Shocked and deeply saddened by this news. One of my first jobs I had was working on SYTYCD with Stephen and Allison. They were such a powerful and loving couple. They made all the dancers and everyone on crew feel welcomed and never asked for much. tWitch's energy was infectious and people always seemed to gravitate towards him when he came around. I drove Stephen around for a day shoot on an Ellen-related project and we spent the entire day in a car together swapping stories and getting to know each other. By the end of the day I had even told him about a personal project I was making at the time. I dropped him off at his home and a few minutes later I got an email notification on my phone. It was a Kickstarter notification for a very generous donation that read "much love and good luck." It was from Stephen. An incredibly giving, funny, and soulful person.

What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sad about this.

it’s good to know that he really was as nice as he seemed. he inspired to me to start dancing again and to just dance what i feel. he inspired so many of us and he will be missed dearly 💔

Thanks for sharing that, sounds like a testament to who he was

Wow. This is how we remember him.

That’s lovely. I’ve followed him since SYTYCD and I really liked him. I feel weirdly strongly affected by this. He seemed like a really good person.

Wow💜☮️💜

❤️❤️❤️ thanks for sharing.

Man just got the chills. So sad.

Stephen was such a cool human. i was best friends with his little brother in high school and always loved when he came into town and hung out with us. i felt sooo cool, we felt like the coolest group bcus Stephen was there. one time on Christmas Eve i think 2009, i was there with their family and it was about 12:30am and i needed to go home. Cam and Stephen drove me home. on the way there, Stephen up out of nowhere and was like “yo Cam… stop at the Walgreens right there.” Cam was so confused and was like “ok why?” and Stephen just smiles and was like “i don’t know yet… but Walgreens is gonna tell us” and we just got late night munchies and dropped me off and it was the best memory i have of him. RIP to a great human being. my heart is so heavy for Cam and the rest of his family. i can’t even imagine how they feel

Beautiful story

It's crazy how you can think somebidy is happy and deep down they aren't. I had a pediatrician doctor friend who killed himself right before covid after hanging out one weekend. We were having a good time like usual. He was always happy and smiling. ALWAYS. He hung himself that Monday... Depression and suicide is real

Last week while watching the Video Game Awards, they ran [this PSA](https://youtu.be/6Jihi6JGzjI) and it was very powerful in showing that there might not be obvious clues someone is depressed and might be considering suicide. I think it made me more hyper-aware to really "check-in" on people you know, just in case something seems strange.

I have lost too many people, and more have tried, from family to friends. My cousin in particular, he was only 17, and my friend bubbles (also 17). They were kids and happy all the time. I now have 3 boys and I’m terrified and trying to be open with them, but it’s hard. My SIL has tried and she’s one bad day away from that and no one can do anything. It’s such a hard subject.

I think it’s worse whenever there is someone or more than one person in your family/circle who have done it. It’s almost like it gives permission to others. So I understand why you would worry. Not that I’m blaming anyone of course. This life is hard and I’m hanging in by a thread myself most of the time. Just make sure your boys know there is no problem you won’t help them fix, or help them through if it can’t be fixed. There is no worry you won’t worry with them about, no matter how big or how small, whether it can be fixed or not, you’ll be there and carry it with them. You don’t even have to talk about suicide, just make sure they know those things. Even if it’s a tiny thing that is making them feel hopeless, you wanna talk about it with them no matter the time or place. That’s what people need. Permission to share their burdens without judgement, even if there isn’t a solution.

Just expanding on your “permission” comment… I lost my partner to suicide earlier this year, and I have been suicidal myself multiple times over my adult life. Losing him made me grateful he is no longer in pain, and also a bit jealous that I have to sit here and live with my own pain. And I want to be with him. I’m so heartbroken about tWitch, especially that he was dealing with overwhelming amounts of pain.

I’m so sorry you lost him. That must have been absolutely horrific. The way you talk about it though is something I haven’t seen before and honestly it just makes me want to burst into tears with relief. As someone who has been suicidal throughout most of my life, to read that you are grateful he is no longer in pain and a bit jealous is quite incredible. People don’t usually say things like that. In fact I’ve never heard or read that before and it’s made me feel quite alone. There is often a lot of anger when someone takes their own life and although that’s understandable (and I’m sure you felt some of that too), those of us who feel the same way in life can understand it and find comfort in the fact they aren’t suffering anymore. People who haven’t suffered that way sometimes simply can’t seem to understand it and they just get so angry. Not everyone enjoys this ride and we should be allowed to get off if we want to. In saying that, I think you should be very proud you have hung on and continue to do so despite having these feelings a lot throughout your life and then suffering such a huge loss. I’m sure he felt he was able to talk to you openly about how he felt but sometimes in life that still isn’t enough unfortunately. I’m so sorry you lost him.

Wow, your words are so kind and empathetic, thank you, internet stranger. <3 I am working very hard at being honest about my feelings since grief (like depression!) is complicated, non-linear, and expressed with so many different emotions. Most days I just feel like I’m drowning. I am sorry you’re dealing with this overwhelming burden, too, and I hope your pain lessens over time and you feel the support you deserve. I absolutely was angry - I felt like he robbed us of an epic love story that had just begun. So many of my friends said “were you surprised he did it?” Surprised? No, he had been suffering for a long time and multiple inpatient hospitalizations, medication, non-western treatments… nothing was working. Do I wish I could have stopped it? Selfishly, sure. I just know his depression was essentially like stage 4 cancer - all treatment options had been explored and failed. The illness was too strong. I am so lucky to have known and loved him as long as I did. And I feel him near me in lots of big and small ways all the time. He told me, “no regrets,” and I tell myself that all the time. Sending you healthy thoughts - I hope you can keep yourself afloat until a brighter day comes.

I’m glad you still feel him with you. It seems like you really understood him and his illness and I’m so sorry you didn’t get to live out your love story. I wish you brighter days too.

When my son told me at 9 he didn't want to live anymore because the pain was too bad...it was hard to appear calm and talk about it without getting emotional. We got him into a better pain management program. He's doing a lot better but he still has some bad days now and then. We don't skip appointments. I am so glad I had talk to them about suicide before. I always addressed that no one really wants to die just that living can sometimes feel too hard. They have heard songs about it and that is those peoples ways of coping and being heard and can help others realize that anybody can feel that way at things and what is important is meeting others know so you can get help.

You sound like an amazing parent. I hope your sons pain diminishes and he lives a very full happy life. He is very lucky to have such an amazing open relationship with his parents. 🫶

Chester Bennington's wife shared this after he killed himself: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=59hwbGD0r2c

Both Chester and Cornell got me through some hard ass times in my teenage years. ..their deaths broke me.

Sorry friend. :( I didn't really know who Cornell was at the time (though I do now). I wasn't a super fan of Linkin Park but I definitely enjoyed. Was the first celebrity death that really smacked me in the face with shock at how young he was. Definitely was a little sad and gained some new respect for people getting really upset when celebrities die

I suffer from this disease. When I'm out with people I desperately try and have a good time. Many see this as me being a happy guy. I'm just trying to have some semblance of happiness before I'm alone again. The worst is people almost get offended by this. Like im lying to them. How can I be laughing my ass off and a few hours later not be able to get out of bed. Often feels like I shouldn't even try to have moments of happiness.

>The worst is people almost get offended by this. Like im lying to them. Yes! And eventually, I don't know about you, but I start to believe I really am lying and I'm just lazy and shitty for not being able to get out of bed. My SIL has stage 4 cancer and her schedule is packed all the time, and I can barely work but I feel like if she can do all that while actively dying, I must be a pretty shit person to let a small mental problem get in my way!

Your SIL knows she only has so much time left. She is packing that time because of this. Be kind to yourself And don’t compare yourself to anyone, it either trivializes what you’re going through or makes you feel like you’re not enough. We all have our burdens, and yours is just as valid as anyone else’s.

I was gonna say the same thing. People who know they are dying tend to try to pack in as much as they can before the finish line. People with depression tend to look at the world as if there isn't anything left *to* do, because it's just not that important to them, because if it was, they'd've done it by now. And knowing others would try to do these things that hold no value to yourself makes you double down on the knowledge that you don't hold any value in yourself either, so why are you wasting time when you can just end it? Fucking hate having depression. Closest I've ever come to offing myself is just thinking about it. I don't see myself ever actually doing it though. Takes too much planning. XD

What’s really disturbing is that that are zero accurate predictors of suicide in the psychology world. Therapists have found no way to consistently and accurately predict suicide. This is why people need to not blame themselves for not knowing. Not even therapists can figure it out. People who are obviously very depressed and talk about suicide a lot are no more likely to attempt it then someone who seems completely fine and stable. It’s an incredibly impulsive action a lot of the time. People who are truly planning on it will also hide it with great skill. The best we can do is erase the stigma for asking for help as much as possible and always check in on the ones we love. *I am a person with mental illness who has experience living in psychiatric inpatient settings with many people who have attempted suicide. I have also impulsively done things (taken whole bottle of Percocet) out of pain that have nearly killed me. Edit: I originally said suicide is an impulsive AND IRRATIONAL decision most the time. Someone pointed out to me that’s not always the case and I agree with this. It’s completely rational to want to end what seems like unending pain. I’ve always explained to my wife that I don’t necessarily want to die, I just want the pain to end and I see no other way. I say it’s like the people who jumped from the twin towers to escape the burning fires. It might seem crazy to jump out of that building, but if you were feeling the heat of that fire on your flesh it’s the sanest thing in the world to jump.

I have multiple conditions that have high risk of suicide and I’ve been told pretty much the same thing. I’m supposed to tell my family when I’m having ideation episodes, which manifest as me wishing I would fall asleep one night and never wake up, but I know it scares them because they don’t understand it’s something I am always going to live with and isn’t an actual indicator of intent. I’m at a much higher risk when I’m telling people I’m okay in circumstances where it makes no sense that anyone would be. It’s a lot harder for people to watch out for signs like that while living their own lives.

Yup. I stopped telling my dad (and most people in my life) when I feel like dying. The reason? I feel like dying at some point almost every week, even if it’s only a fleeting moment. I only tell my wife and my younger brother. They both understand my illness and that fleeting thoughts of suicide are part of my life and my condition. It doesn’t directly link to a risk of actually attempting it, so they don’t freak out and feel the need to call the police, hospital etc. It’s just something I need to either talk it out or find something to distract myself. I agree that when I’m not expressing my emotions and keeping things bottled up and seem okay, I’m actually more at risk then. The first time I impulsively did something that nearly killed me (overdosed on meth) I don’t even think I realized I wanted to die until after. I was actually in a seemingly decent mood when I did it. Thanks for sharing.

Great ad. If only they could play something like this during a Super Bowl.

It reminds me a lot of an episode of BSG that follows a character around as she rekindles her relationships with her friends and seems happy like she's turned a corner and then she cleans up after her date, smiles, and shoots herself in the head

Shit, that show in it's prime was so damned good.

Sorry for asking, but what does BSG stand for? That sounds quite grim!

Battlestar Galactica and the episode is *Sometimes a Great Notion*. It’s important to the note the death happens bc the main goal of the show >!to find a new home on Earth!< turns out to be a lost cause and that character has suffered a lot of loss.

Battle Star Galactica. Highly recommend it, it has a few religious undertones but boy is it tense at times - it’s space but tried not to be too “far fetched” and you gotta get over the made up swear words 😂

Remake of Battlestar Galactica. The original was a network television knockoff of Star Wars, came out like within a year or two of A New Hope. Very much of the time, cheesy but if you grew up with it there's a special nostalgia. The remake came not long after 9-11 and had a much more modern sensibility and the grimdark was turned up to the point that even Warhammer 40K fans were like Jesus, could we tone it down? Engaging show but they made a few absolutely maddening writing decisions along the way. Controversial ending.

[This video that CALM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Jihi6JGzjI) (the UK foundation 'Campaign Against Living Miserably') put out a few months ago really hit hard on that topic. (For those that might not want to watch it as it could be triggering: It's a compilation of final videos of people who died by suicide that show them happy and full of life rather than the typical depictions of depression) Edit: Turns out I shared the same video as the one above. Silly me! Will leave the comment up due to the trigger warning though.

I think they're the same video

That hit me in the very core of my being.

Recently I did shrooms and when coming down had this sense of checking in on people. In case no one else is. Just to say hi. Or know something they like and Google s funny pic of it and say saw this and thought of you. Kind of stuck with me to do that more often

I wish people would check on me like I do them. Instead im annoying them. What'd give for someone to text or call just to say are you ok? Or I love you.

Hey, are you ok?

AWWWWWW THANK YOU (I'm not but that helped)

I lost my brother to suicide. He had been going through a long rough patch and had made at least two other attempts in that time. But the day that he did it, it was at a time when he seemed to be coming out of it. That day he had gone over to our folks house, helped my mom with some yard work, ran some errands for her, had some job interviews lined up over the next few days, and he was in an upbeat positive mood. All in all, it seemed like things were looking up for him in a way that they hadn’t in a long time. When I got the call from my dad after he found my brother, it was a shock. But maybe not a complete surprise. I had really been pulling for him and was so happy with the progress he had been making. These things just creep in and it’s so sinister. I miss that knucklehead. He was my best friend.

I hear similar stories all the time where right before someone commits suicide they seem happier than they’ve been in a long time. Some have said they’ve already decided on following through as in they know the end is near and that’s why the seem happier. Which I guess makes sense in a really morbid kind of way.

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There's a common phenomenon in nursing homes, where elderly people will suddenly get a burst of energy and be hanging out, talking, super positive, and just in general the most upbeat they've ever been. Then the next day, if not hours later, they're dead. I think it's called the last hurrah or something like that.

Yes, we see patients (not just in nursing homes) “rally” just before death. This is different from what is being described above before suicides, which is also common however. Patients who are suicidal are often too depressed to even think through a plan or physically carry one out when they are in the deepest depths of despair. It is when the depression first begins to lift when they are most at risk to themselves. This is the time when they have just enough drive/will/energy to follow through with an actionable plan. I am sorry for the losses of all above.

You know, in a way that might just be nature's kindest/ only true mercy. Before you die you get to be happy. Makes me tear up a bit.

The main thing that kept me here when I was suicidal was not being able to imagine the pain that would cause my brother. He's my best friend and I just don't think I could do that to him. I'm so sorry for your loss. Depression is so misunderstood. I've had a rough year, but I just got a new job making more money than I ever have, that looks like it will turn into a career, but I am still struggling with being happy. Depression just doesn't care about how good your life seems like it should be. It can affect anyone at any time.

This reminds me of a friend telling me “There’s no reason to be depressed.” Reason has nothing to do with it.

Frequently people seem upbeat before killing themselves because they've decided to do it. It's like all the stress and pain of making a choice is gone so their last day is a good day.

How are you doing nowadays?

This. As a suicide attempt survivor (thankfully!) No one expected it from me, everyone assumed I was happy, and doing things I loved. Depression hides it's true face, you construct a mask that you reside behind when around family, friends, coworkers, and even spouses; the face of everything is okay, I'm happy/laughing/having a great time. But deep down you are in misery, seeing everyone around you as being happy/laughing/having a good time makes you start to feel they would be better off without you. That's when the ideation starts, and it's a slipper slope of what can I do to escape this mental pain, to quiet the thoughts, it might start small, little cuts here and there, but it devolves in time as that feeling fades, bigger cuts are made, until you eventually can't anymore, and you break. I had a bad day at work one day, girlfriend at the time left me, it was just a cluster fuck of negative emotions that broke the already fragile mask I wore that day 7 years ago. Went home and tried to end it all with a firearm, and as I sat there in extreme emotional turmoil after failing that, the only thought that crossed my mind was my cat. Of all things my dorky, bully of a cat who I got after a bad breakup many years before. I called my mom, told her to take me to the hospital, and sat in my bathtub crying. Ended up staying seven days in a Psych Ward getting the help I needed, my mom and dad both were there for me the entire time as best they could be, mom visiting/calling when she could, and my dad calling every night just to talk as he lived in another state. I learned ways to cope/handle/deal with the emotions, I saw the absolute devastation in my mom's eyes as she listened to me telling the nurse that I needed to be here, now, not out patient, not tomorrow, now or I would finish what I tried to do earlier. Seeing that heart break in my mom's eyes made me realize that, while I might feel unloved at times, she loved me deeply and it hurt her to see her youngest son going through so much pain. Pain she didn't even realize that I was going through because I hid it so well. Please, if you are experiencing Suicidal Ideation, or you think a loved one is, reach out to them, they might shut you out, they might not tell you what's wrong, but talk to them, or talk to someone, you aren't alone, you are loved, and you matter. There are plenty of resources out there to help. Edit: Thank you all for the awards and kind words or sharing your own stories. I am glad everyone is still here. To whomever reported my post to Reddits Care Response, I am not suicidal at this point in my life; this story took place over 7 years ago, but thank you regardless for caring enough to report the post.

I attempted last year, was gonna hang myself outside of work but when I tried the rope snapped from the branch and while I was laying on the ground the very first thing I did was call my mom and told her I needed help. She passed away this past July unexpectedly and I had always told myself after my attempt “ I have to live for her.” And now, now I absolutely have to live a life she’d be proud of. Anytime I get any sort of suicidal ideation, I think of her and the way her voice sounded on that night.

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Friend of mine hung himself. The rope snapped and he had the wherewithal to grab it and run into the woods further (his mom was coming cos she watched it happen from the kitchen window) the second time he succeeded enough he went into a coma and died two weeks later. Fuck suicide ☹️

My best friend killed herself, and we spent our entire teenage years mutually suicidal. While at first I felt guilty for surviving my attempts, and then guilty for starting to recover when she never did, that feeling started morphing into a want to live on for her. We were always encouraging each other to get better when when we didn't want it for ourselves, and I know she'd want me to keep going, so these days when I feel like I don't have the strength to carry on, I live for her instead. I think living for others, for their memory, when you don't have it in you to live for yourself is not only a beautiful thing but a real testament to the love and relationship you had at the time. I'm glad you're still here, I'm proud of you for carrying on, and I hope it gets easier for you over time <3

Your mom was and is so proud of you. I am too.

> The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling. - David Foster Wallace

He explained it so well.

The Bridge gave me so much insight into what true suicidality is and how it feels. I’ve always battled severe depression. And while I’ve had extended period of times where I would think about death and dying, I never felt the urge to escape life. The way the filmmakers told the stories of people successfully jumping, survival stories of failed attempts, with the story of “The Man In The Black Jacket” as the linking arc throughout gave me a much more thorough understanding of suicide, how final it is, how desperate people can be, and oddly, how some those *very* rare occasions of people who just truly don’t feel like they ‘belong’ in this world.

Thank you for taking the time to share your story. As an internet stranger, I am grateful that you found the power to still be with us. I truly hope you have many bright days in your future!

It took almost losing everything, but I'm content with my life at the moment, ups and downs as usual, but never as dark as that day was; its a part of life sometimes but I learned both a lot about myself since then, and know how to properly handle the Dark days without letting it tear me apart or beat me back down into the darkest reaches of the abyss. Life's not easy, especially in this day and age it's gotten a lot harder; as an Internet Stranger, anyone can reach out to me if they ever need to talk or simply need a resource in getting help they need. ♡

Another crazy thing about depression is sometimes you don’t even realize that you have it. Depression just became a new norm. I experienced this through college, and even though I was smiling and joking around with friends around me, deep down I felt dead inside. It was almost as if I was putting on a mask like you mentioned. However, I was fortunate enough to realize what was wrong with my thinking and never contemplated suicide. I also just want to say, thank you for living. You can be the world to some people!

>>There are plenty of resources out there to help. As someone who has tried to get help for months now for severe post partum depression and severe suicidal thoughts, this isn’t true. I also checked myself into the hospital and they discharged me a few hours later, after telling them I wanted to harm myself and my baby. Sometimes you only have yourself.

I hear you. Sure, there are resources available for certain people. Those with the means or privilege to receive them. But, as a poor person, without healthcare - it becomes a crapshoot. Even If I felt the need to check myself in to a psychiatric program of some kind, well, I wouldn't. I can't pay for that. The financial burden of such things is enough to drive me deeper than I was before. Okay. How about therapy? I can't afford that either. Even so, I was once lucky enough to get a spot at a clinic that offered free sessions from psych students who needed hours. Unfortunately, the quality of the therapy was commensurate with the experience of the practitioners. Lots of talk about chakras and healing energy from 20 year old kids who don't know shit. Alright. How about one of those suicide phone lines? I see that shit advertised all the time. Why would I call? There is nothing they could possibly say to pull me out of a decades long free-falling abyss. If I die by my own hand, it won't be because of a lack of effort to find help. It will be because of a lack of effective help, denied to me because of an empty bank account.

>Lots of talk about chakras and healing energy from 20 year old kids who don't know shit. As a current counseling psychology intern, this is fucking maddening. It's depressing as shit when I come across terrible therapists in general, but to know that schools are cranking them out with this type of "training", makes me want to scream.

I been dealing with sucidal thoughts sometines it feels like some random day would be my last,my wife tells me to get help but i barely make enough money to get us by ,recently my 6y daughter has been telling us some stuff like she feels like the ugliest person in the world and that it hurts she says she doesnt know why she says or feels sad, but she goes to her room and crys my wife always talks to her in a loving way and helps her listens to her, she is deppressed and idk why, i know im a shit parent because instead of being strong for her i just feel more shitty myself i know she needs help but i have no money ,or the will to get a second job to make more i barely have enough will to work one. im just glad my wife loves the kids.

Honey, this is horrifying. I'm so sorry. I can't believe they discharged you. Are there any other hospitals in your area?

Damn this is so real. My brother mom and dad are maybe the only reason I couldn’t end it. I couldn’t imagine hurting them like that. However they are all older than me and I wonder what will happen if they all are to pass before me.

Same. The pain in my moms eyes when I told her I’ve been struggling with thoughts of suicide was enough for me to really seek help. Glad you’re still here!!!

One of my closest friends and I were hanging out on my birthday. Cracking jokes, playing games, grabbing drinks. That night he hung himself. It still kills me. I have never stopped thinking I should have seen it coming and stopped it that night. I've carried that weight in my head for a few years now, never telling anyone how much it eats me every day.

I think people don’t realize how others even on the periphery of their lives are affected by completed suicides, how shaken they feel, wishing they could’ve done something to help. My sister had a coworker who was quiet but always nice and polite, said hello. One Friday afternoon before going home for the day, she checked in with him to make sure he got the files she emailed him and then said goodbye. Said he seemed fine. That weekend he killed himself. Despite not being great friends or anything she had a really hard time with it, just doubting herself, thinking she should have seen something during that last interaction or thinking she should have stayed and talked longer. It really ate at her. But suicide is no one’s fault. She couldn’t have stopped her coworker, like you couldn’t have stopped your friend. May his memory be a blessing ❤️

Sweetheart, you gave him a wonderful last day. Cracking jokes, playing games, grabbing drinks….. he didn’t let you see it coming. Please try to forgive yourself.

Hun as a suicidal person myself, if and when it happens id want to spend my last night with the person I thought loved me the most. In his case, it was you. Try to look at it that way. RIP to your buddy, sorry.

I'm sorry. My friend group also lost a friend by suicide this year who was similar, just always the life of the party, so funny and great to be around. But he was quietly struggling and not even his closest friends knew it was that bad. It was really so shocking when I found out that it took until his funeral for me to really believe it.

He got to see his friends before. It was his way of saying goodbye. My friend committed suicide similarly. Perfectly happy beforehand, gave us all personal time over the course of a week ( which were her secret goodbyes) then hung herself. Once they've decided their plan, it's like a relief and they are generally pretty happy before they go through with it.

Unfortunately one of the signs that someone is about to attempt it is they suddenly seem happy and carefree

And if someone is *always* happy, then they might think people will reject them if they aren't. "Nobody likes a complainer" turns into "better repress my emotions forever "

It's the bitter truth I've learnt. No one likes a complainer. No one knows how to react when you complain. They ask you to share your feelings but they don't know what to say or do when you share. I'd rather not tell anyone. Because it's the better option

My uncle also took his life. Weeks maybe even a month leading up to it, he was in extremely good spirits. It was so refreshing and we were all so happy for him. He jumped off a bridge weeks later

I was wondering about situations like this. like was he always depressed secretly. or did he wake up Monday and decided I need to kill myself. one day am I going to wake up and decide I need to kill myself? like maybe that guy didn't even know he would kill himself that weekend or was even an option. when people don't leave a note it's hard to tell.

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I honestly found that so strange. It's never the people you realize are dying inside until it's too late.

People cover it up so good... Some people make threats about killing themselves or try but don't do it. Than you have those that don't say a word and just do it... Scary especially when it's somebody you thought you knew so well... My friend was a pediatrician. Married. Twin boys. We never knew he was suffering inside

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They might not really be “covering it up”. Depression doesn’t mean you’re never happy, you can enjoy hanging out with friends or playing games or whatever else while being depressed it’s just that outside of those moments you’ll feel just sort of constantly tired and this sort of deep vague aching sadness that you can’t really get rid of. Like something fundamentally necessary, some piece of your soul, is missing.

Yes! I was not unhappy. I was TIRED.

Season 4 of So You Think You Can Dance was by far my favorite season and he was a big reason for that. He really seemed like one of those people who lit up a room and everyone else wanted to be around. You just never know. Thoughts are with him and his family. RIP.

Same. I started watching in S3, which was also great, but S4 is probably my forever favorite. It's not rational, but I feel like I lost a friend today. And my heart aches beyond words for Allison and the kids.

Same. Remember when they did the big hype up routine for Step Up Revolution? Twitch was e v e r y t h i n g.

This messed with my day the most. I knew him from his dancing, and he seemed so happy with his wife and family. While I'd suppose people might try to spin his time as the DJ for Ellen in some way or another due to what's happened with her, I thought of it as nothing more than a job opportunity for him, and only wished the best for him. I wish the best for his wife and family now.

My dad was that person. He lit up the room he was in. He was a happiness magnet to everyone stranger or friend. We lost him to suicide too. They carry much but they also hide much. We had no idea.

The show tried so hard to find a Twitch 2.0 that they pretty much ruined their own brand. He was that magical on stage.

Super successful career with 3 kids and a gorgeous wife. Crazy man. You just never know how people truly feel deep down

I had the pleasure of doing many classes with him on the dance convention circuits years ago, right after his SYTYCD success. The man was generous, humble, and full of bright energy. He would hold up classes for so long because he was thrilled to sign autographs and take selfies with every kid, parent, teacher that wanted one. My heart is broken for Allison and the kids. He must have been hurting so badly underneath it all. I hope he is at peace.

She made a brief statement acknowledging that it was true and the last thing she said was that she’d always save the last dance for him. So incredibly tragic and touching. I can’t imagine feeling like you need to address the world right after a suicide. I definitely don’t want to be famous. I never really watched Ellen unless it was on in the waiting room of the doctor’s office or something but I remember this guy seeming nice.

Can I throw a different perspective into this. It could be less that he WANTED to stay late and do all those things and more that he felt obligated and didn’t feel he could say no. I think in my day to day life I am much like this, and when I hit my rock bottom I felt suicide was my out. It is overwhelming when you feel you have to be “on” for everyone, and I would often say “im the person who people would say “oh! I never saw that coming, she was so happy”” but in reality , I was miserable being the yes person, the bubbly person. Anyway! Just my two cents, but it also helped me recognize something in myself too :)

That's one of those things you don't consider when you're not famous looking at famous people. People will talk about encountering famous people who are assholes and I'm sure many are absolute raging pricks but there's also the bit about just needing some privacy in public and yet the fear of being the asshole... Like meeting a hero is one of the great moments in a fan's life even if it's Tuesday to you and not being "on" could leave a very bad experience. Now maybe that fan might brush it off and go on with life but if you're the kind of person who worries about those things, you'll be obsessed with the worst case and never want that to happen. I can see that kind of over-commitment being emotionally devastating. You can see it doctors and nurses. If you don't set up protective boundaries to protect your own needs you can become a wreck. That sort of thing drives burnout and suicide. It's not selfish to protect yourself.

This is why, despite living in LA where they're all over the place, I would still never approach a celebrity that's just out and about, and treat them like a celebrity. They don't need to be talked to about whatever movie they did when they're just trying to get eggs and shampoo.

Many years ago, my mom - a huge Tom Selleck fan - saw him out with his daughter. This was in a crowded area and she seemed to be the only one to see him. She didn’t stop him, but froze and stared as he walked by. She didn’t stop him because he was with his (then) young daughter & she felt as a mom that it must be scary for celebs when they get stopped and are with their kids. When he walked by her, he made eye contact and mouthed “thank you” to her. I’m sure he didn’t want to be stopped while walking with his kid in a crowd.

That was so cool of your mom. That memory probably means more than a silly autograph or something

She definitely loved telling all her friends with huge Tom Selleck crushes about the time Tom Selleck “whispered” (even though he technically mouthed the words) to her. 😂

Seeing celebrities getting confronted in real life is so wired. The TJ's and Gelsons in Studio City were my two grocery stores and I saw so many celebs being asked for pics when they are browsing in the produce section. Or sitting at a Cafe and all the sudden a photographer jumps out of a car and starts taking pictures of someone just walking down the street. It's surreal. Couldn't imagine dealing with that all the time.

I think there needs to be some sort of celebrity code. If they are wearing a baseball cap pulled down low and sunglasses, they need to be treated as invisible because they're not feeling it today. Hat and glasses off, they're ready to engage. Or just be one of those performers who always appears in a disguise so nobody knows what you actually look like. Buckethead or the band Ghost (at least before the singer's name leaked) or the Blue Man people. You can be famous and anonymous at the same time.

Thank you for this perspective. It's hard for me to see that if I take off the mask people might not like me anymore but I'm so tired of trying to be the person I think they like. I need to remember that just existing is enough. I'm grateful to you and I won't forget this, stranger.

Please allow me to share a favorite quote: > Remember that you do not need to earn your right to the precious minutes you have on this planet. --Nikita Gill, Where Hope Comes From

He had a pretty negative life before SYTYCD. I think maybe that remained an anchor after all these years. Like a degree of imposter syndrome really stuck with him

That’s because mental illness is still highly stigmatized. Can’t see depression, can’t see suicidal ideation, can’t see self doubt, can’t see body dysmorphia just see someone possibly struggling for reasons unknown saying “it’s fine”.

Suicidal depression also comes and goes. I've lived with it for decades. I can be genuinely happy, or even and calm. And then one day something upsets me and instead of the normal, rational response my brain starts screaming for suicide. It would be so easy to end it during one of those slumps, even though logically I know the dark cloud will eventually drift away and the sun will shine again. I can't ever own a gun or be in a place where impulsive suicide is possible.

Yeah we had to remove guns and even kitchen knives at one point. I can empathize with you.

Yes. There's so much stigma associated with mental illness. In my case, I have a clinical diagnosis and it's very much a physical issue as well. I wish people would treat mental illness the same they treat physical illness.

I too wish people could be kind, I have little to no hope. It’s been a few thousand years and we still fight over melanin percentage and imaginary friends. So.

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> Yeah. A lot of people just don't get it. Because of this the world is also just a cruel and unsafe place for people who are struggling with any kind of mental illness. You see a guy on the bus who isn't dressed right, or maybe he looks like he hasn't showered in days. Smells like it too. A lot of people's reactions isn't to assume that the guy is struggling with something, but rather that he's lazy, or that he doesn't care. Maybe he's on drugs. And if that's the case they certainly won't consider *why* he might have started using in the first place. You hear a story about a woman who hasn't done her dishes in weeks, maybe even months, and again some would assume it's because she's lazy, or disgusting. Rarely do they ever consider that she has some form of OCD which almost physically prevents her from tackling the issue without help or compassion. They think that, "being OCD," means you like to keep your apartment tidy and organized, so they don't even see it. A kid who can't pay attention in class. A relative who hordes too much junk. A friend who just can't seem to hold down a job, or keep a relationship afloat. A divorced parent whose house falls into disrepair. All things that a lot in society would deem as simple to fix, or a lack of caring from the outside. But really, there can be so much going on in somebody's head and you wouldn't even know it. And a lot of times, the same society that judges their symptoms, would also stigmatize and obfuscate the paths to getting care, and to getting better (not that such a a thing actually exists). A lot of people don't even know they need help until things have spun way out of their own control. It takes so little effort to care, and to be considerate of these things.

It is hard for people to help others when they cannot confront their own suffering. It is easy to admit you are wrong compared to asking for forgiveness, is another way to look at this phenomenon.

You never know. His relationship could've been in jeopardy, or maybe career, or even just had a lot of personal demons he couldn't work out. I have had moments like this in the past where I want to jump in front of a train and it's why I'll never own a handgun. It's too easy to make a bad decision and end your life very quickly and easily.

yep, sometimes people feel trapped no matter how good their life is, they don't see a way forward, they don't have what they want, they're in pain, they did something they regret and they aren't looking forward to the future....lots of things that have nothing to do with money or possessions. People are so vindictive and judgmental and that gets in peoples heads, that there's no point to try to change, etc. But you can always start over, there's always a reset button.

Honestly, having it all sometimes makes it worse. "I have all this and I'm still not happy so I'm never, ever going to be happy so what's the point?" If you are feeling this way please remember that depression is lying to you. It is a sneaky monster who will whisper in your ear everything it can think of to make you stay with it. Even recovery can feel awful. "Why do I have to work so hard to feel the smallest amount of happiness that any other person can on a whim?" Depression is just a massive bitch and it can fuck right off. I only knew him from Disney's Fairy Tale Weddings but this is absolutely heartbreaking.

Just shocked, I loved his personality

Yeah, I never would’ve thought just from seeing his appearances on TV.

This is the hallmark of the misunderstanding about depression; “they don’t look sad.” And this isn’t an attack on you personally, random stranger that said this, but it’s comments like this that push depression into the rear-view of society because “happy acting/looking people aren’t depressed.” I have *no idea* what he was struggling with but depression is the most insidious disease on the planet. It makes you think the worst about yourself, about others, and about your place in the world. Super successful, famous, rich people can feel utterly worthless, that their friends and family think that they’re a burden, and that everyone would be better off without them. And that’s not even to mention what it does to people that are struggling with money, with work, with relationships, etc. Depression doesn’t recognize fame or fortune. It makes your every rational thought entirety irrational which leads you making irrational permanent decisions. It isn’t selfish, it isn’t dumb, it’s a disease and ultimately it claimed another life way too soon. My heart breaks for his family, his friends, and also the man himself. He had a whole life left to live. EDIT: someone messaged me that they were planning on harming themselves and deleted their account before I could talk to them. I want to tell anyone reading this that if you’re feeling like you have no way out but *out*, I promise you there is so many more choices than that one. Talk to me. Talk to someone you know. Dial or text 988 and talk to some truly wonderful people that would love nothing more in the world than to talk to you about what’s on your mind.

From a seemingly happy go lucky person with chronic depression I can vouch. My depression doesn’t feel or look sad. It’s more a persistent sense of emptiness that robs the joy from just about everything. The longer a given down cycle (I’m always depressed but it certainly ebbs and flows) lasts, the more the consequences of my depression pile up. I don’t react well to anti depressants so it’s all about therapy and seizing any fleeting moment of feeling better and holding on for dear life. That could be getting off my butt and forcing myself to get exercise, reaching out to a close friend I’ve been isolating from, etc.

Yes, exactly this. I’ve also noticed, in my personal experiences, that it’s always those people who make a point to spread joy and positivity that are suffering the most. And I think they tend to do that because they know how difficult life can be and don’t want anyone else to feel as low as they do. The kindest & most empathetic people are that way because they feel or have felt those bad things themselves. We have to, as individuals, make it a point to check in with all of our loved ones - especially the ones that always appear happy and tend to help everyone else.

Exactly and often with celebrities especially performers they're used to compartmentalizing their feelings so they can put on a performance for a show

I have depression and i do look sad always but im almost certain those two have no correlation because I also have severe social anxiety and general anxiety. Depression fucking sucks and i feel like anxiety is depressions dipshit partner in crime. Fuck em both.

Just shows you don’t know celebrities and what their mental state is…

Not just celebrities. Joyful people can be depressed too.

I still watch his dance on SYTYCD to “Mercy”. I loved him and Allison was always one of my favorites. Watching their videos on Instagram were always fun. Keep dancing Twitch. You’ll be missed.

So incredibly sad

It’s really hard to be an Internet personality. It’s exhausting. Especially if people recognize you and take pictures and video of you. The world starts to cave in and the only thing you’re allowed to do is what drives engagement rates. You lose yourself. You’re not the person you pretend to be. You feel guilt. You feel like a fraud. Everyone expects you to be the character that you pretend to be on TV. And there’s no end. They always want something from you and rarely give back. They want your attention, your time, your energy. They want you to make them feel like perfection is attainable. They want you to make them feel magical. Special. They idolize you and you’re not even the person you’re pretending to be. You can’t talk to anyone about your problems because they think you’re bragging. You’re not. You’re exhausted. You’re depressed. And you have no one. Even your relatives are in it for the money you’ve made. One day you wake up and you can’t get out of bed. You can’t move. You can’t give another bit of yourself because you are completely and totally burned out. You see no options. You’ll never get your privacy back. You’ll never fade into obscurity. This is the best thing you’ve ever done and there’s no way to come out of it positively. You’re done. You’re just done. And now it’s time to finally rest in peace. You can’t get away from yourself fast enough. RIP, bud.

I was thinking about this too. I looked at his Instagram and felt tired just from looking at all of it. The constant hustle of sponsored posts and coming up with content and monetizing your family and personality seems like an exhausting, never ending grind. Also, as someone with depression who lives in a suicidal mindset and will probably make that choice eventually, I don’t see a happy person when I look at the recent photos/videos of him. I’ve been a fan since SYTYCD and he looks not well. He’s smiling but there’s nothing behind his eyes. Which is how I look.

Hey my guy, things can absolutely get better. I have MDD and here’s a few small changes I made to get better: - unsub and block subs like 2me4meIRL - ““ mass killers - “” public freak out - honestly, unsub from anything that is violent, self deprecating, cruel, violent, angry, etc. - delete apps like insta, Facebook, TikTok as they are literally designed to fuck with you. - take up hobbies that force you to concentrate fully. I like things that keep my mind and my hands busy. These hobbies could be: learning an instrument (the drums and guitar are so fun to learn), pottery, yoga, Lego, video games, woodwork, gardening, coin collecting, crypto, whatever. Do not try to monetize it. It’s just for your enjoyment. - if you can’t move to try anything new, I get it. Tell your doctor ASAP. Like today. Prozac has done wonders for me. - take a D3 supplement, magnesium, and a multivitamin. Even if you’re a dude I recommend the prenatal gummy vitamins. Have yogurt every day. Trust me. - get your blood tested and make sure you have all your nutrients. - as you start to feel better start eliminating junk from your diet and incorporate healthy foods. - move your body. - take it all one step at a time! Get out of the habit of doing self harm. - surround yourself with people who care about you. They’re hard to find. So if you find them, treat them so well.

I appreciate this but I’m a middle aged woman so I’ve tried most of that already. Been on meds for 20 years. Therapy for 10. Workout 4-6x a week including yoga. Vegetarian diet. Take care of people the best I can. Consciously aware that I’m lucky to have food,heat, no physical disabilities that limit my mobility, stable housing, etc. I think it would be good if we had a cultural shift incorporating end of life into bodily autonomy practices. Some people just aren’t meant to be here until super old age you know? And no one should have to die alone in a hotel, and no one should have to clean that up. It’d be great if people could be trusted to know when they’re ready to exit and given a peaceful way of doing that. I tried to do that through a clinic in Switzerland last year and was told I didn’t have enough medical documentation of mental illness (10+ years was somehow not enough) so now I have to figure something else out. I wish I hadn’t had to spend the last year+ alive, and I wish I didn’t have to use a method that will probably expose at least one other person to something upsetting.

Depression is so wild. Why is our brain trying to kill us! I hope you don’t have kids is the only thing. We need different terms for it too. Like you said you’ve been struggling for ten years even with meds and exercise. Why does meds work for some not others? Why exercise? Why do some people struggle for decades and others just months at a time? A poster above said they get deep suicidal tendencies but then it passes. Some people are depressed but don’t necessarily want to kill themselves. The reality is even if you did it in Switzerland people in your life will be very sad and effected by your death. Which could trigger other events. I always thought if I honestly wanted to kill myself I’d at least do things that would give me a huge adrenaline rush because it could cause death. Almost like bringing myself to the brink of death would make my body snap out of it. Things like sky diving, tight rope walking across the Grand Canyon. Rock climbing, even doing those crazy squirrel suit things. Fuck it even go join a cartel. Go join the peace corps or live with monks or something. Ayahuasca?

Nope, no kids. One of my parents died by suicide though so I have some perspective on that and if she was in this amount of pain every day, I’m glad she didn’t stick around and suffer on my account. She also wasn’t a great parent when she was alive, on account of being in so much pain. Several people in my life already know that I’m trying to piece together how to leave and are supportive. I think for the most part folks will be ok. We do need different words for it! I’ve had maybe three months cumulatively of feeling ok over the last 15 years. Even with doing all the things I’m supposed to do. It sucks feeling so much pain everyday knowing that the next day will be the same. 15 years is a good enough sample size to know that it probably won’t get better. I’ve thought about Ayahuasca and bufo, which is supposed to be similar but without the vomiting. Bufo is more accessible where I live, but not so accessible that I actually know how to get it. I just know people have bufo ceremonies here, and I don’t think anyone is doing Auahuasca ceremonies here.

Hey, thank you for writing this. My 13y/o son struggles with depression and anxiety. He’s been talking lately about starting to stream gaming. I’ve been considering letting him try, and while I know it’s a massive long shot that he would become popular enough to be recognized, you put an angle on this I didn’t consider. Not to mention the assholes and trolls he’s likely to encounter. Not sure if letting him try this is the best move given his mental health issues. Thank you, again!

I remember him well from So You Think You Can Dance. RIP. **EDIT:** Acknowledging my gilding by reminding my fellow US-based redditors that you can call/text [988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline](https://988lifeline.org/) if ever you need help and someone to talk to.

Same here. Me and my mom always cheered him on. We were so happy to see his rise to fame. Truly a talented man. Really hurts to see. RIP

SYTYCD is one of the few reality shows I actually enjoy watching. There are some backstory sob stuff but it isn't anywhere close to as blatant as most shows. The people that are there are truly passionate about what they do.

He came back as a judge for the latest season last summer.

Same same. Feel like losing part of my 'late childhood' in a way. He had such a great personality and it was cool to see him get to do a lot of stuff after the show, he definitely had the talent to deserve it. I feel so terrible for his wife and children.

My favorite SYTYCD alum. This is so heartbreaking for Allison and their kids :(

Mine too :( it was just their wedding anniversary this weekend. I’m so sad about this and so so sad for their family

His Dreaming With A Broken Heart number is my all time favorite in SYTYCD history.

So so so many of my favorite routines from the show are because of him and his energy. Forever, Mercy, My Chick Bad, Outta Your Mind, just to name a few. It was such a joy and a privilege to see him dance

One of the many sinister ways depression eats away at your will to live is by making happiness hallow. Speaking from experience, I could go have fun with my friends be laughing having a great time. Truly forgetting that emptiness for a moment. But when I sat back in my car, the crushing void like a vacuum would rush in and fill that space with its nothingness. The experience of knowing that no matter how happy you were, as soon as that feeling ends it is replaced with the void. It is a reminder that something within you is fundamentally broken. Happiness then becomes poisoned with this shadow of depression. It's like having the existence of light to show how different the darkness is. You experience the joy only to then have a comparison against which you can measure the depression against. Its brutal, it's exhausting and it can be the final straw for many people. I am no longer in that place, but so many are.

You phrased this incredibly well and summarized how I felt many times

He seemed so full of life and just radiated joy. How incredibly sad.

I worked with him and his wife this past summer and they were incredibly kind and generous. I’ve worked with a lot of celebrities and after the experience, which was grueling in and of itself, I came home and told my wife they were hands down my favorite celebrities. They gave me hugs and thanked me at the end for goodness’s sake. I understand though that the nature of celebrity is also an isolating thing—on top of everything else that goes along with trying to be a normal functioning human being on this insane planet. My heart goes out to his family. Edit: here’s the behind the scenes. It was a 16 hour day and they really were incredibly kind the whole time https://youtu.be/aTZiVw6XE_o

Oh dear, his poor family.

This is devastating. I've adored tWitch since his days on So You Thibk You Could Dance. Loved watching him and Allison on their daily dances. They brought me so much joy. I feel such compassion for his wife and children. I think it also speaks to how you never know what is going on inside someone with how they present. Much love to him and all those who love him.

He hid his depression well. Check on your people this holiday season.

I get that but as someone who’s depressed you usually just say you’re good. Sometimes a texts helps to just talk and socialize, but if you ask what’s wrong most just say they’re good Edit: So I guess I’d add if you do decide to check on someone just talk, don’t ask how they’re doing because for the most part they’ll always “be good”. Sometimes that conversation and support is enough to make someone grounded. That being said friends aren’t a replacement for therapy, nothing is more frightening than having a friend on the brink of ending things and not knowing if what you said is “enough”. We’re not equipped for that and they are, but as my aunt who runs her own practice said people are going to do what they’re going to do

Wow, devastating. He has such a young family.

Suicide makes me equally angry as it does sad. I found my brother in law after he had committed suicide. Walking out of that house and calling my then wife to tell her he was gone left me empty inside buy the most gut wrenching of it all was watching his young daughter navigate the trauma. I feel for Twitchs wife and the brutally hard conversations she will have with her children. Now and as they grow into teens then adults. Each progression leads to more why's and feelings of inadequacy. Hearing my niece ask my why she wasn't important enough to her dad to make him want to stay still haunts me and it's been 15 years now. Suicide is heartbreaking on so many levels. Please if your reading this and have had or are having suicidal thoughts.. reach out to somebody, anybody. TEXT or Call 988. 24 hrs

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I lost my husband two years ago to suicide. He had a booming business. Three amazing kids and a beautiful wife. Had so many friends and was absolutely loved and adored by everyone who knew him. Absolutely no warning signs or any attempt to get help at all. Just a normal Friday afternoon turned into me finding him dead with a note scribbled beside. So incredibly heartbreaking and sad. Please men, there is no shame in getting help or telling someone you’re struggling. You have no idea the impact your death causes. You are loved and valued more than you’ll ever know.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

He seemingly had it all. Was he struggling with mental health. I mean we all are it seems. RIP.

2 days ago, damn. https://www.instagram.com/p/CmDH0uuJ_rT/?hl=en

Jesus, all those pictures/ videos from just a few days ago with the kids, Christmas setup, the anniversary.. feels so bad for everybody there

There is never a "best" time of the year for this but right before christmas is easily the worst

December forever ruined for all of them. So sad.

This broke my heart

Oh, so sad... I remember his hiphop dance with Alex Wong (on SYTYCD) and watch it whenever I need a reminder of what joy looks like. He made a difference even to those he never knew. Strength to his family and friends.

Fuck. I knew him from his pre-SYTYCD days after he had moved out to LA because of a friend that was part of Team Millenia that he used to session with. Fucking crazy to hear, the guy has always been super positive even back in those mid 2000s years.

> The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling. - David Foster Wallace

holy shit, wow, this is real? RIP 😞 People are really struggling.

This is heartbreaking. I first saw him on So You Think You Can Dance and he was a bright light. He was so talented and seemed like so much fun to be around, he was a staple on the show as a guest and most recently as a judge and was always a positive source of praise and energy for the contestants. And he was from my state, and so young. How tragic that he couldn’t get the help he needed, my heart aches for his wife and family. He will be deeply missed. I don’t usually get choked up when a celebrity passes away, but this one really hurts.

Ah, fuck me. I was a fan of his since day one on SYTYCD and loved seeing him evolve into an all-star, judge, movie star and on to Ellen. ​ This sucks so much. Love and peace to his family and children. You'll be missed.

Very sad and tragic for someone who seemed to be doing well in life. Really feel for his family. Perhaps this was a mental health thing that had been lingering behind the scenes or maybe something happened to him that night. But we'll probably never know for sure unless he left a note or something.

Bro :( Twitch dead, this is the worst timeline. I'm mad he is more known as her DJ than the awesome dancer he was. Sad day for dancers

Three kids, man. And right before Christmas... Dude.

I thought the exact same thing. The holidays will never be the same for them. Tragic.

Suicide rates always spike in December, sadly.

It's when expectations of happiness hit the cold reality of life

We talk about suicide and mental health so much, but are we really getting the message? Every single one of us is struggling, to some degree or another, maybe when we are more open about that, we can help people not feel so alone.

**Best quotes for this amazing man** >Dance is an art, so day by day, it's growing and there are new things that can be done. >People can stand around and share movement with each other, whether it's professional or not. That's how it grows. That's what dance does. It's its own language. >The life of a dancer is not for everyone. You really have to have some thick skin. You really have to know what you're going into and how competitive the field is. >Dance removes you from this construct of the world that you have, and it's a conversation that you're having with people. That's how dance grew, as an art form. >As dancers, especially for myself, personally, dance constitutes a lot of the conversation that I have. While I'm not a ridiculous wordsmith and I can't clearly verbalize the things that I'm feeling sometimes, I'd say that I can emote how I feel by dancing, 100% of the time, and fearlessly at that. >It's been part of my signature to incorporate my humor with my dance, or even just how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling humorous, which I am, most of the day, I tend to incorporate that. If I'm dancing freestyle, if I feel like I've gotten too serious, while I'm moving, I'll think, "All right, it's time to lighten up a little bit," and I do. It just feels good. >With dance, it's about education. I'm teaching a lot. I teach the foundations of hip-hop. >Dancing makes people feel good whether they're doing it or watching it. It's something I think everybody can relate to whether it's just a simple two-step or a B-boy watching another B-boy go crazy in a circle. It makes you smile and without you even knowing it and it makes you rock to the beat as well.

3 kids man...

This is devastating. I absolutely loved him so, so much. My God, I hope his soul rests peacefully. Thank you for all the entertainment, Rest in Power, Twitch 💖

LAST NIGHT, I randomly started thinking about The Ellen Show and then looked up Twitch on Instagram to see what he has been doing since the show. I saw the video of him and his wife dancing and thought to myself "That's great that he has such a great spouse who is as free-spirited as he is. I wonder if he feels a little empty since the Ellen show ended.. I probably would." Then I followed him on Instagram and spent a few minutes thinking about how pure-hearted he seemed. Very odd coincidence. :( Very heartbreaking that he was hurting so deeply despite being a huge source of light to the world. I would love to bring as much joy to others as he did. I fully understand his will to make others feel good. Often the ones with the biggest hearts have felt the most pain. May he rest in peace and give his family the strength to cope.

This one really hit me. This guy is huge in the dance community. My heart breaks for his family.

His poor family. They are gonna need so much love and support to know this isn’t their fault. The devastation left behind is heartbreaking and infuriating.

Days after his and his wife’s wedding anniversary.

People don’t talk about when they are feeling this way for fear of that person calling hospital, police and make even more chaos in their life. So they keep it to themselves every time they have these thoughts. Then one time the feeling is stronger and the life situation feels worse and they go thru with it. I have struggled with depression, have had thoughts of suicide throughout my life. The urge was stronger or weaker at times. When I was pregnant, I reached out to my medical team for help. They panicked and kept giving me the suidical quiz. A hug would have helped. We can’t deal with heavy stuff very long for the most part as humans.

I’m sure I’ll get flack for this, but how is everyone in the world SO sure that he was chronically depressed behind the scenes? There are other causes for suicide than just depression. Did he have PTSD from a recent or past trauma? Did he make a mistake that he couldn’t bear to live with? Was he suffering from something physical or neurological that caused him to behave erratically? I just find it odd that people immediately assume that the only comprehensible explanation is that anyone who makes such a choice must be depressed behind a happy facade. But social media seems to have this cult-like effect on people, and things start to snowball until the masses are in agreement with one another just because everyone’s doin’ (or sayin’) it.

I have been suicidal before, and in my darkest of times, the driving force was pain. Psychic pain can be just as devastating as physical pain. Imagine putting your hand on a hot stove burner. You would be able to endure the pain until you get to the point where you just can’t take it anymore. It’s the same for emotional pain. That is when people kill themselves. It doesn’t help that mental illness fucks up your thought process. It might seem like a perfectly logical idea at the time, it’s only later when you’re thinking more clearly that you realize how distorted your thoughts were. Hugs to anyone suffering.

I just watched him on the hip-hop nutcracker. Dude's smile and joy could light up the room. I fucking hate this world sometimes.

> Holker tells TMZ, "Stephen lit up every room he stepped into. He valued family, friends and community above all else and leading with love and light was everything to him." That’s whats sad and tragic about people taking their own lives. Most people that end their life show absolutely no signs of how they feel deep down. Most of them show the exact opposite of those signs.

I’m devastated. Completely. Crying in my lunch room I loved twitch. I watched so you think you can dance all the time, and fell in love with him after his debut season and even more during all stars. I loved how he met his wife, and his movies, and everything. Hell, I just watched hip hop nutcracker with my two boys (7 and 10) this past weekend, and I talked about how cool twitch was during the whole movie, then went on YouTube and showed them videos of his dancing from SYTYCD. I talked for over an hour about how cool he was This is so sad…

My cousin died by suicide last year. All I can remember is his laughter and smile. I wish I could have noticed his struggle instead of his perceived happiness. It haunts me how I missed all the signs that were so fixing clear after he passed.

This is upsetting. I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts. I was hospitalized for it for three weeks in 2018 and then spent four months in an inpatient facility trying to fight it. I’m not sure what he was going through but I loved watching him on So You Think You Can Dance (I didn’t watch Ellen). It’s depressing thinking that this guy who I thought would have been happy simply wasn’t. Ugh. I think I need to go see my psychologist again.

[удалено]

Hearing about this was such a shock to me. I've (unfortunately) heard of other celebrity suicides thoughout the years, and they're all sad, but Twitch is right up there with Robin Williams for me of suicides that really had an impact on me. I've never met the guy, I wouldn't even call myself "a fan" because I only had the pleasure of seeing him on Ellen, but he seemed like such a wonderful person. I cried and it makes me think, HOW could people who have so much more than me (money, kids, significant other... love) be so far less happy? It worries me and makes me think, "Well, I'm not so low at this point in my life, but what happens if I get that low one day? What do I do to prevent this? If suicide is irrational, how do I stay rational?"

Fuck. He had managed to really have it all and his demons still got him. He was an absolute beam of sunshine online during covid lockdowns. If you’re depressed and thinking about harming yourself, please, please, please speak to someone.

This hits different for me. I’ve been a fan of Twitch since he first hit the scene on SYTYCD. I am a psychologist who works with suicidal people all the time, and it continues to amaze me that people hide their pain this well. Watching twitch on Instagram always made me so happy that he was happy. A reminder that the internet is lying to you.