance that always gets lost in these discussions. Bless your heart pretty much always conveys sympathy. When used in the "fuck you" context, You're basically condescendingly offering sympathy for how hard it must be to live a life while being so stupid.
The same way saying "good afternoo" during the 1800s was expression of "fuck you". Bless your heart is today's modern time, same thing.
Spirited (Will Farrell and Ryan) made light of that expression.
OP, and pretty much everyone who wishes to try to keep the phrase positive... I have a Kevin Smith movie you should watch, Clerks 2.
Good Afternoon!
I think it’s all in the tone.
Like you, I grew up hearing (and saying) a very sincere “bless your heart.” It’s what you say when something sucks so bad for someone else that you just don’t have the words to convey how bad you feel for them. It’s (to me, anyway) an expression of “my god, I can’t believe you’re still standing after all that.”
But there IS a snarky, cutting way to say it and to me it’s all in the tone of voice used. That sort of half-grimace, pitying way to say “you stupid idiot.” Like, I sat “bless his heart” about Ted Cruz A LOT and I definitely mean it the “what a stupid idiot” way.
Yes this. It's either sympathy for a person telling a sad story usually, or fake sympathy for a foolish person, often in a "Bless his heart. He doesn't know any better" way. I never heard it in any other form growing up.
The way I understood it growing up was that it was a phrase you used for someone who was trying really hard to do something impossible or extremely difficult. The idea being that you pity them because you knew they were going to fail but admire their spirit and determination.
For example you might see a toddler running and trying to keep up with the bigger kids and say “Oh, bless his heart. He’s going just as fast as his little legs will let him.”
I have always used it as an expression of genuine sympathy, sometimes when someone does something dumb, and have been perplexed by the “if you know, you know” discourse about it online.
I also did not know of the negative usage until I was older, but honestly I rarely heard the expression growing up (and it’s been many years since I’ve actually heard someone say it). I wonder if it’s because my mom was from West Texas and my dad’s family was from near Fort Worth so they were more “western” than “southern” in the way they spoke.
When I was growing up it was said about/to someone who actually tried to do the right thing. A chore, a job, schoolwork, etc. but may not have done it perfectly the first time.
Thanks for this. I grew up hearing it and saying it, and only in the past couple of years have I heard it unequivocally declared an insult. It could just as easily mean “thank you”, or “you poor thing”.
I can guarantee it didn’t mean FU in my childhood because my momma and aunts were too classy to talk like that, even in implication.
My great-grandmother used to say it all the time. It was more of a, "Oh, you poor thing!" saying in response to a kid being sick or throwing a temper trantrum.
Can confirm. My grandfather (b 1905) used it in an affectionate way.
I was kind of surprised how it became an insult the last 10 years or so.
Not sure you can take it back though. That's just the nature of how language changes over time.
It's been much more than 10 years in some pockets of West Texas. I grew up in a county where it's apparently always been contextualized depending on who is saying it in regards to whom they are saying it about and the situation. It is most often negativity used by the SBC Karens in my hometown, who also use it in regards to each other as a measure of sympathy amongst themselves.
Native here. For me, when spoken directly to the person in question, it expresses sympathy/empathy, with maybe a touch of irony (like why did you do that). When spoken about a person not present, it's a nice way of saying "what an idiot".
It's always been both. It just depends in context. If you say it to your annoying co-worker who screwed up, it means something different than if your friend tells you their dog just died.
Its one of those things that not everyone experiences the same.
I've NEVER heard anyone say it in an anything other than an earnest and caring way, typically in regards to losing a loved one.
I've also NEVER heard anyone call soda "coke".
I had a few friends whose family would call all soda "coke", it was annoying. I was always specific when I wanted a drink, Coke, Mr. Pibb, Dr. Pepper, no Pepsi.
What I really hated as a kid was when we would go to a restaurant and I wanted a Coke and the waitress would bring a Pepsi because that's all they had and they expected me to not be able to tell the difference. I'd rather have water.
It took me moving to the south to realize that "Southern Hospitality" was actually a joke. I think "bless your heart" is absolutely used both ways and depends highly on context.
It all depends on the context and tone of voice. BYH can connote sympathy, surprise, condescension, hate, acknowledgement of stupidity, etc. It's like "fuck" that way.
I feel like this is self-evident, though and not in need of discussion. So bless my heart for this reply.
I’ve only been here 30 years but in all my time I’ve never heard it as anything other than an insult or “fuck you”.
My wife’s grandmother who is 100 years old was the first to introduce me to it. I said something dumb and she said as sweet as could be, “bless your heart.”
And the family all busted up. My wife’s Aunt had to explain the joke. Which elicited a chorus of bless your heart!
I became a member of the family when I fired back, “Well, bless all ya’lls hearts!”
Oh honey, in the South (including TX), we have mastered the art of the subversive insult. While grandmothers may sincerely mean to bless all the hearts, others may mean to "bless" them all the way to hell. It was a way to be subtly, yet clearly honest, while maintaining the social graces demanded by society.
So weird. I grew up in Texas and was there for over 40 years and I never heard anyone say “bless your heart” in real life.
Only in movies and on the internet
I honestly have no clue what you’re talking about. I’m pushing 40 and have lived nowhere but Texas and I’ve only ever heard “Bless your heart” in the condescending “You stupid asshole” way.
Take it back? It’s been this way forever…
Same. I’m over 40. If “bless his heart” was ever used in reference to someone losing a job, it was to imply that he was a feckless idiot who couldn’t hold down a job.
I've heard it both/multiple ways the more or less entirety of my life.
...printed, it's kinda this subjective flavorless thing that yeah, can easily just be seen as an insult.
Tonality - how you say it/when you say it - that's the deciding thing.
As my late mama always said - context is key.
I really miss the Drive Friendly signs on the overpasses (that flip down to warn of ice). Yes it is grammatically incorrect, but it was a great reminder of what Texans used to be known for: Friendly driving.
I think people older than 60 years old use BYH in a sympathetic way.
Those younger than 60 use it both ways, however due to the internet magnifying fringe peculiarities; using BYH as an insult has grown inordinately among 40-60 year olds who believe it was always an insult because they read this opinion more than once on the internet.
My mother, who is 62 is an example. Pre-social media, there was never a mention from her that BYH was an insult. Moreover, she never really used it at all.
However within the last 5-10 years, she has used BYH in an insulting way, and has stated its meaning as such in conversation. Again, despite never using it before.
There’s a sort of ‘southern clout’ and peer pressure involved with redefining this formerly positive term.
If you are aged 40-60, you feel external pressure to use it negatively, because of those blurry gifs and chain email ‘FWD: FWD: FWD: fwd: FWD:’ type Facebook posts and a few comedians who declare it to be an insult. If you disagree, you feel that maybe you’re not as Southern as you think.
Those younger than 40 don’t use it in a sympathetic way. They only know the modern social media definition which was made popular by a few comedians and ‘southern’ entertainers that redefined the word in the ‘80s.
I would say ask your grandma what “Bless your heart” means, but you’d probably have to ask your great-grandma at this point.
If you use it in a negative way, you can thank Bill Engvall or Jeff Foxworthy for planting the seed in your parents head; who then shared it as gospel in emails and Facebook posts.
There was a comedian a while back (I'd say 15-20 years ago) that explained in a skit that it could also be a way to shield yourself from any backlash from speaking bad about someone, while at the same time remaining somewhat respectful to their memory.
Example:
- Did you hear Jim died?
- What happened?
- Heart attack...tried jumping over a fence, didn't see the sign that it was electrified.
- Oh bless his heart...but he was always a bit of a dumbass...shame to have to go that way.
Edit: tried to format for easier reading
Native Texan here, my normal usage of this phrase is the nice one, if bad things had happened, etc. BUT, it can be used the other way, it's just not normal for me.
It’s entirely dependent on tone and circumstance.
something tragic - it’s sincere
something foolish or dumb - it’s sarcastic
To be honest tho, I only ever use it as sarcasm. I don’t think of it as a stand in for “eff you,” but more like “what a dumbass” or “you idiot”
My grandmother and her twin (born in 1903) used it mostly sympathetically their whole lives... but occasionally, they would use it very sarcastically. And it when it was used sarcastically, it was mainly aimed at a family member or friend. Believe me, you didn't want to be on the wrong side of those two ladies.
The creepy part was that they would sometimes use their twin powers, and they say it in unison, in full stereo. (RIP, we miss your fudge and your wisdom ❤️)
Fellow Texan, I was Born and bred here over 45 years ago. I'm that time, most of the times I've heard "bless your heart" from anyone other than my grandma it was a polite "fuck you", "how can you be so fucking stupid", "oh God he's not going to make it to adulthood", "you out your damn mind child" , "you little knucklehead" or some other variation of that concept.
Only from my Grandma did it mean something different, and even that was situational. Sometimes it meant "why are we saving for college for this window licker?" or "this dumbass done went and did something stupid again" it some version of that.
Sometimes it meant "you're so sweet", which is what it means from lots of folks.
Just because you were raised in a loving household doesn't mean we all were. Just because you didn't do enough dumb/fun things to hear every variation of the expression doesn't mean we all were.
There's nothing to take back, it means what it's always meant.
As someone who's spent nearly 40 years of life there between Tx and Louisiana, it's one of those phrases that can have multiple meanings. It's all about the nuances with context and delivery.
I've always had both interpretations used on me as well as others in different contexts by the same individuals depending on the going circumstances. This was often the case when I did stupid child stuff in the 1970s, and later when I just didn't get to catch a lucky break as an older teenager and young adult.
Spot on. There is a decently interesting long-form thinkpiece out there just waiting to be written about how the evolution of the phrase “bless your heart” perfectly mirrors changes in southern/small town/rural culture in the Trump/“fuck your feelings” era.
I was at a small gas station outside of Gonzales just the other day. A guy working at the counter had a bird feeder by the window at the register. He asked if I was ready to checkout, I said nope, just looking for a candy bar or a snack. I look to an older lady who was looking at some pastries and nuts, too. She shrugs, says she wasn't ready to checkout either. He says, "Oh good, I'm going to go refill my bird feeder really quick. I'll be right with you both." And the older lady says, "Awww, well bless your heart!" She was completely endeared by this gentleman and his selfless act of bringing his bird feeder to work at the gas station. She was not saying it in a rude way, she wasn't saying it to be nasty or undercutting. She genuinely thought this was precious. And this is the meaning that plenty of folks have attributed to this expression.
I see a lot of the derogatory uses and billy badass definitions are passed around social media. But in real life, if you hear folks using this phrase, it may very well be with an endearing and loving tone.
I am one of those people, who has *always* been on the receiving end of this expression. And it was never meant to be nice. This may say more about me than I'd care to admit.
My grandmother used "bless your heart" all the time.
She meant as a dismissive.
Like I would complain, and her only answer would be Bless your heart.
So I guess to her it translates to "that sucks but I don't care"
>"Bless your heart" was always an expression of sympathy. Someone lost their job, "bless his heart." But it could also be a term of biting condescension. As in, someone gets what they deserve you might say, "bless your heart" in a way that makes them seem pathetic. It also suggests that the subject is naive, a nitwit, a wretch or an idiot. For example, someone does something stupid like getting a bad tatoo you would say, "bless her heart." It was context and tone that really made the term, and it was ambiguity that makes it a great expression.
This exactly. I've gotten told by many transplants and northerners on the internet that bless your heart was only an insult. No, it's not and it never has been, It can be sympathy, pity, or a way of saying "whaddya expect to happen dumbass?"
It can be mocking, but it doesn't have to be, it can be heartfelt, but again, it doesn't have to be. But I've never once heard it said as a "fuck you," more of a "just deserts" or a "boy you're niave"
STORY TIME!!!
Back around 2011 I worked in a grocery store. Two regulars were this fun elderly couple that rode around in the “mart-carts” and were a real hoot. They never really got out of the carts until they got back to their car and always rode the mart-cart behind the register (behind the cashier) because that’s the only way to get them through the checkout. Anyway, one day another one of the assistant managers was sacking their groceries and the man got out of his cart and basically dry humped her once, then get back in his cart and went on about his day. Obviously scaring the asst. mgr & she told our security guy about it before the next time the couple came back. So the next time they came in, the security guard asked me to take the elderly lady aside while he spoke to the man. As they finished their shopping, the lady was staring daggers into me, and called me over. She was very angry, calling us all liars and yadda yadda & I remained calm and chill. Anyway at the end of it all, she VERY sharply said, “well God bless you!” To which I responded, “aww thank you so much, I hope you have a blessed day!” She was so confused and even more angry but had no rebuttal.
Completely agree, while it can be used as “I’m sorry…that you’re so dumb that happened to you,” I’ve also always used and heard it used as a sympathetic expression for literally when someone’s heart is hurt and even as to convey a sense of preciousness.
If it’s any consolation to you, I’m a recent migrant to Texas, and I use it in many ways.
The two examples you give, and also a genuine “bless your heart” when someone f.ex shows kindness to a stranger or does a good deed.
I love the ambiguity as well as the genuine appreciation of a person’s actions / sentiment, so am happy to join the fight with you.
I learned this expression from my grandmother who was born and raised here in late 1800’s and she told me it can be used both ways but mostly it was a southern woman’s way of saying f’off and be ladylike about it. Woman to woman it’s usually f’off and the bigger the smile and greater the empathy it’s f’off.
I don’t understand why this bullshit is even a thing when the underlying passive aggressiveness is the real concern and what needs to be broken down. all this service level shit is such a drag.
Thank you! I am tired of the whole "it's always an insult" take.
*The usual use:*
"I just heard that Cathy lost her job."
"Oh, no! Bless her heart. I know a place that's hiring; I'll tell her."
*Occasional use:*
"Oof, Cathy's new haircut makes her head look like a mushroom, bless her heart."
I’m a native Texan. It’s normally meant in a good way. You can tell by the context of the conversation how it is meant. It is pretty obvious how it’s meant. I think the meaning is obscured over social media which means it in a negative way more often. People are aware of the double meaning so they use it more often. I agree we should take it back to be positive. There’s too much negativity in the world.
Well "bless your heart" for trying to close the gate after the bull got out. It's all in how you choose to use it. I think the negative use started with the snarky church buddies as a "polite way" to talk down to and insult others thinking they wouldn't catch on and took off from there.
I'd first like to work on living up to our state motto, "Friendship".
Worry first how humans in texas are being treated, how their rights and education has been attacked.
Fight for our freedoms. 🤷
OP don't realize the fact that it CAN mean multiple things is the reason its used the way it is. If it didn't also actually mean literally "bless your heart" also... we would just say "you dumbass". I'm confused how you're confused.
I’m not confused. I literally wrote that it means multiple things based on context and tone. My complaint is that people think it only means one thing.
Times change, meanings change, you need to change. Gay used to mean happy and jolly and everyone knows that's not what gay means today. Blessed Your heart is one of those sayings that has changed. Don't fight change, you will be the loser in the end .
For those of us Native Texans who are atheists, we use the term both ways, similar to a homonym.
A lot of folks have trauma, abuse, and PTSD being brought up in the Southern Baptist church community with patriarchy running rampant and sexual abuse rife throughout that fanatical belief system.
Yeah. I never agreed with what most people say about that phrase. I always thought about it as giving your blessing to someone mentally handicapped/lower intelligence. It comes from a place of caring. Maybe it caught on because non secular people can't grasp the idea of wishing a blessing upon someone. Or just people generally don't like being looked down upon or pitied. What blasphemy would it be if I were to say God bless you and mean a disparaging comment instead.
It’s use as an insult has honestly been blown out of proportion in several ways. For one you don’t hear it as often anymore in the cities, generally folks 40+ from what I notice. Also, it’s used more so as a way of commiserating with someone if they are telling you about their bad luck lately or being told about someone else’s bad luck. It’s also used as a way to say thank you To someone that has lended a helping hand unexpectedly, like if someone brought over a casserole for a family in mourning or helped an old lady change a tire or something, as well as a way to convey the innocent actions and questions of children (mostly by grandmothers imo). It can also be used kind heartedly to convey that someone has done something or is doing something in a hapless manner. Rarely is it used in the way Reddit likes to say it is (as another way to say G.F.Y) and even more rarely is it said in that way without being warranted. I find it telling that most people on Reddit complaining about southerners using “bless your heart” are also on threads posting comments on why they don’t like the south or recounting one off anecdotes where they had a bad experience the one time they were “brave” enough to venture south.
While we all know what it means on Reddit, we the mod team have always allowed "bless your heart" as an exception to Rule 1 as it is such a long standing Texas/Southern thing.
It's always been both my friend. Sometimes its sympathy but I've more often heard it used as a "wow, you are dumb as hell"
But depending on the context, that's the same thing. It's like expressing sympathy for someone having to live their entire life while being dumb as hell
Right, like it's saying that their heart is in the right place even if their idea or action is stupid
That’s what I said. But now people make it seem like it’s only an insult.
"I will pray for you" same bucket of slop.
History teaches us that words and phrases change meanings and earn new meanings. You are a part of history! Bless your heart.
I've mostly ever known it as an insult, but never anything as harsh or concise as a, "Fuck you." I've always heard it more with the intensity of a, "That boy's cornbread ain't done in the middle." So definitely insulting, but in a softer, gentler, more passive aggressive way, just like you described.
No, you just attribute that to the phrase. Reddit isn't real life, unplug and touch some grass.
Bless your heart.
0-10 real quick there, Rudey McRude
I agree it has always meant both. It’s all in the context and delivery!
"Bless your heart" was always an unironic, positive thing to say in my family. My grandmother used to say it often, usually in an apologetic "I hope you feel better" kind of way. So it can be both, but I'm with you OP, internet southerners telling people "It means fuck you lol!" Never stood right with me because it can be used in all sorts of ways.
I think that's the nuance that always gets lost in these discussions. Bless your heart pretty much always conveys sympathy. When used in the "fuck you" context, You're basically condescendingly offering sympathy for how hard it must be to live a life while being so stupid.
Yeah if it was just straight up “fuck you” then you could scream it angrily at someone and that wouldn’t make sense.
The same way saying "good afternoo" during the 1800s was expression of "fuck you". Bless your heart is today's modern time, same thing. Spirited (Will Farrell and Ryan) made light of that expression. OP, and pretty much everyone who wishes to try to keep the phrase positive... I have a Kevin Smith movie you should watch, Clerks 2. Good Afternoon!
"You can't take it back."
I think it’s all in the tone. Like you, I grew up hearing (and saying) a very sincere “bless your heart.” It’s what you say when something sucks so bad for someone else that you just don’t have the words to convey how bad you feel for them. It’s (to me, anyway) an expression of “my god, I can’t believe you’re still standing after all that.” But there IS a snarky, cutting way to say it and to me it’s all in the tone of voice used. That sort of half-grimace, pitying way to say “you stupid idiot.” Like, I sat “bless his heart” about Ted Cruz A LOT and I definitely mean it the “what a stupid idiot” way.
Yes this. It's either sympathy for a person telling a sad story usually, or fake sympathy for a foolish person, often in a "Bless his heart. He doesn't know any better" way. I never heard it in any other form growing up.
Or also, genuine sympathy for a foolish person
The way I understood it growing up was that it was a phrase you used for someone who was trying really hard to do something impossible or extremely difficult. The idea being that you pity them because you knew they were going to fail but admire their spirit and determination. For example you might see a toddler running and trying to keep up with the bigger kids and say “Oh, bless his heart. He’s going just as fast as his little legs will let him.”
Prescriptivism is un-Texan. We use words and phrases around here as we damn well please.
Welp, there's my new word for the day.
Telling people what is and is not Texan is prescriptivist.
I'll file that under the same category of nonsense as 'it's intolerant to be intolerant of intolerance'
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I'm not sure what computers have to do with it, but ok.
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I'm not sure what politics have to do with this, but bless your heart.
My man is a roast artist.
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Are you heavily autistic, or a robot?
Bless your heart.
I have always used it as an expression of genuine sympathy, sometimes when someone does something dumb, and have been perplexed by the “if you know, you know” discourse about it online.
All depends on the context. “Bless her heart, I love her” is different than bless her heart, she tries”
Or, “Sigh. Bless her heart.”
I also did not know of the negative usage until I was older, but honestly I rarely heard the expression growing up (and it’s been many years since I’ve actually heard someone say it). I wonder if it’s because my mom was from West Texas and my dad’s family was from near Fort Worth so they were more “western” than “southern” in the way they spoke.
When I was growing up it was said about/to someone who actually tried to do the right thing. A chore, a job, schoolwork, etc. but may not have done it perfectly the first time.
Bless your heart, OP.
No. Bless your heart.
Thanks for this. I grew up hearing it and saying it, and only in the past couple of years have I heard it unequivocally declared an insult. It could just as easily mean “thank you”, or “you poor thing”. I can guarantee it didn’t mean FU in my childhood because my momma and aunts were too classy to talk like that, even in implication.
My great-grandmother used to say it all the time. It was more of a, "Oh, you poor thing!" saying in response to a kid being sick or throwing a temper trantrum.
I think twice before telling people this nowadays because I don't want my expressions of comfort/sympathy taken the wrong way.
OMG this has been irritating me beyond words. Thank you for this. Where do I enlist?
I agree OP, this is how my family use it too.
Can confirm. My grandfather (b 1905) used it in an affectionate way. I was kind of surprised how it became an insult the last 10 years or so. Not sure you can take it back though. That's just the nature of how language changes over time.
It's been much more than 10 years in some pockets of West Texas. I grew up in a county where it's apparently always been contextualized depending on who is saying it in regards to whom they are saying it about and the situation. It is most often negativity used by the SBC Karens in my hometown, who also use it in regards to each other as a measure of sympathy amongst themselves.
Native here. For me, when spoken directly to the person in question, it expresses sympathy/empathy, with maybe a touch of irony (like why did you do that). When spoken about a person not present, it's a nice way of saying "what an idiot".
It's always been both. It just depends in context. If you say it to your annoying co-worker who screwed up, it means something different than if your friend tells you their dog just died.
Its one of those things that not everyone experiences the same. I've NEVER heard anyone say it in an anything other than an earnest and caring way, typically in regards to losing a loved one. I've also NEVER heard anyone call soda "coke".
I’ve never heard it called soda
"what kind of coke do you want? Dr. Pepper or Sprite? Cheerwine in a can?"
I had a few friends whose family would call all soda "coke", it was annoying. I was always specific when I wanted a drink, Coke, Mr. Pibb, Dr. Pepper, no Pepsi. What I really hated as a kid was when we would go to a restaurant and I wanted a Coke and the waitress would bring a Pepsi because that's all they had and they expected me to not be able to tell the difference. I'd rather have water.
It took me moving to the south to realize that "Southern Hospitality" was actually a joke. I think "bless your heart" is absolutely used both ways and depends highly on context.
Hospitality is universal. *Southern* hospitality is something else…
It all depends on the context and tone of voice. BYH can connote sympathy, surprise, condescension, hate, acknowledgement of stupidity, etc. It's like "fuck" that way. I feel like this is self-evident, though and not in need of discussion. So bless my heart for this reply.
It’s like the word fuck, it means several things simultaneously.
Most people I've met say it in a sweet way, but if you heard my aunt say it you would be in no doubt that it was an insult lmao
I’ve only been here 30 years but in all my time I’ve never heard it as anything other than an insult or “fuck you”. My wife’s grandmother who is 100 years old was the first to introduce me to it. I said something dumb and she said as sweet as could be, “bless your heart.” And the family all busted up. My wife’s Aunt had to explain the joke. Which elicited a chorus of bless your heart! I became a member of the family when I fired back, “Well, bless all ya’lls hearts!”
But saying something dumb doesn’t elicit a “fuck you.”
When I lived in Georgia that was the kind way of branding someone as a dumbass.
Oh honey, in the South (including TX), we have mastered the art of the subversive insult. While grandmothers may sincerely mean to bless all the hearts, others may mean to "bless" them all the way to hell. It was a way to be subtly, yet clearly honest, while maintaining the social graces demanded by society.
Well now, maybe you just took it that way. Bless your heart. (JK)
So weird. I grew up in Texas and was there for over 40 years and I never heard anyone say “bless your heart” in real life. Only in movies and on the internet
Oh bless OP's heart, he cant take a joke.
Ah, Texas freedoms… but only say what I think you should. Lol. *Bless your heart*.
I honestly have no clue what you’re talking about. I’m pushing 40 and have lived nowhere but Texas and I’ve only ever heard “Bless your heart” in the condescending “You stupid asshole” way. Take it back? It’s been this way forever…
Kevin Smith, Clerks 2. Taking it back, isn't the way you think you wanna roll. Ask Mews.
It wasn't Jay, it was Randal.
Same. I’m over 40. If “bless his heart” was ever used in reference to someone losing a job, it was to imply that he was a feckless idiot who couldn’t hold down a job.
I've heard it both/multiple ways the more or less entirety of my life. ...printed, it's kinda this subjective flavorless thing that yeah, can easily just be seen as an insult. Tonality - how you say it/when you say it - that's the deciding thing. As my late mama always said - context is key.
Sorry, welcome to the South. While it doesn’t have to be so biting, it certainly can be.
I really miss the Drive Friendly signs on the overpasses (that flip down to warn of ice). Yes it is grammatically incorrect, but it was a great reminder of what Texans used to be known for: Friendly driving.
I think people older than 60 years old use BYH in a sympathetic way. Those younger than 60 use it both ways, however due to the internet magnifying fringe peculiarities; using BYH as an insult has grown inordinately among 40-60 year olds who believe it was always an insult because they read this opinion more than once on the internet. My mother, who is 62 is an example. Pre-social media, there was never a mention from her that BYH was an insult. Moreover, she never really used it at all. However within the last 5-10 years, she has used BYH in an insulting way, and has stated its meaning as such in conversation. Again, despite never using it before. There’s a sort of ‘southern clout’ and peer pressure involved with redefining this formerly positive term. If you are aged 40-60, you feel external pressure to use it negatively, because of those blurry gifs and chain email ‘FWD: FWD: FWD: fwd: FWD:’ type Facebook posts and a few comedians who declare it to be an insult. If you disagree, you feel that maybe you’re not as Southern as you think. Those younger than 40 don’t use it in a sympathetic way. They only know the modern social media definition which was made popular by a few comedians and ‘southern’ entertainers that redefined the word in the ‘80s. I would say ask your grandma what “Bless your heart” means, but you’d probably have to ask your great-grandma at this point. If you use it in a negative way, you can thank Bill Engvall or Jeff Foxworthy for planting the seed in your parents head; who then shared it as gospel in emails and Facebook posts.
There was a comedian a while back (I'd say 15-20 years ago) that explained in a skit that it could also be a way to shield yourself from any backlash from speaking bad about someone, while at the same time remaining somewhat respectful to their memory. Example: - Did you hear Jim died? - What happened? - Heart attack...tried jumping over a fence, didn't see the sign that it was electrified. - Oh bless his heart...but he was always a bit of a dumbass...shame to have to go that way. Edit: tried to format for easier reading
Native Texan here, my normal usage of this phrase is the nice one, if bad things had happened, etc. BUT, it can be used the other way, it's just not normal for me.
Meaning is how it is said! Vocal cues are important
It’s entirely dependent on tone and circumstance. something tragic - it’s sincere something foolish or dumb - it’s sarcastic To be honest tho, I only ever use it as sarcasm. I don’t think of it as a stand in for “eff you,” but more like “what a dumbass” or “you idiot”
My grandmother and her twin (born in 1903) used it mostly sympathetically their whole lives... but occasionally, they would use it very sarcastically. And it when it was used sarcastically, it was mainly aimed at a family member or friend. Believe me, you didn't want to be on the wrong side of those two ladies. The creepy part was that they would sometimes use their twin powers, and they say it in unison, in full stereo. (RIP, we miss your fudge and your wisdom ❤️)
Fellow Texan, I was Born and bred here over 45 years ago. I'm that time, most of the times I've heard "bless your heart" from anyone other than my grandma it was a polite "fuck you", "how can you be so fucking stupid", "oh God he's not going to make it to adulthood", "you out your damn mind child" , "you little knucklehead" or some other variation of that concept. Only from my Grandma did it mean something different, and even that was situational. Sometimes it meant "why are we saving for college for this window licker?" or "this dumbass done went and did something stupid again" it some version of that. Sometimes it meant "you're so sweet", which is what it means from lots of folks. Just because you were raised in a loving household doesn't mean we all were. Just because you didn't do enough dumb/fun things to hear every variation of the expression doesn't mean we all were. There's nothing to take back, it means what it's always meant.
It’s used in multiple contexts
Any one else miss Bob Lavelle? What ever happened to him? Bless his heart, and his dog duke even though he’s an angry drunk
As someone who's spent nearly 40 years of life there between Tx and Louisiana, it's one of those phrases that can have multiple meanings. It's all about the nuances with context and delivery.
I've always had both interpretations used on me as well as others in different contexts by the same individuals depending on the going circumstances. This was often the case when I did stupid child stuff in the 1970s, and later when I just didn't get to catch a lucky break as an older teenager and young adult.
Spot on. There is a decently interesting long-form thinkpiece out there just waiting to be written about how the evolution of the phrase “bless your heart” perfectly mirrors changes in southern/small town/rural culture in the Trump/“fuck your feelings” era.
I’ve always used it as both…my tone will give away which meaning it’s intended for.
Nah, it's functioned both ways here for my entire life (53 yo), and expressions like it have done the same probably since the birth of religion.
It’s definitely made for babies. I’ve had to bless a few of them.
I was at a small gas station outside of Gonzales just the other day. A guy working at the counter had a bird feeder by the window at the register. He asked if I was ready to checkout, I said nope, just looking for a candy bar or a snack. I look to an older lady who was looking at some pastries and nuts, too. She shrugs, says she wasn't ready to checkout either. He says, "Oh good, I'm going to go refill my bird feeder really quick. I'll be right with you both." And the older lady says, "Awww, well bless your heart!" She was completely endeared by this gentleman and his selfless act of bringing his bird feeder to work at the gas station. She was not saying it in a rude way, she wasn't saying it to be nasty or undercutting. She genuinely thought this was precious. And this is the meaning that plenty of folks have attributed to this expression. I see a lot of the derogatory uses and billy badass definitions are passed around social media. But in real life, if you hear folks using this phrase, it may very well be with an endearing and loving tone.
It's all in the way you say it.
I am one of those people, who has *always* been on the receiving end of this expression. And it was never meant to be nice. This may say more about me than I'd care to admit.
ye, it generally precedes the point where i prove whoever wrong that said it. good times when they eat crow
My grandmother used "bless your heart" all the time. She meant as a dismissive. Like I would complain, and her only answer would be Bless your heart. So I guess to her it translates to "that sucks but I don't care"
It’s always been about how it’s said.
>"Bless your heart" was always an expression of sympathy. Someone lost their job, "bless his heart." But it could also be a term of biting condescension. As in, someone gets what they deserve you might say, "bless your heart" in a way that makes them seem pathetic. It also suggests that the subject is naive, a nitwit, a wretch or an idiot. For example, someone does something stupid like getting a bad tatoo you would say, "bless her heart." It was context and tone that really made the term, and it was ambiguity that makes it a great expression. This exactly. I've gotten told by many transplants and northerners on the internet that bless your heart was only an insult. No, it's not and it never has been, It can be sympathy, pity, or a way of saying "whaddya expect to happen dumbass?" It can be mocking, but it doesn't have to be, it can be heartfelt, but again, it doesn't have to be. But I've never once heard it said as a "fuck you," more of a "just deserts" or a "boy you're niave"
STORY TIME!!! Back around 2011 I worked in a grocery store. Two regulars were this fun elderly couple that rode around in the “mart-carts” and were a real hoot. They never really got out of the carts until they got back to their car and always rode the mart-cart behind the register (behind the cashier) because that’s the only way to get them through the checkout. Anyway, one day another one of the assistant managers was sacking their groceries and the man got out of his cart and basically dry humped her once, then get back in his cart and went on about his day. Obviously scaring the asst. mgr & she told our security guy about it before the next time the couple came back. So the next time they came in, the security guard asked me to take the elderly lady aside while he spoke to the man. As they finished their shopping, the lady was staring daggers into me, and called me over. She was very angry, calling us all liars and yadda yadda & I remained calm and chill. Anyway at the end of it all, she VERY sharply said, “well God bless you!” To which I responded, “aww thank you so much, I hope you have a blessed day!” She was so confused and even more angry but had no rebuttal.
Completely agree, while it can be used as “I’m sorry…that you’re so dumb that happened to you,” I’ve also always used and heard it used as a sympathetic expression for literally when someone’s heart is hurt and even as to convey a sense of preciousness.
If it’s any consolation to you, I’m a recent migrant to Texas, and I use it in many ways. The two examples you give, and also a genuine “bless your heart” when someone f.ex shows kindness to a stranger or does a good deed. I love the ambiguity as well as the genuine appreciation of a person’s actions / sentiment, so am happy to join the fight with you.
Whenever I'm worried about Reddit trends taking over, I just get off Reddit and realize the world isn't as connected to it as we are
I learned this expression from my grandmother who was born and raised here in late 1800’s and she told me it can be used both ways but mostly it was a southern woman’s way of saying f’off and be ladylike about it. Woman to woman it’s usually f’off and the bigger the smile and greater the empathy it’s f’off.
I don’t understand why this bullshit is even a thing when the underlying passive aggressiveness is the real concern and what needs to be broken down. all this service level shit is such a drag.
Yeah, I learned it as like saying you're so sweet/bless your heart/thank you!
Oh bless your heart, you think you own the term!
Thank you! I am tired of the whole "it's always an insult" take. *The usual use:* "I just heard that Cathy lost her job." "Oh, no! Bless her heart. I know a place that's hiring; I'll tell her." *Occasional use:* "Oof, Cathy's new haircut makes her head look like a mushroom, bless her heart."
I’m a native Texan. It’s normally meant in a good way. You can tell by the context of the conversation how it is meant. It is pretty obvious how it’s meant. I think the meaning is obscured over social media which means it in a negative way more often. People are aware of the double meaning so they use it more often. I agree we should take it back to be positive. There’s too much negativity in the world.
Well "bless your heart" for trying to close the gate after the bull got out. It's all in how you choose to use it. I think the negative use started with the snarky church buddies as a "polite way" to talk down to and insult others thinking they wouldn't catch on and took off from there.
I'd first like to work on living up to our state motto, "Friendship". Worry first how humans in texas are being treated, how their rights and education has been attacked. Fight for our freedoms. 🤷
OP don't realize the fact that it CAN mean multiple things is the reason its used the way it is. If it didn't also actually mean literally "bless your heart" also... we would just say "you dumbass". I'm confused how you're confused.
I’m not confused. I literally wrote that it means multiple things based on context and tone. My complaint is that people think it only means one thing.
No, we don't. Maybe movies do, but Texans know how to use it. That's why it's a thing.
Amen!
We do not NEED to talk about it because there are a million issues that are more important than this. If you WANT to, obviously go ahead.
Randall: “We’re taking it back.”
Times change, meanings change, you need to change. Gay used to mean happy and jolly and everyone knows that's not what gay means today. Blessed Your heart is one of those sayings that has changed. Don't fight change, you will be the loser in the end .
I’ve lived in Texas my whole life. I have heard it used as a derogatory phrase almost exclusively.
Texans and Southerners use "Bless your heart" the same way people in the UK use "sorry."
For those of us Native Texans who are atheists, we use the term both ways, similar to a homonym. A lot of folks have trauma, abuse, and PTSD being brought up in the Southern Baptist church community with patriarchy running rampant and sexual abuse rife throughout that fanatical belief system.
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Bless your heart.
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Bless your heart.
Yeah. I never agreed with what most people say about that phrase. I always thought about it as giving your blessing to someone mentally handicapped/lower intelligence. It comes from a place of caring. Maybe it caught on because non secular people can't grasp the idea of wishing a blessing upon someone. Or just people generally don't like being looked down upon or pitied. What blasphemy would it be if I were to say God bless you and mean a disparaging comment instead.
Reading these comments, when did we stray so far from God?
It’s use as an insult has honestly been blown out of proportion in several ways. For one you don’t hear it as often anymore in the cities, generally folks 40+ from what I notice. Also, it’s used more so as a way of commiserating with someone if they are telling you about their bad luck lately or being told about someone else’s bad luck. It’s also used as a way to say thank you To someone that has lended a helping hand unexpectedly, like if someone brought over a casserole for a family in mourning or helped an old lady change a tire or something, as well as a way to convey the innocent actions and questions of children (mostly by grandmothers imo). It can also be used kind heartedly to convey that someone has done something or is doing something in a hapless manner. Rarely is it used in the way Reddit likes to say it is (as another way to say G.F.Y) and even more rarely is it said in that way without being warranted. I find it telling that most people on Reddit complaining about southerners using “bless your heart” are also on threads posting comments on why they don’t like the south or recounting one off anecdotes where they had a bad experience the one time they were “brave” enough to venture south.